Discord
I had practiced, played it over in my mind. But, it didn't help to ease the nervousness that was suffocating my body and mind. She'd agreed to meet me, without question... of course, we'd known each other for a long time. We liked to come here together, just the two of us... The small castle garden really was lovely. We'd spend hours out here, together... and somehow, amongst our friendly banter, I'd come to see us as something... more.
But she was a princess... and I was far from being any sort of prince. Still, we had found many common interests, and had spent happy days together. I thought... I thought she was different. Others looked at me like I was a freak. As if I was just some chaotic beast, some random chance of a creature.
The thing was, it was all true. But Celestia—she never seemed to notice. She didn't point or stare, or shirk away when I came near. She wasn't afraid to be close to me. She was the different one.
And she... she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my life. It wasn't because she was a princess. That mattered as little to me as my odd appearance did to her. The way that she laughed, no. Just the way that she SMILED. It made everything brighter around her.
The way she blushed when she was embarrassed... or especially, at the time when we'd accidentally touch. She might shirk away, but it wasn't because of my looks. It was because... because we were more. Her white coat always gleamed in the beautiful sun, her pink mane flowing gently down her neck.. She was a dream.
She was beautiful, yes. And I have an appreciation for beauty. Everything seems more beautiful when compared with myself. Yes... she was most definitely beautiful...
And there she was, coming to meet me, as we'd planned. Though why, she didn't know. I stashed the flowers I had behind the fountain, coming a little ways forward to meet her, so that she wouldn't see the surprise. I hadn't picked them from the garden... that wouldn't do. No, these were wildflowers, picked by yours truly. I thought it would be a nice touch...
The forest was a dangerous place. Celestia rarely visited there. It wasn't safe for a pony. But myself? I was just as fierce as any creature there. I didn't have to be afraid, because I belonged.
I could feel the sweat beginning to build on my brow, though it was late Fall and quite cool out. I swiped my right paw over my forehead as she came closer, taking in and letting out a deep breath to try to calm myself.
“Jangle?” she spoke. “What's this all about? You know that I'm busy preparing for the Winter Festival. But I...” she smiled, in that way she always did. Always so kind looking, toward any creature she met. Even me. I shook my head once to clear it. Now wasn't the time to be distracted. “...I guess this is a welcome break.”
“Uh, well...” I gulped. This was harder than I thought it would be. I took a deep breath. Everything was going to be fine. I'd rehearsed this, played over the scenario in my mind—yes, everything would be perfect. “That is what this is about.”
I pulled the flowers out, holding them in my arms. I stroked one of the petals with a talon, nervously looking down at it as I gathered myself. Then I looked to her, into those beautiful pink eyes, nearly matching with her hair color. “You know, there's a... a dance, at the Winter Festival. And I... I just wondered if... you'd accompany me.”
I bowed down, as most subjects did when meeting her—something that was out of character for myself. It was called for, though. I acted as a gentlecreature should, holding the flowers out to her as I dipped my head. I felt them leave my grasp as she took them, a magical aura holding them in the air as she stared.
And then she smiled, the half confused look leaving her face as she realized what this was all about. Her grin spread across her features, her eyes brightening and her face almost aglow. She sniffed the flowers, taking in the sweet, unique scents of the forest.
As I stood, she nearly leaped forward, wrapping her hooves around me as I returned the embrace. Finally, we weren't afraid to be together, and I knew that she felt the same way. Then again, I had always known it—ever since I'd realized my feelings for her, she, in return, had been stowing away her feelings for me.
“Of course I will.” she whispers, her words tickling my ear and causing it to unconsciously twitch. She nuzzles my cheek, and I wrap my arms around her again, never wanting to let her go. At last, at last, someone who was willing to understand me, who wasn't afraid.
I was in love with her.
But I was naive...
No. THAT was the scenario I'd imagined. I'd played it out in my mind... and in my heart. It had all worked out so well. Maybe it wouldn't go quite as planned... but no. This. This was entirely wrong.
I felt the flowers leave my grasp as she took them, a magical aura holding them in the air as she stared. She didn't sniff them, she didn't smile. She just stared. I stood up, awkwardly awaiting her response, anticipating her reaction.
And then it seemed to register, to really hit her, what my intent was. The flowers dropped to the ground, and I scurried forward with a cry, attempting to catch them. But Celestia barred the way, her horn pointed toward me, and one hoof above the mess of flora on the ground.
Her face flushed red, but not in her cute, embarrassed way. She was angry. Her hooves came down, stomping, once, twice—before she left the now crushed flowers alone.
“This—This is—“ she was fuming, words failing to make it past her shaking lips. Shaking with rage. “How could you even think that I—ME—that we could—“ She let a puff of air leave her flaring nostrils, obviously disgusted by my gesturing of kindness—no—of love.
“I would be disgraced if I showed up with someone—something—like you. How could you even conceive of such a concept?!”
Her words cut through me, but all I could do was stand there dumbfounded. Where had I gone wrong? How could I have misinterpreted the signs, been so far off in observing her feelings toward me? We'd been friends, at least. I knew that much. Right?
Maybe... maybe it was all an act. It had all just been a game to her—toying with me—pretending. When in reality, she was no different than any of the others. Celestia, so beautiful, and so kind, and wise... was a fake.
I clenched my talons unconsciously, my ears burning furiously as I held back tears. She couldn't see me cry. I had been wrong. All wrong. Completely wrong. How could she ever love someone like me? No. She'd called me... a thing. She never had loved me. Never in the way I'd imagined, and certainly not in the same way I felt for her.
So there she stood, her angry eyes penetrating deep inside me, before she turned tail and walked away. She just... walked away. But I thought she would be different...
I thought...
…I thought that maybe she'd understand...
I thought that maybe she'd see the REAL me...
...She could hardly even look at me.
And when she did?
...All she could see...
...was a monster.
She was a dream.
And I was a monster.
I wanted to chase after her, to talk with her. To know what went wrong, what I'd done wrong. But I didn't have to.
I wanted to go after her, as I watched her elegant steps, and the way her hair moved in the breeze... I wanted to so badly... but I knew it would be no use. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say... I was nothing.
She was a dream.
And I was a monster.
Monster.
So I sat, alone, in our favorite spot. I picked up one crushed blossom, holding it in in my talons, so fragile, as I thought she was. But I knew now, as the tears rolled down my cheeks and nose to land on the bright green grass, I knew that she was heartless.
The day had been perfect. Everything had been perfect, and right. Everything, except... except her.
...She could hardly even look at me.
And when she did?
...All she could see...
...was a monster.
...So I became one.