Unsalvageable

I am refreshed from the sleep I was able to get at Trixie's. Although I wish I could have spoken with her, I know that she'd just freak out again, and I don't want to risk new father getting angry with her. The fact that he let her live the first time was shocking enough, I know he won't show that kind of mercy a second time.

Even though I no longer have the spell effecting me, I feel strong. I don't know if sleep can make you feel this great, or I am finally growing up, but I like this feeling. I'm not dependent anymore, I can work for myself. I have to work for myself, after the trouble with Trixie, new father is definitely worn, he uses enough energy helping me already, I can't make him step in again. It would kill him.

I realize that I never gave Berry Punch the message from Cheerilee. It had only been a day, but I'm sure time was passing slower for her. I decide to risk myself by going by her home, nopony knows what I look like, except for Celestia. And I doubt she's going to be at the bartenders house.

With the cool morning air blowing softly through my mane, I walk the dirt path to Ponyville. The walk is only fifteen minutes, the only thing to see are the fields of grass. Not much has been built or planted around here, too close to the Everfree Forest for most ponies. It surprised me that Fluttershy lived right on the edge of the woods, she was so shy and timid. I would have figured her to live right in the middle of town, were everypony could look out for her, or at least scream within earshot if anything went awry.

I'm not used to having ponies see me and live long after, it's unsettling to be near so many ponies at once. I'm nervous, but I'm also determined, besides, walking in plain sight is sure to bring down the spirits of the Royal Guards' investigators once they find out. A few ponies wave or say "Good morning!" or "How are you?". I just nod, I usually don't speak unless I'm intimidating a victim. I don't want to slip up and threaten somepony out of the blue.

The rest of the walk is very unnerving. I thought that after what happened last night and this morning I would be okay, I was wrong. So wrong. Everytime somepony even looked at me I flinched. I hate looking weak, but I also hate being stared at. I hate the thought of somepony watching me, knowing what I do and say. I also hate ponies in general, and pretty much any sentient animal. Dragons are the one exception, and new father, of course.

Dragons are violent beings at heart, much like I am. Although my violence in more wishful thinking than action, or was, until I met new father. Dragons don't have regrets, they aren't remorseful, they just don't care. If you get in their way they act. If it's easier to kill you, they do. I like that. I admire that. I wish I could be like that. New father says it won't be long before I can be like the dragons. I look forward to it.

He says I'll have wings larger than the king of the dragons. I don't know if he was being metaphorical or not, but I hope he really meant it. He said I'll have pure malice in my heart, at the core I'll be hate. Like him. I want to be more like him, more powerful, sure. But also more caring. New father was there when I was weakest, when I couldn't even talk, couldn't even think. He trained me, he grew me, he taught me. He loved me. He still loves me. Even though I mess up from time to time, he keeps me.

After being deep in thought for some time, I'm startled by a pony yelling at me. "Hey, where are you going?"

I jump, I really hadn't been focusing on walking, my mind just guided me to Berry's. Convenient. I look to my left to address the pony talking to me. "Oh, hello Berry." Come on, you can do this. "I've been looking for you."

"Uh, do I know you? I've never seen you before." Her tone is drenched in impatience and anger, obviously my doing.

"You do, although you probably- no, definitely wish you didn't."

"What the buck are you talking about?" She screams, "Just go away, I don't want to talk right now!" She's about to slam shut the window, I have to tell her.

"I have a message from Cheerilee." I say flatly. She flips her emotions one-eighty and spins around to face me again.

"What did you just say?" I can tell it's still a touchy subject. Usually takes a few months.

"She wants you to know that she loves you. Or, at least, she did love you. But all you earth ponies believe love is eternal, so I guess the first is true, either way she wanted me to tell you." I let the message sink in, lucky for the rest of the plan doesn't require me to go shopping. After this I won't be able to show my face without fear of somepony screaming bloody murder. They'd be right.

"H-how do you k-know that?" Because she told me right before I gutted her.

"Just know, if you scream, you die." I turned and left through an alley behind her house. Echoes of a mare weeping rang through the walls.

Time to see what the prices of apples are this season.