I know you wasn't expecting this.
You all thought I was perfectly fine,
Well you were wrong.
I've been lied to, tormented, and ripped apart by some of you in one way or another.
You know me as the tough, brave and brash Pegasus who never cries or shows any sign of emotion.
Once again, you were wrong.
Very slowly, my heart and soul has darkened and shattered into millions of tiny, little pieces. Those tiny fragments that can never be put back together again.. Those tiny fragments that make cuts all over my helpless body that ooze out crimson-colored blood, that once held life.
You are all right, darkness is in fact, a myth. There is no actual darkness when you are like me.
Suicidal.
There is no darkness. The world always looks the same to me. The sun always rising and setting in the morning and evenings, the moon still changes, waxing and waning every month...
But the way you view the world changes.
It feels like everypony hates me. They don't give a flying feather about me and how I feel. They still won't care if I live or if I die. They glance at me, smirk and whisper about me, at the pitiful equine that I am.
I was born a failure, never accomplishing anything or achieving anything as a pegasus.
I was a big mistake, so everypony tells me. How they point their hoof at me and single me out from the others. I hated it. And one of those ponies was actually one of my best friends. It was you, Twilight.
How I would accidentally crash into your library, to smirk and tell me how much of a reckless pony I am, and how the Wonderbolts would never accept me if I am that ruthless. Usually, I would just laugh it off as if it was a harmless joke and get on with life. But deep inside? It hurts. A lot. Everypony knows how badly I want to be a Wonderbolt. I train every single day and night just to have the feeling of flying alongside them one day. Then saying that, just made my life worse. None of you have any idea how many countless times I have cried myself to sleep, with a voice in my head telling me how much of a dumb, worthless piece of shit I am. I know you never meant to hurt me that way, Twilight, but you did, the scars remain.
Fluttershy,
I care for you. I care for you more than anything in my entire life. You're sweet, kind and caring. You are loved by pretty much everypony and everything. I care about you woth my rotten, withered heart. You have always had my back, and I can never thank you enough for that. You were one of the only ponies who truly cared for me. Without you, I probably would have done something like this years ago. You always tried to help me, you tried to make me see the brighter side of things, but you couldn't in the end. I've fallen too deep for you to help me out. Even the longest rope In Equestrian history couldn't reach my depth. I love you, flutters, more than you could imagine. I am so sorry for the pain I will cause for you, I really am. I want you to remember me, please.
And to the rest of you girls, I am truly sorry of the pain ill bring. I love each and everyone of you in a different way, but never more than others.
Pinkie Pie,
Never stop being the bouncy, random pony that you are. Always smile. Be happy. I am at ease now.
Keep on throwing parties for all I care, please, just stay Pinkie Pie.
Applejack,
I want you to carry on being the bold, athletic mare that I know. Carry on making that delicious apple-family cider that I love and have always loved. I want you to never give up on yourself, not that you will. of course.
And last but not least, Rarity.
The most sophisticated, elegant and glamourous dressmaker of Ponyville.
I really want you to stay the most fashionable pony to ever be graced from Equestria. Heck, maybe the most fashionable pony in the world. As you pretty much know, we are complete opposites, you and me. But you are an amazing pony none the less.
I'm am really sorry I'm not the pony you all thought I was, and how much of a shock this is to all of you. I'm not tough, certainly not brave. I just felt as if nopony needed me. For once in my life, I feel hopelessly desperate for somebody to tell me to stay, and not give up on myself like I already have...
But, I doubt that will ever happen In this sad, little world that was graced the name Equestria..
I already know how I will do this.
I will take a razorblade from my room, put it to my cyan coat and cut myself. I will watch and feel the life slowly trickling out of me, and tumbling to the ground, like it has done so much already. Soon enough, I will finally be free of this guilt that I carry.
From everypony,
From myself,
From life.
I will no longer have to bear the sick, terrifying monster that I have created for my sadistic, little place that I call home.
Do not weep for me, no pony can weep for me. Except from some of my friends and loved ones. Once again, I am sorry for the pain I will cause to all of you. Please continue your lives, become happy and maybe have a family of your own.
I love you, girls, so much, please, never forget me and what I lived for.
Goodbye cruel, shameful world.
Let's hope we never cross our paths again.
Lots Of Love,
Rainbow dash.
Author's Note
My first fic! What do you guys think? Critisism apreciated.