.....and only.
Roscoe was tired. It had been a busy day at Sugar-cube Corner. Ponies had been flooding in all day because of the "FREE MUFFIN EXTRAVAGANZA!" idea that Pinkie came up with earlier in the week. Said pink pony had disappeared into the kitchen to help the Cakes, the owners of the shop, clean up. He stayed up front to tidy up the front counter and the few tables in the small dining area.
"Pinkie." he thought to himself. "I've been here almost six months now and I owe nearly everything I have to her." He walked over and flipped the sign to say "closed", and started sweeping up and straightening up the chairs. "When I first got here, I had nothing but the clothes on my back and a twenty dollar bill in my pocket. I'm not even sure how that happened. The last thing I remember was getting in my truck to go home after work. i closed the door and heard a weird voice say something about 'This just ain't yer day son. Me an yew's gonna have us a good ol' time. Mmmmmhmmmm'. Come to think of it, he kind of sounded like Carl Childers. Probably would've filled my pants if he'd asked for some 'good ol' biscuits and mustard." He laughed to himself as he wiped down the last table. "That Pinkie though, she gave me a place to sleep and a job. I just wish all the ponies had been as accepting as she was." He said aloud to himself. He thought back to right after he had arrived and the first thing he encountered had been a angry apple farmer. Apparently his truck had come with him and subsequently taken out several of her apple trees, which also destroyed said truck. He shed a single tear. Not for the destruction of the trees, but for his truck. It was brand new (almost) and completely paid for. While he had been standing in awe of this sight the pony (AppleJack, as he now knew her) ran off and gathered up an angry mob. He had never been in the best shape, but he still lead them on a chase through town. He had no idea where he was going, just turning and darting down random streets and back alleys as he saw fit. After about an hour or so he hid behind a dumpster in the back area of what looked like the house from Hansel and Gretel. A sigh of relief had barely escaped his lips when he got the second shock of his life. Bright. Loud. Pinkness.
"HI! I'M PINKIE PIE, WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU? WHO ARE WE HIDING FROM?"
He bit his tongue to keep from yelling in terror, but quickly calmed down when this "Pinkie Pie" didn't appear to be a threat. "My name is Roscoe Wisenheimer. I'm what is commonly called a human. I don't know where I am or how I got here, but my truck seems to have destroyed some apple trees in the local orchard. It was completely unintentional, I assure you. however the owner has rounded up an angry mob and that Ms. Pie, is what I am currently hiding from." The pink mare blinked at him once or twice.
"What's a truck?" she asked. Roscoe just shook his head.
"I would love to stay and talk but I worry that I might be in trouble if they find me. Well, that, and I'm about to start freaking out due to the fact that I seem to be talking to a small horse. Maybe some other time." He said ruffled her bouncy pink mane, causing a few cupcakes to fall out.
"EEYUP! AH FOUND THE CRITTER!" A large red stallion hollered. Thinking quickly, Roscoe grabbed two of the cupcakes and threw them at the red pony's face. While he was blinded by the confections, Roscoe made his escape. Back to rushing through the now darkening streets and looking for a hiding spot. He rounded a corner and ducked into what looked like a blue phone booth. Turning around, he was staring into the face of another pony. A brown one with a hourglass on his flank. Come to think of it, all the ponies had those, even that pink one. The pony backed up and looked very worried. Roscoe looked around. This wasn't a phone booth. It was bigger on the inside. That made no sense. The brown pony shook his head.
"No, no. This is all wrong. You shouldn't be here. You humans shouldn't have the tech for this yet. How did-" the brown pony (Doctor Whooves as he later learned) was cut off when Roscoe ran out the door screaming in a bewildered state. The Doctor sighed. "They always do that."
Roscoe was getting winded now, he couldn't run forever, these ponies just wouldn't give up! He was on the outskirts of the town now, looking to hide in a small shed next to a slightly larger cottage. Just as he was about to open the door a pink hoof shot out and stopped him. He looked to see who it belonged to and saw the pink mare from earlier.
"Follow me! I've got an idea." Pinkie said. He saw that he didn't have much of a choice, so he followed her back through the town to the gingerbread house looking building. They went in through the back door and into the small dining area in the front. There at one of the tables sat the farmer pony that had started the whole chase. As soon as she saw Roscoe she jumped up and started stomping over but, Pinkie stopped her short.
"AJ! SIT! DOWN!" she roared, her poofy mane straightening out. The other one looked startled and quickly complied. "Remember why you're here? To discuss this peacefully." Pinkie turned to him. "Now YOU sit down." He didn't dare question her and plopped down in the chair across from "AJ". "Now Roscoe, start from the top. Tell AJ here what exactly happened."
After calming the enraged pony down and explaining what happened, an agreement had been reached. The Princesses would be notified and until they decided what to do with the human, he would stay with Pinkie. While he was there, he would work at the bakery to pay off the damage to Sweet Apple Acres. This seemed to please AppleJack and they even parted as friends. She'd even apologized for having half the town after him.
"Ah'm sorry about that. It was just that thang you called a "truck" took out eight of mah zap apple trees. Ah don't recall ever bein' that angry before. All ah could see was red." she said. Roscoe reciprocated.
"I'm sorry myself. I'll pay the damages as best as I can. Anything else I can do to help out, just let me know." He said and they shook on it. Pinkie kicked open the kitchen and shoved a cannon out of it. Roscoe flipped the table up and pulled AppleJack down. "She's snapped!" AJ chuckled.
"Naw, that's just Pinkie bein' Pinkie. Let 'er rip, Pinks!"
"IT'S PARTY TIME!"
BOOOOOOOM!
Cake, balloons, streamers and confetti went everywhere. It wasn't the kind of parties Roscoe was used to, but it made him feel like he was among friends. That had been six months ago. Roscoe shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"Rooosssscoe. Rooosssscoe.... *snap*snap*snap* Anypony home?" A pink, flailing hoof in front of his face caught his attention. He looked down and saw Pinky smiling. "We're all done in the back, you need some help up here?"
"No Pinks, thanks though. I'm just about done. I just gotta take out the trash and that'll be it. I'll be up soon." He said and she trotted up the stairs with that eternal smile plastered on her face. He took the trash can out the back and emptied it into the dumpster. A few water balloons fell out. As he picked them up another memory from about three months back came to mind. It was the first prank Pinkie had played on him.
Roscoe was excited! It was his first payday, and it brought him one step closer to paying back AppleJack for the damages he caused. He had worked almost non-stop in the bakery, and he had even given up his days off to help meet his goal that much faster. It was the end of the day and shortly, Mr. Cake would bring his pay around. He was quite surprised when Pinkie came around carrying the small bag in her mouth. The other thing that surprised him was her expression. Her usually hyper-happy face was distorted by a horrendous frown and her normally poofy mane was straight as well. She dropped the pouch on the counter with a 'clunk'. A single coin fell out. She looked up at him, her eyes watering.
"Roscoe, I-I'm sorry. That's all the Cakes could afford to give you. Business hasn't been as good as it usually is and well, with the two little foals....." she said, almost in tears. Roscoe was devastated. All this time, all that he had done, was foe a single bit? He felt a bit like crying himself. At this rate, he'd be working here foooreeeever. He let out a defeated sigh and stuck the coin in his pocket. and sank to the floor.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Pinkie. It just means I'll have to work here longer than we originally thought is all. Don't let it get to you." He said, resting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him.
"But that's not all. The reply from the Princesses came in today. They said you can't stay here, that you have to leave immediately." She said bowing her head again. Roscoe started getting angry. Sure, he had made a big scene when he first got here, but it was not his fault. That and he was working to fix it. He had found a job and a place to live, he was making a home for himself and now he had to leave.
"Oh, I'll go alright. I'll go and give Celestia a piece of my mind! Luna too, if she decides to put her two bits in." He growled as he got up and started for the door. Pinkie's quavering voice stopped him with his hand on the knob.
"Roscoe, wait. Before you go, there is something you should know."
"What is it?"
"GOOOOOOOOOOOTCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Roscoe was stunned. Whip-crack! went his non-existent whoopy tail and the man was done. He snorted.
"Be you crazy?
"I am but PINKIE PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!" Roscoe didn't know what to say. He wasn't angry, just shocked that she had tricked him. It took him a full hour to get over it.
"Come to think of it, I don't think I ever got her back." He said to himself as he walked back into the now darkened bakery and locked the door. He grinned wickedly as an idea came to him. "That's about to change." He walked upstairs to the living quarters. The stairs went past the Cakes' rooms and straight up to Pinkie's. There was a bed (Pinkie's), a small roll-away cot for Roscoe, a couch, several stools, a table and a small fire place. All of it, ALL OF IT, was brightly colored. Roscoe recalled how it sometimes gave him a headache. As per usual, Pinkie had made herself comfortable on the couch with a mug of cocoa for her and Roscoe. They had developed this little habit of sitting back and relaxing after work and just chatting away. She was a lot calmer, not the hyper-spastic blur that the rest of the population knew. Over the months and weeks they had grown quite close during these talks. Literally and emotionally. Roscoe had a hunch that she was developing a crush on him. That was fine by him, he had no way of knowing if he'd ever get back home, so he decided to keep his options open. That would also let him flawlessly execute his evil plan. He took his mug and his spot on the couch as he normally would. Pinkie was being unusually quiet and had already finished hers and just decided to lay her head on his knee and watch the fire. The two sat there for a long while, just watching the flames. Finally deciding it was time, he shifted ever-so slightly. Pinkie roused and looked up at him. They just stared into each others eyes. Pinkie blinked and blushed enough to been seen on her already pink face. Roscoe cupped her head in his hands as they leaned in for the inevitable kiss. Roscoe took a deep breath, he wasn't sure if it would work. He had seen this mare do some strange things and prayed this would work. Their lips met and.......he blew. He watched her tail curl and uncurl as he did and the sound was perfect. He jumped up, chugged his cocoa, and ran to the bathroom to escape retaliation from his pink couchmate. Pinkie got up and shook her head to clear her thoughts. A shriek and a plop from the bathroom let her know that her friend had found the greased toilet seat she had set up earlier. She threw on a fake mustache and rubbed her hooves together.
"All according to plan. MUAH-HA-HA-HA! Nopony out-pranks Pinkie!"
A lone, midnight-blue alicorn pulled her eye away from her telescope and nearly fell over laughing. She had never seen anything so absurd! An eagle claw moved the scope to where its owner could see.
"Ah, yes. Did I not tell you that chaos was a wonderful, wonderful thing little Luna?" Discord asked his companion who was still laughing. "Now, if only your sister were so easy to get along with...."
Author's Note
6/8/13 09:30- Sorry, it seems I forgot to mark this as complete when I submitted. Just now realized it. Sorry.
