Educating Equestria

by GnollReader

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 9381

The humans have travelled to Equestria to share their knowledge with the ponies. However, what the human scholars bring with them quickly turns out to be a bit much for the simple-minded locals.

The humans have travelled to Equestria to share their knowledge with the ponies. However, what the human scholars bring with them quickly turns out to be a bit much for the simple-minded locals.

Published 2013-05-30 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-02 00:57:41 UTC

Chapter 1: First lesson

"Now, keep in mind that the declaration of generalized coordinates does in now way define the mechanical state of a system at a given time..." the piece of chalk traveled over the board furiously, hundreds of eyes following the movement with wonder, "Or in other words, they do not yet permit us to determine the state of the position at a future point. At given coordinates, the system may have a velocity which will affect the development of the system..."

Professor Henningston turned around to face the audience inside the lecture hall for a short moment, the human's gaze wandering over the countless ponies present, "The equations connecting acceleration with the coordinates and velocities are the so-called equations of motion. Next, we shall discuss the principle of the smallest effect... any questions?"

Henningston's gaze traveled over the ponies' faces with expectation, his white hair and small beard illuminated by the light falling through one of the windows. Seeing that none of them raised a hoof, he turned around again and continued to write on the chalkboard, the piece of chalk scratching softly as it shot over the flat plane, "Before we continue, let me introduce to you the concept of the Lagrange-function. Assuming that this integral will represent the effect and taking account for variations by using these differentials..."

This was the first lecture given by the humans at the Canterlot university and for the ponies present, it was a spectacle in itself. Two humans had arrived several days ago, brought by a huge air ship unlike anything the ponies had seen before and had immediately set about preparing everything for the intellectual exchange that would take place. Princess Celestia herself had asked for it, and the humans had sent two of their most established scientists on behalf of her request.

Throughout the world, it was known that the far-away living humans possessed a knowledge and understanding of the world unlike any other. Those that had the time and the money to afford a visit to one of their cities had returned telling stories of amazing technologies and science that almost appeared like magic to the unknowing eye. Except, humans had no magic, or even the ability to use it for that matter. Not that they needed it with their advanced technology.

On the day that the first lecture took place, countless nobles and recognized scholars from the different pony universities had cramped into the main lecture hall of the Canterlot university, ready to be amazed and enlightened. The sign in front had read 'An Introduction to Theoretical Mechanics', and their expectations had been high. However... what the human was doing at the chalkboard was far more than what they had anticipated.

A full hour later the first chapter, or what the human had labeled his introduction was finally over, and the ponies continued to stare at him and the board with big eyes. Countless equations, differentials, integrals with differentials inside them and little arrows ran over it and between numerous diagrams he had drawn.

"But bear in mind that these problems are best solved in spherical coordinates, hence using the given symmetries of the system to simplify the problem." professor Henningston paused to wipe an old space on the board, "Of course, if you fancy a thrill, you can always attempt to work in Cartesian systems..." he chuckled before turning to the audience, "So. Are there any questions?"

Silence. Not a single word. The ponies simply stared at him with unblinking eyes. Professor Henningston looked around himself with a raised eyebrow, had he been too hasty? No... this was just the standard introduction into the field, the first thing any student would learn and surely, with a solid understanding of math it shouldn't be a problem to understand at all. Maybe he had written something to fast and smeared the board?

Slowly, and with a hesitant look a pony in the back raised a hoof, "Yes?" professor Henningston asked with expectation.

The pony's voice was weak, but in the silence of the lecture hall it could still be heard clearly, "What's an integral?"

Professor Henningston just stared at her, not believing what he had just heard, "What?"

The pony cringed, "I've heard of equations before, but I don't know what an integral is... or a differential..." her voice became quiet as she saw the expression of pure horror on the human's face.

Another pony raised a hoof, "Could you explain the spherical coordinates again as well? I've never heard of something like that..."

Professor Henningston took a startled step backwards, leaning on his table for support as he tried to compensate what he was hearing, "Who..." he managed to choke out, "Who else doesn't know what an integral is?"

It started slow, but then one after another, hooves were raised... until all of the ponies present had their hooves held up in the air. The human took in the scene before him like in a nightmare, white as snow and sweat starting to appear on his bald forehead. A terrible suspicion started to form in his mind, "Who of you have had an advanced math course?"

The ponies gave him blank looks, "We don't usually have math courses after the normal school courses..." one of the ponies commented.

"Why?" professor Henningston asked with a baffled and terrified voice.

"Because it covers all the math there is?"

This time, the ponies were surprised to see the human turn a full crimson red in mere seconds, the veins on his forehead starting to stand out.

When professor Henningston opened his mouth again, it wasn't to talk to the ponies, but to shout at them.

A knock sounded from the door to Celestia's chambers, "Princess?"

"Yes?" princess Celestia looked up from her scroll with a motherly smile as the guard entered with sheepish look.

"It appears that there is a problem at the Canterlot university."

Celestia raised an eyebrow in surprise, "Is it about professor Henningston? Is he alright?" She had met him and his colleague, professor Penceleigh a few days ago herself. Both of them seemed like fascinating people, spreading an air of knowledge and intellect unlike any other scholars she had met in her life.

Professor Penceleigh was a highly decorated specialist of what the humans called chemistry, though what set it aside from basic alchemy was unknown to Celestia. She was a kind woman, and even though she seemed a little impassive to most of the things happening around her, professor Penceleigh had a sense of humor Celestia found very appreciable.

Professor Henningston was a bit different. He seemed to be highly obsessed with order and protocol, and the vigor with which he spoke about his work told Celestia that he was a very passionate researcher... but also one that did not like to repeat himself and lacking any sense of common humor. He had made himself a name in the field of theoretical physics, and even though Celestia had no idea what it was the recommendations the humans had sent for him were enough to invite him to the Canterlot university.

"Well... princess." the guard shifted nervously, not sure how to tell her what had happened.

"What happened?" Celestia asked with anticipation.

The guard cringed, "It appears that professor Henningston has thrown everpony out of his lecture hall in a fit and has also insulted many of the listeners as well as their ancestors while doing so... He is still inside the lecture hall and shouting at anypony that tries to talk to him... Professor Penceleigh is already on her way but..." the guard was cut off as Celestia stood up and headed to the door with quick strides. She was going to see what had happened for herself. After all, the two humans were diplomatic guests as well.

When princess Celestia arrived and had pushed herself past the ponies cowering outside, she could already hear him shouting through the whole university. He did indeed sound very angry, she wondered what had caused him to become this upset.

As she approached the doors to the lecture hall, princess Celestia was able to make out words in the constant shouting, "Idiots!... Not a single grain of... Heathens!... Unacceptable!" she could hear someone hammer a fist on a table, the force behind the sound making her jump a little.

One of the doors was pushed open quickly and professor Penceleigh stepped into the hallway, shutting the door just as quickly again as another barrage of curses hit it. She readjusted her glasses with a sigh before spotting princess Celestia, "Princess, it is good to see you... although my colleague seems to have different thoughts at the moment."

Something crashed behind the doors, "Unbelievable!" his voice thundered through the wood.

Celestia eyed the door with concern, "What happened?"

Professor Penceleigh gave another sigh as she redid the knot holding her hair behind her head, "It seems he is unhappy with the quality of the basic knowledge the listeners supplied." she saw Celestia's surprised expression, "To cut it short and with his words... he thinks you're all too dumb to learn physics and that he has wasted his precious time... Sorry."

"Too dumb?" Celestia asked with shock, "What would make him think that? Only the most intellectual nobles, scholars and philosophers were invited to his lesson..."

Professor Penceleigh gave her an apologetic look, "I know, but it seems that your knowledge of mathematics... well it's not really math at all, I'm afraid. Your subjects simply lack the very basic mathematical understanding required for his kind of lessons... I've been trying to talk him into giving a mathematical introduction, but he's already upset beyond any point of reason."

"Couldn't you give it?" Celestia asked.

"I could..." professor Penceleigh have her a look, "But I'd rather not... because whenever one of his listeners throws him into a rage with a stupid question, he's going to come running for me next... something I'd like to avoid." Unknown to Celestia, she had been a student in his classes before and she knew well enough how angry he could get, "We could get somebody else to come here and do it, but I'm not sure who to call..." she watched Celestia walk to the doors with surprise, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to talk some sense into him, and then I am going to ask him to give a mathematical introduction himself." not taking note of professor Penceleigh's shocked face, Celestia opened the door and stepped into the lecture hall, closing the door behind her.

Professor Penceleigh stared at the door, "He's going to kill her..."

For a few dreadful minutes, everything was quiet. But then, just as professor Penceleigh had predicted professor Henningston could be heard exploding again on the other side of the doors, his voice thundering through the university like an earthquake and making her cringe even outside of the lecture hall. It wasn't just the volume, she knew... she had never met a man that could utter so many swear words so quickly, and he still managed to utter them at a highly sophisticated level nonetheless.

The clatter of hooves could be heard under the countless string of shouts, and the doors were thrown open as a wide-eyed Celestia shot through them and closed them again hastily. She was breathing heavily, all color had drained from her face and her flowing mane was slightly out of order as she leaned against the closed doors with her back and a terrified expression.

"By the stars..." Celestia swallowed hard as the rampage continued behind closed doors, "I've never met someone like that before... he's so..."

"Scary?" professor Penceleigh finished her sentence. Celestia didn't reply, but only nodded as she stared on straight ahead, "So what did he say?"

Snapping out of her shock and regaining her composure, Celestia turned to her, "He said, no... let me correct myself, he screamed, 'Get me Barsley'..." she saw Penceleigh deadpan, "Who or what is a Barsley?"

"It's a who... and I can't believe Henningston actually asked for him..." Penceleigh leaned against the wall with a groan, "I'll write a letter immediately, but let me warn you... If Henningston and Barsley are in the same spot there's going to be more shouting for sure, a lot of it actually."

Celestia sighed, "As long as they're not screaming at me..." she shook her head, "Surely it can't be that bad?"

"They went at one another barehanded at the last science summit." Penceleigh commented with a sour voice, "Wrecked the whole buffet too... I'll call for him if you want me to, but I advise not stepping between them when they finally do go for one another's throats."

"Please do it then, we will find a way for them to coexist peacefully once he is here."

Professor Penceleigh gave a nod and watched Celestia leave with shaky steps. She knew the equestrians were a race living for peace and harmony, so she doubted Celestia fully understood what it meant to put Henningston and Barsley in the same room. They were famous for their fights back home. She rubbed her temples in annoyance, how had she ever thought this would be a good idea?

On the other side of the doors, a chair was thrown through a window with a loud crash.

Chapter 2: Two of a kind

Celestia watched the airship approach. No matter how often she had seen them during her visits to the human realms before, their sight always reminded her of their impressive ingenuity because unlike the equestrian airships, they worked without magic and flew by technology alone. The huge machine shifted through the air lazily, countless engines and propellers whining softly as it descended towards the great plaza.

"Tell me, professor Penceleigh... who exactly is this Barsley?"

Next to her, Penceleigh gave a sigh as her gaze followed the airship's descent, "He is an institution in the field of experimental physics and applied engineering back home... Actually, it was him who designed the airships, at the age of ten no less."

Princess Celestia gave Penceleigh an astonished gaze, "At such an age? He must be an incredible man then!"

Penceleigh shook her head with a dry laugh, "Incredible is one word to call it... He is ingenious when it comes to his creations, but he is also an eccentric... You would not believe the tumult that some of his theories and concepts have caused." a weak smile crossed her lips, "And you can not imagine the gray hairs he has caused on Henningston's head."

With a last whir the engines of the ship died and it touched ground, countless anchors descending from it as the human crew got to work to secure the ship to the ground.

"What is his relation to professor Henningston?" Celestia asked as she and the ponies present watched the crew's work with silent wonder.

"The first time he showed up at the faculty, Henningston was overjoyed at having one of the most aspiring young scientists under his care. That joy did not last long though..." Penceleigh rubbed her temples, "In Henningston's first lecture, Barsley called him an idiotic fool in front of the whole class and claimed that his latest theoretical works were utterly rubbish and nothing more than a self-adoring toilet lecture..."

Celestia frowned, "I can imagine professor Henningston was not amused."

"Not in the slightest. I have never seen him in such a rage before..." Penceleigh paused, "But what was worse... Barsley was right." Celestia watched her face with surprise, "Upon Henningston's challenge, Barsley stepped up to the board and proved that there was a vital flaw to his theories... the fight that resulted from it lasted the whole day."

"They argued for hours, going over every little detail while shouting at one another like madmen. It was quite a sight, but at the end of the day their rampage had brought forth a completely new field of research. The theories and ideas those two developed in just one day were amazing."

"And they did not become colleagues after such progress?"

"That's what the faculty would have liked." Penceleigh raised an eyebrow, "But instead, they became mortal enemies. Every time one of them would publish one of their works, the other one would come rushing down to their office and stay there until he had proven that the others idea was either wrong or simply useless. After the first month, their fights became so wild that they had to be given separate offices at the far ends of the academy... so their screams wouldn't disturb the lectures of the other professors."

Penceleigh remembered her first day as a professor at the academy. At that point she had still been young enough to be unaware of the ongoing fight between the two famous rivals and she had been excited at a chance to meet her old mentor again. But that quickly changed when Henningston had come storming down the hallway shouting like a lunatic and waving one of Barsley's publications around like a weapon as the students jumped out of his path.

"Is that him?" she was ripped out of her memories by Celestia as a man dressed in knickerbockers and a white shirt with a loose bow tie skipped down the gangway of the airship and towards them with a broad smile on his face.

"Penceleigh!" he called out before she could answer Celestia's question, "It has been far too long!" but instead of walking towards them, he turned and headed straight towards the university, "But not long enough I am afraid! Love the pony, by the way! Those wings look absolutely convincing! Now where is that old goat?"

As he skipped towards the Canterlot university with a happy jump to his steps, Celestia couldn't help but shake her head in disbelief, "That man is a genius?!"

"He is..." Penceleigh replied with a sour voice, "And before you ask, princess, I don't think he's met an equestrian before..."

"But what about my visits to your country? Surely he must have..."

"Barsley only leaves his lab for three things; food, to give lectures if he feels like it, and to annoy Henningston if somehow possible." she sighed, "Don't worry, he'll catch up sooner or later."

Celestia raised an eyebrow, "And what did he mean by, 'not long enough'?"

Penceleigh groaned, "Nothing. He just likes to annoy me since I work with Henningston."

Celestia gave her a questioning gaze, but both of their attentions were drawn to the university as Barsley stopped in the courtyard in front of it, "Let's see now..." he looked over the windows, "That one is still in tact, that one too..." he spotted the broken window, "Yeah, that's more like him."

Barsley took a deep breath and with a happy voice he shouted out, "All theorists are nothing but an irrational bunch of jerks!"

For a moment, there was silence... here and there a few ponies poked their heads out of windows to watch the strange human in the courtyard. But then, one of the windows was thrown open and a gray-haired head poked outside to shout, "And the blasted experimentalists would be better off chained to the bottom of the bloody ocean!" there was a short pause as Henningston put on his glasses, "Is that you, you insufferable lunatic? Did another one of your labs burn down or has the princess gone insane?"

"Who else would come to see a stubborn old goat like you?" Barsley replied with a laugh, "I would have brought your latest publication with me, except they don't allow slabs of stones on the ships these days!"

"Ha! That's a good one! Especially since I have a copy here! Get up here so I can shout at you some more, I prefer the devil himself over these fools any day!"

Princess Celestia and professor Penceleigh watched as Barsley ran into the university, feeling at a slight loss at the spectacle they had just witnessed.

"Pardon me, ma'am." Penceleigh turned around to see one of the crew members approach her, "Where do you want us to load off the stuff?" he pointed a thumb behind him. At the airship, countless crates and boxes were being unloaded at a steady pace, crew members heaving the heavy cargo outside.

Penceleigh raised an eyebrow, "Did he actually bring his whole lab with him?"

"More like ten labs if you ask me." the man replied, "The whole cargo is filled to the brim... So where do we put it?"

Penceleigh turned to Celestia, "You wouldn't happen to have an empty lab at the ready?"

Celestia frowned, "If I remember correctly there is a large storage room under the university..." she eyed the growing pile of crates with concern, "What is in all those boxes?"

Penceleigh shook her head, "I don't even want to know..." she turned to the man, "Carry it into the basement of the university, we'll figure out where to put everything once Barsley comes back." the man nodded and went back to the airship with quick strides. She turned to Celestia, "I will go and have a look at that storage room to make sure nothing explodes in the mean time..." she saw Celestia deadpan, "I'd rather not explain that last part. You should probably head to Henningston's office as soon as possible, Barsley is probably giving him a heart attack as we speak..."

No sooner had the words left her mouth that shouting erupted from inside Henningston's office, the angered screams sounding through the courtyard beneath like a declaration of war. Penceleigh rubbed her temples, "You'd better hurry too..."

The moment Celestia stepped into the university she could already hear their shouts echoing through the hallways and down the stairs like a storm, growing ever louder as she traveled towards Henningston's office. When she finally reached the door, she paused and listened to the fight inside.

"What do you mean my approach is wrong, you blasted goat?! It is ingenious I tell you!"

"Ingenious if you're an incompetent idiot! You can't just change the boundary conditions to your liking!" the sound of chalk being pulled over a board echoed through the hallway, "See?! It is completely off scale now!"

"Only because you're stuck with those blasted four dimensions! If you expand the problem to six dimension, the whole situation changes completely!" more chalk was pounded onto the board.

There was a short pause, "That..." Henningston's voice thundered, "Is simply idiotic! Springsteen would turn in his grave if he heard such trash! It is against all natural logic!"

"You should be turning in your own grave were it up to natural logic!" Barsley thundered back, "How you even came up with the idea of a vector potential this ridiculous is beyond my belief! I've seen better calculations in cook books! Are you sure you shouldn't retire and leave science to someone actually capable?!"

"Why, you confounded, self-centered..."

"Blasted old goat!"

"Dishwasher! Blasphemer!"

The fight went on, countless curse names being expelled at an increasing pace along with more terms and theories Celestia could not keep track of and making her blush even behind the door as the words became more and more obscene. Soon, new sounds could be heard, and after a moment Celestia realized with a frown on her face that the two humans were throwing chalk at one another during their fight.

"See?! If you replace this functional with this operator the equation no longer blurts out pounds of shit but understandable numbers instead!" a high screech could be heard as chalk was ripped over the board with fury.

"Indeed?! Then allow me to correct that moronic potency on this side, even a child could have seen this was simply utter rubbish!" the chalk was brought onto the board with enough force to make it shake.

Silence.

Celestia eyed the door with worry, had they just killed one another? But then, "Huh... that actually makes sense now..." Barsley could be heard whisper with an astonished voice.

"It does?" Henningston sounded surprised, but after another pause, "Well, I'll be... turns out the devil still knows his handwork..."

"Turns out old goats do as well..."

"Lunatic!"

"Senile old fart!"

"Arrogant arse!"

Celestia shook her head with a groan, pushed open the door and stepped inside, "Gentlemen, I..." she stopped as she took in the scene before her.

Standing in front of one another in a chaos of countless papers with raised fists and red heads, Barsley and Henningston looked like they were about to jump into a boxing match, but what really put Celestia at a loss of words was what she saw behind the two. There wasn't one board... there were five, and all of them were filled to the point of being beyond recognition with formulas and equations... and none of them made even the slightest sense to her.

The two humans looked at her with surprised faces as they noticed her presence, "Yes, what is it?" Henningston spoke up with an impatient voice, "Can't you see we're in the middle of important work?!" not once did the two of them lower their fists.

"Exactly!" Barsley barked, "Don't you know it is rude to intrude without knocking!" he pointed an angered finger at her.

"I..." Celestia began to stammer, completely thrown out of her pace by their response and mentally put back to the last shouting Henningston had given her. Now that she saw Barsley's face though, she couldn't decide which of the two was more scary in their rage. His eyes looked absolutely insane and his voice was a perfect match in ferocity for that of Henningston.

Before Celestia could mouth another word, Barsley pointed his finger to a chair in the corner of the room, "Sit down and wait until we're done!"

"What?!" Celestia replied with shock, "I..."

"I said sit, darn it or I'll give you enough homework to make you miss the next five years!" Barsley thundered with a voice that made her cringe and pointed to the chair again.

Henningston alone had already been too much for her, but two of the insane humans were more than she could possibly cope with. With her head held low Celestia admitted defeat, went to the chair and sat down on it like a filly punished in school.

"Good." Barsley turned back to Henningston, "Now where we?" he picked up his fists again, "Senile old fart! You wouldn't be able to tell a vector from a scalar without my help!"

"Blithering idiot! You wouldn't be able to come forth with a singe theory if it weren't for my guidance!"

"You call that senseless gibberish guidance?!" Barsley fumed, "Shriveled old dunce!"

"Insufferable idiot!"

Celestia continued to watch, horrified by the wild dispute in front of her and unable to mouth a single word in her shock as the two went at one another without pause. Outside, countless ponies peeked around corners as the humans' fight echoed through the hallways unhindered.

When they went at one another with the fire irons though, swinging them like swords as they continued to curse at one another, Celestia drew a line. She had enough insanity for one day. This time... it was Celestia's voice that thundered through the university like an earthquake.

Chapter 3: Experiment

"Alright..." Barsley mumbled as he fixed another bolt, "Ignition is ready... compressor is warmed up... That should do it!"

To the side, Celestia and Penceleigh were watching him go about his contraption with mixed feelings. The machine was huge, taking up a good part of the improvised lab Barsley had set up in the storage room beneath the Canterlot university. What worried her was the fact that Barsley had not slept in days. He had been constantly climbing around his contraption, barely eating anything or resting for even a single moment.

"What exactly is that machine going to do?" Celestia asked with a quiet voice, still anxious after the 'incident' two days ago. After her first use of the royal voice in years, some of her subject had actually fled in terror, shouting that the world was about to end... and the humans... they had made jokes about it.

"I think it's some sort of engine..." Penceleigh replied with a sigh, "At least you got him to do the basic math course... when will it start?"

"We agreed that he would start within the next week..." she eyed the contraption again, "Are you sure this is safe?"

Penceleigh rubbed her chin before calling out, "Barsley, where are the safety goggles?"

Barsley looked up from the countless little bolts, screws and levers, "The what now?"

"Safety goggles?" Penceleigh repeated herself with a sigh, "The things that protect your eyes?"

Barsley gave her an skeptical gaze, "What would I need those for?" before returning to his work again.

Penceleigh shook her head and turned to Celestia, "Better take a few steps back, princess..."

"There you are!" Henningston called out as he stepped into the room, "I have been..." he paused as he saw Barsley work on his contraption, "Oh... is he trying to get that thing running again?"

"Exactly what is that machine?" Celestia asked with a frown.

"It's an engine similar to those used in the airships..." Henningston replied without taking his eyes of the machine, "He's been trying to make one strong enough to power an aircraft without the need of hot air."

"A new flying machine?" Celestia replied with wonder, "How would it work?"

"Simple!" Barsley replied from the back, "You just add wings for aerodynamics, then this little beauty here for power and you're off!" he made a soaring motion with his hand, "Free like a bird!" he returned his attention to the engine with a maniacal frenzy.

For a moment, Celestia imagined Barsley on top of a huge machine with mechanical wings, the wings flapping up and down furiously, "Like a bird?"

"Not what you think..." Henningston replied with a groan, "Didn't you see the gliders when you visited the capital?"

Celestia thought back to her last visit, "I did... though I never saw them in action."

"Basically, because of their low weight and the form of their wings, they allow a controlled descent or even flight if you can catch a good air current..." Penceleigh explained, "There has been the idea to fix an engine to them for years now, but no one was able to build one with enough power to outmatch its weight..." she gave Barsley a skeptical gaze, "... yet."

Princess Celestia studied the machine, "Do you think it will work?"

Next to her, Henningston gave off a laugh, "It blew up the last three times he tried to start it... though if anyone can do it, it's that lunatic." he gave Penceleigh a smirk, "Ten pieces of silver say it blows up..."

"Deal." Penceleigh replied without hesitating.

Celestia eyed the two humans with disbelief, "If you are so certain it will blow up, why are we standing so close..."

Before she could finish her question, Barsley gave off a shout, "IGNITION!" and the machine lurched to life.

Captain Bluefire paced up and down the yard of Canterlot university with nervous steps, these last weeks... from the very point that the humans had arrived he had felt anxious. He didn't like them, the stories he had heard about their military power, their seemingly unending resourcefulness... their hunger. Bluefire could see it in their eyes, they constantly hungered for more, and it unnerved him. He had accompanied princess Celestia on her journeys to the human capital once, and the sheer sight of their city had put fear into him.

Not to mention the fact that the humans were known as being omnivores.

"Captain?" one of his guards spoke up, "Is everything alright?"

"It is nothing." Bluefire replied quickly, "I just don't like it when the princess is without our protection..." that, and he did not approve at all of her fascination with the humans. He shook his head, who was he to question his princess? He would support and protect in any way possible. But still... only a hundred years had passed since the banishment of her sister, and he knew it still weighed heavily upon her.

His thoughts were interrupted though, as a thunder storm was seemingly set lose inside the university. The very ground shook beneath his hooves, and countless thunderclaps roared out of the windows and washed over him and the other guards, making them hold their ears as the deafening storm continued.

Then, an explosion shook the university and black smoke started to rise from several of the lower windows... followed by a terrible silence.

"Quickly!" Bluefire sprang to his hooves, "Find the princess! We have to..."

His shouting of orders came to an abrupt end as the doors to the university were thrown open, and a coughing Celestia accompanied by the three humans stepped out into the open.

All of them were covered in soot, and their clothes as well as Celestia's flowing mane had several burn marks.

"Is this going to happen a lot?!" Celestia managed to choke out between coughs. Her voice was strangely high-pitched, as her ears were still ringing from the explosion. How Barsley had managed not to go deaf over the years of his research was a mystery to her at this point.

"Only if the building can withstand it." Henningston almost shouted before turning to Penceleigh, "You owe me ten silver pieces!" he started to twist his fingers in his ears.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Barsley's whole face was black, the only thing standing out being his sparkling eyes and his white teeth as he grinned, "That was fantastic! Not only ignition, but also four seconds of operation!" he clapped his hands in glee, "Just a few more tests and it'll be ready for field studies!"

"Thankfully you'll have to repair it first..." Celestia mumbled as she tried to wipe more soot from her face. She hoped it would take him a few days to repair the smoking remains in the bowels of the university... the sheer volume and the ferocity of the machine had shocked her.

"Not at all!" Barsley grinned, "I have two more engines waiting for tests!"

"Oh heavens no..." Celestia sighed and hung her head.

"What was that?" Barsley held a hand to one of his ears, "You have to talk louder!"

A few yards to the side, captain Bluefire was grinding his teeth in desperation, having a hard time not to let his temper fly off the handle.

He lost the fight with himself though, when Barsley put his fist to his sides and proclaimed with a grinning face, "What fun! Now where do I get a good steak around here? I could eat a horse!"

Chapter 4: Toys for boys

Princess Celestia let out a tired sigh as she relaxed her body in the hot bath. Granted, Barsley's statement had been... somewhat brash. But it had been an honest mistake on his behalf, and it had in no way warranted captain Bluefire's reaction. The guard captain, for a lack of better words, had flipped the table. For a moment Celestia wondered if that was the correct term these days, but it did not matter.

What mattered was the fact that captain Bluefire had thrown a fit of rage, shouting at an completely unimpressed Barsley at the top of his lungs and fuming about his complete lack of morals, his reckless endangerment of her own life... and dungeons... there had been a lot of dungeon threats. Had any other humans other than the amused professors, or even royals been in the vicinity... it could have caused a serious diplomatic scandal.

Celestia had known that the captain was skeptical of the humans, his reaction to the human capitol had been the reason she decided not to take him on another trip there. But she had never expected him to be a borderline racist. It saddened her that his mistrust of the humans ran so deeply, because it also meant that he distrusted her own decisions even more.

The princess had decided then and there that something had to be done to bring the captain to a closer understanding of the human nature and dissuade the distrust he harbored. Though at this point, Celestia couldn't help but wonder if the measure she had taken wasn't a bit brash in itself...

She could only hope that captain Bluefire would hold her orders higher than his own grudges... and that professor Barsley would refrain from giving him any more causes for further outbursts.

"Hand me the five-torque clamp..." Barsley held out a hand, the rest of his form hidden under the new engine he was assembling.

"The what now?" Bluefire replied with an irritated face.

"The five-torque clamp!" Barsley pointed over to the table with a frantic motion, "It's lying right on top, just hand it to me... Wait. Do you guys say hoof it over instead?"

"No." Bluefire raised an eyebrow, "We don't."

Barsley poked his head out from the maze of pipes and exhausts, "So why would you say hand it over?"

"I..." Bluefire started, but quickly realized that he did not know the answer, "This is ridiculous."

"Well of course it is, why else would I ask of it?" Barsley chuckled as Bluefire floated the tool to him, "Man, the things I could do with some magic of my own..."

"I don't even dare to imagine it." Bluefire mumbled to himself with a frown, "Why are you setting that thing up outside anyway?"

After princess Celestia had ordered captain Bluefire to be professor Barsley's temporary assistant, Barsley had set up a large tent in the courtyard of the university and both him and Bluefire had carried countless parts out of the basement storage and into the tent. It had taken hours and nearly pushed the captain to his limits... he briefly wondered where the human took the energy from to work so energetically, he hadn't made a break for hours now.

"Why would I set this up inside?" Barsley poked his head out with a raised eyebrow, "I can't drive this around my lab now, can I?"

"Drive?"

"See those?" Barsley pointed to the far end of the tent, "Those are wheels."

"I know what wheels are..." Bluefire grumbled, even though the concept of rubber tires was something new to him, "What about them?"

"Well, since the engine is working..." a grin spread over Barsley's features, "I thought I could take it for a spin."

"You're going to put wheels on that monster?!" Bluefire eyed the huge engine with a sudden feeling of dread, "It nearly killed the princess the last time!"

"Only a minor setback, my little pony friend." Barsley chuckled as he saw Bluefire scowl, "I got it all figured out! Don't worry, in about half an hour, this is going to be pure awesome!"

Captain Bluefire gave Barsley a look of contempt, "We're probably going to be dead in about half an hour if that thing works as well as the last one."

Princess Celestia had finished her bath. She felt refreshed, revived and most importantly, she felt clean again. The events of the morning seemed far away now. The roar of the machine, the explosion... Bluefire screaming profanities loud enough for all of Canterlot to hear and to make even her blush.

She shook her head with a tired sigh, still wondering if her decision had been wise. She almost feared that if she were to look after the human, she would find the captain on top of him... or she would find the human stuffed into one of the dungeons. Celestia quickened her steps, she would just check on them... a simple hello, an inquiry of how Barsley's work was doing... just to assure herself that captain Bluefire had not killed the human yet.

As Celestia reached the main gate of her castle though, she was greeted by a deafening roar from the courtyard below. A mixture of countless little explosions repeating themselves over and over again filled the air and overpowered any other sounds.

Over the sounds of explosions and the metallic roar that accompanied them, Celestia could hear captain Bluefire's screams.

She was about to storm towards the university, but then she noticed that the sound was drawing nearer... the windows of her castle started to tremble... Something shot through the main gate and into the courtyard below, guards jumping to the side for safety.

For a brief moment Celestia wondered what the humans called the strange machines... cars? Was that it? Carts that pulled themselves, a fascinating concept. This one didn't look like any of the others she had seen before though; for one thing it had no chassis... and the enormous engine bolted to the front and screaming at the world had a worrying similarity to the one she had witnessed explode before.

As the carriage shot over the ground in a roaring ball of dust and smoke, moving at speeds that were likely to be anything but safe, Celestia spotted professor Barsley behind the wheel of the thundering machine... with a pair of huge goggles over an even bigger grin. And on the seat next to him...

Celestia blinked her eyes to be sure, but there was no mistake... captain Bluefire was standing on the seat next to Barsley, front legs on the armature as the machine rocketed over the ground sideways... and with an even bigger grin than Barsley's.

Barsley turned the wheel of the car and the vehicle changed its direction, the hind wheels ripping through the ground as it spun and shooting dirt and earth over the facades of the castle as they shot by the princess.

Even as she was covered by an explosion of dirt and dust... and even as the machine roared out of the gates again with fire blazing from the exhausts, Celestia could hear captain Bluefire scream, "THIS IS AWESOME!"

Chapter 5: Of the past

Celestia gave a huff as she walked back into her castle. Apparently her worries had been rash, it seemed that captain Bluefire would not be the one to kill Barsley... No, Barsley would probably manage that part by himself just fine. A sigh escaped princess Celestia as she ruffled her wings, she would need another bath. Still, the fact that the human had found a friend in the captain so quickly put a small smile on her lips. It proved to her that no matter how different their races were, they could still coexist in harmony... if certainly not a very tranquil one.

As she continued her way through the castle though, she was surprised to see professor Henningston stand in one of the hallways holding the countless portraits of equestrian history. None of her subjects came to this part of the castle these days, even though it was never closed to the public. Years of grief and sorrow had left a shadow on this part of their own history and they were still frightful to look back. And yet, here stood a human, his brow furrowed as he silently observed one of the portraits.

Celestia did not need to see the painting to know which one it was, she herself had stood before it countless times in the past years. Not one day passed when she did not stand in front of it... wondering, contemplating... and grieving her loss, her failure. Many times she had wanted to take it down, but had always found herself unable to do so; feeling it would be unjust to forget her... her sister... Princess Luna.

Henningston took notice of Celestia's presence and turned to face her, the countless wrinkles in his face illuminated by the sunlight falling in through one of the mosaic windows as he watched her with an almost stoic expression. For the first time since Celestia had come to know him, she saw the age in his face... and it saddened her.

"Princess." his voice sounded softer than usual, almost tired, "Did Barsley make another one of his insane contraptions come to life?" he raised an eyebrow as he saw her dirty coat.

"A very loud one at that, though captain Bluefire does not seem to mind." Celestia replied with a small smile.

Henningston gave a short nod and a small chuckle before returning his attention back to the portrait, "Such are the gifts of youth." he paused, "I took the time for a short stroll through the castle before dinner when I stumbled upon this hallway... I hope my presence here is not illicit, is it?"

Celestia shook her head softly as she stepped up to him, "It is not. This hallway is one of many holding the history of our race. Anyone is allowed to search our past, nothing should be forgotten..." she stopped next to him and looked at the portrait, "No matter how grief it is."

Henningston was quiet for another moment, "Is it her?" his question hung in the air.

"It is... when both of us were still young." Celestia let her gaze wander over the portrait, the little foal laughing at her from it almost too much for her to bear, "And before words unspoken tore us apart."

"I understand..." Henningston's voice sounded heavy, "We... we heard rumors, and tales of what happened... and even after we met you in person, we were still doubtful of how much truth the stories carried... and of how we should stand before you..." he turned away from the painting and started to walk again, Celestia following him with quiet steps.

"When we first heard of these lands, we were amazed by the stories that found their way to us... Magic, to think that such wonders could exist..." he turned to her with a contemplating gaze, "And tales of a living god... Can you imagine what that meant for us? For a race that has never had magic nor a god that answered their prayers? For us, who always believed in logic and reason, to be presented with the one thing that simply shattered all principles of the science we held so dear?"

Henningston shook his head, "How many centuries did we look up at the stars wondering if there was more than we could perceive when the answer was down here all along. We always pictured gods as omniscient beings... endless in their wisdom and without flaws, distant and uncaring at the feeble problems of us mortals. And the more we delved into our search for knowledge, the more we lost our vision for these things."

Celestia searched his face, "And now, that you have met me?" a sad smile appeared on her lips, "What do you think of us omniscient beings with all of our flaws now?"

Henningston stopped and took a long, searching look at her features, "I believe, that you have a good heart. Carry your burdens, but do not do so alone. Your subjects love you with all of their heart. And just as they feel grief over your loss, so do I and even that fool in the courtyard if he knew... We all make mistakes, but we grow with them and all wounds will heal with time." he gave a short bow before turning to leave her, "I am certain that one day, your sister will return to you. Until then, I will pray for your well being."

Celestia watched him as he walked away from her, feeling strangely moved by his words. At the same time though, she couldn't help but whisper, "Who will I pray to?"

Down in the courtyard, Barsley and Bluefire could be heard over the roar of the engine, screaming "God of Thunder!" for all the world to hear as Barsley revved the engine to its peak capacities.

From the window above, Celestia shook her head with a small smile, "Us omniscient beings..." she turned her head upwards and searched the evening sky, it would be time for her to lower the sun soon, "If only you could be here to meet them..." Celestia spoke quietly, "If only you could be here, by my side again."

A small explosion caused her to look down again, it seemed that the engine had not been able to withstand both Barsley's and captain Bluefire's enthusiasm. As smoke started to rise from the charred remains Henningston could be seen storming out of the castle, already shouting at the still-grinning Barsley while Bluefire wobbled from side to side.

Celestia's smile grew as she watched the three and the smoking wreckage below, "If only you could meet these strange yet wonderful people..."

Chapter 6: Basic chemistry

"And if we rearrange this equation like this..." Barsley gave a yawn and leaned against the whiteboard, "Then we see that there are multiple possible solutions." the chalk in his hand gave a small squeak as he brought it down again, "So in this system, the actual solution will be determined by what boundary conditions we define to it." Barsley turned around to face the audience, a short murmur escaping the ponies as they noticed the black bags under his eyes, "Any questions?"

The professor was greeted with silence... and furious scribbling as the ponies took note, "No? Huh... that's good then, isn't it?" he sighed, "Again, don't hesitate to ask if there is something you do not understand. There aren't any stupid questions, just stupid answers." he paused, "How much longer till the end of class?"

"You still have a good fifteen minutes." Bluefire remarked with a smirk and watched Barsley's shoulders sag. Bluefire took a look at his notes, "Could you explain that part about general solutions to alternating potentials again?"

"You listened to that? Really?!" Barsley made a shocked face.

"Of course, why else would I be here?" Bluefire asked.

Barsley raised an eyebrow, "That's a new one... Back when in my days I usually spent class sleeping."

"Sleeping?" Bluefire made a bewildered face, "How did you learn anything then?"

"Midnight study one night before the exam?" Barsley replied with a small smile.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Wanna bet?" Barsley smirked, but quickly dropped the smirk when he saw Bluefire's disapproving face, "Alright, alright... Back to the board, I guess."

"A dab of scopolamine... some benzodiazepines..." Penceleigh shifted through her vials, "Ah, yes... that should do." she pulled out one of the vials and poured some of it into the glass. "Maybe some more just to be sure..." she paused, "Where did I put my sodium pentothal?"

"Professor Penceleigh?" Celestia carefully opened the doors and looked inside, "Are you there?"

Penceleigh's head appeared from behind countless flask, a set of huge goggles blinking at Celestia, "Oh, princess. What can I do for you?"

Celestia raised an eyebrow, "You... invited me for tea?"

The eyes behind the goggles blinked a couple of times in surprise before realization settled in on Penceleigh's features, "Yes! Of course! Please beg pardon for the mess, I was just finishing an experiment. Do come in, this will only take one more moment!"

Celestia nodded with a small smile, this was certainly a side of Penceleigh she had not seen before. It seemed she was just as devoted to her work as her colleagues. "May I ask, what it is you are preparing, professor Penceleigh?"

"Something very special..." Penceleigh chuckled, "Oh... do call me Abby, princess. It helps to shorten the introductions and I never was fond of titles."

"Only if you call me Celestia." she smiled as she walked inside, "I too, sometimes tire of titles."

"Girls among girls, then?" Penceleigh looked over her notes, searching through them like a child digging for treasure, "Could you pass me the amylobarbitone?"

Celestia looked around herself in wonder, the walls were packed with closets... and all of them were filled with different vials, envelopes and bottles containing different ingredients she could not even hope to decipher... not to mention that all of them were labeled in the human language. "I am afraid that I don't know what I should be looking for..."

"Third closet to the right, second shelf... the one with the white powder inside." Penceleigh absent-mindedly pointed a finger towards the shelf and continued to stir the contents of the glass as she heated them up over a small flame.

Celestia walked up the shelf and let her gaze travel over the contents, "I can't see it."

"No?" Penceleigh readjusted her goggles, "Try the closet next to it. I must have moved it yesterday."

"Yes, there it is." Celestia floated the small bottle to the professor, "So... what are you preparing?"

Penceleigh grabbed the bottle and looked up with a big grin, "A truth serum!"

The guard stationed outside professor Penceleigh's lab allowed a small smile to appear on his face as he heard his princess and the human female on the other side chat. He couldn't understand all of it, but the giggling and occasional laugh were a clear sign that the two were having a good time.

Which was good, the princess deserved all the good time she could get. All of the guards knew how strenuous her chores were and that even if she would never permit them to see it, her burdens weighed heavily on her shoulders.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door was opened from the inside... and princess Celestia poked her head out with a small smile, "Private Green Frolic?"

"Yes, my princess?" he asked after a nervous salute.

"Would you mind coming inside for a short moment?"

"Of course not, my princess." Frolic replied, even though unsure what situation would require his presence, "Is there anything you need assistance with?"

"No, no..." Celestia beckoned him inside, "We just thought you would like a cup of tea."

"Tea?" he seemed unsure, "But, princess... I mean technically I am on duty and..."

"It's quite alright, Green Frolic." she ushered him towards a small table, "Please, be seated."

Green Frolic tentatively sat down, wondering if he should be nervous or consider himself lucky.

"There you go!" professor Penceleigh sat down a cup of tea in front of him... with a strange color and an even stranger smell to it, "Drink up!"

"Aren't you going to have any?"

"Oh, no. We already had enough..." Penceleigh didn't take her eyes off him, "Come on, better drink before it gets cold!"

"Are you sure this is tea?" he eyed the liquid with worry, "It doesn't really..."

"Private."

Green Frolic looked up into the face of his ruler, "Yes, my princess?"

"Drink the tea."

He cringed, "Yes, my princess."

"This is incredible!" Celestia whispered to Penceleigh in wonder, "I didn't think it would work so quickly!"

Private Green Frolic was currently sitting at the table with a distant look in his eyes, the empty cup still standing in front of him, "My cat is called Shimmerbutton... My mother still sends me cookies, which I eat when nopony is looking... I sometimes peek on the mares when I don't think they're looking..."

"Potency seems good too." Penceleigh chuckled.

A small flush appeared on Celestia's cheeks, "Oh, my..."

"I wet my bed until I was twelve... In fifth class I told my teacher I had to go to my grandmother's funeral when really I just had forgotten my homework... I always carry a lucky sock with me..." his eyes dilated slightly, "Why do I have a sock?" he continued, "I can't whistle... and I think princess Celestia has the hottest..."

"Alright!" Celestia quickly held his mouth shut as her cheeks burned a crimson red, "I think that is enough for today..."

"I mean, you could play the drums on those beautiful..."

Celestia quickly replaced her hoof over his mouth, her blush still increasing as she pleaded with Penceleigh, "You wouldn't happen to have something that causes short-time memory loss too, would you?"

Penceleigh tried to suppress a snort of laughter, "I'll see what I can do. But let me get some notes first..."

"I have a poster of princess Celestia over my bed... and when I'm alone I..."

"Now, Abby!"