If a tree falls in the forest...

by whatmustido

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1246

What will Twilight do when confronted with one of life's toughest questions?

When a human asks a certain purple unicorn a question that not even the almighty human race can answer, to what lengths would she be willing to go to put the age-old question to rest?

Published 2013-05-23 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-23 03:40:01 UTC

...is Twilight stupid enough to study it?

You are Anon, and it’s been far, far too long since you’ve messed with any of the ponies. You get bored easily and you’re a dick, so if you don’t fuck with someone at least once a week, you’ll start going crazy.

Rarity’s always an easy target, but you go after her too often. You’ll never try anything on Pinkie Pie again, not after what happened last time. God, you’ll never get the smell of radishes out of your nose… Fluttershy is too easy of a target; she’s hardly worth bothering at all. Rainbow Dash and Applejack are dangerous to mess with. Dash, because she’ll get revenge. AJ, because her brother will get revenge. Most of the other, unimportant ponies in the town are boring and have simple reactions.

Which leaves you with Twilight. She’s usually easy to prank and her reactions are always hilarious. And that brings you to where you are now: standing in her library foyer.

“How can I help you today, Anon?” she sweetly asks.

You grin, a plan already formed in your dark and sinister mind. “You’re really smart, right? Do you think you can answer a question that even the humans had trouble with?”

She gasps excitedly and clops her hooves together. “I’d love to try! Any chance to work with human culture and their questions is so fascinating!”

“Alright, here it is: ‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?’”

The look of excitement on her face slowly strips away. Her ears droop and she falls flat on her ass, looking up at you with her soulful, violet eyes. “I… I… don’t…” Something seems to click in her mind and her hair seems to twist somehow. She slowly cranes her neck around the library, looking to both sides of herself before turning her gaze back to you, showing an insane glint in her eyes. “Of course I can answer that! Just give me… give me a few days!”

You nod gratefully. “Thanks, Twilight. And take your time; we humans have been working on this question for a while. I don’t expect you to be able to figure it out that quickly.” Somehow, the look on her face seems to grow even more frantic. “Anyway, I’ll see you later!”

You quickly let yourself out before she can completely lose her shit. It wouldn’t be fun to get caught in one of her panic attacks.

That’s another thing you never want to happen again. When you first got to Equestria, she wanted to know everything… EVERYTHINGabout you. That included reproduction. She did… things… to you. Sure, they felt good, but they scarred you mentally.

Anyway, you walk home with a bounce in your step and a smile on your face. You know you planted a bug in Twilight’s head that wouldn’t leave her for a few days, successfully removing your boredom.

Knowing you’ve done your messed up deed for the day, you quickly forget about the incident.

However… Twilight did not.

“A question not even the humans could answer…” she mutters, poring through her notes. “Masters of science, but they couldn’t figure it out. That means it isn’t a science question. Which means it’s a magic question! You can do this, Twilight. You don’t want to let Anon down, after all… Oh no, not after last time.”

You aren’t the only one that remembers her actions when you first entered Equestria. “Maybe he’ll forgive me if I can answer this question for him.” Another strand of her hair jerks loose from her head, giving her frantic face an even more horrifying look.

“But how should I begin? There’s nothing here! Nopony ever even thought about this question before!” She wonders why that is. It seems like such a simple, obvious question that should occur to anypony! Do things make sounds if nothing is around to hear those sounds?

On the surface, the answer seems like an obvious yes. But after thinking about it, she realizes that it isn’t so simple.

It’s never that simple.

So she turned to her notes only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing. Lacking the option of using any scholarly research, she thinks of who among her friends would know the most about trees.

Applejack, of course. But Fluttershy also knows a lot and she seems to have a high affinity for the leafy structures. She’d pay them both a visit…

It’s been a nice few days of work and simple activities, but you’re starting to get bored again. Feeling in a bit of a dangerous mood, you decide to pay Applejack a visit. You just know she’ll absolutely hate your apple joke.

After casually strolling up to the farm and looking around for a while, you realize that she’s nowhere to be found. You walk up to the farmhouse and give the door a few good knocks. Little Applebloom answers the door.

“What do ya need, Anon?” she happily asks, overly eager to help you after you decided to tell her what her special talent was. After all, what better way to fuck with Applejack than by doing something nice for her sister that would piss AJ off?

“Your sister around? I have a question for her.”

“Twilight hauled her and Fluttershy off ta the Whitetail Woods for some reason a day or two ago. I ain’t seen none of them since! Big Mac and I’ve been thinking about running off to rescue them, but Twilight seemed like she was in one-uh her ‘moods’.”

“Huh. Wonder what could have brought that up. Well, I’ll go see if I can find them. Thanks, Bloomers.” It’s a good thing no one knew what that meant.

“No problem, Anon! I’ll see y’all later!”

You wave as you walk away toward the woods, wondering what Twilight is doing that would require Schoolbus Skitters and Orange Background.

“C-can we go home now, Twilight?” you hear Fluttershy quietly ask as you walk into a glade.

“I have to be sure, Fluttershy! We can’t let Anon down!”

“And Ah still ain’t sure why you’re so keen on impressin’ that fella,” Applejack answers.

You clear your throat and say, “She makes a good point, you know. I am kind of a dick, after all.”

Twilight gasps and the other two look up. “Anon! I finally have an answer for your question!”

Question? “I don’t know what you’re talking about, unless you mean the one I’m here to ask Applejack.”

She flinches back. “You… you don’t remember?”

“No. When did I ask you anything? Actually, don’t answer that. Hey AJ, what’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?”

Applejack just lets out a longsuffering sigh before answering, “I dunno, Anon. What’s worse?”

“The ponycaust!”

Applejack just rolls her eyes and puts one of her front legs around Fluttershy’s shoulders, leading her home.

“God, everyone’s a critic. Well, see you later, Twilight!”

“But I have the answer to your question!”

“Don’t care. You should get back to town soon; it’s gonna rain in a few minutes.”

You are already a few feet away at that point, calling back over your shoulder. She just sags down as you continue walking.

Not that you notice, of course. You’re bored again.

Maybe you’d go talk to Rarity and convince her that pop tart outfits are in and offer to get Rainbow Dash to try one out for her.