"Apples!" shouts Applejack to the early birds of Ponyville. "Get your freshly picked apples! Just two bits each. Straight from Sweet Apple Acres."
From Applejack's peripherals, her rival bucks open her own store. The two exchanged glances with a smirk, signalling the start of this morning's battle. "Ready to lose, Applesmack?" Carrot Top says, rubbing her hoof against her chest.
"Which one is it today?" Applejack says, tilting her hat. "How many we sell in an hour? -or: first to empty fruit basket."
"Carrots ain't fruits."
"Oh, right. I meant to say lesser vegetables."
Carrot Top bites her lower lip but still refuse to wipe that smile from her face. "Oh you're gonna regret that. Whoever sells the most in one hour wins... and with that said... CARROTS!!! GET YOUR CARROTS HERE! Those Apples sell frankenfood! Frankenfood, I say!"
"Hey," snaps Applejack. "No slanderin'!"
The entire market turned into a shouting contest between the two farm mares, fighting for customers from every side. They shove their baskets and fruits/vegetables to the pony’s faces, gave outrageous discounts and even threatened them at gunpoint. But it was not until a fruit (legends say it’s a carrot) hits the back of Applejack’s head that the war begun.
“Hey!” snaps the cowmare. “That hurt!”
“You’re blaming me? Just because I’m subliminally whistling and subliminally waving my hips back and forth?”
“That’s it... FOOD FIGHT!!!”
The market, as it was once known, turned into a battlefield where carrot spears and apple grenades flew from one side to the other. Fruit and vegetable met in the air, bouncing off one another, bouncing off the floor, bouncing off shop signs, stalls and barrells. Mares and stallion carried away their colts and fillies from the onslaught of the two-plant salad in the air. One fruit (poems write that it’s an apple) just so happen to ricochet from a cameo of a certain derpy-eyed pegasus and smash straight into the face of an unwary unicorn who just so happens to pass by; how was she unwary of the food fight, we do not know.
We only know, because Applejack screamed, that that unicorn was no other than her marefriend, Rarity.
At once, Applejack and Carrot Top cease their attack on one another. The cowmare ran to her unicorn, stepping and crushing on her way the sloshable gourmet beneath her hooves.
“Oh, by Celestia’s holy plot, I’m sorry, Rare,” Applejack says, wiping away applesauce from Rarity’s face. “Didn’t mean to do that.”
“It’s... It’s alright dearest,” Rarity replies. She uses her magic to tear some more pieces from her mane. “At least the dress didn’t get dirty.”
“Sorry, sorry love.” Applejack muzzles her lover. And, as she does so, she sees Carrot Top and immediately blames the pony. “It was her, she started it.”
“Well... you shouldn’t have fought back.”
Applejack explains herself, trying to justify what she knew was very much uncouth to her lover’s eyes. In the meantime, Carrot Top makes a mental inventory of all stocks sold, crushed, eaten and thrown. What she found out made her gasp; it was a tie, Carrot Top and Applejack earned the same amount of bits: 0.
“Whatever were you two fighting about?” Rarity asks.
But before Applejack can answer, she is thrown aside as Carrot Top her way between the two. “Miss Rarity,” the earth pony says, flashing her basket full of vegetable. “Can I interest you in some carrots?”
“What!?” Applejack sprang up from the barrel from where she was thrown. She immediately gallops back to Carrot Top and stands between her and the unicorn she loves. “Ain’t not mah mare, she’s buying an apple from me!”
“I am?” Rarity tilts her head.
“Darn ya are,” Applejack barks, her eyes not leaving her market rival. “Ain’t no way ya gonna win this round by sellin’ nothin’ to mah mare.She’s buyin’ mah apples, and not yer heretic fruits!”
“Vegetable,” Carrot Top says, shoving Applejack aside. Then addressing the unicorn behind, she says, “Miss Rarity, would you like to buy a carrot from me?”
Applejack glares at her lover, signaling her to stay away from those bounty. The cowpony felt she’s the only thing standing between Princess Snow White and the witch giving out a poisoned carrot.
Rarity ignores her, however, more interested in seeing the sweet face of a riled up Applejack. But when Carrot Top spoke, the nature of Rarity’s curiosity changed:
“These carrots isn’t for eating,” the yellow earth pony says with a smirk. “It’s for recreational purposes, perfect for mare-lovers. See this length, this girth, this phallic shaped exterior with a perfect rough edge is designed to give the hottest form of friction when rubbed against, and in!, a certain surface... See how long and hard it is... And imagine how you can use it.”
Carrot Top did know how she looked like, saying those words. But somehow she appeared to have grown a thick moustache, a monocle, and top hat. Also, she’s rubbing her hooves together.
“See... how tough... it is...” Carrot Top says, running her tongue up the carrot. “It could compensate for certain.. shortcomings in a, shall we say, mare-to-mare relationship.”
Applejack’s face has glown full red. “Are you selling us... a... a-!”
“A carrot. I’m selling a carrot, nothing more. And who said anything about an ‘us’? I’m selling it to Rarity.”
“Well, mah Rarity ain’t dumb enough to fall fer yer tricks, ain’t that right, hun? ...Hun? Rare? I’m talkin’ to ya...”
“Oh...Wha-? Right.. yes.. carrots.”
“Yer not thinkin’-”
“I’m not thinking of buying those uncouth things!” Rarity whips her head back, and turns again to Applejack. “We’re lovers, dearest... I’m always by your side.”
Rarity stretched her hoof and took an apple from the ground. Moving towards an apple basket, she drops in two bits.
* * *
It was dusk when Carrot Top collected her bits and closed the stall. She made up for her losses during the lunch sale but still...She lost to Applejack... again.
“Well,” she sighs. “There’s always tomorrow.”
Before she can pack her things and head home, a pristine white unicorn mare wearing a hooded robe stood before her path.
“Psstt...” the unicorn says, “I want to buy some of those carrots.”
Lost - The Princess Rarity
"Gimme it."
"Wait..."
"Rares. Gimme."
"Weren't you ever taught manners as a foal? Perhaps please rings a bell?"
"Jus' gimme the dang directions!"
"No, no, don't worry, darling, I'm positively sure that we have to go, erm," Rarity stole a glance at the map and frowned, only before pointing a snow white hoof down a random path. "That direction is South, is it not?"
Applejack wanted to facehoof, but instead let out a frustrated sigh, snatching the piece of parchment from her marefriend. "Ah reckon first we oughta figure out where we are." Her emerald eyes scanned over the map quickly and her eyebrows knit. "Rarity?"
"Yes?"
"Y'all brang th' wrong map." the blonde cowpony deadpanned. "This here's a tourist map o' th' Canterlot Gardens."
Rarity blinked slowly behind her outrageous dark pink sunglasses and shook her head. "No, no, that's impossible, I could have sworn I brought-" As she noticed the logo in the corner of the map, she frowned. "Oh. It would seem you're correct, my dear AJ."
"Ah don't mean t' sound conceited, but 'course Ah'm right." Applejack huffed, shoving the paper into her saddlebags. "Now, we're in th' middle of nowhere."
A moment of silence passed between the two mares only before the earth pony playfully tsk-tsk'ed, nuzzling her now-distraught lover.
"C'mon, sugarcube, it ain't yer fault."
"It's... not?" Rarity inquired.
"'Course not." Applejack replied, with the smallest of smirks. "It's mine fer trustin' ya wit' how t' navigate."
Bathtub - The Princess Rarity
"Well," Applejack let out a light chuckle as her gaze examined her lover carefully. "Ah gotta say, this is mighty odd."
Rarity pouted and frowned at her appearance. A horribly disheveled mane, mud on her coat, dirt on her hooves, it was simply ghastly!
"Might Ah ask how Miss Rarity got 'erself so dang dirty?" the cowpony inquired, trying not to laugh at her marefriend's current distress.
"I... might have helped on the farm."
"What now?"
"Helped on the farm."
"Rares, c'mon," AJ laughed. "Ya don't gotta be ashamed 'bout gettin' dirty."
Rarity huffed, rolling her eyes in defeat. "While you were out in Appleloosa, I may or may not have helped on the farm." she muttered.
The farmer knit her eyebrows for a moment, only before her expression softened and she grinned like she had just won the Lottery. "Why, Rarity," she chuckled.
"Yes, go on, laugh at me." the dressmaker scowled, however her sour face was soon turned to shock as lips met hers in a brief passionate kiss. "What...?"
"Y'all didn't hafta go do that fer lil' ole' me." Applejack murmured, brushing dirty locks of violet from Rarity's face. "But Ah certainly do appreciate it," the smirk never left her expression. "And also 'cause ya got yerself all mangled up on purpose."
A light blush radiated across the unicorn's cheeks and she waved it off playfully.
"It was nothing, darling." she said bashfully, only before flipping her mane in her usual way. "But now, if you excuse me," she gave Applejack a quick kiss and stepped to the side. "I need a nice, long bath." She shuddered at the feeling of the dirt practically sinking into her hooves and sauntered off.
"Oh, and if you wish," Rarity smirked, whipping her tail and giving a wink. "Feel free to join me."
