Chaos in Ponyville Part II: The Road Trip

by Seagullmen

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Gore
Length: 1469

A story of love, compassion, friendship, and rape.

It's the sequel you never asked for, to the story you've never heard of.
After the death of Michael Jordan in the events of Chaos in Ponyville, Bruce and Tyler set off on a road trip in his honor to (somehow) Austin, Texas to find Ray of Achievement Hunter, who seems to be the only one who can change them back (Also, he stole Tyler's weed money). But in the aftermath, the sorcerer Shang Tsung recovered Derpy Hooves' corpse, riddled with bullets and...semen. He resurrects her and gives her ultimate power and sends her after Bruce and Tyler to stop them from becoming human again. Will Bruce and Tyler succeed in their quest, or will they be brutally raped murdered in the process?

Published 2013-06-28 05:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-29 04:02:09 UTC

Party Bus

Every 18 years, the moon gets close...

"Okay, so Michael Jordan's dead, Leon is fucking no where, and Derpy is dead, Ponyville's ruined, and now we're stuck here as ponies. What're we supposed to do?" Bruce asked, his mind suddenly processing everything that just happened.

"Isn't it obvious?" Tyler spouted, "We need to find Ray."

"...Who?"

"Ray! From Achievement Hunter!"

"How the fuck is he supposed to help us!?"

"Well, he's a brony first of all, and he can help us with his knowledge of the many magics of the land!"

"Okay that's bullshit, and even if he could help us, Achievement Hunter is in Austin Texas, and we're in Equestria."

Tyler unrolled a scroll on the floor. "Well, this here map says it's like 346 miles west of here."

"What? Lemme see..."

Sure enough, it was. Apparently, in the world they were in, Equestria made up a large portion of the United States, and was the largest state in the country.

"Okay... my mind is having trouble processing this right now...how're we supposed to get there anyway? My wings are pretty much useless since you broke them with that tire iron, so we can't fly."

"Well, let's go search for a car then!"

And so they went off into the ruined town to find a way to Achievement Hunter.

Meanwhile, in Derpy's Big Boss Temple, Shang Tsung approached the "Big Sauce" room to find Derpy's bullet/semen riddled body. He proceeded to use his dark magics to refill her with life essences and mentos and shit and sent her dusty ass after Bruce and Tyler to stop them from achieving their goals.

"Oh shit, there it is!" Tiller.

"What?" Boose.

"The party bus, dude!" Chicken.

Sure enough in the distance, there was a bus in perfect condition, completely unaffected by the shit that went down around it just minutes ago. Tyler only dubbed it the "Party Bus" because, you know.

"Dude I hear rattling noises in the trunk..." Tyler was investigating the back of the bus.

"Since when do buses have trunks?" Bruce inquired.

Suddenly, a naked chinese man with a babby penis jumped out of the trunk and started whacking Tyler with a whip.

"OOOOOOH!!!OOOOOOOOOOOOOH shit it's Chow!" Tyler Suddenly realized.

"SO LONG, GAY BOYS!" Chow shouted and ran away to Las Vegas and then The Hangover III was filmed.

"Goodbye, you fabulous Mexican." Tyler said dramatically.

"Come on dude, we need to go find some gas for the bus. The tank's empty." Said Bruce.

And they set off in search of fuel. There never seemed to be any gas stations in Ponyville upon first inspection, but they just found a bus with a naked Chinese guy in it so who the fuck knows? Anyways, after a few minutes of searching, Tyler yelled and Bruce came to aid him, and was suddenly face to face with a giant hamburger.

"OH MY GOD BRUCE I found Big Mac!" Tyler was laughing his ass off on ground.

"Oh, ha-ha Tyler." Said Bruce.

"Eeyup" Said the Big Mac.

"...oh my god let's get the fuck out of here i'm so freaked out right now." Bruce whispered.

And they snuck away, and proceeded with the task at hand. (Task at hoof? No fuck you)

"Dude, there's some gas over there" Tyler observed, "But it's surrounded by Mexican Roosters."

"What's with you and Mexicans?"

"No time to exprain, we need to get dat gasorine!"

"...Okay fuck it let's go." And they rushed in, Bruce with his Grape Knife and Tyler with his Tire Iron, and began to fend of the surrounding Roosters. Something they didn't see until they were closer was that the roosters had...dicks for legs.

Wow.

They were swinging left and right, as they seemed to come from everywhere (In both ways, unfortunately) and one of them got dangerously close to Bruce's posterior, but they eventually retreated into their peublos. (Apparently they are Mexican.) They got the gas and headed back to the bus, only to find it occupied by Redfoo and Shuffle Bot of LMFAO. Bruce walked up to the door of the bus and said "Dude, get out of here!" And Redfoo was crying and said "Where the fuck is Skybluuuuuuuuu!?!?" So Tyler and Bruce beat the shit out of them and kicked them out and said "You suck and you butt fuck and you're both car wash cunts!" And drove off. Bruce drove, because when you put Tyler behind the wheel you end up with an overturned car in a ditch with two dead wombats with glass bottles in their butts in the trunk. Tyler was inspecting the seats and cubbies for sock goblins, even though Bruce reassured him time after time that there was nothing to worry about.

"Ay Tyler I'm starting to get a little tired, do you think you could drive for like 3 hours without driving the bus into a Puerto Rican gang bang aga-"

"OH SHIT, SOCK GOBLINS!!!"

Out of nowhere, small green Gremlin-esque creatures covered in socks leapt from inconceivable dimensions in various parts of the bus. They stole their socks and shit and left as quickly as they came. Then some filler happened with some more filler and more filler and more filler filler filler filler and even more filler to make up for the fact that Bruce just ran out of ideas and is just typing without thinking at this point just to finish this goddamn chapter.

Anyways they rode off into the horizon with Derpy, armed with the souls of demon children in, hot on their trail, and the road trip began.

Author's Note

I'm really, really sorry about this.
~Bruce

I mean YOLO right?

What the fuck just happened. Man I told you there were sock goblins man damn Tyler said. Well can you drive Tyler? Bruce said tiredly. Sure why the fuck not you go sleep in the back Tyler said. Getting real tired of your shit Bruce. So while Tyler was driving Bruce slept having sexy wet dreams as always. Then something got Tyler's attention it was a strip club and it sure the hell was. So Tyler pulled over and there was a guard and it was Big Willy. Tyler knew Big Willy from his high school years. They used to be best friends until he stole Tyler's weed, you never steel that mans weed or it will come back to haunt you. So Tyler went up to Big Willy and said, Man whats up Big Willy haven't seen you since high school. Who the hell are you Big Willy said confused. Tyler you know the young drug dealer back in the day man. Oh shit I re... SMACK! That's for stealing my weed nigua. So Tyler went inside and instantly got a mutha fuckin chubby...THATS RIGHT MOTHA FAHCOS. So then a sexy lady came up to him and said "you want a good time baby" and being Tyler he said "HELL TO THE MOTHA FUCKIN YES BITCH" so they went to the back and Tyler sat down and she began to get naked and started dancing, Then Tyler pulled out a ring brand and got her on the ass cheek lol, so she screemed and Big Willy came in and tried to kick the shit out of Tyler. But Tyler pulled up his shirt and had a gun sticking out of his pants and said "WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO GET DONE IN!" But someone called the police and that's when shit got crazy, mother fuckas started shooting up the place, so Tyler cut the power got a silencer and a stroblight on his pistola and started doing in niggas, so Tyler ran outside and seen Big Willy getting in his car and Tyler said "Get Fucked" and shot him in his ass and ran up to him and said "That's what you get fo steeling my weed nigga" and stole his dope. Then Tyler ran for the bus and woke Bruce upand Bruce said "Man what the fuck I was sleeping" "So I don't give a fuck I just killed over 50 cops and killed Big Willy and scored some smoke so lets get the fuck out dawg".
So now what? Bruce said.
''I say we kick it at a hotel tonight'' said Tyler.
''I'm down'' Bruce said.
So the next morning Tyler got up to go get some coffee and a tall ugly ass nigga came up to Tyler and grabbed him and said ''You done fucked up now'' and let go.
So then Tyler went back up to get Bruce, when he got to the room he smacked Bruce and said
''We need to bounce NOW!''
So the hopped in the Party Bus and went out and yelled
''I'M OUT THIS PIECE FUCK OFF BITCH''