My Little Racist: Friendship Is Bigoted

by RainbowBob

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 4184

Spike doesn't like it that he's a dog in the Equestria Girls movie. So he leads a revolution for change.

With the recent premiere of the Equestria Girls movie in Equestria, everyone is overjoyed at its success. Except for Spike, who doesn't like that fact he was the only character to be a dog instead of a human in the movie. Which leads to him calling upon a revolution for change on Equestria. Yeah... things blow out of proportion really fast.

Thanks to Bass21, Linkerman, and LDSocrates for pre-reading it! And thanks to jlm123hi for making the cover image!

Published 2013-05-18 20:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-18 20:30:02 UTC

Chapter 1: Everyone Is Racist

“So, what did you girls think of the movie?” Twilight asked her friends, exiting the movie theater entrance. There were numerous other ponies also walking out, the talk of the movie the being the main topic as they whispered in hush tones and discussed their favorite parts.

“I thought I was awesome in it!” Rainbow Dash yelled, the rainbow maned pegasus streaking in the air with a rainbow trail behind herself as she did a rather impressive loopty-loop. She hovered in above her friends and punched the air in mock battle. “I mean, did you see me in there? The audience was overwhelmed by my extreme level of awesomeness!”

“Careful, Dash. Get too much of a big head and soon you will be too heavy to fly,” Applejack teased, she and her friends chuckling mildly. Dash frowned, but rolled her eyes at the cowpony’s remark.

Turning to the others, Applejack said with a big grin on her freckled face, “Well, I think you all did just dandy! Good job, girls!”

“Well, it was a team effort,” Twilight reminded all of them, casting an eye on Rainbow Dash, who just huffed in annoyance. “And like always as a team, we pulled it off, and like Rainbow Dash would say, quite awesomely in fact.”

Everypony shared a good laugh, even Rainbow Dash after a few seconds of holding it back. Just a couple of friends enjoying themselves after an entertaining evening at the cinema. The only one not having fun, however, was a certain purple dragon.

Spike stared downcast at the ground, trudging by with his head held low and his demeanor lower. If he could lean forward any farther, his nose could’ve practically touched the ground, but the girls were too busy talking about their newest reach at stardom to pay much attention.

“Well, I think those outfits they picked out for us were just delightful,” Rarity cooed, transfixed during the entire premiere by the humans’ clothing. “I mean, did you see that dress I was wearing? Simply divine.”

“Still don’t see why I had to wear a skirt,” Rainbow Dash quietly complained, dropping down to the ground to join her friends walking down the street light lit road. It seemed that the Equestrian premiere of Equestria Girls was a success, due to the large crowds and praises for the movie.

Really, when a toy making powerhouse from another dimension such as Hasbro offers to make a movie based off of you, how do you say no? It wasn’t too long before the movie was out and about, becoming huge hits in the human world and now in the pony world too.

“Ooh, ooh, are we gonna head on down to the afterparty and have some fun?” Pinkie Pie asked, the eccentric party pony bouncing around her friends with her puffy pink mane waving in the breeze.

“Yeah, Pinkie, we’ll head down to the party eventually,” Twilight chuckled, rolling her eyes.

Fluttershy, having enjoyed the quietness of the movie theater, hesitantly asked, “So, what was everypony’s favorite part of the movie?”

“Well, obviously the car chase with the platoon of helicopters coming in to fire missiles at us,” Rainbow Dash replied, making exploding noises and moving her hooves eccentrically to demonstrate the explosions.

“My word, you’d think they hired Michael Bay in the production crew,” Rarity guessed, getting a good laugh from everypony, except of course Spike who was still mysteriously depressed. “But that musical number was quite the show, I must say.”

“Oh, the one with the tap dancing monkeys and flamingos?” Fluttershy ventured, having really enjoyed that bit.

“No, silly. It was obviously the part where the frog prince learned to love again, and everypony and frog lived happily ever after!” Pinkie randomly proclaimed, her friends staring at her in a familiar, wondering gaze.

“Don’t exactly remember that part.” Applejack scratched her mane beneath her Stetson. “Well, I took a particular shinin’ to the alien invasion tidbit, but that could just be me enjoying a good sci-fi.”

Twilight smiled kindly at her friends’ input on their favorite parts of the movie. “Well, I still think we did a fantastic job, and I think the message of love and friendship was the best part for me.”

Everypony shared a cheesy ‘awww’ and followed the basic procedures for a mass group hug, squeezing extra tight. The only one to not hop on board to the collective lovefest was Spike, who ignored the girls with hardly a glance in their direction as he walked forward.

“Spike, wait up!” Twilight shouted, disengaging from the other ponies and catching up to Spike. “Where are you going? What’s wrong?”

“Home. I’m just fine,” he replied dryly, walking forward with sour contempt etched into every one of his movements. Twilight wasn’t buying it for one second.

The unicorn mare ran in front of her dragon assistant and stared him down with a look a mother or older sister would give to their child or sibling. Rarity called out from the others and asked, “Hey you two, something wrong?”

“It’s nothing!” Spike growled, baring his fangs slightly at the others as he walked forward again, only to meet Twilight’s hoof on his forehead, stopping himself in his tracks.

“It isn’t nothing, Spike. You were so excited to see this movie, begging me to come early even though we already had tickets, just so we could get good seats.”

Spike huffed. “Yeah, well, like I said before, it’s nothing, so just drop it, okay?”

“I‘m not going to drop anything that’s troubling you, Spike.” Twilight stopped her assistant in his tracks with a well placed telekinesis spell, holding him in place. The little dragon just dragged his feet in the ground, picking up dirt as he was pulled back to Twilight and the girls.

Spike simply crossed his arms and refused to make eye contact with the others. Rainbow Dash went right into Spike’s face and said, “Spike, what’s the deal? I thought you liked the movie?”

“Yeah. Especially the part with the prom and surviving that zombie apocalypse,” Spike grumbled, his reptilian eyes still furrowed with anger.

Rarity pushed Rainbow Dash out of the way, her way of asking Spike his troubles obviously not effective. “Spikey, please, tell us what’s the matter. We’re only trying to help,” she said, her voice laced with a convincing feminine undertone that could make any stallion’s heart melt. Except for the peeved off baby dragon, that is.

“Listen, why don’t you all just get off my back?” Spike asked them all, still keeping silent over the whole matter, not even affected by Rarity’s womanly charms.

“Silly, we can’t get on your back!” Pinkie giggled, her face uncomfortably close to Spike’s comfort zone, which was currently being surpassed with her muzzle two inches from his face. “You have spikes on it, so hopping on it would hurt! Ooh, is that why you’re called Spike? Twilight, is Spike’s name Spike because he has spikes on his back?”

“Pinkie, not now,” Twilight sighed, keeping that mouth zipper spell at the tip of her mind, just in case. “Please, Spike–”

“Just shut up!” Spike yelled at the mares, his knuckles white as he scrunched his claws into fists at his side. “I already told you to leave me alone! How do you not understand that?”

“B-but Spike, we just want to help,” Fluttershy replied timidly, attempting to hide her face behind her long pink mane. “That’s what friends do.”

Spike turned his back to the girls. “Well, what if we weren’t friends anymore? You guys made it pretty obvious.”

“Spike, whatcha talkin’ bout?” Applejack asked with disbelief on her face. “Of course we’re your friends. What would ever make ya’ think that?”

“Oh, let me think for a minute,” he said in a mocking tone, a claw to his chin in thought. “How about the fact I was a dog in the movie!”

“How’s that a problem? I thought you liked dogs?” Twilight asked, still not seeing the root of the problem with Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes. “I like dogs. I don’t like being them in a movie played all across Equestria and the human world. You know how embarrassing that is?”

“But Spikey-wikey, you were so adorable as a puppy,” Rarity giggled, only to further trample on Spike’s dignity and pathetic excuse for masculinity.

“Yeah, adorable,” he shuddered, gagging. “Being a fleabitten mutt who can’t even talk is just so much fun.”

“No need to be snarky, Spike,” Twilight warned, shaking her head at his behavior.

“Or making fun of dogs,” Fluttershy quickly added.

“I still don’t see why it’s fair I get turned into a dog while you all got to be humans,” he complained, the root of the problem finally out in the open. Seems that the small dragon didn’t enjoy being left out of the group by being a canine in the movie.

“Come on now, Spike. It wasn’t so bad,” Rainbow Dash tried to assure him, still not seeing the big deal. “So you were a dog, big whoop. Hey, at least you actually got to be in the movie.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled at her friend, aware of Spike’s secret jealousy of being left behind one too many times while the girls went on their adventures.

“Just... leave me alone,” Spike muttered under his breath, wiping away some stray tears from his eyes. “I’m used to it, okay. Being left out, an outcast...”

“Spike, you’re not an outcast,” Twilight told him firmly.

Spike glared at Twilight, fury blazing in his eyes. “Then explain to me why all the other kids got to be humans and not me? Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, even Snips and Snails! What about me? Why did I have to be a dog?”

“I’m, um, not exactly sure why, Spike,” Twilight admitted, forced into a rare corner where she doesn’t know the answer to a question.

“It could be that Hasbro is racist,” Rainbow Dash suggested.

Everypony and dragon stared at her with disbelief in their eyes. “Say what now?” Spike was the first to ask, scratching his head.

“Dashie, don’t be silly,” Pinkie said, waving her hoof in the air. “Hasbro can’t be racist!”

“Wait a gosh darn second, I think Dash could be right,” Applejack interrupted, nodding her head. “Turnin’ everypony else human except Spike is mighty suspicious.”

“Um, I think we may all be looking too deep into this,” Fluttershy suggested, but everyone was too riled up to listen to her.

“But why would they be racist towards Spike?” Rarity asked.

“Could it be that I’m the only dragon in Ponyville?” Spike said. “Or I’m commonly seen as Twilight’s assistant and pet?”

Twilight stared at the dragon in shock. “Spike, what are you talking about? I’ve never seen you as my pet! That’s just ridiculous!”

“Well...” Rainbow Dash blushed slightly and coughed in the most awkward way possible. All the others avoided eye contact and wisely stared off into the distance, whistling innocently.

“I can’t believe you all!” Twilight shouted at her friends. “You actually though Spike was my pet!”

“Now easy there, Twilight. No need to jump to conclusions,” Applejack assured her, uneasy at best as the cowpony sweated bullets. “We just, um, thought that when we first met you two. But of course now we know better, right girls?”

“Oh sure, I know that Spike isn’t your pet,” Fluttershy agreed, nodding her head.

“I would never think such an offensive thing!” Rarity added in. “I am simply appalled that you all would think Spike could possibly be Twilight’s pet. The notion is just silly in itself.”

“Oh really? Cause when Twilight first came to town, I seem to remember you talking about making a dog collar for Spike as a gift to Twilight,” Rainbow Dash reminded her, laughing in glee.

“That was a joke, I swear!”

“Hey, listen up!” Spike shouted, having grown really tired of everyone talking like he wasn’t there by them. “I’m still peeved off at Hasbro for doing this, but now I’m peeved off at you all too! Especially you, Twi!”

“Me? What did I do?” she asked, clueless as to why Spike would accuse her.

“Let’s see. I work without any pay or allowance. I sleep in a basket by your bed, without even my own room! Or how about the fact I eat all my food out of a dish?” he asked her, prepared to list off even more reasons.

Now it was everyone else’s turn to share sharp glares at Twilight, who nervously hid under their accusing eyes. “B-but you’re my assistant. And I thought you loved sleeping by me in your basket. And I got you that dish with your name on it as a gift!”

“See, it’s the same everywhere! You ponies get all the good stuff, while I’m stuck with the scraps!” Spike yelled at the bickering mares.

“Now Spike–” Twilight began, before Spike cut her off with a pointed accusing finger.

“Don’t try and patronize me, Twilight! You and everyone else are racist!”

This shut the girls up right away, their jaws hanging open at the accusation. Nopony would have ever thought Spike would ever call them out for such a thing.

“Spike, how could you ever think we could be racist?” Twilight asked.

“That incident with Zecora,” he reminded them, arching an eyebrow.

“But we learned our lesson from that event!” Rarity reminded him. “I know the way we treated Zecora was just terrible, but we’ve made amends since then.”

“Then how about the fact that Equestria is only ruled by alicorns, along with the Crystal Empire as well?”

“Um...” Twilight coughed into her hoof, her eyes glancing back and forth nervously. “You see, only a princess can rule Equestria, and princesses are normally alicorns, so...”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he grumbled, holding his claws up in the air. “All you ponies get the good stuff while all us other races are left high and dry.”

Applejack intervened, knowing this conversation has gone on long enough. “Spike, simmer down some. No need to get mad like that. Just take a breather and relax, ‘cause you’re about to burst a gasket.”

“You have no right to patronize me!” Spike yelled at the earth pony mare. “How about those cows and sheep? Do they get their own homes?”

Now it was Applejack’s turn to sweat bullets, adjusting her hat while hiding her eyes under it so Spike wouldn’t see her anxiety. “Well, um, ya’ see, it’s real complicated like that...”

“What’s complicated about it? They have to live out in the cold in a pasture while you get to stay all nice and warm in a house! Then you take advantage of them by stealing the cows’ milk and the sheeps’ wool! I bet you don’t even pay them!” Spike shouted, his purple scales on his cheeks becoming red. “Do they even have days off? Or the freedom to go wherever they want?”

“Spike, please calm down, if that’s okay with you?” Fluttershy suggested, growing uncomfortable with all the screaming and yelling going on.

“Oh yeah? How about the fact you were so scared to see the dragon migration?” Spike reminded her. “Too scared of some big ol’ dragons? Like me?”

Fluttershy was close to tears, sniffling and shivering as she had no real answer to the question. Rarity laid a supporting hoof on the mare’s shoulder, glaring white hot daggers at Spike. “Spike, I expected better from you. Beating up on poor Fluttershy here is no way to behave.”

“Oh, like you know any better?” he chided her, no longer caring whether his friends were getting mad at him. He’d held back these feelings for far too long anyways. “How about the fact you treat me like your own personal slave whenever you want help from me, huh? At least with Twilight she’s just bossy, but with you I’m your stepping stool!”

“Dangit Spike, you’re more stubborn than a mule!” Applejack shouted. “Nopony is being racist!”

“Ahem,” a voice said near them, revealing itself to be an actual mule who had been standing off the side this entire time.

“Oh, sorry ‘bout that,” Applejack said sheepishly, a blush forming on her cheeks.

“Yeah, none taken,” he said in a snide like tone, rolling his eyes and trotting away.

“See? This is the point I’m making here,” Spike explained, crossing his arms and and arching an eyebrow at the mares. “Even if you don’t want to admit it, you all are racists.”

This definitely left a sour taste in everyone's’ mouth. While Spike’s charge against them was extreme, he did have a point. Ponies in the past had been somewhat racist against other species and each other, and any argument they had against it would just have lead to more pointless bickering.

“Listen, Spike, just know I’ve never seen you as anything other than my assistant and friend,” Twilight told him with an apologetic tone. “I love you, so don’t you ever think I would see you below me in any way.”

“Sorry Twilight, but that’s not going to cut it anymore. There’s only one way to solve this problem,” Spike said, turning away and walking back home.

Twilight looked back at her friends, her look of confusion equal to theirs. “What would that be?” Rainbow Dash asked, but the rest just shrugged.

“Brothers! Sisters! Lend me your ears!” Spike shouted at the amassed crowd, or rather mob at this point. Gryphons, dragons, mules and donkeys, bison, zebras, diamond dogs and even minotaur were gathered around the small dragon on his podium, a megaphone grasped in his claws.

“Today marks the end of living under the hoof of the oppressors! Today marks the beginning of a new day for all of Equestria! Not just for the ponies, but all races!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, his followers screaming in joy when he was done.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Applejack said from atop the castle tower, looking over the large crowd of different races from all across Equestria gathered outside Canterlot castle. “How did Spike even get these many people to show up?”

“Spike is smart, and resourceful when he needs to be,” Twilight said next to her, looking down at the dragon on his podium speaking to the crowd.

“Today we tear down the walls of separation and shine a new light of equality over each and every person in this country of ours!” he said to his followers, his voice reminiscent of a pastor to his gathered flock. Several even shouted hallelujah and raised their hands or other appendages to the sky in praise.

“Anypony know why he brought them all here to Canterlot, though?” Rainbow Dash asked everyone, appearing from her fly by over the large group, which definitely seemed to be getting larger as even more followers flocked to his speech.

“I think maybe for an audience with the princess,” Twilight suggested, sighing sadly as she could tell this definitely wasn’t going to end well.

“Or maybe it’s for a super big ol’ party?” Pinkie Pie shouted, jumping up and down at the prospect of partying with so many people at once.

“No Pinkie, definitely not for that,” Twilight answered back, wincing as Spike’s speech reached a new crescendo.

“I know many of you have wanted this day long and hard!” he began, pointing to the mob as they shouted in agreement. “Dreamt and prayed for it, only for it to never be delivered! But today that ends! Today ushers in a new era of peace, prosperity, and equality for all Equestrians!”

“So throw off your shackles of oppression! Rise up, rise up I say!” he yelled, sweating flying from his brow as he raised his fist in the air. “Rise to the heavens your troubles so that they may be seen all across the world!”

The crowd went crazy, raising their fists in the air much like Spike did and shouting with all their heart, shouting at the unfairness of it all. Unfairness of living in a world where the ponies ruled, where they were always above them.

“Twilight, I’m worried. Things may get violent quickly,” Rarity said from across the room, trying her best to ease the scared Fluttershy who was too frightened from these many hate filled voices outside.

“Your friends are right. I have had quite enough of this,” Celestia said, having teleported in the room in the blink of an eye, casting a disapproving glare at Twilight.

“P-princess!” Twilight shouted in surprise, backing away from the window. “Listen, don’t be mad at Spike! I can explain!”

“There is no explanation I can already see. Your student is starting a revolution right outside the castle walls,” Celestia said, furrowing her brow.

“Revolution? Please Princess Celestia, Spike would never do such a thing,” she assured her teacher.

“Today is the start of a revolution that will take over all of Equestria!” Spike shouted from below, cheers following this proclamation. “This is no minor revolt! This is a social change of an unprecedented level!”

“Really now, Twilight?” Celestia asked, clearly not pleased in the slightest. “Mind telling me why Spike is acting like this?”

“He’s just upset he didn’t get to be a human in the Equestria Girls movie,” Twilight explained.

“... Seriously? That’s it? That’s why he got so many here in protest, just because he didn’t get to be a human in a movie?” Celestia asked in disbelief.

“Eeyup,” Applejack answered, much in the same manner of a certain sibling of hers. “He got mighty peeved off by it.”

“I think we can all agree he’s more than peeved off. What with calling out for a revolution and all that,” Rainbow Dash said, flapping in the air high in the window to see what will happen now.

“Join me, brethren! Join me in this charge! Join me in this new unity that we shall begin today!” he screamed. “For I have a dream!”

“Oh no, he isn’t,” Twilight sighed, facehoofing.

“I have a dream that one day a zebra can start a conversation without having to rhyme when speaking! I have a dream where diamond dogs can cast off their collars! I have a dream where mules aren’t used as insults or donkeys as something ugly or stupid!”

“Ugh, I feared this day would come,” Celestia grumbled, the tall white alicorn shaking her head sadly. “Just never thought a baby dragon would be the one to bring it.”

“What are you going to do, Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked, fearful what this meant for Spike.

“The only thing I can, Twilight. Like all great dictators before me, I’m going to escape the country and use my millions of bits in outside bank accounts to live peacefully on an abandoned island,” she said nonchalantly, teleporting an already prepared suitcase with a flower shirt and sunglasses. “You and Luna can deal with this problem in my leave.”

“Um, wouldn’t it make more sense just to do what he asks?” Twilight suggested.

Rolling her eyes behind her shades and adjusting her straw hat, she said, “Oh, I suppose. I’ll just save the island for another time, then. Probably when another villain takes over Equestria or something.” She definitely put some good down time for the Nightmare Moon and Discord incidents.

“Say what now?” everyone asked, but Celestia disappeared before she could answer them.

“I have a dream–” Spike began, before Princess Celestia appeared before him, still decked out in her vacation gear.

“Spike, this has gone on long enough. It ends now,” she said with her best authoritarian voice.

Scowling at her, too hyped up from the approval of the crowd to stop now. “Not until you meet our demands!”

“Very well then.” A scroll with a quill appeared before her, and she unscrolled it for Spike to see. “This is an agreement saying I pay Hasbro to remake the movie with you having a lead role as a human.”

“And...?” He arched an eyebrow at her, quill in his claw, ready to sign.

“And you get into a romantic relationship with Rarity in the movie,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Along with a lifetime supply of gemstones delivered to you.”

“Okay then!” he said happily, signing his name in agreement. Picking up the megaphone, he shouted, “Okay everyone, party’s over! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”

The crowd were confused as hell at this point, wondering what happened to their promises of social upheaval and revolution.

“I can’t believe it,” Twilight mumbled in an equal amount of disbelief as the crowd, her jaw hanging out far from what she just heard.

Celestia teleported back, feeling quite proud of herself for solving that problem fast. “Easy enough. Dragons are notorious for being greedy, so I used that to my advantage.”

Twilight facehoofed. “Wow... Spike was right. Ponies are racist.”

“Surprised it took you that long to find out,” Celestia giggled, always the troll- erm, joker, in these type of situations.