"Get out of my sight, queer!"
"D-daddy?" Rainbow Dash said, shivering, rubbing her bruised eye.
WHAM!
Prism Blitz punched his daughter again, absolutely disgusted with her.
"I said GET OUT! Lesbians and gays shouldn't have rights!"
Rainbow Dash simply sniffed, before turning tail and running away. Why? Why didn't dad love her anymore? What was wrong with kissing girls, hugging girls, and doing the hoo-cha-cha on girls? It felt right, and she didn't need to come up for reasons why because it wasn't her opinion, it was fact! At least, that's what she was mentally implying.
Running, she couldn't see where she was going, due to the tears in her eyes, and failed to notice the cloud's edge.
Waking up in a cold sweat, Rainbow Dash jolted up. Not the nightmares again! They were very bad for her!
She rolled out of bed, and trotted to the bathroom to wash her face of the tears because she wanted to look tough. If someone saw through her facade, it would be very bad.
She trotted out after brushing her teeth, and flew off to the weather factory.
After a day of work, Rainbow Dash flew to Ponyville to mingle with her friends. She ran into one quickly. It was Applejack.
"Hey, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash greeted, landing in front of her.
"Howdy, Rainbow," Applejack greeted, smiling.
"Hey, one thing," Rainbow Dash began. "You know how I'm a lesbian?"
"Of course," Applejack said.
"How did you know?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Element of Honesty?"
"Of course not!" Applejack said, laughing. "That was just some plot device! I know because I'm a lesbian too! In fact, the hay with that, literally everypony is! Even stallions!"
Rainbow Dash was confused. "Wouldn't they be heterosex-"
SMACK!
"No, they're lesbians in a stallion's body! Heterosexuals are filthy cis scum!" Applejack ranted.
"I see," Rainbow Dash said, even more confused, before realizing something. "Wait, everypony?"
"Yup!" Applejack confirmed.
"Does that include someone who is the opposite of me?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"...Yeah?" Applejack replied, confused. "Anyway, I know this is out of the blue, but you want to have lunch with me?"
"No thanks," Rainbow Dash rejected, knowing exactly what was going on, despite the fact they had been friendly rivals since who-knows-when. After all, opposites attract and they are too similar so this ship doesn't belong anywhere.
Applejack was heartbroken, of course. "Alright," she said, sniffing a bit. "I'll see you later, then." She turned around and ran off, trying not to cry and failing.
"Why would I like her?" Rainbow Dash pondered. "It feels like it could've worked before, but then again, maybe it was just a phase like the one I'm going through right now."
That's when she remembered that opposites attract 5ever and that ride will never end.
Soon enough, she flew over to Fluttershy's house for some reason related to a plot device. Probably to fetch Tank after a check-up, hell if I know.
She knocked on the door, and it opened after a moment, Fluttershy behind it. "Hello, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy greeted. "Tank is ready for you."
Huh. Guess I was right about the checkup.
"Thanks!" Rainbow Dash said, thinking about how the two of them are so different. Maybe she was the one?
Then she remembered they didn't have a little common ground and were too oppositey. Because that's not hypocritical or anything, am I right?
"On second thought, you're not worthy enough to be my marefriend," Rainbow Dash said out loud, before realizing what she said.
Fluttershy then burst into treats, to the animals' joy and Rainbow Dash's dismay.
After escaping from the sugary tsunami and liberating Tank, Rainbow Dash flew back home for a moment to think while Tank stretched his legs.
Applejack and Fluttershy weren't good enough. So who else?
Pinkie Pie? Same as Applejack, they weren't opposites.
Rarity? That's just pants-on-head retarded.
Twilight Sparkle? She liked books as well and that was it.
It was perfect.
However, there was a problem; Twilight was doing princessy things in Canterlot. How would Rainbow Dash get there? It's not like she could break the sound barrier!
She then was blinded by a flash. Twilight Sparkle had entered.
"I can't see a bucking thing!" Rainbow Dash complained. "Who's there?'
"Rainbow!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. "What happened?"
"Twilight?"
Rainbow Dash's hooves were sweaty, knees weak, legs were heavy. If she was wearing a sweater there would be vomit on it, mom's spaghetti. She was nervous, but on the surface she was ready to drop bombs.
Rainbow Dash was unable to confess her feelings, so that day was a net loss.
Days passed of Rainbow Dash struggling with her newly found blindness, and Twilight Sparkle developing feelings for her. Oh sorry, did I forget to mention that Twilight Sparkle totally loved her since they first met? Because she did.
One day, Rainbow Dash trotted to Twilight Sparkle. "Hey, Twi?"
"Yeah, Rainbow?" Twilight Sparkle asked, facing her.
Suddenly, Rainbow Dash touched Twilight Sparkle's face, before moving in to kiss, J-J-JAMMING IT IN! With her tongue being it.
They made out and they totally got wingboners, because maymays are SO funny and random.
Afterwards, a trail of saliva was left were they kissed as they separated. "Rainbow..I never knew.." Twilight Sparkle said, red as a beet.
"Good news, Twi!" Rainbow Dash said. "My eyesight is back!"
"How?" Twilight Sparkle questioned.
"The power of love!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Oh buck," Twilight Sparkle said. "I forgot, when I become an alicorn, my evil thoughts take form when love affects me."
"Still a better plot twist than a human being a lost brother of the Princesses," Rainbow Dash said.
They had no time to ponder what a human was, for Twilight's evil thoughts just grabbed a Smash Ball!
"My name is Ignis Damnation," the evil thoughts said. "Call me Id."
"What a cool name!" Rainbow Dash said. "I almost want to be hetero now!"
Id then used his final smash, Fusion Time, and took over Twilight Sparkle's body, before restraining Rainbow Dash with magic.
"Now," Id said, "it's time to reenact that one fic."
Body ready, Id proceeded to rape and beat Rainbow Dash so hard that she became a bimbo who only lived for dicks. No, you sick fuck, I'm not going to describe it. If you want to know, it involved hornfucking and magic dildos.
Not enough for you? Fine, here you go. Don't show this to your kids. Password is anteup.
After Id broke Rainbow Dash's mind, something absolutely retarded happened.
Doctor Whooves showed up and pwned Id with the Sonic Screwdriver, however he did it. I don't watch the show, get off my back.
Then the Doctor traveled back in time to before Id appeared, and liberated Rainbow Dash.
"Who are you? Why are you separating me from my beloved?" Rainbow Dash said.
"Okay, reality check time," the Doctor began. "This relationship would never work out. You're both too incompatible."
"But muh opposites attract..." Rainbow Dash whined.
"Don't give me that shit. I'm going to tell you a story. Back when I was in high school, I knew a guy who liked video games as well. That was the only similarity we had. No, he didn't want to suck my dick because he had a girlfriend. No, I didn't want to suck his dick. Ergo, your opposites attract is false and I am living proof of it. In addition, if opposites DID attract, then why isn't FlutterDash popular? They're full opposites and have been friends for who knows how long. Two legitimate reasons right there. Also, if opposites attract, then they'd be ATTRACTED to the OPPOSITE gender. Shrekmate, bazooper. And no, this isn't my opinion. This is fact, so don't even consider trying to minimize me. You'll just embarrass yourself. Any questions, redirect them to my ass. Doctor Whooves, or rather, a pony just speaking for a higher and sexier power, out." He then went into the TARDIS and warped to god-knows-where. Probably to another trashy fic.
Rainbow Dash then realized how stupid liking Twilight Sparkle would be and became heterosexual for Doctor Whooves.
