Monster Pacifier

by Trials

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover
Length: 4290

It's Monster Season in Equestria. With her faithful stick, Dash attempts to pacify monsters so violent and so calculating, they almost seem to be from another world. A crossover with Monster Hunter.

It's Monster Season in Equestria. With her faithful stick, Dash attempts to pacify monsters so violent and so calculating, they almost seem to be from another world. It'll take a lot of work, effort and pain to survive the season, but only then will Dash claim her prize. Hope you're ready, folks, because it's open season.

A crossover with Monster Hunter.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-18 21:30:02 UTC

Open Season

Monster Pacifier

A roar echoed across the snowy mountains.

Rainbow Dash immediately raised her weapon; a wooden stick with her initials carved into the whittled handle. The wind rushed at her body endlessly, the majority of its bitterness blocked by her armour. Her hooves, unprotected, grew stiff and frozen under the harsh temperature. She began to circle around, looking for the monster hidden in the blizzard. The hail and snow did nothing but hinder her sight, but the monster, on the other hoof, knew its territory well. The monster was completely camouflaged in the blizzard. It had adjusted, becoming the perfect predator in the perfect place. Rainbow was the prey here.

Another roar erupted beside her. She turned to face it, her stick at the ready. It was shaking in her hooves, either from the temperature or the fear. It didn't make much difference. Rainbow looked up to the sky, but saw only white. There was no use trying to fly in this weather — her wings would freeze up in a fraction of a second. No, she had to fight. She couldn't flee. It was her right as an official Monster Pacifier to pacify this monster; she couldn't simply leave it. Rainbow stood her ground, her eyes staring into the snow.

She could hear its footsteps prowling as it stalked its prey. Great crunches in the snow sounded from all directions, and she could tell it was circling around her, looking for her weak points. “C'mon,” she taunted, “what are you afraid of?!” A hiss erupted from behind her, and she could've sworn she saw two, green orbs piercing the canvas of white before a wave of darkness hit her. She felt her body fly through the air, and with a crunch, she landed hard on the ice below her.

Rainbow got up quickly, raising her trusty stick above her head. She could hear the thing growling at her. It was sizing her up, checking for strengths and weaknesses. Sounded a lot like her, actually: cold and calculating. Just for a moment, the snow cleared in front of her, revealing the monster standing barely a metre away. The thing roared in surprise, charging forward without a second thought. “Hello, beastie,” she said, thrusting her stick ahead of her, and closing her eyes for impact. When the monster collided, she slid back through the snow, coming to a stop a few paces away.

The thing wasn't so lucky. It reeled back in pain, clutching at the tip of its face with its pony-sized claws. It cried out angrily, spewing saliva from its mouth. Its sharp teeth were revealed, which were each easily the size of a stallion's leg. Rainbow could've sworn she saw the eyes change from a deep green to a blood red. The monster screamed back at her as it began circling once more. With a sudden jump forward, it sent its tail flying through the snow. The last thing Rainbow saw was the spikes at the tip of the tail before she took another trip into the air.

She tumbled down the mountain, bouncing on every edge until finally came to a painful stop on solid rock. Rainbow tried to get up, but fell again with a cry. Her stick was gone. Her attacker was on its way. Her helmet had a massive tear through the middle of it, splitting it into two. She took it off, inspected the damage, and threw it further down the mountain. It was no use anymore — no amount of money could repair it. It would only be a burden to carry, and it couldn't offer any more protection than her own skull. Once more, Dash tried to get to her hooves, but a wave of pain erupted from her thigh. She knew something was broken. Rainbow had broken a bone on many occasions, and after so many, she knew exactly when one was broken.

With a gasp of pain, she slowly lifted herself off of the cold rock, using the side of the cliff for balance. She made sure not to push down on her bad leg. Rainbow's whole body was sore, and her wings were too damaged to stage an escape. There was no running away from this creature, anyway. She could hear it pouncing down the mountains, so it would only be a matter of time. Within seconds, a giant, orange-black blob jumped out of the whiteness. She stared deep into its reptilian eyes, unblinking. It raised its paw once more into the air, and with a cry of rage, brought it down on top of her.

Rainbow Dash woke with a gasp. Today was the start of Monster Season, and she was already six minutes late for the opening ceremony. She could even hear the mayor talking over the speakers. “Oh, manure!” she said, throwing off the covers. The pegasus didn't even consider brushing her mane before rushing to the other side of her house, opening the front door and diving down to the ground. Rainbow let the rush of air wake her body up, as it always would do. She shook her wings, straightening out the feathers and muscles in the breeze. Within seconds, the ground was in sight, and she could see the mass of ponies gathering below the stage.

At the last second, she opened her wings up to stop her rapid descent. She landed with a soft tap on the grass. At least, it seemed like it was for her. The ponies around her, on the other hoof, jumped out of their fur. One even released a noise vaguely reminiscent of a lamb's bleat. Rainbow had to suppress a giggle, otherwise she'd never hear the end of it. “And now,” said Mayor Mare from the stage, “to introduce Monster Season, please give a warm welcome to our very own monster expert, Fluttershy!”

“Um... hello, everyone...” said Fluttershy, appearing from behind the mayor. “Well, uh, every year we have this Monster Season... when big, bad monsters migrate to Equestria for apparently no reason. We think they just like the climate... or something, but there's no conclusive proof... And they, um, tend to be bad and stuff...” Fluttershy drifted off. The mayor poked her hard from behind, and with a yelp, the frail pegasus continued. “Well, we don't really want them to be bad, so we have this... group—”

“Yes, the Monster Pacifiers,” interrupted Mayor Mare, “a very select, very specialised group of individuals. Very well-paid, if I might say so myself.”

“—Who are sent out to stop them,” finished Fluttershy. “Now, the monsters are very dangerous. They come in all shapes and sizes... but mostly big ones... and they'll most likely try to eat you if they see you... Seeing as though they'll go wherever they want to go, you'll probably see at least one before the end of Monster Season. Now, if you do see one..."

Rainbow zoned out. Fluttershy always had to give this speech every year, and everyone who wanted to remain in one piece had already memorised it. Step one: get away from given monster. Step two: notify the Monster Pacifiers. Step three: run. That was it. Not exactly the hardest thing to remember. This time around, it was going to be different for Rainbow; she was going to be the one getting notified. She was finally old enough to join the Monster Pacifiers, and even though the recruiting process was very harsh, Dash felt that she stood a chance, especially since the Grandmaster of the Monster Pacifiers was her best friend.

Fluttershy was revered as the greatest Monster Pacifier alive, mostly because of her advanced knowledge of the monsters. Before her coming of age, there was no such order. The Royal Guards would be called in, but it would always end horribly. Not for the monsters, but for the guards; they simply weren't used to such large, irrational opponents. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, knew their behaviour, their characteristics, but, most importantly, she knew how to pacify them. The Grandmaster could also—

"Uh, so that's what you do when you see one. Just don't pose a threat to it, and it won't... eat you too much, as opposed to eating you a whole lot." Fluttershy ended. The audience remained dead silent until the frail pegasus bleated and jumped off the stage.

"And, uh, now for another announcement," began Mayor Mare. "As you know, the Monster Pacifiers have to be in the very best condition they can be, and, rather unfortunately, two members have received an unpleasant... cold. Quite minuscule, you may think, but it makes all the difference in the heat of battle," said the mayor, shaking her hoof. "Therefore, for the time being, there are two empty places on the team. As I said before, Monster Pacifiers are very well-paid, trained for combat and are later celebrated as heroes when the job is done! However, there has to be a full team. If not, it would be impossible to pacify every monster out there, and there are a lot! Now, who's willing to volunteer? I don't wish to start drafting in ponies like last year..." she added menacingly.

This was Rainbow's chance. Of course, there were only two places, and who wouldn't want to be part of the Monster Pacifiers? Wimps, cowards and wussies need not apply! Rainbow raised her hoof in the air, and with a loud voice, she cried: "I will!" She found every single one of the audience staring back at her, almost as if they were sizing up her chances. She could see them betting on how long she'd last already. Big monsters versus small ponies didn't always end up well for the small ponies, but Dash believed she had a pretty good chance. Why wouldn't she? As the winner of the Young Fliers, it was proven that she flew fast and had perfect maneuverability — perfect for hunting down monsters. Besides, she had always enjoyed the... thrill of the hunt. Calling the group 'Monster Pacifiers' seemed a bit odd to her; it was all about hunting down monsters and ending their paths of chaos and whatnot, right?

Right?

Looking around, she noticed no other pony volunteering. Why anyone would pass up the opportunity was beyond her. They watched her like she was some kind of circus act. “What?” Dash cried out, “I want to kick some arse!”

“Well, come right this way, young mare!” said Mayor Mare over the speakers. Rainbow stretched her legs before flying over to the stage, brushing her hair to the side with a gentle hoof. Not that it mattered — no amount of brushing could salvage her mane. As the round of applause welcomed her arrival, she touched down beside the mayor. “Now,” said Mayor Mare, “are there any more volunteers? We only need one more!” Rainbow snorted. Any more volunteers? All of them looked too wussy! None of the other ponies would want to join, just like last year. All of them were too cowardly and—

“I'll volunteer!” said someone, raising their lavender hoof. Rainbow couldn't quite see them, but the voice sounded all too familiar. Twilight Sparkle. Princess Twilight Sparkle. She slapped a hoof to her face. Princesses shouldn't pacify monsters. Princesses should stay in their palaces and do whatever the hell princesses do. Not exactly a tough life. Of course, a much louder applause was held for Princess Twilight. Rainbow could hear them all whistling and clapping their hooves.

Eventually, Twilight managed to fly over to the stage. The extra wings had been more of a hindrance to her as it seemed. Before, Twilight could simply teleport wherever she wanted, but it was regarded as improper for a princess to do so. Teleportation had been condemned as such since the time Twilight managed to give Princess Celestia multiple heart disorders and Princess Luna the sudden ability to inexplicably transform into Nightmare Moon once again. Equestria had been narrowly saved that day, and that was putting it kindly. Rainbow was desperately trying to suppress her laughter from the thought as Twilight finally joined her on stage.

“Hey, Dash! Long time, no see!” she said before frowning. “Wait, why are you laughing?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“You're not doubting me for volunteering?”

“Not at all," Rainbow said with a grin.

Twilight gave a sigh of relief. “Well, I'm glad.”

“Good for you.”

“Just thought I'd volunteer. See how it goes.”

“Me, too.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

In truth, the pair hadn't talked much since Twilight's coronation.

“Would you both like to introduce yourselves?” the mayor asked.

“Rainb—”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle,” the alicorn interrupted, “and I'm going to get rid of this... monster problem.” Of course, the audience laughed at her joke. Even the mayor managed to put on a laugh. Oh, what a witty pun. Oh, what pure, golden comedy. Whatever. Dash could do better.

“And I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria, here to... pacify some monsters.” the pegasus said, chuckling. Nothing. Not even a giggle. Not one sign of response. The audience stared back at her with blank expressions. She could've sworn she heard a cricket chirping in the distance. “Cos... I'm going to be part of the Monster Pacifiers. We're going to pacify monsters. Monster Pacifiers.”

“Well, it wasn't that clever,” Twilight whispered.

“Not now, Twi.” Dash whispered back.

“Seriously, that was shoddy at best.”

“I said: not now!” Dash stomped her hooves on the stage.

Twilight let out a giggle. “You should've known what to expect...”

“I was thinking on my hooves, okay?”

“... Anyway,” the mayor interjected, “let's give a round of applause for our two volunteers! That is, of course, if anyone else wouldn't like to volunteer?” The ensuing silence gave the answer. “It's good pay, I swear!” Still, not a pony stirred. No amount of coin could persuade them into putting their lives on the line.

“In that case, let's hear it for our volunteers!”

“What was that about?” Dash asked, furious, turning to face Twilight.

“What was what?”

“You. Back there. On stage. Telling me my joke was manure!”

“Well, it was...” Twilight said with a wry smile.

“That's not the point, and you know it! I didn't try to embarrass you!”

“I know,” Twilight finally admitted, “I guess I'm sorry.”

A silence fell between the two. They really hadn't talked much in the past couple of weeks. Twilight had all her new duties and events to attend to, which left Rainbow and friends without much information. Rainbow scratched her chin. It felt awkward to sit next to Twilight again, almost like she was someone unknown or a new pony, and Rainbow hated meeting new ponies. “Whatever,” she said, “anyway, what are we doing in here?”

“I don't know. The mayor just told us to come in here for a debriefing or something. She didn't really say,” Twilight said. “Town hall seems so strange with just the two of us. Usually, it's so full...”

“I guess,” Rainbow said distantly.

“Well, whatever it is we're in here for, I'm glad you're with me!” Twilight said with a smile. “Why do you want to pacify monsters so bad, then?” Rainbow tried to ignore the question with a chuckle, but Twilight insisted. "C'mon! Tell me!" With a sigh, the pegasus beckoned Twilight closer. She looked left and right, checking if anyone else was listening in. When the unicorn was mere inches away from her face, and the coast appeared to be clear, Rainbow felt safe enough to whisper.

“You know all that money we get for fighting?” Twilight nodded. “I'm saving up for a katana.”

Another long silence fell. “... A katana?” Twilight finally acknowledged.

“A katana,” Rainbow exclaimed, her eyes twinkling.

“Like, one of those massive swords?”

“Yep.”

Twilight looked down to the floor.“Well, I guess that's okay.”

“Why wouldn't it be?” the pegasus asked, scratching her chin.

“It's just not very... practical.”

Dash felt her heart sink. “Practical?”

“I mean, what would you use it for?”

Rainbow stared back at Twilight, dumbfounded. She tried to speak, but her lips wouldn't move. The unicorn tried to avert her gaze, and the realisation dawned on her. “Rainbow, I didn't mean it like that!” It made no difference. In a matter of seconds, Dash's dreams had been... dashed. What was the point in becoming a Monster Pacifier now? “I'm sure you could find plenty of things to do with it! Cooking... um, war re-enactments?” Twilight tried.

“Do you know anyone else with a katana?” the pegasus asked, her throat becoming sore. When Twilight didn't reply, Rainbow felt her shoulders sag. A frown replaced her wide-open mouth, and she simply stared into the wooden planks of the floor. The pair stayed in the same way for what seemed to be an eternity. Twilight would make the occasional suggestion, and Dash would shoot it down, just like Twilight had done so so casually with her dreams. Fitting. Eventually, after Twilight had exhausted every idea, the room came to an unsettling silence.

“Good afternoon, volunteers!” Mayor Mare shouted, scaring Rainbow out of her seat.

I swear it was morning when we came in, she thought, picking herself up.

“Here with me is the Grandmaster of the Monster Pacifiers, Fluttershy. She will give you a briefing of the induction phase of the group. Remember, there is only—”

“Hey, girls,” Fluttershy said, appearing through the doorway with a smile.

“Oh? You all know each other?” Mayor Mare asked, looking back and forth between them. “That's great news! Even better! Now you don't even have to pretend to like each other!”

“Why would we do that, anyway?” Fluttershy questioned, her eyebrow raising.

“No reason. Mere speculation,” the mayor quickly replied. “Now, if you'd like to begin?”

With a nod, Fluttershy began her explanation. “You see, we're the Monster Pacifiers. Emphasis on the 'pacify' part. We don't want to hurt or kill these monsters—”

“But you don't really want us to hug 'em either, right?” Rainbow interrupted. When the room stayed quiet, Dash lowered her voice. “Right?”

“I, uh, no, I don't think that's part of the system,” Fluttershy finally answered. “Anyway, we want to help these monsters realise that settling here is not okay. We don't want them here. They're too big and scary...” Fluttershy's voice trailed off. “Hurting them is out of the question. We see it as a, uh, involuntary movement. No hunting or hurting.” Twilight raised a hoof. “Yes, Twilight?”

“What are we meant to do, then? I mean, we can't exactly ask them to leave.”

“You have to, uh, just get them to stop bothering us,” Fluttershy said quietly.

“Make them to go away?”

“Yes.”

“Without hurting them,” Twilight continued, her face growing pale.

Fluttershy opened her mouth to answer, but a louder voice beat her to the punch. “This is crazy!” Rainbow shouted, stamping her hoof on her chair. “How the hell are we supposed to get them to move without even touching them? That's ridiculous!”

Fluttershy smiled uneasily. “Well, we can give you a...”

“A what?” Rainbow asked, her ears pricking up.

“We can give you a stick.”

“... A stick.”

“I could put a... bow on it for you?”

“A stick.”

“You could, um, put your name on it. It could be your very own... personalised stick! If it makes you feel better facing a monster with a stick, then I'll go get one for you! As long as, of course, you don't hit them with it.”

“A stick.”

“In fact, we could probably give you two... You could duel wield them, I guess? Double the confidence?”

“How do you usually scare them away?”

“Our Monster Pacifiers just try to stop whatever they're doing... Say that a monster is using a house to scratch its back, we'll just move the house. They usually just get bored or annoyed... and just go somewhere else,” Fluttershy said, scratching her chin. “Sometimes, it doesn't work.”

“You've never tried to fight them off?” Twilight asked. Fluttershy looked back at the mayor, as if trying to find some form of backup that would never arrive. Mayor Mare simply grinned an unknowing grin at the pair.

“Well, I'm out!” Rainbow said, sliding out of her seat.

Twilight followed. “Me, too.”

“Wait, you can't go!” the mayor screeched, blocking the exit, “who else is going to volunteer? We need a full team! You heard what I said before.”

“Listen up!” Rainbow hissed, grabbing the mayor by her collar. “I didn't sign up for this manure! If I'm going to 'pacify' some monsters, I wanna do it my way. I won't kill 'em, but I wanna be able to hurt 'em. They're gonna be big monsters, right? Big, scary, violent monsters?” she asked, shaking the mayor. “Well, it's not like they won't try to kill me. They'll want me for dinner. They'll beat the living manure out of me! Do you really think the monsters will leave if we give them a big, ol' hug and ask 'em to go?”

“I agree,” said Twilight, “however, Dash, would you like to release Mayor Mare?” The pegasus looked down at the blue-faced mayor. With a shriek, Rainbow dropped her to the floor, where she lay for a few seconds, coughing and wheezing. “I do think Dash is right, though. It makes much more sense attempting to pacify them a little more... assertively, rather than simply hoping that they'll leave. Someone else will just have to deal with it later.”

“If you ponies think it's such a great idea, do it yourselves!” the mayor shrieked, getting off of the ground. “Be my guest! Get yourselves killed! But, if you manage to hurt a monster, which I very much doubt, what exactly do you plan on doing with it?”

Twilight held a hoof to her chin. “I could always just teleport it somewhere else. It would be safe — well away from pony-populated places. Once we knocked them out cold, I mean. I have to focus really hard to teleport, and a moving target isn't exactly the easiest thing to focus on.”

Mayor Mare chortled. “Knocking one of those monsters out? Have you ever even seen one?”

“We've taken on dragons multiple times,” Twilight answered, looking back at Rainbow, “and we've never had any trouble with that.”

“What if it fails? What if these monsters dwarf the so-called dragons you've gone against?”

“Then we're dead, and you can go back to your old tactic,” Rainbow cut in. “We good?” The mayor squinted back and forth between the pair, and then at Fluttershy. The pegasus finally nodded.

“Only on the condition that you only use sticks,” Fluttershy said, stamping her hoof.

“This is such manure!” Rainbow said, slamming the door behind her. “What exactly can I do with this?” She shook her stick in front of Twilight's face, who only giggled.

“Rainbow, it's a start. Once they see how effective we are doing at it, they'll be more obliging. I've got my magic, and they never said anything about that,” she said, putting on a wry smile. “They didn't say you couldn't kick the monsters, anyway.”

“Whatever,” Dash said, “I guess it's better than trying to shoo them away.”

“That's the spirit!” Twilight said. “Well, I've got some boring duties to go and do for a while. I'll see you tomorrow morning for debriefing?”

“Sure," Dash said, rolling her eyes.

“See you later!” Twilight called from the skies. “And don't forget to study!” Rainbow sighed. Of course. Mayor Mare had handed them five hooffuls of books to read. She looked down at the first book on her pile; a dusty, old thing with a broken spine. It read: 'My Very First Monster Pacifying'. Fantastic. Rainbow could've done some fitness training in preparation, which would actually be of some use, but no; she had to research all the different monsters she'd be fighting. What a wonderful waste of her time.

Rainbow sat down on a bench overlooking the park. She wondered if this whole 'Monster Pacifier' thing was all it was cracked up to be. What was the point, anyway? Twilight had shot down her katana idea. In hind sight, it was a ridiculous idea. It would just become an oversized paperweight, or worse; it would gather dust under her bed. Stupid, stupid, stupid, she mentally berated herself. Apparently, Monster Pacifiers were paid well, but what was the point when Dash had nothing to buy? Could she even be bothered to read these books? All of them were as old and boring as the mayor.

There was something else hiding in Rainbow's thoughts. Even though she was the Rainbow Dash, she felt scared. She'd never seen one of the monsters up close before, and no amount of reading could prepare her for what she feared. Rainbow had heard all the stories as a child — tales of young fillies getting taken away by these monsters. She'd never paid any attention to them, thinking that they were ridiculous, even from a young age. Now that Rainbow was so close to meeting them, however, everything suddenly seemed much more sincere.

The pegasus sighed again.

Out of nowhere, a roar echoed through the valley, scaring Rainbow out of her feathers. She tried to find the source, but there was no use; it could've come from anywhere. A beam of fire pierced the afternoon sky far away, and Dash clutched her stick. She almost laughed at her instincts, were it not for her nerves. “Stupid stick...” she muttered, resting it on the ground. Even though she sounded serious, a smile was spreading across her face. Rainbow looked back at her wooden companion.

“I hope you're ready,” she said to it, “because Monster Season is officially open.”