Civil Twilight
by Present Perfect
Pinkie Pie's Mister Cake impression involved her standing on her hind legs, holding her forelegs akimbo and craning her head forward while speaking in a high, nasal voice. It did not, in Twilight Sparkle's opinion, either look or sound like him.
"'Pinkie, stop cleaning the floor with the sponge cake!' And then I said..."
Every single time, she just goes on and on and on... Doesn't she have any idea how completely annoying she is?
Pinkie giggled, then snorted. "And by the time I was finished eating the fifth danish..."
Seriously, you have far better things to do right now than listen to her yammer. Just tell her to shut up and be done with her already!
"A whole tub of buttercream frosting!"
If nopony ever calls her out on being an annoying little time-waster, how will she ever learn? How will she ever know she needs to change her behavior? You'd be doing her a favor, not to mention the rest of Ponyville!
"...And then everything tasted like cinnamon! Can you believe it, Twilight?"
Twilight sighed. "Pinkie, I..."
Pinkie, I can't take it anymore. It's high time you grew up and stopped acting like a hyperactive foal. Nopony appreciates it anymore. We've all gotten tired of you.
Then she'd give you those big, watery eyes, but you'd just glare at her. "Life isn't sunshine and rainbows, Pinkie Pie. You've got a good job here, you should be concentrating on that. All the parties and silly jokes and Pinkie sense just distracts you from what's really important in life. I think you should go somewhere quiet and think about that."
And then she would cry and her mane would get all flat like that one time she forgot about her birthday. She looks adorable like that, doesn't she? She'd probably slink back to her rock farm and cry on her mother's shoulder. Maybe she'd get back into the family business, learn how to become a real adult. Or maybe she'd come back after a while and go back to baking, who knows?
But the entire time, she'd be sad and distraught, all because her friend didn't approve of her. That whole life change would be your doing. Such power, to ruin a pony's entire reason for being. It would be so delicious.
"Pinkie, I've had a great time." Twilight smiled, stepping out of her booth and stretching. "That was a really funny story."
"Thanks, Twilight!" Pinkie bounced back onto her tail, balancing upon it uncannily. "I've got loads more for the next time you want to come have breakfast at Sugar Cube Corner!"
Twilight lifted her saddlebags onto her back, adjusting the strap, and gave her friend another smile. "I'll be back again next week, I'm sure."
"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkie bounced away, humming a happy tune as Twilight turned and pushed through the door.
Central Ponyville was, on this morning as it always was, unfolding like a flower. Street vendors called to Twilight as she made her way through the market square, hawking the same goods they were wont to. She pulled her shopping list from her saddlebag and glanced over it, until a familiar voice caught her ear.
"Hey, Twilight! Check this out!"
Looking up, she saw Rainbow Dash hovering over Applejack's apple stand. In Rainbow's hoof was a single apple, which she tossed up and caught until she was certain she'd gotten Twilight's attention.
Somepony needs to clip her wings...
With a flick of her wrist, Rainbow Dash tossed the apple at Applejack, who responded by bucking a second apple into the air and catching the one that had been sent her way. Rainbow Dash swooped low, knocking the apple upward as Applejack sent two more her way. Twilight watched, growing ever more enraptured as her friends demonstrated a well-choreographed air juggling routine with an ever-increasing set of apples.
What a pair of horrible showoffs. They deserve each other...
Rainbow Dash was a multicolored blur as she zipped this way and that, keeping apples in the air and sending them back at Applejack, whose practiced hoof kept them airborne without bruising a single one.
No, not clip, per se. Just tie them down.
As a finale, Rainbow caught each of the apples in turn, lining them up on her outstretched arms, before fluttering gracefully to the ground and bowing. The apples fell from her shoulders as the rather impressive line of potential customers in front of the stand stomped their excited applause. Rainbow moved over to Twilight, letting them queue up for Applejack's sales.
Oh, even better: tie her to Applejack. Yes, back to back, or maybe front to front, or top to bottom even. Tie them up and leave them in your basement. That sounds like a grand idea.
"So, what'd you think?" Rainbow said with a grin, head held high. "Awesome, or totally awesome?"
Poor, simple Applejack just wouldn't understand. "Twilight, what are ya doin'?" she'd cry, and then you'd tape her muzzle shut. Do let her keep the hat, it's so fetching.
Without waiting for a reply, Rainbow continued. "Yeah, I know. See, I'm always coming up with flight routines and everything, so I thought, why not try adding in a part that's ground-bound?" She polished her hoof against her chest, then checked her reflection in it.
Rainbow Dash would be the struggler, fighting uselessly every step of the way, shouting things like "You'll never get away with this!" Too many adventure novels, that one.
"Totally ramps up the difficulty. Not everything's about speed, y'know."
But you just leave them down there, in the dark, alone with each other. They've always gotten along like dogs and cats, but together, face to face like that, with no hope of rescue, they'd finally be able to confess those feelings for one another that everypony but them knows they have.
"So what's up, Twilight?" Rainbow grinned, leaning in closer. "You look like you're spacing out or something."
Oh but wouldn't it be delicious if Applejack didn't reciprocate? Imagine Rainbow Dash, trapped with the love of her life, unable to do anything but watch her weep as their friendship slips away. Be sure to cast a spell beforehoof to make everything extra shadowy. Some nice glowing beakers would do the trick. That would really ratchet up the despair!
"Heloooo?" A blue hoof waved in front of Twilight's face. "Equestria to Twilight Sparkle!"
Twilight chuckled, blinking. "I guess I was a little taken in by your performance there."
"I know, right?" Rainbow sprang giddily into the air. "Hey, if you're sticking around, we'll be having round two once this crowd dies down." She glanced over her shoulder at the line. Though it had not decreased one bit in her time chatting with Twilight, the amount of apples in the stand had. "Wow, make that if it dies down." She chuckled.
"Looks like the performance really worked," Twilight said, real appreciation in her voice. "I'm so glad you're helping Applejack like this."
Rainbow kicked at the ground, through her grin never wavered. "Aw, shucks, Twilight, you know me. Anything to help a friend!"
Twilight laughed. "Well, I'd better get to my shopping, or I'll never get it done! I promised Rarity I'd meet her for lunch today. I'll keep an eye out for your next performance, though!"
Carousel Boutique was one of Ponyville's most peaceful and eye-pleasing locations, perfect for a lunch date. Atop crocheted cushions, surrounded by a fine porcelain tea service, zesty cucumber sandwiches and soothing classical music, one only had to worry about their hostess talking their ears off.
"Twilight, you know I don't like to brag," Rarity said, unable to suppress a squeal of delight, "but I just had to show you this letter I got today from... Fancy Pants!" She sucked a breath in through her teeth, as if speaking his name would shatter the reality of the letter.
Shades of Pinkie Pie, I swear...
"Look, he even remembered my name!" The letter moved first towards Twilight, then back to Rarity as her gaze ran across the words again and again.
Do eyeballs feel pain?
"The Canterlot Garden Party is next week and he wondered if I'd like to attend again!"
They would need to have nerves to feel pain. Does the optic nerve count?
"And it isn't even falling on your birthday this year! That means I'll have time to make you something extra special and I won't have to, er, divide my attentions, so to speak."
Rarity has an awful lot of needles lying about...
The letter flew up into Twilight's face once more. "Ohh, but just look at it, Twilight! I can't even begin to tell you how I feel at the moment!"
Twilight scanned the page, taking nothing in.
How many could you shove in, around the iris, say, before she would notice?
"The hoofwriting is impeccable, wouldn't you agree?"
Can't you just picture them, filled with a cornucopia of sewing implements? Like a fine metal flower with a crystal blue center.
"It's a lovely letter, Rarity." Twilight lifted another sandwich, taking a bite. "I'm glad you made such a good impression on Canterlot's upper crust!"
Of course, if she blinked, then the jig would be up, but imagine if she couldn't. Hold those excessively thick lashes back somehow. If she can't feel it, she won't be aware of anything but the horror of being held down and having things slowly inserted into her eyes.
Rarity lowered her eyelids, turning her head to the side. "Well, Upper Crust doesn't think much of me, if you want my honest opinion." With another squeal, she began to bounce on her cushion. "Ohh, Twilight, this means so much to me! I really did make an impression last year! I'm so excited, I could simply burst!"
Would they fill with blood? Would you pop the vitreous humor?
"But just listen to me! I invited you here for lunch and all I'm doing is talk, talk, talk about myself!" Rarity pouted. "I fear I may be boring you with all of this. I'm not boring you, am I, Twilight?" She leaned forward, fluttering her lashes.
You could keep going and make a constellation of fine red dots against her coat. So pristine. How long until she bled out, from wounds that small? Has anypony ever tested that?
"I'm really very happy for you, Rarity," Twilight said, smiling. "But you probably wouldn't be interested in anything I'm doing."
"And you are not interested in the details of the Canterlot elite and their personal lives." Rarity returned the smile, rested her chin on her forehooves. "Lay it on me, Twi."
"Well..." Twilight bit her lip, looking up and away from Rarity for a moment. "I have been reading up on Couch Cushion's Colorful Copy Curse, and it turns out there's a surprising amount of Equestrian history wrapped up in the creation of that spell..."
The door to Fluttershy's cottage creaked open, and Twilight found herself face to face with a pair of glaring, beady black eyes.
"Hello, Angel Bunny!" She put a smile on, hoping to set the irascible rodent at ease. "I've got some books for Fluttershy. Is she around?"
Oh what I wouldn't give for two minutes alone with that stupid rabbit...
The interior of Fluttershy's cottage was still, and Twilight thought her friend might be napping, or perhaps feeding animals out back. A soft voice from the kitchen quickly proved her assumption incorrect.
"Here I am, Twilight." Fluttershy poked her head around the corner. "I was just fixing up a midday snack for Angel. Please come in and make yourself comfortable!"
Oh, I'd much rather make him uncomfortable. Have you ever thought about just how much power is packed into a pony kick? Even from an unathletic egghead like yourself.
Twilight moseyed into the cottage, moving to the couch. Removing her saddlebags, she stacked the three books on the coffee table before having a seat. Angel eyed her warily, as he tended to with any visitor, and hopped over to an armchair, scrambling up into it and settling on the cushion.
Just a little nudge is all it would take to send his tiny body smashing against the wall. You could end it all with a single kick, if you wanted. But really, wouldn't it be more fun to swing him around by his ears for a while first?
"I'll put the kettle on once I've finished," Fluttershy said from the kitchen.
Angel glared at Twilight.
Just slam him against the wall a few times. How many tries would it take to turn him into a white sack of bunny jelly? Ten? Fifteen? How long until he stopped wiggling?
Fluttershy emerged from the kitchen, carrying a bowl heaped high with vegetables layered rather artistically. She set it on a tray in front of Angel's chair, and he made a show of sniffing at the salad and nibbling at it disdainfully before deigning to tuck in.
Smiling at him, Fluttershy floated over to Twilight to give her a hug, which she returned.
And then poor Fluttershy would be so distraught. Of course, you couldn't leave any loose ends...
Twilight leaned back against the couch, watching Angel alternate between eating and casting suspicious looks at her, as Fluttershy returned to the kitchen and began bustling about.
She's so weak and helpless. It'd be easy, really. How much force does it take to wrench a pegasus wing from its socket?
"It's always good to see you, Twilight."
There would be a lot of tears, and a lot of blood. You could take your time and revel in every scream, every plea for help.
"Oh, and thank you very much for getting those books for me."
There's really no pony better for trying things out on. Stomp her spine, crack her legs, yank her mane out. See how far you can push her.
Twilight nodded, though Fluttershy couldn't see it. "There was one I couldn't find, but I figured you could start on the other three in the meantime."
Listen to those screams as she writhes and bleeds. "Twilight, stop! What did I ever do to deserve this? Whatever it was, I'm sorry!" She would just keep apologizing, too dumb to know there's nothing she could do to stop it.
"That was very thoughtful of you!" Cups and dishes clattered together as Fluttershy dug through her cupboards.
And then, at the final moment, when you've pulled out her insides or blinded her, or just gone in for a slice across the throat, you can feel that marvelous power, let her balance between life and death entirely on your whim, and then use it.
The kettle began to whistle. Twilight shifted on the couch.
What will hurt her more? The pain as you rip her in two, or the pain of betrayal shining in her cold, dead eyes?
"Here we are!" Fluttershy's voice took on a merry sing-song as she emerged from the kitchen holding a tray with the tea set and cookies. "I hope you like jasmine, I got it from--"
The tray rattled in Fluttershy's grip.
"Um... T-Twilight, are you all right?"
Twilight looked up. Fluttershy shrank back towards the kitchen.
"Twilight, y-you're scaring m-- I mean, Angel Bunny."
"I am?" Twilight shook her head, blinking rapidly. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy. What was I doing?"
Fluttershy gave her a bashful look. "Um, you were... glowering."
Twilight forced herself to smile awkwardly as she scratched at the back of her neck. "Sorry. My mind's kind of been going to some... dark places lately."
"Dark places?" Fluttershy's eyes widened. She finally moved into the living room, setting the tea tray next to the stack of books. "Oh no, that sounds terrible!"
"It happens every now and then," Twilight said with a shrug.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Fluttershy took a piece of her mane between her teeth and began to worry it.
The smile came more naturally to Twilight's lips this time. "Don't worry about it. I've found that whenever I get in a mood like this, all I really need to do is visit my friends and it goes away."
Fluttershy gave a long sigh. "That's a relief. I'm glad I could help you, then."
Twilight chuckled and pulled Fluttershy into a soft hug. "Thanks, Fluttershy."
They held the embrace for a few moments, then relaxed. Twilight took up her cup and nodded. "So what can you tell me about this project you needed all the books for?"
Cheering, Fluttershy smiled and turned to the stack of books. "Well, I had a few ideas about making a squirrel run through my house so the smaller critters can get exercise when it's raining out..."
"Spike, I'm home!"
Twilight tossed her empty saddlebags at the foot of the coat rack just inside the front door, and stretched, shaking herself. Spike's footsteps marked his ascension from the lower level of the library.
"Oh hey Twilight, welcome back!" He grinned widely. "You'll never guess what I found while cleaning the shelves!"
"Oh?" Twilight raised an eyebrow at him. "You gonna make me guess here or what?"
Spike gave her a boyish smirk, the type he reserved for situations wherein he had the upper hoof. "It's that last book you were trying to find for Fluttershy!" He produced the volume -- A Thousand and One Animal Secrets -- from somewhere behind himself. "And you'll never guess where it was!"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me: propping up the coffee table again."
"Hey!" Spike wrinkled his nose. "I promised I'd stop doing that!"
With a chuckle, Twilight moved to the kitchen, drawing a glass of water from the tap. "Sorry, Spike. Where was it?"
"It was in that hidden nook where we found that book about the mirror pool!" He waved the book like it was a flag. "I guess it got knocked in there somehow without either of us noticing!"
Twilight drained her glass, one eye studying Spike. "You're right; I never would have guessed that! What are the odds?" She laughed, stretched again and yawned. "I think I'm too tired from today to go out again. I'll give it to Fluttershy tomorrow... Unless you feel like running an errand."
"Hmm." Spike tapped his chin. "Sure, why not? I've been cooped up inside all day, after all."
Twilight smiled and moved over to him, giving him a hug. "All right. I think I'll turn in for the evening a little early."
"Promise I won't wake you up once I get back." Spike returned the hug, then moved for the door. He opened it, and the last rays of daylight streamed into the library. "See you tomorrow!"
"Good night, Spike!"
Twilight headed up the stairs, grabbing a pair of books for some light bedtime reading.
Just keep acting like you're his big sister and he'll never see it coming...
With a snort, she moved into the bathroom, setting the books on the hallway table. She grabbed her toothbrush and looked at herself in the mirror.
"Same old normal Twilight," she said aloud.
You're such a coward. Where's your sense of adventure? What happened to scientific curiosity? Why stay stuck in the same old routine when you could get away with so much? Nopony would suspect you for quite some time!
She snorted as she squeezed the last bits of toothpaste from the tube, grabbing a piece of scrap paper and making a note to buy more tomorrow.
Coward. Liar. Betrayer. You're no good to anypony, not even yourself! Why don't you jam that toothbrush down your throat and see what happens?
Twilight gave herself a flat look as she scrubbed at her teeth.
You'll never amount to anything if you don't cut loose once in a while! You'll always be Twilight, same old normal, plain, boring Twilight!
Grimacing at the mirror, she checked her teeth, then smiled and nodded approvingly. With a light tap to the mirror frame and a soft noise of amusement, she turned from the bathroom and took up her books once more.
Reaching the bed, Twilight curled up under her covers, opened her book, and read until her eyelids could stay open no longer.
Author's Note
I wrote this story to explore an idea: that we all have a dark side, a little voice telling us to betray, to hurt, and to kill now and again, or perhaps every day. Those of us who are sane, who have consciences, who are strong-willed or simply understand good from bad resist these voices and go on about our daily lives. Those of us who don't end up in jail.
Of course, if I'm wrong, I should probably seek therapy. :B The story was inspired by the eyeball scene, fyi. The title is something I've had sitting around in my idea file forever, and I thought it fit this idea perfectly.
I'd like to thank NickNack for editing help. He suggested the final scene, as well as the concept of the voice being indicative of OCD. So if you didn't like this because Twilight was out of character, hah! In your face!
Late-times edit: It turns out this sort of thing is known as "intrusive thoughts" and is far more common than I ever would have guessed. The things you learn.
No but seriously, no one's going to like this. :B
Well, someone did!
