notes for Cranky D. Donkey

by Uncle Knot

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Cranky Doodle Donkey, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4339

Postcards to Cranky while searching for Matilda

For many years Cranky searched for his beloved Matilda, only to find her in Ponyville with the help of Pinky Pie. What did he find while searching for Matilda? What did he do to support himself and his search, and who helped him? This series of letters attempts to answer those questions.

Published 2013-05-20 08:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-25 12:10:00 UTC

Chapter 1

Letter # 1 – 11,567 (1 is your reference number, 11,567 is my reference number)
To: Cranky D. Donkey
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew
Copies: PC, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG

I am happy to welcome you to our loose organization of ‘searchers’. I concede that it was difficult for you to see reason and accept the idea that one pony when searching for one special something has a tendency to find something that some other pony (or in your case – donkey) is looking for. How ironic when we first met, you were standing on a bridge, on that precipice starring into oblivion. It pleased me that your mind was not so far gone as to be unable to make a reasonable choice to continue your search for your special some pony (or in your case – donkey) with my assistance and those like me.

Be assured that any embarrassment is typical, for the Grand Galloping Gala does always seem to produce its share of disasters. Our first task of retracing your steps proved fruitless. Alas too much time had passed since your Matilda had quit her residence. The place had been thoroughly cleaned out and the trash had been emptied. As a new searcher, be advised that sometimes one can find a ticket stub or old address in the trash that may act as a clue to a future destination. You need to improve this skill as we have need of your eyes and ears to do some searching for us.

Your description of Matilda is also lacking, but do not lose hope, for some of us have found things that do not want to be found with even less information. We must presume that your Matilda has similar feelings toward you and wants to be found. To issue a warrant would only cause confusion and possibly cause your dear one to hide herself away. Let me be clear, she is a donkey, not a mule. She also was last seen wearing a light colored neckerchief (either blue or green) at the Gala. The fact that she quit her residence so quickly after the Gala suggests she is not a resident of Canterlot and the neckerchief suggests she may be from out west or some farm community. Please note that while knowing where some pony is from is useful, it does not always indicate where some pony is going.

I do not doubt your sincerity of affection for her, only my ability to find some donkey with so little information. There are too many like you who find that special some pony without doing a thorough investigation of the target of their affection. Yet they always seem to have an inner knowledge that they were meant to be. Thank you for affirming this.

The captain of the royal guard concedes that there were not any unusual occurrences after the Gala and I certainly found no evidence of foul play. I feel confident that eventually Matilda will be found, but we must be patient. During this lull, we have need to keep track of certain artifacts. This coincides with your need to search for Matilda as you will be traveling from community to community with eyes wide open and ears always listening. For this reason we are clandestinely called the E&E (eyes and ears of Equestria). Your first assignment is to go to Manehatten and find and observe a musical instrument that was last seen at the Gala. This brass tuba may have unusual powers circumventing the rules of unicorn magic. Please report your progress as soon as possible. Sincerely, Uncle Knot.

Chapter 2

Letter # 2 – 11,569
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

We are impressed with your work; you kept your head in a difficult situation. Not only did you find the tuba, but also those who took it. Beware these ponies; Spade and Archer, they have the aura of those who make ponies disappear and you were most fortunate that you have not been spotted. Your report suggests that they need the tuba to conduct a deal. Remember your duty is not to recover the tuba, only observe what it is being used for.

You have learned your previous lesson well. Picking up the discarded shipping manifest from Archer tells us that the deal is dependent on a ship in the harbor of Manehatten. It was smart of you to find work on the docks to supplement your stipend. You are demonstrating that my investment in time with you is paying huge dividends.

Your report also suggests that the deal is not done. I surmise this from your report as the ‘actors’ (what we shall call Spade & Archer) have not left the stage. The ship they are waiting for has not arrived.

It was happenstance that you may have noticed other ‘actors’ also seeking a deal. The dark and seedy streets and alleys along the docks have become your good friend. Giving you revenue and a place to hide and listen.

I have heard of the pony Mr. Green Street; a pony of robust intellect and corpulent stature. Stay clear of him, he works with a greasy fellow that most certainly has made ponies vanish. I am capitalizing in your commitment to Matilda when dealing with that other mare. This unicorn may be the reason for the tuba being so necessary and we must be always be careful of what we least suspect. Do not be swayed by her flirtatious ways and pay extra attention to the interaction between her and the tuba.

You should purchase a spyglass or mariners glass. It is an excellent observation tool, as so are these newfangled photo boxes or cameras. I wonder if the mariner’s glass could be joined to the camera to capture long range prints. If questioned on this, simply encourage the idea that you have an interest in star or bird watching.

I will join you soon and repay you for some of your expenses; rather I will come to Manehatten and not join you. It may be to our advantage not to be known to be working together. With so many actors, the calculation of another buyer should stir the pot and provide you with additional opportunities. Yes, that is what I will do, become another purchaser interested in the ‘package’ known to be arriving by ship.

Do not fear for me and I will not fear for you, I have been in rough places before and can handle myself in hazardous situations. There are some who can attest that my buck is worse than my bite, and a few who can’t. It was never my intent that this routine assignment would produce such a complex assortment of players. Do not trust in your youth or strength, instead wait for me and depend on your ears and eyes and maybe your nose.

Chapter 3

Letter # 3 - 11,580
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

It has been a time and half a time since we successfully completed our adventure in Manehatten. Your decision to keep the tuba makes me laugh, but every great hunter deserves his trophies. And you most certainly deserve yours. I can still remember the stunned display of dismay that Spade and Archer exhibited when they failed to understand the function of the tuba as a deterrent to little Miss Unicorn. She tossed them into the river using her magic. You however, deduced that the tuba could be used as a physical instrument to blind and negate her magic by simply dropping the large opening over her horn and head. I was busy with Green Street’s thugs and your assistance covered my flank, thank you. Our interception of the ‘package’ was less than expected. The package contained a large pair of shears or scissors and a watering can. The magic academy cleared them of any magic potential and I cannot imagine what Green Street could want them for. So I am returning them to you to add to your trophy collection.

Spade and Archer were returned to Canterlot to face charges for theft of a tuba. Where they got the idea that the tuba would help them we can only guess. As to their connection with the ‘package’ they only offered overhearing gossip from the Gala. As penance they have agreed to do me some small favor. The charge of stealing has been dropped since no tuba was ever reported missing.

Green Street and his greasy companion have vanished, but be cautious, they still pose a threat. Indeed now that they know of our connection we have lost the advantage of surprise if and when we encounter them again. The greasy pony’s real name is Rock Trucker, but don’t expect him to introduce himself with that name for he employs a compendium of alias.
As for our little Miss Unicorn, no charge can be pressed against her. Manehatten’s constabulary could not hold her and she booked passage aboard a liner under the name of Petite Cher. I suspect that is also an alias.

I hope your search for your special some pony in Manehatten is exhausted because I need you to go to Fillydelphia. My investigations have unearthed 5 Matilda s to date; none were matches to your quest. Matilda seems to be a very common name for mules, no donkeys yet. There, in Fillydelphia, is this mirror that I want you to investigate. You will find it in the shopping district. Some ponies complain that they lost all their bits while shopping and come home with nothing. One was found wandering about, disoriented and confused. Once again your task is to find the object and observe its use and user. We know it has a user, since mirrors rarely need to gather bits.

I hesitate to say, but that alternate style of observation you developed may assist you. Your decision to start playing the guitar is genius. The shopping district does invite many musicians to play on their streets and your presence will not garner any unnecessary attention. Do try to play well enough to qualify your activity; your earlier attempts that I endured did not induce confidence. Sincerely Uncle Knot.

Chapter 4

Letter # 4 – 11,641
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

Please take the train and meet me in Dodge Junction, tickets enclosed. I am fully aware that your search in Fillydelphia may not be complete but I need you here. Stay in Dodge at my expense until I arrive. I will then hoff off to you a very special package which you will take to the Magic academy in Canterlot. Whatever happens ensure that the package gets there.

I have reason to believe our old ‘friend’ Green Street is also interested in this package. Perhaps I should tell him, for he certainly cannot use a dragon egg. Still this would only give him more insight into my activities on behalf of Equestria and I do not endorse such a compromise. Some ponies are following me and believe it or not I have been unable to lose these shadows. I first notice my unwelcome companions in Los Pegasus. I will lay about here until certain precautions you will arrange in Dodge are ready.

You understand our actions are not to dissuade Green Street from his curiosity, only to misdirect him. You will need to construct a small crate and line it with straw, and mark the crate ‘handle with care’. Indeed, having a spare may be prudent. The Jubilees of Dodge have helped me in the past and you may find them helpful with the mention of my name – ‘Uncle Knot’. Stay with them if they offer, for Dodge has only one hotel and I am sure that Green Street’s cohorts will claim it. Dodge has 3 Salt Lick Saloons, and they also have lodging.

I would give you a description of my shades, but I believe them to be changelings or shape shifters. They are extremely dangerous and I am surprised our corpulent ‘friend’ would use them. Before you leave Fillydelphia purchase a small bright red item and when I mention I would like the green box, produce the red trinket. Thus I will know that you are you, and you will know that I am I, when I request the green box.

To add to the confusion that I hope to create, I have also requested the services of Spade and Archer. They have a grudge against our obese ‘friend’, but I will not be so foolish as to trust them with our prize. Finally you too, can also call in a few favors from your contacts.

I shall also be keeping an ‘ace’ up my sleeve. Some pony you have not met before, I know him to be heroic and dependable. Bits Riddenbucker may be old now, but he still has a few flights left in him. You will easily spot him with his black tip red wings and easy smile. If you have need to contact him amidst our future confusion, his verification term is ‘Zecora’. Don’t use it unless you absolutely have too.

This may be your first trip out west. Ponies are generally honest, direct, and more respectful of what you can do than who you are. How I wish sometimes to instill that attitude in the ponies of Canterlot.

You say your hair is falling out, shave your head. It may help disguise your appearance and give you that necessary edge to complete this mission. I’ll buy you a wig later. Sincerely Uncle Knot.

Chapter 6

Letter # 6 – 11,763
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

What an interesting snow globe you have discovered in Manehatten; two brownstone apartments in a swirl of glittering snowflakes. How wonderful that they match the location of our obese ‘friend’. With a little bit of magic that I have infused them with you can monitor his movements without being observed. I suppose this was your intent and I congratulate you on your initiative. In many ways you surpass my abilities in these clandestine activities. Green Street is too cunning an enemy to incarcerate with his knowledge. The best way to neutralize him is to imprison him in his own paranoia.

How do you like the wig? I picked it to match you tail color, although the fashion today is something bright and golden. By now you have noticed that time does not age me like you. Consider it my curse, not a blessing. I am well aware that the years tick by and time runs away from us in your quest to find your special some pony (or donkey). I would devote more resources to this if I had not already assigned them.

For now, I need you to venture into Baltimare and establish yourself there. I believe you may find your Matilda there for this community has many donkeys, asses, and mules. I also have an assignment in observation for you. There is a strange object from some place distant and when I say distant, I mean to imply some place other than Equestria. In addition the mysterious mirror we lost track of in Fillydelphia is again being used to filch the unsuspecting.

As for this mysterious object, it seems nothing more than a toy. You will find it in one of many auction houses or pawn shops. If you can determine where it came from I would appreciate it. It is a head on a stick, with a joker’s cap.

Unfortunately I cannot determine the creature, I have seen similar toys with pony and donkey heads, but this creature defies identification. I am concerned that it may somehow infect the realm with an alternate set of morals. You may think me cautionary, but I have personal experience with varying realities.

I do not know if this will help with the mirror, but I noticed a reference to a Dr. Mez Mer and some unusual adjournment of sanity. There are tails (pardon the pun) of ponies chasing themselves. There were other instances of ponies trying to lay eggs, and some questionable accounts have voiced that they succeeded.

While I can understand your desire to retire, do not abandon your quest for Matilda. Remember you were confident that you were meant to be together. This story is not over yet. Even if you never find her, the quest of seeking her confirms that you love her. As a loveless creature, myself, I envy you this opportunity. Sincerely, Uncle Knot.

Chapter 7

Letter # 7 – 12,011
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

Dear Cranky, I can no longer argue your decision to retire. You have served Equestria well. Princess Celestia would honor you, but you have declined. I think this is a mistake, yet I know your stubborn streak and will not oppose you. I have one last task for you, find someplace quiet to retire to and remember that you did your best. You certainly exceeded my expectations. I will miss you.

As for the subject of the mirror, your entrance into Baltimare must have attracted notice. Our mysterious culprit came to Manehatten. Just by chance I was visiting with our old ‘friend’ Greenstreet, when, as I was leaving, who should I chance to bump into on the street? Can you guess? Rock Trucker! He was carrying a large (at first I thought a portrait) package, but as it turned out – our mysterious mirror. The local constables were happy to assist me in detaining him for questioning.
While he admitts no wrong doing, his greasy nature could not hide the guilt of what he had been doing with the mirror. Having read some notes from Dr. Mez Mer, I was able to recreate the hypnotic technique that some pony had been using to defraud others of their money.

I used that technique on Trucker, and he was most susceptible to my suggestions, to forget the mirror’s natural enhancement to the hypnotism and possible quit all criminal activity altogether.

Do not think me foolish that he would so easily succumb to my suggestions. It took several sessions of eye to eye contact with me and the mirror to dissuade his former inclinations. The real difficulty was in replacing his previous activities with something constructive. By chance I remembered that not only did Rock Trucker do Greenstreet’s dirty deeds, but also acted as his cook. Clearly Trucker has some skill in preparing food fit for any culinary sophisticoto. Perhaps he had missed his true calling, so I left him with the (post hypnotic) suggestion to open a restaurant, which would also serve as a soup kitchen on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.

I must report that the restaurant is doing great. The food is great and Rock Trucker appears quite happy with his new vocation. Even Greenstreet is not only a regular customer, but is acting as the dining room manager. At first I was a bit skeptical about this arrangement, but Greenstreet is most amicable to this new profession and happy to redress his former wrong doings. In restitution he has donated much (if not all) of his ill-gotten gain from his former lifestyle to ensure the restaurant will have the capital to support the more autistic soup kitchen.

There is one other task, if you would accept; make your new home a place to keep other artifacts so that new ponies working for me can deposit them into your safe care.

I was surprise about your decision to live in Pony Ville. I have not been to this area since just before it commenced. I used to live in what they now call the library. Some pony special (like a daughter) to me lives nearby; you may remember the verification term ‘Zecora’. Introduce yourself to her.

Alas in another matter, I am disappointed in you. Your decision to abandon the search for your true beloved would be heartbreaking to most. I will not comment any more on this.

If fate so allows me, I will visit with you and Zecora for a cup of tea. Indeed, your resolve to live in Pony Ville (or is it Ponyville?) prompts me that I have been remiss in visiting with my little zebra. I hope to catch up with you before you leave Baltimare and deposit with you the infamous mirror, for your safe keeping.

Sincerely, Uncle Knot

Chapter 8

Letter # 8 – 12,047
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

Wow, to have found your special pony, err, I mean donkey in the least and last possible place we would look for her astounds me. I should have let you give up earlier. But as you describe it you didn’t find her, some pony found her for you. Did I not tell you that some pony searching for something would sometimes find what some other pony seeks? I told you not to give up in your search. True love found a happy ending for you.

I have heard of this Pinky Pie before, or as I would call her Lady Pinky Pie. Do you know she is one of the esteemed elements of harmony? The most potent device used to defend Equestria. They deserve some credit for restoring the Crystal Empire and turning Discord into stone. They also are most blessed by me for restoring Princess Luna to her sister and Equestria.

I know you are officially retired now, but you should know in you unofficial capacity that Pinky Pie represents the element of laughter or as I would say humor. The others elements are kindness as shouted by Lady Fluttershy, generosity as given by Lady Rarity, loyalty as demonstrated by Lady Rainbow Dash, honesty (or as I would say trustworthiness) acted out by Lady Applejack, and finally magic as broached by Lady Twilight Sparkle (although I dissent on this association).

It would be wise and diligent of you to befriend them, however, I will concede, you have reason to catch up on lost time with you Matilda. You may find it humorous to know that the dragon egg we had so much trouble with at the Dodge Junction shoot out is now the companion of Twilight Sparkle. His name is Spike.

I have one last mystery for you to resolve. Unimportant and not critical, however, you may find it useful to ponder and keep your wits sharp. You should familiarize yourself with the statue of Nightmare Moon near the Everfree forest. That statue is more than just stone, it has strong magic within. Something lays dormant inside. Consider who would build it, and why? Here is a hint; it was built by some pony who loved her, her being Nightmare Moon, not Princess Luna. Now, notice the expression of the statue; strong, willful, protective and challenging. That is a clue to the creator. This tells us the type of love that was expressed by the creator, not sibling or romantic love, but possibly the love of a child for his or her parent.

You who have many times credited me with knowing so much, to my embarrassment, know this; Nightmare Moon shares some similarity with Twilight Sparkle. They both have/had pet dragons. One could imagine that Nightmare Moon’s motive for hatching a dragon would have been to it eat her defeated sister. Alas, baby dragons are not that hungry and Nightmare Moon was too impatient. She lost that conflict with her sister, as we all know, but what happened to the dragon? His name was Sky, and what happened to him is part of the mystery. I can and will provide you with more hints if and when I come to visit. I look forward to meeting Matilda.

I now have an increasing desire to visit you in Pony Ville, but I must find another dragon egg for Princess Cadence, first. She deserves something special, and with her recent experience in the Crystal Empire, I am incline to quest for a crystal dragon egg, or at least an egg that would produce a crystal dragon.

Sincerely your Uncle Knot.

Chapter 5

Letter # 5 – 11,642
To: C.D. Donkey C.C.: PC, BR, Z, FdL, BR, FP, AD, PdF, CotG
From: Sumponeigh Knot Yew

Yahoo, ride em cow pony! Our operation in Dodge Junction was a success. The dragon egg has been delivered to the Magic academy in Canterlot and Green Street is following you to Manehatten. Take care, I will join you soon.

True, the events in Dodge did not go according to plan and it seemed that all our efforts to confuse and misdirect were undone. I underestimated Green Street’s ability to out think my plan. He anticipated my trap and had arranged for his own operation. I did not suspect he had the resources to rent his own train.

The shoot out on the streets of Dodge will become the stuff of legend.

The sun blazed down.

We stared.

They stared.

Determination sizzled.

We held our ground.

They held theirs.

The dust blew.

Our boots jingled.

Their eyes squinted.

We were outnumbered.

The clock tower ticked.

Their forelegs twitched.

Cherry pies flew.

The streets ran red.

After the dust settled, and we licked our wounds, I think cherry pie would taste best with ice cream. Your inspiring friendship with the Jubilee family and their willingness to help gave us the advantage in cherry pies. That bald look on you provides that shinny slick feature that accelerates the trickle of pie filling falling off your face. Until our next meeting, Uncle Knot.