On The Road Again

by Hurgusburgus

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 4161

It's a Brutal Legend crossover. Need I say more?

The deeds of the Princesses are widely known and renowned all across the Equestria.
Well, not all of the deeds.
Some of those have been deemed too dangerous to be known by the pony populace and have been locked away, only for the Princesses to access.

Among these long-forgotten tomes is the one that holds the knowledge pertaining to the land known only as…

…Brutal Land.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-05 12:47:42 UTC

Chapter 1

Discord’s rise to power and eventual defeat at the hooves of the Two Sisters.

The war with the Griffon Empire.

Nightmare Moon’s uprising and banishing.

Many and widely known are the deeds of Princesses Celestia and Luna, the immortal leaders of Equestria. Even so, there are events in the history of the utopia-like land that are kept secret to the populace. Among those long-forgotten tomes is one that even Celestia herself is hesitant to open. It has been many millennia since that fateful day when she saw the twisted nightmare hordes of the pain-loving slaves. The name of that empire is something only a couple of ponies know and even so, they pale at the mere mention of…

…The Tainted Coil.

Once the monsters had been driven out of Equestria, she destroyed the sole way to and fro this 'Brutal Land' the demons inhabited. She had stood there, her armour worn and dented, the huge bridge collapsing into the sea and she saw it crumble, twist and waver as it disappeared under the waves. Since then, she worked diligently to erase that war from Equestria’s history. The bridge remained as it was – destroyed and unusable, its location among the most highly-guarded secrets of Equestria. Not a single snippet of news has come from the Brutal Land. It has remained so for many, many years…

Until now…

Twilight inspected the old tome in front of her, frowning. She could barely recognise the script on this one. But Old Equish was among her specialties, after all! Patting herself on the head mentally, she lit her horn and leaned closer, muttering as she perused over the old language.

“The… Demons of Tainted Coil? I’ve… I’ve never read this one!” A gleeful grin split her face as she reverently opened the old volume and started reading, settling down a bit more comfortably.

She shouldn’t really be poking through Celestia’s personal library, but she was so curious! Soon, though, she was regretting her curiosity as she read page after page.

“Twilight Sparkle!” A voice she was all-too familiar snapped her out of her horrified trance and she turned to look at the owner of the voice in question – Princess Celestia. The alicorn was striding up to her, an expression of anger and fear written across her face.

“How much did you read?” The irate alicorn looming in front of her terrified Twilight as she tried to stammer up a response. “Why did you touch something you were not supposed to? That is forbidden knowledge!”

“I-I-I-I-“ Twilight shrunk back in terror, whimpering as Celestia continued her tirade. Soon, though, the alicorn took a moment to breathe and looked at the basket case unicorn curled up in a ball. She sighed, calming herself down.

“Look, Twilight… I’m sorry I reacted like this. But you have to understand – the knowledge in this tome pertains to very dangerous enemies and I’d rather Equestria not know of them…”

“B-but why?”

“Ah. You have not read all of it, then, have you?”

“N-no…” Celestia sighed wearily.

“Then let me explain. But promise me… Promise on our relationship that you will not tell of this to anypony else…”

“O-okay... Celestia...” At that, the princess grasped Twilight by the chin, forcing the purple unicorn to look into her eyes.

“Promise me. If knowledge of this were to get out, Creator knows what would happen...”

“I promise on my life, Celestia.” Twilight responded, leaning in to kiss Celestia quickly. “Now, then. I'm ready for your story.” Celestia chuckled softly at that, her mind more at ease now, and motioned for Twilight to sit down more comfortably.

“Oh, this is an old tale. This happened even earlier than Discord. We were young then – I was barely an adult mare and Luna was still going through her teen years... Oh, she was so fickle back then... Anyways, we were living quite harmoniously – we had no knowledge of griffons back then and there was enough room for everyone.”

“I think you mean 'everypony', Celestia.”

“No. There were many other beings that lived in what would later become Equestria – minotaurs, for example. Stubborn, but relatively friendly. Oh, I must stop getting off-topic... So, we were living quite happily. And, one day, the...” Celestia shivers as she halts for a moment to draw a shaky breath “...the Tainted Coil came to Equestria. They rolled across our lands in a tide of blood and suffering before we could drive them back. Their leader was a mighty demon. She went by the name of Succoria - The Grand Demon Witch. The White-Winged Death. A merciless monster that we almost lost everything to. They cared not for their casualties, only about taking pure, innocent beings and twisting them into whimpering puppets to play with as they saw fit.” Twilight piped up nervously at that point.

“B-but you obviously won, right?” Celestia looked at her with a pained gaze and it troubled the purple unicorn to see her so distressed.

“By the skin of our teeth, Twilight… Many thousands were left dead, with many more wounded, maimed, homeless and without hope. It took us many years to undo the damage they brought upon Equestria, and many more to erase those memories from the history. I dread the day they would return, once more charging from that bridge.”

“Bridge? What bridge?” Celestia cursed herself mentally for slipping up like that before speaking.

“The only way to and fro the lands they control – the Brutal Land. It has been long since I destroyed it – only ruins remain there…”

“Could I go there and give them a look?”

“No!” Celestia snapped, sitting upright and Twilight flinched in surprise. “That place is long-forgotten and I'd rather have it remain so!”

“Why? I just want to take a look around, nothing else. I promise! Just for one day. And then I’ll be back.” Celestia sat back, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. The Tainted Coil were sure to come back one day, but the bridge was destroyed. She saw to it herself, after all Still, she could not believe she would acquiesce to Twilight's request...

“Very well. One day. But that is all.” Twilight gasped in equal parts shock and glee.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She bounced around happily before smooching Celestia thankfully. “Oh! Could my friends come along? If there is truly a reason to be wary of the Tainted Coil, we could wield the Elements once more, should there be need to do so...” Once more, Celestia sank deep into her thoughts. Twilight's logic was sound. The Elements' power was unparalleled, after all.

“Hmm... Very well. You may do so. Take Spike along as well – just in case.”

“Will do. I guess I'll pack lightly, then, if we're staying there for only a day...” Celestia noted the sadness in Twilight's voice and nuzzled her warmly.

“Well, if all goes right, I may approve of further excursions... There is much to be discovered from the ruins there...” Twilight squee'd with glee at that, tacklehugging Celestia fiercely.

“I'll do my best not to disappoint you, then!” She brushed against the alicorn's warm chest, hearing that strong, steady heartbeat she'd come to adore so over the time.

“Well, then! I shall arrange for a chariot to take your group there. It is quite a ways off, to be fair. It will take you several hours to reach it.” Twilight nodded at that, pulling away reluctantly from the alicorn's warm embrace.

“Okay, then. This is going to be awesome!” She shared another kiss with Celestia before trotting off, quietly singing, her mood quite buoyant. The alabaster mare looked at the forgotten tome and shuddered in disgust, closing it and hiding it once more...

“A special assignment from Princess Celestia herself? Count me in!” Rainbow Dash announced enthusiastically, an expression of confidence on her face. The rest of her friends were in a similar mood, jubilant and excited, causing Twilight to shake her head amusedly – they were truly great friends to her.

“Excellent! Great to know. But, remember this – it's a very secret task. You cannot tell anypony of this task we are embarking upon. Okay?” She received several enthusiastic nods in return and she chuckled softly.

“Okay. Good to know. Oh! I almost forgot. We'll be taking the Elements of Harmony with us, too. It's a faraway place and we should be prepared. That said, we are only going to be there for only a day, so pack lightly...” She received five nods in return. “Okay. Go and get ready. Meet me here in three hours.” Another five nods, then the five mares trotted away, quiet, but excitement clearly visible on their faces as they left the library.

Twilight turned to look at Spike, smiling widely.

“Well, Spike. Let's start packing!”

The Deuce's powerful engine roared as Eddie hammered down the highway, the music from the Mouth of Metal blasting loudly. Battersmith slowly shrunk in the distance behind him and soon, he had reached the edge of the road. Bringing his vehicle to a halt, he leapt out and slowly walked over to the edge of the destroyed bridge, thoughtfully eyeing the crumbled pillars stretching off into the distance. Where did those lead to? Somewhere, obviously. But where was this somewhere? Such were the questions that pestered the roadie's mind. With both Drowning Doom and Tainted Coil defeated – both factions' were scattered into weak, disorganized splinters that were no threat to Ironheade. It had been ages since they'd had even a small ambush and, truth be told, everyone was getting fucking bored as shit, what with no doom dorks and kinky demons to kill/maim/make fun of. Peace, for all it was worth, sucked. With no enemies to fight, life was becoming rather stagnant and shit for the humans.

Okay, getting sidetracked...

Eddie slowly sighed, examining the long-destroyed bridge-slash-highway and could not help but wonder where it led to...

“Eddie!” He heard a couple of voices call out to him and he turned around, seeing a couple of Headbangers run up to him.

“Dudes!” The constant head-bobbers grinned.

“Hey, man! What's up?”

“Ah, not much. Just thinking about stuff. And, well... maybe we might have something new to do...”

“What is it, man? Demons to kill? Or inky creeps? Tell us!”

“Well, nothing of killy sort. Not yet. We are, however... going on a road trip!”

“Whoo-hoo! Alright!” The Headbangers cheered, starting to headbang with gusto.

“Right! Get Kill Master and Ophelia over here, alright? Tell others to gather as well!”

“Right on! You got it, man!” They ran off towards Bladehenge, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts once more. He picked up the trusty Gibson Flying V from his back and strummed the strings thoughtfully as he eyed the bright red flowers of Devil Thorn that crept along the edge of the crumbled bridge.

“Well, Clementine, this'll be the big one...”

“Woooow… just look at the size of it!” Pinkie Pie oooh’ed and aaah’ed in awe at the strange object sunken in the ground.

“Girls! Please don’t touch anything! If you find anything out of place, tell me immediately, okay?” She received nods in return and they dispersed, perusing over the long-forgotten ruins.

“So, what do you need us for, Eddie?”

“We’re going on a road trip!” The roadie gestured to the long-destroyed bridge.

“What.” Kill Master’s voice was flat as the Stetson-wearing bassist looked at him unimpressedly.

“We can raise the bridge, guys! With the combined power of our metal, we can surely do it!” Ophelia scratched her chin thoughtfully.

“That sounds like a plan. But you know I hate taking that form. Leave me feeling icky every time after. Ah, well. Let’s get this over with. Titans know the Razor Girls could use something to do…” She sighed and willed the tears forth. A writhing mess of shadows leapt from the ground, wrapping around her and held her in a cocoon for several moments before letting go and there she stood, clad in shadows, a guitar in her hands. She blinked twice before speaking.

“Damn, I hate this stuff. Well, I’m ready. How about you two?” Eddie grinned, taking up a stance, followed shortly by Kill Master.

“Oh, what the heck. Let’s do it, then.” Together, they started to rock out. After a couple of moments, the very ground shook, causing many of the Ironheade jump and look around warily. Soon, though, they started to cheer as they saw monumental lumps of masonry and metal rise from the roiling water, seamlessly reassembling in a bridge. That was not the end of it, however. Piece by piece, the bridge was rebuilt, slowly inching outwards across the sea towards its other end…

One of the headbangers leaned forwards, rubbing his palm across the smooth road surface.

“Man… It’s smoother than a baby’s ass! Whoo! I LOVE HEAVY METAL!” Others cheered with him, too, then turned around to look at the three guitar-wielding figures. They had been playing for the best part of an hour. The bridge was still far from complete, but they were getting there. After another ten minutes, however, they halted their show, experiencing severe cramps in their arms from the prolonged guitar playing. But they had restored several kilometres of the road during that time. Even better, it did not collapse when they stopped playing.

“Oh, boy… Let’s do this next morning, eh?” Eddie muttered, cracking his fingers.

“You won’t hear any objections fr’m me, Eddie.” Kill Master muttered in his gravelly voice, settling his guitar back in his Thunderhog. “Guess I’ll see ya t’morrow, then.” With a roar, he sped off on the large bike, heading back towards Thunderhorn. Ophelia turned back to normal as she yawned widely, and then smiled at Eddie as her boyfriend wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a kiss. After a while, he pulled back, smiling warmly.

“You did good, Ophs. Proud of ya.”

“You should be. You were the one who taught me how to play a guitar.”

“Heh. True. Well, let’s get some sleep. We’ll continue tomorrow.”

“Whoo-hoo…!” She announced with mock disappointment.

“Oh, shut it, you…” They kissed once more before jumping into the Deuce and speeding off to Bladehenge…

Chapter 2

...rock of ages, rock of ages,

Still rollin', keep a-rollin',

Rock of ages, rock of ages,

Still rollin', rock n'rollin'...

The Rock Crusher rumbled along ponderously across the highway, with Eddie, Ophelia and Kill Master standing atop its ministage, guitars in hands as they played their hearts out. The Ormagoden look-alike's speakers boomed as the sounds of Titans were cast into the air. The convoy following the large vehicle was also involved – the Tour Bus's windows were open, various Ironheade troops sticking their heads out, belting out the lyrics in earnest. The warrior women of Zaulia galloped alongside atop their Metal Beasts, also singing. Thunderhogs, well... thundered out the bass notes, as was their way. Fire Barons were drinking and spouting curses at each other as the Headbanger-built Headsplitters trundled at the rear of the considerably-sized convoy. The world responded in kind to this – the bridge was being repaired even faster than yesterday. Many among the convoy spoke that the Metal Gods themselves were aware of this significant undertaking and gave the humans their blessings. Thus emboldened, they rode onwards, eager to see where the bridge led them to...

Twilight hummed slowly along, her eyes glued to the large stone slab as she brushed the moss and vines aside. She could not read the words/runes/glyphs engraved on it, but she could recognize the musical notes. Merely humming the tunes made her feel like her blood was burning. The first time that happened, she’d screamed like a little filly. Once that panic attack had been dealt with, she started humming again – the sounds made her feel more… alive, to tell the truth. And so she and her friends wandered around the ruins, exploring and recording anything of significance they found. Among those were a strange statue of a dragon, a hunched figure hewn from stone, grasping an odd sphere of glass in its clawed forelegs, and what seemed to be a helmet sticking out from the ground. They'd dug around for a while and Twilight had come to a conclusion – this was part of something bigger, something that was buried underground, yet they had no idea how to raise it. That and it was the safe option to leave it where it was. Rainbow Dash had flown along the crumbled pillars of the bridge for a while. When she returned, she'd reported the line of pillars went on for quite a distance, stretching far away, leading to somewhere.

An hour later, as they were camping, it happened – a distant, but fierce roar that steadily grew in loudness and strength. Scared out of their fur, they looked around and then, they saw it – a roaring beast of bright fire and gleaming metal as it hurtled past high above them. Rainbow Dash attempted to pursue it, but it soon disappeared from their view, though they heard its roars for a while longer. Shaken, they resumed collating their findings in preparation for their return to Canterlot to present their discoveries to Princess Celestia. None of them had any idea what just had taken place, but they all were sure that it had something to do with the ruins.

Far away in the regal Canterlot Castle, the home of the Princesses, a particular white alicorn was busy with paperwork, as always. As she dutifully went through the large stack of papers, she felt a strange surge of power. Though distant, she felt it clearly. Then, she heard the rustle of feathers and she blushed fiercely, turning to look at her erect wings.

Oh, my…

Coughing awkwardly, she folded her wings back down, returning her attention to what she’d just noticed – a surge of energy. A bit of poking around in the leylines of magic that criss-crossed Equestria made her pale in horror. The ruins of the bridge had become literally thrumming with power. Was it something Twilight had done? No, no, this was something completely different. It was magic, but it felt primal, fierce and savage. And, to be fair, she fucking loved that feeling.

Wait a minute. Play that last part again.

Did she just really curse? She… she had, indeed. Shaking her head to clear her mind of profanities, she took off at a gallop towards the guard barracks. There was definitely trouble brewing and she would not let it go unopposed…

The six mares flinched as they felt the ground quake. They saw the previously buried helmet start rising from the ground. Something much bigger rose with it – a strange, blocky contraption that the helmet seemed to be attached to. As the odd object rose, Twilight saw the rest of it – metal wings that unfolded from the helmet’s sides and a-

A skull. A big, fanged, skull was what wore the helmet. Its jaw swung open as the structure fully rose from the ground, displaying a closed gate below it. The rumbling stopped after a couple of moments, leaving the six mares to stare at it in shock.

“That thing is ghastly!” They turned to look at Rarity, who was looking at the structure with utter distaste.

“What are you talking about? It looks awesome!” Rainbow cried out in glee as she stared at the source of Rarity’s chagrin. “I mean, just look at it! Flames and skulls and whatnot!”

Fluttershy was trembling as she looked on fearfully at it.

“Girls, calm down! Did any of you touch anything? Anything at all?” Twilight interjected at that moment. The answer she got was five heads being shaken. “Then what caused this thing to, er... wake up?”

Applejack shook her head at that, humming thoughtfully.

“Ah have no idea, Twi. Best we bring this news to th' Princess.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. She always knows what to do.”

“I wish that were true, my little ponies. Sadly it is not so.” A strong, regal voice announced behind them and they turned around, gasping in surprise as the alicorn in question alighted in front of them. As one, the six of them bowed to her.

“There is no need for that, my little ponies. Tell me, what has come to pass here? I felt a might surge of power earlier and it originated from here. What exactly happened here? Can you explain?” Twilight nodded slowly at that.

“Yes. We were preparing to turn in for the night when there was this big, shiny monster that was on fire – it flew above us! It was so fast and loud! Rainbow Dash tried to pursue it, but it was too fast and disappeared in moments… Then, that thing rose from the ground.” She gestured at the strange piece of unearthed machinery and Celestia nodded slowly.

“I see… Anything else to report?”

“Well, we’ve looked over everything here and gathered a lot of information, though we don’t really understand what to make of it… I’m sure that if some of the creators of these relics were here, we could easily decipher most, if not all of the knowledge here!” At that, Celestia frowned in worry.

“I fear that this is already happening…” She gestured at the bridgehead. In the distance, they could see slabs of stone rise from the water ponderously, rearranging themselves into a bridge, bit by bit, heading towards the ancient, time-work bridgehead.

“Oh, my…” Fluttershy muttered in surprise.

“Whoa, nelly…” Applejack eyed the bridge as it repaired itself.

“You wished to meet the creators of these relics? Looks like you just got your wish, Twilight…” Celestia murmured grimly.

“The Royal Guards are en route. They should be here in a day or two, maybe faster. We will not let these aggressors take one step on Equestrian soil. This I promise.”

“Eddy, didya feel it? I think that th'bridge's finish'd.” Kill Master called to the roadie in question from atop the Rock Crusher. On Eddie's other side, the shadow-wreathed form that was his girlfriend also stopped playing guitar. Soon, the entire convoy went silent and ground to a halt. Some of the passengers climbed out from the Tour Bus and looked around intently. The bridge did not collapse or fall apart.

“RIGHT ON!” A random Headbanger shouted. Soon, cheers erupted all along the convoy as the Ironheade troops congratulated the three guitarists that had made this trip a possibility.

“Okay, okay, you all! Get back onboard! We've still got to get there, wherever we are headed towards!” Ophelia announced. Her words were met with approval and soon, those that had disembarked were once more back in their vehicles, heading towards their unknown destination.

The six mares looked around as the armor-clad pegasi and unicorns of the Royal Guard erected fortifications facing the bridge. The whole situation had an air of urgency about it, as was to be expected, considering the news Celestia had divulged to them…

It was seven hours later that the pegasi scouts returned, having noticed something moving on the bridge. At once, the numerous guards moved to their positions, making ample use of the trenches, bunkers, fortifications they had built, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After half an hour, they began to feel a bit stupid, when Celestia saw movement on the distant bridge and her heart clenched in terror. She could already hear the screams of the tortured, the unholy wails of the Coil's machines of war, the howls of their gibbering demon soldiers, the-

...Manowar, Manowar, livin' on the road...

Eh?

...when we're in town, speakers explode...

Wha- That didn't sound like something the Tainted Coil would say at all! Where were their unholy hymns and chanting druids?

...now, we don't attract wimps, 'cause we're too loud...

Soon, she was able to see the moving vehicles more clearly. And boy, was she in for a surprise...

...just true metal people, that's Manowar's crowd...

Instead of the sickening abominations of the Coil, there were constructs of gleaming metal, trundling across the bridge on large wheels, large, furry beasts, their faces painted in black and white, with strange creatures perched on their backs. There were more strange vehicles – three-wheeled and two-wheeled contraptions, and chariots that carried a giant skull in each of them.

Who are these beings? They do not look like demons at all!

By now, the big group had reached the bridgehead, but stopped when they were presented with the entrenchments that blocked their path. After several long moments, one of the creatures spoke up.

“Uh, hey. What’s up?”

Lengthy silence followed.

Celestia could only stare in shock. The creature had spoken – and in flawless Equish, at that! That’s when the strange unearthed object started to shake and rumble…