Athazagoraphobia

"So sheila, I take it ya come here often eh?"

Ranger grinned across the table at the grouchy looking Rainbow Dash, who held up a hoof.

"Don't even start buddy," She shot back irritably, "I'm only doing this because I ripped your stupid jacket."

Ranger laughed, looking at the menu again. It was a simple little cafe, but pleasant. Ranger had noticed the occasional glance to him and Rainbow and hushed voices. Probably exactly why she was hiding her face behind her menu. He smirked and took off his sunglasses, laying them on the table.

"Hey, that jacket wasn't stupid, aight?" He said with a grin, "And it cost me a lotta money. It's only fair you return the favour, rather than me pay for everything. Y'know, given how it's your fault."

"Yeah?" Dash shot back, "Well if you hadn't jumped into the air right in front of me, I never would have crashed into you in the first place!"

"If you'd been going at a more acceptable speed," Ranger replied jovially, "You would have been able to stop in time to avoid killing my jacket."

Rainbow went to respond again, but flushed and looked away. Ranger grinned and chuckled.

"Hey, look, Sheila, we got off on the wrong hoof. You hit me, I didn't watch where I was jumping, let's try this again, shall we?"

Dash glared at him over her menu. He had this stupid grin on his face that irritated her.

"Fine. You already know my name."

Ranger laughed and leaned back in his chair.

"Feathers, everypony knows your name. But anyhoo, Me name's Ranger. And I'll take the lasagna too."

Dash looked at the waiter that had seemingly appeared out of thin air, then took a quick look at her menu with a brief stab of irritation. She always got the lasagna. And she wasn't about to let him feel the satisfaction of knowing he'd ordered her favourite item. The waiter turned to her.

"And, the usual Dash?" He asked brightly. Dash burned red and mentally cursed the friendly pony.

"No, I'm not that hungry," She said, trying very hard to keep her voice level, "I'll just... I dunno, just a grilled cheese or something."

The pony looked at her, confused, but wrote it down.

"Alright... I'll be back in a bit with your meals."

Dash was, once again, left alone with the purple pegasus and his stupid grin.

"Aight then bluebird. You've got me here now, we've got what, an hour? Steel Silk's pretty tough."

"So?" She asked forcefully. He didn't stop grinning.

"So," he continued, "You gunna tell me about the town?"

"No," She grumbled, "You interrupted my flying practice, and now you're making me buy you lunch. Find your own way around."

"I never said anythin' about you buying me lunch!" he replied, "But if you're offering..."

Rainbow went bright red and growled at him.

"Forget it! I ain't spending my bits on a two bit hack who can't even look where he's going!"

"Aw, and here I thought we were gettin' along so well. We're out here having lunch together and everything!"

Rainbow's eyes widened as she realised where he was going with this.

"Don't you say it," She growled, pointing at him menacingly, which did nothing to lift his cocky smile, "Not even a word!"

"It's almost like..." He began teasingly and she glared at him, wings flaring. His own wings were itching too, come to think of it, "A..."

"Don't finish that sentence!" Dash warned, looking quite annoyed. Ranger's grin broadened as he finished the dreaded sentence.

"Date~"

It's still said to this day that the sound of Rainbow punching the cocky pegasus stallion before her reverberated enough to reach even Canterlot, though it's questionable as he didn't get a bruise from it, though he did laugh.

"Yeah, alright, I deserved that one," He laughed it off amicably, "Still, it was funny."

"It really wasn't," She grumbled back at him, rubbing her hoof absently. Turns out he had a hard face. He smirked at her in reply.

"Come on though," he continued, somehow still in a gay mood, "If I'd known I'd meet Rainbow Dash in the flesh on vacation, I'd have worn something a bit more energetic. Didn't know you lived out in the country."

"Yeah well," She grumbled, "I don't exactly tell everypony where I live."

"So, there's limits even to your boasting~" he teased quickly, narrowly dodging another swipe from her hoof with a laugh, "Cool it Sheila, you'll hurt yourself before you hurt me at this rate. Don't want to stretch anything important do we?"

"The only thing being stretched is my patience," She grumbled under her breath, folding her hooves on the table and dropping her head on them crankily, "Seriously, how are you not in the hospital like, all the time?"

"Oh, y'know," He replied lightly, "Palamino Steel Silk jacket, big friends, tough words, the usual. Then again, most ponies don't go around at blistering speeds ready to tear my foreleg out of its socket, so... Normally, I don't talk much. At least, not to locals."

"Yeah?" She shot back, "For somepony who doesn't talk much, you sure love to mouth off."

"Well, yeah!" he said grandly, "Of course I do! Someone's gotta be the grandstander in me group of friends! Might as well be me!"

He looked so amused by his own performances... and it grated on Rainbow's nerves. BIG time. It bugged her really, that she'd met someone almost as at home with showboating as herself... that wasn't a Wonderbolt anyway. Even so, he was irritating her, and she hated having to keep him company.

"You're more annoying than a parasprite," She grumbled. Surprisingly, this brought a stricken look to Ranger's face.

"Hey, don't joke about those things!" He admonished, "They're serious problems! Almost ate me out of house and home a few years back, not to be trifled with! Or given Trifle! Or any food really."

She rolled her eyes. She knew how serious Parasprites were. She'd been there when they'd consumed a good portion of the town. It wasn't a pretty picture, and a dark stain on Twilight and Fluttershy's records. A brilliant mark for Pinkie Pie though. It was as a shudder of horror went through her that her meal and Rangers arrived.

"Your meals, sir, Miss Dash," The waiter said a little nervously, glancing uneasily at Rainbow as he placed down her meal, "Eggplant and cheese toasted sandwiches, and the lasagna for the gentlecolt. Do enjoy your meals... Let me know if you need anything else."

As he walked away, Rainbow looked at her meal in surprise. The sandwiches, two in fact, were arrayed quite neatly with surprising care. Cut into neat triangles, they were arrayed to look a little like an opening flower. Ranger's lasagna, on the other hoof, looked a disaster. It was like there was a newbie just learning the trade or something in there, who'd taken a slab of the lasagna out without a care and plopped it on the plate. Ranger eyed it apprehensively.

"... it looked better on the menu," He admitted, before looking at her sandwiches and souring further, "And why does yours look so good?"

Rainbow, suddenly finding the tables turned, smirked at him.

"Guess they like me better than you," She poked at him triumphantly, "And made you know it."

He looked at his lasagna, a little more wary now, and a little afraid. She laughed at him, and shook her head.

"Hey, look, it might look sloppy and all, but don't let 'em fool you. You won't find better in Ponyville, trust me I've looked."

He shot a disbelieving look at her, making her giggle again, and sighed.

"If you say so Bluebird..."

She smirked, and picked up a triangle of sandwich, taking a large bite out of it. She tried not to let her surprise show on her face. The cook must really like her, or management did. or something. There wasn't just eggplant and cheese in this sandwich. She could taste the special napolotana sauce they used in the lasagna in here as well, and it was delicious.

"I, for one," She said primly, "Am very happy with my lunch. And I won't hear a word against anything."

Ranger groaned, and began to eat his own lunch. He had to admit, it was as good as Dash claimed. But clearly he'd upset somepony here, to have it served so carelessly. Ah well, at least it tasted good, and the service had been prompt and good. But he wasn't sure that he'd come back here again... at least until he knew he was in the cook's good books. The sloppy presentation felt a bit like a warning to him... and he didn't appreciate it, but he couldn't ignore it either.

Never mess with someone who feeds you.

~*~

He was picking his way back through Ponyville, having said his goodbyes to Rainbow Dash and her Seamstress friend, Rarity he believed her name was, when he finally remembered what he'd gone out to do and went pale.

"Aw... Feathers."

After a crazy dash around Ponyville to find suitable food (He found a decent fast food joint that sold what looked and smelled like really good nachos) he raced back to the wagon, panting. He arrived to a trio of annoyed, and very hungry looking, stallions. Although, the green one looked more suspicious than annoyed.

"Dude," The drummer, another pegasus but with a long blue mane admonished, "Where's my lunch?"

Ranger, not accustomed to running for long periods of time, held up a hoof breathlessly, panting heavily. The Green unicorn sniffed.

"Better yet," He drawled, "What happened out there to make you take so long to get back?"

Ranger, still panting slightly, managed to speak this time, "Lemme give you food first Strings, I ain't got much breath right now." And he managed to give each member their food before sitting down with a sigh of gratitude. The other two members seemed to be happy with their nachos, enough to grudgingly forgive Ranger's lateness. Strings, on the other hand, looked more amused than anything else.

"What was it that kept you?" He asked gently. Ranger looked up at him and smiled.

"Oh boy, do I have a story for you mate."