Twilight Sparkle stepped out of her filthy wreck of a home into the blanket of humid warmth of the outside world. She took in a refreshing breath of putrid fresh air, and exhaled absent-mindedly, which she thought didn't really sound like a word: mindedly. She looked up from her stupid thoughts, and her mind stopped being absent at a glaringly obvious detail (she would have stopped to reflect on the word glaringly, which sounds equally stupid), but at the moment, she was exclaiming much more relevant thoughts. “Oh shit, my legs are giant horse penises!” This statement was as stupid as the previous two, which was actually one, please pay attention, because it was only her back hooves that were a pair of massive erect horse phallai. Her front hooves were as they normally were, shiny purple skin stuff* ending in her normal finely pedicured fingers. Her back legs were painful to put weight on and left a sticky trail of various fluids, which would explain her stumbling and tripping through the library beyond her staggering alcoholism. “Oh fucking Lord, not this shit again.” Twilight Ejaculated to herself in annoyance. “Can’t go a single fucksucking cunt day without shit like this fuck going the fuck on. Shitting fuck!”
Twilight then continued about her day in her usual cheerful manner despite her sudden phalluslegitis. Twilight made her sticky way to SugarCube corner for slightly arbitrary reasons beyond seeing her favorite amputee Pinkie Pie. Upon Twilight’s arrival, a massive blob of unkempt fluffy pink fur, rolls of sweaty surgery cuteness, and twitching pus filled welts of sugary rainbow love, unfolded itself at the foot of the front entrance. “Hi....Twilight....” Gasped Pinkie Pie enthusiastically through her respirator, coughing slight amounts of excitement bile. “Fuck, you're disgusting. If you haven't gone blind yet then its fucking obvious my day is going pretty shitting fuck,” greeted Twilight cordially. “I came here to get on of the few scooters your fat disgusting flank hasn’t engulfed.” “Okie....Dokie....,” Wheezed Pinkie cheerfully, “I’ll... go and...Yeah.” Agreed Pinkie, and with errant twitches of her various ulcers on the stubs of where amputated limbs, began to roll back into the house. She got caught halfway through the door, as she tends to do, and immediately fell into a friendship coma. Twilight, in a need of some sort of wheeled apparatus, decided to dick it.
Twilight arriving back at her home decided, rather than accept her new life as a freak as she intended, would contact Celestia. Waking up Spike from his bed, she began dictating a letter to him. “Bark Bark!” Spike complained and began to begrudgingly write the letter.
“Dear Princess Celestia, I your faithful student Princess Twilight Darkblade Ebony Sparkle am currently suffering from a pair of ill begotten stallion penises in replace of my stylish stockings, and legs. Rather than sell my body to the circus as another freak of nature like the Earth Ponies, I have decided to consult my most wise and trusted teacher. Please contact me as soon as you can find me a decent way to kill myself in a way befitting a princess. Your faithful student, Twilanda Sparklishious III.”
Spike in his typical fashion consumed the letter, then went out back to make poopies. Twilight, grateful Celestia responded so quickly, and outside for once, she backed away her suicide kit, and stepped stickley onto the balcony, and spread her wings that I totally didn't fucking forget about, and took flight to Canterlot Palace as requested. Her trip was short as she flew through the clear sapphire skies, soaring through the heavens, her back legs raining amounts of seminal fluid on passersby beneath, creating a new religious sect. At her arrival to canterlot, she landed on the most phallic shaped of the towers in the least freudian way, and made her sticky way to the royal chamber.
She arrived at Celestia’s throne a few hours later, and was greeted as per the usual greeting of royalty; top notch groveling from the guards and advisers. Celestia was laying against the cushions of her throne in the usual manner, with Princess Luna standing beside, both casting a aura of dominance over the peons within the room. At the sight of Twilight Luna greeted her, and then stopped talking. “Celestia, I need your fucking help!” Twilight asked her mentor. “I was doing princess things in ponyville, sleeping, poking Pinkie Pie with various sticks, when suddenly i have THESE!” Twilight turned around to show her back hooves to the royal couple, “and dat shit dont fly nigga.” Celestia gazed at Twilight silently with her Crayola pink eyes, and exclaimed, “Fix shit Twilight” Luna voiced her opinion on the matter, then stopped talking. “I don't know how to!” Twilight ejaculated, “I dont think im man enough to off myself like the other freaks!” Celestia reflected on this, laying on her cushion, a wayward breeze causing her to flutter slightly, and exclaimed, “Fix shit Twilight” in the same writing at the bottom of her page.
“Alright, fucking shit FINE. I think i know what I will do to fix this.” Said Twilight perniciously, Twilight casted a aggravated glance up at me “Fuck you thats not how you use that word.” Fine, Jesus Christ Bitchface McSparklecunt. Have it your way- said Twilight furtively, “I'm going to need a magic amplifier, but i don't know where to find one!” Luna, actually being useful, knew where to find one, and told Twilight to search for a specific piece of spoken information, in correlation with the words she spoke, she did magic that caused similar things to what she was intending to happen, then left the room. Twilight, with a scroll of the desired spoken information in hand hoof, took off to solve the magic of friendship the most practical way she could. “Once i find this bitch ass mcguffin, i’m going to turn everyhumans hooves into penises, that way i won't be a freak and won't have to pussy out on killing myself!” ejaculated Twilight perniciously.
Twilight arrived back home later that week with the information needed, unfortunately the information within was cryptic, vague, and spoken, so didn't actually exist on paper. Luckily, this would mean Twilight would get to use what she loved best; get shitfaced, and burn things naked. Unfortunately, her current mission was of utmost importance, so she had to research instead. Twilight then got onto her computer, though computers don’t exist, it was actually just a book. She turned to page Google and looked up the site she needed, after searching for several minutes, stopping sparingly for porn, she simply gave up, among all pretenses of subtlety, and began to read fanfiction. Noticing a fic under the name of Dawnlight Sprinkle’s Front Hooves Transform Into Giant Dog Vaginas, giving it a terrible review for being terrible at irony, and having zero subtlety as it kept pointing out how ironic its being, which isn't very ironic, wrote I ironically. She went back to searching for her desired information. Having decided to put a margin of focus into her search, after minutes and minutes of searching, found what she was looking for, the magical amplifier was located in the mountains underneath Canterlot. Having found her destination, she started out on a epic journey.
After going on her epic adventure, she flew back to Canterlot to start her search. Luna, aware of her plan, assisted by sending her a team of mountaineering ponies, then went to her room, and turned off the lights, Celestia fluttered to the floor exclaiming, “Fix it Twilight.” Among the team of mountaineering ponies was Heartbulge Battersnat, a hardened miner with a heart of iron, and other local minerals, Sinsats Melgallicon, a researcher with a heart of normal anatomical tissues, and Witwicky, a young man thrown into action by circumstance and forced to save the world. With her team, they began the search Penishoofinator, expertly keyed by Twilight. As they began their search at the base of the mountain, things immediately went from mediocre to terrible. Due to Twilights pyromania, a fire caught, and destroyed the structural integrity of a mine shaft, causing rocks, iron, and other local minerals to fall, and Sinsats Melgallicon was killed to death. Quickly moving on, up higher on the mountain, Twilights incessant prodding of a Komodo Tigerdile caused another tragic accident, as Heartbulge Battersnat was death to killed.
Twilight and Witwicky were left on the mountain to find the Penishoofinator on their own, and actually didn't have sex. Witwicky, brushing his curly dirty blonde hair out of his childish but handsomely rugged face, looked to Twilight with his stunning green eyes, and whispered to her, “I don't think we will find the Allspark up here.” Twilight, disheartened from being so bored, hastened to find a sign of the artifact she sought, which she thought was a pretty silly word, and turned to him, and in a fleeting moment of repressed passion, told him, “Holy shit, are you retarded, its right fucking there, please go die you piece of ass.” and ran to embrace the Penisspark in a embrace yet seen in those cold untouched, passionless regions. Witwicky, his job done, gave a nod of approval, and transformed into a jet, and flew off at the speed of suck while screaming “OPTIMUS” at the top of his lungs.
Twilight, now in possession of the artifact she seeked, sought, and suked, returned to Ponyville and set up the Penisspark in her bathroom. The Penisspark was a elongated peice of pink rock, with a long crack down the center which tapered into a hole down into the middle, with a small spherical nub, a word that means something because i’m sick of that joke. She slid her throbbing horn into the warm, moist confines of the Penisspark, dripping from the white sticky snow that was covering it, as she put the breadth and length of her erect horn into it’s quivering orifice, she began to feel the her magic growing more and more, until she felt like she was about to burst, more and more her magic filled the wet needy vagina of the artifact, vagina being an abjective, don't be perverted. Finally, when she thought she couldn't bare it any longer, she finally burst, spurting jets of stringy warm magic all over the face of Equestria in a single ecstatic burst of primal pleasure. She sat down unto her penises, and took a moment to catch her breath.
Once she had caught her breath, and finished off with the Penisspark, because it is rude as fuck leaving a Penisspark wanting more, ran outside to see her magical bukkake. Everywhere she looked, she saw penis, penis, dicks dongs, phallus, Ponyville was a Freudian dreamscape. Not only had her spell turned all the ponies back hooves into penis, nor had it only turned all of their collective limbs into cock. Everything vaguely penis shaped from the start was now a massive veiny throbbing horse erection, buildings, towers, trees, hooves, arms, fingers, penises. The sky was filled with floating chode clouds, ticking cocktowers, and in the horizon, the Cockalot Penis Palace of Princess Phallestia and Princess Limpcock. In the wake of her gooey dickshaped success, she was overjoyed, nothing could make this moment better! But of course, she was painfully, unbearable wrong, Witwicky, and his penis shaped jet glory flew down, and landed in front of Twilight, “You did it Optimus! You ruined everything!” He ejaculated, then ejeculated, sharing a meaningful glance with Princess Twilight Spunkle, they both leaned forward, laughing at their accomplishment, and
THEN THEY FUCKED AND DIED AND I DUNNO CANCER
*seriously what the fuck is that
