Ponies for President!

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 2192

Who wouldn't want a pony for president? They're sweet, kind, and filled with the ideals of friendship! Don't believe me? Then watch these informitive ads brought to you by DAPC.

Who wouldn't want a pony for president? They're sweet, kind, and filled with the ideals of friendship! Don't believe me? Then watch these informitive ads brought to you by DAPC.

Current candidate chapters:
-Twilight Sparkle
-Rainbow Dash
-Fluttershy
-Pinkie Pie
-Rarity
-Celestia

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-30 23:37:17 UTC

Twilight Sparkle

Presidential candidate Twilight Sparkle. From a very young age, she had striven to reach the highest level of learning; made available to her or not. For years of crippling fear, overwhelming odds, and the wight of so many books, Twilight Sparkle finally was rewarded with the honor of becoming Princess Celestia's personal apprentice. As her cutie mark would tell you, she is gifted in the magical arts. This gift giving her aptitude and a quick mind to understanding.

Indeed, Twilight Sparkle is an idol of what a prized candidate should be...

OR IS SHE!?

Reports say that Twilight Sparkle has never had a friend in her life until she was FORCED to make friends by her mentor Celestia. Before that, records will tell you that her only friends were her brother and her pet dragon. What sort of friendships are those? Family bonding over common activities? INCEST! And making friends with a sentient pet who does everything you say? That's slavery! How can we trust a pony to be our leader when she herself couldn't even lead herself to a single block party to make friends?

Twilight Sparkle:

Ideal Presidential Candidate?

Or

Incestuous Slave Driver?

YOU DECIDE!

Rainbow Dash

Presidential candidate Rainbow Dash is the pride and joy of her home town of Cloudsdale. A star athlete and medal winner in countless contests hosted worldwide. Not only that, but she on her own heads the pegasi Winter Wrap-Up crew each year to a fine degree. Her long time aspiration to be a Wonderbolt has always been in her grasp; but her loyalty to those around her always keeps her where she would rather be: with friends.

Loyal, athletic, and a born leader; those are three things Rainbow Dash -the pride of Cloudsdale- holds as a prime candidate for president. Three things that could never be undermined.

OR COULD THEY!?

In Cloudsdale's very records, countless accounts of Rainbow Dash's mischief and past deeds have remained on paper. Star athlete she is, she received an "F" in gym. Why? Because she dropped out of school. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DROPOUT! Maybe if she finished school, she would be an even better leader. Every Winter Wrap-Up ends late due to her poor leadership each year. She should've dropped out of leadership before dropping out of school.

Rainbow Dash:

Athletic leader you can count on?

Or

Uneducated Show-off?

YOU DECIDE!

Fluttershy

Kind, considerate, cute. These are a few words that can describe presidential candidate Fluttershy. No pony has to ever go far to hear her praises being sung. Why? Because the birds and wild animals she tends to in her spare time sing about her every moment. Her modest nature would never allow it, but she is a wonderful voice for those that are too afraid to speak themselves.

Fluttershy is without a doubt a bright choice for anyone to have as their president. You could never find a more pure symbol of a pony.

OR CAN YOU?!

Birds of Ponyville and all of Equestria sing her praises because they've been TRAINED to do so. By who? By Fluttershy herself of course! NARCISSIST! Even more so, she hasn't worked for a bit in her life. She instead opts to mooching off of her friends for 'services'. What kindhearted pony do you know that makes a friend pay for help? Not Fluttershy.

Fluttershy:

Compassionate Cutie?

Or

Greedy Narcissist?

YOU DECIDE!

Rarity

Presidential candidate Rarity to the first glance is one beautiful and sophisticated mare. And that first glance would be absolutely right. Inside and out, Rarity has been poised and diligent to be Canterlot aristocracy; though the cards never had it to her favor. Yet, she persisted and became the star designer of her hometown of Ponyville. If that would not be enough, she gladly gives all she can to whoever she can at the drop of a hat.

Rarity is as beautiful and elegant as she is giving.

OR IS SHE!?

If you ask Rarity's own sister, she will tell you she has to BRIBE and TRICK her sister into attending family or friendly events. She has time to be giving to ponies outside of the family but not inside? How can we believe in a pony to care for us when she doesn't even give a flip about her own flesh and blood? Even then, she can't even control three fillies without the help of her soft spoken friend. Is this the kind of mare you want running your school system?

Rarity:

Rising Star of the Underclass?

Or

Horrible Filly Kicker?

YOU DECIDE!

Reactions One: Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy.

"Welcome to Ponies for President, I'm your host, Fox Trot," the crimson mare shot a look to her side away from the camera, timely enough with a broad grin to have a rout of paparazzi to flash pictures of her at the mere mention of her name. When they stopped, she shot her look back to the camera with the return to a more serious expression, "Today, we are following up on candidate Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy to hear their feelings about the recently released commercials about their campaign."

Off to the side of the cameras and Fox Trot were three podiums standing before the three mares in question. None of the three seeming at all happy. Twilight was visibly fuming with rage as her cheeks and snout boiled with red. Rainbow Dash wasn't looking at anyone in the eye and even seemed to be trying to use her podium to hide her face behind. Fluttershy on the other hand seemed stunned with wide eyes and a disbelieving stammer to her lips.

"Welcome to the show ladies. How do you feel?" Fox Trot asked casually.

"FURIOUS!"

"Ashamed..."

"N...Narcissist?"

"Great to hear...!" She completely ignored their answers and skimmed through her card prompts on the desk before her. "We'll start with you, Twilight Sparkle. So, the commercial that was recently put out stated that you are the apprentice of princess Celestia; it also said you enslave dragons. Is this true?"

"The first one is," Twilight huffed, trying to subside her anger, "The second one is completely fabricated. Spike is my close friend and loved one. He's like a son in some ways."

"Heartwarming stuff here. Now, are the claims true that you have had relations with your brother; captain of the Canterlot Royal guard?" Fox Trot pried all the more.

"NO! That's just... UGH!"

"Indeed..." Fox Trot turned her attention to Rainbow Dash, barely able to see her as Rainbow tried to shimmy under the podium. "Rainbow Dash, it's your turn. Lately, I've heard from a reliable source that you never passed elementary school. Is that right?"

"Look..." Rainbow Dash reclaimed her courage it seemed and sprang up to look Fox Trot in the eye, "I didn't pass 'Flight Camp'. I passed elementary school, middle school, even Summer school. And that's not a reliable source, you heard that from that ad!"

"Rainbow Dash: a regular school student. I am welling up at these revelations. Now, maybe you'd like to address the claims that you flush hedgehogs down the toilet?" Fox Trot asked with the most complacent of expressions.

"Who said I did that!?" Rainbow Dash nearly broke her podium in half as she slammed one of her hooves down dead center atop of it.

For the second time, Fox Trot put her eyes to the next guest; Fluttershy, opting to ignore Rainbow Dash's question, "Finally, Fluttershy. Would you like to make any rebuttals about your ad that has been put out?"

"...Wait..." Fluttershy spoke rather softly, a strange note coming to her mind, "...When was it I started running for president?"

"And that's all we have time for today," Fox Trot cut off any further words from the three as security stepped in and grabbed the three mares to drag them away, "Tune in next time to see how other candidates feel about the ads recently put out by the DAPC. On an unrelated note, this program is brought to you by DAPC."

"H-Hey...! You didn't answer my question... M-Ma'am...? Ma'am?" Little by little, Fluttershy's calls for answer fell quiet and she and her friends were 'escorted' out.

Ponies for President

Softly, a single spotlight hit the sight of a fair mare standing with a proud demenour about her. She tossed her curly crimson locks back once, seemingly to calm herself but only having it come across as an act of stoking her own ego. After a pause drawn out by her own conditions, she finally spoke in a tone befitting a stage personality. "Equestria needs a president. No getting around that. With our rampant changeling outbreaks, uncontrolled chaos, and horribly planned musical choreography; Equestria is being run into the mud. But, we here at Ponies for President do not blame our rulers Celestia and Luna. We blame our government system. A government drummed up by the democrats--"

Out from the side of the stage the mare stood upon, a little gray colt poked his head into view, sporting on his head a mic set and a green cap. "We don't have democrats yet..." he reminded her in a hush.

"Drummed up by the republicans--"

"We don't have republicans yet..." he added again.

"Drummed up by the buffalo!"

"...Sure?" the colt shrugged once and bowed himself out, unsure if he should rebuke that one.

"So we have enlisted as many pony candidates as we could find to run for president. How did we do it? Well, Equestria has no law saying I can't do that, so I did just that. And how are we going to pay for these campaigns? With tax payer money."

Yet again, the colt from before poked his head within view and interjected, "We don't have tax payers yet..."

"With television broadcasting--"

"We don't have TV yet..." he mumbled, starting to worry in his voice.

"With illegal embezzling--" the mare's own agrivation started to show as she grit her teeth together.

"When is embezzling legal...?" the colt pointed out.

"With the help of a benefactor."

"...Alright?" seeing this was going nowhere, he submitted once more and drew out of sight.

Noting her own agrivation building, the mare combed her mane back and struck a charming smile. "Yes. We here at Ponies for President are happy to announce that the DAPC foundation has graciously paid for all our campaign needs... As well as putting televisions in every ponies house... And supplying those houses with cable... And telephone wires... And telephones to be connected to those wires... BOTTOM LINE! We shall be streaming all your Ponies for President needs all day, everyday, until we have a president to call our own. This has been Fox Trot and Cue Card. And you stay questing, Equestria."

Pinkie Pie

Running candidate Pinkie Pie is one of the most -if not thee most- energetic ponies you will ever know. For every laugh she brings, she brings just another to every pony else. This is a mare who doesn't care about her own goals; just to be sure that every pony is smiling and having a good time. Pinkie Pie not only values the worth of joy, but also the importance of hard work. Hard work like the work some ponies do on rock farms; like the one she spent her young filly life tending to.

A bright smile and a dedicated missionary; Pinkie Pie does and have both. And no mudslinging can change that.

OR CAN IT!?

Fun is fun, but Pinkie Pie takes it too far. In a recent toe-tapping musical number, this mare had admitted to the reason she wants to make ponies happy is because it makes herself happy. What's next? Is she going to give money to the poor so they'll give her money back? That's SOCIALISM! And what does Pinkie plan to do with the money the poor give her? My guess is on sugar parties.

Pinkie Pie:

Exciting Road Maker for the Future?

Or

Drugged Up Socialist?

YOU DECIDE!

Princess Celestia

Princess Celestia, high ruler of Equestria, wants your vote as president. Why not give it to her? You have seen with your own eyes the good she does as a leader. Raising and setting the sun. Leading ponies with subtle ques into the right direction. Leaving you to make your own choices in the guided world she has enlightened you into. This is a mare with over a thousand years of leadership under her name and no complaint to it.

A thousand years of hardened and fair dedication to her kingdom. Not a soul should ever try to belittle that.

OR SHOULD THEY!?

Truth is that there are no complaints to her leadership because she is known to BANISH those that speak out against her. Case to that point: Her own SISTER. But more so, why does Celestia want to be president? She's already ruler of Canterlot. Does she just want more titles? What's next? Overlord? Commandant? Führer? Will she not stop until she controls every body of office? THAT'S DICTATORSHIP!

Princess Celestia:

Benevolent Monarch?

Or

Zealous Dictator?

YOU DECIDE!