To Live this Life

Chapters

Chapter 1: All Hail the Princess
Chapter 2: Truth in Lies
Chapter 3: Dancing in the Sun's Rays
Chapter 4: Joy

Chapter 1: All Hail the Princess

“But princess, this could revolutionize how we power our homes!”

I carefully kept my expression unreadable as I looked over the documents presented to me. “I agree Magister Twinkle, but I see nothing to convince me that such an endeavor would be beneficial. For example,” I used a breath of magic to flick out a document and held it up, “these schematics tell me that use of magis nuclei for a reactor would produce a significant risk to anypony near the facility, as the radiation alone would do harm to any living thing nearby without adequate shielding. Furthermore, within a decade, we would have a surplus of depleted, radioactive materials with no safe place to store them.”

The gray-blue mare tipped her glasses further up on her muzzle before sputtering, “B-but-”

I shook my head. “I understand the risks involved, and there is simply no use for such a thing. The negatives far outweigh the positives, and the renewable refineries we have now are more than capable of providing enough energy to the populace. True that a fusion reactor would reduce the amount of refineries we need, but the idea is not to leave a lasting effect on the environment, or the ponies in the area. I am sorry, but your appeal has been denied.”

She gathered up the documents and bowed before leaving the audience chamber, and I couldn’t help but think it would not be the last time I heard from that particular pony. She may have the best interests of the United Equestrian Kingdoms in mind, but she had a tendency to overlook the risks. Still, she was nothing if not persistent, so I allowed myself a small smile as I gathered my things and prepared to make my way to the dining hall for evening meals.

As I walked through the winding hallways of the Old Palace, I couldn’t help but think of how much had changed over the years. In the distance, I could see the tower I had stayed in as a filly when I was under the tutelage of Celestia. What was once my safe haven was now a lab where young unicorns were supervised as they developed their magic skills. The hedge maze of the Royal Gardens still held the statues of the different villains that had been vanquished, but it was now open to the public at all times, as was most of the rest of the palace. In fact, the only part of the palace grounds that were private was the royal quarters, where my room was relocated many years ago. It was still strange sometimes, seeing so many common ponies and so few visible guards, but I forced myself to remember that we were at peace, and had been for nearly three-hundred years now.

After the Great Changeling Coup had come and gone, life as a whole had calmed down.

Discord had even completely reformed himself, no longer even calling himself by his past name. Instead, he became Concord, and worked on creating harmony wherever he could. He still enjoyed pranks and would occasionally play a joke on me or the other princesses, but as a whole he sought to right the wrongs of his past by creating a harmonious lifestyle for all ponies. With his new direction, his body also changed to match his heart, and he became a sky serpent of shimmering colors, as beautiful as he was powerful.

While I enjoyed the peace bestowed upon us all, I couldn’t help but feel bored lately. As I trotted toward my room, I held the selfish hope that something would happen that would require action. I thought that with my analytical, logical thinking, I would enjoy repetition and habit. Lately however, I found myself wishing for a change.

“Something on your mind, princess?” spoke an unmistakably cheery voice from beside me.

I smiled as I turned to Cadence, one of my closest friends in this changing world. “Hello, empress. How does the day find you?”

We always greeted each other formally, just to see which one of us would crack first.

I lost...again.

I burst out into laughter under the unflinching gaze of the Crystal Empress, and was joined by her laughter only a second later. It seemed that even as the centuries had passed, we always reverted to our younger days when I was simply Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s student, and she was one of my best friends in the entire world.

Time, it seems, hadn’t changed how we felt about one another.

Our laughter eventually died down, but I was forced to lean against my larger friend for support, as I always laughed hard enough to pass out when I was with her. Once I finally had my breathing under control, I let an unbidden smile cross my face as I leaned against her, and didn’t care to move away anytime soon.

Eventually the two of us stood again and trotted down the long corridor leading to the residential quarter of the palace. I was not able to see Cadence as often as I would have liked, usually only once every four or five months, but time that I spent with her was always a joy. With her and the princesses, I didn’t have to be Princess Twilight Sparkle...I could just be Twilight, and that was good enough.

“So how have you been, Twilight?” Cadence asked with a warm grin.

I shrugged. “A little bored lately, but otherwise alright. You?”

Cadence flipped her silky mane away from her face as she sighed. “Not as well as I had hoped. It appears an ancient sect has been causing trouble lately, and it has made things stressful to say the least.”

My giddiness was replaced with concern, and I asked, “Who are they?”

“They call themselves the Red Dawn,” she explained with a frown, “and they aim to spread anarchy and chaos whenever and wherever they can. They believe it is wrong for us to rule over ponies, that instead all ponies should be ‘free from the chains of oppression’ to do as they please with little or no consequences.”

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. “It sounds like they weren’t hugged enough as foals. I mean, they seem to be making it sound as if our subjects are our slaves or something.”

“That’s the way they see it.” she replied disdainfully.

I raised my eyebrow as I asked, “Why have I not heard of them before?”

Cadence shook her head. “I am unsure, but I think at the moment it is because they are not strong enough or bold enough to run operations within Equestria, where they would have to face down three alicorns at once.”

“So they chose the path of least resistance.” I mused, and Cadence nodded. I chuckled lightly. “Apparently they don’t know you very well.”

She shook her head with a sigh. “They do not. Unfortunately, they are also careful, usually using other ponies to do their bidding by casting a mind-controlling spell upon them. Upon the pony completing their given mission or being captured, the spell wipes their mind of all recent memories, making interrogations pointless.”

As we continued walking, I thought a bit on the matter. “Hmm...that is a rather tricky issue. Have you tried infiltration?”

“Nopony knows where they’re based, who their members are, or how to find said members. We’ve hit a bit of a wall with investigations.” Cadence explained in frustration.

I pursed my lips and nodded. “Well, I have in my employ a group of very special ponies that works on cases like this, often coming to a positive resolution when no others can. I have trained them myself, and I trust them to do what’s right. Would you be up to allowing them to operate within your borders?”

Cadence raised her eyebrow skeptically. “And who might I be expecting?”

I shook my head wearily. “I apologize, but for the safety of them and their work, I cannot reveal who they are, what they look like, or where they will be. Just...please trust me.”

She studied me for a few moments before shrugging with a sigh. “I suppose I can trust them if you do.”

I nodded with a relaxed smile. “Great. I’ll send them as soon as possible. Look for update reports under the moniker ‘Sunshine’ to arrive. Let your couriers know so they don’t throw them away or something.”

She nodded as well, her demeanor relaxing a great deal. “Thank you, Twilight. I knew I could count on you.”

I leaned forward and nuzzled my close friend, replying, “Of course you can, Cadence.” I broke the contact and continued walking with Cadence. “So where were you headed?”

“To see you, actually. I’m free until this evening, as that’s when me and Centurion Spear will be returning home.” she explained.

“Great,” I replied happily, “I was just off to get something to eat. Care to join me?”

She smiled wide and nodded. “That sounds great, Twilight.”

Two hours later, the sun had begun to descend from the sky past the midpoint, meaning that it was still only early afternoon. Still, most of the things I had planned today could be pushed back, so I allotted time for Cadence, as I always did when she visited.

The two of us were resting in my room watching a movie on my new TV, which was double the size of my old one, nearly filling the small wall it was anchored to. As we sat next to each other and enjoyed the show, I couldn’t help but marvel at how much technology had advanced. Magic was still the basis for our society, as it would likely always be, but technology had opened up many possibilities in how that magic could be used.

I still remember when the first television set was unveiled, I spent days studying it, trying to pick apart just how it worked and why. At the end of my investigation, I couldn’t help but think, “Why didn’t I think of that?” Still, it was an enjoyable invention, and it changed the way ponies relaxed around the world.

Along with that one initial invention came many others, including telephones (which cut down on tree-cutting for parchment), microscopes, mechanized carriages, and even a magical power grid. The use of magic as an energy source was a paramount discovery by Magister Shining Spark, and it changed the lives of ponies worldwide. Now, instead of relying on the iceponies to deliver ice blocks for our cold boxes, we could now keep them cool in a magically-cooled refrigerator with no need for a block of ice to be delivered every day. No longer did ponies suffer during the hottest days of summer and the coolest nights of winter, for now we had magical cooling and heating machines that would keep a home as cool or as warm as was needed. Candles had also been phased out as a whole, as now we had bulbs of light-producing magic spells that were mass-produced to run off of the new power grid.

And of course my favorite development, the music-players.

Vinyl records as a whole had fallen as a casualty to the times, as they were simply too fragile and too large to be practical once compact discs were created. Just as the name suggested, compact discs were much smaller than a record, being only a sixth of the size and weight. Instead of a needle running across it to create the sound, magic pickup devices “read” the music and projected it through speakers, another wonderful creation. True that many other things had come about during the last few centuries, but the ability to listen to music while I was reading or working without the need to wind a record player was amazing, and it vastly improved my productivity.

Still, as I sat beside Cadence and watched the epic adventure movie The Nightmare, I couldn’t help but smile at my favorite thing about the times...us. Cadence, me, Celestia, and Luna were the most important things in the world to me, and that would never change. Even through all the hardship that had befallen us with the loss of the other Elements, the loss of Shining Armor, the Changeling War, and many other obstacles, we had leaned on each other for strength, and had all become much closer as a result.

Thinking of the two princesses made me remember all they’d done for me, the most important of which was comforting me and making sure I knew I was loved and cared for...that I wasn’t alone. The pain from the loss of my friends and my brother had stuck with me over the years, but somehow Cadence had taken it quite differently. Instead of misery, she felt joy whenever she spoke of her late husband. Whenever the subject of Shining Armor would somehow come up, her face lit up in happiness at the memories that would surge forth.

“How do you do it?” I asked without thinking.

Cadence brought her head up off of her hooves and looked at me in confusion. “Do what?”

I turned my eyes to her and asked, “How do you get over somepony when they’re gone?”

She pushed herself up off the floor and scooted back to sit with me. “Where is this coming from, Twilight?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just...I’ve always noticed that whenever we talk about Shining Armor, you never seem to break down...”

“You mean like you do sometimes about Rainbow Dash or the others.” she said knowingly.

It was true. Though I no longer was reduced to a sobbing wreck, the mere mention of my friends could often put a damper on my mood. It was frustrating, because with all of my intellect and research done, I just couldn’t seem to find a way to not be sad that they were gone, that I’d never again see their faces, hear their voices, or feel the love they had for me.

I nodded solemnly. “Yeah.”

Cadence thought for a moment before standing. “We need ice cream. Wait here.”

I didn’t have time to form a rebuttal before she had already trotted out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I had gotten bored of waiting, and so had pulled out different reports from my top researchers to go over while I waited for Cadence to return. Most I simply looked over, giving a slight nod to myself at the progress made, but one in particular caught my eye. It was on the medical side of research, and focused on advanced healing, more specifically, the regrowing or reshaping of damaged or destroyed limbs. It was a study that had been going on nearly as long as I had been alive, which at this point in time was nearing six-hundred years, but only recently had it begun to show promise. I realized this was something I would have to keep a close eye on, as it could give certain ponies their life back ‒ unicorns that had lost their horns, or pegasi that had lost one or both wings, for example.

The door opened just as I finished reading the report, and I neatly levitated and stacked the papers on my writing desk, closing it up and locking it as I did so. I turned my eyes to see Cadence slightly frowning as she levitated two pints of ice cream over.

“Do you ever stop working?” she asked as she sat down on the fluffy carpet next to me, floating a pint of vanilla bean ice cream over.

I giggled and shook my head. “Not if I can help it. Celestia and Luna seemed to be always busy when they were training me to take up royal duties, so I feel like I need to work extra hard to give them some much-needed time to themselves. No matter what they might say, they need it.”

“But so do you.” Cadence insisted. “No matter what you might say, you’re not a machine. You need to let yourself relax too. It does you no good to work yourself so hard, Twilight.” She then opened her tub of sweet, creamy goodness and dug a spoonful out, lifting it to her lips.

I stared at her before opening my own tub and dipping a spoon in. “So why the ice cream?”

Cadence grinned as she swallowed the mouthful. “Trust me, this is an ‘ice cream talk’.” She took another bite before leveling her gaze with me. “So you were wondering how I got over Shining Armor being gone, hm?”

I nodded. “Well yeah. I mean if I didn’t know any better I’d think he was still around somewhere, and you were just counting the minutes until you can see him again...you know, like you used to.”

For the first time, I could see Cadence’s face just...crack a little, and it scared me. She took a deep sigh before pointing her spoon at me. “Eat. Don’t let that go to waste.” I did as she said and waited for her to continue, and after taking another bite of her own tub, she did. “So you think that I just ‘got over’ Shiny...that I just ‘got over’ the best thing that ever happened to me?” Her tone had changed, and I knew at that moment I was in for quite the lecture, so I got more comfortable. She sighed and said, “What you don’t know is that for the first hundred years after his death, I cried myself to sleep every night...every night.”

I swallowed the current spoonful of ice cream a little too quickly, wincing as it chilled my throat. “I-I didn’t know that.”

Cadence shook her head with a frown. “Nopony does, not even the Equestrian Princesses. As the Princess of Love, I naturally form a much stronger bond with my mate than most ponies can even imagine possible. It was like when he passed on, he took a piece of my soul with him...and it’s never stopped hurting.” Her eyes then turned to me, and seemed to bore into my very soul. “You want to know how I go on? I force myself to think of all the good times instead of the bad. I think of what he left me to remember him by, instead of the fact he’s gone.”

I must have eaten more than I thought in the few minutes we’d been talking, because suddenly I was scraping the bottom of the container. I set it down and met eyes with her again, asking, “Does it ever get any better?”

Cadence’s smile was back, and she tilted her head ever so slightly. “It does if you want it to.” She scooted closer to me and extended a wing across my back. “Forgetting the pain of them being gone does not mean forgetting them, Twilight...and I doubt they would want you to continue to feel sad over their loss after all this time.”

I dropped my eyes to the floor and sighed. “I don’t know how easy it will be to forget the pain when I lay in bed at night on her birthday, knowing that the only thing I have to hug and kiss goodnight is a pillow.”

She giggled slightly and said, “Yes...I’ve done that too, so don’t feel bad. The fact of the matter is that there will always be certain things and certain times that will bring back the pain, but you know how I fight it back?” I shook my head, and Cadence smiled gently. “I remember that Shiny wanted me to be happy all the time. Letting his death ruin me would be an insult to his memory, and I have a feeling Rainbow Dash and the rest of your friends felt the same way about you.”

I nodded my head in defeat. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Cadence’s gentle smile did not abate as she nudged me gently. “Glad you finally figured that out, Ladybug.”

The rest of the night had been wonderful, and Cadence’s presence had allowed me to find solace in such a way that I was usually only able to find with Celestia and Luna, but she also allowed me to find an answer to a problem I’d had for a long time, and I felt like I could finally let go of the pain that tied me to the past, looking to the future with excitement and wonder again.

As the crescent moon crested the horizon, I smiled at the hour of twilight...my hour. The rainbow of hues caused me to smile at the gift Luna had insisted to give to me, and I knew what I had to do now.

I turned and began trotting through the Royal Gardens, towards the northeast corner that held the palace cemetery. I felt horrible as I did so, as it was a place I had only visited once in six centuries, simply because of the fact I had believed it would be too painful to do so. Now however, I was prepared to face it...to finally put them all to rest. They deserved it, I deserved it, and I needed the closure to move on and live my life.

The first glimpse of headstones caused my steps to falter, but only for a moment as my strides became stronger, and more determined. The field was vast, clearly holding several centuries worth of important ponies, but the very rear of the field was my destination, so I quickly passed the rest by with subtle nods of respect.

As I crested the small hill, five statues stood tall in a semicircle, their marble surfaces kept clean and in good condition by the groundskeepers.

To the far left was an earth pony. The strength and pride was somehow captured in her likeness by the sculptor, and as I looked upon it, I almost expected to hear the warm chuckle I was always so fond of. The familiar stetson hat atop her head had been passed on through her family after her death, her first niece receiving it in her will. The hat was a symbol of the indomitable spirit of the Apple family, that even to this day spanned all of Equestria. Applejack had been a proud, yet loving pony, who placed more value on family and friends than materialistic things...a trait so rare these days. She had been taken so soon from us, at the age of forty-four, and it was a tragedy in itself to see one so young leave us.

Next to Applejack was her wife, Rarity, one of the most elegant and generous ponies the world had ever known. As if suffering from a broken heart, she passed on only a week after her wife, eager to join her in the afterlife. True to her nature, she had left all of her fortune to charity in her will, and left her business to her apprentice, who loved making dresses nearly as much as Rarity did. The statue itself captured her beauty perfectly, and her left eye always seemed to be on the verge of an affectionate wink towards me.

On the other side, to the far right, was another earth pony, this one with a wildly curly mane and tail and a smile plastered on her face. It seemed that even in death, her joy could not be contained, and I half-expected her to burst forth from the stone with giggles abound before she wrapped me up in a bone-crushing hug. Even in the visage of stone, she seemed to be bouncing a bit in joy. It was strange, really. Though Pinkie had been the last to leave this world, she did so quietly, which went against nearly every Pinkie-rule the young version of her would have had. Instead of the demand for a party, she had simply asked for a quiet burial next to her husband, and for everypony in attendance to remember the joy she brought. She expected tears...in her maturity, she no longer held the foalish belief that to cry would be an insult, but she asked that we kept in mind that she wanted us to smile and be happy. And so, we did.

Next to her was a soft-spoken pegasus mare by the name of Fluttershy, her gentle features and demeanor seemingly imprinted upon the stone itself, and a soft, loving smile forever etched onto her face. Fluttershy’s passing was one of the hardest to deal with, taking place only a few years after that of Applejack and Rarity. In her maturity, she had become less concerned with safety around the larger animals she cared for, and her failing vision and hearing didn’t help matters. Her husband, Big Macintosh, had still allowed her to do what she was passionate about, however, because as he explained it, to keep her from doing so would be killing her before she was gone. A manticore had been her demise, one that was nearly as aged as she was. Likely, it had been startled because of its loss of hearing and her suddenly appearing in front of it, and so had reactined as a frightened predator should. Big Mac took things surprisingly well, shedding only what tears were called for at her funeral, and pushing forth to continue the Apple family legacy with the youngsters. Fluttershy’s house seemed to have been claimed by the forest her animal friends called home, with vines and trees overtaking the gentle cottage. It almost seemed as if in some way, the Everfree itself was calling home one of its own, a kindred spirit that understood the animals within it like no other. Part of what had made her passing so difficult was the fact that it came before anypony really had time to finish mourning the loss of Applejack and Rarity, but it was also the fact that she had been taken before her time, being the second-youngest of us.

In the center of the small field, was the last of us...Rainbow Dash. With wings flared, she stood proud and tall amongst the placid cemetery, as if itching to prove her loyalty once more by protecting those in need. She had been laid to rest with the others in Ponyville, but had been buried with full military honors, awarded the Solar Shield posthumously for laying down her life for another. I always found it slightly humorous, that fact, for though death had not taken her before that time, she had put her life on the line so many, many times before for her friends and comrades. Her brother-in-arms, Flicker, had made sure to tell everypony he knew that he had lived because of her; even though he could not speak of their work, he wanted...no, needed the world to know that he lived because of her. The world would never know much else about what they did besides the fact that they worked directly for the princesses of Equestria, but what the world did know was that she was loyal to the end, willingly laying down her life for a friend.

Even though my friends weren’t actually buried here ‒ they had been put to rest in Ponyville ‒ I always felt somehow closer to them in this place, as if the stone bodies had somehow held a part of who they were more than the simple graves themselves. It was part of the reason I had avoided this place for so long, for with that closer bond I felt came an ill feeling in my stomach and a tightness in my chest.

No matter...this needed to be done.

I stepped forward to the plaque on the ground, and read it aloud:

“The Elements of Harmony:

Applejack Apple, Element of Honesty

Rarity Belle-Apple, Element of Generosity

Rainbow Dawn Dasher, Element of Loyalty

Fluttershy Aegis-Apple, Element of Kindness

Pinkamena Pie, Element of Laughter

Princess Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic

These six souls were chosen to defend Equestria by powers beyond comprehension, and they did so dutifully. In life, they were loved. In passing, they are remembered and revered. May the sun, moon, and stars guide them to the great beyond to find their rightful place, wherever that may be. May she who remains be forever honored for uniting them all.

May peace reign, and the great power of the Elements slumber forevermore.”

I remember the day this plaque was made. Spike himself had commissioned it, finding the words and wisdom to put upon it. It was a reminder to all future generations of just how important these five mares were, as well as a reminder that time itself had continued because we had willed it so. Eventually, all things would come to an end. While the princesses of Equestria would probably forever remain, our beloved nation may very well cease to exist with time. However, all the work and all the sacrifice had been worth it. Even if it were for just one more generation...one more laugh of a foal or kiss from a lover’s lips...it had been worth it. Should the day ever come when harmony waned, I had no doubt in my mind that the magic that bound us would give birth to new Element bearers to carry on the legacy.

For now though, I lay to rest the past.

I move closer to the plaque and sit down only a few inches from it, and let a deep shuddering sigh pass my lips. “Hi girls...it’s been a long time.”

I swallowed thickly as I thought of what to say to them, as they deserved only the best, and I had postponed for far too long. So, I said the only thing I could think of.

“I was scared.”

It was true, in the simplest form. I had been afraid of the pain that came with actually saying goodbye. In hindsight, the lack of true closure had hurt as well, but I hadn’t been thinking clearly. Grief can do strange things to one’s rationale, and I was far from an exception. As I sat there, alone and broken, I couldn’t help but realize the true reason I hadn’t visited in so long.

As the years had passed, my memories never faded. Any memories I had were as crisp and as fresh as the day they were made, forever preserved by whatever magic kept me alive. I had come to believe, however, that it was the pain I felt from the loss of all my friends that kept those memories alive. I foolishly believed that if the pain stopped, so too would the memories I had of Shining Armor, and the girls. Losing that time I’d spent with all of them would destroy me.

If anything could kill an alicorn, I imagine that would be it.

“I don’t want to say goodbye to all of you.” I muttered painfully. “I never did...it’s just so unfair. Why do I have to stick around while you all get to rest? Why me?” I couldn’t stop myself as the pain quickly changed to rage and I gritted my teeth. “What did I do to deserve this? Was it because I wasn’t a good enough student to Celestia? Maybe it was because I wasn’t as good a friend as I should have been...” My anger petered out into sorrow once again, and all I could feel was regret now. “I wish I’d never completed that spell. I wish I could’ve grown old and died like you all did.”

It then occurred to me that not once had I truly come to terms with what I was, and what my life had become. For a startlingly long amount of time, I had simply been numb to it all. Had I faked my relationships with the princesses and Cadence? How much had I been dishonest to them about how I felt? How much had I lied to myself?

It all burst forth at once, and I poured all of my anger, my frustration, and my sorrow into the painful tears that sprang forth from my eyes. I roared in agony and rage, the booming sound of my “royal” voice causing the grass to flatten and the clouds above me to dash away from the force.

I knew the reasoning behind it all. I knew that I was chosen, likely before I was even born, to become the next princess of Equestria. From a young age, I was molded and grown to become a great leader. Princess Celestia, and later Luna, worked tirelessly to be sure I would be ready for such a life, and that I could bring Equestria to an unprecedented period of prosperity and peace.

My emotions didn’t care, however.

I didn’t want this. I hadn’t wanted to outlive everyone I’d ever cared about. I hadn’t wanted to become an embarrassment to my parents. But most of all, I hadn’t wanted to be special.

I had wanted to just be regular Twilight Sparkle. I had wanted to just be a regular pony, with regular friends and a (mostly) regular life. I had wanted to make my parents proud of me.

Most of all, I had wanted to love Rainbow to the fullest, grow old with her, and take my last breath in her embrace.

It isn’t fair, and I don’t want this anymore.

Chapter 2: Truth in Lies

I reentered the waking world slowly and in confusion. First of all, I realized that not only had I fallen asleep without realizing it, but I was not outside and uncomfortable. In fact, without even opening my eyes, I realized that I was laying on what could only be a bed, and that said bed was very soft...and warm...and breathing...

Wait...

I grudgingly opened my eyes and looked around, noting that I was in a rather dark-colored room with a single bookshelf and closet in it, leaving it completely empty otherwise. The walls were painted a soft blue, and it had a short carpet of indigo. Lastly was the illusion of the night sky overhead, which meant this could only be one pony’s room.

Luna.

I looked to my left to see the slumbering princess next to me, and I could only assume it had been her that found me in the gardens and brought me back to the palace. I smiled as I gazed at her, and a lovely warmth entered my chest when I thought about how much she’d come to care for me.

What began as a friendship one fateful Nightmare Night became a deep connection between the two of us. In many ways, I understood her in a way her sister never could, much as neither of us would ever admit it. Both of us were introverts by nature, loved learning and studying, and tended to think more with the mind than the heart. Luna became a strong figure to me after Celestia began to travel more and more, often leaving Luna and I to take care of state affairs while she was away. I found it odd that while Celestia was older and my mentor, her and I became close friends while Luna became the strong authority figure I needed to teach me how to be a good princess, and a good pony. Where ponies had always found her the more intimidating princess, I always found her to be a bastion of safety.

So it went without saying that waking up as I had, in her bed, wasn’t all that uncommon.

Upon becoming an alicorn and beginning my new life as a princess, I was afraid. I had no idea how to act or what I would be expected to do...for the first time in my life, I felt completely ignorant. In many ways, I emotionally reverted to a young filly, as even before the falling-out with my parents, I rarely saw them, and my friends could only visit so often. I was isolated, and I needed somepony there for me. Luna chose to take up the responsibility. Many a night would I find myself ranting and/or crying in frustration as I became overwhelmed by my new duties, and from loneliness. It became commonplace for Luna and I to stay up long into the night talking, often with us falling asleep in whoever’s room we happened to be in. It pained me in some ways that Celestia and I had drifted apart somewhat in the past few generations, but I was also happy that I could become so close to Luna, who often needed to be reminded of just how important she was.

Speaking of the night princess, she stirred next to me, and when I saw it was dark outside, I focused to sense the moon in the sky. I found the moon had risen no more than an hour ago, which meant it was still rather early in the evening. This of course meant that Luna had either finished her duties early, or had rearranged some things to allow her time to be by my side, even if just to sleep.

I turned my eyes to Luna as she murmured cutely in her sleep, her cornflower-blue mane tickling her nose, causing her to wiggle it in an extremely adorable manner. I found it strange sometimes, that where once I thought I had a crush on her, I now looked up to her in the same way a filly would look up to an older sister. It appears time can change feelings...

But I couldn’t deny how innocent and cute she looked when she was resting.

My logical mind then kicked in as I forced myself to think about earlier in the day, and the attempt at closure I’d done in the cemetery. What I found was uplifting. I found that while the pain was still there when I thought about my friends, particularly Dash, it was reduced to a dull ache instead of the icy chill that had normally accompanied such thoughts. Apparently Cadence had been right...if I wanted things to get better, they would.

“Feeling better?” spoke a gentle, yet powerful voice.

I turned my eyes to Luna, who was still resting, but had one eye open, looking at me. I nodded with a smile. “Much. Thank you for looking after me, Luna.”

She returned a gentle smile of her own as she motioned to the space next to her, and I scooted over closer before her larger blue wing wrapped around me. “Always, Twilight...always.”

I snuggled closer into the reassuring warmth of her wing and coat, relishing the comfort it brought me, and I nearly fell asleep.

“Twilight?” she asked softly.

I looked to her and smiled. “Yes?”

She suddenly looked a bit nervous as she gathered herself. “Well, I was privy to some of what you said in what you assumed was privacy...namely your last few words.” I suppressed a flinch at what was coming, and she added, “Do you truly regret what you have become? Do you regret what we have bestowed upon you?”

The question struck me hard, but while I wanted to tell Luna that I was truly honored and privileged to have been given such a gift, I could not lie to her. “Sometimes.”

She grimaced slightly and sighed as she leaned her head against mine. “I know how you feel, Twilight...truly I do. While it is true that Celestia and I were created as alicorns, we did not know our true nature until much later in life. I came to find that after my sister had fully matured as an alicorn, she no longer aged. Recently, the scientific community has been rather interested in us.”

I nodded. “So I’ve noticed.”

Luna smiled softly as she continued. “Through tissue samples and magical scans, the experts have found that where a pony’s cellular division rate would decrease with age, ours has stayed the same or even increased, and this trend shows no signs of ceasing. What this means is that-”

“Our bodies grow stronger as we age, not weaker.” I interrupted. I looked to her and said, “What you mean to say is that it is very likely that we truly are eternal...but what does this have to do with how I feel?”

Luna smiled sadly. “Let it be said that you are not the only one who has wished for death...not by far. We have all wished for such a thing, for different reasons and at different times. Even the mighty Celestia has fallen to such temptation, and once spent several decades searching for a way to remove our apparent immortality.”

I raised my eyebrow and asked, “When did this happen?”

“Shortly after Clover the Clever passed on...she was Celestia’s first lover.” Luna explained placidly. “Sister was distraught of course, and began to seek a way to make us normal ponies.”

I thought it pointless to ask, but I did so anyway. “Did she find anything?”

Luna shook her head. “No...nothing. What we are is irreversible, Twilight. I am sorry to disappoint you.” She then brought her hoof up to stroke my cheek gently. “And for what it is worth, I am sorry for having this thrust on you without adequate knowledge. We should have told you exactly what the spell would have done and what this life meant.”

I shook my head. “I would have convinced myself that the positives far outweigh the negatives...that it was still worth it. I seem to have lost that through the years.” I sighed and lowered my head to rest against Luna’s side. “There just seems to be so many negative effects when compared to positive is all. I mean, I don’t even know why you and Celestia need me. I don’t control the sun or moon or anything.”

She smiled warmly and countered, “That is where you are wrong, Twilight. You are far more important than you believe.”

“How so?” I asked curiously, now genuinely interested.

Again Luna smiled. “Magic, Twilight...magic. You see, ponies believe the planet is what generates the magic that makes our world go round, and this is true, but where does the planet’s magic come from?”

I shrugged. “Nopony knows. It seems to be perpetually creating magic and feeding it to every land in the world.”

Luna shook her head gently and said, “Perhaps it is time for you to learn just how important you are.” Her eyes stared powerfully back into mine. “You are the source, Twilight. You are the source of the planet’s limitless magic.”

I frowned. “Me? That doesn’t make sense though, because a unicorn merely channels the magic around them through the body and horn.”

“Yes, but you are not a unicorn anymore, are you? And even when you were, you were far from normal.” she explained.

I shook my head. “N-no, that doesn’t make sense. What would the source have been before me?”

Luna smiled. “You always wondered exactly what made your family so special among ponies. It was in fact your ancestor, Lilith, who served as the previous magical conduit. She was a primordial pony however, very powerful, but very unstable. Her essence became one with the planet, and has been feeding it over the millennia, until recently. It was why we were so desperate to find you Twilight, and I am so sorry for rushing it all.”

“You act as if it’s all your fault or something, Luna.” I observed.

She nodded as her smile slipped away. “Because it is. Celestia wanted to wait, for she felt you weren’t ready...but I knew that replacing the magical conduit couldn’t wait any longer. I practically forced her to send the unfinished spell to you...the spell we were so sure you could complete.”

I then realized my error in the past. Though I never said so, I had blamed Celestia for what I was, more so after all of my friends had passed on. I even cursed her sometimes because of it, and even though I should have felt bad for bad-mouthing my longtime mentor, I needed someone to blame. She forgave me for my outbursts of course, being the amazing mare she was, and after letting my frustration and anger out, I also felt better.

The fact that Celestia had taken on all of the blame to protect her younger sister made me feel horrible, though.

“Why would she let me say all those things to her...” I whispered harshly, more confused than angry. “Why didn’t she tell me the truth?”

Luna frowned slightly. “Because we are sisters, and that is what sisters do. Had she been in the same situation and I could find a way to make sure she did not find out about it, I would likely have done the same thing. No matter the cost, we will look out for one another, for in the end, we are all we have. Ponies come and go, civilizations will rise and fall, and one day Equestria itself may cease to be...but Celestia and I will still have each other,” she then gently placed her hoof on mine, “and you will have both of us.”

I looked away from her in shame. “I have to tell her, Luna...I have to apologize for all that I said to her...all that I did.” I took a deep breath before asking, “I really hurt her, didn’t I?”

“Do you want the truth?” Luna asked carefully.

Her question already answered my own, but I urged her to continue. “Yes...I want to know everything.”

I heard and felt her take a deep breath before she said, “It hurt her Twilight...more than I ever thought possible. After Clover I truly believed she could never connect with another mortal after that.” Luna then pulled my face to look at her as she smiled gently. “But you...you were the one pony she could not distance herself from, no matter how much she tried. Make no mistake Twilight, she did try, but you embedded yourself in her heart in a way no other has. You are truly unique in so many ways. It was because of this bond with you that she allowed herself one selfish act...”

I raised my eyebrow questioningly. “What act?”

Luna sighed gently. “She named you the next princess, and the only created alicorn in hundreds of years. No matter what you may believe, when we sought out the new Princess of Magic, many candidates were available, even after you became the Element of Magic. Still, much as I wish it otherwise, Celestia focused on you because of her emotions, and threw her objectivity to the wind. However, I could not allow it...and so I devised a plan to choose the proper princess.” She nodded softly. “The incidents with Discord, King Sombra, and even the ancient spell which you completed...there was a reason you and the other Element-bearers were chosen to handle those. It was not because my sister and I could not, it was because I had to test you to be sure you were the princess we were looking for. Celestia would have let her personal emotions cloud her judgement, and so I had to be the objective eye that saw your actions and behavior logically. It was to my sister’s great joy that I found you worthy to be as we are, and she felt that with you now unchained to death, she could allow herself to be happy again, no longer fearing that you would one day leave her.”

It felt as if a knife was twisting in my heart. “So when I shouted at her...when I cursed her name...”

Luna nodded. “You broke her heart in a way no other could in thousands of years. And yet, her love for me was greater than her pain, so she bore it proudly and forced me to be silent.”

Again my eyebrow raised. “She forced you?”

She grimaced. “Think what you wish, but she can be very persuasive.” Luna then brushed her soft blue mane out of her eyes with a hoof. “Anyway, it is part of the reason she spends so much time abroad lately, doing diplomatic work in the other territories and making sure our allies and enemies are kept in check. She believes you hate her for forcing you into this life.”

The knife in my heart seemed to begin twisting the other way and a sickening feeling spread through my stomach. “So this is all my fault then.” I swallowed thickly and added, “You know, the one thing I kept thinking throughout all of it was, ‘I thought I knew her better than this. It doesn’t make sense.’” I chuckled darkly. “I guess I was right...she just loved you too much to let you take the blame. She reminds me of my own brother in that sense.” I then looked nervously at Luna. “What um...what else happened?”

She looked away, suddenly nervous herself. “I am not to say. I made a promise.”

My mind began work immediately, analyzing all of the possible things that the Guardian of the Day would wish for me not to know, which narrowed things down a bit. In truth, there was not much I did not now know about my mentor...I even knew about the fact that she hated hay with a passion. And so, instead of generalizing the idea itself, I focused it on me...and what happened between us. What would Celestia not want me to know happened because of what I’d said?

It only took a few seconds before it hit me...hard.

“I made her cry.” I muttered in shame.

Celestia was a powerful ruler, known by her subjects far and wide to be kind, fair, and strong. One of the many things she had learned to use was a static mask that revealed nothing of her true feelings...it allowed her to deal with political matters unbiased. Still, I had seen her cry only once before when Luna was cleansed from the curse of Nightmare Moon...but those had been tears of joy. It occurred to me that I had in fact never seen her cry out of sadness, and the only time I knew she had done so was immediately after Luna’s banishment to the moon.

I had done what many had thought impossible...I had made Celestia, the unshakable Alicorn of the Sun, cry.

I let loose a shuddering sigh, fighting back shameful tears. “I’m a horrible pony.”

Luna pulled me closer with her wing and stated, “No you are not...and you know that. It is simply a fact of life that the ones we care about the most hold the power to do the most harm to us.”

I shook my head as I gritted my teeth. “No...I wish she didn’t care about me.”

“Many times, she has as well.” Luna answered. I looked up and met her gaze, and she smiled sadly. “What nopony knows is the fact that many a night she would come to my quarters, stressed beyond measure for one reason or another. More often than not, however, the reason had to do with you in some way. Also, quite often, it was simply her missing you. Even without directly asking, it became apparent that as a young filly, the two of you were very close. I cannot count the times that she had in the past mentioned to me how much she missed you and cursed the fact she had so little free time available that she could not simply visit you not as a princess, but as a friend that missed you dearly.”

“Why didn’t she ever just tell me?” I asked, now seeing my past in a new light.

Luna shook her head. “You were still growing as a pony, and as a future princess. She believed it would do no good for you to have knowledge that your princess had the very mortal emotion of loneliness.”

I felt my head automatically tilt a bit as I thought in confusion for a moment before asking, “But she had you, didn’t she?”

She smiled gently and let a nearly-silent giggle escape. “Dear Twilight, I am no replacement for you. True that my sister had missed me greatly, but the bond she shared with me was not the same as the one she had with you.” Luna turned her gaze to the ceiling for a moment before asking, “You deeply loved Rainbow Dash, yes?”

I nodded without hesitation. “Of course.”

Luna smiled gently before continuing with, “Well, should you ever find love again, could that new pony ever replace what you had with Rainbow Dash?” I shook my head in realization, and Luna smirked in triumph. “There you have it. While we are both loved by my sister, neither can replace the other. The difference between us was the type of bond we held with her. While mine was that of a sister, whom she told everything, yours was of a young student in need of somepony to look up to...somepony to aspire to. She could not in good conscience tell you of her own burdens without adding to your own stresses that come with life.”

I sighed in annoyance. “Well I’m not some young filly anymore, so why doesn’t she tell me these things now?”

Luna again smiled a little sadly as she answered, “Habits are very difficult to break, Twilight. You of all ponies should know that.”

I scoffed. “So she let me be angry with her...for you.”

“Exactly. Her love for me goes beyond what most mortals can fathom, for it is tempered with thousands of years instead of less than a hundred.” Luna replied gently.

I shook my head with self-loathing and said, “I have to fix this...I have to apologize to her when she’s back.”

“She will return in four day’s time, hopefully with an alliance with the Crystalhide Clan.” Luna stated.

I huffed, again in shame. “Spike’s still mad at me, hm?”

“You spoke many hurtful things.” Luna commented. “Though your dear friend, words can still hurt him Twilight...more so because of how much you two care for each other. When the Winter Solstice passes, you should make a trip to Spearhead Plateau to apologize to him.”

I nodded. “I should. It’s been years since we’ve last spoken.”

Luna chuckled lightly. “All the more reason to refresh that bond then. Because he is the current alpha, it could only help our diplomatic relations.” Her expression then turned serious as she said, “But first, you must make things right with Celestia. I fear that it will weigh on you until you do.”

I nodded again. “Yeah. I can’t afford to treat the few friends I have like that. You four are all I’ve got really, and I think I’ve been a little cold in the past.”

“At times the wastes of the Frozen North has had more warmth.” Luna commented dryly.

I glared at her as I pulled away, looking out the window. “Dawn will be coming soon, and I have tax records to go through and optimize.” I then looked back at Luna with a softened expression. “Thank you, Luna...for all of this. I promise I’ll make things right.”

She nodded with a small smile. “I know you will, Twilight. I have faith in you.”

I watched as she stood and stretched out her legs, wings, and neck, and then a soft blue glow encompassed her figure. Her coat changed to a darker blue, and her mane and tail changed from normal hair to the starry ethereal mane and tail that she “wore” in public, a side effect of the magic of the night that ran through her. She then smiled towards me and nodded before we left her room side by side, ready to begin the early morning together...with a new future in my mind and forgiveness in my heart.

Chapter 3: Dancing in the Sun's Rays

Chapter 3: Dancing in the Sun’s Rays

The next few days following my heart-to-heart with Luna came and went without incident. Laws were disputed, taxes were distributed to where they were most needed, and the nobles found another reason to look down on the lower classes. To put it simply, business as usual in Canterlot. It made things easy, if not a little boring.

As usual, I missed Cadence when she was gone. It was true that we sometimes went decades without speaking personally to one another about something other than politics, but I still treasured the few times here and there that we could spend time together. It made me miss the old days when things were so much simpler. I missed the times when the most tragic thing we had been through was a changeling invasion during Cadence’s wedding. Strange that I actually considered something like that simple, but when it came right down to it, ruling over ponies was very difficult. It was something I could never empathize with Luna and Celestia on until I actively took a ruling position within the kingdom.

Unfortunately for me, one of my less-liked events was scheduled for today: the semi-annual meeting with the noble houses.

I found it odd that I held such contempt for the noble houses, when the Sparkle line became a noble house after mine and my brother’s respective coronations. I suppose I didn’t have a problem with the idea of nobility, but the fact of the matter was that I had quite a large problem with how most of said nobles tended to act as if they were better than everypony else. There were exceptions here and there, but they were just that: exceptions. The norm was to be a pompous, self-righteous donkey who spent most of one’s free time looking down their muzzles at the “commoners”. After my coronation however, Celestia had decided that because of my ability to stay calm in the face of such extreme annoyances, it would be best if I tended to handle such matters. Celestia’s strengths leaned towards fostering and maintaining relations between the other civilizations of the world, while Luna was a military genius. Suffice to say that upon Luna throwing a certain snooty high-class pony out on his rump ‒ literally, I might add ‒ I was quickly appointed to handle the noble affairs in her place. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing I suppose, as I was perfectly capable of handling said affairs, even if I didn’t particularly like most of the ponies themselves. Besides, more than being friends and confidants, the other two princesses of Equestria and I were a team, and a good team tries to find the best way to get things done.

While I wasn’t too thrilled about this meeting, I was also determined to have it done correctly.

“Princess Twilight?” called a voice from my side.

“Hm? Wha?” I replied stupidly, very clearly advertising the fact that I had been off in my own little world. I turned my head to look at the voice, and saw my personal guard, Sungleam, shaking her head with a grin.

“Come on, Princess Twilight. You don’t want to be nodding off like that at the meeting.” she warned half-heartedly. “Who knows what a room full of ignored nobles would do?”

I shrugged. “Probably attempt to pass a bill that would forbid ‘common’ ponies from walking within fifty yards of their estates.” I noticed the orange-coated pegasus mare staring at me in confusion, and I nodded with a sigh. “Yes, it’s happened before. More than once. And no, the law never actually passed, and probably never will pass.”

She let out a breath and lowered her head in a relaxed manner. “Thank Celestia for that.”

I giggled lightly. “Actually, you can thank Luna. She was the one that shot it down every time. She dealt with the nobility issues before I took over.”

Sungleam huffed as we continued walking. “Why can’t more nobles be like you and the princesses? It’s like they have a persistent hate-boner for anypony that makes less than eighty-thousand bits a year.”

Sungleam’s no-nonsense attitude and lack of self-censoring was what I liked the most about her. It was in fact those attributes, as well as others, that led me to choose her as my personal guard and assistant. She pulled no punches with words or attacks, and it was her honesty in that sense that drove me to enlist her into my employ. That wasn’t to say that we didn’t butt heads every now and then, but any decent relationship has differences of opinion, and I needed somepony like her to be able to tell me when I was doing something stupid. She had no problem telling me when I was acting like a foal.

I brought my mind back to Sungleam’s comment as we rounded the final hallway. “Well, I’ve found that those that vie for the power of nobility the most are those that will do the least good with it.” I stopped and pointed a hoof to myself. “Take me for instance. I never really thought about being a princess, and even now, I don’t really use the powers vested in me for personal gain. I use the resources at my disposal to find the best way to keep Equestria running and progressing smoothly. When I wake up each morning, my first thought isn’t about me, it’s about you and all the other ponies in the world.” I then pointed to the doors ahead of us. “Most of those ponies in there think only of themselves, and how they can step on ‘common’ ponies and each other to gain headway in life.” I then shook my head with a sad sigh. “What these ponies fail to realize is that in a few hundred years, the world as a whole won’t remember them for how much money they have or how many servants serve them. It’s a little sad what priorities they have.” I smiled as I pointed to Sungleam. “The kind of pony that will be remembered is the one that took six poison darts to her rump to save a princess of Equestria from assassins. A memorable pony would be the one that chooses to serve not for money, but because she believes the pony she protects is more important than a paycheck.” I raised my hoof and placed it on the smaller pony’s shoulder. “In a few centuries, I won’t even be able to tell you the names of the ponies in that room, but for the rest of my life, I’ll remember you. I don’t say it very often, and for that I’m sorry, but I want to say thank you, Sungleam. Thank you for being the kind of pony I can have faith in.”

For one of the rare times since I’d known her, Sungleam blushed as she patted my hoof with her own. “Aw come on, princess. You’re making me all red.” I dropped my hoof, and she smiled warmly up at me. “I don’t do what I do for thanks, but it is nice to hear it from time to time. So, thank you.”

I offered her a smile as well before motioning to the large arched doors in front of us. “So, ready to help me foalsit a bunch of nobles?”

She barked a laugh. “Hey, I’m charged with protecting you from threats to your safety, perceived or otherwise. Dealing with nobles though, that’s all you.” She patted my chest with a smirk. “I’ll be off to the side, watching your eye twitch as you try to keep from scowling.”

I grumbled to myself as I quickly looked over my royal vestments and forced a practiced smile on my face. I then pushed the left door open while Sungleam pushed open the right, and a cacophony of haughty voices assaulted my ears for a moment before going completely silent. All eyes were now upon me as Sungleam and I made our way to the head of the large oval table, Sungleam brushing her two-toned gold and orange-colored mane out of her eyes as she followed me. I took a seat at the obnoxiously-large chair at the head, while my personal guard took her place on a cushion in the corner of the room, where she could keep an eye on all the attendees.

I shuffled my wings a bit as I tried to find a comfortable position, and then placed my hooves on the table and nodded to the group. “Good morning, everypony. I apologize if you have been waiting long, but important matters came up that I was forced to attend to first.”

“Apologies Princess Twilight, but this is an important matter.” spoke a decidedly attractive gray-coated unicorn stallion.

I nodded to him with the same practiced smile. “Of course it is Duke Silverstream, but you cannot expect me to deny a request from Princess Luna, can you?” True that the “important meeting” with Luna was simply a breakfast together, but he didn’t know that.

He lowered his head slightly, obviously a bit cowed. “I suppose not. Apologies.”

I shook my head. “It is quite alright.” I then turned my gaze back to the group as a whole. “Now, the floor is open for any and all requests or important issues that must be brought to my attention. As always, please address me one at a time in a controlled manner, and we will handle this in a constructive way that benefits everypony.” The group as a whole nodded, and a blue-coated unicorn mare raised her hoof. “Yes, Lady Crystal.”

The mare nodded at me, and smiled gently. “Thank you, princess. As you know, with the coming autumn, winter will be fast approaching.” She then motioned to three other ponies ‒ two stallions and one mare ‒ that were sitting near her. “My partners and I were looking over the past few years of building codes, and have found a rather untapped resource of wood within the vicinity of Canterlot. We wish to begin exploiting its riches before the first snow sets in.”

I raised my eyebrow as I nearly physically smelled a scheme in the making. “And where exactly is this untapped reserve?”

The mare lit her horn and levitated a geological map over to me with a large red circle over a certain area of the paper. “To the northwest of Ponyville, in Silverlight Forest.”

Froggy Bottom Bog had slowly dried up over the centuries that passed, and had become a forest of the most fertile ground around. Strange magical trees sprang forth that gave off an eerie blue-silver light by way of bioluminescence. The glow of the forest could be seen all the way from Canterlot on a clear night, and it was no secret that entrepreneurs had sought to exploit this new species of tree for some sort of manufacturing. Magic-imbued wood was very difficult to come by, after all. Unfortunately, I couldn’t prevent them from clear-cutting the forest simply because I thought it was pretty. But…

“Have you done an inspection of the local wildlife?” I asked with a smile as I lowered the map to the table.

Suddenly the smile on Lady Crystal’s face dropped as she seemed to hide behind her silver mane. “Um, it’s just a few local birds and the like. Surely they can find another place to live.”

I pursed my lips and nodded, now sure of the fact that I was about to make the right decision. “That may be true Lady Crystal, but what you seem to have overlooked is the fact that there is a species of timberwolf that lives in that forest that carries the same magical signature as the trees in which it finds its home. This is the only place these animals can live.”

The unicorn's ears dropped as she muttered, “B-but they’re just timberwolves.”

I shook my head. “These are a far cry from the ravenous Everfree variety. They are intelligent and sapient. Though they can’t speak Equestrian, they clearly have the beginnings of a higher-thinking society. And besides that fact, they are an endangered species. Because of that, I must decline your request to harvest wood from the Silverlight Forest.”

“But-” she began, only to be cut off by a glare from me.

“I don’t recall asking for further conversation on the matter.” I stated firmly, my gaze never breaking with the mare. “As stated in Environmental Bill 22, ‘Any and all habitats belonging to an endangered species are to be under the direct protection of the ruling class, and shall be treated as royal property.’ As such, the Silverlight Forest is strictly off-limits for any and all resource procurement, or territory expansion. That is my final word on the matter. Let us move on, please.” True that it wasn’t within my nature to act so firm, but I had learned fairly quickly that the only way to deal with a pony that was unwilling to accept a polite decline was to be firm.

The next pony to attempt to get my attention was a neon green unicorn stallion, and one of the only ponies of nobility that I liked. It was probably because he was a veteran of war, and a DJ. This meant that unlike most of the nobility alive today, he had actually fought for what he had. Also, with being exposed to the club scene, he tended to be much more relaxed and open-minded. The fact that he hardly ever used my title ‒ for which I never corrected him ‒ caused a fair amount of friction among his “peers”. I didn’t mind in the least that he did so. In fact, I enjoyed it.

And admittedly, I liked seeing the more snooty nobles squirm.

“Heya, Sparkles!” he greeted warmly, causing nearly everypony in the meeting room to wince.

I on the other hand only smiled, and nodded towards him. “Hey, Neon Nightrider. A pleasure to see you again, as always.”

He let a nod and a grin seemingly explode forth from him, causing his multiple piercings to glint in the early morning sunlight. “Likewise, princess. How have you been lately?”

Another thing that set him apart from the others was that he made it a point to actually ask me about something other than politics or when I was going to choose a consort, the latter of which was a question I heard far too often for my liking. Neon’s demeanor towards me was one of the things I enjoyed the most. He made me feel like just a pony again, instead of Princess Twilight Sparkle. I liked it, probably more than I should have. Even with the multiple scars and missing left ear, Neon was quite possibly one of the best ponies I could hope to know. In fact, it might very well be because of his life’s strife that he was such a joy to be around.

I offered him a grateful smile as I answered, “Quite well, Neon. Thank you for asking. And yourself?”

“Pretty awesome, princess.” he replied with a warm grin, his youth showing through his hardened exterior. “Anyway, I have a bit of a proposition for you, if you’d indulge me for a minute.”

I raised my eyebrows and nodded. “Very well. Speak, please.”

“Well,” he began, taking on a more serious tone, “I’m not one to mince words, and you know that.” I nodded, so he continued. “The fact of the matter is that crime has increased at an exponential rate around the Solar District of Canterlot. Now unfortunately, there isn’t much me or my friends can do about it, as we aren’t on active duty anymore, nor would we have jurisdiction to handle it if we were. What I am proposing is a militia bill that will allow ex-guard members like me to register with the Royal House and make regular check-ins, and in return, you allow us jurisdiction to take care of these criminal elements within the city. Within reason, of course. We’re not going to be blowing up any buildings or anything.”

I thought about his proposal for a moment before turning my gaze back to Neon. “It sounds like a sound proposal, Neon. Write up a proper bill with all the specifics and drop it off with Sungleam, and I’ll take a look at it and confer with Princesses Celestia and Luna. Should we find it in Canterlot’s best interest, we will contact you for further consideration and discussion.”

He bowed his head for a moment before smiling at me. “Thanks, Sparkles. I appreciate it.”

Just as I was about to return his informal greeting, it had apparently become time for one of the more “traditional” nobleponies to make his annoyance known.

“Know your place, Sir Nightrider. That is Princess Twilight Sparkle, and you would do well to address her as such.” growled Lord Tracker Blueblood, who was the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson of Prince Leslie Blueblood from the time when my reign started (what mare had been mad enough to procreate with him, I’ll never know).

Neon simply chuckled and shook his head. “Apologies, Lord Blueblood.” The venom in his tone was near palpable, as was the cold tone he had taken. The stallion that had spoken out of turn shrunk back a little as the large ex-guardspony now seemed very dangerous. Still, even though the tension was clear, Neon stayed his hoof and offered a smile. “Forgive my misstep. I must have taken a few more blows to the head in the war than I thought. You’d know all about that though, wouldn’t you?” Before Lord Blueblood could counter however, Neon cut him off. “Oh wait, I guess you wouldn’t. After all, the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done was fire the cleaning staff at your estate, simply because you were in a bad mood from being rejected by First Knight Sungleam.” As he snorted, his demeanor further changed to reflect the hardened captain from the fields of war. “Lose some blood, skin, fur, and an extremity for Equestria. Then you have the right to correct me.” Neon then looked to me apologetically. “I’m sorry, princess.”

I shook my head with a smile. “Thank you for keeping yourself mostly civil.” I then looked to the rest of the group and narrowed my eyes. “For future reference, you all are to allow me to deal with any unbecoming behavior. It is not your place as a noblepony to handle such matters. Furthermore, any pony speaking out of turn will be warned only once before being fined for wasting valuable time. Is that understood?” I was met with a chorus of agreements and a wink from Sungleam in the corner, at which point I smiled again and nodded. “Next, please.”

The doors opened and the meeting was adjourned until the coming month, and I let out a sigh of relief as the last of the nobles left the room. I stood as the last one left and trotted towards the exit, Sungleam following close behind.

“So,” I began, “am I going to hear what happened between you and Lord Blueblood?”

Sungleam rolled her eyes as she trotted next to me. “Do I have to?”

“No,” I answered with a smirk, “but I’ll keep bothering you until you crack. I am very patient.”

She sighed. “Fine. There’s honestly not much to tell though. Before I became your personal guard, he came onto me at a social event where I was providing security with a few of the other guards. He seemed like a nice enough guy, so I flirted a little with him. Then the night ended, and that should have been it.” Sungleam shook her head as we continued trotting down the winding hallways. “A week later, I heard from a friend that he was claiming I was a cold fish.” Her expression fell a little as she said, “I know I’m not really a party pony or anything, but am I so dull that I can bore a noble?”

I rolled my eyes at her self-questioning, and extended my wing to lay over her back. “He was just upset that you didn’t throw yourself at him, like so many other young mares probably do. Privileged ponies generally aren’t accustomed to not getting what they want.” I then nudged her and added, “If you were boring, I’d tell you. I could have chosen any other pony as my personal guard, but I chose you. Not just because of your loyalty to the crown either, but because I saw a pony I could form a strong friendship with.”

Sungleam frowned slightly. “Friendship? But what about-”

I shook my head, cutting her off. “I am very close with the other princesses of Equestria, as well as Empress Cadence, but I wish for a mortal’s perspective on things as well. Because a normal pony’s life is so short compared to ours, they tend to value it so much more.” I sighed sadly. “I miss that, and I want to make sure I don’t lose myself to the distance I put between myself and my subjects.” I looked back to her. “I needed you, who remind me so much of two of my fellow Element-bearers.”

Her eyes widened a bit as her eyes rolled to the ceiling. “Oh, I know this one! Umm...there were six including you, right?” I nodded, and she pursed her lips as she thought for a moment. “Uh...Rarity Belle, Pinkamena Pie, Applejack Apple, Fluttershy Aegis, and…” her face scrunched up a bit more before she looked directly at me with a smile, “Rainbow Dawn Dasher.”

I couldn’t help but let a grin show as I answered, “Very impressive. What were their respective Elements?”

“Generosity, Laughter, Honesty, Kindness, and Loyalty.” Sungleam answered with a confident smirk. “You held Magic.”

I stomped my hooves in praise. “Very good!”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “I was charged with your protection, so I made it a point to know everything about you, including your past.” Sungleam then looked at me quizzically. “Which two of your friends do I remind you of?”

I sighed wistfully at the memory of some of the best ponies I’d ever known. “Applejack...and Rainbow Dash.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope I don’t remind you too much of your past lover. You’re great and all, but I don’t know if I could do my job properly if we were involved.”

“Getting into a relationship is the last thing on my mind, Sungleam. No offense.” I answered with a smirk. I then continued with, “Anyway, your willingness to tell the truth even when it might be painful is something Applejack would do, and in that sense, you make it feel like she’s still here sometimes. As far as Rainbow Dash, she was never afraid to say what she thought, regardless of who was listening, and she thought of those close to her before anypony else...even herself.” I allowed myself a wistful smile as I thought of better times. “In fact, that attribute is one of the things I try to instill within myself. A selfless leader is a good one, after all.”

“But don’t be too selfless, princess.” Sungleam warned. “The ponies care about you, and it would destroy them should anything happen because you’re trying to be noble or something.”

I sighed as we passed through the entryway to the banquet hall. “Why do you think the ponies love the princesses, Sungleam?”

She stopped with her hoof on the door, and gazed at me quizzically. “Is that a trick question?”

I shook my head. “No. I truly want to know your own belief on the matter.”

She was still for a moment before replying, “Well, you all keep the world going ‘round. The sun and moon rises and falls to pass the days, and you all keep the government running smoothly. You inspire us all.”

I nodded with a grateful smile before setting my lips in a thin line. “That is all true, but that does not evoke such love as we receive. We are loved because we think of you all before ourselves. We sacrifice mortal whims and desires in order to give them to all of you, because we love and care for you like parents would care for their foals. In that manner, we wish to give you what we cannot have, and we do all within our power to be sure that all of your lives ‒ short and precious as they are ‒ are comfortable and full of love and safety.” I sighed gently as I continued. “When we wake up from slumber, our first thought is not of ourselves, but of all of you. True that in privacy, we allow ourselves personal whims here and there, but should we ever be forced to choose between ourselves and our ponies, we would choose the ponies without hesitation.” I then pointed my hoof out a large arched window beside us. “All the ponies know that, though it’s not a conscious thought. That’s why the princesses are loved.”

For a few moments Sungleam was completely silent, and I could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she thought on the matter. After a few moments, she tentatively nodded. “I...guess that actually makes a lot of sense.” She then pressed her weight against the door, and it swung open to reveal the dining hall. “Come on, let’s get some lunch before Princess Celestia returns.”

I began trotting in behind her before halting in my tracks in shock. “Oh no!” Sungleam turned to me with a raised eyebrow, and I shook my head with growing panic. “I completely forgot she was coming back today!”

I felt Sungleam nudge me with a grin as she said, “That’s what you have me for, princess. Now calm down and let’s get something to eat. I’ve already got you scheduled to welcome Princess Celestia back home when she arrives, and then the two of you have four hours set aside to spend some private time alone. Both of you could use it, and both of you need to talk.”

I followed her to the table, but still felt the need to ask, “How do you figure we need to be alone?”

She shrugged. “Princess Luna told me. She said to make sure the two of you had time to spend time together without being interrupted, so I made sure it happened.”

I took in what she said for a few moments before smiling gratefully down at her. “You’re amazing, Sungleam.”

A faint dusting of pink lit up her cheeks as she pulled my chair out for me. “You’re sappy as all get-out, you know that?”

I took the seat offered to me and grinned to my guard. “You love it.”

She simply rolled her eyes before taking her seat beside me.

Her personal conduct was another thing I found refreshing about Sungleam. Normally, it would be a bit of a scandal for a “lowly” guard to sit next to the princess, but the palace staff and nobles knew by now to overlook it with me. While they hadn’t learned to judge a pony by their character instead of social rank, they had learned to keep their mouth shut about their own opinions on the matter...most of the time.

I was nervous.

It wasn't something I felt often anymore, but apologizing to my mentor for treating her so horribly was one of the few things that could cause me to feel nervous. Though it was true that I hadn't known Celestia was basically acting as a shield for her younger sister, that didn't make me feel any better about the situation. The fact of the matter was that regardless of who it was I had blown up at, I would feel bad about it.

But for some reason, the very fact that it had been Celestia ‒ my mentor ‒ made me feel so much worse.

Nonetheless, I was determined to make this right. That was why as I waited patiently upon the private landing platform, I steeled myself to not run away in self-loathing. Celestia at least deserved a face-to-face apology from me, along with so much more to make up for how I’d treated her for so long. True that after my initial outburst so long ago, I wasn’t actively angry with her, but looking objectively at my life since then, I noticed a distinct distance that had formed between us...a distance that was my doing.

“You alright there, princess?” asked a voice beside me, accompanied by a nudge to my ribs.

I turned to look at Sungleam and offered her a slightly forced smile. “Yes, I’m fine. Just a bit nervous is all. It’s been quite some time since I’ve spoken to Celestia about anything but work.”

My guard raised her eyebrow for a moment before smiling gently. “Perhaps it’s time to change that. I’ve heard how close you two were in the past, so I know you’re not the only one that misses it.”

I sighed and lowered my head a bit in shame, knowing the current situation between Celestia and I was completely my fault. “Yes. Thank you for reminding me.”

Sungleam chuckled and nudged me again. “Well somepony’s got to keep you in line. None of the other guards have the stones to tell you when you’re being an idiot.”

I rolled my eyes, my frown morphing into a mischievous grin. “Technically you don’t have stones, but that can be easily fixed.”

She stepped away from me ever so slightly as she firmly stated, “I prefer my lady parts, thank you very much. If you gender-bend me, I’m breaking up with you.”

The two of us eyed each other seriously for a few moments before we broke into gales of laughter at the same time. No doubt Celestia’s Sun Guard was likely staring at the two of us like we were insane, but I didn’t care. Perhaps it was my subconscious reminding me that I could pretty much act as I wanted within the palace, or maybe it was just that nearly a millenium of life had given me self-confidence. Whatever the reason, I saw fit to allow my laughter with Sungleam to come unabated for several minutes until we both composed ourselves. Thankfully, we finished our giggles just as a familiar golden pony-less chariot made its appearance from within the clouds, its majestic ethereal white wings propelling it towards the palace.

I sighed nostalgically as I watched the chariot approach. “I still remember back when ponies pulled those through the sky. True that it frees up those guard spaces for other things besides ‘chariot-puller’, but so many of the Guard was quite pleased to be trusted with getting their princesses to and from wherever they were needed.”

“True,” Sungleam replied, “but more ponies available means an easier time dealing with a crisis, should one pop up suddenly.” She then pointed her hoof to the wing of guards that followed the chariot. “Besides, she still has guards around her, they just don’t pull the chariot. That frees them up to focus on her protection instead of pulling a heavy hunk of wood and metal.”

I kept my eyes focused on the approaching chariot. “I suppose. Don’t mind me, Sungleam. Just an old mare reminiscing about a time gone by.”

She let out a low chuckle. “Please. I hope I look like you when I’m old.”

I lifted my front hooves one by one, rolling my shoulders as I did so to ease out the stiffness. “I will admit that being an alicorn has its perks.” The chariot flared its wings as it descended to the stone surface in front of us, and I turned to wink at Sungleam. “Showtime.”

The two of us strode forward behind the group of guards that approached the carriage, and waited patiently as the doors opened and Celestia stepped out. As always when she returned from being away, she looked exhausted, but also very happy to be home. It was one of the things I admired the most about her: she always was happy to see home, and her ponies. No matter the time of day, she always made time for her ponies. As the years passed by, I had come to understand some inkling of the motherly love that Celestia and Luna held for all our subjects ‒ as well as implementing it myself ‒ but the sheer joy in Celestia’s face that could be seen whenever one of her ponies came to her is something I don’t think I could ever replicate. She truly loved them like her own foals. No amount of time as an alicorn or ruler would make me quite like her in that regard ‒ it just wasn’t who I was as a pony.

But, even Celestia had favorites among the ponies.

I knew this because even after all I’d said to her those many years ago, and all the time that had passed without an apology, her eyes still lit up for me in a way they never did for anypony else. The warmth in that gaze ‒ like a crackling fire on a cold winter’s night ‒ was for me, and me alone. Even the day after I had cursed her so long ago, that expression had never changed when she saw me. It was exactly the same as when I had first became an alicorn, and it was one of the few constants in my life that I could always count on.

Which just made me feel a little worse.

Still, I made sure that her welcoming-home was...well, welcome. So, I offered her the happiest smile I could muster and nodded to her as she stepped out of the chariot. Celestia greeted her guards with love and adoration, as always, before making her way to Sungleam and I, who were waiting patiently a short distance away from the crowd of solar guards.

Celestia nodded to Sungleam with a smile. “First Knight Sungleam, it is a pleasure to see you again.” Sungleam bowed shallowly in response, remembering that Celestia didn’t really like the guards prostrating themselves before her in her own palace. The princess’ gaze then turned to me, and again, her eyes lit up with happiness. “Twilight. As always, it is a joy to see you.”

For some reason, the sheer love in her words nearly caused me to tear up, but I swallowed hard and held back the tears, instead offering a smile. “Welcome home, princess.”

Her smile did not abate as she trotted past me, and motioned to the archway that led to the palace interior. “Twilight, would you join me for an afternoon tea in private? I could use some good company to unwind with.”

I raised my eyebrow at that, but followed anyway, motioning for Sungleam to leave us to ourselves. I couldn’t say it was all that common of an occurrence for Celestia to ask to spend time alone with me, but neither was it unheard of. After all, when I was just a filly in her tutelage, it was a rather common practice for me to fall asleep in her chambers at her side after a bedtime story, and she would often let me spend the night with her. So all things considered, Celestia asking to have a bit of tea with me wasn’t all that strange.

As the elder princess and I arrived in her private study, she seemed to be in quite a hurry to usher the guards out and give our tea request to the waiting servant-pony. After the room was vacant save for the two of us, she closed the door and immediately slumped with a loud sigh. A part of me feared she would fall over from the exhaustion alone, but she stood with her eyes closed and head bowed for a moment before trotting over to her large sitting cushion and flopping down upon it in a rather silly manner, letting out a very un-princess-ly groan in the process.

I raised my eyebrow and trotted over to her, nudging the prone princess’s head with my nose as I asked, “Are you alright?”

Celestia’s magic levitated her crown and necklace away before she kicked off her shoes, and her mane and tail settled as they faded to a uniform pink. She then blew a stray strand of hair away from her face before turning her eyes to me. “I am fine, Twilight. Just exhausted. The Crystalhide Clan has thrived under their new alpha, and their demeanor towards the other races has also improved because of his influence.” She then sighed and narrowed her eyes. “However, dragons are still dragons, and they relate to each other quite a bit differently than ponies do. It was a chore just to keep the guards from lashing out at some of the clan members.”

I couldn’t help but giggle as I imagined the guards glaring at a dragon ten times their size, but a glare from Celestia silenced me and I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

She held my gaze for a moment before sighing and looking away, still reluctant to move. “It is quite alright, Twilight. I simply become a bit cranky if I do not get my tea fix.” The door then opened to reveal the servant mare again, and Celestia smiled. “Wonderful timing, my dear.”

The pony set the tray down in front of us before bowing her head and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her. Clearly, she knew her princess well enough to realize when it was best to leave her alone, so I didn’t think twice on just how quickly she left. Instead, I levitated the teapot and poured the tea into one of the two cups, adding two cubes of sugar and a squirt of lemon before sending it over to Celestia.

She took it with a grateful smile before sipping the steaming beverage, humming happily as she did so. “Mmm...thank you, Twilight. Ponies truly underestimate the power of a good cup of tea.”

I only smiled before I prepared my own cup, taking a sip and reveling in the relaxing warmth that suffused me. Unfortunately, my mind saw fit to remind me of what I needed to do, and so I reluctantly set the cup of tea down and turned my attention to the lounging princess before me.

I took a few moments to collect my thoughts, but Celestia noticed my behavior before I could speak. She also set her teacup down before training her magenta eyes on me and asking, “Twilight, what troubles you?”

I silently cursed to myself before meeting her eyes and blurting out, “I’m sorry.”

She cocked her head to the side as she asked, “For what?”

“Luna told me everything regarding my ascension, and the circumstances therein.” I explained, taking care to keep my voice as composed as possible.

Celestia’s eyes widened a bit before she dipped her head low, refusing to meet my eyes. “Oh...oh dear.”

I also turned my eyes away, sighing as I did so. “I shouted at you, and even cursed your name…” I then brought my eyes back to her, though she refused to make eye contact, “and you let me. You let me treat you like a dungpile, and said nothing in return of my insults.” I scooted a bit closer and gently nudged her with my nose again before asking, “Why? Why would you do that to yourself?”

Celestia was silent for a long few moments, but a small smile graced her face as she looked up and past me, seemingly seeing something only she could. “Because Luna is my sister, and I owe her my life many times over.” She then snorted with a dry, mirthless chuckle. “And how do I repay her? By banishing her to the moon to be cold and alone for a millennium.” Celestia grimaced slightly, still refusing to meet my eyes. “I owe her something I can never replace, but I will spend my life attempting to do so any way I can.” Finally, she met my eyes, and I could see the beginnings of tears glazing her own eyes. “Even if that means taking the blame for something that was not my doing, possibly suffering your ire for the rest of eternity.”

I frowned at her belief that I could truly be upset with her forever. “Celestia, I think we both know that no matter what you do, I could never stay angry with you. Not for long, anyway.”

She nodded placidly before replying, “True that you are several thousand years behind me, but even you know that emotions are a fickle thing, and truly anything is possible. As unlikely as it may be, I knew the possibility still existed,” she then smiled gently at me, “but I was willing to bear your anger with pride if it meant protecting my sister.”

I furrowed my brow in thought before responding with, “You once told me that as a princess of Equestria, you and I are equals. I don’t bow to you, and you don’t bow to me.” I shot her a glare as I added, “That means that since I’m honest with you, you need to be honest with me. I truly am sorry for all that I said to you, but now I’m upset that you lied to me.” She attempted to retort, but I interrupted her. “And don’t say that an omission of truth isn’t lying, because I think we both know what Applejack would say to that.”

Celestia’s mouth snapped shut, and I beheld a war of emotions in her eyes for a few moments before she sighed and dropped her head to her sitting cushion, again needing to blow a few stray strands of her mane away from her face. “Then I apologize for that, Twilight. My sister means everything to me, and I would not risk her losing one of the only friends she has.”

“Okay, but what about me?” I blurted out in frustration. “Don’t I mean something to you? Don’t I deserve honesty and trust too?”

I noticed surprise evident on her face, but she still composed herself enough to reply. “Of course you do Twilight, but-”

“But what?” I interrupted with a growl, the unresolved emotions from so long ago mounting to a breaking point. “Is it because I’m not Luna or because I’m so much younger and inexperienced than you? Please, tell me what it is so that at least I know why you withheld the truth and let me hate one of the ponies I care about the most.” I felt a few hot tears streaming down my cheeks without my knowledge of them even starting, so I calmed myself and continued in a much softer voice. “Tell me why I have to live with the knowledge that I made you cry because of what I said, when it wasn’t even your fault.”

The frustration I had towards Celestia degenerated to self-loathing within seconds, and I couldn’t do anything but hide my face in my hooves and weep. I hated myself for how much I had hurt Celestia, and I hated myself even more because I was once again blaming her for something that wasn’t her fault. I wanted to be able to blame her for the fact that she chose to shield her beloved sister, rather than let Luna possibly lose one of the only friends she’d ever had. But...I couldn’t. I realized that I would have done the exact same thing in her position, and also realized that she shouldn’t have to apologize to me at all.

I stood with purpose, my eyes still flowing with tears like a river, and made my way to Celestia before falling onto the cushion and embracing her tightly.

For a long time, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even word how sorry I was for what I had said to her so long ago, and for how I had shut her out of my personal life. So instead, I let my tears and embrace do the talking for me. I poured every ounce of regret and apologetic notions I had into that embrace, and hoped it would convey to her what my words would not.

Eventually, after a minute (or perhaps hours...I’m not sure) I felt feathers tickling my back as a wing extended over me, and a weight on top of my head as Celestia began gently nuzzling my mane the same as she did when I was just a filly.

“I forgive you, Twilight.” she whispered after a few moments of the relaxing contact, laying her head gently on top of mine as we lay together on her cushion. “I’ll always forgive you. There is nothing you would do that I cannot forgive you for.” She shifted a bit closer to me as she pulled me tighter against her. “You may not be one of ‘my little ponies’ anymore, but you will always be my Twilight. Nothing will ever change that, and I will never stop loving you.”

The love Celestia had for her ponies was well-known, though she never actually spoke the words aloud. A wise pony once said that actions speak louder than words, and her actions spoke truthfully of love every day of her life. But for some reason, the fact that she spoke of her love for us so rarely made the few times she did that much more special. And the way she had spoken my name in context was odd, but not unwelcome. Often when speaking to the ponies, she would refer to them as “my dear”, but not with me. She had referred to me as her Twilight, and for some reason, I was perfectly alright with that.

And so, the words came unbidden to me, and I didn’t try and stop them.

“I love you, Celestia.” I nearly whispered, sparing her a glance from the corner of my eye as her head lowered so that we were cheek-to-cheek.

The bright smile on her face grew in intensity at my words, and I could have swore her body warmed as well. I didn’t pay it any mind though, glad that not only had I apologized to her, but she had accepted my apology.

As we lay together in silence, I was brought back to a time when a young unicorn filly would fall asleep in the embrace of the princess of the sun. For so long, I had missed those times. I had once thought myself too old for such a thing anymore, and so had simply passed it off in my mind as a time gone by. But, as Celestia’s wing tightened around me again and she sighed happily, I came to realize she missed it as much as I did. Even as I began to doze off in the comfort of one of the most important ponies in my life, I relished the embrace of the sun, and closed my eyes before slipping away into the most wonderful sleep I had in decades.

Chapter 4: Joy

For a few moments when I woke, I felt happier than I had been in nearly four centuries. Without even opening my eyes, I could feel the warm embrace of another next to me. It was a wonderful feeling, and in the haze of early morning, my mind suggested that it must be Rainbow Dash, having slipped into bed with me after a long night of work, just like she used to.

What greeted me when I opened my eyes was far from that.

Instead of the smell of the sky, I smelled wildflowers. Instead of smaller wings attempting to overtake my larger bulk, I felt a massive feathery blanket wrapped over me. And instead of blue, I saw white.

The events of the previous day came back to me and I made sense of the older alicorn being at my side, and the fact that I wasn’t even in my room. Oddly though, instead of a stab of heartache that I expected to feel at realizing that my bedmate was not Rainbow Dash (an impossible thing), I felt something akin to relief...except that I knew that couldn’t logically be it. After all, why would I be relieved to see Celestia beside me instead of Rainbow Dash?

Okay, time for a mental analysis.

First of all, if I were to wake up, be fully aware, and see Rainbow Dash beside me, I would likely have a mental and emotional meltdown. Compiled with the sheer amount of disbelief would be anger, sorrow, and...well, more disbelief. Even if such a thing were to ever become real, I would simply never believe it was. This in turn would damage the heart and mind of a nonexistent Rainbow Dash, and make me feel like a horrible pony, as well as likely drive me insane. It would make sense then for me to feel relieved not to see my long-dead love.

On the side of Celestia...well, there were multiple reasons why I would be happy to see her. First and foremost was the fact that she was the very embodiment of warmth and safety in Equestria, and had been an important figure for nearly all of my life. She had helped raise me as a mare, and taught me more than I ever thought possible about magic, life, and so many other things. She was my first friend (not counting Smarty Pants) and had remained one of the most important ponies in my life. It probably helped that I had always had a little bit of a crush on her. While I had long ago written off my feelings for my mentor as a fantasy that would never be fulfilled, I still desired to be close to her. I had no doubt she would feel more than a little used and upset if she found out I essentially used her willingness to show affection as fulfillment of a selfish desire, so I kept that little tidbit to myself. After all, if she was allowed to keep things to herself, so was I. The bottom line was that I was perfectly okay waking up with Celestia at my side, and actually found it to be more than a little enjoyable.

Hmm, I guess I am relieved.

Celestia and Luna both had helped me to adjust to the life of an alicorn, comforting and encouraging me when needed. I knew for a fact that I had taken longer than strictly necessary to recover from losing Rainbow Dash, but neither princess faulted me for it. In fact, Luna had once commented that I couldn’t be expected to respond in the same way they would to such loss, as they both held much more experience coping with death than I did. While it was true that I initially felt much closer to Cadence than the others, that soon changed when I realized just how incredible the two Equestrian princesses were as simple ponies. While Cadence and I grew close because of our similarities, Luna and I bonded because of our differences. Celestia, of course, had always held a firm place within my heart, but it was a whole new experience to get to know her as a pony instead of a teacher or ruler.

My racing heart had calmed, and my mind had settled as I came to terms with this new (but not unwelcome) feeling. Comfort would be the best way to describe it, though I knew for a fact no small amount of it was because of my own guilt. Nonetheless, I relished the warm embrace of the solar princess as I gazed upon the pony that represented both beauty and power in Equestria. It was at that point that I realized the time of day, and began gently nudging the princess with my muzzle.

“Celestia,” I coaxed, much as one would a groggy foal, “wake up. Daybreak is coming soon.” Her response was to mumble incoherently while using her forelegs to hug me stomach-to-stomach against her barrel, causing a blush to rise to my cheeks at the rather intimate position of our bodies now. I squirmed for a moment before freeing one of my hooves, which I began to use to tickle the sun princess’ ribs.

Loud, melodic laughter began to fill the room as Celestia’s body shook and wriggled away fro me. In that moment, some long-slumbering part of me awakened, and I pounced upon the larger pony, continuing my assault with both hooves and wings. Celestia sputtered out broken pleads for me to stop, which only caused me to intensify my attack.

My victim flailed wildly in an attempt to fight me off, but to no avail as I proudly shouted, “Twilight Tickle shows no mercy!” With a shameless war-cry, I continued to tickle Celestia as a few stray tears squeezed out of her eyes from her belly-shaking laughter.

“O-oh-hokay! Okay!” she shouted out through her laughter, so I ceased my attack and let the princess catch her breath. After a few moments of deep breaths, Celestia rolled to meet my eyes as she held a bright and radiant smile on her face. “Well good morning, Twilight. I thought you’d forgotten all about our tickle-wars we used to have when you were just a filly.”

Hmm...I thought this situation seemed familiar.

I chuckled and shook my head. “Well if somepony would get up when she was supposed to, I wouldn’t have to do it.”

Celestia giggled softly and shook her head. “I never said it was a bad thing.” She pushed herself to a sitting position before stretching her wings, eliciting a few audible snaps and pops. “In fact, I might choose to sleep in more if I get to wake up like that. Besides, they say laughing is the key to youth. I feel centuries younger already.”

“You look as beautiful as you always do to me.” I replied softly without thinking. After realizing what I’d said, I corrected myself. “I-I mean you’re always beautiful, Celestia. Ponies have been saying that about you for as long as I can remember.”

If she had heard what I said initially, she didn’t respond to it negatively. She smiled back at me with a simple, “Thank you, Twilight. It does these old ears good to know I still have appeal in some way.”

As a simple unicorn protege, I would have been scrambling to compliment her further in an attempt to let her know just how important she was to me. In just over half a millennium though, I had come to recognize when she was attempting to draw just such a reaction out of me to sate her innate need for mischievousness. This was one of those times, so I thought I would have a little fun at her expense.

I theatrically inspected her as she stretched, causing her to raise her eyebrow. I slyly commented, “Well, age causes certain things to sag too. You’re looking a little...loose. Perhaps I should make you laugh for the next decade or so to even things up.”

I was answered by an indignant squawk, so I ran giggling out of the room, followed by a large white pony galloping after me.

The sun was giving warmth to the world of early morning, and the birds were singing their songs to bring about the joy of a new day for the ponies across Equestria. It truly was already shaping up to be a beautiful day, but at the moment, I didn’t really care about that.

“Come back here you little sneak!” threatened Celestia as she chased me through the royal gardens.

She had originally chased me from her bedroom all the way to the dining chamber (after raising the sun, of course), at which point we enjoyed a very nice breakfast together. However, Celestia’s tea decided it would rather spray in her face than stay in the cup.

I may have had something to do with it, but I admit nothing.

Even as I galloped at full-speed to escape the longer-legged alicorn that was giving chase, I couldn’t help but offhandedly think about just how playful I was being with a Princess of Equestria, and my mentor no less. What made me want to do such a thing, and why couldn’t I stop?

As Celestia tackled me to the ground with a boisterous laugh, I knew why.

It was so uncommon that I had actually heard Celestia laugh. I wasn’t speaking of her reserved, princess-ly giggles, as she did those all the time; I was speaking about the joyous, spleen-splitting guffaws that she couldn’t hide even if she tried. They were true laughs of joy from a simple pony momentarily freed of the weight of her crown. She needed to utter them as much as I wanted to hear them, and I vowed to myself then and there that I would make up for the words I had said and things I had done by bringing forth those laughs as often as possible.

I became the unwitting victim of a solar tickle assault of wings, hooves, and even magic. This caused me to squeal like a filly as I attempted to kick away my attacker in vain. Celestia was larger and stronger than me, which meant I was helpless to fight back.

“OHAHAHA-HOEEHEHEHE!” I exclaimed loudly, unable to form any words at first. Finally, I regained enough of my vocal faculties to sputter, “I-I GIVE! YOU WIN, YOU WIN!”

The hooves and wings left me, and the magic dissipated as Celestia merely stood over me, grinning like a madmare. She brought her nose up against mine before winking and whispering, “And don’t you forget it.”

And at that moment, with the close proximity of our faces and the endorphins flooding my brain, a very silly thought shot through my mind.

‘Kiss her!’

A blush immediately blossomed upon my face, and Celestia’s cheeks responded in kind, since she likely realized just what our positions would look like to an outside party. Slowly, almost reluctantly, she stepped away from me, letting me stand.

After a moment of silence Celestia smiled at me, wearing my smile ‒ the smile reserved for me only. “I missed this, Twilight.” All embarrassment forgotten, she stepped forward and wrapped her wing around me tightly. “After the loss of the other Elements, I worried that you were gone forever. It hurt to watch you change from such a radiant pony into one full of so much pain and misery.”

I sighed with a smile, nuzzling the underside of the large white wing that covered me. After a moment of affection, I replied, “I still get sad when I think about it sometimes, and I don’t think that’ll ever go away.” I then looked up at Celestia and smiled gently. “But I realized yesterday that I enjoy seeing you happy, and if all it takes is me being happy for you to find joy, well, that’s something I’m more than willing to pursue.” I again nuzzled the reassuring strength of Celestia. “Happiness is a choice, after all. You taught me that.” Beneath the pristine white coat, I could feel the lines of scars that marred the skin underneath the fur of Celestia, and realized it was likely she had known more misery than I could imagine. Not for the first time, I again wondered just how she had survived such hardship.

“It’s not always easy, you know.” she stated softly, remembrance clear in her tone. “Sometimes, it would truly be easier to simply wallow in the misery presented, and just...cease to be.”

“But the best things in life are never easy.” I finished with a reassuring smile, though she was not currently looking at me. “You taught me that too.”

Celestia chuckled and nodded. “It seems I taught you more than I could have imagined, Twilight.” Her smile seemed to fade a bit as she said, “I only hope I could have spared you so much pain and hardship.”

“True victory is borne from strife, Celestia.” I commented, extending my own wing to lie across her lower back as we continued to sit together, staring at the midday sun. “Lessons are never easy to learn, nor can they all be taught by another. Some, I had to learn on my own.”

I listened to the silence that surrounded us for a few moments, until it was broken by a question.

“Did you ever see them again?” Celestia asked, her voice wavering only slightly as she did so. She finally turned her head to look down at me with concern evident on her face. “Your parents, I mean.”

I thought back to centuries past, and slowly nodded. “Yes...once. I met with my father after mother died, out of respect for her.” Even after so long, feelings of sadness began to well up within me as I thought of my passed parents. “Father...he said he was sorry for what he said to me and Dash. He said that he was scared for me, and only wanted what was best for his daughter.” I sighed sadly, remembering the amount of pain that was in his eyes that day. “He died a week after we spoke. It was like he knew he was going to be joining mother soon, and wanted to make sure his only daughter didn’t hate him before he went.” I shook my head as a few tears unwittingly found their way onto my cheeks. “I wanted to hate him for a long time after he was gone, and by the stars, I tried to. But,” I choked back a sob, “I couldn’t. I realized that he was just afraid of what he didn’t understand, just like so many other ponies are. He only wanted to protect me, even if that meant me hating him.”

Celestia nodded, her embrace tightening ever so slightly. “You fought with Spike, after that.”

I nodded. “I did, and I regret all of what I said to him. I was still mourning the loss of Rainbow Dash, and then my parents died. I was hurting more than I ever have before, and he tried to speak to me in my pain.” I shook my head ruefully, shame threatening to overcome me. “I lashed out at one of the only ones who would remain after all others in my life had gone.” I looked up at Celestia with a hopeful expression. “How is he?”

“He’s the current head of the Crystalhide Clan.” Celestia answered automatically.

I shrugged. “Alright, so I know he makes a good dragon, but…” I swallowed thickly, “how much has he changed? Is he anything like he used to be?”

Celestia was silent for a moment before sighing. “Time and age changes many things, Twilight.” She then looked down at me again and said, “But if you truly wish to mend what you had, you will need to get to know him again. I know that deep down, he still cares for you quite a bit. It is why what you said to him hurt so much.”

I chuckled mirthlessly, shaking my head. “I can’t even remember what I even said to him, or even why I was upset when he came to me. That just makes me feel worse about it though.”

Celestia dropped her head to rest on top of mine, and said, “I will be leaving to meet with the Crystalhide Clan again in three month’s time. If you wish, you can accompany me.”

I smiled happily and nodded, careful not to impale the elder alicorn on my horn. “That sounds nice, Celestia. I would appreciate the chance to apologize to him in person.” I nestled myself deeper into the embrace of Celestia and hummed happily. “I missed this too, you know. I’m just sorry it took me so long to take my head out of my plot.”

I felt Celestia shake her head atop mine as she replied, “Time teaches patience, Twilight. I would wait as long as it took for you to come around.”

I grimaced. “But you shouldn’t have to, Celestia. So rarely do I actually find you wanting something for yourself that I worry you don’t even know how to be selfish anymore. Regardless of what ponies say, selfishness from time to time isn’t a bad thing. It shows you care about yourself, and allows you to keep your sanity.”

Celestia seemed to bristle a bit at my implied question, and she was silent for a long few moments before saying, “Equestria is what I give everything to. So long as it lives on and prospers, I am happy.”

“Are you?” I questioned skeptically. I pulled away to look her in the eye as I prepared to confront her on something I had noticed all of my life. “You seem to be content ‒ I’m not going to argue that ‒ but sometimes you just don’t seem happy. Like now, for example; I get the feeling there’s more you want out of life than you are telling me, or that you’ll even admit to yourself.”

Silence reigned for a long minute, Celestia opening and closing her mouth a few times in an attempt to compose words for an answer. Finally, she replied, “If I falter, Equestria may fall. I have worked too hard for too long for my own selfish desires to endanger this land. I cannot afford to want for anything, Twilight. ‘Tis my curse.”

I turned to fully face my mentor, eyeing her with concern. “It doesn’t have to be, Celestia. There’s three of us now; it’s not just you anymore. When you have times of weakness, Luna and I are more than willing to take up the slack. You told me yourself that the princesses of Equestria have to work together and trust each other. Don’t you trust us?”

“Of course I do,” she said without hesitation, “but you must realize how hard it is for me to just ‘let go’ like you seem to want me to do. I have ruled and maintained Equestria for so long that it is a part of who I am. Equestria is part of who I am. I live and breath as it does, and should I fall, so shall it.”

I rolled my eyes and playfully pushed her with my hoof. “Now you’re just being dramatic. Equestria won’t fall apart if one day you feel like taking a day at the beach, or the mountains. Even princesses are allowed to play sometimes.” I placed the hoof on my chin and grinned as an idea began to form. “In fact, that’s what we’re going to do. You’re coming to the beach with me tomorrow.”

She sighed, turning her eyes away from me. “Twilight, I can’t just-”

“Ah ah! No buts!” I interrupted with a grin. “You need this, and I know Luna can handle things for a day. In return for her help, I’ll cover her duties while she gets her own day off to do as she pleases.” I pursed my lips, tapping my chin again. “Although knowing her, she’ll probably just watch movies in a robe while scoffing ice cream, but that’s her problem. Maybe I’ll join her...”

“Twilight, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. Truly.” Celestia said to me with a frown. “However, I cannot simply abandon the country on a whim.”

I rolled my eyes again. “You’re not ‘abandoning’ Equestria, Celestia. It’s one day, and Luna can handle things.” I then pulled my trump card, widening my eyes and looking pitiful as I gazed up at her. “P-please?”

After a moment of staring sternly at me, Celestia looks away with a sigh of defeat. “That’s not fair, Twilight.” Her gaze gravitated back to me for a moment before her resolve completely crumbled and she slumped just a bit. “Alright fine, we’ll go to the beach.”

I couldn’t help it, and I began hopping excitedly around her as I chanted, “Yesyesyesyesyesyes!” It took a few moments (and a giggle from Celestia) for me to realize just what I was doing, and I stopped with an embarrassed flutter of my wings, blushing in embarrassment. I cleared my throat and uttered an apology.

Celestia again embraced me with her wing before nuzzling the top of my head affectionately. “I am glad that some things about you will never change, my dear.”

I again guiltily relished the embrace of the solar princess, fantasizing about it meaning more than just a comforting hug by my mentor. The moment passed, and I pulled away with a slightly forced smile on my face for a few reasons. On one side, I felt a little dirty about the fact that I was even thinking about such things after Rainbow Dash, but another side that didn’t care about that simply felt a little sad that such a thing would never be.

Simply by the small frown that had now taken place upon her face, I had a feeling Celestia could see through my fake smile. Still, I kept it in place as I said, “Well, pack some things to bring with you and prepare for tomorrow. I’ll tell Luna what we’re doing, and I’ll fetch you bright and early tomorrow morning.” I then darted my eyes away. “And...thank you for being so understanding and forgiving me. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you not taking it personally.”

When I brought my eyes back to Celestia, she simply nodded slowly and cracked a small smile. “It is just as well, Twilight. I should have been more honest with you. I will see you tomorrow morning, then.”

I nodded before turning away and trotting back to the palace, leaving a confused sun princess in my wake, and a roiling heart to follow me.

My trot had graduated to a canter, and then a full-fledged gallop as I made my way through the palace. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, I arrived at Luna’s door, entering the room and slamming the door in two very surprised guards’ faces.

“Twilight?” Luna questioned blearily, rousing from her sleep and sitting up while rubbing her eyes. “Wh-what is going on? Are you alright?”

I processed the words she was saying and recognized that she was concerned, but this did not stop my pacing or frustrated muttering as I imposed upon the night princess. The fact of the matter was, I had come across a very frightening discovery as I walked the halls of the palace, and decided I needed to speak with somepony who would not judge. Usually that would be Cadence, but since she was obviously unavailable, that left Luna. Not to say that Luna was not useful in that capacity, but she could be rather...rigid.

“Twilight, I am always glad to see you,” Luna explained before letting loose a loud yawn, “but if you do not tell me why you are here in the next ten seconds, I will be forced to incapacitate you, lest you wear a trench in my floor.”

I looked down at my hooves as I stopped pacing, and loosed a long-suffering sigh. “I’m sorry, Luna. I just panicked and…well, you know me.”

Luna nodded understandingly before patting the space next to her on her bed. “I understand, Twilight. Come, sit and talk with me.”

I obediently complied, climbing onto the oversized bed and taking a seat next to Luna. She casually used her hooves to extend one of my wings and began preening my ruffled feathers. The action always calmed me, and it was always easier to have another do it.

After straightening a few of my primaries, Luna said, “So talk to me, Twilight. What has you in such a state?”

As she continued to straighten and pluck out a damaged feather or two, I relaxed into her ministrations and lay down in front of her. “I invited Celestia to the beach tomorrow, so I hope you don’t mind covering for us for the day.”

Luna shook her head as she tugged out another damaged feather. “Of course not, but I know for a fact that isn’t the only reason you seem so stressed suddenly. Come now Twilight, I thought we were past this bush-beating you tend to do.”

I giggled and shook my head. “That’s ‘beating around the bush’, Luna.”

Finishing with my right wing, Luna moved so that she had access to my left, and gently spread it out in her hooves. “Whatever. The point is, you need to tell me why you are so upset, and none of this roundabout way either. Straight and to the point; just tell me what is bothering you.”

I took a moment to compose myself before beginning with, “You know how I told you I used to have a bit of a crush on your sister when I was younger?”

Luna’s response was to accidentally pull too hard on a healthy feather, which she murmured an apology for. “S-sorry. Yes, I recall you speaking about such a thing before.”

I nervously began to paw at the blanket with my hoof. “W-well…”

Luna stopped preening me and brought her head around to look me in the eye unbelievingly. “No.”

I nodded, squeaking out, “Yes…”

She continued staring at me for a moment before returning to my wing, asking, “When did you notice it happening again?”

I shrugged slightly, not entirely sure myself. “Maybe last night. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that we’ve officially made up after so long, and gotten everything out in the open again. I respect her and feel like a weight has been lifted off of me by apologizing, and with that, my heart decided it liked Celestia again.”

“Mmhmm.” Luna replied, straightening another few feathers as she began on my secondaries. “I suppose you aren’t going to tell her this time either, right?”

I gasped as an itchy bit on my wing that had been bothering me for over a week was suddenly relieved. “Wow, thank you for getting rid of that one. I could never reach it on my own.” Luna glared at me for attempting to change the subject, something I didn’t even realize I had tried to do. I nervously cleared my throat and nodded. “R-right, sorry. Um, probably not. Celestia has enough to worry about right now, and my plan is to relax her, not stress her.”

“And what makes you think finding out her long-time student desires her would cause undue stress?” Luna asked, finishing my left wing and laying down next to me as she listened.

I groaned, burying my face in my hooves. “The feelings alone make me hate myself a little. Somehow, it feels like I’m betraying Rainbow Dash. I know that’s far from the truth, but it still feels that way for some reason.” I then snorted as I lifted my head to meet Luna’s eyes. “Besides, I’m like a daughter to Celestia. She wouldn’t feel the same way about me, so I’m only hurting myself.”

Luna nodded unconvincingly at me. “I see. Are you so sure about that last part?”

I quirked an eyebrow at her question. “What do you mean? She helped to raise me. She bathed me for stars-sake as a filly, and comforted me when I got homesick. I don’t see how she could see me as anything but.”

Luna sighed and shook her head. “Twilight, I am sure you can admit by now that as alicorns, we see the world quite differently from other ponies. Cultural norms will blend together into one long line of change, but our morals will often remain the same.” She leveled her gaze with mine. “I can not speak for Celestia, but do not make the mistake of assuming things about my sister without speaking to her first. I believe that’s gotten you into trouble in the past.”

I cringed at some of the memories I had as a unicorn, and realized that Luna was right in some respects. Still…

“I can’t.” I stated in defeat. “Call it fear or whatever you wish, but...I just can’t ask her about it. There are some things in my life that she doesn’t need to know, a silly fillyhood crush being one of them.”

Luna regarded me cooly for a moment before stating, “I think you’re making a grievous mistake, but it is not for me to dictate your life. Just know that hiding your feelings from those closest to you can lead to pain for all involved.” She then set her jaw in remembrance of the past and added, “Just look at what happened to me.”

I knew she was speaking of Nightmare Moon of course, but that didn’t make her words carry any less power. Could something similar happen to me if I let unresolved issues fester? Thankfully for me, I had much more experience with hiding my emotions from those close to me than Luna thought, and also knew how to purge the frustration that would inevitably build within.

“I’ll be fine, Luna. It went away before when I ignored it, and it’ll do so again.” I answered with finality.

Luna’s soft hoof on my shoulder coaxed me to turn to look at her again, and in her eyes I could only see concern brewing within. “Twilight, don’t do this to yourself. It pains me to see you put yourself through such misery on purpose, rather than speak the truth.” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Do you honestly believe anything you say or do could affect the way Celestia cares about you? She adores you, Twilight. I cannot say how much or in what way, but Tia cares for you like she has no other. You are unique to her, and she would not forsake you for any reason. I know that, and I also know that you know that as well.”

Luna was right...again.

I sighed and looked up at the falling sun. “Can I-”

“Yes Twilight,” Luna interrupted with a warm smile, “you can stay tonight. I will shepherd your dreams and give you the rest you need.”

I smiled gratefully at the night princess. “Thank you, Luna. I appreciate you putting up with me.”

Luna shook her head, still wearing a grin. “There is no ‘putting up’ with you, Twilight. You are as family to me, and I take care of my own.” She nudged me with her muzzle, causing me to fall onto my side. “Your wings are in order, so rest now. I will wake you before dawn arrives.” She then looked to me with a small sliver of worry in her eyes. “Just...take care of my sister, Twilight. She is more fragile than she appears, and will be out of sorts without any work to be done. Be patient and make her happy.”

I was a little surprised to find that my assumptions on Celestia being a bit of a workaholic were true, but only smiled and nodded to Luna. “I will. This is as much for me as it is for her, after all.”

Luna smiled at me before motioning to the pillow by my head. “Let us sleep. Night court is empty tonight, so I will stay with you until you fall asleep.”

I nodded and closed my eyes as I reached out and brought Luna against my chest. “Thank you, Luna…for everything.”

A soft muzzle brushed my cheek as she replied, “Anything for you, Twilight. Goodnight.”

I yawned once before letting myself slip away, not even realizing I was more tired than I initially thought. Within only a few minutes, the firm grip of sleep grasped me, pulling me into the world of dreams.

Author's Note

Merry Christmas for those who celebrate it. If you don't, well...no presents or rum for you.