Follow the Bits
The Smartest Ponies in the Room
On the evening of the first day, a tall gangly stallion stepped off the train, onto the platform of a tiny whistle-stop. “Ponyville, dear brother!” he announced.
“Isn’t it idyllic, positively beatific?” said the stallion’s brother, just as tall, just as gangly, and wearing an identical vest and shirt, identically seedy.
“They’ll never know what hit ‘em. We’re gonna send ‘em cryin’ to their mothers!” crowed the first.
“We’re back, Ponyville!” They shouted together.
* * *
On the morning of the second day, Rarity peeked out the window of her shop. She stretched out her hooves and flexed her withers. Everything felt cramped, and aside from yesterday, she’d been cooped up inside the Carousel Boutique for almost an entire week. But it was all worth it.
“Perfect!” She pronounced, opening a window and taking a deep breath, letting the sleepy-warm, stuffy air escape.
She used a little unicorn magic to gather the utensils and plates she and her friends would need neatly into two baskets, the cutest little wicker and ribbon things that she’d assembled from leftovers of the birds’ nest knitting. Rarity always felt pleased with herself when she could find a use for things that would otherwise go to waste.
She wrote a little note on the chalkboard beside her front door. If somepony like Sapphire Shores or Hoity Toity just happened to stroll by, they’d at least know where Ponyville’s designer could be found.
Baskets nestled in Rarity’s saddlebags, she stepped out to enjoy her first day of rest in... two weeks was it? She’d lost count. Ponyville became quieter in the cold months, but she’d not been idle, no indeed! Cold weather didn’t interfere with sewing.
After the communal work of Winter Wrap Up day, it was no wonder she’d slept late, and agreed to spend lunchtime with her best friends. She luxuriated in the sun’s warmth, scarcely able to believe the contrast with yesterday’s drab dawn. The pegasi had done fine work.
In the eastern meadow by the river, a handful of familiar Ponyville faces were out and about, flying a kite or two. Rarity waved to Cloudchaser and Carrot Top as she passed them. She found her own group of friends assembled on the green at the edge of town, ready to celebrate spring with a picnic. “Fashionably late again,” she called. “Thank you all for waiting.”
“Sh’yeah,” Rainbow Dash answered as she glided in a gentle holding circle. “You’re bringing the plates. How could we start without you?”
“That would be the advantage of bringing them, wouldn’t it?” Little Spikey-wikey rushed forward to help her with distributing the accoutrements. The scents that tickled Rarity’s nose were heavenly. “Uhmm, that smells good!” For all Rarity’s talents, she was at most a competent cook. She knew she’d never match Applejack’s fritters and pies, or Pinkie’s breads, pastries and desserts. That left Fluttershy to bring salad, sliced eggs and bottles of milk. Sadly, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash lacked Rarity’s sturdy porcelain, and culinary gifts of any kind.
An offensive odor mixed with the sweets as Dash landed, and Rarity scowled. “Ick! Rainbow Dash, you’ve not washed up since yesterday, have you?”
A moment’s look of embarrassed horror crossed the pegasus’ face, before her usual cocky attitude reasserted itself. “Hey, I worked like crazy clearing out all those clouds yesterday! Gimme a break.”
Rarity considered scolding the sweaty pony, but that look made her choose a gentler approach. “Well of course you have, poor dear! You’re so devoted to community service you’ve neglected yourself. A well-earned icy bath in the river would do wonders for those sore muscles of yours."
“You go ahead, Arrdee,” Applejack added. “You go take care of y’self. We got plenty of food here for all of us.” At Dash’s departure, "Ayjay" winked at Rarity and silently mouthed a thank-you. Rarity winked back. When even Applejack, immured to hard sweaty work, was offended, it simply wouldn’t do. Refined Rarity and tough, earthy Applejack made for strange companions. But the unicorn had smoothed away Applejack’s rougher edges, while the earth pony had given advice and quoted maxims, business and otherwise, so sound and simple that Rarity felt embarrassed not to have thought of them first.
“So how is everypony?” Rarity asked.
“Really super-eager for you all to try my new ultra top-secret dessert recipe!” Pinkie Pie said, always the first to plunge into a conversation. “So make sure to leave room.” She passed around slices of bread still warm from the oven.
Just behind Pinkie a banshee howled, and a massive white splash erupted from the river.
“All the animals are awake,” Fluttershy reported. “I’m also very pleased with the chickens. They’ve laid a lot of eggs to sell, despite the earliness of the season. Big ones too, see?”
“Excellent,” Rarity smiled, more pleased still to see how relaxed Fluttershy looked. She remembered the lonesome, painfully shy filly who’d immigrated from Cloudsdale. The pegasus had simply blossomed thanks to their circle of mutual friends.
“Studying, as always,” Twilight said in her turn. “And the library is always busiest in the winter months. Coordinating the Wrap-Up was actually a nice break.”
“Can say that again,” Spike added. “Reshelving it all is a headache. But if we don’t keep that place organized, in a month we wouldn’t be able to find anything!”
“Gotta hand it to you, Twi,” Applejack said, literally taking her hat off in homage, “Wrap-Up went quicker than grease through a goose this year. You sure are an asset.”
Twilight blushed, even as Rarity made a mental note to quietly discourage use of that unladylike metaphor. “Now that I have a foolproof and fully-tested system, I want to call a meeting of all the team leaders and explain everything, so they can make do without me. I already have the flowcharts drawn and the presentation written.”
“Why in Equestria would we wanna do without you, sugarcube?”
“You wouldn’t want to, I’d hope. But suppose I wasn’t around for whatever reason? Part of a good manager’s job is to make herself unnecessary.”
“Can that meeting wait until winter?” Rainbow Dash considerately shook the water off a fair distance away before trotting, still dripping, to the edge of the picnic square. “I am wrap-uped-out! We get it done in a day now, but what a day! I wonder sometimes how my wings don’t just fall right outta their sockets.”
“It’s appreciated, Arrdee,” Applejack passed a jar. “You earned some’a this here zap-apple jam on your bread. We sure are grateful for the extra day for plowing. The Apples bought a whole shipment of extra seed to try out this year. Train’ll be bringin’ it in tonight.”
“Sounds like everypony has been productive! I have Sapphire Shores’ costumes all ready to put on that train. Did I mention she’s become a repeat customer? She even sends me anything that needs repairing, now.”
“Way to go, Rarity!” Spike said with gusto.
“Brings in a tidy little pile of bits,” Rarity crooned.
“We’re doing okay too,” Applejack nodded. “Bumper crop last year as you know, and with y’all helping out with the harvestin’ and the cider-pressin’, Sweet Apple Acres is doing good business.”
“We ‘honorary Apple family members’ appreciate the bits we earn from it,” Twilight smiled. “Looks like for once, we’re all flush.”
“Aw, bits are only important if you don’t have ‘em,” Pinkie opined. “Now, you’ve gotta try these!”
Rarity nibbled the... she wasn’t certain if they were cupcakes or muffins or some cross between the two – and her eyes rolled back. “Pinkie...!” she said in adoration. “Oh my goodness!”
“Whoa nelly!” Applejack added.
“I’ve always been disappointed with nutmeg before, Pinkie,” for once, Fluttershy raised her voice a little in her excitement. “It never has much of a taste. But this tastes like nutmeg smells!”
Pinkie beamed with the praise. “I’m so glad you all like it!”
“You’re growing into an exquisite patisserie, Pinkie!” Rarity enthused.
“I think that means I’m a good baker?”
“Exactly right. With a little refinement, you could make some of these to sell in Canterlot.”
“Sure! If those snooty-ponies like it, then I’ll know I’m on to something!”
“And what they like,” Applejack added, “they’ll pay good money for!”
Dessert was done in Pinkie-pleasing short order, as was tidying up. But the walk back to town was somewhat less pleasant. “Look out ahead,” Rainbow Dash warned. “Especially you, Applejack.”
“Oh dear,” Rarity sniffed. “It really is true what is said about bad bits turning up again.”
Applejack grimaced in apprehension. “Aw, this’s no good. Can’t King Sombra come back, or somethin’? I like a straight fight.”
“The Flim Flam Brothers,” Twilight growled. She boldly approached the pair. Their usual striped vests and bow ties looked more careworn than Rarity remembered, but she doubted anything else about them had changed. “Hello again, gentleponies,” Twilight said with brittle courtesy. “Are you just passing through, or planning to stay for a while?”
The two unicorns immediately made a show of their anguish. “As you no doubt see, my dear, the Flim Flams have known some misery,” said Flim.
“And we’ve come, gentle filly, to Ponyville, to tend to things fiduciary.” Said Flam. They took in a deep breath to sing a long lamentation--
“Save it,” Twilight cut them off with as noncommittal a tone as she could manage, and cantered off.
“Not the friendliest welcome, brother mine,” commented Flim.
“Spike!” Twilight called, finally letting her annoyance into her voice. The little dragon rushed away from Rarity’s side to join his adoptive big sister. “Take a letter.”
* * *
On the evening of the third day, Twilight checked her mailbox, the box she used for packages and non-Celestia-related correspondence. Nothing. She didn’t think anything of that until she saw Pinkie Pie walking by, looking worried.
“Pinkie?”
“We’re gonna be late!” Pinkie answered, never one to hide her feelings.
“Huh?”
“It’s awful! The cakes get ten bags of flour every third day. But with the trains not going, we’re not gonna be able to get even the bread ready, not to mention the pita bread, the gyros, the pancakes...”
“Pinkie.”
“...the waffles, the muffins and oh no -- the cupcakes!”
“Pinkie!”
Pinkie finally noticed that Twilight, Spike shadowing her as always, was already headed toward the railway.
The perpetual-motion-pony, as Twilight had mentally nicknamed Pinkie, had taken the longest to get used to. Parties, loud cheering, and generally outrageous behavior weren’t compatible with a life of study and quiet contemplation. But Twilight had been humbled by her first experience with the elements of harmony. She had, by joining her friends in their ritualistic chant, “it’s Pinkie, don’t question it,” found in the loudness, the dancing, and the silly jokes, a cure for all the quiet stress of hard study.
Twilight, Pinkie pronking behind her, found half a herd of ponies gathered at the station, and standing in the middle stood Filthy Rich, mopping his brow with a kerchief.
“If I can’t get these boxes to Sapphire Shores’ Simply Spectacular Show, she might pick another costumer!” Twilight heard Rarity shouting over the din.
“The Cakes need flour for the cakes!” Pinkie Pie added, making Twilight rub her ears.
Fluttershy tried to say something, but went unheard, of course, until Spike tugged politely on her tail, and pointed to Twilight.
“It’s just awful!” Fluttershy mourned to her unicorn friend. “All my little friends are getting hungry. I need that feed I ordered.”
Twilight and Spike shared a knowing look. “Here we go,” the dragon said to her, and she nodded.
“Hmm...?” Fluttershy asked. But Spike pointed out a pony of interest, the young teller of the Ponyville bank. “Pardon me,” Twilight excused herself from Fluttershy to go speak with the colt.
They conferred together quietly amid this busy, confusing hubbub until Flam climbed onto a box and shouted, “everypony, please quiet down! Now, with this shortage in trains, shipping’s in some disorder.”
“But we can provide for you all,” the tall pony’s brother joined him on the box, “by mailing special order,”
“Ugh!” Rainbow Dash covered her eyes with a hoof. “Worst rhyme ever.”
“Oh brother, check her. It seems we have a heck’ler.”
“Okay, second worst,” Dash conceded. Twilight stifled an amused nicker.
“Oh my!” Fluttershy winced. “Those prices are three times what I normally pay.”
“Well, what’s it gonna be? Don’t you want your delivery?”
“This is highway robbery!” Applejack objected, secretly pleased with her rhyme.
“Our prices are steeper than the station’s, but we accept IOUs in these situations.”
That quieted the crowd down a little, as everypony considered how badly they needed whatever they needed.
“I need those seeds,” Applejack chuffed. “We just can’t be late plantin’.”
“My chickens and cows need their feed,” Fluttershy fretted. “And my truffle-hunting pigs, and the birds, the bunnies and...”
“What should we do, Twilight?” Pinkie asked. Twilight left off conferring with the bank teller, and found some quiet place to sit. She magically floated an apple from her bag.
“It’s an emergency?” the unicorn asked.
They nodded.
“Then you don’t have a lot of choice, do you? I think you better go ahead and sign the IOUs.” Twilight began munching on the apple, carefully feigning a placid attitude.
Her friends looked at each other, startled by their friend’s cavalier behavior.
“At least they’re not singing tonight,” Twilight added with a shrug.
“That was the only thing about them I kinda liked,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
* * *
“How can you be so nonchalant?” Rarity protested as the little clutch of friends made their ways home. “I actually lost money, and after all my hard work!”
“You’ll keep Ms. Shores happy, though, right?”
“Well, a contract is a contract. She simply can’t go on without all those costumes, now can she?”
Twilight nodded.
“Oooh, lookie!” Pinkie interrupted. “A phoenix!” Sure enough, a vividly-lit red and yellow bird glowed against the darkening sky.
“That’s weird,” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “Phoenixes don’t normally fly this far north, or this high up. They like tropical weather.”
“I didn't know you knew so much about birds, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said.
“I’m only responsible for keeping their migration patterns in sync, y’know. Phoenixes can talk, even. It was tough to learn their language.”
“That’s very impressive!” Fluttershy smiled.
“Don’t be too impressed, I only know the basics.”
As if shying away from the attention, the phoenix took wing.
* * *
On the morning of the fourth day, Rarity had unexpected guests in her shop.
“I say to you good day, miss mare, I say to you good day,” began Flim.
“We need new clothes, good mare,” Flam continued, indicating the patches on their shirts and vests. “Would you kindly customize some clothing just in our size.”
“Doing business with such crooks, you see, is firmly against my policy – oh, now you’ve got me doing it!”
With cocksure smiles, the brothers each produced a hoof-full of bits.
“Get out of my shop. Go, trot, hop!”
“Just you wait and see,” growled Flim, “we’re gonna own this town.”
“And once we do, your place is through,” threatened Flam.”
“We’ll tear this tacky shop down,” Flim finished, “So start packing, Rarity.” With that, they departed.
Rarity trembled for a moment, like a pot over a fire, then her horn glowed, and she began throwing small objects all over the shop, until it looked like a tornado had visited.
* * *
“Threatened to close her down?” Applejack dropped the water hose, horrified. By the afternoon, her little sister Applebloom and her two best friends, Scootaloo and Rarity’s little sister Sweetie Belle, had interrupted her day’s watering with an account of the brothers’ visit to the Carousel Boutique.
“Rarity’s acting like a hornet stung her in the dock, too.” Sweetie Belle concluded. Scootaloo hugged her upset friend.
Applejack considered. "Well, guess I could go visit her, but that's really more'n Pinkie's line."
“The Flim Flams aren’t really gonna own the whole town, are they?” Applebloom asked her big sister, woe painted across her sweet face.
Applejack decided this wouldn’t do at all. Those two thievin’ rat-ponies were for grownups like Twilight and her to handle. No good would come of the little colts and fillies getting their back up over ‘em. She strode from amidst her budding trees, and waved a hoof to indicate the land, and the town of Ponyville just in view. “Now you fillies listen here. This is Ponyville. This place is somethin’ special. No matter how bad they stink it up, the Flim Flams can’t change that.”
Ever’thin’s gonna be okay, she sang. Just follow the Apple Fam’ly way.
Applebloom beamed. She knew the song, written by cousin Fiddlesticks some years ago. Her confidence immediately rose.
“Huh?” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked confused. Applejack too a breath, and:
Listen here to what I say: do your best job every day.
Be glad to walk the extra mile, and don’t forget your pretty smile.
Consult with your customer, and to their wants and needs defer,
even if you do it twice. Then ask ‘em for a decent price.
'Cause honest work for honest pay, That’s the Apple fam’ly way.
Just across the street from the Golden Oaks Library, Filthy Rich walked with his daughter Diamond Tiara, and the Flim Flams. He look about the town he’d helped build. “But I’m not sure...” he scratched his mane, “that your idea is what’s best for the community.”
“You’re an old pony, who thinks in terms of places and ponies...” Flim said in one of Rich’s ears.
“There are no ponies, there is no Ponyville,” said Flam in the other. “There is only one holistic system of systems.”
“One vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multi-variate, multi-national barony of bits!”
And the old patriarch of the Rich family felt himself struggling against the strange thoughts as if through shoulder-high snow.
Back at the farm, Applebloom joined her sister in the song.
Don’t you give me fancy talk. Keep on working, mind the clock,
‘Til your quittin’ time has come. That’s the way to get ‘er done.
No need for you to take a fright, just know your job and do it right.
Now don't you fret, don’t be dismayed. Just spend less than what you made.
You’ll sleep fine come end’a day, if you worked our fam’ly way.
Soon after her encounter with the Flams, Diamond Tiara jabbed her hoof at Silver Spoon. “The point is,” she quoted to her friend, “greed, for want of a better word, is good.”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle bobbed their heads in rhythm to the song.
Don’t pay no heed to all those nuts who try to sell you their shortcuts.
Pinch your pennies and mind those dimes. And show up ready every time.
Above all don’t you lose sight, of who you are and what is right!
There’s nothing much more to convey, now don’t forget our fam’ly way.
Good job on time’s the way to play, that’s the Apple fam’ly way.
“The good news is you’re fired,” Silver Spoon shrilled, and the Ponyville Girl Scouts cringed. “The bad news is you’ve got one week to regain your jobs. Put down that cookie, cookies are for closers!”
The “cutie-mark crusaders” added their sweet voices to Applejack’s at the chorus.
Honest work for honest pay, that’s the Apple fam’ly waaaay!
The farm-filly smiled down at the little’uns, pleased with herself. But just as their song concluded, they heard a shivery screech from the farmhouse. Galvanized, Applejack and the Crusaders rushed toward the door.
Inside, they found a shuddering Granny Smith.
“Granny,” Applejack cried out, “what’s wrong?”
The old mare just handed over a letter.
“Due to escalating property costs...” Applejack began.
In his cloud apartment, Rainbow Dash read, “...we are forced to raise your monthly payment...”
“Please remit by the end of the month,” Rarity read in her home and place of business...
“EEEEeeeeee...!” sounded from within Fluttershy’s cottage.
* * *
By the evening of the fifth day, Rarity poked her head out the door, and winced.
Disrepair was already beginning to set in. The bakery had a broken window the Cakes could no longer afford to replace. The sofa and quill shop had a “going out of business sale” sign up. Only a few dispirited colts and fillies walked the streets. Some errant foal had scrawled an ugly, mocking graffito of the Flim Flam brothers right on the side of town hall.
“Everything will be alright, won’t it?” Sweetie Belle asked her older sister. Rarity chewed her lower lip and forced herself not to cry, for her little sister’s sake.
“Of course, it will, dumpling! Oh look, there’s Twilight and Applejack. Would you be a dear, go upstairs and tidy my work room for me?”
“Sure thing!” the worried little foal withdrew, humming some song to herself. Rarity closed her doors, put up her “come back tomorrow” sign, and galloped to catch up with her friends.
“Dagnabbit!” the farm-filly groused. Rarity noted that Applejack looked mad enough to chew a barn to splinters from door to door. “I knew just what those fork tongued, thieving, no good unicorns – no offense, Twi! – were all along, and inside a week they’ve still just about cost me my farm. Again!”
Twilight, Spike shadowing her as always, nodded a welcome to Rarity. “Ponyville’s a web of connections, Applejack. One of my teachers spoke of a giant ‘invisible horn’ guiding it, but the truth is it’s a lot of tiny invisible horns.”
“Twi, I’ve had just about enough with the fancy talk.”
“It means we’re all hanging on to each other, supporting each other. The Flim-Flam brothers have deliberately disrupted the herd, and now even your farm doesn’t have anypony to hang on to anymore.”
The trio watched as the mayor, who for the world looked like Twilight the day she missed getting her weekly letter off to Celestia, stormed over toward them.
“Twilight Sparkle,” Mayor Mare said with a tone caught somewhere between a reprimand and a sob. “While I’ve been tearing my mane out and wearing my hooves to the pastern, you’ve been sitting on the sidelines offering bad advice and looking smug. If Ponyville loses confidence in me as mayor, then my final act of office will be to write a sternly-worded letter to the princess about her student’s conduct!”
“I’m afraid I’m forced to agree, Twilight,” Rarity said, noting even as she did that Twilight did not look smug. A close friend like her could see that Twilight’s eyes had bags under them. “Things are looking desperately dismal. The Flim Flam brothers really do all but own Ponyville now, and they’ve promised to tear down my shop. I have every reason to believe they have enough money and influence to do it. I’ll be ruined!” She stopped to compose herself; this wasn’t the appropriate time for drama-queen games. “Please tell us you’ve accomplished something besides watching and eating popcorn.”
Twilight tried to brush against the mayor affectionately, but the careworn older mare was having none of it. So Twilight looked about, as if checking to ensure there was no sign of the brothers Flam, and reverted to form with her own little lecture.
“I’ve been using my time wisely. In fact, provided the train from Canterlot is on schedule, I’ll prove it. Spike, keep an eye on the Flams until we get back? They simply can't find out what we're up to! You know what to do in an emergency."
"Send Pinkie to keep 'em busy partying. On it!" Spike saluted and broke off. With nothing more hopeful in her future, mayor Mare followed the group, still fretting.
“You may have noticed the phoenix fluttering about town?” Twilight half-whispered.
“Philomena,” Applejack said.
“Obviously,” Rarity nodded. “We didn’t want to say anything indiscreet, of course.”
“Celestia has ears everywhere, when she wants!” Twilight smiled in admiration. “I don’t think the Flams can sneeze without my knowing about it. So, I’ve been studying their methods.”
“How in Equestria did they do so much harm in less than a week?” the mayor fretted.
“Before they even got here, they got the switchyard unions all huffy with a lot of empty promises. They managed to send the trains off where they weren’t needed. That snarled up all the deliveries. Then they charged exorbitant prices just to get needed supplies in and out.”
Twilight took a breath. This was involved, and might take a while. “They sold all those IOU notes to Filthy Rich and the bank, on the empty promise that they were insured. Maybe they even are, but when those all come due at once, and no pony can pay, the bank and insurers will go broke, too.”
“So having bought all that bad debt, the bank calls in the loans all at once. Property values plummet, and everypony ends up owing more than their homes are worth.”
“Going over my head again, Twi,” Applejack groaned.
“See, that’s a big part of it. They use fancy words that don’t mean anything to make you think they’re ‘the smartest ponies in the room,’” Twilight rolled her eyes. “But all they really do is to stir up trouble to raise prices. Then they manipulate, deceive and coerce everypony, even honest ones like you. Bottom line: all the bits in town wind up in their hooves.”
Twilight shuddered. “The Flim Flams have really stepped up their game! I found it all just fascinating, in a creepy kinda way, watching them take apart everypony’s lives. It was like watching a spider eat a fly. But don’t you worry, I Pinkie-promise: we’ve got this.” She put a hoof to her eye. "I warned princess Celestia as soon as the brothers turned up. I’ve sent her detailed reports, and I’ll make sure you get copies, mayor Mare.”
The mayor let out a despairing cry. “I did my best! I knew they were up to no good. But I don’t have the power to pass a law forbidding anypony from doing business with the Flams. That’s just not how the laws in Ponyville work!”
“Nopony has any bits to spend on clothes,” Rarity sighed.
“Heck, folks’re writing Sweet Apple Acres IOUs just for food!” Applejack griped. “Don’t have the heart to turn ‘em down, but I can’t even buy fertilizer with that stack’a paper.”
They arrived at the station, to find members of Celestia’s Royal Guard standing vigilant. “Oh my goodness!” the mayor exclaimed, cringing as if she expected to be arrested on the spot.
“Please calm down, madam mayor. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Twilight brushed a hoof over her mane to tidy it. Good evening, gentleponies.”
“Miss Twilight Sparkle,” the highest-ranking member of the guards approached, and sounded almost friendly. “You’re expected. You remember the rules?”
“Yes sir! This is mayor Mare, Applejack and Rarity. They’re going to assist me, and I formally vouch for them, too.” Rarity noted that her friend sounded like she was saying a carefully-rehearsed ritual. “
Would you open the first shipping car, please?”
The guards obeyed politely, to reveal the train car was loaded with plain wooden crates. As Twilight hopped aboard, three of Luna’s fierce-looking personal guards emerged, as if by magic, from the shadows, startling Twilight’s guests.
Luna’s guards rarely showed themselves, but Rarity recognized them. Everypony had seen, at least in drawings, their ferocious visages, and knew their frightening reputation. By Celestia’s orders, they kept a very low profile to avoid intimidating anypony, yet that only added to their mystique.
Twilight, focused as she was on royal business, remained unperturbed. “And hello to you as well. May I ask you to open one of the crates for mayor mare?
With the third still vigilant, two of the guards wordlessly set about prying the crate open... with their gleaming metal-capped teeth. Twilight’s guests’ eyes widened further.
“Now the rule is: don’t touch anything.” Twilight said sternly. “Oh, Applejack? May I ask you as a favor to bring these nice ponies some dinner? They’ve been stuck in a hot train car all day.”
“Sure will, Twilight,” Applejack appeared understandably eager to get on the guards’ good side.
“So you were saying... the Flams have just about all the bits in Ponyville, do they?” Twilight smirked.
The guards opened the crate. Rarity, Applejack and the mayor gasped. “Ooohhh...!” Soon, even Applejack looked to Twilight with a smile of comprehension.
“We’ve got a busy night ahead of us,” Twilight commented."And we've gotta get it done quietly."
“Twilight Sparkle,” Rarity beamed. “Do remind me never to get Celestia upset with me.”
* * *
As the sun smiled over the sixth day, Twilight was humming a favorite ditty about mornings in Ponyville. and the mayor, fresh from an early visit to the town’s spa, hummed an improvised harmony. Both basked in the sunshine in front of town hall. Pinkie Pie pronked a happy circle around them. Rarity watched too, sipping some sort of minty concoction. Every once in a while, she’d glance at Spike, who lounged with his adorably oversized head nestled in the gap between her belly and knee, a bag of still-steaming popcorn at the ready.
As expected, the brothers Flam strutted into the middle of town as if they owned the place, which they all but did, of course.
“I say, brother, I’m famished! Care for some breakfast? It’s high time.”
“Don’t mind if I do, brother-mine. And then it’d truly suit me to buy some treats from that bakery.” They ordered a lavish breakfast at the restaurant, and looked startled when the maitre d' politely asked them to pay in advance.
With mirrored grins, the brothers produced the usual hooves-full of bits.
“Messieurs, I do believe you have been misinformed. Perhaps you should speak to ze mayor?” He indicated the happy group at the town hall door. Rarity gave them a coy little wave. The waiter used this distraction to vanish into his restaurant, the door slamming behind him.
Their grins looking a bit forced now, the brothers proceeded to join the group.
“Good morning, gentleponies,” the mayor said honey-sweetly. “How are Ponyville’s new owners today?”
“Hello there,” Flam answered. “Ravenous. Is there some problem, madam mayor?” asked Flim.
“I’m afraid so. You’ve not exchanged your currency.”
“I beg your pardon?” Flam said.
“We’ve got new bits!” Pinkie exclaimed, showing one of the gleaming new coins. “It’s got princess Celestia’s sun-shiny cutie mark on the gold side,” she flipped the coin expertly, a move she’d obsessively practiced for much of the night. “And princess Luna’s here on the silver side. Isn’t it super-duper-sparkly?”
“Princess Celestia had been meaning to change out the currency ever since her sister returned,” Twilight explained with that infuriating hint of condescension in her voice she’d otherwise learned to avoid, the hard way. “She felt this was an ideal time.”
“It’s happening all across the principality as we speak,” Spike added.
“I see,” said Flim. “Then we’ll just go to the bank to trade in our old currency?” asked Flam.
The mayor shook her head. “We deposited these in accordance with last week’s bank records. Did you have an account with the bank as of last week?”
The brothers looked at each other, flummoxed. Spike munched his popcorn and savored the moment.
“Why, we spent all last night exchanging bits with those who keep them under a mattress, or some-such.” Rarity added, batting her eyes, which she thought was an especially nice little touch. “It’s such a pity you weren’t informed.”
“Especially since the trade-in period for Ponyville expired at sun-up,” Pinkie Pie added. “They’re sooo preeetty pretty, ponies!”
“Oh my, yes!” Rarity produced her sewing glasses to inspect the coin Pinkie was showing off. “The royal minters outdid themselves.” She then glanced over to see Flim and Flam swaying on their hooves.
As if reading her mind, Pinkie produced a camera. “Saaaay ‘broke!’”
Twilight yawned hugely. “Yeah, I’m going to bed now. ‘Night, all. Morning. Whatever.”
“Next visit to the spa’s on me,” the mayor called to Celestia’s weary student. “May I borrow Spike for a while?” At Twilight’s nod, the baby dragon trotted back over.
“You mean...” Flim husked in shock. “...our money’s no good...” Flam gasped.
“Don’t worry,” the mayor reassured them. “A pair of clever ponies like you two will have no trouble rebuilding your fortunes.” The group headed as one for the town hall door. “I'm certain you've made a name for yourselves all over Equestria.”
With that, twin beams from Rarity’s horn slammed town hall’s doors shut. The sound was followed by the impressive, reverberating crash of all Ponyville’s doors and shutters slamming closed, one right after the other.
Flim and Flam found themselves alone in what suddenly looked for the world like a ghost town. The silence was interrupted only by a growl from Flam’s stomach.
“What is this?” A melodic, heavily-accented voice asked the sudden hush. “Is something amiss?”
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy emerged from an upper floor. “Zecora, you have got to work on your timing!” They grabbed the zebra, carried her up through the window, and slammed the shutters closed behind them.
* * *
Dear princess Celestia,
This week, I think all Ponyville learned something very important. We are, as Twilight said, depending on each other in ways we don’t even know about. It’s like a safety net, and holes in that net endanger everypony.
Also, I learned once again that there’s only so much laws and officials can do, no matter how we try, including your royal highness. Every pony must judge who they’re dealing with, and refuse to have anything to do with crooks, no matter how many bits they promise. It’s the only way to protect Ponyville.
That’s why it’s best to do business only with those you’d be proud to call your friends. The elements of harmony are every bit as important in one's occupation as they are in everyday life, and only the Flim-Flams will tell you that honesty, loyalty, kindness, generosity, and cheer have no place in commerce.
Your loyal and humble subject,
Mayor Mare
