Everlifeby Darkportal963ChaptersMe, myself and IDisharmonyPet rock from hellSmall intestine is smallMe, myself and II looked at the two ponies in disbelief, there was no way they could be me! Could there? I collected my jaw from the floor and spoke. "What do you mean by that?" I got up from the ground. "Well for starters you don't hear the other voices in your head anymore, do you?" The blue one said to me. "No I don't, and yes I know where you are going with this." I replied. "Well good, because I really didn't want to explain it two you, there were so many ways I could mess up!" The blue one said. "Let me guess, you, are the perfectionist me," I said pointing towards the blue one, then I pointed at the red one. "and you are crazy psycho me." "Let's give this genius a round of applause. He figured it out without our help." The red one said sarcastically. "I'll give you names, you, red guy. Your new name is Psycho Path. And blue guy, you are now going to be called Worry Wart. Done. No complaints." I said to them, or me, or whatever. "You ever think we actually have names?" Psycho Path asked me. "I would care why?" I said back to him. "To be nice." Worry Wart said flatly. "Says the two parts of me that abused my normal self in my own mind." I said to them, Psycho simply glared at me while Worry looked away from me. "What are your stupid names?" I asked with a sigh. "We don't have any." Psycho said with a chuckle. "Though I would rather be called Short Fuse." "Yeah, I would like to be called Silent Observer." Worry, I mean, Silent said to me. "Well you would have to shut up to be silent, and Short Fuse is a name for a bomb technician." I said to them. "But i'll use em." A cloud of dust was kicked up as Luna stood up. "Welcome back to the world of the living." I said to her. "Who are they?" She asked me, pointing at Short and Silent. "Well this is me." I said pointing to myself. "that is myself." I pointed to silent. "and this is I." I then pointed at Short. "They are now more commonly known as Short Fuse and Silent Observer, feel free to call them Shorty and Loudmouth." "Wait a minute, what?" Luna was now seriously confused, so I took a minute to explain it to her. *** I don't think 'taking a minute to explain it to her' was appropriate, it was more like three hours, my other selves as well as a diagram that I drew on the ground to explain it to her. You would think she would understand immediately being a princess and all but then again this was some crazy stuff. "Lets go back to Canterlot, I want to see how long it will take for Celestia to understand this." I said with a laugh. "What happened to the title of princess Sargast, why are you calling us by our first names?" Luna asked. "Well if you are gonna get pissy with me than i'll use titles but other than that I use your first names because you said to drop the formalities." I said to her, she let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine, lets just go." And with that her horn lit up and we were whisked away to the royal throne room. *** "Thank you for explaining, I understand now." Celestia said, after two hours of explanation. I don't even want to go into details about this, it was just way too stupid. "But as for the matter that is much more important, the elements of harmony." "And i'm not important?" I asked her. "Sorry Sargast, it is just that they are our main source of protection." Celestia explained, I spit out some of the water I was drinking. "They, are your greatest protection? Bah! No offence but you need to invest in some actual protection, cause some villains just don't care about no friendship crap, they just wanna kill and take over the world." I said to her. Celestia seemed angry. "And what are you suggesting we do? Send you out to deal with villains?" "Pretty much." I said back to her. "We don't need every villain dead, Sargast, I appreciate that you want to help us but your methods are just plain cruel." Celestia explained. "Yeah, but when push comes to shove you are gonna need a little more than some necklaces and a tiara to protect you." I said to her before turning around and walking towards the door. "Sargast wait." I paused. "Sargast, you are correct. And I have decided to give your methods a try. You have until we find out where to look for the elements to find two team members." Celestia told me. "And make me a promise, please don't kill unless it is a last resort." "A wise stallion once said to not make promises that you cannot keep, lucky for you I can keep this one. You got a deal." I said, then I walked out. *** I knew exactly where I wanted to go to find some rough n' tough ponies that would want to help me, the local pub. Yeah the place was seedy as hell but you can't find anypony more loyal than the ones in here, beside Rainbow of course. I walked in and was confronted with a smell of beer and vomit mixed with terrible perfume. Looking around the room I instantly spotted the first one I was going to ask, it was a mare, she was standing in the corner polishing a crossbow. She was a pegasus and had a short silver mane and a coal black coat. Her stormy grey eyes showed determination and she had a cutie mark of the aiming bit of a zoomed in scope. I walked over to her. "No, I will not dance with you." She said as I approached, this caused Short Fuse to appear. "You're an ugly little bitch anyways." He said, I shot him a glare that could kill puppies. "Whoa, who's the shoulder devil?" She asked me. "His name is Short Fuse, I call him Shorty. And no, there is no shoulder angel, only a idiot with some kind of perfectionist disorder." I said to her, she laughed. "My name is Crack Shot, most accurate crossbow shooter in Equestria, don't believe me? I have a plaque." She said extending her hoof, then Silent appeared. "I sense about thirty seven different things that can go wrong. Shake with your right hoof." Silent said. "Meet Silent Observer, also known as Loudmouth." I said to Crack Shot, shaking with my left hoof just to spite Silent. Then all hell broke loose, well, kinda. There was a smash followed by large amounts of cursing and yelling. Then a stallion was thrown at the wall behind us, he hit the ground and got back up instantly. "You wanna play? Lets tussle asshole." He said in a gruff voice. His hooves then lit up with dancing flames, he lifted one hoof slowly, and a fireball shot out, striking the wall off to the side of a stallion who I guessed was the one who threw him. "Leave or feel the burn." He commanded. The stallion then ran out of the bar and everything went back to normal. "I told you to shake with your right hoof." Silent said. "One second." I told Crack, she nodded and I walked over to the stallion who had just shot fire, he didn't appear to be a unicorn. "Hey, whats your name?" I asked him. "I'm getting thrown out ain't I?" He said. "No, I just want to talk to you outside for a bit." I told him. He nodded and I motioned for Crack Shot to come over. We walked outside. "What is it?" They both asked me at once. "I am Sargast Everdeath, I am going on a quest to find the elements of harmony and unkidnap them I guess. I am a necromancer with split personalities that look like shoulder devils." I said to them, they seemed to take it well. "Celestia told me I could have two ponies come on the quest with me, would you two like to join me?" "I have nothing better to do." Crack Shot replied. "I don't see why not." The earth pony said. "Hey, what is your name?" I asked him, his coat was a deep blue and his mane was a flaming orange. His eyes matched his mane and he had a cutie mark of a flaming hammer. "My name is Flash Fire, pleased to meet you." He replied. "Well follow me, I will explain everything in further detail as we walk to the castle." I told them, and then we set off, our first journey together. I have a feeling it won't be our last. Author's Note Oh yeah, its back! And this time, Sargast gets his own little bandwagon on the road. This quest is on his rules and he is gonna stop at nothing to find the elements, aside for some margaritas but that will be in a later chapter. Disharmony"You seem to be taking this whole necromancer thing really well." I said to the two ponies that were walking on either side of me. "It isn't the weirdest shitfest I have been through." Crack Shot said to me, I laughed. "You are have to tell me that story!" I said to her. "And I really can't hate you for being a necromancer considering I can shoot fireballs." Flash explained. We were now approaching the castle doors. "Here we are!" I said. Then I walked in. "Hello Sargast! I never expected to see you back here so soon." Luna said, she was lying on the floor next to Celestia while looking through a strange book thing. "Well the Ponyville bar normally hosts the best teammates there are." I said, causing both princesses to raise an eyebrow. "Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, meet Crack Shot and Flash Fire." Said ponies now bowed before the princesses. "Well it seems some ponies have manners." Luna said, this seemed like a cue for me to do something but I had no idea what. "Anyways, you get any idea of where the elements are?" I asked them. "We are searching currently." Celestia said, then she narrowed her eyes. "Sister, look at this." She pointed to a place on the book. Luna looked to where her sister was pointing and levitated a magnifying glass over, she looked at the page then up at me, then back at the book. "What did the all seeing book say?" I asked them. "Well, we have found something rather, troubling." Celestia told me. "Way to be straight forward." I said sarcastically. "Could you be a little more specific than troubling?" "We have found a family tree of the original necromancer, it is magic so it will automatically update. It appears that you, are one of the original necromancer's direct ancestors." Luna told me. "Then why didn't my dad have necromancer powers, or my mom?" I asked them. "It was your dad, and sometimes it skips a generation." Luna explained. "So, he is technically the lord of the dead?" Crack Shot asked the princesses. "Well, yes." "Well, if you need me I will be outside collecting my mind that just exploded." I said, turning around for the door. "We will call you in when we find info on the location of the elements." Celestia said to me. I opened up the door and walked outside. *** I had spent the last half an hour trying to summon the dead, but to no avail. "It makes no sense! How can I be the lord of the dead when I can't even summon a cat back to life?" I grumbled to myself. "Well obviously your powers aren't developed enough yet." Crack Shot said. "I didn't know you were there." I told her. "Yeah, most ponies don't until they have an arrow in their skull." She replied with a chuckle. "I just don't get it. I mean I can use my powers." I said, calling on the dark magic of the necromancers. I shot a bolt at a nearby tree, turning it to ash in the blink of an eye. "Yeah but you still need training." She said, I was about to object but then I realized she was right. "Where am I gonna find a teacher, I mean its not like they have a school for gifted necromancers around here." "You'll find one, and if you don't just keep trying, you'll get it eventually." "You seem like a fountain of good advice." "Well I can be if you listen." She replied, then Flash stuck his head out of the doors. "Hey guys, the princesses found something." He said. We all walked inside. "Sargast, we have found the first clue. Please take a look at this." Celestia said, pointing a hoof at the book. I looked at it and saw a picture of six stallions standing in a line, posing for the picture that was taken. It reminded me of Twilight and her friends. "Are these the stallions you saw?" Celestia asked me. I looked closer and saw that they indeed were the element's captors. "Yeah, who are they?" I asked her. "They are the elements of disharmony, created by Discord during our first war they were used to counter harmony's impact on him, but he lost them and we were able to overthrow him." Luna explained. "Do you know where they are?" I asked. "They are currently on the run, to be exact they are in the Forgotten Ruins." Luna said. Flash cleared his throat. "What are the Forgotten Ruins?" He asked. "The wasteland where our first war with Discord took place." "Can you teleport us there?" I asked. "I can try, just don't complain if you end up three feet outside, I haven't been there in a thousand years." She said with a laugh. Her horn lit up and we were suddenly standing in the middle of a desolate wasteland, all the trees were a tainted purple color and were stripped of their leaves. The ground was plain rock and the sky was the same color of the trees. "Nice place." Short Fuse said, appearing next to me. "Really though." I laughed. "Let's get going." Crack said, arming her crossbow. "Okay, time to kick flank." I said with a smirk. *** "I have noticed a severe lack of flank kicking." Short said grumpily. We had been chasing the elements of disharmony for three hours now, and there was still no sign of them. "Well we need to find them first." Flash said. "Well it appears we may have something to fight anyways, there are some creepy looking timber wolves coming towards us." Crack said, there was a loud twang as her crossbow fired off a deadly bolt, it evidently found it's mark as a timber wolf fell with an arrow in it's eye. "Nice shot, but that is way too slow for my liking." Short said. "Come on Sargast lets show them how its done." "Gladly." I replied, then Short Fuse disappeared. "These wolves need to get some manners! I mean they should have brought more of them for us to kill!" I said, my voice assuming the tone it did when I turned psycho, except now I was fully in control. I didn't have a sword with me so I grabbed one of Crack's crossbow bolts. I threw it at the now charging wolves, mid-flight it turned into a dark lance, aided by my dark magic. It struck the first wolf and exploded into dark lightning bolts, throwing the rest of the wolves to the ground. They quickly recovered however, and the two downed wolves got back up, now fully revived. "What the buck?" I heard Flash say. "Sargast did you do that?" "I wish, then I could keep doing it and kill them again and again forever!" I replied. I looked over at Crack Shot, she had three bolts on the crossbow at once. She fired and each of the bolts found their marks killing three wolves, she loaded again instantly and fired bolt after bolt killing the wolves one by one. Though she was not fast enough to keep them down. "Let us see if they like lightning." I said, jumping into the sky and calling lightning to my hooves. I shot out bolts of lightning smiting the entire group of the wolves down. I was about to congratulate myself when the ground came up around them and brought the wolves back. I growled a low growl and charged them. I reached the lead wolf and tore it's head off and threw it at the next wolf. I felt a bite on my leg, I looked down to see three wolves trying to rip it off. I yawned and called lightning to my hooves, blasting my attackers to bits. As I expected they reformed instantly. "Looks like I gotta keep you off the ground." I grunted. I grabbed the closest wolf and threw him into the air, then I obliterated it with a bolt of magic, the dust fell down but the wolf never came back. I pondered this for a moment, then I used the same type of area attack that I used at Deadriser's castle, except this one was much weaker for it was not fueled by the same rage. It still did it's job, turning all of the wolves to ash, they never came back. I flew over to Crack and Flash, and Short Fuse appeared by my side. "From now on remember that they have to be turned to dust." I said to them. "What were they?" Flash asked me. "If I knew I would tell you, but I have a feeling that they aren't the only freaky creatures around here." I replied. "You mean like the living rock over there?" Crack asked, pointing a hoof at a small rock. I looked closer at it and saw it had a face. I walked over to it and heard it spewing profanity. "Naw, he just seems like an asshole." I said, then we all laughed. "Who's taking first night guard?" I asked, then they all fell silent, and pointed at me. "You guys suck." I grumbled. Pet rock from hellI groaned as the sun rose this morning, none of us had gotten any sleep because of that stupid rock. Turns out the thing can move so it kept hopping back over to us yelling. "HOLY SHIT I'M THE KEY!" I stood up and grabbed and stuffed it into my saddle bag, I could throw it at some lethal monster later. By the time we set out from camp the sun was in the middle of the sky. "Lets get moving." I said, then we set out. *** There was a twang as Crack shot her crossbow at the elements of disharmony, we had found them a couple of minutes ago and were hot on their tails. I shot forward using my charged flight, but one of them turned around and threw a spiked ball at me, then I remembered something. "EAT ROCK ASSHOLE!" I yelled as I threw the profanity spewing rock at them, it landed in one of their saddlebags just before the leader's horn lit up and they teleported away. "Nice shot Sargast, you gave them the pet rock from hell." Flash said with a laugh. "Damn they got away, now how are we gonna find them?" I thought out loud. "We could ask the princesses." Crack offered. "That would be nice if we knew where we were." I replied. "I think I hear something over there." Silent said, appearing by my side. "Well, lets check it out I guess." I said, walking into the brush where Silent was pointing. "No frigging way." I said. "What?" Crack and Flash said simultaneously. "Why, in the good name of Celestia is there a frigging bar out here." I said, walking towards the rundown night club that was behind the trees. "What in the world." Crack mumbled. "WOO-HOO!" Flash cheered, then he ran into the bar pulling his wallet out. Me and Crack laughed, then we walked in as well. The speakers were blaring dubstep and the lights would give somepony seizures but it was all fine by me. We sat next to Flash at the bar and ordered margaritas, why not? *** "And *hic* then we *hic* found the pet rock from *hic* hell!" Flash said, slamming his hoof down on the bar, everypony around him started laughing and slapping their hooves on their knees. We were all after drinking five margaritas each and were now considerably drunk, except for me of course. "Here there pretty thang." A stallion said to Crack as he sat down next to her. "Oh screw off." She said, turning around to talk with me again, he turned her around. "Playin hard to get are ya?" He said. "Listen I just want to talk to my friend okay, now get lost." Crack said, obviously angry with the stallion. The stallion then got up from his bar stool and walked over to me. "You trying to take my girl?" He said angrily. "Bah! Your girl? Jeez how many shots did you have?" I asked him, not caring about anything. Alcohol never got me drunk but it sure as hell made me carefree. "Yeah, MY girl, now you keep your filthy hooves off of her." He growled at me. "Says the grease bag who looks like he just got in a fight with a fight with a swarm of bees and lost." I replied to him. "You little shit!" He spat, then he punched me in the face, knocking me off my stool and to the ground. I was laughing softly but unfortunately nopony noticed. "HEY!" Flash yelled, then he turned around and tried to hit the stallion but missed and received an uppercut that threw him off of his chair. A bar fight seemed like it was about to break out when my laughing grew in volume greatly, not a happy laugh but a psychotic one. "Do you know who I am?" I asked the stallion, standing up. "The stupidest pony alive?" The stallion replied with a laugh. "No, i'm the stallion who will kick your ass." I whispered into his ear, then I kicked him hard and strong in the chest, sending him flying backwards. He got up and charged me but I simply lashed out with my back hooves as light as I could, this sent him to the ground, he got back up and ran out of the bar. Then the entire bar erupted in cheers and whooping, except for one pony, right in the back. "Sargast? What are you doing here?" Princess Luna asked. Author's Note Sorry for the short chapter, I am working on another story. Small intestine is small"Princess Luna? What are you doing here?" I asked her, ignoring her inquiry. "Well I normally visit night clubs, what else have I to do?" She replied. "Now aren't you supposed to be tracking Twilight and her friends down?" "Well unless you can track a talking rock than we lost em, they teleported away." I said glumly. It was then that Flash decided to stumble over and join the conversation. "Coconutshh are good yesh?" He said before passing out. Luna glanced down at him. "You had the margaritas didn't you?" She asked me and Crack. "Yeah, why?" I responded. "Those things are just jungle juice in ice Sargast." She told me with a laugh. "I thought something was funky about them, well at least it wasn't drugs or something." I said, causing Crack to laugh as well. "Anyways, let us get back to the matter at hoof, no?" Luna said. "Yep, HEY WAITER! WE NEED SOME WAKE-UP JUICE!" I yelled to the bartender, who promptly nodded, then walked over to a cupboard and pulled out three vials. He mixed them up in a shaker and brought it over to us. "If this don't make your friend here wake up hes probably dead." The bartender chuckled before pouring the contents of the shaker into Flash's mouth. "Whats in that?" I asked him. "I dunno, I call it the stallion, you want some?" He said, pulling out a toothpick and dipping it in the concoction. "Uh, no." I replied quickly. The bartender nodded at put the toothpick away. I leaned over Flash, and slapped him in the face. "HIT EM AGAIN!" Short yelled in my ear. "Shut up shorty." I grumbled, rubbing my ear. "Well sorry if I haven't gotten my daily dose of violence!" Shorty complained. Then Flash jumped up and hit his head on one of the nearby tables. "WHAT THE SHIT DID I JUST DRINK!" He screamed, grabbed desperately for a glass of water. I laughed making Luna give me a harsh look. "Hey! Its about time somepony else gets hurt other than me!" I complained. "So I am guessing you want to go back to Canterlot now, no?" Luna asked me. "To look for more clues of course." I replied. "Sargast, are you sure you want to keep searching?" She asked me. "We only looked for one day, or does this place have screwed up time?" I said. "No, it has only been a day. It is just we have another group of the guard that would be more suited to find them." Luna said to me, I laughed. "Really! More suited for the job eh? So I am guessing they are invincible, and i'm not bragging, i'm just stating facts." I told her with a chuckle, causing her to laugh a little as well. She seemed a little awkward, as if she was keeping something from me. I should try and get her to slip up and tell me, discreetly. "So lets go back, unless you have anything else to say?" I said, completely blowing my discreet strategy out of the water. "No, nothing else." She said, then her horn lit up and they departed. *** Celestia sighed, she had just had one of the most troubling days of her long life. Not only was thousands of lives now at stake, but there was also no good way out, somepony had to die, and she knew exactly who will volunteer. Sargast was a good stallion, better than most, sure, he had his moments of rage and insanity but he broke through. He was not only loyal but he had a strong soul and a good heart, when it came down to it he would always do what was right. She opened up the book her parents gave her once more, and looked over the necromancer family tree again. She inspected it all the way down to Sargast, where the trouble was. The lines that connected Sargast to his parents didn't exist, something she didn't notice the first time she looked at it, this meant that Sargast either doesn't exist, or shouldn't. Celestia, for once in her life, had no idea what to do. She always had a plan, some crazy way out. Here there was none, she had no clue as to what her role in this situation was, when it would happen, she knew nothing but what would happen, the end of peace. *** I looked up at the castle doors, even though I had only been here a few hours ago he still felt as if it had been forever. Luna walked ahead of him and pushed open the massive entryway and walked in. I followed her, Flash and Crack seemed content to stay outside so I let them stay. As I walked through the halls towards the throne room I noticed something was different, everything seemed sad, like it was soon going to lose a good friend to the claws of death. I rounded the next hallway and suddenly couldn't breath, it was like my throat had just had a brick shoved down it. I fell to my knees and guards rushed over to me. "Sargast?" Luna said, spinning around to see me choking on nothing. I knew there was nothing blocking my breath, unless my windpipe just decided to close up. Then all of the windows shattered, revealing ponies behind each of them. I made a motion for the guards to protect Luna and they nodded, leaving me and forming a tight circle around the princess. I suddenly could breath and I got up, still gasping for air. "Step away from the princess and nopony gets hurt." One of the ponies in the window announced. "Shut the buck up! Why in the name of hell would we do that? I mean, its just plain stupid!" I yelled to him, man I missed my sword. "And who are you? Probably some happy-go-lucky Canterlot pony who thinks he is invincible!" He replied, this made me laugh. "To tell you the truth, I am invincible!" I yelled back. The pony silently flew down, revealing his face to me. I gasped. "Oh. My. Gosh. I have no bucking idea who you are but you have guts!" I said to him, readying myself for a fight. "Well I am one of the strongest fighters in the world, and if you think you're going to beat me you're mista-" He was cut off by my kicking him in the jaw. "Oh shut up with your gloating and fight you moron!" I said. "Gladly." With that he drew his sword and charged me. I stood still as he ran me through, I was stabbed straight up to the sword's hilt so I was directly in front of my attacker. "See! You are no challenge at a-" I once again cut him off by punching him over and over again in the face, breaking his nose, knocking out ten teeth and giving him two black eyes. "How?" He said as he spat out some blood. "I am a necromancer, didn't your mother ever teach you not to mess with us?" I asked him before I pulled myself off of his sword, trying to hide the pain. His eyes went wide as I reared up for a kick. I let the kick loose and made him the owner of two squashed testicles. He whimpered and fell to the floor, all of the other attackers backed off. "I shall send you back from whence you came!" I yelled dramatically before throwing him out the window, shortly after there was a dull thud. I probably just killed him. Then I looked down to see that I may or may not have my guts hanging out. "What do ya know! The small intestine is really small!" I said before collapsing. Author's Note I am very sorry for the late chapters, I have gotten hooked on another story and I have been working on another one myself, I should get them out regularly again now though, until next time! -Darkportal
Me, myself and II looked at the two ponies in disbelief, there was no way they could be me! Could there? I collected my jaw from the floor and spoke. "What do you mean by that?" I got up from the ground. "Well for starters you don't hear the other voices in your head anymore, do you?" The blue one said to me. "No I don't, and yes I know where you are going with this." I replied. "Well good, because I really didn't want to explain it two you, there were so many ways I could mess up!" The blue one said. "Let me guess, you, are the perfectionist me," I said pointing towards the blue one, then I pointed at the red one. "and you are crazy psycho me." "Let's give this genius a round of applause. He figured it out without our help." The red one said sarcastically. "I'll give you names, you, red guy. Your new name is Psycho Path. And blue guy, you are now going to be called Worry Wart. Done. No complaints." I said to them, or me, or whatever. "You ever think we actually have names?" Psycho Path asked me. "I would care why?" I said back to him. "To be nice." Worry Wart said flatly. "Says the two parts of me that abused my normal self in my own mind." I said to them, Psycho simply glared at me while Worry looked away from me. "What are your stupid names?" I asked with a sigh. "We don't have any." Psycho said with a chuckle. "Though I would rather be called Short Fuse." "Yeah, I would like to be called Silent Observer." Worry, I mean, Silent said to me. "Well you would have to shut up to be silent, and Short Fuse is a name for a bomb technician." I said to them. "But i'll use em." A cloud of dust was kicked up as Luna stood up. "Welcome back to the world of the living." I said to her. "Who are they?" She asked me, pointing at Short and Silent. "Well this is me." I said pointing to myself. "that is myself." I pointed to silent. "and this is I." I then pointed at Short. "They are now more commonly known as Short Fuse and Silent Observer, feel free to call them Shorty and Loudmouth." "Wait a minute, what?" Luna was now seriously confused, so I took a minute to explain it to her. *** I don't think 'taking a minute to explain it to her' was appropriate, it was more like three hours, my other selves as well as a diagram that I drew on the ground to explain it to her. You would think she would understand immediately being a princess and all but then again this was some crazy stuff. "Lets go back to Canterlot, I want to see how long it will take for Celestia to understand this." I said with a laugh. "What happened to the title of princess Sargast, why are you calling us by our first names?" Luna asked. "Well if you are gonna get pissy with me than i'll use titles but other than that I use your first names because you said to drop the formalities." I said to her, she let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine, lets just go." And with that her horn lit up and we were whisked away to the royal throne room. *** "Thank you for explaining, I understand now." Celestia said, after two hours of explanation. I don't even want to go into details about this, it was just way too stupid. "But as for the matter that is much more important, the elements of harmony." "And i'm not important?" I asked her. "Sorry Sargast, it is just that they are our main source of protection." Celestia explained, I spit out some of the water I was drinking. "They, are your greatest protection? Bah! No offence but you need to invest in some actual protection, cause some villains just don't care about no friendship crap, they just wanna kill and take over the world." I said to her. Celestia seemed angry. "And what are you suggesting we do? Send you out to deal with villains?" "Pretty much." I said back to her. "We don't need every villain dead, Sargast, I appreciate that you want to help us but your methods are just plain cruel." Celestia explained. "Yeah, but when push comes to shove you are gonna need a little more than some necklaces and a tiara to protect you." I said to her before turning around and walking towards the door. "Sargast wait." I paused. "Sargast, you are correct. And I have decided to give your methods a try. You have until we find out where to look for the elements to find two team members." Celestia told me. "And make me a promise, please don't kill unless it is a last resort." "A wise stallion once said to not make promises that you cannot keep, lucky for you I can keep this one. You got a deal." I said, then I walked out. *** I knew exactly where I wanted to go to find some rough n' tough ponies that would want to help me, the local pub. Yeah the place was seedy as hell but you can't find anypony more loyal than the ones in here, beside Rainbow of course. I walked in and was confronted with a smell of beer and vomit mixed with terrible perfume. Looking around the room I instantly spotted the first one I was going to ask, it was a mare, she was standing in the corner polishing a crossbow. She was a pegasus and had a short silver mane and a coal black coat. Her stormy grey eyes showed determination and she had a cutie mark of the aiming bit of a zoomed in scope. I walked over to her. "No, I will not dance with you." She said as I approached, this caused Short Fuse to appear. "You're an ugly little bitch anyways." He said, I shot him a glare that could kill puppies. "Whoa, who's the shoulder devil?" She asked me. "His name is Short Fuse, I call him Shorty. And no, there is no shoulder angel, only a idiot with some kind of perfectionist disorder." I said to her, she laughed. "My name is Crack Shot, most accurate crossbow shooter in Equestria, don't believe me? I have a plaque." She said extending her hoof, then Silent appeared. "I sense about thirty seven different things that can go wrong. Shake with your right hoof." Silent said. "Meet Silent Observer, also known as Loudmouth." I said to Crack Shot, shaking with my left hoof just to spite Silent. Then all hell broke loose, well, kinda. There was a smash followed by large amounts of cursing and yelling. Then a stallion was thrown at the wall behind us, he hit the ground and got back up instantly. "You wanna play? Lets tussle asshole." He said in a gruff voice. His hooves then lit up with dancing flames, he lifted one hoof slowly, and a fireball shot out, striking the wall off to the side of a stallion who I guessed was the one who threw him. "Leave or feel the burn." He commanded. The stallion then ran out of the bar and everything went back to normal. "I told you to shake with your right hoof." Silent said. "One second." I told Crack, she nodded and I walked over to the stallion who had just shot fire, he didn't appear to be a unicorn. "Hey, whats your name?" I asked him. "I'm getting thrown out ain't I?" He said. "No, I just want to talk to you outside for a bit." I told him. He nodded and I motioned for Crack Shot to come over. We walked outside. "What is it?" They both asked me at once. "I am Sargast Everdeath, I am going on a quest to find the elements of harmony and unkidnap them I guess. I am a necromancer with split personalities that look like shoulder devils." I said to them, they seemed to take it well. "Celestia told me I could have two ponies come on the quest with me, would you two like to join me?" "I have nothing better to do." Crack Shot replied. "I don't see why not." The earth pony said. "Hey, what is your name?" I asked him, his coat was a deep blue and his mane was a flaming orange. His eyes matched his mane and he had a cutie mark of a flaming hammer. "My name is Flash Fire, pleased to meet you." He replied. "Well follow me, I will explain everything in further detail as we walk to the castle." I told them, and then we set off, our first journey together. I have a feeling it won't be our last. Author's Note Oh yeah, its back! And this time, Sargast gets his own little bandwagon on the road. This quest is on his rules and he is gonna stop at nothing to find the elements, aside for some margaritas but that will be in a later chapter.
Disharmony"You seem to be taking this whole necromancer thing really well." I said to the two ponies that were walking on either side of me. "It isn't the weirdest shitfest I have been through." Crack Shot said to me, I laughed. "You are have to tell me that story!" I said to her. "And I really can't hate you for being a necromancer considering I can shoot fireballs." Flash explained. We were now approaching the castle doors. "Here we are!" I said. Then I walked in. "Hello Sargast! I never expected to see you back here so soon." Luna said, she was lying on the floor next to Celestia while looking through a strange book thing. "Well the Ponyville bar normally hosts the best teammates there are." I said, causing both princesses to raise an eyebrow. "Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, meet Crack Shot and Flash Fire." Said ponies now bowed before the princesses. "Well it seems some ponies have manners." Luna said, this seemed like a cue for me to do something but I had no idea what. "Anyways, you get any idea of where the elements are?" I asked them. "We are searching currently." Celestia said, then she narrowed her eyes. "Sister, look at this." She pointed to a place on the book. Luna looked to where her sister was pointing and levitated a magnifying glass over, she looked at the page then up at me, then back at the book. "What did the all seeing book say?" I asked them. "Well, we have found something rather, troubling." Celestia told me. "Way to be straight forward." I said sarcastically. "Could you be a little more specific than troubling?" "We have found a family tree of the original necromancer, it is magic so it will automatically update. It appears that you, are one of the original necromancer's direct ancestors." Luna told me. "Then why didn't my dad have necromancer powers, or my mom?" I asked them. "It was your dad, and sometimes it skips a generation." Luna explained. "So, he is technically the lord of the dead?" Crack Shot asked the princesses. "Well, yes." "Well, if you need me I will be outside collecting my mind that just exploded." I said, turning around for the door. "We will call you in when we find info on the location of the elements." Celestia said to me. I opened up the door and walked outside. *** I had spent the last half an hour trying to summon the dead, but to no avail. "It makes no sense! How can I be the lord of the dead when I can't even summon a cat back to life?" I grumbled to myself. "Well obviously your powers aren't developed enough yet." Crack Shot said. "I didn't know you were there." I told her. "Yeah, most ponies don't until they have an arrow in their skull." She replied with a chuckle. "I just don't get it. I mean I can use my powers." I said, calling on the dark magic of the necromancers. I shot a bolt at a nearby tree, turning it to ash in the blink of an eye. "Yeah but you still need training." She said, I was about to object but then I realized she was right. "Where am I gonna find a teacher, I mean its not like they have a school for gifted necromancers around here." "You'll find one, and if you don't just keep trying, you'll get it eventually." "You seem like a fountain of good advice." "Well I can be if you listen." She replied, then Flash stuck his head out of the doors. "Hey guys, the princesses found something." He said. We all walked inside. "Sargast, we have found the first clue. Please take a look at this." Celestia said, pointing a hoof at the book. I looked at it and saw a picture of six stallions standing in a line, posing for the picture that was taken. It reminded me of Twilight and her friends. "Are these the stallions you saw?" Celestia asked me. I looked closer and saw that they indeed were the element's captors. "Yeah, who are they?" I asked her. "They are the elements of disharmony, created by Discord during our first war they were used to counter harmony's impact on him, but he lost them and we were able to overthrow him." Luna explained. "Do you know where they are?" I asked. "They are currently on the run, to be exact they are in the Forgotten Ruins." Luna said. Flash cleared his throat. "What are the Forgotten Ruins?" He asked. "The wasteland where our first war with Discord took place." "Can you teleport us there?" I asked. "I can try, just don't complain if you end up three feet outside, I haven't been there in a thousand years." She said with a laugh. Her horn lit up and we were suddenly standing in the middle of a desolate wasteland, all the trees were a tainted purple color and were stripped of their leaves. The ground was plain rock and the sky was the same color of the trees. "Nice place." Short Fuse said, appearing next to me. "Really though." I laughed. "Let's get going." Crack said, arming her crossbow. "Okay, time to kick flank." I said with a smirk. *** "I have noticed a severe lack of flank kicking." Short said grumpily. We had been chasing the elements of disharmony for three hours now, and there was still no sign of them. "Well we need to find them first." Flash said. "Well it appears we may have something to fight anyways, there are some creepy looking timber wolves coming towards us." Crack said, there was a loud twang as her crossbow fired off a deadly bolt, it evidently found it's mark as a timber wolf fell with an arrow in it's eye. "Nice shot, but that is way too slow for my liking." Short said. "Come on Sargast lets show them how its done." "Gladly." I replied, then Short Fuse disappeared. "These wolves need to get some manners! I mean they should have brought more of them for us to kill!" I said, my voice assuming the tone it did when I turned psycho, except now I was fully in control. I didn't have a sword with me so I grabbed one of Crack's crossbow bolts. I threw it at the now charging wolves, mid-flight it turned into a dark lance, aided by my dark magic. It struck the first wolf and exploded into dark lightning bolts, throwing the rest of the wolves to the ground. They quickly recovered however, and the two downed wolves got back up, now fully revived. "What the buck?" I heard Flash say. "Sargast did you do that?" "I wish, then I could keep doing it and kill them again and again forever!" I replied. I looked over at Crack Shot, she had three bolts on the crossbow at once. She fired and each of the bolts found their marks killing three wolves, she loaded again instantly and fired bolt after bolt killing the wolves one by one. Though she was not fast enough to keep them down. "Let us see if they like lightning." I said, jumping into the sky and calling lightning to my hooves. I shot out bolts of lightning smiting the entire group of the wolves down. I was about to congratulate myself when the ground came up around them and brought the wolves back. I growled a low growl and charged them. I reached the lead wolf and tore it's head off and threw it at the next wolf. I felt a bite on my leg, I looked down to see three wolves trying to rip it off. I yawned and called lightning to my hooves, blasting my attackers to bits. As I expected they reformed instantly. "Looks like I gotta keep you off the ground." I grunted. I grabbed the closest wolf and threw him into the air, then I obliterated it with a bolt of magic, the dust fell down but the wolf never came back. I pondered this for a moment, then I used the same type of area attack that I used at Deadriser's castle, except this one was much weaker for it was not fueled by the same rage. It still did it's job, turning all of the wolves to ash, they never came back. I flew over to Crack and Flash, and Short Fuse appeared by my side. "From now on remember that they have to be turned to dust." I said to them. "What were they?" Flash asked me. "If I knew I would tell you, but I have a feeling that they aren't the only freaky creatures around here." I replied. "You mean like the living rock over there?" Crack asked, pointing a hoof at a small rock. I looked closer at it and saw it had a face. I walked over to it and heard it spewing profanity. "Naw, he just seems like an asshole." I said, then we all laughed. "Who's taking first night guard?" I asked, then they all fell silent, and pointed at me. "You guys suck." I grumbled.
Pet rock from hellI groaned as the sun rose this morning, none of us had gotten any sleep because of that stupid rock. Turns out the thing can move so it kept hopping back over to us yelling. "HOLY SHIT I'M THE KEY!" I stood up and grabbed and stuffed it into my saddle bag, I could throw it at some lethal monster later. By the time we set out from camp the sun was in the middle of the sky. "Lets get moving." I said, then we set out. *** There was a twang as Crack shot her crossbow at the elements of disharmony, we had found them a couple of minutes ago and were hot on their tails. I shot forward using my charged flight, but one of them turned around and threw a spiked ball at me, then I remembered something. "EAT ROCK ASSHOLE!" I yelled as I threw the profanity spewing rock at them, it landed in one of their saddlebags just before the leader's horn lit up and they teleported away. "Nice shot Sargast, you gave them the pet rock from hell." Flash said with a laugh. "Damn they got away, now how are we gonna find them?" I thought out loud. "We could ask the princesses." Crack offered. "That would be nice if we knew where we were." I replied. "I think I hear something over there." Silent said, appearing by my side. "Well, lets check it out I guess." I said, walking into the brush where Silent was pointing. "No frigging way." I said. "What?" Crack and Flash said simultaneously. "Why, in the good name of Celestia is there a frigging bar out here." I said, walking towards the rundown night club that was behind the trees. "What in the world." Crack mumbled. "WOO-HOO!" Flash cheered, then he ran into the bar pulling his wallet out. Me and Crack laughed, then we walked in as well. The speakers were blaring dubstep and the lights would give somepony seizures but it was all fine by me. We sat next to Flash at the bar and ordered margaritas, why not? *** "And *hic* then we *hic* found the pet rock from *hic* hell!" Flash said, slamming his hoof down on the bar, everypony around him started laughing and slapping their hooves on their knees. We were all after drinking five margaritas each and were now considerably drunk, except for me of course. "Here there pretty thang." A stallion said to Crack as he sat down next to her. "Oh screw off." She said, turning around to talk with me again, he turned her around. "Playin hard to get are ya?" He said. "Listen I just want to talk to my friend okay, now get lost." Crack said, obviously angry with the stallion. The stallion then got up from his bar stool and walked over to me. "You trying to take my girl?" He said angrily. "Bah! Your girl? Jeez how many shots did you have?" I asked him, not caring about anything. Alcohol never got me drunk but it sure as hell made me carefree. "Yeah, MY girl, now you keep your filthy hooves off of her." He growled at me. "Says the grease bag who looks like he just got in a fight with a fight with a swarm of bees and lost." I replied to him. "You little shit!" He spat, then he punched me in the face, knocking me off my stool and to the ground. I was laughing softly but unfortunately nopony noticed. "HEY!" Flash yelled, then he turned around and tried to hit the stallion but missed and received an uppercut that threw him off of his chair. A bar fight seemed like it was about to break out when my laughing grew in volume greatly, not a happy laugh but a psychotic one. "Do you know who I am?" I asked the stallion, standing up. "The stupidest pony alive?" The stallion replied with a laugh. "No, i'm the stallion who will kick your ass." I whispered into his ear, then I kicked him hard and strong in the chest, sending him flying backwards. He got up and charged me but I simply lashed out with my back hooves as light as I could, this sent him to the ground, he got back up and ran out of the bar. Then the entire bar erupted in cheers and whooping, except for one pony, right in the back. "Sargast? What are you doing here?" Princess Luna asked. Author's Note Sorry for the short chapter, I am working on another story.
Small intestine is small"Princess Luna? What are you doing here?" I asked her, ignoring her inquiry. "Well I normally visit night clubs, what else have I to do?" She replied. "Now aren't you supposed to be tracking Twilight and her friends down?" "Well unless you can track a talking rock than we lost em, they teleported away." I said glumly. It was then that Flash decided to stumble over and join the conversation. "Coconutshh are good yesh?" He said before passing out. Luna glanced down at him. "You had the margaritas didn't you?" She asked me and Crack. "Yeah, why?" I responded. "Those things are just jungle juice in ice Sargast." She told me with a laugh. "I thought something was funky about them, well at least it wasn't drugs or something." I said, causing Crack to laugh as well. "Anyways, let us get back to the matter at hoof, no?" Luna said. "Yep, HEY WAITER! WE NEED SOME WAKE-UP JUICE!" I yelled to the bartender, who promptly nodded, then walked over to a cupboard and pulled out three vials. He mixed them up in a shaker and brought it over to us. "If this don't make your friend here wake up hes probably dead." The bartender chuckled before pouring the contents of the shaker into Flash's mouth. "Whats in that?" I asked him. "I dunno, I call it the stallion, you want some?" He said, pulling out a toothpick and dipping it in the concoction. "Uh, no." I replied quickly. The bartender nodded at put the toothpick away. I leaned over Flash, and slapped him in the face. "HIT EM AGAIN!" Short yelled in my ear. "Shut up shorty." I grumbled, rubbing my ear. "Well sorry if I haven't gotten my daily dose of violence!" Shorty complained. Then Flash jumped up and hit his head on one of the nearby tables. "WHAT THE SHIT DID I JUST DRINK!" He screamed, grabbed desperately for a glass of water. I laughed making Luna give me a harsh look. "Hey! Its about time somepony else gets hurt other than me!" I complained. "So I am guessing you want to go back to Canterlot now, no?" Luna asked me. "To look for more clues of course." I replied. "Sargast, are you sure you want to keep searching?" She asked me. "We only looked for one day, or does this place have screwed up time?" I said. "No, it has only been a day. It is just we have another group of the guard that would be more suited to find them." Luna said to me, I laughed. "Really! More suited for the job eh? So I am guessing they are invincible, and i'm not bragging, i'm just stating facts." I told her with a chuckle, causing her to laugh a little as well. She seemed a little awkward, as if she was keeping something from me. I should try and get her to slip up and tell me, discreetly. "So lets go back, unless you have anything else to say?" I said, completely blowing my discreet strategy out of the water. "No, nothing else." She said, then her horn lit up and they departed. *** Celestia sighed, she had just had one of the most troubling days of her long life. Not only was thousands of lives now at stake, but there was also no good way out, somepony had to die, and she knew exactly who will volunteer. Sargast was a good stallion, better than most, sure, he had his moments of rage and insanity but he broke through. He was not only loyal but he had a strong soul and a good heart, when it came down to it he would always do what was right. She opened up the book her parents gave her once more, and looked over the necromancer family tree again. She inspected it all the way down to Sargast, where the trouble was. The lines that connected Sargast to his parents didn't exist, something she didn't notice the first time she looked at it, this meant that Sargast either doesn't exist, or shouldn't. Celestia, for once in her life, had no idea what to do. She always had a plan, some crazy way out. Here there was none, she had no clue as to what her role in this situation was, when it would happen, she knew nothing but what would happen, the end of peace. *** I looked up at the castle doors, even though I had only been here a few hours ago he still felt as if it had been forever. Luna walked ahead of him and pushed open the massive entryway and walked in. I followed her, Flash and Crack seemed content to stay outside so I let them stay. As I walked through the halls towards the throne room I noticed something was different, everything seemed sad, like it was soon going to lose a good friend to the claws of death. I rounded the next hallway and suddenly couldn't breath, it was like my throat had just had a brick shoved down it. I fell to my knees and guards rushed over to me. "Sargast?" Luna said, spinning around to see me choking on nothing. I knew there was nothing blocking my breath, unless my windpipe just decided to close up. Then all of the windows shattered, revealing ponies behind each of them. I made a motion for the guards to protect Luna and they nodded, leaving me and forming a tight circle around the princess. I suddenly could breath and I got up, still gasping for air. "Step away from the princess and nopony gets hurt." One of the ponies in the window announced. "Shut the buck up! Why in the name of hell would we do that? I mean, its just plain stupid!" I yelled to him, man I missed my sword. "And who are you? Probably some happy-go-lucky Canterlot pony who thinks he is invincible!" He replied, this made me laugh. "To tell you the truth, I am invincible!" I yelled back. The pony silently flew down, revealing his face to me. I gasped. "Oh. My. Gosh. I have no bucking idea who you are but you have guts!" I said to him, readying myself for a fight. "Well I am one of the strongest fighters in the world, and if you think you're going to beat me you're mista-" He was cut off by my kicking him in the jaw. "Oh shut up with your gloating and fight you moron!" I said. "Gladly." With that he drew his sword and charged me. I stood still as he ran me through, I was stabbed straight up to the sword's hilt so I was directly in front of my attacker. "See! You are no challenge at a-" I once again cut him off by punching him over and over again in the face, breaking his nose, knocking out ten teeth and giving him two black eyes. "How?" He said as he spat out some blood. "I am a necromancer, didn't your mother ever teach you not to mess with us?" I asked him before I pulled myself off of his sword, trying to hide the pain. His eyes went wide as I reared up for a kick. I let the kick loose and made him the owner of two squashed testicles. He whimpered and fell to the floor, all of the other attackers backed off. "I shall send you back from whence you came!" I yelled dramatically before throwing him out the window, shortly after there was a dull thud. I probably just killed him. Then I looked down to see that I may or may not have my guts hanging out. "What do ya know! The small intestine is really small!" I said before collapsing. Author's Note I am very sorry for the late chapters, I have gotten hooked on another story and I have been working on another one myself, I should get them out regularly again now though, until next time! -Darkportal
