How Caramel got his girl (while screaming like a filly)
"Bow to me,"
A voice colder than any winter pierced the giant black storm cloud. Around it Ponyville lay in pieces, fragments of shattered livelihoods littering the ground like common rubbish.
"Applejack! Where are you!?" Twilight screamed in a hoarse voice as she desperately shifted through the remains of the Cake's bakery. The two had made a valiant effort to place the Dragon Disk, a magnifying glass created by Starswirl himself and an ancient Dragon king of the South East, on the roof of the humble shop. In theory, the Disk was supposed to magnify the magical effects of the Elements of Harmony enough so to pierce the thick veil of Sombra's magic.
But the beast had been prepared for such a tactic. He had seen through the pitiful attempts at a distracting flash perpetrated by the ones called Rarity and Trixie. And the raw strength of the large red colt and his friends had been in vain. Each one lay beaten, broken, and still along the dirt road to Ponyville.
Upon seeing the fabled Disk being set in place by the one know as Princess Twilight, the Shadow King took aim from behind the sanctuary of his storm clouds. The think blackness of his magic concentrated into a bubbling, black ball of energy, the texture much like heated oil.
He hurled it just as he saw an orange mare pop up from behind the disk.
The bolt collided.
The sound of wooden and cement foundations ripped from their roots rocketed around the town, driving the civilians into a panic. The would-be militia turned tail and ran, the sheer vibrations from the energy ball's collision shattering windows all around them.
The Shadow King let a small smile escape his lips as he directed his clouds forward to Ponyville. Killing the Elements of Harmony proved to be a challenge considering he had no idea who they were. It was through manipulation and hypnotism that he found answers from random ponies about Canterlot, each pointing towards Ponyville in the horizon. He decided that he would simply rip Ponyville out of the Earth, and take the Elements of Harmony with it.
The storm cloud whirled about violently as it continued on its way. After speeding past the Ponyville schoolhouse the whirling had reached a speed fast enough to drag the small school along with it towards the town square. Within the span of ten minutes from first spotting the storm cloud miles away, the entire town was now a swirling mass of black clouds, debris, and ponies desperately clinging to the ruins of their homes.
In the remains of Sugarcube Corner, Twilight called out to her friend again oblivious to the fast approaching black mass. She cried out as a board struck her broken wing, the once beautiful feathers now a matted mess on her back. The bright purple fur of the mare did not go unnoticed by the Shadow King, licking his lips and pushing his clouds faster.
He was so close to his target he could practically smell her fear and taste her pain, exquisite and fresh as it was. Sombra reveled so much in that smell that he did not notice the rainbow blur making its way above him.
"Hey pencilneck! Your storm clouds look like Cloudsdale rejects!"
Sombra lips barely had time to curl back before the mare shot downward, the combined speed of her fall and the push of her wings propelling her at a frightening pace. The blast of light following her was so strong the colors were visible even behind the blackness of his sanctuary. Had a lesser King of Shadows been present that day, the mare would have collided with him. Perhaps killing him, although perhaps also killing herself in the process as such a reckless and unbridled attack should.
But Sombra had come too close that day to allow his mind to be muddled by simple light tricks and air shows. Just as the mare penetrated the black cloud, Sombra neatly dodged the mares hoof with a flick of his head, feeling the rush of air as she whizzed by.
Dash barely opened her eyes before she collided into the roof of the second story of little Ms. Mah's imported candy shop. The shingles cut into her flesh as she passed through them to crash through the wooden supports below. In the span of barely a second, Rainbow Dash's body sailed through wood and drywall and shot out into the street just opposite of Sugarcube Corner. Here the gravel slowed her until she was still, although at the cost of many rough cuts and scrapes on her underside. Luckily for her head, she had managed to miss the plumbing system of the shop.
Just as Dash's body had halted, she made a valiant but groggy attempt to get back onto her feet. One foreleg simply shook as she attempted to move it, while the other only had enough energy to lift her head up off the ground--putting her at just the right height for a tan hoof to collide with it.
"AAUGH!!" The tan stallion shrieked at he tumbled to the ground. Surely those crystals weren't popping out of the ground again!?
He scanned the ground with wide, fearful eyes beneath the lip of the saucepan he held on his head. Caramel had barely escaped death once when his house had decided to fling itself halfway across Ponyville. Luckily he had been checking his mailbox just in time to see the frightening black cloud and the low growl echoing somewhere inside.
As soon as he saw that the coast was clear, he shot up and sprinted as fast as his shaky legs would carry him. Spotting a perfect hiding place, the stallion halted and pressed his body against a tea shop, hoping the shadow of the wall would hide him well. Risking a look behind he saw that the cloud was still moving towards him--no, not towards him....
He made a trail with his eyes according to the cloud's direction. Oddly enough it seemed to be going to the place he had fallen at, where a blue object lay still where no object that color should be.
It was a mare.
"She's hot. You should save her." A voice in his head told him.
Maybe she'll be ok?
"No she's definitely gonna die. Should probably save her."
Ok well maybe I'll just sneak over the--ooooooohhhhhh that cloud is getting bigger...
"Don't be a pansy, should totally save her."
I'm gonna die.
"Yeah. Single."
Caramel couldn't stop the scream that erupted from his mouth as he shot towards the mare. Somehow knowing whatever was in the cloud could see him just reduced his rational mind to an unthinking, panicking animal. He shoved his head underneath the mares belly roughly, forgetting of course to lift with his legs rather than his neck, and heaved her onto his back.
As the shadow of the cloud passed over him, panic willed knew energy into his hooves. Caramel might as well have been running in the Equestria Games he went so fast. He probably could have also been a groupie for a colt band, since he seemed to have a phenomenal talent at screaming like a filly.
"Okay so run this by me one more time Pinkie, what are we doing?" Spike asked between breaths as he drug the wagon behind him.
"We're gonna make some cake silly-billy!" The pinky pony bounced along the road, seemingly unphased by the destruction around her.
"I...I don't understand. How are we helping?" The dragon was seriously considering dropping the wagon of baking goods and dragging the mare away.
"Oh well we're gonna go beat Sombra on the way, but mainly we're just gonna eat stuff," the pony answered matter-of-factly.
The dragon felt his legs begin to shake as he felt the wind push against his body, cold chills running down his spine as the two approached their certain doom.
"See Twilight was just making it too complicated, I tried to tell her but she didn't listen when the Parasprites ate our houses either. You're much more reasonable," she stopped to turn and nuzzle the dragon's cheek.
The touch felt nice despite the intense fear surging through his mind. And it didn't hurt that he happened to catch a whiff of her mane as she leaned in; the scent of strawberries shouldn't have surprised him, being the sweet mare she was.
"Well ok," Spike said, a little more reassured sounding, "but how do you know your plan will work?"
"Oh that's easy! See the author wanted to show me being top-tier, whatever that means, so he sent me to save the day!"
"Wha-"
"He also said there would be a lot of Rainbow Dash fans that would be angry to see her eating all that dirt like a newb. I guess he missed the invitation to her fanclub, these rainbow streamers Scootaloo made are the cat's meow!" The mare pulled the rainbow streamers from behind her back and tossed them into the air. The dragon behind her dropped the handle to the wagon as quickly as his jaw, understanding now far beyond his reach.
"Oh-oh-oh hey look, there's Rainbow Dash! HEY DDDDDDDAAAAASSSSSHHHHHIIIIEEEEE!!! Oh-oh-oh and look the author was right! She totally looks like she just got her flank handed to her! HEY DASHIE, THE AUTHOR SAID COME GET SOME!!! Oooooo I bet he means candy-"
"Pinkie we gotta go!" Spike pulled the mare backward just as the cloud was almost upon them.
"Oh yeah, Sombra!" The party mare shuffled backwards and forwards as if she were on rails, returning with a bag of flour in her hoof. With a neat bite, she ripped open the string securing the bag shut, emptying the contents into the winds sucking itself back to Sombra's cloud.
The Shadow King hadn't noticed the flour zooming toward him, so surprise was a light way of explaining his reaction to his cloud suddenly being eaten by a glob of tannish something. That surprise escalated to a sickening panic when he considered it was the Princess's doing. Of course it was, it had to be! He should have ignored the Rainbow pest and crushed the upstart Princess where she lay, her little orange friend along with her.
But as the black cloud was eaten backward by the glob and he could see clearly without the aid of his magic, something stuck out like a sore thumb.
A pink mare was waving at him.
No. Not just waving at him.
The insolent peasant was smiling from ear to ear! Mocking him! She did this!
Rage frothed up from the Shadow King's stomach at the mare. He had no idea how she had penetrated his veil, especially considering she had no magic horn to speak of. But the Shadow King knew how to deal with her kind. Earth Ponies might have unmatched strength, but he had a thousand years of martial experience at his side. And if that didn't do it, his legion of the dead would surely--
"...can't fly!!"
The Shadow King cocked his head to the side, only catching the last of the mare's sentence. He rubbed a hoof in his ear and decided he'd humor the mare before he killed her.
"What?" His voice boomed out, his magic still pumping strong despite his cloud being completely eaten.
"I sssssaaaaaaiiiiiiiddddd-," the mare stopped to take a massive inhale, "my tail went all twitch-a-twitch and that means stuff is gonna fall and then I remembered Unicorns can't fly and I think you're a Unicorn so I think maybe you might fall so I thought I should warn you," The mare's smile sprung back up after she finished rocketing through her sentence.
"Excuse me? I'll have you know my magic keeps me afloa--a-a-aahh," Sombra cried out as he felt his magic give out on him. As if somepony managing his magical expression overheard the mare's logic and flipped a switch, his magic simply stopped working. He felt a rush of fear he had only felt when he tried his levitation spell for the first time over a thousand years ago.
Spike watched the black unicorn fall to the earth, screaming all the way down. His cries stopped abruptly as she collided face first with the ground, his front teeth shooting from his mouth like broken glass. The dragon cringed as one of the broken incisors struck his foot.
"I tried to warn him..." Pinkie Pie put a hoof near her face for a second, only for it to disappear in favor of a smile a few minutes later. "Oh well, I'm sure Colgate can fix him up with some nice dentures later! Come on Spike, we still have cakes to make,"
"You go on ahead, I'm gonna make sure he's not getting up." The dragon took a shaky step towards the now broken Shadow King.
"Okeedokeeloki! I'll save some of the good frosting for you!" And with that the strange but powerful mare bounced off, a beacon of joy standing out amongst the chaos. The dragon watched her bounce off, suddenly very interested in the way her tail bounced up to reveal her flank. He became so absorbed in the show that he did not notice Sombra reaching out a hoof to him.
"You...." The Shadow King whispered behind broken teeth, finally recognizing the dragon who had taken his Empire from him. Blood poured from his mouth as he whispered words the dragon couldn't hear, each threat of death going unheeded as the pain in his mouth whisked the sound from his throat.
The dragon simply stooped down and picked up a tooth Sombra had lost. He placed said tooth gently into the outstretched hoof Sombra was attempting to grab him with.
"At least you'll get something from the tooth fairy right?"
Caramel had watched with astonishment as the pink mare handled the crazed Unicorn. To think the creature had been so powerful, but so easily defeated with baking goods...
"Hey what gives? Get off me chump!"
Caramel had forgotten that he had been laying on top of the mare. In his panic he had tripped over a fallen street sign and the mare had been flung from his back. Sensing the end was upon him, he jumped on top of her in a last ditch effort to save her (to make up for screaming like a sissy).
Caramel quickly scrambled back from the irate mare, holding his hooves up submissively. She, in turn, charged forward to press her snout in against his.
"An opportunist huh? Tryin' to take advantage of a hurt mare are ya? Well I'll show you jerk!" The pegasus swung a hoof clumsily at Caramel, still very dizzy from her fall.
Caramel shielded his face, feeling the hoof smack against his shoulder. He fell backward as the rainbow mare swung again, this time hitting him square in the nose.
"N-no, I swear! Look! I-I just tried to keep him away!!" Caramel frantically gestured toward the now harmless Shadow King.
The mare turned to the motionless form, spotting Spike only a short distance away following a bouncing pink mass that could only have been--
"No way!! How did she--no never mind. It won't make sense anyway...." Rainbow Dash rubbed a hoof over her eyes, trying to ignore the pain in her body and the frustration at being outdone by Pinkie Pie.
"Look I didn't need your help ok," Rainbow dropped her hoof from her face and hobbled away from the still cringing stallion, trying to keep her dignity and pride intact.
Caramel laid back, watching her go. He wanted to hit himself, but the ache in his snout told him he had been beaten to it. Rubbing tenderly at it he stood into shaky legs. He slowly walked away from the crowd gathering around Sombra, back to the center of town where the ruins of his home had been flung.
A few hours later found the vast majority of Ponyville's citizens gathered in the town square. Twilight had organized search parties to find anypony still missing and for the most part everyone turned out to be ok.
For the most part. Applejack and Big Macintosh both suffered broken ribs, Rarity and Trixie's horns needed to be cleaned from the crystal inhibitors Sombra had placed on them, a kind grizzly bear had pulled Fluttershy from the ruins of her home where she had been trapped under a support beam, and Rainbow Dash needed a few stitches on her side. Nothing a bit of orange juice and highly advanced alicorn magic couldn't fix.
The damage was a different story. Thankfully Sweet Apple Aches hadn't been hit, but the town itself needed desperate repair. The cost to repair everything was far beyond anything the town had to offer, so Twilight offered to pull strings with Princess Celestia.
Caramel sat upon a broken barrel, his hooves aching from moving debris for the past two hours. All around him ponies were scurrying about, piling up broken timber and salvaging anything still useful. So far the only thing worth saving was his bathtub, which had come out without even the smallest crack in the porcelain. It was currently sitting in his yard like some kind of backwoods decoration.
"Nice place," a sarcastic voice called out from behind him. Dropping his hammer, Caramel whirled about to face the Rainbow mare he had rescued earlier.
"I-I suppose it could use a curtain or two," he replied nervously, rubbed a hoof along the back of his neck. The rainbow mare smirked and bowed her head a bit.
"Listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. I just hate losing so much....I guess it got the best of me. If it weren't for you I'd probably be dead," the mare looked back up to meet his eyes where they held for a few moments. Caramel himself had missed just how great a service he had accomplished for her, chalking it up to a simple "she looked like she needed help".
"It's ok, I just happened to be in the neighborhood...," Caramel chuckled a bit, feeling suddenly very self conscious. His confidence around mares had always been inadequate to say the least.
"Well whatever happened, that was the coolest thing anypony's ever done for me. My names Rainbow Dash by the way, what's yours?" Dash smiled at him genuinely, her eyes bright.
"Caramel," the colt replied, practically melting from staring back into her eyes.
"Well, suns about to go down and I don't think it's very safe to sleep in your house anymore," Rainbow Dash chuckled as a wall from the ruined house fell over with perfect timing.
"Sssssoooo maybe you'd like to stay over at my place. I mean its only got the one bed but I'm sure we can work something out," Rainbow Dash smiled sheepishly, hoping the stallion might catch the hint.
Caramel's stomach erupted in butterflies, his throat going suddenly very dry. He choked out an "ok" and got to his feet.
"Sweet! Oh by the way, I hope you don't get airsickness....." She said as she flew up and hooked her hooves under the colt's arms.
"Wha-?"
Author's Note
So did you guys dig the PinkieXSpike parts?
I thinking about writing some stuff for that pairing.........
Anyway, criticism and corrections are always welcome!!
(And the flames for the 4th wall stuff....oh yeah, that's a sign! I really ought to make put that in everything I write!)
