From Russell, With Love

by lunabrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Diamond Tiara, Crossover
Length: 6596

Diamond Tiara's father gets her a pet porcupine to show her responsibi- "HEDGEHOG!" -Sorry, hedgehog, to show her responsibility. Hilarity ensues.

Diamond Tiara has always had it easy, and been able to do pretty much anything she wants. All that is about to change.

After an episode of rebellion which infuriates her father, Diamond Tiara finds herself stuck with two choices. Military school, or take care of a small orange creature who insists that his name is Russell.

***

MLP:FIM/LPS

Published 2013-05-31 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-19 03:28:36 UTC

Diamonds Are Forever

With the large, hot sun blazing away high in the middle of the clear blue sky, and a chorus of birds singing whatever melody suited their fancy at that particular moment. After a long, harsh winter and a mild spring, summer had at last returned to Ponyville once more.

It was a few years following the coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle, and the six who were usually together were off in Canterlot to be present at the ribbon cutting of a new train station. This meant that Diamond Tiara, who had was by now a nearly full grown teenager, didn't have to deal with them. This pleased her.

The majority of Ponyville had turned out for a favored holiday, and mares, stallions and foals lined the streets, parade music and balloons filling the air. Today was the Running of the Minotaurs, a comical yet completely safe event in which several minotaurs from Fillydelphia agreed to travel to Ponyville and race each other through town through a series of obstacles as a public display. It was similar to the Running of the Leaves, except much more comical and family oriented.

With almost the entirety of Ponyville in the streets, nopony noticed the pink and grey mares slipping into an alley behind the bakery, seemingly completely unnoticed.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Silver Spoon asked. "I mean, this kind of thing was fun when we were kids, but we could really get in trouble for this." She said hesitantly. She wasn't as much fun as she used to be, and even less so now that she had a full time job at the Ponyville Pawn Shop. Silver Spoon had a brilliant eye for replications and artifacts.

Diamond Tiara, however, was in a stage of maturity not unlike the one she'd been in as a filly, and relied on her wealth and father to get her out of any predicament she might find herself in. A mentality that Silver Spoon was rapidly getting tired of.

"Of course it is," Diamond said with a slight whine to her voice. "Everypony is out at the race, we'll be done before anypony even knows we're here."

"I really don't know about this," Silver said. "I mean, bullying was fun before, but that was before. This just seems criminal."

"If you're going to be sour about it, then I'll do it by myself." Diamond snapped. "Go on, get outta here."

"I really wish you'd come around, Tiara." Silver said. "You're no fun anymore." Silver turned her back and left, presumably returning to the pawn shop.

"Yeah, whatever." Diamond muttered. She picked up a spray can in her hoof. "It's just a filthy alley, nopony's gonna see it except for the homeless anyway, and it's not like they matter." She began to spray various colors upon the wall, intent on leaving her mark, so to speak, where she could admire it later.

She was so into her work, however, that she never heard anyone approach behind her.

"Drop it. Now." A voice commanded. The authority and power of the voice was such that the can fell from her hoof immediately. She looked up, locking defiant eyes with her father, and giving a glare to Silver Spoon, who stood behind him.

"You told my father?!" She protested in disbelief. "That is so LAME, Silver."

"No, what you're doing is lame," Silver shot back. "It's time to grow up, Tiara. Something you're obviously choosing not to do."

"Thank you Silver, that's enough." Filthy Rich said. "I'll take it from here. Diamond Tiara, home, now."

The young mare rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine." She turned, and headed out.

***

At home, Filthy Rich paced back and forth. He was not usually the kind of pony to get upset, but he'd just about had it this time. "I don't know what to do with you, Tiara." He warned. "I can't keep pulling you out of trouble like this. When you were suspended for bullying at school, I dealt with it. When you were kicked out of the zoo for harassing the ursa minor, I dealt with it. But your behavior has gone on long enough."

"So? What's your point?" Diamond Tiara shrugged.

"My point is that you have an attitude, and I'm not going to pull you out of trouble any more. You need to learn responsibility, and you need to grow up, or you're going to end up somewhere very unpleasant. Maybe the moon, maybe Azkareign Prison. I don't know. But as your father, it's time to put my hoof down."

Diamond Tiara wasn't sure she liked the sound of this. "So... what's your point?"

"My point is that I'm sending you to military school. Maybe you'll learn some respect there.

Tiara's jaw dropped. "You can't do that!" Military school meant she had to, like, take orders from OTHER ponies, and wear tacky matching uniforms. Unacceptable

"I very much can do that, and it seems to be the only thing that's getting through to you."

"No!" She whined. "Look, I'll do better!" Her father had heard that one before. Several times. "I can prove it! I... um... I can..." Her mind was working overtime, how did mares show responsibility these days? She could get a job? Hah, yeah, as if. No, working was beneath her. She'd have to go another step backwards.

"I'll get a pet!" She announced. "I can take care of it!"

Filthy Rich considered the proposal. "Alright. But this is your last chance. I'll get you a pet, so you don't wind up just choosing whatever looks pretty. If you can't handle this, military school."

"I can, I can!" Tiara insisted. It couldn't be that hard, she could just hire someone to-

"And no hiring someone to do it for you," her father added. Crap!

"Ugh, fine." Tiara sighed.

***

Diamond Tiara had been waiting for hours. This was unacceptable. Just wait until her father heard about... oh, right. She waiting ON her father.

Filthy Rich returned after what seemed like an eternity, setting down a carrier. Tiara frowned. "What'd you get? Something awesome like me, I bet. A tiger? A lion? Oh! Oh! A dragon! Even TWILIGHT gets a dragon."

"PRINCESS Twilight has a dragon because she earned it," her father corrected. "You, on the other hoof, start smaller." He opened the carrier, and a small orange ball of spikes rolled out. "I'll leave you two to get adjusted." He said, and left the room.

"What in Canterlot..." Tiara poked at the ball with a hoof, and it sprang onto two legs.

"Agh!" Diamond Tiara yelped.

"Agh!" The ball of spikes yelped.

"Father got me a porcupine? SERIOUSLY?" She groaned loudly.

"Hedgehog, actually." The hedgehog said. "Common mistake. Porcupines are larger, and are able to release their quills as a means of defense. Hedgehogs are smaller and-"

"Alright, alright!" Diamond Tiara interrupted. "I didn't ask for a biology lesson."

The hedgehog shrugged. "If you say so. Anyway, I'm Russell."

Diamond Tiara sighed. This wasn't what she had in mind at all.

Author's Note

I don't even know if I'm going to keep writing this, I'm just throwing together a stupid idea I had to see if anyone cares about it.

Palomino Royale

"Daaaaaaaaaddy?" Diamond Tiara whined her usual plead as she entered her father's study. She looked rather nervous, and for one of the only times in her life was just beginning to admit to herself that she had no idea what she was doing. And this wasn't one of those times where she could cheat off of Silver Spoon like in Biology.

"Yes, Tiara?" Came the reply, her father looking up from behind a large scale balanced with several bits, a roll of parchment stretching all the way to the floor. "Make it quick, I'm in the middle of my budget."

"Daddy, I really don't know anything about taking care of hedgehogs. Are you sure we can't return it for something easy? Like a turtle? Rainbow Dash has a turtle, and she hardly ever even plays with it."

Filthy Rich sighed. "I'm not helping you on this one, Diamond Tiara. You need to learn responsibility, and you can't do that with my telling you what to do. If you need help, I suggest you go to Palomino Royale."

Tiara looked horrified. "The LIBRARY?" She gasped. It had been a few months since the Ponyville Library re-opened under a new name, following Twilight Sparkles departure from her position as librarian and a significant expansion. "I can't do that, it's filled with dust! And books! That I'd actually have to read!"

"Better get started then," Filthy Rich said, and went back to his work. Diamond protested, but got no more attention from him. Returning to her room in disgust, she approached Russell, who sat patiently on her bed.

"Well?" He asked. He had been listening on the conversation, and although he didn't take kindly to being referred to as an 'it', he remained silent on the matter.

"We have to go to the Library." She complained. "Why can't you just take care of yourself, and we call it even?"

Russell shrugged. "Because that would mean lying to your father, and lying is wrong. Besides, I do take care of myself, to a certain degree. But the contract of ownership indicates that while I am primarily to take care of myself under periods of extreme stress, you are, for the most part, the caregiver. And I'm not to give you anymore help than that. You need to earn to rely on yourself instead of others. Life doesn't work like that."

Diamond sighed. "The library it is then." Russell saluted her, and leaped onto her shoulder.

"Hi-ho, Silver, away!"

Diamond glared at him.

***

Ponyville Library, while once occupying a large tree, had since become too large for a single tree. Much to Twilight's dismay, the tree had been torn down, and replaced with a fancier, high quality building. Although against the decision, Twilight recognized the importance of education over nostalgia, and allowed the renovation. The Palomino Royale Library had opened several months prior to the current date, and had at least quadrupled the storage space of the tree.

With the hedgehog on her back, Diamond Tiara entered the library for the first time in her life. After snobbishly refusing help from a kindly old pony behind the desk, she made her way to the second floor.

"Maybe we should ask for help," Russell offered. "There's no shame in that."

"I can manage just fine on my own, tha-" Diamond Tiara turned the corner, and collided with a very familiar pony. It took a moment for her to realize just who she'd bumped into. "You!" She exclaimed.

"Me!" Pinkie Pie echoed. "Hi!"

"But... I thought you were in Canterot..." Diamond said.

"I am!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"No. You're here." Diamond sounded annoyed. "You can't be in two places at once."

"Sure I can! When I'm there, I'm not here. And when I'm here, I'm not there. Easy peasy!" Pinkie reached down and picked up the books she'd knocked off the shelf. "I should be getting back there though, here's your books on hedgehoggery!"

Diamond blinked. "But... how did... never mind!" She snatched the books. "Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome!" Pinkie said, and bounced away.

"Is she always like that?" Russell asked. It was his first encounter with the party pony, who, although a few years older, was the same as she had always been.

"Pretty much." Diamond said, and sat down at a table. Russell jumped from her shoulder onto the table, and Diamond opened several books.

Step I: Find out what your pet likes to eat.

Tiara looked at Russell, then flipped through the second book. "This is awful these books are filled with dust." She sneezed.

"Bless you," Russell said.

Tiara ignored him. "Here. Diet. Insects, snails, snakes... eggs... carrio... I think I'm going to be sick..." She looked ill.

Russell grinned sheepishly. "Just because I CAN eat that stuff doesn't mean I want to. I'm civilized, you know. I can get by just fine on grasses and berries and fruits."

Diamond looked relieved. "Thank Celestia for that, I have imported produce from Coltifornia downstairs in the house. We can start with those." She turned the page.

Step II: Be sure to give your pet regular baths.

Once more, Diamond Tiara looked at Russell. "Seriously?"

"I do like baths," Russell said cheerfully. "Tell me, what exactly is the purpose of a rubber duck?" He gave a pleasant smile. "They're ever so much fun to play with, but I never quite did figure that out."

Tiara facehooved. "I suppose." She said, turning the page.

Step III: Be sure to take your pet to the vet to make sure its healthy.

Diamond Tiara slammed the book shut. "This is really becoming time consuming. Why am I bothering with this?"

"Because if you don't, you'll end up at the Academy," Russell countered. Diamond Tiara shuddered at the very thought of it.

"Do you even WANT to go to the vet?" Diamond asked.

"Of course not. But it's necessary. And oftentimes we are required, in our ongoing quest to better ourselves, to do things that are unpleasant."

"Let's just go, we'll figure things out on the way. It's not like I have anything else to do." She had cancelled a tennis match with Silver Spoon, not in any mood to talk to her after Silver had gone running off to her father. She was still steamed about that.

"That's the spirit!" Russell said encouragingly.

***

The vet was crowded, and Diamond Tiara was in a sullen mood. She'd been waiting for almost an hour. "This is absolutely ridiculous, my father is one of the wealthiest ponies in Ponyville, and here I'm stuck in a crowded room with commoners."

"Patience is a virtue," Russell reminded her.

"You should get a job writing for fortune cookies," Diamond snapped.

The door opened at last, and a kindly young stallion in a white coat stepped through the door.

"Diamond Tiara and Russell?" He asked.

Tiara rose, approaching the door. "About time, I've been waiting forever."

The stallion just smiled at her. "All things in due time. I'm the doctor, right this way."

***

DIAMOND TIARA AND RUSSELL WILL RETURN IN...

DR. NEIGH!

***

Dr. Neigh

The stallion in the white coat smiled to the pair invitingly, and ushered them back towards the door in the rear of the establishment. "Right this way, Diamond Tiara." He said. "I'm the doctor."

"Doctor who?" Russell asked.

A brown earth pony in the waiting room suddenly looked up at this exchange of words, a startled expression on his face. Upon realizing he wasn't being spoken to, quickly went back to attempting to calm down the pony next to him, a grey mare with her head completely stuck inside an oversized muffin jar.

While normally pleased by such service, an exchanged glance with Russell gave Diamond Tiara a feeling that she rarely experienced. A feeling of morality. "But these other ponies were here first..." She protested. The words felt strange and sour coming out of her mouth, yet Russell looked impressed.

"Yes, but we can't let the daughter of Filthy Rich be kept waiting, now can we?" The stallion replied. "I'm Dr. Neigh, I'll be overseeing the examination today."

Whatever feeling of selflessness that Diamond Tiara had briefly experienced quickly dissipated, and her attitude of superiority returned, along with a pleased grin. "Well, I must say, that's more like it." She announced, though Russell was not as quickly relieved.

"Examination!?" The hedgehog exclaimed. He didn't like the sound of that. Not one bit.

"Just a regular checkup," Dr. Neigh assured him.

"Alright, but if you try anything funny, we're out of here." Russell warned.

"Very good," the doctor noted. "Say ah, please."

"Ah-ahhhagh!" Russell had sounded intially confused, only to have a stick of sandpaper wedged over his tongue the moment his mouth opened. The vet peered into the hedgehog's mouth with a small light, and appeared satisfied. "Good coloration, good energy, healthy quills," Dr. Neigh observed.

Russell folded his arms. "Well of COURSE they're healthy, I care of myself. And I'm teaching Miss Tiara to do the same." He licked his hand and used it straighten out the quills on his head, which had become misaligned. A creature of habit and coordination, he was.

Diamond Tiara frowned. "You, like, never told me exactly where you were from, Russell." She said, almost accusingly. She'd been trying to figure him out for some time now, but had been thus far unable to do so.

"First of all, PLEASE don't speak like that around me. The term 'like' is meant to be used for the purpose of comparison, not as a random vernacular insert. Secondly, I come from a pet shop, where else? Although I admit we've fallen on fairly hard times lately. We've started a new campaign in order to earn extra funding, in which the pets are lent out to wayward teenagers to teach them responsibility."

"Sort of like a Big Brother program," Dr. Neigh offered thoughtfully.

"Something like that. Except I'm not big. Or a brother."

"Your pet shop must be awful little to need funding that desperately," Diamond Tiara said. She was a bit relieved to hear that Russell would not be with her permanently, carrying around a hedgehog on her back was totally going to disrupt her social status.

"The littlest!" Russell said with pride. Diamond Tiara didn't know why, but she found this amusing.

Dr. Neigh shook his head, and continued with a few more basic examinations. "All things seem to be in order, you're a healthy young hedgehog," he said finally, to Diamond Tiara, he added, "I'll bill your father."

Tiara hesitated. A day or two ago she'd have been out the door without another word. but instead reached into a pouch on her saddlebag, and withdrew a few bits. "That won't be necessary, I suppose I can part with... a few of my earnings." She said reluctantly, setting the bits on the table.

As they left, Russell gave Diamond Tiara an unrelenting grin. It was the look of a detective who'd just found the final clue to a particularly difficult case.

"Why are you looking at me like that? It's creepy. Stop it."

"You're starting to account for your own actions. Was that you being responsible back there? I think it was."

Tiara snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. I just didn't want him billing my father. He's a busy stallion, you know. He's got things to do. Besides. Parting with a few bits never hurt anypony."

Russell opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment, Silver Spoon approached them.

"Diamond Tiara! Hi!" Silver Spoon said cheerfully.

Tiara ignored her.

"Oh, please don't tell me you're still angry about the whole ratting you out thing." She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? But like I said before. We're almost mares now. We can't get away with that sort of thing anymore. I'm watching out for you. That's what friends do, right?"

Tiara knew her friend was right, but would never admit it. "Whatever."

Silver Spoon sighed. "What are you doing with a porcupine, anyway?"

Russell immediately looked offended. "I'm a hedgehog! Why is that so difficult?" He complained. "Maybe I should wear a sign."

"Or a bowtie!" Silver Spoon offered. "Bowties are cool."

"He's not wearing anything! I have a hedgehog because my father thinks I need to learn responsibility. It's stupid, really."

"That's great!" Silver said. "Looks like you're doing a good job, too. You wanna go catch a movie with me tonight? Invasion of the Saddle Snatchers is playing at the market, it's just a silly bedsheet tied to some streetlamps, but the whole thing is campy anyway."

Diamond Tiara shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that sounds alright. See you then."

"Great!" Silver sounded relieved, and ran back off in the direction of Ponyville. "Seeya!"

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Russell asked, and his stomach rumbled.

Diamond Tiara paused. "I guess it kinda has been an eventful day, can't stop to hurt at the market," she said. "Even if it is filled with dirt."

Russell frowned. "What's wrong with dirt? Lots of good things come from dirt."

"It's disgusting, and I don't need to associate myself with ponies who spend all their time in it," Tiara quipped.

"If you refer to the farming community, they don't seem to mind. They grow all sorts of delicious food, food which you were rather eager to purchase a moment ago," he reminded her. "That's economics."

"Yeah, well, that's why I live in high society and they live in the ghetto," she said snobbishly, turning into the market district.

Russell sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. "Just because you have more money or more popularity doesn't make you better than them," he protested.

"Sure it does."

"Then why is it the less fortunate ones are happily working and making money while your father threatens to cut you off and send you to military school?" he countered.

That gave her pause. He was right, but she didn't like it. "I don't know. A flaw in the system."

"Or a flaw in your logic."

Tiara purchased a few fruits and vegetables, and began heading for home while Russell gorged himself on blackberries. She still had a few hours before she had to meet Silver Spoon, and needed to get some thinking done.

***

DIAMOND TIARA AND RUSSELL WILL RETURN IN...

ON CELESTIA'S SECRET SERVICE

***

On Celestia's Secret Service

Diamond Tiara wandered up the long driveway of her father's mansion, the large house that sat amid the other similar mansions in the wealthy section of Ponyville. Russell had since finished the berries he was eating, and looked at her with a quizzical expression. "Whatcha thinking about?" he asked. He had seen quite the improvement in her over the last several hours, and intended to keep that going.

"I never took care of a pet before," Tiara responded. "I thought it would be difficult and demoralizing, like being a window washer or a schoolteacher, or a blank flank." She shuddered at the thought.

"Sometimes it's not about how many bits you earn or what kind of social status you have. It's just about doing what you love doing," Russell said. "Why do you think Silver Spoon is so happy with working at the pawn shop? It's not glamorous, but she gets to use her talents."

"Maybe." Tiara said. "But I still don't like it." She was a pony of high cultural upbringing, and as far as she concerned, social standing WAS everything.

Diamond Tiara entered the house, and the next few hours went swiftly. Russell polished his quills, and Tiara asked the housekeeper to research hedgehogs for her. Upon being declined, for certainly the housekeeper had been informed of the consequences at stake, Tiara was subsequently forced to continue reading the books she'd taken home from the Library on her own.

When the buzzer downstairs rang, Tiara jumped. "I'll get it!" She yelled, and ran for the door. She wanted to get there before the housekeeper did, since her friend had promised to be over around this time. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon exchanged a long overdue hug, and for a moment, things were almost like they were when they were fillies. "Come on, Russell." Diamond said.

Russell looked surprised. "You want me to come?" He asked.

"Of course I do. What else am I going to do, leave you here by yourself? Hop on."

The hedgehog looked as if he might cry for a moment, and did just that.

The movie, while fairly uneventful, was the first thing that the three did together, and by extension, the first thing that Silver and Diamond had done together without fighting in quite a while. By the time that Invasion of the Saddle Snatchers ended, Diamond was laughing so hard that she couldn't see straight.

"That was ridiculous," Silver Spoon rolled her eyes, beginning to walk away from the viewing platform.

"Yeah, although it's to be expected. It's a stupid movie, what did you think, it was going to be serious?"

"Totally." Silver Spoon grinned, and did something she hadn't done in years. "Bump, bump-"

"-Sugar lump, rump!" Diamond Tiara finished, bursting into superior laughter. But her attention was deflected by what was on her flank. Or, more specifically, what wasn't.

"Where's Russell?" She asked suddenly, glancing about. He wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"I thought you had him!" Silver Spoon insisted.

"I did! He was right there, I swear!" Tiara frowned. "I can't go to military school, I can't! They make you follow orders, wear tacky uniforms, I can't do that, Silver! I can't!" She protested, breaking into tears before Silver slapped her with a hoof.

"Snap out of it! We'll find him! Where's the first place you look when your friend goes missing?"

"The roof?" Tiara asked, with a bit of a grin.

"Just because it worked for a bunch of stallions in Las Pegasus doesn't it works every time." Silver snorted. "Think. Pretend you're a secret agent. What do you do? When did you see him last?"

Diamond Tiara thought about it. "He was on my back most of the way through the movie, maybe he went to the marketplace to get more food," she offered.

"Good idea, let's check there."

The two returned to the marketplace, calling Russell's name. He didn't answer. Diamond Tiara looked increasingly frustrated. "We can't tell my dad about this, he'll kill me!"

"He's not going to kill you. We'll find him. He couldn't have gone that far," Silver said. "He's a tiny little hedgehog, his legs can't get him to go that fast!"

"Don't underestimate a hedgehog," Diamond warned. She paused, reflecting on her words. Was she actually starting to care for that spiky little creature.

"Alright, alright, I'll stay here and keep looking for him. You head back to the house in case he wandered back there without you. If I find him, I'll come tell you immediately," Silver Spoon promised.

"Good idea, thanks so much," Diamond said, and and raced back to the house. She really hoped that nothing had happened to Russell, he was slowly starting to grow on her. When she reached the house, she frowned, for the door was cracked open. She didn't remember leaving it open. In fact, with so many valuable pieces in the house, she was certain she had locked it. She entered the house, and immediately stifled a gasp.

"We've been robbed!" She exclaimed, for it certainly looked that way. The entryway had been trashed. A loud crash came from the study, and Tiara growled, running up the stairs and throwing the door open. "Stop right there!" She demanded.

The inside of the study was completely covered with paint, and the strangest monkey that Diamond had ever seen froze in her tracks. That is, until she saw the piece of jewelry perched on top of Tiara's head. "SHINY!" She exclaimed and tackled it off of Tiara's head and onto the floor. Tiara shrieked.

"Give that back at ONCE!" She demanded. "Who do you think you are?!"

The monkey paused and looked at her, as if it was the silliest question she'd ever been asked. "Minka!" She said calmly, and threw a glob of blue paint at Diamond Tiara, getting it all over her face. This was absolutely unacceptable. The pink mare had just about had enough of this.

Diamond Tiara screamed in rage.

***

DIAMOND TIARA WILL RETURN IN...

BLUNDERBALL!

***

Blunderball

Diamond Tiara had never seen a monkey before. She knew about them, of course, she wasn't stupid. She'd read about them in various history books during her schooling, and heard tales of them from various explorers that her father mingled with. At the very least, they were frequent antagonists of the ever-popular Daring Do. But she hadn't read those novels in years. Which, as far as she was concerned, must mean her father was somehow behind this.

Filthy Rich came running from down the hall the moment he heard his daughter scream. She had long since passed the phase where silly things frightened her. No, this was more of a scream mixed with surprise and fear. He reflexively ducked as he entered the study, a handful of green paint narrowly missing his head. He frowned, taking stock of the state of the room, which Diamond Tiara had been too shocked to notice. Newspaper covered everything, mostly old (yellowed, in some cases) issues of the Foal Free Press.

"What is going on here?!" He demanded. "Cease this rebellious behavior at once!" His eyes took in the scene before him, but his mind didn't want to believe it was accurate.

The monkey, who'd been hanging from the light fixture, did so at once. She was covered in paint, no brush in sight. Even on her feet, however, her tail twitched constantly. There was always some part of her twitching or tapping.

"Who are you?" He scolded. Diamond Tiara suddenly looked afraid. She had been convinced that her father had been the reason behind the monkey's appearance, but his question cut through her logic like a knife.

"You mean she isn't yours, daddy?"

"I'm Minka, and I don't belong to anyone, and don't you forget it!" Minka chirped pleasantly. "Naw, I saw you in the pet shop!" She explained, as if that solved everything once and for all.

Filthy Rich frowned. "You were spying? That was a private transaction after operating hours between myself and Twombly. It was my understanding that it was entirely confidential."

Diamond Tiara began "Who-" but a look from her father silenced her. It was one of those looks that indicated he had no intention of explaining himself. It was just one of those things.

"We weren't spying! Russell told us what was going on so we wouldn't worry. He was gonna-" She trailed off, as if momentarily distracted by something that neither of the ponies could identify.

"Minka!" Filthy Rich snapped.

"-gonna take care of some spoiled pony, set her straight, and then come back to the shop," she finished, without missing a beat.

"And why are you here?"

"Cause I saw those gold things you gave Twombly, and I wanted one!" She grinned. "They're really cool and shiny, I like shiny things! And it'd give me a chance to check up on Russell, too. Make sure he isn't getting in trouble again. Where IS Russell, anyway?"

Diamond Tiara's father looked at his daughter. "That's a good question, actually."

The young mare turned red. "He's with Silver Spoon, she wanted to show him some rare clock or something."

Filthy Rich didn't look convinced, but let it go. "Make sure he's home before you lock up for the night," he warned. "Minka, why are you painting my walls?"

"Better question, why aren't your walls already painted? Don't worry, I got this!"

The stallion sighed. "Just clean up this mess, I have to finish my ledger." He gave Diamond a look indicating he hadn't forgotten about Russell, and left.

Minka frowned. "He's grumpy. I'm not sure I like him." Another twitch. "What do we do now, Tiara?"

"Now we go visit Silver Spoon and hope she found Russell."

The monkey instantly looked horrified. Her eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. "You don't know where-"

"Shh!" Diamond Tiara hushed her.

"You don't know where Russell is? You lost him?!" Minka didn't take this news well at all. "Russell can't be out on his own! He's sensitive and scares easily! How could you lose him?!"

"I didn't lose him!" The young mare insisted. "I just... don't know where we went. But we're going to find him. Because if we don't, my father will... well... we have to find him!" She didn't want to come across as overwhelmingly selfish, so left the concept of military school out of the conversation.

Minka jumped on Diamonds back, splattering paint over the mare pristine pink coat. Diamond Tiara flinched, but made her way towards the front door of the estate. She glanced at the clock. The movie with Silver Spoon had ended at ten, it was almost eleven thirty now. She swung open the door, and immediately bumped noses with her friend. Her friend who just so happened to have Russell on her back. There was an immediate emotional reunion.

"Silver!"

"Diamond!"

"Russell!" A pink blur tackling the aforementioned pet.

"Minka?!" Hedgehog down!

Diamond Tiara looked at Silver Spoon with grateful eyes. "How... where..." Silver looked down at Russell.

"I'm sorry!" Russell insisted. "I just went for popcorn, and it was dark. I'm small, and all the legs looked the same." He seemed apologetic. "I tried to find you both, but got all turned around." His lower lip quivered.

"Alright, that's enough." Tiara said with relief. "You're covered in mud, and Minka is covered in paint. Bath time for both of you. Silver, will you help?" She asked.

"Sure," the latter said.

***

The quartet returned back inside, which wasn't much of an ordeal, considering they'd scarcely left the estates doorstep. Diamond Tiara ensured that the doors were locked, and the two pets were given privacy in the warm escape of a toy-filled bathtime. The door was cracked, in case of emergency.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were genuinely concerned for Russell," Silver was saying. "I saw it in your eyes. You're becoming more responsible after all. Maybe even, dare I say, attached to having a pet?"

"I am not!" Diamond protested. "I just... don't... entirely want him to go away. As it were. You know, so I don't have to go to military school." This last bit came out of her slightly forced, more defensive than anything else. She knew Silver Spoon wouldn't believe it, heck, she didn't even know if SHE entirely believed it at this point.

"No, I think it's more than that. You know it's only temporary. Your dad implied that as soon as you proved responsibility, Russell was going to back to the shop. So what are you going to do, just let Russell go back there, or keep acting like a spoiled b-"

"That's enough!" Diamond cut her off. "I need to think on it. You want to take Minka for now? You have lots of paintings at the pawn shop, I doubt she'd object."

"I can do that." Silver seemed almost eager at the thought of having a pet of her own. Even if only temporarily.

When bathtime had finished and the pets had been dried off, Silver Spoon took Minka back with her. But not before pausing in the doorway. "There's no shame in needing somepony, Diamond, even just a pet." She had said, and then she was gone.

Diamond huffed snobbishly, but she couldn't help thinking about what Silver had said. She normally didn't care, but couldn't get those words out of her head.

"Are you alright?" Russell asked with a frown.

"I don't know," came the reply. "I really don't know."

***

DIAMOND TIARA AND THE PETS SHALL RETURN IN...

THE MARE WHO LOVED ME

No, not like that.

***

The Mare Who Loved Me

Even Filthy Rich had to admit, his daughter had improved drastically over the last several days. Since bringing home Russell, however temporarily, Diamond had softened. She wasn't perfect, nopony was, but she longer carried such a significant aura of superiority. The young monkey, who called herself Minka, had taken up a temporary residence over at the pawn shop, where she had demonstrated a remarkable skill for pointing out forged paintings.

Diamond sat with Russell on her back, near the window on the second floor landing of her expansive home. The two had enjoyed a few games while it rained outside, and sat facing one another across a plastic board. Russell threw dice across the board, and moved a small metal unicorn.

"Aha!" Diamond announced. "I own Carousel Boutique, you owe me fifty bits!"

The hedgehog gave her a strange look. "Do you even know what you'd do if you owned a dress shop? You can't exactly work a needle," he offered.

"Obviously," Diamond said. "I'd hire other ponies to do it for me, and I'd take care of the important things. But I wouldn't own a dress shop in the first place, that's like a carnivore owning a salad stand. Anyway, you owe me. Pay up." She said the last bit with a bit too much confidence, as if she'd said it many times before.

Russell rolled his eyes, but slid several plastic bit replicas across the board.

"What do you want to do after this? We could go get some new clothes and then walk up and down the street by the marketplace and show them off."

"That's not nice, Diamond."

"I know, but I want new clothes. I have so many I don't wear, could I at least donate some of them?" She asked. "That is the right word, isn't it? Do-nate? I've never done that before." Honestly, the thought of simply giving away her things was a terrifying concept, but she had honestly been trying to improve herself. One step at a time, anyway. "Maybe we could go next week!"

Russell smiled. "That's a great idea. You should do that." He said. Then frowned. "But I'm afraid I won't be here next week."

"What? Why?"

"I told you from the start, Minka and I are due back at the pet shop. This was a sort of exchange program, and now that you've got your head on straight, there's no reason to stay here. Others need us. Besides, we live there, not here." He explained gently.

"I don't want you to go, though!" Diamond said. Russell sighed again.

"I have to. In a few minutes, in fact."

"But our game..."

"I didn't want to tell you and upset you. I'd love to stay longer, but there's a very small window that allows me to get back home. It only comes around once or twice a week."

"So you'll come visit?" Diamond asked.

"Sure, why wouldn't I? Who knows. Maybe the others will as well." Russell hugged her leg. "And don't start acting up again, I'll know." He headed for the door.

"It was nice meeting you, Diamond Tiara. You'll always be the mare who loved me." He disappeared out the door. Although Diamond tried to follow him, she just couldn't bring herself to move. Her legs felt like concrete.

"Love you too, Russell."

Author's Note

A sincere apology to my followers for what you just tried to read.

Okay, author admission. This is possibly the worst ending ever. My own fault for that, really. This initially started just as a one chapter short story, and people liked it, so I wrote another. People liked that one, so I wrote another one. By this last chapter, I just honestly had no idea what else to do. At all. It just lost all sense of fun for me, and I knew I needed an ending so I can move onto my next story.

I apologize for the weak writing, weak story, weak everything, really. It just needed an ending. My drive for this is gone, my inspiration for this is gone, it happens. Eh, what are you gonna do. Gotta make coal before you can make diamonds.