A chilling breeze sliced through the cold night air, echoing through the city streets with a deafening howl. Powerful vibrations shook the god of chaos as he shivered under the merciless night breeze. Reaching out with the sharp talons that once moved mountains, Discord took a tentative step into the room consumed by darkness, wincing as the floorboard creaked beneath his hoof. His mesmerizing yellow eyes widened in fear; his bright red pupils dilated as he took another cautious step into the room. "P-Puzzle Master? ...Hello?" the chaos god's shaky voice shattered the ominous silence which hung over the room like a dark cloud. From the shadows Puzzle Master smiled and responded with a classic, if not somewhat cliché, "Good evening." His crocodile grin stretched wider as he watched the draconequus blindly stumble in the darkness, reaching around for the table. Taking a barely audible breath, Discord spoke up once again and said "GOOD MORNING, SIR SLEEPYHEAD! HOW'S MY FAVORITE CHESS GEEK THIS FINE EVENING?!"
Puzzle Master's neck jerked up and he unconsciously reached out a hoof to place his red monocle back over his equally red eye, squinting and blinking as the fuzzy blobs in his vision settled into distinct shapes. One of the shapes was a draconequus grinning from ear to ear, and another was an obnoxious bright orange megaphone that it had undoubtedly yanked from thin air. A brilliant light shone harshly from above, although Puzzle Master had specifically set the candlelight dim to enhance the shadows.
"Hello, Discord, I'm glad you could make it. Please, do sit down." said Puzzle Master, slightly miffed, indicating a dull wooden chair opposite his own. He reached up his other hoof to his head, massaging his temples as he waited for the ringing in his ears to die down.
Discord slithered into the chair, his snakelike body sliding off of its edge and under the table until his head was just a few inches above Puzzle Master's eye level. Snapping his fingers behind his back, Discord turned the chair a bright shade of radioactive green and stretched out the back until it touched the ceiling--a befitting throne for the lord of chaos.
The table between the two puppet masters was relatively plain, constructed from simple dark wood which used to match both chairs at its sides. Its contents were also rather bland; the table held only a petite china teacup on each side and a medium sized chessboard in the center. Both teacups were exactly three-quarters full of the most expensive tea in Canterlot, courtesy of Puzzle Master's frivolous tastes. The chessboard, in contrast, was the chessmaster's most basic and inexpensive set, as he wouldn't let one of his prized boards go to waste in a potentially destructive match against the chaos god.
"So, Puzzy, please remind me why I'm here again...do you need help with another of your crazy crusades to corrupt every creep in town for no creative reason whatsoever?" Discord's cup floated up to his mouth and bent slightly as the draconequus took a polite sip.
Pleasantly surprised by his guest's calm demeanor, Puzzle Master responded "No, thank you...everything is coming along quite fine in that department. I was simply wondering, given our shared interest in the game of chess, which of us was the better." He lifted the teacup knowingly to his mouth, taking a small sip...
...and immediately spat all of it out in a high-powered jet of steam and tea which hit Discord full in the face. The chaos god simply smiled, not even flinching at his companion's sudden jettisoning of his tea.
Puzzle Master coughed twice, retching obnoxiously, before clearing his throat and returning to glare at Discord. "You turned my tea into...chocolate."
A golden halo appeared over Discord’s head. "Who, moi?" he asked, feigning innocence.
Rolling his eyes, Puzzle Master said "Never mind that. So, as I have black, you may have first move..."
Discord's eyes shot open in disbelief. "You don't seriously expect me to play with these, do you?!" he asked, disgust dripping from his voice in large, ugly globs.
"Why not?"
"They're not alive!" A sadistic grin stretching across his elongated muzzle, Discord snapped his fingers and a brilliant light exploded across the table. Multicolored bursts popped all over the board, letting loose a deafening noise equivalent to someone popping an absurdly large pile of popcorn kernels with a flame thrower.
Puzzle Master's jaw dropped six inches and he stared flabbergasted as his chess pieces wiggled and twisted in their spots, growing legs, heads, wings, and horns, morphing into tiny, faceless....ponies.
Reaching his lion paw across the table, Discord closed the stallion's gaping maw, in case some passing family of birds thought it an ideal nesting spot.
"What's the matter, Puzzy? I thought you LOVED playing with living chesspieces! Isn't that why you have that little model up in your room, with all the pony-shaped pieces?"
His cheeks as red as his eyes, Puzzle Master retorted "No. That is strictly for use as a tool to aid my plans. And I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me 'Puzzy'...you may refer to me as 'Puzzle Master' and 'Puzzle Master' only."
"But I waaaanna!" said Discord, his whiny voice jumping up an octave in pitch as it filled the room.
Puzzle Master took a deep breath to calm himself, letting it flow softly past his nostrils, and then exhaling it in a puff of hot air. "Fine. But don't get any ideas; you're not the only reality-shifter in my realm of control, nor the only one in this house."
In a blink of an eye Discord disappeared, reappearing outside the window. His breath fogged over its surface, spreading over it in a thin film of pink. Reaching out with a thin talon Discord wrote "You're right! I'm not!"
Puzzle Master's hoof collided with his face.
Reappearing in his chair, Discord suddenly stood up and looked down at his wrist. "I do apologize, my fine friend, but I must be going now."
Completely losing his cool, Puzzle Master screamed "WHAT?! What activities could YOU possibly have at this hour?!"
Discord shrugged, pulling a jacket out of nothing and tossing it over his shoulders. "What do you think? I have some very important nothing to be doing. I've got chaos to wreak!" He turned around, heading for the door.
"THEN WHY COME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!" Puzzle Master's livid eyes were glowing as red as his brother's
Looking back over his left shoulder, Discord frowned. "You really don't know me all that well, do you, Puzzle Master?"
With a snap of his fingers and a small pop!, the spirit of chaos vanished into the darkness, his essence blowing away in the night breeze.
Author's Note
I have no idea why I wrote this, but I did. Also...is making fun of your own original characters a thing? Because if it is, I might write another of these dumb little one-shots. :P
