The Battle of Ponyville

Sweet Apple Acres was eerily quiet that night.  It’s only occupant was a sleeping Granny Smith, the elderly matriarch of the Apple Family.  Last year, she was an unlucky chaperone for an enthusiastic group of children.  She was relieved when  when  nopony showed up at her door all night.  She slept away on her favorite rocking chair, dreaming of memories of days past.

“Zzzzzz, mm, Zap apples.  Zzzzz, mm, harvest time.  Zzzzz, mm, bunny suit,” she mumbled in her slumber time.  “Zzzz, mm, I want cinnamon rolls.”

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the front that made Granny Smith jump out of her chair and face down on the wooden floor.  To her misfortune, she was now fully awake.  She walked toward the front door and opened it, finding rather semi-familiar faces.

“Nightmare Night,

What a fright,

Give me something sweet to bite!”

“Oh, it’s only you,” Granny Smith said.  There were two young unicorn colts standing in front of her door.  One was tall and slouchy, and the other was small and stout.  The small one had a greenish-blue coat, a dark-orange mane, and a cutie-mark resembling scissors.  The tall one had a coat similar to his friend’s mane and a mane with a similar color to his friend’s coat.  His cutie-mark resembled a snail.  Together, they are collectively known as Snips and Snails.

“Where are yer costumes?” she asked the boys.

“Don’t worry Granny Smith, they’re right here!” Snails happily replied.

“Yeah!  Me and Snails worked on these all night!” Snips added.  The colts pulled out masked that had an uncanny resemblance to each other’s faces.  The moment the masks were on their faces, a bewildered Granny Smith questioned the boys’ sanity.

“What the heck are you two wearin?”

“I’m wearing Snips’ face,” Snails said.

“And wearing wearing Snails’ face,” Snips answered.  “Isn’t it great?”

“No,” Granny Smith shot back.

Snips and Snails looked at themselves, and much to their amazement, they both got the facial features of their faces down - everything from freckles to bucked teeth; their masks almost look real.  Maybe too real.

“Uhh this is freaky!  Let’s take these off,” Snails frantically suggested.  Hastily, the duo removed their masks.  Afterward, they quickly gave a polite grin to the elderly, senile mare.

“Well, what do ya want from me?” she frustratingly asked.

“Candy I guess.  I think that’s the whole point of this,” Snails replied.

“Well ya ain’t gettin’ no candy without no costume!”

“Ah-ha!  That’s where you’re wrong, Granny Smith!  For we have backup costumes!” Snips exclaimed.  The two unicorns pulled out eyepatches from their pockets and made hats appear.  Snails put his eyepatch on his left eye and on his head was a pirate hat made of newspaper.  Snips put his eyepatch over his right eye and on his head was a stetson hat.  This confused the eldest apple mother even more so.

“What are you suppose to be now?” she asked in annoyance.  “Pirates?”

“I’m a newspaper delivery boy pretending to be a pirate, Granny Smith!” Snails excitedly said.

“And I’m a wild west cowpony who wears an eyepatch on his eye because he hurt himself,” Snips added.  “Get it?”

The two colts and the old mare stood in an awkward moment of silence.  Granny Smith then slam the door on their faces.  She contemplated putting a security system in her house when there was another series of knocks on the door.  Fearing for the worst, she slowly open the door to see - much to her rising frustration - that Snips and Snails were still there with their googly eyes and dumb grins.

“Now what do you want?!”

“May we use your bathroom?” Snails asked politely.

“... No!”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Please?”

“Why don’t ya use your own?!”

“We walked all the way here and we can’t make it that far,” said a pleading Snips.

“Well ya can’t use mine!”

“Can’t we just go behind the trees?” asked Snails.

“NO!”

“Then pleeease let us use your bathroom!  Pleeease,” pleaded Snails.

The colts now performed their best interpretation of the extremely well-known “potty dance” in front of the Apple’s doorstep.  Granny Smith’s face was turning blood red with irritation, with a small vein appearing on the side of her head.  She thought it would be hilarious if she just let them wet themselves right on the spot.  However, she knew it was not the right thing to do - if Applejack found out, she would be shock that her own grandmother would do such a thing to two little boys.  As much as she wanted to have a peaceful autumn night all to herself, her better judgement got to her.

“Dagnabbit!  Alright, alright, ya can come in.  But don’t touch anything!” she commanded with narrow eyes.

The boys immediately rushed into the farmhouse and began their mission to find the nearest bathroom.  Granny Smith now berated herself for letting small inconveniences interrupt her only downtime.  She returned to her rocking chair and tried desperately to fall back to sleep, but to no avail.  Her head turned to the radio sitting beside her on a stool.  She thought some music would help her put her mind at ease.  She turned it on and selected a station.

“Mares and Gentlecolts, we present to you the soothing musical stylings of Midnight Notes and her orchestra - live from the Grand Canterlot Hotel.”

Her hoof was just about to reach for the dial, but then something stopped her.  The music that was playing actually sounded relaxing and comforting.  It was as if somepony had just tucked her into a nice, soft bed, and covered her with a warm blanket.  She was never enjoyed that particular music, but she had to admit, it was helping her get some shuteye at the moment.

As the sweet music continued, her eyes became heavier.  She felt as though she will drift off to slumberland any moment.  It looks like she is finally going to get some--

“We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.”

“Wha-- huh-- wha?!”

“At 7:45 p.m. Professor Holst at the Mount Llamrei Observatory in Manehattan reports observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Ares.  The spectroscope indicates the gas to be hydrogen and moving toward the earth with enormous velocity.  Professor Stargazer of the observatory at Fillydelphia confirms Stargazer’s observation.  We now return to the music of Midnight Notes, playing for you at the Grand Canterlot Hotel.”

After the news interruption, the radio went back to airing the nice music.  This time, the music that was playing had a more upbeat tempo, much different than what was playing before.  So much for the relaxing, soothing music.  Granny Smith just sat on her chair, trying to rock herself to sleep.

“Mares and gentlecolts--”

“Dagnabbit!” Granny Smith shouted in growing frustration - she can never have a break.

“--following on the news bulletin given to us moments ago, the Equestrian Meteorological Bureau has requested that all observatories in the country keep an astronomical eye on any disturbances on the planet Ares.  Due to the unusual nature of these occurrences, we have arranged an interview with noted astronomer, Professor Stargazer, who will give us insight on why this is happening.  In a moment we will take you to the observatory in Fillydelphia.”

“Granny Smith!  We’re done!” Snails called out from upstairs.  The smiling boys walked back downstairs to find an even more agitated Granny Smith.  “Sorry, but we might’ve overflown the toilet - Snips stuck so much toilet paper down there,” Snails laughed.

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault!” Snips protested.  “Don’t worry, Granny Smith - you can barely noticed your bathroom is flooding.”  Granny Smith was about to let out a furious wail when the “reporter” on the radio made an announcement of importance.

“Mares and gentlecolts, we last left off about reports of strange explosions on the surface of Ares.  We are now live at the observatory in Fillydelphia with astronomer Professor Stargazer, of whom will explain the odd explosive phenomenon taking place on the surface of the red planet.  Thank you for being here, Mr. Stargazer.”

“Thank you, reporter.”

“Will you explain--”

Before the news reporter could finish asking his question, Granny Smith turned the dial on the radio.  Static and random sounds from other stations being heard.

“I don’t wanna hear all that nonsense!”

“Wait, change back!”  Snails said.

“Yeah, they’re going to talk about Ares!” Snips added.  “Gee, Snails - you don’t think there’s... aliens on Ares do you?” he asked worryingly.

“If there are, I hope they’re friendly,” Snails answered with fear in his voice.

“Will you boys cut it out?!  There ain’t no such thing as aliens - it’s all a bunch of hogwash!  Now will you two go home?!  I’m trying to get some rest before tomorrow!” Granny Smith snapped.

“B-but the aliens,” Snails fearfully protested.  Granny Smith moved behind the two colts and shoved them out of her home.  Afterward, she quickly closed the door and made sure all the locks were tight.  She wearily walked back to her rocking chair, lamenting the lost hours of peace and quiet.

Snips and Snails were outside, terrified by the earlier reports of strange activities on planet Ares.  The two looked up into the night sky, wondering if their suspensions are correct - and all of ponykind is in mortal danger.

“What do we do, Snails?  Should we warn everyone about the aliens?” Snips asked his friend.

“We gotta find out more about this!  Quick - we have to get to a radio!”  Snips and Snails ran as fast as they could to their homes, leaving the joys of sugary sweets and the delightful terror of Nightmare Night behind them.  The fate of planet Earth and all its inhabitants rest solely on their shoulders.

Rainbow Dash searched high and low for the timid pegasus.  She was nowhere to be seen at the festival, so she figured she ran off somewhere in town - someplace safe and not scary.  The Dash scanned the possible locations Fluttershy could be hiding - the animal shelter, the butterfly sanctuary, the spa - nothing.  As she was just about to give up, something clicked inside her mind.  What is the one place Fluttershy finds solitude and sanctuary in when she’s horribly frightened?

Her home.

The cyan pegasus flew away with the speed of a hawk to find Fluttershy.  Once she arrived at her cottage, she approached the front door.  She tried to open it, but it would not budge.  Not even the force of all her combined strength could bring the door down.  Dash took a step back and noticed that only her bedroom light was on.  She slowly floated herself up the window and caught a sight of huge lump hiding under a blanket, trembling as it did so.

“Fluttershy,” she sighed.  “Come out.  You can’t hide here all night.”

“I’m not coming out and you can’t make me!” Fluttershy declared from under her blanket.

“C’mon, ‘Shy - there’s no reason to stay here all cooped up by yourself.  Nightmare Night is about having fun!  So what if you scared?  Being scared is part of the experience,” Dash reasoned to the frightened animal lover.

“I don’t want to experience anything like that, Rainbow!” Fluttershy said as she revealed herself from under her protective blanket.  “You know how I am with scary things!  I can’t even look at my own shadow - that’s how scared I am.”

“Honestly Fluttershy, I never heard of anypony who's afraid of their own shadow before.  That sounds a bit ridiculous if you ask me,” Rainbow commented wryly.

“It is a real fear, Rainbow!  I asked Twilight about it!  I forgot what it’s called, but it’s real!” Fluttershy tried to convince.

“Sure, whatever.”

“And besides, I don’t want to get near... Nightmare Moon,” she continued with a nervous gulp.

“Fluttershy, she’s not Nightmare Moon anymore.  She’s not gonna plunge the world into eternal darkness like last time.  And will please stop being a ‘fraidy-pony?  Do I have to drag and carry you by the tail,” she asked in a threatening manner.  Fluttershy hid under her blanket again, much to Rainbow’s annoyance.  The Dash entered her room and the two a five minute wrestling match.  Unfortunately for the Fastest Flyer in Equestria, Fluttershy was quick to overpower her.  After much struggling, a defeated Rainbow Dash took her leave.  Fluttershy was relieved that Dash had given up all efforts to take her back to the Nightmare Night Festival.

Until Rainbow Dash tackled her and pinned her to the ground.

“Listen Fluttershy - you are coming with me to the Nightmare Night Festival and you are going to have a great time with all our friends!” Rainbow commanded.  “Got it?!”  Fluttershy responded with a deep frown and a simple humph.  Feeling accomplished, Rainbow Dash happily carried a scornful Fluttershy back to the park, where much excitement awaited them.

Scootaloo somberly stared at the half bag of candy she held in her hooves.  All her hard work, ruined, thanks to Nightmare Moon.  She clutched the bag tightly and swore under her breath.  Why would a goddess be so selfish that she had to steal a little filly’s candy she worked to the bone to earn?

“Ooowee!  That was some show, wasn’t it girls?”  An out of breath Apple Bloom asked her friends.  Her two friends did not immediately respond - Sweetie Belle was paralyzed with fear, while Scootaloo silently swore vengeance on the moon goddess’ crime of grand theft sweets.  “Uh, hello?  I asked you both a question.”

“She eats fillies.  She eats little fillies,” Sweetie Belle whispered to herself.

“C’mon, Sweetie Belle.  It wasn’t that bad.  Actually I thought it was a lot of fun!  What about you Scootaloo?”

“She stole my candy.  She will pay,” Scootaloo said as she clutched her hooves.

“Scootaloo, stop being so overdramatic.  You didn’t lose all of it,” Apple Bloom reasoned.  “Look, I don’t have a lot either, and you don’t see me complaining.”

“You don’t understand!  I worked my flank off to earn the candy I got and Nightmare Moon took that away from me!  When I see her, she’s gonna wish she hadn’t come between the Scoots and her sugary prizes!” Scootaloo declared to her friends.

“She eats fillies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,” Sweetie Belle quietly said to herself.

“Will you two stop it?!  Sweetie, she doesn’t eat little kids and Scootaloo, you’ll get your candy back.  Now can’t we all just enjoy the night?” Apple Bloom desperately asked.

“What’s left to enjoy?!  Nightmare Moon took everything away from me!  I had a mountain of candy, Apple Bloom!  Do you hear me?  A mountain!  I.  Deserve.  Justice!”

“... She’s going to come in my room and eat me.”

Apple Bloom’s brain felt as though it was about to meltdown.  Seeing as her two friends took the situation too seriously, she finally gave up.  She decided to wander off - leaving the pegasus and the unicorn behind to wallow in their perceived misery.

Snips and Snails began their mission to defend the earth from the coming invaders.  Since neither of them have access to a telescope, they ventured to a treehouse that belong to a certain unicorn.  As they found that all the lights were off.

“Miss Sparkle?  Miss Sparkle?  Are you home?” Snails asked while banging on the door loudly.  “Aliens are coming and we need your telescope!”  To their dismay, nopony answered the door.  “Ah jeez!  Miss Sparkle’s not home!  What are we gonna do Snails?”

Snips was going to ask his counterpart the same question just as a solution fell before his eyes.  On the bottom of his hooves, a large rock lay before them.  He then looked at the glass window - and then he stare at the large rock.  An idea formulated in his brain.  He picked up the rock with his hooves and marched toward the house.

“Snips, what are you doing with that rock?”

Before he could say anything, Snips broke the window.  The shatter was incredibly loud it could have woke the entire neighborhood.

“Snips are you crazy?!  Miss Sparkle is going to kill us!” Snails yelled angrily.

“I don’t care!  The fate of ponykind is more important than a lousy window!”  The blue stout unicorn climbed over the broken window and made sure he had no cuts on him.  He motioned for his slender counterpart to do the same.  Once they were inside, one of them turned on the lights.  This was first time they have ever been in Twilight’s home.  They were impressed with the interior of the living room.  And the looked in awe at the amazingly neat rows of books stacked in shelves.

“C’mon Snails!  You find a telescope and I’ll find a radio!” Snips commanded.  The colts went separate directions to search for their respective objects.  Snips scanned the entire den, as he thought a radio would very likely to be located.

“Hey Snips, I found a telescope and a radio!” Snails called from upstairs.  “They’re in her bedroom!”  Snips ran as fast as his little hooves could take him.  As he entered the bedroom of Twilight Sparkle, he saw Snails desperately trying to find the station which was reporting about the aliens.  Snips approached the telescope and pointed it to the night sky.  The black sky was decorated with twinkling stars - it’s just the question of which ones are hostile.

Snails rapidly turned the knobs of the radio back and forth to find that radio station.

*Equestria’s newest singing sensation {static} Wrong, wrong, you are wrong! You’re wrong about everything! {static} Apply directly to the forehead {static} Crazy Bus, Crazy Bus, we’re riding on a Crazy Bus! {static} Billy Hays here with another fantasic product! {static} We are the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything, we just stay home and lie around! {static}  I saw the asteroid but the impact was not what I expected.

“Hey Snips!  I found the station!”

“Good!  I’ll keep looking at the sky for any weird stuff!” Snips replied.  Snails listened intently for any information.

Reporter: I see the impact has not cause any immediate damage besides the forest fire.  Did you notice anything strange about the asteroid?

Eyewitness: Well, if you ask me, the crater is rather small for an asteroid impact.  And if I’m not mistaken, I believe the asteroid to be made of a metallic material. To be honest, I don’t think it’s an asteroid.

Reporter: It’s good thing the fire department is here. We don’t want the fire to spread throughout Fillydelphia.

Eyewitness: I’ll say. The only terrible thing the asteroid did was to kill the electricity. Otherwise, we’re okay.

Reporter: Have the city officials evacuated everypony living in the surrounding area.

Eyewitness: We’re doing that as we speak. We’re making sure everypony get to a safe location away from the impact.

Reporter: Thank you for your time, sir.

Eyewitness: It was a pleasure.

Reporter: With impact happening just a half an hour ago, it seems though no damage has been done to the City of Fillydelphia. We implore that--

Random pony: Look! Look over there!

Reporter: What the? Uh, it appears the mysterious object from space is... is moving. The top is... it seems to be unscrewing itself. Oh my goodness, the object is alive! This is most tremendous thing I have ever seen. The ponies behind me a frightened, as am I. Okay, the top is becoming loose. I-I don’t know what to think of this.

Snails was scared witless while listening to the news report.  Amidst of the reporter’s fascination with the mysterious object, he could hear the terrified murmurs and yelps of the background ponies.  Snips was still at the telescope, but he heard everything - and was afraid for the worst.

Reporter: The top is now completely unscrewed. I don’t see anything. Whatever that object was, it certainly - wait! What’s that! I see... I see... arms!

“Arms?!” Snips and Snails gasped in unison.

Reporter: Yes folks, arms! Tentacle-like arms appearing from the cylinder. Wait a minute - one, two, three, four, five, six! Oh the creature has multiple arms! They’re green and the monstrosity of it all! The eight-armed creature is trying to pull itself out! Oh my goodness, oh my stars and garters! The creature... the monster has appeared from the cylinder!

“Oh gosh, this is bad!” Snails lamented.  “What are we gonna do?!”

“This can’t be happening!  This can’t be true!” Snips added with horror in his voice.

Reporter: The green monster has returned to its cylinder. But it was still a horrifying experience! Why is it here? What does it want?

As the colts anxiously continue to listen to the news report they heard a strange noise coming from the radio.  The noise sounded like somepony was repeatedly plucking a wire or a piece of string close to a microphone.  Much to their horror, the reporter heard it also.

Reporter: Folks, there seems to be a strange sound coming from the cylinder. I wonder what’s - wait, something else is emerging from the cylinder. It looks snake-like in appearance. Red and green lights are surrounding its form. It seems to be scanning the area. This is outrageous! The machine... or whatever it is, is just standing there. Why? How- Oh no! A group of ponies is approaching it! They’re carrying a white flag! What in heaven’s name are you doing?! Get away, get away from it!

But it was too late.  As much as Snips and Snails prayed it would not happen - their fears were finally confirmed.  As the reporter begged for the small group of ponies to back away, they heard that wicked sound.  The sound of a heat ray incinerating them.  When all was said and done, they heard the terrified screams of bystanders and the psychological torment of the news reporter.

Reporter: Oh no! Oh no, no, no! I told them to get away! Oh the pain, the pain of it all! Those poor fools are dead, all of them, dead! The bystanders are fleeing for their lives! The heat-ray is coming this way! Everypony run for your-- GAAAHHH!

{Static}

…

…

Announcer: We appear to be having some technical difficulties. We promise to return to this breaking news bulletin as soon as possible. In the meantime, enjoy some breezy listening music.

{Lounge music plays}

…

…

“... SNIPS, WE GOTTA WARN EVERYPONY!  WE’RE AT WAR!”

Snails turned off the radio and the two colts ran downstairs and out of the house.  Snips grabbed the rock from before and broke the second window.  The two managed to jump through it with incredible speed.

“We gotta do something, Snips!  We gotta warn everypony about the aliens!”

“But how do we do that?!” Snails frantically asked.  The two paused and pondered for a moment.  After a minute of thinking, the solution came to them.

“EVERYPONY WAKE UP!  ALIENS ARE COMING!”

“IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!”

“CALL THE ROYAL GUARD!”

“DUCK AND COVER!”

“WHY AREN’T ANY OF YOU LISTENING!”

Throughout the night Snips and Snails went from house to house, warning everypony about the alien invasion.  The Battle for Ponyville was about to begin - who will be the victor was anypony’s guess.