Meat

by Good Christian Ethesto

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2834

When the local slaughter house closes down, Twilight Sparkle takes it upon herself to find a new source of meat to satisfy her dark hunger. Thankfully, Fluttershy's house is practically crawling with meat.

Twilight Sparkle has always considered herself a connoisseur of meat, having sampled nearly every type in existence. She loves meat. Without meat, what is there to live for? So when the local slaughter house closes down, she takes it upon herself to find a new source to satisfy her dark hunger. Thankfully, Fluttershy's house is practically crawling with meat.

People wanted me to write this months ago. I finally did it...

Published 2013-10-04 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-04 19:10:02 UTC

Delicious meat

I suppose this is a sequel to 'Twilight Eats Spike's Meat', though reading that isn't necessary.

--

It was another perfectly ordinary day in Ponyville and our favorite adorable alicorn princess was trotting merrily through the market streets. A huge smile was stuck upon Twilight Sparkle's face as she continued on, waving at some of the background ponies who won't be mentioned in this story. They aren't important, but what is important is Twilight's destination: the local deli. She had a ravenous hunger twisting her stomach into knots, and only one thing could sate it.

She arrived at the small store, pushing the door open with her amazing, purple magic, before stepping inside. Her smile only widened as she was met with the air-conditioned air, filled with the smell of fresh pastries. Even with the pegasi controlling the weather, it was still too warm out for Twilight's tastes, so she reveled in the cool atmosphere. The AC was nice, but that's not why she visited the tiny grocery store in the first place. She was on a mission for sustenance, and, thankfully, this store was a perfect place to get what she needed.

She stepped up to the counter, locking eyes with the pimply teenager working the register, her manic smile doing little to affect his emotionless visage.

"Can I help you?" He asked, no trace of enthusiasm in his voice.

"Why yes," started Twilight as she pulled her bag of golden bit coins from the secret compartment in her tail. "I'm here to pick up my order." Twilight had exotic tastes, and she often had to order her food from very far away. Thankfully, being a princess, she had more cash than she knew what to do with. She had tried burying her money, and flushing it down the toilet, and even throwing it in a lake, but no matter what she did she just had too much cash.

Today's order was more simplistic, just some Griffin breast meat fresh from the local slaughter house. So long as you had the money, you could buy pretty much any kind of meat you wanted. Twilight had even sampled pony meat once while at a party in Canterlot's palace. She didn't particularly enjoy its chewy texture, though, so she tended to stick with other types of meat.

The teenager looked at her receipt before checking the shelves in the back. He came back a moment later, hooves empty, leaving Twilight confused as to where her meat was. She really wanted this meat.

"Sorry," he said in the least apologetic tone imaginable. "We don't have any meat in stock. We threw it all out last night. Didn't you read the paper?"

Twilight's eyes widened as she turned to look at one of the local newspapers stacked up on the side of the counter. Sure enough, the front page had an article about the local slaughterhouse closing down. Apparently the Food and Drug administration inspected the place and found that it was crawling with rats, so they decided to shut the place down. Twilight's jaw dropped open in horror as the full scope of the situation began to sink in. With the slaughter house out of commission, where would she get her meat from? How could she possibly survive without meat?!

Sure she could order it from out of town, but that would take days! She needed meat now! Twilight looked around frantically, trying to spot some form of meat in desperation. Unfortunately, the grocery store was dry. As the worker had explained, they had already thrown out all their meat. She began hyperventilating, her many mental disorders wearing away at her fragile mind. The only thing that kept her sane was her daily dose of meat, and now that was gone! How would she survive? Is life even worth living if you have to go literally days without even a single meat?

Like a wild animal, Twilight lashed out in her desperation, reaching over the counter and grabbing the teenager by the collar of his work shirt with her hooves. "I need meat!" She exclaimed. For the first time, the cashier pony's face betrayed emotion as it distorted in fear at being in such close proximity with the crazed, purple mare. "Have you ever tasted pony meat?" she asked cryptically.

He tried to pull back, but her vice-like grip was too stronk. Being an alicorn, she was part dirt earth pony, after all. "B-but, k-k-killing me would b-be illegal!" He stuttered out, getting the implication of her words.

"I'm the princess, I can get away with whatever I want." She looked around for some sort of blade or blunt object to slaughter the poor fool with, when a bell rung from across the room, signaling that the door had opened. Twilight slowly turned her head, seeing that a pair of ponies had just walked in and were now staring at the scene. She briefly considered just killing them all with her powerful magic and acquiring their meat that way, but she quickly thought better of it. "Too many witnesses," she whispered to herself as she dropped her hold of the startled pony.

She would just have to get her meat a different way. She was a princess, and the element of magic. She had conquered all sorts of slightly-evil villains and gone on slightly-dangerous adventures. Surely she could do something as trivial as finding a suitable source of meat.

She turned and left the store, ignoring the confused stares from the new patrons as she brushed by them. The first thing she did was to circle around the building into the back alley behind the store. There she found several trash cans outside the back door. If they threw the meat out, it would be there. Sadly, she was desperate enough for meat to resort to rummaging through trash for it like a common coon. At least no one could see her back here...

She pulled the lids off the plastic containers with her magic, riffling through their contents in confusion. There was no meat here. There was hardly anything in the waste bins at all! She was briefly confused until she remembered that it was Sunday, and the trash ponies came early every Wednesday and Sunday morning.

With an angry groan, Twilight trotted out of the alley, heading towards her tree home. It seemed that she would have to try harder than that if she was to fill her cute, little belly with delicious meat. It was a short trip to her library house, being that it was only a few blocks away. She walked inside the tree building, slamming the door shut behind herself and locking it. She really didn't want to deal with company.

She dropped onto her flank, sitting in the middle of the floor as she began to ponder how she would get some meat. Looking around the room for inspiration, she instantly noted the thin layer of dust building up on everything. A few weeks ago Spike had eaten some of her special meat she had ordered, and, in her hungry and upset state, she ate his flesh as recompense. Unfortunately, that left her without a dragon slave to clean the place up.

A shrill chirping came from the top of the stairs, reminding her about the dragon's bastard pet phoenix, Peewee, that he had kidnapped. The thing was infinitely annoying, especially now that she didn't have Spike to take care of it. It was always eating and pooping everywhere, and generally making quite a ruckus. Such a creature didn't belong in a library, and Twilight grit her teeth as the thing continued to chirp.

Finally sighing to herself, she resolved to see what the bird was making so much noise for. Twilight walked to the top of the stairs, only to find the chick perched atop her desk, squawking for seemingly no reason. As she got closer her eyes widened, noticing the chunky, white stain atop the papers on her desk. That was her latest letter to Celestia that she was working on! Her hunger for meat had forced her to leave in the middle of writing it, and now she'd have to start all over as the page was covered in bird feces.

Twilight scowled at the yellow and orange chick and it looked back at her with big eyes, seemingly ignorant of what it had done. She hated the little thing, and she was considering just throttling it when her stomach growled, reminding her of her unending hunger for flesh. She suddenly looked at the tiny bird in a new light, seemingly noticing for the first time how tasty it appeared. Perhaps it was just her meat-deprived mind, but she couldn't help but imagine how delicious the tiny fowl would be.

With a lightning quick swipe, she grabbed Peewee with a hoof before he could get away with his tiny wings. He could hardly even fly anyway, and with Twilight's magic, there was no hope of him escaping. She stared at her prey, her eyes narrowing as her predatory side took over. She felt a sadistic glee as the tiny bird struggled in her hoof grip, but to no avail.

Her stomach grumbled again, telling her to stop stalling. Without a second though, she tossed the bird into her mouth. Twilight salivated despite the bland taste of her latest meal. She didn't care if it tasted good or not, she just cared that it was meat. With a swallow, the tiny bird slid down her esophagus.

She sat there on her flank for who knows how long, reveling in the feeling of finally having meat inside her. Peewee continued to flap around in her stomach, tickling her with every touch. She couldn't help but giggle at the feeling. Unfortunately, this hardly did anything to sate her unending hunger. Peewee was such a tiny bird, and she was a comparatively less tiny pony. She needed far more meat than that!

Unfortunately, she had already exhausted her entire stock pile of meat. Now she was back to where she was but a few minutes prior, with absolutely no meat to fill her belly. Unless she stumbled upon a bunch of birds, she was shit out of luck. That thought stuck in her head, and her eyes lit up in excitement. She knew exactly where to find a bunch of birds. In fact, she knew exactly where to find all kinds of small, tasty animals!

Twilight let out a devilish chuckle as she trotted out of her house and towards Fluttershy's cottage. All her meat problems would soon be a thing of the past.

Like all destinations in the small town of Ponyville, Fluttershy's home wasn't particularly far away, so it was a short trip. Twilight soon arrived at the bridge leading over the little stream out front. She could already see all manner of small creatures scurrying around in the bushes. Clearly she had made the correct decision by coming here.

She just had to avoid her friend, Fluttershy, who happened to love animals. Going up to the cottage, Twilight looked through several windows, noting that it didn't look like anyone was currently home. She would just have to gorge herself then leave before the yellow pegasus got back from whatever she was doing, and no one would even know. Fluttershy had so many animals, Twilight reasoned she wouldn't even notice if a few (dozen) went missing.

She stalked over to a nearby bush, moving slowly so as not to startle the tiny creatures that made their burrows underneath it. Thankfully for her, the animals were used to pony interaction and didn't seem particularly scared of her. In fact, if anything, they seemed excited to see here, likely expecting her to offer up food. How ironic that, by not running, they were offering up themselves as food.

A pair of tiny, white mice scurried out from under the foliage, sniffing around for their latest meal. Twilight stared down at them, her brain screaming at her to start her dark feast as her primary-digestion-glands roiled in anticipation. She gladly complied. Her horn lit up with lavender light as she picked up the two mice and tossed them into her mouth, slurping their tails up like spaghetti. A quick swallow later and she was moving onward, trying to find more animals.

It really wasn't difficult. The small creatures were practically asking to be eaten with the way they were acting, running up to her mindlessly in the hopes that she'd feed them. She ignored their desires as she shoved mice, ferrets, and tiny birds down her throat one after another, in complete bliss at the familiar sensation of having a belly full of meat. Her glutenous feeding was only halted as a carrot flew from seemingly nowhere and hit her on the side of the head. She blinked for a moment in surprise, not really hurt, but confused as to why a vegetable would hit her. After a few seconds, she turned to see an angry looking white rabbit staring at her, its front arms crossed.

Twilight's eyes narrowed as she looked at the familiar bunny: Fluttershy's favorite and most annoying pet, inappropriately named 'Angel'. The thing was a little nightmare, and had bothered her on multiple occasions while visiting her friend's house. Only Fluttershy, being the pushover that she is, could ever love the little monster. Then Twilight got an idea. An awful idea. She got a wonderful, awful idea. She could save Fluttershy a lot of trouble, and sate her own unholy desires at once.

Her lips twisted upward in a cruel smile, exposing her perfectly-white teeth. Angel's stoic expression began to falter as his tiny brain began to think that maybe trying to deal with this crazy alicorn without Fluttershy around was a bad idea. Unfortunately, this revelation came much too late. Before he could even consider fleeing, he was levitated off the the ground in a familiar aura.

"Well hi there Angel," Twilight said, her smile only growing wider as she noted the fearful look in the rabbit's beady eyes. "You know, I've never liked you much. In fact, I think everyone would be much happier if you just disappeared." Angel tried to struggle against the magic holding him, but it was no use. Without further delay, Twilight shoved the panicked rabbit into the throat.

Thankfully, ponies seldom chew their food because they're part snake, so she was able to easily swallow Angel. Sitting down on her rump, she patted her tummy in satisfaction, massaging it with her front hooves. Nothing beat some delicious meat. Even if, in this case, the meat wasn't very delicious. She'd gotten her prize. She could live another day having eaten a gratuitous amount of meat. She could go home now.

But there were so many animals running around. Having finally figured out with their miniscule brains that she was a threat, the small creatures scurried every which way in some foolish attempt to escape her wrath. Something primal seemed to trigger in her brain. She didn't want to be fed meat... She wanted to hunt!

Standing back up she galloped off after a group of the dumb animals, easily cornering them against Fluttershy's cottage. It may have been the quickest hunt ever, but Twilight didn't care. She had a mighty need to feed. She pinned all the animals together with her magic, forming a big ball consisting of mice, bunnies, gophers, and even a beaver. Pulling them closer, she unhinged her jaw, her mouth hanging open like that of a snake, revealing her gaping throat to the panicked animals. They couldn't do anything as she shoved them in, easily swallowing them all in a massive gulp.

Her stomach extended as the huge mass of animals were deposited inside, and she collapsed to the ground feeling more full than ever. She'd never eaten so much meat in her life and she felt pretty sick at them moment.

"I shouldn't have eaten so much," she groaned, wishing that she had a spell to magically summon some pepto bismol. She doubted it would help much, though, with them all kicking around in there. All she could do was lay on the ground moaning and rubbing her tummy, hoping that the pain would eventually stop.

"Um, Twilight?" She jumped slightly as a soft voice piped up from behind her. Turning, she was met by Fluttershy regarding her in confusion, wearing a pair of saddlebags that were filled with groceries. "What are you doing laying on the ground?"

Twilight tried to say something, hoping to explain the situation and get out of here before her friend wizened up, but all that came out was vomit. Her stomach heaved, trying to expel the mass of animals that were upsetting its sensitive walls. A geyser of chyme, enzymes, and partially-digested animals rushed out of her mouth and, unfortunately, Fluttershy was right in the splash zone.