Barn of the Pus Pony

Chapters

Prologue: A Sight for Sore Eyes
Act One: Vampire? Don't Count on It
Act Two: You Are a Pore Scientist
Act Three: A Stable Arrangement

Prologue: A Sight for Sore Eyes

Under an orange sunset, a red stallion headed back to the farmhouse at Sweet Apple Acres after a long afternoon of apple bucking in the north orchard. Big McIntosh left his last wagonload of apples by the side barns and let out a sigh as he felt the weight lifted from his yoke. Only then did he notice the skin beneath the yoke beginning to itch. Blisters, probably, he thought. As his mind shifted to his physical condition, he resumed his walk and felt a stinging sensation on his rear hooves. He stopped in front of one of the barns and raised a hind leg to take a look.

There on the bulbs of the right heel was a layer of dark red, yellow, and brown, swirled together, crusted over with an uneven surface. It looked not unlike cherry cobbler. Just above was a bare patch of raw flesh, somewhat darker than his hair and with a glossy finish. An abscess, probably from a puncture wound. Perhaps he'd stepped on a nail or something in the cellar? No telling how long it had been infected. He really needed to take better care of himself. He couldn't afford to be laid up this close to the end of harvest. There were still carts filled with apples ready to be hauled into town.

As he examined his forelegs for further injuries, the door of the barn cracked open behind him, and a pair of sad-looking eyes shone out from the darkness inside. A pony's muzzle poked out near ground level, and an oddly long blue tongue extended from its mouth to reach the farmer's infected hoof. Tired and preoccupied, Big Mac felt a slight pinprick sensation there but paid no heed. He continued on to the farmhouse, hoping supper would be ready soon.

At the farmhouse trellises he took one more look at the sore on his right rear leg. To his surprise, the infection appeared to have burst, and the dried crust and dead skin hung by one corner like toppings falling off a pizza. He supposed it must've just been ready to go. As large as it had been, there was hardly any fluid. Oh, well, it was all part of the job. Careful not to cause any further damage, he gently bit off the majority of the scab and spat it out. This triggered random thoughts of a time when he used to feed his scabs to his then-baby sister Applejack. Nickering at the fond memory, he entered the house and called out. "Granny, where do we keep the antibiotics?"

At the door of the small barn, the unseen visitor slurped up the last drops of his meal. This special sauce, tangy and pinkish-orange, was delicious. If delicacies like Big Mac's abscess were any indication, he could easily make this his new home here on the path of any ponies heading to or from the field. Evening set in and he soothed himself with a quiet song. Notes like those of a trumpet wandered out the cracked-open door and disappeared unheard into the night.

(Cue theme song and opening credits)

Act One: Vampire? Don't Count on It

The next day. Sun rises, night falls. In between, not much had happened, save for an unexplained extra shipment of custard being delivered to Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner. The following morning, Big McIntosh's kid sister Apple Bloom went off to school while Big Mac and Applejack hauled yesterday's harvest into town as usual.

Before long, school was out for the weekend, and Apple Bloom arrived home with her friends, a white unicorn named Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, an orange pegasus. She was relieved the others had agreed when she'd suggesting wearing their Cutie Mark Crusader capes to class. It had allowed her to disguise the latest indication that adolescence was setting in. Mostly covered by the cape and almost the same whitish-yellow hue as her coat, the large pimple on her side had gone blessedly unnoticed by her fellow students. It may be a sign I'm growing up, thought Apple Bloom, but it's sure no substitute for a cutie mark.

At the gate, Scootaloo started off toward the clubhouse, but Sweetie Belle pointed a hoof in the opposite direction, toward the small row of barns to the side of the farmhouse. "What's over there?" she asked.

Scootaloo turned around and looked in the direction of her hoof. "Yeah, I've always wondered what's in those."

Apple Bloom had to think for a bit; she hadn't had much cause to be around the equipment and storage sheds. "I know the closest one's full o' carts. But y'know, I don't think I've ever gone into the others."

Scootaloo gave her a nudge. "Come on, you mean you live on a farm and you haven't spent hours exploring every nook and cranny? You know I would." She buzzed her pegasus wings for emphasis and exchanged a wink with Sweetie Belle.

Stomping her left front hoof, Apple Bloom opened her mouth to object. "I know my own farm, but I..." How to continue? She had explored around the house and in the more open areas, but her big sis Applejack had warned her there were dangers on any farm, especially around equipment. Heavy objects, sharp edges, and moving parts were the tools of the trade, and even though Big McIntosh had been farming since before she was born, he still seemed to get some minor injury every season.

On the other hoof, she'd cited Applejack the last couple times she'd quashed one of Scootaloo's ideas. To do so again just wouldn't fly any better than... Well anyway, she wasn't scared, and she wasn't going to let them think so. Nothing would happen, and surely she could stand a stern talking-to from her big sister if she found out. Apple Bloom chose to finish her sentence casually. "I always assumed it was just a bunch o' old stuff we don't use no more." For reassurance she looked over at Sweetie Belle, who was usually the conscience of the trio. "Besides, if there's anything there, it'd be more fun for us to discover it together."

"Maybe something we could use to get our cutie marks," Sweetie Belle suggested.

With that remark the verdict was rendered. In a matter of seconds, the three had dashed to the unexplored barns. Passing the nearest barn and its carts, Apple Bloom led her friends into one of the storage sheds. The sun shone in just enough to light the front third or so of the room. Unfortunately, everything was in boxes, and they were stacked too high for the fillies to look into the ones on top. And even near the front it was still too dark to read the labels. Scootaloo jumped up and fluttered her wings but was still a good eighteen inches below the tops of the stacks. She hovered for a few seconds and returned to the ground, disappointed.

As Apple Bloom put an encouraging foreleg around Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle's huge eyes sparked. "I have an idea!" She walked up to a stack and lowered her chin so that her horn was pointed toward the boxes. Squinting her eyes shut in concentration, she gritted her teeth, and sparks of light sprayed from the top of her horn. After a couple more tries, she was able to create a small bluish-white glow near the boxes. Apple Bloom leaned in and read the labels by Sweetie Belle's light.

"Picnic supplies...tea party...garden tools. We could maybe try some of this if we could get to it." Apple Bloom could just barely remember a small vegetable garden her sister once kept around back. Holding picnics and tea parties didn't sound like talents to her, but a few weeks of gardening would surely be worth a cutie mark, and the sales would help out the farm. Her eyes widened as several other boxes bore similar hobby-related labels, but how would they get into the boxes without Applejack knowing they'd been in here?

With the front inspected, Sweetie Belle walked toward the back of the barn, taking her horn-glow with her. As she disappeared into the darkness, Apple Bloom kept an eye on the dim glow, imagining all sorts of dangers in the back corners—blades, rats, an uneven stack of boxes ready to topple. Scootaloo looked unconcerned, still trying to fly or climb onto the top of a stack. Sweetie Belle returned to the light a tense minute later.

"Did you find anything cool?" Scootaloo asked.

"No, just more stacks of boxes and a big wooden crate that says 'ARK,' but this is just the first barn, right?" Sweetie Belle led the way out the door and over to the next storage shed over, which was secured with a padlock and chain. "This door's locked. Let's move on to the next one."

The door to the third barn was cracked open. As Apple Bloom peeked in, a voice called out from behind her. "Apple Bloom!" The trio turned to see an orange-gold pony dropping off a cart at the first barn. "What'd I say about pokin' around where we keep our equipment?" Applejack came over to the barn looking none-too-pleased.

Scootaloo instinctively stepped between Apple Bloom and her sister. "She's sorry, AJ. I thought we might find something in here to get our cutie marks."

Sweetie Belle chimed in. "We didn't touch anything, and all we've seen so far are boxes. Honest." She whispered to Apple Bloom, "Did your sis tell you the barns were off-limits?"

Applejack softened as she looked at the disappointed Crusaders. "No, what I said is you need somepony with you, like me or Big Mac or Granny. We can talk about this later, Apple Bloom. Right now since your friends are here, why don't I help you look for somethin'?" The relieved Crusaders perked up.

"There's not much in that one there," Applejack said as she led them back to the locked barn. "But this one's worth a look." She stepped away for a moment, came back with a flashlight and a key, and unlocked the door. By now the sun was a bit lower in the sky and shone farther into the interior. "Boy howdy, I haven't been in here since about the time y'all were born."

Inside were items from Applejack's early years—a white crib, toys, simple drawings, and the like. Somepony had even saved some empty cans and boxes from some of the brand-name foods AJ had enjoyed as a filly. Sweetie Belle found herself drawn to a white and purple bib with a red heart in the center, laid out next to a matching bottle. Nearby were combs and brushes decorated with butterflies, moons, and flowers. "Hey, I used to have these!" said Scootaloo, holding up a stuffed purple bunny and a foal's ring-stacking toy.

"Heh, yeah, they still make those," Applejack said.

Applejack settled in to share past memories with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, but Apple Bloom grew restless with curiosity about the last barn. She approached her sister meekly. "Applejack, you said that other barn didn't have much in it. Is it okay if I check over there as long as there's nothin' dangerous?"

"Sure thing. I was more worried about the stuff we keep in the cart barn and around back. I reckon there's nothin' to hurt you in there, only some of Granny's old kitchen stuff and some furniture. Just come back here when you're done."

As Applejack turned back to the other two Crusaders, Apple Bloom trotted over to the barn with the cracked-open door. She went inside hoping for something more than her sister had described. She'd tried so much cooking and baking, it was becoming obvious she was not going to earn a cutie mark in food preparation, nor did she particularly want to at this point. Sweetie Belle loved the kitchen, but that wasn't going to happen either. Just last week she had somehow managed to make homemade rainbow sherbet that was spicy hot.

The filly's eyes dilated as she saw several tables and buffets laden with old-timey kitchen items. She envisioned the Crusaders as adults running an antique store and wondered what an antique cutie mark would look like. She muttered to herself, "Maybe we can't use these ourselves, but I bet somepony would appreciate 'em." Just then she heard a small clunk near the back corner of the barn, away from the tables. She made her way to the back and found a small trumpet lying on the dirt floor. It was old and dented, with what looked like charring around the bell of the horn. She bent her head down to pick up the horn and noticed that it was covered by a shadow the shape of an adult pony's head. The shadow moved.

Applejack and the others heard Apple Bloom's high-pitched scream and darted outside. They found her stumbling out of the kitchen barn. "He bit me! I been bit!"

Alert but not alarmed, big sis was beside her in an instant. "Let me see it. What got you, a mouse or a bat or somethin'?"

"It was a pony," Apple Bloom sobbed. "Some stranger, and he did this." She pulled her cape aside with her teeth to show her now-punctured pimple. The deflated mass was more visible now, about the size of a bit coin, and a small trickle of blood was leaking out.

Applejack sighed in relief. "Uh, darlin', are you sure you didn't just bump somethin' that opened you up?"

Apple Bloom tried to regain her composure. "It was a pony! It was dark, but I saw a pony's head move toward me. Or at least it looked like a pony. All I know is somethin' big and thirsty's in that barn. You'll see if you just go in."

Having already taken the initiative, Scootaloo showed up with the flashlight from the last barn. Applejack took it and looked inside, shining the light in the rear corners. All she saw was a shallow hole under the back wall, probably dug by Wynona but nowhere near large enough for a pony. "No ponies in here now."

Scootaloo helped Apple Bloom calm down as Sweetie Belle inspected the tables. She stopped at a green and white checkered tablecloth, on which sat an antique toaster. She'd never quite had the knack for toast herself, but maybe this one was special. It was electric like any other, but the outside was overlaid with wood. At one time it was painted with green and yellow stripes, but the finish had mostly worn off.

Scootaloo took a closer look at the slight trail of blood from Apple Bloom's sore. "I'll tell you what it is. It's a vampire. They can change from bats into ponies and back."

Apple Bloom giggled, grateful for the moment of levity. But the moment soon passed. "Wait, does that mean I'm gonna turn into one?"

"No, silly. Not for a tiny bite like that. It looks like he only got one fang in. But you know what this means?"

Sweetie Belle joined the conversation. "It means somepony needs to be on the lookout for vampires in Ponyville. We could be vampire stalkers like Pinkie Pie's aunt Wilhelmina."

"Hold on, y'all," Applejack cautioned. "Vampires? I don't wanna call into question Pinkie's family heritage, but as far as I know there ain't no such thing."

The younger ponies' ears drooped as they hung their heads. A beat passed.

"Alright, I'll humor you. If you wanna check the farm for vampires, be my guest. We've still got some time before supper."

The bite forgotten, the fillies celebrated. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER VAMPIRE STALKERS!"

Apple Bloom was first with a plan of action. "We should do research first."

"Yeah," said Scootaloo. "We'll ask Twilight Sparkle to tell us everything she knows."

"And make the library our headquarters!" Sweetie Belle added.

Applejack stepped in to keep them from running off. "Hold up, gang. Today's almost over. 'Sides, Twilight and Spike are both in Canterlot for the next week on royal business, and Bon Bon can't sub for her 'cause of some mishap, so the library's closed."

Sweetie Belle cocked her head to the side. "Mishap?"

"Nothin' you need to concern yourself with. And confidentially, she may be smart about a lot o' things, but I don't recommend Twilight as a reliable source on vampires. Just trust me on this one."

The Crusaders went into a huddle, and Scootaloo eyed Applejack heading back to the farmhouse. "I say we split up."

Apple Bloom's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, we can do more damage that way." Scootaloo stuck out her tongue.

Sweetie Belle broke the huddle to follow Applejack. "I'll check around the farmhouse."

Apple Bloom replied, "Alright, I'll stay here around these barns."

"You're okay with that?" asked Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom tugged her cape back over her sore and looked up. "I'm okay. I'm already bit, so I reckon the vampire'll leave me alone. And even if Applejack doesn't believe in vampires, she wouldn't have left us here if she thought we were in trouble. This is my home, and I trust my family to keep me safe."

"Alright. That leaves me with the path from the barns to the field. If anything happens, just scream like that again and I'll be right there."

Left alone, Apple Bloom cringed at the situation she'd left herself in. Looking back at the farmhouse, where her sister, brother, and granny were talking inside, she noticed Applejack periodically glancing her direction. Apple Bloom was warmed by the thought of her sister keeping an eye on her. Nothing could happen to her now.

(Commercial break)

Act Two: You Are a Pore Scientist

Applejack answered a knock to find a maize-colored pony at the door. "Well, howdy, Carrot Top. What can I do for you this afternoon?"

The neighbor smiled. "Hello, AJ. I was just coming home from the market and noticed Rarity's sister Sweetie Belle poking around the back of the farmhouse. The cellar door's open so I think she may have been in there, too. I know she and Apple Bloom are friends, so I thought she might be looking for her. But she said she was looking for...vampires?"

Applejack chuckled. "Yeah, if you can believe it. There's nothin' I can tell 'em when they get an idea like that into their heads, so I'm lettin' 'em find out for themselves there's no vampires on this farm. The closest thing we got are fruit bats. I figure they'll give up by supper time and be onto the next thing."

"Yes. Well anyway, Sweetie Belle was talking about some of Granny Smith's old kitchen supplies out in the storage barns." Carrot Top swung a front hoof a couple inches above the ground. "I...don't want to impose, but I've started collecting antiques recently, and she mentioned a wooden toaster that sounds like just the cutest thing. I'd love to have it."

Granny called out from behind Applejack. "Y'all can keep whatever you like in them barns. I ain't used none of it in ten years or more."

Applejack nodded in agreement. "You're more than welcome. Whatever's ours is yours. But you may want to see if it still works."

"You're so kind. Thank you both. Enjoy the rest of your day."

***

She said it was in this one here, Carrot Top thought to herself as she creaked open the door of the leftmost storage barn. By now it was late afternoon; shadows were growing long. As she went inside, she did not notice Apple Bloom watching from a couple barns away.

Carrot Top found the toaster on the front table. She stopped to admire it, trying to imagine how it would look once it was freshly repainted. She had just the right paints to restore it to its original colors. As she stepped around the table to look at the other side, she kicked something and looked down to see a pair of hooves right next to her own.

The world went into slow motion as she looked up into the bizarre face of a pony unlike any she had seen before. The face was unmoving except for its deep-set eyes, which eerily lacked irises, bearing only small circular pupils. As she stared into the pony's eyes she fell into a trance. The stranger silently moved in and nudged her mane off her neck with his muzzle.

There on the back of her neck was a boil she had been hiding beneath her orange mane. The pony inspected the bumpy red lump. The sore was nearly the size of a golf ball and puffed out from her coat, swollen with fluid. Here and there, yellow-white pus could be seen just beneath the surface, particularly in two spots near the center where the boil was just beginning to discharge. A few drops of clear serum had leaked out and shimmered in the amber afternoon sunlight.

Long and prehensile, a strange blue tongue, as odd as his eyes, stretched from the pony's mouth. It lightly caressed the tender carbuncle, causing the entranced Carrot Top to flinch. The tongue retracted at the movement, then returned. Inexplicably the tongue suddenly bore a small thornlike tip that shot into the boil and retracted in less than a second.

Unable to defend herself, Carrot Top tried to set her mind on another place, but was brought back to reality by the feel of the pus-covered tongue oozing against her skin, accompanied by smacking and slurping sounds. After what seemed like an eternity, the villain let out a contented sigh and shuffled back into the shadows. Carrot Top found herself released from the trance and did the only thing she could—she screamed.

The shouts of both Carrot Top and Apple Bloom echoed across the farm. Applejack burst out from the kitchen. "What in tarnation? Big Mac, you stay here with Granny!" Already out the door, Applejack sprinted over to the commotion. It took only a few seconds for her to cover the short distance to the barns.

She found Carrot Top sitting outside the barn, alternately weeping and hyperventilating, with Apple Bloom doing her best to comfort her. Scootaloo arrived not ten seconds later and was the first to speak. "What's going on?"

"I saw the whole thing," said Apple Bloom. She related the attack she had witnessed in the barn, describing the pony as well as she could. "She couldn't fight back," Apple Bloom added, "and I was too scared to help her."

Applejack lifted her sister's chin with a hoof. "Darlin', you did exactly the right thing keepin' your distance. And I'm proud of you gettin' as good a look at him as you could. Now y'all get back while I check this out."

Applejack lowered her head and charged into the barn, ready for a battle. Inside there was only silence. She picked up the flashlight by the door where she'd left it and shone it under the tables. She made her way farther back, checking over her shoulders and in every direction. Finally she reached the back corners and lit them up. No pony anywhere. On a hunch, she pointed the flashlight up into the rafters. Nope, no bats, either.

She returned to find Carrot Top beginning to calm down. Sweetie Belle was now there and Scootaloo was filling her in. Applejack took a closer look at her neighbor's newly drained boil. There was a single puncture like the one on Apple Bloom's sore, but no blood, and nearly every drop of pus or other fluid had been sucked away.

"Girls," she said, "we're not dealin' with a vampire, but with a regular ol' pony who obviously ain't right in the head. And that's even more of a threat. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask y'all to go on home for your own safety. Now Carrot Top, I know we usually handle things ourselves out here, but do you want us to get the police for this?"

Carrot Top sniffed and nodded.

AJ returned the nod. "I'll stay here with you. We'll send Big Mac."

"Applejack?" said Sweetie Belle timidly.

"Yes, Sweetie Belle?"

"I know somepony from the market who might know about something like this. He was saying the other day he'd done a lot of study on weird crimes, and he even wrote a book one time called Profiles of the Disturbed. Maybe he could help the police?"

Applejack thought quickly. She didn't want to involve any more outsiders than she had to, but she had a family to protect and needed every resource if they were going to get this settled tonight. But...what if this pony from the market was actually the culprit? Well then, having him here with the police, if he wasn't around here somewhere already, could wrap things up all the more quickly.

"That's good thinkin', but I want you to have your parents or your sister with you. Don't just bring him here alone. And you'll have to hurry. It'll be dark before too long."

Big Mac raced toward Ponyville, and Scootaloo escorted Sweetie Belle off to her sister's Carousel Boutique. Applejack and Carrot Top stood at the trellis looking past them toward town, hoping help would arrive soon.

***

Half an hour later, the Ponyville Police galloped up the hill and began a sweep of the farm. Accompanied by an officer and a paramedic, Carrot Top went back to her house with her wooden toaster. After a short while, Sweetie Belle arrived with her sister Rarity and a bone-colored pony with a dark brown mane, glasses, and a light mustache. Applejack recognized him from the market, but they had never spoken.

"Applejack, allow me to introduce you to this gentlecolt. His name is Gizmo," Rarity said. Applejack exchanged greetings with the scrawny stallion.

"Your friends caught me just as I was leaving," said Gizmo. "This really is the most interesting case I've seen in a long time."

"So you're a criminologist?" Applejack asked.

"Well, I earn my bits selling, uh, various jellies and jams. And I build automata in my spare time. But I consider myself a student of all the sciences, and the abnormal has always been fascinating to me. I had hoped to be a police detective when I was in school, but,"—he glanced back at his robot cutie mark—"that wasn't my talent."

Applejack and Gizmo spoke briefly with the chief and got approval to visit the crime scene. Rarity and Sweetie Belle joined them at the storage barns. Gizmo eagerly lapped up every detail of the attacks on Apple Bloom and Carrot Top.

"This really is fascinating. You might never have guessed this, but I know quite a lot about folliculitis, skin conditions, and, uh, just about anything involving the sebaceous glands."

"You don't say?" Applejack said dryly, noting the would-be scientist's acne-covered face. Various pustules extended down onto Gizmo's shoulders and across the flank, blending in with his unkempt brownish-grey coat.

"Oh, yes! I wonder if your neighbor might be afflicted with chronic carbunculosis. Do you know if she often suffers from fever or fatigue?"

"Gizmo, I'm really more interested in the attacker. The victim could have been anypony, and we gotta live here. Do you have any idea why a pony would suck on sores, and if he might do anythin' else?"

Gizmo shifted gears and went into detective mode. "Well, all bodily fluids provide protein. And pus is particularly viscous and therefore more filling in large quantities. I suppose the, uh, odor might be an appealing factor." He scratched his chin with his hoof. "There could even be an instinctive symbiotic relationship whereby the victim benefits. 'If there's pus about, let it out,' as they say."

Applejack was a little annoyed at this point. "I mean, is this creep really crazy, and could he be out to hurt my family?"

"Hmm. The culprit is probably disturbed, possibly an escapee. Earth ponies and some unicorns are particularly prone to psychological disturbances. In most cases the patients aren't inclined toward violence, but they may have an altered perception of reality. Something of this nature is probably a singular fixation. I imagine anypony without sores would be perfectly safe. Wow, my mind is just full to bursting with theories!"

"Bursting?" Rarity winced as she noticed a large pimple on Gizmo's back that looked ready to split open.

Gizmo shook his head with enthusiasm. "Absolutely. I just need some time alone to piece it all together. Do you suppose I could camp out at the scene of the crime? I'm curious as to whether he's, uh, using this building for shelter at night."

Applejack glanced over at the police chief, who nodded. "Well then, I guess it's okay." AJ took one more look at the pimply pony. "Are you sure you'll be safe? We haven't figured how he's gettin' in and out of that barn."

Gizmo pushed his glasses in place with a hoof. "I'll just be an observer. If this is a patient, I'm sure he's used to being around, uh, doctors and scientists. I'm certain he'll just ignore me."

As the others looked on dubiously, Gizmo stepped into the kitchen barn. The setting sun left the dirt floor blood-red in color. On the ground he noticed the discarded trumpet Apple Bloom had seen earlier. "Odd. Not an easy instrument for a pony to play. Perhaps a griffon or a small dragon. Rarity, have you ever seen your dragon friend, uh, playing the trumpet?"

Caught off guard, Rarity blushed. "Why, Gizmo, that's quite a personal, um..."

"I mean this thing here," said the scientist, pointing to the battered brass instrument.

"Oh, well in that case no. So...we'll leave you to your observations. Oh, and take this in case you get cold." Rarity lent him the scarf she was wearing.

Gizmo took the scarf and wrapped it around his neck. "Why thank you, Rarity. You're too generous."

Applejack walked with the others toward the farmhouse. "Thank y'all for bringin' him. He's a peculiar one, alright, but he might know somethin' that'll help us out. Granny'll have supper ready by now. Y'all wanna join us before headin' back?"

"You bet! He sure talks a lot, doesn't he?" Sweetie Belle said to Rarity.

"Well, some ponies never learned not to dominate a conversation."

"It was nice of you to give him your scarf."

Rarity halted as she pondered that moment. "He said I was generous. Generous. If only he knew. If only anypony knew how empty it all is. I have come to realize my acts of giving, of kindness, are merely desperate pleas for attention. Generosity has only ever put me in the spotlight, placed me in others' debt, in some ponies' eyes made me look like a shining star. But have my superficial gifts ever really helped a pony? It's all just makeovers and costumes, sapphires and scarves! Oh, how could I have become so self-serving? Beneath my surface there's only more surface, only Rarity the fraud!"

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she extended a hoof toward her kid sister. "And Sweetie Belle! Oh, how can you ever forgive me? You've depended on me, given me your time, offered me everything, and how have I repaid you? By trying to make you into another me? The Rarity I could have been? What I should have been but never was? Applejack, you could never guess where I come from, that dark hour of my life before the boutique. Perhaps then you would understand. If you could only see me as a filly staring out my bedroom window at the windmill next door..."

She stopped and noticed her companions and a couple of the police staring blankly at her. As if realizing her monologue was completely out of step with the tone and pacing of this story, she silently dropped her head, pulled a chunk of grass from the ground, and began chewing.

The awkward silence was broken by a blood-curdling scream. "Gizmo?" Rarity wondered.

A nasal-sounding shout followed, "No, not there!"

Sweetie Belle answered, "Gizmo."

Leaving Sweetie Belle with one of the officers, Rarity and Applejack trudged back to the barns.

(Commercial break)

Act Three: A Stable Arrangement

Three police charged into the kitchen barn just as the commotion was dying down. Inside they were momentarily stunned by a loud trumpet blast. Regaining their composure, they shone their lights into the barn and caught movement—some thing, definitely not a pony, shuffling through the shallow hole. One of the officers ran out to try to catch whatever it was around back, while the other two surveyed the room.

Most of the room was still and in order, except for the spot where the scientist had been, and a small table that had been knocked over. Near the back they were startled by the sight of a pony costume. They began gathering it up as evidence as a medical team moved in to scrape up Gizmo.

Applejack and Rarity arrived a short time later, having grabbed a snack from the farmhouse on the way. Ponies were coming out of the barn carrying large buckets. The police chief explained, "I'm afraid there wasn't much left of him."

Rarity whispered to Applejack, "If you ask me, there wasn't much to begin with."

The chief offered Rarity her scarf back, but it didn't look salvageable and she simply shook her head.

The two police who had sighted the creature came out last, carrying the costume. Applejack responded, "So it wasn't a pony after all?"

The officer carrying the body of the costume showed the interior. "You see all the padding, and these extensions in the legs? Whatever was inside couldn't be much bigger than a large dog."

Applejack immediately regretted dismissing the hole in the back of the barn as one of Wynona's ventures. "So what do we look for now?"

"It was quick, that's all we could tell. You want us to seal this place up and stand guard?"

"Naw, just mark it off. If it considers this its home and can't get in, it'll just find someplace else, and who knows where that'll be? I'll make sure the farmhouse is shut up tight and keep everypony away from these sheds. My family and I will figure out how to deal with it tomorrow."

The chief nodded and the police eventually dispersed, leaving a yellow tape around the entire set of storage and equipment barns. The Apples returned to the farmhouse for dinner with Rarity and Sweetie Belle.

***

An hour later, at the edge of town, Rarity and Sweetie Belle parted ways as Rarity retired to the boutique and Sweetie Belle started back to her parents' house. As soon as Rarity was out of sight, Sweetie Belle turned around and quickly trotted back to Sweet Apple Acres. At the trellis entrance she looked around and whispered. "Psst! Scootaloo, are you there?"

To her left, her pegasus friend poked her head out from a setting of flowers in an old brass bathtub. "I'm here and I'm ready."

"Were you able to get into the library?"

"No. The trees are close enough I could probably get on the balcony, but Twilight's owl was up there. If we want in we'll have to be there in the daytime."

Sweetie Belle helped Scootaloo out of the flowers and they started toward the barns. She noticed the farmhouse lights were out. "At dinner, Applejack invited Apple Bloom to sleep in her room tonight. Wynona's in there, too. Looks like they've all already gone to bed. Oh, and the pus pony's not a pony," she said. "It's some kind of animal."

"Well, that just makes it easier to deal with."

Sweetie Belle tilted her head. "You really think so? Some animals are dangerous, and they can't be reasoned with. I can't even 'deal' with Opal if she's in a bad mood."

Scootaloo gestured toward the farmhouse. "Look, whatever it is, we have to protect Apple Bloom. Remember when we first stood up for her? Being a Cutie Mark Crusader isn't just about getting cutie marks, it's about being there for each other."

They stepped over the police tape and crept to the door of the kitchen barn. Like every other time they'd seen it, the door was cracked open just a few inches. "Light your horn up like you did before. I'll be right behind you," Scootaloo said.

Sweetie Belle took one step toward the door and hesitated. "Scootaloo, I didn't want to say anything before. Normally I wouldn't ever. But you've got a couple pimples of your own. I mean, they're hard for a pony to notice, but that thing can probably tell."

"Yeah, I know, but this is for Apple Bloom. And remember, whatever happens, no screaming. We'll get more than a lecture if Applejack finds us out here."

"Okay." The little unicorn creaked the door open but stopped again.

"Scootaloo? What if it bites me?"

"It won't. It's only interested in pus, and you don't have any sores."

"But what about you?"

"That's why you're going first."

Sweetie Belle sighed and stepped through the doorway. She squinted in concentration and charged up her horn, providing a small bit of light. The two fillies walked together to the empty half of the barn, away from the tables. At the edge of the light, they saw what looked like a large piece of blue shag carpet on the ground, about the size of Wynona. At the edges of the body were four limbs that sat on the ground limply like rag dolls. The whole thing was covered with what looked like a cross between fur and feathers.

As the creature lifted its head, the two fillies gasped. Two colorless eyes, like dotted ping-pong balls, sat atop an egg-shaped head, from which extended a long tentacular snout that matched the description of the tongue Apple Bloom had described. Without the pony costume, the snout resembled a crooked nose and had a normal-looking mouth underneath.

Suddenly the creature skittered toward Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo stepped in between them and the creature stopped just as quickly. It looked Scootaloo over, chittering curiously. "Scootaloo, get out of here," Sweetie Belle whispered through gritted teeth.

"It's not doing anything," Scootaloo replied.

The creature darted to the left and then to the right, trying to get past Scootaloo, but the pegasus was quick enough to stay between it and her friend. Finally, the creature let out an eerie hoot and spat out a dark brown substance at Sweetie Belle. About the same consistency as maple syrup, it landed on her muzzle and stuck to her.

The creature's yellow-green eyelids lowered and it assumed a stance that indicated it was not going to be moved from its spot. Scootaloo looked at Sweetie Belle, wiped the sappy substance off her face, and said, "I have an idea. We just need somepony who knows animals."

***

The next morning as the sun rose, Applejack and Big McIntosh finished their chores early and went out to catch up on apple bucking before resuming their search. Once they were safely out of sight, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle returned to the farm with Fluttershy in tow, having filled her in on the story.

The yellow pegasus stopped just outside the police tape. "I think I can help, if it's what I think it is. But if Applejack and the others know about it, why are we sneaking around?"

Scootaloo replied, "She'd have a fit if she found out we went in there last night after all that's happened. AJ doesn't usually want fillies goin' around these old sheds anyway."

"Oh believe me, I totally understand," Fluttershy said.

Scootaloo buzzed her wings as she prepared herself to enter the barn again. "So anyway, the pus pony, I mean, the whatever...attacked Sweetie Belle last night but didn't want to hurt me, even though I have pimples and she doesn't. So I'll see how close I can get to it while you and Sweetie Belle try to catch it if it goes out the back."

Flashlight ready, Scootaloo stepped into the barn as the others took their places around back. Sure enough, the weird blue creature was inside. It and the pegasus approached each other, no more than a few inches at a time, until they were face to face. Neither made a threatening move, and neither broke eye contact. The creature's snout twitched as it sniffed out Scootaloo's recently popped pimples, and another beat passed. Scootaloo chose that moment to grab at the creature's body, and it lurched back with a loud cackle. Scootaloo called to Fluttershy as the creature shuffled into the shallow hole in the back wall. A few seconds later, she heard Fluttershy's voice, sweet and surprisingly calm. "Aha, just as I suspected. But you are a big one, aren't you?"

A short time later, Applejack, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom listened to Fluttershy and the two fillies as they told the story of the creature's capture, carefully edited to avoid mentioning anything that might get them into trouble. The blue animal sat on Fluttershy's lap, taking in the proceedings with a curious look. Wynona gave the creature an affectionate lick.

"He's technically known as a sore snacker," Fluttershy said. "They're usually a lot smaller, but the ones I've seen are furry leech-like parasites that live in the Everfree Forest. They can consume most bodily fluids but mostly live on blood serum and pus." She turned to address the creature. "And infected blisters are your favorite, aren't they?" The creature nodded enthusiastically and let out a purring sound. "Oh, and he says his name is Zoong."

Sweetie Belle was a bit confused—aghast, actually. "So, wait. This thing can talk? And there are more of 'em?"

Fluttershy said, "This one's special. He's never seen another one of his kind with his size or intelligence. He used to be part of a group of traveling entertainers years ago and somehow ended up in the Everfree. He came here because the forest wasn't giving him enough nourishment, and besides, he was lonely." She turned her eyes to Zoong with a look of sympathy. "But I told him that even though he's not a pony, he could probably find companionship here. He's going to try to be a productive member of society."

Applejack answered with pride, "Well, that sounds right honorable of you. Zoong, I wish you the best of luck."

"Eeyup," Big Mac nodded.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders all wore expressions of doubt and astonishment. Fluttershy looked to them for a response, and Apple Bloom finally spoke up. "Um, so does that mean you're helpin' him find a job and a place to live? In Ponyville? He's gonna be here forever?"

"That's right!" Fluttershy beamed. "He seems to know a lot about skin conditions and anatomy, so I'm taking him to Ponyville Hospital today to see if they could use a new intern."

***

Later that morning, Fluttershy walked in the main entrance of Ponyville Hospital with Zoong at her side. She went up to Nurse Tenderheart at the desk. "Um, excuse me, who might we talk to about employment?"

The nurse replied, "Nurse Redheart's in the urgent care center, but it's a slow day. You can probably speak with her for a minute."

There were only a few ponies in the urgent care waiting area. Fluttershy spotted Nurse Redheart as she came in from behind a curtain. "Nurse, if it's okay, I wanted to introduce Ponyville's newest resident. He's a sore snacker, and he'd like to know if there might be a place for him to possibly work here. He already knows a lot, but he's willing to take classes if necessary."

The nurse looked Zoong over for a minute. "Sore snacker, huh? We don't normally hire on the spot, and we're actually a bit heavy on staff at the moment. But you might check the nurse's office over at the school. They always need help, and the nurse there has overseen more discharges than a bankruptcy court. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check on a prolapsed patient."

"Will she be okay, nurse?" asked an aquamarine unicorn in the waiting room.

"Well, there's no edema, so in all likelihood..."

The nurse's voice faded as Fluttershy gathered Zoong up into a hug and they set off for the schoolhouse.

***

That evening, the Cutie Mark Crusaders gathered around a table at Sugarcube Corner with Fluttershy and Applejack, discussing the events of the past few days. "So Zoong is gonna be helpin' out the school nurse?" Apple Bloom asked.

Fluttershy smiled. "He starts Monday, and it sounds like the perfect place for him. He also mentioned that he adores mucus, so he's really looking forward to allergy season."

Unwanted images of what that would entail settled in Scootaloo's mind. Just then, two more friends, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, walked in the door. Pinkie Pie was just finishing a joke. "And then the bartender says to the pony with leprosy, 'It's not you, it's that pony behind you dipping his nachos in your stifle.'" They both laughed heartily and joined the group at the table.

"Hey, girls," Pinkie said. "I just talked to Miss Cheerilee about the new sore snacker they hired. She's inviting him to address her class next week. I can't wait to meet the little frackle."

Fluttershy nodded her head with pride. "Mm-hmm. I'll be translating for him."

Scootaloo whispered to Sweetie Belle, "I think I was more comfortable before we caught him."

Remembering the events of the previous night inspired Sweetie Belle to join the conversation, despite being appalled at the latest developments. "One thing I still don't understand. Why didn't Scootaloo get attacked?"

Fluttershy responded brightly. "Zoong says that Scootaloo reminds him of a dear friend of his named Camilla from before he came to the forest."

Rainbow Dash elbowed Scootaloo. "Whoa, talk about old friends who've just met. Looks like you've found yourself another pal to hang out with, squirt."

"Squirt," Pinkie Pie giggled.

Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow. "A pal? You've never met a sore snacker, have you?"

Rainbow answered with a wistful look, "Well, there was this one time. It didn't work out. But hey, don't let that worry you."

Pinkie jumped onto the table. "Well, this is all great news!" The adult ponies all voiced their agreement. The Crusaders' mouths just hung open. "And so tomorrow night we're all going to honor Zoong with a welcoming party!"

Applejack led the others in stomping the floor in applause, no one noticing that the Crusaders were thoroughly dejected.

"Besides," Pinkie added, "we need to do something with all this extra custard!"

(Closing credits)