No! We Won't Bang! Not Okay!
Ponyville seemed like a pretty nice place to start a new life. It had that nice small groundside town charm without being way out in the middle of nowhere, far away from civilization. The weather team in Appleoosa might’ve offered a better paycheck, but I wasn’t too wild about being a long train ride away from anything other than dust, tumbleweeds, and buffalo. I was gonna have enough work just adapting to living in a small ground-town after spending pretty much my whole life in Cloudsdale.
I didn’t have a whole lot of choice about moving, though. Cloudsdale might have a lot of weather jobs, but most of them were pretty tightly locked up. There just weren’t many options available for a mare so fresh out of Cloudsdale Technical that the ink hadn’t even dried on her degree yet, with no real experience beyond the usual sorts of part-time college jobs, and none of those useful connections to let a pony get her hoof in the door. For a weathermare just getting started in the world, you pretty much had to go groundside to find a good job.
I couldn’t stay in the orphanage anymore now that I was out of school—thank Celestia Cloudsdale Orphanage didn’t work like groundside orphanages, where they tossed ponies out the door on their eighteenth birthday. We used to hear horror stories about what went on in the ground orphanages. I’m sure most of them were just things the other colts and fillies made up to scare us, but the possibility that even a couple of those stories were true was enough to make me thankful for being cloudside.
And yet, here I was moving down to the ground. It probably also helped that I wasn’t really leaving anything behind. I hadn’t really made many friends while I was going to college. It’s not like I was a shut-in or anything, but I needed to keep my grades up to hang onto my scholarships, not to mention holding down a job to cover my living expenses. That didn’t leave a lot of time for a social life. At least I managed to get out of school without a bunch of student loans.
So there I was, heading for Ponyville with all of my worldly possessions in a pair of saddlebags on my back. First things first, I needed to stop by the weather office to check in with my new boss. I’d only really met Rainbow Dash once, a couple weeks back when I was running all over Equestria checking out open jobs and doing interviews. She’d made a really good impression on me—honestly, she’s probably one of the main reasons I picked Ponyville. The job wasn’t the highest-paying one, or the one that would probably give me the best career prospects, but Rainbow Dash seemed like she would be the best boss to work for. If I was gonna spend years working for a pony, I wanted them to be halfway-decent and easy to get along with.
I got a couple of curious looks from the locals as I headed into the town hall, presumably because nopony knew who I was or what I was doing there. At least I managed to make a nice, smooth landing—my first couple of tries at getting my hooves down on a really hard surface had been less than graceful. Clouds are a bit more forgiving when it comes to landing speeds than hardwood floors. I guess I was already adapting to life groundside. Not that me adapting quickly came as any surprise—it is my special talent, after all.
Since the door was hanging open when I got there, I took a look into the weather office and found two mares going over a small mountain of paperwork. The first one I recognized as my new boss—that rainbow mane was pretty distinctive. I hadn’t met the other pony, though. It’s a little embarrassing to admit it, but the first thing that came to mind when I saw her was that she was really attractive. I can’t even put my hoof on what it was: her light purple coat wasn’t anything special, and while she had a nice enough long lemon-yellow mane, that wasn’t it either. I think it was something a bit more ephemeral than her physical qualities. Confidence, maybe. Like she was so absolutely certain that she was good-looking that you couldn’t help agreeing with her.
“Um, hello?” I rapped a hoof against the side of the open door and stepped halfway through the threshold. Rainbow Dash and the other pony immediately stopped talking and focused on me. To be honest, it was a little intimidating. “Hello, sorry if I’m interrupting you two. I don’t know if you remember me, but—”
“Hey Blossomforth.” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings for a quick hop over her desk to the doorway, scattering some of the paperwork she’d been busy with, and gave me a really firm hoofshake. “Great to see ya again.” She turned back to the other pony. “This the new hire I was telling you about. Blossomforth, this is Cloud Kicker. She’s gonna help you with all the ‘It’s my first day on the job’ stuff. If she acts too weird around you, lemme know and I’ll smack her upside the head and tell her to cut it out.”
I reached over and gingerly shook Cloud Kicker’s hoof. “Um, nice to meet you, Cloud Kicker. What did the boss mean about you acting weird?” If we were going to be working together for the next couple of days, we might as well get to know each other and establish a good rapport now.
“Rainbow’s just being silly,” she reassured me with an easy grin. “I’m no stranger than any other pony you’ve met.”
I was definitely feeling a bit less nervous by that point. If Rainbow Dash and Cloud Kicker could be casual and joke around like this, I probably didn’t need to worry about Rainbow blowing up at me and firing me the first time I sneezed. Not that there was reason to expect she’d do that in the first place, but new bosses are always a little intimidating. Well, if the mood here was light and jovial, I should get into the spirit of things. “No stranger than any other pony I’ve met? I don’t know about that, I’ve met some pretty strange ponies.”
“Trust me, Kicker’s one of a kind.” Rainbow Dash grinned and hoofed Cloud Kicker on the shoulder. “Hey, we were fixing to go get some lunch. I’m gonna go nuts if I have to spend another minute stuck in here with a bunch of stupid paperwork. You wanna come with?”
“Yeah, sounds great.” Going out to lunch together would be a great opportunity to get to know the ponies I was going to be working with a bit better.
Rainbow grinned and gave me a quick slap on the back. “Cool. I like ya already, Blossomforth. What sounds good?”
I gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t really know the restaurants in Ponyville, but I’m not very picky.” Spending most of your life surviving on cafeteria food will tend to squash a pony’s capacity to be picky about what they eat. Just about any restaurant food was a huge step up from that.
“Well alright then.” Cloud smiled at me and threw a friendly wing over my back. It was a bit toofamiliar a gesture for a pony I’d just met, but I didn’t want to make a fuss or anything. She was probably just trying to be extra-friendly because I’d been a bit nervous at first. “Dash, you got to pick where we went for lunch last time, so that means it’s my turn. And I know just the place.”
Cloud Kicker led the way to whatever lunch place she had in mind. As soon as we got close enough for Rainbow to make out just where we were headed, she let out a loud groan. “Seriously, Cloud? You wanna go there?”
“What’s wrong with it?” I took a closer look at the restaurant’s sign. “This Sun’s Flank place doesn’t seem so bad to me.”
“It can be a bit of a wild nightspot sometimes,” Cloud Kicker answered me with a reassuring grin, “But it’s very tame when the sun’s still up. Downright respectable really. Plus, the food here is really good. I’d strongly recommend the hayfries. Dash has just been a little jumpy about coming here ever since that one girls’ night out when she got utterly plastered.”
“I wasn’t nearly as drunk as Applejack or Lyra,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
Cloud Kicker smiled and bumped Rainbow in the shoulder. “Besides, Sun’s Flank is one of the only completely indoor eateries in Ponyville, so we’re a lot less likely to run into Pinkie Pie while we’re having lunch with a new pony.”
Rainbow gave a barely perceptible wince, then conceded with a nod. “Yeah, good point. The longer we can avoid Pinkie, the better.” I was about to ask just what the hay they were talking about when Rainbow turned to me and explained. “Pinkie Pie’s ... okay, I don’t really know how to explain what she is, but she gets really, really worked up whenever a new pony moves into town. Wants to be your new best friend and all that. If she spots us, she’ll spend all day following you around talking and messing things up.”
Oh, I’d known a pony or two like that back at college. As soon as you move into your dorm room they want to get to know the story of your life from birth to the moment they met you, and then try to involve themselves in every single aspect of your life. Nice to know some things in life hadn’t changed too much—even if I was going from a big cloud city to a small ground town.
Cloud Kicker led the way into Sun’s Flank. I could definitely see why Rainbow hadn’t been sure about coming here—between the large, well-stocked bar and the dance floor, it wasn’t hard to tell this was a nightclub of sorts. Thankfully, right now it seemed nice and sedate, with only about a dozen or so customers quietly nibbling away at their food. Even the two ponies at the bar were just quietly drinking and chatting.
A quick scan of the clientele and the decor did make one other thing reasonably obvious. “Really? A fillyfooler bar for my ‘Welcome to the team’ lunch?” It was a couple of seconds before I realized that I’d actually said that out loud. Horseapples, I hope I hadn’t just pissed off my new boss and her right-hoof mare. Great way to handle the first day on the job...
To my immense relief, Rainbow let out a short bark of laughter instead of being offended. “She’s got you there, Cloud.”
Cloud Kicker gave an uncaring shrug and settled into a corner booth. “Yeah, it’s a fillyfooler bar. Who cares? Everything else I said about why we should eat here is still true, I just didn’t bother mentioning that there are cute single mares hanging out here too. Speaking of which...” Cloud Kicker turned and shot a low, sultry look my way. “What is your relationship status, Blossom? Single and looking for a good time?”
Oh. I guess now I knew what Rainbow Dash meant when she warned me about Cloud Kicker getting weird. She was a flirt. Plenty of those back in college, too. I held up a hoof to forestall any further advances. “Single, and not interested.”
If the rejection bothered her, Cloud Kicker didn’t show it. Instead she just shrugged it off, her easy, confident smile still firmly in place. “You’ll come around once you get to know me better.” Rainbow Dash loudly cleared her throat, prompting an annoyed twitch of Cloud Kicker’s ear. “Yes, Rainbow, I’ve read the new policy from Cloudsdale on sexual harassment in the workplace. I know the difference between harmless flirting and making a pony feel really uncomfortable.” She leaned her head towards mine, and dropped her voice down to a whisper. “Seriously, though—I’m not gonna promise I won’t flirt with you, ‘cause I will, but lemme know if I start coming on too strong.”
Well, that wasn’t quite what I’d expected. I’m not sure what to think of the fact that my first-day mentor was an incurable flirt, but at least she knew the meaning of the word ‘no.’ “Um, alright then.”
Rainbow groaned and applied hoof to face. “Cloud, can we have one meal—just one meal—where you don’t mess it all up by acting weird?” She let out a frustrated little groan. “I mean, c'mon, it's bad enough that you had to take us hereof all places.”
“Oh hush.” Cloud Kicker settled into her seat and took an approving look around the place. “You wouldn't know good eats if they bit you on the flank.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows at Rainbow. “And you wouldn’t know a good piece of flank if she—”
Rainbow put her hooves over her ears before Cloud Kicker could even finish the sentence. “Not listening until you stop saying freaky things!”
I jumped at the chance to get the topic back to safer territory. “So, the food. Obviously I wouldn’t know what’s good here, so what do you two like to eat?”
Cloud Kicker’s grin was entirely too large to mean anything good. “Tacos, rolls, cannoli, tulips, pie, donuts, and fritters for dessert. Cherries are good, if you can find them. Not a huge fan of starfish, but I really do like to just spend a long time licking a nice sweet gelato. And really, who doesn’t love guzzling down a whole lot of fresh cream..."
Okay, I might be a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I’m completely naive. "You're talking about doing things to another mare orally, aren't you?"
"Awww.” Cloud Kicker crossed her forelegs over her chest and stuck her lower lip out in a pout that looked entirely too cute for the mare wearing it. “You cut me off before I could even start in on the dick jokes! I made a list! A list, Blossom!"
Rainbow let out an annoyed growl and whapped Cloud Kicker upside the head with a wing. “Knock it off already! You’re grossing me out!”
If getting swatted by her boss had any effect on Cloud Kicker, she didn’t show it. Instead she leaned over towards me and dropped her voice to a stage whisper. “Don’t mind Rainbow Dash; she just has a terrible sense of humor.”
I tried to shift so I was as far away from her as I could manage without being too conspicuous about it. Her vulgarity was making memore than a little uncomfortable. “Could we please just get some food?”
Cloud Kicker looked at me for a bit, and her unflappably confident grin shifted to something softer while her voice got a bit quieter and more serious. “Sure. No problem, Blossomforth. The cheeseburgers and hayfries are really good here.”
Things went a bit awkwardly silent after that, until the waitress trotted over to get our orders. Or at least, I assumed from the quill and notepad hanging from her neck that she was a waitress. Cloud Kicker’s ears immediately perked back up, and that seductive smile of hers made its way back onto her face. “Bon Bon!” Cloud Kicker pulled the waitress into a hug, though one of her hooves immediately dropped down to Bon Bon’s flank. “I didn’t know you were still working here! I thought you’d quit now that you finally had your candy stand up and running.”
Bon Bon the waitress let out a squeal at the groping, but didn’t seem to mind it in the slightest. “Stop that, you’re only allowed to get all grabby on me after dark.” She grinned and playfully swatted a hoof against Cloud Kicker’s chest. “But yeah, I’m only working here part-time now. The candy stand’s up and running, but I could still use the extra bits.”
“Awesome!” Cloud Kicker grinned and gave our waitress a congratulatory slap on the rump, getting another giggle out of Bon Bon. “Nice to know you’re not gonna be serving drinks and helping a certain drunken unicorn get home for the rest of your life.” Cloud dropped her hoof back down to Bon Bon’s flank and let it linger there. “We still on for the Friday after next?”
“Of course.” Bon Bon smirked and removed Cloud’s hoof with the sort of casual ease that made it seem like they did this all the time. Probably because they did. Oh Celestia, I hope Cloud Kicker wasn’t going to start grabbing my flanks as soon as we started working together. “Wouldn't miss it for the world.”
Thankfully, Rainbow Dash finally decided to put an end to the shenanigans. “Hey, Bon Bon, aren't you meant to be, y'know—taking our orders and stuff? Maybe you could stop flirting with Cloud Kicker while you’re on the job, ‘cause right now your tip’s getting smaller by the minute.” Sheesh, looks like my new boss wasn’t exactly subtle.
Bon Bon rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed snort. “Right, right. So, what do you want, Rainbow?”
“Just gimme the usual,” Rainbow grumbled with a disgruntled wave of her hoof.
Bon Bon frowned at my new employer. “Rainbow, you hardly ever eat here. I don't know what 'the usual' is for you.”
Rainbow let out an annoyed little huff and crossed her forelegs over her chest. “I dunno, just gimme a cheeseburger or something.”
Bon Bon nodded and jotted the order down on the notepad hanging from her neck. “One cheeseburger with extra spit for the rude pegasus, got it. What type of cheese do you want for it?”
Rainbow’s ears flicked at the ‘extra spit’ comment, probably not helped by the fact that Cloud Kicker and I were both giggling. “I don’t care. Whatever’s cool, I guess.”
“Right.” Bon Bon made a couple more notes on her pad. “I’ll be sure to tell the chef that he should pick our coolest cheese.” Then she turned back to the two of us, a friendly smile on her face. “Alright, now that Miss Grumpy’s taken care of, introduce me to your pretty new friend, Cloud Kicker.”
I blushed just a little bit at this mare I didn’t even know calling me pretty, then the blushing got even worse when Cloud Kicker threw a hoof over my back. “Bons, I wantcha to meet my new coworker, Blossomforth. Blossomforth? This is Bon Bon, owner of Bon Bon's Bon Bons.”
Seriously? That’s what she named her candy shop? “You picked that name just to make things difficult for ponies, didn’t you?”
“Well, it does help them remember the name of the stand,” she answered with a smile before offering me her hoof. I didn’t hesitate to shake it—aside from encouraging Cloud Kicker, she seemed like a pretty nice pony. “Nice to meet you, Blossomforth.”
“Yeah, nice to meet you.”
Bon Bon had a pretty firm hoofshake too. Must be that earth pony strength. “Great. Now that the introductions are out of the way, what can I get you lovely mares?”
Cloud shot a teasing grin Rainbow’s way. “Rainbow had the right idea. The usual for me as well.”
Bon Bon let out a giggle. “Now that I do know.”
Cloud Kicker turned a smolderingly sultry gaze onto our waitress. “My other usual, Bons. Save the good stuff for next Friday.”
Oh Celestia, if I didn’t say something they’d probably go right back to flirting for the next ten minutes. I really didn’t want to be stuck watching this. “So, what should I get? You said the burgers and hayfries were good here, right?”
To my immense relief, Cloud Kicker stopped shooting flirtatious looks at our waitress and got back to thinking about lunch instead of the other things she wanted to eat. “Yeah, they’re pretty solid. You can get ‘em together, or just try the loaded hayfries. I’m a bit fonder of the grilled cheese myself—cheeseburgers are nice and all, but between the cheese, veggies, and whatever else is getting thrown on, it all just gets a bit too crowded.”
“I like them both, really.” I’m pretty sure spending most of my life eating institutional food has ruined my taste buds. At the very least, I’m not terribly picky when it comes to my food. “I guess I could try out the loaded hayfries.”
Bon Bon jotted down our orders and headed off to the kitchen. I decided to show some initiative and quickly steer the conversation back to work-related things before Cloud Kicker could start babbling about mating. “So what kinda work stuff do I have to look forward to?”
Rainbow jumped at the chance to talk about work-related things. “Nothing all that exciting really. It’s mostly just the usual weather stuff, plus a whole lot of irrigation for the farms. Things aren’t completely dull though—we do get feral fronts coming from the wild weather zone over the Everfree Forest every once in a while. Breaking those up is always exciting, but they’re pretty rare.” From the way her wings drooped a bit when she brought up how rare wild weather was, it almost seemed like Rainbow wished the weather went nuts more often. “Anyway, I figure I’ll start you small. First you get to know the team, then I'll get you working in pairs with other workers. See who you mesh with, stuff like that.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I shot a somewhat nervous look over at Cloud Kicker. “Presumably I start rotating partners after Cloud Kicker's done helping me fit in and learn my way around?”
To my immense relief, Cloud Kicker didn’t take the opportunity to say anything perverse or even try to flirt with me. Instead she just gave a businesslike nod and a quick, professional little smile. “I got your back, Blossomforth. Don't worry.”
“Relax.” Rainbow shot a reassuring smile my way. “The first day on the job really isn’t so bad. Hay, if you know how to push a cloud you’ll be better than some of the ponies I’ve hired.”
Seriously? She’d hired ponies who didn’t even know the most basic weather stuff?
Well, I suppose that does make sense, with this being a small and mostly earth pony town. If the weather really got demanding, there might not be enough qualified pegasi available on short notice. I suppose that was a good thing for me; if they were used to relatively untrained ponies, I would look a lot better by comparison. “I did get pretty good grades in college.”
To my surprise, Rainbow Dash let out a dismissive little snort at that. “Yeah yeah, I’m sure you read a lotta egghead books and wrote papers all the other eggheads thought were really smart.” I was a little taken aback by just how dismissive she sounded—education is a big deal. “Look, I’m sure you did real good in college, but I’m hiring cloud pushers, not college students. Y’know what I mean?”
Okay, that was pretty rude. I glowered over at Rainbow and took a deep breath, but Cloud Kicker jumped in before I could give my new boss a piece of my mind. “Relax, Blossomforth. Rainbow’s just a little rough around the edges ‘cause she never even finished flight school.”
“I was way too awesome and smart to waste any more of my time there.” Rainbow announced, proudly puffing out her chest. “So I just picked up a flight certification and got outta there so I could focus on being my radical self.” Rainbow Dash’s grin faded a bit as she grumbled under her breath, “Besides, calculus was seriously un-cool.”
I shot a worried frown her way. “Don’t you have to use calculus all the time for weather-managing?”
“Well, yeah.” Rainbow Dash petulantly crossed her forelegs over her chest. “But that’s different.”
“Why?” Cloud Kicker cut in. “Calculus is calculus.”
“But it doesn’t suck when you’re using it for weather stuff,” Rainbow announced, giving a cavalier toss of her head.
Well, I couldn’t really argue with that logic. I guess when it comes to education, all that really matters was that she had the skills needed to get the job done. Speaking of which... “Well, that’s the good thing about Cloud Tech. Plenty of practical fieldwork to go along with the classroom theory.”
“Oh yeah?” Cloud Kicker leaned forward, a politely curious smile on her face. “I bet you were a total honor student too, weren’t you? You seem the type.” Rainbow Dash pointedly nudged Cloud Kicker back out of my personal space. “I suppose that makes us two of a kind; I was on the dean’s list too. Every time we passed in the halls, he’d stop, point at me, and say ‘You’re on my list, Cloud Kicker.’”
Oh thank Celestia, she told a joke that had nothing to do with sex. I was grateful enough for the lack of vulgarity that I cracked up at it. Once I got my giggling under control, I did my best to actually answer the question. “I wouldn’t say I was an honor student. There were plenty of other ponies that were smarter than me. I did good enough that I got a few scholarships, though.” I might not have been the smartest pony at Cloud Tech, but there’s a lot more to being a good student than being smart. Raw brainpower doesn’t count for much if you don’t actually use it. “Anyway, between the scholarships and the usual sorts of college jobs, I don't have a pile of student loans on my back. I even managed to save up enough for the move here.”
Cloud Kicker grinned at me. “I think you’re being a little modest there. Being good enough to get out of college debt-free is not an easy task. Nice to know you don’t have student loans hanging over you, I've heard those are a nag to deal with.”
The way she said that caught my attention. Despite her earlier joke about being in her dean’s bad graces, she was talking about student loans like something she’d never had to deal with. No ordinary sex-crazed party pony could get out of college debt-free. I wonder what her deal was?
Before I could figure out a way to start unraveling the mystery behind this mare, Bon Bon returned with three glasses of lemonade, and Cloud Kicker used the brief distraction to throw another question my way. “So, how’d you manage to grab all those scholarships? You a genius or something?”
“No, not really.” I like to think I was a bit smarter than average, but far from a genius. “I just worked my flank off.”
“Oof.” Cloud Kicker gave a sympathetic wince. “Now that I can sympathize with, unlike certain other ponies in the room.” She grinned at Rainbow Dash and playfully nudged our boss in the ribs. “Don't worry Blossomforth, you got the least whip-cracking of the bunch.”
Rainbow’s relaxed and laid-back attitude was one of the things that made me think she’d be a fairly good boss. “Nice to know she won't be a slave-driver.”
“I'm pretty cool like that,” Rainbow Dash confirmed.
That was a relief to hear, considering my previous work experience. Some of those part-time jobs I had taken back when I was getting my degree had notbeen fun. It doesn’t help that in a city the size of Cloudsdale, there were always plenty of other ponies who could replace you after the boss showed you the door. Hay, I’d even lost one job for being too good at it—the manager would’ve been required to give me a raise if she’d kept me on.
Thankfully, a college degree and the move to a small town meant I wasn’t so easily replaced anymore. That was part of why I’d avoided the big-city weather teams outside of Cloudsdale. Call it silly, but back in the orphanage there were just so many kids that most of the caretakers couldn’t really connect with us. Some of them didn’t even know my name, just my room number. With the big-city weather teams, it was the same sort of problem. I didn’t want to go from being Orphan Number Eighty-Three to Weather Pony Number Eighty-Three.
Cloud Kicker snapped me out of that train of thought with another question. “So, what’d you major in?”
“Weather engineering,” I answered her, “with a minor in mechanical engineering.” I’d actually thought about majoring in mechanics instead. It was a lot more fun than weather-work. In the end, I stuck with weather engineering for my major because it had better employment options. Sure, the Cloudsdale job market was a bit tight, but I kind of wanted to get out of Cloudsdale anyway and every settlement in Equestria needed weather ponies. A pony bravely taking a chance to pursue her dreams sounds nice and romantic, but sometimes the smart thing to do is play it safe. I needed to eat. I needed a place to live. Ergo, I needed a job.
I felt somepony nudge me in the ribs, and looked up to see Cloud Kicker smiling at me. “So, big on the engineering side of things, huh?” She gave a satisfied nod, then shot a pointed look over at Rainbow Dash. “Good to hear, we need more ponies who understand structure, not just coolness.”
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash objected. “I get structure just fine!”
Cloud Kicker rolled her eyes at that. “Forming clouds into a giant 'Watch This!’ before trying to pull off another sonic rainboom isn't structure, boss.”
Rainbow started preening one of her wings. “That's what I do to inspire the team, actually. Besides,” she added with an annoyed grunt, “that was really more about awesomeness and radicalness than coolness. Get it right, Kicker.”
Cloud Kicker gave Rainbow Dash’s outstretched wing a playful little tug. “So the near-misses are just comic relief?”
Rainbow shot a rather ugly-looking glare at Cloud Kicker. “Maybe ya need to remember who signs your paychecks before you go mouthing off, Cloud Kicker.”
That made Cloud Kicker flinch, and her ears went flat. “Right, sorry.” The sex-obsessed pegasus cleared her throat, and pointedly turned to me and changed the subject. “But enough about us, the whole point of this lunch was to get to know Blossomforth here. So, you’re a Cloudsdaler, huh?”
“Yeah.” Not much to say about Cloudsdale, really. I’d lived there for most of my life, but it was just a place. I didn’t really think of it as home.
Next thing I knew Cloud Kicker was leaning forward and almost crossing into my personal space again. “So what made you decide to come groundside then? Family not able to getcha a hoof in the door?”
I couldn’t stop myself from flinching a bit at that question. I know she hadn’t mean any harm by it and obviously hadn’t known about my background, but it still stung. “No.” I thought about explaining the whole orphan thing to them, but then I’d have to put up with a whole bunch of sympathy I didn’t really want to deal with.
Yeah, being an orphan had plenty of downsides, but honestly, things could’ve been a lot worse. Maybe I just felt that way because I was a foundling, so I couldn’t really bring myself to care too much about the family I’d ‘lost.’ Probably just a single teenaged mare younger than I was now. I don’t know—not having a family had a lot of downsides, but it’s not like I cried myself to sleep every night because I didn’t have parents.
Besides, Cloudsdale Orphanage was big and well-funded enough that all my needs had been taken care of. Three square meals a day, a modest but functional room to call my own, and all the other little things a growing pony needs to survive daily life. I even got a few presents for my birthday and Hearths Warming. Sure, the caretakers were a bit distant, but they made up for it by maintaining order and clamping down on bullying and all the other sorts of problems that crop up when you have a large group of children.
I guess it must’ve been obvious that I was lost in my memories, because Cloud Kicker was staring at me with this contemplative look on her face. “Sorry, not my place to pry.” The conversation was saved from any further awkwardness by the arrival of our food.
“You girls gonna need anything else?” Bon Bon asked once she was done setting down our food.
“Looks like we’ve got everything we need.” Cloud Kicker licked her lips and got her napkin in place. “Thanks Bons! Tell Lyra I said hi.”
“Tell her yourself,” Bon Bon gave a disgruntled wave towards the green unicorn sitting at the bar. “She actually showed up with Berry and asked for a mint-tini! At this time of day! Barely even afternoon, and she wants hard alcohol. I swear, that mare...” Bon Bon trailed off into annoyed grumbling and stomped off to the bar, presumably to give this ‘Lyra’ a piece of her mind.
Cloud Kicker watched her go, letting out a snort of laughter. “I swear, Bon Bon is gonna hook up with Lyra just to make fussing at her more convenient.” The perverse pegasus shot a look over at the bar, where sure enough our waitress was in the middle of chewing the unicorn out. “Though Lyra has been trying to cut down a bit on the drinking and make herself a bit more respectable lately. Maybe she’ll even get a job.”
“Yeah, whatever, nopony cares,” Rainbow grumbled. “Let’s get back to talking about more important stuff. Anyway, I figure Blossomforth decided to move to Ponyville because when she came in for her job interview she saw how awesome a boss I am.“
I decided to try some of my hayfries in lieu of either encouraging Rainbow’s raging ego or offending my employer by deflating her a bit. Thankfully, the hayfries were an incredibly effective distraction. “These are good!” After I’d taken a few more bites and taken the edge off my hunger, I got back to the matter at hoof. “But yeah, Rainbow's not wrong. Part of why I picked Ponyville is that she seemed like she'd be a good boss.”
“Well, that oughta keep Rainbow’s head inflated for a day.” Cloud Kicker shot a teasing grin over at our boss. “Seriously though, she is just about the best boss a pony could ask for. Damn good friend, too, if you can find space under the crushing weight of her ego.”
Rainbow Dash couldn’t respond verbally with her mouth full of burger, so she answered with several hoof gestures that suggested Cloud Kicker should perform several anatomically and physically impossible acts. Or at least, I certainly hope they were impossible.
Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to get to know the pony I was going to be working with for the next several days. “So you're Rainbow Dash's right-hoof mare, Cloud Kicker?”
She nodded in response to my question. “Yeah, I’m pretty much her go-to mare when it comes to fixing problems. Anything you need, I can help you out with. Not that Rainbow's not absolutely capable on her own, but she's got the entire town and all the outlying farms to cover, and then there’s all the red tape that comes with being weather boss.”
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash gave Cloud Kicker a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Cloud's been pretty useful to me over the years. Like all the prep stuff we’ve been doing for the Summer Sun Celebration.” Rainbow’s ears perked up. “You heard about that? The Princess is coming here for it! This is gonna be so awesome!” She took a few seconds to regain her composure before continuing. “I mean, getting all the weather set up for her visit is gonna be easy, but all the red tape you gotta deal with for a royal visit is just nuts!”
Whoa, a royal visit? That would be interesting. Probably not something a newbie on the weather team could get involved in, though. “Alright then, Cloud Kicker.” I shot a warning look her way. “Just don't think you can go from helping me out to getting under my tail.”
“Roger.” Cloud Kicker snapped off a cheeky salute.
That got an annoyed eye-roll out of me. I couldn’t waste too much time being aggravated with her, though. There were other issues at hoof. Speaking of which... “Oh, by the way, what's the policy here on cloud-houses? Nothing too weird, right?” I might have a knack for adapting, but jumping straight from Cloudsdale to living on the ground might be a bit much.
Cloud Kicker thought it over “There’s not really anything unusual, just the normal rules where groundsiders are involved. Be sure everything you own is gravity-safe and won't fall through to the ground, and make sure your stove thundercloud doesn't go above a hundred gigawatts. Drop it all the way down to ten, if Derpy is nearby.”
I was about to ask who this ‘Derpy’ was when Rainbow Dash answered the question for me. “She's a friend of ours—though we can’t really have her on the weather team anymore, since the time she set a tornado on fire.” I wanted to check my ears, to make sure I’d heard that correctly. Apparently, I had. “Derpy’s ... well, calling her a klutz would be a huge understatement. She’s still a really cool pony, but stuff just goes wrong around her. Her daughters are just awesome, though.”
Cloud Kicker grinned and bumped Rainbow in the shoulder. “You just say that 'cause Derpy made you their godmother.”
Rainbow Dash let out a scandalized gasp. “Cloud Kicker, did you just express doubt about Dinky’s incredible cuteness? I’m pretty sure Ponyville has laws against that.”
“Perish the thought.” Cloud Kicker let out a giggle. “But just because Dinky’s adorable doesn’t mean you’re not biased.”
Rainbow Dash thought about that for a minute, then shrugged. “Eh, I’m allowed to be biased.” A fond smile crossed her face. “I gotta remember to introduce ya to Derpy’s kids sometime, Blossomforth. As for the whole cloud-house thing, just lemme know where yours is and I'll deal with the rest of it.”
“Thanks, Rainbow Dash.” I’d definitely made the right choice, picking her for a boss. Most weather chiefs would probably just ignore me until I’d proven myself, but she was already making plans to introduce me to her goddaughters and everything. That’s a pretty big deal, and it’s always nice to feel valued. Though there was one issue with the cloud-house thing. “Well, I don't have a cloud-house put together yet, but I don't really need anything all that fancy, so it won’t take me long to throw something together.”
Rainbow Dash gave a surprised little blink. “Wait, if you don’t have a cloud-house put together yet then where are you staying?”
“Oh, I saved up enough bits to stay at an inn while I'm getting the house together.” Since just about all my worldly possessions could fit into two saddlebags, it’s not like I was planning to include a whole bunch of fancy decorations on the house or I had a lot of things I needed to gravity-proof. I wasn’t poor or anything, there just wasn’t really all that much that I needed.
“You’re just gonna stay at an inn? That’s no good.” Rainbow brought a thoughtful hoof up under her chin for a few seconds, then grinned at me. “Okay, here’s what we do: you’re gonna stay with me, if that’s cool with you. My house is definitely big enough for another pony or three.” Between that comment and the fact that I’d gotten to know her a bit better, I was now reasonably certain that that the huge monstrosity of a cloud-house on the edge of town with the rainbow waterfalls belonged to her.
“Dammit boss.” Cloud Kicker put on a playful little pout. “You beat me to the punch.”
Wow. Both of them were really willing to let me into their homes just to save me a few bits on a hotel room? Granted, in Cloud Kicker’s case she probably saw it as a way to get me into bed, but the gesture was still appreciated. Besides, Rainbow Dash didn’t have any ulterior motives that I could see. Still, an offer that generous was just a bit too nice to accept without a pro forma refusal. Social customs can be very strange sometimes. “That’s very nice of both of you to offer, but I couldn't possibly impose like that.”
“Relax.” Rainbow gave me a companionable thump on the shoulder. “It's cool.”
“Rainbow’s a sucker for charity cases,” Cloud Kicker announced. “You’d never believe it, but underneath that tough exterior she’s got a heart of gold. This wouldn’t be the first time she’s helped somepony get on their hooves around here.”
I couldn’t really think of a good reason to say no, and I certainly wouldn’t complain about saving the bits I would’ve spent for a room at the inn. “Well ... alright, then. Thanks, Rainbow Dash.” I shot a slightly apologetic look Cloud Kicker’s way. “No offense, but I'd rather stay with the pony who isn't a sex fiend.”
Cloud Kicker went stiff as a board, and started frowning at me. “Okay, I’ll freely admit that I love banging as much as a dragon loves gems, but I take it seriously when a pony says no.”
Okay, in hindsight the implications there had come off a bit harsher than I’d intended. I hadn’t meant for it to sound like she’d start molesting me in my sleep or something, just that she would try to seduce me. Now, I just needed to figure out how I could explain what I’d meant when I couldn’t even talk about it without blushing. “Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you, it's just...” I completely blanked on what to say next. Just what? ‘I was afraid you would try to make direct but reasonably polite advances’ didn’t sound like much of an explanation.
When it was clear I wasn’t going to figure out what to say next anytime soon, Cloud Kicker forced a smile and filled in the answer herself. “You wanna go with the pony who’s more interested in your face than your flanks. I got it.” The smile turned a bit more genuine ... or maybe just more convincingly faked. “If you really feel bad about it, you can cover lunch.”
“Oh.” My ears went flat at that, but I couldn’t really argue about it. Getting stuck with the lunch bill was a small price to pay for getting along with the boss’s right-hoof mare. “Well, okay, I guess.”
Rainbow shot a look Cloud Kicker’s way and growled out her name in a warning tone. Cloud Kicker brought her forelegs up defensively. “Kidding, boss, totally kidding.” She grinned over at Rainbow. “This is all your treat anyway.”
“Nope, not how it works.” Rainbow stuck her tongue out at Cloud Kicker. “You picked the place, so you pay. Them's the rules.”
Cloud Kicker let out a long-suffering sigh. “Alright, fine, you got me. I’ll pay. Cheapskate.” Cloud’s eyes drifted over to our waitress, or more specifically her flanks. “I guess I can live with it. This place does have the best scenery around.”
Rainbow caught the direction of Cloud Kicker’s gaze and wing-whapped her upside the head. “Cloud, you dorealise Lyra's got her mark set for Bon Bon? S’why she’s been trying to act a bit more mature and stuff. The whole town knows it, they're just waiting for them to hook up already. I was thinking of forming a betting pool on when it’ll finally happen.”
That drew a snort from Cloud Kicker. “Don’t think it’d be ethical for me to get in on the gambling action, Rainbow—I’ve got insider info. Who do you think has been helping Lyra out behind the scenes? She’s a great mare, but just not equipped to impress a serious go-getter like Bon Bon on her own.” She grinned and her voice took on a distinctly sultry tone. “You'd be amazed what the right tools can do to bring ponies together.”
Oh for the love of Celestia, I’d been in the middle of chewing when she said that. Okay, I needed to relax and definitely not start choking on my hayfries. I could see the headlines now: ‘College graduate killed by hayfries and lewd humor.’
Thankfully I managed to rein it in before I got to the point where I needed somepony to help me. I still spent a few seconds coughing before I could pull off another hasty change of subject. “So, anything else I need to know about moving to Ponyville?” Other than to never talk to Cloud Kicker while eating solid food again?
Cloud Kicker beat Rainbow to the punch on answering that one. “Watch out for feral storms, and if you like muffins, eat them in the privacy of your own home with all the doors and windows shut.” She held up a hoof to forestall any questions. “Don't ask, just—trust me on this one, okay?”
“Derpy loves muffins more than Cloud Kicker loves banging,” Rainbow Dash offered by way of explanation. “Sometimes when she sees them she gets a bit excited. That’s kinda the thing about Ponyville—it has plenty of weird ponies, but a whole bunch of really cool ones too. So all in all, it's a pretty good place to live.”
“I like what I’ve seen of it so far.” Some nasty little part of my brain wanted to mentally add the word ‘mostly’ to the end of that sentence and toss a significant look Cloud Kicker’s way. I knew that wasn’t fair of me, though. At the very least, I hadn’t exactly been all that friendly to her either. So instead I tried to smile at her. “I guess I'll see you at work?”
This time I was a bit more certain Cloud Kicker actually meant it when she smiled at me. “Yeah, sure thing. We still need to introduce you to everypony else on the team. We can make it like an unofficial welcoming party for you.” For some reason, a second after she said that Cloud Kicker went quiet and tense, while Rainbow groaned and facehoofed. “Damn. I had to go and drop the ‘p’ word...”
I was about to ask just what they could possibly be talking about when something exploded behind me, accompanied by the sounds of one of those noisemakers you always hear at parties. It was a good thing I’d already finished my lunch, because a moment later a ton of confetti rained down onto our table. Then a pink earth pony jumped up onto it and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Did somepony say ‘party’? Where? I wanna party!”
Rainbow yelped in what sounded like a mixture of surprise and terror and fell onto her back. Cloud Kicker didn’t seem to be quite so surprised, perhaps because she’d been the one who had caught this new pony’s attention. As for me—well, to be honest I was so surprised by this random pony jumping onto our table that I just had no idea what to make of it.
The strange earth pony started swinging her head wildly around, no doubt trying to spot the party she believed was going on. Then she stuck her head down between all four of her legs (which really didn’t seem like it should be physically possible), which brought her pretty much face-to-face with me. The instant she saw me she went completely still, except for the rapidly-widening grin on her face. Then she opened her mouth and unleashed a verbal torrent on me.
“Ohmigosh! You're new! I lovemeeting new ponies! Please tell me you’re gonna be staying here! The last time I met a new pony hanging out with Dashie it turned out he was her boss here for some kinda inspection and I really wasn’t s’posta surprise him and hug and squeeze him or anything ‘cause he had a heart condition or something! He made so many funny faces and weird sounds when I showed up! Hey, you don’t have one of those heart thingies, do ya?” As the non-stop stream of words continued cascading out of her mouth, I sat back and dully wondered how she could possibly keep talking like that without even needing to stop for breath. “Anyway, hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! And if you’re moving to Ponyville forever and ever then I gotta get to work on my big new ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party so you can meet everypony and make lots of new friends and...”
At that point the words started tumbling out of her mouth so quickly that I couldn’t even understand what she was saying anymore. Not that it had made much sense even when I could understand the individual words.
I think I understood why Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash apparently tried to avoid catching this pony’s attention. She seemed like she meant well, but she just ... didn’t stop.
Rainbow groaned and shot a dirty look at her right-hoof mare. “Thanks, Cloud. Thanks a bunch.”
In the meantime, Pinkie Pie had finally stopped talking and was staring at me with an innocently hopeful smile that I just couldn’t ignore. At the very least, I felt like I should introduce myself. “Um, hi. I'm Blossomforth.” I’d run into—well, I couldn’t really say I’d ever run into a pony quite like Pinkie Pie before, but I’d definitely known a few of the really cheerful and incredibly outgoing types at college. The sort who wanted to drag a pony out to parties when she needed to work on her big end-of-the-semester projects. If I didn’t do something to discourage her, I’d never get a moment’s peace. “And I'm very flattered you want to throw a welcome party for me, but now's not a good time for me. Still moving in and everything. Maybe in two or three weeks?” With any luck, a few weeks from now I wouldn’t be nearly so new and exciting, and she would’ve completely forgotten all about throwing me a big party.
Pinkie Pie went silent for several seconds, an almost comically serious expression on her face, before she finally nodded. “Okay then! I really, really love parties, but I don't mind waiting a bit so we can have an even better party! After all, the whole point of having a party is for everypony to have lots and lots of fun, and if you weren’t having fun at the party I was throwing just for you then that would be, like, the most horrible thing ever!”
Rainbow Dash and Cloud Kicker were both staring at me in shock. Cloud Kicker managed to recover the power of speech. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pony successfully reason with Pinkie Pie before. Anyway, Blossomforth, lemme show you how a Pinkie veteran handles a Pinkie Incident.” Cloud Kicker cleared her throat, prompting Pinkie to spin around half a dozen times before finally turning to face the pegasus. “Hey, Pinkie? I think Rainbow wants another hug.”
Our boss stood up and started slowly backing away from the table, being careful not to make any sudden moves that might provoke Pinkie Pie. “Well I've had a good meal.” Rainbow let out a nervous little laugh. “Thanks for the good time guys, but I really need to go do ... um ... pegasus stuff.” She spun on her hooves and bolted for the door.
Rainbow Dash was fast, but apparently Pinkie Pie was faster. She didn’t even make it halfway out of the restaurant before Pinkie Pie caught her in mid air, tackling her to the ground with one of the most excessively enthusiastic hugs I’ve ever seen. “Hi Dashie!”
Rainbow Dash squirmed in Pinkie's iron grip, vainly struggling to find some way to free herself. After several failed attempts, she let out a resigned sigh and surrendered to the inevitable. “Hi Pinkie.”
“Hi Dashie!” Pinkie chirped again. For a brief moment, I wondered if they would keep going back and forth with greetings in some kind of endlessly recurring loop.
From the put-out look on Rainbow’s face, I think she must have come to the same conclusion. Since running and breaking free obviously weren’t going to work, she opted for a new strategy. “Gee, thanks for the hug, Pinkie, I feel so much better now.” I could almost feel the sarcasm radiating from her voice, but Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to notice it. “So, now that you’ve hugged me, do you think you could maybe let go of me?”
“Awww...” Pinkie Pie pouted and unleashed some of the most potent sad puppy eyes I’ve ever seen on a grown mare.
Rainbow might be tough, but there’s no way she could stand up to that. She let out a disgusted groan, pointedly averting her eyes from Pinkie’s adorable sadness. “Ugh! Fiiine, you can stay on for a bit longer. Better me than Blossom, I suppose.” Rainbow continued grumbling under her breath despite more-or-less accepting the hug.
“And now you’ve met Pinkie Pie.” Cloud Kicker grinned and poked me in the ribs. “I’d say that means the ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ process is complete.”
“She does seem to be rather excitable.” That seemed like as much of an understatement as saying that water was a bit wet.
Cloud Kicker shot a disturbingly satisfied-looking smile my way. “You have no idea. She’s just full of energy.” Cloud Kicker brought a hoof up to her chin and frowned in thought. “Come to think of it, it's probably safer that way.” Cloud Kicker pulled out some bits to cover the food bill, along with a fairly generous tip for our waitress, though the substantial size of her tip might not have been a matter of kindness or rewarding good service as it was compensation for the way she patted Bon Bon on the flank again when she passed by to collect the bits. A second later her attention was back on me, with that annoyingly confident smile firmly in place. “So. Anything else scheduled for ya, Blossom?”
“Not really.” A second later, I remembered just who I was talking to, and my tone turned appropriately wary. “Why?”
Rainbow, meanwhile, had resumed her struggles to escape from Pinkie Pie after the earth pony decided to move up from hugging to nuzzling. “Pinkie, c'mon, get off already.” Rainbow yanked her head back after a particularly prolonged bit of cheek-to-cheek contact, and managed to yank her forelegs free and use them to push against Pinkie Pie’s shoulders. “I mean it, Pinkie Pie. Quit it.”
Pinkie Pie gave Rainbow one last squeeze that seemed so hard that I was a little surprised my boss’ ribs survived the experience, then released her. “Okay!” She shot a huge smile Rainbow’s way, then starting merrily hopping towards the door while idly singing a little nonsense tune.
While Rainbow Dash rubbed a hoof up and down her much-abused spine and grumbled under her breath, it was Cloud Kicker who caught my attention. It was rather hard not to notice the way her head was bouncing in time with the earth pony’s hops, or the way her eyes seemed to be glued on Pinkie Pie’s cutie mark and surrounding environs.
I couldn’t let that pass without comment. “Seriously? Her?” I could understand Cloud Kicker chasing after a pony like Bon Bon, who seemed relatively grounded and friendly. Normal, even. But Pinkie Pie? That mare seemed to be far too eccentric.
Cloud Kicker shot a saucy smirk at me. “Are you kidding? She’s got bundles of energy and all kinds of creativity. Plus, she’s just a darn nice pony and good-looking on top of it. Why not?”
“Because Pinkie Pie's crazy!” Rainbow snapped at her. “It’s not like I care about it or anything, but don’t look at her like that or do things with her. Got it?” Rainbow paused and gave an annoyed flick of her wings. “I just don’t want you messing with her, okay? Because of reasons.”
That got a surprised blink out of Cloud Kicker. “Wow. Huh. Didn't know you felt that strongly about it, Rainbow. Fine, from this point forward, Pinkie is off my list of bangable ponies. No problem.” A second later I cursed my good hearing when I caught Cloud Kicker mumbling under her breath, “Besides, I haven’t messed around with her since that one time with the confetti anyway.”
“Good.” Rainbow gave a satisfied nod, apparently having missed Cloud Kicker’s sotto voce comment.
Okay, I was just a little lost there. Why would Rainbow care who Cloud Kicker did her business with? Maybe she was just worried that Cloud Kicker would end up encouraging Pinkie Pie and leading her on? That was probably it. Pinkie might be overenthusiastic about things, but she had a kind of open friendliness to her that could easily be taken advantage of. Throwing an unrepentant heartbreaker like Cloud Kicker at her just wouldn’t be decent.
And now I was going to be stuck working alongside that heartbreaker for the next few days. Joy. “Alright then. Well, I guess I'll see you at work, Cloud Kicker.”
Cloud Kicker frowned at me silently for several seconds— long enough to start making me get a little worried, really—and then slowly nodded. “Yeah, see you then, Blossomforth.”
Rainbow shot a look at my erstwhile partner. “Try not to act too weird tomorrow, Cloud. I mean it.” After delivering that final warning, Rainbow headed for the door. A second later, I followed her out.
Once we’d gotten well out earshot of Sun’s Flank, Rainbow fell into step beside me and dropped her voice down to a discreet whisper. “You gonna be cool working with Kicker?” Rainbow gave a slightly uncomfortable shuffle of her wings. “Look, she’s been a really cool friend to me for years, but I get that she can kinda hard to put up with sometimes. Especially for a pony who’s not used to dealing with her.”
I didn’t want to sound too negative about a pony Rainbow was obviously close friends with, but at the same time she was giving me a clear opening to get my worries out into the open. I opted for something a bit more cautiously neutral. “This isn't what I expected after the job interview.”
Rainbow thought about that for a moment, then gave a philosophical shrug. “That's the thing about teams: it’s never what you expect.”
“I’ve never been a fan of teams, honestly.” In college pretty much everypony groaned whenever we got stuck with a group project of some sort. Inevitably, every team would end up with at least one slacker who didn’t do their share of the work and expected everypony else to carry them, and at least one utterly idiotic but stubborn and loud pony who constantly slowed us down or messed our efforts up.
“Yeah, teams can get really messy, and it’s all just a huge pain in the flank,” Rainbow agreed. She took a moment to think it over, then shrugged. “I guess that’s just how it’s always gonna be. You’ve got loads of ponies from different places with different ideas, and they all gotta come together to form one team. They're all gonna have their quirks and weird personalities and stuff, but at the end of the day the whole group has to function as a single unit. Or least, that’s what Cloud’s always saying.” Rainbow shot a boastful grin my way. “That's why I'm such a good leader, 'cause I can rally everypony on the team together no matter what their differences are.”
“Okay...” Once you get past the blatant egotism, she actually had a point. Leading a team is all about getting the ponies to work together effectively, and if Rainbow could find a way to make a pony like Cloud Kicker an effective team member, she must know what she was doing.
“Yeah, I’m awesome.” Rainbow seemed to be speaking as much to herself as to me. “So like it or not, you'll have to work with Cloud Kicker at some point. Hay, Cloud Kicker can be easy to work with compared to some of the other ponies on the team.”
That sounded distinctly ominous. I didn’t want to come across as too pessimistic, though. “I know, I know.”
Rainbow put a sympathetic hoof on my shoulders. “You're new 'n' all, I get that, but you can't expect to have everypony be what you want them to be. Ponies are gonna be who they wanna be. That doesn’t mean they can’t change, but when they do they’ll change how they wanna change. You just gotta accept that. S’like how Cloud Kicker used to have a stick up her plot, and now more often than not she’s got a dick up it instead.”
I’m a bit ashamed to admit that Rainbow’s vulgar little rhyme got a chuckle out of me, even though I was also blushing a bit. She had a decent point though—most ponies don’t have my knack for adapting and changing, and even I have my limits on how far I’ll bend. I wouldn’t put up with ponies being lazy or useless when they were supposed to be helping me work ... but I suppose as long as it didn’t get in the way of work, I would have to put up with things like Cloud Kicker’s sex-obsession. “I guess that stuff about working together makes sense. I just wish she wasn't so ... overwhelming.”
Rainbow shot an unconcerned smile my way. “Like I said, you get used to it. I’ll bet you that in a month, you’ll be so used to Cloud Kicker being Cloud Kicker that you won’t even notice it anymore.”
“I'm good at getting used to things. Very good, actually.” It is my special talent, after all.
Rainbow grinned and gave me a pat on the back with one of her wings. “Sounds like you’ll do just fine then, so relax. Besides—if anything goes wrong, your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash’ll be right there to fix it.”
Well that all sounded nice and optimistic. Except that even I can’t adjust to huge changes overnight, especially something as big as dealing with a pony like Cloud Kicker. Worse than that, let’s say I go through some kind of personal growth that lets me handle her. How much would I have to change to do that? Would I still be the same Blossomforth I am now? How much can a pony change while still staying the same pony they’ve always been? Would adjusting to life on the ground and dealing with ponies like Cloud Kicker end up changing me so much I wasn’t even really myself anymore?
Whatever the case, I’d just have to deal with it. And Cloud Kicker.
It was no surprise that I was a bit nervous about going into work the next day. Despite Rainbow’s little pep talk yesterday, the prospect of spending all day working together with Cloud Kicker was rather intimidating. I just knew that before the day was done she’d make an attempt at seducing me.
It’s not that I didn’t know how to handle a pony making advances. I don’t want to brag, but I’m a reasonably good-looking mare, and I’ve gone through college. I know how to say no. The problem was that some little warning instinct in the back of my head kept telling me that if Cloud Kicker really put the moves on me, I might not turn her down. I’m not even sure why I had that nervous fear—sure, she was a very attractive mare, but it wasn’t like the mere sight of her drove me mad with lust or anything. There was no reason I shouldn’t be able to give her a polite but firm rejection.
And yet, I couldn’t shake that feeling...
At least I didn’t have to worry about showing up to work late on my first day, since I would be getting to work at the same time as Rainbow Dash. After all, one of the first rules of college is that you’re not late to class as long as you get there before the professor. I know the working world is different, but I’m pretty sure that aspect is the same. A boss can’t really get on your case for being five minutes late if she’s ten minutes late.
As it was, I’d gotten up before Rainbow Dash and made breakfast to thank her for letting me stay with her for a few days. That seemed to go over quite well, judging by how fast all the food went away.
Once breakfast was done, there was really no avoiding it: I had to go to work. Maybe I was just working myself up over nothing. After all, Rainbow had made it pretty clear to Cloud Kicker that she didn’t want the perverse pony trying to get me into bed.
Ugh. I suppose I’d just have to go to work and see how it all played out.
The two of us arrived at the weather office, and Rainbow took a bit to introduce me to everypony. “Alright everypony, this is Blossomforth. She’s gonna be joining the team, so everypony be nice and help her out for her first couple days here, okay?”
Next thing I knew, I was being swarmed by friendly yet curious ponies. We swapped the usual pleasantries and introductions, and I had to deal with a few annoyingly personal questions. Merry May wanted to know where I was from, Medley was curious about whether I had any hobbies, Raindrops wanted to know where I went to school, stuff like that. Despite the prying I felt like my introduction to the team all went very smoothly, and I was really looking forward to working with these ponies..
Then Cloud Kicker showed up.
“Heya, partner.” She grinned and gave me a friendly shoulder-bump as she trotted up. “Looks like Rainbow took care of the introductions, so how about we just hop right into the weather work?”
“Um ... yeah, sure.” Despite the fact that I was still pretty nervous around her, my sense of humor decided to have its say. “So, I guess this is the part where you figure out how much I can actually do, and I find out how much my college education was worth?”
“Sounds about right,” Cloud Kicker agreed with a playful grin. “Everypony had to go through this on their first day, even me and Rainbow. I know you got plenty of practical training back in school, but there’s still a big difference between working for grades and working for a paycheck. Every region’s weather has its own set of quirks you have to get used to—not to mention every weather team has some quirks as well. Remember, there are always three ways to get things done: the right way, the wrong way, and Rainbow Dash’s way.” Cloud Kicker leaned in and whispered, “Which usually involves taking a nap, putting the problem off until the last minute, and then doing things more-or-less the wrong way, except about twenty percent cooler. And somehow making it work.”
That got a bit of a giggle out of me, though I was probably just relieved that Cloud Kicker had opted for a harmless joke about our boss instead of something off-color or vulgar. After seeing what Rainbow was like first thing in the morning, she’d kind of lost what was left of her new boss intimidation factor.
With that, Cloud Kicker got to work putting me through my paces. For the most part things went just fine; there were the usual sorts of things to adjust to, like the clouds here not being quite as thick as the practice ones I’d dealt with in Cloudsdale, but nothing I couldn’t handle.
Once the basic weatherwork was out of the way, it was time to deal with some of the more complicated stuff. A lot of that was farmland irrigation, since Ponyville had started off as an earth pony town. Irrigating crops isn’t just a matter of grabbing a few rain clouds and giving them a good swift kick—you have to be very precise about it. The clouds have to be spread out just so to ensure that all the plants get their fair share of rain, and the rate of waterfall needs to be carefully regulated. If you throw down too much rain or have it come down too quickly, it can end up hurting crop yields. That’s not to mention that apples, carrots, flowers, and other plants all need different amounts of rain, soil content can affect the water distribution, and several dozen other things you need to account for.
“...and Celestia forbid you ever get anything wrong.” Cloud Kicker let out a little snort. “Rainbow Dash had to spend all of last winter listening to Applejack complain about how her harvest was a tenth of a percent lower because Rainbow overdid the rain a couple times.”
I’d heard that earth ponies take farming very seriously, but worrying over a fraction of a percent sounded a little extreme to me. Then again, it is their livelihood. Things going wrong on the farm would mean less of everything for the family.
I was about halfway through setting up an irrigation pattern over a farm called the Carrot Patch when another pegasus flew up to me. I remembered her from when Rainbow introduced me to the other weather ponies—the yellow coat and teal mane were definitely familiar, but I couldn’t recall her name right then. “Hey, need some help?”
“I’ve got it, thanks.” I’m normally not one to turn down help when it’s offered by somepony who knows what they’re doing and seems like a nice pony, but the whole point of setting this up was to prove that I knew what I was doing. Having one of the more experienced weather ponies helping out wasn’t going to make me look very competent.
The pony turned to the side a bit, looking over the clouds I’d been setting up. The sight of her cutie mark jogged my memory; her name was Raindrops. After taking a few seconds to look over my clouds, Raindrops turned back to me, a faint frown on her face. “No offense, but you don’thave it. You’re running a circular rain pattern when the terrain is more suited to working in rows.”
What? I can’t believe she would just fly up and tell me right to my face that I didn’t know how to do weather work. Especially when I was doing just fine. “With all due respect, I think it’s you who’s mistaken, Raindrops.” I tried to keep my tone as level as possible despite being annoyed with her. I really didn’t need to offend a veteran employee on my first day on the job. I extended a hoof down towards the carrot farm, pointing out terrain features as I went. “If we set up the rain clouds in rows it would throw off the water distribution around that hill over there. Besides, you see how the soil’s a bit different over in the southwest corner? Or how the whole farm’s—”
Raindrops cut me off with an annoyed growl. “Well excuse me for trying to help the newbie who doesn’t know what she’s doing.”
Okay, now I was starting to get rather mad at her. “Hey! I know exactly what I’m doing! I appreciate that you’re trying to help, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re wrong. I know I might be new, but I did spend four years in college learning this stuff!”
“Oh please.” Raindrops rolled her eyes at me. “Another fresh-out-of-school mare who’s convinced she’s gonna change the world and knows how to do the job better than all the old veterans. I was pushing clouds back when you were still in Flight Camp. You might have a fancy degree, but you’re not in school, you’re in the real world—so shut up and listen to the ponies with experience.”
That did it. No way I was gonna let her push me around just because she’d been on the team for longer than me. “Well, your so-called experience doesn’t count for much if you still can’t figure out a basic rainfall pattern. Looks to me like all you’ve got experience in is running your mouth.”
“You...” I could hear her teeth grinding, and for second I was worried I might’ve pushed her a bit too far. I couldn’t help noticing that she had a lot more muscle than me. Worse than that, the way she was carrying herself gave me a sense that she knew a lot more about fighting than I did.
I ... mighthave bitten off more than I could chew.
Before things could spiral any further out of control Cloud Kicker flew in between us, putting a hoof on each of our foreheads and shoving us away from each other. “Settle down, you two! I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up over, but it stops now!”
Raindrops and I couldn’t get to each other with Cloud Kicker in the way, and once we had a few seconds to settle down and think, we stopped trying. Celestia, we’d nearly gotten into a fight over cloud distribution. It was a petty thing to fight over, but once tempers started flaring it had all just spiraled out of control.
Raindrops turned her head to the side, refusing to meet my eyes, and grumbled under her breath, “Stupid to fight over clouds.”
“Yeah.” I sounded rather annoyed with myself. “It was.”
Cloud Kicker looked between the two of us and took a deep breath. “You two gonna be okay?”
I nodded. A second or two later Raindrops nodded as well.
“Alright.” Cloud Kicker gave a sharp nod. “Drops, might be best if you head elsewhere for a while.” Raindrops nodded and headed back in the general direction of Rainbow Dash.
I let out a relieved breath once Raindrops was safely gone. For a moment, I was tempted to fly up to Cloud Kicker and give her a great big hug. “That got tense. Thanks, Cloud Kicker.”
“S’part of my job.” Cloud Kicker waived off the praise, though she still gave me a smile. “It’s pretty close to lunchtime, so let’s...” Cloud Kicker paused, and a distinctly playful grin appeared on her face. “Well, let’s start our lunch break, but there’s something else I think we ought to do before we eat.”
Oh Celestia, I knew what was coming next. I could guess exactly what she had in mind. And yet I followed her when she flew off. It was such a strange feeling. I was almost certain she was planning to seduce me once we got to wherever she was headed. I could’ve turned around and flown away at any point. Or just opened my mouth and said I’d rather just get lunch first. But instead I just kept following her.
I told myself that I was just giving her a fair chance. After all, it wouldn’t be fair for me to just assume she had lewd intentions. She hadn’t made any advances on me all day. Of course, that was when Rainbow Dash was still around to keep an eye on her. Now she wanted to take me to some strange place far away from Rainbow’s watchful eyes ... and I was letting her.
I was so nervous about the prospect of her impending attempt to get under my tail that I wasn’t really paying attention to where we were going. So when Cloud Kicker put a hoof on my shoulder to stop me, I let out a startled little yelp and took a few quick flaps away from her.
“Whoa, easy there, Blossomforth.” Cloud Kicker shot a gentle, reassuring smile my way. “Sorry about grabbing you like that, but you were fixing to run into it.” She gestured to the huge cloud in front of us. “So ... what do you think?”
“Huh?” I blinked a few times, then backed up a bit to take a closer look at the big cloud formation that she wanted me to look at. Once I was far enough away to actually see the whole thing, I could make out the right angles of walls, and the gaps that would one day turn into proper windows and doorways. “It’s ... it’s a cloud-house?”
“It’s not just any cloud-house.” Cloud Kicker flew up to my side and grinned. “It’s yourcloud-house.” She gave a modest little shrug. “Or at least, it will be once it’s done. All I really managed to get done yesterday was hollowing out the basic structure for it. There’s still plenty of work to do, but it’s a start.”
“You...” My mouth was hanging open in shock. I tried shutting it a few times, but the most I could manage was to swallow a lungful of air before I went back to gaping. “You made me a house?”
“Well, more like I made you something that could one day become a house if you’re willing to put a whole lot more work into it.” Why was she downplaying this? Making a pony a house isn’t something you downplay! It’s a feathering house!
“This—this is...” I couldn’t think of any way to put what I wanted to say into words. So it’s no surprise that I eventually just went with that. “I ... there are no words for ... thank you!” I impulsively wrapped my forelegs around her. “Thank you!”
“Aw geeze...” To my amazement, she was actually blushing a little bit. “I mean, you still need to work out all the furniture, install thunderclouds and showerclouds and all that, not to mention moving your stuff and settling in. Besides, cloud-shaping’s my special talent, so it’s not like hammering out a basic frame for a cloud house was that big of a deal for me.”
“N—not a big deal?” I responded with an understandable amount of incredulity. “You. Made. A. House. For. Me.”
Cloud Kicker shrugged and smiled. “Well, you needed one.”
I pulled her back in for another hug. I’m not normally a hugging sort of pony, but I figured I could make an exception when a pony just gave me a home of my own.
My house.
Cloud Kicker gave me a few minutes to get over my surprise and compose myself. Once I realized that I’d been hanging off her like a floozy, I hastily fluttered away, fighting to contain the blush on my cheeks. That’s the terrible thing about having a white coat: it’s not very good at hiding when you blush. That, and it takes a bit more effort to keep white looking nice and clean. “I...” Okay, I needed to settle down, take a few deep breaths, and chill out. “Cloud Kicker, thank you. This means so much to me. I have no idea how I could ever repay you for this.”
A second later, I couldn’t believe I’d let those words come out of my mouth. I might as well have just lifted my tail and started screaming for her to dive in and enjoy herself. I could just see her coming up in front of me, that sultry smile on her face, and saying in a breathy little whisper that she knew exactly how I could pay her back. And then she would kiss me. And quite possibly do more than kissing—maybe involving sculpting a cloud-bed and discovering how many ways two ponies could share said bed. And she’d probably find some way to make me enjoy every second of it.
Stupid sexy Cloud Kicker.
Sure enough, Cloud Kicker flew up to me, a smile on her face. “Well, I did have something in mind...”
“Yeah?” The word came out as a nervous little squeak, as I mentally prepared for her advances.
Then the strangest thing happened. Cloud Kicker’s stomach let out a loud rumble. For some reason, that noise snapped me out of it. I realized that the smile on Cloud Kicker’s face wasn’t the sultry look of a trained seductress, but the simple, open smile of a friend.
Cloud let out a slightly sheepish laugh, and a slapped a hoof on her belly. “Like you just heard, I’m starved. Buy me lunch, and we’ll call it even. Fair warning, I’m getting something big. Making a cloud-house left me with an appetite, I guess.”
Oh. Huh. Well that didn’t go the way I’d expected it to.
Over the next couple of months, I settled into Ponyville until I was so comfortable there it started really feeling like home. It was strange to think that a town I’d been in for such a short period of time could feel more like home to me than Cloudsdale.
Granted, there were some pretty huge differences between my lifestyle here and how things had been back in Cloudsdale. Having my own home instead of living out of a room at the orphanage or sharing a dorm room at Cloudsdale Technical College just made it a lot easier to get attached. Plus, there was the fact that in a small town I could really get to know ponies instead of just being another face out in the crowd.
I had friends here. Real friends. Sure, there had been ponies I called friends back at the orphanage or at college, but now that I looked back on it, I’m not sure they really were my friends. It was more like they were just ponies I knew and spent time with. Even with the ones I’d been close to, in hindsight, we never really got all that close. We just stayed at that easy distance where we could have a good time together, but never really got close enough to hurt each other.
However, as I was rapidly discovering, not letting ponies get close enough to hurt me also meant not letting them close enough to bring in all the good stuff that comes with friendship. I think I’d made a mistake in how I’d been living my life: I’d always tried to play it safe and avoid the risky options. Sticking with the things that I knew meant that I couldn’t get hurt. The problem is, never taking chances might mean you won’t lose, but it also means you’ll never win.
I suppose I’d learned that lesson from Cloud Kicker. The safe thing to do would’ve been to just turn around and never speak to her again after the initial bit of creepy sex-interest had thrown me off. But instead I’d ended up getting to know her better, and now we were great friends. I’m still not sure how that happened. It’s not like there was this sudden bolt from the heavens that made me realize that Cloud Kicker was my friend. We just got to the point where we enjoyed working together, until one day we stuck together even after our shift was over.
Rainbow’s original plan was for Cloud Kicker to only be my temporary partner until I’d settled in, but eventually she decided to just keep us working together on a permanent basis. It helped that Cloud Kicker hadn’t made any advances on me since that first day.
I’d opened up in other ways, too. I wound up going to Pinkie Pie’s ‘Slightly Delayed Welcome to Ponyville, Blossomforth!’ Party. I hadn’t planned to. When Cloud Kicker dropped by my house to let me know it was starting, I gave her my standard party refusal of being too busy for it. Cloud Kicker just smiled and asked what I was busy with. That’s when I realized that I really wasn’t busy. I was off work, and now that I was out of college I didn’t have homework or class projects. So I took another chance, went to the party, and had a good time.
There’d certainly been no shortage of risks in Ponyville, even discounting the inevitable hazards of having a social life. The Princess’ visit to Ponyville wound up being sidetracked by the return of Nightmare Moon, and then there’d been the small riot when it came out that the town librarian had tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. Despite those bits of excitement and craziness, I never regretted my decision to move here.
One day, a few weeks after the incident involving Princess Celestia and the return of Nightmare Moon, Cloud Kicker and I were at one of the local cafes, just having a snack and enjoying a bit of break time. I was taking my time nibbling on my lettuce sandwich when I noticed that Cloud Kicker was frowning at nothing in particular and had barely touched her food. “What’s bugging you, Cloud?”
“Hmm?” Cloud looked up at me, then gave a quick little shake of her head. “S’nothing important. Silly, really.”
“So it’s silly.” I gave her an encouraging little smile. “Tell me anyway.”
“Sheesh, you’re turning into a real charmer, Blossomforth.” She shot me a grin that made her look more like her usual confident self. “Okay, here’s the deal: I was browsing through Quills and Sofas the other day, and I found this really nice-looking sofa. So I buy it, but there’s an extra charge for delivery, so I wanna find somepony who can help me get it back to my place.”
“All sounds pretty normal so far,” I offered.
“Yeah.” Cloud Kicker let out a slightly aggravated sigh. “Like I said, it’s not a big deal. Anyway, I go looking for Rainbow Dash to help me out. Well, it turns out she’d already promised to go on a big pranking spree with Pinkie Pie, so she can’t help me out. Apparently she’s prank buddies with Pinkie Pie now. No idea how that happened.” Cloud Kicker took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “So, no problem, I figure, I’ll just go find Lyra or Bon Bon instead. Except then it turns out they finally got around to properly hooking up, and they’re busy doing all the usual new couple stuff. They probably still would’ve helped out if I’d asked, but I didn’t wanna interrupt them.
“Derpy’s busy with her girls, Raindrops has work stuff, and ... well, you get the idea.” Cloud Kicker let out a resigned nicker. “And that got me thinking ... it’s like all my old friends are moving on and stuff. They’ve got their own lives to live and there’s not really a place for me in there anymore. And that’s a pretty damn depressing thought.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.” I shot her a faintly amused little smile. “Lemme guess: the whole purpose of this little pity parade is to get me to help you move your couch?”
“They charge five bits for delivery, Blossomforth!” Cloud Kicker whined, unleashing a set of sad puppy eyes that would’ve given Pinkie Pie’s a decent challenge. “Five! Bits! I could buy a meal with that much! So if you don’t help me get the couch back to my house, you’ll practically be taking the food right out of my mouth! Why do you want me to starve, Blossomforth?”
“I don’t ... ugh!” I facehoofed a bit harder than I probably should’ve, but Cloud Kicker could just get so infuriating sometimes. I couldn’t even really get annoyed with her, because despite how utterly transparent her attempt to manipulate me was, it would probably end up working. There was no point in fighting the inevitable—Cloud would get her way sooner or later. She always did. “Fine, I’ll help you move your couch. You happy?”
“Thanks, Blossomforth.” She gave me another one of those grins that prickled my annoyance at how disgustingly attractive she was. “It’s nice to know that even when all my other friends start moving on and don’t have as much time for me, you’ll be there.”
“That’s me,” I grumbled under my breath. “Generous friend, loyal companion, and doormat.”
Cloud just laughed and gave me a friendly thump on the back. “I knew there was a reason I became friends with you. Think you could do some laundry for me while you’re at it?”
“Only if you’re not very attached to the clothes you give me,” I snarked right back.
Cloud Kicker just hit me with a comically exaggerated pout. “And here I was thinking of upgrading you to my new best friend. Guess that’ll have to wait until you’re willing to do a bit more for me.”
I scoffed at her and finished off the rest of my snack. “I doubt Rainbow Dash had to help you move any couches to earn her spot as your best friend.”
“Yeah, but Rainbow’s a lot cooler than you are,” Cloud Kicker shot right back. “That’s why she still gets to be my best friend for now. Doesn’t matter that she’s spending most of her free time hanging out with the taking-down-Nightmare-Moon crew, s’not like friends spend every waking moment hanging out together. Her and me will always be tight, no matter what.” Cloud Kicker’s ear drooped down a bit, and she mumbled something that I probably wasn’t intended to hear. “Even if she barely remembers I exist anymore.”
Oh. Maybe not all her talk about losing her old friends had been an act.
I reached over and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Hey, how about we go get that couch, friend?”
Cloud’s ears perked up, and there was a smile on her face again. “Sounds good, friend.”
“Twist it to your left,” Cloud suggested.
“I am twisting it to the left!” I growled back.
“You’re obviously not,” Cloud Kicker grumbled, “because we still can’t fit it through the door.”
“I know how to twist a couch to the left, Cloud Kicker!” I snapped at her. “I’m not stupid!”
“Well if you’re not stupid then how come you can’t even figure out how to twist it to the left!” Cloud shot right back at me.
I was about to snap at her again when I realized that there was another much more deserving target for my ire. “Stupid couch!”
Cloud Kicker blinked in surprise, then joined me in unleashing righteous wrath on the sofa. “Yeah! Stupid feathering couch!”
“Jerk-flank couch!”
“Jerk-flank couch nag!”
“You’re more annoying than ... than...” I struggled to think of something suitable. “You’re more annoying than something really annoying!”
“If you were a pony, I wouldn’t bang you if you were the last pony in Equestria!” Cloud Kicker added.
I snarled and gave the couch a frustrated shove. To my amazement, it slid right through the door with almost no difficulty, sending Cloud Kicker stumbling back in surprise. “Huh.” After taking a second to ponder this turn of events, I jumped up and landed right on the cushions. “Ha! Take that!”
Cloud picked herself up from the floor and shot me a bemused look. “What are you doing, Blossom?”
“I’m establishing my dominance.” I growled and crossed my forelegs over my chest. “This couch needs to learn what the pecking order is.”
Cloud Kicker brought a hoof up under her chin as she pondered the matter. “Yes, clearly we need to show this inanimate object who’s boss. Budge over a bit so I can sit down too.” I obliged her, and soon both of us were firmly in position on the couch.
After a while we kind of shifted around to get a bit more comfortable with each other. It’s not like we were snuggling up or anything. Just getting a little cozy. I’m allowed to do that with my very attractive but completely platonic friend. There’s nothing wrong with it. Or romantic.
After we spent a while getting comfortable, I suddenly blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. It’s a known hazard of getting too comfortable. “Hey, Cloud?” I took a deep breath, then plunged ahead with the question. “How come you haven’t ever tried to put the moves on me since our first meeting?”
Cloud gave a surprised blink, then grinned and wrapped her forelegs around me. “It’s simple, really. When I flirted with you, it made you nervous and uncomfortable. So I backed off.”
Oh wow. I suppose in hindsight that was obvious, but at the time it was a really surprising gesture. Very much appreciated, too.” You backed off to spare my feelings?”
“Yeah,” Cloud smiled at me. “I did. Not gonna flirt with a pony who’s not interested in banging me and, frankly, uncomfortable with the concept of banging in general.”
“Huh.” I really had misjudged her. I guess first impressions were overrated. She was a good pony. One of the best ones I’d ever met. I shifted about on the couch, feeling a wave of warmth in my cheeks. Stupid sexy Cloud Kicker. Anyway, time to respond to her. “You know, I was wrong about you, Cloud. You really are a good pony. Hay, now that I’ve gotten to know you some I don’t even completely hate the idea of you flirting with me a little.”
Cloud Kicker grinned at me like a filly in a candy store. “So ... you like it when I tease you? Well, alright then.”
“Wait, that wasn’t what I—”
“So Blossom...” The friendly little hug Cloud Kicker had me in shifted to something far less innocent, and she leaned up to rub her cheek against mine. “We know the couch is good for sitting on, but I haven’t really tested it for banging yet. Seeing as you’re right here and all...”
“Ack! No!” Oh Celestia, she’d only just started and my cheeks were already flaming! Why was a little bit of flirting from Cloud Kicker bothering me so much? Normally a bit of crude humor didn’t get under my skin like this. The worst part was, I had nopony to blame but myself. I might as well just admit it, I’d jumped right into her trap, and now I could just tell she’d spend the rest of our days horribly teasing me. Hay, I’d pretty much asked her to do it, and once the dam broke—
Oh Celestia, even that was bringing up a whole lot of mental images I really didn’t want to see.
“Soooo...” Cloud Kicker drew the word out long and teasingly as she started rubbing a hoof up and down my chest. “Do we bang now, or bang later? Or maybe bang now, and then bang again later?”
I was doomed. Completely and utterly doomed.
