Adorkable Love

by Einhander

Rating: teen
Tags: Cheerilee, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Romance, Comedy
Length: 95031

Rarity figures out that Cheerilee has a crush on Twilight, and that Twilight is oblivious. Rarity decide to play matchmaker. And Blue Bonnet is the worst delivery pony. Nothing can posi-blie go wrong.

Spike figures out that Cheerilee is making up reasons to visit Twilight at the library, and Rarity further figures out that it's because she must have a crush on Twilight.

When Ponyville's dedicated fashionista combines forces with Ponyville's only dragon to bring two adorably awkward book loving mares together, nothing can go wrong! Except perhaps, everything!

Oh yeah, and some pony ordered 20 trampolines and a bunch of other stuff that keeps getting delivered to one wrong address after another because of the world's worst delivery pony, Blue Bonnet.. More on that later.

Re-tagged to reflect that it's a Twi/Cheerilee, Mane 6, CMC and Blue Bonnet (Background pony) story.

Also, it's fair to say this is also a AppleDash and Fluttershy / Background pony shipping story. Also ScootaBelle? .
ARTWORK BY WACKEDOUTPET

Chapters 3-10 have been edited by the amazing TheLastBrunnenG

Chapter 9-10, attention must also be paid to pre-readers Guy Incognito, Cola Bubble Gum, and SpaceCommie

Chapters 9-10 also edited by SpaceCommie

Featured May 2013! ADDED TO TWILIGHT'S LIBRARY NOVEMBER 2013! FAN-ART ADDED MARCH 2014!

Published 2013-05-23 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-06 22:30:57 UTC

II: Somepony to Love

Adorkable Love

By: Einhander

Chapter 2: Sompony to Love

Spike huffed and puffed as he basically blew his chance to be Rarity's knight in shining armor. She hadn't been exaggerating: that bag WAS heavy. After two or three false starts, Rarity graciously agreed to switch roles; she would take the bag and he the book (it was an awfully heavy book).

They walked past the bickering delivery ponies ("SOMEPONY in this town must need some pre-paid trampolines...") and into the warm spring day. Winter Wrap Up wasn't too long ago, and the sun and green all felt new.

They walked in silence. Spike clearly had something on his mind, but he wasn't volunteering and Rarity had her own mystery clouding her mind.

Three days ago, Rarity had received a parcel (from that same Blue Bonnet, come to think of it) from her mystery client. Inside was a letter, a card with pony measurements and a bag of gems.

The letter read:

Dear Rarity:

I would like commissioning you to design and make a Foalish Follies Era gown inspired by my favorite book: The Great Gallopsy. But I want the Rarity touch. I know you know what that means. Measurements are enclosed along with payment. Gown is due 30 days from today.

Don't disappoint me.

A Fan

You could have knocked Rarity over with a feather after she read the letter. Short of a proposal from a prince-- well, not Prince Blueblood, but the image she had of her prince before the galafiasco--this missive was...

The. Best. Possible. Thing.

The gems were enough to keep the boutique running for a year, assuming she didn't use any of them for dresses. The challenge was high, but it was also enthralling- to remake a famous dress in her style image! Every designer knew the cover of that book, and her assignment was to make it her own. It was the most expensive dress she would ever make, and she hadn’t even named the price! Some benefactor, or designer or... angel had decided to place their faith in her.

The thought of that on its own made her have a crooked little smile.

"Rarity can I ask you- hey, what's up?"

She laughed, "I'm just happy about how well this dress is coming along!"

“Oh, right! Can I see what you have so far?”

Rarity blinked. The last part of the letter suddenly shot to the front of her brain:

Don’t disappoint me.

She wasn't one to tell fibs, but the truth was she had nothing to show. She had spent day one gawking at the letter and pinching herself. She then spent all of day two obsessively trying to figure out who the friends was, to no avail.

Today was day 3. She realized she had done absolutely nothing on the dress and the dummy was coming today. Once she had finished beating herself up for being so stupid as to waste two days on the biggest assignment of her career (and then beating herself up for wasting three hours beating herself up) she sprinted around town gathering materials. Last stop was the library, where she was so mixed up she couldn’t remember the name of the very book that inspired the whole project!

And after all of THAT mess, to home, and to a long night of designing and brainstorming. She had a lot of work to make up.

So what she said was:

“Work in progress darling, you’ll see it when it’s done just like everyone else.” It wasn’t a lie, per se. Things had gone from no progress to some progress. "And here we are!" announced Rarity, relieved to be back at the boutique. "Thank you for your help, Spike."

"Um, Rarity," Spike shuffled his feet, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'm sorry darling, but I've really lost so much time today. Why don't you come by-"

"Please, Rarity. It's important, it's been bugging me for weeks and you're the only pony I can talk to about it."

Rarity looked at her little friend. He didn't usually press an issue, any issue with her. His eyes were scared but defiant. Unless...

Oh no, not this again...

"Spike," she said carefully, "whatever you're about to say, have you asked Twilight about it first?"

"I can't ask Twilight! It's ABOUT Twilight!" Insisted Spike. "Please? I really need to talk to you. In private."

Rarity felt relief, then frustration, then confusion and finally intrigue, all in a matter of moments. That, combined with the fact that she wasn't about to have 'the talk' with Spike, plus those big puppy dog round eyes of his...

"Fine," she relented, opening the door. Who was she to turn down a friend's request for help? "Come on in and we'll have some tea and discuss whatever's on your mind."

Spike was visibly relieved, and followed Rarity in with the book. "Have a seat," said Rarity, who simultaneously was putting away her bag of materials while magically putting the tea kettle on. She had forgotten to go shopping in the past few days (she had fits to throw) but always had some tea stashed away in cases of friends needing suddenly and urgently to discuss personal matters and/or seek advice. It sounded presumptuous, but it happened frequently, and the time she was caught without it took twice as long to talk Fluttershy off the 'Mr. Badger doesn't hate you' ledge. Ever since then, she always (ALWAYS) had tea on hand.

Of course, that didn't mean she always had lots of choices.

"Mint or Saddle Gray, dear? I'm afraid that all I have."

"Whatever you're having." Spike was staring at the cover of the book. "It is stunning, huh?"

Rarity chose mint and nodded, "One of a kind. No one's sure who drew it, but it's on all the first editions of the book. That's why I had to go to the library, no one else had it. Believe me, I looked."

Spike frowned. "Do you not like coming to the library?"

Rarity shook her head, "I love visiting the library, and by that I mean seeing you and Twilight. But when it actually comes to finding a book, Twilight tends to... Overdo it?"

Spike thought about it. "I guess that's true. Mayor Mare came in the other day looking for a book about mayoral history, and walked away with eight books. Ten newspaper articles and a globe. I'm still not sure what the globe was for."

"Exactly! Why, if Cheerilee hadn't shown up, I'd have had to ask you to carry 5 books and reams of scrolls, I'm sure. Forty minutes later, anyway.

"That's what I want to talk about!" Spike pounded the table, more forcefully than he intended. A small vase with some flowers toppled over, causing water to flow over the tablecloth.

"...Crud." said Spike. "I'm sorry Rarity."

The tea kettle started to boil. Rarity sighed and smiled, "Never mind, darling, water always comes out." She trotted over to the kitchen and prepared the platter with the tea. She put some extra napkins on the tray and walked back in to find Spike trying to shove the now slightly wilted flowers back into the vase. She smiled despite herself. Spike was plucky, if nothing else.

"Now," she announced as she poured the tea for both of the , "what is so pressing about Twilight that you had to use both your break and mine?"

Spike stared at the table, blotting the spilled water with the napkins. There was a silence. Rarity brought her cup to her lips, blowing on the tea. "Come now. Out with it."

"Cheerilee has a crush on Twilight!" shouted Spike, who then immediately gasped and put his hands to his mouth, as if he was shocked that he dare speak the words.

The tea was about an inch from Rarity's mouth, where it remained since Spike confessed. Her eye twitched and then she very, very slowly put the tea cup back in the saucer.

"That," she announced, "was almost a spit take." She cleared her throat. "And lest you think otherwise , tea does NOT come out"

"I'm sorry, I just can't keep it to myself anymore," said Spike. "It's just so clear to me and Twilight has no idea and I don't know what to do."

"Really, dear, I think this might be all in your head."

Spike shook his head. "Uh-uh. I've been thinking this for awhile, and today confirmed it. I've got evidence!"

Rarity chuckled warmly. "Evidence, Spike? Why then by all means, detective, state your case."

Spike rolled his eyes, but then grinned. "Gladly. Fact! Cheerilee visits at least once a week. Like clockwork."

"Darling, I visit at least twice a week, and I love Twilight dearly but I assure you-"

"Fact! " Spike was undeterred. "Cheerilee checks out at least a book a week on her visits, and always returns them on time! She's the only one who has never had a late book, ever."

"Ever?" asked Rarity, eyebrow arched.

"Ever." said spike, "Trust me, she has a chart, and I'm in charge of updating it. It's a huge pet peeve for her, and everyone else does it. Even Fluttershy had a late book once. Twilight acts like she doesn't care, but believe me, she does."

Rarity took a deep sip. "So she's a regular visitor and she returns books on time. Even if she's the only one, that's pretty thin. She can’t be hoping Twilight notices her promptness."

"No, Twilight doesn’t notice those who do good, just the repeat offenders. But! Fact. She always stays about five minutes, always saying she doesn't want to waste Twilight's time. Except one time when Twilight wanted her opinion on something, it was about teaching I think, and then she stayed for an hour. A whole hour!"

"You mean, as friends do, when getting to know each other?" chuckled Rarity.

Spike was fuming, but pressed on. "These visits only became regular AFTER that whole mess with Big Mac and Sweetie belle and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo."

Rarity had to pause as that. "Well, I suppose it would make sense... Twilight did help keep them apart to break the spell, and I know Cheerilee was very appreciative. Of course, so was Big Mac and the whole town. Maybe they just became closer friends after?" Rarity took another sip. "I had hoped though that Big Mac and Cheerilee would hit it off for real afterwards..."

"But they didn't. The one 'real' date was a bust. She told Twilight, and Twilight told me. She's still single."

"Yes." said Rarity flatly, "what a horrible thing to be."

Spike ignored Rarity, announcing "Fact! Cheerilee spoke up out of nowhere today, gushing about and defending Twilight! Fact! When I suggested she keep Twilight company while I was out with you, she leapt at the chance!"

Rarity shook her head, "That's just a bunch of coincidences. We all love Twilight, we all like spending time with her, we all don't--at least I don't, and I'm not aware of anypony else--have a crush on her. And your tea is getting cold."

"Fact. Cheerilee already had a copy of the book she was returning to the library."

"She what?"

"When she walked into you and her books spilled everywhere, I saw the books she had. Two copies of the same Game of Crowns book. And the copy she returned was in pristine condition, but the other copy was all dog-eared and bookmarked. Why borrow and return a book when you own an older copy? Unless you want to spend time with the librarian?"

Rarity didn't have an answer for that. She hmmed, taking another sip of her tea. "Odd, I admit, but not definitive. She could have bought a copy after borrowing it, realizing she wanted to make notes but not wanting to... Er... Mark up the book?" She frowned as she said those words, not finding them believable.

"Now THAT sounds thin. C'mon, Rarity."

She slowly shrugged, without much conviction. "If you knew for sure she had the book before..." Rarity took a slow, deep sip of tea, deep in thought.

Spike smiled like you smile in a poker game when laying down an Ace. "Oh you mean the third book she had with her today? The EXACT SAME book she had me check out for her?" He leaned into Rarity, who stared back, eyes wide open, still drinking tea as Spike continued: "Book four of Game of Crowns? The same book she told Twilight she was...so...excited... to read??"

And then Rarity did an honest-to-goodness full spit take.

**

"And I hate it when authors rely on cheap comedy!" said Twilight, filling up her second glass of lemonade. "You've got a moment of high drama or epiphany and then some pony goes and does something gross or silly because the writer can't think of anything else to do. It's just not necessary."

"Oh?" smiled Cheerilee, "Gross or silly like what?"

"Perfect example: Spit take. What pony thinks its funny when another pony makes a mess and embarrasses themselves? Maybe all over another creature?? Who finds that funny?"

Cheerilee's smile faded a little, and she looked away, embarrassed. "Some ponies do... in small doses."

Twilight continued her rant, "and how is it even remotely realistic? Ponies don't do that!"

"We'll that's just not true." said Cheerilee. "Pinkie Pie."

Twilight went to reply, stopped, thought about it, and said, "Other than Pinkie Pie, who does that?"

Cheerilee sipped her lemonade (perhaps pausing for effect), and announced "Kids."

"Really?"

"Oh yes . Foals and Fillies both. With great frequency." She frowned for a moment, "If I could afford nice things, they wouldn't survive the classroom."

Twilight's face reflected that magical divide between disgust and intrigue.

"But... why? How?"

"How is easy. There is a special set of words designed specifically to produce that reaction, and children learn all of them." She finished her lemonade. "'Cooties' is one. 'Fart' another. And ever since hearts and hooves day, 'special somepony.'"

Twilight cringed. "So the rest of your kids found out, huh?"

Cheerilee, for the first time that day (perhaps ever) gave Twilight a Look. "Try spending the whole day running after a giant red stallion yelling 'smoochie poo', in a wedding veil, and see who DOESN'T find out."

Twilight smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Cheerilee returned to her normal self, "Not your fault! And the girls felt so bad, and well, maybe a few lessons were learned. No real harm done." She smiled and shook her head, "those three. They're going to conquer the world one day."

Twilight had always been friendly with Cheerilee, but she felt something now that reminded of her first day Ponyville: the qualities that inspire true friendship. "You really care about them don't you?"

"Yes... but if you're implying I play favorites, you're wrong! I love all my school-children equally." Insisted Cheerilee.

Now it was Twilight's turn to give a Look, (albeit with a smile) but Cheerilee had turned her head and held her head up high. Twilight shrugged and took a sip of lemonade.

"I don't care for Diamond Tiara." confessed Cheerilee.

It took all of Twilight's self control not to send that lemonade all over the table and her new friend.

"I'm sorry! I don't know where that came from!" said Cheerilee, "Please don't tell- Twilight? Are you okay?"

Twilight nodded, trying not to choke, gently swallowing the lemonade in small doses. Her face was beet red. Finally she gasped "I'm okay... I'm okay.."

There was a smirk on Cheerilee's face. "Why Twilight Sparkle, did I just almost see a... Spit take?"

"No!" Said Twilight. "Maybe." Cheerilee was grinning at her and she finally relented. "Okay, yes, fine."

"He he... See? It gets the best of us some times."

"I just don't like being so foalish." muttered Twilight. "And I don't understand why ponies find stuff like that funny."

"But that's just it- we're allowed to be silly as little ones, and then we're told as ponies to put all of that behind us. Who wouldn't miss it, just once in awhile?"

Twilight tilted her head to one side, and then nodded, "I guess so. Of course, it means less to me. I was always a very... Um... ‘Bookish’ child. There wasn't a lot for me to leave behind."

"I'm shocked. Shocked!" said Cheerilee in fake outrage. Twilight rolled her eyes. "Can you keep a secret? So was I."

They laughed.

"But I was bookish and cheery, so I had a good dose of silliness too. I think part of the reason I teach is to still be around it, even if I have to put a stop to it. It makes me sad, but as I tell the crusaders, being silly wont get you a cutie mark."

"Unless you're Pinkie Pie."

"Yes, of course." nodded Cheerilee. "Pinkie pie excepted."

"I feel like there's this big book of rules in Equestria, for ponies and magic and time and space..." Twilight stretched out her hooves for emphasis on how big the book was, "And at the end of each rule there's a footnote that says 'may not apply to Pinkie Pie.'"

Cheerilee nodded. "Pinkie can't be explained. Her pinkie sense saved a field trip from disaster once, and... Well.. When the children ask how she can do the things she does, I just say-"

"Pinkie's just being pinkie." They send in tandem.

"Exactly." Said Twilight.

There was a knock at the door. Twilight frowned, "If its that trampoline stallion again, I swear..."

Twilight opened the door and saw a sad looking filly. "Scootaloo! What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but have you seen my teacher?"

Twilight turned to the approaching Cheerilee. "What's wrong, Scootaloo?"

"...are you coming back to school?" Scootaloo shuffled her hooves and looked at the ground, "only because you didn't come back after lunch, and no pony knew what to do…”

Cheerilee blanched. She turned to Twilight and whispered "Oh no… how long have I been here?"

Scootaloo continued, “And then Diamond Tiara said she was... " she frowned, trying to get the words right, "declaring mare-I-tal law? Which she says means she can do whatever she wants...which is nothing new, but" Scootaloo then looked up with tears in her eyes “but now you're not there to stop her! She’s so mean!" Scootaloo suddenly grabbed Cheerilee and cried, "Please come back! Whatever we did we're sorry! Come back Ms. Cheerilee!"

The little filly was sobbing. Cheerilee looked like she was about to cry herself. “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

**

As Rarity was cleaning off the tea on the tablecloth, she was giggling like a filly. “Oh my! Cheerilee DOES have a crush on Twilight Sparkle! She MUST!”

Spike was still trying to dry himself off. “Tea comes out of scales, right?”

“Out of all the adorable things that could have happened, this is The. Most. ADORABLE. Thing!”

“Is it, though?” said Spike, a bit softly.

Rarity whipped her head to face the little dragon. “Whatever do you mean?”

Spike balled up the napkin and threw it away, “Well, first of all, I don’t think you can call it adorable. I don’t know what adorable is, exactly, but I don’t think it’s Twilight. She’s a dork.”

Rarity gasped. “Spike! How could you!?”

Spike waved his claws to calm her down, “Hear me out. I love Twilight. I know Twilight. I would do anything for her. But she’s a dork. She reads for fun, and not fun books like Daring Do, I mean books that NO ONE reads for fun. Then schedules a lecture on it, for fun. She keeps charts of things no one else does. She genuinely enjoys research projects. She dressed like Star-swirl the Bearded on Nightmare Night, and then got in a huff when ponies didn’t recognize her. She had a major meltdown because she didn’t have a friendship lesson to learn, AND she TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME because of her anxiety about perfection. What do you call that?”

Rarity frowned and relented, “Fine. Maybe it’s not adorable, per se,” she hesitated, then rallied, “but it IS adorkable!”

Spike narrowed his eyes, “You just made that up.”

“And if I did?” asked Rarity, “I’m in the ZONE, dear.”

“But what if I’m wrong? What if this is just like you said, a coincidence?”

“Spike, don’t tell me you went through all of that to convince me when you aren’t yourself convinced! You practically insisted-“

“I know, Rarity, and I do think I’m right. But that’s just it- if I’m wrong, this could just be hearts and hooves all over again, and if I’m right…” Spike trailed off, staring into the distance. “What if Twilight doesn’t feel the same way?”

Rarity hadn’t thought about that. “You mean about mares vs. stallions?”

“About everything!” said Spike. “She’s never had a relationship, stallion or mare!”

“No one knows Twilight better, Spike. Except maybe the princess. How DOES she feel?”

Spike shrugged. “I don’t think she thinks about it. Either gender. On hearts and hooves day, two stallions and three mares basically asked her out, and she had them all sit at the same table and drink Raspberry Lemonade and discuss the finer points of the history of the holiday. They were so sad and confused when they all left… well, not everyone, two the of mares had seemed to pair off and had an okay day.”

“So she has no idea, then,” said Rarity.

“None,” admitted Spike, “Cheerilee could be flying a banner saying I HEART YOU TWILIGHT and she’d correct the grammar before realizing what it meant. And who knows if that’s even what it means? It’s not like Cheerilee is being obvious…”

“Well, you’ve convinced me, and gotten me all jazzed about this, only to try to bring me down?” Rarity pouted, “Are you helping me play cupid or not?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t seriously think that telling me all this would mean I’d just leave it to fate, do you?” scoffed Rarity. “If you wanted to leave it be, you should have confessed to Fluttershy or Applejack. No, dear Spike, you’ve given me an idea, a wonderful idea, and I intend to see it through.”

“No! You can’t!” said Spike. “At least, not yet!”

“Why-ever not?”

Spike hesitated, his throat dry, wishing he had tea that wasn’t room temperature. He tried to find the words.

“Spike…?” said Rarity, suddenly concerned.

“Because love can hurt, Rarity,” he said, simply. “It can be wonderful, but it can hurt if the other… pony doesn’t feel the same way. And it can hurt not knowing and letting it just be in your heart as a wonderful dream… but it hurts more if you know for SURE that it’s not going to happen.” His tone was level, but his voice was cracking a bit. “I’m still a baby dragon, I know, but I’ve learned that. Twilight hasn’t. And I’m afraid for her. And for Cheerilee, who I’ll admit I don’t know very well but…”

“…you don’t want to see either of them hurt,” finished Rarity, who was suddenly very low, very low indeed. Spike nodded.

“I think hearts and hooves day took a lot of out Cheerilee. No pony asked about her love life or her lack of a special somepony before, and suddenly the whole town knows because of all that spell stuff. And then ponies think, well, it’ll work out with her and Big Mac! Everyone loves Big Mac. But it didn’t.”

“Everyone wants somepony to love, Spike. All creatures. ” said Rarity, as gently as possible. “I supposed even Discord, as odd as that sounds.”

Spike laughed, sniffling a little. “I don’t think anypony could ever love him more than he loves himself.”

Rarity smiled, “Maybe Fluttershy, but only as a friend, I would hope.”

Spike looked away and repeated. “As a friend.”

Despite her best efforts, they seemed to be having a talk right then and there. What a day…

“Spike, do you love Twilight?”

“Of course. She’s my family. My only family, really, besides you all.”

“Do you want her to be happy?”

Spike nodded. “More than…,” he stopped again, staring at Rarity’s eyes, and continued, “More than anything, really. She’s such a special pony. She deserves somepony special.”

“I agree. I love her too. I also don’t know Cheerilee that well, but, I can’t think of anything bad to say about her, and my sister loves her, and her friends do too… would you agree?”

Spike smiled, “Yeah. I hear only good things, except when it comes to too much homework.”

“Maybe something only Twilight could love, " smirked Rarity. "Then Spike, I’ll say this: there is something worse than confessing one's love and knowing it’s not meant to be… and that’s realizing too late that something was possible, but being too blind to see.” Rarity started placing the tea cups back on the platter. “I don’t want Twilight to realize, maybe years from now, on Cheerilee’s wedding day or when she moves away or… who knows. I don’t want her to not see what’s in front of her because… well, there’s so much going on in her brain that she can’t understand what’s obvious to everypony else! We owe that to her!”

Spike thought and nodded slowly. “I think you’re right… but what if we fail?”

Rarity threw her mane back and stared Spike in the eyes. “Then we fail. But I think I’m the right pony for the job. And I can’t do it alone. Not without my…” she paused, “…without my very best friend and knight in shining armor.”

Spike looked at her for a moment, and then smiled. There was a hint of sadness in his smile, but also resolve. The word ‘best’ had never been used before. And, you know, Rarity in his life as a friend (best friend!) was better than no Rarity at all.

“Alright, let’s do this!”

“Yessss!” said Rarity, “And nothing can possi-bly go wrong!”

“Uh… you mean possibly go wrong?”

“…why, what did I say?”

“Possi-bly. Like you said ‘Possib’ and then ‘lie.’” Spike shrugged. “It just sounded weird.”

“Well.” said Rarity. “I guess that’s the first thing that’s gone wrong.”

There was a knock on the door. Rarity opened it, and standing there was Blue Bonnet, holding a giant box.

“Afternoon, Ma’am. Where do you want this?”

Rarity cooed, “Did somepony get me a present?” and took the box from him, opening it quickly. She stopped when she saw the contents-- an orange, black and green monstrosity that was allegedly eyewear-- and immediately glared at him with the sharpest of daggers in her eyes. “What. Is. That. Thing?”

“Looks like a Pegasi XL-3006 Goggle Speedster set.” Blue Bonnet looked over the box, “With Nightvision! Nice. Just please sign here…”

Rarity stared at the box with the super-fancy goggles, and then stared at the delivery-pony. She sighed.

“Do you see this horn?“

“Yes?”

“Do you see my lack of wings?”

“….yes?

“So what in Equestria am I supposed to do with flight goggles?!” exclaimed Rarity.

The delivery-pony shrugged. “None of my business, maybe it’s for the Pegasus in your life? Anyway, It’s all paid for, Ms. Onward, just sign-“

“WHAT… did you just call me?” said Rarity, trying to keep her cool.

Bonnet looked at his paperwork. “Uh… Ms. Onward? Deliver to ‘Carousel Boutique, care of Sahib Onward.’”

“And WHAT… does that sign say above you?”

Bonnet looked up. “Carousel Boutique: designs by Rarity.” He read. Then he slowly turned to Rarity, started to look nervous again. “Do you… work for Rarity, Ms. Onward?” There was a deadly silence. “Mrs. Onward?”

There was a deadlier silence.

“…or does Ms. Onward work for you?”

“Get. Out.”

Bonnet was slowly backing up, holding the paperwork, “… just, could I ask you to-“

Spike stood in front of Rarity, crossing his arms. “Her name is Rarity, she didn’t order this, and she’s not paying for it!”

“It’s already paid for!” Bonnet wailed, “I just need a signature!”

“I’m not signing anything!” roared Rarity, kicking the box, “And take this thing with you!”

The box slid over to a very glum looking Bonnet.

“Good day, Sir,” sniffed Rarity.

“I’m just trying to do my job!”

“I SAID GOOD DAY!” she shrieked, slamming the door.

Rarity took a deep breath, counted to five, and then opened her eyes with a smile.

“Now, Spike!” she said, “Operation: Adorkable! Step one : we need a plan…”

“And a better name,” offered Spike.

**

Cheerilee was still trying to calm down the near hysterical Scootaloo, Twilight shook her head. "I'm lost."

"This was my lunch break... I got so caught up talking I just…” she trailed off, then knelt down in front of Scootaloo, “Listen, Scootaloo. You didn’t do anything wrong. None of you did. This is my fault, okay? And I’m coming back with you right now.”

Scootaloo nodded, drying her tears, “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t cry. Awesome ponies don’t cry. Rainbow Dash doesn’t cry. ”

Cheerilee smiled, “It’s okay. I won’t tell anypony.” She looked at Twilight, “I have to go.”

Twilight had already grabbed Cheerilee’s books and satchel, floating them over, “Of course! I’m so sorry I kept you!”

Cheerilee shook her head, “It was my fault, I was having such a good time… I’ll return the book on time next week, I promise.”

As Cheerilee lead Scootaloo out of the library, Twilight called out: “Cheerilee. You know, you don’t need to be returning a book to drop by…”

Cheerilee turned, her face neutral “Oh?”

Twilight smiled and nodded, “Visit whenever you like. Book or no, friends are always welcome here!”

And you had to be very quick to catch it, and paying attention very closely, to see what happened next. Cheerilee smiled, but it was a crooked kind of smile… the kind you get when you get a test back and it’s a B but you were hoping against hope for an A. Twilight didn’t catch it, but Scootaloo did. She had been holding Cheerilee’s hoof and looking up at her.

“I may take you up on that, “said Cheerilee, and her smile returned to normal..

And as they said their goodbyes and Twilight shut the door, Scootaloo was left to wonder… why did Cheerilee look a little sad when Twilight said to visit? Wasn’t it a good thing to be somepony’s friend?

And as they walked back to the school, Scootaloo also noticed a blue stallion in a neat vest, grumbling and muttering, holding a beat up box that had something really cool looking poking out of the top.

And in the distance, if she squinted hard enough, Scootaloo could swear she could see a pink blur bouncing from spot to spot, and if you focused you could faintly hear:

“weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………..”

Author's Note

I like to live in a world every every episode is canon except for the last episode of S3.

I'm not saying that episode didn't happen, but let's just pretend that a whole lot of other stuff happened before Princess Twilight.

This story lives in that time frame- post Discord release, post Crystal Empire saving, post-Scootaloo sort of adoption by Dash, but pre-alicorn.

IV: Let My Love Open The Door

Adorkable Love

By: Einhander

Chapter 4: Let My Love Open The Door

Pre-Read/Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG

Blue Bonnet learned when he was just a tiny colt about the ancient ponies who overcame fear, hunger, and hatred to beat back the freezing ice wraiths and founded Equestria. Those tough and resilient ponies would probably agree with Bonnet that he'd had something they would call, in the old language, " ye olde pretty rough day." He'd had two deliveries go bad in a row, his partner quit on him and he'd been forced to basically give away his parcels to ponies he met on the street. And only one of those ponies actually thanked him, the pink one just kept screaming and gasping.

But for reasons he could not explain, he decided to try one more delivery. It was for yet another pony he did not recognize, but at least this name had the advantage of being slightly more pronounceable.

...Maybe.

The address had brought him to a tree with an orange colored divided door, surrounded by bird houses. He stared at the door, which had a top half and a bottom half. Sealed envelope in hoof, determined not to repeat his mistakes of the past (among them, swearing and sobbing), he muttered, "C'mon Bonnet, just two more to go." Screwing his courage to the sticking place, he knocked on the door.

A moment later, the bottom half of the door opened ever so slightly, but no pony was there. He leaned down to look inside, and heard an impatient tapping. Looking further down, he found a white bunny staring up at him.

Bonnet swallowed awkwardly under the gaze of those two little black eyes. He got the uneasy feeling that this rabbit had already judged him and found him wanting. Nevertheless, he rallied, cleared his throat, leaned over towards the bunny and said "Pony Postal Service, I have a delivery for-"

SLAM!

THUD.

The top half of the door opened too fast for him to react, and he went down to the ground, face first.

When he opened his eyes, all he could see was the prettiest pony in the whole wild world, ever, looking at him with concern. She had a light yellow coat, a pink mane that covered one of her eyes, and her other eye reflected nothing but kindness and concern. And when she opened her mouth, the voice of an angel escaped and he heard:

"Oh my goodness, what happened to your face?!"

He heard without hearing, disoriented from her beauty and his head trauma. Holding up the envelope, he sputtered "Postal delivery! Bonnet for Ringo? Sign thanks!"

And then there was another creature looking down at him: the cute little bunny from earlier.

"Hi guy!" he said to the bunny.

The rabbit looked at him, and then smacked him in the face with a carrot

Everything went black.

"... And thats the story about how I came to Ponyville and got my cutie mark." The yellow mare smiled and sipped her tea. She then dropped her smile and lowered her head, looking up at Blue Blonnet, "Um, sorry, you only asked about my cutie mark, but they're the same story, I know it was a little long..."

Blue Bonnet chuckled, then winced in pain. He reached up and touched his head gingerly.

"Oh my goodness, I'm still sorry about that, Mr. Bonnet..."

"No worries," said Bonnet, sipping his tea. They were both drinking tea, sitting in her living room. Well, she was sitting, he was laid out on her couch with his head bandaged up, with only one eye showing. He realized he should have delivered the package and moved on, but she was just so nice, and so kind, and had offered him tea. No one had ever offered him tea before in his whole life. He didn't really enjoy the actual beverage, but who was Blue Bonnet to turn down a kind gesture from a lovely pony? He put his tea cup back in his saucer, and said "It was my fault, I should've been more careful Miss, uh..."

He froze. He couldn't remember her name. When she had been bandaging his head, she asked him his name but he was too busy staring at her to ask her name. When she had asked if he wanted to have some tea, he was too busy listening to the subtle melody that was her voice. And now he had revealed his cards, and the bottom line was that he had no idea what her name was.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Bonnet?" asked the yellow mare, who suddenly looked a little sad. "Do you need to go?"

He was in a tailspin, not wanting to leave but worried the incoming panic attack would drive him out the door. He was glancing everywhere around the room for a diversion, the glass windows, the table, the newspaper on the couch - DISCORD TRIAL RESUMES TODAY, screamed the headline, and underneath there was a side story that said CUTE BABY DUCKS ORPHANED - the paperwork on the table... The paperwork! The customer's name was on the paper work, which was on the table, which was right in front of this beautiful pony. Now, all he needed was an excuse to look at his paperwork and figure out her name. He decided to do a little espionage.

"Could I see my paperwork for a moment?"

"Oh, most definitely!" she chirped, putting down the tea, and handing him his paperwork, along with the delivery moment.

"Thank you," he said warmly, looking over the documents, "I just needed to check..."

He stopped when he saw her name. Whatever illusions he had that the answer to the puzzle before him would solve all of his problems was shattered. True, it was no "Gmu Vou Fitz," but that didn't make it any easier to pronounce. What good was knowing some pony's name if you had no idea how to say it?

"... Something," he completed his earlier thought. He decided to try more espionage. "Tell me, what is the story behind your unusual, er, but lovely name?"

The yellow mare blushed and lowered her head, sipping more tea. "Oh, um, not much to tell. I was born with tiny wings and was fluttering about, and from the very beginning I was... well, shy."

Bonnet blinked. He glanced at the name on his paperwork, and back at her. "That's all?"

"That's all," she stared into her cup, then looked up at him. "What about you? Blue Bonnet is a very nice name, could you tell me your story? Um, if you don't mind, that is."

Bonnet shrugged, "I came into this world Blue, and when my dad came to visit my mom in the hospital, he brought her a bouquet of bonnets. My dad always told me she took one look at me, one look at the flowers, and that was it." He stretched out his hooves slowly, presenting himself with a half smile, "Here I am, world. Blue Bonnet. At your service."

The yellow mare giggled. "That's nice. Did she keep the flowers to remember the moment?

"No. She ate them."

"Oh."

Bonnet started to shake his head, then stopped and winced in pain again. "It's her favorite snack, that's why Dad brought them. I was a long birth."

The yellow mare smiled again, and sipped her tea. "What about your cutie mark?"

He looked over at his flank, his face a mosaic of emotions. The two conjoined horseshoes stared back, mocking him. "Well... I'm lucky." The mare smiled and nodded, waiting patiently. After a few moments of silence, he sighed, "No, that's it. I'm just lucky. That's my special talent."

"Oh, that's.... nice." said the mare, confused, "Um, what does that mean, though?"

"When I was a colt and we'd be playing a game, anypony around me would make their shot, or roll a six, or whatever they needed to win. I'd miss, of course, or roll ones and twos. But the pony to my left and right would always come up aces." He shifted his head slowly, painfully, to look out the window. The sunset was gone, leaving Luna's Moon to shine into the house. "One day, we're bowling, and this pony right next to me bowls a perfect game. he says, 'Bonnet, you're my lucky charm!' Suddenly there's a flash on my side, and my destiny is to be lucky. For other ponies. Me, I've never really felt what other ponies feel around me. In fact, the only friend I've really got, Caramel, he says that for every good thing that happens to somepony else, I..." he hesitated, "He says I just keep 'blue'ing things up. Like, they win, but I screw it up."

The yellow mare gasped. "That's so mean! And you say he's your only friend?"

Blue Bonnet shrugged, still looking out at the stars. "I've always made friends quickly, but I don't keep them. They always want to have me around, but you can only go to so many tournaments, casinos and bars as the odd pony out before you..." He sighed and turned his head back to the yellow mare. "Sure, they like me, but because of my horseshoes, not because of me. Caramel can be rough, but he's the only one that likes me because I'm me."

There was a pause, and she whispered, "I just met you, but I like you..."

She could have knocked Blue Bonnet over with a feather at that. He felt a warmth enter his heart for the first time in days. Smiling as wide as he ever smiled before, he said, "I like you too..." and he wanted to say her name, but how could he pronounce it? Sooner or later he'd have to force the issue.

"More tea, Mr. Bonnet?" asked the yellow mare, putting down her own cup and reaching for the kettle.

Blue Bonnet quickly looked down at his cup, saw that it was a third full, and as she had her back turned momentarily, quickly drank the rest of it. By the time the mare had was holding the kettle out to him, he was at the ready, offering his now empty cup. "Yes, please, if you don't mind."

The yellow mare smiled and tilted the kettle over his teacup, only to have the smallest trickle come out. Her eyes blinked in panic, and she looked anxiously at him. "Oh.. um... Sorry, I seem to have... Would you like me to make another kettle?"

Bonnet's heart sank just a bit, but he tried to keep his smile bright. "If you don't mind, I think it's helping my head and-"

"Oh yes of course!" she interrupted, "You poor thing! I am so sorry about that! I'll make you some more tea right away!" She hurried over in the direction of the kitchen, but hesitated, and turned to say, "That is, if you don't mind, um, waiting..."

Blue Bonnet smiled softly and said, "It'd be my genuine pleasure." She smiled back and blushed slightly, and walked into the kitchen with the tea kettle.

He looked around the room, rubbing the bandage on his head. What a reversal of fortune! Half an hour ago, he was lying on the ground after being clobbered by a door, and now he was sitting in this lovely pony's living room, having tea. True, there was a giant bandage on his head, his uniform was filthy and his hat had gone missing, but still.

He nodded to himself, life could be a lot worse. Then he gasped in pain, forgetting the yellow pony's admonition to not move his head unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Everything okay, Mr. Bonnet?"

"Fine! Fine!" he yelped, trying to calm himself down. He closed his eyes, trying to rest and let the pain seep away, and realized how tired he was. Moments passed, or maybe it was minutes, because the next thing he heard was the tea kettle's piercing whistle. He caught a glimpse of something staring at him out of the corner of his left eye. Not wanting to move his head again, he picked up himself and rotated ever so slightly to see his stalker.

The little white bunny from earlier stared at him with a purely neutral face. He stared at the little creature, who stared back without blinking or making any expression at all.

"Is the same tea okay?" came the voice from the other room.

"Y...yes?" said Bonnet, nervously. The bunny's ear twitched at the sound of his owner's voice.

Then the bunny whipped out Bonnet's hat, and held it aloft. And before Bonnet could say anything, the rabbit dropped it and stomped it into oblivion. The cap had already been through way too much for one day, and a few enthusiastic stomps was all it took to destroy it.

Bonnet stared at the little ball of furry evil, dumbstruck at the wanton cruelty to his defenseless headgear. Before he could cry out, they both heard the sound of the yellow pony returning with more tea. She opened the door and saw Bonnet staring at the bunny, and vice-versa. She smiled, "Oh, Angel Bunny, are you and Mr. Bonnet getting along?"

Bonnet swallowed and sunk into his chair. "Peachy... peachy keen."

The mare giggled and pet the bunny with her free hoof, then carefully brought the tea tray over to the table. The rabbit played nice while his mistress was coddling him, but the moment she had her back turned, the malicious eyes returned. The rabbit pointed at Blue Bonnet, then pointed at his own eyes, then hopped away with a glare.

"Do you want sugar?" asked the oblivious yellow mare.

"Excuse me, I must be going," responded Blue Bonnet, who stood up despite the pain and reached for his clipboard with the paperwork.

"But... but I just made the tea...."

"Duty calls, you know, I have another delivery..."

"Oh... I see."

They looked at one another sadly. He didn't want to go, she looked like she didn't want him to go. Bonnet coughed, "So I just need your signature here... uh..." Behind the mare, near the doorway, he could see Angel Bunny staring daggers at him, only this time the bunny made a slicing motion across his own throat and then pointed back at Blue Bonnet.

Bonnet took a deep breath. Don't Blue this up, Don't Blue this up...

"How do you pronounce your name?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Your name... it's unusual, and I've wanted to call you by your name, but I don't how to say it."

She blushed, "Just like it sounds. Fluttershy." He stared at her. "Just one word, it sounds like two words, but I prefer to say it like it's one." He continued to stare at her. "Did you think it's two words? It's, um, fine if you did. I'm not offended."

"Do you have any aliases?" he said, his voice cracking.

"Um... I don't think so? Maybe I do. Actually I don't know what that is," said the yellow mare now known at Fluttershy.

"It... hehe... it means you go by a different name than your other name..." he giggled, his one good eye going a little manic.

"Oh, um, no. I've always been called Fluttershy."

"So... haha.... so your name is NOT Ringo Man-ri-ki?" he said, eyes tearing up.

"Mr. Bonnet, are you okay? I've never heard of that pony before in Ponyville and I'm... I'm worried about you," she said, putting a hoof to his forehead. "I think you may be running a fever."

"But this... ho ho... this address is your address and..." he tapped the paperwork, "It says this letter is for Ringo Manriki...."

Fluttershy gently patted him on the back. "I think somepony's been funning with you, Blue."

Blue Bonnet looked her in the eye, blinked, and started screaming.

Applejack groaned as she hauled the cart down the road. Finally, Fluttershy's cottage was in sight. She had gotten close earlier, only to look behind and realize that her box of ducks had turned over, and she had lost a few. After some vigorous running around, and improvised food gathering (they would not stop quacking!), she had all her ducks in a box and was ready to be done with them.

She shook her head. I sure hope Fluttershy wants these ducks... otherwise I'm up a creek without a-

There was a loud slam as a blue stallion threw open the door to Fluttershy's cottage and started running.

Hey, isn't that Blue Bonnet?

She did a double take, and sure enough, it was Blue Bonnet. Although it was hard to tell if he was screaming or sobbing, either way he was clearly upset. His head was bandaged and he was running away at full speed, delivery papers going this way and that. Fluttershy appeared at the door, waving an envelope and calling, "Mr. Bonnet, wait! Your delivery!"

But he was already gone, a trail of tears and paperwork in his wake. Applejack stared at the retreating shadow of the stallion, then back to Fluttershy, who was clearly upset and was trying not to cry.

"What happened, darlin'?" said Applejack, concerned.

"He was such a nice pony... I don't... I don't understand why he got so upset, or what I could have said," she whispered, staring at the envelope in her hooves. "You don't know a Ringo Manriki, do you?"

"Who in the what now?" asked Applejack.

Fluttershy shook her head, "Nevermind... I think it's a made up name, anyway... Poor Mr. Bonnet."

"Speakin' of made up names," said Applejack, grunting as she gently placed the box on the ground.

"Applejack, are you okay?" asked Fluttershy. "You look tired."

Applejack returned a weak smile. "Ah'm fine', Sugarcube. Tell me somethin'... You know anything about ducks? Baby ducks, specifically?"

Fluttershy gasped, "Did you read that article too?! I had been getting the Canterlot paper delivered to follow poor Discord's trial, and I read all about that horrible accident! Those poor orphaned ducklings!"

Applejack was staring at Fluttershy, mouth agape. It was at the exact moment when the box tipped over, and 19 and a half (don't ask) baby ducks spilled out, quacking their way to freedom.

Fluttershy gasped the biggest gasp she had ever gasped. "Omigoodness! Are these those precious little angels?! Did you rescue them??"

"Er... No? They were delivered to me by accident. Ah can't take care of'em, but I thought maybe you-"

"You'd trust me?!" squeaked Fluttershy, "Oh Applejack of course I will! I'll take the best care of them! All of these little blessings..." She bent over the little quackers and cooed, "Hello little ones, I'm going to take care of you from now on."

The ducks all quieted down and turned at looked at Fluttershy. She opened her door and looked back at them, smiling.

"If... if that's okay with you..."

If ducks could talk, they would have said as one: Lady, feed us and we'll do anything you say. They entered the house, continuing their quack symphony.

Fluttershy turned back to her friend. "I won't let you down, Applejack!" Suddenly she flinched, and looked down to see an angry Angel smacking her hoof, and pointing at his mouth.

"Oops, sorry Angel bunny." She chuckled. "I have to go make dinner."

"Well, good luck with these little ones, now," said Applejack, turning the cart around.

"Thank you, Applejack. And if you see Blue Bonnet, tell him... I'm sorry, I suppose?"

"Sugar, what do you have to be sorry about?"

"I honestly don't know, but, I'm worried about him. He's a nice pony, and I think life's just dealt him a bad hand... " She stared at the unopened envelope in her hooves, endorsed with the name that drove Blue Bonnet over the edge. "He just needs someone to like him for who he is." Suddenly there was a crash and a gaggle of quacking inside her cottage, and Fluttershy grinned, "Just like these little blessings. Goodnight, Applejack!"

The door closed, and Applejack blinked. "Well. That was a freebie," she said, a slow smile spreading on her face as she pulled the cart away from Fluttershy's tree.

The sun had set completely about two hours ago.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were hiding in the bushes near Cheerilee’s house. They had never been to her house before, in fact, they had to ask around to figure out where it was. It was simultaneously adorable and… small.

A small house painted in a pretty blue color, it had windows that allowed any pony who cared to see inside Cheerliee’s living room. Her living room was also her dining room and kitchen and 'everything else' room though she had a bedroom and an ‘other room’ where all other activities would take place.

As Apple Bloom watched Ms. Cheerliee go from one room to the other (the bedroom had curtains), it occurred to her for the first time that whatever Ms. Cheerilee was paid to teach them, it must not be much. That thought, combined with the lack of a smile on her teacher’s face, convinced her they were doing the right thing today. Even if it meant one more day without cutie marks, they were helping out someone who needed something good to happen. And once they had gathered their materials and found the house, all they need was for Scootaloo to arrive so they could put their plan into action.

That was about an hour and a half ago, when the skies still had traces of blue.

Now they were both tired, hungry and knew they were in trouble when they got home. And it was dark and it was cloudy. And cold. And they had actually watched Ms. Cheerilee plan, prepare, cook and eat her dinner in the time it took for Scootaloo to *still* not be there.

“I’m hungry, Apple Bloom,” whined Sweetie Belle.

“I know, me too,” said Apple Bloom.

They continued to watch Cheerilee, who was now sitting in a chair by the window and reading a book.

“You know, some day some pony’s gonna invent something that lets ponies contact one another over large distances,” mused Sweetie Belle, “and stuff like this is never gonna happen again.”

“What? Waitin’ on a pony?”

“Yep! We’ll always be able to reach each other, so you’ll always know why someone’s late, and then all these problems will go away!”

“I dunno. What if the pony gettin’ contacted, you know, doesn’t answer the call?”

“…why wouldn’t they? If somepony wants to talk to you, wouldn’t you want to say hello?

“Not if it was Diamond Tiara!”

“Huh. You got a point there,” said Sweetie Belle. “Either way, I’m hungry.”

“I know, me too,” said Apple Bloom.

Suddenly they heard a noise, and after a few tense moments, they heard a familiar voice say “Psst!”

Apple Bloom grumbled, “Scoots! Where the heck you been?!”

“Ssh! Keep yer voice down!” Scootaloo snuck down to where the two other ponies were, with a bunch of flowers in her mouth. She took them out and put them on the ground gently, and took off her helmet. “Dash had to fly me up to the top of the mountain, but it took an hour to get there and... and then we spent about an hour trying to fix her goggles so we could fly back down." She cracked her neck and rubbed her eyes, "Lookin back, maybe we should have used the roads. Then I had to get my scooter. But I got the Purple Night Flowers right here!”

Sweetie Belle had a look of murder in her eyes. “Flowers? You took three hours to get flowers? I’ve got flowers outside Rarity’s house we could have taken! I could be home right now!”

“No, it HAD to be these flowers… the flowers she has on her desk. It’ll be worth it. What about you two?"

Apple Bloom said, “I got the box of candy. I got to Bon-Bon’s right before she closed up for the day, and she said this’ll be great for cheerin’ somepony up.”

“We almost ate the candy we were so hungry,” whined Sweetie Belle.

“And how did you do, Sweetie Belle?” asked Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle frowned slightly and said, “Well, I tried to make a card but it came out really bad, so I had to just buy one.” She pulled it out and showed them. On the front the card had a wilting flower and said, “Heard you had a rough day…”, and on the inside the flower was standing tall and straight and the card said “Hope this brightens your day!”

Scootaloo stared at the card, putting on a brave face. Apple Bloom also had a similarly worried smile. Sweetie Belle sighed and hung her head. “I know, it’s not great. But it was either this, a birthday card or a ‘sorry for your loss’ card, and, I don’t know, I thought it’d make her sadder…”

Apple Bloom shook her head, and smiled, “It’s okay, Sweetie Belle. Together, I just know it’ll cheer up Ms. Cheerilee!”

“Girls?” said a voice, and they all jumped. They then turned to see Twilight Sparkle walking up next to them. “You okay?”

Apple Bloom calmed down first. “Yeah, Twilight,” she panted, “you just scared us, is all.”

Twilight shook her head. “What is it with ponies hiding in the bushes today?”

Scootaloo stood tall, “We’re not hiding, Ms. Sparkle, we’re… well, we’re here to give Ms. Cheerilee a present!”

Twilight Sparkle blinked at Scootaloo. “Really now?"

Sweetie Belle nodded, “That’s right, Twilight. She had a rough day, and we wanted to cheer her up!”

They quickly recounted the debacle that was the last part of Cheerilee’s school day, and Twilight’s heart sank. She suddenly felt that coming over had been a mistake, that she was the last pony Cheerilee wanted to see. After all, if she hadn’t wasted Cheerilee’s time talking in the library, then Cheerilee wouldn’t have gotten in trouble with the parents.

“Girls, can you do me a favor? I was going to give her this book but… I think you should do it.”

“Are you sure, Twilight?” Scootaloo asked, suddenly worried.

“Yes, I think it’s for the best. You can just say you got it for her, I don’t mind.”

“No!” said Scootaloo, forcefully. Her tone surprised Twilight, as well as the other two girls. She quickly recovered, “I mean, it’ll be from all of us. Here, just sign the card and then we’ll sign it too…”

Scootaloo nudged Sweetie Belle, who produced the card and pen. Twilight reluctantly took them both with with her magic and signed. She gave the card and pen back, and Scootaloo looked at the inside. It just said ‘Twilight’. Not ‘your friend’ or ‘feel better’ or anything like that. And for some reason, Scootaloo felt like that was perfect.

“Don’t worry, Twilight. We’ll take it from here.”

Twilight smiled back. “You are all very nice fillies to do all this for your teacher. I don’t think I ever did anything like this for the Princess… although I really should have, now that I think of it."

The girls looked at one another and Apple Bloom shrugged. “She makes our lives better, and sometimes we forget that. We wanted to let her know.”

The words struck Twilight like a freight train. She shook her head, “She’s right. You girls really are going to take over the world one day.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry about it. You just keep doing what you’re doing, but then run on home. Okay?” The girls nodded, and Twilight nodded and walked away with a little smile on her face.

“Okay!” said Apple Bloom, once Twilight was out of earshot, “So let’s all the sign the card and then we’ll-“

“Wait,” said Scootaloo. “I think we should leave the card as is.”

“Seriously Scootaloo? I just told Twilight the reason we were doing this was to let her know we care.”

“No, the reason we’re doing this is the cheer her up, remember?” replied Scootaloo, “And… trust me on this. Let’s just leave the card from Twilight. I think that’ll cheer her up more.”

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom glanced at one another. Sweetie Belle shrugged and said “We can always let her know later we organized it, I guess.”

Apple Bloom looked at Scootaloo. “Is there something goin’ on with Miss Cheerilee and Twilight?”

Scootaloo pleaded, “I don’t know, this just… feels right. Please? Trust me.”

Apple Bloom sighed, and then nodded. “Alright, Scoots. Let’s do this.”

A few minutes later, Cheerilee heard a knock on her door. She rubbed her eyes and got up from her bed, and opened the door.

“Hello?”

She looked around, but there was no pony in sight. Then she looked down, and her jaw dropped. On her stoop was a box of chocolates, freshly picked Purple Night Flowers, and an envelope with her name on it. She picked up the envelope and stared at it with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Underneath it was a new copy of Pony and Prejudice, which turned her amusement into pure giddiness as she picked it up and flipped through it. “Is there somepony out there?” Silence. “Whoever you are, thank you!”

The Crusaders were hiding behind some trees (the bushes no longer being safe snooping territory), and Scootaloo kept muttering under her breath, “C’mon, open the card, open the card…”

Cheerilee had gathered up all the items and was about to walk inside when she stopped. She looked around again and, almost as if she had heard Scootaloo, stared down at the envelope thoughtfully. After a moment, she opened it and looked at the contents.

She saw the silly front of the card, and she smiled. She then looked at the inside of the card, and was still smiling. Then she stopped smiling.

“Oh no…” said Scootaloo.

Cheerilee reached for the side of her door frame to stabilize herself, and then read the card again. She looked again frantically from left to right to see if anypony was around, and then quickly closed the door and went back inside.

“Great plan, Scootaloo,” snipped Apple Bloom.

“Wait! Look!” said Sweetie Belle.

From their vantage point, they could still see inside of her house. And Cheerilee was reading the card again, and then looking at the book, and then back at the card again. She was shaking, then she dropped the card and hugged the book, and began jumping up and down like a filly on Hearth Warming Eve.

“Yessss!” said Sweetie Belle.

Cheerilee disappeared from view for a moment, then re-appeared with a vase for the flowers. She put the flowers in the vase and nuzzled them and placed the chocolates very carefully by the flowers along with the card. She tilted her head to read the card again, smiled as big as her mouth would let her and hugged the book again.

“Mission: Cheer up Cheerilee? Major success!” said Apple Bloom. “You were right, Scootaloo! Now let’s get out of here before we get in more trouble than we already are!”

As the other ponies snuck away, Scootaloo remained for a moment, staring into the window. What a difference a few hours had made for the pony on the other side. She couldn’t ever remember Miss Cheerilee looking so happy.

And suddenly, Scootaloo felt a doubt.

“C’mon, Scoots! We gotta jet and we need your scooter! You brought the wagon, right?”

Scootaloo nodded and started to move, but she turned back one last time to look at her happy teacher.

What if it was just an illusion? What if Twilight only meant to sign the card as a friend? What if, in trying to help, she just set in motion a trap that would break Miss Cheerilee’s heart? She trudged back to her scooter, where the other two fillies were waiting in the wagon.

“Just wait until tomorrow!” said Sweetie Belle.

“Huh?” asked Scootaloo, who was strapping her helmet back on.

“You don’t think Cheerilee will just stay quiet, do ya?” asked Sweetie Belle. “She’ll go thank Twilight, and Twilight will say that we gave her the flowers and candy and the card too! Think how happy she’ll be with us!”

Scootaloo whispered, “We’ve made a huge mistake.”

Author's Note

A few things:

A) You must understand, it's not that I WANT Bonnet to suffer. I love Blue Bonnet. But fate, and the laws of story construction, are cruel indeed.

B) This chapter is admittedly light on the actual Twilight/Cheerilee, but I assure you, more is down the road.

C) Some may accuse me with cheating with this last name, and to them I say: making ciphers is harder than it looks.

D) I originally thought about writing out the RD/Scoot adventure, but decided it wasn't critical to driving the story forward. Maybe a side story some other time.

V: She Loves You

Adorkable Love

By Einhander

Chapter 5: She Loves You

Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG

The first rays of sunshine came into Cheerilee’s house to wake and greet her, but found her already up and about. She got up early every school day, and found herself doing the same thing on the weekends. Whether it was force of habit or because she had always gotten by without sleep, her internal clock would wake her up before the dawn. She made coffee and watched Celestia raised the sun.

She didn’t mind. Her natural cheeriness meant that she was also naturally a morning person, and the sunrise was always a nice way to start the day. But if she was honest with herself, it was the darkness just before the dawn, courtesy of Luna’s final moments of the night, that really made her happy. There was a special beauty to be found as the stars made their silent, final bows. Only a few ponies really lived and understood this: the Cakes and Bon Bon with their baking, Applejack during Cider season, and Twilight when she stayed up all night to stargaze.

Twilight…. She smiled, staring at her coffee as the light continued to shine into her house. Of course, she realized now, that the night had only truly become spectacular after Luna had returned. This was another way of saying after that the night only truly became the night after Twilight defeated Nightmare Moon and freed Princess Luna. Which was, in of itself, another way of saying that after Twilight had moved to Ponyville, everything changed.

She glanced at the presents: the book, the card, the candy, the flowers. There was a part of her that feared when she would wake up, they would all be gone, just a figment of a pleasant dream. Her students often remarked of dreams where school had been cancelled due to snow, or where their homework was magically done, or their sister had woken them up to announce that the fashion show had been cancelled, so instead the whole day would be fun big sister-activities (which was actually a very specific pony’s dream). And then they would wake up and find that the weather was warm, the homework remained unfinished and the fashion show would go on. She would listen to these stories with a smile, but last night, for the first time in a long time, she was afraid that her gifts would suffer a similar fate.

Not today. She woke up before the sun, made her coffee as usual, and as she watched the night sky fade and the sun rise she saw them. They were real, just like the pony who left them. The wonderful, wonderful pony who could move the sky and the earth and, for reasons she couldn’t begin to fathom and didn’t dare to question, had taken a shine to her.

Cheerilee had always been a happy pony, but a practical one. She believed in her students and their dreams, but had always had modest hopes of her own. Her own place, a job she loved, a steady stream of good books and enough bits to get by was all she really asked for out of life. And she had gotten it, and was content to let things continue as they were.

Then Twilight moved to town.

It wasn’t love at first sight. She had always been ambivalent and even slightly skeptical of love, as it had never really came looking for her, nor had she gone off seeking it. It was very fickle when it came to her students and their schoolyard crushes, and she noticed that it only changed slightly for older ponies. Love was cruel, love was ravenous, love would tear friendships apart and beat down even the ponies who were steadfastly loyal to it. She had seen the Cakes argue now and again, and would steer clear of Bon Bon’s shop when Lyra was playing sadder music than usual. It didn’t seem to matter whether it was a stallion and a mare, a mare and a mare or a stallion and a stallion: all were subject to heartbreak. Sometimes over real things like beliefs or foals, sometimes over sad misunderstandings - when a mare brought a flower to another mare, and the other mare realized that she had been giving off the wrong signals - and sometimes over nothing at all.

No. She did not double down on love when the purple unicorn moved into the Golden Oaks Library. Instead, she found herself drawn to her out of… well…

Twilight liked books! She liked talking about stories and poetry and concepts as diverse as the history of Equestria and modern astronomical theory. And she knew things! And she was just so… nice. The old library only had an old stallion who could barely hear, working part time and spending most of that time yelling at other ponies to speak up. When he finally retired there was nopony who stepped fowrard, so the library entered a period of decline and disrepair.

Twilight changed all of that. She cleaned up the place, ordered new books and made the place a home. She was always willing to sit and chat with anypony who wanted to talk about books and ideas. Without realizing it, Cheerilee came so often that she realized that she had a friend in the princess’s private student. And that, plus her beloved students, was enough for her.

Until Hearts and Hooves day, when three little fillies slipped something into her drink and the next thing she remembered, she was in the bottom of a pit in a wedding veil. She knew they meant well, and that they had realized their mistake, and done more than enough to make up for it… but without realizing it, they had opened up a part of her heart that she had carefully locked away for most of her life.

Ponies speculated that she was a little less cheery after the incident because, in the end, Big Mac had not repeated his promise made under the magic spell. These ponies were wrong, for Big Mac had in fact asked her to lunch on more than one occasion, and with a little prodding from Applejack along with some dedicated follow up of her own... who knows? She could have been “Mrs. Mac,” living on Sweet Apple Acres. Probably would have her own filly or colt right now. And she wouldn’t be teaching. She might not even be reading anymore.

Big Mac was a good pony. He’d make some mare very happy. But not her. Her lunches had been long stretches of awkward smiles and one-word answers to simple questions. And more than that, she realized that while he was, objectively, a handsome stallion…

It had hit her like a thunderbolt. When she saw and thought of stallions, all she saw was prose. Good? Bad? Rich? Poor? Tall? Short? These were the terms that came to mind.

But when she saw and thought of mares, certain mares at least… it was poetry. All poetry. Words like starlight, gossamer, beauty, shine, majesty, grace, it went on and on. And while this had always been true, she hadn’t realized it as her own truth until her second ‘date’ with Big Mac, when she saw Twilight walking by in the distance, along with a bickering Applejack and Rarity.

Three ponies, all who could not be more different. But they were all mares, and she realized they were all beautiful in their own way. Especially Twilight.

It is quite a thing to know yourself. It is another to suddenly know yourself while on a date that you realize has no chance of going anywhere, ever. The gossip in town was that she had just failed to seal the deal. She did nothing to discourage it. To her, it was easier to be the schoolteacher who almost landed the most eligible bachelor in town than…

There was a term for what she was, a term that ponies no longer used in mixed company, but it survived all the same. In muttered breaths, schoolyard taunts, barroom brawls and the mouths of little fillies parroting their bigoted parents, it survived.

She blinked and shook her head, trying to clear her mind. She hadn’t gone into this part of her mind and heart for a long time. Once she had figured out why she wasn’t falling for Big Mac like everypony thought she should, she simply had willed herself not to think about it. And that had worked.

She had her students, her books, her house and her sunrise. And she had her visits to the library, where she would return a book and check out a new one and spend a few moments with Twilight talking about this book or that book. And that had worked, even though she found herself ordering the books anyway so that she could keep reading when the library ran out.

Then Spike had left the library for some reason yesterday and Twilight asked her to spend a few minutes talking about the book they had both read.

Then she had spent the entire afternoon talking with Twilight, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had been so happy.

Then she had forgotten about her class (her class!) and had to run back and restore order.

Then she could have sworn that in the chaos, she had seen Silver Spoon kiss Diamond Tiara, and Diamond Tiara freaked out and she had to separate the two ponies, which basically derailed the entire afternoon.

Then she had called in the parents to try and resolve the issue calmly and gently, only to be yelled at by three out of four the adults for daring to shower their little fillies with anything but praise.

Then she had retreated home, punishing herself in her mind for letting her guard down, both with her job and her heart. Twilight had said friends were always welcome, and that would have to be enough. Of course it was. She had her students, her books, her house and her sunrise, and now her weekly trip to the library. She was not a greedy pony.

It would have to be enough. She had no idea if Twilight even liked mares, and even if she did, what in Equestria would a pony like Twilight Sparkle be doing with a little schoolteacher like her?

And yet, here was the answer staring her in the face. She sipped her coffee and looked at the freshly picked Purple Night Flowers. Where did Twilight even get them this time of year? Their scent was elusive and addictive at the same time, there and not there, even as their color boldly stated Gaze Upon Me, Ye Mighty, And Ooh and Aah. She leaned in and took a deep whiff.

With that knock on the door, everything was upside down. Any of the individual items, and it would be just a gesture by a good friend. Taken together, on the other hoof…

She then reached over and bit one of the flowers off of its stem, walked over to the mirror, and put it in her hair. Twilight’s flower in her mane complimented her coat perfectly.

Cheerilee took a deep breath, smiled and for the first time in a very long time, let hope into her heart.

The most wonderful pony in the whole world had sent her flowers. The least she could do was let that pony know that she had gotten them. And then she finished her coffee and walked out into the morning air.

She didn’t have a plan or an ulterior motive. Happy ponies rarely do. She just decided to let all of Ponyville see that today, on her day off, she had flowers in her hair.

And if anypony asked, yes, they were a present from somepony special.

Applejack was a morning pony. Not because of any natural sunny disposition phooey, but because when she woke, it was time to get to work. A weekend was just two days out of the week when certain stores were closed and the mail didn't arrive. She'd heard of this 'day off' myth from other ponies, but she'd never seen one on Sweet Apple Acres.There were seeds to plant, trees to buck, barns to raise, apples to sell; there was just so much to do.

She didn't mind. If she was completely honest with herself, she was only happy when she had a task in hoof. And she could only rest, really rest without guilt or fidgeting, when her bones were too weary to go any further. The cider tasted the sweetest when she had worked all day to make it. And cider season was close...

So when the sun came in through her window, she hopped out of bed and blitzed through her morning checklist. Hat and work plan for the day? Check. Face washed and teeth brushed? Check. Gently kiss her sister on the forehead without waking her? Check.

Big Mac was already downstairs, and after some coffee and their usual, seven word day-to-day morning repartee ("Mornin'." "Eeyup." "Sleep okay?" "Eeyup." "Ready?" "Eeyup.") they set out to work. Big Mac was in the west fields, Applejack in the south fields. With a nod, they parted ways and Applejack pulled her cart south, empty baskets ready to be filled.

The sun was already coming in hot, but the breeze was constant and cool. She smiled as the windy path became populated with apple trees in full bloom, ready for harvest. Then she saw it: the second tree on the right, straight on after the last marking post. The tree that grew crooked after getting a direct hit from a certain rainbow-maned pegasus. The tree that afterwards, said mare paid special attention and made sure it always had enough sunlight and its branches were pruned properly. The tree that, while it only produced scrawny apples, had an especially comfortable set of branches on the crooked side, where somepony could nap for hours. Rainbow Dash's tree.

Applejack's eyes lit up with mischief. It was Saturday, wasn't it? It was! Rainbow Dash always was sleeping in her tree on Saturday morning. Which meant that on any given Saturday, Applejack would always take the southern fields, and should a certain tree always get bucked and a certain pegasus fall out of it, well... stuff happens.

Applejack shook her head, rolling her eyes at herself. She was an honest pony, a hard working pony, a pony who didn't loaf about or pull pranks or mean tricks. But she was also flesh and blood, and it was just so easy, one solid buck and BAM, the pegasus would hit the ground. And Rainbow Dash was always a bad liar: she sounded upset, but you could tell from her face that it wasn't real. And besides, for someone who claimed to hate being pranked, she was there every Saturday, falling for it everytime.

She primed herself to kick the tree, then hesitated. Her brain and heart were in deep argument.

You should really stop, you know, Applejack's brain told her heart. You're too old for little filly games like this.

Oh hush now, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie do stuff like this all the darn time, replied her heart.

Exactly, snorted her brain.

Just one good buck, then it's right back to the harvest, said the heart.

You wouldn't have to settle for kickin' her out of a tree week after week if you'd just tell-

You shut up! You shut up right now! her heart raged. I told you. That's not in the cards.

Why? Give me a good reason, other than, you know, she gets disgusted and never wants to speak to you again.
'

Just give me this, alright? pleaded the heart. I didn't sign up for this today.

Her brain sighed. Fine. Kick the tree, then. We've got work to do.

With the argument tabled for now, she reared up and gave Rainbow Dash's tree a kick to kick all kicks.

And other than some leaves falling and a branch knocked loose, nothing happened.

Maybe Rainbow found a way to hang on? She waited, hoping that a string of curses would soon come raining down at her from above. Nothing.

Well. That was dissapointn', said her heart.

Ah know, right?

For once, her heart and brain were in agreement. Deflated, she gave the tree another half-hearted buck, but nothing came out but a few more leaves. She then slowly moved on, taking her cart and trudging down the path towards the back end of the orchard. Start at the end and work backwards, so you end up closer to the house, that was the plan...

Maybe she just got tired of ya'll kickin' her out of the tree, mused her brain.

Nah, she would'a said somethin'. Remember that time she came over to remind you that she was staying in the tree? She was sad you hadn't kicked her out of it! said her heart.

Still, ponies move on, ah guess.

She got to the end of the orchard, and got the buckets ready with the tree.

Maybe she's sick? asked her heart.Maybe we should go see her...

Hush now. You got your prank, even if it didn't work, and now we got work to do. She's probably off playin' with her new toy and-

Everything stopped. Those goggles. Rainbow Dash's new goggles that allowed her to see at night. Where had they come from? Who sent them? Not to mention the ducks, that box of baby ducks that, thank goodness, Fluttershy was willing to take. Heck, she was practically falling over herself to take. And the trampolines. What was goin' on with that?

A sound, quiet but high pitched, was coming out of the east. It was like a train whistle, but there were no tracks. She turned and squinted.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"

Was that a pink dot on the horizon?

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"

In a rush of leaves and streamers and swirling confetti, a pink blur flew past her, knocking her off her feet and onto her flank. There was also a spike in volume, and a corresponding dwindling "Wheee" as the pink dot faded into the west. She could have sworn she also heard a 'quack' in there somewhere.

Applejack grunted, got up and dusted herself off, and put her hat on with renewed determination. Crazy presents with mystery names sent by ponies unknown? Some fool giving Pinkie Pie 20 trampolines, and a gadget that allowed Rainbow Dash to fly at top speeds at night? 19 and a half ducklings for Fluttershy? Somethin' funny was going on, and it was happening to her friends, and she wasn't gonna stand for it. She also knew she had no idea what was going on or how to solve it, but she knew the pony that could solve it.

Minutes later, she ran up to Big Mac. "Brother, I gotta take the day off."

Big Mac stared at her, shocked. He couldn't remember his sister ever saying those words. "Eeyup?" he ventured.

"Somethin's goin on with Pinkie and Fluttershy and packages bein' delivered around town. I think they may be in trouble. And Dash too."

Big Mac arched an eyebrow. Applejack looked away and said, "She, uh... she wasn't in her tree today."

A knowing smile spread over Big Mac's face. "Eeyup."

Applejack sputtered, "Don't get the wrong idea now! I just... I'm worried. It always starts with somethin' small, and next thing ya know it's rainin' chocolate milk or little fuzzballs are devourin' the entire county. Can you cover without me today?"

Big Mac laughed, "Sis, you ain't ever taken a day off, never, not once unless you're sick. I got ya, go on now."

Applejack smiled, "Thanks Big Mac. I gotta hurry, see if I can catch her!"

Big Mac blinked as his sister started galloping off, "Her? Her who? Who you gonna call?"

Applejack yelled over her shoulder, "Twilight Sparkle!"

Spike was not a morning pony. He was also not a pony, but regardless of species, he was a creature that did not greet the morning's light with a warm embrace. Even when he got enough sleep, he treated the new day like Opalescence treated everypony: with a hiss and a claw to the face.

Today was different. It's not that Spike didn't get enough sleep. Spike barely slept at all last night. He knew Twilight must have gone to visit Cheerilee because she was gone by the time he got home, along with one of the copies of Pony and Prejudice.

But he had fallen asleep waiting for Twilight to get back, only to awake in his bed at 3am to the sound of Twilight's gentle snoring.

The next three hours ticked by at a crawl for Spike. How had it gone? Did she like the book? Did Twilight chicken out? Had they kissed? Had they agreed to be friends?

The suspense was killing Spike.

So once daylight broke, Spike gave up and got up. He tried to make coffee, but they were out, so he decided to go wander. He always remembered to leave a note for Twilight when he left before she got up, but that was after a decent night's sleep and/or coffee.

So today, he forgot to leave a note for Twilight.

Spike walked along the streets of Ponyville, yawning and contemplating who he could visit. Zero chance that Rainbow Dash was up. Rarity had specifically told him not to come before 11. Pinkie didn't work at Sugarcube Corner on the weekends, so who knows what she was up to.

"Spike?"

Fluttershy... Well, even if Fluttershy was awake, he's not really sure what they would talk about other than his Phoenix. Applejack was most likely up, but was just as likely busy...

"Spike? Yoo-hoo!"

Spike grumbled, forcing his sluggish mind to work. Zecora MIGHT be up but... and even if the cutie mark crusaders were awake and assembled, he didn't really feel like zip lining or whatever madness they were doing today. Maybe he should have just-

"SPIKE!"

He blinked, looked around and found Cheerilee smiling at him from a cafe table. She had a purple flower in her mane and was glowing with positive energy.

"Good morning, sleepy head," she chirped.

I definitely should have stayed in bed, he thought.

But what he SAID was: "Cheerilee! How... Are you?"

"I'm good! And you? How is that project with Rarity coming along?"

Spike paused, and leaned to his side in thought. There's no way she could be talking about what he dreaded she was talking about.

Maybe.

"It's good. It's GOING to be good. We're- er, she's- waiting for the universe to give her a sign as to what to do next."

Cheerilee laughed. "I never understand her process, but the clothes are always amazing, so whatever works, right?"

Spike laughed with relief, "Yes, her clothes, which is what of course we are talking about, are darn beautiful, am I right? Right?"

Cheerilee tilted her head, "not a morning pony, huh?"

Spike ran a claw over his face. "You have no idea. I didn't sleep at all last night."

"Oh no! Poor guy." She nodded at the empty chair next to her. "Join me for some coffee?"

Spike hesitated. He wanted to know how last night went, but he had also agreed to not make any moves until he and Rarity could meet with Pinkie. The last time he had a cup of coffee he ended up at Donut Joe's at 3 in the morning arguing that Mr. Joe didn't understand how beautiful Rarity really was. He racked his brain for a plausible excuse.

"C'mon, I'll buy you a donut. My treat?"

Spike folded. A donut was a donut. He hopped up on the chair next Cheerilee, and she called over the waiter. "Another cup of coffee please? And my friend here would like..."

"One triple chocolate with extra sprinkles. And ice cream."

"One cuppa joe, one donut ala mode'," said the waiter, writing it down, "Comin' out right now, don't you have a cow."

Spike watched him go and blinked. "Was he rhyming?" He then focused further. "Was he a Zebra??"

"I think that's Zecora's nephew, visiting for the summer." Cheerilee sipped her coffee and stretched her neck. "I can't WAIT for the school year to end."

"Colts and fillies are getting to you, huh?"

"The colts and fillies I love, for the most part. The parents, on the other hoof..." She trailed off, then smiled and shook her head, "But it's the weekend, I don't want think about that now."

When she shook her head, Spike noticed the purple flower in Cheerilee's mane. He did a quick mental inquiry of the times Cheerilee has previously had a flower in her hair, and his brain came back with:

You've never consciously looked at her mane before, you idiot. said his brain.

Thanks a lot, brain.

Look, just find a way to ask her without being obvious. Be subtle, smooth.

"You've got a flower in your hair!" blurted Spike.

That's it, I'm outta here. He felt his brain going leaving his skull, and he realized he was on his own.

"Oh, did you notice?" asked Cheerilee in an attempt at coyness that quickly dissolved into an embarrassed giant grin. She then hid behind her coffee, but her smile was bigger than the cup.

Spike was instantly reminded why he embarked on this quest. What a smile, and all because of Twilight! Spike found himself smiling back at Cheerilee, who was outright giggling.

C'mon Spike. You don't need no stinking brain. You can do this!

His coffee was delivered, and he poured a little cream in as Cheerilee calmed down and took a deep sip of her cup. Spike decided to gamble. Stirring his coffee, his face a mask of nonchalance, he casually asked "Twilight gave the flower to ya, huh?"

PFFFFBBBTTTTT

Cheerilee stared at him with bugged out eyes and a mouth no longer full of coffee.

Spike then realized, dripping with hot coffee, that he had forgotten the fundamental rule of the universe: if there can be a spit take...

"I'm so sorry!" said Cheerilee, offering her napkin to the dragon, who waved her off.

"My fault, my fault," said Spike, who was doing his best to clear his vision with the tablecloth. He blinked his eyes until the sting wore off. "Coffee comes out of scales, right?"

"So she, uh. She told you?" asked Cheerilee, her voice almost a whisper. Her smile had vanished, replaced by something Spike has never seen on her face before: fear.

He wanted to handle this delicately, since he had crossed Rarity's don't do anything without me line long ago. How could get information without revealing that he didnt have any? He had to think.

Well well well., snarked his brain, Look who's come crawling back.

Rarity stared at her stuffed pony model in despair. Despite her early progress in locating the book, she had found no Foalish Follies-era inspiration in its pages when it came to the actual design. Scrunched up papers decorated the floor as her failed attempts had piled up.The sun had risen an hour ago, and had found her at her desk.

She stared at the book, then back at the model. The model, then the book. Nothing. No spark, no ideas. Instead she found herself wondering how the Great Book Handoff Of Cheerilee/Twilight went; and also what on earth Sweetie Belle had been up to so late, and if Spike was sticking to the plan, and...

*YAWN*

And she wondered if her lack of focus was because she hadn't slept a wink. After a few hours of staring at the ceiling, she willed herself out of bed, into the shower and back to the design desk. She made a fresh cup of tea, wrapped her mane in a towel, put on her most comfortable robe and made herself sit in her design chair until inspiration struck.

So there she had sat for hours, with nothing to show for it that was worth keeping out of the trash.

"Come now, Darling," she muttered to herself, "you've pulled off fashion miracles harder than this in less time."

Truly, once she managed to pluck five dresses out of thin air for her best friends, and then did it AGAIN in a very short amount of time. This was nothing! This was a straight up commission! Take the design and add the Rarity touch!

Now... Go!

After a few minutes of silence, she was jostled by a strange clicking sound. She turned her head and saw two crickets in her window, staring back at her and continuing to chirp.

Her mouth curled into an unladylike snarl, and she magically picked up the book and flung it at the crickets.

Fortunately for the crickets, Rarity's many talents did not include athletics. The book sailed harmlessly over them and through the window. However the two bugs got the message and quickly followed the book out into the flower beds.

Rarity ran up to the window, towel flying off her head and robe flapping in the breeze, shaking her hoof and screaming, "That's right, run, you little musical cowards!"

"Uh... You okay sis?"

Rarity turned her head and saw Sweetie Belle standing at the foot of the stairs. The little filly was rubbing one eye sleepily, and the other eye was looking at her with concern. Rarity then looked at herself and the room: the now cold tea, the discarded towel, the crumpled up paper and, oh yes, the recent screaming at insects.

The little white lie she was preparing died in her throat. "I've been better, Sweetie Belle," said Rarity.

"What's wrong?"

The older unicorn shrugged. "Design trouble. And some other things." She then glared at her sibling, "Your late night adventures certainly didn't help my stress levels."

"I said I was sorry! We were just trying to cheer a pony up; you'd do the same!"

"Mmm..." Rarity wanted to continue giving her little sister a hard time, but her heart wasn't into it. Her heart wasn't into anything the past 24 hours that wasn't Twilight/Cheerilee related. She slunk back to her design desk, and stared at the now blank table. Great. Where was the stupid book she was basing her stupid design job on?

You threw it out the window, dear, said her brain.

Ah yes.

"Do you want me to go get the book?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"No, that's alright Sweetie Belle," said Rarity.

"Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"NO!" yelped Rarity, who quickly recovered, "Er, that is, I already ate, my dear."

Sweetie Belle looked at the ground, sadly. "Is there anything I CAN do for you?"

Rarity sighed. "Give me some good news about Operation: Adorkable, I suppose."

The little unicorn wrinkled her nose. "Operation what?"

"It's a little game Spike and I are trying to play, but failing at miserably."

"Is the game better than it sounds? Because that name is terrible."

"Your critical feedback is always welcome, dear," deadpanned Rarity.

"How do you play?"

Rarity realized now that perhaps she had said too much.

"Well, it involves Twilight and... a certain somepony."

Sweetie Belle hummed, her interest piqued. "Who's the somepony?"

"That's a game secret, dear."

Sweetie Belle frowned, then her eyes lit up. "I bet I can guess who it is!"

Rarity laughed, "I bet you don't."

Sweetie Belle grinned. "Cheerilee!"

Rarity was suddenly eye to eye with Sweetie Belle. "WHO TOLD YOU?!"

The little filly got very nervous very fast, and backed up under her sister's gaze. "Er... no one... I just told you, I guessed... and I guess I guessed right?"

Rarity, once again, realized she had revealed her cards all at once. She coughed and said, "Lucky guess."

Sweetie Belle jumped up and down, "So I got it right?! That's amazing!"

Rarity facehoofed. "Yes, yes I suppose it is. Anyway-"

"Can I play your game? Can I can I? I did guess the pony right!" said Sweetie Belle, who had kept jumping, but then stopped and asked, "Wait, I still don't know how you play..."

"Tell you what, dear, if you tell me how you came to your 'lucky' guess, I'll tell you how to play. Deal?"

Sweetie Belle grinned, "Deal! That's easy, Scootaloo told me."

"Scootaloo!? How many ponies know about this, er.... game??"

"Hmmm... Apple Bloom, me, Scootaloo, you, Spike I guess, Twilight..."

Rarity gasped, "Twilight?! Twilight knows?? What does Twilight know? Talk!"

Sweetie Belle had to back up again, grimacing in the face of Rarity's jabbering. "You're scaring me, Rarity."

"Answer the question!"

"Okay, jeez. So we were all there to give Cheerilee some presents last night, and then Twilight showed up with a book-"

"She showed?! Sweetie Belle, that's wonderful news!"

"Yeah, I guess. So then Scootaloo got her to sign our card, and then we left all her presents on her doorstop, and knocked and ran away, and she answered the door and got all her presents and she was real happy, or at least it seemed that way." There was a pause. "The end?"

"Presents? What presents?"

"Well we got her some flowers, some candy, and a card to cheer her up cause she had a rough day. We didn't know Twilight got her the book, but that seemed to make her more happy than anything."

Rarity calmed down, and her excitement was replaced by tired sadness. "Ah. So she thought it was a present from all of you. I'm guessing they didn't speak at all?"

Sweetie Belle shook her head, "Nope."

"Ah," Rarity sighed, "Well. At least she knew the book was from Twilight, even if the other gifts were from you all. Flowers and candy, we should have thought of that."

"Uh," Sweetie Belle said, "Not exactly."

Rarity felt a cold drop of dread enter her heart. "What do you mean, not exactly?"

Sweetie Belle hesitated, but Rarity started giving her the crazy eyes, so she stammered, "It was Scootaloo's idea..."

"What was her idea?"

"She said it just popped in there!"

"What? WHAT just popped in there? What did you do, Sweetie Belle?"

"She said... she said it would make Cheerilee happier if we just left the card signed by Twilight!" confessed Sweetie Belle, "And then she was happy! She was super happy!"

"...she thinks Twilight gave her the flowers and the cards and the candy AND the book?"

"I guess so?"

"Sweetie Belle," said Rarity, who had gone past panic into the dangerously calm, eye twitching stage, "Despite your good intentions. Out of all the things you and your crusaders have ever done. This. Is. The. Worst. Possible. THING."

"We made her happy!" shouted Sweetie Belle, who was crying now, "She had a bad day and we made her happy! When she saw it was from Twilight, she was jumping up and down she was so happy!" Sweetie Belle collapsed onto the bottom of the stairs, shaking, and sniffed, "What did we do wrong?"

All the anger drained out of Rarity like a deflating balloon as did a slow collapse to the ground next to the steps. She gently ran her hoof through Sweetie Belle's hair, realizing once again that for all their differences, generosity ran through their blood. She gently cooed, "I know you meant well, darling. I'm sorry I yelled."

Sweetie Belle was still upset, but had stopped shaking. She was leaning into Rarity's touch, drying her tears, and she repeated, "I still don't understand. What did we do wrong?"

"Sweetie Belle... you said Cheerilee was happy because she thought Twilight gave her those things, right?" Her sister nodded. "What happens when she finds out that Twilight didn't give those gifts?"

The little unicorn looked up at Rarity, mouth agape.

"And... Sweetie Belle, what happens when Twilight finds out you gave all those things to Cheerilee in her name?"

"So THAT's what Scootaloo meant," whispered Sweetie Belle.

There was a knock at the door. "Rarity?" asked a familiar (if hoarse) voice from a certain purple unicorn. "Are you home?"

The two sisters looked at each other.

"Why is the library's copy of The Great Gallopsy in the bushes?"

Sweetie Belle stammered. "Uh I think I have homework to-" and then she ran up the stairs, excuse unfinished.

"Sweetie Belle, you come back- oh nevermind," groaned Rarity, who then summoned every bit of reserve charm she had left and announced, "Coming, dear!"

Rarity opened the door, realizing this was breaking the agreement she had with Spike, trying to conjure up some reason as to why the book was in the shrubbery. "Twilight darling, I must apologize for- Twilight?

Twilight had dried tears on her cheeks and bloodshot, watery eyes. She had that crazed, about-to-travel-through-time look on her face, but this time mixed with extra sadness. "I couldn't sleep... can I come in?"

Rarity beckoned her, "Of course, of course! Are you crying? What's wrong, dear?"

Twilight's lips quivered, "I've made a huge mistake."

Rarity was baffled. "Whatever do you mean, darling?"

"Spike's gone and he didn't leave a note and I didn't sleep at all because..." and then the waterworks started, "Because I think I might have gotten Cheerilee fired and she hates me!"

There was a pause.

What Rarity said was, without affect or undertone, "What."

What she meant was, Are you bucking kidding me? COME ON!

Author's Note

So this was originally longer, but I decided to break it up. I want to try to keep the chapters in a steady clip between 4k-6k.

As for Cheerilee's backstory, I know this is a land of friendship and harmony, but I wanted to touch on ponies who were afraid to be themselves, and the impact that both Twilight (and Luna) has had in changing things.

Tune in next time for more Blue Bonnet, Spike's answer to Cheerilee's question, Rarity dealing with Twilight's crazy and more 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeee'

VI: Who Will Love Me As I Am?

VI: Who Will Love Me As I Am?

Adorkable Love

By Einhander

Chapter 6: Who Will Love Me As I Am?

Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG

Twilight paced back and forth, muttering and asking questions to no pony in particular. She would walk a few steps, look around with wary eyes, and then take a few steps in another direction. Even though she had been to the Carousel Boutique hundreds of times, she looked lost.

Rarity watched her pace and tried to think of a plan. It was too late to pre-empt the spiral; Twilight was already in full-tilt mode. It was now a question of how to get her back on solid ground. Usually, this is where Spike would shine (or more recently, Cheerilee) but Spike was not only gone, he was the cause of Twilight’s anxiety.

Incomplete thoughts tumbled out of Twilight's mouth, “He always leaves a note; he didn’t leave a note… Maybe I made him…. chased him away? Last time he went to the cave, but he’s been getting along fine with Owlowiscious… but I-“

“Twilight, I think you really need to calm yourself,” said Rarity, “There’s no reason to think Spike’s run away or anything like that.”

Twilight turned to Rarity, unconvinced. “Has he said anything? I wasn’t listening enough? Not enough breaks?”

“Twilight, trust me. Spike is not mad at you. I’ve been spending much of the last 24 hours with him, and he never once mentioned being cross with you.” She hesitated, then added, “Quite the opposite, actually.”

Rarity's words did not calm her, as Twilight's left eye began to twitch. “But if he’s not mad at me, where did he, I thought he’d be here, he’s not here. Oh no, in danger, maybe?” she said, then began pacing faster, “Who? Trixie? No, she’d come after me, and she’s not mad at me anymore… Sombra is banished, Discord, no, Discord is in prison, but I did testify against… no, he wouldn’t, he’d come after me, or-”

“Twilight, really-“

“What if he went sleepwalking? Or if he’s in the Everfree trying to get food for his phoenix? Celestia, he could have run into the cockatrice! He could be a stone statue! We have to go!” She began heading for the door, “We have to-“

“Twilight Sparkle!”

A blue aura enveloped Twilight and prevented her from reaching the door. Rarity walked slowly towards her, gritting her teeth as she concentrated on her magic spell. Twilight was fighting Rarity with all of her strength, but oddly enough, not with her own magic.

“Take… a moment…,” growled Rarity, straining her magic as far as it would go, “And realize… how… crazy you sound!”

Twilight finally used a flash of magic and broke Rarity’s spell, sending her friend to the ground and herself back into a dress rack which fell on top of the vanity mirror. The mirror shattered, sending glass all over the floor. There was a moment of silence as both ponies lay on the ground panting, worn out from the impromptu magic duel. Finally Twilight lifted her head, and saw the mess on the floor and cried out. Rarity turned to look at her friend.

“Look what you’ve done,” said Rarity, still trying to catch her breath, “Seven years bad luck.” Twilight started to sniffle, and Rarity smiled weakly. “Oh, Twilight, really, I was just kidd-”

It was too late. Twilight put her head in her hooves and started to cry, full-body sobs, as she crumpled back on to the floor. Rarity sighed, trudging over to comfort her friend.

This meant neither of them noticed a rope made of bedsheets appear outside the western window, nor did they see Sweetie Belle or hear her little grunts of effort as she made her way down the rope and disappeared from view.

“Here, let me help you up,” Rarity said.

Twilight accepted the hoof, and looked around at the mess. “I’ll pay for the mirror,” she said, quietly.

“It’s just a mirror. I order them in bulk, ever since my sister declared herself a Cutie Mark Crusader. Now, Twilight, what’s wrong?” asked Rarity. Twilight opened her mouth and Rarity interrupted, “And don’t say it’s because Spike left without leaving a note! Spike’s a young dragon who makes mistakes, and you can scold him later but you have no reason to think he’s run off or in danger.”

Twilight nodded miserably, “I know. I’m worried, but you’re right.”

“So what is it, darling? And what is this about Cheerilee getting in trouble? Here, have a seat, I’m making us some tea,” said Rarity. She glanced toward the kitchen and frowned, admitting, “I only have Saddle Grey, if that’s acceptable.”

Twilight shrugged, and Rarity went to make tea. As she filled the kettle with water and turned on the stove, she began to worry. The only thing scarier than freak-out Twilight was giving-up-hope Twilight, and while they were out of the spiral stage, this wasn’t where she wanted to land.

She returned to the foyer, finding Twilight had not moved from her seat. The tears were still falling, but they were fewer and quieter, and it looked like the sobbing fit had passed. “It’ll take a moment for the kettle to boil,” said Rarity, sitting across from her friend. “Now, we are going to talk about this. What is going on?”

Twilight didn’t speak immediately. Rarity stared at her patiently, and when Twilight realized no more words were coming, she looked away and said, “I guess it started yesterday, when Cheerilee came over. You and Spike left, and we were talking…”

“I thought you two were getting along splendidly. Did something happen?”

“No. Well, yes. It’s complicated.”

Rarity used all of her powers as the element of generosity prevent her eyes from rolling. “That has more meanings nowadays than you imagine, dear. What I mean is, did she do something to upset you? Or you her?”

“Well, no, actually. We—at least, I—had a wonderful time. We had more in common than I would have thought, and we talked about books, about Ponyville, about our upbringing, about Pinkie being Pinkie… about spit takes.”

“Spit takes? Really?”

Twilight shrugged, “It just came up.”

“So you had a wonderful afternoon with a friend! What’s so wrong about that?”

“We lost track of time and, one of her students—Sweetie Belle’s friend, Scootaloo—came and was looking for her. Cheerilee had just come on her lunch break and didn’t realize how long she’d been, and the little filly was upset because they’d been left alone… one of the other foals, that awful Diamond Tiara, had declared ‘martial law’ and had staged a coup to take over the classroom- why are you laughing?”

Rarity tried to stop giggling, “I’m sorry darling, I know you're upset but come now, that is funny.” Twilight stared at her, stone faced. “I admit, I don’t know the rest of the story, but it’s… objectively funny. That little beast declaring herself Queen of the classroom? I can just picture it.” Twilight remained expressionless, and Rarity swallowed hard and realized she’d gone too far.

The tea kettle started whistling in the next room. “Tea’s up!” said Rarity with forced cheerfulness, and she ran out of the room and away from Twilight’s gaze. As Rarity poured the tea, she shuddered. This wasn’t going well.

Courage, darling, your friend needs you, her brain scolded her.

She returned with the tea, and magically floated the cup and saucer over to Twilight. “Milk? Sugar? Honey?” she offered, and Twilight shrugged again.

For reasons she would not be able to explain later, this was the final straw. Rarity looked her friend in the eye and announced, “Twilight Sparkle, we have had tea too many times to count, and you’ve never turned down sugar in your tea, not once. Are you telling me that whatever this business is, it’s caused you to lose your sense of self? That suddenly, you drink your tea without sugar?” Rarity sniffed, “Well, I just don’t know what to say. This is a strange, sad day indeed.”

Twilight muttered something underneath her breath.

“What was that?”

“Two sugars, please,” Twilight whispered.

“That’s better. Two sugars it is,” said Rarity as she levitated the spoon and jar over, and gave her friend two spoonfuls. “Shall I mix it for you?”

Twilight shook her head, and began stirring the tea with her hoof. 90% of the time she would do it magically, but Rarity let that go, claiming the small victory in getting her to drink her tea properly.

“Very well, so Scootaloo was upset and Diamond Tiara was being a royal pain. Then what?”

Twilight sipped her tea, and said, “They left, and I told Cheerilee that I was sorry and that she could come anytime to visit, that friends were always welcome to visit… that was it, she left, and I went and ran some errands.“ She glanced at Rarity, “Then I found you and Spike in the bushes, which I still-“

“Yes yes, bushes and sketches, I was there,” Rarity waved her hoof, wanting to get off the subject, “What happened after?”

“I did what you asked, I went to her house to give her the book, and your sister was there with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, they were there to give her all these other gifts. Even though they were the ones left without a teacher, they felt bad for her.”

Rarity frowned. “I’m not following you.”

“Cheerilee had to call the parents of the two students who caused all the problems, and instead of the parents being upset with their foals, they blamed her for all the trouble.” Twilight started shaking again, her voice choking up, “Can you imagine? The kids said they just tore into her, Rarity. Called her all of these nasty things. And it was all because of me.”

“I don’t see how this is your fault, dear.”

“I do. I can very clearly see a series of events that happen because I asked her to stay at the library, and a series of events where I didn’t. Where I didn’t talk her ear off about stupid things and she doesn’t get in trouble and doesn’t get yelled at and maybe fired, or at the very least isn’t sad because of me.”

“Twilight…”

“And then I think that she’d have been better off if she’d never met me…”

Rarity took a huge breath, trying to stay calm. “That’s not true.”

"I saw her through the window of her own house, Rarity. She was so sad. All alone in her house. She’s known for cheerfulness, and she was devastated. Because of me. And my heart just… broke. I felt so down, I thought my mane and coat would go gray. That's how low I was.”

There was a silence. Rarity sipped her tea, and said quietly, “Go on.”

“I came home. Spike was asleep in his chair, he must have been waiting up for me. I barely had the strength to carry him upstairs and put him to bed.” Twilight started tearing up again, “I watched him sleep for a bit, then I spent the next few hours staring at the stars. When I woke, Spike was gone."

Rarity floated a napkin over to her friend. "Here, darling. You're a mess." Twilight blew her nose and dried her tears. Rarity cringed on the inside, but smiled on the outside and said, "There we are. Now, you know Spike is going to be fine, yes?"

Twilight nodded. "I know. But one day he will be gone, you know? I always knew that, but today it just hit home. One day he’s going to go off. Not because of anything I do or say, but because he's growing up. He's going to go out on his own, and of course, that's what he should do. But what do I do then?"

Rarity poured more her tea, listening and trying not to convey any particular opinion. Twilight was edging back towards sense, but it was heavy stuff.

"What will any of us do? If you were given the chance to open a shop in Canterlot, wouldn't you go? If Rainbow is offered a slot on the Wonderbolts, wouldn't she regret it if she didn't take it? Wouldn’t we tell her to go?”

“Yes, I suppose so. We all have our dreams, and Ponyville isn’t exactly where I see myself forever.”

Twilight nodded grimly. “And as for Fluttershy and Pinkie, I'm not sure what their dreams are, but you just said it: the six of us can't stay together forever. It could just as easily be me that's called back to Canterlot, I keep getting the feeling that Celestia has something ominous planned, involving me. And if I go, who comes with me? Do I just start over?"

"Nothing lasts forever, dear. But I would think a simple move to Canterlot wouldn’t mean the end of our friendship. Or any of our friendships. I mean, really, we’ve saved the world together, Twilight.” Rarity paused, then added, “Three times, actually, between Nightmare Moon and Discord and the changelings. Maybe four times if you count the Crystal Empire. That isn’t something you forget."

Twilight stared into her tea, her expression one of resigned doom. "I think about these things from time to time; I used to think about them endlessly. You know why I never tried to make friends in Canterlot? Because I thought friendships faded but scholarship endured. Now I find that I can't remember quite what I studied like I could before, but I remember everything with you girls. And I don't know what I'd do without you, or without Spike.”

Rarity sighed, “You’d make new friends, dear, and keep in touch with old.”

“That’s just it, Rarity!” said Twilight, her words getting faster again, “I thought I did yesterday. I spend time with this wonderful pony, Cheerilee, and then I ruin her day. I may have ruined her career."

“I hardly think-“

“Do you know the odds against us all becoming friends? It took a thousand year old legend coming to life for me to look past myself and accept your help, all of your friendships,” she said, her eye starting to twitch again, “and if it wasn’t for that, I would have come and gone from Ponyville, never to return.”

Rarity tried to sip from her tea cup, only to find it empty. So was the kettle. Curses, I’m unarmed…

“Then when I try again, I try to make a new friend, and it blows up faster than the Grand Galloping Gala!” Twilight started tearing up, "I've made mistakes in Ponyville, with all of you. I've tried to learn when I've hurt my friends. But why is it that I feel this pain, this weight in my heart when I think of Cheerilee’s sadness? Why do I feel so bad because of what might happen to her?”

Twilight dropped her head on the table, sniffling, “Why can't I stop thinking that one day I'm going to be alone again?”

Rarity looked at her friend. She wasn't going to get a better opening than this. Taking a long breath, she asked: "Twilight, I want you to be honest with me and not be offended when I ask this question.”

Twilight looked up.

“Have you ever been in love?"

Twilight blinked. Whatever question she was expecting, they wasn't it. "Well, of course, I love all you girls, and Spike..."

Rarity shook her head. "Not BPFF love. Not like you love Spike or your brother. Love love. Special somepony love."

Twilight thought about it, and slowly shook her head. "No, it's... no.”

Rarity ventured onward. "Well, the things you're talking about... fear of being alone, that awful feeling when somepony is sad that you care about, losing track of time when being with somepony... I'm pretty sure that's what ponies mean when they talk about love. Not wanting to be alone, wanting to care for somepony when they’re sad, be willing to do anything for them. That's love." Twilight opened her mouth, then closed it and turned away. She was confused and sad. Rarity said, “You’ve never felt that before?”

Twilight swallowed and muttered, “It’s never come up. I guess."

"Come now, Twilight, you may be a scholar and a librarian, but you were also a filly once, and fillies become mares, and the transition is … awkward, for lack of a better word. This has never crossed your mind? Finding a special somepony? A stallion to send you flowers, or a telegram?" There was a pause. Rarity decided to gamble. "Or a mare, perhaps?"

The change in gender did not seem to faze Twilight, as she shrugged. "It just never seemed relevant."

"Relevant? What a clinical word for a wondrous thing! Why isn't it relevant?"

Twilight looked back at her. "Who would love me as I am?"

Time had stood still for Spike ever since Cheerilee had asked her deceptively simple question: what Twilight had told Spike about her feelings.

It was an easy enough question, if Spike knew the answer. Which he very much did not. As a last resort, he had asked his brain to return to solve this puzzle:

She looks she's going to cry. Help me!

Relax, brother. We got this, said his brain, which took over for his mouth and said:

"Well she told me about the book, that she was going over to give you the book. So unless some other ponies dropped off a book AND flowers the same color as Twilight's coat..."

Cheerilee dared a small smile. "They're Purple Night Flowers. Very rare,” her smile now unfurled into a full on grin, “And they're my favorite."

Spike (and his brain) were impressed. "Flowers and a book, eh?"

"And chocolates. And a card. Signed by her." She giggled. "I feel like a little filly."

Chocolates and a card? Who needs you and Rarity? Twilight's on fire! said Spike's brain.

"That's great, Cheerilee! Did you two talk at all?"

She shook her head. "No, she must have rung the doorbell and left, but at my door was the card, the book, the candy and," she tilted her head, showing off the flower, “This."

Spike's smile dropped a bit. "So she didn't say anything, huh?

"No, but the card was signed by her. She has no idea how much I needed good news yesterday. I can't wait to tell her."

Spike’ brain was shouting at him, Danger! Something's off! Equestria to Spike! He frowned and tried to ignore it.

Cheerilee noticed his face, and she became small again. "I think I've said too much."

"No, no! It's not that! I'm just surprised, that's all."

"Surprised?"

"Yeah this all sounds pretty darn cool and smooth, and I mean, I love Twilight, but she's not smooth OR cool."

Cheerilee relaxed a little. "You don't mind, then?"

"Mind?" asked Spike, "Are you kidding? I think you two will be a great couple! You like books, she lives in a library, what's not to like? I mean, not that you're dating yet, at least I don't think you are, but COME ON, she got you rare flowers! That's gotta be a good sign!"

Cheerilee smiled softly, "Things really have changed..."

Spike was confused, "Changed? Huh?"

"Once upon a time, somepony like you wouldn't be happy for somepony like me feeling the way I do."

Spike blinked. "Why? Because you're both mares?" Cheerilee held her breath, and nodded. Spike shook his head. "That's just stupid. Some ponies are just dumb. Besides, I'm not somepony. I'm a dragon, remember?"

Cheerilee laughed, "So you are!"

Well played, said Spike's brain.

Why thank you, replied Spike.

Don’t get cocky.

"And I think this is your donut arriving here."

Zecora's nephew came carrying a pot of coffee and the fanciest donut Spike had ever seen: chocolate frosted with chocolate sprinkles covered in vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce, more chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top.

"Here is your super fancy donut, you have my permission to go nuts."

"Thanks! That was super quick! Hey, are you Zecora's nephew?"

"That I am, how do you do, I am Zozo, nice to meet you." He poured them more coffee, and then turned to the pony next to them, "and for you, here is some more Joe, But Please Mr. Cake, take my advice and have no more."

"I'll tell you when I've had enough!" snapped the pony, clutching his coffee. Zozo shrugged and went back to the kitchen. Spike squinted at the jittering orange pony.

"Mr. Cake?" he hazarded.

"Hello there Spike isn't it a nice day yes I think so COFFEE," said Mr. Cake, taking a giant sip.

Spike and Cheerilee exchanged a look. Mr. Cake was now shaking so much that the mug he was cradling began to spill slightly. Spike shrugged and broke off a piece of his donut, when suddenly there was the sound of distant

"Whee-"

And a pink blur tore through street next to the café like a rocket. The speed of the pink torpedo caused the coffee cups to rattle, and blew Spike's donut plate right into his face, complete with the ala and the mode.

"What was THAT?" asked Cheerilee.

"MMffffgghh," said Spike.

"Oh Spike!" giggled Cheerilee, "Oh I'm so sorry. Your treat!"

Spike took the plate off his face, and managed to clean all off the desert off with a few well-timed tongue maneuvers. "Hey, no harm, no foul," he licked his claws clean, then asked "But seriously, what was that?"

"That was Pinkie Pie." Mr. Cake said, in a kind of far off, distant voice. "That's what she does now."

Cheerilee and Spike exchanged looks again. Finally, Spike said “Go on…”

"She got a delivery yesterday from some blue fool who didn't know what he was doing."

"I don't understand, how- oooooh. Blue Bonnet?" said Spike.

"Blue...? Oh! The trampolines!" gasped Cheerilee.

"The trampolines," muttered Mr. Cake.

There was a "wheeeeeee" in the distance, and this time all three held onto their cups of coffee. But wherever Pinkie was going, it wasn’t close enough to cause more disaster.

"The past 24 hours have been all bouncing, babies, quacking and whee-ing," muttered Mr. Cake.

"So," said Spike, "uh... How are you holding up?"

"I've convinced myself that sleep is thing that other ponies need, but not me." He stopped, his eyelids very heavy. Mr. Cake started leaning to one side, and Spike exchanged a worried glance with Cheerilee. As Cake tilted toward the point of no return, Cheerilee stepped forward to catch him. But he opened his eyes with a start and shook his head, righting himself. "Also, I've had about, oh, twenty cups of coffee today. And I think- I’m not 100%, but I’m pretty sure- that I can travel through time."

There was a pause. "So I've got that going for me, which is nice."

Neither Cheerilee nor Spike quite knew what to say. Suddenly, Mr. Cake started looking around wildly. "What... what was that? Did you hear that?"

Cheerilee frowned, "I didn't hear anything-"

"Ssh! Ssh! Listen!" said Mr. Cake, who paused and whispered, "...the wind!"

Then he ran off screaming, knocking over his table and causing general pandemonium. Zozo walked out of the inside of the café, and shook his head. “What a dip, moreover, he didn’t leave a tip!” The zebra then went back inside with a huff.

Finally, Spike spoke: "You know, this town has just gotten so much more surreal in the past 24 hours. And if I had to, you know, quantify that surreal-ness? “

He took a sip of coffee. ”About 20% more surreal."

Time stopped for Rarity. She was afraid that she had already given away too much, been prodding to hard to get Twilight in the right mindset. Now, suddenly, she had opened up a whole different catalogue of problems.

“Who could love you, Twilight? Are you joking?”

“No,” said Twilight. “I’m not.”

“Oh dear oh dear, my dear,” said Rarity, stumbling over her words, “Really now. Do you even know the colts and fillies who were trying to get your attention on Hearts and Hooves day?”

Twilight shook her head, “They were after the prize pupil of the Princess, the pony who took down Nightmare and Discord. They don't know me.”

“Well, not if you don’t give them a chance!”

“Rainbow Dash has got my number, Rarity: egghead. I’m an egghead. And I’m not good at fitting in, I’m not good at noticing other ponies are upset. I don’t know if you remember my first Winter Wrap Up-“

“When you organized it, got us on schedule for the first time ever, and then were given the town's only tri-color vest?” said Rarity, eyes skeptical, “Yes, a grand disaster all around.”

“I meant the part where I was hiding in the bushes because I’d gotten Applejack so mad she didn’t even want to speak to me.”

Rarity hesitated. “Ah. No, I didn’t know about that.”

Twilight shook her head, “Well, I did. And I almost caused you to have a breakdown. And it’s happened again and again, not just with you ponies, I almost ruined my brother’s wedding.”

“He was about to marry a changeling, dear. You saved the kingdom. Again.”

“But I didn’t know that for sure! And I almost lost my family over it, not to mention my friends.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with not being to find a special somepony.”

Twilight was getting frustrated. “Family has to stick by family. And I was the first pony Spike saw out of his eggshell, so of course he follows me. I’m lucky enough to have you girls in my life. But what pony would be able to see past all of my issues, my hang-ups, my selfishness, my… awkwardness, I suppose.”

Rarity tried to keep her poker face, and said, “You might be surprised.”

Twilight shook her head, “I don’t think so. I just don’t think about it, Rarity. I’ve always actively kept that book unopened. Because…”

“What?”

“Because even if there was such a pony, even if they did love me, I’d just hurt them.”

Rarity was shocked. “Hurt them?”

“I’ll say something stupid or careless, I’ll miss an important day or event, I’ll be so buried in my books and studying that I’ll lose them. And hurt them.” Twilight looked sadly at her friend, “Or they’ll hurt me.”

Rarity stood up. She knew when she was beaten, and she was no match for Twilight’s deeply thought out insecurities. She was in over her head, and Operation Adorkable was dead as far as she was concerned. There was only one thing left to do: “Let’s go find Spike.”

“What?”

“All of this girl talk hasn’t gotten us any closer to finding our dear friend!” Well, let’s go find him. Will that make you feel better?”

Twilight finally smiled, “I guess so.”

“Well, then hop to it!” said Rarity.

“Yes, ma’am!” said Twilight, standing and stretching. Rarity magically grabbed her shoulder bag and went to open the door. Then, Twilight said, “Rarity?”

Rarity paused, and turned to her friend. Twilight was blushing slightly, “Thank you for… well, just thank you. I think I needed to just say a lot of that out loud. But I didn’t know if anypony would understand.”

“Twilight, you can tell me anything,” said Rarity. “That’s what friends are for. Now, let’s go find our dragon friend.”

“Let’s!” said Twilight, “And maybe we’ll see Cheerilee too.”

Rarity stood in the open door frame, putting on her already exhausted poker face once more. “Cheerilee?” she asked.

“Yes, I hope we run into her… I still need to apologize for earlier.”

Rarity managed a weak smile, “Yes, dear, of course. Sweetie Belle! We're going out, I'll be back in a bit!"

And they walked out, completely oblivious to the fact that Sweetie Belle was long gone.

It was many cups of coffee later. Spike and Cheerilee had talked and talked and talked, first about Twilight, then about the cutie mark crusaders, and then the conversation switched to Rarity. Cheerilee had switched to decaf, but Spike hadn’t. Zozo was an efficient and quick waiter, and he poured with a heavy hoof.

“No, you don’t understand!” said Spike excitedly, “She’s just the most beautiful, awesomest pony in the world!”

“I think I get the picture,” laughed Cheerilee.

“No you don’t! She once defeated an entire army of Diamond Dogs just by being a lady! She’s just so kind, so gorgeous, so talented so… so….”

“Amazing?” asked Cheerilee.

“Yes! Exactly!” said Spike. “See? You understand.”

Zozo came up to the table. “Another cup of java, my dragon friend?” Spike smiled and offered his mug, although he was so jittery that it was shaking in his claw. Zozo arched an eyebrow and said, “Although perhaps not, as it might send you ‘round the bend.”

“I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough!”

Cheerilee mouthed the word ‘decaf’ to Zozo, who nodded and quickly produced a different pot of coffee. Spike gladly accepted the coffee, unaware of the switch. He took a swig and said, “Another amazing thing about Rarity? She-“

"Spike? Cheerilee?" said a quiet, familiar voice.

Both of them turned, and saw Twilight, exhausted but smiling with relief at both of them; and Rarity, a frozen grin on her face, trying to keep herself together.

Cheerilee felt her heart swell up on seeing Twilight. She opened her mouth to speak and-

“Twilight how ya doing great day isn’t it? Coffee? We got lots!” said Spike.

Twilight chuckled, “I’m glad to see you’re okay- wait. How many cups of coffee have you had?

“How many in a pot?” asked Spike, “I’ve had several pots.”

“Oh dear. Spike, you’ll be up for hours.”

“And how!” said Spike cheerfully, taking a big swig of coffee. “Hi Rarity!”

“Spike…” said Rarity, her face still in a frozen grin.

“Hey, hey, Twilight! Rarity!” said Spike jovially, “Have a seat, have some coffee! Have a donut, have sprinkles on the donut, they’ve got EVERYTHING here!”

“Um,” said Twilight, turning to Cheerilee, “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.”

Twilight glanced at Rarity, who said brightly, "Yes! Spike! Let's let them talk."

Spike groaned. "Aww-"

"RightnowSpikerightnowcomewithmerightnow. Rightnow. Youtwohaveagoodchatnow-" and with that, she hauled Spike away by the snout, who was complaining all the way.

"Definitely 20% more surreal..." muttered Cheerilee.

Twilight had a seat, clearly deep in thought, trying to find the words.

Cheerilee smiled. "Well, I'm certainly glad to see you again."

Twilight offered, "I-I'm certainly glad to see you, as well."

Cheerilee titled her head ever so slightly, trying not to blush.

Twilight said, "You have a flower in your hair."

Cheerilee giggled, "It appears that I do."

There was a pause.

Cheerilee said "So..."

“I’m so sorry, Cheerilee!” blurted Twilight.

“Sorry?” asked Cheerilee, “For what?”

“I got you in trouble, and I’m so sorry. Please tell me you didn’t get fired! If so, I’ll help you get another job! I swear it! I’ll write you the best recommendation later, and the Princess will-“

“Twilight, Twilight, calm down. Everything’s fine. I’m fine. No one’s been fired.”

Twilight exhaled, and put her hand in her hoof, “Oh thank Celestia. I’ve been up all night worrying.”

Cheerilee was moved. “Really? About me?”

“Of course! I mean, I just couldn’t handle it. You’re such a good teacher, and I couldn’t live with myself if you couldn’t teach because of me!”

Cheerilee felt her cheeks blush, which, thankfully for her, was hard to see due to her coat color. She said quietly, “It wasn’t your fault… I wanted to stay.”

Twilight shook her head, “I should have asked how long your break was. I want to make it up to you. How can I make it up to you?”

Cheerilee was trying to be coy, but while she was talented at many things, acting wasn’t one of them. “Oh, I think you’ve already made it up to me, but maybe I can think of some…thing.”

Twilight shook her head, “The book wasn’t enough.”

“It was so much more than just the book,” Cheerilee purred. At least, in her head it was purring, to Twilight it sounded like a product of a sore throat.

Twilight looked at her, puzzled. “Well yes, it is more than just a book, it’s a classic, but-“

“Spend the day with me!” blurted out Cheerilee, who suddenly recoiled after she said it.

“I’m sorry?” asked Twilight.

It was too late to retreat. Cheerilee said, “You don’t have to make it up to me, but if you want to make it up to me, let’s spend the day together.” She took the flower out of her mane, and stared at it, “It’s my day off, and while hanging out with Spike was fun, I’d… there’s no pony I’d rather spend the day with than you.” She looked up. “If, you know. You’re not busy.”

Twilight smiled brightly, her guilt about yesterday evaporating. “Deal! What would you like to do?”

Cheerilee could barely breathe. “Oh, it doesn’t really matter. I’d do anything with you.”

“Anything?” Twilight asked with a wicked smile. At least, in her head it was a wicked smile, to Cheerilee it looked like a Twilight was posing for a school portrait.

“Well,” said Cheerilee, “I’d rather not go to a… rodeo, or something like that. Big Mac dragged me to one, and, well.” She paused. “I mean, if you really want to, I guess-“

Twilight laughed heartily, “Oh dear. Cheerilee, you have noooooothing to worry about from me when it comes to sporting events.”

Rarity had dragged Spike a good house length away from the café, and behind a building before letting him go, and all the way he was crying “Ow!” until the word lost all meaning.

"Twilight nearly had a breakdown because of you this morning! I hope you're happy!"

"Of course I'm not happy! My snout REALLY hurts!"

“We have to abort, Spike, and I mean now,” hissed Rarity.

“What are you talking about? Abort? What does that even mean?”

“I mean Adorkable is over, do you understand?”

“Over? Why over? It’s going great! Twilight didn’t just get Cheerilee the book, she got flowers, candy, a card-“

“That’s just it, Spike! She didn’t! Sweetie Belle and her friends did, and signed Twilight’s name!”

Spike blinked. “But, that’s impossible. Cheerilee told me, there was a knock at her door and all these presents turned up-“

“Let me guess, with a card signed by Twilight?” Spike nodded, and Rarity groaned. “Spike, Scootaloo got Twilight to sign the card with the promise that they’d all sign the card… but then they just left it as is.”

Spike scratched his head, “Scootaloo? What? You’ve lost me.”

Rarity leaned in very close to Spike, and said through gritted teeth, “Twilight told me she thinks it was a group gift, and Cheerilee told you that she thinks it was all from Twilight, right?”

Spike nodded. “She really does have a crush on Twilight. She’s over the moon right now.”

“Which means Cheerilee thinks Twilight ALSO has a crush on her, and guess what? You were right, she doesn’t have a crush on anypony. She’s got a lot of… issues that need to be addressed before she can be in a relationship with a pony.”

Spike gulped. “Uh oh.”

“Yes, dear! We have uh oh! Confirmed uh oh! They’re both walking into a trap where the only guaranteed result is heartbreak!”

Spike felt the caffeine crash hit him all at once; he staggered backwards, leaning up against the wall. “Oh no. What do we do?”

“We need to get them separated immediately, right away.” She led Spike back around the corner, “Then, I don’t know what. You take Cheerilee and I’ll keep Twilight away from her, and-“

Twilight was gone. Cheerilee was gone. There was no pony at their table, which had already been bussed by Zozo. He waved at Spike, yelling, “Miss Cheerilee had a message, my dragon friend! She says thanks for the company, and the coffee was on her in the end!”

Spike and Rarity stared at the Zebra, who went back to cleaning. Eventually, Spike said, “And that's why Twilight tells me, you always leave a note."

Rarity sighed, "Oh Spike, what do we do now?"

"Well. I have enough gems to get us on the 3:10 to Appleloosa. We can start over there, and send apology letters by the pony express until this blows over.”

Rarity shook her head, “No. There’s only one thing left to do. You said it yourself, when the going gets tough, the tough get Pinkie."

Spike sighed, “What can she do for us now?"

"What she does routinely. The impossible. Have you seen her today?”

Spike thought about the question. “In a sense? Yes.”

Applejack had been running for at least an hour, first to the Golden Oaks Library (no answer), then to Sugarcube Corner (only a shell-shocked Mrs. Cake,) then got halfway to Fluttershy's house before she turned around (too many ducks), then to Rarity's boutique (no answer), before she finally ended up at Rainbow Dash's cloud, and then realized that she had no plan on how to get up there.

She leaned against a tree, staring up at the cloud condo and the rainbow waterfall that came down from it. She felt lost. Maybe this was all in her head. Maybe not. But if nothin' was going on, why couldn't she find anypony?

Then she thought she heard some light sobbing. She looked around, and found a sniffling Blue Bonnet, sitting by one of the rainbow pools. Her eyes narrowed.

"Hey. Hey!" she snorted, "I got a bone to pick with you, mister!"

"Hey... hey miss Jack... miss Apple." he said, clutching a package with shaking hooves.

"You got some explainin' to do, Mr. Bonnet, if that is your real name."

"I don't even know anymore..." said the blue stallion, rolling his head.

"Who are all of these 'packages' comin’ from?" asked Applejack.

"Who? I don't even know who to give them to!"

"What are you blubberin’ about?" Applejack demanded, then she got closer and sniffed, "Have you been drinking?"

Blue Bonnet offered up the package. "Help me...."

The address was right- Rainbow Dash's cloud condo- but the delivery section said: 18 1 18 9 20 25

"What does it mean?" pleaded Bonnet.

Suddenly a voice called out: "Hey youuuu ggguyyysssss!"

They both looked up. Above them was a crazed Rainbow Dash, goggles still strapped to the top part of her head, eyes bloodshot and filled with glee. '

"Who wants to bet I can ride the rainbow?!" she yelled.

"What?" shouted Applejack.

"I do!" said Blue Bonnet.

"Awesome!" screamed Dash, "Ten bits says I stick the landing!"

"Rainbow Dash, don't you dare-"

But she was already off the cloud and onto the liquid rainbow...

…which meant she was in freefall, as rainbows are not clouds, and Dash realized that too late, spinning out of control…

…and then Blue Bonnet started pointing at the pool next to him, shouting , “Aim for this one! This one!”

Dash somehow was able to angle her descent, and promptly came crashing down into the pool Bonnet picked, splashing everypony and everything around them.

Silence reigned after the initial splash. Applejack stared at the pool, horrified. Bonnet held his breath. Finally, Dash surfaced, staggering up out of the pool. Goggles still on her head, Dash smiled and croaked, "Best... day.... ever,” and then she fell backwards and passed out.

Applejack ran over, concerned but then relieved as it was clear Dash was sleeping soundly in the sand. She was a victim of exhaustion and not head trauma. Applejack then looked around at all the other pools around herself and Bonnet, and realized that all of them, all but the one Dash was in, were far too shallow to support her fall.

Applejack turned to Blue Bonnet, “How did ya’ll know which pool to pick?”

Blue Bonnet looked at her with sad, drunken eyes. He said, “I’m lucky, you see.”

Applejack returned his gaze, and finally cracked a smile at the stallion.

Then Blue Bonnet threw up.

Author's Note

I usually just let the song titles/chapter titles stand alone, but this song is kind of the heart of the whole story. It's fairly obscure outside of Broadway nerds, but trust me, it'll break your freaking heart.

By the way, for all the references I'm making to many, many different things, is anyone catching the AD ones? Because I make them EVERY CHAPTER.

VII: Whole Lotta Love

Adorkable Love

By: Einhander

Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG

Pre-Reading: Cola Bubble Gum

Chapter 7: Whole Lotta Love

Spike finished tying the third knot and then took a step back to inspect his work. The frying pan was tied to a plank that he had nailed to the top of the Carousel Boutique. Directly below the pan was one of Pinkie's trampolines. He gave the frying pan a few experimental taps, it stayed firmly in place. He nodded, then waved at Rarity.

"Okay! Get the apple!"

"This is the most idiotic plan," Rarity said as she magically picked up the apple and floated it in front of her, "ever devised by any creature, pony or dragon."

Spike ignored her, squinting at the trampoline and pointing his claw, "Right there. By the berry bush. That’s the angle she'll be coming from." Rarity grumbled but obliged, floating the apple as she walked to the designated spot. "Now, throw the apple as hard as you can."

"Throw? THROW? Spike, I would like to think you know me well enough that Rarity does not do... " she raised her hooves in air quotations, "'the sports.'"

Spike looked at her. “‘The Sports’?”

Rarity waved her hoof in irritation. “Whatever ponies call them. It’s not my bag.”

“We need to test the trap, and if it’s off I want to adjust it now, not after I’ve climbed all the way down.”

She sniffed, “Sorry, dear. Not happening.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “C’mon, oh ‘great and powerful’ Rarity. Just throw the apple. I know you’ve done this before.”

“I don't throw things, Spike.”

Spike’s smile had a hint of evil in it. "High school."

Rarity's eyes became huge. "W-what are you talking about?"

"Division Champion Hoofball. Star pitcher?"

“How. What. Who. You?”

"Pinkie told me. Made it all the way to the finals, she said... Got into an argument with the ref, got thrown out of the game and off the team?"

Rarity's left eye started twitching. “Not possible. All evidence destroyed.”

"Not everything. Pinkie showed me the only picture she has of you two," Spike smiled, edging away from the frying pan, "and she quit the team too when you left, so sad. She said it was no fun ‘catching without her pitcher’, whatever that means.”

"Stop talking. You must stop talking."

It was asking the impossible. Spike was having way too much fun. “I could tell you designed the uniforms. It looked like 'early Rarity' period."

Rarity was past talking, her body now a barrel of rage on four shaking stilts. Spike was a good five feet from the pan. He decided to pull the trigger.

"You know would love to see that picture? Rainbow Dash." He could almost see the steam coming off Rarity's head. "Ooh, and you know who else? Apple-"

"NO!" Rarity screamed and sent the apple rocketing towards the trampoline. It bounced upwards, hit the frying pan and exploded.

Spike lowered his claws from his eyes, and looked at the frying pan. It was still there, secured to the roof. The apple had been obliterated. He nodded. "I think we're good."

Rarity panted as the anger drained out of her, but her irritation remained. "Good? Good?! Spike, did you SEE what happened to that apple?"

"Yeah, I did. You must have been one heck of a player if you can still throw like that. I'm impressed."

She gritted her teeth and hissed, "I meant what happens when Pinkie hits that frying pan?"

"You know, I thought about that," said Spike as he climbed down the ladder, "and there's only two ponies I'd trust to be okay after a clonking like that. Rainbow Dash..."

Rarity blinked. "I suppose I can't argue with that."

"And Pinkie Pie. When the laws of physics don't apply to a pony, you don’t worry about them getting hit with a frying pan too hard.”

Rarity shrugged, faced with the logic of the illogical. There were a few moments of silence, as they both sat by trampoline, waiting.

Spike looked around. After a moment, he said, “Once again, we wait by the bushes.”

“Darling, I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t-“

“Your secret’s safe with me, Rarity.”

She closed her eyes and said, “Thank you.”

Spike smiled gently, taking a small gem from his bag and popping it in his mouth. “I only brought it up to get you to throw the dang apple.”

Rarity huffed. “I really don’t think it was necessary to bring up past trauma in my life to get me to throw some produce!"

Spike shook his head, “Not hard enough for a solid test.”

Rarity sighed, but didn’t argue.

“I also didn’t believe it was actually true.”

Rarity gasped. “You were bluffing?”

“Not exactly, I was telling the truth that Pinkie told me. But… I just couldn’t believe it. You? An athlete?"

Rarity shrugged, laying on the ground and sighing. She suddenly felt very tired. “It’s in the past, dear. Let’s just leave it there.”

There was a long silence.

"Were you good?"

"I was the BEST, darling."

Spike grinned.

“Rarity…”

“Mmm?”

“Um… there are some bugs staring at us.”

Rarity looked up. It was true. Two tiny crickets were staring at them. For a moment, there was only the silence inherent in being stared at by insects. Then the smaller of the two crickets began to chirp.

“What?” asked and irritated Rarity. “Is there something so hilarious about the starkness of my failure that you came to gawk?!”

The crickets didn’t move, but Spike did. He edged away from Rarity, cringing. “I don’t think they understand equestrian.”

“Oh they know what they are doing. Make no mistake. Crickets are cruel creatures.”

One of the crickets, the bigger of the two, hopped away. After a moment, the smaller one followed.

“That’s right, run away. Cowards!”

“Rarity, what did you mean, ‘failure’?”

“I’ve not only failed at playing matchmaker, but I’ve failed my new dream design project. I was up all night, and nothing. Nothing, nothing nothing. And now, at my lowest moment, forced to turn to Pinkie Pie of all ponies for help, and I can’t even get her to stop bouncing long enough to ask for help. Two friends are headed to heartbreak, and it’s all my fault.”

“Well. Technically. It’s our fault.”

Rarity glared. “You’re not helping.”

Spike grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “You know, I wouldn’t worry. Somehow, in the end, I think it’s all going to work out. Your dress, Twi and Cheerilee, all of it.”

“Really? How?”

Spike shrugged, “I dunno. It’s a mystery.”

There was a rustling sound from the bushes.

Spike took a step back. “Uh oh. Is that your cat?”

Rarity shook her head. “My little Opal is an inside kitty…”

The two crickets reappeared, pushing a square object towards Rarity.

Spike took a huge breath. “Is that- ohmygosh! Rarity, is that the Great Gallopsy copy you borrowed from the library?”

Rarity squinted at it. “Yes. Yes it is.”

“Oh, Rarity...” Spike shook his head, picking up the book sadly, “This is an original, a first edition. Twilight’s going to flip out when-“

“She knows.”

Spike looked at her. “And you still have use of all of your limbs?”

Rarity looked at the crickets, who were still staring up at her. “She found it outside in the bushes earlier today, when she was looking for you. She asked me about it, I thought she took it with her…”

“Are you telling me she found a library book in the bushes, found out it was you that left it there, and then SHE left it there?”

Rarity was now looking at nothing in particular, her voice strangely displaced. “I suppose I am telling you that, yes.”

Spike felt weak. “I gotta sit down.”

The crickets chirped like mad and ran out of the way of Spike’s rapidly descending rear end. The tiny dragon and the unicorn said nothing as they stared, the former at the book and the latter at the horizon.

“Twilight’s never left a book behind. Never. Especially not a first edition.” Spike shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

“She was worried about you.” Rarity said, quietly.

“But that’s nothing new, she fusses about me like, daily. But she never leaves a book behind.”

“I know.”

“I’m worried about her. What do you think it is?”

Rarity tilted her head, still staring far into the distance. “I think there’s the slightest possibility it may be love.”

Spike wanted to throw the book at her. “Are you serious? You just told me she WASN’T in love. I just tied a frying pan to your rooftop so we could get Pinkie because you told me she didn’t like Cheerilee that way . And now-“

“Spike, please,” she said with gently but definite authority, and Spike stopped. “I told you she didn’t have a crush on anypony, and that she had issues that needed to be addressed. Nothing has changed.”

“Then what are we talking about? No crush, no love, right?”

Rarity frowned. “Not necessarily. She told me that she couldn’t sleep, she was so worried that Cheerilee might have gotten in trouble because of her, that she had lost a friend and... Well, she said a lot of things.” She stared again at the book in Spike’s claws. “But I forgot about the book. If Cheerilee can make her forget about one of her library books in the bushes…”

“But she doesn’t like Cheerilee that way, right? That’s what she said?”

“She said she didn’t think about it at all. But now I’m thinking that’s not true.” Rarity magically took the book and floated it away from Spike, staring at the cover. “Now I’m thinking, maybe Twilight, for all her knowledge, lacks the vocabulary to express what she’s feeling… the kind of love where you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you forget about the things that moments before were the most precious to you. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

Spike thought long and hard before he responded with a neutral, “I might.”

Rarity didn’t notice the deliberate pause. “I think maybe we aren’t sunk after all, Spike. If Twilight is leaving books in the bushes, I think she’s falling for our schoolteacher, hard.”

She bent over and said to the crickets, gently, “My deepest apologies for my previous behavior. The stress and strain of dressmaking and matchmaking, you understand. But rest assured, I will leave out an apple for you two tonight, for all your help in this matter.”

The cricket chirped in response. Rarity turned back to Spike.

“We have to do this right. Very delicately. The slightest maladjustment in our plan and—“

The noise was later described by Spike as a "Whee-BONG." Pinkie was so fast that they saw her before they heard her 'Whee," and she hit the frying pan at the same time as the 'Whee' caught up with her. The net result was a joyful noise cut short, and Pinkie fell onto the ground. She wasn't moving.

Neither Spike nor Rarity spoke, but they shared the same thought.

Oh no, we killed her.

Then Pinkie sat up, her eyes crossed and bloodshot, a crazy grin on her face even as a bump formed on her head. She lifted her arms and said "Again!"

Spike and Rarity exhaled.

Then Pinkie tipped over backwards and passed out, arms still extended, smile on her face.

Spike called out, "Whose plan? Spike's plan!" He started dancing joyfully, "Whose plan? SPIKE's plan!"

"Yes, congratulations, darling. She's unconscious."

"But NOT dead." He spun in place and then pointed at Rarity "Or seriously injured. This is a win."

"Just be a dear and help me get her in the house."

Spike grinned and walked over to lift Pinkie.

That's when a duck bit him, and everything went bananas.

The two mares walked along a stream, Twilight leading and Cheerilee following.

Twilight looked confident and happy, midway through a monologue about... well Cheerilee wasn't 100% understanding her, but it didn't matter. Cheerilee was listening to the music, not the words.

She caught her reflection in fat part of stream and stopped. A deep pink coated mare stared back at her from the water, a shy smile on her face and a flower in her hair. Both Cheerilee and her reflection shared a massive grin. Then they noticed the flower was slipping a little, and tried to fix it.

It wasn't working, the flower was becoming further tangled. Her smile vanished into frustration, and she remembered why she rarely put flowers in her mane. They were easy enough to get them in, but getting them OUT...

Twilight had gotten around the next bend of the stream before realizing she was talking to herself. She turned around and saw Cheerilee well behind her, struggling with something in her mane. Blushing and realizing that perhaps not everypony cared about the parallels between the second Game of Crowns book and real life Equestrian succession, Twilight back tracked to her friend.

Cheerilee grunted in frustration. Her mane was not cooperating at all, and her hoof wasn't getting the job done. She pressed too hard, and a petal fell off. Gasping, she reached out to catch it but the wind blew it into the stream. As she watched it flow away, she heard a soft voice say, "Everything okay?"

Cheerilee turned and saw Twilight giving her an embarrassed smile, and she blushed. Her coat was her friend, making it hard for most ponies to tell when she blushed, unless if they were close to tell the differences in shades.

Twilight was.

"My flower..." Cheerilee stammered eventually, "tangled, I'm just trying to fix it."

"May I?"

Cheerilee nodded, heart beating furiously. Twilight walked over to her, smiling, and got very close. Cheerilee was a little filly, wondering if this was going to be her first kiss. She held her breath, and then Twilight's eyes lit up.

A purple aura coming out of Twilight's horn and enveloped Cheerilee. She could feel it, a gentle but very strong force, untangling her mane and lifting the flower up into the air. They both stared at it. It's petals were wrinkled but the purple and black colors remained vibrant.

Twilight cooed. "Striking, isn't it?"

Cheerilee grinned and bowed her head slightly . "They're my favorite."

Twilight nodded, "I wondered. Hold still." She concentrated and the flower floated magically toward Cheerilee's mane.

Trying to line up the flower in the same spot as before, Twilight squinted and said "They say that unicorns are more vain because our magic makes it easier to do things like this."

"Twilight, you are many things, but vain is not one of them." Cheerilee said, and then paused. "Now, Rarity, on the other hoof."

"Hold still!"

"Sorry!"

Twilight smiled, finally seeing the right spot, "Well, you know my reply to anyone who tells me 'they say?'

"What?" said Cheerilee, and then gasped when she felt the flower entered her hair. The magic gently secured a strand of her hair around its stem, and she sensed Twilight's magic evaporate around her. Before she could thank Twilight, the unicorn was suddenly nose to nose with her.

"'Who's they?' And where did 'they' get their sources?"

Twilight was so close, this was it, this was the moment, she's going to...

"Am I right?" Twilight grinned, then playfully nudged her in the shoulder, then turned to the stream and looked at Cheerilee's reflection. "Take a look! What do you think?"

Cheerilee, flushed and frustrated, turned and saw her reflection in the stream, staring at herself. The flower in her hair looked like it was always there, a part of her from before until forever after. Then she saw herself staring at Twilight's reflection, which was smiling back at her.

"I think I did a pretty good job!" said Twilight, who chuckled, "I mean I’m no Rarity, but..."

As she laughed, a dragonfly landed on the nose of Twilight's reflection. The insect gently distorted her image and cussing a dozen laughing Twilight's to appear and disappear over the surface of the water.

"You're definitely not Rarity," Cheerilee said quietly.

Twilight stopped laughing, a sudden look of concern on her face. "Oh, don’t you like it? Don't worry, we can get her to fix it, I'm sure. I'm sorry I messed it up..."

"No!" yelped Cheerilee. "You're perfect! I mean." Her eyes got huge. "It's perfect. You did it perfectly. "

Twilight looks concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Fine!"

"You don't look okay."

"Great!"

"I mean you seem all flushed."

Cheerilee opened her mouth to protest again, and found words rushing up that she had to choke down. She backed up, pressing her head into her shoulder, willing them to go down, and losing. It was like she was going to be sick, that feeling she got rarely when she knew it was all going to come up eventually, not now but soon.

"Cheerilee? If I've offended you, I could not be more sorry..."

Cheerilee shook her head violently, closing her eyes in frustration.

Why was this so hard? She's already made the first move.

"Please, I want to help." Twilight said. "You can tell me, whatever it is. We can work it out."

Cheerilee mustered up a whisper. "Anything?"

Twilight nodded, smiling. "Anything."

In that smile, Cheerilee found her calm. She took a breath. "Twilight, I have to tell you something."

"Go for it."

She looked at her reflection.

Pony up, Cheerilee, it said.

She turned back to the most beautiful lavender unicorn in the whole wide world.

"I-"

"Hi Twilight! Hi Miss Cheerilee!" Came the singsong voice of the littlest member of the Apple Clan. She was bouncing and smiling like it was Heartswarming Eve and she'd just gotten a glimpse of her presents. "What's doin?"

It wasn’t polite or professional to swear in front of a child, so Cheerilee just did it in her head.

"Hey. "

Applejack dragged the cart and its two passengers, along with Blue Bonnet’s undelivered parcel. Rainbow Dash was dead weight, passed out and snoring. Blue Bonnet, unfortunately, was not.

"Hey. Hey."

Applejack gritted her teeth, pulling harder, refusing to acknowledge the drunk stallion. There was a blessed silence, a hiccup, then a resurgence.

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey."

He ain't gonna stop, Sugarcube, said her heart.

Ya'll hush. He'll tire out eventually.

"Applejack. Hey. Applejack."

If he ain't tired yet, how'd ya reckon its gonna work now?

Ah don't negotiate with terrorists, snorted her brain.

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, Applejack. Applejack. Applejack. Apple-"

"WHAT?" she yelled, dropping the cart pulley in exhaustion.

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

"Don't know, don't care."

"No, listen. Listen. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?"

"...what?"

"My ass."

There was a deathly silence, then Blue Bonnet started giggling hysterically, finally giving way to full belly laugh territory, rolling off the side if the cart and landing on the ground with a thud.

Rainbow snorted, turning over and muttering, "Just five more minutes."

Ya'll happy now? asked Applejack’s brain.

That was my plan, what's yours? her heart snipped back.

Applejack groaned and walked around the cart, picking up the snickering form of Bonnet.

"Just so you know, Blue, if I ever find you like this again," she heaved him onto the cart, "I'm gonna leave ya wherever I find ya."

Rainbow snorted and Applejack glared at her, but her eyes immediately softened, "Same goes for you, Sugarcube."

Dash kicked out a leg, and murmured, "I'll have a dandelion sandwich." Applejack did a double take as Dash’s sleeping form had assumed a very unladylike position.

"Sounds good," slurred Bonnet, turning to Applejack, "I'll have the sa-- hey, you're blushing!"

Caught, Applejack stammered, "No ah'm not!"

"Yes you are! You're totally blushing! Hey!" He nudged Dash, "She's blushing!"

"Blue, ya'll need to stop talking. Now."

"It can't be for me, she hates me... oh it's you, isn't it?” He turned from Dash to Applejack. “You have a thing for her, don't you? You totally do!" Bonnet's tone took an abrupt turn from excitement to mush, "Aww, that is just ador--"

Bonnet then found his muzzle clamped shut by two very powerful hooves. His eyes only saw Applejack, as she was very close and her eyes were ice cold.

"Ah know that this is just the cider talking," her voice quiet, but every word precise, "but if ya'll don't grab ahold of that cider and shut it up, ah'm gonna end you."

Bonnet became very sober very quickly.

"Ah think we understand each other?"

Bonnet tried to nod, but found that Applejack's hooves were too strong. He eeked out a, "'es m'm."

Rainbow snorted again, and mumbled, "Yes, I’m a natural blue."

Applejack looked back at her captive. "Good." She dropped him in the cart, rubbed her eyes, sighed, and went back to the front of the cart. Thank Celestia, Fluttershy's house was just around the next turn. She'd know what to do with these two, or at least be able for take them off of Applejack's hooves.

"Uh oh."

"Uh oh? Uh oh WHAT?" Applejack snorted.

"Nothing... But I may be sick on your cart."

"Ya'll better not yuck up on my cart, Blue Bonnet."

"May not have a choice... Should the sky be spinning like that?"

Applejack started pulling the cart harder, her muscles crying out in protest. Fluttershy's house was in sight now. "Just hang on Sugarcube, almost there."

"Cube. Cube. That's a funny word. Cube. Cuuuube."

There was a crash and the tinkling of glass as a chair came flying through a window of Fluttershy's cottage. It landed in front of a very startled Applejack, who reared up in shock and tipped the cart. Dash almost slid off. Blue Bonnet was less lucky and hit the ground with a damp thud.

Applejack was too distracted by what came next to register the fate of her passengers. After the chair, a large bear came crawling out of the window. It was afraid, visibly shaking and looking around wildly, hesitating at the window. Then there was a quacking, a chorus of avian jeers that caused the bear to yelp and leap out of the window and run for the woods.

It was all over in a manner of seconds. Applejack stared, dumbfounded. "What the bu--”

"No anchovies please," murmured Dash.

"Applejack?" came a quietly subdued male voice, from behind the cart.

"Blue? Ya'll okay?" She couldn't see him.

".... I have good news and bad news."

"Alright. Good news first."

"I didn't get sick... in your cart."

"Well, that's good. And what’s the bad--"

HUUURRRRRKKK.

It sounded and smelled awful. Undeterred, Applejack unhooked the pulley and walked to the back of the cart.

More awful sounds were coming from the hunched over form of Bonnet. There was green stuff everywhere, and more was coming. Bonnet stopped vomiting for a moment, cast a baleful eye at Applejack, and croaked, "I’ll never drink again."

"Dear Celestia, how much did you have?"

"When do your bars open?"

"Shoot, ah don't know. Sundown ah guess."

"When do they close?"

"Ah don't know! Late!"

"Then that's how much I had." And he threw up again.

Applejack slowly ran her hoof down her face, starting at her forehead and all the way down to her chin.

First day off in years, and I spend it with this bozo.

Stick with the plan, Sugarcube.

Right.

"Alright, ya'll stay here, ah'll get help." She looked towards Fluttershy

"No pony can help me."

"Maybe, but Fluttershy is gonna try."

"NO!" yelped Bonnet.

"No? What's wrong with Fluttershy?!"

"I don't want..."

"Oh hush, she's practically a doctor. An animal doctor, true, but..."

"I don't want her to see me like this!"

Applejack's mouth dropped open. There was just too much weirdness going around. Finally, she found the words, "You and Fluttershy are...?"

He shook his head, "She barely knows who I am, but that doesn't stop..." He trailed off and looked at Dash's sleeping form. Then he looked back at Applejack. "You got yours, I've got mine."

For the first time since they met, Applejack felt kindness in her heart for this bizarre, sad stallion.

It dried up quickly when he wretched one last time, crossed his eyes and said, "I just blue'd myself."

And he passed out.

"Buck this," she grumbled.

She ran over to Fluttershy's house and banged on the door. "Fluttershy! Darlin', I need your help something fierce. Are y'all there?" She lifted up her hoof to knock again, and realized she had stepped in some glass.

Oh. Right. That bear.

Uh... if that bear was so keen on gettin’ out, what do ya suppose is still in there?

The bottom half of the door creaked open and out poked a tiny white head. It was Fluttershy's bunny, Angel, the terror of pony pet play date.

And he'd been drinking.

Angel was shaking and clutching a thimble half full of what smelled like very cheap red wine. There were red stains on his fur and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Once Angel recognized the orange earth pony, he did something truly bizarre. He cried out, dropped the thimble, ran over and hugged Applejack's leg, sobbing.

She stared at the crying bunny, and said, "Uh... There there?"

Ah don't know what's weirder, his boozin or his cryin'.

Forget that, who knew Fluttershy drank wine?

Then both her heart and mind froze. Whatever it was that drove the bear to run, and Angel to drink, was in there with Fluttershy...

"Hang on, Fluttershy, I'm comin in!"

Shaking off the bunny, she bucked the top half of the door open and rushed into the house. The inside looked like a place that should have been condemned.

Books and furniture were everywhere in complete disarray.

And in the living room she found Fluttershy in the middle of a storm.

A storm of ducklings.

Short ones, fat ones, tall ones, ducks were everywhere, quacking. Some were fighting, some were eating, others were inspecting various objects in the house, and one was relieving himself on a newspaper, right on top of a picture of Discord's face. In the center was Fluttershy, squeaking out, "Oh, no please don't... Oh oh, be careful little one! Hey! Put your brother down!”

“Fluttershy? What in the hay…”

Fluttershy turned, and instantly Applejack had to take a step back. Fluttershy was smiling but her eyes were watery and bloodshot, like she hadn’t slept in days.

“Oh, Applejack! Welcome to our home! I wish I knew you were coming, I would have had Civility make you tea!”

“Uh, Civility?”

Fluttershy held up a duckling who, against all reason and probability, was wearing a tiny bow tie and a haughty expression.

“Say hello, Civility.”

“Quácke.” quacked Civility.

“Uh. Hi?”

Civility flew out of Fluttershy’s arms. "It’s just been wonderful having all these new friends. And my old creature friends just love them too.”

“What about that bear that I just saw escape through your window?”

Fluttershy blinked, and stared at the broken glass. “Oh. I was just thinking, it’s a little drafty in here.” Then she brightened back up. “Let me introduce you to all of Civility’s brothers and sisters. Every duckling, this is Applejack."

There was a chorus of quacks, although to Applejack it seemed completely unrelated to her presence. Fluttershy continued, "Applejack, this is..." She took a giant breath:

"Silly, Snappy, Hungry, Lucky, Drowsy, Swanky, Artsy, Loopy, Moody, Whiny, Classy, Beefy, Needy, Perky, Rusty, Itchy, Ducky, Civility of course, and Bill."

Applejack just stared. It was a lot of ducks. The last duck named, Bill, had just given his editorial opinion on Discord's trial.

"Bill's sort of their leader," Fluttershy whispered.

Bill noticed that Fluttershy had a guest, and he flew over and landed in front of them. He stared at Applejack, bobbing his was back and forth and giving her the once over.

"I think Bill likes you."

Bill finished his exam, nodded and extended a wing with a diplomatic "Quack." Applejack shook it, because that was a thing now apparently.

Bill flew away. Fluttershy cooed in a quavery voice, "Aren’t they just the nineteen and a half most precious darlings?"

“What do you mean, half?”

“Oh, I forgot about Shelly. Well, we don’t really know what Shelly is, so only half a duckling until he or she comes out of it’s shell.” She looked around, calling out, “Shelly? Shelly, come out and say hello.”

An egg with two duck legs poked it’s head out from behind a corner, only to immediately shrink back when it somehow felt eyes on it. Applejack stared with wide eyes.

“Personally, I think Shelly’s just… well. Shy.”

Applejack turned to her friend with concern. Sure, Fluttershy was smiling and her voice sounded happy, but she looked tired. In fact, she looked an awful lot like-

The same look that Rainbow Dash had before she leapt into a giant puddle of liquid rainbow. The look she could see for half a moment before Pinkie Pie flew by her.

The crazy eyes.

Oh, shoot. Dash!

Oh, double shoot! Blue!

"Listen, Flutterhy, ah'm glad things are working out for you, here in," she hesitated, "Duckburg, but I've got two sick ponies outside that need yer help."

"Oh no! Of course I'll help. Let me get my first aid kit." Fluttershy ran over to the other side of the room, tripping on a napping duck and crashing into a bookshelf. Books and ducks went flying everywhere, including on top of her. "I'm okay! I'm okay." She emerged underneath the book pile wearing a copy of ‘Birds of the Everfree forest' like a hat. She turned in the direction of the bird that tripped her. "Um, excuse me Drowsy? I'm going to ask you to be a teensy bit more careful where you sleep."

"Quack," said Drowsy , sleepily, and then started snoring again.

Applejack suddenly felt very, very tired. She wasn't built for Wacky antics and slapstick. Flashbacks of Pinkie Pie torturing her with questions back in Appleloosa flooded her mind.

"Okay! I am ready and willing to help the wounded!" Fluttershy smiled, giving a mock salute, then hiding behind her mane "Um, if that’s alright with you. And the patients. Where are the patients?"

"Well Dash is outside in my cart-"

"Dash! Oh my goodness, what's wrong with her?"

"She's been flying all day and all night thanks to her new dang goggles-"

"Poor dear! She should really get some sleep."

"Actually she is sleeping-"

"Oh, good then! Best thing for her. And the other pony?"

Applejack narrowed her eyes at Fluttershy. "Are you funning with me?"

"Um, I don't think so. That is, I, Um, don't know what you mean. I am having fun spending time with you, though!" She suddenly wilted and murmured, "But I might be having too much fun. Am I-"

Applejack put her other hoof up, cutting her off. Patience was running preciously thin in Applejack's mind. "The other pony is Blue Bonnet, an' he's the one Ah'm re-"

"Bonnet?!" Fluttershy squeaked. "You mean, my Blue Bonnet?"

Even the ducks seemed to realize that something big had slipped, as their new mommy hadn't ever made a noise like that before.

"He mentioned me? He actually remembered my name?"

"Technically, yes."

"What did he say? What were his exact words?"

Applejack blinked.

I just blue'd myself.

"He said some wonderful things."

Fluttershy smiled. Not the smile of a crazy new mommy of nineteen and a half ducklings, but the shy smile Applejack knew and recognized from her friend. Applejack relaxed for a moment. Maybe this was all in her-

“DUCKLINGS ASSEMBLE!”

“Quack? Quack. Quack, Quack!” said Bill, who then turned to his fellow ducklings. “Quack! Quack quack quack!” He made motions with his wings, and the other ducks nodded and ran around.

“Quack?”

“Quácke!”

“Zzz…Quack…?”

After a lot of pushing and shoving, the ducklings had organized themselves into three rows of six. Bill was in the front, and Shelly was missing.

“Quack quack, quack quack quack. Quack!” Bill saluted Fluttershy.

“Thank you for being so efficient, my little darlings. Now, we’ve got two ponies out there, one needs rest and one who needs our help! We’re going to take them both inside. The sleepy one gently put onto the couch, the sick one, oh, um, I guess we’ll put him into the tub. Did that make sense?”

“Quack!” Bill nodded then turned to his troops. “Quack quack… QUACK!”

There was a chorus and clattering of quacks, and the ducks disappeared out the front door.

Fluttershy leaned her head against Applejack’s shoulder, watching them go. “Aren’t they just the most precious things you’ve ever seen?”

Applejack stared at Fluttershy. “Are you feelin’ alright, sugarcube?”

“I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my…”

“Fluttershy?”

But Fluttershy was asleep. Applejack sighed.

I need a vacation. said her heart.

Darlin’, this IS your vacation.

We need a REAL vacation, then.

The ducklings brought in Rainbow Dash, and gently deposited her onto the couch. The mob returned to the outside, presumably to help with Bonnet. Applejack couldn’t move, for fear of waking Fluttershy, so she regarded the sleeping form of her cyan friend from afar.

She was always so strong and fearless when awake. Not always the most graceful or humble, but certainly the most bold. And loyal. And, and…

Yer babblin’, sugarcube, chided her heart.

Well, yer droolin’, said her brain.

There was the sound of distant quacking, but inside the house all was quiet, except for Fluttershy’s breathing and Rainbow’s gentle snoring.

Fluttershy was an adorable pony, everpony agreed.

But to Applejack, Rainbow Dash wasn’t adorable. She was beautiful.

Remind me again, why can’t we tell her how we feel?

Because.

Because why?

Because no way she gonna feel the same way about no farmer.

“More cheese, please,” murmured Dash.

Ain’t it worth it to yerself to find out for sure?

Applejack lowered her head.

Not if it means she doesn’t speak to you ever again.

The quacking got louder. Fluttershy woke up. “My darlings?”

If there is such a thing a deeply pissed off quacking, her ducklings were making it right now. Fifteen of them were carrying the very sad and gross looking form of Blue Bonnet. Bill followed behind, flitting his wings in a grumpy manner.

“Bill, can you report?”

Bill stomped on the ground. “Quack, quack quack quack.”

“Oh, I see. Well, Mr. Bonnet can’t help that he got sick.”

Uh, yes he could, Applejack’s brain snarked.

“Quack quack, quack!”

Bill pointed behind him, and the last two ducks were carrying the apoplectic shape of Classy, who was freaking the freak out, clutching his wing and crying.

“Quaaaaaaack!”

“Aww, poor Classy. Well, take him to the bird bath, and take Mr. Bonnet to the regular bath. Um, if you don’t mind, that is.”

Bill rolled his eyes and gave commands to his troops, who hauled Classy out the back door and carried Bonnet to the stairs to the bathroom.

“Wait,” croaked Bonnet, and the duck armada slowed. “Fluttershy… you’ve been so nice to me, and I’ve been nothing but awful to you…”

“Oh no, Mr. Bonnet, that’s not true. You came and we had a lovely pot of tea together, don’t you remember?”

“But I didn’t even know it was you. I thought you were some pony named Ringo. I’m the worst mail pony ever…”

“Um. Well, first of all, my mail pony is Derpy Hooves and… um. Well, she tries very hard, but she’s actually, technically, the worst.”

Bonnet was exhausted, but he had the energy to arch an eyebrow. “Really?”

Fluttershy nodded. “And secondly, you’re right, I’m not Ringo, but you did deliver these darlings to Applejack, who was kind enough to deliver them to me. And I’m so happy to be taking care of them. So you eventually got it right.”

“Nothing about my service has been right. Every single package to the wrong pony.”

“You poor dear...” Fluttershy cooed. “Let’s get him upstairs.”

“Not yet, Fluttershy.” Applejack kneeled as close to Bonnet as her nose would let her. “Sugarcube, ah did you a favor earlier, bringing ya’ll here. Right?”

Bonnet nodded. Fluttershy frowned, “Applejack, Mr. Bonnet needs his rest.”

“Sorry, darlin’, this is important. Bonnet, I need ya to pay me back.”

Bonnet nodded again. “If I can.”

“Tell me: who had you deliver these items? The goggles, the trampolines, and the-” she stopped, and realized that Bill was staring at her, “-the F-O-W-L-S.”

Bonnet shook his head. “Dunno. No return address. Caramel took the order. But whoever it was, they paid in bits, upfront, for rush delivery.”

“You’re tellin’ me you accepted a delivery from some pony you never met, you don’t know, for ponies you found out didn’t exist?”

“Well when you say it like that, it actually make me feel worse.”

“Applejack!” Fluttershy seethed. “That’s enough!”

“No, she’s right.” Bonnet closed his eyes. “I’m a screw-up. Every single delivery, from Eip to Ringo

and her envelope, wherever she is… or he…” Bonnet said miserably.

“Apple.”

Everypony (and duck) turned. Dash was fidgeting in her sleep.

“What was that, sugarcube?”

Dash, half asleep, opened an eye and looked around the room. “When I was at the Wonderbolt academy… visiting flyers from Ninnypon. They called apples ‘Ringo’’s.” Dash turned over on the couch, hugging a cushion. “That letter’s for Applejack, pr’bly.”

Rainbow Dash started snoring again. Bonnet looked at Applejack.

“It’s for you… the letter’s for you!?” He started shaking his head, “Oh man, whoever sent these packages is the worst, just the worst! Why would they do this to me? Why would they do this to anypony?”

Bill had had enough. “Quack! Quack quack QUACK!”

The ducks nodded and dragged him upstairs, which was hard to do as Bonnet kept banging his head with his own hoof in frustration. Fluttershy and Applejack watched him go, and then Fluttershy angrily turned to Applejack. “That wasn’t right, how you treated poor Mr. Bonnet!”

“Nothing about this is right!” said Applejack, stomping her hooves angrily.

Fluttershy jumped back. “What do you mean, Applejack?”

“It ain’t about him botchin’ a job, or not botchin’ a job. It’s about these ‘gifts’ turnin’ our town upside down!” She stomped the ground again, “This is how it starts. Small, nothin’ big. Then the next thing you know, Nightmare Moon’s cacklin’ or Sombra’s about to eat you in two. Something is up, I tell ya!”

Fluttershy shook her head, “But... Twilight hasn’t said anything, and Pinkie hasn’t had any Pinkie senses going off.”

Applejack snorted, “First of all, if you can FIND Twilight Sparkle, maybe she could tell ya’ll somethin. But I been lookin for her all day, and no luck. As for Pinkie, has she stopped long enough to HAVE any Pinkie Sense moments?” She began to pace. “Bonnet gives Pinkie those trampolines, and now she can’t stop bouncin’. Rainbow gets goggles that let her see at night, and now she can’t stop flyin’,” she then turned at glared at Fluttershy, “And you get a boatload of ducklings, and now you got bears breakin’ windows to get out of yer house!”

“Mr. Bear just had to go visit some relatives...” Fluttershy murmured.

“An’ he couldn’t use the dang door? Fluttershy, these ducks have driven your bunny to drink!”

Fluttershy gasped. “Not my poor angel bunny!”

Applejack nodded, “The one an’ the same.”

Fluttershy stared at the ground, momentarily shaken. However, her head quickly lifted and she narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “You delivered them to me.”

Applejack blinked, “Well, I guess I did, but-”

“You delivered my little darlings to me, not Mr. Bonnet! And Mr. Bonnet so much as said that the trampolines weren’t addressed to Pinkie, she just took them off his hooves!”

“Yer missing the point, Fluttershy-”

“I don’t think I am!” Fluttershy got closer, shouting at her friend, “I think that Pinkie’s happy, and Rainbow’s happyy! And I’m happy! I think you’re just mad that you haven’t gotten your present!”

Applejack went silent. She opened her mouth, closed it , and opened it again. Finally, she croaked, “What?”

“Pinkie got her trampolines, Dash got her goggles, and I got my little darlings. You’re just jealous you haven’t gotten yours, and that’s not my fault, nor is it Mr. Bonnet’s.”

“Presents.” Applejack whispered. “They’re presents. But from who?”

“I don’t know who sent them, and I don’t care. I wouldn’t trade my little darlings for anything.”

She hesitated. “Or the pony who delivered them to you.”

Applejack shook her head. “He’s a strange pony.”

“I think he’s… nice,” smiled Fluttershy.

Applejack smirked at Fluttershy, who hid behind her mane. Of course, the uncovered eye was still crazed and bloodshot, but at least it was comforting to see that Fluttershy was still Fluttershy. She wasn’t sure who was right, if this was some grand conspiracy or just some anyonymous pony being generous. But either way, she promised herself that no matter how this adventure turned out, she was still going to be Applejack. No matter what.

Then she remembered the delivery for ‘Ringo’.

“Uh, Fluttershy? You still got that letter?”

“Letter?”

“For ‘Ringo.’ I think that might be meant for me.”

“Oh! Of course, it must be YOUR present! Oh I can’t wait to see what they got you!” She looked around at the mess and coughed, “Um… yes, hold on…” She ran over to the pile from before and started going through it. “Not this, not this, not- oh! Here we go!”

Fluttershy flew back over to Applejack and offered up the letter. Applejack hesitated, then grabbed it and opened it up. She was silent as she read the letter. Fluttershy found her attention drifting back up the stairs.

“Mr. Bonnet really is trying to be a good deliverypony, but I don’t think it’s really his calling. He told me he was lucky, but that’s no occupation for a pony.” She frowned. “He’s such a nice pony. I wish his cutie mark made him happier.” She hesitated, then turned to Applejack, “Do you think that maybe-“

The envelope addressed to Ringo was on the ground. But the letter it contained, and the pony reading it, were gone.

Author's Note

I'm proud that I found an excuse to give Fluttershy some minions.

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I'm less proud that I ripped off a joke from a little seen and less loved 2001 spoof movie starring the guy who makes all the Batthumb movies, but hey. You gotta do what you gotta do.

VIII: Love Rollercoaster

ADORKABLE LOVE

By: Einhander

Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG

Pre-read by: Cola Bubble Gum

Chapter 8: Love Rollercoaster

“Pinkie.”

“Darling.”

“Wake up, darling.”

Pinkie opened her eyes to find Rarity encompassing her entire worldview. She also found that she couldn’t really move.

“I suppose you're wondering why you're tied you to this chair.”

Pinkie looked around. The last thing she remembered was speed, rushing wind, sudden pain and a metal clang. Now she was in Rarity’s boutique. Nopony else was there. After a few moments, she looked at Rarity and nodded.

“Well, there's something I need to tell you -well, ask you, really- and I wanted to make sure you didn't run away until I got to the end. It's a bit delicate."

Pinkie's face was carefully neutral. "Go on."

"It concerns a matter of romance and perhaps even true love."

Another pause. "You're blowing my mind, Rarity."

Rarity took a breath. "Cheerilee has a crush on Twilight, and Twilight has no idea, but the two are currently on what Cheerilee thinks is a date right now and we feel that disaster is imminent."

Pinkie blinked, and then breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Oh, is that all! Phew. I'm so glad you went first!"

"All? Yes, that is ‘all’. Only the future happiness and possible heartache of our good friends! We've been going crazy trying to figure out how to save this!"

Pinkie smiled and shook her head, "Tut Tut, fair Rarity. All will be well. Tell Pinkie alllll about it. Why does Cheerilee think its a date?"

"Oh, yes.” Rarity closed her eyes, took a deep breath and:

“Cheerilee received multiple gifts from my sister and her compatriots all in Twilight's name, when in fact Twilight only meant to give a book, which she wouldn't have given if we didn't push her to do so because we thought--it doesn’t matter what we thought, we were wrong--we later find out she doesn't feel that way about Cheerilee or anypony--well maybe, we got conflicting information later-- so we left them alone for a moment but they took off together and now they're out there somewhere, and I AM SO Tiiiiiiireeeddddd..." Rarity hung her head, sniffling and crying.

Pinkie looked at her with a kind smile. "Silly Rarity! Twilight is at her best when she doesn't- wait a minute.” She frowned. “'We'? We who?"

There was a crash from the kitchen, followed by the sound of quacking and Spike's version of swearing. Both ponies turned at the distraction, then turned back to face each other.

"Was that Quacky?"

Rarity dried her tears nervously. "Your duck will not be harmed."

"It's not Quacky I'm worried about."

"Son of a submariner!"

Spike kicked open the door, sucking on his wrist. His claws were covered in bandages, his arms had several cuts, and his face was Not Amused.

"That's one mean duck."

"Slander!" Pinkie shouted. "Quacky wouldn't harm a fly, unless the fly started it."

Spike looked at his bandaged claws. Pinkie added, "In this situation, you are the fly."

"Whose dumb idea was this?" Spike sniffed.

"Yours."

Spike blinked. "Right. Well, lets get on with it."

Rarity sighed. "You see, Pinkie, according to the Cakes, you can't be trusted to stay still for longer than approximentally three seconds without bouncing on a trampoline. Hence the... Tawdry way of securing you. I apologize, darling."

Pinkie looked at Spike, then at Rarity, then at her ropes, then back at Spike.

"Whatever you two are about to ask, does it involve sneaking?"

Rarity hesitated. “Well...”

“Spying?”

Spike crossed his arms. “In a sense...”

“Secrets?”

Rarity nodded. “Yes.”

“And in the name of True love?”

Spike shrugged. “Who can say, really?”

“I'm in.”

Rarity clapped her hooves in delight. “Wonderful!”

Spike was less sure. “But...”

“I said... I'm in. Now untie me. I've got work to do.”

Spike stayed Rarity's hoof. "Wait. We haven't even told you the plan yet. What ‘work’, exactly, do you have to do?"

"What plan?" whispered Rarity. Spike shushed her with a look.

Pinkie grinned. "This party isn't going to throw itself!"

Rarity shook her head, and lazily floated her fainting couch over and sat on it in defeat.

Spike slowly dragged his claws over his face. "Pinkie," groaned Spike, "that is your answer for, literally, everything!”

"Silly Spike," said Pinkie, rocking back and forth in her chair, "parties are the solution to everything! Somepony's sad? A cheer up party! Somepony's happy? A celebration party! Somepony's sick? A get well party! Somepony-"

Rarity glared at Pinkie. "If this is a drift, I assure you, we have gotten it."

Spike leaned in close to Pinkie, rope coiling around his bandaged claws. He hissed, "What about if this is all (probably) all our fault and if either pony finds out what really happened by accident it would make them SUPER mad at us? What's your suggestion for that?"

Pinkie Pie blinked. "Have you two thought about just coming clean to both of them?"

Rarity ground her teeth. "Be serious, darling."

Pinkie nodded. "Party it is."

Rarity buried her head in her fainting couch.

"No, not just a party.” Pinkie started bouncing in her chair with such force that it began bouncing with her, her eyes red, bloodshot and full of glee. “The biggest party that any pony has ever partied ever! And we have to throw it tonight." She started giggling. "It has to be big, so that you can get some time alone with them. Small parties are great, but you don't get any privacy, because everypony can see each other. At a super super big party, you can get them separate and maybe find a way to steer them on the right course."

Rarity was about to protest, then stopped and thought about Pinkie's words. “I wonder…”

Spike, never a fan of stopping or thinking, groaned, "I told you this was a bad idea, Rarity. Well, I told you it was a good idea first, but then I told you it was a bad idea, and I'm sticking with the bad idea, idea."

"Look, the biggest party that ever partied is your only way out of this. It's happening. No sleep till party! Now either untie me, or you'll have to gag me."

"Gag you?" asked Rarity.

"PARTY!" yelled Pinkie, "PARTY AT SUGARCUBE CORNER TONIGHT! "PART-"

Suddenly Pinkie's mouth was filled with rope. "Done and done," said Spike, tying the knot behind Pinkie's head, "and I mean done."

"Spike!"

"What? She gave us a choice..."

Rarity laid back on her fainting couch, tuning out the muffled shouts of Pinkie Pie. Weariness had been fighting her all night and into the day, and now it was winning. She just needed a nap, just minutes, then she could think....

"PTY!" Muffled Pinkie was not a silent Pinkie. "SGRCB CRNR!"

"We're going to need a bigger gag," said Spike, rubbing his chin.

"PTY! NSLP TL PTY!"

"Yeah..." Spike said grimly, preparing another strand of rope, "definitely a bigger-"

"ENOUGH!" Rarity screamed, buried her head in her cushion, and started crying. Not her oft-heard dramatic sobbing fakery, but actual quiet tears.

Both Pinkie and Spike were silent.

"I'm just so tired, I can't. I can't. I haven't gotten anything done, I made Twilight feel worse about herself, I... I..."

"There there," said Pinkie, stroking her mane "it's alright..."

"No it's not," snuffled Rarity.

"It'll be okay..." Pinkie offered her a tissue.

Spike looked to his left.

"It's all a mess darling." Rarity took the tissue and sniffed, "A right proper cluster-buck, if you'll forgive my Appleloosian." Rarity blew her nose, and a sob came out as well as other things best left to the imagination.

Spike looked to his right.

"It's going to work out, you'll see." Pinkie took the tissue gently in her hoof and threw it in a trash bin.

"If I could just rest, only for an hour," Rarity laid her head down on the pillow of the fainting couch. "That's all I would need."

Spike looked to his left and then to his right. Then he looked down at the rope in his claws.

Pinkie pulled a blanket over Rarity, gently cooing, "You rest. Pinkie's going to take care of everything. You'll see."

"You're a prince, Pinkie..." Rarity felt her eyes closing and sleep taking over. "I mean. Princess."

"It's not possible," said Spike.

Pinkie grinned with her usual enthusiasm, but spoke at a much quieter and gentler pace. "And when you wake up, you can work on your dress, won't that be super fun?"

"Yes... I have to complete the Gallopsy... afterwards."

"And then you'll come to the party. It's going to be a doozy. I promise you that."

"It's just not possible," said Spike.

"And then Twilight will realize she’s in love with Cheerilee," Rarity murmured, "and she'll be happy, and she'll be happy... everypony happy."

"Happy ever after. That's my specialty."

Rarity smiled and closed her eyes. Pinkie stared at her, with a smaller and vulnerable smile, waiting until she heard the small rhythmic breathing that meant Rarity was asleep.

"Now," said Pinkie, "first--"

"How did you do that?!" Spike screamed.

"Ssh!" Pinkie held a hoof. "Rarity needs her rest."

"I tied you up! I gagged you! I was feeling slightly guilty about it!"

Pinkie looked over at the chair with the ropes. "Oh. Oops."

There was a cloud of smoke, and Pinkie disappeared on Spike's right. He turned to his left, and Pinkie was back in the chair, re-tied up, complete with the rope gag. She looked at Spike earnestly. "Idth thth bttr?"

Spike stared at Pinkie. Then he walked over and undid her gag. "How did you do that?" His voice was cracking.

"I don't know?" Pinkie looked up in thought. "I think it only works if it’s funny."

Spike got a very far away look in his eyes. "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills."

"Sounds like you need a new doctor," she grinned. "A FUN doctor."

"Pinkie, for once in your life, can you be serious?!”

Pinkie looked at Spike, who was shaking with anger. “I can try, Spike.”

“This is Twilight we're talking about. Twilight Sparkle. She’s… she’s my family." Spike sniffed. "This has gotten so complicated. I just want Twilight to be happy. And I think we've just made things worse. I don't want anything to happen to her."

"That's a funny thing to wish for."

Spike looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Well then NOTHING will happen to her." There was a pause. "Not very much fun for Twilight."

Spike looked at the sleeping Rarity, then back at Pinkie. "A party, huh? You think that'll help?"

"A little party never killed no pony, as would Applejack say." Pinkie grinned. "Of course, this isn't going to be a little party."

Spike undid the ropes, they freed Quacky from his bonds (after Spike apologized) and they left the boutique. Pinkie led Spike out the front door, whispering, "Did you have a name for this plan you and Rarity came up with?"

"Operation Adorkable," Spike whispered, closing the door behind him, "until we come up with a better name, that what we were calling it."

He found himself snout to snout with a wild eyed Pinkie. All her quiet and gentleness from earlier was gone. Now, there was just the crazy eyes.

"Operation Adorkable? I like it."

She stretched her smile far too widely, like a jack o'lantern. Her eyes blazed with joyful, unsettling intensity. The duck on her shoulder didn’t help. "Listen up, soldier."

Spike swallowed, feeling himself getting smaller and smaller under her gaze. "Yes?"

"Get your party paper and invitation writing claws ready, because we're kicking Operation Adorkable into Phase Two: Big Party in Little Ponyville. And you know why?"

"Er... no?"

Leering over a cowering Spike, she crowed, "Because Pinkie's in charge now."

Scootaloo was in a sour mood.

Sweetie Belle's words had been rattling around her head since last night. She didn't sleep at all. So she'd gotten up early to ride around on her scooter, hoping to clear her head.

Several hours later, it was clear that despite the excellent weather, riding wasn’t helping. Images from yesterday kept invading her mind, yo-yoing with her heart. The agony of seeing her poor teacher cry at her desk. The really happy feelings she got from watching Ms. Cheerilee jump up and down hugging the book. Then the drive home, when she kept waiting for the ground to open up and swallow her whole for the events she and her friends had put in motion. And when Ms .Cheerilee found out that most of the gifts were from them, and not Ms. Sparkle, she'd...

Scootaloo banked hard and skidded to a stop in front of Sweet Apple Acres.

She had no idea what Ms. Cheerilee would do. Would her teacher be sad? Upset? Worse still, capital D Disappointed? They all sounded terrible.

But while Miss Cheerilee's reaction was a mystery, Scootaloo had a good idea what Miss Sparkle would do.

Freak. The Buck. Out.

Scootaloo sighed. She needed her friends. If they didn't have a solution, at least they could stress out together. Sweetie Belle usually slept in on a Saturday, and she didn’t want to wake her up, so she'd made a beeline for Sweet Apple Acres.

She heard a creaky wheel behind her, and turned to find a familiar red stallion pulling a cart full of apples. Scootaloo relaxed. Big Mac always made her smile.

"Morning, Mr. Macintosh! Nice day, huh?"

Big Mac stopped to think for a moment. Then came his conclusion: "Eyyup."

Scootaloo grinned. "Applebloom around?"

He didn't have to think this time. "Nnnope."

Another sigh left her lips. Drat. "Any chance she'll be back soon?"

"Eyyyup."

Scootaloo perked back up. "Oh, cool! Can I wait in the clubhouse till she gets back?"

Big Mac smiled. "Eyyup."

Scootaloo sped off in her scooter, calling behind her shoulder, "Thanks! You're the best!"

Big Mac waved as she tore off into the distance. Scootaloo shook her head. That's the longest conversation I've ever had with him, and he still only said two words.

Oh well. He had said the right one of the two when it counted.

She rounded a corner, picking up speed. The wind on her face, the rows of Apple trees whipping by her, and the prospect of seeing Applebloom helped calm her nerves. The earth pony was the most sensible of the trio (well, except for that whole cutie pox incident), and would tell her she was just being silly. Just a product of her imagination, which she had fought several previous battles with. And lost, but who was counting?

She couldn't have gone to Sweetie Belle anyway. Her unicorn friend was a sweetheart and endlessly loyal, but she was NOT the one to go to make a situation less dramatic.

The clubhouse was in sight. As she prepared to stop, she almost felt serene. Applebloom would fix this. Everything was fine, nothing was ruined.

A familiar voice, not of the Apple clan, shouted. "GET OFF OF ME! YOU’RE HURTING ME!"

Another familiar voice, a voice she hated with the fire of a thousand suns, retorted, "You’re going to pay for that, blank flank!"

Or, you know. Maybe this was a day that'll end with her being arrested for assault.

Scootaloo unbuckled her helmet and hurried over to the base of the tree, where somepony had installed a trampoline. She gave it a moment's glance of confusion before forging onward, putting her hooves on the ladder.

Climbing up the ladder, a different kind of calm came over her. Not serenity. Determination. Inevitability.

Diamond Tiara had said it yesterday herself: It wasn’t over.

Big Mac brought the cart up to the barn, unhitched it and wiped his brow. Hard work was rewarding, but it was still hard. He didn't mind--actually it was his job not to mind--but on days like today, where he was working for two, it was especially draining. Turning to look at the family fields, he decided to take a moment and relax.

He sat in the grass, feeling the cool grass and breeze. That little pegasus filly was right, what a nice day. He smiled again, thankful his little sister had friends willing to come out and visit all the time. Big Mac considered himself not too shabby in the listening and being supportive departments of big brotherhood. He was less good in the conversation department, which became a problem as she had gotten older. Granny Smith was hard of hearing, Applejack was always busy and Applebloom had lots of questions that required more than a one word answer. Thankfully, that tension had gone away when she had made friends with Scootaloo and Rarity's little sister. And Applejack herself had calmed down around the same time, finally willing to accept not just friendship, but help from her friends.

Life had changed a lot in a short period of time. For the better. Except for that whole being enchanted into almost marrying the schoolmarm thing, followed by some polite but unfruitful dates. It would have been just fine with him if that chapter had never happened. He still felt awkward around Ms. Cheerilee. Other than that...

He closed his eyes and soaked in both the sun and the silence. Big Mac wasn't philosophical, exactly, but to the extent that he thought about the afterlife, he didn't fear it. Whatever came next, he had already lived a good life. To expect anything more was greed.

Eeeyup. The trees. The breeze. The peace and quiet-

"Hiya Big Mac! Howya doin? What's doin? How's the grass?"

-which was shattered by a light pink earth pony that was bouncing up and down in front of him. He opened his eyes to see Pinkie Pie smiling at him, a smile that both enveloped and scared him. It seemed bigger than usual.

Standing in front of her was a baby duck with an envelope in its bill. Standing beside and slightly behind her was Twilight's little dragon friend. He was wearing a shoulder bag stuffed with the same envelopes and wore an expression that screamed, 'She’s not going to leave until you give in'.

But what did she want? She kept smiling, but wasn’t talking.

Oh, darn. She had asked him a question. Several questions.

Double darn. They weren't yes or no questions.

Pinkie finally broke the silence. "I know, right? What could be better than sitting in the grass on a nice day like this?"

Panic leaked into Big Mac's heart.

“Why would you ever want to leave this little slice of heaven?”

Sweat starting pouring down his face.

“How could I possibly convince you to get all dolled up and leave your farm tonight?”

He wanted to throw up. The only thing he hated more than being rude was speaking outside of his comfort zone.

“I think it would have to be the most super duper exciting party ever in the history of everything…. what do you say?”

She was doing this on purpose.

“Do you promise to come tonight to the biggest party that any pony has ever partied tonight at Sugarcube Corner?”

“EEEEYYYUUUPPPPPPP!” roared Big Mac, causing Pinkie and Spike to back up at the sheer volume of his outburst. Mac slumped back to the ground, panting at the exertion. Then he realized what she had actually said.

Before he could say another word, Pinkie jumped forward. “YAY! Here is your invitation!” She grinned, grabbed the invitation from the duck’s bill and slapped it onto Mac’s hoof. Then she signaled to Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes and dug into his shoulder bag. He found a small index card with handwritten scribble on it, cleared his throat and began to read:

“Ahem. ‘Accepting this invitation constitutes a legally binding Pinkie Promise to attend Pinkie Pie’s Party to End All Parties, heretofore referred to as PPPEAP.’ Really, Pinkie?” He turned to her with a weary look. “There’s no way this is going to hold up in court.”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “You just keep reading, mister. I’ll handle the legal mumbo jumbo.”

Spike sighed. “’Furthermore, you have effectively crossed your heart, hoped to fly, and stuck a cupcake in your eye, and so and on such and such. No backsies.”

Spike yawned, flipping the card over and continuing to read. “Attire is summer formal, black tie optional. Party starts at eight. Bring your dancin’ hooves.’” He lowered the card and looked at Pinkie. She was waving her hoof at him, encouraging him to go on. He blinked in confusion, then said “Oh. Right.”

He reached into the shoulder bag and pulled out a clawful of confetti, which he half-heartedly through in the air.

“’Hooray for everything.’” he deadpanned.

“Double hooray!” cried Pinkie.

“Quack.” said the Duck.

“Seeee you at the party Big Mac!” said Pinkie, turning to bounce away.

Big Mac stared at the invitation, and answered honestly. “Nnope.”

Pinkie stopped. “But you promised.”

Big Mac shook his head. “Nnope.”

Spike sighed, and started scribbling something down on a piece of paper.

Pinkie somehow was very, very close to his face in a short amount of time. “You Pinkie Promised.”

He shook his head nervously. “Err… nnnope.”

Pinkie’s eyes were huge, they enveloped his whole world. Her voice was dangerously calm. “You Took The Invitation. You Pinkie Promised. You’re Coming. Right?”

Big Mac was shaking. Pinkie in his face was the most stressful thing to happen to him since he tried to ask Miss Cheerilee out a year ago. All of Pinkie’s focus was trained on him, willing him to say ‘Eeyup’ and daring him to say ‘Nnope.’

Before he could dare to say anything, Pinkie was holding her duck up to face. Somehow, the duck was near tears. “You’re going to make this duck cry. It’s a baby duck. It’s the saddest of all ducks. Why would you do that, Big Mac?”

“Errr….”

Now Pinkie was in tears. “You’re coming to the party, right, Mac? Right? RIGHT?”

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Spike waving a piece of paper with a hastilly claw-written message. It said:

SAY EEEYUP IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

“Nnnn…..eee…..eeeyyyup?”

Everything returned to normal. Pinkie was out of his face as quick as she'd come. “Super! Say, anypony else around here?”

Big Mac dumbly pointed in the way of the treehouse.

Pinkie nodded. “Okie Dokie Lokie! See you at the party, Big Mac!” The duck flew onto her back and she began to bounce away.

Spike lingered for a moment or two, shaking his head and saying, "Don't ask because I really don't know. It's been a crazy two days."

Big Mac considered that. He had visions of a pink blur rocketing past the farmhouse several times yesterday, each time in the key of 'Wheee'. Now this.

"Eeeyup."

"I know right? But seriously, if you don't come to the party, she'll hunt you down. You don't want that."

Big Mac was forced to ponder again. He found this kind of heavy lifting awkward. "N'nnnope."

"So dig up your fanciest suit-well," he looked at the stallion skeptically, "Whatever you've got, I guess- and head on over to Sugarcube Corner!"

He threw his claws in the air with a flourish, then turned to leave, muttering, "If nothing else, it'll be epic."

Big Mac watched him go, then felt a wave of exhaustion roll over him. He let his head sink down the ground and sighed. Talking tired him out, but talking to Pinkie took more out of him than an entire day of bucking apple trees. He didn’t want to go to a party, but any prospect of a choice was snatched out of his hooves. He remembered his sister’s stories about what happened when she tried to break a Pinkie Promise down in Dodge Junction. It sounded… unpleasant.

He stared down at the invitation.

Summer Formal? Ah don’t even know what regular formal is.

Well… rumbled his heart, which had a few occasions to speak up, ya do have that suit ya got for… er… ya know.

Haven’t worn that in years. Actually, haven’t worn it all, since....

He closed his eyes as his heart contracted in pain. Accidentally, he had wandered into a memory he promised himself he’d never return to. He opened his eyes, hoping the invitation and the promise associated with it would vanish.

The pink card stared back at him. He snorted.

Doesn’t mean ya can’t wear it again, his heart gently nudged him. Get it cleaned up. Maybe get a new tie. Ya got the bits.

He mentally shrugged. Ah guess so. Seems a waste of’em.

C’mon, brother. Ya ain’t gettin’ out of this party thing, and besides., It’d be nice to have a good memory tied to the fanciest clothes ya own…

Sweetie Belle had done a lot of growing up since she had first met her fellow crusaders.

Earlier in the morning, when she had ran away from Rarity’s home and her problems to the clubhouse, she hoped to find her friends. But they weren’t there, so she decided to wait. And after an hour or two crying by herself, worrying about Ms. Cheerilee and Ms. Twilight, she started to remember the things she had learned since she had found her two best friends.

She had learned about loving your family. She had learned about finding your purpose and place, in your own time. She had not learned about cooking, sadly. She learned that you can’t force two ponies to fall in love, no matter how adorable it might seem. She learned (and re-learned today) that you can’t run away from your problems. She learned about being brave, standing up to bullies and that the only thing to fear was fear itself.

Then she heard hooves scraping up the ladder. She hoped it wasn’t Rarity, she wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. Then she figured it might be Big Macintosh or Applejack, which would have been okay. She hoped it might be Applebloom, which would have made her happy. AB would be able to talk her down from her panic ledge. Then she lit up at the thought that it might be Scootaloo, which would have made her very happy. That orange pony’s smile instantly made everything okay.

“Morning, Sweetie. Keeping our clubhouse warm, hmm?”

Out of all the clubhouses in all the trees in all of Equestria, Diamond Tiara walked into hers. And her little follower, too.

Silver Spoon was bad enough. But all of that facing your fears stuff went out the window when she found herself staring into the eyes of Diamond Tiara. And as far as Sweetie Belle was concerned, Tiara’s eyes were the same as looking into the very heart of fear itself. And the heart of fear itself was grinning like she was going to buck her up.

Sweetie gritted her teeth. “This isn’t your clubhouse. You know that!”

“Really? Then why does it have my name written ALL over it? Right, Silver?”

Silver Spoon was writing on the wall with a marker in her mouth. “Tht’s Rght!”

“Hey! You can’t do that! That’s crusader property that you’re-“ Sweetie’s rage turned to confusion a she watched Silver Spoon’s attempt at graffiti –“uh… that you’re writing on. Whatever it is that you’re writing, there.”

“She’s only writing the truth. Read it and weep, blank flank.”

Sweetie looked at the wall, then back at Tiara. “I can’t.”

Diamond Tiara cackled, “Aww, poor baby. Never learned to read? Ms. Dorkilee is a worse teacher than I thought.”

“Ms. CHEER-I-LEE is a good teacher! And I can read just fine, you big bully! But not even Ms. Twilight could make sense of that jibberish.”

A flicker of doubt shot across Diamond Tiara’s face. She turned and looked at the wall. She groaned. In crude hoofwriting, it said:

daymənd tɑrə roolz

Sweetie Belle snorted, “You tell me what that says.”

Diamond Tiara gave her comrade a death stare that made her back up a few steps. Her words came out slowly and painfully as she pointed at the wall with disgust and said, “What… is … this?”

Silver Spoon dropped the marker and hung her head. “Just… I wanted them to know. You know.” She looked up with a weak smile. “That you rule.”

“Really? Really. That I rule what? The Derpy Hooves society for retarded ponies?!”

Sweetie gasped. It was such an awful thing to say, and to say it to a pony that was supposedly your friend. Silver Spoon simply cringed and lowered her head again.

“This is how you spend your bucking second chance?! I gave you one simple task, to mess up their walls and let them know who rules, and you buck it up!”

“I’m sorry, Diamond…”

Diamond Tiara’s words were flying out of her like hail: cold, fast and they hurt like hell. “You’re an idiot Silver Spoon!” She was screaming in her friend’s face. “Just a flaming fillyfooling idiot!”

Silver Spoon backed up to the wall, until there was nowhere else to go. Her face was a frozen mask of pain and shame, especially with that last insult, which seemed to make her go limp against the wall.

Diamond Tiara kept screaming, but Sweetie Belle wasn’t listening to the words. She kept looking at Silver Spoon, and feeling something she never thought would breathe in her heart when it came to the silver-coated, pearl wearing filly: pity. Sweetie had always seen the two as a unit: the bully and the other bully. For the first time, she realized that being Diamond Tiara’s ‘friend’ didn’t mean you got treated any better.

Sweetie looked at Diamond Tiara. She was still yelling.

“Are you blind, Silver? Is that your problem?”

Sweetie’s pity turned to rage.

“Let me HELP you, then.” Tiara grabbed Silver Spoon’s glasses and threw them on the ground, sneering, “Maybe you need new glasses so you can SEE the mistakes you’re making!”

“Diamond, I said I was sorry! Give those back!”

“I’m doing you a favor.” Tiara readied her hoof over the glasses, a cold smile on her face. “They’ve always made you look ugly. This way, even if you can’t see other ponies, they won’t wretch when they see your stupid face.”

“THAT’S. ENOUGH.”

The voice was huge in volume and power, and no pony was more shocked than Sweetie Belle to realize it was coming out of her. But it stopped Diamond Tiara in her tracks, leaving the glasses unsmashed, and there was no turning back now. She roared, “Stop picking on her like that!”

Diamond Tiara paused, shocked at Sweetie’s newfound bravado. She threw Silver Spoon a cursory glance, like a toy that she’d forgotten she still had, and turned back to Sweetie Belle with a smile.

“You’re right. She’s not worth it.” Tiara kicked the glasses over to Silver Spoon, who fumbled to pick them up. Tiara turned back to Sweetie, her voice suddenly syrupy sweet. “You know, Sweetie, I keep thinking. Why did we get off on the wrong hoof? It’s not like you’re an Apple Family hayseed, or a flightless Pegasus like Scootalooser. You’ve got good pedigree, Rarity’s practically the only pony in this town other than my family whose got some class. Except your parents, of course, but I’m willing to look past that.”

Diamond Tiara had a habit of monologuing when she should have been listening and watching. This was one of those times. Sweetie Belle was a sweet filly, but right now, she looked capable of murder.

“I’ll also ignore that silly scrape we had yesterday when you stood up ‘Miss’...” Tiara shuddered, “Cheerilee.” She sneered “It’s not your fault you got tricked into thinking that fillyfooler knows anything worth teaching us. In fact, there’s a lot you don’t know that I’d be willing to teach you. You’re going to have to learn quick if you’re going to be my new best friend.”

Sweetie Belle again had the curious sensation of rage being replaced by bafflement. “Me?”

“New best friend?” said Silver Spoon, very quietly.

Tiara looked down at Silver Spoon. “Sometimes a cutie mark doesn’t necessarily mean maturity.” She turned back Sweetie. “Of course, we’re going to have to get you a cutie mark—can’t have other ponies seeing me running around with a blank flank—but we’ll get you set. It’s nothing a few hours in my world can’t fix.”

Sweetie Belle looked at Silver Spoon. She was quietly putting on her glasses. She was trying not to cry.

Diamond Tiara adjusted her crown, and smiled at Sweetie Belle. “So what do you say, Sweetie B-“

“You’re a jerk.”

Diamond Tiara’s face fell.

“That’s what you are. You’re lucky to even have one friend, and she shouldn’t be your friend, the way you treat her.”

Tiara snarled, “Well you’re a stupid ninny!”

“You don’t deserve anything you have. Not Silver Spoon, not your cutie mark, not your crown, not a teacher like Ms. Cheerilee, nothing.”

Sweetie Belle’s words were cold and precise. They hit their mark. Tiara was close to losing her composure.

“You three and your… precious Cheerilee! She’s so stupid, with her stupid grinning little flowers! Getting me in trouble because she’s off doing whatever instead of her job. I bet she really is a fillyfooler, I bet she was off on a date with some mare, and-“

“So what if she was? There’s nothing wrong with that!”

The words hung out there in the air. All three fillies heard them.

No backsies.

Sweetie realized what she had said. She realized it was true. There was nothing wrong in Ms. Cheerilee falling for another mare. There was nothing wrong with it at all. There was nothing wrong with her at all. In her heart, she knew that it was okay. She was okay. And if Diamond Tiara thought the opposite, then what as good as the word of Celestia.

Then she looked at Silver Spoon, whose eyes were as big as saucers. A lot of words had been flying towards her in the last few minutes; mean, nasty ones. But these words, for whatever reason, got through. They had a moment of eye contact. Through her glasses she saw Silver Spoon’s eyes, and they were a tempest of confused emotion.

Finally, she looked at Diamond Tiara, who had a giant grin on her face.

“So it IS true.”

The ground was shifting underneath Sweetie’s hooves. She gulped.

“I always thought. Silver Spoon saw Twilight go over to Cheerilee’s house with a gift waaaay late. And then I saw Dorkilee her walking along like a happy idiot, dumb flower in her hair. I thought, but I didn’t know for sure. I do now.”

Sweetie glared. “You don’t know anything. So you just… shut up.”

“No, I don’t think I will. I don’t think I can. Daddy can’t get rid of Twilight, being the Princess’s pet and all, but you can be bucking sure this town won’t stand for a gross fillyfooler teaching their foals. I’ll get her out of here so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

Sweetie summoned her inner Scootaloo. She roared, “You leave them alone. I’m warning you!”

“Nope, nope nope! I’m going straight to Daddy, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” She turned and looked at the cowering Silver Spoon. “C’mon. We’ve got work to do.”

Spoon blinked, and nodded slowly. Shaken, but visibly relieved to be included again, she stood up and started for the rope ladder. Diamond Tiara followed.

Sweetie Belle stared at the retreating form of her nemesis.

“You’re a just bad pony. Celestia says there was no such a thing as a bad pony, but she must not have met you. You’ve got no love in your heart. For anypony.”

Diamond Tiara turned to stick out her tongue. “Sticks and stones.”

It should have ended there. Sweetie Belle had already said enough, and Diamond Tiara had said more than that. But for reasons she wouldn’t be able to later explain, Sweetie Belle added:

“Your Dad must be ashamed of you.”

Diamond Tiara moved like lightning. She attacked Sweetie Belle and threw her to the ground. Snarling and scratching, she screamed “Take it back take it back take it back! ”

Sweetie Belle cried out, “GET OFF OF ME! YOU’RE HURTING ME!”

“You’re going to pay for that, Blank Flank!”

Silver Spoon hopped back and forth beside them, incoherently jabbering, “Guys, stop it, stop it, we’re gonna get in trouble-“

“Shut up you moron!” raged Diamond Tiara, who then grabbed Sweetie Belle by the mane. She yanked it, hard, causing Sweetie to scream. The white unicorn was crying.

Silver heard a sound and turned around. She gasped, “Uh, Diamond-“

Diamond Tiara closed her eyes in frustration. “I said SHUT UP!” Then she hissed at Sweetie, “Take it back, now, or I’m going to-“

But nopony found out what she was going to do.

Scootaloo grabbed her the back of her throat, pulled her up on her hooves and socked her in the jaw. Diamond Tiara went spinning across the floor.

Sweetie Belle gaped at her savior. Scootaloo leaned down and said gently, “You okay?”

Sweetie nodded, sniffling. Scootaloo then turned around walked over to where Diamond Tiara landed.

“Get up.” Scootaloo commanded.

Diamond Tiara held her jaw with her hoof, leaning against the clubhouse wall. She growled, “When I tell Daddy what you’ve done, he-“

Scootaloo struck her again. She went down. “Go ahead. I’ll tell him what YOU did. Now get up.”

Diamond Tiara scrambled to her find her footing. She was crying, but the tears were as was from anger they were from pain. “I’m going to have you arrested, you little fillyfooler! Daddy’s going to put you in jail for this!”

Scootaloo cocked her head to one side. “No. I’m probably going to get chewed out. I’ve been chewed out before.” She raised her hoof again. “Now, get up.”

Diamond Tiara was trying and failing to raise herself when Silver Spoon threw herself inbetween the two of them.

“No!” she shouted. “Please. Don’t. Don’t hurt her.” She held up her hooves. “Just let us go. Please.”

Scootaloo stared in amazement at the spectacled filly, standing up for her awful ‘friend’. Then she stared at her hoof, which had a little bit of blood on it. She felt the anger drain out of her, and her hoof lowered. She spat and said, “Get out of here.”

Diamond Tiara snarled, but didn’t say any actual words. She struggled to get up, pulling away from Silver Spoon’s offer of help. She wobbled over to the stepladder.

Scootaloo called out, “Tiara.”

The pink pony stopped.

“That’s right, I am a fillyfooler. And if you go running to daddy, I’ll be too happy to tell everypony that a fillyfooler kicked your butt.”

Diamond Tiara, without turning to look around, sniffed. “C’mon, Silver Spoon. Let’s go.” She went down the rope ladder without another word.

Silver Spoon walked over to the ladder.

“She’s never going to feel the same way about you, you know.” Sweetie’s voice radiated a tired kindness. “I don’t know what you see in her, but she doesn’t see it in you. You deserve better.”

Silver Spoon stood at the top of the rope ladder, looking at Sweetie Belle. There was a moment of silence. Her eyes were hard and sad.“You don’t know me. You only think you do.”

Then she was gone.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked at each other. Scootaloo opened her mouth to say something, but Sweetie stopped it with a hug.

“Thank you.” she whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Hey, no sweat.” Scootaloo said uneasily, feeling a strange warmth go up and down her body as she wrapped her hooves around her friend. It was adrenaline mixed with something else.

They held each other in the morning quiet. Neither pony let go.

“Did you mean what you said?” asked Sweetie.

“I dunno. I might get more than chewed out. I’ve never actually hit a pony before. And I hit her pretty good.”

“No, I meant…” Sweetie gulped. “The other thing. Being a fillyfooler.”

“Oh.” Scootaloo slowly untangled from the hug. “Honestly I was just thinking of the thing that would tick her off the most. She has this thing about fillyfoolers, and I don’t know what that’s about but I thought-“

“Yeah, she does.” Sweetie said, trying to hide her blush and changing the subject. “Um. Is there a mark on my face?”

Scootaloo squinted at Sweetie’s head. There was a giant red patch on her right cheek, that was getting redder by the moment. Scootaloo coughed. “Nah, I can’t, uh. I can’t see anything.”

“It really hurts. Not here-“Sweetie pointed to above her mark, “or here so much,” she pointed below, “but right here. Like, a lot.” She was gingerly pressing the mark.

Scootaloo managed a weak smile. “Nope! Her bark is worse than her bite.”

Sweetie frowned. “Not so sure about that. She said she’s going after Miss Cheerilee.” Scootaloo groaned. “What does THAT mean?”

“She said she was going to go to her dad, and tell her about her and Miss Twilight, and try to get her fired. That was BEFORE the fight, so, who knows what she’s going to do now.”

“Get her fired? For what?” Scootaloo was trying to figure it out. “For liking mares?”

Sweetie Belle looked away, shrugging. “I guess so.”

Scootaloo rubbed the back of her head. “This is just great.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “It’s worse, actually. I was coming to find you before she showed up, because… I think we messed up.”

Scootaloo’s heart sank. “You mean with Cheerilee and Ms. Twilight?”

“Yeah… my sister says that Twilight doesn’t feel that way about her… but we KNOW that she feels that way about Twilight.” Sweetie Belle sighed. “I think we’re going to get a lot of ponies hurt. I was feeling awful. I AM feeling awful. That was before I got into it with her highness.”

“Hey, Sweetie.”

Sweetie looked up. Scootaloo was smiling that smile she had wanted to see earlier.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Sweetie sniffed. “Promise?”

Scootaloo nodded. “I promise.”

They hugged again. It didn’t last as long this time, but it was still nice.

“Now, we need to find Applebloom.” Scootaloo said. “Fast.”

“Maybe you’ll find her AT THE PARTY TO END ALL PARTIES?!” came a sing song voice of madness and joy.

The two fillies quickly got out of their hug and looked around wildy. They found Pinkie leaning in their window, grinning widely. There was a duck on her head, with an envelope in its bill.

Sweetie went first. “Um… Ms. Pie?”

“Thaaaaat’s right! I’m here with an exclusive, never before heard offer to attend the-“ she interrupted herself with a loud gasp, “Sweet Celestia! Sweetie Belle, what happened to your FACE?!”

Sweetie glared at Scootaloo, who was staring at the ceiling. “I knew it.”

Ice cream was imminent. All of its tasty conspirators were rumored to be in the vicinity of Sugarcube Corner, ready to pounce on pony taste buds. And, Twilight noted with a little bit of self satisfied smugness, Applebloom was excited.

There had been some initial kerfluffle about being let into Sugarcube Corner. The place was deserted, except for the Cakes, who were hesitant to open the door to anypony. After several assurances from Cheerilee and Twilight that they were not, in fact, Pinkie Pie, or sent by Pinkie Pie, or in any way bringing in a trampoline. Mrs. Cake reluctantly let them in.

Mrs. Cake then forgot all about Pinkie Pie when she saw Applebloom. She was a sucker for the trembling lips and big eyes of a filly who wanted dessert. She sat them down and took their orders, then bustled off to the kitchen.

The little filly sat inbetween Cheerilee and Twilight, practically twitching with anticipation. "Gosh, how big do ya think this sundae’s gonna be?” She fidgeted with her bow, smiling widely. “Applejack'll never let me get one. Bigger than me, ya think? That'd be... Pretty big."

"We'll find out soon," Cheerilee said, tying a napkin around Applebloom's neck. "Just remember, small bites okay?"

Applebloom giggled. "Yes, Ms. Cheerilee."

Twilight saw Cheerilee wrinkling her nose. She’d seen her other enough over the past two days that she knew when Cheerilee was blushing. Right now, she was blushing.

Twilight leaned over to Applebloom and whispered "I think just for today, you can call Ms Cheerilee... Well, Cheerilee. Okay?"

"Really?" Applebloom said at a slightly-louder-than-necessary conversational volume. "Ms. Cheerilee, Ms. Twilight says I can call ya just ‘Cheerilee’ today. Is that alright?"

The adults stared at one another, eyes wide and smiling awkwardly. Twilight opened her mouth to speak and-

Most ponies were of two minds about things. A pony’s mind and heart, or perhaps her body and her soul, would wage bitter battles about matters both trivial and important.

Twilight Sparkle was not most ponies. She had only one voice in her head.

And it never stopped talking.

Great, now we're both blushing. Stupid biological reactions to social situations! Now I look like an idiot! I guess we both do, but blushing looks good on her, I just look like a popscile. AND, I’m the reason we’re in this mess to begin with! Applebloom was just saying hi, and then I suggested taking her out for ice cream! Cheerilee doesn’t want to ‘hang out’ with a student on her day off. Well, I panicked. That’s what ponies do when they have a new friend they don’t want to annoy in an awkward situation, they panic! I didn’t know what to do, I just said the first thing that came into my head. “Ice cream.” Fillies like ice cream. Does Cheerilee even like ice cream? She didn’t say no. Ohhhh Celestia, I’m a mess. I haven’t slept. I should have gone home and had a nap, or drank a lot more coffee before coming out on this adventure.

Sigh.

Well, now what? I’m STILL blushing as normal reaction to blunt honesty from Applebloom. So is Cheerilee. Ponies blush all the time because of outbursts from the younger generation. ‘From the mouths of fillies,’ and all that of that. It’ll blow over.

Oh no. Cheerilee isn’t just blushing, she looks uncomfortable. Crud. Okay, I need a solution to make her feel better about herself. Umm…. okay, I’ll try to be funny! Jokes always make things! Er… better, I mean! Make things better! Make with the funny!

All of this took place in about two seconds, the time inbetween the glance between the two ponies and Twilight opening her mouth.

“So-“ was all Twilight got out.

Cheerilee turned and smiled at Applebloom. "If it’s alright with you, Applebloom, you can just call me Cheerilee. We’re not in school right now, so let’s just be friends today. I think that'd be... nice.”

Twilight blinked. The problem had resolved itself.

“What do you say, Twilight?" asked Cheerilee.

Uh oh. She’s looking at me again… Twilight’s mind was racing again, I can still make a joke! It’s not too late!

Twilight smirked. "That’s Ms. Twilight to you."

Cheerilee rolled her eyes and chuckled. Twilight joined in.

Yesssss…. Success!

Applebloom just looked confused.

"Wait, why are you a Miss,” Applebloom pointed at Twilight, “and she's just her name? Didn’t we learn ya give titles to older folks? Aren't you much younger than Cheerilee?"

The two ponies just stared at her in horror. Then they look at one another.

Sometimes fate cries out for a white unicorn with blue hair to be in the room, spinning a record, just so there can be a sound of a record scratch after a comment like that. In this case, fate was sorely disappointed to later learn that Vinyl Scratch was passed out on her friend’s couch, and had to settle for an awkward cough from Cheerilee.

Oh no oh no oh no she’s blushing BAD, she’s upset, I made her feel bad. ‘Let’s make a small joke’! Great work, Sparkle. Celestia, I’m such dork.

Cheerilee was staring down at her glass of water. Somehow, even the flower in her mane was drooping to match her mood.

Must. Say. SOMETHING. Fast. Find a gentle way to re-assure her about her age, like that essay on female pony friend relationships I read in Cosmare. Okay, okay, uhhhmmmm….

“Not that much younger, Applebloom” said Twilight. “We’re… more or less the same age. Right?”

Cheerilee was now blushing wildly. “More or less…” she said with a faint smile.

I have no idea how old she is. I have just made things worse.

I want a bush to hide in.

Nopony was saying anything. Applebloom was staring at both of them with that confused face again.

What I wouldn't give for something to interrupt this awkward moment.

“Who’s ready for some ICE CREAM?!” came Mrs. Cake’s sing-song voice. Applebloom's confusion turned to outright squeeeful joy. The two Cakes were carrying the Pinkie Surprise Sunday(TM) out from the back.

Cheerilee visibly relaxed. Twilight grinned.

That’ll do nicely.

The Cakes placed the Surprise (TM) in front of the drooling Applebloom, and offered her a spoon. Applebloom squeaked, graciously accepted the spoon, and stared at the concoction.

Three scoops. Three flavors. Two bananas. Chocolate fudge. One extra scoop of a mystery flavor ("That's the surprise, silly!" Pinkie would say). Extra fudge. Whipped cream. Rainbow sprinkles. Whipped cream. Chocolate sprinkles. Whipped Cream. And because tradition demanded it, a cherry on top (but because this was Pinkie, it was filled with more chocolate). It was less a dessert and more an all out preemptive strike for a pony's taste buds. Carrots and oats didn't stand a chance.

Mrs. Cake grinned at Applebloom, “I hope you like it, dear.”

Mr. Cake said in an oddly calm voice, “Yes. Feast now, before the pink one returns.”

The little filly turned to Cheerilee and Twilight. "This... This is one of the best things that's ever happened to me."

Their earlier awkwardness forgotten, the pair grinned at each other and then turned to Applebloom, to soak in her joy.

Twilight was extremely satisfied.

Yes! Advance planning pays off! Ice cream is the way to brighten a filly’s day. I read the book. Bad day at hoofball? Ice cream sundae. Didn't get in the school play? Ice cream sundae. Did get in the school play? Ice cream Sunday. Lactose intolerant? Uh. Sherbet. And the filly is happy!

"And that's why we read books!"

In both worlds- the real one and the one inside Twilight’s head- there was silence.

I didn’t just say that out loud, did I?

Cheerilee, Applebloom and Mrs. Cake were staring at her with various stages of confused expression. Eventually, Mrs. Cake coughed and said, “That’s nice, dear, but we just wanted to know if you wanted your own spoon.”

Twilight turned and saw Mr. Cake was holding out a spoon, although he seemed to be staring into space.

Yep. I totally did. Urggghhhhh…...

“Er… yes, I would. Thank you Mr. Cake.” Twilight grinned sheepishly and took the offered spoon.

“Yes,” replied the wide-eyed Mr. Cake. “Eat your ice cream and repent your sins. Time is but a window, death is but a doorway. She will be back.”

They all stared at Mr. Cake. Mrs. Cake sighed and took her husband by the hoof. “I’m sorry, he’s been like this since yesterday. We’ve gotten no sleep because of Pinkie and her trampolines.”

Mr. Cake’s eye twitched. “There will be no sleep till we all dance.”

“I think he just needs to lie down. If you’ll excuse us…”

She led her husband up the stairs as he kept muttering, “Yes… we all dance, then it all falls apart, then the sender will be revealed, and then…”

Twilight heard the door close upstairs. She turned to Cheerilee, who shrugged. “Actually, I’m going to use the little filly’s room,” Cheerilee said, standing up from the table.

“Aww!” said Applebloom, “I have to wait?”

Cheerilee shook her head, “You two start without me.”

“Are you sure?” asked Twilight.

Cheerilee winked, “Just make sure I get a bite.”

They shared another smile. Cheerilee, adjusted her mane and walked away.

Twilight found herself watching her go.

Her coat really is such a lovely shade… er, in a purely objective sense, of course. Like, if Rarity was making a dress. She’d say, “What a lovely shade, darling.”

Why am I stressing about this?

Twilight turned back to the Sundae, and found Applebloom staring at her with a big smile on her face.

“Does it taste as good as it looks?” asked Twilight.

“It’s just too adorable!” cooed Applebloom.

Twilight stared at the desert. “Uh… really?” It was many things, but adorable was not one of them. Sloppy and over the top and delicious, but not adorable.

Applebloom giggled. “Not the sundae, Twilight. The two of you!”

The two… huh?

Twilight blinked. “What about us?”

The giggles continued as the filly was rolling her eyes. “Your date, silly!”

Twilight froze.

Applebloom leaned in to Twilight and whispered, “I think it’s going really well!”

What.

Applebloom leaned in further. “She likes you.”

Twilight stared at the filly.

The door to the bathroom opened, and Cheerilee came out, humming a tune, flower still in her hair.

Applebloom leaned back and said, “Trust me.”

Cheerilee sat back down, smiling. “So! How is it?”

Applebloom said, “It’s alllll good.” She took a big bite of the Sundae and winked at Twilight.

Twilight only had one voice in her head.

And it was speechless.

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay in posting this.

The DT stuff was hard for me to write, and I had to tweak this ending section a bunch.

Well, let's be clear: the stuff with DT being awful was hard. I've wanted to write DT getting punched in the face for a looooooong time. But I promised myself that I'd also have Silver Spoon wanting to protect her, despite all the awful things.

Because love is complicated.

Billy Shakes once wrote,

"The hind, that would be mated by the lion,
Must die for love."

That's Silver Spoon's story.

IX: I Believe in a Thing Called Love

ADORKABLE LOVE
By: Einhander

Edited by: SpaceCommie and TheLastBrunnenG

Pre-Reader: Cola Bubble Gum

Chapter 9: I Believe in a Thing Called Love

Twilight sat very still. Her inner voice was speaking calmly.

Just breathe. I just need to take oxygen in through my mouth... And expel CO2 Easy biological process. I do it everyday. In and out.

So.... Breathe.

Her throat relaxed just the tiniest bit, and a trickle of air began to flow. After what seemed like an eternity in terms of biology, she exhaled through her mouth.

Okay. Nice and easy. I can do this.

Her eyes were able to focus on the scene in front of her.

Applebloom was busy scarfing down the sundae. There would be no survivors. Bits of cream and sprinkle debris littered the table. Cheerilee was watching her student with great amusement, snagging a quick spoonful while Applebloom was distracted with eating the cherry. She turned towards Twilight, trying and failing to hide her grin with her hoof. "Good thing we used the napkin on her, right?"

Okay, we're good, we're fine. This is just two friends taking a filly out for ice cream. Nothing more. We're fine. Just… nod or something.

Twilight summed up every available ounce of self control to do just that.

There. I am fine.

Cheerilee winked and ate her stolen spoonful. Her eyes closed as she audibly 'mmmmed'. "Banana and Chocolate is my FAVORITE." She licked the spoon, not realizing she had a little bit of whipped cream on her muzzle.

Twilight stared at her.

I am not fine.

The ceasefire between Twilight's nerves and lungs shattered. Her throat closed up again. Nothing was getting in or out She quickly scrolled through her memory for any information from any book or class on how long a pony could stay conscious without breathing.

Applebloom wrinkled her nose at Cheerilee. "Uh, Miss- I mean- 'just' Cheerilee- ya got somethin’ on your nose."

Cheerilee looked at her reflection in the glass window. "So I have, Applebloom," she smiled, stressing the grammar, "I do have some ‘thing’ on my nose."

Applebloom pointed at the soiled napkin tie around her neck. "Wanna borrow mine?"

Cheerilee's smile faltered for a moment. "Er... No, that's okay." She looked from side to side, suspiciously, then whispered, "Watch this!"

She darted her tongue out and licked the whipped cream off the top of her own nose. Cheerilee giggled, held her hooves up and said, "Ta-da!"

Applebloom gaped. Twilight had no control of any of her motor skills, much less her jaw, but was also visibly impressed. It was, from a purely objective standpoint, the most adorable thing Twilight had ever seen. If Twilight had been aware of anything other than her rapidly declining O2 levels, she would have felt the blush going up and down her body.

Suddenly, her inner voice had a breakthrough: That's right! The article I read in Equestria Geographic! Deep diving ponies can go four minutes underwater without air!

But... that's ponies with training at peak physical condition. With neither at my disposal, I'd put my odds at, oh, eighty seconds.

Everything was going fuzzy.

And I've used about fifty or so. Maybe sixty.

"Twilight?" Cheerilee looked at her with a grin. "You? Speechless?"

She returned Cheerilee's glance with sad eyes. She wanted to speak, but her throat was giving her no quarter.

Funny, me going out like this. Choking to death of embarrassment at Sugarcube Corner. On my first date, no less.

Cheerilee's smiled faded. "Twilight?"

Wait a second. That's what Applebloom said. Cheerilee didn't say that.

"Twilight, are you-" Cheerilee rose from her side of the booth. "Say something if you're okay."

Twilight wasn't listening. Her face was bright red as the seconds ticked down.

She didn't say that! Applebloom said it! From the mouths of fillies, remember! Maybe this isn't... Maybe...

Cheerilee walked over to Twilight's side, her face all seriousness, staring into her eyes. "Twilight, just relax, okay? I need you to try and relax."

Twilight's eyes fluttered as her vision dimmed. Her inner voice was going in and out:

Only one way to... Have to ask... Just open...

Applebloom had stopped eating, now watching the strange scene unfold. "Miss Cheerilee? What's happening?"

Her teacher turned. "Did you see her eat anything?"

Applebloom shook her head.

Cheerilee's face tightened. "I need you to go get Mrs. Cake, okay?"

"But..."

"You can do this, Applebloom. Just walk upstairs and get Mrs. Cake. Now."

Applebloom nodded and ran up the stairs as fast as she could. Cheerilee turned back to Twilight.

"Everything's going to be okay, Twilight. But I need you to breathe. Can you hear me? Just open your mouth, relax and breathe."

All Twilight could see was Cheerilee's eyes, and growing darkness.

...never realized she… green eyes...

"Twilight, stay with me." She turned and shouted up the stairs, "Hurry, Applebloom!" Cheerilee looked back, "Just say your name. That's all. Don't worry about breathing. Just say Twilight Sparkle. Or just Twilight. C'mon."

Twilight's eyelids were barely open. Cheerilee looked around. There was nopony else. She turned back with grim determination.

"Twili-"

...

...

...

It could have been seconds. It could have been years.

Either way, there was nothing.

Until the pain.

A force stomped on Twilight's front left hoof. Hard.

Twilight's eyes flew open as she gasped in pain and shock. The key part was the 'gasp', as air flowed into her lungs through her now opened throat. She took in all of the air she possibly could. Inhaling was the key. Exhaling was future Twilight's problem.

Then Cheerilee threw a glass of water in her face.

Twilight sputtered and coughed, as water and air went down her windpipe. Instinct took over, and she was forced to exhale. Then she was forced to inhale. Wheezing, she leaned on the table, breathing in and out in raspy, painful breaths. Oxygen had never tasted so sweet.

How do ponies do this without thinking about it? I will never take the cardiovascular system for granted again...

A voice, vaguely familiar, was saying, "Say your name. Say it!"

"Twilight..." She gasped, "Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight turned to look at her savior, only to get another shock. Cheerilee crumpled to the floor, shaking, tears streaming down her face.

Breathing very quickly, she said "I'm sorry. If that. Hurt. My cousin. Gets. Panic attacks." She shook her head and closed her eyes, focusing, and her breathing slowed down some. "That's a trick, I learned, in drastic, situations." She opened her eyes again. "I’m sorry."

Twilight nodded. Her mane was still dripping, her hoof hurt like hell, but on the whole, breathing was a fair trade.

They looked at one another. There were noises, loud noises, coming from upstairs. Twilight was dimly aware of them. Cheerilee didn't appear to notice them at all.

Cheerilee suddenly hugged her. It started as a tight hug, a strong hug with that put Twilight's ability to breathe back on the negotiating table. Then it melted into a mushy embrace, with no real force except tenderness, Cheerilee's head lying on Twilight's shoulder.

"I thought." Cheerilee whispered. The words hung in the air, unfinished.

Twilight was one pony with one inner voice. That voice was locked in a silent scream. But she was made up of multiple other parts that, while they couldn't speak, could make themselves heard.

So her heart began tap dancing on a hot tin roof.

Her memories fell off a ladder in her inner library.

Her muscles started tensing for fight or flight.

And her nerves started drinking doubles.

She could run a marathon. She couldn't lift a hoof. She wanted to eat all the ice cream. She couldn't stomach a glass of water. She had the urge to teleport all the way to the Crystal Empire. She couldn't remember the words.

It was a good thing they were still in an embrace, because otherwise she would have fallen over. Of course, the other problem was, they were still in that embrace, not moving.

What now?

Good, her inner voice was back. But the question remained. Then she found four words in her throat, ready to go. They had been trying to get out since before she...

Almost died? Passed out? Stared into the black infinite void and found nothing worth liking?

She tried to focus, returning to the four words. They seemed important before the... void. She wasn't sure why, her memories were still recovering from the ladder incident. But regardless, she wanted to get them out of her throat and into the open.

So she said, "Is this a date?"

She felt Cheerilee's grip on her tighten.

Twilight was only one pony with one inner voice, but her heart, memory, muscles and nerves was very, very disappointed with her.

Cheerilee broke the hug, and was staring at the ground. She was shaking.

Twilight closed her eyes in shame.

Maybe that void isn't so bad after all.

Then she heard the blessedly sweet sound of Cheerilee's laughter.

"If it is," she said, tears again on her face as she was shaking with giggles. "It's the strangest first date ever."

Twilight blinked, and started giggling too. "I've never heard of any kind of date like today."

Cheerilee was trying to hold back her laughter as she offered Twilight a hoof to get up.. "Me neither. I never even read of anything like today.”

"I know!” Twilight crowed, leaning on Cheerilee shoulder for balance as she tried to stand.. “Fiction or nonfiction.”

Cheerilee wiped tears from her eyes, taking Twilight’s hoof and easing it to the ground. “Well- actually, maybe, remember the awkward forced date in Game of Crowns. The second book?”

Twilight nodded, feeling on firmer ground now both literally and lyrically, and she continued: “Right! Right! When they’re forced to have a pre-arranged marriage meeting, before the arranged marriage, because he’s too short to-”

Cheerilee moved quick. Twilight didn’t know what was what until it was already happening.

Applebloom had run upstairs, tripped on the last step, fell right on her left arm, got up and kept running. She was on a mission, an adult-ordered important mission, and Miss Twilight needed her help. Tripping and being too short to reach the door were little filly problems. She was doing a mare's work. That meant even after knocking and hollering as loud as she could to no avail, and three failed jumps to grab the handle to the door to the Cake's room, she didnt give up. Mares didnt give up. Mares try a fourth time, a fifth time, whatever it takes.

It took six tries.

The door swung open and Applebloom felt the thrill of victory followed by the agony of hanging from a handle by your teeth. She was also greeted by a curious sight in the Cake's bedroom.

Clothes thrown about everywhere, a lamp broken, and Mrs Cake, still in her cooking outfit, splayed out on the king size bed. She snored like one of Fluttershy's bear friends, or Granny Smith. Next to her less than graceful repose were two suitcases. In front of the suitcases, and the cause of the fabric bomb that had hit the bedroom, was Mr. Cake. He was trying to pack the suitcases, but what he as achieving was tossing clothes everywhere, along with books, magazines and his marbles.

He held up two bathing suits.

"The dark blue suit or the light blue suit personally I like the light blue better but what do you think honey-bunch I love you," Mr. Cake babbled without regard to sentence structure, or breathing.

Mrs Cake muttered, "Whzt?"

Mr. Cake nodded. "Excellent choice dear." He slammed both suits into the suitcase, and somehow a tiny stuffed bear came flying out.

Applebloom rolled her eyes. Adults are so dang weird.

Then Applebloom's teeth spoke up and reminded her that she was still hanging from a door handle, and that they were the only thing protecting her from gravity, and also, they were ready to surrender. She let go and hit the ground with a dull thud. Pain was now in her arm, her teeth and her flank.

Applebloom tried to shake it off. Somepony was in trouble, after all. "Mr. Cake, you gotta come quick! Twilight needs help!"

"Sssssh!” Mr. Cake glared. “The princess is sleeping!”

Applebloom followed his glance at the slumbering Mrs. Cake. She was drooling. “I mean,” Applebloom whispered, “she’s in trouble downstairs!”

“Indeed!” Mr. Cake leaned in close to Applebloom. “She will need assistance later to navigate the thorny path down the road of love!" Mr. Cake closed one of the suitcases, ran over to a chest of drawers. and started to rummage through it.

"No, Mr. Cake," Applebloom shook her head, "like she's chokin' or something. Miss Cheerilee sent me to get help."

"There's nothing to be done." Mr. Cake leaned against the chest of drawers. "And there's so little time. She is coming."

Applebloom ran and gave Mr. Cale's leg a tug. "Please, Mr. Cake. I'm worried about Twilight; Miss Cheerilee sounded scared and she never gets scared and, and-"

Mr. Cake knelt down and hugged Applebloom suddenly. She froze and went mute.

"You're a very nice foal to care so much about your teacher and Twilight friend." He let her go and looked her in the eyes. "Twilight is fine. She will need your help later. But her story doesn't end here."

"But, um, how do you know?"

"Because that's another timeline." He said solemnly. “The darkest timeline."

"Oh." Applebloom had no idea what that meant, but felt the sudden overwhelming desire to leave. To look into his eyes was to see Tartarus. Applebloom backed away. "I have to go now."

Mr. Cake nodded. "Your friends need your help. They're about to get chewed out." He closed the second suitcase. “She is coming.”

Applebloom ran back into the hallway, angry that her trip upstairs was a total creepy bust. She hoped like heck that Twilight was okay.

She got to the top of the steps, gasped and almost tumbled down them. Thankfully, no pony heard her skid to a stop. From her perch at the top of the stairs, she could see that Twilight was, indeed, okay. Heck, she was better than okay.

Because Twilight was being kissed by Miss Cheerilee.

Cheerilee's eyes were closed as she pressed her lips against Twilight's.

Twilight's eyes were wide open, as open as they could be without the assistance of magic or packing tape.

It only lasted five seconds.

Two seconds in, the shock wore off and Twilight’s mental dominos began to fall. Her one voice was too shocked to speak, but that didn’t stop the rest of her from freaking the buck out. Her heart slipped off the tin roof, crashed through the window of the inner library, knocked her memory off the ladder again and sent both tumbling down the stairs and into in the same bar as her nerves and muscles were sitting, where they all got proper drunk.

She was therefore defenseless and alone in the uncharted realms of rumpy-pumpy. It was just her and her one voice against an army of feelings, reactions and drunk nerves.

Thus she turned to the only part of her that still seemed functional: scientific analysis .

How would I effectively describe this biological and emotional process occurring right here, right now on my lips, should the Princess ask? Hmm... It's kind of sweet but wet and, ew, there's a hair, somehow, in my mouth and everything feels REALLY hot. And soft.

Her heart, drunk inside the bar at the bottom of her soul, was besieged by a sudden irresistible impulse. It knew that this feeling was going to end, and soon And her heart didn’t want it to end. Ever.

Twilight’s voice prattled on:

But overall, as an experience? How do I feel about being kissed, right now?

Her heart realized it had one shot at this, while the inner voice was distracted analyzing the kiss. It just had to get rest of Twilight on board.

I don’t mind the kiss. I guess,

First , her heart persuaded her memory over a bottle of wine that since this had never happened before, there were no bad choices. Therefore, they should choose this choice.

Memory was on board.

Scratch out the last part. Science doesn't care how I feel about it.

Her heart challenged her nerves to a drinking contest, whiskey shots. The nerves made one of the classic blunders: never get in a whiskey drinking contest with a heart when love is on the line.

Two down, one to go.

... How DO I feel about it?

Finally, her heart drank a lot of beer with her muscles. This time, it came up short. The muscles refused to hand over control of Twilight Sparkle.

How does SHE feel about it?

Sighing, the heart realized it was all over but the crying.

She's stopping, she's pulling back. she's looking at me. She's--uh oh, she's scared...

Then her heart realized that back in the real world, there was about to be real crying.

“I’m sorry…”Cheerilee’s voice was dry and panicked. "Too much? Too soon?"

...So the heart stole the keys to Twilight's body and made a run for it. The nerves and her memory followed, terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. Her muscles ran after them, screaming bloody murder.

It was too late. The heart turned the key, the nerves and memory clung to each other for dear life and her body started to MOVE...

This was a huge mistake. I need to... wait, why am I getting cl-

Twilight kissed Cheerilee.

Cheerilee's eyes flew open in surprise, and then went half lidded, then closed.

This kiss lasted longer. Partly because Cheerilee let it linger, but mainly because Twilight's heart was in control.

And it had no idea what it was doing.

What the what the what the WHAT? Her one voice screamed, searching inside herself for the cause of her lips being pressed against the schoolmarm's. Her voice found three very drunk parts of herself all arguing in her control room.

WHO RESPONSIBLE THIS? Her one voice thundered, too enraged for verbs and conjunctions.

All hooves pointed at the controls, where her heart, completely tanked, was passed out at the wheel. Her one voice was having none of it.

What do you have to say for yourself?!

The heart can be the most eloquent voice a pony has in their arsenal. In this case, all Twilight's heart could come up with was 'Whee'.

Cheerilee pulled back from the kiss. She was blushing, hard, and looking down with a crooked, nervous smile. "That was... Nice."

Once Twilight’s voice and other parts finished binding and gagging her heart, she was left staring into the downcast eyes of a mare with whom she had just...

Cheerilee looked up, expecting a response. Twilight felt that tightness return to her throat.

What now?

She focused on getting out words. “It was… nice… I think.”

Cheerilee cocked an eyebrow. “You think?”

“Well. It was my first.” Twilight swallowed. “So I don’t really have much to compare it to.”

Cheerilee’s smile fell. Her face became more neutral as she carefully said, “Your first. Um. First time you. The first time.” She blinked. “With a mare. Or?”

“Anything.” Twilight felt the tightness in her throat loosen somehow. “First time for anything.”

Cheerilee looked down again. “Wow. I’m honored and I’m...” She hesitated.

Twilight blinked.

Oh my. Is she…

Cheerilee bit her lip.. “I didn’t know it was your first.”

She’s as frightened as I am.

This mare. This beautiful mare. A little older than me, certainly wiser. Scared like a filly all of a sudden. Because of me.

I have no idea what I am doing.

Her voice was beyond the capacity for rational thought. Her nerves, memories and muscles turned to her heart for guidance. Her heart gestured in a way that sent an unmistakable message: Untie me you idiots.

Cheerilee was still going. “I would have gotten you flowers or something. Or,” she was waving her hoof, “Not done it. I mean, I wanted to do do it, I don’t regret it, but, I, maybe-”

Twilight caught her hoof in midair. Cheerilee stopped and looked at Twilight’s hoof on hers. Then she looked at Twilight. Twilight felt a tightening again. This time it was in her chest. She had no idea what she was doing. But her heart pushed on.

“Cheerilee, I-”

“I like you,” said Cheerilee.

Twilight’s mouth was open, but no words came out.

“I don’t know what that means, but I’ve been walking on clouds and flowers and good books the past two days. Because of you.” She looked down at the hoof holding her hoof. “I don’t know what comes next.. But I like you.”

Twilight’s mouth was dry. She croaked, “I…”

“No, don’t.” Cheerilee said, closing her eyes, “Don’t say you do or you don’t. Not unless you’re sure, and, well, you just had your first kiss and I remember what that was like.”

“I don’t know,” said Twilight.

Cheerilee nodded, and opened her eyes, sadly. “Okay.”

“I don’t know. I’m all messed up. These two days have been-”

“Crazy?”

“Yes!” Twilight said, eyes manic, “All the ponies in this town are crazy!”

Cheerilee laughed. “Spike told me you said that your first day here.”

“Well, it’s true.” Twilight sighed. “Every other day it’s something or other and it never stops.”

“You know,” Cheerilee tugged on Twilight’s hoof, “I can think of one day in particular, when things around here definitely got crazier. Permanently crazier.”

Twilight frowned. “When Pinkie made over a dozen copies of herself?”

Cheerilee grinned “Well, yes, but, no. When you moved to our little town.”

Twilight felt the warmth radiating from the teacher’s smile.

Inside her mind, her heart looked at her voice expectantly.

… Okay.

“Cheerilee, this isn’t a date.”

Cheerilee blinked. “Oh.” She suddenly looked much older. “I. Okay.”

She turned to walk away, but found she couldn’t. Twilight was still holding onto her hoof.

“I mean, the walk was nice, and the impromptu coffee, but having a filly be our third wheel? Me almost choking? Mr. Cake making weird predictions? I’ve read a lot of books, and some of them featured dating, and this isn’t it.”

Cheerilee looked up. “What?”

“I mean, a date, as defined by most authors of Equestria, is, is romance. And flowers, and candy, and poetry. Or so I’ve heard.”

“But you already-”

Twilight wasn’t listening. She was rolling. “And dinner! Or dancing! And ponies dress up, and they say, how lovely you look tonight! Or something to that general effect. Not this. THIS is not a date.”

Cheerilee’s eyes were shining. “Twilight Sparkle, are you trying to ask me something?”

Her heart took a breath. Then Twilight took a breath.

“Miss Cheerilee, would you go out with me?”

Cheerilee closed her eyes and shivered a little. Then she opened her eyes with a smile and said-

"WOOOOOOOOO!"

Pinkie stood at the doorway with, however improbably, a megaphone in her hooves. Her smile impossibly wide, her every muscle strained into a leering position, her eyes...

Upstairs, Mrs Cake’s eyes snapped awake. She sat up straight, jaw locked in a grimace and her eyes blazing like the sun at midday.

Only one pony would dare bring a megaphone into their home.

Especially after the very strict ‘no megaphones’ sign they posted outside.

Her lips curled into a snarl. “PINKIE.”

“The sleeper… has awoken!”

She turned her head to see Mr. Cake staring out the window, two suitcases packed by his sides. He had his hooves stretched out to the sky.

“IT HAS BEGUN!” he bellowed.

[/HR]

Several months ago, Twilight had been in a room with Pinkie where someone announced 'free cake!'. What followed was a culinary massacre the likes of which had never been seen since the Mystery on the Friendship Express. Twilight didn't remember much after the announcement, other than the eyes. The horribly gleeful eyes of Pinkamena Diane Pie, the last thing the cake would have seen before it went to cake heaven. Thankfully, cakes do not have eyes.

But Twilight did. And this was the free cake incident all over again. Only In this scenario, she and Cheerilee were the cake. Pinkie was salivating as she stared at them.

She looked away, hoping for a distraction. She found one in the form of her number one assistant.

Spike stood next to Pinkie, jaw dropped. He stared at her, then Cheerilee, at their hooves, then back at her, then back at their hooves.

Twilight followed his gaze and stared down at her hoof. It was still being held by Cheerilee's hoof. She then looked up at Cheerilee, who was still staring at Pinkie in a mix of horror and awe.

She turned back to Spike to say-

What, exactly? It’s not what you think'?

And what do I think it is?

What is this feeling, holding another pony's hoof? A mare, at that?

What do I think about the words she just told me?

How am I feeling, right now , about my...

She felt her horn start to glow. She just wanted to be away from here, very far away. Away away away. From all of these crazy eyes and held hooves and messy feelings and, the teleportation spell started to form in her head...

She stopped.

Spike was smiling. Not Pinkie's leer of a smile. The smile he got when she passed a huge test, or didn't lose her cool after a book came back late, or when he finished writing a letter to the princess about a particularly valuable lesson she had learned. It was his proud smile. His infectious smile of goodwill and cheer.

Spike quickly looked up to see if Pinkie was watching him, then he turned back to Twilight and gave her two claws up.

He's happy for me....?

He's happy for me.

He's happy for me!

Oh Celestia.

She needed another perspective.

She realized a baby duck was sitting on Spike's head, invitations in his bill. He seemed to have no opinion about the goings on in front of him.

That's... Strangely comforting.

Pinkie brought the megaphone back up to her mouth. "WOOOOOOO!"

Spike groaned and grabbed the megaphone. "Alright! Alright! We get it!" Spike growled as he switched it off. "We get it."

"Awww!" Pinkie reached out her hoof, giving him the quivering-lips big filly eyes look.

Spike wasn't buying it. "You get this back when you stop 'Wooing.'"

“You guys!” whined a young voice. “You cut’em off just when it was getting good!”

Cheeirlee and Twilight swiveled their heads up to see Applebloom making her way down the steps. She was glaring at Spike and Pinkie. “They kissed, they were makin’ plans for their first date… and you two had to come in here with your wooin’! At least they’re still holding hooves.”

The two mares looked at one another, and realized Applebloom was right: they were, in fact, still holding hooves. After a few moments of staring at each other, Cheerilee let go of the hoof and looked away, blushing.

“Aww!” said Applebloom. “Don’t do that just ‘cause we’re watchin’!”

"Woo..." Pinkie muttered, eyes downcast. Three seconds later, she rallied. "ANYWAY, who's ready to PARTY tonight at SUGARCUBE CORNER?!"

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” thundered a voice from above.

Everypony looked up and saw the heaving, enraged form of Mrs. Cake. Behind him was the wide-eyed body of Mr. Cake, who was hugging a stuffed bear.

“Hiya, Cakes!” Pinkie chirped, “How are you finding trampolineland?”

“NOT GREAT, PINKIE!” screamed Mrs. Cake.

“I packed the bags,” Mr. Cake added. “For the trip.”

"You have been COMPLETELY disrespectful of us, our neighbors, and, according to these notes from Mayor Mare, the zoning laws vis a vie trampoline placement."

"We have zoning laws about trampolines?" asked Twilight.

"WE DO NOW!" she roared..

Pinkie Pie shook her head. "Silly Mrs. Cake, you can never have too much fun!" She grinned. "That's why it's called 'fun'!"

Mr. Cake straightened up at that. "What you call fun," he seethed, "My wife calls hell." It was one of his more lucid moments, but unfortunately he was saying it to a lampshade.

Spike looked at Pinkie. "Hell?"

She whispered back. "I'll tell you later."

Mrs. Cake started down the stairs. "He's been like this for two days! And I haven't slept a wink because of you and your, your trampolines and your whee-ing and, quite frankly, that duck hasn't helped either!"

"Quack?" quacked Quacky, with a 'what, me?' expression.

"This was supposed to be a quiet weekend for us," cried Mrs. Cake, holding her head in her hooves. "We sent the kids to be with my parents so we could just... relax, and recover. Now I'm more tired than I've been in years."

She sat down at the bottom of the steps, wiping her eyes.

"You're out of control, Pinkie." Mrs Cake sniffed and wiped her eyes. "You're hurting your family."

Pinkie gasped. "No, Mrs, Cake! Mr. Cake! I never meant-"

"Popsicles," said Mr. Cake. "We should corner the Popsicle market. They cost nothing and we'll make a fortune."

They stared at Mr. Cake.

Spike finally broke the silence with, "soooo.... Pinkie, I'm guessing you didn't ask the Cakes if it was okay to throw a party?"

"A party? A PARTY?!" Mrs. Cake rose again, fury returned. "You have the hooves to try to throw a party in my house after everything you've put us through?"

Pinkie had a strained grin on her face. "Apparently so?"

"Pinkamena Diane Pie! You give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw you out of this house right now!"

Pinkie paused. "How about a magic trick?"

Mrs. Cake blinked. "What?"

Pinkie backed up towards the door. "I'm going to make you both... Disappear!"

Twilight looked at Spike for a clue. Spike shrugged. Cheerilee stepped closer to Twilight, ill at ease. Mrs. Cake glared at her. Mr. Cake glared at his stuffed bear, and began chewing on it.

Pinkie grasped the door handle with her hoof. "With an all expenses paid Spa Weekend!"

Mrs. Cake blinked. "What?"

Pinkie threw open the door. "Ta Daaaa!"

Two earth ponies stood in the door frame. They were identical mares, except for their colors. One had a pink coat and a blue mane. The other had a blue coat and a pink mane. They both wore huge smiles and were holding out white robes.

“Spa Veekend!” exclaimed the mare with the pink coat.

“Ya, Spa Veekend!” repeated the blue mare.

Mrs. Cake stared in wide-eyed bewilderment as the twins dressed her in a robe and pushed her toward the door. The other ponies gaped as Mrs. Cake was nudged forward by the spa ponies as they simultaneously gave her ears a double-barreled audio assault:

The pink mare started with,“Ve come to take joo, Mz. Cake, to free spa veekend!”

The blue mare began tying the robe around Mrs Cake’s body. “Ya, is free.”

Mrs. Cake protested, “But-”

The pink mare shook her head. “No buts. I am Aloe-”

The blue mare paused with the robe’s tie in her mouth. “-ya, and I am Lotus-”

“And ve vil pamper joo and take care of joo and Mister Cake.”

“Ya, ve pamper.”

“Oh wait a minute,” said Mr. Cake as Aloe put a robe around him, “It’s the fall. No one’s going to buy popsicles in the fall. We’ll lose everything.” He looked at his wife sadly as Aloe finished tying the robe. “I’m sorry honey.”

Mrs. Cake gritted her teeth, “Girls, this is very kind, but there simply isn’t time-”

“Ve vill handle ze time,” replied Aloe. “Ve vil massage joo and take care of joo and all vorries will melt away.”

“Ya, ve melt you.”

Mrs. Cake rolled her eyes and opened her mouth, but found it filled by Aloe’s hoof. The pink pony was staring at her blue counterpart with a tired, annoyed expression.

“Lotus.”

“Ya?”

“Joo are repeating everything I zay, only joo put ‘ya’ in front of it.”

Lotus smiled and nodded. “Ya, because I agree with everything you zay, is right.”

“Vell that may be but maybe joo have own words, and let me zay mine by me.”

“Vell maybe joo just have the best words, vat am I to do?”

“Maybe joo don’t tell the customer you melt them, vat about that?!” snapped Aloe. “Joo vorry the poor customer!”

“I wasn’t worried before,” Mrs. Cake sighed, “but I am now.”

“Joo zee? Ze poor lady is vorried, she already has vorry because husband has lost ze marbles!”

“I have marbles?” asked Mr. Cake.

“Ladies, this nonsense stops now!” said Mrs. Cake. “We’re not going anywh-”

“I want to go.”

A silence was born, and everypony turned to stare at its creator. Mr. Cake looked around the room.

“I want to go. Free Spa Weekend. I want to go there.”

Mrs. Cake walked over to her husband. “Darling? Are you sure? I’m so worried about you.”

“I want to rest. I want to sleep. It’s not going to happen here.”

“Ja, we help you relax.”

Lotus nodded. “Ja, we- er. Vatever you need, ve do for joo.”

Mrs. Cake hesitated,“I’m so worried about you, baby.”

Mr, Cake suddenly sobbed, and held his head in his hooves. “I am so, so, so tired of knowing what comes next.” He shook his head back and forth. “I want the future to be unknown!”

His wife reached out for him, gently cooing, “It’s okay…. it’s okay.”

“And I want this bear to stop staring at me!” he cried, and kicked the tiny stuffed bear across the room. “You don’t know me, pal!”

Mrs. Cake took her husband by the hooves, concern in her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.” She sighed and turned to the spa ponies. “Lead the way, you two.”

Aloe and Lotus smiled at each other, then both grabbed a suitcase and walked out the door.

Mrs. Cake turned to Pinkie. “If one pan is out of place…”

Pinkie shook her head, “Don’t you worry, Mrs. Cake! When I’m done with this place, you won’t even recognize it!”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

Pinkie solemnly said, “Everything will be perfect. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my-”

“Good enough,” said Mrs. Cake. “Honey, let’s get the heck out of here.”

"Wait. There are things these ponies must know.” Mr. Cake stared at all of the mares (plus Spike) who were looking at him. He took a giant breath, and approached Twilight. "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride."

Twilight stared back, confused. "What's a seat belt?"

He turned and pointed at Pinkie. "Things will be bad, then will be good... Forever!"

Pinkie clapped her hooves. "Oooh, I LIKE mine!"

Twilight muttered, "I mean I know what both those words mean, but together, they just don't make any sense."

He turned to Spike and looked him in the eye. "You will spend the night learning why your sister never let you order the Pinkie Surprise Sundae."

Spike pinched the bridge of his snout. "I don't even..."

He looked up at Applebloom, who was still watching from the stairs. "Winter is coming," he called out.

"Ah know. It's the fall."

Mr. Cake nodded solemnly. "Bring a coat when you move to Canterlot."

Twilight, never one to leave a rabbit un-chased down its hole, continued under her breath: "Maybe it would, you could be tied to a seat in a chariot? I guess? Wouldn't that hurt?"

Finally, Mr. Cake turned to Cheerilee. He put her hoof on his shoulder and stared at her with sad eyes.

"You can't always get what you want."

Cheerilee swallowed, her body tense at the contact. "Okay."

"You CAN'T always get what you want..."

Cheerilee wanted to look away, but felt powerless under his gaze. “...yes?”

“But if you try sometimes, you just might find..."

Mr. Cake stopped.

Twilight said, "Yes? Go on. Find what?"

Mr. Cake shook his head. "The vision ends there."

Cheerilee blinked. "What?"

"I go to my spa weekend. I love you all.” He held his hooves out wide. “You are all my children."

Mrs. Cake rolled her eyes. "The children are at my mother's."

"Yes, your parents. They planted their garden too late, and their garden shall bear no tomatoes and mediocre at best carrots."

Mrs. Cake nudged him out the door. "Yes, dear."

And so they walked out, wearing spa robes and frazzled expressions. There was a coach waiting, a magnificent white number, not unlike what had taken Pinkie and Twilight to the Gala. Mrs. Cake helped her husband into the carriage, then climbed in after him.

As the carriage started to move, Mr. Cake leaned out the window. “Wait! I got some of you mixed-"

Pinkie slammed the front door shut.

"Ha! Look at that! They're.... gone." Pinkie held up her hooves, waving them through the air where the Cakes once stood. Then she turned to the two mares. “So!” she leered. “Who wants to be the guest… and who wants to be the plus one?”

Twilight and Cheerilee looked at each other.

“Uh…”

“Well.”

“Nevermind! You’re both invited! And I am so honored that the biggest party that’s ever been partied EVER is going to be the site of your first date!” Pinkie poked Spike, who sighed and distributed the invitations to Twilight and Cheerilee. “Great! Onward! So much to do, so little time!I have to invite Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash, and Applejack, and-”

Spike took Twilight aside as Pinkie ranted. “Hey. You okay?”

Twilight shook her head. “I’m seriously worried about the Cakes.”

Spike rolled his eyes, “Yes, clearly, the Cakes are who I’m talking about right now.” He pointed his claw towards Cheerilee, who had a frozen grin as Pinkie listed name after name.

“Oh.” Twilight blushed. “Well. Um. It’s been… nice?”

Spike groaned. “C’mon, Twilight! It was your first kiss, right?? So!?”

Twilight opened her mouth and closed it. She’d been vaulted from one stress situation to another--choking, kissing, dating, Pinkie, Mr. Cake--that she hadn’t had time to register anything.

But she did now.

“I… um… I like her, and…”

Spike grinned. “She’s great, huh?”

Twilight felt her inner voice revving up. Oh Celestia, is she great? Do I know what great is? Have I ever actually looked up the definition of great?

“She thinks I’m… great, I guess? Like I show up every time we meet with candy and flowers?”

Spike scratched the back of his neck, suddenly nervous. “Actually. About that. Funny story. You see-”

“And THAT’S why we gotta jet!” said Pinkie, grabbing Spike by his neck and hoisting him up, “So I better see all you party ponies at the pony party! Be there or be a square!”

She then jumped outside the door, hit her trampoline and they were gone.

There was silence. Blessed, blessed silence.

Applebloom broke it. “Miss Cheerilee? Twilight? I think I should probably go home now.”

It was several minutes later. Cheerilee volunteered to walk Applebloom home. Twilight said she had to get back to her library, sort out a few things. And get ready.

They would meet at Pinkie’s party.

It was a date.

Cheerilee smiled as Twilight walked away, the sun shining on her mane as she turned to wave goodbye. It was a nervous smile, but a genuine one. She grinned and waved back, then said to Applebloom, “C’mon, let’s get you home.”

“Ugggh…” Applebloom trudged along, holding her stomach. “I guess you CAN have too much ice cream. Mr. Cake was right.”

“You don’t need Mr. Cake to tell you that, Applebloom.” said Cheerilee with a vague attempt at a stern tone, although she was in too good of a mood to really sell it. She slowed down to match her student’s pace.

“Gosh, I can’t believe you were Mi- you were Twlight’s first kiss!”

Cheerilee blushed. “I know. It’s… quite a thing, your first kiss. To be a pony’s first kiss.”

Everything had suddenly made sense when Twilight confessed it was the first kiss. The nervousness and awkwardness, the endless changing of subjects, the overwhelming sending of the gifts followed by the complete lack of acknowledgment of any gift giving all day…

To think, Twilight was the one with a crush on her! All this wasted time, when they could have been together, or at least giving together a try. It also explained why Twilight’s kiss was full of heart but absolutely bereft of technique. She chuckled to herself

"What'chya laughing about?"

Cheerilee’s memory then turned from first kiss to the little spy walking next to her. She frowned and looked at Applebloom. “You know,” she turned the stern tone back on, this time really selling it. “You shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on us.”

“I had no choice, Miss Cheerilee!” Applebloom looked up with pleading eyes. “Ya sent me to get help, I came back to tell ya what happened, and you two were-”

Cheerilee stopped Applebloom with her hoof. “Applebloom. I need to ask you a favor. Until Miss Twilight and I figure out what’s going on-”

“It’s love, ain’t it?”

She swallowed and tried to choose her words carefully. “Love is a complicated thing. I don’t, we don’t know what this is.”

Applebloom tilted her head. “You like her, right?”

“Yes.”

“You kissed her, yeah?”

Cheerilee rolled her eyes. “I think you can answer that one yourself.”

“She kissed you?”

“Applebloom…”

“So what’s the issue? You two are gonna be so sweet at the party?” Applebloom giggled and clapped her hooves together. “I can’t wait to see what you’re wearing!”

‘Applebloom!”

“Yes, Miss Cheerilee?”

Cheerilee took a breath. “Until we know what it is, can it be our secret? That she and I kissed and… well, all of it, can it be our secret?”

Applebloom nodded. “Absolutely! Just our secret.”

Cheerilee smiled. “Thank you.”

“Just you, me and Twilight.”

“Right.”

“And Pinkie.”

“R-right.”

“And Spike. And that little duck. And-”

“Yes!” said Cheerilee, nudging her along. “All of our little secret. C’mon, I bet Applejack’s worried sick about you.”

“What ya gonna wear?”

Cheerilee stopped in her tracks. “Wear?”

“Sure, ya gotta wear something! It’s your first date, it’s a fancy party!”

"Um..." Cheerilee blinked at the little filly, whose eyes suddenly radiated concern.

“Ya are gonna dress up, ain’t you Miss Cheerilee?”

“What was THAT about?” yelled Spike as he and Pinkie flew across Ponyville.

“You can’t tell her you sent the gifts, silly!” shouted Pinkie over the howling wind. “Not unless you want this whole thing to fall apart like a pinata filled with broken dreams!”

They hit a trampoline, and rocketed in a different direction.

“A what?!”

“Quack! Quack!”

“Quacky? What’s wrong, Quacky?”

“Quack!”

“What are you trying to tell us?

“QUAAAACCCKKKKKKKK!”

“Timmy fell down the well? Who’s Timmy?”

Spike screamed, “PinnnkkkkiIIEEEE!”

They slammed right into the side of Fluttershy’s cottage.

There was a knocking at the door of Carousel Boutique.

Rarity grunted. She was currently in the middle of a very nice dream, involving stallions peeling her grapes. There was a crown involved. She had no need for reality with its pesky doors and pesky hooves making noises.

But reality kept knocking at polite but persistent intervals. The grapes faded, the stallions with them and the crown last of all, literally vanishing as she held it in her hooves in dreamland.

Rarity scowled and threw the blanket off of her. Whichever pony was waking her at, well, two in the afternoon, a reasonable time to be sure… in any event, she hoped they had a good reason. The ‘closed’ sign was there for a reason, and attention must be paid.

On the way to the front door, she saw the Gallopsy dummy, still unfinished. Practically unstarted. She stopped and sighed. Her nap had restored her energy and sanity, but inspiration still ran dry.

The knocking continued. She glared at the door.

Whomever you are, you had better have a saddle bag’s worth of bits or a VERY good reason for waking up a lady in her mid-afternoon repose.

She opened the door. Rage gave away to confusion.

Applebloom was standing, hoof raised to knock again.

Behind her was a blushing Cheerilee. She looked up, then down at the ground, then back up at Rarity. “Um… hello.”

“Cheerilee? Applebloom? What’s wrong?”

Cheerilee took a breath and opened her mouth. “I-”

“She’s got a date with Twilight but she ain’t got nothin’ to wear!” wailed Applebloom. “Please, Miss Rarity, she ain’t got many bits but you can have them all, plus my allowance, you gotta help her look pretty for her date tonight with Twilight!”

Rarity and Cheerilee stared at the filly, then at each other. Cheerilee was blushing a deeper shade of pink.

“Is this true?” asked Rarity.

“Yes. It’s very true.” Cheerilee said, glaring at Applebloom. “This filly doesn’t know how to keep a secret.”

“I meant about Twilight, dear.”

Cheerilee looked away, but a smile was sneaking up her face. She nodded. “We have a date tonight… and Pinkie’s party.”

“But she ain’t got nothin to wear, Miss Rarity!” Applebloom stomped the ground. “You just gotta help her!”

Rarity turned around and stared at the Gallopsy dummy. Then she looked at Cheerilee, a mad gleam in her eyes.

“Oh, yes.” Rarity opened the door and beckoned them inside. “I do think today is your lucky day, darling.”

Author's Note

Yeah, so there was stuff with Applejack and Blue Bonnet and Fluttershy that was supposed to happen in this chapter.

Sorry. Next chapter.

Also, this:

X: Love is a Battlefield

ADORKABLE LOVE

By Einhander

Pre-read by: Cola Bubble Gum, Guy Incognito

Edited by: SpaceCommie, Cola Bubble Gum, TheLastBrunnenG

Chapter 10: Love is a Battlefield

The road to Bonnetville, population Blue, was always paved with good intentions.

This particular afternoon, after reaching what had been previously his lowest point--botching almost all deliveries for his new business, embarrassing himself in front of a mare he thought was gorgeous who might have found him cute, drinking all night, throwing up, then not only being saved by a customer but then being brought to the house of the exact same mare he hoped maybe thought he was cute--he was determined to do good. Or at least, better. Or in the worst case scenario, sneak off into the night without ever showing his face in Ponyville again.

It started innocently enough. Fluttershy wasn't letting Blue Bonnet leave until she was certain he was well ("You were still yukking up an hour ago! You are not walking out of this house until you are shipshape!"). He was at a crossroads: thrilled to be spending more time with her, ashamed that each time it was under medical duress. Especially since her questions were simultaneously polite and persistent. ("You ate something that made you ill? Oh my, what was it? Old oats? Bad milk? Rotten fruit? You poor dear! What did you drink with it?")

Bonnet hated lying as much as he hated admitting the truth. A pony only gets one shot at a third impression, and the words 'I was sick because I went out and drank all night to commemorate yet another failed stab at a profession other than being lucky' just refused to get out of his brain and march out of his mouth. So when Rainbow Dash woke up and demanded coffee, he excused himself to let them talk and asked if he could borrow a deck of cards.

Fluttershy only had one, unopened, a leftover party favor from the Grand Galloping Gala ("You can have them. I, um, don't have good memories of that party."). He thanked her, left the mares talking in the kitchen, and settled down in the living room to play a game of solitaire. He liked solitaire. If he won, he felt better about himself. If he lost, no pony else had to know about it.

But moments after he had set up the game, he realized that a pair of tiny eyes were watching him.

Bill, the duck leader, was staring at him. His tiny eyes cold and intelligent, Bill said nothing. He was also, however improbably, smoking a tiny cigar.

He nodded politely, then went back to playing solitaire. But another pair of eyes crowded into his field of vision Then another. Then two more. He kept looking down at his cards and then glancing up. Once he realized there were five ducklings around him, he finally stopped and cleared his throat.

“Heeyyyy guys...”

“Quack!”

“And ladies.” Bonnet corrected himself. “Let’s see…. I think… we’ve got Bill and…” He squinted hard at the others. One was munching on a corn on the cob.. One had a party hat, googly eyes, and fake nose and moustache glasses. A third had no props, but a dapper haircut. “Hungry, Silly… Swanky, I presume?”

There was a grin. She waved her wing at him playfully. “Qua-ack!”

The final duck sat apart, easily twice the size of the others. Bonnet stared at him.

“And you must be-”

“QUACK.”

“Beefy, yes. I see.”

Bonnet regarded the ducks. They regarded him back, with the possible exception of Silly, who could have been staring regarding the walls for all he knew. Bill shifted his attention to the cards. After a moment, he blew a little smoke ring and started up at Bonnet and grinned.

He swallowed, scanning the room for a solution, or an exit. None was forthcoming. He racked his brain and looked down. The cards stared at up at him, paused in the middle of their march towards victory. Inspiration struck.

“So.” Bonnet calmly started shuffling the cards. “Any of you ducks know how to play five card draw?”

Dash poured herself a mug of coffee, as well a glass of cold water. Some ponies questioned her methods, but they didn’t understand the principles of double-hoofing coffee and water: when sleep was in short supply, hydration plus caffeine equaled good as new.

"Bill is smoking again!”

Dash looked up from her mug and saw Fluttershy, who had propped the kitchen door ever so slightly to peek through. “What?”

“I told him not to but he keeps doing it!” Fluttershy stamped her hoof on the ground as she gazed through the door. “Where is he even getting those little cigars?!”

Dash sighed. “Leave’em alone, Shy.”

“It’s just bad for his health, I don’t know why he- oh! Oh this is just too cute..."

Dash picked up her coffee and walked over to her friend. "What's up?"

"Come here!” Fluttershy backed away from the door, and waved her friend closer. “Look! He's teaching them some kind of card game. Do you think it's Go Fish, or Old Mare, or-"

Dash squinted through the slot. "That's poker."

Fluttershy blinked. "What?"

Dash nodded and sipped her coffee. "He's totally teaching your duckies how to gamble. Five card draw, looks like."

Fluttershy frowned. "I don't know if I approve of that."

Chuckling, Dash turned around and walked back to the kitchen table. "My dad did the same thing when I was a filly. I mean. He taught me, not. Ducks. Anyway. I'm sure it's fine."

Fluttershy turned back to the door. "But what if they pick up bad habits?"

Dash gave Fluttershy a Look. "Two days and they got that bear out of your house. I think they can handle a delivery pony, even if he is a card shark." She tilted her head in thought. "Which, uh, sorry, but he's not cool enough to be a pro."

Fluttershy giggled. "Oh my, I just pictured him in a gambling hall. He wouldn't know which hoof to put first." She walked back to the kitchen table and sat down, blushing. She was trying to appear calm and failing. A fresh burst of laughter from Rainbow Dash didn’t help matters.

"Fluttershy, you just met this stallion!"

"I know, but..." she stared into the distance and was now blushing uncontrollably. "Oh my. I just had a picture in my head of him sitting in-between a diamond dog and a bat pony with an eye patch. The expression on his face.” Fluttershy brought her hooves to her mouth, trying to suppress the giggles. She failed at that, too. “Hehe..."

Dash playfully rolled her eyes. "You're like a filly with a crush. It's like we're back in flight school or something. "

Fluttershy's smile curdled. "Um, you and I remember flight school very differently."

The words caught Dash off guard. A hot blush seared through her, followed by anxiety.

Nice one, Dash's heart scolded her.

Shut up, she snapped internally. I'll fix this. I just need a new topic.

Her eyes darted around the room, searching for an opportunity or an exit. She found the recently broken window.

That’ll do.

"Y'know, I can probably get Applejack to fix that window. "

Fluttershy stared at the broken frame. Her ducklings had taped an old curtain over it, but it was a temporary solution at best. Fluttershy sighed. "I don't know Rainbow. I was a little... mean to her."

"Aww, she’ll forgive ya. Besides, mean? You?" Dash grinned. "What else did I miss when I was out?"

There was a polite cough. Both ponies turned to see a duck wearing a bow tie holding a coffee pot, looking at them expectantly.

"No thank you, Civility, but maybe Ms. Dash would like some more coffee?"

The duck (Civility? Really?) turned and looked at Dash. She paused, then held out her coffee mug. "Uh, sure, top me off. Thanks."

Civility poured the cup and delicately replaced the coffee pot back to its holster. Then it adjusted its bow tie and flapped over to the kitchen counter.

Dash sipped the coffee. "That was nice of her."

"Him."

"Him, sorry," Dash racked her brain for a polite way to bring up the amount of ducks.

"I know." Fluttershy sighed. "It's a lot of ducks."

"It really is. I know they're cute and all-"

Fluttershy pounded the table. "It's more than that! They're nineteen and a half precious individuals with personalities, fears, talents... and they needed a home," she sniffed. "They needed a mother, the poor things. Orphaned so young. They're holding up well, don't you think?"

"Shy, what about you?" Dash frowned. "You said I was a wreck when they brought me in here. You don't look much better."

Fluttershy was making a face, but Dash couldn't tell if it was a failed glare or genuine exhaustion. "You sound like Applejack. My blessings are a gift, just like your, um, head thingie."

“XL-3006.” Dash corrected. "But that was just a coincidence. Mr. Stallion in there couldn't find the real owner, so he gave 'em to me." As she said the words, she felt her inner skeptic kick in.

No way three ‘coincidences’ in the same day....

"That's what I said, but Applejack insisted there was some kind of 'conspiracy' and that it was 'happening again.' That all our presents are related." Fluttershy growled. "She's just jealous she didn't get a gift."

Gift. Coincidence. Conspiracy. The words floated in Dash's brain. "You know, Applejack's stubborn, but when it comes to stuff like this, she's usually right."

Fluttershy groaned and put her head in her hooves. "Not you too, Rainbow! Why can't ponies just be happy for me and my new family?"

"Shy, no pony's saying that! At least I'm not. But you can't take care of more animals. C'mon, look around. Where is the rest of your crew? Usually this place is crawling with all sorts of little guys. Now it's duck duck Angel." She wrinkled her nose. "Where IS Angel?"

Fluttershy shrugged. “Maybe he left.”

“Left? What do you mean?”

Fluttershy looked down into her tea. "They all leave."

"Huh?"

"They're sick. I make them better. They leave." She looked up. "Then it happens all over again."

Dash sipped her coffee very slowly, trying to think fast while appearing zen. She put the cup down and cleared her throat. "That's the deal, right? That's what you do. Make 'em feel better then back to being little, uh, 'darlings', right?"

Her friend nodded. "And that's good. I always want them to get better. But-"

"Quack!"

One of the ducklings- for the life of Dash, she couldn't tell them apart- was holding up something for Fluttershy. It was made of newspaper and magazines (she recognized Discord's picture from his trial), but it had been cut up and glued into a-

"A flower? For me?" Fluttershy gasped and took it into her hooves. "Thank you Artsy, that's very sweet of you!" She picked up the duckling and nuzzled it on its bill. "Now, go play.”

Artsy stuck his tongue out and rubbed his bill sheepishly, then quacked happily and hopped away.

Dash was trying to be cool. A baby duck making a flower for mommy. No big deal.

Ohmygoshohmygosh, so freaking cute…

Shut UP, she grumbled at her heart.

But… so cute!

Her heart betrayed her mind, and her face followed with a crooked smile. Fluttershy caught the smile and grinned in return, pointing at the little yellow wonders. “See? How could I turn them away?”

Dash followed her hoof. Artsy returned to the kitchen counter, where Civility was preparing scones. There were several other ducks running around, although one was sleeping on top of a flour tin.

“Which ones are these?”

“Oh, that’s Classy, that’s Civility, you already met Artsy, the one in the flour tin is Drowsy...”

“Zzz,” snored Drowsy.

Dash stared, dumbfounded. They all looked like ducks to her. She waved her hoof. “Alright, Shy. No one’s saying you can't start a duck farm. But think about it- what are the odds that the three of us get, like, our dream gift on the same day? All from the same delivery pony?"

There was a groan followed by a chorus of quacking in the next room, followed by Bonnet's voice calling out, "Okay, okay, you win, but you don't need to brag about it!" Fluttershy smiled.

"But, um, I didn't even know they were my perfect gift until I got them. It's not like I wished for them or anything."

"Yeah, and I didn't realize how awesome the XL would be until I got it, but now..." She lost herself in a dreamy smile. "You can't imagine what it's like to go super fast at night, unafraid of anything coming out and smacking you. The mountains, the forest, and Luna's sky. It's like you never want it to end." The smile faded and she took another sip of coffee. "Then you wake up drooling on your friends couch, which hasn't happened to me since flight school."

Fluttershy giggled. "Happy to help. Although it was, um, Applejack who found you."

Dash felt a mixture of blush and shame run through her body. She shook her head. "I wish she didn’t… have to see me like that.”

Fluttershy paused. “I don’t think she thinks any less of you…”

“I didn’t say she did!” Dash snapped. The edge in her voice quickly dulled to panic. “Why? She didn’t say anything, did she?”

“Um. No.” Fluttershy withdrew.

“Right. Good.” Dash sighed. “Anyway. Yeah, I didn't know I wanted my goggles, but now that I have 'em, they're perfect. And you're happy, right?"

Fluttershy yawned. "Oh my goodness, yes."

"And Pinkie's...." She stopped. "How is Pinkie?"

"That was another thing you missed. She's been bouncing from trampoline to trampoline all day and all night and we can even hear it from here. I've been scared to go outside."

There was a pause.

"Really?"

Fluttershy blushed. "I guess it sounds less normal when you say it out loud."

"Yeah... It really does." Dash sipped her coffee.

“She hasn’t been herself lately, even before the trampolines.”

Dash nodded. “Like she’s been extra happy, but, not like, actually happy? Trying a little too hard?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Spending bits like there’s no tomorrow.”

Dash hesitated. Fluttershy looked down.

“You don’t think-” began Fluttershy.

“I mean, those goggles aren’t che-” ended Dash.

They looked at each other.

"We need to find-" "Maybe Twilight will-"

Dash held up her hoof. "Twilight will know what to do." said Dash. "We should find her. Now."

Fluttershy glanced towards the kitchen door. "But my little darlings..."

"How did you get four aces?!" wailed Bonnet's voice from the next room. "I've been playing for years and I've NEVER seen any pony get four aces!" There was some muffled quacking. "Yes I know you're a duck and not a pony! Just deal the cards..."

Dash snickered. "I think they can take care of themselves. They took care of him already. With your help, I'm sure." Fluttershy blushed, and Dash relented. "Hey, Shy, I'm sorry. He seems really nice."

"I like him," Fluttershy muttered.

Dash drained her coffee, looking again at the broken window. “Everypony likes somepony.”

Speaking of…

“Hey. Uh. What happened to Applejack?” Dash tried to hide her interest. “Had to go back to the farm?”

“Oh.” Fluttershy frowned. “Well, we had our little, um, spat. And then things seemed okay. Then she opened up that letter and just ran off…”

“Ran off?” Dash sat up. “Where to?”

Fluttershy shrugged.

“You said a letter. What letter?’

“Mr. Bonnet delivered it, but it wasn’t addressed to her. But then you said it was for her.”

Dash blinked. “I don’t remember that.”

“You were asleep at the time.”

“But -- what? That doesn’t make sense! Look, Shy. Is she in trouble? What’s going on?” Fluttershy shrugged again, this time a little smaller. “Fluttershy! What- shrugging is not answering the question!”

“I don’t have an answer to the question…”

“What kind of answer is that?!”

Fluttershy panicked. “The only answer I, um, have?” Dash stared at her incredulously. She hid behind her mane and whispered, “I’m sorry, Rainbow!”

It was an old question that no one asked due to total lack of interest: do ducks play poker? Blue Bonnet was learning the answer the hard way that yes, yes they do.

"Place your bets, everp- ducky. Everyducky. Ante up."

And the little bastards cheat.

"Hungry, you've got six cards."

"Quack?"

"You can't have six cards in a five card game."

It’s one thing to have ducks feign innocence, and take it upon oneself to teach them how to play. It’s another to start playing for bits once they got the hang of it. Not much. Low stakes.

"Beefy, it's the same set of cards you had two minutes ago."

"QUACK."

"Well, just, you know. Other ducklings would like to play.”

It’s quite another to decide to be a gentlecolt, and not win too much, what with them being new players and all.

"Quack quack, quack."

"No, you don't want four cards."

"Quack?"

"You want to fold."

It was pure Bonnet to gently agree to raise the stakes, since Bill was getting bored.

"Okay, okay, you win, but you don't need to brag about it!"

But it was a real Blue Bonnet special to lose four rounds in a row...

"I've been playing for years and I've NEVER seen any pony get four aces!”

...and not only be completely cleaned out...

“All in. I bet everything. Call it, if you’ve got it, Bill. I’ll bet it all. I’ll even bet my hat.”

...but end up owing a duck smoking a tiny cigar your only real possession: your favorite hat.

He looked at it now as if it was his only foal being sent off to a rock farm against his wishes.

"Listen. Bill." He swallowed. "A lot of words were said. Said quickly, in the heat of the moment. Let’s not point hooves.”

"Quack."

"Right, but, Bill... It's my hat."

Bill nodded, holding out his wing. “Quack.”

“But. I need my hat. It's the only thing that I still have from my school days.”

"Quack, quack."

He looked to his left and right. They were tiny, they were cheerful, and they had him completely surrounded.

"And if I don't have my hat, then..." He waved his hoof in the air, reaching physically and mentally. "How will ponies know that I'm a delivery pony? See? I had our logo stitched onto it."

"Quack? Quack quack, quack."

Bonnet glowered. "Yes, I DO think I'll still be in business after this weekend. What do you-"

"Quack quack quack."

"Eliminating the competition?" He shook his head in bewilderment. "What does that-"

Beefy held up a surprisingly well painted sign that said, in bright big red wording,

DUCK DELIVERY SERVICE (DDS)

Underneath the title, in smaller writing it said

"Want it Express? Go DDS."

And further underneath it said, in even smaller writing

Duck Delivery Service and Express slogan are trademarks of Quack Quorp, LLPC

"That's... Very nice." Bonnet croaked. "And surprisingly official looking."

Bill nodded in appreciation.

"Bill, it won't even FIT any of you! Please?"

Bill shook his head, and then extended his wing and pointed at the hat. "Quack."

"Right. Just... Give me a moment to say goodbye."

Puffing his cigar, Bill stared at Bonnet, seeming to mull it over. Finally, he nodded, and Bonnet smiled weakly and stood up from the table and walked towards the window.

Hat in his left hoof, he stared out at the forest next to Fluttershy's cottage and sighed. "Well, Mr. Hat, we've been through a lot, you and I. That's why, I hope you'll understand..." He turned to see if the ducks were watching him. Most of them had moved onto the next round, but Bill definitely still had an eye on him. He shrugged. "...why I'm about to jump through this window.”

He tensed up, ready to take glass and tumble route, when he heard a noise. It was faint, it was far off, but it was there, and it was gaining in volume. He squinted through the window, and thought he could see a shape in the distance, getting closer.

It was pink. It was fast. It was headed right towards him.

Buck me.

“Trust me on this, guys,” he said, backing up towards the table. “Duck.”

“Let me get this straight.” Dash ran her hoof across her face, over gritted teeth. “Applejack opened up a letter that was addressed to her but not addressed to her but it was addressed to her because of something I said in my sleep about Ninnypon language, and then she ran off without a word, leaving her cart and me and the blue guy, and you have no idea what it said or why she ran?”

Fluttershy moved her lips, running over the summary in her head. Then she nodded, “Um. Yes.”

Dash kicked the chair back and got up. “I gotta go. I gotta- I gotta go.”

There was a shouting outside. Fluttershy turned toward the kitchen door.

“Um…” She raised her voice. “Is everything alright in-”

There was a distant screaming of someone yelling “iiiiinnKKKKIIEEEEE-”

Bonnet screamed, "GET DOWN!"

And then the world exploded.

In all possible timelines, there is one constant truth: After alcohol comes the hangover. Even if it's various parts of a pony's personality doing the drinking, in only a metaphorical sense, there is a price of pain, some regret and did I really do that?

As Twilight walked down the path from Sugarcube Corner to Golden Oaks, her bill came due.

Everything was fine when she first left Sugarcube Corner. Turning away from Cheerilee and into the afternoon breeze, she felt a rush not unlike when she passed a huge test or solved a problem for Celestia. Relationships! Maybe love? The great unknown! Success! And she had a date!

A date with a mare, no less.

With whom she had just had her first kiss.

She slowed her pace.

Her nerves caved first. They always did. A perfectly sound, well reasoned and thought out hypothesis was nothing against several hundred thousand what ifs.

Her theory was this:

I'm a pony going on a date, just a date, and yes, it was with a mare. This is a thing that is done, has been done, will continue to be done for years to come. It is not strange. It happens all the time. The strange thing is that it's taken this long for me to have a date, or rather, for any pony to ask, or actually, for me to ask a pony, which is technically what happened here. Everything is fine, nothing is ruined.

Two steps later came the what-ifs:

What if she wasn't kidding?

What if I break her heart?

What if it doesn’t work out?

What if she breaks my heart?

What if Celestia doesn’t approve?

What if my friends don’t like her?

What if I break her heart?

And quite frankly, Lyra and Bon Bon weren't helping either.

She had run into them mid what-if’s. Lyra, the green unicorn with the permagrin and bouncy, random disposition. Bon Bon, the beige earth pony whose serious expression never gave any hint of the sweet confections she made at her shop. They were a well-known couple, the first ‘out’ filly-foolers she could recall meeting, although that may have more to do with her lack of noticing anything romantic about any ponies until she landed in Ponyville.

And they were staring at her. Lyra was grinning too widely, Bon Bon wasn’t grinning at all.

Twilight felt naked, which is a rare feat for a pony that usually doesn’t wear clothes.

“I hear SOMEONE’s got a date tonight!” chirped Lyra.

“Um… who?”

Lyra laughed, “Who? Who??” She gazed at Bon Bon lovingly. “‘Who’, she says. Who, indeed.” Bon Bon said nothing. Lyra continued. “You, silly, that’s who. You and the lovely, dare I say it?”

Lyra held a pose, waiting for her cue. Bon Bon said nothing. Lyra blinked, then nudged her mare. The earth pony sighed, and said “Dare.”

“CHEERILEE!” cheered Lyra, raising her hooves in the air in a mock gallop. She landed and smiled. “I just couldn’t believe it when I heard it! I thought, wow! Twilight! Cheerilee! TOGETHER!”

“Indeed.” Bon Bon said, her voice and face carefully neutral. “When I heard it, I said, ‘Wow.’”

“It’s true. She did.”

Twilight wanted to teleport right there, away from these two mares and everypony who had ever heard the words “Date” and/or “Twilight Sparkle.” But there was something nagging, a curiosity that was more powerful than her anxiety.

“Who, uh… who did you hear this from?”

“Applejack’s sister. She came through here with Cheerilee. She was going on and on about it.”

Pure, unadulterated embarrassment coursed through Twilight’s veins, causing her purple coat to turn almost pink. Her what-ifs were becoming now-whats, and she did not like that at all.

“To be fair,” Bon Bon added, “She wasn’t telling anypony, just talking about how Cheerilee needed a pretty dress. On her first date. At the party tonight. With Twilight Sparkle.” She swished her tail, eyeballing Twilight. “Which is you.”

“Y-yes.” Twilight swallowed. “That is me.”

"I am SO excited. So. Excited.” Lyra giggled. “I never thought you’d go for a mare, or, well, anypony, really, but you couldn’t have picked better. Or did she ask you? Nope! Nope!” Lyra shook her head. “I want to hear all about it as a surprise when we go on a double date. We’ll have to go on a double date, don’t you think, Bon Bon?”

Bon Bon looked away, suddenly finding a market stall fascinating. “We’ll see. Oh, Lyra, didn’t you want to buy something from Roseluck?”

“Oh!” Lyra swung her head in the direction of flowers. “I did! I should go before she closes up.” She swung back to Twilight, grinning again. “See you at Pinkie's party! I'm sure it's going to be a great first date!"

“Um, you’re… coming to the party?”

Lyra laughed. “Oh, Twilight, everypony’s coming to this party!"

The two remaining mares watched her go. Bon Bon then turned to look at Twilight. All the previous neutrality was was gone from her face, replaced with a deadly serious expression and sharp eyes. Twilight’s fight or flight instinct kicked in, and all she wanted was flight. But before she could do anything, Bon Bon spoke. "Cheerilee is my friend."

Twilight nodded and forced a smile. Bon Bon didn't. "No, you don't understand. Cheerilee is my friend. She's basically the reason I have Lyra."

Twilight's smile began to crack. "And... you two are very happy, right?"

Bon Bon continued to stare at Twilight. "You break her heart, I break your legs." Twilight stared at her, wide eyed. After a moment, Bon Bon added. “All four.”

"Honey?" Came Lyra's sing song voice, "Do we want violets or carnations?"

They turned and saw Lyra at Roseluck's flower cart, smiling and waving. "She's having a sale!" she shouted.

"Be right there!" Bon Bon called out, smiling. She turned back to Twilight, smile gone. With her hoof, she pointed at her eyes, then at Twilight’s eyes. Without another word, she turned and trotted away, leaving Twilight standing in the middle of the street, shaking.

What if she wasn't kidding?

What if I break her heart?

What if Bon Bon breaks my legs? ALL of my legs?!

What if I break her heart?!

Suddenly her vision was filled with pink and dark blue mane, and two piercing eyes.

"Night Purple flowers.” Bon Bon said. “Those are her favorite."

Twilight muttered, "She was wearing one in her mane today..."

"Oh good. Then you're already on your way." Bon Bon's smile returned. "See you tonight, then."

“Yes… see you.”

“Just don’t buck it up.” Bon Bon turned and walked away.

Twilight stood perfectly still, feeling her previous breathing constrictions coming back. It was worse than Sugarcube Corner. At least there, it was only in front of two ponies. Here, she was out in the town square, and she could swear ponies were looking at her noticing her… talking about her. Whispers and looks.

Or was she just imagining it?

She closed her eyes, trying to shut the world out. Some dim part of her was aware she was standing in the middle of the street, but she didn’t care. There was enough going on in her head that she couldn’t worry about other ponies’ problems with her.

A voice with a familiar twang cut through the air.

“Equestrian, Carrot Brain! Do ya speak it?!”

She opened her eyes and saw Applejack staring down Carrot Top. The mare quailed under Applejack’s gaze, holding out a hoof-ful of carrots. “Um… so do you want these carrots in a bag, or…”

“Ah don’t want any dang carrots! Ah asked you if you had seen my si…” Applejack ran her hoof down the front of her face. “Ya know what? Just forget it. I’ll find her myself.” She turned with a huff and stormed off.

“But… your carrots!” Carrot Top wailed. “You didn’t take your carrots! They’re extra fancy today!”

Twilight lit up and began to run after her friend. Because if she was being honest, while she couldn’t handle ponies having a problem with her, there were few things she enjoyed more than helping ponies with their problems...

"Applejack, wait up!"

... Especially if it meant putting off dealing with her own problems.

Fluttershy ran into her living room, unaware of what the danger was but knowing it was there. But so was her family. And a cute blue stallion. Nothing else mattered. Rainbow Dash followed because she was loyal, and because one dumb move deserved another.

A roomful of feathers, scattered playing cards and wrecked furniture greeted them. The living room table was on its side, pieces of debris stuck in its face. A vaguely pony shaped hole now adorned the outside wall, sunlight shining through. There were also something new: pink envelopes, heaps of them, implicating the two intruders who laid in crumpled heaps on the ground.

Dash looked closer. The envelopes were invitations.

Fluttershy was busy searching for the wounded. "Bill? Beefy? Mr. Bonnet? Please, quack if you're okay!"

"Ugh... Quack?" Came a male, non-duck voice. The table moved.

Fluttershy fluttered over and reached her hooves under the table, trying to lift. Dash turned from the invitations to help, only finding her friend had moved it all by herself, breathing heavily with panicked eyes.

They both saw Bonnet curled up in a ball underneath the table. His back was facing the newly punctured wall. It was bruised and a little piece of wood, about the size of a baby carrot, was sticking out of it. And wrapped in his hooves, shielded from the madness, were the ducklings. They were scared, speechless and didn't have a scratch on them.

Fluttershy gasped and crawled up to the stallion and his cargo. Hearing her voice, Bonnet relaxed his hooves and the ducks came tumbling out. Some were still silent, some cried, but they all ran to Mommy. Except Bill, who waddled about in a daze.

Dash watched the scene unfold. It was a story she would tell again and again, and retell later at a wedding.

First, Bonnet opened one eye. "Every duckling okay?"

Then, Fluttershy looked up from her ducks. "Yes, thanks to you," she whispered. "That was-"

"Lucky." Bonnet weakly shrugged and smiled. "I'm lucky."

Fluttershy looked at him for what seemed like an eternity, and then kissed him on the forehead. "Brave," she shook her head gently. "That was a very brave thing you did."

And even though he was lying on the ground with a splinter sticking out of his back, Bonnet looked a full three hooves taller.

Dash saw it all. So did Bill. Their eyes met. She smiled. "Hope you like him. I think she's keeping him."

There was a moaning from the piles of envelopes and debris. Dash turned from the warm fuzzies to investigate the invaders’ identities. Out of one giant pile of feathers, envelopes and books popped the fluffy-haired head of Pinkie Pie.

Dash sighed. "Alright, totally not surprised."

There was a second moan, and Spike rolled out of another pile, scrunched envelope in his claws.

"More surprised. Spike, what the hay were you thinking, trampolining with Pinkie around like that?!"

"Clearly," groaned Spike, "this was my idea. Oh Celestia, my head."

"Aaagaiiinnnn...." Pinkie sang, opening up her hooves and releasing a duck into the air. It flapped around excitedly, then landed by Bill, who looked up.

Bill stared at the new duck.

"Ooooohhh, Look, Quacky," Pinkie tried to stand but her legs wouldn't cooperate. "Fluttershy has a pet just liiiike you...."

Quacky stared at Bill.

"Aww, you made a new friend!"

Dash looked as two ducks stared each other down. She could almost hear Bill's glare. "Uh, Pinkie... I don't think they're gonna be friends..."

"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!"

Fluttershy stalked through the debris towards Pinkie, hoof lifted in an accusing thrust. "How dare you?" She was standing over Pinkie, eyes blazing, mouth set in firm disapproval. "How dare you crash into my house and put my ducklings in harm’s way, and Mr. Bonnet? You could have really hurt him! How dare you?!"

Her stare was focused at the offending party, but everypony-duck-dragon could see it. Some of them were seeing it for the first time. The ducks (save Bill) around Fluttershy had retreated to the shelter of Blue, who had stayed on the ground. They were all staring at Fluttershy.

"Did you think it would be fun to hurt ponies? Because it's not. It's irresponsible!"

"Um... I'm super sorry, Fluttershy, I can totally pay for every-"

"Do you think I care one feather about bits? What if you had hurt my darlings?"

Bonnet leaned over to Beefy. "Mommy's very angry." Beefy nodded, his eyes wide.

"I have a good mind to throw you out of my house!"

“Quack!” grunted Bill at Quacky, mimicing Fluttershy’s tone.

Quacky waved his wing in front of Bill dismissively. “Quack quack, quack.”

"Now wait a second, Fluttershy," Spike stood up and brushed himself off. "Rainbow Dash crashes into the library all the time, and Twilight never gets this upset with her."

Rainbow nodded. "That's true."

"I mean Applejack and Rarity get upset when she broke their barns and boutiques, respectively, but, they eventually forgave her."

Rainbow looked at Spike with a raised eyebrow. "That's, uh... Also true."

"And she had to pay back the city after she crashed into city hall, but she eventually paid it all back, you know, after-"

"Hey." Rainbow leaned down so she was level with Spike's face. "Shut up."

“Quack quack quack!!” snapped Bill.

Quacky narrowed his eyes. “Quack quack?”

“QUACK.” said Bill, opening up his wings, inviting the other duck to take a swing.

Fluttershy swiveled her head like a snake, staring them down. “You two. Behave.”

It was their first taste of the Stare, and the both suddenly had other things to do, and immediately backed away to find out what those things were.

Fluttershy snapped back towards Pinkie. "Rainbow Dash has never crashed into my cottage, because she knows there are sick animals here. She's a good friend." Fluttershy briefly snapped out of her rant to give Dash a smile. Then she turned back to Pinkie, in full Stare mode. "What does that make you?"

Pinkie stared at the ground, shaking and holding an invitation in her hooves.

"I just wanted to invite you to a party."

Fluttershy's eyes went wide at the word 'party'. Her mouth curled into a snarl and she reared herself up to say something she would regret later. Dash knew it. Spike knew it. The ducks knew it, although Quacky and Bill were still exchanging dagger eyes at each other.

“Miss Fluttershy..."

She turned and saw Blue sitting on the ground, ducklings cowering around him. They were looking at him, he was looking at her. "I think she knows she bucked up." He blinked, casting a quick look down at the ducklings, and corrected himself. "Messed. I meant, messed up."

"But... She hurt you..."

He shrugged, then tried not to wince as he forgot about the piece of wood in his back. It came off as an unintentionally stoic expression as he announced, "I'll live."

Anger left Fluttershy as quickly as it came. She smiled and hid her face behind her mane. "Mr. Bonnet, you're so brave..."

"Um... Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy turned and saw the shaking, teary eyed form of Pinkie. She was still clutching the invitation.

"I am so super sorry..." Her voice was low and her mane looked very close to deflation.

Fluttershy looked around the room, and saw every pony (and dragon) giving her a nod.

"Apology accepted, Pink-"

"I totally understand if you don't want to come, but, I'd really like it if you did... It's going to be the biggest party that-" she blew her nose on the invitation, "-any pony has ever partied." She took a breath and held out the now soggy invitation. "So even if you won't accept my apology, please say you'll come to my party!"

"Um, but I already did."

Pinkie's eyes lit up. "You'll come?!"

"Well, I meant I already accepted your apology, but I guess I can come to your party, too."

All Bonnet saw was a pink blur, and then Fluttershy was besieged by all things Pie. "It's going to be soooo much fun!"

Spike piped up, "What kind of things are going to be at the party, Pinkie?"

Dash turned in horror at Spike's question.

Pinkie gasped. "Oh, Spike, SO MANY THINGS!"

"Why don't you tell Fluttershy alllll about them?"

Hoof met face, and Dash let out a long groan. She caught Spike's eye, trying as hard as possible to telepathically communicate What the buck are you doing??

Spike had a big plastic grin on his face of frozen hopefulness, eyeing the kitchen.

"There's going to be fun and games and punch and fun and confetti and chocolate and fun and...."

Spike tapped Dash on the leg. She turned and he whispered, "Talk. Now. Kitchen."

Dash gave him a look, but he was moving too fast to catch it. Pinkie was still going a mile a minute about the party to Fluttershy and Bonnet, who both had glazed over expressions. More importantly, she wasn't bouncing into walls and causing any more tears. Plus, Spike rarely had such a serious look on his face, unless it was about Twilight. Or Rarity.

Please let it be about Twilight, or something easy.

She followed him into the kitchen, careful to not step on any of the ducklings in the doorway, enraptured in watching the Pinkie show.

Spike climbed up on the kitchen table, turned and sat so that he was eye level with Rainbow. His little legs dangled over the edge, and his face was slack, eyes staring out at nothing. Dash opened her mouth to give him a hard time, but thought better of it. He seemed deep in thought, which was simultaneously adorable and troubling at the same time.

"What's up, Spike?"

Please let it be about anything but Rarity.

Spike's eyes shifted and found hers. "You have to come to this party tonight."

Dash tilted her head. "I have to, huh?"

“See, Rarity and I…”

Buck me.

"... it’s complicated, and it has to do with Twilight.”

...what?

“Go on?” Dash asked carefully.

Spike sighed. “That’s who the party’s actually for, but we can’t say that it is, not that Pinkie’s acting like- well, actually, does anything seem off to you about Pinkie?"

Dash’s head was spinning at the topic shifts. “Pinkie?”

“Yeah… anything about her seem odd to you?”

Dash weighed the question carefully before answering. "Well, she's crashing through every pony's houses, demanding they come to her latest party and has the crazy eyes..." Dash paused. "Which I guess is a normal Friday for Pinkie, but Fluttershy and I were talking like five minutes ago that were a little worried about her lately. But that was before we she wrecked the place.."

Spike squinted in thought. "I thought today was Saturday. "

"Yeah, well, for Pinkie Pie, every day is Friday."

"Then this is more Friday than I've ever seen her. She's pushing harder, breaking more things, offering to pay for more things she's broken, even things she hasn't broken- she had me send a letter to the Princesses, getting this thing approved as a Royal Canterlot Function, had it added to the calendar last minute... do you have any idea how much that costs?”

“I didn’t even know that was a thing. Are they cool?”

Spike shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

Dash stuck out her tongue. “Lame.”

“Plus, she gave Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle a gem to go get candy because she felt bad they're going to get chewed out for beating up Diamond Tiara."

Dash said, "What."

"And I know she's been a little off lately but ever since we tied her up in her house and Rarity started crying she's been a mare on a mission, stopping at nothing to throw this party because Twilight- no wait, Twilight didn't know, it was because Rarity-” Spike gasped. “RARITY!”

Dash said, "What?"

"All of this isn't for Twilight, well it is, but only because Rarity wants it for Twilight, and that's why Pinkie is doing this- it's all for Rarity." He narrowed his eyes and hissed, "It's all for Rarity."

Dash said, "What??"

Spike stood up on the kitchen counter, ranting, "She'll never have her! Rarity is mine! Not really, but, come on! This isn't fair! And to be using me like this, to get her one true pair when that's what I was doing, it's not faaaaiiirrrr...." Spike took a huge breath and wailed, "and none of this would have happened if I hadn't noticed that-"

Dash grabbed Spike by the shoulders. "Calm down, you're being hysterical!"

"I'm hysterical!" Spike jabbered. "I'm hysterical!"

Dash looked around and found her glass of water from earlier. It had warmed to room temperature but it was wet enough. She grabbed it and threw the water in Spike's face.

He paused. "I'm wet! I'm hysterical and I'm wet! I'm upset, I'm hysterical and I'm we-"

Dash slapped Spike.

There was a pause. She heard a quack of disapproval, turned and saw Civility staring up at her with a frown. Dash muttered, "I had to stop him from screaming."

"Sorry, I guess I got a little out of claw there." He looked down and saw Civility staring at him. "Hi."

Civility threw his wings up in frustration. "Quack!" He stormed off.

Dash shook her head. "Spike, I don't even know where to start-"

"I do." Spike sighed. "You gotta come to this party."

"Why?"

"Because where Twilight's first date is going to be."

Dash blinked. She had many questions, but the only one that came out was "With who?"

"Cheerilee."

Spike watched as Dash's facial muscles improvised a dance across her face. The who and the where were satisfied, and arguably the when would be placated as soon as the invitation was read. Spike knew, he just Knew, that based on the shapes Dash's mouth was making, the why and how were in a fistfight over who got to be asked next.

“How?”

“Rarity and I have been plotting. Pinkie is now involved. It’s complicated.”

Dash opened her mouth and closed it several times. There was only one question left. “Why?”

He raised his claws. "Dash, I'll explain everything-" he hesitated, “Later, I guess. Dash- can I count on you?” Spike’s eye was twitching, and his tone ingratiating. “I think there’s a chance for Twilight to really break out of her shell, here, but it’s a very dicey situation. I need her friends there to back her up.”

“Spike, you do know that, uh…” She tried to find the words..”Look, I remember my first date and, I didn’t really want a whole bunch of other ponies watching. I was kinda nervous enough. I mean, it was awesome, because I’m awesome, but still.”

“I think if Twilight doesn’t have friendly faces cheering her on… she may just run.” Spike hung his head. “Or something. There's like a million things that could go wrong tonight and we need all of her friends there to make sure she doesn't OH WOW IS THAT COFFEE?"

Spike grabbed the coffee pot that Classy had made previously and tilted it over his jaws. Dash raised her hoof to protest, but by the time the words formed in her mouth, the coffee was gone.

“Thanks, I needed that.”

"Spike." Dash cocked an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

“I haven’t really slept in over 24 hours.”

“Oh.” Dash clicked her tongue. “Yeah, that was me a little while ago.”

“Alright,” Spike hummed, snapping his claws, “Operation Adorkable 2: Let’s roll.”

As he strutted out, Dash blinked. “Operation what now?”

"Applejack! Hey, Applejack!"

Applejack turned and saw Twilight. She briefly lit up, only to have a dark cloud descend over her face a moment later. She pulled her hat down and stomped off.

Twilight was perplexed. She ran after her friend. “Applejack, wait up!” Applejack didn’t stop walking. Twilight frowned, focused her magic, and finally flexed her teleporting muscles. It wasn’t much of a stretch, as her target was only twenty hooves away.. She appeared in front of Applejack, blocking her friend’s path. “Hey. Talk to me.”

Yelping, Applejack backed up a few steps. The cloud descended again over her face, and she grunted. "Fine, now yah wanna talk." She brushed past Twilight and walked away at a brisk pace.

Twilight blinked. She caught up with Applejack and matched her friend's pace. "I'm sorry?"

"I've been lookin for ya for the WHOLE day Twi! Runnin' all over Ponyville trying to find one purple unicorn." Applejack stomped the ground in frustration as she walked. "Now it don't matter ‘cause I ain't got the time."

"Well… I’m here now, and, I can talk with you wherever you're going?” Silence, other than the sound of hooves. Applejack wasn’t making this easy. “You’re obviously upset, I want to help. What's going on?"

Applejack glared at Twilight. "Not sure it's any of your business."

Twilight glared right back with a grim smile. "I'm making it my business."

Applejack stomped the ground again, turning away from Twilight. This meant she wasn’t watching where she was going, and she tripped over a trampoline placed by the side of a building. She hit the ground with a “Dang it!” as her hat went flying off. She opened her eyes, snarling at the the trampoline like it had insulted her skills as an apple farmer, and now was about to say something about her grandmother.

Twilight retrieved the hat, and walked over to her friend. Applejack was still on the ground. Twilight put the hat on her head, then lowered her neck, forcing Applejack to meet her eye to eye . "Remember when you made me an honorary member of the Apple family a little while back?” Applejack grunted. “Either I'm an honorary member of the Apple family, or I'm not." Applejack didn't respond, but a small smile was fighting a guerrilla war on the side of her mouth. Twilight sensed an opening. "And if I'm not, you can pump your own cider the next time someone challenges your cider crown."

Applejack sighed. "You're more right than ya know." Twilight was confused, but waited. Applejack lifted her head again. "Twilight, you know I ain’t bragging when I tell ya we got the best cider in these parts, right?"

Twilight smiled. "I have never tasted better."

"Darn tootin'.” She stood up, rubbing her front leg, which had a small bruise. “It's also the main reason we keep the farm afloat. Cider season is our biggest moneymaker, it’s the only way we can keep the prices of apples low locally. You ever wonder why we ain't got no medals or nothing?"

"Well... I never wondered about it before." She tilted her head to one side. "But I am now."

Applejack frowned. "The Apple family was banned from competing in any cider competition years ago." Twilight opened her mouth to ask the question, but Applejack was a step ahead. "Cheating. One of our kin was charged with tryin' to bribe the judges. We were told we couldn't ever compete again.”

"That’s awful! Wait. Charged?" Ever the logician and defender, Twilight pondered, "But not convicted? Ponies are innocent until proven guilty, Applejack."

Applejack looked less than amused. "Twi, think about Apples and honesty. How good ya think we are at crime? He ‘fessed up right there."

"Oh."

"That was years ago, as we've been makin' do in other ways, but ya can imagine working that hard to make what you know is the best, but not bein' able to compete?" Applejack gritted her teeth, glaring at nothing in particular. "Because of what yer uncle did?"

"But, I mean that's just one bad- er, misguided Apple! Why ban the whole bunch? Couldn't you app-"

"Dang it, Twi, I'm gettin' there! We did appeal, and got nowhere. Until now." She brandished a piece of official looking parchment. "The envelope this letter came in was addressed to some other bizarre name, Ringo somethin' but the letter is to me. Our appeal is granted! The Apple family can compete!"

Twilight grinned. "Applejack! Congratulations!"

"But now I gotta get my gear and cider packed and ready to go for a three month trip to Appleloosa, and yesterday would'a been better. And I can't find them anywhere! Big Mac's not at the farm, Applebloom's not at the clubhouse-" Applejack frowned as a vision passed before her eyes, "-although I think one of them bullies had been there recently, I saw some writing in marker that I'm pretty sure none of them woulda written."

Twilight's smile faded. "You said… three months?"

"Maybe longer. If if we win, we'll want to set up shop there. Although, maybe actually NOT there, maybe Dodge Junction. I can't stomach working in any town where that Trixie is sheriff." Applejack huffed. "Probably struts around town screamin' I AM TH'LAW or some other crud."

Twilight was lost. "Maybe longer?"

Applejack shrugged. "It's a long competition. Lotta bits at stake. And they test and re-test the cider. Ain't gonna be a vacation.” She sighed. “Maybe ya'll can visit? I don't know if we are gonna have time for a proper send off."

"But. You'll miss Hearths Warming Eve..."

Applejack nodded. "Probably. It's a sacrifice, and Applebloom won’t be happy. But, and hopefully she'll understand.” She sighed. “And hopefully so will Rainbow Dash, but ah ain’t bettin’ on it.”

Twilight was barely listening. Her nerves were freaking out, her muscles frozen and her heart sinking. All her one voice could eke out was, Three months, maybe more... No...

“Sorry to bother you with all that, Twi. Thanks for listenin’. Yer a-” She paused, studying her friend’s expression. “Twi? Ya alright?”

“You’re leaving…”

Applejack nodded. “Ah know it’s a shock, but ah gotta do this for me and mine. Ya didn’t think things could stay the same forever, did ya?” The expression on Twilight’s face betrayed that yes, she did think things could stay the same. Applejack took off her hat, sorrow suddenly etched on her face. “Oh Twilight, ah’m sorry. But it ain’t forever, ya know? We’ll be back soon..” She hesitated. “Well, not gonna lie, if it goes well, we won’t be back too soon.”

She gazed into the distance, a thoughtful look across her face. “We didn't used to be quite so harvest to harvest, ya know? If we win, maybe we won't have to." A wistful smile crept up her muzzle. "And maybe Applebloom really could do whatever she liked, and not have to worry about the family business." She turned back to Twilight. “Wouldn’t that be n-”

Twilight’s mouth was a crazed grin. Applejack backed up a few steps. She had seen this smile before. It was like the quiet before a giant rainstorm. “And, uh... speaking of my sister, ya seen her?"

"Cheerilee was walking her home…” she said with a forced calmness. “We ran into her by the river, and so we bought her some ice cream, then-"

Then the world exploded, imploded and collapsed, said her inner voice.

"Aw, Twilight, yah didn't have to-” Applejack froze. “Oh horsefeathers. Ya’ll didn’t let her have the Pinkie surprise, did ya?"

Twilight nodded, grin still in place.

Applejack's face lost color. "Double horse feathers! Was she… uh… sayin’ anything uncouth? Rude? Stuff like that?”

Twilight blinked. “She certainly said whatever was on her mind… with great frequency.” She was responsive to the question, but was staring straight ahead.

“Not again!” Applejack wailed. “Gotta go. Ya said Cheerilee was walking her home, right? Alright. Ah promise ah’ll try and say goodbye ‘fore we head out. Bye, Twi!"

Twilight remained, not moving, eyes open but not seeing. Some part of her registered that her friend had left, but the rest of her body refused to do anything with the information. Her inner voice was whispering, maybe, maybe if I just stand absolutely still… nothing else will happen.

She barely registered when Carrot Top walked up to her and said, “Ms. Sparkle, did Applejack say anything about wanting her carrots delivered?” Silence. “Or I can just bring them to Pinkie’s giant party?” More silence, although Twilight swiveled her eyes to meet Carrot Top’s, who winced. “Er… I hear it’s going to be a big to-do! Over three hundred reasons to attend… and, that it’s actually been labeled an official Royal Canterlot Function! Very fancy, huh?” Twilight’s horn lit up, and there was a crackle of energy. But she didn’t say a word.

Carrot Top’s ears drooped and she backed away from Twilight. And then, for reasons she could not later explain, Carrot Top went one step further. “Wouldn’t it be fun if the Princesses showed up?”

There was a bright purple flash, and when Carrot Top opened her eyes, Twilight Sparkle was gone.

"Reason three hundred forty four that you should come to this party- there’ll be activities for all our pets, including several I designed just for the ducks!"

Fluttershy had long since stopped paying attention and was hiding behind her mane, waiting for the verbal assault to end. Bonnet, on the other hoof, was entranced, staring open-mouthed at this pink tornado named Pie.

"The final reason, number three hundred forty five- there will be a chocolate fountain!" Pinkie took a giant breath. "In conclusion, those are all the reasons you should come to this party until I can think of some more."

Bonnet waited for a moment to be sure the verbal assault had stopped. After a few seconds of pony silence (there was still quacking, always with the quacking) he said, "Thank you for that... very thorough list of activities."

"I am proud of all three hundred and forty six reasons why you should come! And- hm?" She looked down and saw a Swanky tugging on her leg. "What's up, little lady?" Swanky held up her wings, and Pinkie picked her up. There was some soft quacking in Pinkie's ear, followed by a gasp. "Really? No! Wait, really?!"

Swanky nodded, pointing at Bonnet. "Qua-ack!"

Bonnet had that small but very heavy feeling one gets when they're about to be in deep crud.

"I forgot something!" Pinkie smiled. "Three hundred forty seven reasons. There will also be chocolate roses..." She wiggled her eyebrows and giggled like a filly. "If you know what we mean." Swanky turned in Pinkie's hoof and gave an all-knowing smirk in Bonnet's direction, fluttering her eyes.

Fluttershy wasn't paying attention, having turned to her ducklings once the Pinkie barrage ended. But Bonnet saw it all: wiggle, giggle and duck. Few things have the ability to inspire a pony like doing whatever Pinkie Pie wants to get her to stop staring at you, especially when a leering duckling is added to the mix. Bonnet was not immune.

Plus, dang it all...

He turned to look at her. Fluttershy's coat was mussed and stained, her mane was tangled in knots with feathers (duck and her own) sticking out, and giant bags were underneath her eyes. She was still the most beautiful mare he had ever seen.

"Miss Fluttershy?"

"Mmm?"

"Would you-" he stopped, looking up. At some point in the previous few moments of adoration, a duckling had somehow landed on his head and had curled up to sleep.

"Drowsy! How did you get up there? Sorry, Mr. Bonnet, I'll-"

"No, no, leave him. I need to do this now." He took a breath. "Would you like to go this party?"

She sighed. "I don't think I have much of a choice."

He blinked. "What?"

She cast a wary eye in Pinkie's direction, then whispered to Bonnet, "Pinkie can be very, well, insistent."

"What? No, wait. Ms. Shy, I meant do you want, to go, to the party."

She blinked. "Um... I'd rather just catch up on sleep, but I promised Pinkie..."

"With me!" Bonnet yelped, then took a breath, closing his eyes to steady himself. "Do you want to go to the party... with me?"

“Oh.” Fluttershy became very quiet. “Are you… asking me out?”

Pinkie and duck alike stared with rapt attention.

“Yes, if you, uh. “ He rubbed the back of his head. “Want to go.”

Fluttershy’s voice was barely a squeak. “You’re not funning with me, are you Mr. Bonnet?”

"I have never been more serious in my life."

"Zzz," snored Drowsy, drooling on Bonnet’s head.

Bonnet closed his eyes, sighed and lowered his head and took the sleeping duck off of his head. “I just think it would be fun to go a party.” He gently placed the duck on the ground, and smiled. “Together.”

Pinkie was clutching Quacky, mouth gaping.

Fluttershy fiddled with her tangled mane, trying not to smile too much. “Um, that sounds… nice.”

“Yayyyyy!” Pinkie cheered, throwing a pile of invitations up in the air. “First dates for all!” She stopped. “Well. First dates for some, chocolate fountains for all!”

Spike and Dash walked in, staring at the last few pink envelopes fluttering down from the ceiling. Dash looked around. “You didn’t crash into the house again, did you?”

“Not hardly! I got two more yes’s for tonight’s party, now they just need invitations!” Pinkie stopped, thinking. “Or actually, maybe just one! Everyone can bring a plus one, but they’re both each other’s plus one.”

Dash laughed. “That didn’t take long.”.

Spike looked at her in confusion, and she waved him off. Shrugging, he turned to Bonnet and Fluttershy and announced: "Then allow me to be the first to officially invite you to Pinkie's official biggest party ever, an Official Function on the Royal Canterlot Calendar!"

Fluttershy reached to take the card out of Spike’s claw, then hesitated. “Um… did you say it was an Official Canterlot Function?”

"That's right!” Pinkie grinned, “We spared no expense.”

“As in… officially on the Royal Canterlot Calendar?”

“Officially official, officially says so right on the card.” Spike stopped and re-read the piece of cardstock. "Oh wait, no it doesn’t.” He grumbled. “You know Pinkie, you should have had me write that letter before we had all of these printed.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy lowered her hoof, and looked at Bonnet sadly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I, um. Can’t go with you.” Fluttershy lowered her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Uh. That’s okay.” Bonnet tried to smile. “No big deal.”

She lifted her head, insisting, “But I want to! I do! I just…” Fluttershy sighed. “I can’t.”

“No, I understand. Really.” Bonnet looked away.

“Well, I don’t understand at all!” Dash snarled. “You two were all super happy like five seconds ago, and now you can’t go? Why not, Fluttershy?”

“I made a promise to someone… if there was ever an official Canterlot Function that I got invited to, I would take him.” She was tracing her hoof on the ground, ducklings coming over to her and nuzzling, trying to cheer her up.

“Promise?” Spike asked. “To who?”

“It’s the only time he’s allowed out, poor thing, and-”

Dash was in shock. “Discord?”

“Who?” Bonnet asked.

“It’s the condition of his parole! He’s only allowed to leave his house arrest to attend official-”

“Discord.” Dash repeated, flatly.

Spike put his head in his claws. “Oh jeez.”

“I promised! I Pinkie Promised him! He-”

“Discord?!” Dash roared. “You’re ditching this stallion over-”

There was a loud crash and puff of smoke, along a blast of light and everypony/duck/dragon shielded their eyes.

And there he was: Deer antler on the right, goat horn on the left, snake tongue, goat beard, and white bushy eyebrows crowning two mad eyes. He stood tall, so tall he almost hit the ceiling, and he held his lion and eagle arms out wide, as if seeking a giant hug. Around his neck was a silver necklace with three rubies, and across his face a toothy grin.

Discord crowed, “It’s... showtime!”

Author's Note

Beetlejuice... Beetlejuice... Beetlejuice!!!!!!!

XI: Love is Blindness

ADORKABLE LOVE

By: Einhander

Pre-Read by: Cola Bubble Gum

Edited by: The best damn editing team in pony business, aka TheLastBrunnenG, Space Commie

CHAPTER 11: LOVE IS BLINDNESS

Carousel Boutique was where magic happened. That’s what Rarity always told her herself. It was also what she told her customers, especially when she was making up a design as she went along. So it was now, working in front of Cheerilee and Apple Bloom, that she repeated her mantra.

“Well, o’course, Miss Rarity.” Apple Bloom said. “Yer a unicorn.”

Rarity winced. “Yes, well, there is literal magic, yes, but I’m not talking about that.” She levitated a roll of white fabric and began to roll out a sheet in front of her face. “Take a look at this.”

“Yep. It’s floatin’ because of yer horn. That’s the magic, right?”

Closing her eyes in frustration, Rarity gritted her teeth and tried to think of something to say that wasn’t a swear word. Foals had their purpose and she knew she must have been one once, but Celestia give her strength, they tried her patience. She thought of that old saw: Deep down, every mare wants to be a mother.’ So said her mother and her grandmother, and she didn’t deny that sometimes she had… impulses. But five minutes with her sister or her sister’s friends shredded her nerves to the point of never wanting to see a filly again, much less raise one.

Fortunately, she had an expert on hoof to deal with the filly.

“Apple Bloom, Miss Rarity is trying to teach you something.” Cheerilee smiled at Apple Bloom. “Just like when your Granny came in and told us all about the history of Ponyville. I’m sure she’ll be willing to answer all your questions when she’s done, so just be patient, okay?”

Apple Bloom looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded and smiled. “Okay, Miss Cheerilee!”

Rarity’s furrowed brow relaxed just a bit, but it was worth a thousand hooficures. “Many thanks, dear.” She admired how Cheerilee always found the kindest, sweetest ways of telling foals to shut up. Not only did they obey, but they did so willingly, without any whining whatsoever. That was also magic, without, of course, any actual magic.

Focus, Lady Rarity, her mind chastised her. Dress? Cheerilee? Twilight’s happiness?

Right.

“You see, Apple Bloom, I’m levitating this rather plain white fabric here, muslin, nothing too terribly fancy. Yes? But the key thing is that as common as this fabric is, it’s real. No pony, not even, say, the princess’s prize pupil--” she grinned at Cheerilee, who rolled her eyes but in a good-hearted way-- “could make fabric like this.”

“Well, that’s not true. I’ve seen Twilight create-” Apple Bloom stopped mid-interruption under Cheerilee’s stare, which communicated more with an arched eyebrow than any lecture could. “Er. Sorry, Miss Rarity. I’m listenin’.”

“That’s just the point, Apple Bloom.” Rarity floated a pair of scissors and cut off two sheets, then replaced the roll in one of her baskets. She stared at the two pieces of white in the air, then at Cheerilee, then back at the fabric. “We’ve all seen Twilight do amazing things. She can lift things out of air, she can teleport, she can enchant. She can conjure fantastic things, but she cannot create. At least nothing that lasts.” Rarity laid the pieces of fabric on her work table gently. “Magic can turn a rock into an orange, but Twilight will be the first to tell you, you wouldn’t want to eat it.”

“And magic can give you a cutie mark…” Cheerilee winked at Apple Bloom, “But not one that’ll stick.”

“That’s true.” Apple Bloom lowered her head, sheepishly. “Ah learned that the hard way.”

Rarity went back to the copy of The Great Gallopsy, staring at the front cover. The drawing of the Follies era mare was quite stunning, as was her coquettish gown. She looked again at Cheerilee, squinting. “But here! In my little home, a pony’s imagination can meld with the physical world. Fabric can become a stunning gown, sure to steal the eyes and… other parts... of stallion and mare alike. And, for my bits, that is real magic. When the illusion becomes real.” She waved her hoof at Cheerilee to get her attention. “Can you turn to the left, dear? No, my left. There we are. Stand still, if you don’t mind.”

Cheerilee nodded, and stared ahead patiently. Apple Bloom giggled. “Yer like a model, Miss Cheerilee! Just like how Miss Shy was, for a little bit.”

Blushing, Cheerilee said nothing. Rarity smirked. “She is not ‘like’ a model, my dear Apple Bloom. She is modeling, as we speak.” She floated her measuring tape up to her eye line. “Now, Miss Cheerilee, take a breath, relax. Rarity will take it from here.”

Cheerilee exhaled.

“And don’t move an inch.”

Cheerilee tensed again, then nodded again, slowly.

A tiny quill and parchment floated next to Rarity, taking notes as she determined the mulberry mare’s measurements. Neck. Legs. Tail. And the most awkward for any pony, unless their last name was Lis (Fleur De), their middle. Rarity focused and magically spun the measuring tape around Cheerilee’s stomach and back. She felt the mare breathe and try to hold in her tummy, and Rarity quickly shook her head and placed a hoof on her model’s shoulder. Cheerilee looked unsure, but after a few beats of looking in Rarity’s eyes, she exhaled again, letting her stomach distend. Rarity smiled and gave a slight nod, writing down the numbers.

For a few moments, a blessed silence reigned over the Carousel Boutique, punctuated only by the scratching of quill on parchment. The quiet was then dethroned by Apple Bloom.

“This is boring. Can ah help?”

Rarity briefly considered the ramifications of binding and gagging her best friend’s sister. There would be consequences, perhaps even an arrest. But in this moment, right now, it felt like it was a viable option.

Thankfully, the professional intervened again. “Rarity, is your sister around?” Cheerilee asked.

Rarity hesitated. “She… should be?” A dull panic ticked the back of her throat. She realized she hadn’t seen Sweetie since coming back to the house after the Pinkie incident, which was well before she had been woken up by Cheerilee.

“Oh, Sweetie’s here? Yeah, ah’ll just go hang out with her. Sorry, Miss Rarity, but your kinda magic is borin’.”

“Apple Bloom.” Cheerilee frowned. “That was a little rude.”

Apple Bloom’s ears drooped. “But I was just bein’ honest, like you teach us, and ah said sorry…”

With a weary wave of her hoof and a sigh, Rarity said, “It’s alright, Apple Bloom. Fashion isn’t for everypony. It should be, but, it isn’t.” She pointed up. “Sweetie should be upstairs.”

The filly grinned, then started up the stairs. She stopped halfway and turned. “Don’t leave without showin’ me that dress!”

“Don’t worry, Apple Bloom.” Cheerilee winked. “I won’t leave you hanging.”

Apple Bloom grinned, then bounded up the stairs. “Thanks, I’m gonna-” There was a loud gurgle, and her face dropped. She rubbed a hoof over her stomach. “I’m gonna need the little filly’s room. Like, right now. Ms. Rarity, uh-”

“Up the stairs, to the left.”

Apple Bloom nodded gratefully and ran as fast as her legs would carry her. There was a door slam, followed by a frantic clicking as the door locked behind her.

The age of silence returned. Rarity sagged with relief and continued with her work. In truth, there wasn’t much else to do. After a few more measurements, she sang, “All doonnne!” and returned to her work bench.

“That’s it?” Cheerilee blinked.

“For now, yes.” Rarity floated a ruler over to her desk, and started drawing. “I’ll need you for the fitting, of course, but for right now, relax. Take a load off! I’m just going to sketch for the moment. Shall I have Sweetie get you get some tea?” Rarity frowned. “Wait, no she can’t. I’ve used it all. Drat.”

“That’s okay, Rarity. I think I’ve had enough caffeine for today.” She stared at herself in the mirror. “If I can ask, how long should it take? Do you want me to come back later?”

“Nonsense, darling. I’m already sketching as fast as I can put pen to papers. Just relax.”

Cheerilee laid down on the cushions near the mirrors and looked around the room uncomfortably. Her eyes settled on copy of Gallopsy. “Do you mind if I read?”

“Not at all, but I’ll have to ask you to continue to read from that spot. I need you standing there for reference.” Cheerilee nodded agreeably, retrieved the book and returned to the vanity. The various mirrors showed Cheerilee at all angles, happily opening the book.

Silence was filled with scratches and flipping pages.

Three different sheets floated in front of Rarity, each with a different version of the same idea. Rarity watched kept alternating between the pieces of paper and Cheerilee, who was herself alternating between reading the book and glancing at herself in the mirror. Shaking her head, the designer returned to her three sketches and tried to focus.

Her mind and eye kept wandering back to the schoolteacher. Cheerilee was turning her head, looking at herself from several angles. It looked like she was grading herself, and coming up with C's and D's.

Classic case. The slight grimaces, the tiny sighs. She can't see what she actually looks like.

Like you every day in the mirror, darling?

She frowned. Her mind had a pesky way of always turning her analysis back on her.

It's one thing to put effort into how one's look, it's another to be blind to one's natural beauty.

That's the same speech your mother gave you every time you asked for beauty products as a filly.

She gritted her teeth and started sketching faster.

"I love this book." Cheerilee said, breaking the silence.

"Yes, isn't it wonderful!” Rarity agreed, perhaps too loudly and quickly. “The descriptions of the gowns, the parties. And such a happy, romantic story!"

Cheerilee stared at her. "Do you remember how this book ends?"

"Er." Rarity faltered. "The stallion gets the mare? It's been awhile, I admit."

"It's romantic, but, I wouldn't call it happy." She shook her head and flipped through the pages, certain paragraphs catching her eye and making her smile. "Still, for a little while anyway, Gallopsy and Daisy Bloom are happy. Before it all gets out of hoof. You spoke of illusion earlier? It’s the contrast between illusion and truth, that’s what makes this a classic.” She sighed, closing the book and holding up to inspect the cover, both front and back. “Life doesn't always end happily, and we need stories that remi-" She looked over the top of the book and notice Rarity smiling at her warmly. "Sorry. I was rambling, wasn't I?"

She shook her head. "You just sound like her. I can hear it in your voice. That love of the written word."

Cheerilee shrugged. "You have your idea of real magic, I have mine. A colt gets an idea in his head from a book, or a kind mentor, they can grow up to move mountains."

Rarity sighed. "Sweetie certainly thinks she can. On a daily basis."

Cheerilee giggled. "And how wonderful is that?"

Rarity stopped sketching and smirked. “Now I want you to keep that bubbly feeling, and just imagine Twilight feeling the same thing when she sees you in one of… these!” She turned the canvases around dramatically, and spread her hooves wide. “Voila! Three different, but totally you styles. I’ve been brainstorming them since you walked through my doors! Pick whichever one you like, and we’ll get to work!”

Cheerilee paused for a little too long, then nodded. "They all seem fine. Which one do you like?”

A shudder went up and down Rarity's back. She gritted her teeth, face turned away as she tried to keep her tone chipper. "Cheerilee, what's the worst sound you can imagine?"

"Well... The tip of a hoof on a chalkboard, probably."

"Yes, that sounds right. So it is with me when I hear the word 'fine'." She swiveled, her face smiling now but her words sharp. "No pony ever conquered a kingdom because of ‘fine’. No fashion eras were born from 'fine'. And no hearts were won because a gown was ‘fine.’"

Cheerilee backed up a step. "I... Don't hate them?"

"Hate would be better!" Rarity boomed. "Hate is just love reflected, it gives me a starting point. Talk to me. What is wrong with-"

"They all remind me of my wedding day!" Cheerilee shouted. She immediately put a hoof over her mouth, trying to cage the words, but it was too late.

Rarity stumbled, the reply causing her legs to momentarily turn to noodles. "Wedding? You? But I. When?"

Cheerilee arched an eyebrow. "Really?" Her voice oozed skepticism. "You of all ponies didn't hear about the day your sister and her friends drugged me and I almost married Mr. Macintosh?"

White became bright pink. Rarity forced a laugh. "Oh hahaha, that regrettable incident? That was a lark, a thing everypony laughs about later! I only heard about it after the fact. It wasn't real." Rarity stopped laughing. "What do you mean, 'me' of all ponies?"

"I had a veil. From your boutique. I was trying on dresses. From your boutique. And I would have stampeded my students to see his eyes, which I actually pretty much did, after kicking down the door of your boutique.” Cheerilee was smiling, but there wasn't any humor in it. "It felt real."

“Ah. Yes.” Rarity bit her lip. “I was out of town that day, you see. Came home to find my boutique in tatters, which, to be fair, is usually the story of a Tuesday around here.”

Cheerilee’s sigh filled the air. "It was the closest I've ever been to the altar.”

Rarity tried to rally. “But really, Cheerilee, I don’t see how any of these designs could… remind you of…”

Oh dear.

One was bride-ready white. The second had a veil, and third was, admittedly, flowy and but for the color wasn't too far off from a wedding gown.

Well done, Rarity. You've failed as a designer, matchmaker...

"Maybe this was a mistake." Cheerilee sighed.

...and as a friend.

"I'll just go au natural. I still have my flowers." She looked at herself in the mirror. "That'll be enough, I suppose."

I'm not done yet! She snapped at her mind.

"The flowers! The one in your mane, yes? Tell me about them.”

“Oh. Well.” Cheerilee looked at herself in the mirror again. "It's a purple night flower.” She gently propped it up with her hoof, careful of the wilting petal. “Isn't it a lovely shade?"

"Gorgeous," Rarity murmured, without much enthusiasm. "More. Tell me more."

"Well. They're very rare, because they only bloom by moonlight, and you can usually only find them in the mountains. Once they bloom, they last only three days in the sun, and while the petals wilt, the colors just get richer. Deeper." She smiled at the flower. "I don't know how Twilight got them for me, but, she sure knew how to get my attention."

“Mmm… yes…” Rarity was grinding her teeth again. “Anything else.”

“Um… I believe the scientific name is…”

"Ugh!" Rarity stomped her hoof.

Head drooping, Cheerilee muttered, "They're not for everyone."

"Sorry, no, that was rude of me." Rarity rubbed her temples. "The flower is perfect. It it is a true representation of your beauty and compliments your coat wonderfully."

Cheerilee tried to hide her blush, but Rarity's mirrors were everywhere. "It's just a flower."

"But that's just it- it is just a flower. An accessory. It's the cherry on top. I was hoping to find something to base the entire design on, it feels like something is there, but, alas." Rarity hung her head. "Nothing is coming. I'm sorry, dear."

"It's okay, Rarity." Cheerilee smiled. "I appreciate the effort, really, I do."

"But this should be simple for me!" Rarity pouted. "A dress for a pony's first date? It's 101, and I'm failing it."

"I mean... I’d be happy enough to wear the second one, just without the veil."

Rarity magically crumpled up all three pieces of paper at once, and tossed them in the direction of the dustbin. They missed and fell to the floor. She groaned with impotent rage. "'Happy enough' isn't good enough! You shouldn't wear it to please me, you should want to wear it to please yourself. And others, hopefully, but not the designer." She sighed. "It's just this commission! It's driving me mad, and I hoped designing something for you would break the logjam, but…”

“Commission? I don’t understand.”

“Well, I’ve been commissioned to make a gown by some pony- I'm not sure who, an anonymous fan with bits to burn- and it’s caused mind to come to a standstill.”

"A mysterious benefactor? How romantic!" Cheerilee smiled. "You must have been flattered."

Rarity sighed. "Yes,” she drew the word out as she said, magically floating a piece of paper out of her saddlebag, “and no. Here, take a look." She floated the note over, and Cheerilee took it in hoof and gave it a quick glance.

Dear Rarity:

I would like commissioning you to design and make a Foalish Follies Era gown inspired by my favorite book...

Cheerilee’s smile turned flat. Rarity watched as she went back the beginning and read it again, methodically. She clicked her tongue. "I don't want to read this note, I want to flunk it."

"Pardon?"

"Just... The typos, the, quite frankly, foalish attempt at grandeur. It feels like a letter in a story one one of my fillies would write for creative writing, or a fan letter to, I don't know, Soarin or some pony. Fine for a student, not the typos but the rest anyway, but for a full grown mare? Or stallion? Unless they had a child's mind or were deliberately..." She arched her eyebrows, the same look she gave to Apple Bloom earlier. "Excuse me for suggesting, but are you sure it's real?"

It was Rarity's turn to arch her eyebrows. With a flick of her neck and a glow of her horn, a desk drawer opened and a bag of gems floated out. She floated them over and dropped them in front of Cheerilee. "I'm not sure about our mystery guest’s grasp of grammar, but, whomever they are, they seem to understand math quite well."

Cheerilee scraped her jaw off the floor. "That's more than I make in a year."

"And I live sale to sale, darling. This is months and months of security, or perhaps even expansion, If I can get the commission right." She grumbled, looking at the crumpled up sketches, "And I can't seem to get anything right in the past few days."

Cheerilee's expression softened. "You’ve tried so hard to help me, maybe I can help you? She says she wants the Rarity touch, mixed with the era's style. What does she mean by your 'touch'?"

"I don't know! I used to be able to apply my 'touch' without thinking, but now that I’m thinking about it I have hit a wall. Mister Mystery Benefactor seems to think I should know what that means, and he’s offering me the chance of a lifetime... But I've got nothing after four days of brainstorming."

“Well… then why Gallopsy?” Cheerilee asked.

“No clue. The client wants it, so I went and got the book, and I’ve stared and stared at the cover, but, other than the look, nothing is coming to me.”

Cheerilee blinked. “The cover? Just the cover?”

Rarity nodded.

Cheerilee opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, then looked away, embarrassed.

Rarity had an idea of what was coming. “Spit it out, darling.”

“Did you try re-reading the boo-”

“No!” Rarity wailed, head in her hooves. “I know it’s the obvious solution but no, dash it all, I have not. There just hasn’t been time! I’ve been distracted!”

Cheerilee looked at the book, then back at Rarity. Her face looked more scrunched up and puzzled than before. “Rarity, this is the most important commission of your career, right?”

Rarity thought about it for a moment. “I suppose so, yes. So far, anyway. Financially, certainly.”

“What could be more important than this? What’s got you so distracted?”

The pause was heavy. Rarity looked at the mare in front of her, then dared a glance at a picture on the wall of her and her friends. Twilight in the middle, all of the rest of them around her. There was another picture of her with just her and Twilight, relaxing at the spa. Another, with her and Spike, smiling away. She murmured, “Something important. Something that can’t be bought.”

Cheerilee laughed. “Ahh. Say no more. Shouldn’t you be focused on your dress to the party, instead of mine? Surely you want to show off for special somepony.” Rarity didn’t respond. Cheerilee quickly added, “Or, special somepony to be? In waiting? Something like that?”

Rarity shook her head. “It’s more complicated than that, but I appreciate the thought. There is something you can do for me, though, and maybe then I can do something for you.”

“Anything!” Cheerilee smiled. “You’ve been so kind. What is it?”

Rarity took a breath. “Can you summarize the plot of the The Great Gallopsy to me quickly? Just the major points. Spoilers are fine.”

Cheerilee’s eyes went wide. Her mouth dropped open in shock, then her eyes melted from frozen to slushy disappointment. “Rarity, you said you read it. You really don’t remember any of it?”

“I may have only… skimmed it in school. In fact, I’m pretty sure I only skimmed it. Or saw the play version. I can’t remember.”

The mucky disappointment in Cheerilee’s eyes turned to simmering frustration. “You skimmed it. You saw the play.”

Rarity waved her hooves, “I’m sorry! I wasn’t the best student! I remember the chapters about the parties, and there’s a pegasi mare named Daisy! That’s all!”

Cheerilee stomped her hoof. “She’s a unicorn, first of all, and-”

“I’ll read it! I’ll read it later, I promise! Just- I need the gist of it, so I can clear my head!”

The stare of fury burned for a few more moments before the flame went out, replaced by a tired gaze. “Fine. Although giving one the ‘gist’ of one of the most powerful books ever written is, goodness, I don’t even know where to start.”

Rarity sat, patiently. “I shan’t forget this kindness.”

“Right. Okay.” Cheerilee took a breath. “Ignoring all the very relevant context and social commentary, it’s the story of Gallopsy, a very rich earth pony who is in love with a unicorn named Daisy Bloom…”

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo stood in front of the Carousel Boutique. Hesitating.

“Sweetie, just knock. It’s gonna rain soon.”

Kicking the ground, Sweetie grumbled. “You knock.”

“She’s your sister!” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah, and who do you think is gonna get in trouble from her? Not you!”

Scootaloo sighed. “Fine, fine. I’ll ring it.” She reached up when she felt a hoof on hers.

“No, it’s… You’re right. She is my sister.” She gently moved Scootaloo’s hoof down, and looked at her friend. “You’ve already done enough for me today.”

“Hey, you know.” Scootaloo shrugged. “No big deal.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “It was, Scootaloo. I can’t thank you enough. You saved me.” She smiled awkwardly. “You’re my, uh, white knight. I guess.”

Scootaloo blushed. “Sorry I sorta lied about the mark on your face.”

“Well, you’re not the one who caused it. C’mon, let’s face the music.” She reached up and knocked on the door.

They heard muffled voices. A voice that Sweetie recognized as Rarity’s said, “Do not move! I must know what happens after that dreadful fight at the Plaza!” Then the front door opened, and with it came the standard greeting: "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where the- oh, Sweetie Belle!"

She walked past Rarity quickly, trying not to draw attention to her face. "Hi sis..."

"Wait... I thought you were upstairs..." Rarity's surprise quickly became suspicion as she gave Sweetie Belle (and Scootaloo behind her) a once over. "Where in Equestria have you oh sweet Celestia your face!!"

Sweetie cringed as her sister went into predictable hysterics. She glanced around the room, seeing a similarly miserable Scootaloo, and a shocked Cheerilee.

“Sweetie Belle, oh my goodness,” her teacher said, running over, “What happened to you? Who did this?”

"I fell-"

"She hit-"

The fillies paused and looked at each other.

"I fell and hit my face." Sweetie Belle said slowly, maintaining eye contact with her friend who nodded subtly as she spoke. "But I'm okay now."

“Fell?” Cheerilee asked, eyebrow arched.

"Fell?!” Rarity gasped. “From where? Where in Equestria have you been?!" Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"

Sweetie cringed, looking down and hoping a solution was somewhere on the ground of the Carousel Boutique. Amazingly enough, there was: hoof prints, the scourge of Rarity's soul, leading in and out of the shop. She was pretty sure among the offending smudges she recognized Rarity's tracks. It was worth a shot...

"You weren't here." Sweetie said. "I went out to find you."

Scootaloo and Cheerilee's heads swiveled towards Rarity, who stared at her sister open mouthed. "But I... Surely I was only out for a few minutes, or an hour or..."

Rarity’s eyes seemed to glaze over. Sweetie held her breath.

If this doesn’t work I am so-

"Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry!" Rarity wailed. "I thought it was only a moment, but it's been so crazy today!” She hugged her sister. “I’ll never let this happen again! I promise!”

“It’s okay, Rarity.” Sweetie chimed, smiling like a filly with a full bag of candy on Nightmare Night.

“I’ll make it up to you, dear. We’ll go out for ice cream later, but right now I have to do some work for Miss Cheerilee. Do you mind terribly going upstairs?” She broke off the hug and pointed up the stairs. “Apple Bloom is in the little filly’s room, but she’ll be out soon.”

“Sure!” Sweetie grinned at Scootaloo, who winked back at her. "Sounds good."

Sweetie was smiling, Scootaloo was smiling, even Rarity was smiling.

Cheerilee wasn't.

She stood in front of the stairway, face carefully neutral. "Sweetie Belle, a question." She stared the filly down. “You fell, right?”

Sweetie clammed up. Something about Cheerilee’s gaze made her want to confess right there. Scootaloo put a hoof on her shoulder, steadying her.

“Uh… yeah.” Scootaloo said. “I was there. That’s what happened.”

“Uh huh.” Her eyes shifted from filly to filly, then she glanced up at Rarity. “Rarity, do you think you have enough of the plot to go on for now?”

“Hm? Oh, actually, yes. I think I have enough notes to patch a sketch together, and then we can work on yours. Although I simply must hear how the story ends. In any event, do you mind waiting a teensy bit longer?”

“Not at all. In fact.” She turned back to the fillies, eyes deadly serious. "Sweetie, why don't we go upstairs and wait for her together? We can play a board game.”' Sweetie Belle opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off when Cheerilee snapped her head towards her and added, "And I can take a look at where you fell. You too, Scootaloo. Your hoof looks like it ‘fell’ too.”

Sweetie and Scootaloo’s heads immediately went down to Scootaloo’s hoof that had previously been used to knock down Tiara. Sure enough, it had a red mark on it too. Sweetie groaned, they hadn’t even thought about checking Scootaloo for evidence of their scuffle.

"That's a splendid idea!" Rarity chirped, back on top of the world. "And girls, make sure she doesn't come down until I'm ready for her."

"S-sure."

"Right."

The two fillies walked slowly, past their teacher, aware that every move was under her watchful eye.

Scootaloo whispered, "There's no way she-"

"Ssh!" Sweetie Belle hissed. She was racking her brain the entire way up the stairs towards her room.

Distract, delay, do something, Sweetie...

Nothing came.

They entered her room, and Cheerilee closed the door behind them. She looked around the room- a simple home away from home, one window, one bed, and a shelf with various toys and books. Scootaloo looked out the window, and Sweetie sat on her bed. Both were actively looking away from Cheerilee. Unfortunately, they had Cheerilee’s undivided attention.

“So… we’re going to play a game?” Sweetie asked hopefully.

“Yes.” Cheerilee said, flatly. “It’s called ‘tell the truth’.”

Rarity sighed. In truth, while she found Cheerilee’s summary quite entertaining, she hadn’t cracked the code at all. She felt the sadness in the story, and she saw the beauty of the descriptions of the world. The wonderful friendship the the narrator, Nicker Carrageway, developed with the millionaire Gallop Gallopsy was quite moving. But for the life of her (and maybe it had something to do with Cheerilee’s description), she couldn’t understand the fondness Gallopsy had for the unicorn Daisy Bloom.

She half heartedly summoned her fainting couch and sat on it, staring at the book in her hooves.

Think, Rarity. Think.

The characters and their various names and fates floated around her head. It would be helpful to know the actual ending. She had enough to go on, but not enough to understand.

Daisy was, according to Cheerilee, written as the most beautiful mare in the world. But to Rarity she seemed such a fickle little filly, ready to dash off and marry the royal Unicorn when Gallopsy had to go to war, only to come rushing back to him when he returns, only to break his heart at the end- assuming, as Cheerilee implied, there was no happy ending. And even if there was a happy ending, she didn’t see it as actually happy. Daisy would just break poor Gallopsy’s heart again. Elegant she might look, and indeed the cover of the book depicted a very regal unicorn in a dazzling Foalish Follies dress, but her insides were all glass. Cold, shiny, and easily breakable.

Rarity considered herself a lady, and after having met an actual prince, knew there was more to it than just the title and the look. Once she had gotten to know the prince better, she had demolished her glass slipper purposefully just so there was zero chance that particular fairy tale ending could ever come true. And for Daisy to throw away Gallopsy (even if he was a cider bootlegger) for a blue-blooded rogue like Buckcannon… well, a title and bits weren’t everything.

Why, if I ever met a Gallopsy, no matter his title or race or the money in his saddle bag, if I met a true gentlecolt with grace, chivalry and a kind and generous heart, I’d sweep him off his hooves before he knew what-

“Oh.”

She blinked, staring again at the back cover of the book. Gallopsy stared out at her.

“Oh my.”

How had she not noticed him before? He was depicted in the same style as the corresponding illustration of Daisy on the cover. Only instead of enigmatic eyes and neutral expression, there was a winning smile. Just like…

Earth pony. Kind, generous. Gallant. Warm. Lovely laugh. And the bits, of course, she doesn’t have quite the resources but Twilight doesn’t care about that. The only real difference is gender.

She squinted and floated a piece of paper over the back cover, tracing the design slowly with a thin pencil. She followed the dress outfit exactly, but for the body itself, instead of straight lines and square angles, she drew curves.

Hooves shaking, she tilted her head, and magically grabbed two purple crayons. She began shading in the body with one, the suit with the other.

A few pencil slashes later--after all, it wasn’t a costume party, it was still a dress-- she stood back, admiring her handiwork. This was a dress for a lady, or in this case, a friend. Who had a date with a friend.

She heard a chirp, and glanced towards the window. Rain clouds were gathering, and the two little crickets from before were scratching at the window to be let in. She opened the window with her magic, and smiled benevolently at them as they hurried in before the rain fell.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, my little darlings.” Her smile was as big as the moon. “Where Rarity is back in the game.”

Cheerilee stared her students down. She rarely liked playing at police pony, although the job often called for it. She especially didn’t like doing it with some of her favorite students. But a lie was a lie, and she knew these fillies were lying.

"I just have one question, Sweetie Belle. This thing you happened to fall and hit your face on... Was it a hoof?"

Sweetie's face lost what little color it had, as well as it's forced smile. "N-no, it was a branch..." She sputtered.

"That's strange." Cheerilee was speaking very calmly, which somehow made her very serious eyes that much more very serious. "Because it sure looks like a hoof."

"Nope! Definitely a branch. Saw it with my own two eyes." Scootaloo's voice was overflowing with confidence. "Yep. She fell out of the tree house and hit a branch."

Scootaloo had a better poker face than Sweetie Belle, and she was using it now. Unfortunately for both of them, Sweetie's resolve was no match for Cheerilee's skeptical eyebrow. And nothing undermines a two pony con job like one pony losing their nerve.

"Two choices, girls. Come clean to me, or we'll go talk to Rarity about this." Cheerilee leaned close to Sweetie, so that they were practically snout to snout. "I don't know your sister all that well, but I think you'd rather deal with me."

Scootaloo reached for her friend's hoof, shaking her head. But it was too late. Sweetie lowered her head and sniffed, "She was just being so mean..."

"Who?"

Scootaloo sighed, tension visibly draining out her legs "Diamond Tiara."

Cheerilee's eyes went wide. "She did this?"

The words tumbled out. "She was so nasty to Silver Spoon and me and saying such awful things about..." Sweetie hesitated, breathing shakily as the tears started falling. "And then I said her Dad would be ashamed of her and then she just jumped me!"

"Wait, what-"

Sweetie kept going: "And she was just hitting me and hitting me and I said stop but she didn't and then..."

Cheerilee ran over and hugged the filly. "Sssh, it's okay, it's okay." Sweetie sniffled as hugged back tight. Cheerilee sighed and continued to hold her. "It's okay. What nasty things? What was she saying?"

"She called you a fillyfooler." Scootaloo said simply. Cheerilee froze. Scootaloo continued. "She called you a ‘dirty fillyfooler’ and said she was going to try and get you fired."

Cheerilee's throat was suddenly a desert, where very few words could grow. "Is that true?" she asked Sweetie, voice cracking. Sweetie nodded. She turned back to Scootaloo. "What then?"

"Then I punched her in the face. Twice." Scootaloo looked at Cheerilee defiantly. "And don't ask me if I'm sorry. 'Cause I'm not."

Cheerilee aged five years in a single moment. Her ears drooped. "Oh, Scootaloo."

"She was hurting my friend! She was talking about hurting you! I had to do something." Scootaloo looked away, shaking. "I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. I'm not, I'm not. You can't hurt the ponies I - l care about."

Time seemed to stand still for Cheerilee. She stared into the distance for she didn't know how long.

"Miss Cheerilee?" Sweetie tapped her teacher's shoulder.

"You did that for me?" she softly replied.

Scootaloo shrugged, tears rolling down her face. "The first hit was for Sweetie. The second was for you."

Cheerilee sighed.

Sweetie knelt, hooves folded. "I know she was supposed to get an adult, but Big Mac was far away! There wasn't any time!" She rubbed her face. "She was really hurting me. Please don't be mad at us."

"I'm not mad, I'm..." She knew how the rest of the line was supposed to go, but she realized she wasn't disappointed. She was...

Proud? Scared? I don’t know anymore. Up is down, left is right. Her heart sighed. Buck it.

"Come here, both of you." The fillies looked at each other. Sweetie walked over first, Scootaloo reluctantly followed. Cheerilee wrapped her hooves around them both and sighed again. "You little ponies should be playing and laughing, not fighting my battles. They are my battles, you know? Not yours.”

“So…” Sweetie said carefully. “You are… you like mares, right?” Scootaloo glared at her, and she added. “I mean, you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but-”

“Yes.” Cheerilee said. She caught her own eye in Sweetie Belle’s mirror, and blinked at herself. For once today, the words were coming easily. “You fought for me, so I guess you have a right to know. I do like mares. I don’t know why, but, I think I always have.”

“Do you like any particular mare?” Sweetie asked, smile wide and head cocked.

“I’m positive you don’t have a right to know that.” She tried to glare at Sweetie, but the filly’s eyes were just so big and adorable. Her resolve melted. “But yes, Rarity’s making me a dress for a date with a particular mare.”

“And… this particular mare… has a name?” Scootaloo asked, looking away with feigned disinterest. “That, you know. We might know?”

“You two are just too clever for me.” Cheerilee’s tone was virtually arid. “Yes, she has a name.”

“Which is…?” Sweetie spoke, but both fillies were leaning in towards her.

Two competing thoughts entered Cheerilee’s head.

You know the last time these girls got anywhere NEAR your personal life…

The same girls who took on a bully in your name? Besides, do you really think Apple Bloom is going to keep your secret?

“I have a date with Twilight Sparkle.”

The squeeing. The squeeing could not be stopped. Cheerilee feared for all of the glass in the room.

“Oh my gosh, that is so AWESOME!”

“Miss Sparkle is the best! And that means all our- uh. I mean.” Sweetie cleared her throat. “We’re just so excited for you! We like her a lot!”

“Well, I like her too.” Cheerilee giggled. “Just try not to go around telling everypony, okay? It’s only a first date.”

“Sure it is.” Scootaloo grinned. “No pressure. Just having Sweetie’s sister make a dress for it. No big deal.”

Smirking, Cheerilee nudged Scootaloo. “No pressure. Just going out with a mare that’s the Princess’s personal friend and student, and, oh right, she saved the world a few times. No pressure.”

“Yeah, but I’ve seen her get all freaked out over nothing.” Scootaloo waved her hoof in the air. “She worries like everypony else. I’m sure she’s at home right now, wondering what to wear or something dorky like that.”

“Every mare wonders what to wear on a first date, Scootaloo. I don’t care who they’re going out with.”

“Not me! When I go on my first date, whatever pony I go with, mare or stallion, I’m just gonna wear a hat and not worry about the rest of it.” Scootaloo smiled and crossed her hooves, nodding serenely.

Cheerilee was at a loss. “Why a hat?”

“Why not?” Scootaloo shrugged. “Clothes are stupid anyway.”

“Um, Cheerilee?” Sweetie spoke up, a forced casualness in her tone. “Can I ask… what do you call yourself?”

“What do you mean?”

“As a mare who likes mares, what do you, you know, go by.” Scootaloo looked at her with a confused stare, and Sweetie blushed and looked away. “I'm just. You know. Curious.”

“The term, if it must be brought up at all, is a lesbian, but… Cheerilee. I just call myself Cheerilee.” A calm smile spread upon her face. “Why should I go by any other name? We don’t call mares who like stallions anything different.”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo said, tossing her mane back. “That’s right!”

“Girls, listen. I know you care about me, and that means more than... Well, it means a lot. For any pony, but especially a teacher. But this is adult stuff, and you'll have the rest of the life to deal with it."

Scootaloo frowned. "We're not foals, Miss Cheerilee"

"I know that, but don't be in such a hurry to be a mare, either. You can't turn back the clock." She ruffled Scootaloo’s mane. "And one day, you'll wish you could."

There was a silence. Rain started pelting against the window, causing them to look up. Scootaloo frowned. “Rainbow Dash didn’t say anything about rain today…”

“Cheerilee?” Sweetie asked.

“Mmm?” She was staring out at the rain, watching the drops lazily splat across the window.

“Are we going to get in trouble?”

Cheerilee turned to the filly. “With me? No. But in general? Probably.” Visions of Diamond Tiara flitted through her head. She shuddered. “No, definitely. ”

Scootaloo started ruffling her tiny wings. “But we didn’t do-”

“Yeah, we did, Scoots.” Sweetie Belle sighed. “I shouldn’a egged her on. And you should have just gotten her off of me, not, you know, decked her.”

“Twice. I decked her twice. And I’m still not sorry.”

Sweetie Belle smiled. “I know, but you better start practicing that fake apology now anyway.”

Cheerilee’s gave them both a look. “You know I can hear you, right? You should start practicing a real apology.”

Crossing her forelegs with a huff, Scootaloo groaned. “Fine.”

"Girls! Could I have your assistance downstairs?" Rarity's voice floated up the steps.

Cheerilee looked at her students. "Alright, girls, let's go see what we can see." She headed for the door with her young charges. Rarity's voice stopped her before she could reach it.

"Just the fillies! Miss Cheerilee, please remain upstairs for now."

Cheerilee sighed. This is all getting a little silly.

Her reservations faded at Sweetie Belle's grin. "Ooh, she wants to surprise you, I bet! C'mon, Scoots!" She sprinted towards the door and almost stripped over the frame.

"Slow down, Sweetie! Geez, what's the rush?" Scootaloo grumbled as she stood to follow her friend out the door.

“Scootaloo.”

The orange pegasus turned. “Yes, Miss Cheerilee?”

“You are a very brave filly, standing up for your friend like that.”

Scootaloo blushed. “Heck, Miss Cheerilee. It’s what any pony would do.”

“No. They wouldn’t.” Cheerilee’s eyes looked very old. “Trust me.”

They stared at one another. Scootaloo felt the muscles in her face quiver, and she tried not to let her emotions overtake her. “You’re a really good at what you do, you know that, Miss Cheerilee?”

“Why… thank you, Scootaloo.” She frowned. “You know I can’t let you off the hook entirely, right?”

“I know that. I figured that.” Scootaloo shrugged. “But I mean it. I know I complain about the homework and everything, but… I just think you should know, no matter what happens. I’m glad you’re my teacher.”

Cheerilee’s whole face seemed to get younger by the moment. “Thank you, Scootaloo.”

“Scoots! Ya gotta come down here!” Sweetie shouted from downstairs. “It’s so pretty!”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. Cheerilee laughed. “Go on. I’m sure I’ll be down shortly.”

She smiled and dashed down the stairs, with the same abandon she chided Sweetie Belle for only moments ago. Cheerilee shook her head, putting the cards back together into the deck box. The rain continued outside unabated.

A spare thought kicked around her head: What did she mean, no matter what happens?

"Thank you, girls. Now, Cheerilee, stand still and move only when I tell you too.”

“Can I take this blindfold off?”

“Not yet. Girls, I thank you for your assistance, but I’m afraid I must ask both of you to go upstairs. I want her to see it by herself before she shows it to others."

“Aww! But you promised!”

“I promised you could see it WHEN and IF she was happy with it. Now, upstairs, both of you. I’ll call up when you can come down.”

Cheerilee heard grumbling and the trotting of hooves up the stairs. She gulped, trying not to be nervous.

“Try and relax, Cheerilee. Let my magic do the work. Hooves up!”

Cheerilee obeyed. Magic gently tugged at her hooves and she felt cool fabric flow over them.

"And there!" Rarity chirped, tying off the last stitch. "Voila! Gallopsy via Ponyville chic, such as it is. What do you think?"

"... still have the blindfold on, Rarity.”

"Oh yes. That." A quick flick of her head, and the blindfold was gone. She stepped back expectantly.

Cheerilee blinked back into the light, then stared at herself in the mirror. There was a sharp intake of breath.

"Oh, Rarity."

Rarity smiled proudly. It started with a barely off-white purple at the top, only to become deep deep violet at the bottom. It was sleek, it complimented Cheerilee’s dimensions perfectly, it was Foalish Follies era but also modern, and it rendered the client speechless.

"The fabric is from Saddle Arabia." Rarity cooed. "They have ways of making clothes that we don't even have words for yet. I was able to blend the colors with magic, various shades of purple to match all the color of your flower." She pointed to Cheerilee's hoof. "And the material! It feels like a cool breeze on the hoof when it moves. Go ahead, lift your hoof, see how it feels."

Cheerilee obeyed, rising and lowering her hoof, letting it fall to the ground. She stared down at the fabric, her hoof, then back in the mirror.

When more words weren't forthcoming, Rarity felt the need to fill the air. "It’s a rough first go, I admit, I’ll have to do some alterations. And there isn’t much to the gown, but you can't add to perfect material, you can only accessorize. On the other hoof, it's selective editing that turns a colorful rock to an eye-catching jewel, and if I may say it's-"

"Perfect." The word was fraught and choked out, and it was all Cheerilee had in her. Tears were running down her face and her crooked smile. "It's perfect."

Rarity beheld the conflicting signals and did not know what to do. Her hooves started to reach out for a hug but faltered midway. "Forgive me, are these sad-happy tears or sad-sad tears?"

Cheerilee turned, shaking her head, crooked smile dissolving into a puddle of emotions. "You have to understand." She sniffed. She turned to the mirror and tilted right and left, watching herself turning in the mirror. "I've just never looked like this."

Rarity grinned. "At the height of fashion, give or take a few decades?" She chuckled at her own joke. "Everything old is new again. You look beautiful."

Cheerilee shrugged. "But I've never looked beautiful. I've can’t remember the last time I even felt pretty."

The words speared Rarity's heart like a harpoon. She gasped. "Oh, no!" She grabbed Cheerilee's hoof. "No no no, darling."

“The last time I even felt adored, looked at in that way, I was under a spell, and when it was all over, I was in the bottom of a pit.” Cheerilee went on, trying not to cry. "But this makes me feel like... Maybe I could be? Pretty. I don't know. I’m being silly.”

"You are not silly.” Rarity turned her head and they were face to face. “You listen to me, Cheerilee. Every pony should feel pretty, every pony is beautiful. I know this is true, in my heart. I know it." She turned to the mirror, gesturing at their reflection. "Look at your colors, the fluffiness of your mane. The shape of your back, the way it curves with the dress just so. There is no pony like you, or me. Or Twilight."

"Or Twilight." Cheerilee repeated, staring at herself, hoof still in Rarity's. "They only made one Twilight Sparkle."

"Indeed. We are, all of us, one of a kind special editions." She smiled. "It's only fitting we wear the same."

There a moment of silence.

“What about the pony who paid for it?”

“Our mystery guest?” Rarity shrugged. “Maybe I’ll do another dress like this. Maybe something else. I still have time. I can afford another piece of fabric like this, if I can find one. You were my priority today. And also, quite frankly, this you’ve helped me break through! I feel like I could design a whole fashion line for the upcoming season in Manehatten now!”

“You belong there.” Cheerilee said. “Or Canterlot. The whole world should see what you can do. Just a little bit of fabric and I’m...” She twirled in her gown, giggling.

“Yes, well.” Rarity sighed. “One dream at a time. That’s what I keep telling myself. Before, all I asked for was my own place in Ponyville. I got it.” She glanced at the racks of unsold clothes, and lowered her head. “Even if the locals don’t appreciate my work quite like I hoped, one mustn’t be too greedy with wishes.”

Cheerilee was only half listening. "Do you think she'll like it? Twilight, I mean."

"If she doesn't, she's blind. Which is highly unlikely, given her perfect vis-oof!"

Cheerilee had grabbed Rarity's hoof and pulled her into a fierce hug, making soft sniffling sounds. Caught unaware, Rarity returned the embrace in a clumsy, flustered half hug, half attempt to keep breathing.

"How can I repay you?" Cheerilee whispered.

"Wear it." Rarity disentangled herself. "Enjoy it. Maybe dance a little in it. That's all I ask."

"But I can't accept this for nothing." Cheerilee pleaded.

Rarity shook her head and smiled. "Nonsense. It's a gift. Just give my friend a first date she'll never forget."

Cheerilee looked at herself in the mirror once more, smile fading. "Tall order. It's her first date, well, ever."

"Ever?" Rarity blinked.

Cheerilee nodded. "Ever."

Designer and client looked at the mirror together. Rarity could see the stress lines in Cheerilee's face. She leaned over and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Cheerilee, sometimes, good things just happen to ponies." She whispered, "I think you are a very good thing to happen to Twilight. And it seems like she is a very good thing to happen to you. And if it is meant to be, how wonderful that it started with this dress. And if not, well. At the very least, know this." She turned to face her new friend. "You. Look. Marvelous."

Warm laughter filled the Carousel Boutique. "I'll keep it in mind. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to repay you?"

Rarity shrugged, then added casually, "Well of course, if anyone asks, you could tell them where you got the dress." She paused. "Just don't tell them I gave it to you for free."

Cheerilee hugged Rarity again, smiling. "Deal."

"Wwwsspsst!" Came a voice from upstairs.

"Quiet, Sweetie!" Scootaloo hissed.

The mares shared a knowing, tired look and then glanced upwards at the two fillies trying to stay hidden and failing miserably.

"Sweetie, dear?" Rarity's voice was smooth as whipped cream, but there were knives just below the surface. "How long have you been up there, in express violation of what I told you to do?"

"We only saw the good parts, I swear!" Sweetie whined.

"It was all my idea, Miss Rarity! Don't be mad at her!" Scootaloo pleaded. "I just wanted to see the, uh, gown you made!"

Rarity's eyes narrowed. "Yes. Out of the two of you, it was little Scootaloo's idea to sneak a peek at a gown." She savored the sarcasm as it sloshed around her mouth. "Clearly."

"I couldn't help it, sis! It's just so beautiful, 'specially with Miss Cheerilee in it!"

"It's true, Cheerilee. You look, uh, stunning." Scootaloo coughed. Sweetie shot a her a look; Scootaloo glared right back. "What? You're not the only one who can think things are pretty! You know, sometimes!"

Sweetie giggled, and it made Scootaloo feel all warm and weird.

Rarity cleared her throat. "I'm sure I don't know why you are laughing. You are in trouble, young filly."

"Oh, I don't know Rarity." Cheerilee looked back at herself in the mirror. "I don't think anypony should be in trouble on a day as wonderful as today."

Rarity stared at Cheerilee skeptically, then dared to glance back at the fillies, who we wearing huge grins and giant foal eyes. The doorbell rang. Rarity sighed and pointed a hoof accusingly at Sweetie Belle. "You got lucky."

She trotted over and opened the door, her pitch automatic: “Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is- oh! It’s you.”

“Eeyup.”

Cheerilee froze.

“Mister… That is, Big Macintosh! What a surprise!”

Big Mac took two steps in, holding out a suit jacket, when he saw Cheerilee. He froze.

They stared at one another.

Rarity forced her mouth into the shape of a smile. “What can I. That is. Er. Do. For you?”

There was nothing but silence, horrible horrible silence.

Rarity’s face was frozen in a cross between a smile and a cringe. A sminge.

What I wouldn’t give for something to interrupt this awkward-

FLUSH.

A little filly’s wail filled the air. Rarity blinked. So did Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo from their upstairs perch.

FLUSH.

Rarity glanced upwards. “What in Equestria...?”

“Miss Rarity?” Apple Bloom’s voice floated down from upstairs, nervous and unsure. “Ah’m sorry, but, do ya got a plunger anywhere in this boutique?”

Author's Note

There's a lot going on underneath Cheerilee's cheer. Also, this chapter is why I honestly feel Rarity is best pony, when Cheerilee's not available.

Also- in case you're wondering why there's time spent on Rarity pondering the plot of a mirror, pony version of the The Great Gatsby... I got reasons. Endgame reasons. Spinoff reasons.

Finally, the song I'm referring to is the Jack White cover of the song, not the U2 version.

I've listened to this song SO MANY TIMES creating this story. I finally get to use it as a title!

XII: Crazy in Love

ADORKABLE LOVE

By: Einhander

Pre-Read: Cola Bubble Gum

The Best Damn Editing Team In The Pony Business: TheLastBrunnenG, Space Commie

CHAPTER XII: DOWN WITH LOVE

What Blue Bonnet saw was this:

A Pinkie shaped hole in the wall. Furniture and feathers everywhere, peppered with crumpled invitations and books. And in the middle of it all, a giant snake/dragon/horse/goat/lion…. thing in the middle of the room. And some twenty odd ducklings looking at the creature in amazement.

And what the creature said was: "Fluttershy, I LOVE what you've done with the place!"

He twirled in place, gangly limbs moving with such precision that it was practically a pirouette. "Holes in the wall, the debris, the baffled faces..." He grabbed Fluttershy and wrapped her in a hug, grinning from ear to mismatched horn. "I'm home!"

"Oh hi, Discord." Fluttershy was smushed in his arms, forcing cheerfulness into her voice.

“And look at all these ducks!” Discord let Fluttershy go, floating over the little featherballs like a fox inspecting a house of baby ducks. “Little bow ties, little frightened expressions, little cigars- oh ho ho, this is going to be fun!”

"Um, actually Pinkie Pie made the mess."

“Hey!” Pinkie Pie yelped. “Spike crashed into the wall too!”

Spike glared. “Don’t drag me into this more than you already have.”

"Ah yes, your charming friends!" Discord landed and leered at the crowd. "A fine hello to you all." Four ponies and a dragon responded by looking at him with various expressions of exhaustion (Shy), rage (Dash), excitement (Pinkie), fear (Spike) and bafflement (Bonnet).

Discord sighed. "Oh dear. Some seem less than pleased to see poor old Uncle Discord. But you see, I've changed! Reformed! Presentable for polite pony society!"

Dash snipped, "Oh, that is such-"

A single claw was at her muzzle, silencing her. Discord smiled, then backed up a step. He bowed, claws up, his face the very portrait of a foal begging for forgiveness. Please Ms. Dash, in the face of all these new, fine, feathered friends, allow me to reintroduce myself..."

He disappeared and reappeared in a huge muscular shape, not unlike a certain minotaur...

“The ever impressive!”

Smoke enveloped the creature and when it cleared, a stone statue lay the middle of the floor. A voice floated into the room, hissing, “The long imprisoned!”

Long white strings descended from the ceiling, attaching themselves to the sides of the statute. The strings began to move, and the statue moved with them, dancing and waving its tiny arms about. The crowd looked up to see a floating Discord manipulating the strings like a puppeteer, and providing the voice-over:

“The often imitated, but never duplicated-”

“... duplicated!” The stone statute mimicked his master.

Suddenly there was another statute, free of strings. Its mouth opened and a creaky, high pitched version of his voice spewed out. “Duplicated!”

“Duplicated!”

“Duplicated!”

“Duplicated!”

There were over a dozen of them, running around and blowing kisses and smiling at all the ducklings and ponies.

The original Discord threw his head back and “Discord, Draconequus of the-”

One his little copies piped up, “Hold it!”

Everything stopped. The upstart statute pointed at Blue Bonnet. “Who’s he?”

“Uh… hi.” Bonnet said.

Discord gasped, and all of the statues poofed out of existence. He took Fluttershy aside and hissed, “Fluttershy! I don’t mean to alarm you, but there’s a stallion in your house.”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know.”

Eyebrows arched to the point of actually floating off his face, Discord stroked his beard. “Oh myyyy. Things have changed around here.”

“Ahem….” Bonnet offered his hoof. “Blue Bonnet, at your-”

“Yes, yes.” Discord waved him off. “Blue Bassinet, nice to meet you. Now!” He disappeared, only to pop back into existence opposite the hole in the wall. Now he wore a smoking jacket, a pair of reading glasses and, however improbably, fuzzy slippers with stuffed Celestia heads. A pipe was sticking out of his mouth, and standing next to him was an easel with a stack of presentation cards. The title card read, in crayon, "friends of my friend."

Underneath the word 'friend' was a crayon stick figure rendering of Fluttershy smiling.

"I know the rule is you only get two chances at a first impression, but you know, the rules and I have gotten back together recently, and I think she'll forgive me this once..." He snapped his open claw, and all ponies (and Spike) found themselves staring at chairs. Spike, much to his immediate dismay, was looking a high chair with a baby dragon pattern.

Discord coughed. "Please be seated."

"Oh, come on!" Spike wailed.

"Everypony?" Fluttershy turned to the crowd. "And dragon? Would you mind terribly taking a seat?" Everypony-dragon did, even a grumbling Spike, except for Rainbow Dash. She leaned against the upturned table, hooves crossed. "Dash?"

"Nope." Dash shook her head violently. "Nope nope nope nope."

Fluttershy looked at her, then looked at the empty chair pointedly. "Have a seat, Rainbow."

"Shy, are you blind? He's up to something!"

Fluttershy leaned close to Dash and hissed, "Of course he's up to something, he's Discord! But he's asking, and politely, too! And that's progress. Don't. Be. Rude."

Dash threw up her hooves. "Fine! Let's walk into the draconeqqus' den, knowing it’s a trap!" She collapsed into her seat with a harrumph.

"At least you get a real chair." Spike grumbled, his tiny arms resting on the table part of the high chair.

Discord puffed into his pipe and soap—or perhaps soda—bubbles came out. "Thank you. So nice to see you all. " He opened his free claw, palm up. "Right where I left you." A long black cane shot out of it, as if from an invisible sleeve. It had a white top and a long black wooden middle and it floated in the air for a moment before plummeting back to the ground, right over Dash's head.

She yelped and held up her hooves. Discord's tail shot out and caught the cane. She opened her eyes, and saw the cane held in place, pointing at her.

"The indomitable Rainbow Dash!" Discord crowed, using his magic to move the presentation cards. There was a blue crayon sketch of what appeared to be a frowning Pegasus, although it could have also been a dog with wings. There was a lightning bolt at the top, and several symbols that looking like euphemisms for swear words drawn around the stick figure's head.

Despite the crudeness of the drawing it was, objectively, not an unreasonable likeness.

"She's always loyal, usually mad about something, supporter of my darling Fluttershy, and the single biggest cause of property damage in Ponyville, narrowly beating out Twilight Sparkle. Did I leave anything out?"

"Yeah." She spat. "I just hate you so much."

"Ah yes." A blue balloon with a sad face painted on it rose behind his left shoulder and halted at his eye level. He turned to face it, head lowering. "Ms. Dash has never been my number one fan, has she?" The balloon shook its head, drooped to match and height and mood of its master as it floated over to Dash's chair.

The balloon gently nudged Dash. She stared it down with a snarl.

"Oh!" Discord stood up straight, cane twirling in his claw. "But that's okay, because we DO have a friend of chaos here tonight!"

“Excuse me?” Bonnet asked.

Discord slammed the floor with his cane, disappearing as the presentation cards shuffled, revealing a messy pink drawing of a happy pony dancing under a pink cloud. He reappeared in back of Pinkie Pie’s chair. "Pinkie Pie, amateur chaos creator extraordinaire!” He leaned over the chair, staring at her eye-to-eye upside down, “You know, I've always liked the cut of your jib."

Pinkie put on her best angry face. "Yeah, well I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to me and my friends!" She paused, and her anger melted into nostalgic flavor as she stared at the drawing of her. "Although to be fair, I HAVE always liked your chocolate milk rain!"

“Of course you do!” He floated over her and landed, using his cane in the air like a pen, and tiny sparkles shot out as he drew the words ‘PINKIE = DISCORD # 1 FAN’. Pinkie cooed at the words floating in the air, and Discord leaned in close to her.

"After all, you're a pony of wealth and taste."

"WHAT?" Pinkie shouted, falling off her chair. "How- who- what do you mean by that?"

The words faded into the ether as Discord turned towards Pinkie, head tilted. "It's a figure of speech from another world. But as they also say in that world, ‘tee el, dee arr’? You like fun, just like me."

"Oh. Right." Pinkie got back on her chair. "And nothing else?"

Discord grinned a beat too long, then, snapped his fingers, and a tiny pink cloud appeared over a tiny glass that started storming and making tiny chocolate milk. “Care to partake?”

Pinkie Pie squealed and hopped over to the tiny choco-rain storm, waiting for the glass to be filled.

Bonnet coughed. “Um. Excuse me?”

Discord swiveled his head towards the room’s only high chair. "Spike, dear dear Spike. A hatchling in a horse world. Tell me, do you still have that embarrassing habit of, how shall I put this..." He paused, stroking his beard as the presentation cards shifted behind him. His own cane broke him out of his meditation, pointing him towards the new art: a purple dragon (maybe) lying on its back near a pile of squiggly lines. A cackle escaped from his lips. "Ah yes, thank you Mr. Point! Yes, your irresistible urge to vomit up piles of magical scrolls?"

"Hey! My belching is a special duty given to me by Princess Celestia!"

Discord shook his head. "One day her cruel reign will end." He opened his claw and the cane/Mr. Point returned to him as the cards shuffled to the next display. "And next we have—”

“Excuse me.” Bonnet stood out of his chair, annoyed.

“Oh yes, how could I have forgotten!” Discord quickly floated over to his display cards. “The fair Rarity!”

Silence reigned in Carousel Boutique.

“No?" The cards shuffled, trading a white unicorn covered in sparkles for a Purple one covered in stress marks. "Twilight, the smartest and yet most neurotic pony in the land, missing? Applejack in absentia? And I drew all these apples and lassos for Applejack's card. I thought she'd really like those, and by like I mean begrudgingly admit they were accurate. Ah well." He snapped his claws and magically reshuffled the cards.

“Is there no card for Blue Bonnet?” Fluttershy asked.

“Well I don’t know Mr. Blue Balls, do I?” He turned towards the stallion, face impassive. “But I’m sure we’re going to be fast friends.”

He was bearing his teeth. It could have been a smile.

“Won’t we?”

Bonnet gulped. “Excuse me I must be going.”

“Right behind ya, Bonnie!” Dash snorted. "Thanks, Discord, this has been pointless."

Discord gasped. "Ms. Dash, such language, and in front of Mr. Point no less!" The cane was bowed and trembling. Discord gently offered it a napkin. "That was only the windup, you haven't even heard the pitch yet!"

Pinkie looked up from her milk. "Ooh! Like Hoofball!"

“You see, I’m reformed now! On parole! A convicted felon!” He held his claws up in prayer, kneeling on the ground. “Sweet Celestia, I’ve seen the light! I’ve changed!”

“Pfft.” Dash shook her head. “And I’m… who’s that old, dead egghead Twilight’s always going on about? Oh yeah. If you’ve reformed, than I’m Starswirl the Bearded!”

Discord paused just a moment too long, staring at Dash with a glint in his eyes. Then he cried out: “Mazel Tov!”

Spike blinked. “Mazel what now?”

“Now, you are a mare!” Discord dropped a wizard’s hat onto the ground by Dash’s hooves, then turned to the rest of his audience. "You see, I have confessed to my crimes against Equinity, and as part of my plea bargain, I have pledged to move on as a citizen of Equestria." He paused, adding under his breath, "an immortal citizen with infinite cosmic powers, now restrained, but a citizen nonetheless."

"Wait a second," Spike fidgeted in his high chair, "I thought they just convicted you. All six of the Element Bearers had to testify! They had you in the bag! Right?"

A sudden aura of awkwardness took over the room, as ponies cyan, pink and yellow all avoided eye contact with Spike and each other. Words ceased, replaced by a cough, sniffs and sighs. Even the ducks picked up on it, ceasing their quackery to stare.

"Right?" Spike repeated, voice faltering. "They convicted you, right?"

"Somepony isn't up on current events!" Discord sidled up to Spike's chair. "Trial was a bit of a fiasco, a circus, a real cluster buck if you will, and I always will. There was no verdict, I took a deal. Save everyone the drama of a mistrial, or," he gasped "a possible not guilty verdict!"

"But you're guilty, right?" Spike was a dog and he wouldn't let the bone go. "You said you did it?"

"All I had to plea to was Reckless attempted treason. A felony, but just a little one. And it was less ‘I did it’ and more ‘I did it but I'm really sorry.' Law ponies are wonderful creatures, and I had the best. "

"Oh!" Pinkie jumped up. "Was that the old pony with the funny accent who made me all confused and mixed up when I tried to tell the jury what happened to the point where even I wasn't sure what happened?"

Mr. Point jumped into Discord's claw and he thrust him in Pinkie's direction. "The very same! Wonderful old coot. I tell you, as the commercial goes: if you're suddenly in the slammer, better call Drawl!"

Dash looked at Bonnet. "What the buck is a commercial?"

Bonnet shrugged.

"Anyhoots, I now play by the rules, same as you. This charming little accessory forces me to. Rule one! I cannot lie. For instance!" He held Mr. Point upright. "Mr. Point here is a red cane..." He paused as one of the rubies on his necklace began to glow. "... That would be a lie!" The glowing ceased. "See? Whereas if I said, Fluttershy, all the furniture in your house appears to be covered with duck droppings..." They all stared at the necklace. Nothing happened. "You see? The system works."

"Ooh! This is fun!" Pinkie grinned. "What's the second rule?"

"A slight modification on Celestia's prior rule: I cannot use my magic to create chaos, unless the creature asks for it. For instance, there's nothing inherently chaotic about a pie..." He snapped his claws, and a fresh lemon meringue appeared out of the ether. It floated in a fresh crust and to everypony who liked lemon meringue it smelled and looked like, objectively, the most delicious of pies. "But a pie in a pony's face? That simple act of chaos will send me right back to the pokey. Unless the pony is willing, of course."

"Ha! Good luck with that!" Dash grinned. "No pony actually WANTS a pie in-"

THUD.

The pie was now located at the address formerly listed as Pinkie's face. Dash stared, frozen mid sentence.

"Discord!" Fluttershy glared. "How dare you? Clean off Pinkie's face right now!"

"And deny her all the fun? I may be a monster, but I'm not completely heartless! Look how happy she is!"

Pinkie had been still since pie contact, but had begun to shake at Discord's words. After a few moments of strange sounds, a tongue burst through the base of the pie crust, slurping up the crumbs greedily. A familiar, bubbly voice rang out, "Mmm! Lemony!"

Face met hoof as Dash searched for the words. "Why would anyone WANT a pie in the face?"

Discord's grin momentarily dropped. "The heart wants what the heart wants." He shrugged, and his smile returned. "Or in this case, Ms. Pie's stomach wants... Pie."

Pinkie had taken the pie off of her face, and was now munching wholesale. "Thth ith twew."

Glaring with the fire of a thousand suns, Dash seethed, "And the third rule?"

"Now this is where things get a little awkward." Discord waved Mr. Point and summoned a full tea cup. He sipped once, opened his mouth to talk, stopped, then sipped again.

Bonnet turned to look at Dash. Her face was a mask of incredulous rage, muscles tight and teeth bared. It would have been comical but for the prospect of sudden violence.

"Rule three, and I have to give La Luna credit for this, it's quite clever..." He paused, finding his tea cup empty, he bit into it. Chewing thoughtfully, he went on, "... Clever for Luna anyway, who tries hard, the dear, but really isn't—"

"Get on with it!" Dash growled.

Discord paused, giving Dash a look. "If you insist." He swallowed the rest of the cup whole. "Rule number three! Outside of Canterlot, I am a guest. I may only go where invited, and if the host asks me to leave, then leave I must."

Dash's frown turned upside down. She leaned in and somehow bared even more teeth. "Then let me be the first to say: Get.Out."

"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy gasped. "That's not very nice!"

Dash snorted. "Neither is Discord."

"Very well!" Discord wailed. "I know where I'm not wanted! Come all this way for a party, but crushed right when I came, yes yes, I will go because I now have no choice but to leave this house..." He stopped, showing off his necklace that was glowing again. "Except I that would be a lie, and Lulu said I must tell no lies."

The glowing ceased. Dash blinked. "So you are lying! There is no rule three!"

"Um, no, because then it would have lit up when he was talking about rule three." Fluttershy turned to Spike. "Right?"

"Don't look at me, I'm the one in the high chair." Spike grunted.

"But I told him to leave, and the bozo's still here!" Dash stomped a hoof. "Pinkie, you speak Discord. What the hay is going on here?"

"Dunno!" Pinkie was eating popcorn. "I just know this is fun!"

Discord chortled, now wearing a clown nose. "Isn't it though?"

"I think..." Bonnet scratched his head. "He doesn't have to leave because it's not Ms. Dash's house? She's not the 'host.' He said he has to leave if the host asks him to." Dash stared at Bonnet open mouthed. He coughed and continued. "So he doesn't have to leave unless Ms. Shy says so."

"That's right!" Discord crowed, summoning a diploma and hovering it in front of the stallion's head, "he can be taught!"

Bonnet stared at it for a moment before taking it out of the air. Upon opening it, it read:

By the authority vested in me by the Universitartus Committiartum E Pluribus Unum, I,

DISCORD

hereby confer upon

BLUE BELL

the honorary degree of

THD.

Bonnet squinted at the writing. “THD?”

“That’s a Doctorate of Thinkology.”

Fluttershy smiled. “That’s very nice of you, Discord.”

Bonnet stared at his misspelled name and sighed. . "It's a nice gesture, I guess."

“Ha. Ha ha. HAHHAHAHA!” Cackling seared through the air. They turned to see Dash "You, you you you-” Dash was pointing to Discord, “Youuuuu weren’t invited!" She fell out of her chair, laughing.

Discord stroked his beard. “I don’t get the joke.”

“That’s why it’s funny!” Dash' stood, eyes blazing with confidence. "You were never invited into this house! That means according to your stupid rules, you’ve got to go!"

Discord smiled. “Does it?”

"Rainbow Dash, enough!" Fluttershy walked between Dash and Discord. "All my friends are always welcome to drop by my cottage. And Discord is my friend!”

“So ask him to go! If you tell him to go, he has to go, right?”

“Correct.” Discord replied, balancing Mr. Point on the tip of his hoof.

“No.” Fluttershy said. “He’s behaving himself, and he's... he's my friend.”

Discord smiled. "Thank you, Fluttershy. Now! Speaking of friends..." He turned around suddenly and grinned at Pinkie Pie. "What's this I hear about an invitation to a party?"

"The biggest party that Ponyville has ever partied!" Pinkie crowed, holding up her now empty glass of chocolate milk.

"Oh, allow me." Discord took the glass from her hoof, and he conjured up a small pink rain cloud, which caused a very localized storm of chocolate milk to refill her glass. "It all sounds delightful, but I'm afraid Mr. Point has a question." The cane jumped over in front of Pinkie Pie and did a short but nevertheless elaborate series of tiny dance movements.

Pinkie stared at the cane, rubbing her chin in thought. "He's either asking if he can come to the party, or if he can have a cheese sandwich. In either case, the answer is, 'yes!'"

The cane stopped moving and turned in his owner's direction. Discord held up a hoof. "I've got this." He grabbed the cane and held it up high. "What Mr. Point is trying to ask is, how are the preparations coming along for the biggest party that has ever so on and so forth, etc-era."

Discord held out the now full glass, and Pinkie took it back with a smile. "Everything is going according to plan!"

"Pinkie, how can you say that?" Spike sat up in his chair. "We've spent this entire time inviting the whole town to Sugarcube Corner, and none of it actually setting up the party!"

"Exactly!" Pinkie nodded. "Just like we planned."

Spike stared, jaw open. He finally sputtered. "What plan?!"

"Simple." Pinkie put down her glass and raised her hoof. "Step one! Invite every pony in town. Step two!" She paused, raising both hooves and squinting at them. "Finally, Step three... PARTY!" She threw confetti into the air and cheered.

All the creatures, alive and recently animated, stared at Pinkie.

Dash finally broke the silence. "That's not really a plan, Pinkie."

"See, Miss Dash? We can agree on something." Discord floated over to Pinkie. "You know, Miss Pie, back in my old days-one might call them the bad days, I prefer the all-or-nothing days-I was known to throw fairly epic parties. Of course we didn't call them parties." He stroked his beard, lost in a happy memory. "Parties are for punch and dancing, and we drank a lot more than punch and did a lot more than dance."

"Really?" Spike tilted his head. "Like what?"

Pinkie, Dash, Bonnet, and Fluttershy all looked at one another and held their respective breaths.

"We also played games."

As one, they exhaled.

"Ooh! Like pin the tail on the pony?" Spike grinned. "I'm getting good at that."

Discord laughed. "No, my little dragon friend. Something a bit more complicated, a lot more invigorating." He looked at Bonnet, holding his gaze a little too long. "And much higher stakes."

Pinkie jumped up and down. "Ooh! Maybe you could teach us how to play at tonight's party!"

Bonnet swallowed. Why do I get the feeling we're playing already?

"That brings us me and Mr. Point to the point, Miss Pie. You seem to be swamped, even with little Spike here doing his best. You are all friends of my friend Fluttershy, and what do friends do?"

"No." Dash whispered.

"Yes!" Discord grinned. "They help! So with your permission, Pinkie, I offer my humble assistance in whatever way I can to make sure this... How did you put it, ah yes." He reared back, and thunder could be heard in the distance as he bellowed "The biggest party that has ever been partied in Ponyville!"

"No." Dash said, louder now.

"Of course, it's up to you, Miss Pie. I don't want to tread on any hooves here."

They all turned expectantly at Pinkie, who was drinking her milk again like it was a cocktail. She finished a healthy sip, wiped her mouth in a way that only made the milk moustache worse, and proclaimed: "That would be great Discord! Why with your help, I bet this could be the biggest party that's ever been partied in all of Equestria!"

"Splendid! Also, may I have Fluttershy assist me? I want to help but we've had so little time to spend together..."

"Oh, um, sure." Fluttershy smiled. "If that's what you want, Discord."

Bonnet's heart sank.

"No!" Dash roared.

Bonnet's heart leapt back up into his throat.

"You dolts, you ninnies, you lamer than lame jerks!" Dash screamed, her eyes bloodshot and voice hoarse. "He’s playing you like a fiddle made of fiddles. He's up to something, I know it, you all know it, and you're letting him do it! Heck, you're encouraging him! Pinkie, you're drinking his milk-"

"But it's so good!" Pinkie whined, trying to hide her newest moustache behind her glass of milk.

"And let him run your party? Gee, I wonder how that will turn out, you moron!"

Fluttershy gasped. "Rainbow Dash!"

"I... I think it'll turn out fun?" Pinkie said, eyes big and watery.

Dash groaned and turned to the others. "Spike, you're just as bad! Willingly sitting in that stupid chair."

"Hey, I was asked to do this. Do you think I want to be sitting in a baby dragon chair?"

"Then stop sitting in it."

"Wait!" Discord gasped. "Spike, you want a big dragon's chair? All you had to do was ask!"

He snapped his claw, and the high chair lit up, groaned, and ballooned into a tall backed, royalty ready living room chair, fabric backed, cushion bottomed and complete with brass armrests molded into dragon heads. It had the same baby dragon pattern as before on the fabric portion, but was otherwise a significant improvement in the 'adult chair' rubric.

To Bonnet, Spike looked even younger than before, sitting in the middle of this new set piece. Not that the dragon minded. His eye were big as tiny dinner plates.

"Cool!" Spike stood up on the chair, visibly impressed with the craftsmanship. Then he saw the pattern on the back and drooped a little. "Uh, Discord? Could we have something a little more... Adult for the back?"

"Stop encouraging him, Spike!" Dash growled.

Discord grinned at Dash, then turned to Spike. "Of course, friend."

Another snap of the claw, and the pattern changed from baby dragons in booties to a bold, deep purple background with green slashes through it, in a shield outline. Spike claw-pumped.

"Spike!" Dash said. "Come on, dude. You're better than this."

"You're just jealous you don't have an awesome chair. Lighten up, Rainbow." Spike turned to Pinkie and said, "This chair comes to the party."

Pinkie was still muzzle-deep In chocolate milk but managed to raise her hoof and gargle out a "oh-bay!"She shrunk back under Dash's gaze, but kept drinking her milk.

Bonnet leaned over to Fluttershy and whispered "Why is miss Dash so angry with your other friend?"

"Why?!" Dash screamed, and the ducks all quailed and dove out of the way as she flew right up in Bonnet's face. "Are you deaf, new pony? Or hard of hearing? Discord ruins everything everywhere he goes, and turns ponies against each other and makes everypony unhappy and oh yeah he almost destroyed the world!"

"Not true!" Discord thrust a photograph in Bonnet's face. It had three buffaloes pirouette ing in tutu's against a cotton candy cloud backdrop. "As you can clearly see, Mr. Bomber, I almost made the world a better place." He sighed and crumpled up the photo. "Still, one has to adapt and move with the times. And the times are all about harmony and friendship. Besides, only one pony seemed to really appreciate my old work." He pointed one claw at Pinkie, who was holding the glass over her mouth, trying to get every last drop. Then he smiled. "Of course, my new work seems to be picking up some new fans!"

Spike fiddled with a lever on the side of his new throne. There was a click, and the back of the chair tilted in reverse. "It's a recliner?!" He squeed. "That's so cool!"

"No pony is a fan! We're all pretending to be nice because we're afraid of you!" Dash flew up to Discord's face. "If I wasn’t in mixed company, I swear…”

Discord smiled. "Come now, let it go, Ms. Dash. I’m an immortal being. I can take a little constructive criticism.”

"Fine!" Dash snorted and flew up face to face with Discord. "I hate you SO much. I ... its’ like… Flames. Flames on the side of my face? Burning. It's..." She shook her head and took a giant breath. "You think that ponies in pain are funny, You turned me and my best friends into something we're not and thought it was hilarious and I will never forgive you, never trust you, never ever, I don't care how many rules there are or how sorry you say you are, you're the same and you're up to something and anypony who says otherwise is believing in a foal's tale!"

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy said, teeth bared.

Still looking at Discord, Dash said, "Fluttershy, listen to me-"

"No you listen to me."

The force of the words brought Dash to the ground. She turned and found herself facing the fearsome sight of Fluttershy in full Stare.

"You have been unforgivably rude to all of us for no reason, no reason at all. The Princess would be ashamed of you right now. Friends don't treat friends this way, or the friends of their friends. And if you don't apologize right now, to every creature here, you're going to have to leave."

"But... But it's Discord!" Dash's voice was cracking. "He's up to something, I'm sure of it! We fall for it every time, YOU fall for every time! Can't you see he's the one making all the trouble?"

She looked at the tall creature standing in the middle of the room. "Discord is my guest, and my friend. He's behaving himself. You're the one causing the trouble." Fluttershy turned back to Dash, eyes hard. "So apologize. Or leave. It makes no difference to me."

Popcorn stopped being chewed. Quacking ceased. Bonnet fought the impulse to shield his ears.

Dash drew herself up, opened her mouth and... nothing. Her wings sagged and her voice turned cold. “Fine.” She turned to leave, and caught Bonnet’s eye. “Buddy, I’d get out of here as fast as I could, if I were you.”

"Wait, Miss Dash.”

They all turned. Discord's lip curled up just a bit. It wasn't a smile.

“Fair's fair. You told me what you think of me...” Discord shot over to Dash like a cobra. They were eye to eye, and Dash tensed up for a blow. “My turn." He leaned into her ear and started whispering. No pony could hear except for Dash. There was another thundercrash outside. After a solid minute, he leaned back. Dash stared, eyes big as dinner plates, brow furrowed.

Discord’s tilted his head, smirking. “Am I lying?”

Her lips were quivering, mouth open and shifting, but no words came out.

Pinkie swallowed "Uh…. Rainbow?"

If Dash heard the voice, she didn't seem to care. Shaking, she strapped her new goggles to the top of her head, wiped her eyes and turned towards the door. Her wet hoof picked up one of the invitations on the floor, and it stuck to her as she plodded her way out of the house, knocking over various pieces of debris. The balloon Discord had made for her followed her out the door, still low in height and mood. She opened the door and there were heavy gray clouds outside, ready to burst. She walked out and didn't bother to close the door behind her. It creaked in the wind.

"What did you say to her?" asked Fluttershy.

Discord shrugged. "Only the truth."

"Should someone go after her?" asked Spike.

There was a third thunderclap, and it started pouring outside.

"She'll be fine," Pinkie said.

An earth-shattering scream of rage came from outside the house, followed by the sound of furious flapping.

"Maybe," Pinkie added.

"Oh very well. I'll go find Miss Dash and apologize if you wish, Fluttershy." Discord sighed.

"No." Fluttershy said, picking up a crying Civility. The little duck had finally found her tiny tea set, and it was in pieces. She patted the duck on its back and looked out the window coldy. "She needs some time to cool off."

"I think she just needs to smile!" Pinkie grinned. The grin faded a bit. "Or cry. Or yell. She needs something."

"I can go." Bonnet offered.

"No." Fluttershy's voice was firm. Then Civility buried her head in Fluttershy's neck, and the warmth returned to her voice. "It's nice of you to offer, Mr. Bonnet. She'll realize she was wrong, eventually, and come back and apologize."

"Don't hold your breath," Spike muttered, sinking into his throne.

"Very well!" Discord said. "In that case, Ms. Pie, let's get this party planning started. Wow, an entire day planning a party with my new friends Spike and Pinkie Pie, and then an entire evening with my best friend Fluttershy." Discord glanced at Bonnet, holding his gaze a little too long. "It must be my lucky day."

Bonnet took in the look, and the words. And he said, "I'm going to go."

"No, Mister Bonnet," Fluttershy smiled. "It's very gallant of you but I think Dash should—"

"No, I mean, I'm going. I'm leaving." Bonnet lowered his ears. "It's been fun, well, until it wasn’t, but I think I've overstayed my welcome."

"Silly, this is Fluttershy's house! No pony can overstay their welcome!" Pinkie paused. "Except for Rainbow Dash just now. She overstayed her welcome."

He shook his head. "No, I’m going to go."

Fluttershy's voice became very soft. "But, Mr. Bonnet..."

"Too bad so sad, Blue Boing! But if you must, you must.” Discord leered as he grabbed something off the ground. “Don't forget your hat."

Discord offered the beat up messenger cap. Bonnet stared at it, then shook his head. “No. It’s Bill’s. He won it fair and square.” He nodded at the duck. “Take care of it.”

“Quack.”

“Um… you really don’t have to go, Blue.” Fluttershy tilted her head down, then looked up.

He looked at Discord, then at Fluttershy. “I hope you enjoy your party, Ms. Shy.”

Bonnet left, although he made sure to close the door behind him. After a gentle click, there was a silence.

Swanky perched on the windowsill, watching Bonnet walk away. She pressed her wing on the window, calling out "Quack! Quack..." Her head slumped against the glass. "Quaaaack...."

Bill flew up and landed next to her, watching her for a moment. Tiny tears were rolling down his sister's face. He hesitated a moment and nudged her gently. "Quack?

She looked up at him, then nodded at the glass. Bonnet had made it all the way to Applejack's cart, and was now sitting on it, looking away from the house. He was the picture of a dejected pony, between the slump in his neck and the rain falling on his head.

Bill shrugged. Swanky stamped her foot, then gestured to her left, towards their 'mom'. Fluttershy was standing next to Discord as he was ranting about what to wear at the party, conjuring various outfits out of thin air.

"Perhaps something gallant? Something epic? Something futuristic, yet dated? Maybe water balloons for shoes? Oh my, it's my first Pinkie Party, I don't want to make a poor impression."

It was easy to miss in all of the flashy conjuring of chaos, but Fluttershy was constant: smiling politely, nodding assent, clearly sad. Her eyes were following Discord's magic, but there was little life in them.

Bill sagged. He liked to think of himself as the grown up of all his siblings, but she was his mother too. Swanky tapped him on the shoulder. She pointed one wing out the window, one wing at Fluttershy. Maintaining eye contact, she brought the wings together in a self hug, smiling. She closed her eyes and twirled, and promptly fell off the windowsill, landing on Silly.

Lighting up another tiny cigar, Bill pondered it all. Below him, Swanky and Silly were bickering. He glanced out the window at Bonnet, slouched over Applejack's cart. Eyes shifted back, looking at mom, her smile fading now as she listened to the goat dragon horse thing go on and on.

"Quack." Bill said to his siblings. They didn't hear. The sibling bickering had had turned into a wing slap fight. Quack!" Bill thundered. Silly and Swanky stopped wing slapping as he jumped down in front of them. Pointing at Swanky, he commanded, "Quack quack, quack!"

Swanky looked puzzled, but after a few moments of Bill's stare turned to scoot away. Bill turned to Silly and said, "Quack," and promptly stomped off to the kitchen. Silly shrugged and followed.

Inside the kitchen, they found Artsy doodling on the kitchen table. Crayon and ink smudges all over his feathers, tongue sticking out and eyes narrow, he was drawing furiously. Drowsy was sleeping on the counter across from him.

Bill quacked as he approached. Artsy looked up and smiled. He blew on his work and shook it a few times. Satisfied, he held up his latest magnum opus for Bill: a rather accurate sketch of Drowsy dozing.

Bill nodded appreciatively, then smacked it out of Artsy’s wing.

Artsy gasped.

A pointed wing and defiant roar later, Bill quieted his brother. He was a duck of many talents, one of which was having many balls in the air at the same time; or in this case, getting Artsy to focus while at the same time getting Swanky to produce a specific item.

She waddled up to the table, folded piece of paper under her wing. Bill pointed at the table and she laid the paper out. All ducks stared at the cursive:

Bread

Milk

Tea (for Rarity)

Lettuce

Fancy Carrots for Angel (With Extra Carrot-ness)

Artsy stared up from the note, puzzled.

“Quack quack, quack quack quack?” Bill asked.

Artsy titled his head to the side for a moment and then nodded. Bill waved his wing at him expectantly. Shrugging, Artsy took his pencil and began writing, slowly and carefully:

Bread

Milk

Tea (four Rarity)

Bill held up the two. Other than the typo, there were practically identical. Even the accents were perfect. He smiled at Artsy, then turned towards Swanky. “Quack quack?”

Swanky was practically dancing in place. “Quaaaaack!”

He nodded, then turned back towards a still confused Artsy. Bill puffed up his chest and began dictating: “Quack Quack Quack: Quack quack, quack quack quack….”

Artsy began to write:

Dearest Mister Bonnet…

Bonnet had left the cottage, deposited back onto the paths that carved out Ponyville. He had only gotten a few steps from Fluttershy’s home, only as far as Applejack’s cart, when he froze in place.

It wasn’t sadness, he had been used to that for a long time. It wasn’t guilt, for he had made no promises that had been broken. In fact, she had been the one to rescind the offer so soon after he had made it. It wasn’t the thought of being unloved, as he had taught himself to do without for a long time.

What froze him was had no reason to move in any direction.

Where would he go? What was there left to do? He had already tried responsibility and a good work ethic, which had blown up in his face. He had already abandoning sobriety, which made him more miserable than he had been before. And he had already gone for broke and bared his lonesome pony soul, and all that had gotten him after a few fleeting moments of happiness was some kind of dragon horse hybrid giving him a fake diploma and all but kicking him out the door.

So he sat on the cart, staring into space. He was vaguely aware that is was pouring rain. He was also aware of the not-fantastic smell emanating from the ground beneath him. He recognized it as his own creation from earlier. This was not enough to move him.

He was also aware that he was still in eye-view of the cottage. That also did not mean much to him. His dignity was already in the gutter, along with his self-respect and ego. He leaned back on the cart, which creaked in response.

He felt a gentle nudging against his leg. He looked up and saw Ms. Dash's balloon from earlier, the one with the permanently downturned face.

"Left behind, huh?"

The balloon nodded, and even though the expression painted on its face could not change, it looked even more sad than before.

Bonnet reached out and gently touched the balloon's side. "You and me both, buddy."

It bobbed a bit, then turned and floated lower to the ground. Then he realized there was something in the ground by where it landed. Something... white?

He lowered his neck and picked it up with his teeth, then wiped the mud off. He blinked.

The top read 'Pony Postal Service- Delivery Manifest, Friday.'

He stared at the manifest, one fake name matched to a real address after another. If he had the energy to laugh, he would have. His big dream of gainful employment. Gone now, along with his prospects for a first date with the most beautiful pony in town.

He looked down the manifest, which read like a laundry list of Blue Bonnet buck-ups in the past twenty-four hours.

Eip Eikinp- Twenty Trampolines. Rush.

Sahib Onward- One medium sized box. Fragile.

Gmvuufstiz- One box live ducklings. Fragile.

Ringo Manriki- One Letter. Rush.

He sighed, and sat back down on the cart. Why? Why would ponies bother? Was there some new practical joke holiday he was kept out of the loop on? Was this a Hearts Warming Eve secret swap gag? Was it...

Clink.

He turned his head. There sat the final package, tucked up next to him. A little worse for wear, and not at all meant for the address listed, but still waiting to be delivered.

The 'name' stared at him in open defiance.

18. 1. 18. 9. 20. 25.

Blue Bonnet glared back. Whoever random number pony was, it wasn’t their fault that their package had gotten sidetracked due to some other pony being a giant hoof-head. Some other pony… who never left a return address...

...wait a second.

He looked back at the manifest. None of the packages yesterday had a return address, and they were all mailed on the same day.

He looked away. He looked back.

18. 1. 18. 9. 20. 25.

Did it matter? None of his packages had been delivered to the right pony. He’d left them all with the wrong pony. The goggles weren’t meant for the designer. The trampolines weren’t meant for the librarian. Those ducks weren’t meant for…

But they did get to the right pony. In the end, there was no better pony than Miss Shy to take care of those ducks. And Ms. Dash seemed happy with her goggles, to the extent she was ever happy… and Ms. Pie was very happy bouncing, even if it didn’t make other ponies happy.

He looked away. He looked back. He looked away again, flipping through the manifesto. They had to have taken down something. There had to be some kind of receipt for payment. There had to be...

A tiny piece of paper fell out of the manifest. He picked it up and looked at it.

Everything stopped.

Please mail the following packages ASAP. Payment in full- Gems. Sender:

He squinted. The name was crossed out. But they all came from the same pony. And they had paid in gems.

He closed his eyes, trying clear his head. Fluttershy appeared in his mind, looking at him with kindness and sadness, and she said...

"I think somepony's been funning with you, Blue."

She disappeared, and the numbers burned into the back of his eyelids.

18. 1. 18. 9. 20. 25.

He opened his eyes.

“Buck it.”

He picked the package up and stood, the rain still falling. His messenger bag was still on the ground where he had fallen, and he picked that up too and threw the manifest and package inside. Determination filled his heart. He may have struck out at love and at his job, but we was going to find the mysterious stranger who had ruined his life.

The balloon nudged him again as he got his bearings. He turned to it, water dripping off his nose. "You want to go on an adventure?" The balloon seemed to look at him, then lowered and raised itself in what he assumed was nodding.

"This is bigger than us," he said to the balloon, which some small part of him knew was crazy but he didn't care anymore. "This is convoluted and weird and we're going to need help if we're going to figure this out. Somepony smarter." The balloon stared at him as he looked down the road, shielding his eyes from the rain with his hoof. "Maybe even the smartest pony in the land."

He wasn't sure if she would help, but he was sure where she lived.

"Let''s go find the pony who said she wasn't Eip Eiknip."

They trotted and floated down the road, into the rain.

And if he had waited just a few minutes longer, he would have met a very sleepy duck flapping up to the cart to give him a letter.

Alas, he did not.

The sleepy duckling looked around the cart and called out, to no avail. He eventually made his way back to the house, damp letter in his bill and defeated expression on his face. Fifteen minutes later, ducklings came flying out of the front door of Fluttershy's house, flying in several different directions, all carrying envelopes in their bills.

And on every envelope bore the same hastily written title:

To My Dearest Mister Bonnet

Author's Note

I think it's fair to say, shit just got... real.

XIII: Love Will Tear Us Apart

ADORKABLE LOVE

By: Einhander

CHAPTER 13: LOVE WILL TEAR US APART

Rarity would later (much later) explain it to Cheerilee as Filly Shei, the ancient Neigh-jing art of arranging ponies in different rooms of a house to minimize social awkwardness. No matter the history between the guests or the acts that transpired, any social setting could be saved if you put the right ponies in the right rooms. All it took was a precise understanding of what the issues were, who needed explanations, and where certain ponies needed to be when those words happened. Or not be. It was all very mysterious.

Cheerilee would look at her skeptically, but Rarity would come back with the rejoinder, Can you question the results?

And Cheerilee would say, No, but I can question your methods...

Big Mac stared at Cheerilee. Cheerilee looked at Big Mac. All was quiet.

Rarity’s first thought was for Cheerilee. The poor mare looked like her heart had stopped. Rarity turned back to the stallion at the door, and he didn’t look much better. Big Macintosh stood there with an old suit coat in his hooves and a mortified expression, as if he’d just gone to the little colt’s room all over the floor. Reflected in his eyes-–betrayal wasn't the right word, after all, no promises had been made or broken––was something akin to hurt. Rarity turned back to Cheerilee. The mare was looking at herself in the mirror again, but this time the previous joy at the image of herself in the dress was gone. Now there was a hot blush, and in the look in Cheerilee's eyes...

Rarity recognized her new friend's look. She knew it well, she’d worn it before.

The look of a pony who feels like a fool.

Narrowed eyes met furrowed brow. There was no reason for this. No reason at all. Cheerilee hadn’t done anything wrong. Neither had Big Macintosh, who only came for some clothing repair. Here were two ponies in pain, for no real reason. The fillies… well, they’re weren’t entirely blameless, but they meant well.

On the edge of her consciousness, she heard running water. Oh yes, on top of all of this, apparently her toilet was flooding.

If only she could talk with them, individually, clear things up, fix their gowns, fix the toilet… well, not that she was volunteering for that assignment, no, that was more for a task for a skilled pony who––

Then it hit her: Filly Shei.

Her brain took off like a rocket, putting words together into sentences. She took a giant breath, then the words came out in rapid-fire:

"Mr. Macintosh! I see your coat needs a button and a touch up. Sweetie Belle if you could take the coat to the back room please, I believe we have those buttons in stock. No, Mr. Macintosh, don't move. Not yet."

"Cheerilee, I believe these revisions are done, but I'll need you to take the dress off in order to press it and do a few final touches. It should not take long. Scootaloo, darling, help her upstairs and out of the dress? Be careful, we don't want to lose the pins."

"Apple Bloom, don't worry. Accidents happen. It's okay I promise. But why don't you go to the kitchen and clean up until we can deal with that situation up there. Further flushing isn't going to help."

"Now, Mr. Mac, I'm sorry to impose but I believe we've had a slight plumbing malfunction upstairs. All the equipment you should need is in the closet next to you, and if you'd be so kind to assist up there I promise you all the work on your coat and any other accessories will be gratis."

There was a silence as every pony stared at her, then at one another.

"Uh… beggin’ your pardon, what's ‘gratis’?" Big Mac asked.

"Free.” Cheerilee’s voice was just above a whisper. “It means free."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Rarity stomped a hoof on the ground, and everypony jumped. “Sweetie, take Mr. Mac's coat! Cheerilee, upstairs! Scootaloo, go with her! Mr. Mac, time to be our hero plumber! Chop chop!"

After a few moments of bedlam, everypony scattered to their posts. When she had the main showroom to herself, she remembered to breathe. With a giant gasp, air returned to her lungs and she wilted to the floor.

A perfect storm of awkwardness, disarmed with socially acceptable reasons to move everypony into different rooms. All was calm, for now.

Filly shei.

The game had begun. She knew how many rooms she had, and how many players (six, if she counted herself.) Hearts and future happiness were at stake.

But she was Rarity. She could do it. It would be difficult, but she could see the endgame. As long as the right ponies were in the right place at the right time, everything would be fine. Better than fine. Wonderful. Happy endings all around!

...as long as no pony else showed up.

Rainbow Dash soared through the rain-choked sky, destination anywhere, as long as it was in the opposite direction of Fluttershy's cottage. Her face and muzzle were soaked, partly because of the wind and rain. But the main reason, the reason the hot tears would not stop falling down her cheek, were words.

Words rolled around her head like marbles, angry taunts, reproaches and ultimatums. Her best friend, such anger. She wanted an apology. She wanted to apologize. She wanted...

Good. My turn.

She wanted to unhear the words the damn draconequus had whispered into her ear.

You talk a good game, Dash, but look at you. You're coasting. Your job isn't challenging you, and you know it.

It was a sudden storm, one of the joys of living next to (and flying over) the Everfree Forest. Usually she loved flying in this kind of weather, it made it a test of not just speed but skill. Not today. She grunted and adjusted her goggles, which were still strapped to her head even though she had taken them off of her eyes. There was no point in super cool all-weather night vision goggles if they were full of water, especially it came from your own tears.

You know you should leave to do something more, but you're afraid. Of failure, rejection, call it what you will. You think you’ll let everyone down trying to be great, so you settle for being 'good.'

She shook her head, hoping to get the words out of it. Thunder crashed near her, and she glanced forward. Something was coming towards her. The rain was almost horizontal, but she squinted and could make it out...

A wall of clouds so dark and gray they were almost black. Flashes of bright light in the middle, like teeth in a giant's face. Mouth opening. Inviting her in.

There was thrill seeking, and then there was being suicidal. She banked to her left, hard, and shot down towards the earth like a rocket.

That's why you don't make a move on the pony you clearly care about, right?

She sped away from the clouds, leaving the Everfree fast as her wings would take her. The clouds cleared underneath her, and she found herself flying over Sweet Apple Acres. She turned again to slow down, circled, and stared down at the farm. Here, the rain was still falling but it had downgraded from downpour to shower. The storm was still coming, but it wasn't here. Not yet.

She stared down, strapping her goggles back over her eyes. She searched for her tree. Applejack's tree.

Their tree.

Settling for being woken up in trees?

"Shut up!" she wailed, ripping her goggles off and physically smacking her head with her other hoof, in the hopes that a well placed hard knock would make the voice stop..

Pain was louder than volume, and it worked. Silence. She exhaled, rubbing both sides of her head with her hooves. She'd let Discord into her mind for the last time. Applejack was her friend. You don't drop in on friends unexpectedly to confess confusing feelings because a dracon-whatever dared you to. She just needed to think. She needed to fly. She strapped her goggles back—

Her goggles...

She stared at empty hooves. Then she looked past then. to the air below.

Her like new, just out of the box, gently used pair of XL Goggles were plummeting to earth.

"Buck!" she gasped, and shot downward.

And Discord's voice resumed.

You'll spend the rest of your life waiting to get woken up in her trees...

For the first few seconds, she was trailing the rain. Then she was keeping pace. Finally, she outpaced it. But that was easy. She had raced gravity before and won. The real challenge was when gravity got a head start...

Until the day comes when she's not waking you up...

She was close, she knew. So was the ground, and a scraggly looking tree on top of said ground. But her goggles, her precious second-hoof present, were about to be within her grasp. Just a few more seconds...

Because she's found someone else.

Her eyes narrowed, the velocity pushing back against her lips, so close, so close...

Hooves touched strap.

"Gotcha!" she crowed.

She only had a few moments before she hit the tree.

First there was triumph. Who else could pull of such a rescue? There was no doubt she was the fastest flier in all of Equestria.

Then came shock, as she realized the problem with unstoppable speed was that it meant very little to a tree. Trees don't move for any pony. She'd have to turn. But, of course, that was impossible at her current rate of speed.

As her world became very small, containing only herself and the tree, three little words filled her mind. Discord's words.

Am I lying?

Rarity took a moment, and then decided on her first stop: Sweetie Belle.

She trotted into the back room, a big closet where she kept supplies, extra fabric, failed projects and, yes, the buttons. There she found Macintosh's coat flung onto a chair, and her sister digging through the drawers of buttons, clasps and other clothing acutromon. They magically opened and closed, one by one, as Sweetie Belle's increasingly frantic search continued. "No, no, oh! Maybe this one... shoot, no, wrong color."

"Sweetie Belle?"

Rarity's tone was gentle, but it caused Sweetie to jump with a start. Once the filly landed, she turned and saw Rarity. Her face fell, and she stammered, "Oh Rarity, I haven't found it yet but I will, I promise, don't be mad, I'll keep—"

"Sweetie Belle, ssh, it's alright." She knelt down and hugged her sister. "I know we have a button his size."

"You... do?" Sweetie's voice cracked with confusion. "But then why...?"

"Don't mistake me, I do need the button." Rarity shot a quick glance to her right, and her magic opened a small drawer. A small trove of buttons for stallion coats revealed itself, and she quickly found a potential candidate to fix Macintosh's coat. She turned her attention back to Sweetie Belle. "But I just wanted to make sure you understand exactly what is at stake here, because of you three."

Sweetie's ears drooped. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"That depends on you, and your friends." She floated the button over to the coat and eyeballed it, making sure the colors complemented each other. "You remember this morning when we discussed the 'game' I was playing with Spike? Trying to get Cheerilee and Twilight together?" Sweetie Belle nodded. "Well this is a critical juncture in that game, now that Mister Macintosh is here. I need you to do something for me."

Sweetie sighed, dragging her hoof across the ground in a small circle. "We gotta go tell Miss Cheerilee what we did, huh."

"What? No! No no no no." Rarity leaned down and looked her in the eyes. "No. You absolutely must not do that." The little unicorn looked up at Rarity, mouth agape. Rarity reached out a hoof and closed her mouth. "Don't gawk, Sweetie. It's unladylike."

"But... I don't understand, you want us to lie?" Sweetie asked.

"Not lie, exactly There may come a time where we can share that little story and all will laugh, but today is not that day." She shook out Macintosh's coat, and gave it a hard look. Drat. There was more work needed, it wasn't just a simple button job. When was the last time he had worn this thing? Sighing, she turned back to Sweetie. "No. You need to just keep pretending you know nothing of the gifts, the flowers or the book. Just be friendly little helpers, and do as I say."

Sweetie's face seemed pained, but she nodded slowly. "So what do you want me to do?"

"You must go to Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, and tell them in no uncertain terms to keep quiet about the game. Cheerilee can't find out, nor Mister Macintosh. And make sure Cheerilee is not in the room when you tell them." She found a loose hanger and hung up the coat, then used her magic to float it next to her to avoid extra wrinkles. "Understood?"

"Uh huh." The uncertainty remained on Sweetie Belle's face.

Rarity sighed. "Is there a problem, dear?"

The little filly took a big breath. "So, Cheerilee and Miss Twilight are... they like mares, right?"

"They may also fancy stallions, but as they are both mares, yes, I think it is fair to say that is true."

Sweetie swallowed. "So it doesn't bother you? You don't think it's wrong, or anything?"

Rarity frowned. "Of course not! Love is love, Sweetie. I myself only fancy stallions, but, who am I to tell somepony who to be with?" She arched an eyebrow. "Why? Do you think there's something wrong with that?"

"No!" The reply came a little too quickly, and she seemed to shrink into herself. "I just... no. I just wondered. What you thought."

What could she...

...oh.

She knelt down next to her sister. "Is there something you want to tell me, Sweetie?"

Her sister paused, then shook her head slowly. "No."

Waiting a few beats, Rarity nodded and said, "That's alright. But if you ever need to tell me something, someday, I'll be happy to hear it."

Sweetie's voice was as slight as paper. "...promise?"

Rarity hugged her sister. "Promise. I love you, no matter what, Sweetie."

There was some light sniffling. "I love you too, sis."

"Now," Rarity disentangled herself from the hug. "You have a mission. Can I count on you?"

"Yep!" Sweetie grinned and saluted. "I'm all over it."

Rarity nodded and led the way out of the room, where they found... no pony. A quick glance in kitchen revealed no trace of Apple Bloom. They returned to the main room of Carousel Boutique in bafflement.

"Big brooooo..." came a whine from upstairs. "Open the dooooor..."

There was a flush. They looked up, and Rarity heard a door open. A familiar drawl rang out...

"Ya ate a Pinkie Surprise Sundae, didn't ya."

"Well, I... Um..."

"Yyyyup. Ya did. We all told ya not to, and ya went and did it anyway."

"Big bro, I really gotta..."

"And then ya couldn't stop truth-tellin, and now ya can't stop goin to the little filly's room."

"Yeah, okay! It's true, it's all true, and now I really gottttaaaa goooooooo—"

There was a door slam, and a loud sigh. The less-than-amused muzzle of Big Macintosh appeared at the top of the railing.

"Miss Rarity, the pipes are working."

Another flush. He rolled his eyes with a snort. "For now."

Rarity turned to her sister, and whispered, "Remember what we talked about." Sweetie nodded, and dashed up the stairs. Then she turned to Macintosh, all smiles, "Good news, Mister Macintosh! We found a suitable button. Please, come down and we'll get to work. I think I may even have some lemonade, if you'd like."

He gave a slight nod and started down the stairs.

Rarity bit her lip, but said nothing as she led him into the kitchen. She hung up the coat on a hat stand and went looking for the lemonade. Filly Shei had gotten her into a room with him, alone; but now what? He just looked so glum.

"I also thought perhaps you'd want to wash up after... well. Thank you again, ever so much."

He shrugged, staring out a window. "It was an Apple mess, it was our duty to clean it up."

She poured out two glasses, and watched him closely. Nothing. Her window was closing. As she offered the glass of lemonade, she summoned up her courage and said, "Everything alright, Mister Macintosh?"

He paused.

She held her breath. It was a yes/no question. He liked those, didn't he? All he had to do was say one word or another, and then perhaps she could—

"I just spent most of mah afternoon being blackmailed into going to a party ah really don't wanna go to, seeing mah ex marefriend all dolled up for somepony else, and then unclogging a toilet clogged by mah sister in somepony else's house." He frowned. "And that last one just cuz' she can't learn her lesson."

It was, by far, the longest sentence he had ever said in her presence. She reached out and put her hoof on his. "Tough day?"

He turned and looked into her eyes. The frown and intensity seemed to drain out of him completely, and he sighed. "Miss Rarity, I'm a patient stallion, but that little filly's really starting to tick me off."

The air was suddenly filled with musical laughter, and Rarity had to put both hooves to her mouth to try to restrain herself. "Why, Mr. Macintosh, I never!"

He blushed, and for some reason, his hooves started to sweat. Which didn’t even make sense.. “You never… what?”

She calmed herself, and cleared her throat. “Never you mind. Now, as for this jacket… forgive me, but, it does seem like it could do with some tender loving care? How old is it?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. Granny Smith found it in the attic one day. Said it was my Granddad’s.”

“Ooh! An Apple famiy heirloom! Does it have any special meaning?”

He looked away. “Said it’d make a fine jacket for my weddin’ day.”

Rarity’s hoof met her face. Excellent work, darling.

Applejack shouted, "Alright then, I will go it alone!" She turned, grabbed her bag and stomped out into the rain.

Granny Smith's voice called out after her, "You come back here, Missy, I ain't-"

A quick flex of her back legs and the door slammed shut. Applejack threw her bag (nothing more than a knapsack, really) onto her back with a snort, took a breath, and started on the path towards town at a brisk pace. Impatient anger ran up and down her body, keeping pace with the rain in terms of where it hit and how often.

She had been prepared to argue her case with her brother, she knew her sister would be upset. But of all ponies to say no to a chance at Apple Family redemption! A fortune of bits at stake; the legacy of Apple Family Cider, restored; the future prosperity of her kin guaranteed... How could she, or anypony, say no?

She broke into a gallop, gritting her teeth against the rain.

Sure, it was a hassle to just pick up and leave, and yeah, they might miss the next Zap Apple deadline and sure, Apple Bloom would have to make new friends but...

But...

Fighting tears and galloping was too much in the moment. She slowed to a trot, then to a stop. She leaned against a tree and sighed.

Face it, Applejack. If Granny Smith ain't understandin’ how important this is, who could?

There was the far off sound of the wind being bent against its will. Her ears perked up, and she turned her eyes to the sky. A rainbow colored streak flew through the air.

It’s her!

Applejack smiled. No matter her mood, it always cheered her to saw Dash flying through the air. Showing off, leaving everypony else in the dust.

Sure, she talks a big game, but after all, she IS the fastest flier in Ponyville! said her heart.

Just not the best at landin’, her brain deadpanned.

Applejack chuckled. She looked up again, to see where Dash was headed…

...just in time to see the rainbow path plummet towards the ground. Right in the direction of the west orchard.

Instinct kicked in. Experience informed what the future would bring. She started running again, but not towards town, or the family home.

Towards where she figured the crash site would be.

Tension filled the air. Sweetie Belle looked to her left, then to her right. The next words out of her mouth could change everything. She focused, took a deep breath and stared at the pony across from her. "Do you have any moons?"

"Sorry, Sweetie." Cheerilee shook her head, staring at the cards in her hooves. "Pony on."

Letting out a theatrical groan, Sweetie threw her head back and called out to the skies, "This game is the wooorst!"

Scootaloo laughed. "That's what you get for trying to win on every turn."

Sweetie frowned. "Hey. Shut up."

Cheerilee cleared her throat, "No need for that, Sweetie. Now, I said ‘pony on.’"

"Okay, okay." Glaring at Scootaloo, Sweetie magically floated a card from the top of the deck into her hooves. She had come in so intent on her mission, only to find Scootaloo and Cheerilee playing this game. She tried to suggest that Scootaloo come out of the room for a moment, only to be defeated by Cheerilee’s infuriatingly kind nature. The cards were re-dealt, the rules explained, and her mission faded from memory as the promise of victory was so close around the corner. And yet...

Her grumbling ceased when she beheld her new cards, and she started giggling in what could only be described, objectively, as an 'adorably evil' way.

The failed attempt at maniacal laughter made Scootaloo blush. She looked away, trying not to smile. Cheerilee caught her, grinned, and said "Scootaloo? Do you have any suns?"

The familiar 'too cool for school' look returned to the filly's eyes. She shrugged and offered up two cards. "Knock yourself out."

Cheerilee shook her head. "You must either say 'keep calm' if you have the cards, or 'pony on' if you don't."

Scootaloo blinked. "Why?"

"Because that's the name of the game!" Sweetie Belle stretched out her arms with a grin. "'Keep Calm and Pony On!' And the first pony to have all matched up cards and say 'keep calm and pony on' wins."

Scootaloo stared at her. "You actually play this? For fun?"

"Because it is fun!" Sweetie stuck her tongue out. "And because Rarity put all my other games on lock down ever since I kinda accidentally destroyed her fall lineup."

"Lame." Scootaloo sighed. "What's taking Apple Bloom so long in the bathroom?"

"Er, girls," Cheerilee coughed, "you may find this interesting, do you know why we call this game 'Keep calm?'" Both fillies shook their heads.

"Years ago, when Luna and Celestia battled Discord, when ponies were trying to stay sane during all the craziness that Discord dreamed up, they invented this game. It helped focus them on what was real and what was not. And so when a pony would ask for something—in this case, Scootaloo, two suns—the pony would say?"

Scootaloo looked skeptical, but played along, holding out her cards. "Keep calm?"

Cheerilee smiled and took the cards. "And they said this as a reminder that ponies would help one another and give when they could. Keep calm, I am here for you. And when a pony had nothing to give, like, say, Sweetie, do you have any wings?"

"Yep!" Sweetie held up the cards. "Three of 'em!"

Scootaloo playfully nudged her. "You're supposed to not have them."

"Oh. Sorry. Pony On?"

Cheerilee nodded. "And that would mean I have nothing to give you but my words, but they are words of strength and harmony. And that's why the winning pony would say- actually, Sweetie, you do have those wing cards, correct? Thank you- the winning pony would lay down their cards and say..." She placed her eight cards down face up: four suns, four wings. "'Keep calm and pony on'. That way even though there was only one winner, everypony was reminded of what was real, what was important."

"Neat!" Sweetie Belle chimed.

"Yeah. Neat." Scootaloo deadpanned. Sarcasm gave way to memory, and a thoughtful look crept over her muzzle. "Gosh, when was that field trip we took? Where we saw Discord's statue like the day before he escaped?"

"Just about a year ago, I think." Sweetie Belle said. "We were sure lucky we didn't visit it the day he did get loose, huh Miss Cheerilee?"

Cheerilee smiled, but in her face there was an edge to her words. "Very lucky. But thanks to the efforts of Ms. Shy, Mr. Discord is no longer anything to fear." Both fillies looked at her with big eyes; Sweetie Belle with an trembling lip and Scootaloo a skeptical smirk.

She sighed. "Well. Most of the time."

Post collision, It was only a matter of minutes before Applejack found the wreckage.

She pounded into the crash site, then came skidding to a halt. There was her tree, smashed. Her apples, scattered and mangled. Rainbow Dash's new goggles, hanging from the one standing branch of the shattered tree, somehow undamaged. And finally, Rainbow Dash herself, bruised, face down in the dirt and unconscious.

Which was, in fact, a very common place to find your friendly, neighborhood Rainbow Dash. It had happened before, it would most likely happen again. Certainly, she had survived worse. She would be fine.

None of this went through Applejack's head. Logic has a way of being found in bed, hungover, when an emergency comes knocking. In the case of Applejack's usually calm and rational inner voice, all she could hear was a constant monotone—

pleasebeokaypleasebeokaypleasepleaseplease

—only broken up by the beat of her heart.

She pulled Dash out of the ground, trying to wipe the muck off her friend's muzzle with her hoof. Dirt was turning to mud in the rapidly escalating storm, and she realized all she was succeeding in doing was spreading the mud around. She ran back to her knapsack, pulled out a canteen with her teeth and darted back to Dash. A quick twist and she was able to wash the mud off.

Applejack held her friend tightly, whispering, "Dash?"

No response. Suddenly, her inner monotone broke from repetition to darker thoughts. shoot, is she even breathing? Her pulse quickened, and she put her left ear to Dash's muzzle, hoping to hear something, anything...

Applejack's answer came in the form of a snore, followed by a tiny, dirty bubble that came out of Dash's nostril and popped right in her ear. And the word, "pancakes..."

The proof of life was welcome but disgusting. Groaning, she used what water was left in the canteen to wash out her ear. Once she was free of all snot and debris, she poked her friend with a smile. "Gave me quite a shock there, Sugarcube."

"Berry pancakes, making berry pancakes," muttered Dash in a sleepy, sing-song tone, "take some berries and I put it in a pancake..."

Applejack arched her eyebrows. "Dash. Wake up, Dash."

"Berry pancakes, that's what it's gonna make-"

"DASH!"

"Zzt- wha?" Her eyes opened and she blinked. "Oh. Hi, Applejack. Is it morning already?"

Same ol' Dash.

"It's about two in the afternoon. You just crashed into a tree on Sweet Apple Acres." She turned her head to survey the damage. "I ain't gonna charge you for the tree, but you do owe me for the apples."

Dash blinked, her voice uncertain. "Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Yep. You know, where I live?"

Looking around slowly, Dash repeated, "Where you live..."

"Not enough info?" Applejack rolled her eyes. "It's, uh, Saturday. I think those are your fancy new goggles-"

"Oh!" Dash jumped up. "My XL's!"

"Easy, Dash. They're fine. At least, I think they're fine." She pointed to the branch. "How they came through better than you or the tree, I don't understand, but—"

There was a blur of movement. Suddenly, there was Dash, tongue between her teeth, thoroughly inspecting her fancy eyewear.

"Power switch works... Zoom's a little shaky but I barely use it anyway..." She strapped them onto her head and over her eyes, continuing the diagnostic. "Night vision's okay... Weatherdata actually seems to be working better, somehow!"

Applejack suddenly felt very tired. Same ol' Dash. "So glad everythin' turned out for you."

"Yep! Everything's a-oka... Hey. What's up with the bag?"

Applejack blinked, looking in the direction of where Dash's hoof was pointing. There was her bag, sinking every so slowly into the mud. Realization made for a hot blush, and she swallowed.

"Yeah... About that..."

"Hold still, Mr. Macintosh."

"Mmpf," Big Mac grunted, staring at the ground.

She glanced at the pin cushion in his mouth and magically pulled a needle out of it. "Again, I appreciate your assistance in this matter."

"Mmmfph," he nodded.

"It may seem silly with my magic and all—" she squinted at a stretch of thread floating in front of her, mentally measuring twice before cutting once with a pair of scissors, "-but I find that unless there's a solid force holding down your pin cushion, magic just makes the pins fly everywhere." She smirked. "And no force is more solid than an Apple Family jaw."

Big Mac shrugged, eyes not leaving the carpeted floor.

She gently threaded the needle and began to patch up the jacket. As she sewed the holes shut, she felt her eyes wandering to the big stallion sitting on her floor. She had never realized before what a striking fellow he was... objectively speaking, of course. Strong, big smile, gentle eyes. Once you looked past the dirt and such. And the monosyllabic vocabulary. And the shallow field of conversation. But still, a very striking fellow.

But just as she believed every pony was beautiful, she also believed that every pony had a sad side that could make that beauty hide itself. So it was with Mister Macintosh ever since he had seen Cheerilee in that dress. His usual easy-going expression was gone, replaced by worry lines and dim, half-lidded eyes. There was a brief flash of life when he was venting about his day, but it had gone away.

"It's a very nice jacket, you know."

He nodded again, with as little energy as it required to move a pony's head. His muzzle reminded her of Sweetie Belle's face the first time she lost a pet, a fish that did not survive a trip home from a carnival. She didn't cry, but a rain cloud settled over her little face and did not rise until another Mr. Twirly was purchased, who was dubbed Mr. Twirly' identical twin, Mr. Twirly 2. The clouds parted and all was well in the land of Sweetie Belle-agascar.

Mr. Twirly 2 later met an undignified fate at the paws of the kitten now known as Opal, and that was a dark day in the Belle household but the point was, Mister Macintosh looked like he had just been reminded of his own personal Mr. Twirly.

It was one thing to see the pony who got away. Quite another to see the pony who got away all dressed up to truly make her escape.

She finished sewing the last hole, and glanced again at Big Mac's big eyes. They remained ground-bound.

Rarity came to a decision. Those unpleasant feelings in Macintosh's heart didn't stand a chance against Rarity.

"Also, I know I had initially wanted my sister to help, but, I thought it would be better to let her be upstairs with the others—"

Not while she had Filly Shei.

"—so we could chat."

The stallion finally stirred to more than the bare minimum of a response, tilting his head up to look at her.

"Mister Macintosh, forgive me for being blunt. You’re a little down about seeing Miss Cheerilee in my gown, correct?”

He visibly wilted, pin cushion sagging in his mouth.

“You don’t have to answer that!" She mentally cursed herself for being so blunt, so soon. "Well… the thing is, and it’s really none of my business, but it arguably might be yours...” She took a deep breath. “The thing is, Miss Cheerilee, she has a date tonight.”

He shrugged.

“With Twilight Sparkle.”

His eyes opened slightly wider, then arched his eyebrows slightly.

“Yes, that Twilight Sparkle. Do you understand?”

"Mmpf?"

Rarity sighed. "Right." She took the pin cushion from his teeth. "Apologies. So, do you understand?”

He rubbed his mouth, spitting out tiny fuzzies. Then he shook his head, “Nnnope.”

She tilted her head. “No? But surely… oh.” She bit her lip. “Have you ever heard the term 'lesbian?'"

He looked up in thought, then nodded his head slowly. “Yyyep?”

Rarity blinked.

Well, he WAS raised in a barn, or at least near one, darling. No reason to hold back…

“Alright. Well.” She took a giant breath, “Cheerilee, you see, prefers—

“Oh.” His jaw dropped. “Oh!” He slowly put it back in place. “Oh?”

“Oh yes,” Rarity said.

He scratched his head. “Twilight too?”

“It would seem so, yes. She did agree to go on the date.”

He paced about the room, brow furrowed. "So she's, um . . . well, Granny used to say 'fillyfooler' but I'm not sure it's a polite term."

Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “It isn’t.”

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck with a small blush. “Good thing I didn’t use it then.”

She tried to keep glaring, but found herself helpless in the face of his honest face. There wasn't any prejudice there, just the good, old fashioned slow burn of somepony figuring things out. “So… I take it this news is not crushing?”

He turned his head up towards the ceiling. She waited, sipping her lemonade quietly.

“I always thought, when things didn’t work out between me and Cheerilee—and I did like, I do like her, she is somethin’ special—but this whole time, it was like I thought I had lost a race. That I wasn’t tryin’ hard enough. That I had, I dunno, like a one time shot and I missed it.” Big Mac stared at his reflection in the mirror, brushing some of the fuzzies off of his shoulder. “Turns out I wasn’t even in the race.”

She put a hoof on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, dear.”

“Actually, Miss Rarity… I feel like I’m free.”

“Free?”

The smile came slowly, but it built, and finally blossomed into a big confident grin. “No sense gettin’ worked up over what was never gonna be.”

Rarity clapped her hooves. “A wonderful way to look at things! Shall we try on the jacket then?”

He shrugged, but this time it radiated good cheer. “Why not? I am goin’ to a party tonight.”

“As am I. As is all of Ponyville, by the sound of it.” She smiled, holding out the first sleeve of the coat.

One pony’s heart saved. One to go.

Applejack exhaled.“So that’s it, really. I’m goin’ away for awhile.”

Dash said nothing. Her heart was somewhere near the bottom of her stomach, and she felt like the floor of a sky chariot.

“Don’t know when I’ll be back again. Depends how the contest goes” Applejack sniffed, adjusting her hat. “Just had a nasty row with Granny about it. She doesn’t want me to go, certainly doesn’t want me to try to take Apple Bloom. Says Big Mac won’t go.”

Dash nodded slowly, face ashen. She looked down at her hoof, and she never realized how weird hooves looked, when you think about it.

“But it’s just a once-in-a-lifetime thing, ya know?” Applejack said, looking at Dash with those big, genuine eyes of hers. “It could change everythin’ around here. Maybe my family won’t have to work so hard. You’ve always said we’ve got the best cider anywhere.”

Closing her eyes, Dash felt the wind and the rain start to pick up. She was trying to find a calm place. Instead, all she saw was a leering Discord mouthing those bucking words…

Am I lying?

"Darn it, Dash.” Applejack’s hoof met her face. “Say somethin’, would ya? I feel like a fool.”

Dash reached out to lean against the tree, trying to find the words.

Thunk.

The branch she leaned against had given way, and Dash was now on the grass, staring up into an angry sky. "What the hay?" Dash stood up, staring at the shattered trunk. "Oh no... What happened?"

"What's the point of tellin' you anything if you just turn around and forget it a minute later?" Applejack snapped. "I told you. You smashed a tree. And you owe me for the apples!"

"No no no no..." Dash kicked into the air and fluttered around the tree, her voice increasingly agitated. "Not this tree! Not my tree!"

Applejack coughed. "Excuse me? 'Your' tree?"

"Our tree!" Dash wailed. “

Am I lying?

Applebloom hugged the sink, wishing she had never even heard the words “Pinkie”, “Sundae” and especially “Surprise.” She couldn’t remember the last time she had ever been so ill, except for perhaps the last time she had one of these...

A burp escaped her mouth, and she moaned. Maybe some water? The faucet was only a few hooves away. She stared at it. Too far. She sunk to the floor, whimpering.

Her whole family had warned her, don’t have the Pinkie Surprise, don’t ever ever order it, don't even look at it. And then Miss Cheerilee, sweet Miss Cheerilee, asked if her family would be okay with her eating it. Desire overwhelmed her better nature, and for a moment, all was delicious.

"Now look at ya," she said out loud. Another burp, a bad one, and Something lurched in her stomach, she moaned and crawled back to the toilet.

There had to be more to this than just admitting there was such a thing as too much ice cream. The punishment was too severe.

And in the midst of things--against all probability and biological fact--still leaving her body. It hit her.

It was the lie.

Are you sure your sister would be okay with us sharing this with you?

Yes Miss Cheerilee!

You're not allergic or anything?

Nope!

She clutched her stomach and closed her eyes. She tried to breathe like Granny had taught her, in through her nose and out through her mouth.

Applejack's words bounced around her head:

A lie is easy, Applebloom. It'll get you out of a tough spot, get you what you want without working for it, spare a pony's feelings in the moment. But you better believe it'll get you in the end. That tough spot will get tougher, that thing you didn't work for will come with a bill, or somethin' worse, and shoot, there ain't an easier way to lose a friend than to lie to'em.

But what if the truth hurts their feelings?

They'll forgive you eventually, Sugarcube. And if they don't, well, maybe you weren't friends to begin with.

She grunted in pain. If she lived through this—and that was by no means a certainty—she was going to start listening. She was going to learn. She was goin' to Shape Up. She was goin' to Go Straight. Most of all, she was going to be like her sister.

So... The truth, no matter what?

It's the only way, Applebloom.

Finally, her body decided to end her misery and give her release. She sagged with relief.

There was a gentle knock at the door. "Applebloom?" It was Cheerilee's voice. "Are you okay?"

She was going to be honest. To the Core.

"I'll be right out, Miss Cheerilee."

Starting with undoing the lies.

Thunder rolled overhead, and the rain started to come in heavy. Applejack adjusted her hat to shelter her eyes, then took a good long look at the shattered tree in relation to the other trees around it. On right was the tree who always bloomed a little late, and on the left the two tall and thin trees she called the twins... And yep, in the middle, there should be a gnarled sickly thing, a tree with a comfortable place for a Pegasus to rest, and yet a place that was disturbingly easy to be kicked out of with a well placed buck...

Dash was flying around in circles, muttering to herself, "I didn't know, I would have turned or stopped or something..."

And now it was firewood. Applejack sighed.

Rainbow Dash landed in front of her, face fallen. "I'm so sorry, AJ.”

Something inside of Applejack died a little. She shrugged, biting her lip. "It’s just a tree.”

Fire flashed in Dash’s eyes. “It was our tree.”

“Still,” Applejack looked away, trying not to cry.“I'm goin' away for awhile, Rainbow."

"Away?" Dash's voice was small, almost inaudible

"And you come and visit me, y'hear?." She reached out and put a hoof on the pegasus's shoulder. "I mean, everypony is welcome to visit, but... You should come. I'd like that."

The storm was building to a crescendo around them. Dash looked at the hoof on her shoulder, then at Applejack. Her expression was blank, but the magenta in her eyes was quivering.

Applejack blinked and looked down, feeling another blush coming on. She tried to pull away, but couldn't. Turning her head back, she saw Dash was holding onto her hoof. The blush was now in full force.

"Gonna... Gonna need that hoof back, dash."

"AJ?" Dash whispered.

"Hmm?"

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Dash kissed her.

"Is Apple Bloom okay?" Scootaloo frowned. "She's been in there awhile."

Cheerilee gave her a look. “Scootaloo, please. Leave the bathroom talk for the bathroom.”

The rain started coming down heavy outside, pelting against the window. Scootaloo shuffled the cards. “I’m just saying.”

Sweetie shrugged. “If you gotta go, you gotta go…”

“Yeah but for like half an hour?”

Cheerilee paused. Scootaloo had a point. Unpleasant as it may be, perhaps it was time to check up on the filly who had inadvertently crashed her date-that-wasn't-a-date. And was now flooding her new friends’ toilet.

Besides, no matter how grisly the scene, it was part of her job description. A teacher had to be a foal's friend when bathroom accidents happened. Even when the 'accident' was a direct result of eating some kind of magic laxative ice cream. 'Surprise' indeed.

"Stay here, you two. I'll go check on her."

"Take your time!" Sweetie said, smiling sweetly.

Cheerilee glanced at Sweetie. Behind the filly's smile there was a pleading look in her eyes. Cheerilee shook her head with a grin, and walked to the bathroom. She pressed her ear to the door, and hear indistinct moaning.

“Applebloom? Are you okay?”

A pause.

“I’ll be right out, Miss Cheerilee”

Cheerilee frowned. "Okay. Just... Call out if you need somepony."

Nothing. She shrugged and returned to Sweetie's room.... and a closed door. Frantic whispering was going on behind it. Usually, Cheerilee would have turned around, walked down the stairs and protected the filly's privacy. But some small part of her, the part that she had been secretly feeding with this whole insane romantic adventure, wanted to know... Really wanted to know, what they were gossiping about.

She put her ear up to the door. If she closed her eyes and blocked everything else out, she could just barely make out the words.

And that's why you can't say anything! Super secret lockdown!

Okay, okay I get it.

There's something else.

Sweetie, Cheerilee's coming back any minute.

Look, you know how we've been... Well, we're trying to make two mares happy?

...I thought we're on super secret lockdown?

Just listen! You know that stuff that Diamond Tiara said?

Heh. Before or after I cleaned her clock?

The stuff about... Liking other mares being wrong and bad and stuff.

Yeah that was after I decked her.

My sis says... There's nothing wrong with it, that love is love.

Well. Yeah. I mean. If we didn't think that, why would we-

I'm trying to say that, like, it's one thing to accept other ponies, but it's... Harder to accept yourself as yourself?

Sweetie, did you also have the Pinkie Surprise?

Gaaah! Listen to me, you featherbrain! I trying to tell you something!

I'm trying to listen, pointy-head, but you're not making any sense!

I like you!

... Well duh! we're friends. I like you t-

The room next door went very silent, except for a tiny gasp, and Cheerilee held her breath.

What was that for?

I like... Like... Like you, Scootaloo.

...

Please don't be mad.

...

I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I pro-

So. Uh. How does this work?

What?

Are we dating now?

It took all of Cheerilee's willpower to suppress a giggle.

We? I? Maybe? I dunno!

Isn't that what ponies do after they kiss?

Sometimes! Not always!

I'm not sure how it'd be different from what we do now, although Apple Bloom might feel a little weird if we-

“Miss Cheerilee?”

“Apple Bloom!" Cheerilee turned around, face hot, and stammered, "Are you feeling any better?”

“It's less 'better' and more, I don't think there's anythin left in me. I'll never eat ice cream again.”

“I think it wasn't the ice cream. Apple Bloom, so much as how much ice cream you had. She paused. That, and whatever pinkie puts in it.”

Apple Bloom nodded, frowning.

Cheerilee tilted her head. “Is something on your mind, Apple Bloom? Besides your stomach, I mean.”

Apple Bloom swallowed. "You know my brother's gonna be okay, right?"

Cheerilee froze. "Apple Bloom..."

"You gotta believe me, he doesn't have any bad feelin's toward ya. He was sad for a bit, but, he bounces back pretty quick." She looked at the ground, leaning against the hallway rail. "And both Mac and my sis think you're a great teacher and everything..."

Kneeling on the ground, Cheerilee leaned down until she caught Apple Bloom's eye. "That's very kind of you-them- to say."

"And once he finds about ya and Twilight, he's gonna be happy for you, I promise!"

Cheerilee sighed, rubbing the sides of her head. A headache had begun to brew. "Great."

"No! Really!" Apple Bloom tugged at her hoof. "He's always nice to Miss Lyra and Bon Bon, never treats them no different." She paused. "Granny does, but, Granny's weird about stuff like that."

"She's from another generation, Apple Bloom. It's... Complicated."

The filly wrinkled her nose. "Feels like adults always say that when they don't want to tell the fillies the truth."

Cheerilee blinked as the dull pain in her temple blossomed. Survival instinct kicked in: now is not the time to tell this child her kindly old grandmother is a bit of a bigot.

"Life is complicated. Ponies are strange, wonderful creatures. They can hurt each other, sometimes on purpose, often without meaning to. I don't know what's worse." She sighed, eyes wandering around the hallway. She caught her reflection in one of Rarity's vanity mirrors. The purple night flower was somehow still in her mane. A smile found it's way onto her muzzle. "But sometimes we can be incredibly kind. We give gifts, we say kind words, we hug each other. We care for each other."

Apple Bloom hugged her. "I just want everypony to be happy."

Cheerilee smiled and hugged back. "And that's good of you. Just remember, ponies can't be happy all the time. Just like they can't eat only ice cream."

"Ugh!" The filly moaned. "Don't ever say ice cream again, Miss Cheerilee! Please!"

Warm laughter echoed in the hallway. "Okay, deal. Now, let's go find Miss Rarity, hmm?"

“Wait." Apple Bloom took breath. "I gotta tell you somethin’ else, Miss Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee turned. ”Oh?"

Apple Bloom looked away. “You might be a little mad.”

Smiling, Cheerilee adjusted the little filly’s bow. “Whatever it is, we can make it right. I promise.”

“That’s the thing! It is right already! You got your dress and date and everythin’” Apple Bloom bit her lip. “But it started off wrong, I think. We did wrong.”

The smile faded. “Apple Bloom… what are you talking about?”

There was a sigh and a pause. “Those presents you got last night...”

She kissed Applejack.

Applejack froze, but only for a moment. Soon Dash felt a tremor pulse through the farmer, and then she returned the gesture. It was warm. It was sweet. It, yes, tasted like apples.

It was everything she ever hoped for.

Once it was done, Dash pulled away, a goofy smile on her face. She stared adoringly at the mare of her dreams. Applejack stared back.

Dash broke the silence. "So that hap-"

Applejack slapped Dash across the face. Hard.

"Now?!" She roared, "I tell you I'm leavin' and you kiss me now?"

Dash rubbed her cheek. "Jeez, remind me never to get you mad..."

"You wanna see mad?" Applejack shoved her. "Every week, me kickin' you outta this tree, you coulda kissed me! How many years we known each other, you shoulda kissed me!" Another shove, and Dash stumbled backwards. "All those times when we said goodbye, if you felt this way, why didn't you kiss me?!" A final shove and Dash slipped on the grass and fell on her flank with a yelp. Mud splashed them both.

Applejack sighed. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she knelt next to Dash and hugged her fiercely. "All this time, lettin' me feel like a fool, that I was the only one of us who felt this way..." She nuzzled into the other mare's neck, muttering, "damn it, Dash."

As Celestia was her witness, Dash had no idea what to do. But the hug was nice, so she returned that. Applejack was still cursing under her breath, so it was clear more action was required. "I'm sorry," she said, hoping it would lead toward less shoving and more nuzzling.

"Sorry is fine and all, but it ain't gonna get us out of this mess." Applejack pulled back. "You gotta tell me. Why?"

"Because you're awesome," Dash said. Thankfully, this part was easy. "You're awesome and brave and pretty and loyal and honest and strong and pretty and, and, shoot, there was something else..."

Applejack kissed her. This time it was Dash's turn to be frozen, but she caught up quick.

"Oh yeah, and you taste like apples." Dash grinned. "In like, a cool way."

Applejack groaned, "You can't flirt your way out of this. Why now?"

Dash held her breath. "I had a nightmare.”

“Huh?”

Another roll of thunder. The rain seemed to be falling around them in slow motion. Dash looked away, shame clouding her face. “It’s stupid.”

Applejack nudged her with a hoof. “Talk, sugarcube.”

Dash sighed. “I had a dream, like, a nightmare but I was awake. This jerk described it, and it wouldn’t leave me. I dreamed that I let you go because I was too scared to... make a move, I guess? Tell ya how I feel? And you’d just like, move on. And I'd be left alone in this tree, with no one to kick me out of it.” She turned her head toward the wreckage. “And then, I woke up, and I flew as fast as I could to get it out of my head, and, well, look.”

Applejack followed her gaze. On cue, a gust of wind blew over what was left of the trunk.

"Now you're going, and I'm not even gonna have a tree." Dash sighed.

Applejack leaned back. "Just like that? Ya kiss me then let me go?"

Dash snorted. "AJ, give me some credit. Restore the family honor? Maybe make a cartload of bits? Prove your cider is the best, which it is?" She looked Applejack in the eyes, voice choked but defiant. "Only a pony who didn't know you would tell you to give that up. Who didn't love y-"

Two sets of eyes went wide, and there it was. Out in the open, naked for the world to see. The L word.

"Ya love me?"

More thunder.

"Yeah." Dash mumbled.

"Since when?"

Dash shrugged. "Dunno. Only realized it now, but, years? Maybe? I dunno. I just know it's true."

Applejack wanted to scream. Instead, she growled, "Why didn't you say somethin?!"

"I was afraid, okay!" Dash sniffed. "I was afraid."

Blush ran up the farmer's cheeks. The rain continued to fall.

"W-why didn't you say anything?" Dash asked.

"I was too, I guess."

They laid together in silence, hooves wrapped around each other

“I’m still leavin’, Dash. Tonight.”

“I know. You gotta. It’s a huge opportunity.” Dash leaned against her. “I just wish we had… like, more time. Just us.”

Applejack sighed. “You and me both. But I’ve already wasted too much time, tryin’ to get my family to come with me. Now I gotta do this thing alone.”

And because the universe likes puzzles, especially that moment when there are only a few more pieces left before the picture is complete, they turned to face one another.

“You could—”

“What if—”

They stopped.

“Go ahead—”

“Nah, you fir—”

They stopped. Applejack untangled herself and held up a hoof. “You first.”

Dash sat up. “Take me with you.”

Applejack bit her lip. “Really?”

"Don’t get me wrong. You can do this yourself, because you’re awesome like that. But there’s no reason you have to.” She reached for her goggles. “Let me be your scout, your eyes and ears. No pony is faster, and now—” she pulled down her eyewear and flipped the switch, “— I can see at night.”

Applejack took off her hat, brow furrowed in concentration. “I don’t know how long we’d be gone.”

“I have, literally, months of vacation.”

“It’s gonna be dangerous.”

“Last I heard, the frontier is even more dangerous place to go alone.”

Applejack shook her head. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if you’re wrong?”

Dash threw up her hooves. “If I’m wrong, nothing happens! I’ll go away. Peacefully, quietly, without a fight. But if I’m right, and we work...” She Dash off her eyewear, revealing wet eyes. Then she took Applejack’s hoof and held it tight. “I'm... I'm yours, AJ. You’re not getting rid of me without a fight. So don’t fight. Just ask me.”

Applejack took a breath. “You wanna be my marefriend and go on an adventure with me?”

“Absolutely.”

They kissed.

The rain continued, because while the universe loves puzzle solving, the weather doesn't really care whether two ponies kiss or not.

A door slammed outside the room, and Sweetie and Scootaloo jumped.

“What was that?” Sweetie Belle.

“It sounded… angry.” Scootaloo squinted in thought. “Does your sister slam doors?”

Sweetie shook her head. “No. Well, yes, but she does it magically. It sounds different. That was definitely a hoof slamming a door shut.”

“So that means it was either Big Mac…”

“...or Cheerilee.”

They looked at each other, faces mirroring each other in anxiety. Then they ran outside the room.

A shaking Apple Bloom greeted them in the hallway, standing outside Sweetie Belle’s room. The door was closed.

“What happened, Apple Bloom?” Sweetie asked.

Apple Bloom just shook her head, clutching her stomach and wincing.

Then the door opened, and out stepped Cheerilee. Her face was taut, color gone, and her eyes glazed over. Her dress, wrapped up under her arm. She glanced at the fillies quickly, then marched down the steps without a word.

Rarity was waiting. "Darling, I'm finally ready for--"

"It's a beautiful dress, Rarity." She hung it gently back on the rack. "But I think it would be better for a pony with a real date to have it."

"But, surely..." Rarity blinked, "Twilight didn't ask for this to be a practice date or something, did she?"

"I have no idea. I don't know what was Twilight's idea, and what was somepony else's." She took the flower from her hair, hoof shaking, and employed what could only be called her Teacher Voice. "But I do know this isn't from Her. So. Which of you gave me this flower?"

The three fillies looked at each other.

"Miss Cheerilee, please," Rarity said, "This is my fault, let me expl—"

"Don't cover for them." The teacher voice somehow managed to be calm and clear, while at the same time loud and unquestionable. "This is a lesson they need to learn, one I thought they already did." She turned to the foals. "Who. Gave. The. Flowers?"

Sweetie Belle cleared her throat, eyeing her sister. "Those... Those were from Twilight, Miss Cheerilee. She signed the card and everything."

Scootaloo groaned. Sweetie turned in confusion, then horror.

A sad chuckle rung through the air. "I know the card was signed by Twilight. How do you know the card came from Twilight, Sweetie?"

Sweetie whimpered under her teacher's stare. Scootaloo felt something stir. "The flowers came from me."

"Scoots!" hissed Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo shook her head, and the words came out in a rush: "The flowers came from me, Sweetie got the candy, Apple Bloom got the card, but Twilight did sign it; We ran into her on the way over and she was bringing you the book, but after she saw us, she signed the card and left. We left the stuff on the doorstep, I was the one that knocked on the door." She took a huge breath, lungs going from zero to one hundred and added, "but Twilight didn't know, she thought she was giving a gift from all of us."

Cheerilee nodded, slowly. Her eyes were wet, facial muscles straining. "Thank you for being honest, Scootaloo. I just have one more question, and it's an important one." She took a breath, and the word came out choked and wet. "Why? Why would you want to hurt me like that?"

"Hurt??" A storm was raging inside the filly. Shame and stubbornness, sadness and anger. She spat back, "We didn't want to hurt you, we love you, Miss Cheerilee!"

"Love?" She winced, rubbing a hoof to her forehead. "If you love me, why would you put me through this again?"

"This wasn't like last time, not with a pony we just picked-er no offense Mac-but a pony you love, too!" She looked around at her compatriots for support, but found a serious lack of any eyes facing her direction. "We saw the way you look at her, I saw how you looked at her, how sad you were! We..."

The tempest died shortly after it began. Cheerilee's stern and disappointed face was a powerful force. She didn't feel very brave anymore. But she had one string of words left, and she decided to use them.

"We just wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. You're the best teacher I ever had."

A hoof found hers. Scootaloo looked up to find Sweetie standing next to her, looking strangely defiant.

"The best." Sweetie echoed.

"That's true!" Apple Bloom shouted. She then blinked in surprise. "I mean, it must be, since I'm saying it."

Cheerilee turned her head to the ceiling. Her voice sounded very far away. "I know you meant well, my little ponies. But one day, you'll know just how fragile a pony's heart is." She shook her head. "I hope that day, you'll take better care. Now if you will all excuse me, it's my day off, and I've spent far too much of it here."

She started for the door.

Apple Bloom ran for her, "Wait a sec, Miss Cheerilee!" Cheerilee stopped, but did not turn around. Apple Bloom tugged on her teacher's leg. "You can't think Twilight doesn't like ya, I know she does! She kissed you and everythin', and we didn't put her up to that at all! You gotta think-"

The temperature of the room dropped dramatically as Cheerilee snapped her head to her right and stared Apple Bloom down. "I would really, really appreciate it if nopony else told me how to think, or feel." The filly was frozen in place, mouth gaping. She turned and looked at the three foals, the frostiness in her eyes melting into cool pain. "Or whom to love."

Head held high, Cheerilee started for the front door. She paused only to close Apple Bloom's jaw for her, whispering, "You don't want to catch flies," and continued walking.

No pony said a word as she shut the door behind her.

“What do we do now?” Sweetie said.

A tear rolled down Rarity's cheek, "I have no idea."

There was a knock at the door. Rarity looked up, then around at the ponies around her. All she got were blank stares or shrugs. So she trotted to the door, hoping that perhaps, perhaps Cheerilee had…

“Oh my! Hoity Toity? Fancy Pants?” Rarity gasped. “What in Equestria are you doing here?”

Hoity stomped in, mane drenched. “You would not believe-” he grunted, shaking off the water, “what I have been through-” he took off his sunglasses, and sneered at the scratch they had on them, “today! ”

Author's Note

A long time coming.

YouTube joy division, love will tear us apart.

I: Why Do Foals Fall In Love?

Adorkable Love

by Einhander

Chapter One: Why Do Foals Fall In Love?

Rarity stood outside the Golden Oaks Library. She took a breath, raised her hoof and…. hesitated. And lowered her hoof. She shook her head. Composure. Class. Couthness. Put it together, darling. She’ll help you, of course she will.

Just… keep her focused….

She knocked on the door, and a few moments later Spike opened it, a smiling instantly blossoming on his face. “R-Rarity!”

“Good Morning, Spike. May I come in?”

“Of course!” the dragon replied, standing up straight and extending his claw in welcome. Rarity trotted by and looked around the library, which was in a semi-organized disarray. It was always neat and tidy or in semi-organized disarray. And as much as she loved dear little Spike, semi-organized disarray meant that Twilight was most likely not home...

…which in this case was actually quite a good thing.

“Is Twilight out?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. She went to run some errands.” He picked up some books and started filing them. “I’m just cleaning up until she gets back. Do you want me to give her a message?”

“Actually, could you help me locate a book?”

Spike brightened at that. “Anything for you Rarity. What’s the title?”

Rarity shook her head. “I’m afraid. I don’t know the title, but I know what the cover looks like.”

Spike hesitated. “Twilight knows every book by cover; I’m just the assistant who knows how to file by subject. Maybe we should wait for her.”

“I can’t, darling; I’m in a bit of a hurry, unfortunately. It has a blue binding and a pony in a dress that looks…” she pulled out a rough sketch from her bag, “something like this, only more… stylish.”

Spike stared at the drawing and gave a small shrug, “Not ringing any bells.”

“Please, Spike?” Rarity batted her eyelashes at the dragon, (a bit shamelessly, to be fair), and pouted, “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t terribly important.”

Spike smirked a little. He wasn’t one to turn down helping anypony, much less Rarity. “Twilight did say I was in charge until she got back. Just let me file these almanacs, and we’ll find your dress book!”

“Oh thank you, Spike!” said Rarity, and Spike blushed as he quickly turned to file the stack of books. “It’s a novel actually.” Spike nodded, filing the books as quickly as he could. Rarity watched him work. “So it would be fair to say, then, that until Twilight gets back…. You’re the boss?”

Spike somehow managed to stand up even straighter as he finished filing. “You could say that, when Twilight is out…. I’m the boss.” He grinned over his shoulder at Rarity as he reached to file the last book, “You could say-“ and with a THUD the book fell back on the ground. They both stared it, and then looked up at where he had tried to file. There were too many books for that part of the shelf, and thus it had come tumbling back onto him. Spike withered a little.

“She always says to look both ways before you file.” He sighed. “I should have listened. He bent over to pick up the book, and smiled at Rarity, “But! She also says-“ and he lifted the book and drew his hand back, “that I shouldn’t be afraid of making-“

And before he could throw the book, books started tumbling down all around him like hail. Rarity shut her eyes in a wince, and heard a good dozen more hit the ground. She opened her eyes to see a sad Spike, surrounded by the fruits of his labor. The floor had graduated from semi to full-on disarray.

He somehow wilted further and said, “-mistakes.”

A final tome came down, knocking the book out of his hand. He sighed. “Crud.”

“There there, Spike, no harm done.” Her horn glowed, and she started levitating the books. “Just point where they should go and we’ll have this…. mess… cleaned up in no time.”

“Thanks Rarity!” he squinted as he looked at the empty spots, “Let’s see, History of Equestria IV goes there… Bugs that Shouldn’t Exist over there… Daring Do and the Last Stampede goes on the top shelf… The Great Gallopsy goes-“

“The Great Gallopsy?!” gasped Rarity, who seized the copy of Gallopsy with her hooves and forgot all about the other books (which dropped back to the ground). “Spike, darling, you must be psychic! This is the book I was looking for! It’s the image exactly!”

“Gee. Great.” said Spike in a flat voice, looking at the re-created mess on the ground.

“You don’t understand! I’m designing gowns and suits for a very special client, who is having a party from the Foalish Follies era in pony history!” She was flipping through the book with glee, “She wants to replicate the lavish parties, the music, the... *Ahem*... romance.. but more importantly this book has exactly the detail I need to finish the dress. Oh, Spike, you’ve made my day!”

“Gee, Great!” said Spike, now more excited. A mess could be fixed, but a smile from Rarity was irreplaceable.

“I have to get back to the boutique right away, before-“ she stopped, realizing the mess she had (re)made and Spike’s sad expression. “Oh, right. The clean-up.”

Spike shook his head. “It’s okay, Rarity, go ahead. Twilight should be back any moment, and she can help."

Rarity's eyes went wide. Twilight was almost back. Must run, must flee. "Yes, of course. Well give her my best and I will...Er... Return the book as soon as-"

There was the chime of bells as the door swung open behind Rarity. She froze.

“Oh, hi Rarity!” came Twilight’s sing-song voice. Rarity went limp.

“Hello… Twilight…” said Rarity.

"What book do you have there?"

Rarity hesitated.

It’s not that she didn’t love Twilight dearly. It’s not that she didn’t love spending time with Twilight, whether on adventures, or having tea or gossiping about this and that. It’s not even that Rarity doubted Twilight’s intelligence, or her ability to find the right book for the right pony.

It was Twilight’s complete inability to just pick the book out and leave it at that.

If she wanted to avoid another twenty minutes of combined lecture, she needed to distract Twilight.

"Well, it's... a book." Is all she managed.

Rarity heard a gasp, and awoke from her short inner monologue. She realized Twilight was now gaping at her, wait, no, not at her- at Spike, and the pile of books all over the floor. Rarity edged away from her line of sight, trying to discretely make an escape.

Twilight was almost comically flustered. "Spike... H-how can this place be in worse shape than when I left it?! I was gone for a whole hour!"

"I was cleaning! And I know I should wait for you when I don’t know where a book is for the customer, but Rarity...was... she knew what it looked like... Er..." Spike trailed off miserably under Twilight's stare, which somehow was a perfect mix of disappointment and resignation.

Rarity's heart sank. Even if it meant a lecture, she couldn't let poor Spike take the fall. It was-mostly-her fault.

"It's all my fault, darling. I absolutely needed this book-" Rarity flashed the copy, quickly, hoping Twilight wouldn't see the cover-" and I tore the place apart looking for it. Spike was only trying to keep up, and I must say he has dons a marvelous job. You should have seen this place a few minutes ago! COMPLETELY different!"

Twilight turned her head to look at Rarity with an arched eyebrow. Rarity sighed internally, but returned the look with a big smile externally. She held up the book. "See? I absolutely needed-"

"The Great Gallopsy!" Shouted Twilight, who ran over to Rarity with such speed you'd think somepony was on fire, "this is a classic! May I?" She reached for the book and was immediately flipping through it. "So much great imagery, and the characters! And-"

Rarity cringed a little as Twilight went on, but then she caught the eyes of a visibly relieved Spike. He mouthed 'thank you' and began quietly picking up the books. Rarity relaxed. Twilight had been distracted and was happily engrossed in a book, and Spike was saved, climbing up a ladder to refile the books. All was well.

"I mean a shame it's completely historically inaccurate, but otherwise this book is flawless."

All was not well.

Twilight closed the book and handed it back to Rarity. “I’m so excited you're reading it again. Unless... Rarity, don't tell me this is your first time!"

"Er... No, darling I did pay attention in school so I remember most of the story, but what was that last thing you said?"

"Oh, the book is completely historically inaccurate. Dates mixed up, locations that never existed in east Manehattan. Even some of the slang is years off. NO one said "the dragon's knees" like that until a decade after the book is set."

Rarity once again felt her heart sink, but tried to rally, "but surely the dress descriptions are on point? They're so gorgeous."

"We'll you'd be the better pony to determine the 'gorgeosity' if the dresses. The writing is beautiful, but no, they're much more lavish than what ponies actually wore in the period. But that's no major issue, it serves the story and it’s not like you're trying to base a historically accurate dress design off the book or anything."

There was a silence. An awful silence.

"Unless you're trying to base a historically accurate dress design off the book."

The silence continued. Spike stopped filing and turned to watch.

"Rarity tell me you’re not trying to base a historically accurate dress design off this book."

Rarity had a big, nervous smile and Twilight had the pre-freak out face, a face Spike knew well. It was the face of impending disaster, of enchanted dolls and time-traveling Twilight. Spike's immediate future suddenly rolled out in front of him, complete with charts and a tornado of bookmarked histories of Equestria and Rarity not able to complete her dress and in the end it would be a giant mess that he'd have to clean up. Like it already happened, and there was nothing he (or Rarity) could do about it.

The bells chimed and the front door swung open. It missed Rarity by about an inch.

Spike looked as Cheerilee happily trotted in, her eyes drawn to the satchel in her right hoof (and not on the scene in front of her) and then he had a different vision of the immediate future.

He saw Rarity was so far in her head she didn't hear the sound of the bells. He saw Twilight so involved in staring at Rarity and walking towards her that she didn't (or couldn't) see the third pony entering. He saw Cheerilee's eyes on her satchel of books as she was about to wish everyone a good morning. And he saw Rarity was so busy backing up from Twilight’s horrified stare (and stalking) into Cheerilee’s closed eyes that...

THUNK. THUD. "Oof!" "Ow..." "Oh my!"

The vision came true.

Spike sighed and climbed down to help. Rarity was on the ground, with Cheerilee on top of her back half, and Twilight somehow on top of her front half. The book satchel was on the ground, its three books scattered (along with he library's copy of Gallopsy) near the pony pile. Twilight groaned and drowsily shook her head as Cheerilee rubbed her own nose.

And as Spike picked up Cheerilee’s books, he saw them both focus and stare at each other, practically nose to nose. There was a brief moment where all they saw was each other. (Or at least, from Spike's point of view, since they certainly didn't see that they were still on top of Rarity)

Cheerilee seemed to be holding her breath. Twilight spoke first. "Cheerilee? What are you doing here?"

"Well... I'm here to see you! And return this book on my break and... Oh dear, where is it..."

Spike held the books out, hoping Cheerilee would see them.

"Oh!" said Cheerilee. Spike smiled. "The Great Gallopsy?"

Spike blinked. He wasn't holding that book... Gallopsy was still on the floor.

"It's an original copy." said Twilight proudly.

Spike rolled his eyes, and stared at Cheerilee’s books, willing them to jump out of his claws and into her bag again.

"No wonder the cover is so beautiful! Are you re-reading it?" Asked Cheerilee.

And then Spike noticed something weird about the books he was holding...

"Rarity is! But she's making a huge mistake, she said she... Where is she?"

"I'm underbbefh you thhhbbo" choked Rarity, startling the two oblivious ponies. They quickly got off of her, and as she hauled herself up. The things I do for fashion.

"I'm fine." Rarity answered before they could ask, "if you would be so kind as to lend me the book I'll be on my way."

"Of course!" said Twilight, magically picking up Gallopsy. Rarity held out her hoof expectantly.

"Such a wonderful book..." said Cheerilee in an almost affectionate tone as the book floated by.

"Yes, but as I said VERY historically inaccurate!" Twilight snapped, magically pulling the book back and flipping through it, “Ponies think this is how the era was, but it just wasn't! It's a huge misconception! You can’t use it to form your dress designs, Rarity! Your client will be furious!"

Rarity narrowed her eyes, took a deep breath and-

"Rarity," said Cheerilee quickly, "what exactly did your client ask for?"

Rarity paused. She wasn't prepared for a simple question with a somewhat simple answer. "Well, who the client is, I admit is a bit of mystery. I only have an address to ship and some specifications. But the biggest is that she wants a dress that's just like-but not exactly- from the foalish follies era. This book- Gallopsy- was specifically mentioned."

Cheerilee nodded, "Twilight, have you ever heard the saying, 'when you have to choose between the truth and the legend, print the legend'?"

Twilight thought about it, and shook her head.

"Let me put it this way. If Rarity designs a dress that looks just like the cover of The Great Gallopsy, when would they think it’s from?"

"The Foalish Follies era," admitted Twilight "But they'd be wrong, of course...unless it was VERY late Foalish Follies..."

"And if they designed a very accurate Foalish Follies-era costume?"

Twilight hung her head. "They'd think it was an old old OLD costume." She then looked pleadingly at Cheerilee, "but they'd be WRONG!"

Cheerilee smiled. "And despite your absolutely correct analysis of historical fact, what do you think would make Rarity's client happier? And Rarity, for that matter?"

Twilight sighed, staring at the cover of the book. "This dress with a Rarity twist. Unquestionably. Despite the anachronisms." Twilight wrinkled her nose. "Unless it’s a historian’s convention. I'm sorry, Rarity."

Rarity stared with her mouth open. She had never seen Twilight simultaneously complimented and corrected before (at least not successfully). The freak-out had been defused completely, without any distractions, just by a few words from Cheerilee. And there was praise for her dress making mixed in as well! And an apology! It was a brand new day.

It was also a day where she was running way behind schedule.

"Yes, we'll, now that that's settled," Rarity said, "I really do need to get this book back to the boutique. May I?"

Twilight nodded, and Rarity gently used her magic to float the book back into her hooves. Finally! She started to re-pack her bag.

"And on that note, Spike, would you please return Cheerilee’s books?" asked Twilight.

"Huh?" Spike snapped out of staring at the books, "oh. Yeah! Here you are, Ms. Cheerilee."

"Thank you Spike, but please it's just Cheerilee." She said warmly, taking the books, "and actually Twilight, THIS one is yours..." She held the book out for Twilight. "Well, it's the library's..."

Spike watched that book transfer like a hawk. Why did Cheerilee return that one...?

"Thank you Cheerilee! On time return, as always..." Twilight looked at the cover. "Oh the third Game of Crowns! I finished it last week. What did you think of it?"

"I couldn’t put it down! Do you have the fourth one?"

Spike's eyes went as big as dinner plates.

"I think so. Spike, do you know if it’s been checked out?"

"No..." Spike said slowly, "I'm pretty sure we have it..."

In the foreground, Rarity was making very unlady-like sounds as she tried to stuff the book into her bag. As she finally succeeded in getting the book just barely into the bag, there was a loud knock at the door that startled her… and she dropped the bag and the contents went everywhere.

“Oh, bother!” she said, in the same way that other ponies might use a four letter word.

There was a second knock, and Twilight and Spike exchanged a look of confusion. “I’ll get it, Spike, can you locate book four for Cheerilee?”

Spike nodded and went up the ladder as Twilight headed for the door. Cheerilee bent down to help Rarity, who had continued muttering words under her breath that she would deny even knowing the definition of later.

Twilight opened the door and there was a tall blue earth pony wearing a brown vest with a winged logo, and hat with the same logo. His cutie mark was two horseshoes linked together. He had a clipboard and said, “Afternoon, Ma’am. PPS. Where do you want them?”

“Uh… where do I want what?”

“The twenty trampolines. They're already paid for, so where do you want them? I can leave them here or put them out back, but I don’t think they’re going to fit inside your tree.”

“Twenty trampolines?? What in Celestia are you-“ but then Twilight was cut off as the earth pony stood to the side and pointed and Twilight said “Oh my.”

That made everyone stop and turn their head. Cheerilee and Rarity came to the door and saw, yes, twenty different boxes of all shapes and sizes, each marked “Trampoline.”

“Uh… we didn’t order any trampolines.” said Twilight, who then narrowed her eyes, “did we, Spike?”

Spike deadpanned, “Twilight, I don’t know what I’d do with A trampoline, much less twenty of them.”

“Right, so Mr… uh…”

“Blue Bonnet, Pony Postal Service, and I’m pretty sure you did. Says right here. Look.” The earth pony confidently held out the delivery form. Twilight squinted to read the handwriting.

“That... IS my address... but my name is NOT… uh… Eip Eiknip?”

Mr., Bonnet opened his mouth to reply, but then stopped and blinked. He looked at his form, and then back at Twilight. “It isn’t?”

Rarity piped up, “You don’t know who this is?”

Blue Bonnet swallowed, realizing his day was about to get a whole lot longer. “Ms. Eiknip?”

Cheerilee shook her head, “Why, she’s Twilight Sparkle, of course!” Bonnet stared at her. She continued, “The princess’s private student? Master of magic? Town librarian? She lives with a dragon?" She pointed at Spike. That dragon, in fact?”

Blue Bonnet tapped his hoof on the ground, thinking, “I remember she was around during that parasprite problem…”

“I can’t believe you, sir! She defeated Nightmare Moon! She saved this town at least three times! She’s a hero!” Cheerilee then realized she was talking very loudly right in the facial region of Blue Bonnet, who was physically backing away. Cheerilee blushed and shrunk a little, saying, “Well, she’s a hero to me, anyway.” Twilight blushed at that as well.

“She’s a hero to ALL of us.” said Rarity, saving face for both of them. “And her name is NOT… whatever that gibberish is. I have no idea who that pony is.”

Spike, who had been only half-listening, found the book he was looking for. A quick glance at the cover picture confirmed his suspicions, even if he wasn’t sure what it all meant.

“So what you’re saying is… you didn’t order twenty trampolines.” said Blue Bonnet.

“NO!” said all three ponies.

He groaned “Well what am I supposed to do with-“

Rarity shut the door in his face with a huff, turning to the other ponies, “Sorry, darlings, but that was just going to get worse before it got better.”

“No argument here.” said Twilight, who smiled at Cheerilee, “That was very nice of you to say, Cheerilee, but you didn’t have to go on like that. I’m no hero… we all did it together.”

Cheerilee smiled warmly, “I meant it.”

Rarity nodded, “So did I! I also meant what I said when I said I have to go, so…”

"Here’s the book!” Spike said suddenly, hopping off the ladder and handing it to Cheerilee.

“Oh thank you Spike!” she said, taking the book. She hesitated, saying, “I guess I should go to, I’ve taken up enough of your time…”

Twilight shook her head “Not at all, Cheerilee, you can always-“

“Twilight is it okay if I take a break now?" Spike interjected, trying to signal Rarity with his eyes. "I have some... errands to run. I’ll be quick"

"Hmm…” Twilight thought out loud, “I guess so, although that means I’ll have to stay down here in case somepony comes to the library…"

“Cheerliee! Why don't you keep Twilight company?” Spike spoke up. “You two could discuss book three, until I get back."

The two ponies looked at each other.

"Well... I am curious to know what you thought about a few parts.” Cheerliee admitted.

Twilight brightened up at that, “That would be great!”

Spike was sure something was up now. He kept trying to signal Rarity, who was occupied as she tried to fit the book back in her bag. After several false starts, the bag fell out of her hooves and onto the ground. She groaned out loud, “This STUPID book…”

"Actually Rarity, why don't I walk you back to your boutique? I can carry your bag and you can carry the book"

Rarity hesitated. She needed the help, but she also didn't want to make Spike use his break to keep working. (Unless of course he insisted...)

"Are you sure, Spike? It's awfully heavy."

"I insist!" He nodded and winked at the same time, several times, again trying to get his message across.

Twilight arched an eyebrow, wondering what Spike thought he was achieving with his poor pony’s version of a chicken impression. "I thought you had errands?"

"They're on the way! C'mon Rarity-" and Spike grabbed the bag and ran out the door.

Rarity chuckled and smiled at the other two ponies. "Ever the gallant knight. Good afternoon, Ladies!" and she walked out the door, past a still frustrated Blue Bonnet who was arguing with another delivery pony. They waved her out, and were left with each other.

Twilight smiled. "Well that settled that. How about I get some lemonade? "

"Sure!" Cheerilee replied, "Do you need some help?"

"No thanks, it'll just take a second. Make yourself comfortable," she started for the kitchen and added over her shoulder, "and if anypony shows up trying to deliver more gym equipment, I still didn't order any."

Cheerilee laughed and settled into a chair, looking around the main part of the library. The sun streamed in through a window and reflected off the brass bindings on the wooden bookshelves. It was so peaceful, so comforting here...

Twilight called from behind the Kitchen door, "Raspberry flavor okay?

Cheerilee called back, "It's perfect." She then smiled and closed her eyes. "Perfect." She repeated, quietly and to herself.

Outside, she could just barely hear two ponies shouting:

“I told you there’s no Eip Eiknip in Ponyville!"

“Well then, YOU read it, Caramel!”

Author's Note

Blue Bonnet is allegedly a real pony.

http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies/Earth_ponies

III: Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Adorkable Love

By: Einhander

Chapter 3: Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG

Scootaloo was sitting outside the schoolhouse, staring through one of the side windows. She could see her reflection in the glass, which was of a glum little filly staring back at her. She was sad because of the ponies behind the window: Silver Spoon and her parents, Diamond Tiara and her mother, and her teacher, Miss Cheerilee.

The bell had rung at least half an hour ago, but Scootaloo stayed behind for Miss Cheerilee. After her teacher restored order, she had sent for the parents of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, the ringleaders of the coup that had brought total pandemonium to the schoolhouse. Silver Spoon's parents came immediately, followed by Diamond Tiara's mother, Mrs. Rich. Diamond Tiara’s father, Filthy Rich, was notably absent.

Scootaloo couldn’t hear what anypony was saying, nor could she see the expression on Miss Cheerilee’s face. But based on the exaggerated expressions and hoofwaving of the parents, the triumphant smirk Diamond Tiara couldn’t even try to hide and the goofy smile Silver Spoon had on her stupid face, Scootaloo was able to piece it together.

Even though Diamond Tiara was clearly in the wrong wrong, somehow Miss Cheerilee was the one getting in trouble. It wasn’t fair.

The little orange Pegasus traced her hoof along the ground, looking down and then looking up at the window, hoping that soon it would be over. But every time Ms. Cheerilee would shake her head or gesture, the parents would get agitated all over again. It made Scootaloo sad at first, but as the tongue-lashing went on, it started to make her angry. Very, very angry. It was one thing for a little pony to not get in trouble for something they did wrong, but for the teacher to get in trouble? For something one of her students did?

It. Wasn’t. Fair!

She was so busy stewing, she didn’t notice Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle approaching with bags of baking materials. “Hey, Scootaloo!” said Apple Bloom. “Aren’t you coming to Sugarcube corner?”

“Yeah,” said Sweetie Belle, “We’re going to try to get our cutie marks in flourless baking!”

“Remind me again, why flourless baking?” asked Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo muttered under her breath, “It’s not fair…"

“Because any pony can get their cutie mark in baking! We want to stand out.”

“I thought it was because we already tried regular baking and we got the flour everywhere and the muffins tasted awful.”

“It’s not fair!” shouted Scootaloo. Both the other ponies backed up a step.

“Okay, maybe it wasn’t awful, but Rarity doesn’t get that sick that often-“

“Not the baking. Or our cutie marks,” Scootaloo sighed.

“What’s wrong, Scootaloo?”

“Remember earlier today, when Diamond Tiara declared her ‘marital law’, and proclaimed herself Queen of the Class?”

Sweetie Bloom snorted, “She wasn’t so high and mighty when Silver Spoon declared herself the Princess of the Class and they started throwing their lunches at each other.”

Apple Bloom laughed, “Yeah and when Tiara spilled her milk all over the floor and they started slapping each other? And Silver Spoon slipped on the spilled milk and started crying? That was great.”

“Yeah, but just look at what’s happening to Miss Cheerilee!” said Scootaloo, pointing towards the window.

The other two fillies followed her hoof, and saw: their teacher being raked over the coals by the three parents, and their nemeses grinning like little sharks. “What are they yelling at her for?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Because Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon took over the class, and got in a fight, and their clothes are messed up.”

“… Right, but why are they yelling at our teacher? It’s their fault,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Focus, Crusaders!” said Scootaloo. “Look, we all know the drill: you act up, your teacher finds out, you get in trouble. 1-2-3. But those fillies aren’t getting in, like, ANY trouble, and instead Miss Cheerilee is! How is that fair??”

“No argument here,” replied Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah, that stinks,” said Apple Bloom.

“What stinks, girls?” asked a fourth voice. They all turned and looked up, to see none other than Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara’s father.

There was a silence, which Sweetie Belle finally filled by blurting out, “The Equestrian justice system!”

It was hard to tell who was more surprised: Mr. Rich, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, or Sweetie Belle herself.

“Really?” asked Mr. Rich, with an arched eyebrow.

“Er…. Yes?” said Sweetie Belle, looking at her friends for backup.

“Your teacher taught you about the Equestrian justice system today?” His eyebrow was somehow even more arched.

“Er…. No….” muttered Sweetie Belle, who was sinking fast.

“Her sister, Rarity, told us about it!” said Apple Bloom, with a big grin on her face. “Yeah, she was telling us all about this trial up in Canterlot, of… Discord, for all that stuff he did in Ponyville awhile back, and how long it took to bring him to justice, with all the appeals and everything, and how it was… uh…”

“Uncouth!” yelled Scootaloo. “Yeah. Way uncouth.”

“And so… it stinks,” said Sweetie Belle, completing the narrative.

Filthy Rich stared at the three little ponies for what seemed like forever, and then laughed heartily.

“What a bunch of well-read girls you are!” he cried. “I can see why you and my daughter are such good friends.”

It was fortunate for all concerned that he looked away the moment after he spoke. Had he kept looking at the little fillies, he would have seen expressions of shock, disgust and horror. However, he was instead looking around the front of the schoolhouse. “Speaking of my daughter, have you girls seen her? When I got home there was a note to come to the school, but I can’t find her mother.”

“They’re both in the classroom, Mr. Filthy.”

Mr. Rich closed his eyes and his smile bent into a grimace, and he said slowly, “Please.. it’s just Mr. Rich.”

“Sorry, Mr. Rich. They’re in there with our teacher.”

He then opened his eyes and his smile returned. “Thank you for your help, girls.” He walked inside the school, and as he opened the door the shrill voices of Silver Spoon’s parents carried out into the air, “And you call this dump a SCHOOL!?”

“What’s this all about?” asked Mr. Rich as the door closed.

After Mr. Rich entered, it was all over very quickly. The three fillies still couldn’t hear, but they gathered that whatever the other parents had to say, it didn’t impress Mr. Rich very much. He rolled his eyes, shook his head and looked at his own daughter sternly and said a few choice words. Tiara rolled her eyes and walked over to Miss Cheerilee and gave a big fake smile and said a few words, and then Silver Spoon did the same, although without the smile. Then Mr. Rich began motioning for everyone to leave.

Silver Spoon’ parents came out first, both with grim expressions. Silver Spoon followed behind, who gasped when she saw the Crusaders staring at her. She closed her eyes and stuck her nose in the air, and tried to pretend like she didn’t see them. That meant she got about ten feet before walking straight into a tree, yelping and running after her parents.

“Ha!” snorted Apple Bloom, but Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo weren’t laughing because out next came Mr. and Mrs. Rich.

“I just can’t believe you made her apologize, Filthy! Really!” said Mrs. Rich.

“She proclaimed herself Queen of the Class and made a mess of things, dear,” said Mr. Rich.

“Because her teacher was off Celestia knows where!” said Mrs. Rich.

“Then she should have known better even if the teacher didn’t,” said Filthy Rich as he shook his head, “I think we spoil her sometimes.”

“If granting my little darling everything she’s ever wanted is spoiling, then I plead guilty!” shrilled Mrs. Rich, who then turned her head back and cooed in a sickly sweet tone, “Tiara, darling? Let’s go home. I’ll make you a sundae.”

Diamond Tiara emerged, her face twitching with emotion: most likely happy about the sundae, furious that her father didn’t back her up. She walked at a steady pace, purposely ignoring the crusaders.

“Say goodbye to your friends, dear,” said Mr. Rich.

Diamond Tiara stopped in her tracks, and turned very slowly to face the crusaders. Sweetie Belle shrank back, Apple Bloom stood still, but Scootaloo stepped forward.

“See you Monday, friend,” she said in a very level tone of voice, but her eyes filled with menace.

Diamond Tiara returned her gaze, and replied in a sickly sweet voice, “Until then, Sweet Scootle-doo.”

Scootaloo got very close and hissed quietly, “I’m gonna remember what you did to Miss Cherrilee today.”

“Don’t get too attached to her, blank flank. By this time next week, she’ll be gone.”

“Just try it,” snarled Scootaloo.

“Gone?” asked Sweetie Belle. “What do you mean, gone? Is she going on a trip?”

“No, you idiot, I’m going to get her fired,” snipped Diamond Tiara.

There was a pause. While Scootaloo was gearing for a fight, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stared at Tiara in genuine puzzlement.

“How?” said Apple Bloom.

Diamond Tiara smirked, “You’ll see.”

“No really, how? With your ‘rich’ powers?”

“Oooooo” said Sweetie Belle, waving her hooves in the air. “By the power of my bits, I cast your teacher into a pit!”

Diamond Tiara’s smirk faded. “My… my dad will get her fired!”

“Your dad who just made you apologize to Miss Cheerilee… is gonna get her fired?” asked Apple Bloom. “Do ya’ll listen to yourself speak?”

“I’m Diamond Tiara and I just make up things, like how I fly on my non existent wings!” sang Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom stared at Sweetie Belle in confusion. However, whatever Sweetie Belle intended to convey with her taunt actually seemed to land as Diamond Tiara’s face was scrunched up in a scowl and she was shaking.

“I’ll…. You’ll… be the one who… is made up!” she sputtered.

“Tiara, darling!” called out Filthy Rich, “You can see your friends after the weekend! Come along now!”

Tiara’s resolve returned, and she glared at Scootaloo. “This isn’t over.”

“Anytime, fancy hooves,” grunted Scootaloo.

Tiara snorted and walked away, head held high. Apple Bloom shook her head at the departing figure. “You know, she’s a lot less scary when you realize how dumb she is,” said Apple Bloom.

“Scootaloo, you’re one bad pony, you know that?” said Sweetie Belle admiringly, “That was like Babs Seed stuff right there!”

“Yeah! ‘Anytime, fancy hooves!’ Zap! Pow! Bam!” said Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo shrugged as she tried to calm down, and she realized that she was shaking. None of the crusaders had ever been in a real fight before, and this was the closest she had ever come one. It scared her when she realized that but for her friends, she would have definitely thrown the first hoof. Celestia knows how THAT would have ended.

“Uh oh… y’all, I think Miss Cheerilee is cryin’.”

They looked through the window at their teacher. It wasn’t anything dramatic. There was no wailing or weeping. But they could clearly see Miss Cheerilee at her desk, shoulders shaking, head on her desk. It was a great shock for all of them; she was such a happy pony most of the time. Sometimes stern, sometimes serious, but never sad.

“This is terrible,” said Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom nodded. But for Scootaloo especially, for some reason she couldn’t explain, seeing her teacher cry was tearing her heart out. It was as if someone had told her Rainbow Dash didn’t want to see her anymore, or that she’d never be able to fly, or never get her cutie mark, or…

She felt the anger build inside her again at Diamond Tiara. Thoughts of pranks filled her mind. No, not just pranks. Revenge. But before they could get past the embryo stage, a voice said-

“C’mon, crusaders. We have a new mission today,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah. Forget baking. We know what we have to do,” chirped Apple Bloom.

“What’s that?” Scootaloo asked in a low voice, grinding her hoof into the ground.

“Why, cheer up Cheerilee, of course!” said Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle nodded, smiling. “Right, Scootaloo?”

Of course, thought Scootaloo, and suddenly the anger faded again. That’s what Rainbow Dash would do, what Applejack and Rarity would do, definitely what Pinkie Pie would do, and Fluttershy and Twilight-

…Twilight Sparkle.

A vision of earlier today floated in her mind. She looked again at her teacher. On her desk, there was a vase with dark purple flowers that were slightly wilted. A smile played upon her face- she had seen those flowers before.

“Right,” announced Scootaloo, “That IS a great idea. And I think I know exactly what we're going to do...”

“Rarity, we’ve been waiting for her for an hour, and I still have no idea what we’re going to do,” moaned Spike.

“Patience is a virtue, dear Spike. Now hush.”

Spike crossed his arms and pouted. After squabbling for twenty minutes to come up with a better name than Operation: Adorkable (they never did), they then moved onto the actual planning. Nothing seemed to get past the laugh test. From the Hearts and Hooves day fiasco, they knew that just setting up a picnic meeting wouldn’t work. A blind date probably wouldn’t work either, since they didn’t know Cheerilee well enough to set her up, and Twilight probably wouldn’t agree. (“Not to mention, darling, how can it be a blind date when they’ll recognize each other the moment they see each other?”)

They had a halfway decent scheme to plan a big outing to an outdoor concert and invite Cheerilee along when Rarity suddenly shouted “Iiiidddeeeeaaaa!”

And that was that, they had a plan, even thought Rarity refused to tell Spike any more than:

1) that they needed to go see Twilight right away, and

2) Spike needed to ‘play along,’ and

3) Once they realized Twilight wasn’t home they had to wait and hide.

So now here they were. In the bushes. Outside the Golden Oaks Library. Waiting.

“I just feel like I could be more helpful if you’d tell me what we’re doing!” said Spike. “I don’t know what I’m ‘playing along’ about.”

“That’s the point, Spike. If you know the lines, it’ll look stilted and awkward.”

“Yeah, you knowing what’s going on, and me in the dark. Nothing stilted or awkward about that.”

There was a pause, and the two friends were left to look up at the sky. The clouds were gathering, but they could still see the sun in the distance.

“Should be a nice sunset,” said Spike idly.

“Oh I can’t stand this WAITING!” Rarity suddenly shouted, stomping her hooves in frustration. “Where could Twilight BE?!”

“Whoa,” said Spike, “what happened to patience is a virtue?”

“It can get stuffed,” groaned Rarity, “I’m tired and I’m covered in leaves and dirt and I just don’t see this working toni-"

“Rarity? Spike?” said a familiar voice.

The white unicorn and purple dragon both froze, then turned slowly. Standing behind them, with a bag of groceries on her side and a bemused expression on her face, was Twilight Sparkle.

Rarity spoke first. “Good… afternoon, Twilight.”

“Good afternoon, Rarity. Spike.”

“Hi Twilight…” said Spike.

They stared at one another. Then Twilight said, “Why are you in the bushes?”

Rarity and Spike looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes.

Spike was trying to communicate telepathically: You told me to play along, but I need something to play against!

Rarity was trying to communicate telepathically: Oh no oh no oh no oh no I’ve got nothing aieeeeeeeee….

Twilight said, “I mean, I don’t mind, necessarily, but it’s… a little odd, I guess?”

“Well…” said Spike slowly, “It’s a funny story.”

“Yes it IS a funny story! And you know who likes funny stories, darling? Cheerilee! Cheerilee is someone who likes funny stories! That must be why she’s so cheerful! Right, Spike?!” And then Rarity burst into a fit of nervous laughter.

It was one of the weirder things Spike or Twilight had ever seen Rarity do, but only Spike knew why Rarity was falling apart. He attempted to play along.

“She sure is cheerful! It was nice she visited earlier today, huh? That was very… nice of her.” said Spike, who realized how quickly he was running out of material. “She’s… nice.”

“Yyyyesss, she is,” said Twilight, “Um… so back to why you were in the bushes…”

“Oh you know, Spike walked my things home, and then we realized I had forgotten something, so we came back, but then you weren’t here, darling! So we were trying to find the key to the library, you know, the key you keep out here ‘just in case’, which Spike said was in the bushes, but we couldn’t find it, so-"

“Yeah, she realized she had left, uh… her sketch, here. For her dress that she’s making. Right, Rarity?” Spike smiled, nudging Rarity. “Rarity?”

Rarity had a glazed expression on her face.

The dress. The dress she was supposed to be designing for her phantom client. The dress that she had been paid in advance to make. A whole year’s salary. It had completely left her mind since Spike had first dropped the Cheerilee bombshell. And now here was Spike dropping another, that she had wasted another day on errands that did not involve the biggest design job of her career.

And yet, as Twilight’s face suddenly switched from annoyed curiosity to worried concern, she remembered again why she had gone off on this bizarre quest.

“Oh my goodness, Rarity! You left your sketch here? No wonder you’re digging through my shrubs! Here,” she said as she magically unlocked the door, “Come inside and we’ll find it right away!”

Rarity and Spike followed her inside. Spike was giving Rarity a look, and Rarity was trying to focus on the task at hand... not her forgotten assignment back at the boutique.

“What type of paper was it?” asked Twilight.

“Um… design parchment? Long and flowy and… oh look here it is!” she said frantically, grabbing some piece of paper off a desk and shoving it in her bag. “Mission accomplished!”

Twilight blinked. “Oh… well, good. Sorry you had to wait so long.”

“Not at all, not at all… well I should be going…”

“But Rarity, don’t you have… something you want to tell Twilight?” asked Spike. After a beat, he said, “Or maybe me? Or both of us??”

Twilight frowned. “Alright, you two. What’s going on? You’re both being so weird.”

“Yes… I’m sorry, dear, I am being quite uncouth. It’s just a bit awkward after you’ve done me this favor but I’m afraid I must ask another one…”

“Of course, Rarity,” she chuckled, “What can I do for you?”

“I must ask you to go visit Cheerilee!”

Twilight stared at her friend. Spike, who at this point was out of Twilight’s field of vision, put his head in his claws.

“I should visit Cheerilee… why?”

“Because she always visits you, dear! She’s the one who always comes here and she’s such a nice pony. Does anyone go and visit her? Where does she even live? I think it’s only fair. Have you even been there since you moved here?”

“Well… no,” said Twilight. “But it’s not like she’s invited me either. Wouldn’t it be rude to just show up unannounced?”

“Oh, hahaha, oh Twilight…” giggled Rarity, who seemed (to Spike) dangerously close to cracking up, “You’re the student to the Princess! I would imagine you’re welcome in any teacher’s house you choose!”

Twilight seemed uncertain, and then Spike blurted out, “Pony and Prejudice!”

“What?”

“She always checks out Pony and Prejudice, whenever there isn’t a new book to read that she’s interested in,” Spike said, making it up as he went along, “And we have like, four copies. Why not give her one? She’s the only pony who checks out the book, and we’ve been running out of space since we got here.”

“But what if four ponies need the book at the same time?”

“Then three of them would have the book, and one of them can wait.” said Spike, “No one needs that many copies of that book.” Twilight glared at him, and he quickly added, “No one but a library, of course. But even then, three is fine.”

Twilight thought about it, and then smiled, “You know what, you’re right. I should give her that copy, the next time I see-“

“Which should be tonight, of course!” said Rarity.

“Tonight?”

“No time like the present!” said Rarity with a slightly mad smile.

“And this is the favor you want me to do for you… to go bring a book to her?”

“Yes. That is the favor. I want you. To do. For me,” said Rarity carefully. “I’ve been meaning to visit but, you know, this dress! Fashion never sleeps.”

Twlight shrugged. “Alright. Maybe I’ll drop by later tonight.”

“Good! Fantastic! Grand! All have done good deeds for today. Well, I must be going. Spike-would-you-walk-me-home-thank-you!”

Rarity walked backwards out the door, smiling all the way. Spike and Twilight stared at her, mystified. Twilight then turned and looked questioningly at her assistant, who attempted to shrug.

“Stress of a big design job. What can I say?” said Spike. “I’ll just, uh… make sure she’s okay. But do me a favor, Twilight?”

Twilight sighed, “You too, Spike? Yes?”

“Well, it’s the same favor. Bring Cheerilee that book tonight. Just do this for Rarity, please? I really think Cheerilee will appreciate it. And Rarity.”

“Okay, okay. It’s just a book, and it’s a cloudy night forecast anyway.“

“SPIKE!” yelled Rarity from outside.

“Gotta go. Seeya later! Don’t forget the book!”

And then Spike was gone. Twilight was left staring at the open door that Spike had forgotten to shut.

“What a day,” she muttered, closing the door and unpacking her grocery bag.

“’Go visit her!’” deadpanned Spike, “That was your whole plan. ’Why don’t you go visit her?’”

Rarity sighed.

“It was scientific,” added Spike.

Rarity glared at him. “I just got nervous, that’s all. It worked!“

“Yeah, but now, she’s giving away the one book that was a guaranteed reason for Cheerilee to visit the library!”

“As I recall, that was YOUR contribution.”

“You would never have gotten her to Cheerilee’s house without SOME justification. She wasn’t just going to show up for no reason!”

“Very well, very well, let’s stop bickering. We’ve made some progress, yes?”

Spike crossed his arms in thought. “Not enough. It could still go wrong.”

Rarity lowered her head. “I agree. But I really do need to work on this dress, I’m very behind…”

Spike looked up at Rarity. “Oh… right, I forgot that was a real thing.”

“It’s a VERY real thing, Spike. It could be the biggest job of my career, and I’ve done almost nothing on it… and here I am, trying to set up two ponies instead. I must be mad.”

Spike stopped her. “You’re Rarity, the most generous pony I know, trying to give two ponies happiness. That’s all.”

Rarity chuckled. “And I’m sure that’s what Twilight thought when I was hiding in her bushes."

“Look, we’re out of our depth, that’s true. Assuming our ‘bring her a book’ plan doesn’t result in Twilight Sparkle’s first date…"

“Unlikely.”

“Right. So, tomorrow, we get a professional.”

“What? Well, who are we talking about?” asked Rarity.

“Someone who knows about sneaking, spying and getting ponies to do things,” said Spike with a smile.

Rarity thought about it, then shook her head. “I’m drawing a blank.”

“Riddle me this, my dear Rarity… who never breaks a promise, can defy the laws of physics, predict the future and is pink all over?”

There was a pause, and then a groan. “...her?”

Spike shrugged, “When the going gets tough… the tough get Pinkie.”

As the sun was beginning to set in the distance, Applejack was hauling her cart through the center of Ponyville. On that cart was a shaking box with, and to anypony close enough there was the unmistakable sound of...quacking.

The sound was neither barking or mewing or oinking or mooing. This box was quacking.

Today was already a strange day for Applejack. But when she came to the back of Sugarcube corner, it just got plain odd.

The sight that greeted her was this: trampolines. At least eight of them, maybe more, all in back of Sugarcube corner. And on said trampolines- she was here, she was there, she was bouncing everywhere-

"Hi!" BOUNCE "Apple-" BOUNCE "-Jack!"

"Uh... Afternoon, Pinkie."

"AJ, look at my new gear!" came a voice from above. Applejack looked up, and saw Rainbow Dash floating on a small cloud. She had a complicated looking orange and green contraption on her head, which It resembled a hybrid between goggles and a welding helmet. It had big black letters across the right side that spelled out XL-3006. In her hoof was a booklet that she was waving about like a feather duster.

"Pinkie! According to this, I'll be able to see for miles and miles at top speed! At night!"

"That's-" BOUNCE "so awe-" BOUNCE "-some!"

"AND it tells you how fast you're going!"

Applejack wasn't a particularly religious pony, but she figured a small prayer to Celestia wouldn't hurt: Dear Princess, y'all know I love Pinkie Pie, so please give me the strength to stop myself from knocking her out cold.

At least not in front of...

"Can I talk to y'all for a bit?"

"Sure-" BOUNCE "Apple-" BOUNCE "J-"

*Thud!*

Pinkie's last bounce landed her in face-first in the grass, and face full of dirt and dandelions. Rainbow Dash cackled and rolled around her cloud in delight.

"Classic!" snorted Rainbow Dash, "That will never get old."

Applejack glared at Dash and walked over to Pinkie Pie. "You alright, Sugarcube?"

Pinkie took her head out of the dirt and smiled, although her eyes were swirling around, unfocused, staring in impossible directions. In the moment, she looked to Applejack like Derpy's pink cousin, if Derpy had a dandelion on her head and no wings. And trampolines.

"Okie...dokie... lokie?" Pinkie said, shaking her head, then looking at the spot where she fell. "Oh! I must have moved that one already. Silly Pinkie!"

"Good. Now have ya'll seen- wait, what do you mean, 'that' one?"

"She's got like 10 more of these, and she's been stashing them all around town." said Rainbow.

"12!" Pinkie corrected, happily.

Applejack took off her hat to process this news. "So you're saying you got... 20 trampolines? And you're hiding them all around town??"

Pinkie Pie nodded and smiled the biggest smile she'd ever smiled. "Yepparooni! Do you know what this means, Applejack?? If I plan it right, I could bounce. All. Day. Long!"

Applejack gazed into the distance, and muttered, "We're gonna need a bigger Ponyville."

"But enough about my biggest wish coming true, what's up with you, Applejack? Did you want to get in on this bouncing action?"

"Uh, no thanks, Pinkie. I wanted to know if ya'll saw a pony goes by the name Bonnet? Blue Bonnet?"

"Did I? Did I?!" Pinkie paused. "Wait, did I?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "We both did. He's the one who gave me these awesome specs."

"That's right! I did! He came up to me with Caramel and said, are you Eip Eiknip? And I said, I don't think so, and then Caramel said 'of course not, that’s Pinkie Pie, idiot' and I said ‘I thought your name was Blue Bonnet, I'm sooo sorry I’ve been using your wrong name!', and he said ‘My name is Blue Bonnet and I'm supposed to deliver all these trampolines to Eip Eiknip in Ponyville’ and I was like-"

She took a big breath and jumped up in the air and gasped, then returned to earth and continued:

"’There's a pony with a super cool name like that in Ponyville and I didn't know about it?!’ And then Caramel said to Blue Bonnet ‘There is no Eip Eiknip! We've been had! You've blue'd this up again!’ And then Caramel left and Blue was really sad and I said 'I'm really sorry you're blue, Blue, can I do anything to help?' And he said 'do you want 20 trampolines?' And I said ‘Do I? Do I?!"

She took another giant breath and said, "And then I said, Yes. Yes I do!" She grinned again. "And that's the story of how Ponyville became tramploineland!"

Applejack stared at Pinkie with half-lidded eyes and sighed. She turned to look at Dash, who had stopped listening and was fiddling with her new toy.

"Dash? You know where Bonnet is?"

"Nah. He was here a while ago, asking me if I knew a pegasus named Sahib Onward. Told him no, and then he asked me if I knew what an XL-3006 was and I said that it was only the coolest, most awesome top of the line flying gear EVER."

She grinned and pulled the device over her face. "And now I get to wear flight goggles at night- at sonic boom speeds!"

"I'm detectin' a pattern here, I also got this box from Bonnet... 'xcept I didn't get no trampolines or fancy eyewear." She looked at her cart.

"Ooh! Ooh! What did you get??" said Pinkie, jumping up and down.

"Is it some super awesome apple picker?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"A lifetime supply of apple seeds?" said Pinkie.

"Lame! I bet it's a super awesome portable scarecrow!" grinned Rainbow Dash.

"The world's biggest apple pie??" gasped Pinkie Pie.

"That's a pretty small box for the world's biggest apple pie, Pinkie."

"You're right. Is it the world's SMALLEST apple pie?"

"It's a box of baby ducks," said Applejack.

There was a pause.

"What." said Rainbow Dash, so flatly it was barely a question.

"See fer yourself..."

She opened the box and they all peered inside to be greeted by a gaggle of quacking baby ducks. They were all tumbling and falling over each other, and when the box opened, they looked up expecting food. When they didn't get it, they quacked their disapproval.

"That's a lot of ducks," whispered Rainbow Dash.

"Ah know."

One duck in particular noticed the dandelion that was still on Pinkie Pie's head, and it started jumping up and quacking at her.

"Sooooo cute!" Pinkie yipped, "Applejack, did you adopt these baby ducks?!"

"What? No! I don't know what I'd do with one baby duck, never mind a whole box of'em!"

"Well I do!" Pinkie took the duck that was trying to eat her dandelion into her hooves, and cooed: "He shall be mine, and he shall be named Quacky, and he shall be my Quacky!"

"Quack," quacked the newly christened Quacky, still trying to get at the dandelion.

"See? He loves me!"

"Quack."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Anyway, this Blue Bonnet fella shows up, lookin all bent out of shape, and he says is this Apple Acres? I say yes sir. He says are you Gum Vou Fitz? I say no. There ain't no pony with that name here. Then he just drops the box on the ground and... Well, he said a bad word." Applejack blushed. "And then some more bad words. And then he ran off. He might'ta been cryin'. I've been trying to find him ever since."

"A pony named Gum-Vou-Fitz??"

"Ah don't know how you say it, but he left the paperwork with the box. Here."

Dash, Pinkie and Quacky all looked at the invoice.

Pony Postal Service (PPS) Order #00003

Contents: Live Orphaned Baby Ducks.

Warning: Fragile!

Deliver to: Gmvuufstiz, c/o Sweet Apple Acres

From: CONFIDENTIAL

PAID IN FULL

"Gmvuufstiz?! That's not even a name!" Dash snorted.

"Quacky?? You're an orphan??" Pinkie cried, hugging her new pet. "I'm so sorry, Quacky!"

"Quack!" said Quacky, who, failing to get the dandelion, grabbed the invoice and tried to devour it.

"Bad Quacky! Spit it out!"

"Don’t matter, the paper won’t help. I already went to the PPS office. Looks like it just started up a week ago, and it was just a two pony operation. But I’m guessin based on what happened with you, Pinkie, Caramel quit. So it’s now a one pony operation, and I can’t find that pony." Applejack sighed and shook her head. "What am I going to do with these critters? I don't want 'em, but I can't just let 'em loose. Poor things wouldn't make it, bein' orphans and all."

Dash smiled. "Easy. Two words: Flutter... shy."

Applejack brightened. "Of course!"

"Dashie? I think Fluttershy is one word."

Dash narrowed her eyes. "You're not the boss of Fluttershy's name!"

"You're both right," said Applejack, closing the lid on the box, “Fluttershy’ll know what do with these ducks.” She looked at Pinkie, who was still cuddling Quacky. “Uh, Sugarcube? You mind givin’ me that duck back?

Pinkie glared at Applejack. “I love you Applejack, but if you lay one hoof on little Quacky here…”

Applejack blinked in surprise, then rallied and said, “Well then, congrats on yer new pet, Pinkie! Hope he and Gummy get along…”

Pinkie gasped, “Oh no, Gummy! What will he think? Will he think he’s being replaced?! Quacky’s not replacing Gummy-“ she stared at the duck eye to eye, “You’re not replacing Gummy! You’re his little brother, you got that? We’re all one big happy family!” Quacky then tried to bite her nose, but it amounted to less than a tickle. She giggled, “See? Just like your big brother! We’re going to get along great! In fact, let’s go meet him now!” She smiled and waved, “Say bye bye to everyone, Quacky!”

“Quack,” said Quacky. Rainbow and Applejack waved as Pinkie Pie bounced into Sugarcube Corner with her new pet in tow.

“She still has that Dandelion on her head…” said Rainbow Dash.

Applejack smiled, “Ah know. Seeya, Dash,” and started hauling the cart away towards Fluttershy’s house.

Rainbow Dash yelled “Seeya!” and watched her go, a smile on her face. She would never admit it out loud, but she was always sad to see Applejack go everytime they said goodbye.

Shaking her head, she settled back onto her cloud, adjusting the settings on her new gadget. Now all she needed was the sun to go down completely, and then she’d be all set to try it out. Doing what, she did not know, but it was going to be awesome.

“Rainbow Dash!”

“Scootaloo?”

The little orange Pegasus ran up, out of breath.

“I need your help!”

Rainbow strapped her headgear on, jumped off her cloud and landed in front of Scootaloo, flexing her wings. “What’s up, squirt?”

Scootaloo couldn’t speak for a moment, as she stared at her idol striking a pose complete with her new totally rad headgear. It was physically impossible for her role model to be any cooler. She then recovered and said, “I need to get some flowers!”

Rainbow Dash’s grin faded a bit. “Uh… flowers.”

“It’s for a cutie mark crusaders mission! I’m trying to get Purple Night Flowers but they don’t sell’em in town!”

“Purple Night Flowers…?” asked Dash, thinking. “Aren’t those the kind that only grow on top of mountains, and are really expensive to grow and bloom only at night?” She blinked and muttered to herself, “Why in Equestria would I know th-“ she narrowed her eyes. “Applejack.”

“Right, well, I can’t find’em anywhere and it’s really important I get them like, now,” said Scootaloo, “But the road to the mountain is closed ‘cause there’s still snow up there! Can you help me out?”

Rainbow Dash grinned like a hungry pony looking at a pile of oats in front of a sign that said, ‘Free Oats.’ She walked up to Scootaloo.“Hop on, kid. Let’s go get some extremely rare flowers at night.”

Scootaloo smiled and climbed onto her hero. “Thanks, Dash! But… aren’t you worried about the closed road?”

“Roads?” said Rainbow Dash, strapping her new goggles over her eyes, “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

Author's Note

Re: Quacking...to be fair, a quack of approval sounds as much the same as a quack of disapproval as to make no difference. A quack of ennui, on the other hand, is as distinct as it is rare.

Also, for those of you keeping track at home:

1) Eip Eiknip

2) Sahib Onward

3) Gmvuufstiz

And a sobbing Blue Bonnet.