4/18/13
The Heart and Soul
So, I hid from the satanic recess period. I wasn’t scared, only feeling the poop around me. Then a bunch of evil satanically-possessed peoples started to attack me; I suddenly became a full grown man in armor, Master Chief’s Mjolnir Armor, to be exact. I pulled out an SMG that I randomly found on the ground next to me, and began firing. It was like the cover art of Doom.
I fired relentlessly until I heard a noise behind me. It was a portal, from the portal gun, from Portal.
I didn't hesitate to jump in. When I came out, I was in a nice, beautiful field. I realized that my armor was blue, and that I had a sniper rifle. I looked right, and next to me, I saw (who else?) Rainbow Dash, with a sniper rifle.
She turned around and saw me; she leaped a little, distracting her from whatever she was trying to kill. I simply walked up to the rifle, turned around, and saw an Ursa Minor.
I noticed her rifle was far too small, and said, “No, no, no.” I pulled out my rifle, set it down, and noticed an OneShot from Gears of War 3. A nice, gigantic recoilless rifle. Sweet.
I picked it up, set it down, and said, “Much better.” I fired, and I was rewarded with wonderful squishy sound of the Ursa’s head disintegrating. I got back up, and noticed that Rainbow’s wings were straight up in the air. So, she had a wingboner.
That told me one thing.
“Are you having a… well…?” Then I came up with a hypothesis:
“Were you staring at my butt? Or were you thinking dirty thoughts that involved me? If it’s either, than I can tell what’s up with your wings.”
Rainbow blushed embarrassingly, and let out an embarrassed squeal. She said, “… I think… that I was…ummmmmm…” she tucked her head into her mane, trying to hide her face from my gaze. She said, “Well… yeah… I was looking at your… butt. I admit to it. Just… don’t try anything harsh.”
I felt confused. “What do you mean, ‘don’t try anything harsh’? You mean punishing you? For staring at my butt?” Rainbow looked up, and I here eyes told me that she meant that. “No, I won’t!” I cracked a smile. “It’s the first time anything female besides a dog or cat has had any interest in me, and the first time it’s actually not for food or money. Even though it’s definitely inappropriate, I couldn’t care less!” Rainbow looked up, and she was blushing a lot more; to the point that her face was entirely flushed.
She said, “Oh… thanks for not punishing me, or at least trying to. I’ve kind of been staring a lot recently, and many of the ponies have tried to punish me. I’ve almost always managed to fly away, but once or twice they’ve caught up to me.”
I could see her better now because I was focusing on her, and noticed she had what seemed like cat claw marks on her face, specifically between her eyes down to her muzzle, and that she seemed to have a black eye that had almost faded out entirely. Strangely, the cat-claw scars made her seem… Attractive. Now, I’m not a sadist, but somehow, just somehow, those scars made Rainbow look fantastic. Even so, I was angry. “Who did this to you?” I asked, raging.
“I think it was Filthy Rich that kicked me in the face… but even so, what do you plan to do to-o-”
She stopped entirely as she saw me with a Light Rifle over my right shoulder and that I was bouncing a Frag Grenade in my left hand.
“Are you mad?!”
“Emotionally, yes I am. Psychologically wise, no, I am perfectly clinically sane. I’m just glad that I don’t have PTSD.”
“Don’t kill him!” Rainbow begged. “Please, no!”
“Why?!”
“Because this is the first time nopony’s trying to punish me, and that they’ve kind of said that they like me! I don’t want you in jail!”
I could tell her concern was genuine.
I kneeled right in front of Rainbow, and said, “Alright. I won’t do it. But so help me G-d if someone else tries to hurt you again.”
“O.K.”
We walked into Ponyville together, where I attracted a lot of stares due to the major physical differences between me and them. I asked Rainbow, “So, why were you trying to hunt a bloody Ursa Minor?”
“Well…it was the same one that attacked Ponyville, and I've kind of been holding a grudge against it.”
“O.K.” I said uncertainly.
We walked into the library, where Twilight was being the bookworm that she always has been. She turned to Spike and said, “Spike, where did you put that magic book?”
Spike responded by saying, “I… I don’t remember Twilight!” Then he saw me and Rainbow, and I could tell Spike saw us as his saving grace. “Hey Twilight! There are visitors!”
“Spike, you’ve been using that excuse for-” Twilight turned around and saw both me and Dash just inside the door. “Oh. I thought Spike was just making excuses agai-” Then she saw how I was standing. “Wait, what’s that thing doing?!” Rainbow looked next to her, and noticed I was standing on the bookshelf right next to her… UPSIDE DOWN. “Who are you, anyway?”
I got down, and responded, “This is SPARTAN ALEX-535, reporting for duty.” Twilight seemed rather surprised by the military-style greeting, and asked:
“What are you?”
“A-” I was immediately interrupted by a set of hooves grabbing me from behind. I turned around and, unsurprisingly, there was Lyra Heartstrings.
Lyra asked me with a voice filled with ecstasy, “ARE YOU A HUMAN?!”
“Um… Yeah. I know you have a lot of interest in humans, but I’m kind of busy right now, so-”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! OH MY CELESTIA OH MY CELESTIA OH MY CELESTIA OH MY CELESTIA OH MY CELESTIA OH MY CELESTIA OH MY CELESTIA…”
She rapidly began chattering that exact phrase over and over again; I closed the door because, 1, it was becoming very annoying, and 2, I was kind of freaking out. I turned to Twilight and said, “Yes. I am a human being, species Homo sapiens. But I'm not just that. I am a SPARTAN-II.”
Now Rainbow was becoming excited. “You mean, from Halo?”
“Yes.”
Silence. Nice, subtle, peaceful silence, besides Lyra still chattering outside. Twilight broke the silence, and her voice was filled with interest. “Did… did the augmentations hurt?”
“Yes. Yes they did. Have you ever felt that every bone in you has been broken into glass shards?”
“Well… no, I haven’t.”
“You’re lucky, then. Even though you become unspeakably awesome after the augmentations, you’re blessed by Hashem if you survive them and don’t have any… side effects. Let’s not get into it.”
Twilight seemed even more interested, but then you-know-who burst into the house.
“I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS TO ASK!!!” Lyra yelled.
I took out my M6D Magnum, which I noticed had a tranquilizer dart. That was good. I calmly told Lyra, “No.” and fired.
The tranq sailed into Lyra’s face, but I had managed to carefully aim between the eyes so that I didn't hit her in the eye or something. Upon impact, Lyra started to slow. She asked groggily, “What is that thing?” before dropping to the floor. Now everyone in the room minus Lyra was looking at me in shock. I broke it up by saying, “It’s a tranquilizer, not an actual bullet! Things would be much messier if I had actually fired a bullet! Lyra’s just unconscious.”
Rainbow, Spike, and Twilight all sighed in relief. Twilight then asked me, “So, what can you do?”
I turned around; I smiled smugly, even though no one could see it through my visor. “Bring me a heavy object.” Twilight obliged and managed to use her magic to form a large, heavy table, made out of metal. I walked over to it and picked it up, causing startled gasps and wide eyes in my direction. I opened the door with my foot and kicked the table.
You know how Team Rocket always blasted off in the Pokémon cartoon show?
Well, let’s just say the table went just like that.
Now, everypony in the streets were looking right at me. I don’t need to tell you how surprised they were.
I walked back inside the library and shut the door. “That’s just one reason that Spartans are so special. Now, is there anything else you want to know?”
“Well…” Rainbow started. “I’ve always wanted to know what having a roommate is like, so would you mind…” Rainbow’s face was getting very, very red. I was afraid she’d have so much blood coming to her face it’d come out of her eyes, nostrils, ears, and mouth. “Would you mind… staying… with me?”
I whirled around and said, “Deal, but the problem is getting up to your home. Of course that’s no problem for you, but…” then I remembered something. “Alright, how far up is your home?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really bothered with that. I guess a few hundred feet?”
Curses. I thought to myself. I can’t use my jetpack.
I decided to ask Twilight my next question. “Twilight, how much does it cost to get a hot air balloon ride?”
The lavender alicorn seemed surprised that I’d actually had paid her some attention, and said, “I think twenty bits?”
“Curses. Is there a way to make easy money without stealing?”
“I don’t know.”
“Shit!”
Now there were more gasps. Now that was aggravating. “What, is cursing illegal? If not, stop being surprised by everything I do, unless it’s… I don’t know, killing an Ursa Major or something? Back to my question. Is there an easy way to get bits without having to steal them?”
Twilight said, “Well, I can give you some.”
“Done.”
Twilight walked over to a container, took out some coins, counted carefully, used her magic to get a small bag, put the coins in, closed the bag, and gave it to me. After I plucked it out of the air, she said, “Well, it was nice meeting you, Alex.”
“Pleasure to meet you too, Princess Sparkle.”
I bowed, much to Twilight’s surprise, and said to Spike, “Pleasure to see you, too. Hope you have some good luck with Rarity.”
As me and Rainbow turned to leave, there was a groan, and the sound of a pony getting up.
Fuck. I had forgotten about Lyra this whole time.
I turned around, and watched as she got up from the floor. She shook her head, and said, “Ugh. What happened?” Then she saw me. Great. “OH! THERE YOU ARE!”
“OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!” I said. I turned to Rainbow, and picked her up, tucking her beneath my armpit. I then said, “Let’s sprint this.”
I ran. Being a SPARTAN, that meant that I was much stronger, and for certain much, much faster than a normal human being. All I can say is that this speed became apparent as I sprinted away from the library.
“GET BACK HERE!” Lyra yelled as she… ran on her hind legs.
“YOUR FETISH HAS GONE TOO FAR!” I roared back, still sprinting quickly.
Rainbow and I dodged around ponies and stands and various other obstacles, until Rainbow pointed out, “There’s the well! There’s no way to get around it!” I looked up, and saw that she was right. There was a well right in front of us; too wide to dodge, too large to run through. “How are we going to do it?”
“We’ll jump over it.”
“What?! That’s not possi-”
She fell silent as I leaped directly over the well and landed on the other side. I turned around, and was stunned to see Lyra just across the well. She cried out, “NOOOO! I NEED TO LEARN MORE!!!”
I ignored her, and continued to run. Rainbow and I eventually reached the place where hot balloon rides were being given out. I stopped, let Rainbow go, and hurried over. There was nopony there. I bolted until I got in front of the pony that was offering the rides. He asked me, “What are you?”
“Not important.” I responded. “The destination is simple.” Rainbow got up and flexed her wings. I told the balloon pony,
“Follow the mare. I’ll pay you as soon as we arrive. I’ll give you all the bits I have for one quick ride to-”
“YOU’RE… GOING TO ANSWER ME!!!!”
I turned around, and saw Lyra, who was not looking very happy. “FUCK!” I yelled out loud as she then resumed running
toward me on her hind legs.
Then I turned around, looked to my right, and saw a blessing that had to be divine.
Right there, only twenty feet away, was a UH-144 Falcon.
“THANK THE HEAVENS FOR DIVINE PROVIDENCE!” I shouted. I ran to the Falcon, opened the cockpit, and strapped in.
“WHAT IS THIS THING?!” Rainbow shouted to me.
“A Falcon! A helicopter! We can fly out of here!”
“WHAT?!”
“No time to explain!” I yelled back as I began to turn the various switches and controls right in front of me. I shut the cockpit as the rotors began to spin up.
Slam.
“COME OUT!” Lyra yelled as she began pointlessly smashing on the glass. Too late for that, anyway.
“What are yah saying happened, Twilight?” Applejack asked as she tried to keep pace with her alicorn friend.
They had heard from Twilight about Lyra going crazy, and… just about everything else.
“I honestly can’t believe a word of this!” Rarity complained, straining to keep up. “It all sounds like a bunch of rubbish to me! Not to mention, this is sooo stressful! I-”
She was cut off as a strange chop-chop-chop noise resounded from the center of town. Then, a mint-colored pony slammed right into her. After recovering, she realized it was Lyra, who began shouting for ‘her precious’ to come back. Then, a massive, green object with two fan-like things protruding from its sides flew straight up. In the front was Rainbow, who was on the lap on some…thing.
“What in the name of Celestia is that?!” Rarity cried out, referring to both the green object and whatever was flying it. She
turned to Twilight. “Do you have any explanation for this madness?”
“Well… Actually, that green thing that’s flying, there’s no explanation I have for it. However, I do know who’s flying it. His name is Alex, and he’s a human.”
The other ponies gathered around and asked in unison, “What’s a human?”
Twilight sighed. Oh boy. She thought to herself. This is going to take a while.
“Where exactly is your home?”I asked Rainbow. “We’ve been flying straight up for 5 minutes!”
“Let me out, and I’ll show you the way!” Rainbow responded. She sounded just like her old, competitive self.
“Actually, that’s very dangerous. The rotors can cut you in half, and opening the cockpit will cause this Falcon to drop like a turd into a toilet.”
“It’s better than wandering around, isn’t it?”
“Fine.” I opened the cockpit. The rotors shut off, the engines shut down, and everything shut down as Rainbow flew out.
Now the Falcon began plummeting down.
“Well, now you ca- uh oh…” Rainbow said when she saw me plummeting.
I remembered my training and closed the cockpit. I desperately began flipping switches and grasped at the controls. I looked down and noticed I was pretty close to the ground. I couldn’t help but think about how embarrassing it would be to end up as a grease spot on the ground when the engines kick started, along with the rotors. My descent slowed, and eventually I began to rise. I couldn’t help but look down at all of the surprised faces down below. I waved, and noticed two tourists. I gave them thumbs up, as if to say, Yeah, we do this every day here in Ponyville. I began to soar back up into the heavens, and noticed Rainbow was still there, waiting for me. She motioned for me to follow her, and I set the Falcon to hover. The reason? Simple: When a Falcon is in hover mode, it moves much faster in the forward direction due to small jet-like engines in the back, powered by jet turbines, so basically, they were jet engines, but very, very small. I followed Rainbow until I saw her large cloud palace in the distance. She pointed to a cloud that kind of looked like a landing pad, and I managed a landing. To be honest, I was very surprised that I didn't go through the clouds. I stepped out of the Falcon, and my feet touched solid… cloud. I was in absolute shock due to this, and as I started to walk, my surprise must have shown in my movement. Rainbow came up to me and asked, “Why are you so surprised?”
“Well, where I come from, everything can go through a cloud. Planes, Falcons, birds, and I can tell that fecal matter can go through the clouds that are from where I’m from. How come these clouds in particular are solid?”
“Well,” Rainbow began, “Earth Ponies and Unicorns go right through clouds unless they have a spell cast on them. You, however, didn't have a spell cast on you, plus you’re a human, so maybe your armor lets you walk on clouds?”
“I ain’t Jesus, Rainbow. I’m Jewish, and… well, this shouldn’t be possible.”
“What’s a Jewish?”
I couldn’t help but find that adorable. “Oh. Well, Judaism is a religion, and believing in it makes you a Semite, or in other words, Jewish.”
“What’s Judaism?”
“Well, I'm not gonna talk about it.”
We ended up walking up to Rainbow’s home. She opened the door, and I ducked so that I could fit in. The place was very well furnished, but I didn't have enough time to explore because we had taken so long to get there that it was now night time. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“No!” Rainbow protested, “You’re coming with me!”
“It isn’t polite to force a guest to do something against their own will.”
“Fine!” Rainbow whined, admitting defeat.
It was late at night. I was standing over Rainbow’s bed, licking my lips in anticipation. I made several monkey noises, and Rainbow jolted awake. I got on top of her.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Rainbow cried. I then proceeded to assault her…
With a feather duster.
“AHAHHAHAH! NO! STOP TICKLING ME! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!”
I didn't violate her in any way, mind you. I just tickled her.
“AHAHAHAH! STOP! PLEASE, I-HAHAHAHA!” This was so much fun!
And then…
POMF!
Rainbow’s wings went erect again. The look on her face changed from laughter to one of extreme beauty.
“Oh. Uhm, ok.” I said. “I think I need to get off the bed now. We shouldn’t get di-”
Out of nowhere, she kissed me. Or at least, kissed my helmet where my lips were. She turned incredibly red again, and said, “Oh, dear! I, I didn't-”
You see, I modified my helmet so that the part that covers my lips could go up on command. I’ll tell you, I did just that.
Rainbow and I began to French kiss. I’ll tell you, it was wonderful. How could she not have any suitors?! She was better than anyone that had even bothered to do that with me! She pulled me very, very close to her, and I finally grabbed her in return, dragging her closer and closer. A moan resounded from Rainbow’s mouth; a sign I was actually doing well. Then, I felt something on the armor that protected my nether regions. I looked down, and saw that Rainbow was trying to get the armor off. More than that, she was basically clawing at it, desperate to get it off and to fornificate with me. “No. We can’t do that… at least not yet.” I told her.
“AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!” Rainbow complained, obviously disappointed by this. “Just a little?”
I couldn’t help but feel extremely surprised. “What’s gotten into you?!” I asked desperately. “How come you only want to initiate intercourse with me?! I don’t know much, but I know that’s not how a relationship is supposed to be!!!”
Now Rainbow was looking at me in surprise. “Well… you know what?! You’re right! But…” she started drawing me closer, and her eyes shined; her voice sultry. “We can still kiss, can’t we?”
“Yes Rainbow, yes we can.”
“…And that’s what a human is, my little ponies.” Lyra finished, looking out on her audience. “Any questions?” Rarity raised her hoof. “Yes, Rarity?”
“What would a human possibly want with Dash?”
“Hmmmm…” Lyra thought to herself. “I actually can’t answer that. Any other questions?”
Applejack raised her hoof and asked, “Well, what’s up with that certain human, then? Why is he in armor?”
“Good question, Applejack! You see, this human, Alex, is not a normal human. Most of the stuff I’m about to say are due to me finding top-secret human files. Alex was part of a program to create superhuman soldiers: The SPARTAN-II Program. He was kidnapped at around age 4-”
“WHAT?!” All the other ponies said in unison.
“-and was put into the program. He was taught how to fight, and then underwent augmentations to become far more powerful than any normal human. He survived the augmentations, luckily, without any side effects. His eyesight is now three-hundred percent better than a normal human’s, his skeleton is fifteen times stronger, and he is also spectacularly quick in both reaction speed and running speed and jumping, and one punch from him can break almost anything upon impact.”
Silence.
“Any other questions?”
Silence reigned.
“Well, thank you-”
“Well, how do humans…………reproduce?” Fluttershy asked.
“Well…” Lyra was now very nervous. “I’m not sure you’d like to know, but I guess I’ll have to talk. Humans reproduce similarly to ponies, but they… you know what, I’m not going to talk about it.”
And with that, the human discussion ended.
I woke up the next morning, and was surprised to see Rainbow Dash on top of me. “I just can’t stand being away from you. I love you so much!”
I blushed so much I swear she could see it through my helmet. “Well, thanks RD!”
“It’s no problem! Say, want to head out to Sugarcube Corner for breakfast?”
“Sure!”
We waltzed outside, and I noticed my Falcon had turned into a Pelican. Not just any Pelican, but the most recent model, the one with the Spartan Laser.
And right next to it was a familiar, gray-coated, cross-eyed Pegasus pony.
“HOLY SHIT, DERPY?!”
She turned to me, pulled out a muffin, and asked, “Muffin?”
“Why, thank you!” I said, and politely took the muffin from Derpy. I slipped the lip thingy on my helmet off, and bit in. “Mmmm. Thanks, Derpy! Chocolate Chip is my favorite!”
“No Problem! Derp!” and off went Derpy.
Rainbow gave me a confused look. I decided to pull out a radio headset, and told Dash, “This will let you communicate with me. Use it wisely, and don’t lose it.” And then I just stepped into the Pelican. I activated the engines, and tapped into the com. “RD, can you hear me?”
“Loud and clear!” Rainbow was giddy with excitement. “Let’s go!”
We glided down to Ponyville. Unsurprisingly, everypony was pointing and staring at my Pelican, but it just makes sense. I mean, if I had seen a pony walking around, I’d be doing the same thing. We eventually reached Sugarcube Corner, and I landed my Pelican behind it. I climbed out of the cockpit. Rainbow turned around and asked me, “Ready to meet Pinkie Pie?”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
We stepped in, and before I knew it, the party pony was right in my face.
“A-HA!”
I yelped, and jumped back.
“A-HA! THAT’S THE HUMAN!”
Pinkie began bouncing around in obvious excitement. “I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!” After a while, she finally stopped bouncing. “So, what have you done? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Well, I’m curious about you!”
I was overwhelmed; it felt as if Pinkie was pelting me with words. I could even feel the pelting physically. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t bring up anything. Thankfully, Rainbow was my saving grace. “Well… Pinkie, calm down. I’ll tell you the whole thing.”
Pinkie finally settled, and Rainbow began telling Pinkie everything that had happened since my arrival. When she got to last night, she said, “Well, Alex came out of nowhere and tickle-attacked me with a feather duster.” Pinkie was biting her tongue trying not to laugh. “He tickled me relentlessly, and then…”
Pomf.
Pinkie gasped; I could see her mind was going full throttle, trying to figure out what had happened. Before she could speak, Rainbow said, “No, No, No, NO! It wasn’t like that! Well, we did kiss, and I did try to do what you were guessing, but Alex stopped me.” She sighed, and said, “And that’s exactly what’s happened so far.”
Pinkie looked very surprised; I then noticed for the first time that she had a notepad, and had written down the entire story. “Err, Pinkie, why did you write down everything Rainbow said?” I asked.
“To tell the others, of course!”
“No, No, No, NO!” Rainbow screamed. “Pinkie, if you let Ponyville know, so help me-”
Pinkie went through the door like a bullet. I could tell she was going to Sweet Apple Acres. “We need to stop her!” I told Rainbow. “You ready to fly?”
“YES!” RD screamed so loudly that I almost reached for my ears in pain. We shot out of the door; Rainbow taking off and me shooting into my Pelican. We took off and headed for Sweet Apple Acres.
“Wow, Pinkie. That’s what happened?”
“Yes!”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell yah, pardner.”
Applejack and Pinkie emerged from the barn. Pinkie had insisted that they do it in private; Pinkie had told Applejack about Rainbow’s threat. This actually made Applejack nervous, but she had convinced herself that it was a joke.
“A-HA! THERE YOU ARE, PINKIE!”
Applejack looked up in shock to see Rainbow Dash, who was extremely angry.
“Pinkie, if you move one more inch, I will destroy you!” An entirely different voice roared.
Out of nowhere, right next to Rainbow, a strange craft appeared. In it was the human that Pinkie had told Applejack about.
Then, ZOOM! Pinkie was gone.
“FOLLOW THAT PINK!” Alex cried, and Rainbow soared ahead, Alex’s machine trailing behind.
What in the hay is going on? Applejack thought to herself.
“FUCK!”
Rainbow was extremely infuriated. She was so angry, that only I had managed to stop her from destroying everything in her home. She turned toward me.
“SHE’S FUCKING RUINED EVERYTHING! HOW DARE SHE?!”
Rainbow fell into tears; she buried her head in her hooves and cried. I ran my hand through her mane, feeling heartbroken not because of what had happened, but because RD was so sad, and had broken down. I felt so sorry for her.
“Face it, we’re history!” Rainbow howled, and wrapped herself around me. I began to blush a little, but knew that I needed to do something. “Maybe… maybe they won’t believe her. I mean, it actually sounds-”
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SHE WROTE DOWN THAT I CONFESSED! THEY MIGHT EVEN THINK THAT I’M A SLUT!”
I was feeling horrible. “You’re not a slut, Rainbow. You’re the most wonderful, loyal, beautiful, spectacular pony in existence. And those are only just 4 things about you that make you amazing.”
Rainbow looked up at me, tears covering her face, her eyes just… just… I can’t even describe how broken they were. They weren’t destroyed and bloody, but they mirrored all RD’s pain, sorrow, and sadness. “R-really?”
“Yes. There’s nothing slutty about you. You’re perfect. Not just for me, or for you, but for all the Pegasi.” Rainbow heard me, but just continued holding onto me and crying into my shoulder. I felt like crying myself. Then, however, I came up with an evil idea. But before I could even speak:
Knock knock.
“Hello? Is… is anypony there?” Fluttershy asked from outside.
“We… we just need to talk.” Twilight said.
“Dashie, are you in there?” Pinkie inquired.
“Rainbow Dash, what are yah doing in there?” Applejack requested.
“Rainbow…” Was all Rarity could say.
I wasn’t going to let them in after this. Fuck no. I stormed to the door, and shouted, “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU FOALS WANT?!” Rainbow was crying behind me; I was being stared at in shock, but all I saw was pure blood-red. I turned to Pinkie in rage. “WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?! ARE YOU PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS OF YOUR ACTIONS?! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?! HUH?!” I turned to the rest of them, seething with absolute rage, hatred, wrath, pretty much every wretched feeling: malice. “GO BACK TO THE HOLES FROM WHICH YOU ALL CAME FROM!!!!!!” With that, I slammed the door shut. I could hear crying outside, but I couldn’t care less that they were crying. Remember the Golden Rule, reader? Treat people the way you want to be treated? Well, I couldn’t have cared less if they hated me. I needed to nurture and protect My Little Dashie (not the story, but the pony), and heal her wounds. That was my highest priority. Through all her tears, Rainbow managed to form a coherent sentence: “What… what happened?”
“Nothing, Rainbow. It’s nothing to worry about.” I turned toward the door, and could hear the hot air balloon begin its descent.
“It’s something for them to worry about.”
“You m-mean, m-m-m-my friends?”
“Yes Dashie, yes it is. Let them suffer over it.”
All this did was make Dashie cry even more. I began to cry, an animalistic sound from deep within my heart and soul.
“Why?!” Pinkie cried out as she and her friends floated back down to Ponyville. Her mane had deflated for obvious reasons.
Fluttershy was silent. She was too busy burying herself in sorrow. She couldn’t get over the fact that Alex had been so cruel.
“What… what in the hay?! Why is he… how come he…” Applejack just couldn’t form a sentence. She was in shock from the SPARTAN-II’s absolute rage.
“How come he has so much rage?!” Rarity screamed, unable to contain her rage.
Twilight couldn’t speak. For one of the first times in her life, she was entirely speechless. That wasn’t the Alex she remembered meeting. He was bright, and very cheery, not cruel, wrathful, and disrespectful. She finally gathered the strength to form a sentence. “We… we need to see the Princess. She might have a solution to this problem.” Everypony else nodded in agreement. “It’s settled, then. We’re going to see the Princess as soon as possible.” As they split up to get ready to get to Canterlot the next day, Twilight prayed that everything would be alright.
I was still comforting Dash. She had finally managed to stop crying, and had asked me about what had happened when her friends had come by, and when I told her, she had started crying again. She begged to know why I was so hateful towards all of them, and I told her that they shouldn’t have allowed Pinkie to tell them what had happened because the information she had given out was very personal, and that it was extremely rude of her to spread it around, and that she was at the root of all this. Despite this being very true, Dash yelled at me, saying that I might have stopped them from being friends with her anymore. I told her that the kind of friendships she had were unbreakable; ones I’d never had until I had met her. “Why wouldn’t you have any of the kinds of friendships that I have?”
“My friends, minus you, are dead.”
“WHAT?!”
“They died, Dashie. The war took them away, and there isn’t any way to bring them back.”
Dash looked up at me; her eyes were wide with sympathy now. “Your… your friends died in the… what was it called… the Human-Covenant War?”
“Yes. The worst part is, the friends I made in a single day died the next. There was Anthony; he was a good fellow and an excellent guy with his rifle. I meet him, we have dinner and learn about each other, become friends, and the very next day, ‘bam’, he’s shot in the head by a Jackal, trying to show somoene an issue he was having with his rifle; it was jamming a lot.”
Before she could even speak, I ran down a list.
“Gyule, torn limb from limb by a Hunter. He always loved animals, and got killed by one of them. The irony is stunning. John; stabbed by an Elite. William; decapitated by a Brute. Ellis; murdered by a suicidal Grunt. Mark; butchered by a group of Brutes. Johnson; he died in a tragic game of plasma grenade tag. Kate; she died looking for her car keys, in a pool, of Imulsion.” I let that sink in, and then resumed. “Looking for her car keys! Franklin; hit by a train. Oh, and Benjamin. He managed to last a week, before he got his intestines liquefied, by flesh-eating insects.” I went on for almost an hour, running off a list of names of friends that hadn’t gotten to live long. “I felt cursed.” I said, after going through one-hundred names. “I felt that anyone who would talk to me would die, so I became extremely anti-social. I stopped talking for years. After the war, I was sent to a school, somehow became a little kid, hid during a satanic recess period; I didn't have my armor on because I had somehow turned into a kid again. Then I got attacked by a group of satanically-possessed peoples, found myself in my armor again, picked up an SMG, ended up in a situation that mimicked the cover art of Doom perfectly, saw a portal, jumped through it, and I ended up in the field that I met you in.” I breathed in; I hadn’t breathed at all when I had explained how I had ended up in Equestria. Rainbow was actually grinning, biting her tongue to not laugh. “What’s so funny?!”
She exploded. Hearing her laugh was good; it meant she was feeling better. “It was so funny how you talked. Ratatatatatata! You were like a machine gun!” I felt a little disgusted, but I didn't want to rain on her parade; in fact this is what I had wanted: For Rainbow to smile, to laugh, to be happy. I seemed to have succeeded with that. We soon began to talk about other things, such as what we felt we should do to make amends, specifically for what I had done. Rainbow said I should apologize for my actions, but I couldn’t find any strength in me to do that. She almost began to cry again and seemed enraged when I told her that I might be incapable of doing that for the rest of my life. She ended up yelling one word at me: “WHY?!”
I answered, “I’ve had this happen to me beforehand, time and again. I’ve seen horrific things, Dashie, things so saddening and repulsive that I will never forget them. The worst of these were what I cannot forgive your friends for. We had a war to fight, and there were blithering fuckfaces who passed on gossip that sometimes pushed people to commit suicide! It was so disgusting to see such things! And the cruelest asses would be chuckling at the funeral of the dead man or woman!” Dash was stunned by how I had become so infuriated by one word. Then, I said one thing too many:
“One time, I was so fed up with this one shithead in particular, that I… I… I… I… THAT I FUCKING KILLED HIM!!!” Dash was speechless. I couldn’t have cared less though, so I continued. “I COULDN’T TAKE HIS STUPIDITY, SELFISHNESS, AND THE FACT HE WAS AN ATTENTION WHORE ANY LONGER, SO I KILLED HIM!!!”
I collapsed. I had given away my darkest secret. Rainbow was just staring at me with wide, mortified eyes. I got into a fetal position, and began to whimper. I sounded like a child, a 2-year old baby that had decided to cry over spilled milk. But I had spilled my darkest secret; the darkest stain on my heart and soul. I looked up, and noticed that RD had become very, very angry. “HOW COULD YOU?!” She shouted. I was confused, and asked her what she was asking me about. She responded coldly, “HOW COULD YOU HAVE KILLED ONE OF YOUR OWN?! IS PINKIE NEXT?! OR APPLEJACK?! OR EVEN ME?!” Without any further words, she flew away, out her door, leaving me to suffer alone. I felt a cold feeling that some of my heart and soul was scooped out with a cold spoon, and I began to shiver and cry.
Twilight and her friends were all packed and ready to go. They had purchased train tickets, and were ready to go. They boarded the train and left for Canterlot. While on the way, they made idle conversation, discussing what they would have to say to Celestia. About halfway there, they heard a banging noise on the roof of their segment if the train. They braced for whatever was trying to burst in. After a few minutes, the part of the roof that had been bashed finally gave way! Twilight prepared to fire away, but stopped when she say a very familiar face.
“Rainbow?”
“Yeah guys, it’s me.” Rainbow announced as she descended from the piece of broken roof. “Listen, I’m really sorry about what Alex did, but it seems…” She started to sniffle; she had no choice but to come to terms with what he had said. “… He doesn’t seem to have regretted anything that he said.” RD quickly changed the subject. “I’m going to come with you guys to Canterlot. I need to speak to the Princess.”
The other ponies were stunned. “You… you mean it, Dashie?” Pinkie asked, her mane starting to poof back up again.
“I forgive all of you.”
“How come you did not tell me of this as soon as you learned of what he was?” Celestia questioned Twilight, an aggravated tone in her voice.
“We… we just didn't know, Princess.”
Celestia turned around, and began a monologue: “Humans.” She began. “They aren’t horrible creatures- they can be extremely kind hearted, loving, trustworthy, and wonderful creatures- but more often than not, they will kill each other, and this is, more often than not, occurring for no reason. Some create corrupt governments, killing their own citizens for racist, discriminate means. The Holocaust is an excellent example of this. Not to mention, a strange craft similar to the one your friend uses for transport has continuously raiding Canterlot.” Celestia turned around. “And this human… this… Spartan… was part of a program to create super soldiers to fight an alliance of alien races known as the Covenant?” Nods from Twilight and her friends. “Well, it seems that this human is, in a way, a lost soul. Broken due to losses, he escaped a… unusually comical situation, and ended up here, happy to be able to start again.” Celestia finished. She began to speak again. “I demand to speak to this Alex.” She turned to Rainbow Dash, and said, “Bring him here as soon as you can. I would like to see him in the garden.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Rainbow said as she flew off. As she soared out of Canterlot, she thought to herself, I hope Alex is okay.
I was still there, almost floating in my own tears. I had easily, and strangely, cried over 5 gallons of tears, and I was surprised I hadn’t drowned. After a few more minutes, I heard a familiar voice:
"Get up, soldier! You can’t cry all day long! The Covies will just kill you and laugh!"
It was the man that had made me a SPARTAN: Chief Petty Officer Mendez. I started to get up; my eyes were searching for the Chief, until I found him right in front of me. "Now, get to work, soldier! Clean this place up, before your marefriend ends up finding all her stuff falling from the sky!" I turned around, saw the door had opened, and that RD’s stuff was floating towards it. I couldn’t help but turn to thank Mendez, to only see he wasn’t there. I rushed forward, slammed the door, found a towel, put it into the slit of the door, and began to clean up. After a while, I stared at the room. I had reorganized everything; putting everything where it was exactly, with nothing being even a nanometer apart from where it originally was. I smiled, remembering I could be a bit of a Twilight Sparkle myself. Everything had to be perfect.
Then, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it, and was stunned to see Rainbow right there, with a concerned look on her face. “Alex, are you-” She looked behind me, and seemed pretty surprised that all of her stuff was in perfect order. “Oh… wow. Thanks.”
“No problem. I can be a bit of a Twilight Sparkle when it comes to organization.”
Rainbow chuckled at this remark, and then asked, “Are you O.K.?”
“Yes.”
“Well, Celestia wants to see you in the Royal Gardens. NOW.”
I sprang into action, literally flying to the Pelican because I had activated my jetpack. I climbed in, closed the cockpit, and told Rainbow through radio contact, “Alright. Stay slow enough that I can keep up.”
“Roger that.”
“Why does the Princess want to see me?”
“To learn about you.”
We soared off into the beyond, heading towards the capital of Equestria.
“Wow.” That was all I could say when we reached Canterlot. It was beautiful: a city surrounding Celestia’s castle on the edge of a cliff. Perfect for a postcard. If I could reach Earth, I’d send someone a postcard saying, Hey. In Equestria, Haven’t Died Yet. Rainbow and I soared in, heading towards the New Castle of the Royal Sisters. We landed in the garden.
Or at least Rainbow did. I landed on a very stubborn tree.
“Well…” I said through COMs. “This is bizarre.”
After somehow getting off of the Pelican and making a soft landing on the ground, me and Rainbow got back together, and we strolled off to the center of the Royal Gardens, near the hedge maze. As we passed by, I grunted, “Hate that place.”
“Why?”
“Discord’s funny, but he kind of went overly malicious in there.”
“Oh.”
Rainbow and I progressed further, until we finally made it to the center. I noticed Celestia right in the center spot of the center of the Royal Gardens. I couldn’t help but think: CENTERCEPTION. Even so, as soon as I made it to Celestia, I bowed. “I have arrived, Princess.”
“Good afternoon, Alex.” Celestia responded. “I am very curious about you, even though I have heard much about you. Both good, and bad.” I kind of winced when I heard that. She knew about my outburst; my total rage, and in a way, unnecessary wrath. “I look forward to learning about you, Alex. Starting no-”
‘Sister?” A royal voice called. I turned around, and noticed Luna was right there, trying to ask her sister… something. When she saw me, she started… blushing? This was new. I had decided to open my heart to one of the wielders of the Elements of Harmony, and out of nowhere, I had gotten the hots of a royal princess. I couldn’t help but consider it. My favorite of the two royal Alicorn Sisters had a crush on me. As soon as Luna saw I was staring at her, she said to Celestia, “Never mind. Goodbye.” And quickly left.
Celestia turned to me and asked, “What was THAT about?”
I couldn’t help but answer honestly: “I… I think your sister kind of has a crush on me.”
Now Celestia was the one who was surprised. After a few minutes of Celestia staring in shock, she regained focus, and told me, “Just… just get on with it, will you?!”
“Of course.”
I began to tell Celestia the story of my life. From birth to the satanic recess period to Dash’s erect wings to now. Then came the part about the… night. The night Rainbow and I had almost fornificated. Almost as if reading my mind, Celestia became shocked, and remarked, “That really almost happened?” I felt hot on the cheeks, and told her that yes, that did almost happen. She asked me to continue talking, and I did resume. As I finished, I heard a familiar, whining noise: The sound of a Pelican’s engine. I looked up, and saw a Pelican, but this one was a different model than mine. Specifically, it was one of the ones that had fought in the Battle for Installation 00.
When I saw the pilot, a chill ran down my spine. It was a SPARTAN-II.
A SPARTAN-II that I remembered was part of my original squad.
I watched as Celestia turned to face the craft, and before I could stop her, she fired a powerful blast of magic. It hit the Pelican directly, and the once-graceful aircraft went down in flames. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” I screamed. Without hesitation, I began to run for the out-of-control Pelican. I watched as it crash-landed safely outside of Canterlot, but that didn't stop me from heading towards the flaming wreck. But I then watched in horror as the transport exploded, pieces of metal flying everywhere. I started crying immediately, and resumed running toward the wreck. I looked inside.
There were no survivors.
I looked at the numbers on the armor of those who used to be my squad mates. I wish I hadn’t. They were the SPARTAN-IIs that had come directly after me in augmentations.
ASHUR-536.
MARIA-537.
BUTCH-538.
MARCUS-539.
And JESSE-540.
I lost it right then. These were the men and women that had been friends with me until I had had to leave our squad. I had hoped we would meet again, when everything was better. It was ironic; everything had gotten better, but I only got to see their dead corpses. They never even got to see me at all. I remained there, mourning my old friends for almost a half-hour, until I heard a voice outside say, “Alex?! Are you okay?! Please, answer me!!!” It was Rainbow Dash. I didn't pay attention, though. I walked out, carrying Marcus’s body in my arms.
As I stepped out, Rainbow’s expression turned from concern to shock. She spoke in a voice that was filled with sadness, sorrow, sympathy, and whimpered, “Is that… is that…”
“Yes, Rainbow. This person in my arms is... was a SPARTAN-II, just like me. Now he’s dead.” Rainbow looked at me sadly, then her ears perked up.
She said, “Wait… wait a minute. What’s that song?”
I began to listen, and heard a familiar song:
Mad World, from the Gears of War trailer. It was the revamped version that was done by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules. The lyrics started: “All around me are familiar places. Worn-out places, worn-out faces.”
I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly; I had always played this song when I had felt sad, and the cue couldn’t have been better. I looked around, and noticed a shovel and some stones. I turned to Rainbow and asked her one important question:
“Will you help me bury my comrades?”
Rainbow looked up at me, covered in tears. Through her sobs, I could make out her saying, “Yes, Alex. Yes I will. Celestia as my witness.” We then stormed toward the Gardens.
When Celestia, accompanied by Twilight and the rest of her friends, along with guards, Princess Luna, and every curious citizen in Canterlot arrived at the location of Alex and Rainbow, they saw a scene that would never leave their minds.
There were 5 graves. The song, that damn sad song, continued to other lyrics: “Children waiting for the day they feel good. Happy birthday, happy birthday.” Then, they saw something that would leave many scarred for life:
There were 5 young human kids. They seemed to be waiting for someone. A sixth person came in, turned on the lights, and the 5 other kids screamed, “SURPRISE!!!” The sixth child looked in shock, and smiled a wonderful, joyous smile. There was a date on the bottom right corner. It stated, “JUNE 1ST, 2225.” The surprised kid thanked the other kids. On their clothes, they had names, followed by numbers. Twilight, her friends, and the two princesses were chilled to the bone when they saw the names and the numbers:
The fourth-largest kid in the room walked up to the astonished kid, and told him that they had planned it just for him. He wore glasses, and was also carrying a study book. He had a horn-like protrusion coming from his forehead. On his shirt it said: ASHUR-536.
One of the girls had embraced the surprised kid. She was incredibly well dressed (As well dressed as you can get in a mysterious place, anyway), very pretty, and spoke with an accent. MARIA-537.
A boy that was pretty beefy jumped around and screamed in excitement, “YAY! THIS IS AWESOME! I HELPED DECORATE!!!” BUTCH-538.
The second-largest boy in the room was incredibly muscular, and said, “I haven’t told a lie, and never will. Bro, this is all for you. I don’t care if the instructors get angry, because I’ll stand beside you, and will never tell anyone a lie, especially not you, my friend.” MARCUS-539.
The second and final girl only said one thing in a shy, timid voice: “Uhm… Hooray for our birthday boy.” JESSE-540.
The kid that had come in then said, “Aw, guys, I would never leave you alone for anything! I’ll always put you guys ahead of me because you’re the only family I’ve got!” His shirt said: ALEX-535.
Right there and then, Twilight, Celestia, Luna, RD, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie realized they were seeing Alex’s memories as a child.
The next few lines came in, and it showed Alex and his friends running around, shooting at strange aliens. Some of them looked like bald chickens and had some sort of thing on their arms that blocked projectiles, some were short and had a fuel tank of whatever on their backs, and others were tall with strange, backwards knees and mandibles. Two other kinds were there: Massive, hulking creatures that seemed to be made out of worms. Then the ‘skin’ moved, and the ponies realized they were made of worms. The final aliens were apelike beasts. Some had gigantic, hammer-like tools, and others were equipped with Celestia-knows-what. The only obvious thing was that they were holding weapons.
Alex was holding a machine gun, blasting multiple creatures to pieces, then threw his weapon down and fired a rocket from what seemed to be two tubes at one of the worm-beasts. It hit directly, and the beast was torn in half. An image of Alex as a child flashed up, with subtitles saying, “SQUAD LEADER, HEAVY WEAPONS, AND EXPLOSIVES EXPERT.” This was then replaced by the battlefield, only the view was now on Jesse, who was firing at the aliens. She aimed at one of the ape things, and fired. The creature’s head blew open, with bits of blood flying everywhere, accompanied by chunks of brain and skull. An image of Jesse appeared, which had subtitles saying, “SNIPER.” The battlefield returned again. Marcus ran up to one of the mandible aliens, and took out a knife. He stabbed the beast fiercely, then picked up a shotgun, closed in on another one, and blasted it into multiple pieces. Purple blood flew everywhere as the alien’s entrails soared and landed on its comrades. Once again, a picture of Marcus appeared, showing him lifting a car and also revealing that he had a scar over one of his eyes. Subtitles appeared, and they said, “CLOSE-COMBAT EXPERT.” The cycle continued, with Maria being the infiltrator, and Ashur was the translator and technological expert. Then it showed physical qualities of each of them, but they soon realized the qualities were in order, and the first letter of each quality spelled something out. When Celestia, Twilight, RD, Luna, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie, and Applejack figured out what was spelled out, it shocked the ponies even more.
With Ashur, the first letter of each of the words translated to: MAGIC.
Maria’s spelled out: GENEROSITY.
Butch’s spelled out: LAUGHTER.
Marcus’s said: HONESTY.
Maria’s said: KINDNESS.
Alex was the last one. His spelled out: LOYALTY.
All the ponies left these memories, only to witness Alex crumpling, and turning to embrace Rainbow, who embraced him, and Alex began to moan. It was an animalistic cry, a sound that made them feel feelings so extreme that they cannot be described. The most shocked ones were Twilight and her friends. They had seen themselves in a human form, even though 3 of them were male, they all had so much in common that all but Rainbow felt that they had truly died. Twilight noticed that Ashur had one quality that stood out: “Able to us telekinetic abilities.” Another chilled her even more: “Genetic issue caused horn-like protrusion to come out of forehead. Seems to glow whenever subject uses telekinesis.” Everypony then focused on Alex, who was still crying onto Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. He was Loyalty. He was the human male equivalent of Rainbow. It made perfect sense now! Rainbow Dash and Alex loved each other because…
“They’re practically one and the same.” Luna said, cutting off the narrator and stating the blatantly obvious. All the ponies except the wielders of the Elements of Harmony and the Royal Sisters, who were still very surprised by what had unfolded before them.
Rainbow finally broke the silence by asking Alex “Is there… is there anything that I can do to help you feel better?”
“No. No Rainbow, there isn’t, it’s alright.” Alex got up, and faced Celestia.
“YOU.” I almost screamed at Celestia. “Are you happy now? Are you happy with what you’ve done to us?! More specifically, what you did to them?!”
Celestia simply responded, “I did not know that you had such a close tie with them. I offer my deepest apologies.”
“APOLOGIES doesn’t cut it!!!” I snarled. “I understand that you didn't know, but I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” I started pacing back and forth. I threw my arms up as I said, “LOOK AT YOU!!! YOU HAVEN’T SHED A TEAR! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE YOU IF YOU AREN’T EVEN BEING REGRETFUL?! YOU DON’T EVEN SOUND LIKE YOU REGRET ANYTHING!!!” Before Celestia could speak in response, I said, “YOU’RE JUST APOLOGIZING!!! I’VE HEARD MORE SINCERE FALSE APOLOGIZING!!! NOW LET ME ASK ONE QUESTION!!! WERE THERE ANY CASES WHERE MY SPARTANS ATTACKED ANY PONIES?! I WANT THE ANSWER RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! NO EXCUSES!!! NO STALLING!!! I WANT THE TRUTH, AND THE REAL TRUTH!!! NO SUGARCOATING IT!!!”
Celestia was stunned into pure silence. She just stared at me. Her eyes told me the answer: My Spartans hadn’t done anything to deserve their deaths.
Before any response could be given, I sprinted. I ran towards where my Pelican had crashed. It was time to have justice for my squad mates. As I lifted off, I thought: Please, let this work. Please Hashem, if what I am doing is wrong, strike me down. Otherwise let me be free.
Rainbow Dash was stunned. Alex had gone from remorse to pure, indescribable hatred and unthinkable wrath. Now, though, she felt that he needed someone to take his side. Celestia hadn’t shown any remorse. She had been so… simple. Her eyes actually screamed that she… didn't feel anything. Rainbow was the Element of Loyalty, but she weighed the situation. The only 5 people that had treated Alex like he was their own flesh and blood were dead. Celestia hadn’t shed a single royal tear. She was royalty, but that didn't mean anything when it came to something as tragic as this. “Well, Celestia?” She started. “Aren’t you going to say something?!” RD’s voice began to rise in tone, as she started to succumb to her rage, and her sympathy for her friend. “CAN’T YOU AT LEAST SHOW A SIGN OF REGRET?!” Celestia just stared, and she actually looked angry. That should’ve scared Rainbow, but it only pushed her even more. “FORGET IT!” She roared. Before anything could even be done, Alex’s Pelican soared above.
“Celestia, be happy with one thing. I will spare your life, and the lives of your subjects. However, you must pay. YOU WILL LOSE YOUR ROOM, AS IT WILL CRUMBLE TO THE GROUND! AND I DON’T CARE IF SOMOENE’S IN IT; THEY’LL END UP SUFFERING DUE TO YOUR MISTAKE!!!” Then, a red glow began to appear from the front of the Pelican. A few seconds later, a spectacular red laser blasted out fearsomely, and part of Celestia’s castle collapsed. It was a small part, but that wasn’t enough for Alex, as he began to fire rockets, bullets, and what seemed to be a tank turret that was on the top of the Pelican. Within seconds, an entire section of the castle was absolutely annihilated; all that was left of it was dust in the wind. Before Celestia could even do anything, the Pelican turned around, and began to fly towards RD’s home. Rainbow just took off in pursuit.
“What in the name of Equestria was that brute thinking?!” Was all Rarity could say. In fact, it was all anypony could say. Despite Alex’s relatively unreasonable attack, they felt it necessary to take Alex’s side. He was less of a brute than he was a victim of his seemingly uncontrollable rage, which might have been a side effect of his augmentations to become a SPARTAN-II. Without word, all of them abandoned Celestia, with Twilight being the last to go.
After they were all gone, Celestia turned toward the graves, and began to cry. She did not cry for herself, but for the lives she had claimed and the pain she had inflicted. She felt her mind beginning to deteriorate, as she slowly began to become something far worse.
I had returned home; I couldn’t get over the fact that my fellows had died. You might think what I had done is wrong, but the loss of my comrades was something that had to be avenged. It was just wrong to kill some people when they were doing something they had done to survive. I had looked into the Pelican, and had seen stolen goods, and water. They had been getting supplies. They didn't have a choice in that matter. It was either live or die, and they had struggled to survive. I didn't know how long they had been in Equestria, but I saw it as long enough that all their attempts at survival had ended in vain. I had no choice but to go to sleep. I slammed onto RD’s bed after going to her room, and shut my eyes.
The next morning, I woke up, and realized it was June 1st. It was my birthday! I looked next to me, and RD was laying down, awake, and in a position that made her look very sultry. She was laying down sideways, but had her head propped up on one of her hooves and faced my direction. She was looking, to say the least, pretty excited. And as always, she looked, very, very beautiful. “Well, well, well, the big boy’s awake.”
“It’s my birthday.” I told her, excitement creeping into my voice.
“You’re joking!”
“NO!” I said, ecstatic. However, I then remembered the laws of mourning in Judaism. “Even so, I can’t celebrate it. Not after yesterday. I must wait until a year has passed. It’s part of my religion.”
“Oh, c’mon!” A familiar, hyperactive voice said somewhere from beyond my peripheral vision. Before I could even tell what was going on, the lights flashed on, and I saw a banner. It stated clearly, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALEX!”
“WOAH, WOAH, WOAH!” I said, shocked. “How did all of you know it was my birthday?”
Applejack cantered into my peripheral vision and said, “When we saw the memory of your surprise birthday party, there was a date on the bottom right. We figured out it was your birthday today.”
I was too surprised to say anything. I had been so hostile to all of them, and they had tolerated me the whole way through. I felt tears, but these were of joy, not of sorrow, for I had been accepted despite my hostility. “Gee, thanks guys!” I couldn’t help but join in the festivities. They deserved something from me. I mean honestly, it would probably be the last straw if I remained too rigid. It was better to celebrate now, and show I had a sense of community instead of being somewhat selfish and leaving everyone else in the dark. Pinkie had gotten cake. Applejack got me to go bobbing for apples. Fluttershy let me mess around with her birds, which she had brought up here from her cottage. Twilight gave me books about wars that had taken place in Equestrian history. Rarity tried to get a suit onto me. That didn't work. I recall that conversation clearly:
“YOUNG MAN! I NEED YOU TO GET THIS SUIT ON!”
“NEVA!”
Rarity had started chasing me everywhere, while I jumped over everything. Chairs went ballistic, a suit flew everywhere, and Rarity eventually gave up.
I received presents, got songs sung to me, and when everypony left, me and RD were alone. I turned to her and said, “I just realized you didn't get me a present.”
“Oh, I have one, alright. Come with me.”
I followed her until we got to the bathroom. She told me to come in, and I followed. She locked the door behind me, which confused me. Why would she need to lock the door? I heard the water for the shower turn on, and Rainbow just stood outside the tub. I also noticed the drain was plugged, and that the water was soapy. A pony version of Mr. Bubble? She asked me, “Care to settle in?”
I didn't hesitate. But before I got into the tub, Rainbow said, “Oh, wait. You’re gonna have to get your stuff off.”
“What?!” I asked, confused. “Why?!”
“How can somepony enjoy a bath when they can’t feel anything?” Point went to her. I managed to get my armor off, which honestly took a bit. I mean, manually taking off a set of MJOLNIR MARK IV armor is not as easy as it seems it would be. After finally getting it off (excluding my helmet), I stepped in, and it felt fantastic. The water was so warm, and it felt even better because I hadn’t gotten my armor off for a long time. I mean over 30 years kind of a long time. Kind of a long time when you’re bleeding, sweating, and sometimes urinating and excreting in the same suit of armor, you know. As I laid there, I noticed RD was watching me. She asked, “So, how old are you, handsome?”
I blushed as I said, “Forty.”
“Well.” Rainbow said. “I guess you should have some company, then.” She then slid into the tub, which kind of shocked me. Then, she flew over to me, laying down on my chest, and tried to kiss me again. After giving the command, the lip-piece slipped up, and I returned RD’s kiss. After that, she kind of looked down to my… Staff of Power with some interest. Without turning, she asked me, “Well, is that how you…”
“Yeah…” I said, curious as to what she was getting at. “Don’t touch it.”
Rainbow let out a disappointed sigh.
“Alright, let me guess. You wanted to give me SEX on my birthday. Thanks, but no thanks.”
Rainbow sighed, took flight, and laid underneath the bath head when she got to it. She let herself get soaked, and her mane became straight.
Pomf.
RD turned to me, and I forgot everything. I forgot my name. I forgot where I was. I forgot I had a staff at all. I forgot how to speak. I forgot I even existed.
She was unbelievable. Aphrodite, Greek goddess of love, would have zapped Rainbow out of sheer jealousy. Words cannot describe how… well, what’s the point of writing down that words that can’t describe it only to write a word that described it to some extent? It defeats the purpose.
“Now, Alex. Are you ready for yo-” She stopped, stared at my face, and began laughing like there was no tomorrow.
“What?” Was all I could say.
“Oh, Alex! You’re so red, I can see your face through your helmet!”
So she had always been curious to see me without my helmet off, I hadn’t wanted to take my helmet off, had vowed it as soon as I had put it on, and RD saw my face when I still had my helmet on. Go figure.
“Anyways. Are you ready for your present, big boy?” RD’s voice was so seductive that I nodded uncontrollably. She giggled, slid on, and well, let’s just say RD and I had quite a time. :).
Pinkie was still in the house, hiding in the vents, wearing a pink ninja suit. She had decided to wait for Alex and Dashie to come out of the bathroom, and then scare the daylights out of them. She wanted to have a post-birthday party-party, and had convinced everypony else to hide in wait outside. After half-an-hour, though, Pinkie started to become curious. What in Equestria would make them take so long? Maybe Alex was taking a long bath? Pinkie felt obligated to find out. She crawled through the vents like a ninja would, and took out a ninja star that was made of hardened gingerbread; they were so sharp that they could cut through a wall. As she stalked closer, and closer, she began to hear noises. As she got even closer, she could make out what was being said:
“HARDER!” Rainbow yelled.
“I don’t want to hurt you!” Alex said, a bit of panic in his voice.
“HARDER!”
“NO!”
“HARDER!”
“NO!”
“HARDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!”
Pinkie heard Alex inhale very, very deep, and then heard him say, “NOOOOOOOO!”
“UUUGH! I’LL DO IT HARDER, THEN!”
“GAK!”
Alex and Rainbow Dash were definitely doing… something. As Pinkie edged closer, she started to hear the noise of water splashing.
“The water’s going everywhere, RD!”
“I don’t… wait, wait a minute!”
All the noise stopped. Alex spoke up. “RD, what’s wrong? Are you feeling alright?!”
“I think I’m… I’m…” Rainbow’s voice got weaker and weaker, until she let out a sudden, bloodcurdling scream!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Splat.
“Uhm…” Now Dashie sounded extremely embarrassed.
“I think that’s a sign that we should stop now.”
More splashing could be heard as Alex got out of the tub; it was punctuated by heavy breathing.
“Alright RD, now-” Alex stopped short as something happened that made him gasp. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF-” He stopped cold, and let out a moan.
“Like it, big boy?” RD cooed. She sounded… very seductive, and it also sounded like she had drank something.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Was all that Alex was saying at this point. Pinkie grew intoxicatingly curious. Why would RD have to sound so seductive? Why was Alex speechless? Pinkie decided she would find out once and for all. After a little, she finally made it to the vent above the tub… and froze into place with her mouth wide open, eyes dilated to the point they were entirely blue or black. She would remain in this position for the next 2 minutes.
Halfway in, things got even weirder. They were both just being a bit… mouthy. After RD let loose another bloodcurdling scream, both RD and Alex got on the floor. Pinkie slinked away, shocked by what she had just witnessed.
We were lying down on the bathroom floor. Both of us were breathing in very heavily. I couldn’t help but look at RD, and upon seeing her face, I just exploded into laughter. She asked me, her voice filled with giddiness, “What? What’s so funny?”
“You have a semen moustache.”
She burst into laughter. It was wonderful hearing her laugh. Her laugh was beautiful; a harmonic, unbelievable sensation of vocal spectacularity. It was addictive to the point if you could capture it in a pill somehow, it would be the most addictive drug in history. At least, it would be the only drug I’d ever buy. “Alex, you’re a genius!!!” RD told me. I don’t know how I could understand her; she was laughing incredibly hard while she said this. After several more minutes, she finally managed to get a hold of herself. “So, birthday boy.” She said, in that incredibly seductive voice. “What’cha wanna do now?”
“What do I wanna do?” I asked her. “I want to get my armor on, and think about why the hell I agreed to do what we did.”
“Whatever you want, honey.” RD cooed. Man, she was convincing.
I got my armor on, which took me several more minutes, and turned to RD, who was laying there in a relatively... erotic pose. “Uhh... why are you laying down like that?”
“Just fits the atmosphere, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. Even so, we kind of defeated the purpose of taking a bath. The water’s everywhere, and... Well, there are some bodily fluids, too.”
“Well, let’s clean up, eh?”
“Eeyup.”
RD and I started using whatever we had to clean up our mess. While we were cleaning, RD groaned as if she were in pain. I dropped the towel I was using and ran to her, somehow not slipping over whatever was left. “Are you alright? RD, are you okay?” I asked her. Then I realized she had her buttocks sticking up in the air, and that it was right in my face. I began to blush immediately; I hadn’t seen this one coming from a mile away. RD turned her head around, and began to laugh, commenting on how I was red as an apple. I chuckled and got back to work. After a few more minutes had passed, we were done. Then she put forward a... no, the question I should have known was on her mind:
“How was it?”
“Great.” I blurted without hesitation. “It was great.”
“Happy to know.” RD blushed a little when she said this. Then she finally took noticed her wings. She began to blush alot until she was beet red. “Oh! I... I didn’t notice!”
“Calm down; it’s alright.”
“Thanks.”
We now had no business in being in the bathroom, so we stepped out. There wasn’t anyone there. “So... what do you want to do now, Rainbow?”
“I think I want to rest.”
“Alright. I’ll get onto the couch.”
“Oh no, you don’t! You’re sleeping with me, buster!”
I wasn’t going to argue with her. It made perfect sense for us to be sharing the same bed now. I looked out a window, and realized it was nighttime. There was small talk between RD and I, but it wasn’t really significant enough for me to have to write it here. After we got to the bedroom, I locked the door. We got into bed, and after I turned off a lamp, I turned around to tell RD good night, only to find my lips on hers. I couldn’t believe I was getting a kiss good night. After that, we went to sleep. Rather, Dash managed to. Me? Well, you see, more than two decades of combat has made it, I don’t know, really hard to sleep at night. Also, the moon seems to be a lot brighter. I don’t know, but the thing keeping me awake is that there’s a shape at the window. It looks like a… Man, I’m tired all of a sudden! I’m going to sleep right now. Good night!
Outside, peeking into the window, was the Princess of the Night. Luna watched as Alex went to bed. The human had guessed correctly; Luna did have a crush on him. She had managed to create a little magical peephole, and had watched Alex’s every move since the incident in the Royal Gardens. She had been both pleased and saddened when she saw that Alex had fornificated with Rainbow Dash. She was pleased because it showed Alex was settling in and could have a family, and it saddened her because it had revealed that Alex and RD were incredibly committed to each other. It had crushed Luna’s hopes, but she couldn’t help but feel happy for Alex. She had managed to read his mind from afar, and she had learned that she was his favorite of the Royal Sisters. All she could do was hope, hope that he would show some affection for her. Then, she would know she had a destiny that involved him. Human, hear me. Luna started, her voice sneaking into Alex’s dreams. I do love you. I care for you, and the moon is shining brighter than ever before so that you can find your way around in the night. With that taken care of, Luna took off into the night. She had to comfort her sister, who had come into the castle shedding tears.
Celestia hadn’t stopped crying. She still knew she deserved her pain, for she had committed a sin beyond measure. She had killed 5 humans who were just trying to survive, and she knew she deserved all the rage and hatred that Rainbow Dash and Alex had spouted out at her.
“CAN’T YOU AT LEAST SHOW A SIGN OF REGRET?!”
“Are you happy now? Are you happy with what you’ve done to us?! More specifically, what you did to them?!”
But Rainbow Dash and Alex weren’t the only ones that had become angry.
“Why the hay did you do that?!” Applejack had asked. She had left after she had put forward her question.
Rarity had said, “That was entirely unnecessary! You should’ve pardoned them!!!” She left.
“Party pooper!” Pinkie had remarked. She then left looking very decrepit, and with her mane straight.
“HOW DARE YOU?!” Fluttershy had asked angrily. She flew away after that.
“Why must thou be such an over reactive foal?!” Luna had roared in her Royal Canterlot Voice before flying towards the castle.
But Twilight’s was the worst of all.
Twilight simply said, “I resign from being your student. Go find somepony else. I am no longer a princess, and I am ashamed of having been associated with you.” Twilight then threw all her royal apparel down, excluding the crown she had for the Element of Magic. Using her magic, she had turned herself back into a unicorn, and had run away, spouting foul language at Celestia as she ran. She had said things such as, “Tyrant. Evil creature. Monster. Over-reactive bitch.”
Celestia was alone. Even her guards had steered clear of her, and many of them had resigned from their posts. They had done so while spouting curses about their ‘tyrannical ruler’, and how they should’ve done something else instead. Some had even gone on ahead and joined Luna’s Night Guards after hearing a rumor that Luna had a crush on Alex. When she had opened the doors to her throne room, all the guards that were in there had handed her a resignation letter, and galloped away. Celestia hadn’t felt this level of despair and loneliness ever since she had banished her sister to the moon. At that time, she had felt alone. She was alone now. Celestia looked towards one of the windows, and noticed her sister standing there with a concerned look on her face. Luna asked, “Is thou alright?” Thankfully, Luna wasn't yelling anymore.
“I’m… alright, sister. Please leave me alone.”
“Thou is not alright. Would thee like to talk?”
“No, sister. Just… leave me alone.”
“Sister-”
“NOW!” Celestia yelled at her younger sister. Celestia was using the Royal Canterlot Voice now; an indicator of how angry she was. This only caused Luna to yell back, resulting in a yelling argument that la-
“SILENCE, NARRATOR!”
“THOU SHOULD NOT SHUT HIM UP!!!”
Oh fucking shit. This is getting ugly. Let’s get out of here!
I woke up the next morning. Or at least, I thought it was next morning. I looked out the window, and it was dark. No, it was pitch-black, even inside. I turned and looked at the clock, and it said…
8:00 A.M.
What the fuck was going on?! It was the morning, and the sun wasn’t up?! I turned to Rainbow, nudged her, and said, “Rainbow, wake up. The sun hasn’t risen.” No response. I shook her, and said in a booming whisper, “WAKE UP!”
Rainbow shot awake, and looked around, trying to see in the blinding dark. “Wait, why’s everything dark?” She asked. I could hear the fear in her voice. “Alex, di-did you wake me up early? What time is it?”
“It’s 8:00 A.M.”
“WHAT?!” Rainbow shrieked, obviously terrified now. “But, this means… Nightmare Moon is back!”
“No.” I said, trying to calm her down. Not to mention, I could just sense it wasn't Nightmare Moon. If it was, we would have the moonlight. Absolute, total darkness like this, black as oil, wasn't normal. I decided to tell Rainbow what I thought was happening. “Rainbow, I think that Celestia was so upset that she has refused to raise the sun, yet has lowered the moon. I think she might just be either so ashamed, or has so much self-pity that she either couldn’t find the strength to rise the sun or has decided to punish everyone. I have eyesight that’s 300% better than that of a normal human, yet I can barely see in this darkness. The only way to resolve this, in my opinion, is to go to Canterlot. I don’t want too, considering my previous experience there, but it’s the only way to… no, I’m not going to say it. Too cliché.”
“Well… I’m coming with you.”
“I’ll guide you through the dark; my helmet has a flashlight.” With that, I flicked a switch, and the flashlight turned on. It was powerful, but oddly enough, it barely let me see two feet in front of me. That was good enough. Anything was better than going through this place blind. As we slowly moved forward, I got goosebumps, and Rainbow started shaking; I could smell her fear. Honestly, if you’ve ever been through what I’ve been through, you’ll know not just the smell of death, but the smell of fear. As we pushed forward, Rainbow said, “Alex… I’m scared.
I simply said, with ice in my voice, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” I noticed I’d sounded like the Master Chief right then. Heck, I’d sounded like the Chief ever since I’d went through the portal. My voice was deeper, though, not to mention a bit cold all the time. I continued talking. “Listen, RD. Fear is only going to stop you from beating the challenges life throws at you. As long as you fight it, you’re going to make it.”
“Th-thanks, Alex. Even so, I’m just… so terrified now. I’m more scared than when Discord showed me that illusion of Cloudsdale collapsing.”
“It will all be okay, I promise.”
When we managed to reach the door, I breathed in, and threw it open. There was practically nothing. The flashlight almost didn't help at all, but I could thankfully see the silhouette in the distance. I said, “There it is, RD. The Pelican. Ready to fly?”
“No!”
I turned to her, shocked. “What?!”
“I mean, I’m too afraid to fly outside. I want to be in the…”
“Pelican.”
“Pelican. I want to be in there with you, Alex.”
“There’s a troop bay in the back. I need to focus on my flying, and I can’t have you in the cockpit with me.”
“Alright. As long as I’m not going to die.”
“You won’t.”
With that, I walked to the Pelican and opened the doors to the troop bay. I gestured to RD, and she climbed in. I followed behind, and flicked the light switch.
Nothing.
“The hell is going on?!” I roared angrily. “Was there an EMP?!”
“What’s that?”
“Electro-magnetic pulse. It disables everything electronic, meaning that if there was one, we’re all fucked. This thing won’t fly. We’ll be stranded.”
“Well, I hope there wasn’t one, then.” Rainbow squealed.
I turned to her and harshly said, “Did you just squeal?”
“Um… yes.” She had wrapped herself up, and was shaking wildly.
“Well, there’s no time for complaints. It’s now or never.” With that, I went ahead and closed the troop-bay doors, ran to the cockpit, and leapt in. I turned on the Pelican, and, as luck would have it, it didn't work. “AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” I roared. I raised my fists to smash the display when everything turned on. I sighed in relief, and started everything up. As the craft took off, I said into the COM, “RD, are you alright?”
No response.
“RD, are you alright? This is ALEX-535, do you read?”
Still no response.
I decided to ignore this, and began to hover. Within a bit, we were sailing for Canterlot. The Pelican had a searchlight, which beat the fuck out of my helmet light. As we flew on, I thought I heard strange noises. About halfway there, I noticed they sounded like… squawks? What the hell? Why would there be squawking? Then, the answer revealed itself. Out of nowhere, a griffon splattered on the cockpit glass. I yelled, “Shit!” and turned on my fly shield wipers. After a bit, everything was gone. With a sigh of relief, I carried on, but a few seconds later, a whole flock of griffons appeared. They seemed to be carrying muskets, and my guess was revealed to be correct as I got a closer look. They fired, but of course there wasn't even a single crack in the Pelican’s bullet-proof glass. I couldn’t help but smile as I activated the weapons system, and after a few diplomatic bursts, the griffons’ carcasses were coming down. I encountered more griffons as I got closer to Canterlot, but they were no match for me. Then, finally, five-thousand griffons later, I had reached Canterlot, which wasn't lit up either. I couldn’t have cared less, though. I landed in the Royal Gardens, leapt out, and raced to the troop bay. When I opened the door, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
In the dank light, I saw Rainbow, being held hostage by a griffon. I didn't need to guess to figure out the kidnapper. “Gilda, put her down, now, or else you won’t have a fucking head.”
“Really? Your marefriend won’t have one, either.” There was venom in Gilda’s voice. Rainbow made a muffled noise. Gilda then said, “Well, here’s the thing. Celestia isn’t going to raise the sun anymore. We griffons own Equestria now. I’ll let you live as long as you kill Rainbow Dweeb’s friends. If you do, both of you get to live happily ever after. If not, your love interest won’t be so pretty anymore.”
My response? I pulled out my M6D, which I had loaded last night with real bullets, and aimed at Gilda’s head. I said, “Negotiations are over.” I fired; the mighty pistol sounded like a cannon in the endless dark. Rainbow turned her head, and she saw what I saw: A bloody chunk of pulp that was once Gilda’s head. Bits of the griffon’s brain, along with feathers and skull, had painted the troop bay. I immediately decided that I wouldn’t clean the troop bay. The blood, skull, and feathers made it far more interesting. Rainbow screamed, and squirmed out of the grip of her former friend and classmate. I noticed she seemed like she was going to cry. I also noticed that the bottom left of my HUD said:
Negotiations Are Over.
Headshot an opponent holding a Meatshield.
I was a fan of Gears of War, and whenever someone had a meatshield, they had to use a pistol. I had always failed in-game ar getting this ribbon, yet i had gotten it with, of all things, a pistol. Go figure.
I smiled, and then turned to RD, and I noticed she was crying. Even so, I simply said, “Get over your Stockholm’s, Rainbow. Don’t mourn her.”
Rainbow actually turned and screamed, “SHE WAS MY FRIEND!!!”
“She abandoned you. She was disloyal. I don’t get why you’re so sad that she died. She was going to kill you, for fuck’s sake!!!”
“SHUT UP!!!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I stormed over to her, grabbed her by the shoulders, and screamed right in her face, “I’VE LOST ALL MY FRIENDS, DAMN IT!!! I LOST THE ONLY GUY I CONSIDERED MY BROTHER! IN FACT, HE PRETTY MUCH WAS MY BROTHER! I LOST MY BROTHER!!!”
This seemed to snap Rainbow out of it. She began to shiver, and she covered her face with her legs, and squeaked, “Please don’t hurt me…”
I wouldn’t. I wanted to, but I knew it was wrong. “Alright, Rainbow. Good to see you’re not suffering from Stockholm’s Syndrome.” I turned around, and gestured with my finger, telling her to follow me. She did, but as we progressed through the Gardens, I noticed the graves that indicated my dead friends. I turned to RD and said, “Listen. I just can’t walk past those graves without paying my respects.”
“It’s alright.” Rainbow said, sympathy in her voice.
I walked over to the graves, and got in front of each, paying my respects. Then, I reached Marcus’s grave. He was always the one I was closest to. He always helped me, and defended me. He had almost lost an arm saving my from a Hunter’s shield once, and I knew he would shit out his last drop of blood to defend me. Then, suddenly, a hand shot out of Marcus’s grave! I screamed as Marcus rose from the ground, with his jetpack on. After screaming a little more and hearing RD asking if I was okay, I said to Marcus: “What the fuck! You’re alive?! Oh my G-d… Did Celestia bring you back to life?”
“I was nevah dead, I was in a coma! Thanks for burying me alive, by the way.”
I smiled. The PONY.MOV series had been the favorite YouTube video series between the two of us, and it was even better because Marcus sounded exactly, and I mean exactly, like Rainbow Dash from that series. I responded to Marcus by saying, “Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I guess at some point, somebody probably should’ve taken your pulse or something.”
“Well, what’d I miss, man?”
“Uh… things haven’t been going so greatly, actually. Celestia, Luna, and Twilight are all alone, tornadoes, fires, earthquakes, there was a prion outbreak for a while, a bunch of people died from lymphoma after the bombs dropped, and then there was a civil war between the Earth Ponies and the Pegasi.”
“Oh. That doesn’t sound too good.”
“Aw, I’m just kidding, brother! Even so, there is one problem.”
“Well, what is it, sourpuss?”
“It’s 10:00 A.M., and Celestia hasn’t raised the sun yet.”
“Oh shit! Why?”
“That’s why I’m here. I stopped here to mourn, because I just couldn’t pass by these graves without visiting them.”
“That’s nice of you, sourpussy.”
We both laughed together for the first time in ages, and after we were done, I told Marcus that I had to introduce him to someone. Or rather, somepony. He agreed, and we walked on. After about ten seconds, we made it to RD. I said to her, “Rainbow, I’d like you to meet Marcus.” Then, I turned to Marcus and said, “Marcus, this is Rainbow Dash, my… you know what? Promise you won’t make fun of me.”
“Sure I won’t, you crazy cunt. HEHEHE!”
“… Rainbow is my… my… marefriend.”
“Hahah- wait, what? Marefriend? Does that mean…”
“Yes… it means.”
Marcus stood there, and I could see his hands curl into fists. I began to feel nervous. Marcus was one brawny guy, and he was very smart. I was smarter and stronger, but Marcus was also faster. He began to shake in rage, which caused me to back up and curl my hands into fists. Then…
“HAHAHA! I GOT YOU, YA GULLIBLE SPARTAN!”
I sighed and said, “MARCUS! DON’T DO THAT!”
“GOTCHA FOR THE FIFTY-SECOND TIME, YA CRAZY CUNT!!! HEHEHE!”
Rainbow cut in and said, “I don’t want you calling my friend a cunt.”
I stopped her and said, “Rainbow, he’s messing around. He just does this for fun, and I don’t mind it in the least. It’s from a video, okay?”
“Fine…” Rainbow replied, irritation in her voice. She turned to Marcus and said, “Well… what do you like to do, Marcus?”
“Prank people. Mess with their heads.”
“I like to prank too!”
“Sure ya do, ya crazy Pegasi! HEHEHE!”
I cut in. “Alright, alright. It’s good to now we all have a common interest, but we have a common goal. We need to figure out what happened to Celestia-”
That was as far as I got.
There was a massive explosion from the castle; I could feel it in my bones. I turned; there was a bunch of debris flying everywhere. I said, “Holy Jesus. What is THAT?!” Then, I saw a… alicorn? Yes, I flaming Alicorn. It looked like Celestia, but as if… she had become her own version of Nightmare Moon. My comment? “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” I turned to Marcus, and couldn’t help but say, “WHAT IS THIS, PRIVATE PYLE?!”
“SIR, NIGHTMARE MOON CELESTIA, SIR!”
“Exactly!” I turned when I heard another explosion, and noticed Nightmare Moon. She seemed… hurt and desperate. I turned back to my friends and said, “We have to stop them before they tear this place apart!”
Nods of agreement. I noticed a shotgun on the ground, so I tossed it to Marcus, who grabbed it and commented, “Aaah, my best friend that isn’t a person.”
“I’m ready!” Rainbow said, an edge of steel in her voice. With that, we charged off towards the fighting princesses.
Twilight and her friends had raced to Canterlot when they had noticed the sun hadn’t risen. They instantly deduced that something had happened, and so had decided to come to Canterlot. When they arrived, they had heard the explosions and had then seen the fighting princesses, which caused them to spring into action. When they got to the battleground, they were shocked.
The whole place was scorched and burning. On one side was what seemed to be Celestia, but in a Nightmare Moon kind of form. This form was as slender as Celestia was normally, but had a set of armor. That wasn’t the only thing, though. She burned with incredibly bright light that seemed to be as intense as that of the sun. There were suns all over the armor, and an emblem of a super-red giant on the chest plate of this Celestia’s armor. Celestia’s eyes were similar to Nightmare Moon’s, but they were a pure red, with nothing but red eyes with flames that also resembled those of a super-red giant. She had a mane of that seemed to be made of solar flares. Then, in front of this… Super-Sun, as it seemed appropriate, Nightmare Moon rose up. She was bleeding, and was very badly beaten. Even so, she yelled, “I SHALL NOT LET THEE DESTROY HIM, SISTER!”
“IT MUST HAPPEN!!!” Super-Sun roared. She prepared a blast of magic, and then…
Out of nowhere, a voice said in a Texan accent: “YEEEEEEEHAAAW!!!” and a Warthog slammed into Super-Sun, sending the alicorn flying. Alex was in the shotgun seat, and got out, followed by Rainbow Dash. The driver… was another SPARTAN. Alex turned to him and said, “Marcus, keep Celestia distracted. I’ll see what I can do for Nightmare Moon.”
“Of course I’ll distract her, ya crazy assface!” The mysterious SPARTAN responded, in an entirely different voice.
“That’s what I like to here!!!” With that, the other SPARTAN drove straight toward Super-Sun. Meanwhile, Alex and RD raced for Nightmare Moon, who was slowly turning back into Princess Luna. When the dynamic duo got there, the transformation was complete. Luna was no longer Nightmare Moon. Alex leaned down and said, “Luna, are you alright?”
Luna responded by kissing him. Caught off guard, Alex stumbled back, but quickly regained his posture, and said, “Uuum… okay. I have no comment. Are you okay?”
“I’m… I’m fine.” Luna said as she struggled to get up. She wailed in pain as one of her legs buckled, causing the Princess of the Night to fall to the ground again.
“You’re clearly not alright.” Alex commented. He turned around, and finally noticed the other ponies that had witnessed this entire spectacle. “One of you, come and help Luna!”
Twilight stepped forward and said, “I’ll… I’ll help in any way I can.”
“Twilight, I’m afraid you’re an exception. We need your help to fight Celestia. You’re the only one strong enough to possibly match Celestia’s strength. You are an alicorn princess, after all.” Alex turned to Rarity, and said, “You! Come over here! Bring everypony else! Twi and Rainbow, on me. We need to help my pal Marcus.”
“Isn’t Marcus dead?”
“He wasn’t; he was in a coma.”
“Oh.”
“Betty ain’t gonna last much longer!” Marcus cut in, as he drove back in his now-flaming Hog.
“It’s alright, Marcus. We can do this. Introductions later.” Alex turned to Twilight and asked, “Twi, are you ready?”
“Yes…” Twilight responded, an edge of uncertainty in her voice.
Alex ignored this and said to Rainbow Dash, “My love, you prepared?”
Rainbow responded by kissing him. Alex blushed as he turned to Marcus and said, “Brother, are you prepared for this battle?”
“Long as I get to eat LOTSA SPAGHETTI, ya crazy snotbucket!”
“Let’s do this.”
I knew this wouldn’t end well. Celestia was now in a Nightmare Moon form, which… well, I’m stating the obvious, aren’t I? Even so, everything had come to this. A battle with Super-Sun. This was… gaaah, I’m being too cliché!
We got there, and we were greeted with a massive blast of… well, I don’t know, it seemed to be solar energy. We were launched back, but recovered quickly, and I said, “Celestia, this ends NOW! SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!”
Then, Super-Sun rose and said, “YOU SHALL FALL, DEMON!”
This I didn't understand, but I ignored it. “Well, then, this is going to go the hard way. And I like the hard way.” With that I raised my… machine gun? I looked down, and noticed that somehow, my old machine gun was in my arms. The wonderful M202 Machine Gun, or as I liked to call it, The Apocalypse Cannon. Three barrels that launched unbelievable amounts of armored-piercing sweetness. I said to my friends, “We can do this, fellas!” With that, all Hell broke loose. I began to fire my machine gun. Marcus melted into the shadows to get an angle with his shotgun. Rainbow flew up, and Twilight fired a beam of incredibly magic at Super-Sun. Super-Sun fired a blast of magic at Twilight, and the two beams met. They were locked in place for a few seconds, but Sun’s quickly began to win out. My bullets were uselessly pinging against Super-Sun’s armor, which I found strange. Rainbow and Marcus burst out of the shadows, Marcus blasting away with his shotgun, and Rainbow flying at an incredible speed towards Super-Sun. However, right then, Twilight’s magic was beaten, and she was tossed into me, sending us both tumbling away. Celestia then used her magic to force both Marcus and Rainbow away. Then, she grabbed Rainbow with her magic, and brought the Pegasus closer. Twilight got off me, and I began firing my gun again. Marcus swung his shotgun around as if he had gone bat-shit crazy, but our enemy erected a magic barrier, which forced Marcus to shoot to no effect. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew what Super-Sun was going to do. She was going to put her horn into Rainbow, somewhere where it would hurt. Now that I look back on it, I’m happy Rainbow lost her virginity beforehand. THIS would be a horrible way to lose it. I yelled, “NO YOU DON’T, YA CUNTSACK!” and pulled out… a rocket launcher. I couldn’t care less, though; I pulled the trigger twice, and two brilliant projectiles shot out from the tubes. Super-Sun seemed surprised, which was good: The element of surprise was always a good thing. The rockets slammed into Super-Sun’s barrier, and broke it apart. Even so, I was out of rockets. I dropped my launcher, bent my knees to pounce, and…
An incredibly bright light shone from Rainbow, blinding me, Marcus, and Super-Sun. I somehow knew that Rainbow Dash was transforming. As expected, when the light cleared, Rainbow’s mane was like fire, but rainbow colored. Her eyes were a fantastic ruby red, and I felt mesmerized by their beauty. Her coat was now white, and she had the Element of Loyalty necklace around her neck. My friend had become Super Rainbow Dash. She turned to Super-Sun and yelled, “Fight me, COWARD!!!” Super-Sun roared and charged Rainbow, and Rainbow charged her. They collided at once, and they were sent tumbling, one on top of the other, kicking and biting. Rainbow flew off of Super-Sun, and then dived, smashing into Super-Sun at a speed so fast that if Rainbow had hit me, she would probably break my armor… and my back, and my body. I’d be dead. Even so, I watched in awe as Super-Sun fired a massive blast of magic, which Rainbow dodged as she came in for another pass. Once again, Rainbow smashed in Super-Sun, sending the alicorn into the ground due to the force of the impact. Then, I heard a wail of pain next to me, which snapped me out of my trance. I turned, and it was Twilight who was injured. Her left wing didn't seem too good, and her left front leg was bent at a funny angle. I felt horrible for neglecting her for this long. I called out, “MARCUS!!!”
Marcus ran out of the shadows and asked, “What is it, nutsack?”
I showed him Twilight, and he commented, “Oh, shitsickle! She doesn’t look too good!!! I’ll do what I can.”
I turned around, and noticed that despite her new found power, Rainbow was losing. Super-Sun roared again, and tossed Rainbow to the side. I could sense my friend’s power was fading; I rushed over to her as fast as I could. I used my body as a shield to defend from a blast of magic of Super-Sun had fired, and I then got my first taste of her power; it felt as if I had been slammed into by a Covenant Supercarrier coming out of Slipspace. I slammed into my friend, and I heard her scream in pain. After a minute or two, I managed to recover, and said, “Rainbow, please, speak to me!”
“Ugh… Ow.”
“Well, asking you if you’re okay is out of the question. I must fight Super-Sun… alone.”
“No…” Rainbow answered. Her voice was weak and tired, and even speaking was sapping her energy. Her voice was even becoming gravelly. You’re weak now.” She was right. I felt like jelly; that anything that touched me would kill me. “I… need to give you something. Take… ‘Cough’… take my power…”
With that, Rainbow touched me. I felt a surge of energy come into me, and noticed that Rainbow was turning back to normal. When she was done… I felt invincible; that I could take on Godzilla and come on top. Not that I’d do that anyway, Godzilla is best kaiju. I got up, and turned to face Super-Sun. I yelled, “Hey, Super-Cunt!” taking her attention off of Marcus and Twilight. That freaking crazy idiot turned to face me, and I said, “Pick on someone twice your size!”
With a roar, Super-Sun charged at me. I stood with open arms, ready to receive her. When that alicorn smashed into me, I rolled with her. I could feel the heat; it was intense. I imagine a super-red giant would be as hot as that. Even as I am writing this, I remember how hot it was. It hurt like hell. Even so, back to the battle!
I punched Super-Sun in the face. She responded by kicking me in the nuts. I don’t know why, but I didn't even feel it. I got up, and threw her into a nearby hedgerow, to which she responded by summoning a truck that she then threw at me. I snatched it, and then kicked it at my adversary. I charged at my opponent, and was then hit by another magic blast. I was thrown back again. I smashed into a wall, and I realized that I was weakening. In spite of Rainbow’s power, I wasn't a match for Super-Sun. Despite the sad truth, I knew I had to keep on fightin-
Another blast of magic. I felt my armor melting, and it burned through the shirt I was wearing underneath. I screamed as the burning metal came in contact with my skin. It was so hot, my skin began to flake off, and then Super-Sun was on top of me. She said, “Well, well, well. Looks like the hero has met his end. I will give you a chance to survive, though. Join me, and we can rule Equestria! You will be my husband!”
I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. Everyone had a crush me. One was enough, but three female suitors was not good. Especially because the third one was my nemesis. “Listen, how about you go put that horn up your ass, and then we’ll call it good?”
“No. “
“Why am I not surprised?”
“Well, even so, I will give you a single parting gift.” With that, Super-Sun removed my helmet… and kissed me. After the most shocking thing that had definitely happened in either of our lives, she said, “It is a shame that I must kill you. You have wonderful eyes.” With that, she…
I don’t know. One second I was there, the next I wasn’t. I’m not able to describe what where I… you know what, fuck it, this is my biography, I say what I want! Anyways, the place I went to was shocking. There were several beautiful trees. Cherry blossoms were falling, oaks were everywhere, and they had the leaves they bore in the fall. Also, there were roses, daisies, dandelions, water lilies, lilacs, narcissus flowers… whatever you imagine that was there that was beautiful, it was there. At the end of the path was a massive, sparkling lake, where several animals, such as elephants, zebras, panthers, lions, and tigers were there. There were even some prehistoric beasts, such as Ankylosaurs, T-Rexes, Ceratopsians, and Brachiosaurs were drinking, and none of them were fighting. I had never been to a place so beautiful, and so peaceful. Even so, I needed to get back. It saddened me to leave such a beautiful place, but I had to do it. No, I’d stay. Yes, that’d be better. I’d stay here forever.
Suddenly, I heard a tiny voice say, “Alex? Is that you?”
I turned around, and noticed… it was Jesse. “Jesse, is that you?”
Then, another, accented voice said, “Dear, is that really you?”
“Maria?”
Another voice- this one with a Syrian accent- said, “Alex, I have not seen you in a while.”
“Ashur?”
One final voice, this one with a British accent said, “Bloody Hell! Alexei, I’ve missed you!”
“B-Butch?”
Ashur said, “We’re all here.”
I saw them step out, seemingly melting from the form of several different trees. Butch said, “Alexei, we know what’s happening. You must return.”
I looked at Butch again. He was a pretty beefy boy, always excited. His light blue eyes shone with both joy and sorrow. He had hazel-colored hair. He was Hispanic, but born with British and Russian roots.
“How… how do you all know?”
“We know because… the dead always see their loved ones.”
I turned to Jesse, and said, “But… but…” Even so, I could see it. Her emerald-green eyes shown with pity, sorrow, but mixed in, there was hope. She had blonde hair, and was very slender. She had been born into a poor family on Harvest. “Jesse, I can’t just-”
Ashur intervened. “I know that this pains you, Alex, but you must go.” I turned to face him. His eyes were a fierce red, always shining. There was sheer determination in them. He had always been smart.
Before I could even speak, I felt someone collide with me. It was Maria. She was crying onto my shoulder, both of sorrow and joy. When she finally got off, she said, “It is a joy to see you, sweetie. Even so, you need to help your friends, and your new family. Marcus, Rainbow Twilight, and the rest of them. Can you say high to them on our behalf?” Her eyes were beautiful, shining blue sapphires. Her hair was brown, and perfect. She had been born on Reach.
“I… I will. It was nice seeing you guys again.”
“WAIT!!!” Butch yelled.
“What?”
“Don’t forget to have a party!!!”
“Of course I’ll throw one!”
“One final thing before you go, Alex.” Ashur said. I turned to him, and noticed he was holding a suit of armor. However, it wasn’t UNSC armor. It was beautiful, with several lines of what seemed to be light, but in a solid form, streaming across it. It was ornate and futuristic. “Your father told me to give you this.”
I was shocked. My… my father?! I hadn’t had one! I had been found in some container, and put into the program.
As if reading my mind, Ashur said, “He died recently, Alex. He died trying to kill everyone on Earth with some weapon. Something that turns people into a form so that they can be turned into an A.I.”
“W-what?!”
“Please Alex. Take this.”
I put it on. The armor clanked into place. It was obviously tougher than my MJOLNIR by a long shot, but it was wonderfully lightweight. The helmet came on, and I noticed…
The armor was Forerunner.
I was shocked. My father… he hadn’t been a human. He had been a Forerunner. My mind raced to when the Didact had attacked Earth. Had it been my father all along? Then, my friends seemed to send me a surge of energy and then…
I wasn't there anymore.
I was back in the Canterlot Royal Gardens, in my new suit of armor. I realized what I had to do, and jumped out. I jumped so high, that I couldn’t believe it, and I landed gracefully like a swan. I also felt stronger. Stronger then I’d ever been. With that, I pulled out… a Light Rifle. This confirmed that I had been birthed by Forerunners. I raced forward, using an ability in the armor that seemed to be telekinetic. With it, I could manipulate any object in front of me, and toss it away. Seriously, it was awesome. But that didn't matter; for I had to save the person and all the ponies that I cared about. One in particular. Then, I noticed a little switch on the armor; it was on my left wrist. It said, in irresistible capital letters:
SUMMON REINFORCEMENTS
I couldn’t help but flick the switch. After that, I felt the ground shake, but I continued running.
Every citizen in Canterlot was watching the duel.
It was the battle between a crazed Celestia and the Wielders of the Elements of Harmony, minus Rainbow Dash and Twilight. There was a human there, helping fix the ponies up.
All of this raced through Applejack’s mind as she desperately fought against Super-Sun. She hadn’t anticipated such an incredible amount of power, even from Celestia’s new form. Then, along with Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie, she was tossed aside. All of them hit a hedge, and then Super-Sun was right in front of them. She said nothing as she prepared to fire a blast of magic. Applejack closed her eyes, awaiting her inevitable demise. She just hoped Sweet Apple Acres would still be able to produce. She also hoped Big Mac, and her little sister, Applebloom, would still be able to work.
Then the ground began to shake.
Super-Sun looked around, trying to determine what was going on. Was there an earthquake? No, that couldn’t be it. Then, the answer burst out of the ground, right in front of her as the song Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria began to play.
Rarity gasped. The machine… it was… so beautiful.
The color was an ugly metallic gray. But the machine… it was curved at incredible angles, had some sort of engravings along it, and there seemed so be a blue light was shining out of the front. Rarity decided to name the machine: “Sentinel.”
The Sentinel stared at Super-Sun, and made a beeping noise. Suddenly, more of them came out of the ground, and each one was larger, until an Enforcer burst out. The enormous machine made more beeps, causing more Sentinels to burst out. Then, a voice called out, “Super-Sun, this ends now.”
Everypony turned to find the source of the voice, and was stunned. The voice had come from an unthinkably beautiful suit of armor, with what seemed to be streams of going both up and down. Then, the helmet came off, and the components hovered in the air,and everypony gasped.
The SPARTAN was there. He resumed talking: “Super-Sun, your time is up! I have gained control of forces far beyond even my own comprehension! And millennia beyond Equestrian science! I am the leader of this army! You shall fall!”
Super-Sun responded coldly, “You will lose, and your friends will DIE.” With that, Super-Sun\’s mane seemed to come off… no, it was coming off, and whenever a streak of solar flare hit the ground, it became a pony that was entirely made out of fire. They had eyes of solid gold, and soon there were hundreds of thousands of these Solar Soldiers. Even so, Super-Sun kept going, until there were millions.
Alex simply smirked and said, “That was impressive, Celestia. Even so, I have my own surprise.” Suddenly, he yelled, “PROMETHEANS! COME TO MY AID!!!”
Then, a different machine appeared. It was certainly the strangest one… and the most beautiful. It had a bump in its back, and there seemed to be eyes on the bump. It had arms, and clawed hands. The arms were an iron-gray, in fact, almost all the color on the machine was iron-gray. The legs and arms were both extraordinarily thin, and the legs ended in clawed, mechanical feet. There was… Hard light, as the ponies decided to deem the strange light-like lines on the machines, all over it. The machine also had some black on it, a thin waist, and a peculiar face. Then, the machine got onto its clawed hands, and let out a mechanical roar and split its face open, revealing a red, flaming, human skull. The bump opened, and some sort of yellowish-gold fluid came out of the machine’s back as out came… another machine.
This one was a bit smaller than the Promethean it had come out of. It had two circular things, one on each side, which seemed to be making it hover in midair. There seemed to be Hardlight in those discs, and the machine had a lot of it around.
Then, there was a mechanical howling noise, and the final Promethean revealed itself. It was like a dog, but had three triangular pieces that were floating just in front of its cylindrical, beautiful body. Hardlight was in lines going down its body, and it was very shiny. Another type appeared, this one with red Hardlight and some sort of sensor-like appendages on its… head. A final type appeared, and there were spikes on the back. It seemed to be the Alpha Male.
Then, there a group of different Prometheans Knights appeared. One had two spike-like things coming out, another had what seemed to be a flaming head and several more streams of Hardlight across its face, and the final one seemed to be the leader. It had Hard light spikes just behind its head. Several more of each type of Promethean Knight, Watcher, and Crawler appeared, and so did more Sentinels. Some were colossal; one was as big as the Princess’s castle. When all of this had gathered, Alex gazed at his army, and turned to face Super-Sun, and said, “I wish to destroy you, but because I am honor bound by the rules of peace and amnesty, I will issue one final warning, Celestia: Surrender, or Die.” Alex’s helmet pieces returned to his face.
Celestia stopped, considering for a second, and then said, “ATTACK!!!”
Alex put his hands, which were now fists, in front of his face, and said, “You’ve got it. ATTAAACK!!!”
With that, the army of Prometheans and Sentinels charged toward the Solar Armada.
