Seven bruised zebras shuffled awkwardly across the desert, their striped foreheads bedded with sweat and matted fur. Behind them, gripping the chains, two mares rode in a rickety wooden carriage. The zebra’s golden bracelets that had once shone so brightly under the African sun had taken on a dull yellow, barely visible on the caramel colored wrists of the two mares. Only the chinks of chains and sand shuffling into a cloud of pale dirt. One mare lifted her hat and brushed aside her blue mane.
“Yah’ll better pick up yer huvs or it’s tuh the whip with yuh!” The other mare snorted. Their bright coats looked awkward and unnatural against the red sky and sand. They went on like that for a few more hours, until it became cold and the two mares threw potato sacks to the zebras, which accepted them bitterly and trudged on, their hooves slowly freezing. They reached a stretch of forest where the ground was completely frozen. The sound of hooves startled them all.
“Nopony better be out there!” Shouted the hatless mare. The one with the hat reached back to grab her revolver. A light glowed in the distance.
“I’m here all right!” Said the light. The zebra detected an accent in the voice, but couldn’t place it. The only accent she had ever heard was the southern, and this one was nothing like it.
“C’mout and state yer business.” The hatless mare called out. She pulled out her revolver as well. The light grew close and soon it illuminated a pink mare pulling a carriage. Atop the carriage swung a comical fake wooden tooth. The pink mare was dressed in a fancy blue suit with a matching jacket draped over her shoulders. Atop her head was a black bowler hat. She flashed them a toothy grin.
“My business? Very well. My name is Doctor Pinkie D. Pie.” Still smiling, she unhitched herself and trotted over to the zebras.
“Git the fuck away from mah Stripes. You ain’t getting none of ‘em.” The hat-mare spat. The pink mare cocked her head and frowned. Then she shook her head, causing her fluffy pink mane to whip back and forth, and smiled again, this smile was smaller.
“Gentlemen, I do believe you have a specimen I’m keen to acquire.” The zebras looked up upon hearing this. Was this an opportunity to escape? “Now, have any of you come from the Dash plantation?” They hesitated.
“I’m from the Dash plantation.” Came a voice. It was the zebra in the middle of them all. Pinkie grinned.
“EXCELLENT!” She trotted over to the middle. “What’s your name, girl?”
“Zecora. Ma'am...”
“Now, Zecora, are you familiar with the Jack family?” Zecora nodded.
"Do you think you could describe them to me?”
“Big Mac, Applejack, and Bloom. Sometimes they call her Little Bloom. They was over at the Dash plantation.”
“Not anymore. You’re exactly the one I’m looking for. Now, if you were to-”
“HEY! Stahp talkin’ tah her like that!” Shouted the hatless mare.
“Like what? I’m simply a business-mare trying to carry out a transactio-“
“THEY’RE NOT FOR SALE! BEAT IT!” The hatless mare lifted her rifle. Pinkie gave her a look.
“My good mare, are you simply threatening me, or are you pointing that gun at me with lethal intention?”
“Last chance, fancy-pants.” Pinkie rolled her eyes.
“Oh, very well.” She dropped her lamp and shot the hatless mare right in her hatless head, and fired into the hat-mare’s leg. Hat crippled and screamed. “I dearly apologize to put a bullet into your friend’s head, and into your leg, but I didn’t want you to do anything rash before thinking properly. Besides, I only shot your friend because she threatened to shoot me, and I believe I have…one, two, three…seven witnesses that can attain to that. Now, if you could please keep your suffering down, I would like to continue my lovely conversation with Zecora.” She turned back. “As I was saying, if you were to see these three again, could you recognize them?”
“Yeah.”
“SOLD EQUESTRIAN!” Pinkie shouted. “How much for young Zecora? ”She undid the chains. “Zecora, get in the carriage, and, if I were you, I would take the coat that the dear departed hat left behind. One hundred and twenty total, and fifty for the coat. Do you have a bill of sale, madam?" Angry, frustrated swearing from the hat. Pinkie sighed and pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket. She pressed it against her cart using her hooves and scrawled a note using a pencil between her teeth. She then took the paper and brought it over to the mare, dropping it on the brim of her hat. She took a pack from her jacket and tosed a fruitful amount of bits next to her. "Alrighty, miss Zecora, if you would please grab the coat and we'll be on our way!" Zecora thrust the potato sack from her back in a flourish and picked up the coat.
"Yew! Don't yew touch mah sistah's coat!" The HatMare spat. Zecora rolled her eyes and flung it over her back. Pinkie returned to her cart and took the reins in her mouth. Then, she whirled around to face the six other zebras, who had been wide-eyed and attentive from the moment she arrived.
"AH! And as for you, you poor devils, You have two choices. You can help up dear missus Hat," raising a pink hoof to the swearing, spitting mare. "And carry him to the nearest doctor which would be...about ten miles back the way you came." The zebras glanced at each other. "Oooooor...you could unhitch yourselves, put a bullet in the hat, bury them deep, take their valuables, and divide their money according to buy your freedom, then go on as successful, free ponies." She shrugged. "Your choice." The zebras nodded in unison and Pinkie tossed them the keys. They flew into action at once, unshackling themselves, grabbing the gun, stripping the hatless mare to the bone. Now wrapped in warm coats, they turned to the hat mare. Pinkie gave Zecora a small smile and tipped her small bowler hat. "And now, missus Zecora, I believe it's time for us to make an exit. Zecora gave one last look over at them. She hadn't even learned their names. She bade them one silent goodbye and took the reins in her mouth. The carriage glided away smoothly as she and Pinkie trudged off in the direction from which the pink horse had first come. Zecora heard the hat beg and plea, desperate for mercy. Then came a huge bang and a splatter and the begging ceased. She heard the excited clamoring of her companions as they counted up the bits and found there was more than enough to go around. They walked for a long time, the only noise was the wind whistling through the trees, the wheels of the carriage on the dirt, and Pinkie humming a tune Zecora couldn't recognize.
Author's Note
Well here you go.
*instrument explodes*
