Chapters Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 1: Let the fun begin.
Ch. 1: Let the fun begin.
ASSIST ME!! PRINCESS LUNA!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The fur on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it and she is wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “We art known to thee as Princess Luna, Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside our dear elder sister, Princess Celestia.”
Luna glances around before returning her attention to the front.
“Though we art not physically present in Equestria at this time. We art merely projecting our room in Canterlot into the Dreamscape.”
As if seeing that this was met with confusion, Luna began trotting back and forth in her room, always with her head turned slightly towards the front.
“To assist thee in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room. A room where thou can do as thee desires.”
She stops in the center and looks straight forward once more.
“In all honesty, ‘tis a sanctuary for the sorrowful, wayward foals who art unable to attain their true purpose in life. ‘Tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
Her muzzle took on a grimace.
“If thou art one of those fools who believes thou doth not need assistance, or whom only desires to discover hidden secrets, or that thou shalt merely-“ but another voice immediately cut her off.
“CUT! ” and the spotlight turned off, followed swiftly by the lights turning back on. Two humanoids then walked into the “room”.
The first humanoid was a female with long pink hair that had been tied into a large ponytail save her bangs and also partially styled to appear as overly large “ears” despite the pink-furred cat-like ones directly in front of them and she also had amber cat’s eyes.
She wore a strange coat that looked similar to the ones doctors wear, except this one had long sleeves that ended in comically over-sized cat’s paws with several large slit-like openings at the ends of each and was partly undone in the middle, showing a fairly immodest amount of her midriff, a pair of red Capri pants that were held up by an overlarge black leather belt with a bell on it and had an opening on the back to allow her two-pronged tail to go through, and a pair of white, slip-on shoes on her feet. She also wore glasses that at this moment were perched precariously on the bridge of her nose.
The second humanoid was a gigantic red male that was enormous by most species standards, having to stoop slightly so as not to hit his head on the ceiling which, if the creak of the floor under his feet were any indication, would be in worse shape than him.
His hair was spiked sharply as if he’d been electrocuted and he wore an odd outfit that consisted of a sleeveless red shirt and what appeared to be some sort of “skirt” that had armor protecting either leg with red boots barely visible at the bottom, what appeared to be a pair of orange non-reflective goggles over his eyes and some kind of “shackles” on his enormous forearms.
As the female strode over to Princess Luna with an extremely aggravated expression on her face, Luna spoke to her, confused.
“We apologise, Professor Kokonoe… were we incorrect in our lines again?” she asked tentatively.
“You’re damn straight you were, half those words were unintelligible by all but the smartest people watching!” Kokonoe replied angrily.
“Actually, Kokonoe, I thought she was doing wonderfully and-" The giant began but he was interrupted by Kokonoe jabbing her clawed finger in his face (or as close to his face as she could manage without stretching, which was actually around the middle of his chest.)
“Shut it Tager, no one’s asking you!” she snapped and then spun back on the Alicorn. “None of the nutbars who watch this show understand all that ‘thou’ and ‘thee’ crap; you have to use modern speech!”
“B-but ‘tis traditional for a Princess to speak to her subjects using the royal tongue!” Luna protested.
“I don’t care and no one else will either when they’re in here, so talk to them like a normal pony.” Kokonoe retorted, then she turned and stalked back out of sight with Tager close behind. The lights dimmed once more and Kokonoe’s voice shouted from the darkness “Take it from the top, Luna!”
The spotlight snaps back on over Luna, who looks straight forward once more and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “We art known to thee as-“
“Dammit, CUT!” and the lights returned once more, though not before Kokonoe was halfway across the room.
“I said ‘modern’ speech, Luna, you’re killing me here!” she exclaimed, frustrated.
“We doth not understand what thou means by ‘modern speech’, Professor!” Luna retorted irritably, though a barely audible snickering could be heard from somewhere out of sight. Luna immediately spun her head and snapped “T-Tis not funny, Sister!”
“I think it’s absolutely adorable, Lu-Lu!” Came a reply from somewhere in the darkness. Luna flung her head away indignantly.
“Yes, well, nopony asked for your opinion, Tia!” she huffed, which only received some more chuckling in response. Kokonoe, however, flung her hands out toward the Moon Princess.
“That! That right there is what I want to hear!” she exclaimed “Why can’t you do that the entire time?!”
“T’would be undignified of a royal princess, Professor, ‘tis tradition!” Luna replied. Kokonoe took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose, frustrated. After a moment, she held out her hand like she was making an offer.
“How about this; I go ahead and host the first episode and talk to you, just to show you how it’s done. Then afterwards you host the show yourself, taking from my example.” Kokonoe said “Does that sound okay to you, Luna?”
Luna thought for a moment before replying.
“Tis a fair deal, we… excuse me, ‘I’… accept your offer.”
Kokonoe put her glasses back on and clapped her hands together excitedly, a wicked grin on her face.
“Right, let’s get this party started! You go wait over there until I tell you to enter.” She said, pointing somewhere out of sight, taking Luna’s spot on the “stage” as the Alicorn did what she was told.
“This should be most interesting, Tager!” said “Tia’s” voice, though the giant merely groaned.
“I wish I shared your enthusiasm, Princess Celestia…” he replied, getting a giggle from the unseen Sun Princess.
“Don't worry; I'm certain everything will be just fine.” Celestia assured him, even as a yellow-light appeared and a banana came floating into view, revealing the Alicorn’s amused expression.
“Hey you done chatting with your marefriend over there, Tager?” Kokonoe called out from the “room” ”Okay, lower the curtains and change the backdrop. If I’m doing this, I’m doing this right! ”
The lights dimmed as the curtains lowered onto the stage.
“And kill that light, we don’t want to mess this up!”
Celestia rolled her eyes and the aura surrounding her horn, and thus the one holding up the banana, disappeared.
“Oh my, I appear to have dropped my banana…” She said, sadly.
After a moment, the lights came back on and a sign appeared in front of the curtains as Luna’s voice called out from somewhere off-stage.
WE REQUIRE THINE ASSISTANCE!!
PROFESSOR KOKONOE!
The curtains rose back up, revealing not the bedroom previously shown, but a messy lab that contained several computer screens, a large, fluid filled cylinder, and a desk almost completely consumed by brightly colored packages, some important-looking papers… and an open bag of potato chips. A spotlight turns on, revealing Professor Kokonoe standing in the center holding some kind of lollipop. She stares straight ahead and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, lost children.” Kokonoe began soothingly.
“I am Professor Kokonoe, genius scientist and ruler of the Sector Seven laboratory.” She continued, then glanced around “…Well, okay, we aren’t in the lab at the moment. This place can sort of be temporarily moved into the Boundary.”
As if this was met with confusion, she began to pace back and forth on stage slowly, as one would if giving a lecture.
“Well, simply put, it’s a mysterious room. A room where you can do anything you want.”
She turned and stared ahead again, a serious look on her face.
“To be honest, it’s a paradise for all those sad, little lost children who couldn’t make it to the true ending. A sort of ‘Avalon’.”
She paced back to her original spot on stage, a slightly annoyed look on her face.
“If you’re one of those nutbars who’s all like ‘I don’t need help’ or ‘I only wanna unlock hidden stuff’ or ‘I’ll just look for a flowchart online,’ then you can piss off!” she exclaimed, pointing sharply off stage.
She looked straight ahead once more and sighed in resignation.
“Very well. Lost child of the day… you may enter.”
She then turned and walked over to an office chair that had somehow gotten on-stage and plopped unceremoniously down in it as the lights came back on. She stared in an almost bored fashion over to the opposite end of the stage as Princess Luna trotted back on.
“Okay, we have some-GAH!” Kokonoe had to cover her ears as she was interrupted mid-sentence by a voice that made an air horn sound like a minor nuisance.
“GREETINGS, PROFESSOR KOKONOE! ” Luna bellowed in her Royal Canterlot Voice. “WE ASK THAT THOU BESTOW UPON US THINE WISDOM! ”
Luna looked at Kokonoe confused “IS THERE SOMETHING TROUBLING THEE, PROFESSOR? ART WE NOT DOING AS THOU HAD REQUESTED? ” She asked as Kokonoe gave another yelp of pain and pressed her hands harder on her ears.
“Sister, please stop speaking in the Royal Canterlot Voice.” Celestia called out from the darkness.
“Yes, please, whatever the hell it is you’re doing, stop! My ears can’t take much more!” Kokonoe cried out. Luna’s face flushed as she cleared her throat.
“Our apologies, Professor, we-” but it was Kokonoe’s turn to interrupt Luna.
“NEVER do that in here again!” She snapped angrily “This is an enclosed space, which means soundwaves are just gonna bounce around in here until they finally dissipate, like a damn bell! You do know what those are, don’t you?!”
Luna was taken aback, but then glared angrily at Kokonoe.
“Yes, we doth know what a bell is, we art not completely uneducated!”
Kokonoe held one of her hands out to silence Luna while her other rubbed her still ringing ears.
“Let’s not get off track. Explain to everyone why you’re here today, Luna.” She said, gesturing towards the front.
Luna gave Kokonoe one last angry glare before clearing her throat and speaking.
“We doth not understand what it is we continue to do wrong and we were hoping thee would enlighten us.” She stated.
“Got it in one, Princess, and while we’re at it I’ve got a couple of new rules to put down.” Kokonoe said as she once more slouched back in her chair, and then held up a hand.
“First.” She said, extending a finger “No more ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’ inside the Boundary-slash-Dreamscape. The sound will just get amplified in here and probably blow someone’s ears out.”
“You are most welcome, Professor.” Celestia’s voice called out from the darkness, earning a glare from the beast-kin.
“I would, at this time, like to inform the peanut gallery to keep their damn traps shut during the show, thank you.” She snapped back at the unseen Alicorn.
“Thou shalt not speak to our sister in such a tone!” Luna exclaimed angrily, jabbing her hoof at Kokonoe.
“Hey! My room, my rules, I’ll talk to her however I damn well please!” Kokonoe retorted. Luna huffed, but did not respond.
“Now, second rule.” She said, extending a second finger “The only time you get to use the ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’ is if you meet an annoying little prick named Hazama. Trust me, you’ll know the shit-stain when you see him, he’ll be wearing a cheap-ass suit and hat and have a stupid grin on his face. If you ever do meet him, plug up your ears and let him have it full blast.”
Luna flushed at Kokonoe’s excessively foul language, but she nodded.
“Okay then!” Kokonoe said, clapping her hands together “Luna one of the things you’ve gotta understand is that the way you speak currently is way out-of-date and, in all honesty, scares the crap out of your ‘subjects’. Couple that with your near-constant use of the RCV-”
“We beg thine pardon?” Luna asked, causing Kokonoe to face-palm.
“The Royal Canterlot Voice, please keep up with the acronyms, Luna.” She grumbled, but continued her explanation “Anyway, your near-constant use of the Royal Canterlot Voice and your outdated language isn’t exactly winning you any friends among the populace.”
“Tis not our fault we-” Luna protested but was stopped by Kokonoe holding up her hands soothingly.
“I know, I know, you were imprisoned on the moon for a thousand years, no one’s blaming you.” She replied calmly “All we’re saying is that you need to realize things have changed and that you need to adapt.”
“…So how would thee suggest we ‘adapt’?” Luna asked curiously.
Kokonoe rested her head in the palm of one hand and examined her lollipop in the other, giving the impression she was quite bored.
“Pretty simple, really.” She stated “Just talk to people like you talk to your sister when nobody- er, I mean, nopony, is around. In short; be casual.” And then she sat up “And since this is a special place, just act however you want. The only rule here is the guests can’t leave until you give them advice and since character roles are non-existent in here, don’t be afraid to break from the norm and go a little crazy every now and then. Hell, feel free to tell your ‘guests’ exactly what you think about them just to piss ‘em off because there's nothing they can do to stop you!”
“Is that so?” Luna asked, cocking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow judgingly “And I suppose you are not normally so abrasive on your world?”
“Actually, she’s not that much different here than back home.” Tager replied from the darkness. There was an audible ping as Kokonoe threw her lollipop at him.
“Can it, Tager!” She reached into her sleeve and produced another lollipop. “Besides, I do behave differently here.” She said, popping the treat into her mouth.
“How so?” Luna asked.
“Well for one, I can actually give direct answers here. Back home I have to be all ‘mysterious’ and shit.” She replied casually “Not to mention that I’m easily ten times the bitch here that I am at home.”
There was a moment of silence where both Kokonoe and Luna stared at the large shadow of Tager, who held up his hands as if warding off the unspoken question.
“No comment, Silvervine is expensive.” He said.
“Good answer, Tager!” Kokonoe replied cheerfully, though she had been glaring at the giant just seconds prior, daring him to take another crack at her.
“Okay…” Luna said, suspecting what “Silvervine” might actually be “Why bother with behaving differently? Will that not confuse the guest later, Professor?”
“A, they won’t remember and B, who gives a shit? I sure as hell don’t.” Kokonoe responded immediately, as if she’d been expecting the question. Luna frowned in confusion.
“If they do not remember, what is the purpose of this show, pray tell? Luna asked “Are we not simply wasting our time then?”
“Not really, the audience will remember for them and take our advice into consideration for when they’re writing shitty fan-fiction or making crappy online videos or even when they’re making a piss-poor attempt at their favorite character’s voice.” Kokonoe replied calmly and then jabbed a finger directly at the darkness.
“That’s right, I’m talking to you! You know who you are, don’t even try to deny it and if I catch you getting my voice wrong again, I’ll have Tager tear your tongue out through your ass, got it?! ”
“She’ll do it, too…” Tager said glumly.
“Um, are you… speaking to somepony in particular, Professor Kokonoe?” Luna asked, unsure. Kokonoe nodded her head.
“Yes, Luna, yes I am.” She replied.
“…Who are you talking to?”
“They know who they are; I don’t need to name them.”
“Who..?”
Kokonoe’s eye twitched.
“What, we got freaking Owlowicious in here? I just said I don’t need to name them, dammit!”
“But I do not understand, Professor!” Luna cried, but she took a step back when Kokonoe glared at her.
“Just forget about it, Luna, I’ve got one last piece of advice for you.” Kokonoe said, taking a breath to calm herself.
“And that is..?” Luna asked flatly.
“Stop treating everyone, and everypony, like they’re your subjects, because they might be like me and not exactly from your world.” Kokonoe replied.
“I still do not fully understand, but I shall take your advice under consideration...” Luna said darkly.
“That’s good, because it doesn’t get any simpler. “ Kokonoe replied, smiling then straightened up in her chair.
“Alright, I’m gonna recap all my advice for you so that you can get your flank out of here.” She said, and then cleared her voice “Don’t use the ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’ (unless Hazama is here),drop the old way of speaking, talk to your guests like you’ve been talking to me just now and don’t be afraid to let them know exactly what’s on your mind. Just do this and you will be absolutely fine, okay?” Kokonoe asked. Luna nodded.
“Yes, Kokonoe, we shall use the wisdom you have given us to conduct this show in a manner similar to yourself.” Luna bowed, but added under her breath “Perhaps with less language.”
“Hey, whatever floats your boat, Moon Pie. It’ll be your show, not mine.” Kokonoe said before standing up from the chair and walking off stage, leaving the Moon Princess to stare at her in shock as the lights dimmed and the curtains fell.
“How did she… Moon Pie ?!”
Author's Note
Hello, everyone.
I'd like to say, this story is mostly just me taking a stab at this whole... fanfic thingymabober. That's not to say I'm gonna disregard this story, it'll be a fun way of introducing some OCs I come up with for other projects I'm working on (workin' on, like, five or so different stories with my bro. It's totally awesome. Oh, and you'll see lots of Vinyl Scratch in my stories because let's face it... she's best pony).
Anyway, have fun! Had a blast writing for Professor Kokonoe and if you haven't seen any "Help Me!! Professor Kokonoe!" you should; funniest stuff you'll ever see.
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
AH NEED SOME HELP!! PRINCESS LUNA!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it and she is wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “I am known as Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”
Luna glances around for a moment before returning her attention to the front.
“Though we are not physically present in Equestria at this time. We are merely projecting our room in the Royal Canterlot Castle into the Dreamscape.”
As if seeing this was met with confusion, she began to pace slowly in the room in a manner one would if giving a lecture, her head turned slightly to the front.
“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you please.”
She stops and faces forward.
“In all honesty, ‘tis a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals are unable to attain their true purpose in life; ‘tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
She begins to pace back slowly toward the center with a grimace on her face.
“If you are one of those fools who believes they do not require assistance, or who only wishes to discover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE! ” She stated, ending with an exclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.
She sighs and faces forward again.
“Wayward foal of the night, I grant you entry.”
And with that, she trots over to the left side of the room and sits upon a cushion, facing the other side. A moment later, an orange coated pony with a blonde mane and tail done up in braids enters, with a brown Stetson on her head.
“What in tarnation?” She asks in a thick country accent “Ah coulda sworn Ah was just in mah orchard, finishin’ up the last a’ the trees fer Apple-buckin’ Season. How in Equestria did Ah end up here?”
“Greetings, Applejack.” Luna says with a smile “’Tis good to see you once more.”
Applejack takes one look at Luna and gasps, dropping to the ground in a bow.
“Oh, um… it’s good ta see ya too, Yer Majesty.” Applejack replies hesitantly, though Luna only giggles.
“There is no reason to be so formal here, Applejack. At this moment I am not your Princess and you are not my subject; we are both equals, so please just call me ‘Luna’ for now.”
Applejack stands back up with a hesitant expression on her face.
“If ya say so, Pri-, Ah mean, Luna.” She says, then clears her throat “Uh, ya wouldn’ happen ta know why Ah’m here, wouldja?”
“You are here because you are in need of assistance.” Luna replied casually, though Applejack immediately turned her muzzle skyward.
“Well Ah thank ya kindly fer the offer, but Ah’m pretty certain Ah don’ need any help.” She said with a huff, causing Luna to give her a deadpanned expression.
“You would not be here if that were true, Applejack.” She said, though the cowpony turned stubbornly away.
“Nope, Ah’m positive Ah don’ need it, now couldja send me back to mah orchard? Mah apples ain’t gonna buck themselves.”
“Apologies, Applejack, but you cannot leave until you have received my aid.” Luna replied tersely, the cowpony thoroughly beginning to annoy her.
“Nnope.” She said, mimicking her brother’s manner of speech and causing Luna to growl in frustration.
“Applejack, please be reasonable.”
“Nnope, don’ need it.”
“Applejack…”
“Ah don’ need yer help and that’s final.” Applejack replied, sitting firmly on her haunches.
“THOU SHALT ACCEPT OUR AID AND THOU SHALT LIKE IT, OR THOU CAN SPEND AN ETERNITY IN THIS PLACE, WE DO NOT PARTICULARLY CARE! ” Luna roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice, causing Applejack to cower on the ground holding her ears.
Luna gave an embarrassed cough, having already broken Kokonoe’s first rule regarding her use of the RCV. The professor was not going to be pleased.
“My apologies, Applejack, I did not mean to lose my temper.” Luna said apologetically just as the cowpony stood back up, still rubbing at her ears.
“It’s alright, Luna. Ah suppose if Ah ain’t got any other choice, Ah might as well listen to what ya gotta say.” Applejack replied, giving Luna her undivided attention.
“I am glad we have reached an understanding.” Luna said with a sweet smile “But before I can give you aid, please tell me what you were doing before you came here.”
“Well, Big Macintosh hurt his back a couple a' days ago just before the start a’ Apple-buckin’ Season an’ so Ah decided to buck the entire harvest mahself, while also helpin’ out mah friends with stuff Ah’d promised to help ‘em with.” Applejack said, putting a hoof to her chin in thought “The very last thing Ah remember is buckin’ one a’ the few trees remainin’ in the harvest when Ah guess Ah fell asleep.”
“I see…” Luna said, a pair of reading glasses on her muzzle and using her magic to levitate a pen and a pad of paper, which she was writing on “And have you been getting any sleep since you started the harvest?”
“Ain’t got time, Luna.” Applejack replied with a shake of her head “Without Big Mac ta help me with Apple-buckin’, Ah gotta get the whole harvest mahself ‘afore the apples go bad in their trees or the critters git at ‘em.”
“And who said you had to get the entire harvest yourself? Surely the other Element Bearers would have offered their assistance in the matter.” Luna asked, Spocking her eyebrow.
“Ah told Big Mac that Ah could bring in the entire harvest mahself an’ that’s exactly what Ah’m gonna do; Ah don’t need any help.” Applejack said with an obstinate huff.
“Are you certain about that, Applejack?” Luna asked, her eyebrow still quirked.
“Ya sayin’ mah mouth’s makin’ promises mah legs can’ keep?” Applejack replied with a deadpan stare.
“In Laypony’s terms, yes, that’s exactly what I am saying.”
“Well, yer wrong.” Applejack stated with a defiant snort. Luna sighed and set her pen and paper aside.
“Well then, I now have some advice for you. Would you care to hear it?”
“Do Ah actually got a choice?”
“Not really.” Luna replied cheerfully “To put it simply, you are doing far too much to be healthy and you have reached your limit. When you wake up, I suggest you ask somepony for help.”
“Princess, Ah’ve made up mah mind about this and Ah ain’t plannin’ on changin’ it.” Applejack stated with finality “Now if we’re finished here, can Ah leave? Ah’m almost done with the harvest.”
“Of course, Applejack.” Luna said tersely, but then gave her a sweet smile “Though I am fairly certain you are not as close to being done as you think you are.”
“And what’s that supposed ta mean?”
“You shall see.” Luna replied with a giggle “Farewell, Applejack!”
“See ya ‘round, Princess.” Applejack said before turning and trotting back the way she came, with the sound of a door opening and closing coming from out of sight not long after. Luna sat in silence for a moment before sighing and gritting her teeth.
“Stubborn mule…” She muttered irritably as the lights dimmed and the curtain fell, signifying the end of the broadcast.
Author's Note
Sorry, almost forgot the notes.
But before that, I thought I'd give y'all a sneak peek at one of my active projects. It's still a work in progress, but here ya go!
First to awaken is Water’s Champion, a frozen heart lost deep unto time Only faithful companions and caring words shall melt her diamond rime.
Flaring brightly is Fire’s Champion, in the darkness his soul will shine Neither blackest heart nor deepest shadow shall cross the shield’s line.
Following calmly is a soaring heart, both lofty and kind, Wind’s Champion is he Imprisoned within loss and despair, his wings yearn to be free.
Lastly, the Champion of Earth lies trapped by the specter of her fear With firm conviction and unwavering resolve, her choice is made clear.
I know it's probably not the best thing you've ever read, but I thought I might show ya anyway. Like I said, it's a work in progress and it will be a while before you see the story connected to it. In the meantime, enjoy "Assist me!! Princess Luna!"
Wub wub wub
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Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 3: He Who Writes Must Also Play... Wait, What?!
I COULD USE ASSISTANCE!! PRINCESS LUNA!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze, both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it and she is wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “I am known as Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”
Luna glances around for a moment before returning her attention to the front.
“Though we are not physically present in Equestria at this time; we are merely projecting our room in the Royal Canterlot Castle into the dreamscape.”
As if seeing this was met with confusion, she began to pace slowly in the room in a manner one would if giving a lecture, her head turned slightly to the front.
“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you please.”
She stops and faces forward.
“In all honesty, ‘tis a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals are unable to attain their true purpose in life; ‘tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
She begins to pace back slowly toward the center with a grimace on her face.
“If you are one of those fools who believes they do not require assistance, or who only wishes to discover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE! ” She stated, ending with a small exclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.
She sighs and faces forward again.
“Wayward foal of the night, I grant you entry.”
And with that, she trots over to the left side of the room and sits upon a cushion, facing the other side.
As she does, an odd pony trots in. He had a pale white coat and a silvery, flowing mane and tail with glowing, pale blue eyes. Where his wings would be were instead flowing ribbons of light that extended well past his body.
"What in the...?" He asked, looking around curiously "This is... Luna, you dirty friggin' cheater!"
"'Tis good to see you as well, Hallowedsoul." She replied with a nod of her head.
"No. No! Absolutely not, I don't have time for this shit!" Hallowed replied irritably, turning around to trot out.
There was the sound of a door rattling for a moment while Luna laid down on her cushion and levitated a magazine from nowhere and read it patiently. Once the door was done rattling there came the sounds of furious pounding, followed by silence. Hallowed trotted back in, an extremely irritated expression on his face, and sat on his haunches. Luna put the magazine away and sat up, giving him an amused look.
"Did you get it out of your system, Hallowed?" She asked him, and he shot her a scathing glare.
"Why did you bring me here, Luna?" He asked her coldly "Do you even realize how many rules you're breaking by doing this?"
"Well, you are here because you are obviously in need of aid." Luna replied amiably, ignoring his attitude "As for rules... I am afraid I am not an expert on such things here, let us retrieve the one who is ."
Hallowed stared at her in disbelief.
"You wouldn't..."
"Please wait a moment." She replied, and then turned her head to call out behind her "Professor, could you come out for a moment, I need you to clarify something for us."
At that, a familiar pink-haired, cat-eared humanoid walked onstage and stood next to Luna, also with an irritated expression on her face.
"What do ya need, Luna? I'm in the middle of my own broadcast, so make it quick." She said curtly.
"Oh, if you are busy, I can call you back later." Luna replied, but Kokonoe waved her hand dismissively.
"Nah, I actually have a few minutes; I'm letting Ragna play with Jin for a little bit to get his bloodlust under control." She said casually and turned her attention to Hallowed, who was staring dumb-founded at the Professor "Who's your glowing friend over there?"
"He's the medium I am using to convey my show into his world; it is a little slow-going, but we have only just started." Luna replied, but then gave Kokonoe a curious look "Regardless, the reason I have called you here is because he has asked me a question I was not prepared for."
"Oh, yeah? And what's his question?"
"You do realize I'm sitting right here and am listening to you speak, right?" Hallowed spoke up. The two promptly ignored him.
"He asked me if I knew how many rules I was breaking to bring him here and I wasn't sure what the rules were exactly and was hoping you could clarify for us."
"I've already told you that the normal rules don't really apply here, so my answer is there are no rules to actually follow except for the ones I told you about. Speakin' of which..." She said, holding a finger up to point accusingly at Luna "You've already broken the first rule when you yelled at Applejack in the last episode. Do I need to come up with a way of lessening your powers or can you regulate yourself?"
"Hello, ladies?" Hallowed called out, waving his hoof "I'm still right here; I'd like some advice so I can go home now."
"I apologize, Professor, and yes I am able to control myself better than that, I merely lost my temper." Luna replied irritably.
"Well, I'm still going to implement a three strikes rule; you're already at strike two which means if you break my rules again, I'm putting a dampener on you." Kokonoe said, putting one hand on her hips while putting a Silvervine pop in her mouth. Luna stared at her indignantly.
"Hey, yeah, I am totally not here or anything, so please continue to ignore me." Hallowed said, laying down on his stomach.
"Will do, Bright-Light." Kokonoe responded earning an irritated glare from the glowing pony as Luna remembered how to speak.
"Strike two ?!" She exclaimed "I only broke one rule, how can I be at strike two?!"
"Because you technically broke both rules simultaneously when you used the RCV." She said, and held up her hand with her index finger extended "Let me refresh your memory of the rules. Rule #1: No RCV in the Dreamscape. Rule #2: Only use RCV if you meet Hazama. So like I said, you've already broken both rules; break 'em again and I'm taking drastic measures."
"That is complete and total bunk , Professor!" Luna protested, both individuals completely unaware of the low growling sound coming from the glowing pony behind them.
"Hey, you knew what you were signing up for when we first started!" Kokonoe retorted angrily, getting in Luna's face.
"There was nothing in the contract about this!" Was the heated response.
"It was in the fine print!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"ENOUGH!" Hallowed roared, and both of the hosts turned shocked expressions toward him while he stood at the other end of the room, his body glowing brightly and his mane and tail flickering like an inferno "SIT DOWN, BOTH OF YOU!"
Luna sat down on the cushion and Kokonoe glued her butt to the floor, both too stunned to argue anymore.
"Good." He said, his body returning to it's normal state, though he was still aggravated "Now I really am not in the mood to be putting up with this childish shit from a pair of grown females who ought to know better. Kokonoe, give Luna a freebie this one time. Luna, avoid breaking the rules again now that you know what the punishment is going to be."
Both hosts nodded slowly.
"Now apologize to each other, like the good little girls you are."
There was a mumbled "sorry" from both parties and they looked away sheepishly. Once that was done, Hallowed gave them both a smile.
"Well done." He said approvingly "Now; give me my advice so I can get the hell outta here."
"You're mind is all over the place, Hallowedsoul. Try focusing on one thing at a time or start getting your other works out into the world." Luna replied with a level gaze at Hallowed "From what I understand, one of them is nearly ready to be seen."
"With all due respect, Princess, that's not for you to decide." He replied flatly, though he blushed slightly "I don't think it's ready yet, there are parts in it that are so dry and-"
"What's the harm, Glowstick?" Kokonoe asked casually, earning an irritated glare from the glowing pony "If they don't like it, oh well you tried and that's what matters; besides, you can always go back and rework the damned thing so just put it out there for the whole friggin' world to see and be proud of what you accomplished."
Hallowed was quiet as he thought about what Kokonoe had just told him.
"Hmm, I'll... consider it, Professor." He replied, then cocked an eyebrow at the two hosts "If I leave, you two aren't going to kill each other, are you?"
"Nah, we got that out of our system." Kokonoe said with a shrug.
"Yes, we are on good terms once more." Luna also said, but with a small smile.
"A pity; you two are becoming a royal pain in my other-worldly ass." He replied morosely and turned to leave "I'm outta here; do not bring me back, Luna, or I swear to Celestia you'll regret it."
And with that, the glowing pony departed. Luna and Kokonoe stared at the place where he was, then turned aggressive glares toward each other as the lights dimmed and the curtains closed, signifying the end of the broadcast..
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
Author's Note
Man, that was an ordeal. I hope there won't be a repeat performance of this, it was not fun having to sit there and listen to them argue like children.
Anyway, this seemed like a fun thing to do because, let's face it; you can't break the fourth wall when there's no fourth wall to break, right, Pinkie?
"Yep! Say, Hallowed, when am I gonna appear, huh, huh, huh, I wanna appear in your story, too, can I PLEASE?!"
All in good time, Pinkie. Say, you wanna go get some cake?
"Would I?!"
*NOTE: In case you're wondering why Kokonoe doesn't berate Luna for using the RCV in the intro, it's because it that one doesn't count since Luna's the only one in there. Also, the description of me as a pony is not going to be used in any of my other stories. At all. Period.
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 4: The Pony of Art and Inspiration
I DESIRE YOUR ASSIsTANCE!! AUNT LUNA!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze, both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it, and she is also wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “I am known as Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”
Luna glances around for a moment before returning her attention to the front.
“Though we are not physically present in Equestria at this time; I am merely projecting my room in the Royal Canterlot Castle into the Dream-scape.”
As if seeing this was met with confusion, she began to pace slowly in the room in a manner one would if giving a lecture, her head turned slightly to the front.
“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you please.”
She stops and faces forward.
“In all honesty, ‘tis a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals are unable to attain their true purpose in life; ‘tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
She begins to pace back slowly toward the center with a grimace on her face.
“If you are one of those fools who believes they do not require assistance, or who only wishes to discover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE! ” She stated, ending with a small exclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.
She sighs and faces forward again.
“Wayward foal of the night, I grant you entry.”
And with that, she trots over to the left side of the room and sits upon a cushion, facing the other side.
When she does, the most unusual pony enters.
He is tall, slightly more so than Luna, and possesses both a horn and wings, which designates him as an Alicorn. However, this was not his most astonishing feature; that belongs to his coat and mane coloration. His coat was jet black and his neatly styled mane a brilliant silver, but what drew the eye to them was the fact that they shimmered a different color with every little movement of his body. His eyes, a deep emerald green, were the same way.
He smiles as he trots forward and takes a seat on the opposite side of the room as Luna.
"Hello, Aunt Luna, it's a pleasure to see you again!" He says, his smooth voice carrying easily over to the Princess, who gives him a smile of her own "I do not quite recognize this place; would you mind telling me where I am and why I am here?"
"It is good to see you as well, Spectra. To answer your questions, we are in a Dream-scape projection of my bedchambers." She replies "And you are here because you apparently need assistance; would you mind sharing with me?"
Spectra put a hoof up to his chin in thought, before shrugging and smiling at the Moon Princess.
"Nothing comes to mind, Luna. As far as I know, I'm doing just fine with my life." He replies and stands "Well, it was great seeing you again but I'm afraid I'm rather busy, so I really must get going."
"Just a moment, Spectra." Luna says, holding up a hoof "Are you sure you do not need any help?"
"Yes, Aunt." He replies.
"Are you positive?"
"Quite."
Luna sighs and puts a hoof to her chin in thought.
"Are you absolutely, positively , 100% sure that nothing is troubling you?" She asks and this time, Spectra's face betrays a bit of doubt.
"Well..." He begins, but shakes his head briefly and giving Luna a bright smile "No, I am sure; there is nothing wrong."
Luna stares at him briefly, before standing up and trotting offstage. Spectra looked around cautiously, then craned his head and cocked an ear to try and listen for his Aunt. When he did, he began to hear voices whispering frantically somewhere out of sight.
"What's going on here, Professor?! Why is my Nephew here when there's nothing wrong with him?!"
"I don't know, Luna! This has never happened before!"
"Is there some way we can let him out?"
"Honestly? I have no damn clue, I barely understand how things work with my own show. I don't think he'd be here for no damn reason at all, though; he might be lying to you about his problems."
"Are you saying my Nephew is capable of lying to his favorite Aunt?!"
"Considering everyone in your family tends to be very mischievous at times, I'm going to say yes, yes he is."
There was silence, and Spectra dug into his ear with a hoof before "cupping" his ear with it and straining to try and hear something, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth in an extremely concentrated expression.
"I refuse to believe that Spectra, my Nephew, is lying to me. If you think he is, you can talk to him; I'm going to get a fizzy drink."
Spectra heard the distant sound of another door opening and then slamming shut. He straightened up in his seat as he heard strange hoofsteps coming toward him, and his jaw dropped when Professor Kokonoe appeared on stage. She stopped, crossed her arms over her chest and stared carefully at him.
"Alright, buddy, spill the beans; where did you go wrong?" She asks him curtly, but Spectra gives her a calm smile.
"Like I told my Aunt, there is nothing wrong with me." He replies, but Kokonoe gives him a glare that could roast marshmallows "Is... something the matter?"
"I'm gonna be frank with you-" She begins but Spectra interrupts her.
"That's good, because you haven't told me your name yet, 'Frank'." He says, a grin on his face. Kokonoe stares at him in shock for a moment before she busts out laughing.
"Oh, well done." She says, wiping the tears from her eyes "I walked right into that one, didn't I?" Then she clears her throat and gives Spectra a superior expression "I am Professor Kokonoe, genius scientist and ruler of the Sector Seven Laboratory."
"And I am Spectra, Alicorn Prince of Art." He replies with a slight bow and Kokonoe gapes at him "Well, I haven't officially been crowned as a Prince; it's just a name some ponies have taken to calling me. They believe that I'm the patron saint of artists in Equestria for some reason."
"Oh yeah? And why would they think that?"
"I sometimes appear before certain ponies and... Inspire their artistic talents." He says, the turns his body slightly to show his cutie mark "After all, it's my special talent; Inspiration."
Spectra's cutie mark was a design similar to Leonardo Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man , but instead of a human, it displayed a pony... in much the same manner.
"So what you're saying is..." Kokonoe began, putting a finger to her chin in thought "You could use your magic to give someone a brilliant idea, when they would otherwise be stumped?"
"Not just anypony; they would need to be artistically inclined." Spectra replies, sitting back down "And I don't give them 'ideas'; I merely help... put the pieces together, so to speak."
Kokonoe was about to say something else, but then there was a bright flash of light. When Spectra and Kokonoe could see again, they discovered there was a girl wearing a form-fitting suit and strange armor, with eight blade-like objects floating on her back. On her legs were these strange devices that kept her aloft with a subtle whir sound, while on her head was a visor with antennae. The girl looks around robotically before her large red "visor eye" settled on Kokonoe.
"Professor, you requested that you be reminded of appointments for show designation 'Help Me-'" The girl began in a monotone voice but Kokonoe cut her off before she could finish.
"Yes, thank you, Lambda." Kokonoe said, waving her hand dismissively. The girl still hovered there, staring blankly at the Professor "Dammit... return to the lab and await further instructions, Lambda."
"Command acknowledged, Professor; beginning transfer...." She says, and then vanishes in a flash of light.
Kokonoe looks back at Spectra, whose face betrayed nothing except mild surprise.
"Okay, we got distracted there for a moment." She says and puts one hand on her hip and raises her other arm, a lollipop in her hand "Why don't you drop the act and tell me what's bothering you, Spectra?"
He stares at her for a moment, before sighing and looking away.
"I am not going to be able to leave until I speak of my troubles, am I?" He asks and Kokonoe shakes her head "Fine, I'll yield; I am currently on a journey across Equestria, and the world itself, in search of that which is truly beautiful, but every time I think I've found it, I am immediately turned away."
"Why's that?"
"Because... I discover that it's tainted, marred by that which deserves no place amongst Art." He says with a growl, his face contorted by anger "I find that they are made by individuals who care nothing about what they do, or the art that they create. They feel no love for what they make, no passion for their Art; only Greed for their own success and Envy for the success of others. And everywhere I go, I see the same thing."
"Really? And what's that, Spectra?" Kokonoe asks and he turns a fierce glare to her.
"Prejudice for that which is different; I cannot abide the way many people treat those who are even a tiny bit unusual." He says, then glances away sorrowfully "I see so much beauty and talent among such individuals... and yet they are shunned by others for their differences."
"I see..." Kokonoe says, a finger to her chin in thought. Then she snaps her fingers together, having had a brilliant idea "Okay, I've got an idea for you; a bit of... inspiration, you could say."
Spectra was silent for a moment, considering her carefully "I'm listening..."
"If you care so much about the 'Other People', perhaps you should think of a way you can help them." Kokonoe says, and the prismatic Alicorn looks at her in surprise "I mean, you couldn't possibly treat them any worse than how they are normally treated, right?"
"I... yes, you're right!" Spectra says, standing up excitedly "I know exactly what I need to do now, and I have everything I need to do it; thank you, Professor, you have been truly helpful."
"No problem, Shiny." She says and begins walking offstage "Wait there a moment, I'm gonna get Luna back out here."
Spectra waited where he was patiently, until he eventually heard hoofsteps returning to the room. Then Luna entered, a calm expression on her face.
"Hello again, Spectra. Did you have a nice chat with Kokonoe?" She asks and Spectra nods.
"Yes, Aunt. She gave me a brilliant idea on what I needed to do to overcome my... issues." He says, and Luna beams at him.
"Splendid!" She says with a smile "Would you care to fill your favorite Aunt in on your idea?"
"I'm going to build a nightclub that is staffed by beings from the different races of the world and built upon foundations of respect and honor for that which is different." He replies and Luna stares at him in amazement.
"That is an ambitious project, Nephew, are you sure you will be able to see it through?" She asks and he nods.
"Yes, Aunt Luna, but I must depart now as time is of the essence." He replies, and he turns to leave "After all; Inspiration this great won't last long, I need to move quickly lest I forget it. Farewell, dear Aunt; give Celestia my regards!"
"Farewell, Spectra, I hope to see you again soon!" She says, waving goodbye to the prismatic Alicorn. Once he was gone, Luna sighs contentedly "He's such a nice colt."
"Yeah." Kokonoe say, poking her head in as the lights dim and the curtains fall, signifying the end of the broadcast "And he's got one hell of a flank; seriously I haven't seen an ass that sweet in years ... I wonder if he's into Beast-kin?"
Author's Note
Hey guys, ya miss me?
Anyway, this is an OC I came up with (apologies if he sounds like someone else's. Also, if you're upset that he's an Alicorn, I must ask you to get over it).
He will be making an appearance in a story I have just finished writing and that which is now in the "editing phase" before it gets uploaded to Fimfiction.
So there it is, thank you all for your support, I've got some nifty ideas for future installments in this series, with a really cool one for Pinkie that'll make you see her in a whole new light (maybe).
"Hey, don't spoil anything!"
Don't worry, Pinkie, I'm not gonna spoil it for them... but it is a really cool idea.
*ahem* Here's a little bit of info about Spectra.
Spectra is an Alicorn whose existence has been hidden, by his choice. He has gone to great lengths to ensure that all knowledge of him, apart from rumors and myths, are removed. He often travels disguised as a unicorn, placing an illusion upon his coat, mane, tail and eyes that removes the prismatic effect from them. The reason for all of this secrecy is that he is on a journey to find True Beauty; something, anything unmarred by the negativity that often afflicts the various cultures of the world.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the introduction of the first of several OCs I've come up with (though Spectra's not a main OC, he's more a background OC).
Tune in for the next episode!
*EDIT: Ugh, minor grammatical errors always manage to slip their way in... sometimes I seriously believe my keyboard hates me.
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 5: The Prancing Pink Party Pony
Help Me Out Here!! Princess Luna!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze, both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it and she is wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “I am known as Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”
Luna glances around for a moment before returning her attention to the front.
“Though we are not physically present in Equestria at this time; we are merely projecting our bedchambers in the Royal Canterlot Castle into the dreamscape.”
As if seeing this was met with confusion, she began to pace slowly in the room in a manner one would if giving a lecture, her head turned slightly to the front.
“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you please.”
She stops and faces forward.
“In all honesty, ‘tis a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals are unable to attain their true purpose in life; ‘tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
She begins to pace back slowly toward the center with a grimace on her face.
“If you are one of those fools who believes they do not require assistance, or who only wishes to discover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE !” She stated, ending with a slight exclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.
She sighs and faces forward again.
“Wayward foal of the night, I grant you entry.”
And with that, she trots over to the left side of the room and sits upon a cushion, facing the other side.
She waited patiently, but no pony trotted into the room from the other side. Luna glanced around in confusion briefly before giving a slight cough and turning her attention back to the other side.
"I said, 'wayward foal of the night, I grant you entry'." She called softly, with a warm smile on her face "Do not be afraid, my little pony, you are perfectly safe here."
Still nothing, so Luna stood and trotted quickly over to the other side and poked her head offstage.
"Hello?" She said, confusion in her voice "It's time for you to appear, please do not keep the audience waiting."
"Okay!" A bubbly voice chirped from behind Luna, causing her to jump straight into the air.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" She screamed in her flight, while the newcomer, a brilliantly pink pony with a poofy pink mane and tail began to roll around on the ground laughing hysterically.
After a moment, Luna landed back on her cushion, opposite of where she'd taken off from. Upon landing, she straightened her crown and breastplate, before giving a dainty cough and regarding the newcomer with a strained smile.
"W-welcome... dearest Pinkie Pie." She says calmly, though her left eye twitches slightly "'Tis... very good to... see, you again..."
"That's great, because it's great to be here, you have no idea how long I had to beg Hallowed to bring me here and it took an especially long time since he started that new story of his, but now that I'm here..." She said, her words shooting out of her mouth at a lethal velocity, before she took a deep breath... and her jubilant attitude vanished completely and her mane and tail styled themselves in a posh manner not unlike something Rarity would wear and when she spoke next, it was in an extremely cultured tone "I can finally take a moment of rest from that... atrocious personality. I hope this does not cause you any inconvenience, Your Majesty."
Luna's mouth had fallen open and her eyes threatened to break free from their sockets at how wide they were. Her mind, however, was struggling to understand just what it was she was seeing and hearing. After a moment of the two staring at each other, Luna remembered how to speak.
"Oh, um... yes, that is... quite alright, dearest Pinkie Pie." She replied in an astonished tone.
"Please, refer to me as 'Dianne' for the duration of this meeting, Your Highness. And that includes you as well, Mister Soul." Pin- I mean, Dianne, said and then sat up straight with her eyes closed and her muzzle in the air while clapping her front hooves together twice.
Two earth pony stallions rushed in, dressed like butlers, and placed a small table in front of Dianne before dashing off again and returning with a luxurious sofa, which Dianne promptly lay upon in a dignified fashion. They left once more and this time a unicorn stallion trotted calmly in, levitating a tray of tea and biscuits behind him. He unloaded the tray onto the table next to Dianne's sofa, filling one delicate tea cup with an exotic smelling tea. After preparing Dianne's tea, he turned his attention to Princess Luna.
"Would Her Majesty appreciate some tea?" He asked in a posh voice. Luna snapped out of her stupor fully and nodded regally before looking at Dianne.
"Very well, I shall call you 'Dianne' while you are here, though I ask that you just call me 'Luna'." She said with a gentle smile, though Dianne merely Spocked an eyebrow at her "I am not your Princess in this space, so we need not observe formalities."
"On the contrary, Your Majesty." Dianne replied, chuckling softly "I do not attain much opportunity to express my true nature; I doubt many of the other beep are even aware of this aspect of myself. I suppose the fault lays with me for being such an extraordinarily gifted actress. Regardless, I would appreciate your understanding my desire to observe formalities I must so often deny myself for the sake of an intriguing story."
Luna stared at Dianne carefully before nodding her assent just as the unicorn stallion finished preparing her cup. She nodded to him in appreciation, which he returned before trotting back to Dianne.
"Would My Lady require any other assistance?" He asked her, to which she put a hoof to her chin in thought.
"I do, but it is from Her Majesty that I require it." She replied, before waving her hoof dismissively "You may leave for now; I shall call for you when I am ready to depart."
"As you wish, My Lady." He replied with a deep bow. He turned to Luna and bowed again "'Tis a pleasure to serve you, Your Majesty. Please, enjoy the tea."
And with that, the unicorn left. Luna took a sip of her tea and blinked.
"This is quite good, Dianne." She said, taking another sip "Would you care to tell me where you purchased it?"
"It is called 'Pumpkin Spice Chai', a favorite of mine." Dianne replied calmly, sipping her own tea "I have this particular mixture imported from the east."
"Indeed? I believe I shall look into that when we are done here." Luna said, before setting her tea aside and adopting a business look "But let us not be distracted; you were brought here because you require advice, do you not?"
"Oh, that is quite alright, I am well aware of what I must do at any given moment." Dianne replied, with another dismissive wave of her hoof "I peruse the script ahead of time in preparation of my role. I do not require assistance, though I must express gratitude for the offer."
"Oh, um... you are most welcome... I think." Luna said, uncertain of how to proceed "If that is the case, then why are you here, Dianne?"
"To have a moment of rest from my role as the 'Element of Laughter'." Dianne replied, shrugging her shoulders "It can be rather tiresome being so energetic in every scene, but I would not be a professional if I were unable to bear the burden. That said, I do appreciate taking periods like this one to... break away from being 'Pinkie Pie' to just being 'Dianne'. My desire to address you formally, Your Majesty, is a method to remind myself of who my true personality is."
"I... see." Luna said hesitantly "But as loathe as I am to say this to you, Dianne, you cannot leave this place until you have received some form of advice from me."
"I do not mean offense, Your Highness, but those rules... do not quite apply to me." Dianne stated with a sly wink "You see, one of the many benefits of being the Element of Laughter is that I can come and go at my leisure. After all, did you not think it was odd that I appeared behind you earlier instead of entering in the traditional manner of your previous guests?"
"So then why have you not appeared before?"
Dianne sighed "That is the detriment of that particular ability; I require permission to enter into locations such as this. Normally, it is of no consequence to the beep, but in this instance Mister Soul was very reluctant to allow my presence. He only allowed me to appear under certain terms, namely omitting anything related to beeeeeep and it's beep !"
"Ah..." Luna replied, then coughed lightly "If that is the case, how long do you plan on staying, Dianne?"
"Oh, not too much longer. We must end this session soon, as my absence will be noticed in short order." Dianne said, shrugging again "After all, new ponies are arriving in Ponyville every second of every day and I have made a rather fantastic reputation for myself as the pony who throws a party for all of these new arrivals. All I wish to do at this point is finish my tea, if that is acceptable to you, Your Majesty?"
"Yes of course, that sounds most delightful." Luna replied casually and they fell into silence, broken only by the light sipping of tea and the chewing of biscuits.
Once they had both finished their tea, Dianne set her cup on the table and clapped her hooves together twice again and the unicorn stallion from before trotted calmly in, levitating his tray behind him once more. He levitated a napkin off the table, which was bright pink and embroidered with the three balloons that made Dianne's cutie mark, and dabbed lightly at Dianne's muzzle, which she held in the air in a posh manner with her eyes closed.
Once that was done, he began to levitate the china onto the tray, taking Luna's cup and offering to dab at her muzzle with a dark blue cloth embroidered with her own cutie mark, though she shook her head lightly at the offer. He did not protest and instead took the gather china with him offstage. Immediately after, the two earth pony stallions from before rushed in and took the table offstage, coming back for the sofa just as Dianne stepped lightly off of it.
"Well, it has been a delightful break from the daily grind of life, but alas, I must now return." Dianne said, bowing respectfully to Luna, who nodded in response "I do so hope we can have another one of these... tea parties, I suppose we should call it, in the near future."
"It has been a great pleasure to make your acquaintance, Dianne." Luna replied with a smile "Do take care and we should be seeing each other soon for one of our 'Dream Pranks'."
"Ah, yes, that reminds me." Dianne says, a whimsical grin on her face "Which tale would you care to use this time; Monster Hunter? Robin Hood: Men in Tights? Lost Kingdoms, perhaps? Or maybe Saints Row?"
"Let us decide that another day, Dianne, I can feel Hallowedsoul's Burning Gaze of Ire upon us."
Yes, of course, Your Majesty." Dianne said, then took a deep breath... and her mane and tail poofed out once more and Pinkie's smile dominated her face "Okie dokie lokie, Princess, see ya around! I'll be sure to bring you and Celestia some cupcakes later! I'm working on a new flavor y'know, I think it's gonna be fantabulously delicious!"
"I... look forward to it... dearest Pinkie Pie." Luna replied half-heartedly. It wasn't that Luna doubted the cupcakes would be anything but supremely delicious, it's just... they could be extremely odd combinations sometimes, plus she didn't want Tia gaining anymore weight; her sister was nearly finished working off the thousand years of cake she'd eaten in her absence.
Luna watched as the pink party pony pranced playfully offstage, when she heard a crash and her sister's voice cry out from behind her just as the curtains descended and the lights dimmed, signaling the end of the broadcast.
"By all that is holy, what did I just witness?!"
Author's Note
Hey there, pony fans! Been sitting on this one a little while, but haven't found much time write it, with all the work I'm doing on my other story and the fact that I just got back from near back-to-back trips to Dallas (I think my back still aches, augh).
Anyway, I'll post a new segment to this one as soon as I get a good idea for it. Enjoy!
P.S. Pinkamina Dianne Pie, we're going to have a chat about all the Meta knowledge I had to remove.
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Switching to First-Person view, Hallowedsoul is no longer in pony form
I sat at my desk, looking over the potential show ideas (namely who to bring on to it next). I sighed and looked around at my plain, windowless but spacious office. For whatever reason, there was a poster hanging on my wall that said 'Hang in there!' in cheery letters, but instead of your typical kitten hanging from a limb it was... Pinkie Pie hanging from a limb with a huge grin on her face.
"I really need a new office." I mutter darkly.
"Maybe you should ask the Princess for a raise in your cupcake allowance!" The Pinkie on the poster replied.
"How will cupcakes get me a new office?" I ask her and she giggles at me.
"It won't but you'll feel loads better if you had more cupcakes!"
I groaned and thought miserably 'That or I'll get fat and lose my feet to diabetes... '
At that moment, there was a knock at my door.
"Come in." I called out and the door opened to admit Princess Luna "Ah, hello Princess. Here to torture me by bringing me on the show again?"
"No, that was just a one time thing." She replies and sits on a cushion in front of my desk "I was actually wondering if you had some new ideas for the show; our fans are expecting a new episode soon and we wouldn't want to disappoint."
"That's just it, though." I sigh heavily "I don't have any ideas and I can't keep throwing the Elements of Harmony out there. I need some filler stuff; do any of the other citizens have problems you are aware of? Maybe... Vinyl Scratch?"
I give Luna a hopeful grin but she shakes her head sadly, dashing my hopes for a chance to work the famous DJ into the show.
"Sadly, there are none that I can find." She replies sorrowfully "And Vinyl Scratch does not keep a regular sleep schedule for me to check on her dreams."
"Damn." I say and lean back in my chair, putting my hands on my face "I was really hoping to catch her at some point."
There was another knock at my door.
"Come in."
It opens and Professor Kokonoe pokes her head in, a wicked grin on her face.
"So... no new ideas, huh?" She asks and I glare darkly at her "Well then, I have some good news and some bad news."
"Let's start with the veggies, get 'em out of the way now." I reply, giving her a serious look.
"I can't help you with your problem."
"What else is new?" I deadpanned "Alright, let's dig into dessert; whatcha got for us?"
"Well, I had my radio on when I was working in the lab and I had it moved out into the Boundary... y'know, for privacy, when it picked up this really strange transmission." She said, her grin widening "After listening to it for a little while, I managed to secure contact information for the station and I rang 'em up. We talked for a few minutes and they decided to send someone over to check us out."
"Okay... where's the rep?" I ask her, and her grin manages to widen even more.
"She's right behind me." Kokonoe says as she pushes the door open fully and steps aside to allow the person behind her in, while Luna and I's mouths drop to the floor and our eyes widen considerably as the rep walks forward, her arms swinging and her hips swaying to some beat only she could hear.
She stops and gives us a picturesque smile full of shiny white teeth.
"Hey there, space cats! Mind if I ask you a few questions about your operation?"
...
...
...
...
"Kokonoe. I'm going to kill you... that's off the record, just to be clear."
Author's Note
Alright, so I had this brilliant idea and I'm gonna try and work it into my next chapter.
Free cupcakes to the person who figures out what it is.
...
That was just shameless, Pinkie.
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 6: The Ice Crystal Pony
The curtains rise to reveal a messy lab that contained several computer screens, a large, fluid filled cylinder, and a desk almost completely consumed by brightly colored packages, some important-looking papers… and an open bag of potato chips.
A spotlight turns on, revealing a humanoid female with long pink hair that had been tied into a large ponytail save her bangs and also partially styled to appear as overly large “ears”, despite the pink-furred cat-like ones directly in front of them and she also had amber cat’s eyes. She wore a strange coat that looked similar to the ones doctors wear, except this one had long sleeves that ended in comically over-sized cat’s paws with several large slit-like openings at the ends of each and was partly undone in the middle, showing a fairly immodest amount of her midriff, a pair of red Capri pants that were held up by an overlarge black leather belt with a bell on it and had an opening on the back to allow her two-pronged tail to go through, and a pair of white, slip-on shoes on her feet and glasses on her face, standing in the center. She stares straight ahead and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, lost children.” the woman began soothingly.
“I am Professor Kokonoe, genius scientist and ruler of the Sector Seven laboratory.” She continued, then glanced around “…Well, okay, we aren’t in the lab at the moment. This place can sort of be temporarily moved into the Boundary.”
As if this was met with confusion, she began to pace back and forth on stage slowly, as one would if giving a lecture.
“Well, simply put, it’s a mysterious room. A room where you can do anything you want.”
She turned and stared ahead again, a serious look on her face.
“To be honest, it’s a paradise for all those sad, little lost children who couldn’t make it to the true ending. A sort of ‘Avalon’.”
She paced back to her original spot on stage, a slightly annoyed look on her face.
“If you’re one of those nutbars who’s all like ‘I don’t need help’ or ‘I only wanna unlock hidden stuff’ or ‘I’ll just look for a flowchart online,’ then you can piss off!” she exclaimed, pointing sharply off stage.
She looked straight ahead once more and sighed in resignation.
“Very well. Lost child of the day… you may enter.”
The spotlight dims and Kokonoe walks over to the desk and turns to face the other side of the room. After a moment, the lights come back on and Kokonoe gives a sigh.
“Looks like I lucked out, it’s gonna be a slow day. Maybe Luna wouldn’t mind if I ended the show early just this once…” she said to herself but after a short pause, she burst out laughing.
“Like there’s anything she can do about it, she’s not here today, right Lambda?” she said in-between gasps of air as a light flashed next to her, revealing a young, blonde girl wearing a grey skin-tight body suit with metallic thigh-high boots that whirred and a metallic visor with antenna and a red “eye” in the center and she had several blades floating in the air behind her in a wing-like pattern.
“Affirmative, Professor. Princess Luna has taken a personal day and requested that you host today’s-“ but Lambda was interrupted by the sound of music coming from behind them, as well as a feminine voice calling out:
Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show!
Almost immediately a young woman with pink hair style in pig-tails, wearing a micro skirt and tight-fitting shirt with a blue five in a blue circle that revealed most of her midriff and plenty of leg, white knee-high boots, white elbow-length gloves, a white headset, and what appeared to be a jetpack on her back, came sauntering into the lab, her arms swinging and her hips swaying in time with the music. She was followed closely by some kind of floating robot that flew around her, filming her every step.
“Hey there, space cats!” she said into a microphone she was holding “This is Ulala, reporting live from a mysterious place called the “Boundary”, where some kind of really weird help show has been set-up for people who’ve failed in some way, shape or form!”
She turned towards Lambda and Kokonoe (who had a very grumpy look on her face) and smiled brightly.
“Well, it looks like the hosts of the show are on set today! Why don’t you two introduce yourselves to our groovy viewers out there!” she said, holding her mic out to Lambda, who merely looked at the device, and then back at Ulala.
“...Request acknowledged. This Murakumo unit has been designated as ‘Lambda Eleven’ by Professor Kokonoe.” Lambda replied robotically.
“It’s totally cool to meet you, Lambda Eleven!” Ulala said cheerfully into her mic “Is it alright if I just called you ‘Lambda’?”
“…Affirmative.”
“Awesome! Maybe you can tell the viewers a little bit about yourself, Lambda?”
“…Request denied.”
“What’s wrong, are you shy, Lambda?” Ulala asks, her smile never fading. Lambda merely stares at her.
“…”
“O-kay!” Kokonoe exclaims, trying to keep Ulala from pestering Lambda too much “So, what brings Space Channel 5 on to my set today, Ulala?”
Ulala turns toward Kokonoe and gives her another picturesque smile.
“Well, we all wanted to see what happens on the set of ‘Assist me!! Princess Luna!’ so I figured I’d come sit in on a session with you, Professor! It’s just too bad the Princess, herself, couldn’t be here with us today!” Ulala responds cheerfully. Kokonoe gave a sigh and started to tell her that she couldn’t be in there when someone else was, but Lambda suddenly perked up and jerked her head toward the other side of the room.
“Energy spike detected, Professor.” Lambda reported, but when Kokonoe and Ulala glanced over where she was looking, the door didn’t open.
“What the hell…?” Kokonoe murmured, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“Uh-oh, space cats, it appears our friend Lambda is picking up some kind of energy signature, but nothing seems to be coming out!” Ulala reported into her mic, and then she shivered slightly “And is it just me or is it starting to get really cold in here?”
“It’s not just you, Ulala… Lambda, status report!” Kokonoe commanded and Lambda’s red eye froze as she scanned the room, before finally looking back at the beastkin.
“Scanners indicate that internal room temperature is at fifteen degrees Celsius and falling rapidly, Professor.” Lambda replied and Kokonoe stared at her.
“What the hell?! This room isn’t designed to become a freezer!” Kokonoe exclaimed and pulled a phone out of her sleeve “Tager, come in Tager!” she glanced at the phone screen and groaned “Why do these things never have a damn signal when you need them too?!”
“It looks like w-we’re in t-trouble here, everyb-body! I-it’s s-starting to g-get really c-cold in here a-and…” Ulala said through chattering teeth, but her eyes narrowed and she touched Kokonoe’s shoulder and pointed “P-Professor, w-what’s that over th-there?”
Kokonoe looked at Ulala and then where she was pointing and her jaw dropped.
Directly in front of the tank full of a, now-frozen, substance was a circle of ice that rapidly began climbing to the ceiling from the floor, stopping once it had done so and immediately frosted over.
“Professor.” Lambda said, completely oblivious to the cold “Scanners indicate that the room temperature has stabilized and is now beginning to return to normal… currently at minus five degrees Celsius and rising.”
Ulala looked at the android, surprised.
“Wait, are you saying it’s over now and we’re not going to freeze to death?” she asked Lambda, who nodded.
“Affirmative.”
Ulala gave a sigh of relief just as they all heard a click and suddenly heat began pouring into the room. Kokonoe, however, strode over to the column of ice and looked at it.
“Lambda, get over here.” She said and the android immediately hovered over to her “I need you to run a scan on this ice for me.”
“Command acknowledged, initiating scan, please wait a moment.” She replied and then her eye disappeared entirely for a moment before reappearing and focusing on Kokonoe “I have completed my scan, Professor.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Give it to me, Lambda.” Kokonoe commanded.
“Command acknowledged. Scans indicate that the energy source detected earlier is now radiating from within this structure, Professor.”
Kokonoe rapped on the ice as she thought it over. Ulala merely strode over, her music playing once more.
“Alright, space cats! Sorry for the interrupted newscast, we nearly got turned into popsicles but don’t you worry, everything’s groovy now and it looks like our guest has arrived!” she exclaimed in to the mic as she struck a pose, pointing at the ice.
“Whoa, hold on. You’re saying there’s somebody inside this thing?” Kokonoe asked and Ulala nodded, smiling brightly. Kokonoe turned to Lambda.
“Affirmative, Professor, bio-scanners indicate living tissue and a heartbeat within the structure.”
Kokonoe gaped at the android.
“A heartbeat ?! Are your scanners on the fritz again, Lambda?” she asked and Lambda’s eye disappeared for a moment before reappearing again.
“Scanning... diagnostics indicate that all systems are nominal, Professor.” She replied and Kokonoe sighed just as Tager walked in.
“Kokonoe, I detected that the temperature in here fell to dangerous levels, but I couldn’t get in so I turned on the heaters. Are you, Lambda and Miss Ulala alright?” he asked and Kokonoe nodded.
“Yep, we’re all okay in here! Thanks for the rescue, big guy!” Ulala exclaimed, winking at Tager, who scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.
“Yes yes, now that we’re done with the e-peen stroking, can you get whoever’s in this giant popsicle out, Tager?” Kokonoe asked with a huff.
“I suppose I could try.” He replied “I’ll have to be careful, though, I don’t want to hurt- Kokonoe, Miss Ulala, get back!“he exclaimed and immediately grabbed the two, pulling them away from the pillar just as Lambda assumed some kind of battle stance.
“Energy spike detected, initiating Defensive Subroutine.”
“Something’s happening with the pillar! This is turning out to be one groovy trip, space cats!” Ulala exclaimed into her mic and Kokonoe gave her a deadpan stare.
“Groovy for who..?” she muttered as she returned her gaze to the pillar as the frost on it began to fade, revealing a pony held captive within it, curled up in a fetal position “Is that a pony?”
Tager hesitated for a moment before apprehensively reaching his hand out to touch the ice. Before he could touch it, however, the pony’s eyes snapped open, causing all but Lambda to jump back.
“Motion detected, permission to terminate?”
“No Lambda, but stand by just in case.” Kokonoe replied as she stepped in front of Tager.
“Kokonoe, stay behind me!” he protested, but Kokonoe merely shot him a glare and continued forward.
Once she was close to the ice, the pony inside, who was female if the slight body was any guess, looked her in the eyes, suspicion clear on her face.
“Can you hear me?” Kokonoe asked and the mare nodded hesitantly “Okay, good. You need some help getting out of that ice? We’ve got medical supplies and stuff to help you warm up.”
The mare in the ice looked around contemplatively before uncurling and stepping forward. Kokonoe took a step back and watched in amazement as the pony stepped through the ice as if it was just water and she was able to get a good look at the newcomer.
Her coat was an icy light-blue color and her mane and tail were a navy blue while her eyes were a cold silver color, almost like steel and her cutie mark was of a sparkling snowflake. Her mane was long and styled to part over both sides of her muzzle, being held together near the ends by some kind of large, blue orb beads and her tail, while not parted, also had one of the beads on it near the end. There was a navy blue spot on her forehead, directly between her eyes, which had something of a cold edge to them. Finally, her entire body seemed to glint and shimmer like a well-cut jewel and gave her the impression of being made from diamonds and sapphires. She looked around at her surroundings again.
“Where am I?” she asked in a dignified and accented voice “This is not the Crystal Empire or, at least, it is no part of the Crystal Empire that I know of.”
Ulala was first to act, immediately jumping in front of Kokonoe.
“Hey there newcomer, and welcome to ‘Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show’!” she exclaimed happily, giving the pony a bright smile “I’m the host, Ulala from Space Channel 5! What’s your name?”
The pony took a startled step back, then composed herself.
“My name is Diamond Dust, I am the Envoy of Water.” She replied, giving Ulala a stern glare “Where am I?”
“You didn’t hear my whole monologue at the start?” Kokonoe asks and Diamond Dust shakes her head “Eh, I don’t blame ya; it was, like, six pages ago so I’ll go ahead and recap for you.” She clears her throat “Mysterious room, sad little lost children, Avalon, nutbars, flowchart, piss off. You get all that?”
“Umm… I’m sorry?”
“Ugh, are all you damn ponies so dense?! *sigh* We’re kinda, sorta in the Boundary, Diamond Dust. Rules, Character traits, the Fourth Wall? None of that shit applies here and since you’re in this room, it must mean you need my help for… something or another.” Kokonoe’s eyes suddenly lit up “Hey, you just said you were some kind of Envoy right?”
“Yes, I am the Envoy of Water.” Diamond Dust replied, a bored look on her muzzle.
“That must mean you’re some kind of heroine from another story, which also means you messed up somewhere and now you need my guidance to get back on track!” Kokonoe said excitedly.
Diamond Dust was silent for a moment.
“Excuse me?”
Tager cleared his throat and the crystal pony looked at him.
“She means to say that you’re now on the ‘wildly popular’ advice show, ‘Assist me!! Princess Luna!’, Miss Diamond Dust, although the Princess is currently out right now.” He told her and the pony smiled at him.
“Thank you, Mister…”
“Tager, please.”
“Yes, of course. Thank you, Mister Tager. At least somepony in this room remembers their manners.” She said.
“Yeah, yeah, enough of the nice crap already, ROLL THE INTRO BOARD!” Kokonoe yelled and Lambda began to move.
“Command acknowledged, initiating subroutine ‘Showtime’.”
At that, she disappeared and the lights dimmed with a board dropping into place in front of the camera and Diamond Dust’s voice saying
I DO NOT NEED YOUR AID!! PROFESSOR KOKONOE!
The board lifted up and the lights returned. Tager had moved off-stage, leaving just Kokonoe and Ulala, with an annoyed look on the former and a confused look on the latter.
“We’ve had an unusual development, everybody! The guest just said she didn’t need help! Why is she on an advice show if she doesn’t actually need advice? Let’s watch and see how this turn of events unfolds, space cats!” she said in to her mic as her drone hovered over towards Diamond Dust while Kokonoe shot Ulala an annoyed look for having spoken first.
“Look Sparkly, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need my help and you can’t leave until I have given you my advice. That’s the one and only rule.” Kokonoe said sternly, but Diamond Dust merely gave her a deadpan stare.
“I do not need your help ‘Professor’ so I shall be taking my leave of this place.” And she turned and trotted to the door, opening it easily. Kokonoe and Ulala’s jaws dropped and the only sound that could be heard was the whir made by Ulala’s camera drone, who was also watching what had happened. They stayed this way even as the curtains fell and the lights dimmed, signaling the end of the broadcast.
Five minutes later, Kokonoe slams open the door to Hallowedsoul’s office and he jumps in his chair at the sudden noise.
“What the hell, Kokonoe?!” he cries but she merely jabs her finger at him.
“That’s my goddamn question! We just had a pony appear on-stage inside of an ice pillar, which is still there mind you, and left without me giving her any damn advice whatsoever!” Kokonoe replied, to which Hallowedsoul merely arched an eyebrow in confusion.
“She appeared… on set… during show time?”
“Yes.”
“And she left?”
“Yep.”
“Without getting any advice at all?”
Kokonoe glared at him.
“You want me to write it down for you, too? Yes , she just walked right out without getting any-“She was interrupted by a knock at the door and her, Hallowedsoul, and the Pinkie Pie in the poster looked at it as Ulala sauntered in with Diamond Dust behind her.
“Hey, boss cat, I ran into Diamond Dust as I was coming up here so I told her she could follow me.” Ulala said and the pony looked away, blushing.
“I am not lost, I merely cannot get out of here. You do not appear to have an exit.” She said, not looking at Hallowedsoul or Kokonoe.
“Wait you said she left through the door, right Kokonoe?” Soul asked and Kokonoe nodded, looking at the crystal pony.
“Yeah, she should’ve just returned to the moment when she made the decision that brought her here.” Kokonoe replied.
“But she didn’t walk in through the door, did she?”
Kokonoe looked at Hallowedsoul confused for a moment before it hit her.
“Shit… she didn’t get in the right way so she can’t leave the right way either.” Kokonoe said astutely and Soul nodded.
“So we send her back the way she got in, easy.” He said, but Ulala raised her hand.
“Umm, if I could put my two credits in, Mister Boss-man?” she asked.
“What’s up, babe?” he replied.
“The ice pillar that Diamond Dust came out of kinda… shattered, after she left.” Ulala said and Kokonoe groaned.
“Dammit, so she’s stuck here huh? Wonder how long that’s gonna be for.” Kokonoe deadpanned, but she noticed that Hallowedsoul looked thoughtful “Okay, Bright-light, what’s going through that head of yours?”
“I think it’s not that Diamond Dust can’t leave, it’s that she can’t leave just yet .” He replied and the crystal pony perked up at this.
“Whatever do you mean?” she asked and Soul looked at her.
“You’re a Crystal Pony, yes?” she nodded “Well, just before Celestia and Luna defeated King Sombra, he cast a curse on the Crystal Empire that phased it out of time for a thousand years.” He said.
“Wow, one thousand years ?” Ulala asked “That’s a pretty epic wait. I don’t even wanna know what I’d look like in a thousand years…”
Kokonoe sighed at this.
“She won’t be waiting nearly that long, Ulala. This place exists in-between worlds, so the normal rules of time and space don’t really apply here.”
Diamond Dust looked thoughtfully at Kokonoe.
“So that means I could leave at any moment, Professor?” she asks, but Kokonoe shakes her head.
“No, Diamond Dust, you’ll go back when your world calls you back and that could be days, weeks, maybe even months from now. The hell if I know when it’ll happen, just that it’ll eventually happen.”
Diamond Dust looked down at the floor forlornly.
“Hey, don’t worry. I set up some temporary housing just in case. This isn’t my first rodeo, y’ know.” Kokonoe said.
“And we can set you up as Luna’s assistant so that you have something to do around here that isn’t just sitting around.” Hallowedsoul chipped in.
“And I’ll bring you cupcakes every day !” finished the Pinkie Pie on the poster, though she spread her arms and accidentally let go of the branch, falling out of sight.
There was a moment of silence as Ulala stared at the poster while Hallowedsoul wrote something down on the papers in front of him.
“Uh… did that poster just talk?” She asks.
“What poster?” Hallowedsoul and Kokonoe reply immediately without looking at her,
Author's Note
Finally, the next chapter! Thanks to my brother for writing this one out.
Diamond Dust is a unique OC I have planned to appear in a future story (it's the one I've dropped a couple of sneaks at, but haven't actually shown anything concrete).
I'm not gonna describe her powers or what 'Envoy of Water' means, however I may make a blog post detailing the concept behind this story I'm working on.
Anyway, enjoy this new chapter and keep your eyes peeled for the next one; you never know when it's gonna hit!
See ya, space cats!
View Online
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 7: The Kind But Shy Pony... If That's Alright With You.
Please Help Me... Princess Luna! (You don't have to if you don't want to...)
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze, both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it, and she is also wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She begins soothingly “I am known as Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”
Luna glances around for a moment before returning her attention to the front.
“Though we are not physically present in Equestria at this time; we are merely projecting our bedchambers in the Royal Canterlot Castle into the dreamscape.”
As if seeing this was met with confusion, she began to pace slowly in the room in a manner one would if giving a lecture, her head turned slightly to the front.
“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you please.”
She stops and faces forward.
“In all honesty, ‘tis a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals are unable to attain their true purpose in life; ‘tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
She begins to pace back slowly toward the center with a grimace on her face.
“If you are one of those fools who believes they do not require assistance, or who only wishes to discover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE !” She stated, ending with a slight exclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.
She sighs and faces forward again.
“Wayward foal of the night, I grant you entry.”
And with that, she trots over to the left side of the room and sits upon a cushion, facing the other side. A butter yellow Pegasus with a light pink mane and tail trotted in, saw Princess Luna, gave a startled squeak and began to back away quickly.
"Oh no, Nightmare Moon! I-I-I don't have any candy, I'm sorry! If you let me go, I'll go straight to Bon Bon's and get some!" The Pegasus squeaked in terror, attempting to hide behind her mane the entire time.
Luna wasn't going to pretend she heard anything the Pegasus had said, instead glancing to her right with a deadpan stare that suggested she was rather tired of this. However, she coughed into one hoof and turned a warm smile to the terrified Pegasus, who'd made it to the curtain only to be pushed back out by a glittering icy-blue hoof.
"Dear Fluttershy, you need not be afraid of me here." Luna said sweetly, attempting to calm her down "I promise nothing will happen to you here."
"You're not going to eat me?" Fluttershy squeaked.
"Um... could you repeat that, dear Fluttershy, I'm afraid I did not quite catch it." Luna said, a strained smile on her face.
"Oh, umm... you're not going to eat me?" Fluttershy squeaked again, only slightly louder and Luna gave an exasperated sigh and turned her to head to look behind her.
"Miss Dust, could you bring me a microphone, please?" She asked and after a moment, the glittering icy-blue hoof reappeared on Luna's side of the room holding a small device, which Luna took in her magic "Thank you, Miss Dust."
She levitated the device over to Fluttershy, who was cowering on the ground and trying to hide behind her mane as Luna magically clipped the device to her mane just in front of her muzzle.
"Okay, would you care to repeat what you have said, dear Fluttershy?" Luna asked sweetly again "I believe we should be able to hear you this time."
"O-okay. You're not going to eat me?" Fluttershy asked once more and this time Luna gave a warm chuckle.
"Of course not, dear Fluttershy." Luna replied with a warm smile "You are here because you need help with something. Do you mind telling me what it was you did before going to bed?"
"O-okay." Fluttershy said and looked up slightly at Luna "I-I was out in the market t-t-to buy some ingredients for a dish that Angel wanted, b-but I wasn't able to get the last item; a cherry to go on top. My friends wouldn't let me buy it at the price the merchant was asking for."
"I see." Luna nodded sagely, a pair of reading glasses on her muzzle and a notebook and pen floating in her magical grasp "And for what reason would they not allow that action?"
"They, um... they told me I need to be more assertive." Fluttershy replied quietly.
"And why would they say that?"
"Oh, um... it's because the entire time I was shopping, I would let other ponies ahead of me and also pay whatever prices the merchants set for their goods. I mean, they did work extra hard to grow it so I guess it's reasonable to set their own prices..." Fluttershy said and Luna looked at her over the rim of her glasses.
"But were the merchants' prices reasonable?" Luna asked.
"Not really, but I was okay with it." Fluttershy replied, looking away from Luna with a light blush on her face.
Luna sighed and stared at the butter yellow Pegasus a moment, trying to come up with something helpful to tell her, but ultimately came to the conclusion that she would have to be slightly harsh to the timid pony.
"Very well, I have come to a conclusion, dear Fluttershy." She said and fixed the Pegasus with a piercing stare "You are, unfortunately, a doormat."
Judging by the fact that Fluttershy merely hunched lower in an attempt to melt into the floor, Luna assumed she had been told as much by the other Elements.
"You simply cannot continue to allow other ponies to bully you around." Luna continued, setting aside her glasses, pen and paper "Being kind does not mean you have to be weak. If anything, Kindness is a far greater weapon than any sword I have seen. Have your friends given you any recommendations on how you can be more assertive?"
"Well, Rarity and Pinkie Pie tried to teach me some of their tricks, but it didn't work out so well for me..." Fluttershy replied, but then her ears stood straight up as she remembered something "Although... I did receive a pamphlet earlier talking about an assertiveness seminar being held by a minotaur called 'Iron Will'. I was going to go to it after taking a small nap."
"Hmm..." Luna said, a hoof up to her muzzle in thought "I do not believe trying to use somepony else's methods of assertiveness are going to produce the results you desire, but getting different views on the matter certainly helps. Very well, I have some advice for you, dear Fluttershy, would you care to hear it?"
"Um... do I have a choice?" Fluttershy asked and Luna gave her a sweet smile.
"Not particularly." She replied "Fluttershy, the key to assertiveness is to put your hoof down when another attempts to cross a line with you. As I have said, being kind does not equal being weak; there is a way you can be kind while being firm in your decision."
"Do you mind telling me, I mean, if that's okay with you..." Fluttershy asked quietly as the device was wrapped in a midnight blue aura and unclipped from her mane, levitating back over to Luna's side of the room and past the Alicorn into the waiting glittering icy-blue hoof of Diamond Dust who continued to remain largely unseen.
"I am afraid that I cannot." Luna replied sadly, shaking her head "It is something you must discover for yourself."
"Oh... okay then." Fluttershy said and began to back away again "Goodbye, Princess."
"Farewell, dear Fluttershy." Luna replied with a smile as Fluttershy disappeared behind the curtain on the side. There was a moment of silence, followed by the sound of a knob being fiddled with but not a door opening.
"Oh... I'm not sure how to open this door." Fluttershy's quiet voice came from off-stage "This handle does not appear to work."
"Miss Dust, could you please help Fluttershy with the door?" Luna called out with a sigh as the curtains fell and the lights dimmed, signifying the end of the broadcast "And who's brilliant idea was it to use doors that are not pony-friendly?!"
Author's Note
Guess who's back... back again... Luna's back... tell a friend!
Okay, just kidding, here's a special Fluttershy chapter for you, I hope you enjoy it! And thankfully, there's no non-pony characters to this one either; no Kokonoe or Lambda or Tager or Ulala (though don't count them out; if I can turn a giggly situation into Pinkie Pie-level hilarious, then you bet I'm gonna do it. That's what this story is about after all!)
Take care, and stay tuned for my next chapter!
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 8: The Filly Crusaders (Kawaii Edition)
Help us!! Princess Woona!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on a tiny equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a light blue mane and tail and wearing what appears to be tiny regalia including an onyx tiara and neckpiece and silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and gives a big smile.
“Hi, lost foals! My name is Princess Luna!” She chirps excitedly, pronouncing her name as ‘Pwincess Woona’, though she pauses and looks off to the side with a concerned expression on her face “Wait, if the foals are lost, wouldn’t their mommies and daddies be looking for them, Miss Dust?”
“I have told you this before; they are not usually foals, at least, not foals young enough to be concerned about. And besides, we are in the Dreamscape, so they are not lost to begin with. They are all sleeping safely in their beds where their ‘mommies and daddies’ can find them.” A calm voice replied and a mare with a glittery ice-blue coat and navy blue mane and tail trotted out and sat on her haunches next to Woona, an extremely unamused expression on her face.
“Dreamscape? What’s that?” Woona asked in an adorably curious voice while Diamond Dust sighed.
‘Damn them all to Tartarus for thinking this was a good idea… ’ Diamond Dust thought irritably ‘And damn them to Tartarus again for leaving me in charge of the bloody foal! ’
“You shall understand when you are older, your Highness.” She said in a calm voice. Woona gave a “Hmph!” and looked away while sitting on her haunches and crossing her fore-legs over her chest with an adorably irritated expression that included puffy cheeks.
“Grown-ups say that about everything.” She huffed and then stamped her tiny hooves on the floor “I hate being little!”
“Your Highness, if I may be so bold, you would not understand now even if I took the time to explain it to you.” Diamond Dust stated calmly “But we are getting off track; it is time for you to admit your guest into the room.”
“I don’t wanna!” The tiny princess proclaimed, turning her nose to the air and her handler sighed “I wanna go play with Celly!”
“Your Highness-” Diamond Dust began but Woona interrupted her.
“I hate that name, stop calling me that!” She exclaimed “I hate being here, I wanna go home!”
And thus the little princess flew into a rant of everything she hated and wanted to do instead while Diamond Dust’s left eye began to twitch in irritation and she began to grind her teeth together with her mouth developing a nasty scowl until she finally couldn’t take it anymore.
“Enough, you insufferable little brat!” She roared angrily and the filly froze on the spot, her eyes wide in fear “Do you believe I desire to be here any more than you do?! Do you believe I would not rather be in my own home, doing what I desire and partaking of my favorite treats?! Well allow me to clarify what I want; I want to go home, I want to see my family and I want to be finished with you, so the sooner you admit our next guest in and grant them whatever aid they require, the sooner we can be done with each other and go our separate ways! Am I clear?!”
Woona stared up at Diamond Dust for a long moment, then her eyes began to water and her lower lip began to quiver. Diamond Dust hung her head and groaned just as the tiny princess began wailing loudly. There was the sound of a door opening behind her followed by the clopping of hooves drawing ever closer.
“What is going on out here?” A pony with a pale coat and a flowing silvery mane and tail said as he trotted in, then saw the crying filly on the ground and shot Diamond Dust a severe glare as he trotted over to Woona and sat down next to her, drawing the little princess into a hug “Dang it, Dia, what did you do?! Shh, it’s alright, I’ll protect you from the mean mare, Luna.”
“She… *sniff* she yelled at me.” Woona said, sobbing into the newcomer’s chest “I wanna go home!”
“I know you do, honey, but we’ve got some special guests today and they need your help.” He cooed softly to her, stroking her mane gently “Won’t you stay and help them? I promise to take you home after that.”
“*sniff*Can I have some cookies?” The filly asked and the newcomer chuckled.
“Sure you can, Luna. You can have as many cookies as you want.” He replied with a warm smile “Now let’s wipe those tears away; you don’t want our guests thinking you’re a great big cry-filly, do you?”
“Nuh-uh!” Woona chirped happily and they laughed as the newcomer wiped her eyes dry with a cloth he’d pulled from somewhere. Then he turned a stern gaze to the crystal pony.
“Diamond Dust, go wait in my office. We’re going to talk once we’re finished out here.” He stated flatly and the crystal pony nodded and trotted away. Then he turned a warm smile to the filly “Okay, Luna. Call them in.”
“Okay! Lost foal of the night, you may enter!”
And with that, three fillies trotted in. One was a white unicorn with a perfectly styled pastel purple mane and tail, the second was an orange pegasus with a plum colored mane and tail and the third was a yellow earth pony with a bright red mane and tail wearing a large pink bow.
“What the… what am Ah doin’ here?” The yellow filly asked, then turned and saw the other two standing next to her “Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, what’re y’all doin’ in mah dream?”
“Your dream?! Last I checked this was my dream, which means you’re out of place here!” The orange pegasus retorted hotly and she and the yellow filly butted heads together while growling.
“Ugh, I can’t even escape their arguing by sleeping now…” The white unicorn grumbled to herself.
“Oh, new friends!” Woona exclaimed, bouncing up and down “Can I play with them, Hallowed, canIcanIcanI?!”
“No you can’t, Luna. They’re here for your help, remember?” He replied and the little princess stopped bouncing and glanced at the ground forlornly “But there’s nothing that says you can’t be their friend while they’re here.” He added and Woona beamed at him before giving him a fierce hug.
“Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” She exclaimed then turned to the other fillies and gave a small cough “Welcome, little fillies. How can I help you today?”
“Who’re you calling a filly?” The orange pegasus replied incredulously “And for that matter, who’re you calling ‘little’; you’re smaller than any of us!”
“Scootaloo, be nice!” The unicorn stated “She just wants to help!”
“Oh… sorry.” The orange pegasus said, then smiled at Woona “I’m Scootaloo!”
“An’ Ah’m Applebloom, pleasure ta meet ya!” The yellow filly exclaimed.
“And I’m Sweetie Belle.” The unicorn said with a curtsy.
“Hi, I’m Princess Luna!” Woona chirped with a small bounce and the three fillies stared at her in confusion.
“Uh, what?” Scootaloo asked.
“I said my name is Princess Luna.” Woona said again, not understanding that her manner of speech was what was throwing them off.
“She’s saying her name is Princess Luna.” Hallowed said when the three fillies still had blank looks on their face, though now they stared at him incredulously “What?”
“Princess Luna? As in, the Princess Luna?” Scootaloo asked and Hallowed nodded.
“Yes.”
“The Princess Luna who raises the moon each night and guards the dreams of every pony in Equestria.” Scootaloo added and Hallowed nodded again.
“That’s the one.” He said, though Woona looked up at him with intensely adorable curiosity.
“I can really do all that?” She asked.
“Oh, um… not yet, honey, you will when you’re older.” He replied sheepishly, which caused the tiny princess to cross her fore-legs over her chest again in an adorable pout.
“Grown-ups are all the same.” She huffed and Hallowed sighed; he was going to have to get her lots of cookies to make up for this one.
“You can’t seriously expect us to believe she’s the great Moon Princess of Equestria.” Scootaloo stated.
“Why not?” Hallowed asked her.
“Because she’s a blank-flank and I know for a fact that Princess Luna has a cutie mark of a crescent moon and a star on a black background!” Scootaloo exclaimed, which caused Woona to narrow her eyes at her.
“I don’t like her, she’s mean.” The tiny princess said and Hallowed sighed again.
“Then just call her ‘Woona’ for the time being, okay?” He said the three fillies looked at each other for a moment before nodding and looking back.
“Okay. Woona, would you care to tell us how we can leave here?” Sweetie Belle asked and Woona looked at Hallowed, her head tilted sideways in curiosity.
“Well, you can’t leave until Luna gives you some advice.” He replied casually.
“Well, Ah don’t know what Ah need any advice on right now.” Applebloom said glumly.
“Neither do I.” Scootaloo piped in “Unless you wanna tell us how we can get our cutie-marks.”
“Hmm, maybe we can.” Hallowed replied, giving the three fillies a smile “Why don’t you tell us a little bit about that.”
“Okay, well, you know how cutie-marks are a sign of a pony’s special talent right?” Sweetie Belle asked and Hallowed nodded “Well, none of us have ours yet.”
“An’ we’re tired a’ waitin’ fer ours!” Applebloom added.
“Yeah, so we formed a group that’s all about finding our cutie-marks.” Scootaloo added as well “It’s just the three of us right now, but together we’re…”
Hallowed placed his hooves over Woona’s ears as the three fillies drew in a deep breath while wishing he’d remembered to bring some earplugs for himself.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAY!”
“Ow…” Hallowed groaned when his hearing finally returned, though Woona didn’t understand why he’d covered her ears “Okay, and why don’t you tell us what you do on your… ‘Crusades’, I suppose.”
“Oh! We do all sorts a’ neat stuff!” Applebloom exclaimed.
“Yeah, but none of its worked so far, like we’ve tried baking and bowling and zip-lining and animal herding…” Scootaloo said, listing off increasingly absurd feats, over half of which Hallowed was pretty sure either weren’t physically possible or far too dangerous to be undertaken by little fillies like them “…And we’ve got even more stuff planned.”
“So… awesome…” Woona whispered in awe, then turned to Hallowed “Can I be a crusader, please?”
“Umm, no Luna.” He replied and the tiny princess once again crossed her fore-legs in an adorable pout “Anyway, why don’t you girls try… I don’t know, waiting. Your talents won’t appear overnight, you know.”
“That’s what everypony’s sayin’ but we’re tired a waitin’!” Applebloom wailed.
“Well, if that’s what everypony is saying, then perhaps you should-” Hallowed began but Woona jumped in front of him.
“Ignore them all!” She exclaimed happily.
“Luna, what do you think you’re-”
“I think it’s really cool that you’re trying to find your cutie-marks! So I say ignore what the grown-ups are saying. They’re all just great big sticks-in-the-mud anyway!” Woona said and the three fillies giggled.
“Now wait just a minute-” Hallowed began.
“Stick-in-the-mud!” Woona exclaimed, interrupting him.
“So… you really think we should continue trying everything we can think of to get our cutie-marks?” Sweetie Belle asked and Woona nodded excitedly.
“Yep!” Was her peppy response.
The Crusaders looked at each other for a moment before smiling broadly and looking back at the tiny princess.
“Thanks, Woona, that’s some really good advice you gave us!” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah, you’re completely right about grown-ups; they’re no fun at all!” Sweetie Belle added and Woona giggled, though Hallowed now had the same unamused expression Diamond Dust possessed earlier.
“Okay, I think that’s enough for now.” He said flatly and pointed a hoof off-stage “Why don’t you three get on back to whatever dreams you were having before you came here, hm?”
“Okay!” They said in unison and turned to leave “Bye, Woona!”
“Bye, Crusaders!” Woona replied, waving a hoof at them and then turned to smile at Hallowed “So can we get cookies now?”
“Oh, we’re going to get your cookies, alright.” He replied flatly and grabbed her ear in one hoof, dragging her away with pained yelps as the lights faded and the curtains fell “And then I’m telling your mother all about what you said here today.”
“Owie, owie, owie I’m sorry, please don’t tell mommy on me!”
Author's Note
New updates, always a good thing!
And advice has never been so cute!
Enjoy the update; we've got another one coming soon!
Assist me!! Princess Luna!
Ch. 9: The Magician Pony's Boast
The Great and Powerful Trixie will graciously accept your help!! Princess Luna!
The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.
A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze, both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it, and she is also wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.
She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals, I am-” She begins but is interrupted by music suddenly blaring throughout the stage and a new sign appearing in front of her.
Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show!
Almost immediately a young woman with pink hair style in pig-tails, wearing a micro skirt and tight-fitting shirt with a blue five in a blue circle that revealed most of her midriff and plenty of leg, white knee-high boots, white elbow-length gloves, a white headset and what appeared to be a jetpack on her back came sauntering into the lab, her arms swinging and her hips swaying in time with the music. She was followed closely by some kind of floating robot that flew around her, filming her every step.
“Hey there, space cats!” she said into a microphone she was holding “This is Ulala, reporting live once again from the Dreamscape where we are joined by our prestigious and gracious host, Princess Luna!”
Luna growled in annoyance “Greetings, Lady Ulala. It is… such a pleasure to see you… again . Pray tell what brings you back to our stage?”
“I missed you!” The reporter replied cheerfully “And our viewers didn’t get to see you last time, Lu-lu –is it okay if I call you ‘Lu-lu’, wouldn’t want to upset you or anything – so I decided to stop by and help you with your show!”
Luna gritted her teeth; she did not want to be dealing with this woman at the moment but the show had already started so she sighed, did her breathing exercise, and faced forward again, smiling sweetly.
“Greetings, wayward foals.” She began “I am Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”
“Oh, you’re a Diarchy?” Ulala interrupted, an interested smile on her face “Can you tell us a little about your sister?”
“Not during the broadcast, Lady Ulala.” Luna replied irritably then coughed and smiled once more “We are not in Equestria at this time; I am merely projecting my bedchambers in the royal palace into the Dreamscape.”
Luna began to pace slowly in the manner of one giving a lecture. Ulala watched her with interest while the floating device followed the Moon Princess closely.
“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you see fit.”
She stopped and faced forward, her expression serious.
“In all honesty it is a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals who were unable to attain their true purpose in life. ‘Tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”
She paces back to the center of the stage with the robot still filming her.
“If you are among those fools who believes they do not require assistance – Applejack – or who only desires to uncover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE ” Luna exclaimed, ending with a proclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.
“And with that, let’s give a warm welcome to tonight’s guest!” Ulala exclaimed, gesturing to the other side of the stage much to Luna’s irritation.
Instead of a pony entering as normal, there was an explosion of purple smoke. When it cleared, there stood a mare with an azure coat and a silvery mane and tail wearing a pointed purple hat and a long purple cape. She stood on her hind legs, her forelegs raised high and stretched out to either side.
“Behold!” She cried out triumphantly “Consider your grand fortune, for standing before you is the Great and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!”
Luna gave a deadpan stare off to her right “This is revenge for episode three… is it not?” She asked quietly.
“Ooo, a magician! Things just got exciting here, space cats!” Ulala cried out.
Trixie stared at Ulala with a look somewhere between confusion and terror before she coughed and assumed a superior stance, looking down her muzzle at the reporter.
“Trixie demands to know what this… thing speaking to her is!” She stated haughtily and Luna face-hoofed. Ulala, however, just took it in stride.
“I’m Ulala from Space Channel Five; it’s totally groovy to meet you, Great and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!”
Trixie blinked in confusion, then held her muzzle in the air in a snobbish manner. Luna, however, merely trotted over to her cushion and laid down, pulling a pair of glasses and a magazine about the trends of ponies in that day and age.
“Trixie hasn’t the faintest clue what ‘Space Channel Five’ is, so she shall choose to ignore you and speak instead to Princess Luna.” She proclaimed and just for the briefest, tiniest second, Ulala’s picturesque smile faltered just a tiny bit.
“That’s totally okay, I’m mostly just here to watch along with all of our viewers!” Ulala replied cheerfully but her statement caused Trixie to fix her with a bewildered expression.
“What do you mean viewers?!” She said and then noticed the floating robot “Wait, what is that?” She asked, pointing a hoof at the robot.
“Oh, this?” Ulala replied looking at the robot “This is an independent recording unit used by field journalists, such as myself, to film events on-scene without having to put together a-”
“Wait, wait, wait are you telling me that thing is filming me?! Filming Trixie ?!” The magician exclaimed in disbelief. Ulala blinked at her in surprise.
“Well… yeah, it’s been filming since before you appeared on-stage.” Ulala replied and the magician’s eyes opened wide.
“H-how many p-p-ponies are w-w-watching Trixie right now?” She asked quietly.
Ulala placed a finger on her cheek “How many ponies are watching? None, since we’re not airing in Equestria.” Trixie’s ears drooped slowly, her expression becoming sad “But Space Channel Five has a regular viewership totaling somewhere in the billions spread out across the galaxy.”
“WHAT?!” Luna exclaimed in shock while Trixie’s eyes bugged out and her mouth plummeted to the ground.
“B-b-billions ?!” Trixie whispered in awe “There are b-b-billions of eyes gazing upon the greatness that is Trixie this very moment ?”
“Uh, yeah, that sounds about right, cutie.” Ulala replied with a smile and wink. Trixie continued to sit on her haunches, her eyes wide.
Then her mouth began to morph from absolute shock into a huge smile and she stood back up on her hind-legs and spread her fore-legs out again, her magic creating fireworks behind her as her cape began to wave erratically.
“Greetings, viewers of Space Channel Five!” She proclaimed in a bold voice “You have the grand fortune of witnessing the splendor and majesty that is the most powerful unicorn in Equestria; the Great and Powerful Trrrrrri-”
“Enough expository banter!” Luna exclaimed and flung the magazine and glasses away, with a distant shattering sound coming from offstage followed by an irritated sigh “Let us move along with the broadcast; Beatrix Lulamoon, what happened that led you to being here tonight?”
“The name is Tri-” Trixie began but cut herself off when Luna glared at her “I-I-I mean, Trixie had run away from Ponyville after that unicorn, Twilight Sparkle ,” She spat the name with venom in her voice “Completely humiliated Trixie in front of the entire town ! Ever since then, Trixie has experienced nothing but misfortune; Trixie has had to sink so low as to work on a rock farm! A rock farm ! Since then, Trixie has sworn her revenge upon that obnoxious unicorn!”
Luna had read the report on this particular incident. What happened was the fault of neither Twilight nor Trixie, but it was instead caused by two fan-colts of the magician. The end result was that Trixie couldn’t handle it despite all of her outrageous boasts and more-or-less ruined her own reputation.
“Did you ever consider that maybe it was your overt claims that caused your downfall, not Twilight Sparkle?” Luna asked calmly and Trixie glared at her.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie never said anything that was untrue!” She retorted hotly “Trixie was simply feeling under the weather that night with the beginnings of Blue Flu.”
“Blue Flu?” Ulala asked quizzically “Sounds bad. You’re not, like, contagious or anything are you?”
“What?! Of course not, Trixie is as healthy as a horse!”
“Lady Ulala, please refrain from asking questions at this time; you are disrupting the broadcast.” Luna stated and the reporter blushed and made an exaggerated zipping motion over her mouth. The Moon Princess returned her attention to Trixie “Miss Lulamoon, I am going to blunt here; your boasting is causing you more problems than you can handle. If you are unable to swallow your pride, you will eventually find yourself in a situation you cannot escape from.”
“As Trixie has stated many times before, Trixie has said nothing that is untrue!” The magician countered, turning her nose away from Luna, who narrowed her eyes at the rather bold display “Now, if we are finished here, Trixie would like to return to her beauty sleep. It isn’t easy maintaining this level of perfection.”
Ulala and Luna exchanged dubious looks. Luna sighed and then turned her attention back to Trixie, who still had her nose in the air.
“Very well; the purpose of this was to give you advice. Whether or not you follow it is entirely up to you.” She said and waved a hoof dismissively “You are free to go, Miss Lulamoon.”
The magician stood and trotted offstage without so much as a bow to Luna. After a few minutes of silence, Luna turned her attention to Ulala.
“Pray tell, were we live?” She asked the reporter, who shook her head.
“Um… no, we weren’t.” Ulala replied carefully.
“Are you… going to air it?” Luna continued.
“Actually…” She held out a hand and the robot flew over to her. She tapped at a few buttons on it’s side for a moment before it flew away again “We’re not. I just deleted the footage. My boss isn’t gonna be happy with me, but I’ll tell him what I got was unusable. We’ll just have to try again some other time.”
“Such a shame.”
Luna and Ulala stared at each other for a moment before breaking out in hysterical laughter as the lights dimmed and the curtains fell, signifying the end of the broadcast.
“Did you see the groovy look on her face when I told her about our viewership?!” Ulala exclaimed in between bouts of laughter “It was absolutely priceless, I wish I’d taken a photo!”