Another beautiful day in Ponyville. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, preparing it's decent below the horizon for the night to come, and a rainbow flits across the sky. Not any ordinary rainbow though, but the rainbow trail left behind one of Ponyville's number one fliers, Rainbow Dash. A light blue pegasus, her rainbow mane gave her the first part of her name, with that amazing speed giving her the second. Her cutie mark, a lightning bolt out of a cloud, perfectly sitting with her attitude on speed, she loved it. Tonight though, tonight was special. tonight was pizza night.
Now, Rainbow Dash was smart, she had to be. She was Ponyville's weather manager, she had to make calculations years in advance, and she had to do rough calculations for her flying, not exactly a precise science, but it requires quite a mind to think of all the stunts she does. In order to save money and continue to have enough money to live, she came up with a brilliant plan, she would make her own pizza's instead! She was certainly not the best cook in the world, but she was far from Sweetie Belle level.
'How does a filly even burn juice?' Dash pondered as she reached her home in the clouds. Pushing the thoughts aside, she entered her house and said hello to the coolest pet in town.
"Sup Tank? Been keeping an eye on the house for me?" The little tortoise looked back at his owner, and gave a slight nod before being picked up by Dash. "Heh, good boy. Now come on, it's pizza time!" flying swiftly to her kitchen, she can't help but remember the month without pizza thanks to the expensive cloud enchantment that allowed her to even keep Tank in her house. It would be worth it in time, but for now, she wouldn't have to worry. Making a pizza is no sweat right? she looks at the recipe she got from Applejack the day before. She may not look it, but she can make an amazing pizza.
'Too bad she likes to put apples on her pizzas, it never quite taste right when she does. I mean, who else but AJ to actually put apples on a pizza? Yuck.' Looking again at the recipe, everything seems simple at first glance, too simple.
"What the hay, that's it? Tomato sauce, cheese, dough, and some toppings? Jeez, that isn't so awesome. Time for Dash to make this pizza twenty- no, two hundred percent cooler!" Tank takes a moment to hide in his shell, fully aware of the trouble how owner could get into for the price of awesomeness, then again, that same thing got him his new home, so he can't complain too much. He returns out of his shell to see Dash rummaging through her closet looking for something. When he sees her retreat, he feels as if something is wrong. Almost like, no, not again, he would not let her do this again. This mare may have delusions of being good at this, but having sampled her dishes, he was ready to protect her life once again!
"Finally, found my blend of spices. Oh this will be so awesome Tank, pizza with a little mix of spices, carefully made by Spike should spice this pizza up good! Taking the jar of spices into her mouth, she walks back over to her table, puts down the spices, and looks again at her ingredients list. "Alright, what else could spice this up, maybe I should add some of that spray cheese to the dough, make this extra cheesy!" Enough is enough, now is the time to act, now is the time to show how loyal a pet can be, now is the time to prevent the disaster coming next. It is time for Tank the tortoise, to save Dash and prevent her really bad plan from failing!
He quickly rushed over to yank her tail and warn her it was a bad idea, but there was only one problem, he was a tortoise. Try as he might, Dash was moving around too quickly to grab her tail, so he improvised, and grabbed what he could, which just happened to solve itself as she tripped over him, spilling the spice she had placed on the table with a quick face roll into the table. Looking at the spice that had fallen, she at first feels sadness, her precious plan ruined, but then she got curious, why would Tank try and stop her pizza making, turning around, she asks.
"Okay little guy, what's up." Tank responds by craning his neck to the recipe and then nods, then cranes to the spices, and shakes his head. Dash, thinking it over, makes the smart choice.
"Oh, I see, you're right, I probably didn't think this through." Tank nods sagely at Dash. "Yeah, that was kind of silly. I almost used the wrong spices, those were the old ones, I should use the newer spices!" At this Tank tries to motion something, anything, but it is too late, Dash is already going into the pantry and grabbing out another jar of spices. She quickly starts putting things together, grabbing flour, water, spices and some spray-cheese she has as well. As she finishes mixing these ingredients, Tank has made it a third of the way back towards her, to try and stop her once again. This time, fate does not give any pity as she zooms through the air to grab the tomato sauce from the pantry.
Tank begins to formulate the plan to stop her, as he slowly inches his way towards her. When Dash emerges from the pantry, she grabbed more then just tomato sauce, she also grabbed a jar of something. A jar of what Tank could not tell. Not until she put it down. At this, Tank did a double take. This should be impossible, why would she use... THAT! The jar was nothing truly special, it was honey, but honey, cooked into a pizza sauce? Surely she had gone off the deep end! He quickly went into overdrive, speeding forward at a blistering pace, for a tortoise. Dash went about her usual way, mixing the two ingredients in a blender, and spreading it onto the dough she had made, certainly, she would not be so crazy as to think this was to be edible!
She quickly took the mixture and spread it evenly around the pizza, followed swiftly be multiple cheeses and finally, the only topping Dash saw as cool, Jalapeno! As she finished mixing the meal, she began to lick her lips, she always loved speed, and now would prove to be no different, it had taken long enough t make this pizza, surely kicking up the temperature would mean less wait for her pizza to be done.
"Hmmm, I bet if I turn up the temperature from 400 to 800, that it would take a fourth of the time to cook! Oh man, Twilight really is starting to rub off on me. Oh well, could be worse! Now to turn this up and eat in just three minutes flat! As she turned up the temperature, Tank finally reached her and attempted communication once again. Looking back at her pet, she smiles before petting him on the shell. Don't worry boy, I don't plan to eat this all alone, I will take half of it to Twilight's place as part of a small party. I planned pizza night for tonight so that all of us could share and have our favorite foods! That is why I went light on the peppers, I wanted everypony to be able to enjoy it instead of burning their mouths like Twilight on her first day here.
This did little to alleviate his fear as Dash turned off the oven and retrieved the now finished pizza. It at least looked like a normal pizza, but Tank new this would not end well. Try as he might, Dash had become oblivious to his attempts to stop her. She quickly grabbed a pizza stone that was modified to act as a case, placed the pizza within, and flew off towards the Golden Oaks Library. This was to be the best night ever!
----------------------------------------------------------The Dawn of the Next Day.---------------------------------------------------------------
As Dash awoke in the library, she found a few things odd. First, she was in a bed. Second, that bed was not occupied by only her. Third, the other occupant was her purple unicorn friend, Twilight Sparkle. Finally, she was muzzle first under Twilight's tail. She did what any sensible mare would do in this situation, she screamed.
"What the hay happened last night!?"
"Ow, Rainbow, you didn't have to scream that loud so early you know, especially after last night." As the words left her lips, Twilight went from angry, to seductive. She even licked her lips.
"Wha, no, we didn't." Dash said, feeling the color drain from her face as the possibilities flowed through her mind. It was then that Twilight spoke.
"Indeed, after a few bites of pizza all of us starting feeling so hot, I think Spike even got a little action from Rarity before they passed out. You offered to go for a little spin, and I accepted. Oh, and I know it was probably not meaning anything. I don't know what you did with that pizza, but it certainly gave us an interesting night!" It was then that Dash's mind broke. The pizza she made could turn a book worm like Twilight into that, and she had willingly gone to bed with Twilight? She wasn't a mare that was very into other mare's, so this was all so odd. As she contemplated what this would mean, Twilight grabbed Dash's face and turned her so that they were face to face.
"Listen Dash, I know what happened last night didn't mean anything, we all became a little, excited, and you helped me with mine since Fluttershy was busy with Pinkie and AJ, and Rarity was busy blowing Spike's mind. I will say this, even if nothing becomes of it, I did save one last slice of that pizza, wanna try for round two?" As the words left her lips Twilight blushed profusely, and Dash had only one question to ask.
"Is it in the fridge?"
"Yeah, second shelf wrapped in foil."
"I'll be back in ten seconds flat." At this Dash zoomed out of the room and down towards the kitchen. Twilight knew it would take her a little longer to get back up as she teleported two notes out. One to thank Spike for giving Rainbow Dash the spices, and another to Tank, for unknowingly helping her bed Rainbow Dash. She smiled to herself as she also took out a book with a few names and crossed out Rainbow Dash, leaving plenty of names untouched.
"One down, so many more to go." As a dark smiles crosses her lips, she puts the book away, just in time for Dash to reenter the room.
"Ready for round two egghead?"
"More then ready, Dash."
Author's Note
I do so apologize for the fact that this was probably the least funny thing to ever have the comedy tag.
