Gravity sucks

by FrozenMasquerade

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 2091

If it didn't, I'd be in a lot less bad situations.

I wake up to see myself falling to my death, only to wake up again being apologized to… by a pegasus? Apparently every pegasus needs to learn to fly. Why should I have to?

If you dislike, please leave a comment as to why. It gets incredibly frustrating to see red without reason.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-19 06:10:03 UTC

Waking up is hard to do

I came to, finding myself on whatever soft thing I had drunkenly passed out on the night before. It definitely wasn't my bed, my bed was old and uncomfortable. Whatever I was on, felt way too soft to be a bed at all. I would have opened my eyes, but I could see through my lids that there was a rather bright light on the other side of them. I felt oddly hungover, but decided to get up anyways

I did my typical morning stretch of extending arms and legs straight and long, curling all of my fingers and toes individually. Or rather, I would have. Something was off. I could tell that every muscle in my arms was stretched, but there was no curling of fingers. I held my hand in front of my face, and waved it slowly until it obscured whatever the source of the light was. I was just about to open my eyes, when I heard an unfamiliar voice from somewhere to my left. "Uhm, excuse me miss? Could you move? We kind of need to move that cloud your napping on."

While not entirely sure who it was, or what they were talking about, I just assumed I was sleeping on some really soft blanket or something. I just rolled over until I didn't feel it under me anymore. I grunted something slightly unintelligible towards the female voice as I felt the blanket come out from under me. There was a sensation of wind blowing against my body from below as soon as I stopped rolling.

It seems as though I am falling off of something.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was indeed falling, and from a rather great height even. I could see the roofs of buildings. Most of them were thatched, some were wooden. The one I was falling towards was different from the rest, it had a two-toned and pink roof, in a checkered pattern. Something occured to me.

I'm probably about to die.

"Oh thanks brain, where ever would I be without you?"

I'll be here all week, or maybe on the side of that building. Let's watch and see. Wait what? Talk again.

"What? Why?"

The building was getting closer now, very close.

The voice is too high. What did you drink last night that got you drunk enough to do so much helium that we still are talking funny?

"I was about to ask-"

My oh-so-pleasent conversation was cut off by a rather sudden fading to black in my vision.

,-=-,

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep...

I groaned my disdain at the awful noise coming from my right. I tried to move to shut it up, but I couldn't move  anything. I opened my eyes, only to see that they were covered by something. No mobile limbs, no use of the eyes... What do? My mouth had a cottony taste in it, and my tongue felt useless. I was left with one option. I sniffed the air loudly.

Beep.

The beeping hadn't stopped, but the air had the all too familiar sterilized stench of heavy duty cleaners.  I wondered idly where I was, when my brain decided to be a douche.

Beeping, cant move, sterile air? If you can't figure this one out, I'm going to lobotomize myself, and then disown you.

"What? Don't leave me hanging here, help me out."

See? Voice is still too high. Learn to think for yourself, you useless walking meat bag.

"Your my brain, you can't insult my thinking capabilities, no matter how stupid I may seem!"

See? Stupid.

"What? Shut up! I'm not stupid, you're stupid!" My voice cracked in a high pitched squeal.

You realize that if anyone else is in this room, they probably think you are insane.

"Why would anyone else be in my hospital room? And why should I care if they think I'm insane? I kind of am."

See? There you go! You figured it out all by yourself! Good job! My brain's voice was dripping with sarcasm. That bastard always was useless.

"I did?"

Hospital room.

"Oh! Right. I guess that makes sense. Wonder what's wrong with me though?"

You really are a special kind of stupid, aren't you? What's the last thing you remember before the beeping woke you up?

"Uhh... I was falling. There was some pink thing below me. The pink thing reminded me of vanilla wafers."

I'm not even going to touch that one.

I heard another female voice coming from my left. She sounded rather distraught. "Hey, mind shutting your trap? Trying to sleep over here."

"Huh? Who's there?" I replied, being blind folded and unable to turn my head made it hard to tell.

"Name's Raindrops. Now shush and let me sleep please."

What a weird name. She's a weird girl, you should tell her she's weird.

"What an interesting name, I'm Stan. Nice to meet you."

I heard her rolling about on her bed and grumbling. "Look, 'Stan' I don't care what your name is. My wing is broken and it really hurts, so I'm trying to sleep it off. Please just let me do that, seeing as how it's your fault anyways."

"Your wing is broken? I've never heard of anyone having wings. Are you on some kind of painkiller or something? Whatever it is, I want some. It sounds fun."

Think about that sentence you just said. I decided to ignore my brain for the moment. That's something people do right? Ignore the voices in their heads? Nothing weird at all, right?

Raindrops groaned again. "I'm not, they must of given it all to you." She rolled over and mumbled something under her breath.

"What was that?" I felt quite intrigued at my only form of entertainment. Her name only made her delusions more amusing. Who ever heard of a person with wings? I was quite certain that this chick was... how is it said... 'Tripping some serious balls.'

"I said, What kind of pegasus never heard of nopony having wings? You must be stupid or delirious... or both. I'm going back to sleep now. Wake me up again, and I'm finding some gauze to tape your mouth shut."

"Gee, grumpy pants. I was only trying to have some civilized conversation."

She growled at me. "Look, I don't want anything to do with you. That little stunt you pulled nearly got you killed. if I hadn't broken your fall, you'd be dead right now. Do me a favor and shut up, please?"

"What do you mean stunt?"

"When you rolled off of the cloud without opening your wings. If you hadn't of clipped my wing on your way down, you wouldn't of lost your momentum. You'd of just gone straight into the Boutique and left a nasty mess for Rarity to clean. You'd be dead and I'd be .... not in a hospital bed."

"Well, thanks for saving my life then."

She just grunted at me.

This chick is obviously incredibly delirious. There is no way we were actually on a cloud or anything. How could we even get up to one, let alone fall asleep on one? And did she say something about wings?

I mumbled to myself. "I'm too sober for this right now..."

Beep.

"Shut up, heart monitor." I said.

Beep.

"Stop beeping at me." I said, a little louder.

Beep.

"I said shut up!" I shouted.

Beep.

"Oh for the love of-" My sentence was cut off by the sound of a creaky door being opened directly in front of me.

Raindrops groaned loudly. "Ugh! Can't a mare get some damn rest around here?!"

I heard a new voice, coming from the direction of the door, reply to her. "Look, Raindrop, it isn't my fault that you got dive bombed, don't take it out on me. I'm here to say something to her, seeing as she's awake now." The new voice was female as well, but different. She sounded brash, haughty, and confident. I liked the sounds of this girl. She spoke a little quieter, and from closer to Raindrops. "She IS awake, right? Or are you in here shouting at yourself? I can't tell through all of those bandages."

"Yeah, I'm awake. Hi, name's Stan. What's yours?"

"My name is Rainbow Dash." Huh, another weird name. "Listen, I wanted to apologize for making you get up in the middle of your nap like that. I should of waited until you were actually awake before moving the cloud. It was kind of my fault you fell at all. Celestia knows I'm not fully alert and ready to move when I first wake up. I shouldn't of assumed you would be."

I'm fairly certain I managed to raise an eyebrow. "Girl, you trippin."

"What? No, I'm standing. What?"

"What do you mean what? What do you mean by moving clouds? They're just condensed water vapor visible due to the airborne dust they accumulate on. Not even solid, how do you expect to move them? I guess if you could somehow manipulate air currents, you could influence the wind, and in turn, the probable path the cloud will travel. But that still would be impossible."

"What? Did you hit your head a little too hard or something?"

"I would assume so, seeing as how badly everything hurts. I have pains in places I didn't know I had."

"Such as?"

"Well, my back hurts so bad that it feels like the pain is coming from somewhere unattached to it.  I think I might of torn some nerve endings or something."

"You DO know that your wings are broken right?"

"Wings? What are you talking about? I don't have wings, that's ridiculous."

"Uhhh..." I heard a faint shuffling, I guess this 'Rainbow Dash' (As this hippy/LCD addict calls herself) realized I caught her stupid lies. I noticed the bandages around my eyes start to be unraveled, so I clenched my eyes shut to keep from being blinded. "Here, Don't open your eyes until I give you the okay. And don't tell the doctors I did this."

The bandages were all off of my eyes, but I kept them shut. The redness I saw went away as I heard a click. I looked out into the dark, yet surprisingly visible room. My head was still locked in a forward position, I assume it was from some neck brace or something, so all that I saw was the door to the room. Something jumped in front of me. It looked like a full body X-ray of a horse, but the head was all wrong, and there was wing bones on it's back.

"What's this?"

Rainbow Dash mumbled something I couldn't discern. "That's your x-ray. See all of the little breaks in the bones? That was my fault. Sorry again."

"What? No... That's an x-ray of some weird looking horse thing. With wings."

"Uhhh. Thats you." Some blue appendage of some kind came into view, and pointed to one of the joints at the base of the left wing. "And that's where you broke through Rarity's roof." It moved, and pointed towards the legs, which seemed fine to me. "And that's where you cracked her entire second floor."

"Your being ridiculous again. Anything like that should have killed somebody."

The x-ray moved away, and it was replaced by some weird head of some weird thing. It had rose colored eyes, blue fur, and a prismatic mane. It's mouth opened and spoke in Rainbow Dash's voice. "You sure you're all there right now?"

A sudden sharpness in the back of my eyes and a clarity of mind started to fade into existence. "I think the painkillers are starting to wear off. Can I get some morphine or something? I think I'm starting to hallucinate."

The thing spoke again, in Rainbow Dash's voice. "Sure, I'll go get a nurse or something, just don't tell them I let you open your eyes."

The bandages found themselves wrapped around my head once more, a bit looser than before.

I heard the door close again, but no footsteps between me and them.

"Weird." I thought out loud.

"What's weird?"

"I heard the door close, but never heard her walk away from me."

"That's just because RD always flies everywhere. I don't think she even knows how to walk anymore."

"That doesn't make much sense, how can someone fly?"

"With their wings? She IS a pegasus you know..."

I promptly decided to ignore the crazy person and pass back out.