Scar Tissue

Cutting, if it wasn't drugs it was cutting. Those two things you did day in and day out.

You constantly lived in fear of being caught by friends and family, they could never understand your reasoning behind it, the logic you saw. You took the blade in your hand and dragged it down the length of your arm, leaving a fine yet deep gash. The gash begins to ooze blood. You shiver in delight. It was a wonderful sensation. The pain let you know you were alive, it looked good seeing the blood drip down your arm. you lean down and lick it, savoring the taste. Suddenly there's a knock on the door.

"Sweetie, are you in there?" Just my mom you think.

"Yea I'm in here, can you hold on a second?" You ask as you flush the toilet to heighten the lie. You go to the sink and wash the blood from your arms. You then dry them with a towel and hide the knife in the drawer below the sink.

I'll come back for it later you think as you put on your sweater and open the door. Standing there patiently is your mother, a small, timid pony who cares about nothing more than seeing you happy. She has a light blue coat and purple hair, with a cutie mark of a palette.

"What took you so long?" She asks, giving you a funny look.

"Uh mom that's sorta personal. Anyway, I'm gonna be chilling with the guys so I gotta go." You say, maneuvering around her. Celestia that was close. Now to go smoke with Blazer you thought to yourself. You head into your room and open the door. You look around the room, seeing the Rage Against Celestia poster on the wall.

Musical and political geniuses you thought. You head towards the shelf in your room and find it full of drawings you've made over the years. You and your mother both have the same hobby.

"Ah, there it is." You sigh as you move some paper and grab your pipe and a small bag of weed. K2, your favorite. Either that or purple kush. In the bag is 10 grams. "Enough for a day." You chuckle quietly. Then, trotting to your window, you unlock it and open it. The net had broken long ago, so there was no need to worry about it. You step outside of your house and close the window.

"Now let's go to Blazers." You say, starting to run down the road. When you get on Blazer's street, you get a little anxious. This place always gave you the creeps, and it always reminded you of that time...

"Hey Mr. Shine, you called me here?" You say. It's 3 years ago, you remember it well. It would always start off with you saying 'Hey Mr. Shine, you called me here' and then Mr. Shine would throw away the apple he was eating. Then he would smile and yes 'Yes Ms. Blossom, can you come here please' and then he would...he would...No. You suppress the memory, hoping to forget this painful moment.

You shudder slightly. You reach in your sweater pocket and find your cell phone.

You search through your contacts and find Blazer's number. You hit dial and wait. No answer. You hit dial again but lose patience and hang up. "Guess I'll just smoke by myself" You think out loud. You grab your pipe and light yourself a bowl with the lighter in your other pocket. You trot into a nearby alley and hide behind some stones and garbage cans. You light yourself another bowl and inhale deeply. Your eyes water slightly and you cough. You then exhale into the air, looking at the puff of smoke that floats away. Instantly, you get THE feeling, that feeling which can only be stopped by one thing; pain. You take the lighter and hold it under your hand, then light it, letting it burn your fur and skin.

"Celestia YES, it hurts so good." You groan, loving how your hand burns. You then look around the ground searching for something sharp. That's when you find it, a rusty nail.

"Perfect." You whisper. The weed is making things spin, yet you steady yourself as you use the nail as a blade, cutting your arms. You know you won't get tetanus, you've already had your shots. You didn't cut too deep because you don't want your mom to find out. You lap at the blood with your tongue and suck on the wounds. You light another bowl and lie down, getting 'higher than Cloudsdale' as they say. Later you decide to head back home, still high. When you get there, you open the door and trot straight into your mother.

"Oops sorry mom, I'm just gonna go to the restroom." You say. You glance to the left and see the knife on the counter, the one you used earlier today. Oh shit you think.

"No you won't missy, it's been 6 hours since you left and never once did you respond to my calls. Not to mention the fact that I find a knife - a knife! - in our bathroom! Who were you with and what were you doing? You smell horrible! It's 11-o'-clock and a school night, you should be asleep." She says, battering you with questions and remarks.

"Damn it mom I was just at Rosebud's place. We were just riding bikes." You say angrily. Luna on the moon I am so bucked You thought to yourself.

"I called Rosebud's house, she said she was sick today and didn't know where you were. Now I am going to ask you again, Where were you and what were you doing?" She asks sternly.

"I was at Blazer's..." You say, trailing off. Mom puts her hand to her mouth and gasps.

"Mom he's nice and understands me." You say, desperately trying to explain.

"You were smoking that, that weed weren't you? Weren't you?! I was afraid this would happen, after your father died you became so angry. Sweetie it's okay, we can fix this." She says, rushing towards you and embracing you. You push her away. She chokes down a sob. You rush into your room, slamming the door.

No one will EVER know I feel or why I do what I do you think, remembering that one day.

"Hey Mr. Shine, you called me here?" You ask

"Yes Ms. Blossom, can you come here please?" Mr. Shine asks, throwing away his apple. It's 3 years ago. You remember it so well. You would walk slowly over to him, your principle, expecting to get punished or rewarded or something. HE would get comfy in his chair and ask you to sit. You would and he would then get up and walk around you, encircling you like a Timberwolf. Then he would spin your chair around and lean in and forcefully kiss you. you would try to push him off but then he'd...he'd...No. Once more you suppress the memory.

You start crying, the memory always brings back pain.

Instantaneously, the urge to cut returns and you frantically search your room. You look around and find that it appears as thought somepony went searching through your things. Probably mom, looking for 'evidence.' You open the door and head down the hallway into the kitchen. You open the knife drawer and find it empty.

Shit, she went here too You thought. "Oh wait, we have some new lightbulbs in the closet. I can use the glass from those." You thought as you canter to the closet. You look on the shelf and find some lightbulbs. Grabbing one, you put it in your hoodie pocket. You head outside and grab the lightbulb from your pocket. You throw it on the ground, shattering it, and grab the biggest piece of broken glass you see. You drag it against your arm, sighing. "Oh buck yes." You say as you make another gash, deeper this time. You hear the door to your house open.

Oh Celestia I'm screwed you thought as you throw the glass away and push aside the remains of the lightbulb in a vain attempt to hide them.

"Sweetie look I'm sorry, I just care about y- HOLY SHIT! What happened to you?" Your mother shrieks as she runs to you. You panic and attempt to hide it to no avail. "My baby! It's okay, it's okay, we can fix this." She says, bawling. "I've looked into some treatment centers that can-" She starts.

"No," You interrupt. "I'm fine, just, leave me alone. I'm not hurting anypony else." You say.

"Yes you are, Cherry Blossom, you're hurting yourself and me. Look, just go to the treatment center. It's called San Marcos Treatment Center. It'll help you not want to, well, not want to do this." She says, pointing to your cuts. "Please." Your mom begs, tears dripping down her face.

"Okay but I don't need help." You repeat as you hug her.