Potion Master to the Rescue

by Idiotcornball

Rating: mature
Tags: Apple Bloom, Comedy, Random, Sex, Slice of Life, Babs Seed, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Human
Length: 4314

(human) Babs Seed and Apple Bloom learn the importance of following the potion recipe very closely.

(Humanized) Babs Seed and Apple Bloom have decided to try their hands at potion-making. They botch the recipe a bit, and Zecora comes (lol) to the rescue.

Contains chicks with dicks.

Published 2013-06-04 00:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-04 00:40:01 UTC

Potion Master to the Rescue

Babs Seed and Apple Bloom were crouched over one of Zecora's cauldrons. Zecora was... out somewhere. Probably gathering herbs or meditating or something. It didn't really matter. The important thing was that they had the hut to themselves. And by extension it meant that they had access to all of her potion books and all of her components.

"...and a pinch of powdered timberwolf claw!" The potion poofed out a cloud of green smoke as Apple Bloom dropped a pinch into it.

"And some lemon juice for flavor!" Babs said, squeezing a slice of lemon into the mixture. She jumped back as the potion made a loud farting noise. "Is it supposed to do that?"

"I dunno." Apple Bloom shrugged and looked up from the recipe book. "It doesn't say nothin' about it. I think it's ready." She gingerly dipped a ladle into the concoction and poured out two cups. She handed one to Babs. "You wanna drink it first, or should I?"

"Uh..." Babs eyed the substance suspiciously. It was the most unappetizing shade of green-yellow-purple she (or anyone else, for that matter) had ever seen, it bubbled, and had some sort mucus-y film on top that gave it a slug-like sheen. "How 'bout you knock it back? You mixed it, after all."

"Why me?" Apple Bloom said. "It was your idea!"

"Well, I only thought of it 'cause you were complainin' about your gas!" Babs retorted.

"Fine, how about we drink it at the same time." Apple Bloom said. "We'll count to three and drink 'em."

"On three or after three?"

"After three, obviously." Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "If we're drinkin' on three we can't say it."

"Alright, let's do this, then." Babs held up her cup. "One..."

"Two..." Apple Bloom braced herself. "Three!"

Both girls threw back their heads, draining the cups.

Babs shuddered. "Ugh! That was... not too bad, actually."

"Yeah, it was actually kinda fruity," Apple Bloom said. "You think it worked."

"I dunno, maybe it-" Babs belched. "I guess not."

"Maybe it only works on the uh... the other kind of gas. You know, like a-" As if on cue a trumpet-like sound emanated from her bottom. "Or not."

"Well, that was a waste of time," Babs grumbled. "Stupid potion didn't do anything."

"Maybe next time." Apple Bloom slammed the book shut, and turned to put it back on the shelf. She stopped mid-step. Maybe the potion had done something. "Uh, Babs, do your panties feel any tighter, or is it just me?"

"My panties?" Babs raised an eyebrow. It wasn't like she and Apple Bloom had never engaged in any... experimentation, but now seemed like a rather bizarre time to bring that up. "No! And that reminds me, you still haven't given me back that vibrator that you... uh... borrowed that... one... time... Actually, my panties are... feeling a little tight."

Babs' eyes wandered towards Apple Bloom's crotch. As of late, Apple Bloom's fashion sense had started to imitate her sister's, but didn't quite catch the spirit of the outfit. She had Applejack's shirt and jeans, but the shirt was arranged to reveal a generous amount of midriff and cleavage, and the jeans were far too tight to be practical on a farm. The tight pants made the inexplicable bulge between her legs quite noticeable. Babs was suddenly very glad that her overalls were rather loose.

"Uh, Babs?" Apple Bloom pointed. "I think you've got... somethin' hangin' out."

Babs looked down. Her overalls were loose. They were also quite short. She looked down the front of them. "I think we mighta messed up the potion."

"I think you're right." Apple Bloom knelt down so that she was on eye level with Babs' thighs. The tip of Babs' new... thing was just barely dangling out. It looked a bit like a plump, flesh-colored mushroom, albeit one with a hole at the tip. She reached out and squeezed it.

"Hey!" Babs jumped back, clamping her hands over her crotch. "What the hell are you doing!?"

"I'm just... uh..." Apple Bloom realized that she didn't really have much of a reason other than that Babs' -it was a dick, there was no way around it- just looked really squeezable. "Checkin' that it was real."

"Well, it is." Babs snorted and shifted her new bits so that they weren't hanging out of her overalls. Even though she had never had one before, she didn't really like the idea of anybody staring at it. "Now tell me how to get rid of it!"

"How am I supposed to know!?"

"It was your idea!" Babs put her hands on her (rather impressive) hips and tried not to stare at the cucumber-shaped lump in Apple Bloom's pants. "Why don't you look in your book or somethin'!"

"Right! The book. There oughta be somethin' in there that can get rid of these!" She snatched the book off the shelf and began to page through the glossary. "Uh, let's see. Penis. Nope, nothin'. Dick? No...Dong? Nothin'. Cock? There we go!" She fumbled through the pages. "Aw, dammit." Her face fell. "It's talkin' about roosters. She looked up at Babs. You know any other words for penis?"

"Uh, what about pecker?"

Apple Bloom scanned the page. "Nope. Just got 'Pecker, Wood.' Which sounds like it should be about penises, but it's just talkin' about birds." She scratched her head. "Why are there so many birds named after naughty body parts anyway? I mean, you got woodpeckers, cocks, tits, boobies? Somewhere there's gotta be an orthni-, ornthino-, bird person who's a real perv."

"Who cares!?" Babs said. "What's so naughty about boobies anyway? There's nothing wrong with those!"

"You're just sayin' that because yours so freakin' big!"

Babs looked down at her chest, which was considerable. She flushed slightly. "Y-you're just jealous!"

"Jealous nothin'. If I had to deal with those honkers I don't know what I'd do! You can't do any farm work with hooters that big." She paused. "Hey, hooters. That's a bird, isn't it?"

"The bird is called an owl." Babs rolled her eyes. "They just make hooting noises."

"Maybe the doctor who named the body parts really liked birds or somethin'."

"You mean, liked birds, or really liked birds?"

"Ew!" Apple Bloom stuck her tongue out. "Maybe that's where flyers got their wings from."

"I'd rather not think about that." Babs shuttered. "You sure the book doesn't say anythin' about dick removal?"

"Nope, not a thing. There's somethin' here about gettin' rid of warts, but nothin' about penises."

"Well that's just great!" Babs flicked her hair out of her eyes. "What are we gonna do now?"

"We could...uh... we could try 'em out?"

Babs stared at Apple Bloom as if the girl had sprouted another penis out of her forehead. "Did that potion make you high or somethin'? I know that we... experimented a bit at that one family reunion, but this is totally different! That was just a couple girls bein' curious about what it feels like to have someone put their finger up your butt!"

Apple Bloom giggled. "Turns out it ain't too bad."

"Well, yeah, but that's not my point!" Babs sniffed. "That was... okay well I dunno if it's natural to do that kinda stuff, but it's sure more normal than growin' a dick by accident and decidin' to use it!"

"I'm just sayin' that as long we're stuck with 'em we might as well make the most of it."

Babs stared at her incredulously. "Make the most of it? How?"

"I dunno, maybe some practice?"

"Practicin' what!?"

"You know..." Apple Bloom twiddled her fingers. "Dick stuff. So if we ever get boyfriends or whatever we'll know what to do."

"So you want to... to fuck!?" Babs couldn't believe what she was saying. "Are you nuts!?"

"We don't have to actually do it! We could just like... suck on it or somethin'."

"I don't believe this." Babs shook her head. "We just both grew cocks by accident and the first thing you want to do is practice your blowjobs?"

"Well, we already got the dicks! And when else are we gonna get to practice?"

"You mean you never went down on somebody before?"

Apple Bloom blushed slightly and shook her head. "No. And you have?"

"Well, no." Babs admitted. "Have you even ever seen a real penis before?"

"I walked in on my brother once while he was in the shower, but I don't think that counts."

"Well, I don't care, I'm not doin' anything with it!" Babs stomped her foot. "It's weird enough just havin' one! I'm not goin' to start jackin' off or whatever!"

Apple Bloom began to think up a not-very-witty retort, something along the lines of "well, you're just scared", but was interrupted by Zecora stepping through the doorway. Both girls plastered enormous grins on their faces and tried not to draw any attention to their crotches.

"Good mornin', Zecora!" they said in unison.

Zecora returned their smiles. "I did not think you'd pass this way, but you're right that it is a lovely day!"

The two girls nodded like bobble heads.

Zecora took a few steps forward and noted the still-bubbling cauldron and the smell of anti-fart potion hanging in the air. "I do not mean to cause a commotion, but it seems that you've been mixing a potion."

"Um, yeah, we were just tryin' to whip somethin' up," Apple Bloom mumbled. "Nothin' important."

"I fear this may sound rather crass..." Zecora leaned over the cauldron, "...but was this a potion to prevent gas?"

"Uh, it mighta been..." Babs averted her gaze, and thanked herself for not wearing tight pants.

Zecora sniffed the remnants of the potion and shook her head as she looked at the squeezed-out lemon slices that sat on the table. Her gaze shifted to Apple Bloom, making its way down her body. Apple Bloom felt naked, as if Zecora's eyes could go right through her clothes. Maybe it could. Zecora had all sorts of weird abilities. X-ray vision might totally be one of them. Zecora's eyes stopped at Apple Bloom's bulge. So, Zecora was confirmed for X-ray vision then.

She raised an eyebrow. "So that potion made to stop your farts, has given you an extra part?"

"Uh, no." Apple Bloom was every bit the liar her sister was, which was to say that she couldn't lie to save her life. She thrust a finger at Babs. "She has one too!"

"Hey!" Babs glowered and put her hands over her crotch, just in case Zecora really did have X-ray vision.

Zecora rolled her eyes. "The end may seem a bit foregone, but could you tell me what went on?"

"We were tryin' to make a potion so we wouldn't get gas any more, and we apparently messed it up a bit. So instead of helpin', it made us grow... things."

"I will make my explanation expedient..." Zecora plucked a lemon slice from the ground and held it up, "... you seem to have added an extra ingredient!"

"You mean puttin' that lemon in the potion made me grow a penis!?" Babs' eye twitched. "Shouldn't the book say somethin' about that? It's kind of a major thing to leave out!"

"Who cares about that!?" Apple Bloom crossed her arms. "Can you tell us how to fix it? I don't think Applejack would be too happy if I came home with a dick."

"Really?" Babs cocked her neck. "I wouldn't think she'd care."

"Oh, she wouldn't care about the dick. She'd wonder what I was doin' drinkin' a potion without makin' sure it was safe first. 'Why'd ya go and drink it!? It coulda made a dick grow outta yer forehead! Or turned ya into a newt! Or made yer head explode!' You know, that kinda stuff." She turned to Zecora. "Can potions even do that?"

"Unless you put gunpowder in the cup, a potion can't make your head blow up."

"Well, that's good, I guess," Apple Bloom said. "Now how do we go about gettin' rid of these cocks? It's kinda uncomfortable in these pants. I don't think whoever designed them made space for a penis."

"That's what you get for wearin' such tight pants!" Babs said.

"Oh, hush. Come on, Zecora, there's gotta be a way to get rid of 'em."

"Hmmm..." Zecora stared at them for a moment, her eyes half-closed. She raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "There is a way to remove your dicks, but it is not an easy fix."

"Just so long as it doesn't involve anythin' sharp."Apple Bloom said. Zecora shook her head. "Whew."

"So what do we have to do to get rid of these things? Do we just make like an antidote potion, or what?"

Zecora grinned. "I realize that this will sound kind of dumb, but to get rid of your penis you must use it to cum."

"Eh?" Babs and Apple Bloom stared slack-jawed at Zecora, barely believing that she had just said what they thought they heard.

"Cum?" Babs repeated. "You mean like, when a guy gets a boner and... you know."

Zecora nodded.

"See! I told you we should've just used 'em for practice!" Apple Bloom said. "It would've fixed everything."

"I dunno, I'm still not sure I can... uh..." Babs twiddled her fingers. "It's just weird."

Zecora raised an eyebrow. "Don't get your panties in a twist. I am willing to assist!" With a flourish, what little clothing she had been wearing fell to the floor. Zecora had never been big on fashion, eschewing the common clothing of the area for a simple tribal skirt and drape. Despite the fact that neither article of clothing used much fabric, they had somehow managed to do a miraculous job of covering her curves.

Apple Bloom and Babs couldn't do much more than stare. Stare, and appreciate Zecora's body. It was like candy; chocolate skin with creamy stripes on her arms and legs, and a swirl on her stomach. Her nipples were perky, almost like chocolate kisses on the tips of her breasts. The delicately trimmed patch of black and white hair above her lower lips were like... okay, so there wasn't really any sort of candy that came to mind for that, but still, it was really sexy in the most decadent fashion.

Babs felt movement in her panties. She could see quite plainly that Apple Bloom was having the same experience. It couldn't be comfortable; even with her loose overalls, things were getting rather tight. She couldn't imagine that having that sort of expansion would be bearable when your pants required you to grease their legs before putting them on. She looked down and suddenly understood that whole "pitching a tent" euphemism.

Zecora cleared her throats. "Excuse me, but it is quite rude, to leave me the only one in the nude."

"You want us to get naked too!?" Apple Bloom blushed. "Isn't that kinda weird?"

"Well, we apparently have to jack off to get rid of these things," Babs grumbled. "It's gonna be awkward no matter whether we got clothes on or not!"

"If you're so cool with it, why are you still wearin' your clothes?"

"F-fine!" Babs took a deep breath, and peeled off her shirt. Her impressive breasts bounced as they popped out of her bra.

"Whoa!" Apple Bloom's jaw dropped. It had been quite a while since their last midnight skinny-dip, and the buoyant fullness of Babs' chest had caught her completely by surprised. She tried not to think about the fact that she was ogling her cousin. "Wait a sec. Why don't you have any tan lines?"

"I...uh... I wanted it to be even?"

"But you live in the city! Do you just let everybody stare at you or somethin'?" Apple Bloom tilted her head. "You don't go to one of those stupid tanning salons, do you?"

"Nope! All-natural. I tan on the roof of my apartment building. Nobody goes up there."

"What about flyers?"

"Uh...." Babs blushed. "So, why don't you take of your stuff now!?"

"I don't wanna ruin your momentum. You keep goin'!"

"Forget it." Babs crossed her arms over her (large) chest. "I ain't taken anything else off until I get to see some skin!"

"Fine!" Apple Bloom's fingers fumbled with the buttons of her shirt. "Do I have to?"

"Don't be afraid to wear your birthday suit," Zecora said. She rocked back and forth on her heels, causing her breasts to sway. "I'm sure your body is quite cute."

"Cute ain't exactly what I was goin' for." Apple Bloom grumbled. "'Smokin' hot' would've been nicer. Here goes." She whipped her shirt and bra off and bounced up and down a few times. "There, you two happy?"

Zecora simply nodded.

"Oh yeah." Babs grinned and wiggled her eyebrow. "How 'bout the rest of you?"

"But it's your turn!"

"I took my shirt off first!" Babs said. "So you have to take your pants off. Besides, it looks like your dick is gettin' a bit cramped in there."

"Fine." Apple Bloom shook her head. "I can't believe I'm doin' this." She unzipped her pants and let them drop. Her semi-erect cock sprang free of it's confinement and swung back and forth as if celebrating its newfound liberty.

"That potion must have used good stock. You should be proud of your cock."

Indeed, it was quite nice. Not especially big, but perfectly proportioned, with a smooth shaft and a soft head. Her balls dangled just below it, just the right size if she wanted to cup them. Even though she had never gotten a boner before, she could tell that it was almost totally erect.

"See, now that you have dropped your guard, your dick is starting to get hard!"

"Yeah, yeah, maybe it is! So what?" She crossed her arms. "It's 'cause y'all got your boobs hangin' out! You try not havin' a boner when there's tits everywhere!" She looked at Zecora. "Well, you aren't gonna get a boner 'cause you don't have a dick, but that doesn't count."

Babs giggled. "I always knew you liked my boobs!"

"Fine! Let's see what you're packin' under there!" Apple Bloom grabbed Babs' overalls and yanked. A second later they were around her ankles. "Hah!" Apple Bloom thrust a triumphant fist into the air. "Mine's bigger!"

"It is not!" Babs retorted. "It only looks that way 'cause you have a boner! Once I've got it up, mine will totally be bigger!"

"Yeah, right! That wouldn't be fair at all! Your boobs are so much bigger that my cock has to make up the difference!"

"Why do you even want to have a bigger dick anyway? You're a girl! Why would you want it to be big?"

"I- uh... that's actually a really good question." Apple Bloom scratched her head. "I'm not quite sure what's so great about havin' a giant penis anyway. It's honestly kinda inconvenient." She looked down at her own. "It feels pretty good, though." She reached down and gently caressed the tip of her cock.

"You're right, I guess..." Babs reached down and took hold of her semi-erect penis. "It's so weird though. It's like having a giant clit or something. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it..." She gave her dick a squeeze.

Zecora cleared her throats and the two girls turned towards her. "I'd hate to interrupt your fun," she said, "But let me show you how it's done." She gestured for the two girls to come closer. They did. "If you really want to experience bliss, you two must stroke your cocks like this." She positioned them on either side of herself, pulling them in tight so that their naked bodies were pressed against her curves. She took hold of each of their hands, pressing them to her chest. "I realize that this sensation is new, but I would rather feel good too."

Apple Bloom could barely breathe evenly. Zecora's breast was so large that it spilled around her hand. She squeezed. It was a pleasant feeling. She could see out of the corner of her eye that Babs was doing the same thing. Apple Bloom released Zecora's breast and reached across and put her palm on Babs' chest and began to knead. Babs smiled and returned the favor. Apple Bloom felt her knees starting to get fuzzy. She had groped herself during her alone time, of course, but when someone else was doing it, it felt so much better.

Her body began to move on its own, pressing itself against Zecora. The dark woman chuckled. "It seems you two are already wet, and I have not even started yet!" She reached down and grasped a cock in each hand and began to stroke them, making motions as if she were rowing a boat. "I should've known it would make you squeal. Just how good is it making you feel?"

"Th-this is amazing!" Babs gasped.

Zecora tugged gently on their dicks, bringing them closer and closer together. Her efforts began to make a squishing sound. Babs and Apple Bloom looks down to find that the tips of their dicks were slick with precum. The two dickgirls leaned in. The tips of their dicks touched, the heads slipping against each other as Zecora stroked them.

Apple Bloom's face was only inches away from her cousin's. Both their faces glistened with sweat, and bore expressions of utter bliss. Their lips touched. One of Apple Bloom's hands reached down and she began to finger herself from behind. The pleasure was so unbelievable she could barely stand. Her legs were damp with her own secretions. She had never had a penis before, but she could tell that she was rapidly approaching a climax. From the way that Babs was shaking, it seemed that she was, too.

Apple Bloom gasped; she had a vague idea that she was supposed to announce her imminent orgasm, but that would be difficult with her mouth pressed against Babs'. She leaned back. "I-I'm--" She was too late. It was as if something within her had been drawn tighter and tighter, and had just been released with unstoppable force. Her whole body shuttered as she came, a veritable geyser of cum spurting from her cock, spattering across Zecora's thighs. At nearly the exact same moment, Babs let out a loud squeal and orgasmed, the semen coating both Zecora and Apple Bloom's lower bodies.

"W-whoa..." Apple Bloom could feel the strength going out of her.

"Cumming that much is quite a feat! Now you ought to take a seat." Zecora supported the two girls as she guided them back to their chairs. "While your excretions have a beautiful sheen, it would probably be best to wipe yourselves clean." She tossed the girls a pair of towels.

"So..." Babs tried not to look at Apple Bloom. "That was really somethin'."

"Yeah." Apple Bloom mumbled. She couldn't deny that she had enjoyed the experience, but her brain still couldn't register the fact that she had grown a dick and promptly gotten a handjob. She felt like she should say something else about it, but she didn't know what. "It sure was."

"Uh, Zecora, you mind if I ask you a question?" Babs said.

"Of course you can, my be-dicked friend. Bring your wonders to an end."

Babs tried to ignore the fact that Zecora had used the word "be-dicked" and asked the question. "So, you knew that adding lemon would cause us to grow dicks. Does that mean that you've used it before?"

Zecora grinned. "When one lives in such a lonely climb, one must find ways to pass the time." She reached down and lifted up the towel that Babs had draped over her lap. "See, I told you it would not be long; now that you've cum your cock is gone!"

"Huh, so it is." Apple Bloom said. She hadn't even noticed when it had dissipated or vanished or whatever a dick did when it blinked out of existence. A chill washed over her, and it suddenly became very apparent that she was naked. She hurriedly began to slip her clothes back on. "So, uh, thanks a lot, Zecora. We should probably get goin'. Got stuff to do on the farm, you know."

"Y-yeah!" Babs said, following Apple Bloom's lead. "Not that this wasn't fun or whatever. Thanks for the, uh... the antidote. Bye!"

The two girls made for the door. The stopped as they heard Zecora clear her throat. They turned back to see Zecora holding a small bottle. "If you no longer want to suffer gas, this potion will make sure it won't pass." She tossed the potion to Apple Bloom, who caught it.

"Th-thanks."

Zecora grinned. "Next time you have such a simple task, all that you must do is ask."

"I'll remember that. See you later!" The two girls disappeared out the door.

Zecora turned to face the mess that they had left in her cottage. She bent down and picked up one of the unsqueezed lemon slices that they had left on her table. Her eyes drifted to what was left of their attempted potion. "I suppose there's nothing left to say; I don't have anything else to do today..."

Author's Note

Yeah, once I saw that picture I pretty much had to write a fic about it. I have no clue where Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are.

I probably could've made it a bit longer, but I've been stupidly busy lately, so this is what you get. Haven't decided yet whether it'll be in the same continuity as my other futa stories. Having this potion available is certainly convenient so that I won't have to involve Twilight in every story.

Inspired by this (extremely NSFW, obviously) picture. Alternate link because derpibooru is derping.