It was all my fault

by JazzyFeather

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Tragedy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4530

Rainbow Dash learns to deal with the loss of a friend.

when a close friend dies, Rainbow Dash gets wrought with guilt over the loss. Thinking it was her fault, her decision that made her friend die. Now she is left to deal with the aftermath of the death.

Published 2012-02-11 17:44:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-07 20:39:28 UTC

Chapter 1

It was all my fault

By

Jazzy Featherquill

Rainbow Dash sat next to the hospital bed, crying. As the weather outside seemed to sense her mind, a thunder outside the window made her shake a bit.

Ponyville was covered in dark-grey rain clouds.

For two weeks Rainbow Dash had stayed in the room, not wanting to leave her friend's side. She barely left to eat and drink. She couldn't after the accident.

She dried her eyes with her forehooves a bit and put her head down on the bed.

She softly started to cry again as she looked up at her friend. Fluttershy was lying motionless in the hospital bed, she was in a coma after a terrible crash.

"It's all my fault Fluttershy" Rainbow said in between sobs.

She stepped away from the bed and looked out the window at Ponyville. Which was engulfed in a grey colorless mess from the rain.

"I never should have pushed you" Rainbow put her hoof up to the window for support.

She felt weak, weaker then she ever had before. And this wasn't a training weakness. There was a single light in the room, making the whole thing feel worse.

The sound of hooves entering the room broke Rainbow's concentration.

"Excuse me miss, but visiting hours are over" Rainbow put her hoof down from the window and turned to look at a nursepony standing next to Fluttershy's bed.

"W-what?" Rainbow managed to get out,

"Visiting hours are over, she needs her rest. But if need be we have ponies you could talk to" The nursepony answered while she checked Fluttershy's pulse.

Rainbow wiped her eyes again and looked at the nursepony

"N-no...I..uh...I just need some time to think" Her voice was bordering on braking there and then. But she managed to keep it together as she trotted out of the hospital.

She trotted along the rain soaked path into Ponyville. She managed to get her nerve up and decided to visit Twilight. She needed somepony to talk to...still her walk there took a while.

When she finally got there she knocked on the door, three times before Twilight came to the door.

Rainbow looked at her a bit before she sort of mumbled out "I-i need to talk to you Twilight"

Twilight couldn't believe her own ears,

"Rainbow Dash needed somepony to talk to?"

It was unheard of, still she knew what she went through. "Sure Rainbow, come on in...um, do you want to talk to just me or?"

As Rainbow walked into the room, she saw that her other friends were there except for Pinkie Pie, she was probably out trying to come up with some way to cheer everypony up.

"I need to talk to Twilight, everypony...ALONE!" It didn't take a second before Applejack responded to Rainbow Dash in an equally defensive tone.

"We are all sufferin' Rainbow!, y'all are not the only one"

Rainbow tried her best to keep a glare at Applejack but she couldn't and turned her head to Twilight, who was still standing at the door.

"AH!" Twilight burst out as she started to trot up to Rainbow

"I'll take you into my study Rainbow, we can talk there"

Twilight ushered Rainbow into her study and closed the door with her magic before turning around to face Rainbow

"I know why you are here Rainbow, but shouldn't you talk to somepony more qualified?"

"NO!" Rainbow blurted out, but hung her head down again and began to talk in a much lower voice

"I...I can't Twilight, i need to talk to you...because of what you do"

Twilight stopped herself for a second, then it dawned on her

"What i do?...OH! she must mean my magic" Twilight thought to herself before she answered Rainbow.

"No, i can't Rainbow...there's no spell for this"

"B-bu-but!..you must have some kind of spell for this. I can't lose Fluttershy, how can YOU lose her?!"

Twilight felt her heart sink as Rainbow asked her that,

"How COULD she ask her that."

"I'm sad too Rainbow, but loss is a part of life...i can't fix this." Twilight sighed and walked slowly over to Rainbow and put a hoof on her shoulder.

"Why are you acting like this Rainbow, i've never seen you be this way"

Rainbow looked away then back at Twilight

"It's my fault Twilight, it's all my fault"

"what do you mean Rainbow?...Fluttershy crashed into a tree all on her own, you weren't even there"

Rainbow walked away from Twilight to look out the window.

"You're wrong Twilight, i WAS there. I were the one who made her fly...when she crashed i was too scared to tell anypony...s-so i just ran away"

Twilight was visibly shaken by what Rainbow had said,

"Her friend was the element of loyalty. Not only was she that, Rainbow was also a mare that weren't afraid of a thing in the world"

After a few minutes of awkward silence Twilight asked Rainbow "What were you afraid of?" Rainbow hung her head and shaked it.

"I don't know what came over me Twilight, it's all so hazy"

"It doesn't matter now Rainbow, all that matters is that we are there for Fluttershy. Even if she doesn't know we are"

Rainbow turned and almost galloped over and hugged Twilight "Thank you Twilight!"

Twilight and Rainbow Dash walked back out to the others who had not left, because they didn't want to leave their friends alone in a time like this.

They all talked that night, mostly about Fluttershy. Focusing on the positive thoughts trying to block out the fact that she was in a coma.

The rain had slowed to a pitter patter now, thundering could still be heard. Rainbow shook with each one, as it brought the truth back to her mind. Every single time.

A few weeks after, they were all gathered at the hospital including Fluttershy's parents, except for Rarity who was busy at her boutique.

Fluttershy was still in a coma and her parents had decided it was time to let their daughter go.

"You can't do this!" Rainbow screamed to the doctor and Fluttershy's parents as she was being dragged out of the room.

"She's still alive!" The doctor closed the door after Rainbow,

"The machine that monitored Fluttershy's life signs was still beeping, so that's good" Rainbow thought to herself.

As Rainbow Dash and the rest were sitting and waiting in what felt like an eternity, the heart monitor slowed it's usual beeping sound into one continues one.

Rainbow's ear twitched slightly at the noise, she didn't move. Her mind was wrought with the same guilt she had felt two weeks ago.

When Fluttershy's parents exited the room it took both Applejack and Twilight to hold Rainbow back.

"You were supposed to keep her safe!...you are her parents for Celestia's sake!"

Rainbow's words stung in the hearts of Fluttershy's parents as they walked out the door, they didn't look at Rainbow or any of the others there.

In a fury of anger and sadness Rainbow broke away from Twilight and Applejack and took off out of the hospital towards her house, her tears clouding her eyes as she flew.

She landed softly on the cloud keeping her house afloat

"I can't believe it...it's all my fault, what...what am i going to do?.."

"It's alright Dash, i'm fine"

Rainbow couldn't believe her ears..."was that Fluttershy's voice?...No, she had to be imagining it."

She shook her head and headed back inside.

That night she couldn't sleep, and when she finally got some rest she had to cry herself to sleep.

The day after Twilight along with Rarity trotted towards Rainbow's house. "How do you think she'll take it, Twilight?"

Twilight sighed and answered in an melancholy tone.

"You know Rainbow, It's hard on her...harder then it is for the rest of us"

"Yes, she seems quite out of her usual self"

Twilight just glanced at Rarity as they approached Rainbow's house. "Rainbow!...you in there!?" Twilight shouted at the house.

Rainbow jolted awake as she heard Twilight, she stumbled a little out of bed and trotted over to the door.

"W-What?" Rainbow shouted out the door in an almost cracking voice.

"We are going to Fluttershy's funeral later today, i know it's hard for you. But i want you there...WE want you there...F-Fluttershy would have wanted you there Rainbow"

"I-I don't know Twilight, i don't know if i can do it" Rainbow answered in a shaking tone of voice, while she looked away.

Almost as if she was trying to fly away.

"Rainbow, Fluttershy's parents have even asked you to say a few words for Fluttershy. It's important that you come, no matter how hard it is"

Rarity said to Rainbow Dash, before nodding to Twilight and trotting away.

Rainbow nodded weakly before answering, sounding a bit more sure. "A-Alright Twilight, i'll think about it a little"

"Alright Rainbow, the funeral is in 4 hours. I expect you to be there"

Twilight trotted back to her house and left Rainbow to think about her next move. Rainbow sat down on the cloud around her house, gently patting a hoof against the soft cloud.

"Should i go?...i don't know if i can do it...she meant so much to me" Rainbow cried softly as she hung her head.

"Go Rainbow, i-i want to hear what you have to say" Rainbow jolted as she heard Fluttershy's voice.

"W-What?" Rainbow looked around confused before hearing Fluttershy again

"I want to hear what you have to say about me"

"This can't be real, i must be dreaming"

Rainbow couldn't hear Fluttershy's voice anymore and decided to go to her funeral, although she would be keeping in the background.

Later that day, the weather pegasi had made it rain again as a sign that they too were mourning. Rainbow made her way to the funeral, slowly.

When she arrived all her friends were gathered there, even her admirer Scotaloo were there. Rainbow didn't want to approach and just watched the funeral.

When it ended it took a while before Rainbow approached the grave.

"Fluttershy...I-I miss you, i know you haven't been gone too long but we have always been friends. You were my best friend...I mean you still ARE...B-but"

Rainbow dropped a few flowers on the coffin.

"Oh!...Daises, they are my favorite Rainbow"

Rainbow turned her head and looked at Fluttershy. "B-But Fluttershy...you're dead, this can't be real"

Fluttershy smiled back at Rainbow

"Maybe i am...maybe i'm just your sub-conscience, or maybe i'm really here"

"Huh?...I don't know what to say Fluttershy...i mean you're here..a-and you're there!" Rainbow pointed with a hoof to the coffin.

"Does it really matter if i'm real or not Rainbow?"

Rainbow smiled weakly back at Fluttershy. "No, i guess not Fluttershy"

Rainbow leaned her head on Fluttershy's shoulder and they stayed and talked together for a while. Over the years that passed Rainbow saw Fluttershy on a regular time, even though nopony else could see her.

THE END...

Improved version

(Here you have a link to the Goggle Doc if you want to read it in better formatting, and in my opinion the better one; https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Lgpgpk57syOO5gY8CBEuefQwd05i9s3ZsHGrwd_33g4/edit )

Rain won't wash away the tears

By

Jazzyfeather

The cyan pegasus sat next to a white hospital bed, crying. As the weather outside seemed to sense her mind, a thunder outside made her shake a bit. The white walls seemed to creep closer, trapping her.

Ponyville was covered in dark-grey rain clouds that hang over the town, like a carpet. Drenching it in rain, punctuating the atmosphere everywhere.

For two weeks Rainbow Dash had stayed in the room, not wanting to leave her friend's side. She barely left to eat and drink, she couldn't after the accident. Not after what happened to her friend, her life started to revolve around that room. Around the white walls of the hospital.

She dried her eyes with her forehooves and put her head down on the blue blanket covering her friend. She could feel the wool against her cheek.

The pegasus softly started to cry again as she looked up at her friend, Fluttershy was lying motionless in the hospital bed. she was in a coma after a terrible crash earlier that month.

"It's all my fault Fluttershy," was all that Rainbow Dash managed to squeak out between sobs. Her voice cracked as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Wiping her eyes again, she stepped away from the bed and looked out the single window in the room at Ponyville. It was engulfed in a grey colorless mess from the rain, the dark blue rain pooled in puddles on the ground. Beating against the glass sheltering the room.

"I never should have pushed you," Rainbow put her hoof up to the window for support. Her hooves buckled, she felt like all her life got dragged out of her.

She felt weak, weaker than she ever had before. And this wasn't a training weakness. There was a single light in the room, making the whole thing feel worse. It cast a soft green light down onto the room, making Rainbow feel nauseous.

The sound of hooves entering the room broke Rainbow's already weak concentration. She quickly wiped her eyes again, trying to hide the fact that she had cried.

"Excuse me miss, but visiting hours are over." Rainbow put her hoof down from the window and turned to look at a white nurse mare standing next to Fluttershy's bed, tightly wrapping the blanket around her.

"W-what?" Was the only thing Rainbow managed to get out, her voice cracking like before. Only less, she sniffled a bit. Muffling it with a hoof.

"Visiting hours are over, she needs her rest. But if need be, we have ponies you could talk to." The nurse mare answered while she checked Fluttershy's pulse on the machine next to the bed, carefully taking in the peaks and lows on the screen.

Rainbow wiped her eyes again and looked at the nurse mare "N-No... I... uh... I just need some time to think," her voice was bordering on breaking there and then. But she managed to keep it together as she trotted out of the hospital. Quickly gaining speed, her hooves carrying her as fast as they could.

She trotted along the rain soaked path into Ponyville, barely making out the edges of it through her tear-soaked eyes. She managed to get her nerve up and decided to visit Twilight. Rainbow needed somepony to talk to... not just somepony, she needed to talk to a friend. still her walk there took a while.

****

When she finally got there she knocked on the door, three times before Twilight came to the door.

Rainbow looked at her before she sort of mumbled out, "I-I need to talk to you Twilight."

Twilight couldn't believe her own ears, "Rainbow Dash needed somepony to talk to?"

It was unheard of, still she knew what she went through. "Sure Rainbow, come on in... um, do you want to talk to just me or?"

As Rainbow shakily and unsuringly walked into the room, she saw that her other friends were there except for Pinkie Pie, the pink bubbly mare was probably out trying to come up with some way to cheer everypony up.

"I need to talk to Twilight, everypony - Alone!" It didn't take a second before Applejack responded to Rainbow Dash in an equally defensive tone.

"We are all sufferin' Rainbow! Y'all aren't the only one."

Rainbow tried her best to keep a glare at Applejack, but she couldn't turning her head to Twilight. Who was still standing at the door, covering it with her body.

"Ah!" Twilight burst out as she started to walk over to the cyan mare.

"I'll take you into my study Rainbow, we can talk there." She smiled at the blue pegasus with a comforting smile, as she put a hoof on her shoulder.

Quickly, Twilight ushered Rainbow into her study and closed the door with her magic before turning around to face Rainbow.

"I know why you are here Rainbow, but shouldn't you talk to somepony more qualified?"

"NO!" Rainbow blurted out, but hung her head down again and began to talk in a much lower voice. Keeping her composure, even though it was the hardest thing she had ever done.

"I... I can't Twilight, I need to talk to you... because of what you do."

The purple mare started to open her mouth, but stopped herself for a second. Letting the information into her mind, slowly it dawned on her.

"What I do?... Oh! She must mean my magic," Twilight thought to herself before she answered Rainbow, trying to compose an answer that wouldn't make her friend break into tears.

"No, I can't Rainbow... there's no spell for this. There's nothing I can do," the unicorn sighed as she said it. Wishing for that very magic herself.

"B-Bu-But... you must have some kind of spell for this, I can't lose Fluttershy, how can YOU lose her? Don't you care?"

Twilight felt her heart sink as Rainbow asked her that, "How COULD she ask her that."

Twilight let that thought swirl around her mind before she answered, "I'm sad too Rainbow, but loss is a part of life... I can't fix this."

The purple pony sighed and walked slowly over to Rainbow, embracing her in a hug. Feeling confident that the blue pegasus mare wouldn't fidget away.

"Why are you acting like this Rainbow, I've never seen you be this way."

Rainbow Dash broke the hug, looking away from Twilight, slowly shifting her eyes back at the mare. "It's my fault Twilight, it's all my fault."

The purple mare shifted her stance, "what do you mean Rainbow? Fluttershy crashed into a tree all on her own, you weren't even there."

Taking careful steps away from Twilight, the cyan pony walked over to a round window. Looking out, she couldn't look her friend in the eyes when she said what she was about to.

"You're wrong Twilight, I WAS there. I were the one who made her fly... I'm the whole reason she was there!" Her normally confident voice, petered out into a squeak.

"When she crashed I was too scared to tell anypony... s-so I just ran away. I shouldn't have, I... I just didn't know what to do."

Twilight was visibly shaken by what Rainbow had said, "Her friend was the element of loyalty. Not only was she that, Rainbow was also a mare that wasn't afraid of a thing in the world."

The time seemed to go on forever, as an awkward silence descended into the room. Twilight urged herself on and finally asked Rainbow, "What were you afraid of?"

She hung her head and shook it, "I don't know what came over me Twilight, it's all so hazy." A sniffle or two emerged from the pegasus, she tried to be strong. To not let her friends see her this way.

"It doesn't matter now Rainbow, all that matters is that we are there for Fluttershy. Even if she doesn't know we are."

Rainbow turned and almost galloped over and hugged Twilight "Thank you Twilight! F-For understanding!" The voice coming from the mare, seemed more confident. More present, more full of life than before.

Twilight and Rainbow Dash walked back out to the others who had not left, because they didn't want to leave their friends alone in a time like this.

They all talked that night, mostly about Fluttershy. Focusing on the positive thoughts trying to block out the fact that she was in a coma. Everypony shared a special memory they had with the yellow pegasus, everypony except for Rainbow. For her, it was especially difficult.

The rain had slowed to a pitter patter now, thundering could still be heard. Rainbow shook with each one, as it brought the truth back to her mind. Every single time.

****

A few weeks after, they were all gathered at the hospital including Fluttershy's parents, except for Rarity who was busy at her boutique.

Fluttershy was still in a coma and her parents had decided it was time to let their daughter go.

"You can't do this!" Rainbow screamed at the doctor and Fluttershy's parents, her eyes burning with anger as she was being dragged out of the room.

"She's still alive!" Rainbow managed to yell into the room before The doctor closed the door after her, locking it so she wouldn't interfere again.

"I can still hear it, I can still hear the machine." Rainbow thought to herself, whilst trying to shake the door open. Furiously turning the door-handle.

She soon gave up and sat with the rest of her friends and waited in what felt like an eternity, the heart monitor slowed its usual beeping sound into one continuous one.

The sound made Rainbow's ears perk up, quickly her mind was wrought with the same guilt she had felt weeks ago, it all came racing back to her. Catching up with her, making her heart sink into her stomach.

When Fluttershy's parents exited the room it took both Applejack and Twilight to hold Rainbow back from bursting towards them.

"You were supposed to keep her safe!... You are her parents for Celestia's sake!" The cyan pegasus words were filled with anger and sadness.

Rainbow's words stung in the hearts of Fluttershy's parents as they walked out the door, they didn't look at Rainbow or any of the others there. Simply walking away in quiet, not baring to interact with their daughter's friends.

In a fury of anger and sadness, Rainbow broke away from the two mares holding her back and took off out of the hospital towards her house, her tears clouding her eyes as she flew. It was a strange sense of luck that she didn't crash into anything.

She landed softly on the cloud keeping her house afloat, the rainbow streaks were empty. She hadn't filled them in weeks, her life had been a mess for the past few weeks.

"I can't believe it... it's all my fault, what... what am I going to do?..." The mare covered her face in her hooves, as she sat on the edge of the cloud. Whimpers escaping from her.

"It's alright Dash, I'm fine."

Rainbow couldn't believe her ears, "was that Fluttershy's voice?... No, she had to be imagining it. It had to be fake."

She shook her head, not even bothering to wipe away her tears as she slowly walked into her house. Her hooves shaking badly, threating to buckle at any second.

That night she couldn't sleep, laying awake in bed for hours upon hours. Her mind full of grief and regret, at the end she had to cry herself to sleep. Her tears soaking her pillow.

****

The following day, Twilight along with Rarity walked towards Rainbow's house.

"How do you think she'll take it, Twilight?"

Twilight sighed and answered in an melancholy tone, "you know Rainbow, It's hard on her... harder then it is for the rest of us."

"Yes, she seems quite out of her usual self." The white unicorn said as she cast a sad look back at the purple mare.

Twilight just glanced at Rarity as they approached Rainbow's house.

"Rainbow!... you in there?" Twilight shouted at the house.

The cyan mare jolted awake as she heard Twilight, stumbling out of bed. The mare headed for her door, wiping her eyes, sniffling.

"W-What?" Rainbow shouted out the half-open door in an almost cracking voice.

"We are going to Fluttershy's funeral later today, I know it's hard for you. But I want you there... We want you there... F-Fluttershy would have wanted you there Rainbow."

"I-I don't know Twilight, I don't know if I can do it." Rainbow answered in a shaking tone of voice, while she looked away. Not wanting to look at her friends. Almost as if she was trying to fly away from them, from everything.

"Rainbow, Fluttershy's parents have even asked you to say a few words for Fluttershy. It's important that you come, no matter how hard it is. It's hard for us too, but we have to be strong. Especially now." The white unicorn said to Rainbow, before nodding to Twilight and walking away.

The cyan mare nodded weakly before answering, sounding a bit more sure. "A-Alright Twilight, I'll think about it a little"

"Alright Rainbow, the funeral is in four hours. I expect you to be there."

Twilight walked away, leaving her pegasus friend to think about her next move. Rainbow sat down on the cloud around her house, gently patting a hoof against the soft cloud. Feeling the texture of it.

"Should I go?... I don't know if I can do it... she meant so much to me." Rainbow cried softly as she hung her head, the questions shifting around in her head.

"Go Rainbow, I-I want to hear what you have to say." Rainbow jolted as she heard Fluttershy's voice again, it seemed to come from somewhere. Not inside her own head, yet not from outside either.

"W-What?" Rainbow looked around confused before hearing Fluttershy again

"I want to hear what you have to say about me."

"This can't be real, I must be dreaming." Rainbow couldn't hear Fluttershy's voice anymore and decided to go to her funeral, although she would be keeping herself in the background.

****

Later that day, the weather pegasi had made it rain again as a sign that they too were mourning. Grieving for the loss of one of their own. Rainbow made her way to the funeral, slowly.

When she arrived all her friends were gathered there, even her admirer Scootaloo were there. Rainbow didn't want to approach and just watched the funeral from afar.

The crowd dispersed after her casket had been lowered into the grave, a look of sadness upon Twilight's face as she comforted a pink earth pony. Soon after it ended it took a while before Rainbow dared to approach the grave.

"Fluttershy...I-I miss you, I know you haven't been gone too long but we have always been friends. You were my best friend... I mean you still ARE... B-But." The cyan mare dropped a few flowers on the coffin.

"Oh!... Daisies, they are my favorite, Rainbow."

She turned her head and looked at Fluttershy, "b-But Fluttershy... you're dead, this can't be real."

The yellow pony smiled back at her friend, not saying a word. Just sending a comforting smile to her fellow pegasus.

"I don't know what to say Fluttershy... I mean you're here... a-and you're there!" Rainbow pointed a hoof at the coffin in the still open grave.

"Does it really matter if I'm real or not Rainbow?"

Rainbow smiled weakly back at Fluttershy. "No, I guess it doesn't Fluttershy – All that matters, are that you're here."

Rainbow leaned her head on Fluttershy's shoulder and they stayed and talked together for a while. Over the years that passed Rainbow saw Fluttershy on a regular time, even though nopony else could see her.

"A friend who dies, it's something of you who dies."

~ Gustave Flaubert