Why did you leave me? Tell me, why? You know how much I loved you, how much you meant to me. You were perfect, just perfect. Everything about you was tailor made for me, like a blueprint of all the little things I wanted in my life.
You’re perfect, and I will always love you, even though you’re gone.
Remember that night last month, that… special night? How perfect it all was. Remember how I came to you, held you in my arms and looked into your eyes? None of us needed to say anything; we both already knew it all. We danced all night in the pale moonlight. You were so beautiful, the way it hit your eyes and sent sparkles flying through my heart.
Our manes entangled as we spun around across the floor without any music surrounding us. The silence was ideal for us, and words weren’t needed. I smiled at you. And you answered with the same cold look you always wore, that face chiseled from stone. But I knew how you felt, deep inside. Why did you have to go, you magnificent, perfect creature?
Then somehow, we fell over on the floor. You landed on top of me, looking down on me with those eyes I love so much. Still, you didn’t say anything, not even once I wrapped my hooves around you and pressed my body unto yours. Did you feel the heat radiating from my skin? The craving of my flesh? Remember how I carefully grinded myself towards you?
You know how much I wanted you. Wanted to be with you, wrapped in ecstasy as our bodies melted into a single organism. To feel you pulsate together with me, in perfect harmony as we consummated our love. Like waves on a smooth shore.
See what you do to me? I still want you.
But you never felt the same, did you? You never told me if you did, but you didn’t acknowledge my advancements either. No matter what I did, you never responded. Like after the dance, I reached my head up and kissed you deeply. As I did, I took in a breath of your mane, and it smelled the way it always did. Dirt.
Like that of a hard worker returned home after a long day, the smell of nature fresh on your mane, the fields still lingering on your coat. Not damp like soil, but dry like sand. I oftentimes imagined your mane as a vast arid wasteland with me lost in it. I never had to search for water though, as I quickly found it by kissing your lips.
But no matter how deeply, affectionately or passionately I kissed you, never did you react to it, never did you move forward. Never did your tongue meet mine. But I stayed with you anyway, and eventually grew to accept the lack of any real physical stimuli between us. I understood that our love was too true and too strong to be expressed through something as earthly as lovemaking. We stood above that, sharing a bond so deep and strong, nothing else would ever compare to it.
Despite this, despite knowing the fact that we were joined mentally, I still tried to convince you from time to time, like after the dance. But you didn’t react at all.
I’ll never forget the day we met. It was beautiful, and it’s forever burned into my mind. Into my heart. A cool spring morning I took a walk through the forests surrounding my home as I usually do, thinking it would be yet another bland day of running errands and chores, almost mechanically. Moving on a conveyor belt day after day.
The early sun cast its light through the trees around me, creating golden rays that tore through the lonely shadows, and like a ripped apart canvas it created long shifting lines across the ground. I walked slowly down the path I always took, smelling the distinct smell of summer; the sweet scent of blooming flowers and secreting tree bark.
Spruce needles crackled slightly beneath my hooves, sending out a faint aroma of sap that grew stronger the longer I walked on. Only one thing was missing to create the image of a perfect world; chirping birds. But for some reason, they were quiet that morning, not even whispering between the branches in the weak breeze.
Eventually, I came across a split in the path, reaching out on either side to me, surrounded by thick vegetation and low branches. I looked to my right, seeing the path I always turned to. It would lead me deeper into the woods, rounding a rather big hill covered in cliffs and rocks. On top of it rested an old wooden bench, now slowly rotting away. Maybe I had been sitting in it too much throughout my life.
I turned my head away from the path, instead looking down the left path, one I’d never taken before. For some reason, I decided to head down it instead. Now I understand I was being guided by something. Or somepony.
The forest around this path wasn’t any different from the others, yet something felt slightly off. That creeping feel down your back when you just know somepony is watching you. I did my best to shake it off, and after a few minutes I broke through the tree line into a meadow surrounded by birch trees.
That’s when I saw you.
A beacon of light shining through the dull veil of everyday life. Not just metaphorically, but even physically. Right in front of me, in the middle of the meadow… you. On your back, stretched out in the damp grass with your face turned away from me. Somehow, the sunrays hit your body perfectly, like a spotlight aimed to show you to me and nopony else.
It hit your bright coat, and I could’ve sworn you beamed of life. All around you, the early morning dew sparkled like miniature stars in the sunlight, further enhancing the sensation of otherworldliness. It was like a painting, painstakingly made with perfect movements of the brush to create the ultimate visage of beauty. And it was you.
You didn’t move. Neither did I.
My heart began thumping faster in my chest, to a point I was sure even you could hear it. But you still didn’t move; expect a few strands of your mane swaying slightly in the wind. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to approach you. Very slowly, like a predator sneaking up on its prey, ready to launch forward at a moment’s notice.
And I wanted to. After seeing you for just a few minutes, I already wanted to pounce towards you and sink my fangs into you. Wanted to feel your warm blood flow down my throat, becoming one with me.
Instead, I stayed my inner cravings and tried to just address you. I so desperately wanted to tell you all about myself, tell you how I felt in that special moment. But I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried, my mouth refused to obey me. My lips sealed shut and my tongue glued in place, I slowly made my way towards you in silence.
My whole world seemed to explode as I saw your face. Oh, that wonderful face. It was a sensation I can’t explain in any other way than… pure pleasure. Just seeing your face sent waves of intense pleasure coursing through my body, and I found myself trembling as I looked down upon you. Everything about your face was perfect; from your defined chin, your partially closed eyelids and lifeless eyes underneath them.
The small line of blood running down your face from your mouth only made it all the more beautiful.
I smiled at you. You stayed silent. Without thinking about my actions, I let my eyes travel down your body, examining your round shoulders, your unmoving chest, fur a little ruffled across your stomach, and then… my eyes fell upon the most private part of your body. But I felt nothing. No arousal, no disgust, just… I felt like it was merely an obstacle, shamelessly put in my way. I paid it no more attention.
Carefully, I lowered my face towards you to get a closer look. Still no movement and your partially covered eyeballs stared blankly into space. I let my hoof brush against your chin, wiping away the small stream of blood covering it. It was dry, and my touch only resulted in it falling apart into grains of brown dust. My head lowered even more without my knowledge, and before I knew it I nuzzled slowly against your neck and chin.
A loud tearing sound echoed through the meadow as I moved your head sideways, your fur still somewhat frozen to the grass underneath you.
Even if I knew beforehoof what state you were in, this sound made me sure. A living, breathing pony doesn’t make that sound. You only freeze once life has left your body.
Trembling, knowing what I did was not only wrong but also potentially illegal; I laid myself down next to you in the damp grass. You felt cold against my body, so cold that it broke through my fur and chilled my skin, even my bones. No life coursed through you, I knew that, and I…
I didn’t understand it then. For some reason, I didn’t care about the fact that you weren’t alive, didn’t care about the fact that I was laying down next to a lifeless corpse, absently tracing small circles in your coat with the tip of my hoof.
I loved you the moment I set eyes on you, simple as that. Nothing can stop love from blossoming. Not even the cold breath breathing down my back, one which I knew belonged to the pale stallion we call Death.
Will you ever understand? My love for you is… it’s too strong. I can’t put it to words, it’s impossible. Why would you leave love such as this behind? Is there somepony else?
Of course there isn’t, nopony else would ever understand you the way I do.
At least, that’s what I tell myself, but I can’t be sure. Perhaps there is a pony somewhere out there that understands you even better than me. Perhaps you deserve this pony more. He or she will love you just like me, until the very end. I would stay with you until your body has withered away, taken by the jaws of time.
Would anypony else do the same? If they found you like I did, would they understand how magnificent of a being you are? Nopony can say what they would do. Would they clean your body, keep it fresh as I have? Would they push their own disgust aside as I did, forcing myself to dig the maggots out of your eye sockets?
Love is caring, is it not?
I’ve always cared for you, despite the fact that you had nothing but your love to give back. But that was all I ever needed. As long as I could be with you, I’d do anything. I would walk through burning coal, bathe my flesh in fire or allow my lungs to succumb to the coldness of the dark waters.
I’d peel my own skin off of my body just so that it could keep you warm and shielded from the elements of nature. With my mane I would spin a net of worlds for you to explore together with me. I would let you sail on my flesh, all the way up to the stars and the moon, and let you bask in the warming light of the ever watching sun.
Can anyone else say the same? As long as I could be with you, I would do anything.
And I am about to do just that. To do anything for you, my love.
I can’t help but wonder… will it hurt? I suspect you would know. Please tell me, does it hurt to die? And what happens after that…?
I promised myself I wouldn’t scream or panic. I’m not sure of that promise anymore. Even though I’ll gladly end my own existence for you, basic instinct of survival will tell me to fight, to yell, to breath and live. To see another day in the world of the living. But as it is now. I don’t want to see another one of those days.
Why did you go?
Did you not enjoy my company? I thought the silence and comfort of my own home would keep you calm and happy. Was my bedroom not to your satisfaction? Wasn’t… I?
Is that why you left? I wasn’t good enough for you? Is that why I woke up one morning and found you gone from your place next to me?
I looked everywhere for you, you know. All throughout my home and the surrounding woodlands, even the meadow in which we first met. But there wasn’t a single trace left of you. I tried for Ponyville, hoping you’d be there somewhere, perhaps looking over wares in a store, or carrying a bouquet of flowers, just for me.
I thought… I thought that if I found you, you would be… alive. For some foolish reason, I thought you left me in order to wake up, to come back and love me. How wrong I was.
Once I had gone home yet again, my heart had sunken deep down in me. Deeper than I am about to sink myself. I was sure I’d never see you again, and would have to live the rest of my life alone, devoid of your radiant embrace of joy.
And then I saw it. Something shimmering in the afternoon sun. It was a piece of your mane, stuck on some branches by the tree line. My heart came back u from the depths of despair, and I hurried off into the woods in the direction I thought you might had gone.
Now I’m here. I found you.
I found you by the lake. We used to bathe here in the summer, me and my friends. After we all grew up and went on our different paths through life, that ended. I was hoping my own children would one day bathe just like us, playing in the cool water as you and I kept watch over them by the water’s edge. Our children. Our family.
I only hope the children of my friends will take their place sometime in the future. Happy with their lives, full of joy and laughter. I will watch them from beneath, together with you, my love.
I’m ready. I’m ready to do it. To take the plunge. The rope around my left foreleg strains a bit too hard around my bone, but that tingling pain will soon be gone.
You’re still as beautiful as the day I met you. Resting on your side, next to the shore. You look so calm, so happy. Is this where you wanted to be all along? Flowers have begun to grow across your perfect body, and vines seek their way down your spine. You truly are a piece of art.
The big stone attached to the rope around my legs rests on the cliff net to me. Despite its weight I had no trouble getting it here. It is a tool to help me immortalize our love, and so it might as well be as light as a feather to me.
I can’t help but wonder… how long have you waited here for me? Since flowers and plants are already growing on you, and you were gone for no more than a day…
Perhaps you were never real? Maybe it was all a dream of the life we could have had, or an illusion built up to lead me here, to the lake.
Am I real? Is our love…?
Far beneath me lays the surface of the lake. Steady and calm, not a wave of ripple in sight despite the strong winds blowing across the water. It’s a mirror, waiting to be broken. And I’m about to.
Perhaps none of us are truly real. Maybe we are all dreaming the same dream, just waiting for the day that the dreamer wakes up and snuffs out our existence. I don’t know. But I guess I might find out soon enough. Just one simple step, wind blowing across my face and my body hitting the mirror glass of the water. It’s all so simple, yet so hard to fathom.
Just one step and we’ll finally be together forever.
Will it hurt?
I love you.
