Ponyville Therapy

by FireBlastThePony

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Original Character
Length: 2940

A new pony moves to town and opens up a therapy buisness. Little does he know, Ponyville is full of emotional scaring and mental issues.

A new pony moves to town and opens up a therapy buisness. Little does he know, Ponyville is full of emotional scarring and mental issues. Will he be able to fix their issues?

Edited by Luna-cy.

Published 2013-05-29 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-31 00:01:19 UTC

Pinkie Pie, Part 1

My name, is Darth P. Flame. I am a red earth stallion, whose mane and tail is literally on fire. How you ask? Well, it's definitely not genetic. Anyway, I have studied in the therapeutic field for a long time, and after much research, I have decided to begin my own therapy business in Ponyville. Mostly because of all of the chaos that I heard this town went through a couple of years ago. To receive my services, it's a one time payment of 10 bits, and then I work with the pony until they're cured of what ever mental thing they may be facing.

My work place is just an old, boarded up, probably should be torn down, building. According to the locals here, this use to be the town library. But, that still doesn't explain why it was built in a tree. The original owner moved out of it four years ago. I tried to fix this place up a bit, but it's near impossible. So, I just grabbed my coffee, and opened up for the first time.

Not even ten minutes after opening up for the day, I hear a knock on the door.

"Uh hello? Is Mr. New Therapeutist here?"

"Yes I am. Why don..." I didn't even get to finish my sentence before a pink-blur rushed into the chair I had set-up for patients.

"Hiya! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"Oh, hello Ms.Pie. You threw me that "Welcome to Ponyville" party, right?"

"You bet I did!"

"So, Ms.Pie,

"Ms.Pie is my mom, and it's suuuuuuuper boring to say. Just call me Pinkie Pie!"

"Okay then...So, Pinkie Pie, what brings you here today?"

"Weeeeell, I've been having this feeling, where I feel as if somepony or something is watching me. But, I keep telling myself "there's no way that could be possible." even though it could be possible and---"

I tried to focus on what she was saying, really, I was, but this is just ridiculous! I can't tell if this is just a mental illness she has, or if she's on drugs. I mean really, who talks this fast? Who has conversations with themselves?

I decided to cut her off before she got too off topic.

"Pinkie Pie, could you please tell me when you first developed this sense of..."being watched"?" I take a small sip of my coffee, after I finish talking. Coffee helps me stay sane and prevents me from strangling patients.

"It all started, when Twilight came to town."

"Twilight, as in THE Twilight? 4th princess of Equestria?

"Eeyup" It seemed like Pinkie was trying to mimic a fellow red stallion who lived in Ponyville.

In the distant past, when Twilight first came to town.

It was a normal day in Ponyville, and I was just taking my daily stroll, when I spotted a baby dragon and a new pony! So, I stopped right in front of the dragon and waited for the dragon to finish talking.

"Come on Twilight, try talking to some of the ponies around here. Maybe you'll make some friends!"

"Fine Spike, I'll try."

She then turned to me and began to talk.

"Uh, hi, I'm Twilight Sparkle."

AND THEN THAT'S WHEN I FELT IT. I just had this feeling that other-worldly beings were watching me! I had gasped at the feeling and fled. Once I did that, the feeling went away, until I saw Twilight again later on that day.

"So, you think aliens are watching you when you speak or go near Twilight?" At this point I was really interested in what she was describing. I mean really, who else thinks this besides that pony Lyra?

"Actually, I'm having the feeling right now." Just then, Pinkie starts to stare at a wall, the 4th wall of this building to be exact.

"THERE THEY ARE! THOSE ARE THE OTHER WORDLY-BEINGS!" I looked, and didn't see anything. I really began questioning the sanity of Pinkie Pie. To be honest though, I've been questioning it the whole time. But, this could mean that Pinkie Pie is suffering from hallucinations. If she is, than I can easily diagnose this problem of hers.

"Pinkie Pie, I think I know what you have, but I can't be to sure yet. Currently, I think you're having hallucinations, or you're suffering from the after-effect of an alien abduction."

"That last one sounds FUN!"

Only Pinkie Pie could think that being abducted by aliens is fun. I looked at the clock conveniently placed on the wall. It's lunch time!

"Okay Pinkie Pie, I think we've done enough for today. But, I want you to be back in my office tomorrow."

"Okie doki loki!"

A couple of minutes later

I walked around the streets of Ponyville, looking for a place to eat at. There wasn't much besides Sugarcube Corner and Bon Bon's waffle hut. I decided I'd go to Sugarcube Corner and get some muffins. Suddenly, a gray pegasus crashes into me.

"Whoops! I did it again!" the grey pegasus said.

"What do you....DEAR CELESTIA, YOUR EYES! WHAT HAPPENED TOO THEM!?!" One of her eyes were facing upward, while the other faced downward. Is that even natural?

"Oh these? I was born with them like this. Also, did you mention muffins?" the grey pegasus casually stated, forgetting that she had just crashed into somepony.

"Uh, yes I did, why do you ask?" Something tells me that she's about to tag along.

"Can I come with you!?! I love muffins!"

I totally called it. I let out a sigh and agree to her joining me for lunch. We walk and talk a bit and I learn that her name is...Derpy? Who names their kid Derpy? We eventually reach Sugarcube corner, but when we get there, I'm surprised at the sight of a familiar pink pony.

"Hiya Darth! What can I do for ya?"

"YOU WORK HERE PINKIE?!?" There goes my lunch break.

Author's Note

Here it is! The new story is finally up! If you find any mistakes, than please point them out. Enjoy!

Pinkie Pie, Part 2 [Revised a plot hole.]

"You didn't know Mr.Darth? I thought it was pretty obvious after the party. I mean, where else would I have gotten all of that cake!"

Now that she mentions it, I should have noticed that. But, one could also assume she just robbed the place and stole cake.

"So anyway, what can I do for you two?" Oh, that's right, I brought Derpy with me.

"MUFFINS!" Derpy shouts out of no where.

"Uh yes, what Derpy said."

"Okie doki loki, that will be 10 bits!

What. What did she just say? I literally have to pay all of my earnings for two muffins?

"He...Here." I hand her my money, trying not to cry.

"Uh, you okay Mr.Darth?" Pinkie can tell that I'm holding back the tears.

"Oh, uh, yes I am." I immediately go find a seat and motion Derpy to come over.

"So, Derpy, what do you do for a living?"

"I deliver mail!"

"How come you haven't delivered me any mail before?"

"Because I have no idea where you live!"

Derpy mail service must be REAL high quality.

"I'm back with the muffins! Also, I hope you don't mind if I eat with you two." Pinkie came out with three muffins, and she was balancing them on her...Head? We both thank her none the less, and she begins to speak.

"Hey Darth, I was wondering if we could go back to your office after this?"

"Why? Are you feeling better or something?"

"No actually, it's about something else."

"Sure, I guess, I don't have anything better to do."

"Thanks Darth. It means a lot to me that you're trying so hard to help me with this issue of mine."

When Pinkie finishes talking, I go to take a bite out of my muffin, but I immediately feel something latch onto my head.

"DEAR CELESTIA! SOMETHING'S TRYING TO SUCK MY BRAIN OUT OF MY HEAD! HELP ME!"

I receive a weird look from Pinkie, and Derpy just completely ignores me and continues to eat her muffin.

"Don't worry Mr.Darth, it's just my pet alligator Gummy! I think he likes you!"

"JUST GET HIM OFF OF MY HEAD!"

Pinkie manages to rip him off of my head, and he gives me the most soulless, blank, stare ever.

"Pinkie, why, and I mean really, why do you have a pet alligator?"

"Because, he's just the coolest thing EVER!"

"I'm worried about you Pinkie. That isn't normal."

"Hey Darth! Can you buy me another muffin!?!" Derpy just interrupted our conversation to ask about getting more...Muffins?

"Derpy, I spent my only paycheck until Pinkie is cured from what ever mental disorder she has, on you. I'm sorry but I can't buy you any more muffins."

"Oh..." Derpy was obviously disappointed.

I decided to just finish my muffin real quick, said my goodbyes to Derpy (while giving her my address so I can get my mail,) and brought Pinkie back to my office. Whatever she had to talk about, it didn't seem too important, but I can never be sure when dealing with Pinkie Pie.

"So Pinkie, what is it that you needed to see me about?"

"Well, I have a lot of things to tell you, and I'm not sure if they'll help you figure out what the feeling I keep getting is about, but I just need to address them."

Pinkie Pie is being serious? This certainly is out of character.

"Go ahead then." Whatever she's about to say should be interesting.

"First of all, I was doing child labor on my parents rock farm as a little filly. This went on for about five years, until I introduced them to partying, and got my cutie mark."

"What."

"It's the truth!"

"And you didn't press charges or anything against them?"

"Of course not! They're my parents!'

"Parents or not, I'm pretty sure it's against the law to force a child to work on a rock farm. Also, why didn't you address this first when we spoke earlier? This could be some serious emotional scaring. Actually, it IS some serious emotional scaring"

"Oh, well it's in the past, so I don't care too much about it anymore. Anyway, the second thing I have to say, is that I have a sugar addiction."

"Pinkie, I'm pretty sure everypony already knows that."

"Yes, but what they don't know is that it causes my Pinkie sense. That's my power to predict the future!"

"You can...Predict the future?"

"You wanna seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?" Pinkie started to leave serious mode and return to her normal-hyperactive self.

"No thank you, I'm fine."

"Aw, you're no fuuuuuuuun. But, what I'm trying to tell you is that my sugar addiction might also be the cause of the strange other-worldly beings watching me feeling."

"Oh, I get it now. If the sugar can cause you to do that future predicting thing you talked about, than why can't it cause you to have feelings of being watched or hallucinations?"

"Exactly!"

"Also, Pinkie, I believe that the cause of your addiction here, might be because of the rock farm. From what I see, once you discovered parties and the sweets that come with it, this led you to over-indulge in it. So, your parents are the cause of this. Well, the known cause of your addiction I mean. I also think that the sugar addiction helps you to forget your awful past at the rock farm, right?"

"Yes, but do you think confronting them would help with this at all?"

"It might, but first we need to find out where they live. Have you seen them since you left the farm?"

"Now that you mention it, no, no I haven't."

"We need to find them then. Maybe you could ask Princess Twilight for some help? You know, if she isn't busy."

"That's a great idea! Twilight knows EVERYTHING!"

"I hope your right. We're going to need all the help we can get if we want to find them. But, I want to review with you what we've gone over so far, is that fine with you?"

"Of course!"

"Actually, let me ask you this real quick, you said you saw the other-worldly beings yesterday, right?"

"Yeeeeeees?"

"Than why don't you explain to me what they look like? This could also help a lot."

"They look like boxes."

"Boxes? That's....odd, to say the least. Anyway, what we know, is that you feel like you're being watched by...boxes. You also mention it started around the time Twilight first moved into Ponyville, which also happens to be around the time you moved in, correct?"

"Right."

"We also know that you were forced into doing child labor on a rock farm. Which, from what I gather, also led you to discovering parties, and earning a cutie mark. After realizing that your special talent was partying, you began to keep throwing them, and developed a sugar addiction to forget about your past. But, the sugar addiction did more than that, now it let's you predict the future."

"Wow, that sounds like a lot of stuff! Also, I saw a rainbow, and it just made me soooooooo happy, and when i found out about parties, I started throwing them for my family to make THEM happy."

"Oh, well no wonder you started throwing parties for everyone. But anyway, I want you to write a letter to Twilight asking to bring your parents over here to Ponyville, and give it to me. I'll give it to Derpy next time I see her so she can deliver it. As of now though, you are to quit eating anything that contains sugar for the next 24 hours. I want to see if the sugar intake is the cause of your mental issue."

"Sounds easy as pie! Oh, and real quick."

"What?"

"How come you don't take notes during these sessions?"

Oh no, I forgot that this job required me to take notes. I have to come up with an excuse, and quick.

"Oh, uh, because notes are overrated?"

"Okie doki loki!"

Pinkie Pie leaves after we finish our session for the day, and I decide to go back to my house and get some rest. It seems that Pinkie Pie has a lot more than just an issue of a false sense of feeling. Since she's doing this little task tomorrow though, I'll be free to roam around. Once I get some sleep, I'll go and see if Derpy found my house and I'll give her Pinkie's letter. When I finally reach my house, I waste no time getting into bed. Hopefully I can get this Pinkie problem resolved soon, or I'm going to have to live off of pine-cones.

The next morning.

The new day has finally begun and..."Wait a second, IS MY HOUSE ON FIRE?"

I rushed downstairs due to the smell of smoke that filled my house, I was hoping that I didn't set the house on fire again like my last one, and thankfully, I didn't spot any signs of a fire, but I did see a familiar grey pegasus.

"DERPY?!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"

"I'm cooking breakfast!"

"YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE TO MAKE BREAKFAST?"

"Yup! Why are you shouting by the way?"

"BECAUSE..."

I had to calm myself down real quick. Yelling at Derpy would likely upset her, and then she might not give me my mail or take Pinkie's letter.

"Okay Derpy, I'm not going to shout anymore. But, why did you break into my house to make breakfast? How did you even get in?"

"My landlord kicked me out, so I moved into your house! Also, you left the front door unlocked."

"You...Moved into my house? Without my permission? And I left the front door unlocked?"

"Yes, yup, and yes."

I honestly don't object to her being here, but at least ask for my permission. But, now I'm faced with the task of catering to Derpy on a daily basis.

"Hey Darth, do you like pancakes?"

"You made me pancakes?"

"It's the least I could do for you, since you bought me that muffins yesterday!"

At first I thought Derpy was pretty dumb, but she's surprisingly smart and considerate. Maybe this will work out for me. She began to serve the pancakes. I'm pretty reluctant to try these at first, but I kinda have to at this point. Here goes nothing...

"DEAR CELESTIA! THIS IS GREAT!"

"Thanks!"

"Wait a second, how is cooking not your cutie mark? Seriously, Celestia derped your special talent big time!"

"That's my life for ya!"

"And you don't have a problem with it?"

"Nope!"

I think I can take a wild guess at who my next patient is. We don't talk much while we eat, and it seems like Derpy has something on her mind. I won't ask though, it might be something personal, and I'm not working off-duty for free. We leave my house to go do whatever it is we do after we finished eating, and I decide to ask her a question before we part ways.

Author's Note

I hope I fixed the pacing issue in this chapter. I spent about seven hours on this chapter, so don't expect part 3 until Saturday or Sunday. One last thing, this will not turn into a ship fic, unless demanded or I feel it fits into the plot (which it probably won't.)

Once again, if you have any problems with the story, than please let me know, I appreciate all criticism.