Unsalvageable

I have been walking for three days, my hooves ache, my legs feel like rubber, my mind is racing. I have been planning this for two decades. It took a creature powerful enough to cast age spells to plan this, and a pony sick enough to execute it. I pull my knife from its scabbard. I have had this knife for thirty years, but the scabbard is new. For the sake of mobility I had to make the holster all-natural. Which meant cutting a sheath in my thigh and sewing leather into it, making a pocket of flesh and leather.

I have been lusting after a kill for so long, holding the knife between my teeth is the only thing that keeps me sane, knowing that it's only a few more hours away.. So close.

I finally make it to the crest of the mountain, a large valley filled with forests, ravines, and swamps fill my sight. I survey the open fields, thousands of miles stretch out before me. I have to squint to find my destination; Ponyville. It's not easy to see your home from so far after wanting it so bad. I have to sit back to prevent fainting. The images flying past through my mind bring tears to my eyes. I hadn't always been so disturbed, but these thoughts have followed me for as long as I can remember.

Father told me that I had to think on positive things so I could overcome the negative. That worked when I was young, but his solution was only treating my symptoms, I needed a cure. My new father gave me that, but the cost.. I sometimes wonder if it was  worthwhile. I have to shun those regrets, if new father knew, he would hate me. I just know it. I want to make him happy, I want to help him. But without his magic it gets hard, the guilt haunts me. I feel like a foal, too young to bare this alone.

New father said that would be a side affect. I am not twenty-five. I haven't been for thirty years. New father can cast age spells, he makes sure that I am in peak physical shape so I don't fail him. He's been waiting for a long time to come back. I work hard, but I still worry about failing. If I don't succeed he can't return, neither can I. He said that Celestia will behead me, I don't want to leave him.

Sometimes I wonder why I need to do this to help, new father told me that he needs the souls of ponies to come back. I still wonder why I need to kill them. I wish I could just collect souls from ponies who die naturally. It seems more innocent. Father told me I was innocent, new father tells me I'm corrupt. I miss father.

I miss new father too, I have to see him again soon. His magic is wearing off, I feel weak, young, I'm losing my nerve. I don't think I can do this without another spell.

The sun is setting, I don't have much time to get to the schoolhouse.

"New father! Help me!" I cry out, birds flock away. My sudden outburst was the first noise of the evening. I am overcome with a feeling of drifting away. I am relieved. I feel my burden lift, I fell whole again. I feel anger.

New father helped me again, now it's my turn to help. I start my decent down the mountain. I have little over a hour to start the cycle, just enough time with the spell working in me.