"Princesses, Captain Shining Armor has died in the war."
As these words ring in my ears, I sink to the floor of the Throne Room. The air around us falls to silence, until you can hear nothing but a pin drop and the sounds of quivering sobs. My quivering sobs. I can’t gaze into the eyes of the guard in front of me, nor can I heed much attention to my aunts’ concerning questions.
All I can do is hate, cry, and think.
“He had been shot with poisoned arrows,” the guard tells us. I don’t look up. “There was nothing we could do. It went right through the armor he was wearing, too...” He continues to speak, but my mind sets on what he said before.
There was nothing we could do.
This was a lie, I decide. I know they could have done something to save my husband. Maybe they have, and they were saying this to rile us up. To make us think he’s gone when he really isn’t. Something at the pit of my heart knows that they’re telling the truth, though, and it hurts even more. There’s an emptiness that I can’t seem to explain.
I sit there for what feels like hours until Celestia’s powerful yet soothing voice whispers close to me, “Cadence, are you alright?”
I think in my head, what a stupid question to ask, but I keep my thoughts to myself and scramble into her open arms. Celestia’s white fur is soft like clouds, and I wish I can fall asleep on one and wake up to find this is all a bad dream. But it isn’t.
As she strokes my mane, I say quietly, “He didn’t deserve to d-die. He d-doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this. I l-love him and... and...” My voice cracks and I finally push my mind away from the world. I don’t even notice the guards take their leave, or Luna put a gentle hoof on my back and start to rub.
Celestia begins drifting into a motherly tone, and it pulls me back into her world. “It’s going to be okay, Amore. It’s going to be okay,” she shushes, but I want to tell her it won’t be. She hasn’t experienced the suffering of realizing that your husband is gone and there’s nothing you can say or do to make it better again.
“He died as a hero,” Luna whispers quite suddenly. I turn to her. A small smile forms on her light face, a smile filled with sorrow and pity for me. Her eyes gloss over with the same feelings, as do Celestia’s. They are beginning to cry as well, I suspect.
It is uncouth for a princess to cry as openly as we were. Princesses are to stay as strong as possible for their subjects, never to cry so terribly that it makes you hiccup, but those guidelines are forgotten as we sit together in the Throne Room, streams overflowing the dams in our eyes and hearts.
It is a while before we force ourselves back into cruel reality. I finally clear up enough to tell Twilight the news, but a lump in my throat rises as I watch her reaction.
At first, she can’t believe it, and questions my knowledge. I tell her that I’m serious, and that he had died in the Saddle Arabian battle just a few hours ago. So she starts crying like a filly at finding out her older brother, her B.B.B.F.F, was gone from our world. She completely breaks down in the middle of the palace. Celestia, Luna, and I aren’t the only ones shattering our form anymore.
As we walk to the Throne Room together, Twilight talks to me. “A feeling inside of me knew he wouldn’t have made it through the war,” she confesses quietly, and I look at her with surprise. “I had felt that a lot throughout the last few years, and now my fears have come true.”
“Most ponies feel that way when another close to them is enlisted,” I say to try and remove the guilt from her shadowed eyes.
“He never enlisted, though!” Twilight cries. “He wanted to fight. It wasn’t one of those cases where he was forced to fight like the other soldiers. Shining w-wanted to defend Eq-questria...” She hangs her head, and I can see silent tears slide down her cheeks and drop to the tiled floor.
I wrap my wing around her waist. “I know,” I say, and hope she doesn’t bring me to tears with her. I’d cried enough when I received the news, and I don’t need to do it again. “He died protecting our country. We’ll win the war, even when he’s gone, you’ll see.”
“No, we won’t!” My heart sinks at her pessimistic attitude. “The army will deflate now that the captain is gone, and we’ll weaken, and the Saddle Arabians will take advantage of that and attack further across the border, and before we know it, we’ll be taken over. We won’t be Equestria, the land of independence anymore,” she mutters and continues to hang her head.
Twilight’s over exaggerating, like always, but I sigh myself and consider the consequences. With the military still trying to figure out how to control their forces, the Saddle Arabians will continue to attack. If they do manage to cross the borders, not even Celestia knows what they would do to our land.
“We’ll be fine, sweetie,” I say doubtedly, pushing through the doors leading to the Throne Room. Celestia, Luna, and one of the lieutenants are conversing about the battles at the border, and they all turn when we enter. I feel like a mess with my bedraggled mane and puffy red eyes. Twilight doesn’t seem to care.
“The Saddle Arabians are attempting to cross the borders by the San Palomino Desert. We need to plan a counterattack,” the lieutenant, Sterling Silver, says to us. “Before they get too close to Canterlot.”
I think for a second, then say, “Ghastly Gorge isn’t too far from the desert. We could get the military to drive them to the gorge and fight there.” I smile a little. “Our armies know enough to be able to make it through there. The Saddle Arabians will have no clue.”
Lt. Silver turned to me with a grin. “When did you become the little battle strategic?” he asks. I want to tell them it was because I hung around Shining Armor too much, but I figure it’s too early to mention him again and give him a sad smile.
The lieutenant suddenly whispers something to Celestia and Luna completely out of my earshot. They nod somberly, and he leaves without another word to me or Twilight.
I never thought I’d have to wear a black dress this young in my life. I thought it would be much longer before I ever had to go to a funeral in mourning clothes. Most of my friends have long life spans, some even are immortal, and so I never was prepared to go to a funeral so early.
Just looking at the dark, silk dress and my sparkling wedding ring through the mirror brings me to tears. I clean up my eyes before the black mascara can ever begin to run. I have to look strong for my subjects, in both Equestria and the Crystal Empire.
As we princesses stand in the crystal Throne Room the next Sunday, dressed to the nines in pitch black colors, the commotion of other ponies talking flows through the air. Music from the nearby piano plays songs of worship and love. Sometimes, the song the pianist plays is one of mine and Shining Armor’s favorite songs, and I have to wipe my eyes again.
The Crystal ponies are lacking their crystal, and it feels like Sombra’s wrath all over again. Their once vibrant and beautiful colors are now bleak and lifeless, their eyes filmed with grief, and their manes are one in the same. It makes me want to bawl already, but I stay strong for everypony’s sake.
Lt. Silver is standing by me, wearing a red shirt and blue sash. His shimmering gray hair is fixed around his horn, and his amber eyes are filled with emotions I can’t decipher without looking like a creeper. He starts talking to me, and I jump a bit. “I’m sorry this ever happened.”
“It’s not your fault,” I say submissively, but he gives me this hard stare of guilt.
“Yes it is, I was there when he died. The arrows were being shot and I didn’t do anything to stop them from hitting him. If I had done something, it would be me instead of him.” He lets out a shaky breath. I remember having the same thoughts the day I found out he died. Why him instead of me? But I knew he wouldn’t have wanted it like that.
I open my mouth to say something, but two ponies walking up distract me. My heart shatters when I realize it’s Shining Armor and Twilight’s parents. They look just as broken as everyone else does, but I can tell that they could break any time if they weren’t in public. “Good morning,” I greet them. “I’m so sorry for your loss. He was a great son.”
“I’m sure he was a great husband,” Mrs. Velvet says softly, her black dress swirling at her hooves. Her ocean blue eyes remind me of Shining Armor’s, and I feel the same emptiness from before. But I stayed strong and smiled, as did Lt. Silver.
Mr. Light and Mrs. Velvet talk to us for a few more minutes, then leave to another part of the room, probably to find more of the guards to remember Shining Armor with while they still have the chance. The royal guard needs to be in the war, not at my husband’s funeral.
When everypony is seated in the isles and the music stops, Celestia spreads her majestic wings and the Crystal ponies and other citizens quiet down. There’s such a diversity in the room that it’s amazing how a death can bring ponies together. “Fillies and gentlecolts,” Celestia begins. “we are gathered here to celebrate the life of Captain Shining Armor.”
I bring a box of tissues closer to my seat. To my left is Twilight; to my right are his mother and father. Mrs. Velvet is already crying, tears running down her cheeks. Mr. Light holds her close. I wish Shining Armor is there to comfort me, but I look up to his casket and tears sting in my eyes.
We’re going to destroy those Saddle Arabians.
“Shining Armor died a war hero. His efforts at batting the Saddle Arabians were great, and his care and love for his empire was obvious. This morning, though, let us gather in sadness and keep his memory alive. If anypony would like to speak their thoughts on him, you are welcome to come up.”
Twilight shifts at my side, and I see her walk up the aisle in her long black dress, her head low. Celestia says something to her, then leaves the stage until there is nothing but Twilight and the casket holding my husband.
Suddenly, I feel abandoned and helpless. There’s a lack of something in my body I can’t describe that isn’t just love. But I just ignore it and watch Twilight talk.
It gets harder and harder to see her as water fogs my view up, until she’s nothing but a black blob and a fuzzy voice in my head. I start crying more than I want to. The tears were coming in rivers down my face. My mascara is completely ruined by the time Twilight sits next to me again.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asks. My heart wants to scream at her that I wasn’t, but my common sense says otherwise and I simply shake my head. Something soft wipes at my eyes, and it’s a while before I realize Twilight’s washing my face off. It’s embarrassing.
Hooves wrap around my body with a firm but gentle squeeze, and her voice whispers, “Do you want to go up there and talk?”
I shake my head and hug my own arms around her. It’s already too much to handle.
We sit there in each other’s grasp for a few more minutes while other ponies somberly drag on about how much they miss him, then we go outside. The morning is loud, with birds singing their songs and trees swaying in the new springtime wind. I would think that spring would bring would bring new life, but all it did was take away the old.
Outside is a line of soldiers, standing still as statues with rifles slung over their shoulders. I know all of them by name, and it hurts to know that most of them were close friends of Shining Armor. I can see through their stoic gaze and find the will to cry like everypony else.
Behind us are two ponies carrying his casket. It’s a polished oak box with gold rims and two flags hanging at the end. A violet flag and a pale blue flag. I recognize Lt. Silver as one of the ponies walking with the casket, but the other is one I don’t remember off the back of my hoof. I take my seat next to Twilight in the front row.
Ponies are talking by his casket, but I pay them no mind. I was too busying drowning in my small pool of thoughts.
I’m the princess of love. I need to be loved in order to feel like myself. To ever feel alive. If a pony whose life is the essence of affection exists, what are they supposed to do when their own source of love is gone? Do they keep going and try to find love again, or give up hope? I don’t want to remarry, it would feel like cheating, but I don’t want to lose faith either.
Honestly, I have no idea where in life I’m supposed to go.
I stand up and walk to the casket after they open the top half. Shining Armor is in there, appearing asleep to the unknowing eye. He was wearing the coat he wore at the wedding, and his blue hair was groomed to perfection. They had done well covering the arrow wounds. He was beautiful, but he’d never share his beauty again. I let out a shaky sigh before turning to the many ponies before us in the crowd. I usually love to be in front of crowds, but now it was intimidating.
Lt. Silver almost marches over to me in the same stance as the soldiers in the line, a hard look on his face with pain hiding behind the mask. I want to hug him and tell him it’s alright. He and Shining Armor were best friends through his whole life. But I held in my emotions and gave him a sorrowful smile. He did, too.
Held by his magic was a wooden triangle that held a flag in it. Celestia and Luna danced in a circle on a purple background, intricately woven to make every detail of their manes visible. It was the Equestrian flag, for the mare whose husband served for the same country. When my eyes met his again, I broke.
I went into uncontrollable sobs, not sure why or how. I had been bottling it up for so long that it had decided to come out in one big burst. I have so many emotions that I don’t know how to explain it. Still crying, I lifted the flag towards me and held it close, bawling like a baby. I felt so weak in front of the Crystal ponies, and I aimlessly began to wonder how I would rule without my prince.
The thought made me cry even more.
Strong hooves wrap around me, and for a second I think it's Shining Armor. But the thicker voice comforting me is nothing like his, and I realize it's Lt. Silver’s. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my ear. “I’m here.”
But I didn’t want him there. I want my husband to comfort me again. I move away from him and stare down at my gift. “I-I’m okay now, I promise. I’m sorry.” Lt. Silver smiles grimly again.
The shots from the rifles below bang into the air, and I’m glad he was shot by arrows instead of bullets.
Author's Note
This is a new style of writing for me, so I'm not so certain I did that part well. But I'm proud of the actual story. I thought about how Shining Armor was in the army, and that there was a high chance he would die in a war. So I made that happen and focused on Cadence's feelings.
Please review. I'd appreciate it. And constructive criticism, especially on the present tense style I attempted, is encouraged. :)
