Second Chances at a New Story

by VulpiBard

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 12452

Kyle Orin, while on his deathbead, encounters a strange being who sends him on some "second chance" at life to a world he though was only in a popular TV series, Equestria.

Kyle Orin, while on his deathbead, encounters a strange being who sends him on some "second chance" at life to a world he thought was only in a popular TV series; Equestria.

Appearing in his new home right after the changeling invasion, Kyle, now Phasma, Has to prove that he's not trying to usurp anypony, or that he doesn't have an army waiting for attack, at the same time as keeping his origins secret to spare the worlds stability.

Published 2013-06-07 23:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-06 19:34:17 UTC

Prologue

I’m in a hospital bed, eyes firmly closed so I don’t have to see my surgeons running back and forth. I still hear them though. It's pretty touching how they kept trying to save my life, even though it obviously wouldn’t work this time. I mean, I’m no doctor but a heart attack then a ten foot drop onto my chest is certain to kill. For me I had a 87 percent chance to die within the hour, and a 11 percent chance to die within the day.

~Beep beep beep~

“Heart rate has returned to normal.”

The nurse, always so optimistic, That’s good.

“Excellent, give him the shot then replace those IV bags”

The doctor giving a shot? Improvement.

~Beebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebee~

“Doctor!”

“I heard it, quick, hand me that needle!”

“We’re losing him!”

~Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Typical...

When I regained consciousness, I felt a cold, hard cement beneath my palms and head.

That rules out at least twenty five theories.

I decided to continue lying down rather than get up and risk my chances with the remaining possibilities. After a few minutes of waiting for something to happen, A voice pierced through the darkness.

“Wake up, laddie.”

“Ugh...”

Rising to my feet I felt my chest, it was clothed, thank goodness, and the lack of pain meant my wounds had healed. On a scale of nice to uncomfortable I would rate the fact a ten - ten and a half. When I opened my eyes I was met with a blinding light, followed shortly by absolute darkness.

“Wha- Where am I?” I stuttered

“I suppose that’ll be your choice.”

“Who’s the ginger?”

My typical response to hearing a scottish accent, which I guess would be a total of this once.

“Well, I suppose I could be ginger if you want, but I think I have a more amber color in my hair.”

If I want? Cool, he didn’t sound like he was joking, so he was probably not the typical human, the welcoming committee to the pearly gates? Well I didn’t see any shining light anymore, so I was pretty sure I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.

“Who’re you, my personal tormenter?”

“I prefer the term Deus Ex Machina.”

“So a book nerd?”

“Heheh, I guess so.”

There was a snapping sound and I finally got a view of my surroundings. I was standing in the corner of a classic cement interrogation room, complete with bright lamp, welded table, and painful metal chairs. On the other side of the room, between the giant mirror and door stood a tall, gangly man.

Stepping cautiously closer to the table, I measured the guy up. Unsightly long brown hair dropping to his middle back was contrasted by a clean shave, and an old western duster hung loosely over a clean white shirt. His slacks crumpled at the bottom in a failed attempt to overcome his combat boots.

The strange, strange individual walked over patiently to one of the chairs and sat down. Then jumped back to his feet.

“Excuse me one second.”

Without waiting he briskly walked out of the room and returned a split second later with a cushion to sit on.

“Ah, much better.” He said with a contented sigh as he sunk into the chair, “Please have a seat.”

I mentally noted how he didn’t retrieve a cushion for me before seating myself.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“You can call me Dues for now, and yours.”

“Kyle Orin,” I answered truthfully, but he waved it off.

“Mr. Johnson for now, you led a good life considering your difficulties, tried to follow your passion of-”

He paused to procure a clipboard out of thin air, which would’ve given me a heart attack had my heart not stopped beating five minutes ago.

“Running against the established order- Oh wait no, that’s just free-running. Well no wonder you died, didn’t you know you had a bad heart?”

He glanced at me briefly as if looking for an answer, but I just shrugged so he raised his eyebrows and returned to the clipboard.

“Collecting rare and not-so-rare vendibles surrounding you favorite subjects, including medieval weaponry, modern military gunnery, action novels, romance novels,” He glanced up again, “Romance novels?”

I nodded along, listening less to the list and more to a strange tune that popped into my head. It was pretty familiar.

“I use to wonder what friendship could be...”

“Uh huh...” Dues nodded slowly, “Of course this isn’t that important right now, this isn’t the afterlife or anything like that.”

That gave me a pause.

“Isn’t it?”

The man looked stupidly at me for a minute then burst out laughing, falling off of his cushioned chair. I shifted uncomfortably on my own less warm, metallic chair. The tall man stopped laughing (mostly) and pulled himself back into his chair.

“Hehe, oh boy, heh, that was a good one. Nah, we got to you just in the nick of time, another nanosecond and you would’ve klgt” He slid a thumb along his neck to emphasize his point.

“So, I’m still alive?” I asked, eagerly shifting to the edge of my seat.

There was a pause as the man looked down at the clipboard with a raised eyebrow.

“I suppose so, but there are rules. Firstly, you can’t re-visit your family or old friends in any way, shape or form.”

“Pfft,” I keeled forward gripping my stomach and nearly falling out of my chair, “No problem there, good riddance I say.” When their dying I will be still alive, and when their dead I will be-

The man's other eyebrow followed the first one in it’s raised position, as did the clipboard.

“There’s no need to pretend around me, I already have all the information on you.”

I stopped laughing and sat up straight.

ALL the information on me?

“Good, then we can now get this done with, you’re going to be transferred to a different universe, one where hopefully you’ll be useful to complete both of our goals.”

I frowned slightly.

“I already completed all my goals, I just want to rest now.”

The man got a short chuckle out of this.

“Oh, we both know that’s not true, consider this a second chance of sorts.”

He threw the board onto his desk, then stood up to shake my hand.

“Perhaps I’ll see you later, Johnson.”

I stood up as well, but didn’t take his hand.

“Before I go, what ‘world’ am I being sent to?”

The man withdrew his hand and smiled wide enough to force his eyes closed.

“Equestria.”

“Wha-”

Before I could give a proper response, I my vision went black and I lost all feeling body.

Chapter One

When I regained consciousness again what I felt was dirt, well padded dirt, all along the right side of my body. It was pretty obvious without opening my eyes I was a pony now, so I just stood up without opening my eyes. Funny enough, the limbs felt longer than you would’ve expected, my four legs and wings felt uninjured and in place luckily. I wasn’t a cripple, so the story was already restricted in options. That left my horn, sensitive and hard feeling, just like a horny horn should be.

Wait a minute...

My eyes snapped open and I looked at my new alabaster form for the first time.

I attempted to swear, the funny thing was that just as the words were escape my mouth until they turned into the phrase “horsefeathers.”

So I went along and said that instead, grinning broadly I repeated it.

“Horsefeathers, horsefeathers, horse feathers... whore’s feathers.”

Hey, that worked! which left only one avenue to get my daily quota of swearing in;

“Aw hail naw, this might be fun!”

But still, an alicorn OC? I wasn’t sure if it was Dues’s fault, but I felt like venting.

“If by any way I’m Celestia, you’re in for it!”

Actually my main was grey, so I wasn’t Celestia or any other pony princess. So maybe despite being a fanbase hated OC, I may be able to salvage this. And who knows, I may even have some fun with the others! Smiling, I couldn’t help but dance a little jig, which wound up with me faceplanting into the ground and rolling into the bush to my right. I could hear singing faintly on the other side. Taking the time to finally look farther than my own two cloven hooves I began to look at the setting.

Two well groomed hedge walls stretching in front and behind, splitting into two paths after a while, and vocal ambience to my right...

I was hopelessly lost, I mean it might’ve been the maze in Canterlot that Discord trapped the elements in, or it could be a random garden somewhere in Manehattan. The singing of course came with the world I was in. I stifled a laugh as I crawled to my feet.

Heh, Equestria.

Well walking like a horse isn’t too much trouble, it’s crawling on your hands and knees only you move a LOT faster, likely ‘cause your body was actually built for it.

But moving on it took me quite a while to get out of the maze, several rights and an absent minded left later and I approached the statues which I recognized as the entrance. I sprinted for the final stretch and emerged victorious, right into a plethora of gasps. I glanced around at everyone-pony looking my way with jaws dropped and decided there was only one sane thing to do here:

“Two hearts becoming one, a bond that cannot be undone?”

And that’s when madness started, everypony in the garden began running around and crashing into each other until eventually they all found their way behind the princesses and elements, I also noted several armed guards making their way for me. Well maybe introducing myself so soon after an invasion wasn’t the smarter idea.

Smart or not, it didn’t help me when fifteen of Celestia's shining guards were surrounding my and thrusting some pointy sticks. Now I know my weapons of war, medieval studies was my masters in college, waitaminute. No, a Doctorite, Applied anthropology was my masters. Anyway, those little pokey things were pretty low on the spear quality.

“Funny,” I said as I pushed one around with my hoof, causing the guard holding it to turn red, “They look a lot better from a distance.”

Then, glancing up to Cadence, “You should probably keep that in mind, princess, your stallion’s spears may not be suited for you.”

At that moment, all of the guard turned red, even their captain. Almost all of the nobles and party guest had a similar reaction, only complete with full jaw drops.

“H-How dare you! Just who are you?” Shining Armor stepped forward menacingly.

He stuttered, could that be seriously true, or is he intimidated?

Either way I decided to step back and look at my situation, imagining myself in his shoes. It didn’t take very long for the scene to come to mind.

We finally drove off the changelings thanks to Twily and her friends, my wedding was completed and everypony was dancing happily. Looking around the merry scene I found my bride. Cadence was sitting off to the side of the snack bar, looking more beautiful than ever, I didn’t waste any time with second glances as I briskly walked to her. There was so much to talk about now, we could finally be happy.

That’s when I heard the gasp behind me.

Spinning around, my vision turned red, no one should dare to disturb my happiness, or the safety of Canterlot, again.

I saw a white alicorn standing next to the maze, Celestia? No, it was a stallion with a grey mane. Enemy? More than likely, I didn’t know of any alicorn other than the royal sisters that wasn’t an enemy, my wife not included.

I began growling and stepped forward, I think he said something but I wasn’t paying attention. Signaling my guards I watched in pride with the swift effectiveness that they circled him with. That’s when he did it. Twiddling one of my guards spears in his hoof as if it was some cute toy, looking at it with such a sceptical gaze. He was either an absolute fool or very powerful, and alicorns are also never fools.

“Funny,” he said, “They look a lot better from a distance.”

How dare he insult my guards!

“You should probably keep that in mind, princess, your stallion’s spears may not be suited for you.”

How dare he insult me!! Taking a step forward with barely concealed rage, I let him know my mind, then he froze.

I felt like I just got hit in the back of the head before my vision returned.

Woah, that was intense! Did I really just-

I looked at the captain again, still slowly edging forward. Well, he was quite peeved, wasn’t he? Shaking my head, I decided to do the only logical thing in my position.

“I surrender.”

The guard stopped.

“What?” He growled.

“What?” I repeated, “Upset you didn’t get your little fight? I surrender, there’s nothing I can do against you right now.”

I would also have apologised for crashing the party except, well, I really wouldn’t. It’s not like it was intentional or anything, I didn’t even know I was in Canterlot until I left the maze. Standing perfectly still I watched as they tried and failed to fit a pair of cuffs on me.

“You guys are pretty small aren’t you?”

One of the guards looked up and blinked.

“I mean, really, you only come up to, what, my chest? Maybe I should start calling you all my chibi ponies, eh?”

He blinked again.

“You don’t know what that means do you?”

The guard looked back to his job and I sighed. No point in trying there, I looked at the crowd on the other side of the gardens. The princesses were discussing something with the elements and Shining Armor, and the latter looked back at me with a cool anger. I smiled and waved back, lifting one of the guard’s holding my feet who clung on for dear life.

“Well, pretty light too, huh?” I said as Shining turned back to his group.

The guard in question shivered and began backing away, muttering how he was going to look for bigger handcuffs, so I turned back to my other ‘captor’.

“Is talking to your prisoners illegal here or something?” I asked.

“Please don’t take it personally,” A vaguely familiar voice sounded behind me.

I spun around to look at Celestia, flanked by the elements, Luna, Cadence, and Armor.

“They’re trained not to.”

I looked the group of ten up and down several times over while they did the same. We sat like that for awhile before Celestia broke the silence.

“Would you follow me?”

I looked at my guards, still trying to fit cuffs onto my legs. Celestia coughed and they began backing up.

“Would I follow you? Nah, not in a million years, I’m too much of a rebel. But I will come with you, where’re we going?”

I mentally kicked myself for the bad joke as Celestia smiled and led me off.

Chapter Two

I was pretty calm while following the princesses. I mean they were the good guys right? We navigated the castle, nodding at a few amazed servants every couple meters. After a bit I think Celestia and Luna talked a bit, and the elements, Cadence, and Armor were left behind at the party, but I wasn’t paying attention. My mind was so focused on getting my story straight that I didn’t notice us walk into a dark grey interrogation room.

“Luna wanted to ask you a few questions, if that’s alright,” Celestia explained.

I yawned and sat on one side of the table, flinching at the cold ground. Luna smirked triumphantly and sat herself on the other side.

“We wish to learn your name, first.” She ordered, smile fading.

I paused to hastily gather the rest of my thoughts before answering.

“Phasma di Imago Veritatis,” I lied.

Luna looked to the side briefly, then back at me.

“You will tell us the truth.”

A lie detector? Only one way to beat this.

“Truth? Ah, well, I guess there’s no way around it...”

Luna leaned forward slightly, I could tell she was fighting back a smile.

“The truth is... Well it’s hard to say...”

“What is it? Tell us!” Luna’s face twisted into a scowl.

“Well, the truth is I’m from a faraway land where names are seen as secret.”

Notalienotalienotalie.

Well, not completely, in ancient mythology there was the concept of ‘true names’, I just didn’t believe any of that for myself.

“We see, so thou cannot reveal your true name without breaking this ‘secret’?”

It worked! My face split into a wide smile.

“Yuppers, my fair flailing flounder, no siree am I spilling any beans.”

The princesses brow furrowed.

“When did we begin discussing the beans?”

I fell silent as we stared at each other for a few minutes, smile slowly fading.

“Well you see, beans are a wonderfull fruit.”

“They are a fruit?”

“Yuppers again, the more you eat the more you-”

Celestia coughed slightly from the corner of the room, bringing me back to the fact that this was an interrogation.

My smile faded off completely, and Luna’s curious scowl faded into something akin to a disappointed frown. But the moment passed when the next question was asked.

“We would like to know where you are from.”

I paused, thought, then smiled.

“In your dreams.”

Luna scowled again.

“You will tell us, you have no choice.”

I leaned back and began polishing my hoof.

“No really, in your dreams, my home use to be a world dreamed of by ponies.”

Luna glared and glanced at the corner of the table again.

“We see...”

Her complexion cleared up swiftly, and she looked more confused than anything.

“And how did you come to Equestria?”

“A most interesting occurrence, the other day, I was strolling down the road, when suddenly, I heard a song being sung. Following the source of the music, I traveled through bakeries, warehouses, clothing stores, and the like, amassing quite the inventory as I went. What I found separating me from the source of this wonder was the hedge maze you see behind me. Never being one to back down from a challenge, I pursued my goal even through the depths of this maze.”

“Getting lost several times, I expended all the donuts I had commondered from a rather homely stand. After a night’s stay in that area of the maze, I continued on, entrenching myself ever deeper in this Chinese finger trap. After a matter of two days, my surroundings seemed to bend and warp, I knew at this point I had gone delusional, for nothing could bend the world so atrociously. For half a day I traveled in this nightmare world, when, as suddenly as it began, it ceased.

“The next thing I knew, I stumbled into your courtyard.”

I bet the lie detector was going off like crazy, luckily Luna wasn’t paying attention to that. No, both princesses were staring with their jaws loose, either amazed at the intense story coming out of nowhere or baffled at the load of crap I just hurled in their faces. Luna was the first to speak.

“What is this ‘chinese finger-trap’?”

Falling to the ground I laughed so hard swore I would either die of suffocation or adorableness.

“You dare mock us?!”

I bolted upright, laughter coming to a dead stop. Luna had stood up and was glowering down at me.

Oh balls, I forgot the short temper she’s suppose to have.

“No no no, It’s just uh, kinda funny you don’t have finger-traps.”

Celestia stepped in with a slight frown;

“Let’s get back on track, just what are you doing in Equestria, Phasma?”

“Didn’t I already answer this? I don’t know, I was just minding my own business and next thing I know I’m here.”

The princesses looked at the table corner in unison. The detector must’ve said something unpleasant for me, because Luna looked down with a furrowed brow, and Celestia's scowl deepened. I hope it felt proud of itself.

“It’s clear you're hiding a lot from us,” Celestia began, “but since we don’t have evidence against you, we can’t hold you against your will.”

Yes! Thank you good fortune!

“But also, due to your lying to the royal sisters of Equestria, we need to keep you under surveillance until you prove you’re not a threat.”

No! Screw you fate!

“Is there anywhere I can stay the night?” I asked timidly.

Celestia tapped her chin in thought.

“We do have a guest room saved for visiting emissaries.”

“I’ll take it!” I complied easily.

“Good, the guard outside can show you where it is, and I’ll be sending servants every so often to check on you.”

The alabaster princess nodded to Luna and headed off to who knows where, meanwhile the princess of the night walked up next to me and watched her sister off. After a few seconds of standing there, Luna leaned closer to whisper;

“So, what is a finger-trap?”

Chapter Three

After I finished telling Luna about the concept of a tube that tightly holds onto any hooves put into it, I walked off with my guards to find my room. We traveled pretty far in silence before I got bored, I looked down at the two stallions. Were they stallions? I guessed so, they appeared by all means to be, but then how would Celestia find so many white male guards? And if they weren't all white, surely their original color wasn't the only thing hidden.

"So, royal guards of Trollestia, huh?"

The guard on my right paused for a beat, but shook it off and kept moving.

"It's Celestia."

"Ah," I nodded sagely, "So royal guards of Celestia, how hard was that to do?"

"That's not important," The guard on my left commented this time, "We did it for the safety of Equestria, not because it was easy."

I fought back a snicker as we rounded a corner.

"So for the safety of Equestria? I was under the impression Celestia was the most powerful here, why would she need guards?"

There was a clatter behind us and we all spun on the spot, guards with their spears lowered, me ready to run the other way. But nothing was there but an upset suit of armor, a maid ran in and began picking it up and muttered something about drafts in the castle. Turning back around, we continued our trek.

"You weren't here yesterday, an army invaded while our guard was down, and Celestia was defeated by it's leader."

"Oh, I think I saw some of that! Were you that one guard cowering in the alley?"

The soldier rounded on me with a glare that could kill. Funny story about those, I just smiled back at them.

"It must be pretty hard for an earth pony to defend against things stronger than an alicorn, no one blames you."

The guard to the right lunged forward, but lefty held him back with a hoof.

"We admit it is, but in this world those who stand together are stronger than any odds, if we were all like that guard, you'd be right."

The soldier turned around and lead the both of us down the hall to large double doors.

"This is your room, we'll be waiting outside if you need anything."

The guards posted themselves on either side of the doors as they swung open.

My jaw dropped.

Inside was perfectly circular, white walls reached roughly fifteen feet high and were covered by shelves and dressers. In the middle was a large and round four poster bed piled high with mattresses and sheets. On the far side were two doors, one was open so I could see a balcony through it, and the other I guessed was either a closet or a bathroom.

Hearing a snicker to my right, I snapped my jaw shut and trotted into the room. Pretentiously flipping a few of the sheets, I turned to the dressers along the wall.

“It’s a mess in here,” I muttered just loud enough for my guards to hear.

They didn’t react so I just shrugged and closed the doors. Making sure they were completely shut, I turned and umped into my bed. rolling around a bit in it's softness before sitting up to process my facts.

First; I was in Equestria.

Second; The reason I was here was because some guy named 'Deus Ex Machina' has plans for me.

Third; Celestia isn't a main character of whatever strange story the ginger book nerd put me in.

I double checked that fact, it may be true, but may not at the same time. I didn't have much interaction with her, but what's to say I won't?

Fourth; This is most likely a story because my 'savior' used the name Deus, but he may be just messing with me.

And fifth; The guard out there was talkative, really talkative, for a pony guard.

I jumped from my bed and walked back to the door, raising a hoof to open it but thinking better of it and running back to the balcony. It was pretty late into the night judging by the moons position, that explained why neither of the sisters were busy. Averting my gaze from the stars, I admired the view of the castle gardens. I didn't see anything over the walls and it was probably planned that way. wouldn't want a potential threat to have a good layout of the capitol.

Well, the inner garden wasn't much to look at, just a bunch of flowers and rich nobles with their noses in the air. The walls and buildings in the inner baily were little better.

The inner bailey? Maybe I can see the inner keep!

And yep, there it was, a clear view right across the bailey, how did I miss that? The keep was flanked by two large towers, the sun and the moon no doubt.

And I was right! the tower to the right of the keep was colored gold and white. The windows had golden panes and on the top was a sun symbol. On my right was a scene a lot more easy on the eyes, not least for the cooler colors and practical architecture. On the top balcony I could see Luna looking over the castle through a telescope. She was so busy looking around she didn't notice me stare.

Why was she looking down at the city rather than up at her own creation? Heck if I knew, but I could help but admire what I saw. A sleek, dark blue build, Soft curves leading up to the round front, long fine legs.

I really needed a telescope like that, I swear it was making my mouth water. Shaking my head sadly, I turned back into my room and smoothed out my bed sheets.

Do alicorns even sleep? Well obviously, other wise they wouldn't have given me a room. I jumped in bed with no regard for my safety and pretty soon was passed out.

"Welcome back 'Phasma'"

I opened my eyes a pinch at the painfully familiar voice to look around the cement room from earlier. Across the table, rather than the gangly man I saw before, was a sandy coated alicorn with an amber mane.

"Deus?" I asked

"Guilty as charged," He answered, "Now we don't have much time so here're the facts, I need you in Equestria, and you need you in Equestria."

I nodded and bit back a yawn.

"Yes, you told me that earlier, but why?"

"I have my reasons, you focus on yours. You didn't exactly finish what you wanted in your past life, I mean sure you got a lot done, but isn't life more than that?"

He began pacing as he ranted, my eyes followed him, the only thing moving in my bemused face.

"If you're going to tell me to make friends so help me-"

"No no, that would be obvious even to you, I was going to say you needed to use those skills you learned."

"I did!"

"On something other than MMOs and strategy games."

"Touché, carry on."

he should have no problem with that, The alicorn smiled.

"Nothing to carry on about, I just wanted you to know that Equestria will be needing your skills soon."

"And what do you care about Equestria?"

"I have my reasons," Deus spun in a circle, "And we're done here, just one more thing."

The room began fading away as he kept talking.

"Those guard outside your room are changelings that hung around, but you already knew that, didn't you?"

My vision went black as I fell asleep for the third time that day. It was kind of grating on my nerves, can't he just teleport me with his crazy power? Also changelings, I didn't know that, I just thought they were talkative, thank you Deus.

Chapter Four

I woke up, I stretched, then I looked outside. Sunlight, it was morning already. Hopping out of bed I shook myself down and inspected my hooves, then fur and mane. I had a few tangles as I expected but there's was nothing I could do unless there was a comb in the room. I knew this wasn't a dream, I had had those while I was laying in my hospital bed. I knew I wasn't suppose to have seen another sunrise but it still felt good to prove doctors wrong no matter how many times I did it. Briskly pacing over to the dresser I poked through the drawers for a comb. Not finding one there I jogged to the bathroom where I probably should have checked first.

After confirming that the doors next to the pavilion did indeed lead to a bathroom I stepped up to the sink and grabbed the comb there using my mouth. I was too tired for much else, such as testing out my magic or using my hooves. After a good deal of stretching and straining I felt my fur was in good enough order. I began thinking about what 'Dues' had said.

He had plans for me, that was obvious. And the less obvious 'I had plans for myself.' I yawned and reached for the door handle, remembering what he said about the guards being changelings.

"Good morning, my loyal servants!" I called, opening the portal.

The guards snapped to attention, were they sleeping? I mentally shrugged and began walking down a random hallway.

"I've decided I want to go for a walk through the gardens." I called back to them, hearing clanking as they rushed to catch up.

It was quick pleasant to take a brisk walk without the worry for air. Alicorns were obviously much more long winded than other ponies, as my guards kept falling short of breath, and if anything I knew about horses was right, then much, much, more long winded than my old body.

I snorted slightly at the thought of my corpse back at home having any sort of wind left in it, and how the undertaker must feel being stuck in the same room when it was released. At least I didn't need to go to the bathroom when I woke up here, as fun as that would be it meant that all that waste was being dumped on the hospital bed. As I paused for the fifth time for my guards, one of them began rasping at me.

"Perhaps your highness would like to slow to a more reasonable pace, we're not even in the gardens yet."

Your highness? They must have assumed I'm royalty, how perfect! I decided then it would be fun to humor the little ponies, just a bit.

"Oh surely the guards here must have some kind of stamina, back home I didn't rest until all my servants could keep up with me for at least the first five miles."

The guard plastered an open scowl on his face, one that would have been intimidating were he not panting.

"Sire, Perhaps during your stay in Canterlot you may take it easy? You are not here to train us."

Huh. A good idea. I kept the guards words in my head as I walked down the hallway, a bit slower this time. A few more wrong turns while acting like I knew what was going on and we arrived at the great hall, where I could see a large amount of servants and nobles strutting around. I had seen quite a few servants while walking through the corridors, but this was a ridiculous amount, they must have been preparing for something. Or repairing something I thought with a groan as I remembered the siege that must have happened not twelve hours earlier.

Which brought my mind back to the dream. I had no reason to trust Dues, for all I know he dumped me in Equestria for his own game, which would make his accusations self explanatory. But if he didn't, how did he know they were changelings? And if he somehow did know, why tell me? Rounding on the guards I looked down at their diminutive forms with the intent to find out.

"Say, my little pon- BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Curses, I still couldn't finish that line! My oversized body hit the floor hard and, with fore-hooves clutching my stomach, rolled across the hallway before the formerly stoic soldiers.

"Hoo hahaha, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but your faces! Nyahahaha! Hoo," I breathed deeply and stood slowly to my feet, "Let's get out of here before somepony (snicker) comes to see what all that noise was!"

I bowled past the guards as they looked at each other, I could swear one lifted a hoof to check his face, but that could have been my vision blurring for all I cared. Galloping at full speed it took me just a few seconds to make it into and through the inner bailey to the eastern one, were I could see the hedge maze and clean-up crew from last nights party. I slowed to a steady canter and glanced back to see two blank patches of grass where my guards should have been. Are alicorns really that fast? I mused, oh well, I could wait in the hedge maze for them, provided I didn't go to deep.

I was just turning in when something else caught my eye, and I wouldn't have it. I needed that eye! I also needed to stop being so ADHD. The pink tail disappearing into the private gardens could be anypony, but that didn't stop me from whistling as I tip toed over to the spot and looked in. Nope, no sign of Flutter Shy or Pinkie Pie, too bad, a conversation with the mane six would've been a nice change of pace. Now them I knew how to tease. Oh well, I trotted back to the maze entrance just as my guards reached it.

"Took you long enough, did you two stop for sight seeing?"

Author's Note

Sorry this took so very long to update, I have been really busy and only just got back into the swing of writing. And I regret to inform you that after this it may take a while for it to update again due to me working on my other fics.

But if you ever get bored, I implore you to peruse said fics to you hearts content, that is, after all, what they are for.

Chapter Five

Turning sharply into the hedge maze I went down a few bends whilst mentally checking the turns, but eventually my mind began to wander to other things. The image of a thin, tired looking man with unkempt black hair appeared in my minds eye, sitting on a chair with his head bowed. Who he was I had no idea, but I strangely felt like I knew him.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" He rasped, it was almost a whisper, as if someone half a sleep had given up on life, and was only just talking to someone after ages of silence.

"What are you talking about, of course it is; it's just a walk!"

"You know what I mean."

"Oh I see, just 'cause I went through so much to be alone with the changelings means I'm getting involved. Let me tell you; Not happening."

I began to hum, blissfully ignoring the strangers presence until he disappeared. I was left on my own wondering who he was for a minute only before he came back.

"You are definitely getting involved, why?"

"I'm not! I just think it's best to hear both sides of the story."

The man looked up.

"Both sides... of the story?"

"Duh If Deus was telling the truth and these are changelings, then I need to know why they're still around; It could be important."

The stranger began to chuckle darkly.

"Deus, huh?" His head jerked down and he began to cough into his hand violently, "Deus is nothing but a liar who can't take anything seriously."

"And what are you?"

The stranger smiled, "I too am just a liar... who can't feel anything... I guess Deus and I are one and the same."

The stranger began coughing more into his hand before smiling and beginning to fade.

"Wait, who are you?!"

"Cecidet Quem Magus," He answered before completely leaving.

"The fallen mage? Heh, he kind of reminds me of someone."

"Sir?" One of the guards asked.

I looked around and frowned, evidently I'd stopped walking a few minutes ago and started staring at one of the hedge walls. I wasn't really upset about being caught with a wandering mind, but what the man I saw said nagged at me.

"I think it's time we headed back, but first," I turned around, "What are you doing here?"

"Sir?"

"Oh, none of that 'sir' stuff, you're caught off guard too often to be actual ones. So what are you doing following me?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Really? Take off your armor."

The soldiers looked at each other.

"You heard me, take it off."

The guard on the right hesitated a second, but then slowly levitated his helm off, his partner soon followed to show two white stallions with identical grey manes.

"Excellent."

"What is this about?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Why would two soldiers trained well enough to be Celestias guard be willing to take their helms off in front of an alicorn who is a suspected enemy of Equestria?"

The stallions gaped, obviously unsure how to react until they looked at each other. One nodded and jumped away, sprouting wings midair as his armor melted into a black exoskeleton.

"Oh that's just a let down." I complained, I was hoping Deus was the one who'd lied!

The other guard began to step back, armor melting away similarly to his partner, but this time the changeling stayed.

"You are an enemy to Equestria?" He asked in a cracked voice.

"You can talk?" I asked back, and he blinked.

"I am a hive elite, we have been granted speech by our mother." His ears twitched to a downward position, as if hearing some loud noise that I couldn't, "She will talk with you."

I shifted to a comfortable lying position, "Will she now?"

"You may not refuse," The creature hissed.

"I wasn't going to," I commented calmly, "And don't try to intimidate me, I've seen insects scarier than y-." I paused a beat, "Plants scarier than you."

The changeling hissed more violently, "You will hold your tongue until our mother speaks with you."

I frowned deeper, "No, you see I have no hands with which to hold my tongue. And still then, I wouldn't want to hold it for so long..." I broke off as I contemplated the reactions I could get.

"So long?"

I shook myself off after rising to my feet, "Indeed, tell your mother Chrysalis that if she want's to talk to me she should come, alone and in a pony form, to the statue of a draconiques in the gardens tonight."

The changling lowered his head like a beast of prey, hissing loudly now, "You do not name the terms."

"Do too."

The changeling froze at my purely mature retort, "We have no time for your games."

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Argh!" The creature lunged, and I sidestepped, pushing him on his way by to knock him off balance.

I think I pushed a little hard, because he flew through the hedge wall and across the next path.

Shakily he rose, "Do you dare challenge the hive?"

"I don't know, you attacked me."

"Chrysalis should have known what kind of creature you were before sending us to recruit you. She would never tolerate such an arrogant thing."

He snarled and ran at me again, natural armor glistening in the sunlight. There was a thump as my hoof hit him in the chest and I felt the smaller creatures lungs give out under the blow. Lowering my hoof from it's instinctual counter attack, I chuckled at how easily he went down.

"I think I'll have to hear that from her." I walked away from the prone shadow and back down a couple of bends before looking at my hooves.

Okay, I was proficient with many medieval weapons, taking a few courses on them while growing up. But hooves were not a specialty. Did alicorns have some sort of natural instinct that helped them fight enemies like that, or was my training with a club transferring to martial arts? I didn't really care, being just along for the ride, but it would be cool if I suddenly knew pony-kwon-do.

Shrugging, I spread my wings, I didn't know the way out of the maze and unless I also had some sort of flying instinct I might need a bit of practice.

Okay, so I didn't have any sixth sense about flying, but I did manage to get off the ground on my fifteenth try! And by the fiftieth I could just fly to the edge of the maze.

"Ah Phasma, so that's where you were."

I jumped at Celestia's sudden voice behind me and turned so I could see her face to face.

"Yes, I decided to take a walk in the maze, but I seem to have lost my guards," I replied shakily and was taken aback by her soft chuckle.

"I suppose that can be expected, now I wanted to find you because my sister and student both wanted to know if you'd be able to make it to lunch."

Oh. Crap.

Chapter Six

Let's see, where was I? It looks like time flies when you haven't written anything in your diary for months. Is this a diary? Yes, yes it is, and soon I'll write something that pleases me so much I'll hug it to my chest and roll around in my bed, and ~that day is going to be perfect~

Ahem, so as I was saying. I'd just given my guards the scenic route back to the hedge maze and uncovered that they were changelings. So either another invasion is on the way, or they were just remnants of the first. I got a message from some bloke named Cecidet, but I don't know if that was telepathic, time freezing, or one of those 'vision' things so many cultures believe in.

"Ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re tryin' to be so quiet?
We sit here stranded, though we’re all doin’ our best to deny it"

"Pardon?"

Oh that's right, and now I'm being escorted to lunch by Princess Celestia. I guess it's obvious who wears the pants in this relationship.

Nobody.

"Nothing," I replied quickly, luckily we had just entered the dining hall. "Huh, I was hoping we'd use the lunch-room for lunch." I looked around at all the artwork and architecture, pointedly ignoring the seven ponies waiting for me to sit down.

The reality was that I was trying to create a plan of attack in my head, but it was more interesting anyway, their artistry and construction seemed up-to-date with earths, even though their weapons and transportation were so... Primitive? Primitive, yes, with their crystal goblets and intricate golden silverware. Why the only classy, modern lady in the room was fiddling with her hat in her lap looking very uncomfortable. I'm talking about Applejack of course, though you probably guessed that.

"Won't you please sit down?" Celestia gestured to a seat next to Pinkie Pie, which I pulled out and sat two chairs away next to Celestia.

At that moment Luna walked in from... wherever and looked startled that I took her seat. But resigned herself in a perplexed manner in my offered place.

"You really do remind me of somepony." Tia commented, do you mind if I call her Tia?

"Really?"

"Yes, an old friend, he's... not around anymore, but if he was I'm sure you would get along well."

"Fascinating, now I have a serious question to ask."

"You can ask me anything you'd like."

"Are we all going to be as starving as Anne of Green Gables over there by the time we start eating?"

Tia followed my nod down to A.J. who was leaning over to nibble at a pie on the table, but sat straight with alarm at being caught.

"Oh, of course, help yourselves." The ice broken of course everyone started up some friendly chatter with one another, and Apple Jack practically dive-bombed the food.

I always knew she was a practical mare, kind of like my pinky toe. All joking aside, I turned my attention to Luna, the one pony other than me that wasn't talking. Before I could say anything, though, Pinkie jumped to it first, literally, and started talking from atop my back.

"Hey Phasma, how’s it going? Did you get a welcome to Canterlot party? Ooh, that's right! You’re an alicorn, and if you’re an alicorn and I haven’t heard about you, you must be new to Equestria! Haaaaaaaaaah~" Her mouth opened to take a breath as big as the table we were eating at, and I stuck my hoof in the space despite myself.

"Ms. Bubblegum, I presume?"

"No, that's silly, my name's Pinkie Pie!"

"I see, so Hubba Bubble-"

"My name's Pinkie-"

"-I see you're very energetic, doubtlessly the one I want to go to if I'm holding parties or something like that."

"Yup! Number one party mare in all of Equestria, that's our gal Pinkie!" Apple Jack jumped in, bits of pie crust fly from her mouth, making Rarity cringe.

"I see, well I have a question I'd like to ask Luna so-"

"Ooh, is this a super-secret alicorn thing?"

"No, it just a simple question is all." Besides, if it was it would include Twili- Oh, she doesn't have her wings yet. Pfft, Twilicorn not yet cannon.

"Oh okay then." Pinkie moved back to her chair and began shoveling food in her mouth at a rate to rival Apple Jack.

"What is your question?" Luna asked, head drawn with everyone else’s by the noise.

"You wouldn't happen to know anypony by the name Cecidet Quem Magus, would you?"

"The fallen mage?" Luna clarified.

"So you do?"

Celestia shook her head, "No, I'm afraid not." Tch, too bad.

"Oh, well. On my way here I ran into a charming fellow who said his name was Deus, he directed me down the road that led me to the one calling himself Cecidet who claimed the first was a liar."

"Well that's not very nice," Celestia interrupted.

"He also went so far to call himself a liar."

"Well that's confusing." Twilight commented

"On the contrary, I think their friends."

"How does that make sense? If you trust one with that logic, you need to believe the other, but at the same time believing the other means you can't trust either... Oh"

"Since I especially can't trust the other, that means I have no way of telling if the former is trustable, so I'll only trust the one and not the other, that way I only risk falling for half of their lies."

"...What?" Rainbow Dash spoke the word written on everyponies faces.

"Well I think that was a great breakfast, see you all around, then." I got up to leave, but Celestia's voice made me cringe.

"Not so fast, my student has been very interested in hearing about your home, so please, sit down."

"Ball locks" Ugh, just what kind of story is this? If I have to mentor the elements or something I'm going to hang... a teddy bear.

"Pardon?"

"Ball locks." I repeated, standing straight. After a beat of silence I spun around and walked back to my seat, "They're an interesting invention, they were used in a strange time when people were needlessly worried about others touching their balls."

"What's that got to do with your home?" Twilight asked.

"Nothing, I just think it's a fun thing to say."

"Ball locks!" A squeaky voice called to my right.

Get Pinkie Pie to swear; X'ed off my bucket list.

"Hey it is fun to say!" Pinkie laughed, "Ball-"

"My home country’s name is Avalon." I said hastily, leaving my hoof in Pinkie's mouth this time.

"Avalon? The name sounds familiar..." Luna mused

"It's no pony land, that's for sure." Our favorite country beverage answered.

"Yes, Avalon, and if you give me a moment I can tell you all about it."

Author's Note

There we go, next chapter as promised, written and edited by me, so a point for each error you can count.
Also ten bonus points to anyone who knows the song the lyrics in the beginning are too, (not This Day Aria, the other one.)

Whoever wins gets a hug.

Actually you all get hugs, whoever wins gets an electric chocolate bar;
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And here's the hug - <(^ ^)>

Chapter Seven

I took a long drink, slowly draining my glass, looking over the rim as the eight ponies settled in for the story. I lowered my glass to it's proper spot, paused for a second, then nudged it a little.

"Now about my home," I scooted closer to the table, "I already said i come from a place called Avalon. A place that exsited in the dreams of Ponies. The place called avalon was created by the ancient magic named 'Mielikuvitus', no doubt you've heard of it." Everypony shook their head but Celestia, who narrowed her eyes.

"What language is that?"

"No clue, but anywho, Avalon is lead by it's king and guardians Arthur Pendragon and the knights of the round table." I leand back in my chair and waited for the inevitable firestorm, oddly none came.

"Well?" Rainbowdash asked

"Well what?"

"What about the knights, do they do anything?"

"Huh, not much, I mean there was that time they fought a witch named Morgana, and then there was the evil knight Mordred who nearly killed arthor that other time."

"Tell us about those then!"

"Why? Don't you already know about them?"

"Why would we?" Twilight asked.

"Well, I was sent to find the city Camelot, there was a prophacy that Arthor would return to it in it's time of need."

"Our cities name is Canterlot."

"Really? Well, I must've misheard then."

"And what was your job in this kingdom?" Celestia butted in.

"I was the court magician."

"Really?" Sparkle asked eagerly,

"No, actually I was just his apprentice. The court magician was a wizard named Merlin, said to be the strongest of all time." That answer did nothing to deter Star-butts eagerness.

"What can you tell me about him?"

Celestia seemed to sense my distress and stepped in to the rescue.

"Perhaps it's time to call this to a close. Twilight, I have a few things to talk to you about, your friends can feel free to explore the castle. Luna, keep our guest company."

The immortal sun princess stood and walked out with her student, leaving me with a slightly smaller crowd of six, all of whom turned to me.

"So then... What do you want to know now?"

"Tell us about Mordred!"

"The fashion!"

"What kind of parties do they have?"

"Um, if you don't mind, I'd like to know about the animals."

"What style of magic do they use there?"

I looked around at the five who answered, something was missing.

"Daniels?" I asked, looking at the orange earth pony.

"Huh?"

"What would you like to hear about?"

"Oh, uh... I wouldn't mind hearin' what kinda economy they got."

"I see." I took one last second to look at the group of curious ponies before gritting my teeth.

It was time to push through a train wreck.

"I am just saying, it makes no sense to make an army of Chimney Sweeps!"

"And ahm tellin' you, you shouldn't underestimate us working class."

"Applejack, please, I'm working class as well and it makes no sense how such filthy and unrefined ponies could forge a military that strong."

Currently my story telling had derailed into an argument with Apple Jack, Rainbow dash, and Pinkie Pie on one side against Luna, Rarity and Flutter Shy. If I had to guess, it started around the time I started telling them about Marry Poppins' Involvement in the war with Germany. Not historically accurate, but it painted a better picture. And now the ponies I was suppose to be teaching about the early cruesades were making up their own stories of the immortal king Arthur and wizard Merlin.

Meanwhile I just leaned back and began humming a song. Hearing a band play off in the distance I tried to clean out my new and pointy ears. The music got louder as I continued humming and I took it as my queue to start singing when the other six turned to me.

["Chim chimney chim chimeny
Chim chim cheree;
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when I shakes 'ands with you

Or blow me a kiss and that's lucky too](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGGhfA4mP6w)

I stood up swiftly and began waltzing around the table, pausing to shake hands with Apple Jack, then blow a kiss to Luna. Spinning a bit more, and thanking my dance classes, I landed behind Rarity in time for the next line.

"Now as the ladder of life 'as been strung
You might think a sweep's on the bottommost rung
Though they spends their time in the ashes and smoke
In this 'ole wide world there're no 'appier blokes."

Another chorus of capering and the others joined me in a trip to the fireplace on the other end of the dining hall.

["Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey
Chim chim cher-ee!
A sweep is as lucky, as lucky can be
Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when I shakes 'ands with you

"I choose me bristles with pride, yes, I do
A broom for the shaft and a brush for the flue](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGGhfA4mP6w)

"But it's awfully dark and dirty up there." I chuckled at Rarity's perfectly timed comment and continued singing.

"Up where the smoke is all billered and curled
'Tween pavement and stars is the chimney sweep world
When there's 'ardly no day nor 'ardly no night
There's things 'alf in shadow and 'alfway in light
On the rooftops of London coo, what a sight!"

["Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey
Chim chim cher-ee!
When you're with a sweep you're in glad company"

As I finished the next verse we all heard the door open and Celestia walked in with her pupil, singing the chorus for us and setting up the finish to the song.

"No where is there a more 'appier crew, then them wot sings chim chim cheree chim cheroo."

As the music faded we all walked back to the table with smiles on (most of) our faces. So either this isn't cannon or Hasbro bought out Disney. I chuckled, at my job getting the elements to sing that song. It was hilarious how they just knew the lyrics. All the prank possibilities were just lining up.

"I see you were enjoying our absence," Celestia commented.

"Well, it's hard not to enjoy myself in such a lively place." I tilted my head, "May I ask howyour ponies knew the lyrics, or you knew them, after walking halfway into the song?"

"That may be a story for another time, it's getting late and my pupil and her friends likely need some rest."

"I see, well see ya'" I said, trotting to the door.

"Make sure to keep inside the castle." Celestia called after me.

"May or may not do~"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGGhfA4mP6w)

Chapter Eight

I took my time making it back to my room, and from there I began the serious work of mapping out the castle. I used top of the line materials (or the best I could find in the chambers given to me) to make it as legible as possibal. I got to know the servants, found a quiet place I could practice my magic, and tried to make the guards laugh at my rude jokes about the princesses. I think it worked to, judging by their rose-bud red faces. So all in all I had a pretty lax time while making sure to avoid prying eyes of the press and nobles. Actually I almost got caught by a certain prat-who-must-not-even-be-described-whoops-too-late.

I'd just finished trying to teleport a pie to above the cook when I saw the blonde unicorn just as I opened the door to leave. Before he could say anything I quickly punched him in the face and jumped out a nearby window.Luckily for me kitchens are always on the first floor. I hit the ground running and made it back to the inner keep in a few seconds. I wasted as much time looking at the grass grow as I did charging up the stairs, (which reminds me, I couldn't wait to see Sombra at that point, I really felt we'd get along,) found a secure looking door and dived inside. I began creeping over to the first midnight blue dresser I saw.

"What art thou doing in my personal chambers?" I froze mid creep.

Inside, then left, right, two flights of stairs first door on the left.

"I, uh, got lost?"

Luna didn't look convinced, she just stood there with her strange scowl and furrowed brow like she was considering throught me out the window.

"Personally I blame it on the alcohol."

"You do not smell of cider."

"So it is alcoholic." I muttered.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Hey, do you mind if I hide from the guards in here?"

"Why are you hiding from my sisters guards?"

"Nothing special, just punched a noble and wanted to lay low." I braced myself for imminent defenestration, but none came.

Looking up, Luna's expression had only changed to a bored one. As if this sort of thing happened often. That can't be right.

"Are you seriously alright with that?" I asked

"Which one was it?" Well I wasn't expecting that.

"Uh, some blond unicorn stallion in a white suit."

"You punched Blue Blood?!" I jumped back and covered my ears to avoid the full blast of the royal Canterlot voice.

"Was that his name?" my voice sounded like I was rubbing glass shards together.after the blast.

"What did the unwholesome ingrate do this time?"

"You really don't like him, do you?" The night princess chuckled and sat next to me.

"Not many ponies do, so what happened?"

"Well... After lunch I left the keep to smell the flowers in the garden. I thought I saw a white rabbit run by and gave chase. It headed all the way to the other side of the garden and jumped into a large hole, but before I jumped in after it I remembered what kind of world that led to last time, also the hole wasn't nearly big enough to fit me. a few hours of wandering the castle later I finally found the kitchen and was levitating a pie over the chefs head as a prank when I felt a presence behind me. I turned to see him there and his face gave me a start and I punched him. I think I lost my grip on the pie as well." The princess's scowl returned.

"Are all your stories going to be like this?" She asked.

"Like what?"

"So... strange. It's almost impossible to detect any of your lies,even with a spell."

"Oh, yeah- I'm a pathological liar, that's why."

"Really?"

"No, but I'm trying to make things more interesting."

"Why?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but shut it a second later. The image of a tombstone came to my mind. I didn't know if I really wanted to share that part of my life with her, I mean she's a princess, she has other business to do. But I suppose it was her unique air of innocence mixed with intelligence, or maybe the fear I was just experiencing, but I went ahead. Right after a deep breath.

"Well, my last life was kind of boring."

"You mean in Avalon?"

"Not quite, I lived in a place called America- New York City to be exact. I guess you could say I was born with everything I'd ever need- brains, money, safety. I grew up fast and before anyone knew I had both a masters degree in applied anth-Equinology and a doctors in physics. I guess that's when things got kind of boring, I had no where else to grow. But some guy found me- Samuel. He was... strange. Always off on a different adventure or telling another far-fetched story. He kept telling me that I was to obsessed with the facts, or needed to get outside more often, that if I couldn't find something interesting in life I needed to make it."

"Finally, a story without lies. So what happened?" I hung my head, I didn't want to talk about it, but Luna understood anyway. "Oh" was all she said.

"He didn't have any family to bury him, so I had to, I only got three feet before I had to stop. He was always saying he'd never go six feet under, guess he was right." Luna put a hoof over my shoulder, "No body really liked him, not even me. He never went to church and was in debt his whole life, but he always was laughing about it. Said he didn't need any of it."

"If you didn't like him, why did you stay around him?"

"Because... he was always alien to me, he didn't fit in with any of the social groups I'd seen. Plus, I guess I was, too."

"I see. I wish I could have met him, then." We sat in silence for a couple minutes before she spoke again. "You never told me how those Chinese finger traps are made."

"Oh, well first we'll need four leg-length ribbons and a pole about as wide as your hoof," I started, trying to remember the steps and forget whatever it was we were talking about.

Luna summoned the tools and we got to work. It was pretty fun, I actually tricked her into getting her hooves trapped twice before she stopped falling for my tricks. She then made me trap my own hooves as punishment. The funny thing about the hoof version of these traps is that their almost impossible to get out of. Finger traps require you other fingers to get out of,right? Well ponies only have two hooves that can grip things, and it's too thick to wrap your mouth around.

"That's what she said."

"What?" Luna looked up from the duplicates she was working on.

"Oh, nothing."

The afternoon past in evening with me and Luna having tons of fun making traps and planning a day of mischief for the next. It was so entertaining that I went to my bedroom to get ready for dinner completely forgetful of any of the more important things I had planned, and so was completely off guard when I saw the black-chitinous queen sized bug on my bed.

"I heard you wanted to meet me personally."

Author's Note

Yes, a day late and...um, never mind.
Nice back story in this chapter, hope i didn't make it to cheesy. (wouldn't want to summon Sheogorath.)
And a cliffhanger that leaves Phasma with a villain in his bed. Huh, lucky guy.
Anyway I'm off to dinner- hope you enjoyed! ^ ^

Chapter Nine - enter the Inquisition

"How foalish do you think I am?" She asked.

"Oh, now Chrysalis-"

"You will call me queen!"

"Nope! Anyway, what kind of queen loses at a game for foals?"

Cue chase scene across the castle, passing by shocked guards and nobles alike. She was originally intent on teasing me with her gloating and how I 'probably didn't expect to see her here.' Which I totally didn't. Eventually I had to bop her on the nose and say 'tag' to get her to shut up. The queen of the changelings had shrunken herself to half her original height and changed her hues to look more like a regular blue and white pegasus noble-mare before anypony recognized her. Eventually we settled down in the statue garden, where I seemed to be going more often then not. It was pretty peaceful with all the serenely faced statues and many hued flowers. And emotional leach who I was pestering with questions. We had a rule that if I asked too many she just needed to say one phrase and I would stop.

"And so you took her place in the wedding?"

Chrysalis rubbed the side of her head with a hoof. "Yes."

"Yesterday?"

"I already said that."

"Why?"

"Because my subjects require love to feed off of." She growled

"Why not just use the princess?"

"Because they would form a search party for her."

"Why not stop them?

"That's what I did." She was a bout to explode now, I could see it.

"Why not-"

"Ugh fine! I just came here to steal your emotions anyway, I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!"

Three white of stallions in red robes appeared from behind the statues of guard-ponies. One of them stomped their hoof threateningly before looking down to a note card and squinting to make out the writing. He read aloud;

"NO-PONY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise...." He looked up at me after trailing off.

I held a hand up as if to say 'this close', but realized it was a hoof an lowered it. Instead I just shared what I thought "Almost, you should try again."

The three returned to their hiding place and I looked at Chrysalis, pure shock was written all over her face.

"You- wha- I-"

"Come one, say it again."

"NO! You said you would come alone!"

"I said you should come alone, not me. Don't worry so much, they don't suspect anything." I grinned my best shit-eating grin and her eyes widened.

"Don't you dare."

"Least of all the Spanish Inquisition."

The three stallions appeared again.

"NOPONY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!" The speaker turned to the one next to him "I can't say it - you'll have to say it."

"What?"

"You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'"

"I couldn't do that!"

The three looked at me again and I signaled them to return to the statue.

"I could kill you right now, you know."

"Oh, you were asking for it anyway, with all that 'were you expecting to see me so soon~"

"Stop."

"'You couldn't possibly have planned this, after all~"

"Don't you dare continue!" The queens face was getting red.

"'I am the queen of the changelings, none can outsmart me and my telepathic powers~'"

Chrysalis visibly deflated as she let out a breath, "I swear... wait a minute, I never said anything about telepathy!"

"And no-one expects me!" The changeling turned noble lunged at me, tackling me to the ground. We sat there for a minute while she breathed angrily all over my face before she broke the silence.

"Where are they?"

"Well that's pretty forward, we only just met."

"Where are they?!"

"Were you expecting somebody?"

Chrysalises faced turned from enraged to worried, to confused. "Why haven't they come out yet?"

"You're expecting them."

"I was earlier, as well!"

I chuckled heartily, "You weren't voicing it, why? Do you miss them already?"

The queen took a few short breaths, "So they're not coming out anymore?"

"Not if you expect them." Her face twisted in thought, "Don't hurt yourself, anyway, where were we?

She shook her head violently, "You really remind me of some-pony."

"I get that a lot."

"Anyway, what did you want with my changelings and I?"

"No, that's incorrect grammar."

"What?"

"What did my changelings and I want with you?"

"Why would I ask that?"

"You are fun! But you're right, the question you'd ask first is 'how did you start leading the changlings?'"

Chrysalis closed her eyes and raised her hoof to begin rubbing a temple. "My head hurts, why am I even here?"

"Well, duh, take over Equestria!" She glared at me. "Okay, okay, I did ask you to meet me for a reason. You see, I'm a fan of studying different people, cultures, and history. I thought I could learn a lot from your subjects."

"So that's why you called me here? Why the chase? Why sit here and question me about yesterday? Everypony knows what happened." She looked down, "What a complete failure that was."

"Please, since when were first impressions important? In my old home it was my job to take an unbiased look at both sides of a conflict, I heard the Equestrian side, now I want to hear yours!"

"And what will you do with this knowledge?"

I opened my mouth to respond, then shut it again. I... hadn't thought it out that far. It wasn't my job to research any more, no one was paying me for information on the changelings, yet here I had their queen, who'd doubtless seen centuries of history and was ready to share it, and there was no reason for me to have it. "Um... I'd likely store it away for later use, being an unbiased observer means I can't do anything to disrupt events and interactions between cultures, so unless a third party needs the information..."

"Are you this thick?" Wat. "You claim to be unbias and only in search of learning how we grow, but you forget the first rule of observation."

"The mere knowledge your being watched changes your actions."

"Exactly! We changelings learned a long time ago we couldn't reveal ourselves en mass to the other races for that very fact. Which makes my failure all the more complete," The queen looked down again, "The only way I can see to fix this is take over by force."

For the first time since I arrived in Equestria, I genuinely frowned. Who knew villains could be this good? I mean justifiable, sure, brilliant even. But chrysalis right now seemed... resigned, like a would-be-hero who lost their first battle. Wait a minute... I grinned slyly.

"There might be another way."

"What?"

"~Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Crystal, looking so down in the dumps~"

"My names Chrysalis."

"Every on here'd love to be you, Crystal, Even when taking your lumps."

"Wait, what?"

"There's no mare in town as admired as you- You're ev'ryone's favorite guy,
Everyone's awed and inspired by you - And it's not very hard to see why!~"

"Is... what?"

"No one's slick as Crystal
No one's quick as Crystal
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Crystal's
For there's no mare in town half as coltly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on~"

Chrysalis' complaints where drowned out by the stallions, who ran around the statue to join the chorus, linking up arm in arm.

"No one's been like Crystal
A king pin like Crystal"

"No one's got swiss cheese for their legs like Crystal!" I held up one of her forelegs for emphasis. She yanked it back with a growl and I jumped away. "As a specimen, yes, she's intimidating!
My what mare, that Crystal!"

"Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Crystal is the best
And the rest is all drips!"

At this point I think I tried a pirouette, but being kinda out of practice with dancing, I fell on top of Chrysalis, prompting her to psuh me, rather forcefully into the stallions

"No one fights like Crystal
Douses lights like Crystal
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
For there's no one as burly and brawny!"

"What is this suppose to achieve?"

"Not a bit of her's scraggly or scrawny~"

"Will you stop acting so naive?"

No one hits like Crystal
Matches wits with Crystal
In a spitting match nobody spits like Crystal

"How'd you know I'm good at expectorating?"

We all paused at that and looked at her for a second, "What?" We shrugged.

"Ten points for Crystal!"

"When I was a foal I ate four dozen feels,
Ev'ry morning to help me get large,
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen souls,
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!"

"No one outlasts Crystal
Can make blasts like Crystal
Then goes strutting around the aghast like Crystal!"

"I use ponies in all of my decorating!"

"My what a mare, Crystal!"