When I woke up this morning, I was going to do my daily schedule of breakfast, gardening, going to Sugarcube corner to get those new carrot flavored sweets. But my roommate Derpy had other ideas. I had walked down into my kitchen expecting my fridge to be the same way I had left it, closed and full of all my food that I had put in it from the groceries I had gotten yesterday. But nooo, the universe thought it'd be funny if it told my roommate that there were fresh muffins in there. So now I have an open fridge with its drawers sprawled out on the floor.
After seeing the disaster I knew exactly who did it. I stormed into the living room to see my roommate, the town mailmare and one pony-demolition-team, Derpy sitting on the couch. All around her was the half-eaten contents of our fridge, getting the couch dirty. I even tried keeping calm when I saw this, but my family has been known to be short fused when it comes to anger, and my group of friends doesn't help with that.
First, there's Lyra and Bon Bon, those two have been a couple for the longest of times and you want to know what every conversation turns into when there involved? Always an argument about humans. I swear, they argue about humans like how our friends Vinyl Scratch and Octavia argue about music, but I'm getting off topic.
"What are you doing?" I asked my wall-eyed friend.
"Why I'm sitting of course, silly."
I just smiled at that and tried to not scream in anger.
"Let me rephrase that, why is all our food out of the fridge and on the couch."
"I got hungry last night and decided to get a snack."
"So you took the whole fridge with you?" My smile was starting to waver and would soon turn into a scowl if I don't figure this out. "Derpy, ponies just don't take the entire fridge with them for a late night snack." I said with an unamused frown.
"Who's gonna stop me?"
And that's when I lost it. My face immediately turned into an angry scowl as I stomped towards Derpy, still happily munching on the food.
"What was that?!"
"I said, who's gonna stop me? If you didn't hear that Carrot Top, you might want to get your hearing checked out."
"Oh, no. Now that is the last straw, Derpy. If you think you can just take all the food from the fridge and leave nothing for anypony else in this house, than you've got another thing coming."
"I do?" She had a quizzical look on her face which only angered me even more.
By now my eye started twitching because of not just anger, but of the total incompetance of Derpy right now. Normally I would let it slide, but not now, this is too important.
"Oh yes you do!" I started walking towards the door before Derpy asked where I was going. "Oh, I'm going to get more groceries, and after that, I'm gonna get our friends. And as Celestia as my witness, you will not clear out the fridge ever again!"
Carrot Tops and Derpys basement
6:53 PM on a Monday
I looked over my group of friends with pride, knowing that they would help her in her time of need.
"Now, I know all of you are wondering why I called you here."
"Did you find a fossilized human?" Lyra asked, but was immediately smacked in the back of the head by Bon Bon. "Hey!"
I sighed in frustration at that comment, and just waited for Bon Bon and Lyra to stop arguing. I think it took about thirty minutes before Vinyl pulled out her MP3 player and blasted the loudest dubstep/cello song she had.
"Thank you Vinyl. Now, to the matter at hoof." I pulled down a poster I had been hiding from them earlier. All it showed was a plan to lock up the fridge. Fairly simple at the time. "All of you know how Derpy tends to clean out my fridge, right?" I was answered by silent stares. "Well she does. Which is why I've called you four here. I was thinking that by using some chains and a lock we could make it possible for Derpy to stop raiding our fridge." During the time I spoke, I pointed to each of the items on the poster before turning to my friends. "Any questions?"
A white and aquamarine hoof shot up after I said that. "No, we won't be using anything human related, or wub related." And almost immediately, both hooves shot down, followed by a loud smack near Lyra.
"Awww, and I wanted to get some practice in with my bass cannon before my next gig with Tavi." Vinyl sighed, while Octavia started turning as red as a tomato.
"Vinyl, I told you that was our secret." Octavia fidgeted in her seat.
"Oh it isn't like they won't find out eventually, Miss CDJ CLASS-4 5ths." Vinyl gave a now bright red Octavia a sly smile with a peck on the cheek.
I waited a bit more before letting out a cough to get their attention again. "Now that that is out in the open, is there any more questions that pertain to the matter at hoof." Silence once again answered her. "Good. Now, who's with me?" None of them looked at me with determination, only the oh too familiar 'are you serious' face. "Fine then, I'll do it myself."
After a couple of seconds of waving my hoof, all my friends had gotten up and walked out the door. But I did hear Vinyl bet Lyra that I'd be in the hospital within the week. Once I could no longer hear my friends, I turned towards a large pile of chains near the back of the basement.
"I guess it's just me then." I sighed.
Attempt 1
3:45 PM on a Tuesday
I looked at the fridge with a little pride now, taking in its new accessory. I had made sure to put chains in the places that would let 'unwanted' intruders to steal all her food. As I slid the key out of the lock I happily turned towards my room, thinking of the carrot cake waiting on my bed. But then I heard the one thing I thought I would never hear in my kitchen. It was the sound of digging. I followed the sound getting closer extremely quickly, and then near the fridge. I'm pretty sure my eyes widened three times what they were supposed to when I realized what or who was causing it. My thoughts were confirmed when I heard a muffled but familiar phrase.
"Oh goodie! More muffins for me!"
I quickly put the key back into the lock and opened the door, seeing a miner hat ducking into a hole in the bottom of my fridge with all my food.
"Oh no you don't!" I reached and pulled the miner hat with all my might, which resulted in me getting head butted by it. The last thing I heard from the fridge was the owner of the miner hat whispering 'sorry' before disappearing. "This isn't over, Derpy!" I grabbed my head because of the pain caused by my yelling. "ow."
Attempt 2
12:05 PM on a Wednesday
With new bandages secured around my head, I had decided to try a different approach. The preparations with my neighbors had gone without a hitch, and I had even just finished putting the new fridge in. Yep, it has three layers of solid steel and a locking mechanism that would put bank safes to shame. Not even a sonic rainboom would be able to bust it open, only nick it at best.
"Finally done. Now I can read that fiction book I just got." I walked up the stairs and into my room, looking towards my bookshelf for the newest book in my collection so far. I picked it up and looked at the black Alicorn on the front, right below its title. "Well, Past Sins. I guess I'll give you a try."
It took a few hours to read a couple of the chapters when it started getting dark out. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was already ten o' clock. A low grumble came from my stomach, signaling the lack of food throughout the day. I got out of bed and walked downstairs, expecting the same sight I had seen when I entered my room. But what I was met with was a blow torch, a welders mask, and the door of the fridge lying on the floor in front of an empty compartment. I was both shocked and angered at what I saw. But near the door lied a single note with two words on it.
Nice try.
I was starting to angrily hyperventilate, but that was interrupted by the smell of something burning. I sniffed a bit, thinking that it smelled a bit like hair. "Why do I smell carrot scented hair burning?" I looked down and was met with the sight of the blow torch lighting my hair on fire. " aaaaaaaahhhh." That's all I yelled before running out the door. But I'm not a complete idiot, I made sure to turn the blow torch off before I ran towards the nearest source of water.
Attempt 3
8:10 AM on a Thursday
By now, I just decided to throw science at a wall here, or something like that. I can never really remember what that guy Archaic says in the heat of the moment. He even helped me build a new fridge. He said that it uses visible light to act like solid matter or something. It didn't mater to me, all I know is that if anything tries to touch the food inside of it without opening the door, they won't have a hoof. I know it's a bit extreme, but I'm starting to run out of ideas here.
I decided to walk up the stairs but hesitated when I saw a grey blur with a mirror pass me. I sighed and ran to see what her new attempt would be, and at that I was immediately blinded by an extremely bright mirror. It took a couple of minutes until I could see shapes again, and even then I could see that once again, the food was gone.
"Why is this happening to me?" I sighed. I even began feeling my right eye twitch, even though I couldn't see out of it. "Great, my right eye is blind and starting to twitch. That's just Greaat."
Attempt 4
6:00 PM on Friday
By now I was just winging it. I had 'borrowed' one of Pinkie Pies party cannons, and had prepared for an all out war in front of the fridge. Now I was just playing the waiting game. My left eye had been twitching since I put an eye patch over my right one, expecting to see out of it in the next week or so.
After a while, I noticed a couple of things very odd about the party cannon. Unlike most cannons, the inside glistened as if it were coated with something. That's probably how Pinkie Pie fires herself out of it without being blown to bits. There was also enough room to not just fit snugly for one pony, but it looked like it could fit two with both feeling comfortable. It also seemed that there was a small compartment filled with fireworks for some reason.
"Why is it so dark in here?" I lit a match to see the entire compartment, completely oblivious to the big red button I had pushed. I even started to hear a faint ticking noise from the inside. "Why do I smell gun powder?" It took me a couple of seconds to realize my mistake, but was too late when the ticking stop. "Damn my idiocy." And at that, I was catapulted through my roof and into the air.
And when I was high enough, I realized that the party cannon was meant for fireworks, not ponies as I had thought. I noticed this when a large bright orange burst into existence around me, along with a dark green above me. I thought that the sight of a calm Ponyville was pretty nice from this height. At least I know what a pegasus feels like now, minus the searing pain from fireworks. I started to feel myself descend towards the ground, thinking that I would make a good chalk outline when I landed.
But nothing in my life is what it seems, because when I was about to hit the ground, all I saw were two grey blurs, and an amber and blue aura surround something put under me before I felt the full force of hitting a solid object and passing out.
When I woke up, I was met with five passed out ponies in chairs. I looked around and saw that I was in the local hospital, and in pretty bad shape. I was taken out of my beginning thought process by the bombardment of five ponies asking a whole sort of questions about what had happened. After they calmed down, with me having to yell at them to stop, I was able to explain what had happened.
"Wow, CT, I didn't know you could take so much pain." Vinyl stated, with respect in every word. "Oh yeah, speaking of which...." She looked over to Lyra who shrugged and handed over twenty bits. "Thanks for the easy money."
I smiled at their little antic, before being tugged by a gray hoof. My wall eyed roommate looked a little sad and ashamed , but I couldn't think of why she would be. She then hand me a small bottle that had a small blue box on it. I was a bit confused at this, which was apparently noticed.
"It's Doctor Whooves Cure-All. It gets you out of the hospital a lot faster, my friend The Doctor told me so." Derpy looked oat me, even though she had one eye looking at the window and at me. "I'm sorry I caused all of this. When I saw you falling, I got all our friends to help me save you. I hope you can forgive me."
All I did was smile at her and gave her a hug. "It's alright, Derpy. I don't blame you. You just need to learn to not take the entire fridge with you." She smiled at me as I smiled back. "We can get through this." I smiled for a bit longer before asking Vinyl what time it was.
"About 8:24 on the Fifth of November."
I frowned at this and said only one thing. "God damn references."
Author's Note
Hey everyone, this is a story I thought would be an interesting short. I got the idea from the picture if your wondering. I also hope you liked the little DJ thing I pulled off with Octavia. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the story.
~Dr. Science
