An Exercise in Inter-Universal Politics

by Feedbacker

Rating: teen
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 42743

Navigating politics is hard enough when you're not a horse.

Twilight Sparkle expected a few things to happen when she became the first inter-universal traveler in Equestrian history. For one, she thought that it would be a lot less physically draining. For another, she assumed that she would enter into a world with its own unique magic, not one of strange creatures who don't seem to have any magic at all. And, perhaps most of all, she expected to land in a field somewhere, or perhaps a castle—and not in the middle of a gaggle of photographers, reporters, and news anchors who were supposed to be watching a New York press conference.

Published 2013-06-15 22:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-08 05:38:03 UTC

Talking it Over

"A horse?"

Kyle Marshal wasn't surprised at the President's disbelief.

"Yes, sir. A horse. One with wings and a horn."

"...A unicorn?"

"Correct."

President Byrne slowly got up from his desk and walked over to a cabinet.

"Marshal, I swear to god, if this is some kind of joke," the President began, pouring himself a scotch, "I will try Acone for... I don't know, Treason, or something. Whatever I can charge him with."

"It's real, sir. A bit... Surprising, but real."

"Has he woken up yet?"

"She, Mr President," Kyle corrected, "It's a she. And no, she is still unconscious in Sacred Heart Hospital.

"Under guard, I'm guessing?"

"Yes, sir, she is under guard. We have had no incidents so far, minus one doctor fainting at the sight of her. If you'd like, we could transfer her to a bunker, or a similarly secure location."

"Do you think it will be necessary?"

"No, sir. I think that she is safe."

"That's good," Byrne responded, returning to his desk, "We wouldn't want to cause an incident with the horse empire. Or wherever the hell she's from."

"No, sir. We would not."

"So, tell me, Mr Marshall," the President began, leaning back into his chair and taking a sip of his scotch, "How you think the next few days are going to play out."

Kyle considered his words. He had known the President for a long time, since his first campaign for Senator. That was eight years ago now, back when he was barely out of college. While he wouldn't exactly consider the president a friend, they had certainly had many experiences together. This wasn't the first time he had been asked what he thought of a situation.

This was, however, the first time he had been asked about such an absurd one. The whole thing sounded like something out of a bad children's story. A unicorn? Really?

Kyle's thoughts were interrupted by the President speaking up again. "Just say what's on your mind, Mr Marshall. I want to hear your thoughts."

"Well," Kyle began, "The entire thing sounds like something out of a bad children's story. I mean, it is a unicorn, and she's probably going to meet you - It would be a great picture book to teach little girls a little bit about politics, right? Who the president is, and such. So maybe we are in that Children's story, and this ends happily with the Unicorn running for mayor or introducing a bill to congress or something."

The corners of the President's mouth twitched as he tried to hold back a smile. "Do you really think that's what's going to happen?"

"No, sir," Kyle responded, "No I do not. This isn't a children's story. This is the real world. So, in all likelihood, that unicorn is from a race of super-advanced horses demanding slaves and tribute, and they will crush our society beneath their hooves. Or, on a slightly cheerier note, she's just from the magical planet of Unicorndia, and wants to introduce us to some sort of Galactic Federation. She did say she came in peace, according to Acone. Then again, maybe she's from a magical unicorn dimension, and wants to - I dunno, get people to stroke their hair or something. In any case, if she comes peacefully, we're going to get into one hell of a tussle with the rest of the world, not to mention Congress, about how to respond. And if in war... Well, we'd either be screwed, or our soldiers would have to live through some kind of horrifying children's story written by Edgar Allan Poe."

"Of course, that's all speculation," the President observed, the strain of holding back laughter evident in his voice.

"Yes, sir, it is. In fact, I can only say one thing for sure."

"And that is?"

"The next few weeks are going to be messy as hell."

The president stood up. "Well, Marshall, you were always one for cleaning up messes. Certainly had your fair share of the job when I was campaigning."

Marshall sensed where the President was leading to. He didn't exactly like the idea.

"So," the President continued, "We have a horse. And that horse is going to make one hell of a mess. You, Marshall, are going to be the stableboy."

Marshall exhaled through clenched teeth.

"Stableboy, sir?"

"I don't want you to let that damn thing out of your sight. I'll handle the interviews and diplomacy, of course, but I want you to make sure that horse is at least moderately comfortable the whole time she's here - And, of course, to make sure she doesn't try anything funny."

"Do you really think I'm qualified for this?" Marshall asked, not exactly cheerful at his new assignment. "I mean, I'm not good with animals. I'm just an assistant."

"And you're one of the best damn assistants I have. You can handle it. I'll get a car for you."

"If you insist, sir."

* * *

Twilight's eyes fluttered open.

Then promptly closed as the heavy lights of the room sent a railroad spike into her skull. She hadn't had a headache this bad since her after-coronation party.

She only spent a few seconds remembering where she was. Alternative universe of some sort. No idea if the inhabitants were friendly or not. From the dull feel of her horn, she was also almost entirely drained of magic, and probably wouldn't be up to normal for at least a few months. She had heard of that happening to unicorns before, even read several case studies, but she never thought it would happen to her. Normally it was caused by an exotic disease or over-use of elixirs, not just normal magic use.

This presented a problem. She had expected to have some sort of escape mechanism, in case she had traveled to a land of terrible monsters, but now she was basically stuck in an alternate universe she knew nothing about. She resisted the urge to panic.

From what she had seen of the world, it seemed nice enough. She remembered flashes, and a vague silhouette that looked something like a Minotaur. The animal was definitely bi-pedal, and Twilight remembered it speaking Equestrian. Which seemed slightly unlikely. Maybe the theories of a pan-universal influence, changing language and culture, were accurate.

Twilight slowly opened her eyes again, groaning in the light. She moved a hoof up to cover her eyes.

"IT'S AWAKE!"

Okay. That was definitely Equestrian. Panicked Equestrian, but her language all the same. Maybe there were ponies here after all.

"IT'S AWAKE! BE READY!"

Twilight slowly moved her hoof away from her eyes, trying to get used to the intense light of the room. It felt like several Diamond Dogs were trying to find gold inside of her skull, but the pain would probably pass. Now was the time to figure out where she was.

The room came into focus slowly. The first thing she noticed was four silhouettes, two outside of the windows that appeared to be at the far end of the room, and two in the doorway. Twilight was right, they did walk on two legs, although they didn't look much like a Minotaur. Closer to a monkey, but with heavy black fur.

As the scene increased in clarity, Twilight saw that the blackness wasn't fur, but some sort of clothing. Only the two in the doorway had it, while the ones in the window were wearing light blue clothing. It reminded her of something, but her head hurt too much to make a connection.

The ones in the doorway were pointing something at her. Metal tubes of some type. Weapons?

Twilight sure hoped not. She wouldn't be able to fight off against a filly right now, much less two full-grown apes.

"He- Hello?" She asked, hoping that the words wouldn't be her last.

"DO YOU MEAN ANY HARM TO THE PEOPLE OF EARTH?"

She knew that voice. Her brother had practiced it at home when he was first applying for the royal guard. It was the trained yell of someone in a crisis situation. Maybe the two ape-things were members of the guard? It certainly wouldn't surprise her.

"No- No," she muttered, "Ex- Explorer."

It took everything she had to keep from panicking. She tried to focus on the training she had received back in Equestria.

"When you arrive in the new world, they may be afraid of you. They may want to hurt you. They might even be expecting you. In any case, the important thing is to remain claim. Tell them you mean them no harm. Say you are exploring. Don't make any sudden movements.

"ARE OTHERS GOING TO FOLLOW YOU?"

"Al- alone."

Another figure entered the scene. He was wearing a jacket, and a stethoscope. A doctor. She was in a hospital.

"Okay, that's enough," he - no, that was female voice, this was a she - shouted, "I have patients trying to sleep here!"

"Ma'm, get back! We don't know what this thing is going to do!"

"This thing weighs thirty pounds. We didn't even bother restraining it, any one of us could chuck it across the room."

Thirty? I'm much more than that... Twilight thought, still staring at the scene.

"It's not restrained?" the guard shouted, his voice a mix of exasperation and anger.

"I saw it loaded into the bed. It weighs next to nothing, and it's so spongy I wouldn't be surprised if it was half foam," the new doctor explained, equally exasperated. "It probably has one hell of a headache, and shouting definitely isn't helping that. You stand outside and let me talk to her. She says she comes in peace, right? I have nothing to worry about."

"It could be lying!" warned the other guard, who had remained silent until this point.

"Yeah, it could be," the Doctor responded, "And if it is, you guys make it into Swiss cheese. But, for now, please stop screaming at my patients."

Grudgingly, the two guards slowly stepped backward from the door, still pointing the tubes at her. The doctor stepped between them, approaching Twilight's bed.

"Sorry about that. I'm Doctor Megan Alexander. Are you fluent in English?"

Twilight coughed. "I'm - I'm not sure what English is. But I speak Equestrian, and you appear to as well. Can we just use that?"

"Honey," the Doctor responded, "Are you speaking Equestrian right now?"

"Yes. Obviously. We both are, aren't we?"

"Eh, English, Equestrian, Tomato, Tom-auto," the Doctor responded, "A rose by any other name is just as sweet. Now, what's your name?"

"Twilight- Twilight Sparkle," Twilight responded, still slightly confused as to how "Megan Alexander" could actually be a name. "Where- Where is this?"

"Sacred Heart Hospital. Finest in the nation! Well, at least, in New York."

Twilight nodded.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Not- Not really," Twilight responded, skull still on fire. "Coming into this universe was harder than I thought it would be."

"Yes. You have a pretty big fall. Probably caused some broken bones, although we didn't want to test you for anything. Do you know what an X-ray is, honey?"

"Yes," Twilight responded, "I do."

"Can we give you one?"

"I- I suppose."

The doctor pulled a small device from one of her pockets. It looked almost like a hairbrush without the bristles. It was completely flat, with only a small indicator light on the top. It certainly didn't look like anything Twilight had ever seen.

"Here... This will only take a moment..."

The doctor waved the wand over Twilight's body. It had to be a joke. There was no way such a small machine could -

"Ah! There we go. No broken bones to speak of."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "But- That's not how x-rays work, is it? You need a machine, and film, not a hairbrush! Unless you did a magic scan, but you don't have a horn..."

"We moved past that a few years ago."

Twilight nodded, resisting the urge to lecture on how it shouldn't be possible to give an X-ray with a machine that small.

"So. You're fine. Although I image your head hurts. You should rest, sweetie."

Twilight wasn't exactly a fan of the pet names, but she didn't have the energy to make it known. All she could do was nod as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

* * *

"The world is abuzz at the appearance of a purple winged unicorn at Mayor Acone's press conference yesterday evening. Some are calling hoax, but the journalists were now able to take over seven hundred photographs of the appearance, not to mention numerous videos."

"I don't know about this horse! I don't trust her! I don't think that she's here peacefully!"

"I mean - Look, I know crazy shit has happened, but, a fuckin' horse? No way in hell. That is some grade-A bullshit. I must still be on that acid trip, or something."

"Horses! Talking horses! Jesus Christ. What kind of mating ritual producted that?"

"I think that it's a sign from mother nature - We enslaved the horses for our entire history, and now she comes to us in the form of a horse to start off her plan to purify her domain. She's so elegant."

"I think it's a sign from Jesus. This must be the first horse of the apocalypse. You know, unicorns were actually a phallic symbol from Satan, you can read all about it in my new book..."

"Man, I am way too high for this shit. Dude, pass that bong, I need another hit, man. Yo, TV land is having a marathon of Mr Ed in, like, respect for that horse chick. That show was the shit. We should watch it."

Author's Note

Forgot to mention, this is set in the near future. (~30ish years). This is mostly so I don't have to use actual politicians.

Times in Motion

Kyle Marshall had spent the night in the Hospital's on-call room. The bed wasn't very good, and he didn't really get any sleep. On top of that, the Hospital was out of coffee.

This made dealing with Tony Acone exponentially more difficult.

"Look, Marshall. I get that this is a federal thing. I just don't get why the hell the President himself isn't down here. I mean, no offense, but you're not exactly who I expected to see out here."

"As I've sad before, Mr Acone," Marshall began, irritation showing, "The President has decided that I'm going to be the one to watch this thing until he decides he can talk to it. I didn't ask for this job, I assure you."

"I know, but, I mean, we need Federal assistance here! I can take care of the horse for a while - My family has always been famous for how we treat guests, and I don't want my city to be any different - But I really do want the President here! I want him helping out, give the people a chance to see him in action!"

"No, Mr Acone, you want to give the people a chance to see him with you. I hear you've considered running four years from now?"

"Hey, those are just rumors!" Acone exclaimed, legitimately hurt by the accusation. He wasn't that much of a scumbag. "I just want the President to be in New York when he's making History. It would really help our image. Besides, this hospital is one of the safest places in the country."

"I never said we were moving her."

"Oh."

There was a moment of awkward silence before Acone spoke up again.

"You know, she's been asleep for almost two days. She woke up once, but only for a few minutes. I'm starting to worry."

"Tony Acone, worry? About a horse?"

Acone mentally suppressed images of a small, fat Italian boy looking out the bus window and dreaming of riding in on one of the beautiful horses the NYPD's mounted unit rode and saving Mary-Ann from a fire.

"Hey, she's a guest! I always worry about my guests."

"Well, the doctors have assured me - and you - That she's fine," Kyle responded, teeth clenched. He had never lived in New York, but he had seen Acone on TV. Something about the man made him want to punch a wall.

"I know that, but sometimes I-"

"Mr Acone?" a nurse interrupted, "Twilight is awake."

"Twilight?" Tony and Kyle questioned in unison.

"Twilight Sparkle, sir. That's her name."

Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Twilight? Heh. Maybe you should ask her if she only means to stay a while!" Acone exclaimed.

Disappointed at the lack of reactions to his joke, Acone (perhaps unwisely) continued, "I mean, honestly, this whole thing is either real or it's a dream. There's nothing that is in between. I mean, Twilight?"

"ELO? Time? Y'know, the album about the guy who goes to the future? 'Twilight' is the second track..." The mayor said, showcasing his considerable talent for plowing though awkward silences, "That album is great! I don't know how you guys didn't get it."

Kyle Marshall pondered if it was possible to over-use one's eye muscles as he followed the nurse down the hallway.

* * *

Twilight looked up as the two ape-things shuffled in the room. She still couldn't get over how strange these things were in appearance. The different colors she was used to, but their bodies changed so much from person to person. These two new ones were a prime example. One was brownish, but a much lighter shade than the doctor. Like the others, he was devoid of hair on his body, but he seemed to be missing the mane the creatures normally had on their heads. His jaw was square-ish, and he was definitely rounder than most in the stomach. This was especially noticeable next to the tall, thin creature to his left. His skin was darker, his lips slightly larger, and his eyes narrower.

"Mrs. Twilight," the fat one started, in a voice marked by gruffness, "I'm Tony Acone. Please ta meet ya."

The creature extended one of his appendages - Dear Celestia, what did he have on the end of his arms? Fat sausages attached to a flat patch of skin in a way that was almost reminiscent of a Griffon's claws. Apparently he wanted a hoof-shake, but Twilight was kind of afraid to touch it.

"Uh, excuse me, but..." Twilight began, unable to resist her curiosity, "What are those?"

"These? Well," Tony began, oblivious, "The big gold one is my wedding ring, obviously, but that thin white one is my confirmation ring - I'm not actually Catholic, but my Grandmother gav-"

Twilight, much to Kyle's relief, interrupted him.

"Not the jewelry, the organ."

"What organ?" Tony asked, confused. "My hand?"

"Hand. Alright. And I'm guessing you want to shake it?"

"...That's kinda what hands are for, aren't they?"

Twilight tentatively reached a hoof forward, which Tony grabbed gently. This was lucky for Twilight, as her bruised hoof would have no doubt exploded in pain it if were subjected to one of Tony Acone's normal handshakes.

"Again, really just wonderful to meet ya," Tony said, his voice full of genuine enthusiasm. "I'm Tony Acone, mayor of New York. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here in the big apple!"

The word "Apple" suddenly reminded Twilight of how intensely hungry she was. She hadn't eaten anything in a few days. As if on cue, her stomach rumbled.

"Ah, you're probably pretty hungry. You've been out for two days," Acone noted.

Two days? Twilight thought. Wow. That teleportation spell must have taken a lot more out of me then I thought.

"Do you want me to get you something? Apples, hay, sugarcubes..."

The tall one in the back finally spoke up. "Mr Acone, I highly doubt she eats those things."

Twilight shook her head. "Actually, those are some of my favorite foods."

Twilight turned her head to Acone without noticing the subtle twitching of the tendons in the other human's neck. "Any chance you could get me some oatmeal with apple slices?"

Tony nodded vigorously. "Coming right up, Ms. Sparkle."

With that, Tony left the room. Not everybody liked him, but everybody agreed that he was one of the most hands-on politicians the state had ever seen.

As the mayor searched for instant oatmeal in the cafeteria, Kyle took the time to continue talking to Twilight.

"Ms Sparkle, correct? I'm Kyle Marshall," the assistant said, stepping a bit closer to the side of her bed. "I was sent here by the President of the United States - That's the country you are in - To make sure you are comfortable. Is there anything I can do?"

Twilight thought back to the classes she had taken to prepare herself for the journey. The sociologist ponies she talked to had mentioned that the system of government in the world she went to might be different. Princes might rule, or they might have a queen like the changelings, or even lack a ruler at all. One had even spent a very long time talking about a council of philosophers that lorded over a highly organized society. A presidency, however, seemed a bit odd to Twilight. Normally that title was reserved for heads of organizations, like schools or businesses, not governments. It was probably best to clarify.

"The President - Is he the leader of this country?"

Kyle nodded.

"Well, tell him that he has my deepest thanks for taking such good care of me," she began, "and also inform him that I request an audience with his presidentialness, in order to plea the case for my own nation."

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Presidentialness?"

Twilight blushed, embarrassed. "Or, uh, whatever his title may be."

The corners of Kyle's mouth twitched as he suppressed a smile. This was actually rather funny, but business came first.

"Mr. President will be perfectly fine, Ms Sparkle. He is a very humble man."

Twilight nodded. Good. Should be easier than dealing with an arrogant ruler.

Twilight didn't have time to respond before Tony walked back into the room. "Hey, fresh oatmeal! Hopefully I put enough Apple slices in."

He pushed the bowl towards Twilight. She sniffed it, tentatively. To her delight, it smelled delicious. It reminded her of her days at home, her mother making her oatmeal and telling her that she was her little princess. Early morning breakfasts with Celestia or her friends, talking for hours before leaving.

"This smells fantastic," Twilight said, turning to Acone.

"Just like Grandma used to make," Acone muttered under his breath. He had always been proud of his ability to cook.

Twilight took another deep breath, then grabbed the spoon with magic, slowly lifting it up to her-

"WHAT THE-"

Tony stumbled backwards, tripping over his own feet and landing on the floor. Kyle was similarly startled, although the wall behind him saved him the embarrassment of falling over.

Twilight stared at him. "Something wrong?"

"It's- It's levitating! The spoon is levitating!"

Twilight arched an eyebrow. "...Yes?"

"That's- I mean," Tony said, standing up, "What, are you a magical unicorn?"

"...Of course. There's not any other kinds, are there?"

Twilight had barely gotten the words out of her mouth before she realized how stupid she had just been. They had told her magic might not exist! They had said that it was extremely unlikely, an infinitesimally small chance, but it was there. She just had revealed that she had magic, without any understanding of how the world might react.

The mayor stared at her, his eyes quickly moving towards her horn. Good lord. It's glowing. She's magic. There is a magic unicorn right in this room with me.

Some small part of Tony, deep within the most suppressed part of his subconscious, buried under layers of taunts and "serious discussions" with his father, resisted the urge to squeal. An actual magic unicorn.

Kyle had a different reaction. He ducked out of the room, quickly pulling out his phone.

"Yes, James? I need you to double the guards around here. Triple them. This thing is- Well, it's more powerful then we thought. No, I don't need you to handle the problem just yet. She still seems peaceful. But we need to be careful."

He pressed the button to end the call, then exhaled, his anxiety seeming to spew out his lungs. He slowly leaned against a wall for support.

Magic. Actual magic. That could probably fix so many of the Earth's problems.

Or it could make them all a hundred times worse.

Author's Note

Didn't send this to proofreaders because I realized I had spent almost a month without updating anything. So... yeah. Not the best idea, but I figured you guys needed something.

Cutaway

Chrysalis was not happy.

Celestia had managed to get the magic for world-hopping done before she had. Of course, the Equestrians did have a slight advantage - After all, they had the finest minds in the world, while she mostly had drones - But she had been working on the spells and technology for far longer.

Celestia had just barely beat her last time, and that was only with the magical abilities of an Alicorn with love-related magic on her wedding day. It was basically cheating. In any other circumstance, she would have destroyed any force that stood in her way, taken over the city, and became the supreme ruler of the world

Then again, that position was still open...

She paced in the throne room, eyes tracking miniscule cracks in the black stone floor. Universe-hopping had no guarantee of success, especially for Celestia. Her changelings could easily feed on a universe's love, creating a breeding ground in order to add to their numbers. Normal ponies couldn't do that. They would have to hope that the universe had a sentient race that was willing to become allies with them - Or, at the very least, contained resources that were useful. Neither option was guaranteed to happen. It might be a good idea to launch her assault now, with a Princess out of the way. Then again, if she did go on the offensive, she was extremely vulnerable to a counter-attack if the mission did succeed. The changeling nation probably couldn't take a defeat like that.

The whole situation was a total mess. She had put everything she had into the wedding invasion. Everything was perfectly set up, perfectly planned, and then one stupid unicorn had to screw everything up. Maybe she shouldn't have taken the risk in the first place, instead biding her time until she was sure she could destroy Celestia. Of course, if she had truly made a judgmental error and not just have gotten unlucky, Celestia had probably made the same error when she sent Twilight away.

The changeling queen slowly paced back to her throne and sat. The hard stone wasn't exactly comfortable, but it was intimidating. She had actually grown rather fond of it. It always made interrogations easier.

"Guards!" She barked, although there was nobody in the room. The changeling nest was sensitive to vibrations, and would carry her voice throughout.

Sure enough, the door quickly slammed open, a guard rushing through. "Yes, m'lady?"

"Tell the science department to give me a new estimate on how long it will take us to break the universal barrier. I need it for my planning."

"Yes m'lady. Right away m'lady!"

The guard scurried out of the room, leaving the Queen to her own devices.

* * *

In another throne room, Celestia too paced. Twilight had been gone for a few days, so obviously she hadn't had to panic and return immediately. That meant that whatever universe she was in was hospitable to her. Or that they were expecting her and she teleported into a mareaday cage and she couldn't get back and she was being tortured and it was all her fault and chrysalis was going to invade and take over and it was goi-

Celestia was mercifully cut off from her thoughts by her sister entering the room, clipboard levitated in front of her. "Well, according to this, radiation levels are all normal - No side effects of transport, as we modeled."

The princess of the sun nodded in the direction of her nocturnal counterpart. While she still wished that she could monitor Twilight in some way, the knowledge that Equestria wouldn't be destroyed in a horrible radioactive holocaust did ease her nerves a bit. Of course, she would have liked to also know that Equestia wouldn't be destroyed in a horrible changeling holocaust - which was why she had given Twilight the mission in the first place.

She didn't really trust anybody else with the job. Well, she had asked her sister, but Luna had refused, thinking herself unqualified. Something about "social awkwardness" causing her to be a bad diplomat. Celestia, if she was going to be honest with herself, agreed with her sister's assessment. While Twilight wasn't the best with other ponies, she did have a certain eager charm that caused most to warm up to her rather quickly. She was also highly unlikely to do something reckless or stupid. Overall, Twilight was definitely the best choice for the task, but Celestia still felt horrible for sending the new Alicorn on such a dangerous mission. It was an awful lot for somepony with such little experience to take on.

"Furthermore," Luna continued, oblivious to her sister's inner monologue, "The scientists claim that the way certain particles interact around the genesis point of the teleportation indicates that the time difference between the two universes is negligible at best, so that eliminates a lot of worries."

Celestia nodded.

"Anything else?"

"Well," Luna replied, magically flipping though her clipboard, "There is increased Changeling activity in all regions of Equestria. Counter-intelligence also indicates that Chrysalis knows our experiment went through, although our Science room remains uncompromised."

The Princess of the Sun pondered the news. Increased activity... Never a good sign. Perhaps Chrysalis had decided to go on the offensive early. She'd discuss it in her war room later.

"Thank you, sister."

Luna nodded in reply, before trotting off to attend to other business. She was rather enjoying this whole project - It was certainly more fun than raising the same moon every night or the same boring dreams - and she wanted to get back to work. Besides, the look on her sister's face was enough to tell her that she needed time to think.

And think Celestia did.

Author's Note

I'm sorry for "mareaday cage." I really am.

Also, this is 100% unedited. Figured you guys deserved an update. More to follow.

Meetings

"Look. I'm staying involved, okay?"

The President remained silent.

"She's in my city. She's my guest, for God's sake! You can't ask me to just leave."

The President rolled his eyes. Why did it have to be New York? Why not LA or, even better, DC? He certainly wouldn't have to deal with Tony if she had landed in one of those cities. He didn't mind the mayor as much as many of his peers, but the guy was certainly difficult to deal with. Getting him to back down would be difficult without making the situation an official emergency so he could just order him to stop.

Then again, maybe stubbornness was just what this horse needed. Tony was never known for overseeing mistakes, or bending to the will of what the media wanted. Having him interested in this.. Diplomat? Diplomare? Whatever -- could be good for her well-being.

And, of course, it would give the President somebody else to blame when things inevitably went straight to hell.

"Fine, Tony," he said into the telephone, "You can stay on. Just don't screw it up."

The mayor made a noise of happy triumph, then hung up.

* * *

"So, how do we proceed?"

Twilight looked around the room. The mayor was back, as was the President's associate. Acone had made her another bowl of Oatmeal, which was even better than the first. She had to get that recipe.

Twilight had decided that, for now, it was best to trust the humans. They certainly had ample time to harm her if they were going to. Of course, she wasn't completely open -- She had left out most parts of Equestrian history, as well as all of Equestria's defense mechanisms -- but she did tell them a bit about herself and her role in the world. She had explained magic as best as she could, and even answered questions, mostly from Acone. His smile had gotten so wide Pinkie Pie would have been impressed.

"Well, you still haven't told us why you're here. Which is a bit of an issue." Kyle responded, speaking for the first time in the last half hour.

Twilight blushed slightly. "Ah! Right. I forgot that. Well, I'm not actually supposed to tell you guys - It's for the ruler of the land's eyes only. Which is why I requested a session with your president."

Acone arched an eyebrow. "I wouldn't really call him a ruler. More of a... Leader of the people?"

"Executive?" Kyle offered, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Yeah, executive. Still, he'd be the closet thing to what you want. Kyle, you on that session?"

Kyle had indeed been on that session. The President, however, hadn't bothered to schedule anything yet. He sounded like he was extremely tired on the phone, and from what Kyle could ascertain from news broadcasts, he had been in talks with other world leaders for most of the past few days. He wanted to meet the diplomat, but so did all the other "rulers." Twilight didn't know it, but she was now being protected by both the 119th Drone Division and the infamous "Control Key Fliers" of the 2nd Battle of Waterloo. The airspace around her was probably the most secure area in the world. The President had assured Kyle that it was "just a precaution," but he had a feeling that the talks the President was having weren't all exactly positive.

"The President can't make it at the moment." he responded, still focused on the Unicorn. The President was right, she was causing quite a mess. Of course, she didn't know that, nor did she intend to... Kyle shook his head slightly, clearing his thoughts, before continuing. "He's busy with other matters."

"Other matters?" Acone boomed, unbelieving. "What else could be more important than this? It's a trans-universal diplomat! That's pretty important!"

Kyle grit his teeth. "The other matters are related to that, I can assure you."

Acone rolled his eyes. "Politics," he grunted.

"One to talk, Mr. Mayor."

"Would you call anything I do politics?"

Kyle looked over the fat man in the suit, his eyes briefly lingering on the milk stain on his tie before finishing.

"You do have your own... Special brand of it, at least."

"Damn right!" Acone exclaimed, proudly.

"Guys?" Twilight cut in, trying to steer the conversation back on course. "I know that he is busy, but don't you think he can meet with me? I need to deliver news back to my home as soon as possible."

Acone began to pace. "Look, say what you want about the President, but nobody in their right mind would pass up a chance to talk to you unless they have a good reason. I think I saw the guy who re-stocks the Hospital's toilet paper supply on the news last night."

Kyle nodded, but remained silent.

"So, you said that you can only show your plan to the 'ruler of the land,' right? Well, I'm kinda-sorta the ruler of New York-"

Acone momentarily stopped his sentence to glare at Kyle, who had snorted at the word "ruler," before continuing, "And you're in New York. So I rule this land."

"You don't 'rule' anything, and you only oversee the city!" Kyle interrupted, "And we're out of the city! This is twenty miles north of the city!"

"Technically, Sacred Heart Hospital has its main branch in the city, so it's close enough, okay?" Acone responded, exasperated. "Look. You can show it to me."

Twilight licked her lips, her face contorted into an expression of uncertainty. "That's kind of a technicality, isn't it?"

"Eh, it's New York. We run on technicalities."

Twilight nodded. "The document is in my Saddlebags, in a sealed envelope. Open it and read it. I know the contents, as a ruler of Equestria myself, but Celestia, my mentor, wanted you - or any ruler, I guess - to read it for yourself."

Acone bounded over to the bag, snatching out the letter. After spending three attempts to fully break the wax seal before pulling out a pocket knife and slicing the side open, he sat down to read it.

"Dear sir or madame, I would like to cordially extend my deepest blah blah blah... Equestrian people, a race that we hope will whatever... Extend friendship... Request military protection and aide!"

Acone looked up. "You guys need us to protect you? You in a war?"

"You weren't supposed to read it aloud!" Twilight exclaimed, in anguish. "And you didn't even finish!"

"Oh, right. Well, I don't think it would be fair to Kyle here if I stopped--" He muttered, gesturing to the now-pale presidential assistant, "So I'll keep going... Let's see... The changelings, a dark race of love-sucking shapeshifters... Threaten our lands... Could build their own universal traveling system and destroy the world in horrible flames.... Yeah, yeah, sounds like something that we could help out with."

"You seem oddly calm in promising military aide to a different universe, Acone," Kyle accused, his voice cold.

"What, did you see 20 years ago? After that, we can take some Changelingadings, easy!"

Kyle turned out to face the window, briefly catching sight of the black form of a Control-Key R-12 before it continued its rotation about the building.

"That's something for the President -- And the international community -- To decide, Acone."

Author's Note

IT LIVES

BLAME DOTA 2 FOR THE HUGE GAP

NO EDITS BECAUSE IT'S BEEN SO LONG HOLY CRAP
HOPEFULLY IT DOESN'T SUCK

"About the horse."

"He said WHAT?" The president screamed, his phone flashing red to show the microphone was clipping.

"Military aide, sir," Kyle responded, holding his phone a few inches away from his ear. The President normally didn't yell, but he was probably justified in this case.

"That fucking idiot, fatass son of a bitch," the President growled. "That- Jesus Christ. Does he have any idea what giving them assistance will do? I mean, with China's current threats, you'd think he'd know that we can't promise to do anything but get her back! Hell, not even that!"

"Well, sir, he doesn't actually know China's current threats," Kyle pointed out, trying to ignore the fact that he was, technically, protecting Tony Acone. "Neither do I."

"Let's just say that, well, they're not pretty." The President mumbled. "Very, very, very not pretty."

"Do they want to talk to her?" Kyle asked.

"Well... Sort of." the President muttered. "I don't want to discuss it."

Kyle rolled his eyes. Maybe he would eventually get promoted to a high-level cabinet member, so the President would actually tell him what was going on, for once in his life. No more of this vague bullshit.

"So I tell Acone to tell Twilight to screw off?" Kyle asked.

"What? Twilight?" The president asked, annoyed.

"That's her name, sir." Kyle responded. trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

"Oh, right, whatever," the President muttered, before continuing, "Yeah, that'd be ideal. Doubt that idiot would listen, though. No, for now, we need to just lay low. Say nothing about the horse to anybody unless they really need to know. This is already a media circus as it is."

"My lips are sealed." Kyle responded, his tone dry.

"Good. Don't let Tony screw this up any harder than I already is."

With a click, the President hung up, put his phone away, and spun around in his chair. Acone hadn't even bothered to consider that Midnight -- or whatever her name was -- could be lying. He might have just made a deal with some kind of equine Hitler, for all he knew.

Thankfully, he had no actual authority. All he had really done was get her hopes up.

China was angry. Russia was angrier. Even the Prime Minister of Canada had called him up, although he was more annoyed that she hadn't materialized a few miles north than angry.

The President was purposefully delaying talking to the horse. After all, she apparently had freaking magic powers. He didn't want to get hypnotized, or something. For now, he was letting Kyle (and, to his eternal chagrin, Acone) handle actual interaction, while he got a framework in place for proper negotiation.

While this was a huge headache, the President wasn't entirely pessimistic. Magic was, well, freaking magic. Who knew what they could do with that? Not only that, but Kyle's reports indicated that the visitor knew very little of modern technology. Her world had the potential to become the biggest consumer of exports the United States had ever seen.

Getting there was the problem. Especially since it looked like it was going to involve the military.

He had no doubt they could crush anything that came their way. Some of the Control Key Fliers - Which he mentally called by the acronym CCF even though they hated it - had let him take a spin behind their bots once. Those things were insane, and there was so many of them that anything could be overwhelmed - magic or not. If the opposition (changelingadingdongschlongmongs or whatever the hell they were called) didn't surrender immediately, they would get ripped to shreds. Well, unless they pulled their own super-weapons out their asses, but that didn't seem likely.

Then again, it could be a trap. Maybe the Unicorn was some kind of scout and just pretending to not know anything about technology while her race finished the trip to Earth from whatever hellish dimension they called home. Earth could be under the control of inter-dimensional monsters, surrounded in an anti-reproductive field with giant propaganda-playing video screens all over the place in a few days.That wouldn't be good.

The president stood up, slowly walking over to the wall. He took his phone back out of his pocket and flipped it on, flicking through a few screens to get to his email.

As suspected, the Chinese Chairman had responded already. Something about "protecting the international community" and "preventing the United States from monopolizing the biggest diplomatic meeting in the history of the world." Yeah, right. If she had landed there she'd probably be vivisected by now. The president continued scanning the email. Something about how they hoped everybody would "get along" to produce the best possible outcome, blah blah blah...

Eventually, the president found what he was looking for. The Chairman "strongly suggested" that Twilight be allowed to meet with a council of UN delegates "as soon as it is healthy enough to do so."

Great. He couldn't really refuse without looking like he was up to something, but, well, the last thing he wanted was for this horse to tell all the countries of the world that she was technically a military delegate. They would go completely apeshit. Well, more apeshit than they had already.

God dammit. Why did this happen during his presidency? I mean, yeah, it was a free trip to the history books, but he had a 50/50 chance of being known as "the President that screwed up Earth's First Contact." Not exactly what he wanted.

Then again, he was the president. The people had voted for him because they thought he was a good leader.

Of course, they had probably expected him to deal with trade regulations and random civil rights issues more than talking flying unicorns from a different dimension on a mission to get military aide.

Author's Note

Using China as the bad guy is cheap, I know.

Also I totally forget if I named the president yet. Did I?

Unedited, so if it sucks I'm sorry. I just felt I had to ship an update.

UN

"United Nations?"

It took all of Kyle's mental willpower to not start screaming at the President.

"Are you insane?"

"Marshall. This isn't really my decision."

Kyle groaned.

"They're going to eat her alive, sir."

"She can handle it."

"Oh. Yeah. Sure, a horse can handle the freaking United Nations. Nothing there's going wrong."

"She's a princess, right? She's had to deal with diplomacy before."

Kyle glanced through the window into Twilight's room. Acone sat on a bench next to her, engaged in what was apparently a very enthralling conversation. "Sir, she's a new princess."

"A new princess?"

"She said she only became one a few months ago, when she got her wings."

The president paused.

"Got her wings?"

"Yes, sir."

"Like... Like the angles in It's a Wonderful Life?"

"Hell if I know."

"So, we have a military diplomat who is near-completely inexperienced," the President said, "and China wants her to meet the general security council."

"She could probably do a few magic tricks," Marshall replied, "Scare them a bit."

"You really want to scare China's diplomats?"

"Maybe."

The president exhaled.

"Marshall. You obviously have some ideas about this situation. Lay them on me."

"Well, sir," Marshall began, leaning against the hospital wall, "I've spent a hell of a lot of time around this horse. She's very, very curious -- She's wanted to know pretty much as much as possible about our world. If she didn't have to sleep so much because of her health, I'm pretty sure she would have talked me to death."

"Intelligence gathering?" the President asked.

"Yes, but not in an espionage way," Marshall replied. "At least, I don't think it is. She just wants to know stuff. She's mentioned living in a library several times."

"She has a lot of books in her castle?"

"No, as far as I can tell, an actual library." Marshall replied. "As in, people check books out and she files them on shelves."

On the other end of the line, the president blinked. "That's... Not where I'd expect a princess to live."

"Yeah," Marshall nodded, "I had the same thought. Still, her curiosity might get her into trouble in the UN. Russia and China are going to be suspicious."

"Think she can contain the questions?"

"She can probably try. She really looks up to the per- pony who sent her here."

"And who's that?"

"Calls her 'Celestial' or something of that nature. Kind of hard to make out," Marshall replied, stepping to the side to let a cart full of various drugs enter an elevator next to him. "Apparently, she is the major ruler of the nation, and Twilight's personal mentor. She's also who promoted her to an alicorn - A unicorn with wings."

"So why the hell didn't she come here, if she's the major ruler?"

"Too dangerous, in all likelihood. Twilight won't tell us when we ask."

The President leaned back in his chair. He made a good decision to send Marshall. The kid was giving him a hell of a lot more information than any of his other staff could.

"Do we let the UN know about this 'Celestial' person?" the President asked.

"Depends on how public this meeting is going to be."

"Just the council," the President replied. "Delegates from China, Russia, some of the NATO nations, India, Japan, and the Korean Republic."

"No cameras?"

"No cameras."

Kyle paused for a moment.

"Well, in that case, now might be the opportune time for her to request military aide. It's best to get some member nations on board before it goes public."

"If they get on board at all, Kyle."

"Yes, if they get on board at all."

The President thought for a moment. "When do you think she'll be healthy enough to handle a meeting?"

"Nurses said another day or so and she could get out of bed. Handling the stress... Well, maybe a bit longer."

"Alright. Here's what we're going to do."

The President leaned forward before continuing.

"Congress is going to have a fucking stroke if I let her talk to the UN before them. For good reason, too. So we're going to do a non-televised, top-secret Congressional hearing on this. We need to give our representatives time to think over this. We'll tell the media that the hearing happened, but not what took place inside. We're going to try and keep her off-camera. Then, maybe two days later, she goes to the UN. Don't let her talk about the military stuff. Have her give a generic-sounding speech. I'll be there with her. Hopefully, the two of us combined will be able to help her answer the harder questions."

Kyle payed close attention to the plan, occasionally nodding -- even though the President couldn't see him.

"We'll have her walk out in public. I'll shake her hand, or hoof, or whatever. No statements to the media unless he wants to. Then, a week later, we'll give a small press conference, detailing her journey and what we've learned. We don't mention the military part at all. We let her give some statements."

"Any statements she wants?"

"Hell no. Just what's safe to say. Hopefully, at this point, negotiations are well underway for if we're aiding her or not. From there, I don't know where we go -- well, actually, I guess that we either go to a hopefully short war against changealingadingdongs or whatever they're called, or we just send her home. Speaking of which, does she have any way to get there?"

"She said that she was one of the leads on the research team to get to this world," Kyle replied. "There's probably a whole hell of a lot of equations and calculations for making a portal in the bookbag she bought in."

"Where is that bookbag?"

"In this hospital room. The NSA has already made copies of all the documents within, of course, but the Secretary of State told them to hold off on analysis."

The President nodded. "Of course. Did she at least mention the basics of inter-universal travel?"

"Something to do with magic and what she called 'micro-bit transmutation.' Not sure what it means, but some of our researchers could probably figure it out - With her help, of course."

The President made a mental note to get Isaac Freeman and his team working on those documents.

"So, I suppose that we put in the money for a portal to get her home, even if we don't invade. If that gains popular support, that is. Still. That's as far ahead as I'm willing to think. A lot of things can change in the spam of two weeks."

Marshall nodded. "How much of this plan should I tell the horse?"

"Just the two meetings for now, probably."

"Gotcha. Anything else?"

"Don't let Acone fuck this up. Seeya later, Marshall. You did well."

"Thank you, sir."

With a click, the President hung up.

Author's Note

I know very little about how the UN works, so I'm going to cheat and say that it changed in the future into what is depicted in my story.

Sorry about the lack of Twilight content in these last two chapters. I needed to get some details out of the way. I promise, the next like 6 are almost pure Purplesmart goodness.

Face Front

Twilight was still looking around the cabin.

Of course, she was clinging desperately to the sides of her seat as she did so. No way in hell she was letting go of that. Not in this contraption.

"Nervous there, miss?"

Twilight almost jumped out of her seat. Dear Celestia! How could those humans get used to that voice transmitter? Not just a record player, but a real, real-time transmitter. Without any wires, even.She adjusted how it sat on her face with magic, re-positioning the microphone closer to her face. "J- Just a little."

The human next to her laughed. "You seem tense. Don't worry. You're in good hands."

Twilight nodded, then went back to looking around in a strange mixture of awe and terror at the device around her. The numerous gauges, valves, levers, and little blinking red lights seemed to intentionally emphasize how different this was from a blimp or chariot back home.

The quiet one (Acone had called him "Marshall" most of the time, but that was probably just his title, right?) had explained a bit how it works. Apparently, those giant rotors on top pushed enough air downwards to actually drive the whole contraption upwards. The person next to her was the "pilot" of the device, and, apparently, a rather experienced one. The Marshall had said something about him being a high-ranking official in their "air force," which was apparently an entire branch of their military that used things like this. People also supposedly flew these for fun.

These people were crazy. Absolutely insane.

Flying machines. This race built machines, just to fly. Not something sensible. Not something powered by hot air or helium. No. Something that violently chopped the air around them by spinning four giant blades at insane speeds.

Luckily for her, she was too busy analyzing a dial (specifically, a very small one that monitored proximity to the nearest CCF station, although she didn't know it) to see out the left window, where two drone jets flew by about a hundred feet away. The Air Force was giving them several different escorts, even though the flight would only take an hour and a half.

"Alright, Ms. Sparkle," the pilot said, "We're going to land soon."

"O- Okay!"

Twilight desperately hoped that this guy knew what he was doing.

The pilot pressed a button and leaned back in his chair. Twilight's head almost exploded. He wasn't landing it -- That must have been the self-destruct!

Her fears were invalidated when she saw that the vehicle was descending. Even more strangely, the weird stick that the pilot had been fiddling with was moving on its own. They said they didn't have magic, but she was beginning to think that was a prank.

Two minutes later, Twilight heard the blades on top began to slow down. The door next to her opened on its own, captivating her attention for a few seconds.

She swallowed. Okay. It was over. Now came what she hoped would be the easy part.

Carefully, she removed the belt across her weight, and managed to get out on her feet. It was rather difficult, especially since she had been sitting in a position that was totally unnatural to her for two hours, but she surprisingly didn't fall.

The pilot was already waiting for her outside her door.

"Welcome to Bolling Air Force Base!" He said, enthusiastically. "Hopefully I didn't jostle you around too much. Still gettin' used to this new GB-44H chopper. It's a whole new line, after all."

"GB-44H?" Twilight asked.

"Groben-Zyklus model 44 Helicopter," the pilot responded. "Supposedly the best in the world, but its tracking control is a bit annoying to me."

Twilight nodded, resolving to go to a library to work out what the hay "Groben-Zyklus" meant as soon as possible.

"Ah," the man said, pointing towards the other end of the helicopter, "There's your ride."

Twilight looked to see a large black tube speeding towards her. After that crazy flying machine, this didn't shock her much.

"Uh, one other thing, Mrs. Sparkle," the pilot said, his time sounding a bit sheepish. Twilight turned to her.

"Yes?"

"Well, uh," he muttered, pulling a pad of paper out of his pocket, "My daughter has been, well, freaking out about you ever since you got here. If I could get your, uh, signature, I think she'd appreciate it."

"Oh." Twilight said, a bit surprised. She hadn't ever actually given out an autograph before. "Yes. Of course."

Twilight plucked a pen out of his pocket with magic, levitated the pad of paper in front of her, and signed "Twilight Sparkle" with a large flourish. The man next to her went pale.

"You- You just-"

Twilight closed the pad and turned it sideways at the man. He weakly grasped it. "Did I do something wrong?"

"That's- M-" The man stuttered. He was cut off by two men in suits, walking very quickly towards Twilight and the man.

"Ambassador Twilight. I am agent James B Harding, United States Secret Service," one said, his words short and staccato. "You may call me what you wish, but I prefer 'J', 'Harding,' or simply 'Agent,' and am naturally trained to respond the quickest to those terms.Come with me, please."

He placed a hand on Twilight's shoulder (leaning over to do so) and slowly turned him to the car. Meanwhile, the other agent walked up to the pilot.

"Senior Master Sergeant Ishtun."

"Y- Yes?"

"You do have top secret clearance for your work on the A-ten-thousand-SW, correct?"

"Y- Yes."

"We'll send somebody to debrief you on the witnessing of magical acts by the ambassador you have escorted." The agent said, his facial expression blank behind sunglasses. The agency was really going all-out action movie to try and impress their visitor. "Tell nobody."

"Understood," the pilot replied, trying to set his jaw in place. The agent in front of him nodded.

"Thank you for your cooperation."

With that, he walked back to the limo and got in. They joined the rest of the convoy just outside the base and began making their way to Capitol Hill.

* * *

Twilight was kind of glad the windows were so tinted.

She would have loved to look out them in normal conditions. There was a whole lot of information out there, ready to be taken in. But she had other matters to attend to right now, and sight-seeing would just be a distraction.

She stared at the papers in front of her. The portfolio had her name on the front, although it was lacking the traditional Equestrian wax seal. Instead, they were loose in a folder, sealed only by some kind of paperclip. She removed it and set to work.

The first was a small note. It outlined the purpose of the documents ("a walk-through of the hearing process,") thanked her for coming to the United States, and stated that the government hoped that all her accommodations were adequate. It was unsigned and left no indication who it had come from, save "The State Department."

Twilight put the note to her side, already beginning to feel at home. She had read many dockets like this while working on the project that got her here. Even though this one was in a strange typeface and full of alien information, something about it felt right.

Twilight set to reading the list of documents. So, Congress made all the laws, which were then signed by the President. They also had the exclusive power to declare war or other military aide. So these were the people she would have to impress.

Twilight leaned slightly into the chair and took a drink from the bottle of water she had been given, trying to settle her breathing. It's not like she had the fate of Equestria in her hooves, or anything.

Well, actually, she didn't. Congress had it in their hands.

If Twilight wasn't mostly oblivious to how Congress actually worked, she probably would have given up right than and there.

* * *

"So, what's your analysis?"

"Look, Jim," the interviewee said, adjusting how he was sitting on the couch, "She's a talking unicorn. I can't even began to wrap my head around that. She could want pretty much anything and it would make sense."

"But, I mean, you're the expert here. You have to have some idea, right?"

"No. Not a freaking clue. She's cooperating, though, and apparently is very courteous. That could be a lie but I'm inclined to actually trust that press release."

"Hold on a minute, Mr. Cage - We have some reports that there's a convoy of limousines heading towards the capital building. Do you think it could be this diplomat?"

The Interviewee paused and arched an eyebrow. "No, I bet it's the freaking Kool-Aide man. Of course it's her."

"Do you have any comments on this matter?"

"Well, it makes sense. They'd want to talk to her."

The interviewer tilted his head slightly to the side, inhaling slightly.

"If she wants to talk to them might be a different story."

Hit

"What's going on?"

Acone opened his mouth, but, for once, shut it. This was obviously not the right time. Not least of all because, technically, they very reason they were there was a lie. The "recess" they were supposed to be waiting out ended an hour ago. Now they were calling an emergency vote on how to deal with her news.

"You've all been, well, very nice, but..."

Marshall swallowed, adjusting his tie. This was possibly the least opportune time for her to do this.

Twilight paced around the room. Or, at least, what there was to pace around. The 60's-era loveseat and couch, residue of a failed plan to bring a retro-cool look to the building, took up about a quarter of the room. The flower-print trimming stood start against the plastic, printed walls, looking ghostly in the pale blue light.

"You aren't being nearly as open and honest with me as I have been with you," the unicorn finished, turning around to face the two humans. "People out there were freaking out. And you're both trying to tell me it was nothing."

"It is nothing," Marshall replied, slowly. "Until they say it's something."

Acone shot him a look. "Can we talk?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to."

"Kyle," Acone muttered, "I think we need to talk. Right now."

Marshal groaned. "Hallway. Now."

The door slid open smoothly in front of him as he paced, his long strides reaching the door far faster than Acone's pudgy legs could carry him. The door was probably sound-proof. That sitting room was normally used to hold speakers who would appear before Congress before they actually did. Considering that this hallway was, at most, ten feet long, and dimly lit, he doubted it saw much activity. Maybe they hadn't bugged it. Or, at least, he hoped they hadn't. Because he had a feeling this conversation was going to be highly illegal.

Kyle was ripped from his thoughts by the noise of the door sweeping shut.

"We gotta tell her," Acone said. His tone of voice was matter-of-fact, not a trace of stress in it.

"No," Marshal snapped, "We don't have to do fucking anything. Are you seriously, seriously suggesting we breach national security just because she looked upset and complained? Are you an idiot?"

"I'm not an idiot," Acone replied, managing to keep his cool. "But half the people out there, on that floor, are. You really think they're gonna come up with a good explanation? They're going to brush it off in some stupid-ass way and the next thing you know, she decides to pull out, and we're left there standing with our dicks in our hands!"

"She can't exactly pull out, can she?" Marshal replied, teeth gritted.

"Pfft. She has magic. She could probably pop out of here right now if she wanted," Acone reasoned, gesturing wildly towards the closed door. "We gotta make sure she don't do that."

"And you think we should just tell her? She's probably lying! She's definitely lying!" Marshall replied, suppressing the urge to scream. "She's dangling bait in front of our faces!"

"No, she isn't," Acone said. He straightened his posture and held out his hands. "Look. Does any of this make sense to you?"

"What? What kind of fucking question–"

"Answer it," Acone said, trying to make his voice as level as possible.

"No!" Kyle said, his voice breaking into a scream for a single word before continuing, "No, it makes no sense, because we have a talking magic unicorn with wings talking about cold fusion on capital-fucking-hill! If they caught the Lincoln Memorial getting out of his chair, standing up, walking across the National Mall, and jerking off the Washington monument at night it would make more sense!"

"Exactly," Acone replied, crossing his arms. "None of this makes any sense. So what do you do when the world's gone crazy?"

"Call a therapist? Give it a lobotomy? Commit suicide?"

"Go crazy with it," Acone said, starting to turn around. Kyle managed to grab his shoulder before he could get back into the room with Twilight.

"This is obviously her trying to assess our military power. We can't tell her what we have. We can't. There's no way we can..."

"Sir?"

Kyle spun around to face the intruder, quickly recognizing him as the assistant secretary to the speaker. "They've voted on what to tell her."

"And?"

"They want to tell her nothing."

"Nothing?" Kyle said, resisting the urge to strangle the bespectacled man. "Nothing? Nothing at all?"

"Yes, sir," he replied, "Pending further hearings."

"So, what, just—just tell her 'fuck you, we're not talking, go back to your hospital bed?'"

"That is correct."

Kyle's eyes drifted to Acone. Somehow, he managed a smile.

"Thanks, secretary. We'll inform her of the situation."

Kyle turned around at the same time the secretary did, teeth clenching in rage. He walked towards the door, trying to keep his blood pressure in check.

"If you get me arrested for treason I am going to fucking kill you," he muttered as he walked past Acone.

Kyle Marshal continued through the door, and into the room with the purple unicorn.

"Mrs. Sparkle."

"Yes?"

"We have to go back to the hospital."

"And about my questions?"

The purple unicorn tapped her hoof on the wood flooring. Kyle looked around. No way this room wasn't bugged, but people rarely used it. Audio only, in all likelihood.

He held up his watch and tapped it. Hopefully, she got the message.

Later.

Author's Note

I live.

I know that I used both "Marshal" and "Kyle" to describe Mr. Kyle Marshal. There is a reason for that.

Otherwise, unedited. I'm working on a secondary chapter now.

Executive

"They..."

The president rose his left arm, holding it above his head like a priest might hold a host. Or an executioner might hold a knife.

"Did..."

He gripped the phone, with all his might. If it wasn't specially re-enforced, it probably would have been seriously damaged.

"WHAT?"

The president swung his arm like a baseball pitcher. He didn't throw the phone—his self-control wasn't nearly that poor—but damn, did it feel good for him to pretend.

This was a new low. Even for them. He knew, in the back of his mind, that letting her talk to Congress was a terrible idea. Diplomacy was a thing of subtlety, of significant looks and vocal inflections. It wasn't a thing of filibusters and committees and the horrible arguing. But even he didn't expect them to literally just tell her to leave, with no explanation of anything. Especially after she dropped a bombshell that big. If he hadn't been busy talking to the Russian President, he would have personally marched down to the house floor to scream at them already.

"Told her to leave, without any info being leaked."

Ok. Ok. The President took a deep breath, thinking of how fun it was going to be to write this chapter in his book while sipping a Mai Tai on the beach. Assuming there were beaches when he was writing the book, and not just sheets of nuclear glass.

"Well," The President responded, "That sounds like a fucking disaster. I need her in my office."

"Sir—"

"Now."

"Sir, it's more complicated."

No, actually, screw the book. It was time for him to resign. Definitely. He was medically unfit to do this job. Could have an aneurism at any moment.

He sighed, dreams of pulling a Nixon fading away. "How is it more complicated?"

"Kyle Marshal and Tony Acone both started spilling their guts the second she got back to the Hospital. Tony's idea. It's all on film."

Oh, sweet Jesus. Tony Acone might have actually done something right.

"What did they tell her?"

"That we could, indeed, accelerate things very close to the speed of magic, that we could make fusion reactions, and that we'd be very interested in a partnership if it could get us cold fusion. There's a SWAT team ready to arrest—"

"No, no, no," The President said, shaking his head even though the officer on the other line couldn't see him. "Listen to me. You cancel that arrest, right now, or I am going to make sure that there is a picture of you, personally, are in every history book on the fucking planet that discusses this whole mess with the caption 'biggest fuckup'. Do you understand?"

"Sir, they've committed treason–"

"They saved our ass!" The president shouted. "She was probably two seconds from leaving. Two fucking seconds. You just don't—Goddammit, you don't just tell somebody to fuck off in an negotiation! Those two guys just salvaged our chances at infinite free energy, forever. They should get a goddamn medal."

"So, don't arrest them?"

"No. But do get them on another helicopter. Right now. Just–literally– literally send the SWAT team in to tell them they need to be here, get them to the roof of the hospital, scramble a few FD-68s to be escorts, and get them here. Please. God."

"Will do."

The line went dead with a click. Shortly afterwards, the President leaned back in his chair, holding his head in his hands. This job was going to kill him.

And for today's featured image here at Paheal, we have one of the many drawings of the magic horse that appeared in New York. Twilight Sparkle—or should I say Twilight Suckle! Yes, Mr. Acone seems to be enjoying her talents. Seriously, though, we're all impressed (and a bit afraid) of how much pornography you've made of her. Really good job, internet...

>>12398019112

I really fail to see how the appearance of a magic horse effects the Dota 2 Pro scene, and I think this is basically just you shitposting at this point. Maybe we let magic horses appear at TI, ok? Call it "Team Horsie" or some shit, but really, I don't think...

Beautiful Horse of Apocalypse,

Freer of Women and Nature,

The purple robes of the universe

Clothe thee as they clothe me,

Waiting to be one again...

"And the stop story today, it appears that a helicopter has landed at Sacred Heart Hospital, again, just fifteen minutes after the last one. Reports say that the Princess and her two escorts both got on-board."

"Why do you think they got back on so soon, Jill?"

"Maybe they forgot something, Todd."

"Yeah. Maybe she left her purse there, or something."

"Oh, Jill. In all seriousness, I bet that it was Congress that forgot something. Or a decoy pony, to throw us off the trail of where she is."

"What, just a lifesized plastic doll?"

"Possibly. I doubt she even returned to the hospital in the first place. It doesn't make sense for her to..."

"Work on the SA is still going fast. Not that anybody cares at this point. You saw them at the water cooler, everybody was talking about the goddamn horse. I mean, I get why, but seriously nobody even gives a shit that we have prototype..."

"No, I think... I think we need to make the beat a bit more, I dunno, regular, y'know? Like hoof stomps. But I am trying to capture the, y'know, the whole song's about the fear and excitement I'm feelin', so it can't be too regular, but I do want it to be sorta like a gallop. Y'know, that kinda thing."

Author's Note

Told ya I was working on a thing.

Conversing

"First things first, you guys—If you ever pull shit like that again, I'm arresting both of you for treason."

The President's body was slowly fading to an outline against the dim light of the setting sun. Standing stark above the desk of the Oval Office, he looked almost like a bond villain. To be sure, a disconnect from his actual personality.

He stood and walked out from behind his desk and onto the stark white carpet that he himself picked out. With a jerk of his hand, he gestured at his three guests to sit on the white couch behind them. They all did so, the pony fluttering her wings to draw herself further in the air.

"Wait, wait, wait," the president interrupted, "Did you just flap?"

"Uh... yes?" Twilight responded, tilting her head.

"Those things work."

"Of course, why wouldn't..." Twilight let her voice trail off, briefly wondering if humans could disconnect their jaws when she saw the President's expression.

"You can fly?" Acone shouted, hand clutching his chest in case of heart attack.

"Not... not very well, but yes," the Alicorn responded, blushing in embarrassment. "I thought you would know."

"Why wouldn't she?" Marshal asked, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, seriously, isn't that less far-fetched than magic use?"

"She's–Gah, nevermind," the President mumbled, sitting opposite them. He turned his head towards the ceiling and spoke again. "Lights!"

Instantly, the room lit up. Twilight jumped in her seat. She was still getting used to that.

In the bright light, the room looked very different. The most obvious thing was how clean everything looked. Stainless steel desk, modernist white couches, white walls. The glass windows, each one long sheet that went from ceiling to floor, were held in place by stark white plastic. The only color in the entire room was the logo on the floor, and the portrait of a man with a funny hat on the wall.

"So. I understand that you can do some very powerful things if you had a fusion reaction, yes?"

The president leaned over, pressing his fingers together in anticipation of her response.

"Yes," Twilight replied, nodding, "But forgive me if I am a bit skeptical about what these two told me."

The president pulled a small glass rectangle from his breast pocket. "Gimmie a second..."

The rectangle started emitting light as he tapped on it. Seemed like everything did that in this place. Soon, though, his tapping ceased, and he turned the bright side towards her.

Twilight tilted her head. It was obviously some kind of video, but it wasn't interesting at all. Just a metal thing on a big stick. It was very low quality, too, grainy and...

"Oh Celestia," Twilight said, involuntarily. They had actually done it. That—that was either a fusion explosion, or a very convincing fake.

This wasn't in any of her preparatory material. This wasn't even discussed as a remote possibility. The very idea that they could have enough fissile material was, well, ludicrous. Nevermind how difficult it would be to mine or handle properly. But that had to be the real deal. They actually made explosions of this stuff.

In light of this fact, Twilight's problem was no longer if they could help with the Changeling problem. She had done a course on theoretical nuclear physics as part of her training. One of the throwaway extra-credit assignments was calculating the rough yield of a real fusion bomb. She, of course, had stayed up all night to solve it, and the final answer was astoundingly large. Just the threat of that much destruction would send that damned bug back to her hive, forever. Of course, at the time, she had scoffed at the very idea of using such a weapon. It was simply too dangerous, and too cruel.

Then she saw what the state their captured scouts were returned in, and she found herself wishing for the weapon instead of being afraid of it.

Now her only issue was convincing them to help Equestria out. She knew that there was a chance that they would turn on the ponies, but, frankly, she didn't really care. Anything was better than what that demon could do to a pony when she was hungry. Besides. She couldn't sense much magic in the world, but friendship... Well, that existed. Maybe not as much as in Equestria, but enough.

"Yeah," the President replied, tucking away the glass under his shirt, "we're the real deal. And we're nice guys. Willing to help. What kind of military capabilities do these, uh, change-a-lings have?"

"Just 'changelings,'" Twilight replied, reaching via magic into her saddlebag, "and, well, I have a full report. Here."

She pulled the relevant paper out of the bag, braced herself, and handed it to him. He looked it over.

"Ok. Real funny." The President held it out, for her to take it back. "What's the real one?"

"That... that is the real one," Twilight replied, suddenly feeling very embarrassed. What was she doing? She'd almost fainted when she saw those numbers. What kind of place...

"You're telling me that you guys want to–want to give us cold fusion, in exchange for defeating an army that has..."

The president pulled the paper up slightly, reading it again.

"...'Over seven thousand bronze spears, twenty thousand strong flying units with sharp fangs, and a rumored to hold at least ten pieces of gunpowder artillery?'"

Twilight nodded.

"You're a fucking liar," the President spouted, tossing the paper in her face. "You're a liar, and you're a bad one. No fucking way this is legitimate. You're actually insulting me with this? Are you stupid?"

Twilight just looked down, silently.

"I can't believe this. Jesus Christ," the President spat, looking away from her. "I should have you detained. Give it to me straight, or—"

"Hey!" Acone shouted. "Hey, el Presidente!"

The President blinked. Holy shit, somebody actually interrupted him. That almost never happened. Then again, Mr. Acone wasn't really one for respectful silences.

"Shut up for a moment and listen, ok?" Acone said, standing up. Even though he was only a few words into his monologue, his hands were working overtime, wildly flying in the air with gestures that enhanced the meaning of his vocalizations. "Look, she's a talking magic unicorn, right? So..."

He held both hands out as if pushing on something.

"Let's think about it like that. You got kids, right?"

"Yes," the President replied, not sure if he should be angry or amused. "Two daughters."

"They like ponies?"

"No, they like James Joyce. Of course they like ponies."

"They ever watch one of those cartoons 'bout 'em? There's like ten of the shows. You know the ones?"

"Yes."

"Well, think of those shows. They ever have violence?"

"No."

"Ever seen a hostage crisis or a terrorist attack? Any of that kinda shit?"

"Nope."

"And you never see 'em in cars or anything, do ya? You just see like, carriages and that sorta thing. You know?"

"You seem to have an awful lot of knowledge on this," Marshal interjected, snickering.

"Ey, I said to listen! No comments from the peanut gallery!" Acone took a moment to regain his confidence, then continued, "So if none of those shows have to deal with the heavy shit, then of course an actual talking pony wouldn't be used to it either! I bet–I would bet my car on this–I bet she got here because of something relating to friendship or kindness or something. Right?"

Twilight managed to squeak out a "yes."

"See? Boom!" Acone slumped back into his seat, as if hit by a canon. "She's not lying. She's actually scared of those numbers—and of course she's scared, because she hasn't had to deal with shit like that before! She's used to friendship problems or whatever, not fucking spears!"

The President stared at Acone in silence for a solid minute.

"...Ok. That is plausible," he finally said, his posture relaxing a little. "I'm willing to consider it. You three are all going to sleep here tonight, under armed guard. I don't want anything happening to you and that goddamn hospital leaks too much information. Got it?"

"Yes, sir." Marshal responded.

"Good. Those agents will see you out."

Author's Note

Fun facts: This was a lot longer and different in tone, but I cut it down a bit.

Yours Truly

After Twilight was safely deposited in nuclear bunker 74-B, the President finally sat back in his chair. Christ. This entire situation actually got more stupid the longer it went on.

The President leaned back in his chair and waited for Acone and Marshall to come back. Some part of him felt bad for deceiving the little unicorn, but, well... better she had no idea what the hell was going on than get her nose cut off sticking it where it didn't belong, right? Besides, she seemed like the forgiving type. Probably wouldn't freak out even if she did find out.

Probably.

"Ya had to lie to her?" Acone muttered, sitting down in his chair. The secret service member that had escorted him in a giant circle around the White House nodded curtly at the President and exited.

"Couldn't just tell her to leave, could I?"

"No. Would have been rude,"Acone muttered, before coughing. "Hate to ask this, but you got anything to drink?"

"Alcoholic or not?"

"Alcoholic, after tonight. Brandy?"

The President nodded and walked to a cabinet, pulling out a bottle. He slowly poured two glasses of Cognac—Napoléon grade, a gift from the French Prime Minister—and carried them over.

"Thanks," Acone said, holding the wineglass in his hand. "So why'd you call me back here?"

"Not just you," the President said, looking over Acone's shoulder. Silently, Marshal slipped into the seat next to him. Acone didn't acknowledge his presence with more than a nod.

"Hm. Ok. So why did you call us back here?" Acone asked, leaning back into his seat.

"To discuss that unicorn."

"What about her?" Marshal asked.

"You guys know her," the President began, "and, by this point, you're so deep in this shit that you're the best people I have to deal with her. So. You said she was trustworthy, right?"

Acone shrugged. "Fair as I can tell. Bit naive, maybe."

"Yeah," Marshal muttered. "But only on certain fronts. Mentioned something about her past exploits. Something about those Changelings and a wedding. Didn't go into detail."

"So she's fought them outright before, then?"

"Seemed like it."

The president glared at Acone. "Seems contradictory to your theory of friendship."

"She probably did both!" Acone exclaimed, swirling his drink around. "I mean, a wedding? C'mon. I doubt they got through a fight without some kind of 'power of love' cliche at a freakin' wedding."

Acone held his glass under his nose and inhaled deeply, then took a tiny sip before continuing. "Look, I stand by what I said. I doubt everything is as G-Rated back in her home as it is on the shows, but I bet it's damn similar."

"Or she's intentionally faking us out," Marshal muttered. "Disguising herself with our preconceived notions of what she would be like, and what her world would be like. 'Talking pony' is a pretty good form to come in if you don't want people to get scared."

"Maybe. But that wouldn't make much sense," the President said, biting his lip. "I mean, we've given her some knowledge of our military capabilities, yes, but otherwise this is an ineffective spying mission. She's found out no information about any of our advanced technologies, correct?"

Both non-presidents shook their heads.

"Good. And there's no way she knows about, uh—Well, we can talk about that once you guys have a security clearance."

Acone and Marshal shared a look.

"So there's no real reason for her to come first. If she knew about shows for little girls, she'd have to know a bunch of other shit, right?"

"Yeah," Marshal said. "I can't think—I mean, if she can get TV reception or something, she'd know about nukes and stuff. A good portion of our military capability, at least. So if she's a spy who used that TV reception to disguise herself, she's completely useless. Not learning anything new."

"Well," Acone said, eyebrows raising a bit, "she could be reading our minds, or something. I mean, she's got magic, so..."

"Doubt it," the President muttered. "Besides, if there's a race of mind-readers after us, I think we're fucked anyway."

The three men sat in silence for a moment. Acone fidgeted with his collar. Marshal smoothed a crease on his jacket. The President scratched his chin.

"So, from now on, we're operating on the assumption that she is not a threat. Yes?"

Both men nodded.

"Gotcha," the president said, taking a breath. "Tomorrow I'm submitting a bill to congress to create a new cabinet-level department: the United States Department of Inter-universal Affairs. I want you two to be temporary co-chairs."

Acone made a noise somewhere between a cough and a gasp. "You serious?"

"Yes. This doesn't, well, doesn't fit at all in any of my other departments, and I quite frankly need to do something to convince the public the situation is being handled."

Marshal nodded. Jesus, a cabinet position.

With fucking Tony Acone as a co-chair. Just his luck.

"Well, alright," Acone said, bumping Marshal with an elbow. "I'm okay with that."

"Good. We'll discuss how to proceed after that happens. Congress is itching to do something, so hopefully it won't take more than a week."

The president stood up. "Get some sleep. We got a long day tomorrow."

"A new cabinet-level position—I mean, that's the biggest change to the executive branch since we made the DHS! Nice to see somebody finally doing something about this entire situation..."

"The bill has passed the Senate by an astounding 96-4 vote. Usually, the President has nominated two people to chair it, New York Mayor Tony Acone and presidential assistant Kyle Marshal, both of whom have acted as the extra-universal ambassador's guides for the last few weeks. Although the President insists the positions are temporary, critics are saying that he should have picked somebody with a more scientific or diplomatic background..."

"Yes, Tony Acone! Tony-frickin'-Acone is now personally responsible for all out contact with the new world! Congress better not let him get too hungry, I wouldn't put it past him to swallow an entire horse, and I doubt the ambassador would be pleased at getting eaten!"

"And who's this Marshal guy? I mean, he's never been elected to anything before!"

"Still, Marshal's track record in the private sector is top-notch. I mean, what he did with the entire Groben-Zyklus corporation, that was amazing. He obviously can handle talking to people. Did it on the campaign trail enough. So I can understand that. But Acone? Acone blows my mind."

"He was decent enough in New York."

"Decent. Maybe. But he was never known for being diplomatic. Nice, I guess, but he's sorta, well, you know what I mean...."

Again

Acone took a deep breath. For the first time in three weeks, he was back in New York. No more congressional hearings. Just him and his city.

Or, at least, the city that used to be his.

He gazed out the window. New York, man. Ever since he was a little kid he'd dreamed of being mayor of the city. And now that he achieved it, he was giving it up, just four years in. A promotion, of course—going to DC and dealing with unprecedented historical events—but...

Well, hey. One last hurrah. Last press conference. And he could always run again after this was all over, right?

Besides. This was a major event. Twilight's first public address. Technically, she was just reading two or so sentences off about being excited to work with the new administration, but Acone was counting it as a public address anyway. It was still a major milestone, at least.

"Sir."

Acone looked up, gazing through the tinted window separating him from the driver of the limo. "Yeah?"

"We're going to make a detour down Broadway."

"Why?"

"Standard procedure. Safety's sake."

Acone groaned. At this rate, they'd be late. Not that he really minded. Better safe than sorry, right?

Eventually, he did make it to the City Hall. He stepped out the door, black leather shoes touching the ground. He stretched out. Two hours. At least it was a limo.

"This way, sir," a man in a black suit said, gesturing to the back entrance of the city hall. Acone nodded. He knew the route.

The inside of the building was basically a sea of secret service agents. He'd never seen security nearly this tight before. Not that it didn't make sense. If anything happened to Twilight, it would be the first inter-universal shitstorm. Acone doubted anybody would be able to clean the resulting mess. Speaking of the princess...

Acone located the purple alicorn. She was in the middle of one of the larger crowds of secret service agents, reading from what looked like a scroll. Probably notes on the speech. Acone started towards her, trying to maneuver his fat through the thick crowd of people.

"Twilight." Acone said, raising a hand in greeting. The alicorn jumped at the noise.

"Oh, Acone," she said, sheepishly. "Hello."

"Hm. Nervous?" Acone asked.

"A-a little, yes." Twilight said, eyes drifting back to her notes. "I've given plenty of speeches before, but nothing like this. It's short, but... really important."

"Don't sweat it," Acone said, smiling. "I'll soften 'em up for you."

"Acone," a nameless agent said, tapping him on the shoulder, "You're on in five."

Acone took a breath, then glanced towards the front doors of the hall. As if they knew he was looking, they opened. He saw the podium he'd given almost every address from. A podium he probably wouldn't ever use again.

Eh. He'd almost definitely have a much nicer podium at the white house, right? Yeah. Had to.

Behind the podium was the crowd. A bit bigger than usual, but he still recognized a few reporters. Bob Smith at the New York Times. Kendrick Lamar from the New Yorker. Bob Nyguen from Time. Jimmy Jones from Important Bytes. Shit, this would be the last time he'd read "Mayor Tony Acone" on any of their websites.

Acone checked his watch. Three o'clock.

It was time.

He stepped up to the platform and looked at the huge gaggle of reporters. Some of them had actually set up secondary cameras to watch the place where Twilight had appeared. Acone rolled his eyes.

"Ok, settle down, settle down," he said, motioning for the chatter to stop. "As you all know, I'm mayor Tony Acone. I've called you all here today to announce my registration. Simply put, I am needed elsewhere. The world today is radically different from what it was just a month ago. We know about other worlds. We know they exist. And it's my job to—"

It was at exactly that point of the speech that the sky erupted with black light and flashes of green lightning. Acone groaned.

Ok, screw the nostalgia. This podium has to be cursed, he thought.

Something quite different than Twilight fell out of the sky. Both were horses with wings and horns, but that's where the similarities ended. This new figure was taller, full of holes (somehow), black, and looked to be covered in the same stuff a spider was. An exoskeleton. Jesus. It even had bug wings.

Of course, Acone didn't get much time to examine the creature before it was tackled by a huge purple ball of light, sailing over the heads of the ground and into a fire hydrant. He glanced behind him.

Twilight, as he expected, wasn't gone. Ok. That meant that she was the one doing the tackling, which implied that she knew the intruder. It stood to reason it was a Changeling. Trying their hands at invading America, apparently. Bronze spears. He was quaking in his boots.

But damn, what a pitiful invasion force. Just one person? And what a horrible time to invade. If he had to guess, there were probably sixty-something snipers covering the area. Then again, there was holes in that thing already. Maybe bullets wouldn't—

Acone shook his head, trying to clear it. Ok, newcomer. One person. So... shit, it couldn't be an invasion force—

"CHRYSALIS!"

Acone cupped his ears, trying to make the pain go away. Twilight's voice echoed around the area, layered with multiple different tones. Jesus Christ, her eyes were actually glowing. Apparently she could do more than just lift spoons with that magic of hers. Shit, maybe she was lying about coming in peace. That magic looked scary as hell.

"YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE IN THIS WORLD?"

Ok, the hands over his ears weren't helping. He still heard her loud and painfully clear. But she didn't speak again. She just stood silently over the changeling, as if listening to something.

Suddenly, her face fell. Her eyes lost their light. When she spoke again, her tone was panicked. Outright terrified, even.

"Medic!" she cried. "I need a medic!"

"Fucking perfect," Acone muttered, as the area swarmed with secret service agents.

In a cage

Chrysalis, to her utter shock, awoke.

She spent a lot of time processing that fact. She woke up. Not only did that mean that her spell actually worked, it also meant that Twilight hadn't just instantly murdered her, something she would have been infinitely justified in doing. Guess the entire "kind heroine" thing wasn't just an act to ace one of Celestia's tests.

So. The first—and only—step of her brilliant plan was working. She was wherever Twilight was. So far so good, apparently. Surprising. Now she just had to pray that this plan would go the exact opposite of the last one.

Ok. So, she was alive, and she was... strapped down on a surgical bed. Figured. Maybe Twilight wasn't actually the heroine after all and she was about to be subject to some kind of horrible torture. Which, honestly, she almost certainly deserved. Not that Twilight would know that.

Speaking of not knowing: an interrogation. That's what it had to be. To be honest, she'd had a few awkward dreams about that happening to her. Mostly by Cadence or her husband, not Twilight, but she supposed it didn't really matter who did it to her. She doubted that her mother would come out in the middle of it and (rightfully) call her a whore, but it would probably mostly follow the dream otherwise. Except the sex part, of course.

Chrysalis shook her head. Or, at least, tried to. Her entire body was essentially completely immobilized. Focus!

So. Surgical bed. Straps. Some kind of strange beeping noise, which she quickly realized went in tune with her heartbeat.

Then, suddenly, light. Blinding light. Chrysalis closed her eyes, wincing in pain. Her head—oh, her head. God. She hadn't noticed before, but there was some kind of evil creature eating away at her brain. Or, at least, she felt that way. But that couldn't be true, the poor thing would have starved to death already.

"Ms. Chrysalis!"

That definitely wasn't Twilight. The voice was male, and coarse. As if rock salt could talk.

"My instruments tell me you're awake. So let's take a little look around, ok?"

Chrysalis felt her head turning. She didn't have much choice in the matter: where the straps moved, she moved. And the straps wanted her to turn her head to the left.

"Look at your arm."

Chrysalis did, squinting in the light.

Yeah. Interrogation. Definitely.

She was hooked up to some kind of tube. She heard the ponies used this sometimes. Not very often, of course, but sometimes the magical anesthetics didn't work. That thing was going directly into her bloodstream. No doubt it would soon be coursing with one of the Zebra truth potions, or some similar spell. Well, alright. She was a Changeling. She had a natural resistance to that sort of thing, even without all the trials she had to go through before becoming queen. With that experience, there was no way this stuff was going to effect her.

"I got light sensors on your horn. If it so much as flickers, I'm going to inject you with some anesthetic. Now."

She heard shuffling.

"It doesn't matter if I'm present, it's automatic. And the anesthetic I'm using is, well, pretty strong. You might come out of it retarded. I don't know how your body works. Are we clear?"

Chrysalis tried to nod, but, obviously, couldn't.

"Now, if you want to use that magic to pinch the tube or whatever, I'm going to flood the room with chlorine gas. Also automatic. And if you're not dead at the end of that I'm going to blow you straight to hell. Are we clear?"

Chrysalis tried to nod, again.

"Good."

Silence for a minute. Maybe more.

"So I'm curious. Can you talk?"

Chrysalis struggled to open her mouth.

"Yes."

"Hm," the voice muttered, seemingly confused. She heard a swallowing sound before it continued talking. "So, the leader of the enemy force, appearing in this world, alone."

"Not an enemy force," a new voice muttered. This one was a bit higher-pitched, and much louder. "We haven't declared war yet."

Chrysalis heard a buzzing noise, and all sound stopped for about a minute. She tried to take the respite to calm herself, breathing deeply. She heard a buzzing noise again.

"The leader, alone," the voice asked, mockingly. "Do you really think we didn't realize this was a trap?"

"It's—Not a trap!" Chrysalis chocked, trying to maintain composure. "I- I surrender all the remaining Changeling forces. I swear, this isn't a trap. I need—I made severe lapses in judgement, I need—"

Chrysalis took more deep breaths, trying to calm down. God dammit, why was this room so bright? She felt like she was going to melt.

"Don't give me that," the voice said. "Tell me your plan, now."

Chrysalis closed her eyes, breathing as slowly as she could manage.

"TELL ME YOUR FUCKING PLAN!"

Chrysalis gasped, trying to hold back a scream. Her eardrums felt like they were about to burst. She hadn't even realized how quiet the voice was until it got loud, and that dichotomy was causing her severe pain. She struggled to get a response out.

"I need to speak to Twilight. Only she will understand."

Chrysalis waited for the voice to speak again, listening to nothing but the sound of her own breathing and the beeping next to her. She closed her eyes against the light and tried to regain composure.

When she opened them again, the room was dark. She blinked.

"Hello?"

No response from the voice. Beside her, the machine beeped in time.

"A-Are you there? Is anybody—?"

Nothing.

"Hello?"

Silence.

Chrysalis felt something go into her arm through the tube. Her eyes widened and she tried to light her horn, ignoring the previous warnings of the voice. But no magic flowed through her. She was spent, empty. That damn spell had—

Oh, Celestia, what were they pumping into her? It wasn't truth serum. She could feel it wasn't truth serum. What was that? She hasn't—in all her training, never anything like—There wasn't much but—

But—

Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, fell asleep without even knowing what hit her.

* * *

Lieutenant Thom Taylor spun in his chair, away from the instruments in front of him.

"Heartbeat off the charts," he stated, monotone. "Brain activity incredibly high. Blood pressure incredibly high. Don't think I've ever seen anything more stressed."

"Hm. Easy to break," Captain Veladre muttered, scratching the side of his head. "Too easy?"

"No, sir," Taylor responded. "She was off the charts before interrogation."

Veladre turned around, facing the two idiots who were apparently in charge of this thing. "What next?"

Acone and Marshal shared a look, then shrugged.

"She wants to talk to Twilight," Acone stated. "So give her what she wants."

For the Weekend

"So," Acone muttered, rubbing his balding head. "What exactly are we supposed to do?"

Marshal shrugged, still looking out the window of the limousine. It was, of course, dark, but he could still make out the trees surrounding the highway.

"What you said," he replied. "Let them talk."

"Yeah, but that might be a fucking disaster," Acone replied. "There's some funny shit going on."

"Yes," Marshal responded, holding his forehead, "There's definitely funny shit going on. But I cannot determine if that shit is because Twilight and that thing are working together, or because that thing has a plan up its sleeve."

Acone took another gulp of his water bottle. "Christ, I hope it's the second thing."

Marshal looked up at him, surprised. "Why?"

"Because," Acone said, adjusting his posture so he was leaning towards Marshal, "I put a lot of faith in her. If she turned out to be evil, well—"

He gave a sarcastic chuckle.

"I'm going to feel like a real asshole. And a lot of little girls are going to be fucking pissed."

Marshal nodded, turning back to the window.

"I mean, shit. Maybe we should let them talk over Skype or some shit," Acone said, leaning back. "No reason for us to close down the whole damn highway for this convoy."

"No," Marshal replied. "No, I don't think so. I doubt Twilight has anything to do with this. You saw how she reacted."

"Could be rehearsed!" Acone exclaimed, shaking his head. "Could all be a fucking ruse. We might be getting played like fucking fiddles."

"I don't think that's it," Marshal said. "I trust her. Still do. You heard that changeling. She didn't sound—well, she's either a very good actor or she was fucking terrified. Desperate. And you saw those readings."

Acone took a breath. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

The limo slowed down as it exited the highway, silently slipping onto the streets below. Only a few more turns now. He finished off his bottle of water, crumpled the bottle, and tossed it into a recycling bin built into the back of the bench.

"Think Twilight's gonna be mad about our travel arrangements?"

"No," Marshal responded. "At least, not compared to what she'll feel about our methods for detaining the thing."

Acone just nodded. The car came to a halt and he stepped out, stretching his arms. Behind him, soldiers opened the doors of the armored truck that was tailing them. Twilight hopped to the ground, silently.

"Hello," she stated, looking at the ground. Acone squirmed nervously.

"Again, sorry about, the, uh..."

"It's fine," Twilight muttered, cutting off his ramble before it could start. "Let's just go and get this sorted out."

"We, uh—" Acone said, before shaking his head to clear it. "We gotta blindfold you."

Twilight just nodded as a solider slipped the black band over her eyes. The humans walked with the pony in the most roundabout way possible, making several pointless U-turns, going up a flight of stairs and down an elevator a few times, and randomly pausing for no reason once or twice. Eventually, the winding route led them to the proper bunker. Marshal motioned for her guards to take off the blindfold when they were safely inside the freight elevator.

"Sorry." Acone stated, avoiding her gaze. Not that he needed to: she was staring firmly at the ground.

"Again, I understand," she replied. "I must look.. suspicious."

"Just a bit, yeah," Acone let out, before he even really noticed he was talking.

The elevator jerked to a halt. Twilight stared at the massive doors as they forced their way open.

"Ok. Just down the hall," Marshal stated, stepping through the doors. Twilight and Acone followed him.

Marshal stopped in front of the proper blast door, pushing a button on the wall to make it slide upwards into the ceiling. Twilight and Acone stepped inside, while the guards stayed behind to man the door.

"Jesus Christ," Veladre muttered. "You actually brought her."

"Yes," Marshal said. "Is that a problem?"

"No, sir," Veladre said, standing up slightly straighter. "Not at all."

"Good. Put on the monitors, wake her up," Marshal barked. "We gotta let these two talk it out."

Taylor typed a few commands on a keyboard, and the video screens above them instantly popped to life. There was seventeen HD cameras on the Changeling, viewing her from all angles. Twilight's expression was undecipherable as she looked at them.

"Here," Taylor said, holding out a microphone, "You'll be able to talk to her with this."

Twilight grabbed it with magic. The two military personal in the room tensed, but made no other motion.

"G-what?"

Chrysalis's voice came over two speakers as her eyes snapped open. "Where–What—what did you..."

The Changeling blinked, staring at the tube in her arm. "Did... Did I..."

"Chrysalis," Twilight said, enunciating the name into the microphone. Taylor made a note of the Queen's increase in pulse on his logs.

"Is that..."

"Yes."

The Queen set her eyes, staring straight ahead. "Hello."

"Hi," Twilight said, obviously restraining herself. "I heard you wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes," she breathed. "Give me a minute, please."

The room stood in silence for a while. Acone briefly thought of interrupting it, but managed to stop himself.

"First," the changeling started, "I want to offer the hive's formal surrender to the standing leader of the Equestrian people."

Twilight's eyes widened. Marshal saw her mouth the worlds "standing leader."

"What do you mean?" Twilight said, holding the microphone closer to her face.

"I surrender, Twilight," Chrysalis repeated. "Unconditionally. My hive is at your disposal."

"You're lying," Twilight said, shaking her head. "Did you really think I would—I'm not even the power-holder! You can't surrender to me, I don't have the authority! That's Celestia's job!"

A sad smile appeared on Chrysalis' face. "You are fourth in succession if the other three are unable to lead. And they aren't."

"You're LYING!" Twilight shouted. Acone coughed loudly.

"Twilight," he muttered, "Play along."

Twilight glanced at him, then nodded.

"I'm not. They are unable to lead. Nobody there's able to lead," Chrysalis stated, closing her eyes.

"What did you do?" Twilight asked, trying her hardest to sound sincere.

"My researchers managed to re-create the spell you used to get here," the Queen began. "While you were busy with... whatever you're doing, we planed on attacking. Wanted to get some forces. When casting it, I thought... thought about magic. Powerful magic. Magic strong enough to go back to my home universe and crush Celestia. And I suppose I got what I wished for."

The humans in the room shared a look.

"I wound up in—well, I'm not sure where. But they were waiting for me. Next thing I knew, I was in some kind of ship, and they were in Equestria, and... Well, Celestia surrendered within ten minutes, to stop the casualties. None of our magic worked against them. Nothing. Each one, individually, had a shield as strong as the one your brother can generate. They threw me in a cell, but... Strong emotions at their victory party. Managed to get enough power to escape. Find help. Figured there'd be more chances of me doing that wherever you were."

Twilight lowered the microphone, looking at Taylor. "Can you turn this off?"

Taylor flicked a switch. "We're in the clear."

"She has to be lying," Twilight said, turning to face the humans. "It's obvious. Isn't it?"

"Well, yeah," Marshal said. "No way in hell she'd be able to escape, if these guys are really as—"

"Guys!" Taylor shouted. "Look—Look at this!"

The group turned back to the video monitors, and Veladre immediately drew his pistol. "Stop her. Stop her now."

On the screen, Chrysalis' eyes were glowing. Her body lay completely slack against the bed, her mouth open and limbs relaxed. On one of the screens, the words "Sedation applied" appeared. To Veladre's dismay, however, the changeling's eye remained alight.

"Stop her," the captain shouted. "Stop her now."

"Your methods of restraining this one are broken."

A voice over the speakers. Male, deep. Like something out of a horror movie. Twilight jumped on a chair and squinted her eyes. Her horn, however, only let out a fizzle of sparks.

"No magic resists our spells," the voice continued, "and any attempts to stop our warning are futile."

Twilight, apparently changing tactics, jumped back down and ducked under a desk. Horn lighting successfully this time, she screamed at the humans to get down. In almost an instant, the room was covered in a strange purple glow.

"STOP, NOW!" He screamed, trying to channel his basic training officer. "CEASE CASTING OR—"

Acone, who was channeling Mr. and Ms. Anderoni arguing in the back of the pizza shop they owned, was easily able to scream over him: "DROP THE FUCKING WEAPON!"

Veladre followed orders, his pistol clattering to the metal floor with a clang. He spun around and faced Taylor. "Blow it. Blow it now."

Taylor shook his head. "Sir. Listen to what it's saying."

"...not take long to find you," the voice said, clearly broadcast over the speakers. "Not long. Your magic will belong to us. Do not resist and there will be no bloodshed. Your weapons are disabled in our presence. Even now."

Veladre paled. "So we can't blow it."

Taylor, again, shook his head. "Nope. All systems completely operational."

"But it said—"

Taylor typed two commands, and a test charge at the back of the room went off like a firecracker on the monitor.

"They've done literally nothing. Even the sedation worked—look at her brainwaves. She's just talking in her sleep."

"So..." Veladre said. "So... So, they're..."

"...surrender, then. We will not harm you. We desire only land and power. You will be able to live in our glorious empire..."

"They can't do shit, apparently, sir," Taylor said. "They can't do shit."

"You have only a few months. Prepare for our coming."

And, with that, Chrysalis' eyes lost their light. Twilight, breathing hard, let her shield fall away.

"I've never seen a spell like that before," she managed to get out. "That... That was lingering magic. Powerful magic. I couldn't—I couldn't cast anything offensive. I tried, to—to get her, but... it didn't work. So I put up the shield."

Twilight turned to Acone, raising an eyebrow. "How... how'd you know that was... was a shield?"

Acone shrugged. "I didn't."

"Then... why'd you..."

Again, a shrug. "Trusted you."

Twilight nodded, weakly. "Thanks."

"Don't thank us just yet." Marshal stood up, pulling himself off the floor. "We apparently still have a major fucking problem on our hands. Could that have been a ruse? Could she have been casting that?"

"No," Twilight replied, sounding utterly certain even through the panting. "No. It couldn't have been. She's powerful, but not... that powerful. On the plus side..."

Twilight managed a smile. "On the plus side, you said your weapons still worked. Even with that magic. So... we have a chance."

Author's Note

At this point my chapters are basically randomly titled.

Form

Acone and Marshal sat, once again, in a limousine on the highway. Marshal held his phone in his hands. Acone slouched with his legs spread out, drinking another bottle of water. He tried to ignore the sweat still dripping down his forehead. Outside the windows, the headlights of the limo lit up the fragmented forms of trees on either end of the road. Both were totally silent, still processing everything they'd heard.

Silent, that is, until Marshal's phone dinged.

Acone jerked up instantly. "That it?"

Marshal nodded. "Uncut audio. Video's still sending."

Acone took another swig of water, trembling. He got up and sat next to Marshal, nearly falling over when the limo made an unexpected turn. "Play it."

Marshal looked down, took a deep breath, and hit the play button. He placed the device on the seat in the middle of them.

"Your methods of restraining us are broken. No magic resists our spells, and any attempts to stop this message are futile. You are weak. We are strong. We know where you are, Earthmen."

Marshal's finger slammed down on his screen, pausing the audio. Slowly, he looked up at Acone. His eyes stood out, unnaturally large in his stout face. He was the first to speak.

"That was a different voice."

Marshal nodded.

"Let's—play it again, play it again," Acone demanded, waving his arms in some kind of attempt to make Marshal go faster.

Marshal's finger slid across the glass, moving the playhead back a few seconds.

"We know where you are, Earthmen."

He paused the audio again.

"That must have been when we were yelling," Acone said, running a hand through his thinning hair. "Can do it it once more?"

Marshal complied, pausing immediately after the second voice stopped.

"Why—" Marshal began.

"Keep going," Acone snapped, cutting him off. Marshal obeyed, pressing the play button once more.

"It did not take long to find you. Not long. Your magic will belong to us. Do not resist and there will be no bloodshed. Your weapons are disabled in our presence. Even now. You Earthmen are—"

Acone took the initiative this time, slapping the pause button with his ring finger. "That's the same fucking voice."

Marshal blinked. "It... What the fuck?"

He leaned back from the phone, and into his seat. "Why didn't we hear that?"

Acone shrugged. "We were talking pretty loudly after that point. And then that kid blew that charge, and we kinda... forgot to listen."

Marshal heard his fat appendage hitting the glass again.

"...weak to our spells. Your spells are no match. If you want to keep Earth, you must—"

Acone paused it again.

"You ever seen Snakes on a Plane on TV?" he asked.

Marshal's eyebrow rose on its own. "What?"

"You ever seen Snakes on a Plane on TV?" Acone repeated. "The movie, with Samuel L Jackson?"

Marshal briefly thought that this additional bit of information was entirely useless. "Yeah. Once. I think."

"Well, when he's, y'know, cussing it up," Acone said, "they can't show that on TV. So they dub over it."

Marshal suddenly realized his point. "That's... No fucking way."

He held his head with his hand. "No. No fucking way. I refuse to believe that's happening to us."

Acone, in response, hit play again.

"...surrender. So surrender, then. We will not harm you. We desire only land and power. You will be able to live in our glorious empire, where Earthmean will be—"

Acone paused the audio once more.

"Marshal," he stated, calmly, "I think this is worse than a dub."

The administrator, who had been thinking the same thing, only nodded. They both said the next sentence in unison:

"It's a form call."

Form calls. The bane of politicians and citizens everywhere. Some marketing department, somewhere, apparently thought that awkwardly inserting unique vocal clips into a pre-recorded message would make it feel more personal. It didn't, of course, a fact which relegated it to a technique only used by the most shameless (or desperate) of marketers.

Acone slammed the play button again.

"...used as magical batteries one week a year. You will grow used to it. You have only a few months. Prepare for our coming."

The message cut out.

Acone sighed, pressing the button on top of the phone to lock it. Both him and Marshal sat looking at the opposite end of the cab, lost in thought. Acone was the one to break the silence.

"We just got sent a fucking form-call threat from wizards from space."

He turned back to Marshal.

"This limo doesn't have a bar in it, does it?"

>>1508128971 (OP)

Holy fuck, 105 images omitted? 105? It's been less than a day and you guys already made that much porn of her? Are you fucking serious?

I'm impressed, /d/. I really am. This is some impressive shit. I gotta admit, the entire "is a huge talking Equine insect" put me off at first, but apparently you people are into that. Wow.

Jumbo Man is aware of how little purple horse used my signature move, the Flying Jumbo Jet Tackle! The Yodeler has said purple horse is lame for using my move! Jumbo man does not like people talking badly about his friends! Pony is Jubo Man's friend! Yodeler talk bad about pony! JUMBO MAN IS ANGRY! Jumbo man challenges Yodeler to a match, next Monday! No holds bared! And the person who loses—MUST SHAVE THEIR BEARD!

"Another? Please—God dammit, holes? Are you serious? Do you know how hard it is to make toy figurines with holes? The modeling process is so much more—alright, fuck it, get the designers on it. Christ. We can probably get one out to production soon enough, right? I mean—yeah, still gotta get legal clearance, but c'mon, of course they'll want to merchandise their images!"

Author's Note

Eh, have another.

Slippery People

Chrysalis woke up, again. God, she was spending a hell of a lot of time passed out recently.

Once again, strapped down to the bed. Thank the lord the entire feeds-on-love thing didn't force her to have normal bodily functions. She'd been in that bed for at least three days, no way in hell she wouldn't have had issues at this point.

Chrysalis' eyes narrowed. Oh, Celestia. Three days. Three days of no feeding. How was she even alive? She was a Queen. She had to eat.

So... why didn't she even feel hungry?

Chrysalis tried to move her head, only to realize the straps were still tight as ever. She let out a groan.

"JESUS—"

Chrysalis tried to jerk her head to look at the noise, but only accomplished a half-inch rotation.

"KNOCK HER OUT, KNOCK HER OUT!"

"You took out the IV!"

The second voice was from the same place as Twilight's had been before. Obviously some kind of magical audio projection device.

Which meant that, for possibly the first time, somebody was in the room with her.

"I don't—"

And suddenly the creature was in front of her. Bipedal, but thinner and more upright than a Diamond Dog. No hair on its entire body. Thin slits revealed brown eyes, and it didn't have a snout—more of a nose, like a monkey. Its arms were similar to a monkey's too, lithe and thin with strange appendages. It was holding some kind of metallic tube with a handle, pointed directly at her. Chrysalis quickly realized it was a weapon.

"If you try anything I am going to blow you to hell, got it?"

Chrysalis coughed. "Understand. Mean no harm. I was being honest before."

The thing and her had a brief staring contest. She won out in the end, easily. Changeling eyes. She had to blink maybe once an hour, although it got uncomfortable if she didn't do it regularly.

"Alright."

The thing put the weapon into a pouch hanging from his belt and turned away from her. Chrysalis couldn't see what he was doing, but heard the sound of metal on metal.

"So," she said, "What are you doing?"

The thing appeared in her view again. "I'm securing the area in case you escape. Twilight wants to talk with you in-person. Gave us these little babies—"

He held up a test tube of green fluid, swirling it around.

"Said they'd hurt you and not her. Made it with our alchemists. So, you try anything funny, we set 'em off."

Chrysalis tried to nod, only to realize she was strapped down. She thought about the difficulty of communicating without those kind of gestures. Pods were much more efficient detaining devices. Use the trapped pony as a food source, and they could do all those little gestures when you were interrogating them. Really, it was ideal.

"I understand," she muttered.

The thing disappeared from her view, continuing his work. Chrysalis stared back at the ceiling.

"So, you must feel out of place," she commented. The thing's tapping stopped for a moment.

"How you figure?"

"You're obviously a surface-dweller. Brown skin to prevent burns, squinty eyes to protect from the sun. I bet you don't enjoy being down here in these tunnels."

The thing appeared in her view again, a questioning expression on his face. "You fucking with me?"

"W-What?" Chrysalis responded, quickly realizing that this attempt at showing her intelligence wasn't working.

"'Squinty eyes?'" the thing repeated, mocking her voice. "What's next, you gonna ask me if I make fucking Ricecakes or have a tiny dick? Are you a fucking eighth-grader?"

The voice from above again.

"Sir, I don't think they have the same stereotypes as we do."

The thing looked at a spot in the distance past her head, annoyed. "Yeah?"

"Yes, sir." The voice took a breath, then continued, "I mean, technically, your eyes are less wide. Especially compared to those headlights she's rockin'."

The thing shrugged, turning back to her. "No, I'm not a surface dweller. Everybody you're gonna meet down here is the same species: humans. We live in a lotta places, and look pretty different. Just get used to it."

"I meant no offense," Chrysalis responded, tersely.

The human shrugged again. "Don't worry about it. That's the least of your problems, trust me."

He went back to his tapping. Chrysalis, learning her lesson, kept her mouth shut.

Ten minutes later, the man stood up. Chrysalis was barely able to view him.

"Ok, listen," he said, drawing his weapon again. "Twilight says you gotta eat. And that you gotta eat emotion. So..."

"Captain, it's alright."

A new voice. One Chrysalis recognized.

"I'll explain it to her," Twilight continued. Chrysalis heard hoofbeats on metal, then a strange whirring noise. She realized that her table was being rotated, propped upright to see ahead. As she expected, the Princess was standing in front of her.

"I do not wish for you to starve to death. Not now, at least," the Princess said. "So I volunteered myself to be your snack for the day. I know Changelings can drain small amounts without harming the host. I expect to be fully conscious the entire time. Should I lose consciousness, the captain is going to shoot you with a force bolt. If that doesn't work, we'll release the potion, which will burn away at your exoskeleton and leave us unharmed. Not a very fitting—or painless—end for a Queen."

Hm. Twilight had gained a bit of an edge since she last met her. Maybe too much of one. Chrysalis banished the thought from her mind.

"Well, my dear Sparkle, I'm afraid your measure is unnecessary," Chrysalis responded. "I'm full."

Twilight blinked. "Full?"

"Completely full. Stomach stuffed."

"That's impossible. Queens need to eat several thousand calories worth of love a day, even if they're sedentary!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Chrysalis noticed the man mouth the words "calories of love" and shake his head.

"I know you can store some, but..." Twilight's voice gained new venom, and she jumped forward. "Who are you feeding on?"

"Nobody!" Chrysalis snapped. "I have no idea what's going on!"

Twilight sat down, resting her head on a hoof. "Well, if nobody's feeding you... Hm."

She looked up at Chrysalis. "None of the books I read mentioned anything about alternate methods to feed a Changeling."

Chrysalis attempted a shrug, but was, once again, restricted. "I don't know, Princess."

Twilight stood up again. "Well, I can't say I'm not relieved, but—"

Chrysalis's head slammed back into the bed as her world went dark.

* * *

Twilight cursed internally. Dammit, everything was going so well! Why did those things have to send another message now? She was talking to Chrysalis, the Queen was buying her ruse about that fluid the humans called "Mountain Doo", and she didn't even have to subject herself to a Changeling feeding!

Not that she was really surprised. Absolutely nothing had gone according to plan before, so why should it start? It only made sense that Chrysalis would go all glow-eyed again the second her mental train was back on track. God, what new horrors was this going to bring?

"Earthmen, this is the first of our invasion! You may disbelieve our threats, but I know that your Earth armies cannot defeat our forces. This solitary foe may be killed after many days of fighting, but he will live on in our history books forever! He has been hand-selected..."

Captain Veladre leaned over and tapped her on the shoulder. "Should I shoot her?"

"Of course not!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Ok, fine."

"...Taste our fury, Earthmen!"

Twilight's vision was momentarily blinded by a flash of light. Oh, Celestia, that was—They were teleporting something!

"Earthmen..."

Twilight jumped around, hitting the ground with legs bent and horn outstretched. Their foe was bright-green and floating several feet off the ground. It had two eyes, no discernible mouth, and large tentacles for limbs below its massive head.

It was also covered in fluffy, toylike fur, a trait which added some ridiculousness to the terror.

"I am but a taste of..." it said. It's voice had an almost water-like quality to it, and seemed to drop a solid octave on the vowels.

"Can I shoot that?" Veladre shouted. Twilight tried to light her horn, but only sparks came out.

"Yes!" She screamed, panicking. If that didn't work, she was going to try to impale it. She'd brought this horror on the poor planet. No way she was going to let it hurt them if she could help it.

Twilight winced as a loud BANG hit her ears. When her eyes snapped open again, they were greeted with a huge puddle black fluid and various managed tufts of hair. She blinked, turning to the human captain next to her.

The man wiped a blob of the black fluid off his face with a finger. "I think that worked."

The man didn't have time for further words before the blast doors behind him slammed open. Instantly, an entire unit of Marines poured into the room, weapons already drawn.

"WHERE IS THE HOSTILE?" their leader shouted, switching the safety off on his rifle.

Veladre pointed at the mangled corpse. Twilight felt a bit queasy looking at it, but managed to hold her lunch.

"Stand down," Veladre spoke. "Threat is... apparently eliminated. Get Jones in here, the medical unit's gonna want some samples."

Twilight heard a noise behind her and turned around. Chrysalis was waking up, her eyes no longer glowing.

"Why'd you knock me out?" she asked, annoyed.

"I didn't," Twilight replied, curtly. "The creatures are using you as a conduit. They just sent us a message, then teleported a solider in."

Chrysalis went bug-eyed. Well, more bug-eyed than she normally was. "Where? Please, don't let it—Get me out of here! Don't try to fight them, they're—"

"Chrysalis."

Twilight's tone managed to stop the Queen's panic. "Ye-yes?"

"It's dead."

The bug blinked. "What?"

"It's dead. They killed it," Twilight said. "Very quickly."

"But... No Equestrian magic works around them!" she shouted. "They can't—"

"Chrysalis, I can't explain what happened to you until I clear it with the President. But, rest assured, you're safe." Twilight turned to the group of humans. "Captain Veladre!"

"Yes?"

"Can you keep a guard in here with her, in case that happens again?"

Veladre nodded. "If they're all that easy, sure. Get one of the recruits in here for target practice, maybe."

"Twilight!"

The Alicorn turned to face the voice, smiling. "Acone."

"A- Are y- Oh, Jesus," Acone said, leaning over on his knees as he panted. "Long corridors, sorry, let me just... catch my breath."

Marshal stepped around his coworker, keeping a brisk pace towards her. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." Twilight replied. "That was.. rather anticlimactic, actually."

Marshal shook his head, laughing. "You're telling me. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack, but... yeah. Died fast."

"Very fast." Twilight replied.

Marshal glanced nervously at Chrysalis. "Is she...?"

"She's fine," Twilight responded. The changeling rolled her eyes.

"And I'm not going to attack you, since I'm sure that was your actual question," she said.

"Well."

Marshal looked to the group of humans. Already, bits and pieces of the creature were being put into plastic bags and carried away.

"That went well."

* * *

"What?"

The president leaned back in his chair.

"Died immediately, sir," Marshal responded. "One bullet."

"But I thought these things were..."

"Well, they suppress magic, but not gunpowder, sir," Marshal said. "And, according to an on-sight ballistics expert, they're filled with fluid. So when you shoot them, you break their pressure equilibrium, and they... sort of explode."

"Explode?"

"Like a water balloon, sir."

The president pushed a button below his desk that would call his personal chef. He was going to need something to drink after this.

"Alright, Marshal. Get your ass over here as soon as possible for a full briefing. Take a chopper with Twilight. If you can fit Acone, bring him too."

"One more thing, sir."

"Yes?"

"Well, you see, uh-" Marshal continued, in a tone that instantly informed the President that he was going to ask for something, "the Changeling, she feels... mistreated. She wants to be able to walk around, at least. And she hasn't given us any trouble so far, so..."

The President groaned. "Tomorrow, if she's still good. Let her walk around her room only. That's it. Not too much, Twilight didn't look like she wanted to feed her any more than necessary."

"Oh, that reminds me, sir," Marshal interjected, his voice growing in cheer, "she doesn't require feeding."

"What?"

"She's, according to Twilight, 'full.' In the food sense."

"How the hell did that happen?"

"We have no idea, sir."

The President hit the button again, hoping it would make his chef come faster. Yeah, he really needed a water.

"Well, then... let her walk some more, I guess. But put another guard unit on her, in case she tries any funny shit."

Marshal nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Now, start heading over here. I'll see you soon."

"Goodbye, sir."

The President spun his chair around, looking out over the White House Lawn. He looked at the grass for a while, lost in thought.

Then he heard a knock at the door. "Sir? You requested ze chef?"

"Ah, Léo," he answered, spinning around. "Just who I needed to see. . ."

Tiptoe

Chrysalis woke up once again. Same room, same ties, same drill. At this point, she was getting used to it. Really, it wasn't so bad. Besides the straps, the bed was comfortable, and the room's temperature felt just like her caves back home. To be honest, it was almost nice.

"Chrysalis."

Twilight being in her room was less nice.

The Queen groaned, massive fangs flashing against the lamplight. "Hello, Princess."

"I'm going to let you out of your straps."

Chrysalis's ears suddenly perked up. It would be nice to stretch her wings.

"But!" Twilight exclaimed, pausing for effect. "But, the humans have mounted one of the weapons they used to target the creature from Yesterday in the ceiling. It will target you and take you out automatically if you try anything."

"Still don't trust me?" Chrysalis smirked. "I already know I won't be leaving here. I'm hurt, Twilight. "

"Not as hurt as our scouts," Twilight muttered, just loud enough for Chrysalis to hear her. Chrysalis attempted to tilt her head, but decided it was not the right time to pursue the comment.

Chrysalis heard the familiar shimmer of magic, and found the belts slowly fell off her body. She sat up, rubbing her left front leg with her right. When she felt steady enough to do so, she fluttered her wings and hovered to the floor, gently landing on her hooves. She took a look around the room. It looked pretty much how she expected. Grey, featureless, metal floors. Walls of smooth white stone, or a good imitation. A weapon, similar to a much larger version of the one the human had, mounted to the ceiling in one corner with two bolts. It swept in a lazy arc, as if scanning the room.

"You should exercise. Stretch out your limbs. You only get a half hour."

Chrysalis rolled her eyes, wings buzzing once again. "Thirty minutes in three days? And you claim I'm the one who abuses prisoners."

"Don't give me that," Twilight replied, voice low and dark. "I saw them. Personally made the report to Celestia. Don't think you won't be punished for those crimes."

Chrysalis tried to hide her surprise, fluttering up in the air. "I don't recall you re-capturing any of the scouts we found."

Twilight grit her teeth, staring at Chrysalis. "Save it."

"I'm being serious," she responded, floating over Twilight's head. The room had a surprisingly spacious ceiling. "I recall several of your scouts sitting in pods, but none returned."

"You drained them."

Chrysalis shot Twilight a look. Her face was set and hard. Not really an expression Chrysalis imagined a Princess of Equestria to have.

"I saw it," she continued, visibly containing her rage. "I saw them. After it happened."

"Twilight," Chrysalis intoned, touching down on the ground. "Allow me to be honest with you, for a moment."

"Sure," Twilight scoffed, adjusting her posture so she appeared more casual. "Go ahead."

"I was, up until recently, willing to do almost anything to defeat you," Chrysalis began, her voice as flat as possible. "It was nothing personal. I can promise you that. I do not feel for the people I am fighting, because I cannot. All I can do is try to feed my hive as best as I can. Do you understand?"

Twilight nodded, although she still looked unconvinced.

"But I have not, nor will I ever, authorize that," Chrysalis continued. "If only for the simple reason that we can extract far more food in long-term pod containment. Where did you say you found these things?"

"Classified information—" Twilight began, before Chrysalis cut her off.

"Twilight, our world is under the control of aliens. Most of my hive is dead." Chrysalis kept her intonation as short as possible. "Do you honestly think that matters anymore?"

Twilight's eyes widened, taken aback. She quickly reset herself. "I suppose you're right. They were in the Badlands, east of your outpost."

Chrysalis nodded. "I would promise to punish them, if they weren't very likely gone already."

Chrysalis' wings buzzed as she took off again, taking another loop around the room. Hopefully, Twilight would drop the issue so she could—

"You said your hive was mostly gone?"

Dammit.

Chrysalis turned away from her.

"Yes," she replied. "I sent signals to my hive to attack when I realized those creatures had came to Equestria. They didn't like that very much. You can guess what happened."

"Oh."

Twilight, mercifully, remained silent after that. Chrysalis continued to buzz about the room, keeping her expression as neutral as possible. She waited another five minutes before speaking again.

"Your leader was more prudent. Recognized the danger, surrendered immediately. Not sure what happened to her after that—"

Chrysalis' dropped out of the sky.

* * *

When Chrysalis came too, the entire ground was soaked with black liquid. Twilight stood, shivering, in the middle, dripping with liquid herself.

Chrysalis rose uneasily to her hooves. "Are you ok?"

"Uh... Yeah. Kinda. At least, uh, I'm alright," Twilight stuttered, "Physically. I mean."

"What... happened?"

"Lots more squid-things. Ten or so. Easily dispatched, but..." Twilight attempted a grin. "Messy."

Chrysalis noticed the same metal thing in the corner, this time covered in black fluid. "I'd bet."

The doors to her room opened. Chrysalis turned to face them, hissing. Thankfully, it wasn't more squids. Just more of the humans. One was in a lab coat, looking out of place amidst the military members.

"Sixteen-hour intervals," he barked. "All messages obviously pre-recorded fill-in-the-blanks. Don't know if you heard it over the gunfire, but they said they're give us the terms of our arrangement 'tomorrow.' We're thinking that means another sixteen hours."

"And... who are you?" Chrysalis asked, confused.

"Rico Jones," he replied, holding out an arm. "At your service—"

He quickly withdrew the arm. "Not allowed to touch you. Right. But yes, I am a scientist, formally employed at—also information I can't give you. Hm. Military work is difficult."

Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"Anyway," Rico continued, spinning back to face Twilight, "We're gonna need to ask you some questions. We want to figure out if they have a connection to this place, or if all of this shit is pre-recorded. So we'll discuss some methods to do that."

He tilted his head. "Wait. Aren't you supposed to be purple?"

"The, uh, creatures..." Twilight stuttered, "M-messy."

"What?"

"Sir!"

A new voice, from the back of the room.

"Sir, I believe she's saying she's covered in, uh, blood, sir."

"What?" the man asked, confused. Chrysalis saw the realization hit him in the size of his eyes. "Oh, shit! Uh, first, you gotta... get to a shower or something. Uh... You, buglady. You need one?"

Chrysalis glanced down. Hm. She was covered in the same fluid. She hadn't even really noticed.

"I suppose."

"Uh... shit. Somebody, ask Veladre if we can let her leave to wash up." the man said, turning back towards the door. "Yeah. Shit."

Chrysalis and Twilight shared a look as he exited.

Wouldn't Want To

Author's Note

I'm sorry.

Wouldn't Want To

Chrysalis took a deep breath. This wasn't really a big deal. In fact, it was rather obvious. Of course they couldn't let her out of the underground bunker. And, since she was at a military institution, communal showers were to be expected. And Twilight would obviously have to stay with her, because they needed to keep an eye on her. It was all fine and rational. Not anything like that one dream where—

No, she could not think about that. Not now. Especially not now. None of those dreams, actually. Because that would make an already incredibly horrible situation even worse.

The man poked her in the back of the neck with his rifle. "Hey, Swiss cheese. Keep moving."

Right. She had to walk. Walk to the shower. With an Alicorn Princess of Equestria. Yeah. Nothing—no big deal.

Chrysalis shuffled along, amazed at the scope of the operation. So much metal, such a long corridor. Her mother, who was nicknamed "The Great Hive-Builder" for a reason, would have been proud of the work—In exactly the way she wouldn't have been proud of her offspring's—

Stop thinking about that!

"Alright, ladies," the captain grunted, coming to a stop in front of a door, "This is it. I've remove the hot water limits since you're our special guests, but try not to take too long, alright? Oh, and we had this pre-stocked with something that should work on your guys' manes. Acone's idea. Even recommended a brand, which I thought was a bit strange, but I guess he does his research."

Twilight walked in. Chrysalis tried extremely hard not to watch her as she did so. Eventually, she admitted defeat and just closed her eyes.

"Chrysalis?"

She perked one eyelid up, which was greeted with the sight of a confused Princess.

"Aren't you going to come?"

Celestia-FUCKING-dammit, Chrysalis thought, forcing her body to shove itself through the door. It slammed behind her.

The room was much nicer than the Queen expected. Not that it was exactly luxurious, but the tile was clean and the metal shower-heads weren't rusted. Twilight was already underneath one, tentatively trying the knob.

"I don't know how to work this," she muttered. "I've never done this before."

Chrysalis twitched.

Twilight turned around, looking at Chrysalis. "At least, not with a control device like this. Maybe you..."

The unicorn's horn lit up, pushing the knob out. Water instantly sprang forth from the spigot.

"Ah, there we go," she said, happily. "I bet you turn it to control temperature."

Chrysalis watched as she rotated the knob to the right, testing the water with a hoof. She moved it about a half-inch back to the left and stood in the stream, sighing.

"That's better," she said, as the dark fluid caking her coat began to thin. "Much, much better."

She stood with the water pouring through her mane for a minute or so, not moving. Chrysalis noted that she liked her showers hot. Extremely so. The room was already foggy from all the steam.

Hot, maybe, but not as hot has her—

STOP IT

"Chrysalis? Are you ok?"

Chrysalis looked up, surprised. "What?"

"You were shaking your head, like this..." Twilight replied. She demonstrated by rapidly wiggling her head from side to side, sending droplets of water everywhere.

Chrysalis tried not to blush in embarrassment. "Ah, no reason. So, uh..."

Chrysalis staggered to the opposite end of the room, as far away from Twilight as she could be. "How do you work these?"

"Just pull and... wait, no," Twilight replied. "They probably don't want you using magic. Here, take the one next to me, I'll work it for you."

Chrysalis twitched, strolling back to the other end of the showers. She took her place underneath the shower head Twilight was pointing at, trying to keep her breathing steady.

"Back up before I turn it on," Twilight instructed. "I don't want to burn you."

Chrysalis did as she was told. Twilight turned the handle about half way, and the water rose to life. "That hot enough?"

Chrysalis tilted her head, touching her horn in the stream. "Maybe a few degrees hotter."

Twilight turned the handle more. "Satisfied?"

Chrysalis nodded. "V-Very."

As quickly as she could, she stepped in the stream. Hopefully Twilight would let her shower in peace, and she wouldn't have to—

"You need help with your mane?" Twilight, to Chrysalis's dismay, asked. "There's shampoo here."

Chrysalis gave another curt nod. "Get yourself first."

"Oh no, the guest always comes first," Twilight responded. "Celestia herself taught me that."

Chrysalis briefly considered faking a heart attack.

To her side, Chrysalis heard a shimmering. She felt her hair carefully, almost tenderly, pulled from her head.

"I'll get it, don't worry," Twilight said.

* * *

In a room down several corridors and hallways, Veladre snapped his fingers at the video monitor.

"The bug totally wants to fuck Twilight," he exclaimed.

Acone's head whipped around in the direction of the captain, an expression that could best be described as a snarl on his face. "What?"

"One-hundred-percent," Veladre said. "She's got the hots, bad."

"Are you trying to make us spying on them in the fucking shower even more awkward?" Acone asked, holding up a hand. "This is creepier than my fucking middle school principal already. No need to make it worse."

Veladre raised an eyebrow. "Middle school principle?"

"Put cameras in the boys locker room. Got fired, went to prison. Nasty shit."

"Really? That's... really similar to what we're doing, actually."

"Yeah, I know."

"...Well, no, I wasn't trying to make it awkward," Veladre responded. "I was just making an observation. I was in the bug's situation once. Bobby James at the East High locker room. Most torturous experience of my life."

Acone mentally moved telling the captain the joke about the Asain, the Homosexual, and the Pope from the "maybe" list to the "definitely not" list.

"And what makes you say that?" Marshal asked, annoyed. "Why do you think the situations are similar?"

"Chrysalis keeps shuddering whenever she says anything remotely sexual, and is currently fucking trembling," he responded. "It's obvious."

"Guys!" Lieutenant Taylor's voice was strained, on the verge of yelling. "Stop talking! Every time you talk important shit goes on! Look!"

The crew turned back to the monitor. Chrysalis was standing under the water, Twilight right next to her. One purple hoof rest on the black chitin of the Changeling's lips.

"Shit," Veladre muttered. "Maybe this is more like that time with Bobby than I thought."

* * *

"It wasn't your fault."

Twilight's voice was quiet. Almost tortuously so. Chrysalis' brain swirled, filled with a horrible mix of depression, anger, arousal, shame, and fear.

"I don't know what the relationships between our two nations will be like after all this is over," the Alicorn continued, "But I promise you that it wasn't your fault. You couldn't know."

Twilight removed her hoof. Chrysalis looked deep into her eyes, then nodded, turning away. She managed to get a single word out: "Thanks."

Twilight turned off the water, walking towards the door. Chrysalis followed her, head held a bit taller. She still wasn't sure about Celestia, but Twilight seemed as benevolent as she claimed. And so soft, too. Gentle. Brilliant. Really nice ass—

Chrysalis shook her head. No, she definitely, definitely couldn't think about that now. The entire shower encounter had already done too much, and she was about to go get strapped down, with no way to "cool off." And not even in the fun way.

Grey Matter

"I don't see why I have to do this."

Chrysalis folded her forelegs. The doctor unfolded them, gently, but did not comment on the action.

"I bet it's a death trap," Chrysalis said, glancing at the man behind the glass again. "Going to kill me painfully."

"Chrysalis, you just watched me take one." Twilight groaned. "You stared at me for the full four hours."

"Doesn't mean it wasn't a trap!"

"Look. Let me explain this to you, one more time." Twilight took a breath, then continued. "The humans want medical data on how your species work. I'd like to see the numbers myself. We've never actually dissected a dead changeling before."

"Oh, god, it's a dissection machine!" Chrysalis shouted, pretending to faint. "You're going to murder me!"

"It's not. It's just an extremely advanced scan," Twilight said. "I bet I'll even learn about alicorn physiology, when they let me see the pictures of mine. But they want one of you."

"Why do they need one?"

Twilight twitched. "Because they want to see how you guys can shapeshift! Celestia, I want to see that!"

"I doubt they'll find anything," Chrysalis muttered. "But I consent to a scan."

"Good," Twilight said, sitting back in her chair.

A doctor walked up to Chrysalis, tapping the side of his clipboard with a pen.

"Ok. No metal on your person or anywhere in your body, right?" he asked.

The Changeling shook her head.

"No adverse effects when exposed to strong magnets?"

Another head shake. The doctor wrote two sentences on his clipboard, then gave the technician behind a nearby counter a thumbs-up.

"Ok. Good to go."

Chrysalis grimaced as the table started moving on its down. Celestia, these creatures. There was something so unsettling about the technology they used. Moving slowly into a white tube... it was eerily reminiscent of certain Changeling funeral practices. Plastic instead of a special pod, yes, but similar just the same. Chrysalis took deep, long breaths, trying to keep calm.

It's okay. she thought. It's not going to light on fire.

Outside, Twilight tapped her hoof on the ground. What she would have given to have this machine back in Equestria. Scans of this caliber would probably make all sorts of magical aliments treatable. Not to mention how they could be combined with medical scans and surgical techniques. It would be a revolution.

If she was thinking about it, almost anything these humans had would be a revolution. They were so far ahead of Equestrian science in basically everything but magic.

Twilight was interrupted from her thoughts by the technician speaking.

"Miss Sparkle. You need to see this."

Twilight's wings ruffled as she walked behind the counter. The humans had told her she'd get to see the scans after they did some processing to them. Not right away. Perhaps he had found something particularly interesting about Changelings and couldn't wait to share.

Twilight squinted. Celestia, the humans weren't kidding when she bragged about the accuracy. She could see every lobe in Chrysalis's brain, each fiber in her horn. It was simultaneously disturbing and fascinating. Like a dissection without any cutting. The man moved a wheel on a device in his hand, scrolling through layers of her head like he was taking slices off. He stopped suddenly.

"There," the man whispered, pointing at the screen. "Is that normal?"

Twilight tilted her head. He was pointing at where Starswirl's cavity should have been—the chamber in the back of the brain where magical energy first flowed from.

"Can you make it bigger?" Twilight asked. The man tapped a few buttons and zoomed in.

Twilight squinted. There was some kind of extra organ. It looked sort of like her bones did on the screen, but a bit darker. The man shifted the picture, moving down her spine. The organ followed along the spinal chord for a while, until eventually—

Sweet Celestia.

At regular intervals, the thing had tiny spikes, jutting into her spinal chord. Each one went an inch or two deep into the organ, straight in like nails. The organ continued along her spine until it got to the bottom of her rib cage, where it ballooned into a small sack, about an inch in diameter, pushing her stomach to the side.

"I don't..."

Twilight took a deep breath.

"This could be what allows her to shapeshift," Twilight whispered back. "But... I don't know."

"Ask her," the technician commanded. "There's no blood vessels or anything on this. It looks... Well, look. I'm not jumping to any conclusions. But this does not look natural."

Twilight swallowed. Ok. Probably not a crisis situation. Just a special changeling organ. She trotted around the counter, walking to the entrance to the machine.

"Chrysalis?" Twilight called, trying to sound cheerful.

"Is this almost done?"

"No," Twilight replied. "We just had a question. Uh... Do you happen to have an organ that starts in your brain, goes along your spinal chord, and randomly intrudes into your nervous system?"

Twilight listened to the hum of the machine for a second, holding her breath.

"Sparkle I swear to god, if you are screwing with me I will manage to drain you before they kill me."

Chrysalis' voice was surprisingly level.

"Might not be able to kill you but I'm sure Celestia won't like a Princess with a magical lobotomy."

"I'm, uh—We can talk after the scan is done."

"NOW, Sparkle!" Chrysalis screamed. Twilight bit her lip.

"I think... those creatures might have done something when you were unconscious," Twilight said. "Something rather intrusive."

On the Inside

Chrysalis was, above all, glad they allowed her to build a cocoon.

She had only made the request halfheatedly. Cocoons, for a queen, were magical power generators. A way to recharge after a particularly difficult battle or breeding session. Sure, her captors—although, at this point, that noun didn't really seem appropriate for them—had been improving her housing conditions. Gave her a real, proper cell, with room to walk around in. Provided a source of fresh water that she controlled as opposed to an IV. Even added a bed that didn't smell like a hospital.

But a cocoon? She assumed that had to be way too far. Twilight would know the kind of magic she could pull off after a few hours in one. Nothing devastating, of course, but a long-distance teleport was not out of the question. Of course, knowing that Alicorn, her cell was definitely in a Mareaday cage, but still. It was a sign of trust.

Or pity. Probably pity.

Chrysalis was surprised at how fast she could make the cocoon. Normally it took her a day or so to generate just the habitable component, never mind generating the fluid inside or the various storage pods that came with it. But this time it took her about an hour to do the whole thing. Whatever she was feeding on was damn powerful.

She was grateful for the speed. It meant she could get inside it faster. Even with the horror story her life had become, the cocoon was calming. The warm fluid brushed against her chitin, soothing her aches and moistening any dry spots. The cocoon also made a wonderful place to sleep, ensuring good dreams. She needed all the help sleeping she could get, after she saw those scans.

At first, she was sure they were fabricated. A scare tactic of some kind. It would be the obvious option. Convince her that she was in mortal danger, so she would willingly submit to their demands. She quickly realized, however, that such deception was pointless. The humans could easily threaten her in twenty different ways that didn't involve fake body scans. Hell, if they pointed one of those weapons at her, she'd have no choice but to do what they wanted.

A parasite. The irony wasn't lost on Chrysalis. Especially since it was a brain-invading one. She'd always known that karma would get her for what she did to Shining Armor, but she never assumed it would be this direct. Or this permanent. No way in hell magic could remove that thing. It was way too deeply intertwined with her body. You'd need insane, machine-like precision to even get close to cutting it out. Not even the best medical unicorns could help her.

The entire affair didn't sit well with her. Yes, she too was a parasite, but she at least had noticeable physical effects. No weak, hidden-under-the-skin shenanigans. Cocoons and Changelingification. Hard to not notice something's happened when you wake up with black chitin and an irresistible desire to serve the queen.

Chrysalis rolled over in the cocoon, turning to face the window. She was surprised when she saw somebody there.

"Ah, Twilight," she said. The cocoon projected her voice outside, although it did sound a bit deeper than normal. "Always a pleasure to see my favorite Princess."

"Chrysalis, we need to do more research on that, uh, thing inside you," Twilight said. "As soon as possible."

"Mmm," Chrysalis hummed, wings buzzing behind her. "Spells?"

"Exploratory surgery," Twilight said.

Chrysalis' mind went blank. Exploratory surgery.

Even with the calming cocoon juice, she felt her heart rate increase. She didn't like surgery. She didn't like scalpels or anesthesia or surgical masks or stitches. Maybe it was her mom's warnings about what would happen to her if pony scientists captured her when she was still a filly. Maybe it was the feast of stress and fear she consumed when she spent that stint disguised as a janitor at the hospital. Maybe it was just the general idea that made her queasy.

Whatever the case, Chrysalis did not like the idea of surgery.

"I am not really, ah, comfortable with that," she said, trying to keep her voice level.

"Chrysalis, we have to," Twilight stated. "I can't see what it's doing unless I get very close access."

"I think it's pretty obvious what it's doing." Chrysalis said "There's a reason you guys had to send in soldiers with those weapons every few hours for a week."

"Well, yes, but that doesn't answer all the questions," Twilight replied. "Are they communicating you through another universe, or is everything prerecorded and stored somehow? If it is prerecorded, how do they know when and where to send the soldiers? Are the soldiers somehow also stored?"

Chrysalis bit her lip.

"I can find out a lot more information if I can get direct physical access," Twilight continued. "Including, hopefully, the answers to those questions. The humans also mentioned something about being able to gain some anatomical information about you, which they'll need if they want to cut it out."

Chrysalis felt her eyes widen. "Cut it out?"

"Well, we're not going to just keep it in you!" Twilight exclaimed.

"But... how would you possibly be able to remove it?" Chrysalis asked. "It's... far too intertwined with my own body."

"Well, I wouldn't be able to do it by myself," Twilight said. "I don't think any of the humans would either. But maybe my magic with their technology can do something."

Hm. There was a good chance Twilight was lying to appease her, but... she really had no choice but to believe the Alicorn. It really seemed to be her only hope, right?

Chrysalis sighed and tapped the side of the cocoon. The fluid drained out of it and into a storage pod connected to it behind her. The clear gel at the front of the cocoon dissolved away, and she stepped out.

"If I must, Twilight."

Vivid

"I fail to see how this qualifies as surgery!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. For the fearsome Queen of Changelings, destroyer of the Seventh Pegasi Army, Menace of the Royal Wedding, and all her other assorted titles, Chrysalis was acting surprisingly fearful. Then again, a phobia of hospitals was something her own brother had, and he was the bravest person she knew. Besides Celestia, of course.

Twilight didn't really see why. Hospitals were always so nice and organized. That fact remained constant, even on this universe. Sure, the clipboards were replaced by those weird glass screens, and the lighting was a bit more intense, but the basic principals were the same. Even the paneled ceiling reminded her of home.

"A surgery is when you're asleep! Not awake!"

Right. Chrysalis did have a point there. Twilight initially thought that the phrase "awake brain surgery" was a joke, but it turned out to be fascinatingly real. Their reasons, of course, made perfect sense. No need to accidentally cause brain damage to the queen. Not while she was on their side, at least.

Personally, of course, she would have found the procedure fascinating. Not many ponies got to see their own brains. Of course, that was just her initial reaction, and she probably would have had a different one when she was actually on the table.

"This is a vivisection! A vivisection!"

"Chrysalis," Twilight sighed, placing a hoof on her shoulder, "it's perfectly safe. Try to calm down."

Hm. The changeling was actually shaking. Perhaps Twilight underestimated her level of fear. . .

"I promise, nothing bad is going to happen," she stated, trying to sound sincere. "They do this all the time."

"To other humans! I just know they are going to—"

One of the doctors near the stretcher cut Chrysalis off. "M'am, would you like me to give you something for your anxiety?"

"Anxiety?"

Chrysalis' eyes darted to the doctor, but she did not sit up in her stretcher. She squinted as she read his nametag.

"What exactly do you mean, Dorian?" she spat.

"I want to give you an anti-anxiety drug," he replied, "Even though this entire wing is closed off, you're screaming loud enough to scare our other patients."

"You mean to sedate me?" Chrysalis snarled.

"Yes," the doctor said.

"The Queen of the Changelings is not sedated!" Chrysalis exclaimed. "...Unless she wishes to be. Administer the drugs."

The doctor pressed a button on the white machine that was rolling along next to Chrysalis. It hissed as it released something into her IV.

Within seconds, Chrysalis's expression melted from one of terror to one of serenity. Her eyes widened, and any wrinkles of stress disappeared. She even smiled. Not the triumphant smile Twilight had seen before, full of ambition. One of real happiness.

"That's nice..." she giggled. "That's really nice! I need some of this stuff back on Earth."

Chrysalis blinked. "Wait, this is Earth. I don't live on Earth. I live on... uh..."

"Equestria?" Twilight suggested.

"Oh, yeah, that. That's the place. Land of the equines!"

Twilight, mercifully, was saved from further drugged rambling by the opening of a door. This had to be the surgical theater. It looked like one, anyway. Huge lights overhead, empty space in the center. She'd been in a few of these before, mostly while doing research on magical health spells. The most notable difference between the rooms was all the machines in this one: at least six white boxes, each with various implements sticking out of them.

Twilight slipped the facemask around her neck onto her muzzle, turning to the doctor. She'd observed a few surgeries before as part of her studies on magic, but had never been an active participant in one. Of course, in this case, she was acting as more of a magical consultant than a biological one. Hopefully nothing would go horribly wrong.

The lead surgeon—Dr. Janeway—turned to the rest of the group: a few other surgeons, several nurses, the anesthesiologist Dorian, two armed guards, and Marshal. Acone was also supposed to be supervising, but he had bailed at the last minute due to his haemophobia. Her voice was simple, efficient, and powerful, not unlike Mrs. Harshwhinny's from back home.

"Ok, people. You all read your briefings, right?"

The group made various noises of agreement.

"Good. So, as you all know, we're doing a surgery that's quite literally never been done before. And not just removing some tumor in a weird place—we're operating on an alien being," she stated. "I've chosen this team because I know you can all handle the stress. Before we start, though, let's review the plan."

Janeway pressed a glove finger against a button on the top of a nearby machine. The overhead lights dimmed, as several other machines suddenly sprung to life. Within a minute, a three-dimensional projection of Chrysalis' head appeared in the center of the room. Janeway picked up a small metal device and approached the image.

"This is the result of some of the scans we did. Now, as you can see..."

"That's me!" Chrysalis explained, voice slurred from the drugs.

"Yes, it is," Janeway responded, smirking.

The screens flickered as the image changed. Chrysalis' familiar mug was replaced with a detailed diagram of blood vessels, floating in space.

"She doesn't have many blood vessels. Compared to humans, at least. Additionally, her skin isn't even really skin, it's more of a hard, armored plate. Not actually living tissue. That simplifies our approach in some ways, but complicates them in others."

Janeway gestured at the image with the device. The image swirled as it displayed Chrysalis's muscle structure, then zoomed on the back of her neck. The muscle became transparent, highlighting the parasite in red.

"We're trying to take a examine this growth. We believe it to be mostly organic, with some crystalline components. Twilight thinks that it may be a type of magic-storage system. So our initial primary objective is to let her look at it. More specifically, Twilight here is going to, uh..."

Twilight jumped to her aide. "Use several divination and detection spells to find enchantments!"

"...Yes. That. She needs direct contact for this to work. So we have to expose the parasite."

Janeway took a deep breath. The image in the air pulled inwards, changing to a normal view of Chrysalis again.

"This is my projected approach. We make an incision downwards, just to the side of her artery on the neck."

The hologram projected a red line on Chrysalis's neck, then peeled back the simulated skin. The Changeling squirmed uncomfortably, even with the anti-anxeity medication.

"From here, we have to get into her skull. I think a circular incision around the ear is the best possible route here. It's incredibly invasive, yes, but we need to expose enough of the parasite for Twilight to perform her inspection. Twilight, what will that entail?"

Twilight swallowed, taking a step forward. "Well, I'll have to touch it with my horn. Direct contact is needed for my magic to be as accurate as possible. Even more so since I suspect it's a magical storage device—something that stores spells within it, and then either casts them at set intervals or in response to stimuli."

"And what exactly are you looking for?" a doctor asked. Twilight recognized him as a nervous system specialist, although she couldn't remember his name.

"What sort of magic the parasite is using," Twilight replied. "Hopefully, with direct contact, I'll be able to figure out the exact spells it's enchanted with. That should illuminate several points as to the nature of the intrusive body, as well as its intended purpose."

Janeway smiled and nodded, turning from Twilight to the rest of the group. "After that is where it gets tricky. If Twilight determines it to be an immediate threat, we have to remove the parasite. I believe we should start with an initial incision, here—"

"Remove?" Chrysalis shouted, the word piercing through the drugged fog in her brain. "You said you were going to—"

"We lied," Janeway responded. "Twilight thought it would be easier to convince you to go along with it if you didn't know the full extent of the operation."

Chrysalis weakly struggled on her bed. "I—You tricked me! I am going to—"

"You're restrained," Janeway said, voice completely devoid of emotion. "There's a giant parasite in your brain. There's a chance it's going to notice that we're trying to get to it. We don't want to let it hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Chrysalis shouted, voice closer to that of a scared filly than that of the terror of Canterlot.

"It's next to your brain stem. It could try to sever it," Janeway replied. "Thankfully, Twilight here has a method to prevent that. Twilight?"

"I—I know a magical null field spell," the alicorn said, suddenly finding her throat very dry. "I can prevent it from doing anything magical for around an hour and a half. They said that would be enough time."

"I—Traitor!" Chrysalis screamed. "You promised me you'd—you pretended to be—the entire time you were going to—"

Dorian pressed another button on his anesthetic machine. Chrysalis sank back into her bed. She may have been a furious changeling queen, but she was no match for morphine.

"Chrysalis, we're trying to save your life," Marshal said, glancing down at her. "We'd appreciate it if you cooperated."

Chrysalis made a small gurgle of protest. Marshal sighed and took a few steps forward, stopping when he was next to Twilight.

"Give her a hug," he muttered.

"What?" Twilight responded, whisper more like a hiss in surprise.

"Just do it," Marshal said, voice barely audible. "Trust me."

Twilight awkwardly trotted forward, approaching her bed. She dipped down and laid a wing over Chrysalis' struggling form.

"I'm sorry, Chrysalis," Twilight stated. "I was just trying to help."

The Changeling instantly froze, as if struck by lightning. She sank back into the bed. The heart monitor behind her increased the rate at which it pulsed. Dorian tapped it a few times in confusion, squinting at the gauges.

"Our scans indicate that this parasite operates by static contact—that is, very little tissue actually goes into the brain," Janeway continued, as if she had never been interrupted. "As such, removal is simple. The main roadblock is the lack of time. As Twilight stated, we only have one and a half hours. Normally a removal like this would take at least five. So we'll have to work fast."

Janeway cracked her knuckles. "Okay. I'm going to go get on some gloves. Smith, Anderson, prepare the equipment. I want to start within ten minutes."

Author's Note

This took a depressingly long amount of time to write. And re-write. And re-write. Sadly, I am still not really satisfied with how it came out, but at this point I don't think it's really going to get better.

Slicin' and Dicin'

The President watched the screen, silent. He held a glass full of Coca-Cola in one hand, tilted downwards. He had no intention of drinking it.

The room around him was completely still. He told his agents to not interrupt him for anything (except extreme emergencies and his wife, of course,) and even gone so far as to turn off the air conditioning so he wouldn't have any unexpected interruptions. All he wanted to hear was the sound of the speakers. Even his own breathing was too distracting.

Methodically, the president counted the seconds.

* * *

In the surgical theater, Janeway pressed a button. The same projectors that had before created an image of the Changeling's head now drew lines on the real deal, guides for her knife. She took a breath and slipped one hand into a glove, then the other.

"Alright, we're going in as quickly as we can," she spoke. "Restrain her head."

Dorian nodded and pulled on a strap, the material tightening against the changeling's skull. Chrysalis stared straight ahead, determined not to make eye contact with anybody. She twitched slightly as the second strap tightened, just below her horn.

"Good. Everything else normal?" Janeway asked.

Dorian nodded. Janeway closed her eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath.

"Let's go."

Janeway opened her eyes and turned to Twilight. "You have the spell ready?"

The alicorn nodded, horn flashing to life. "This is, uh, kind of intense magic."

"How intense?" Janeway said, voice low and level.

"There's going to be a lot of... glowing," Twilight replied. "Just—wanted you to know."

"That'll be fine. We need intense light anyway," Janeway reasoned. "Let's go."

Twilight closed her eyes, focusing on the spell. When she opened them again, they projected two purple spotlights, catching Chrysails in the back of the head. A third light soon joined it, this one coming from her horn.

"That should be good!" Twilight shouted, voice strained by the spell. "You can start cutting now!"

Janeway tapped another button on the console, causing a robot arm to spring to life. One more press started the saw on the its end spinning, a high-pitched whine filling the room. Janeway grasped the joystick on the panel, looking at its monitor. There, the computer automatically drew the lines she needed to trace on Chrysalis's skull, at a 6x magnification.

Janeway exhaled, then pressed the button. The whine grew slightly louder as she pressed the saw through Chrysalis's armor plates, and the smell of burning chitin began to fill the room.

Janeway wrinkled her nose. She was used to burning flesh and bone, but this stuff was nasty. She made a mental note not to cremate the creature if the operation failed.

She worked faster than she usually would, trusting the automatic guidance system to steady her hand. An hour and a half for something like this. God. If she didn't already have a book and movie deal signed, she would have backed out of this.

Janeway curved the blade upwards, turning it around the top of the parasite. She gritted her teeth.

"Sweat," she stated. Immediately, a nurse sponged off her forehead.

Janeway glanced at the bottom-corner of the monitor, where Chrysalis' vitals were displayed. Everything seemed normal. Some weird muscle activity in her upper abdomen, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

The surgeon started to curve the blade downwards. Almost there.

"Dorian, secure the fragment," she barked, not bothering to look up. She heard the noises of the other doctor preparing for her to complete the circle, but drowned them out with her force of will. So close. All she had to do was—

"Fragment free!" she shouted. Immediately afterwards, she took a deep breath. There. Easy part over.

* * *

The president raised an eyebrow in surprise. Ten entire minutes. Much longer than he expected.

Worry started to form in his stomach. What was taking so long?

* * *

Janeway swallowed.

The parasite was just as large as the scans said. A relatively small growth on the back of her brain stem, followed by tendrils that reached down into her spinal chord. Of course, only the growth and the start of those tendrils were visible. It was the rough shape of a potato, with a smooth blue surface. Janeway couldn't really tell in the intense light, but she was pretty sure it was glowing.

Twilight stood next to her, eyes still glowing.

"Huh. That's interesting," Twilight muttered. "It doesn't seem to be resisting."

"Resisting?"

"It's not trying to cast spells," Twilight said. "Not now, at least."

"Well, let's not wait for it to start," Janeway said. "Go poke it with your horn. Or—whatever you have to do."

Twilight glanced at her, then took a step forward. She straightened her posture, then leaned over, drawing her horn near the growth. Slowly, she moved forward until she made contact.

"Huh. That's..." Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. "This..."

Twilight's blinked. "This is a conduit. All the real magic is in that thing near her stomach."

"We're prepared to remove that as well, but we need to start—"

"Wait," Twilight said, cutting Janeway off. "I can use this conduit. It's not an advanced conduit, which are based on bits of magic—like little packet ships delivering pieces of a spell. It's just a dumb antenna. I might as well have direct access right now."

To Twilight's left, Dorian blinked.

"Let me see..." Twilight muttered. A second later, her eyes widened. "The thing in her stomach is a stack!"

"A stack?" Janeway and Dorian asked, simultaneously. Dorian opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again.

"The most basic form of metamagic—or one of them, anyway," Twilight responded. "One constructs a stack, then applies spells to it. These spells are removed in the reverse order that they were added. Last spell in, first spell out. For this variation, anyway."

Dorian raised a finger. "Uh, that sounds awfully like—"

"Quiet, Dorian," Janeway snapped. "We don't have much time."

The surgeon turned to Twilight. "Is there anything else you can tell us about this?"

"I think—I think I can get the spells," Twilight said. "Without actually unwinding it. Let me check, here..."

Twilight's horn glowed slightly brighter.

"There's—Huh, four left. First one is a container spell. Stores a physical thing in a magical form. A huge one, too—probably more of those creatures. After that is another projection spell, which—Oh, hey, I can play these! They're in plainspell. No kind of concealment at all. Let me see."

Twilight squinted.

"It says to take the 'Changelong' to your leaders. That's it, actually. Pretty short message. Then we have, um... some kind of inter-universal magic. Probably sending a message. Huh, strange. Then after that we have a—"

Twilight's face lost all its color. "Oh."

"What?"

"After that is a rather powerful explosion spell."

Janeway drew her gloved hand into a nervous fist. "It's contained, right?"

"Uh, well. Yes. Probably," Twilight muttered. "But the fact stands that it's there. If this thing senses danger, it may decide to, well, unwind the stack early. Meaning that..."

Twilight swallowed. Dorian finished the sentence for her:

"If we don't get it out before your spell is over, there's a chance this whole place goes boom."

"Yep!" Twilight exclaimed, voice stretched. "Yep!"

* * *

The president sighed and lean back in his chair. Twenty minutes, twenty seven seconds for things to go horribly wrong. That's the longest they'd lasted yet.

The waiting was always worse.

Author's Note

I am actually not dead. Weird, huh?

Close my eyes

Janeway stood up and looked over Chrysalis' unconscious body, barking at the other surgons in the room.

"McVine, you're the abdominal surgery specialist. We have to remove the growth immediately, or—"

"McVine has fainted, sir!" a nurse shouted, crouching down to make sure the surgeon hadn't injured herself when she collapsed.

"Dorian, can you shoot her with some adrenaline or something?" Janeway asked, not even taking the time to make a noise of displeasure at her misfortune.

"I guess," Dorian replied, "but she'll be so jittery afterwards that I wouldn't want her to cut a steak, much less perform surgery."

"Fuck," Janeway stated, closing her eyes. The surgeon turned to Twilight. "Do you have any ideas?"

The alicorn shook her head. "None. I—I just assumed that the organism in her abdomen had to be a battery of some kind! Something to feed Chrysalis love so that she could easily survive, not—Not a stack!"

The queen groaned at the mention of he name. Next to her, Dorian's machine started beeping slowly.

"Janeway, can you do it?" Dorian asked, stepping away from his machine. "You're literally world-famous, one of the greatest surgeons period. It's just like an appendectomy. That has to be child's play. Shit, I haven't done any knife work in years, and I could probably slice it out."

"I guess you're right," Janeway snapped. She turned to Twilight. "Are you certain that it won't explode outside of her body?"

The alicorn blinked. She hadn't even considered that possibility, but—that was very possible. In front of her, the damn machine started beeping faster.

"Uh—It may. It may be able to." she said.

Dorian and Janeway shared a look.

"Alright," Janeway muttered, "alright. So we just... disarm it. Can you do that?"

"It's—It doesn't work like that," Twilight stuttered. "A magical stack isn't a very complicated warlock structure. It's just a dumb container for spells. There's nothing to disarm, the—the spell has already been cast, it's just in stasis."

"So we have no way of stopping it?" Janeway asked, voice a bit higher in pitch.

Twilight swallowed, feeling her mouth get drier. "I—I can teleport away with it!"

"But are you going to be able to get away before it blows?" Dorian asked, slamming his fist on Chrysalis' machine, which continued to beep. Next to him, the Changeling gurgled.

Twilight closed her eyes, trying to shut herself off from the glare of the overhead lights. After thinking about it for a moment, she shook her head. "No, I don't—Come to think of it, I doubt I could even teleport once."

Twilight felt her breathing increasing in frequency. She wasn't exactly afraid of dying herself. After all, she had done more than enough good in the world to receive a reward in practically any of Equestria's religious systems. This particular way of dying was even close enough to a battle that she could probably make it into the ancient Griffons' conception of Valhalla.

The problem was, if she died, Equestria had no chance. She didn't doubt that the humans had the ability to make an inter-universal transport within a few hundred years, yes, but that would probably be far too late. Whole generations would have grown up enslaved. The Equestria she knew would be thoroughly destroyed.

Marshal stepped forward, ripping Twilight's contemplation apart as he put a hand on her neck.

"Your safety is priority number one," he stated, as if he was listening to her thoughts. "We're getting you out of here now."

Chrysalis made a startled noise.

"What about Chrysalis?" Twilight asked. The Changeling made a noise that seemed to be in agreement with her.

"She's—We can't do anything about that," Marshal said, trying to stay calm. "The important thing is you."

Chrysalis gave a groan.

"I—I can't!" Twilight shouted. "If I get more than ten feet from this thing the stack can unwind and everything in the immediate vicinity is dead, including me!"

"Are you sure there's an explosion spell?" Marshal asked. "These guys haven't been very effective in the past. Maybe it's something else?"

"I already performed a stack trace!" Twilight shouted. "The spell was there. Explosion, thirty foot radius."

Marshal's brow gained a few wrinkled. "Maybe we can..."

"There's nothing!"

Twilight's voice was fully screaming now, echoing off the walls of the room. The alicorn stood with wings spread, neck down, and ears flat.

"You all have to get out of here, right now! I—There's nothing I can do!"

The room stood still for two seconds. The surgeons who hadn't ran stared at the floor or at their equipment, trying not to make eye contact. The beeping of the monitor faded into the background. Twilight could hear herself breathe, hear the air rush out of her lungs as her chest fell.

"Twalughit" Chrysalis weakly mumbled. Twilight jerked her head in her direction.

"Did you just try to say my name?" she asked.

"Teluphauny," the Queen gurgled.

Twilight squinted. "Teluphauny." Telephony? Why would Chrysalis... Oh, telepathy. Chrysalis obviously wasn't able to speak normally, but apparently wanted to chat anyway.

Twilight mentally cast the spell. Normally telepathy was extremely tasking, but Chrysalis' skull was quite literally open, so the spell was trivial.

Yes? she asked, in the Changeling's head.

Stop panicking, you blasted idiot! the queen snarled. One of our kingdoms has already been lost due to rash decisions. I do not wish to have it be both, or for you to die before those hairless apes can extract my revenge for me.

But what am I supposed to do? Twilight asked. I can't—I can't think of anything!

You can, Chrysalis retorted. You ascended to royalty because of your cleverness. You have found a way out of every impossible situation I have seen you in. This should be no different! A mare with your intelligence, charisma, bea—

Chrysalis' suddenly cut off.

Is this still working? the Princess asked.

Yes, the Queen replied. But you should stop it. You need to use all your energy to get us both out of this situation.

Twilight cut off the link, closing her eyes. So she had a stack in the middle of a Changeling's body. A stack with three spells. She thought back to her first metamagic class, back at Princess Celestia's school for gifted universe. A stack had two basic operations, push and pop. One added a spell, the other removed it, respectively. A stack could store a limited amount of spells, and would overflow and stop working if pushed over capacity.

So. How could she use this information? Well, popping the spells was useless. That would just kill them all faster. So she could try to push some spells onto it. Perhaps a teleport spell, so it would remove itself from the area before it killed everybody. But a magical null field was incredibly difficult to cast as-is. She doubted she could do anything more complicated than levitation at the moment. So, what else—

Twilight bolted upright. A limited size! Stacks had a limited size! If she could just fill it up, it would overflow! That was the solution!

"I've got it!" she shouted. "I just need to cause a stack overflow!"

"Oh, you're shitting me!" Dorian shouted.

Twilight paid him no mind. She was too busy casting as many "light" spells as she possibly could. It was the simplest, fastest spell for her to cast. She was probably doing this at almost fifty a second. She could feel it draining her magic, but she had no other choice.

Twilight cast the spells for ten minutes. At minute seven, she collapsed to the ground. Marshal and the others rushed to her, but she shrugged them off. She could do it. She knew she could.

Twilight strained, trying to finish. How many members could this stack take? There had to be thousands of spells on it. Tens of thousands. Why wouldn't—

Twilight felt a jerk. It—It overflowed. It was broken!

"I did it!" she mumbled.

With that, the alicorn collapsed.

Janeway and Dorian shared a look. Slowly, both looked at Chrysalis, waiting with baited breath.

When the changeling did not explode, they both rushed to Twilight. Dorian put a finger on an artery in her neck.

"Is she alright?" Marshal asked, face betraying genuine concern.

"Uhh... No," Dorian said. "Her pulse is so extremely low. Lower than that of an unconscious person. I think..."

"She's catatonic," Janeway said, completing his thought.

"Great," Marshal said, rubbing his forehead. "Just great."

Well, you've done it, internet—Twilight Sparkle and Chrysalis are both now in the top ten for our list of characters. In three weeks! Let's hope their homelands aren't offended by this sort of thing, because at this point I don't think there's any stopping you...

>>12398042586

Ok, seriously, mods, ban this fucking idiot. Evil Geniuses does not have an advertising deal with this horse, no matter how many photoshops you make.

What's weird about it? I make songs about important issues, and yeah, I'm making a song about this horse. It's not a gimmick, it's a fucking alien. It's the most important motherfuckin' thing to ever happen to our species, so yes, I'm writing a song about it. And I really do have a lot of those conflicting feelings, that's not me bullshitting. This is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night.

Ghostwriter

Kyle Marshal squeezed his temples, briefly wondering if he should ask one of the doctors for some kind of anti-stress drug. The harsh lights of the hospital room shined down on Twilight's unconscious body. Her chest rose and feel softly and at an alarmingly slow rate, but she was otherwise completely motionless. A passerby could easily mistake her for a corpse.

Three days with absolutely no sign of stirring. She wasn't braindead, but her brain activity wasn't exactly encouraging either. The most disturbing thing was the area directly below her horn, which was completely devoid of activity.

Next to Kyle, Acone stroked his chin. The man spent far more time in the room than he did, just watching her sleep. Hell, the only times he really left were to eat or sleep himself, and most days his wife just brought him a meatball sub that he ate in the cafeteria. Strangely, he didn't even seem that stressed. It was some other emotion—probably a far worse one.

"Jesus, Kyle," he spoke. "Three days. Three damn days."

"It's not exactly encouraging," Kyle muttered, sitting down in one of the shitty plastic chairs that always seemed to be in the corner of hospital rooms. "Hopefully she'll start getting better soon. The President doesn't want to give his speech without her by his side."

"But what if she—" Acone started, before shutting his mouth.

"She will. Hell, the doctors said Chrysalis was making an astoundingly fast recovery," Kyle said. "I'm sure she just needs a bit of time."

Acone tilted his head towards Kyle. "Astoundingly? Just how fast is—"

"Oh, thank the gods," Chrysalis shouted, opening the door hard enough to press the attached bumper a few inches into its drywall. "She yet lives."

"Pretty fast," Acone muttered, answering his own question. "Aren't you supposed to be laying in bed with a giant hole in your head?"

"A cocoon, and I got better," Chrysalis replied, waving a hoof. "My magical levels are unusually high at the moment."

The changeling took two steps, standing directly at the side of Twilight's bed. She pressed an ear to her chest.

"Hm. Heartrate is quite low," she muttered. "Body still warm, though, so—"

"Oh no!" Acone shouted, standing up. "None of that shit!"

Marshal reached out and attempted to grab Acone, but the Italian was already next to Chrysalis. Dammit, for a fat guy he sure could move fast when he needed to.

"What? I merely—"

"No, no!" Acone shouted. "No weird creepy perv stuff. For Christ's sake, she got in this state saving your life. At least have a little respect!"

Chrysalis blinked once, then remembered who she was.

"I am not a pervert, child," Chrysalis snapped, with (thankfully metaphorical) venom. "In this particular instance, at least. You and your kind are ignorant of magical medicine, leaving me to be possibly the only creature who can help Twilight. I am merely attempting to—"

"Attempting to what?" Acone snapped back. "Last I checked you were some kinda evil bug, not a fucking doctor!"

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. Normally the tone she used was enough to send ponies scattering, but this creature...

"I am not a doctor," Chrysalis said, trying to level her tone. "But I am a gifted warlock, as are all Changeling queens. Twilight exhausted herself performing magic. It stands to reason that I may be able to help her."

Acone squinted, then shuffled back into his chair. "Normally I'd say no, but we're kinda desperate here. Go ahead. But don't be using this as an opportunity to cop a feel, ok?"

Chrysalis rolled her eyes, horn lighting up.

Kyle leaned over to Acone, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Any reason why we're letting her run loose?"

"She has a bigger crush on Twilight than I used to have on Mary-Ann," Acone muttered back. "Don't think she'd do anything to hurt her."

"Is it really that obvious?" Chrysalis asked, face suddenly falling.

Kyle groaned. As much as he wanted to blame some kind of super-advanced Changeling hearing, Acone's whispers were about as loud as most people's normal speech.

"Hey, I ain't judging," Acone said. "I gotta a sister who's a lesbian. Looks kinda like you, too. Except with shorter hair, though. Poor girl."

Acone blinked. "You know, come to think it, my sister-in-law does dye her hair purple..."

Kyle coughed, which was thankfully enough to stop Acone's train of thought.

Chrysalis sighed and focused her magic, hitting Twilight square in the forehead. "Let's see..."

The Changeling froze. "Oh... oh no."

Acone and Kyle shared a look. Acone spoke: "What?"

"She... She burnt herself out," Chrysalis whispered. "Too many spells, too short of a time."

"So?" Acone asked, getting up again. "Can you fix it?"

"I—the only way to fix it is to recharge her," Chrysalis stuttered. "Fill her back up with magic. But she's a unicorn, and I'm—I'm not."

"So? There's gotta be some kind of conversion," Acone said. "I mean, shit, I can buy adapters to make my laptop work in Europe. Can't you do something similar?"

Chrysalis shook her head. "Nothing. It's... They're incompatible."

"Well... there's gotta be something you can do!" Acone shouted.

"There... Let me think."

Chrysalis sat down, resting her head on a hoof. As far as she knew, there wasn't a conversion. But maybe there was some kind of loophole. Twilight had obviously found one. Forcing a stack overflow—that was genius, pure and simple. Genius that she had to repay somehow. But there just... there wasn't anything! Changeling magic and unicorn magic were simply incompatible. If Twilight was a changeling, this would be easy, but—

Chrysalis' head shot up as visions of cocoons and captive ponies flew into the forefront of her mind.

"What?" Acone asked. "You got something?"

"I do," Chrysalis said, shaking her head. "But... You're not gonna like it."

Author's Note

Trying to get into a more concrete update schedule. I've been writing this for far too long already.

Typecast

Twilight Sparkle's eyes bolted open.

She instantly knew something was amiss, even with her half-functioning senses. She didn't need eyes or ears or skin to feel this—it was a problem with her magic. Or, rather, two problems.

The first was that it... it somethinged different. Twilight couldn't come up with a verb. Tasted came close, but that had all sorts of implications that didn't feel right. Taste was external, something that you experience as the result of some actor. You put something in your mouth, and you taste it. This went far deeper than that. It was a difference in her very soul, not an overcooked cookie. She had experienced this situation only once before, at her ascension to alicorn-hood. But that was a far more subtle difference. To continue the gustatory metaphor, that was like adding some spices on top, or perhaps cooking a dish in a marginally different way. This, though—this was like putting her old magic into a soup with some other thing and letting it stew for hours. It wasn't a disturbing combination, or even an unpleasant one, but it was certainly alien.

The other problem with her magic was its quantity.

Twilight Sparkle had wielded the element of magic before. The most powerful magical object in Equestria, presumably forged by the universe itself, and she had used its power. She remembered the first time that happened, the almost overwhelming sense of energy that flowed through her body.

Just beyond her own head, Twilight sensed a magical presence several thousand times that force. A presence that she knew, instinctively, she could tap into whenever she wanted. In fact, it seemed to want her to use it—her imagination instantly came up with trying to tell Pinkie Pie (or Acone) that she wasn't hungry. It wasn't going to force its way in, but it was damn sure going to offer multiple times.

Twilight took a moment to consider the situation. As far as she could tell, she retained all willpower. She wasn't being manipulated or controlled in any way. Something was messing with her head, but it didn't seem to be necessarily malicious. Besides, it's not like she could just revert whatever changes had happened to her. For the moment, she was going to have to accept the development and move on.

The alicorn turned her attention to other matters. Specifically, she now focused on those physical sensations she intentionally deferred earlier. Instantly, she began to panic. She was underwater!

Twilight closed her mouth, holding her breath. She needed to get above water as fast as possible. Who knew how long she had been under?

Twilight kicked a hoof forward, making contact with some kind of hard material. It felt strangely organic, and extremely thin. Hm. A possible way out.

Twilight blasted the surface with magic, and it gave way. She barely had time to be pleased that she could still spellcast as the water started moving through the opening, taking her with it. She came into contact with solid ground, coughing.

Twilight took a minute to catch her breath, keeping her eyes closed. She was encased in some sort of liquid-filled chamber. She had a sneaking suspicion she knew what that was, but—

"Twilight?"

Chrysalis. Just the person she didn't want to hear.

Twilight groaned, opening her eyes and looking at her hooves. In an instant, her suspicions were confirmed. Black chitin covered the lower half of her appendages, awkwardly transitioning into fur just above her elbows.

"Why is it—"

Twilight's attempt at speech only caused more fluid to flow out of her lungs. She spent a few minutes coughing, expelling the rest of it.

"Why does this keep happening to me?" she said, staring at the ceiling. "I do a good deed, and the next thing I know royalty is making radical changes to my body! At least Celestia gave me a song first, but she still decided that I would look better with wings, without asking! I mean, I appreciate the magical upgrade, but seriously? Explaining the wings to my parents was hard enough!"

Twilight weekly turned over, getting up onto her new legs.

"You know, there's still a conspiracy theory that Celestia killed me and replaced me with a puppet," she continued. "How do you think ponies are going to react to this? Changelingification is normally used to create mindless drones, not—whatever I am now."

"Quincess," the Changeling queen replied.

Twilight blinked once, then glared at Chrysalis. "Quincess?"

"Half Changeling Queen, half Equestrian Princess," she replied, ducking her head. "I'm... not good with names."

"Fantastic," Twilight said, sarcastically. "Utterly fantastic. Now I get to be a Chimera with a stupid name!"

Twilight shook her head, causing droplets of changeling-juice to fly everywhere.

"Any reason you did this?" she asked.

"You—you spent yourself," Chrysalis responded. "Burnt yourself out. I had to recharge you, and Changeling magic is different from Alicorn magic. It was the only way!"

Twilight's eye twitched.

"You—You turned me into a Changeling to recharge me?"

Chrysalis braced herself. "Yes?"

"DID THEY NOT TEACH YOU ABOUT LEONHOOF EUNER TRANSFORMATION MATRICES?" Twilight screamed. "YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THEY TEACH UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTS AT EVERY MAGICAL COLLEGE IN EQUESTRIA?"

"Um... No," Chrysalis said, blush rushing to her face. Well, this just confirmed her theory that she was destined to mess everything in her life up.

Twilight shook with rage for another few seconds, then let it go. "Whatever. I can just transform myself into my normal form all the time and hide this from everybody. Sounds like the plot out of one of Rarity's 'romance' novels, but I can make it work."

Chrysalis nodded. "That sounds like a good strategy."

"Glad you think so," Twilight seethed. "Now, care to explain the incredibly powerful source of magic I suddenly have access to?"

Chrysalis' ears flattened on her head. "Magic?"

"Yes, magic," Twilight stated. "A large amount of it. An incredibly large amount."

"I... I don't know," Chrysalis responded. "I've noticed it too. Not as powerful as you seem to think, but there's something about this place. It's why I haven't needed to eat, I think."

"We'll figure that out later," Twilight growled. "Right now you're going to leave this room and go get somebody else to bring me a glass of water. Got it?"

Chrysalis nodded, then practically flew out of the room. Twilight watched the door close behind her, then sat down.

Quincess. Somehow that was worse than everything else.

Author's Note

Note: This takes place in an alternate future that cuts off just after season 3, which explains Twilight not knowing where the EoH come from. Why? Because I started writing it then.

Holy shit, I should update faster, huh?

Speaking of which, I planned for this to be longer, but I realized I hadn't updated in a while, so I just split it into two chapters at a natural point.

Snap

The President took a deep breath. He'd gone over every single possible way to do this with his cabinet, and this was the best they could come up with. It was a bit direct for his tastes, but it had a good density of information and would hopefully limit the panic stage.

The President opened the oak door, arriving late to the meeting. Around the table a handful of other heads of state—Canadian, French, British, Greek, Norwegian, Belgian. Ideally, he would be giving this address to all the members of NATO, but they'd sat in the dark for too long already. With Twilight catatonic, the president felt that they should probably have a backup plan. He started talking before he even sat down.

"Gentlemen, I come here today to state my belief that the United States has suffered an armed attack by an alien race, and to invoke Article 5 of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization."

The President expected this news to be met with silence. He was mostly correct, save for the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom muttering "of course" under his breath.

"This attack involved the use of an explosive device in a New York area hospital," the President continued. "Thankfully, the device was diffused due to the expert action of Twilight Sparkle, princess of Equestria."

"Was it a magic bomb?" the French president asked.

"Yes," the American responded. The Frenchmen only nodded in response.

"Anyway," the American continued, "that constituted the first armed attack against the United States. But, for the past several months, the invading force has sent soldiers between the worlds, with—"

"Wait a bloody minute," the Englishman interjected, "you're supposed to inform the council as soon as possible when attacked. You say these have been going on for months? It seems like that's something we'd like to know about!"

"The other soldiers were unarmed, and, well..." the President began, trying to find the right words. "The word 'attack' implies some degree of success. Here. We have video on file."

The president jabbed a finger at the screen in front of him. Instantly, a video feed sprang to life on the monitors that surrounded the room. He didn't bother watching the footage, instead trying to see the reactions around the table.

As expected, the table recoiled in horror when the creature first appeared. For a moment, the American was a bit concerned the Belgian was going to lose his lunch. Their reactions were logical. At first glance, those creatures were terrifying.

Not ten seconds later, he heard the familiar sound of a gunshot, followed one of the creatures exploding.

Most of the room jumped, which was understandable. The audio was quite loud, after all. The president gave them a moment to recover before speaking.

"The creatures are, as far as we can tell, a species of inter-universal conquerors, designed to take over every world they come across," the President said. "To the point where we have been receiving form letters about our surrender. Unfortunately for them, they seem to have optimized for magical combat, a skill which we don't posses. As you can see, to bullets, well... They're not very effective."

"He exploded like a balloon!" the Englishman exclaimed. "Just right popped!"

"Exactly," the president replied. "This presents us with a rather interesting dilemma."

The president took a sip of water, letting the coolness rush down his throat.

"Twilight Sparkle first came to our world to ask for military aide against the Changeling empire, long-time and power enemies of her nation," the president began. "If our intelligence is to be believed, these creatures wiped the Changeling nation off the map within a matter of hours, and enslaved Twilight's nation shortly thereafter. We can assume from this that their army is supremely powerful—if you happen to use magic as your primary form of offense. Furthermore, the form letters indicated that they have conquered many universes. This means that a vast, interdimensional, presumably evil empire has declared war on us—normally cause for panic, but this is a war that they cannot win. In fact, they are so hopelessly outgunned that labeling the conflict a 'war' is generous. So, gentlemen, the question is..."

The president leaned forward for dramatic effect.

"How far do we go?"

"If they explode like that?" the Englishman said, ruining the president's dreams of causing a historic silence. "Well, let's go all the way. Storm into the other universe, free it, move onto the next one. Rinse and repeat, save multiple worlds in a few months, ask for a little bit of material wealth for our trouble. Easy, yeah?"

"Well, uh," the president stuttered, "supposedly, but the longer we're at war with them, the better their chances of finding some way to fight us are."

"Well, we always have that problem," the Frenchman responded. "Just fight them off on Earth, they go back, they lick their wounds, maybe they come back next time with better armor. We are dealing with something that can become very dangerous. It is best to destroy it as quickly as possible."

"Exactly," the Englishman exclaimed. "Call up the Russians and the Chinese, make it a grand old show. Throw a blitz on them so hard they don't have time to react. Then figure out the pieces. I can tell you one thing, I am not bloody waiting for them to get more intelligence on us. If I have to have an interdimensional horror on my back, I damn sure want it to be one that explodes into blood and guts when you whack it hard."

"Well," the president said, straightening his tie, "does everybody feel that way?"

All of the delegates nodded in sequence. Some, of course, were more apprehensive than others, but nobody wanted to break the chain.

The president sat down again, cracking his knuckles.

"Well, gentlemen," he said, "guess we have a war on."

Author's Note

Small timeskip backwards.

It's been forever, I know. It's becoming harder and harder for me to work on this.

Overflow

"You screwed up."

Twilight stomped a newly chitin-encrusted hoof, raising her voice slightly. Not too much, though—she would prefer that this particular factor would stay exclusively Equestrian knowledge, and the walls in the hospital were probably thin.

"My magical senses are junk. Junk!" Twilight whispered. "There's no way my magical reserves are this big. I don't even think reserves this big are physically possible."

"And how do you know?" Chrysalis replied, her voice a little less breathy. "I've felt it too, growing ever since I got here. It may be some property of this world—all the magic isn't being used, so it's going to us."

"There is no magic in this world," Sparkle responded. "None. Do even the most basic scanning spell and you'll see that."

"Some other explanation then," Chrysalis responded, with an impressively convincing dismissive tone. Internally, of course, a thousand voices screamed that at her for being so stupid as to ruin the princess of magic's magical ability, but she kept them in check. She was biologically suited to acting, after all.

"There is none," Twilight muttered. "My senses aren't working properly. They can't be!"

"Well," Chrysalis muttered, gritting her teeth, "have you tested it?"

"Tested it?" Twilight asked.

"Tried to use the new power," Chrysalis said. "Tried to cast a high-level spell."

"Of course I haven't!" Twilight exclaimed. "Without proper power regulation almost anything could happen!"

"So you don't actually know," Chrysalis said, slowly, "because you haven't tried to see if that power is accessible."

"Well..." Twilight stuttered. She stomped a hoof. "Technically, yes."

"So try it," Chrysalis said. Perhaps continuing to be cavalier about this whole thing was the right course of action. Maybe it would have a retarding affect on Twilight's panic.

"I can't!" Twilight exclaimed. "It would be dangerous!"

"Not if you cast a ridiculously large spell," Chrysalis replied. "Something that has no chance of succeeding unless you truly have access to the reserves you sense you do."

Twilight glared at her, but didn't say anything. Chrysalis smirked. She was thinking it over.

"If that's what it will take to prove it to you," Twilight said. Her voice still had an edge to it, but Chrysalis detected a hint of curiosity as well. Magic nerds. So predictable. So adorable, too.

"The only question is what spell to cast," Twilight continued, sitting down. She brought a hoof to her chin and tapped it, lost in thought.

Chrysalis suppressed a smile. Sure, her original plan of diffusing the situation by exuding confidence hadn't worked, but this was an equally good outcome. It had no bearing on what the final result of this debacle would be—if she had truly ruined Twilight's magical senses she would probably die of guilt, even if the Princess was forgiving—but it was a temporary success.

Twilight stood up, a smirk on her face. Chrysalis inhaled a bit faster than usual. After seeing that look, she was beginning to question her earlier relief.

"I have a good candidate," Twilight said. "A portal spell."

Much like a rubber ball on pavement, Chrysalis' mental state instantly rebounded into panic. "What?"

"A universal transport spell," Twilight said, still grinning. "With the amount of magic it feels like I have, this should be as trivial as a simple illumination spell."

"Are you—are you serious?" Chrysalis stuttered. "What if it works, there'd—"

"It can't work," Twilight replied. "But it's the only spell even remotely complicated enough to require this kind of power. That is how screwed up my senses are."

Chrysalis felt her panic rise. She had expected Twilight to feel a doubling of her power, at most, but not anywhere near the amount of energy required to perform an inter-universal transport spell without any kind of magical amplifiers. If it was that extreme than she had to have screwed up. It figured, of course—pretty much everything she touched over the past few weeks had been ruined. Why not this?

Confidently, Twilight turned to her left, facing an empty wall. She took a deep breath. Then, like a light bulb, her horn flicked on.

A beam of bright purple magic flew into the wall. The light was so bright it seemed almost solid, the magic so intense it gave off physical heat. Chrysalis staggered a step backwards as Twilight's face widened in horror. Chrysalis struggled to stay on her hooves. This was actually happening, with no preparation or enhancement.

This realization was similar to the one Twilight had, somewhere in the back of her mind. The forefront of her consciousness, of course, was primarily concerned with the repetition of curse words and the concentration required to prevent the spell from leveling the hospital and surrounding area. Some part of her was vindicated. She was right, Chrysalis' transformation had completely ruined her magical senses. Of course, she had thought there were too high instead of too low, but that didn't really matter. Either way there were inaccurate on several levels.

Twilight took a deep breath. Or, well, as deep of a breath as she could get from her rapidly contracting chest. Okay, just smooth it out, Twilight. You've handled the elements before. This is... a bit extreme, but the core concept is the same.

She closed her eyes tightly. No need to dedicate brain power to senses. All of it had to be focused on finishing the spell and cutting off the flow. That's all that mattered.

Slowly, she felt the energy subsiding. There was still a huge reservoir behind her horn, of course, but the flow was slowing. For now, at least.

With one final burst Twilight finished off the spell. She held her head low to the ground, panting. Normally a spell like that would leave her physically exhausted from the effort of casting it. This time, however, she felt drained from stopping it.

"Twilight?"

The alicorn froze. Even when it sounded this ragged and hollow, she could recognize that voice. She'd heard it on a daily basis for almost all of her life.

Slowly she lifted her head upwards. A purple portal swirled in front of her, the wall giving way to an entirely new universe. Through the hole she could see Celestia. She was lacking her regalia and had a chain around her neck, but it was her.

She was in some kind of stone-walled room, most likely a cell. Behind her were the other two Alicorns she'd left in Equestria, in a similar state. To Twilight's discontent they didn't look relieved at all—more horrified than anything. Why would...

"What has she done to you?"

Luna's voice didn't serve to clarify anything. What the hell was she talking about? Who was "she"? Hadn't—

"OH!" Twilight shouted. Right, the entire reason they were there in the first place. "I—Uh, I, uh—I burned myself out, and s-somebody didn't learn about basic magical theory, so she..."

"Close it!"

Twilight whipped her head to the side, trying her best to kill the Changeling with a look. Then she saw that Chrysalis was entangled with a broken heart rate monitor, and her gaze softened a bit. Okay, so maybe she hadn't fully contained the spell.

"You have to close it," Chrysalis repeated. "Those things can't know what's happening!"

"And it won't ma—" Twilight started, before quickly closing her mouth. No, displaying that particular advantage was a terrible idea. Sighing, she turned back to Celestia. "She's done nothing to harm me. Nothing intentionally, anyway."

"Then why are you..." Luna continued. Celestia shot her a look, quickly cutting off her sister's question.

"Twilight, you seem as if you have little time," Celestia said, her voice low. "Why have you contacted us?"

Twilight bit her lip. The truth—"I wanted to guilt-trip Chrysalis and got more than I bargained for"—definitely wasn't satisfactory. Then again, neither was lying to her mentor. In this particular case, however, she had to chose the easy route. Especially since the Secret Service agents assigned to protect her were no doubt seconds away.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay," Twilight said. "All of you."

"We are," Celestia said. "But you cannot come here, Twilight. You must stay as far away as you can."

"Celestia, I—"

"No," her mentor continued, in a tone Twilight rarely heard. "You must flee. Those of us here are lost. Whatever plan you and Chrysalis have, it is not going to work. Nothing can surpass that army. We are doomed to subservience. There is nothing you can do about this, Twilight. Not even you."

Twilight suddenly found her vision quite blurry. It's hard to see through water, after all.

"Get as far away as you can," Celestia continued. "You must keep the dream of ponykind alive. It's a horrible burden, but it is one you must carry."

Twilight heard some kind of metallic noise, reflected off the back wall of the cave. Celestia looked past the portal. "Guards. Twilight, close the portal. Never contact us again. I know it is hard, but it is what you must do. For your own sake. We will be fine here."

Twilight closed her eyes. She had half a mind to pick up Celestia and bring her through the portal, along with the others, damn the consequences. Celestia had told her many things, but she had never told her to give up. Never. If she was doing that now, she must have truly lots all semblance of hope.

But that action would be rash. Right now she needed to lead. So, as much as it pained her, she extinguished the portal.

Sniffling, Twilight sat on the floor. She had hoped to snarkily demonstrate Chrysalis's mistake, but, in doing so, had made a huge mistake of her own. She knew it had to be bad back at home, but the princesses in chains? That was...

Twilight felt something like sharp plastic on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw the face of her old enemy.

"You did the right thing," Chrysalis said, softly. "That must have been difficult, but we couldn't let any information about us leak."

Twilight couldn't come up with a response, opting instead to just hang her head again. They stood there for a few moments.

Chrysalis desperately wanted to say something more, but she couldn't. Sensitivity wasn't her strong suit. It never had been. As was usual, all she could do was make the situation worse.

Thankfully, she was relived of the responsibility when several Secret Service agents swarmed the room, screaming about defense. Twilight stood up, shrugging of the Changeling's hoof, and walked towards them.

Chrysalis watched her explain the situation to the guards. This pony was at least twenty years younger than her, but Chrysalis couldn't shake the feeling that she might already be a better leader.

Oh, who was she kidding. Half her hive was dead. Of course Twilight was better. Most Elementary School class presidents were probably better. Just a month ago she would have relished seeing Celestia, her sworn enemy, in chains. She'd even picked out a nice set of shackles back at the hive. Now she was almost looking forward to seeing her foe's face when her student stormed the country with hairless apes and did the impossible. Weak. Pathetic. Useless. She should have been laughing over Celestia's defeat, trying to start her hive anew on this planet. Instead she was feeling sympathy for an Equestrian princess, and actively working with her enemies.

Chrysalis sighed and hung her head. No, she couldn't even convince herself of that anymore. Choosing to work with Twilight was probably the best decision she'd made in her whole life. Sure, she was giving up the chance to see the look of horror on Celestia's face when Changelings won their final victory and placed ponies firmly under hive rule, but she was gaining the chance to see the relief on that same face when Twilight did the impossible and saved Equestria once again. Perhaps that would be worth it.

Author's Note

H E L P

M E

It's been a third of a year. Sorry for not writing for so long. I've basically left this fandom besides this story. Not that I was ever really involved aside from Fanfic, but I've actually stopped watching the show. I feel like I owe you guys to try and finish this shit anyway, but it's going to be hard. Expect updates to be even more sporadic.

I should probably edit this more but it's 2:15 and I'm exhausted. If I don't submit this now I'm afraid I'll disappear for another 4 months. So hopefully it's good enough.

On a trip

Twilight Sparkle fluttered her wings awkwardly. Those things really got in the way when she had saddlebags on, especially ones of this size.

She had spent two weeks packing, consulting various experts on survival and travel. Nopony really had any idea what another universe might hold. She was actually rather scared, but Celestia herself had asked her to take up this mission. She couldn't let her people down, especially now that she was the newest princess.

The other elements were probably already in place. They were scheduled for transport in only a few hours. Twilight had just finished saying goodbye to her parents - Both of whom cried despite her insistence she would be back soon - and her brother. He was more confident in Celestia's plan then the others.

Twilight descended the castle's stairs, trying to remain clam. She had been at the Equestrian Research and Experimentation Center before, but not for an actual mission. In fact, nopony had. This was their first foray.

Celestia had founded the EREC project a few years ago, back when Twilight was still a unicorn. The Princess was never very open about her motives, but Twilight guessed that it was formed in response to renewed Changeling aggression. Celestia had, supposedly, known that other universes existed for years, but she hadn't decided to try and contact them until just after Shining Armor's wedding. This decision could technically be unrelated to the Changeling attack, but Twilight thought that was highly unlikely. Celestia probably wanted to make first contact to insure that Chrysalis didn't. A whole universe could provide a lot of breeding ground for the monsters.

Eventually, she finished descending into the depths of the castle. The room around her was a coat of sterile grey she found calming. It reminded her of when she was conducting her own experiments in a lab - Although those typically didn't involve herself as a test subject. Ponies scurried around with lab coats on, holding clipboards with magic or in their mouths. They had spent a considerable amount of time figuring out exactly what conditions were ideal for this kind of travel. It had probably been very expensive, but that wasn't really Twilight's area.

After a few minutes, one of the scientists around her walked up and requested that she get into position.

"Well... Guess this is it, then," she muttered, trotting down a hallway off to her side.

The guard at the door saluted her as she walked in to the room at the end, the heavy lead door closing behind her. Twilight made her way to a pedestal in the middle of the room, trying to ignore the scientists peering down at her from the observation windows overhead. She got herself situated.

"I'm ready!" she called, her voice slightly shaky.

"Okay, Twilight. All other participants are in place. You are confirmed for travel," a voice rumbled from the rather poor overhead speakers, "And good luck out there. Oh, and there's some others who have stuff to say."

The radio cut off with a trademark crunch of static before new voices filled the room.

"You can do it, Twi!"

"Be- Be safe, okay?"

"I know y'all got this!"

"Have fun in the new universe!"

"I believe in you, Darling."

"Twilight, you've made me so proud. I know you'll be able to do this.

Twilight smiled. Her friends were outside of the room, sitting in a hexagonal shape inside of a tube, but she could still hear them over the intercom. The tube they were sitting in was a specially designed alloy that was supposed to channel the magic from their elements in a focused beam directly to her, which would then give her enough magical power to pop through the walls of a universe. Or it could just vaporize her, but the scientists assured her that wouldn't happen.

Twilight braced herself.

"Elements, please begin channeling."

Only a few seconds now.

"We are go for magical beam in ten seconds. Twilight, good luck out there."

Twilight stood up, facing the tunnel. First pony to ever leave the universe. She could have done worse.

"Five."

This was it.

"Four."

For Celestia.

"Three."

For Equestria.

"Two."

Twilight inhaled deeply.

"One."

A rainbow of magic blasted down the tunnel. It focused on Twilight's horn, her crown inches away. She gasped. This felt powerful. She was probably more magical then Celestia and Luna combined. Now, she just had to put it to good use.

Twilight focused on the empty space in front of her. Take me someplace... Interesting.

She felt her horn release magic.

Then everything went dark.

* * *

Mayor Acone was having a bad day.

New York was never a very easy place to manage. Crime, corruption, traffic, gang violence, rent prices... It wasn't exactly a small town in Nebraska. But the media - Damn them - Seemed to think that Acone should have been more proactive about things. Like he hadn't worked hard! He loved this city, but he wasn't superman, for God's sake!

A man significantly less hot-headed (and Italian) than he would have had the sense to sit down and shut his mouth until the death or marriage of a celebrity drew the media's attention back to worthless fluff, but Acone was never one for shutting his mouth. Instead, he had decided to host a press conference to tell those yellow bastards exactly why he was a damn good Mayor.

He stepped up to the podium, wearing his trademark suit. His wife thought it made him look smart.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I've called this press conference," he began, cameras rolling, "Well, I just wanted to clear up a few things."

Unfazed by the collective sigh of the audience, he pressed on. "I know that some have questioned my policies. Said that I don't truly care about the people, or the health of this city. That I'm just a lazy fat Italian man who only got into office because I ate the ballots of the competition!"

The crowd chuckled. Acone himself held back his laughter. Laughing at your own jokes was arrogant, and that was not he persona Tony Acone tried to purport. Still, this conference was going fine. All he had to do was talk, and if there was one thing he was good at, it was talking.

Unfortunately, he hadn't planned for an unconscious purple unicorn - With wings no less - To burst out of the sky in a terrifying display of rainbow light and thunder-like sounds.

The crowd screamed, confusing and fear rippling through the reporters. Those who had a little experience under their belts began taking as many pictures as they could, their cameras acting like strobe lights to some unseen rave. Acone himself stared upwards, spewing obscenities that would have made the nuns back in grade school skin him alive, as the Unicorn dropped out of the ball of rainbow light she had appeared in. She fell a solid ten feet to the ground, barely missing Acone as she landed some six feet behind his podium.

"Jesus!"

Acone stared at the unconscious horse at his feet, ignoring the part of his brain that told him to panic. He needed to remain clam - it would be good for PR, and maybe it would make the damn fools behind him stop screaming like the Yankees had just lost the World Series to the Astros.

The horse was purple. That definitely wasn't normal. It also wasn't really a horse, per say - If Acone had to guess, it would probably only be about four feet tall. Maybe a pony? Then again, it had wings and a horn, so he supposed it was some sort of Pegasus-Unicorn... Thing. Which definitely wasn't supposed to exist.

Stranger still was the way she looked. There were weird outlines on her body, and the light didn't quite reflect her well. She looked sort of like a cartoon come to life.

Acone would have probably started at her in confusion if he wasn't distracted by a loud banging sound to his left. He spun around, his own fear suddenly transforming into anger as he looked for the source of the noise.

"SIR!" An NYPD officer shouted, "GET AWAY FROM THE HORSE!"

Just to emphasize his point, he shot his gun into the air again.

"It's a horse, not a goddamn terrorist! You're really going to shoot a fucking horse?"

"Sir, get away! It could be dangerous! That explosion it appeared in was probably meant for you!"

"It fucking teleported here!" Acone screamed back, "Of course it's going to make a loud fucking noise! What the the hell do you want to shoot it for? It's a fuckin' Unicorn! Do you know what the media will do if my police force shoots a fuckin' Unicorn? Every little girl in America will be crying for months!"

For such a short guy, Acone had a loud voice.

"SIR! GET AWAY!"

"If you fuckin' shoot this unicorn, I swear to god, Jim-"

"SIR! SIR, IT'S MOVING!"

Much to Acone's surprise, the unicorn opened its eyes. He had thought she would be out for at least a couple of hours after a fall from that height.

Acone didn't have much time to think about the duration of unconsciousness, however, as his brain was soon completely occupied with other things. Namely, the fact that the unicorn had looked straight at him and said "Where- Where is-"

"JESUS CHRIST, IT TALKS!"

Behind him, the reporters began to click their cameras even faster. If it wasn't for the police officers in the area keeping them back, they probably would have stormed the scene, no doubt accidentally trampling the mayor and the unicorn in the process.

"Sir! Sir, back away!"

Jim was running at him now. Great. Just what he needed.

"Sir, this is dangerous, it could have a bomb on it! Please, get away!"

"Jim, I have a fucking talking unicorn here. If you shoot it, I swear to god, I will have your badge and your head framed in my goddamn office. Understand?"

Acone, momentarily out of breath from yelling, turned back to the unicorn.

"What the hell are you?"

"My- My name is Twilight Sparkle," the unicorn chocked out, obviously still very weak, "And I come here on a- A diplomatic mission from- Equest... Equestri..."

Her head slowly slumped back down to the ground as it passed out again (or, rather, as she passed out again.) Acone stared at her for another few seconds, before turning back to Jim.

"Jim. This is a talking unicorn pegasus horse here on a diplomatic mission. Who appeared here in a rainbow explosion which was probably magical. If you don't put that fucking pistol away..."

Jim, however, was already ahead of him, sealing the strap on his holster.

"So, uh-" Jim started, still dumbfounded and dazed by the assault of Camera flashes, "What do we do now?"

"Get her in a car. Police car. Actually, call an ambulance, she's probably hurt from that fall."

"Do you really think our doctors are qualified to help on a magic horse?"

"No, you're right. Maybe get a vet?"

"It is a magic horse, sir."

"Right. So, uh - Tell them to not do shit unless they absolutely have to. So get her on an ambulance, and get some of the other officers to start getting a hospital or something on lockdown. I want the horse in a ward by itself. We can't have a dumbass tourist killing this."

"Right. Okay. The ambulance is probably already on the way, I'm sure at least one person called nine-one-one when they heard the explosion. Probably have half the fire department rushing here."

Acone nodded. "Make sure it happens. And try to calm this crowd down."

Jim barked a few orders into his radio, then turned back to the mayor. "Okay. Done."

"Ambulance?"

"On the way. We're taking her to Sacred Heart Hospital - It's not on the island, but it's close enough."

"Alright. Okay."

Acone smiled to himself, somewhat proud of how he was handling the situation. And the blogs said I was wishy-washy.

"So. We have a magical diplomat horse. Don't think that's ever actually happened before - Too fuckin' ridiculous, I guess," Acone thought out loud, "Which I guess means - Jim!"

Jim, who had been lost in the memory of a strange dream he had had while his sister was away at Equestrian camp in 8th grade which suddenly seemed a lot more plausible, turned back to the mayor.

"I need to get on the phone with the president. You guard this horse."

"Er- Shouldn't you talk to the crowd?"

"Oh," Acone said, turning back to face the storm of camera flashes and microphones, "Right. Yeah."

He slowly stood up and walked a few paces back to the podium. All he had to do was calm down a crowd by explaining that there was a magical... Talking... Unicorn...

Grimacing, mayor Acone turned on a mic.

"Well, that was certainly a shock! I'm sure you're all wondering what the hell that was all about. Well..."

End Chapter.

Author's Note

Hopefully this isn't terrible.

Feel free to critique it - In fact, that would be kind of nice.

Congressional Instrospectional

"If the court may be brought to order," Speaker Stefan Burnett began, leaning over into his microphone, "I would like to begin the session. I would remind everyone of just a few things..."

Twilight rapidly scanned the room. So many humans. All staring at her. It was more than a little intimidating.

"First off all," Stefan continued, "I need to remind everybody that this hearing is currently classified, and that revealing this to anybody, including relatives, constitutes capital treason. This hearing is a special case, and will be conducted slightly differently than most. While all of you will get your chance to speak, if you do not act in a civil manner, I will have you removed from this hearing."

"In this hearing, we will first have the recently-assembled house committee on Inter-Universal Political Affairs ask a few very important questions, which must be answered as soon as possible for matters of national security. The floor will be closed to all other parties until this question has concluded."

Speaker Burnett leaned forward, the mic almost touching his dark face. "And I do mean closed. There will be absolutely zero questions until the initial questioning is finished."

He leaned back slightly. Twilight tried to relax, but it was impossible. Everything was resting on her. Everything.

"Now, as this is the first hearing of this type to be done in the history of Congress, our format shall be slightly different. We will postpone opening statements from our subject until after certain facts have been established, in order to better comprehend said statements. Now, if the subject could please state her name."

Burnett turned to Twilight.

"Uh-"

Twilight bumped the mic with her nose as she tried to speak into it, causing a very small pop. Somewhere, far in the back of the room, a representative from Seattle suppressed an intense giggling fit.

"Tw- Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic."

The Speaker's face was devoid of all emotion. "Princess of Magic?"

"Y- Yes, Princess of Magic. It is my duty to manage the research and development of new magical spells, and to regulate high-activity magical events. I am also chairman of the Freestanding Expansive Extra-Universal Drift for the Building of Amicable Communication project, based at the Equestrian Research and Experimentation Center."

The Speaker raised both eyebrows. "Long acronyms, Mrs. Sparkle."

"Yes."

Twilight really needed a drink of water, but after Acone and the Marshall's reaction to her first use of magic, she wouldn't dare pick the cup up in front of her.

"Now, you regulate magic. Is there any way we could possibly receive a demonstration?"

"Uh- Yes. Yes, of course."

Thanking her good fortune, Twilight picked up the glass and levitated it to her face.

This had roughly the same effect as removing the coolant, control rods, and entire containment facility from a nuclear reactor on the mood of the room.

Absolute pandemonium broke out. A few of the older congressmen actually fainted. The rest either screamed like small children, began loudly discussing with the members around them, or held their head in their hands, trying to deal with the situation. Now, normally, even Congress would have acted marginally more professional, but it's not every day one has their reality shattered. The Speaker, to his credit, didn't bat an eye. Instead, he stood up, taking the microphone off its stand, and faced his congress.

"Ah-hem."

For a few seconds, his chest rose and fell rapidly. Twilight began to get nervious. Was he having a heart attack?

"ORDER! ORDER IN THE COMMITTEE!"

Twilight almost fell out of her chair. Several of the congressmen in attendance actually did. Even thought Twilight wasn't used to human faces yet, she could tell the man was old. Not as old as Starswirl was at the height of his research, but still old. But that scream... That was like some horrible combination of an Ursa Major and a Minotaur.

Which, actually, would probably be a useful thing for a politician to have.

The room was instantly silent. Satisfied, Burnett turned back to Twilight.

"I apologize for the outburst, Miss- Princess Sparkle."

"Princess Twilight, actually," Twilight corrected, before quickly covering her mouth with a hoof. She spoke out of turn. Horsefeathers, what would he-

"Princess Twilight, right. My deepest apologies, it is common to use the last name for formal address in our country."

He smiled at her. A smile with a good helping of fear and worry behind it, to be sure, but a smile just the same. She had no idea how this man produced the noise she just heard.

"Now. Moving right along," the Speaker said, shuffling his notes around slightly on his desk, "what country, city-state, tribe, or other geo-political organization do you represent?"

"I am a delegate from the state of Equestria and the outlying empires."

"And on whose authority were you assigned your mission here?"

"My own, as a ruler of Equestria, with the full support of Celestia, bringer of the sun and Princess of the Day, and Luna, bringer of the moon and Princess of the Night. I am also sent with tidings from the Crystal Princess and Princess of Love, Cadence, and the rest of her empire."

The Speaker gave a very quiet, exasperated groan. "Princess of Love, you said?"

"That is correct."

"Alright." The Speaker took a very long drink of water. "Alright. Okay. Now. I have been informed that you were not sent here out of pure curiosity, but are in fact attempting to execute a specific task."

"That is correct."

"Okay. I'll let you get to that in a minute. Now, just a few more questions. How did you travel to our universe?"

"I used several magical artifacts, called the 'Elements of Harmony,' in order to break through the universal barriers."

The senator leaned forward again, his eyes intense as dragon's fire.

"Is this breakage permanent? Can others get through?"

"No." Twilight responded. "In order to make any kind of portal that could exist without a powerful mage -- such as myself -- continually keeping it open. Well, with our current technology."

The senator nodded. "Okay. You may give your opening presentation."

Twilight took a deep breath.

"Uh- I had slides. Is there a screen-"

Before she could finish her sentence, the lights in room dimmed. Behind the Speaker's desk, a screen flickered to life.

Twilight took a moment to admire how clear the picture was, then continued. She'd practiced this a few hundred times over.

"I am here on behalf of the nation of Equestria. Our kind ruler, Princess Celestia-"

Twilight paused, then turned to the speaker.

"How do I change slides?"

"There's a remote on your desk. Just press the button."

Twilight nodded, then lightly tapped the button with magic. An image of Celestia, her smile as radiant as ever, appeared on the screen.

"Okay. As I was saying, I am here on behalf of Princess Celestia, in order to establish a relationship between our world and yours."

The screen displayed an image of the EREC laboratory.

"I came here as a result of intense research, which I, as the Princess of Magic, headed myself."

The slide jumped to a blank screen.

"We're all very hopeful that our nations can learn and grow from each other. However, besides an offer of friendship, I do have a very time-sensitive mission."

The screen went dark.

"You see, our nation is in mortal danger, and possibly yours as well. Why, you ask?"

A small murmur went through the crowd.

Twilight took a deep breath and pressed the button in front of her. Instantly, the screen was filled with Chrysalis' sneering face.

"This is Queen Chrysalis. She is the mortal enemy of Equestria, and a truly evil creature."

The representative from Denver arched an eyebrow. Many of his colleagues did the same.

"She is the ruler of the race of Changelings."

A very blurry photograph appeared on the screen, taken by a reporter during the Canterlot invasion.

"These creatures can shapeshift into any form they desire, and posss magical powers. And they're after one thing..."

Another slide, this time showing a large red heart. If the room wasn't darkened, Twilight would have been able to see almost all the heads in the room tilt slightly in unison.

"Love. These creatures feed on love. It is their sustenance, and the source of their power. They have their own inter-universal travel program, which is quickly advancing."

She pressed the button again, revealing another blank screen.

"Please. The nation of Equestria may not be able to stand to their invasion, and, if we fall, the love in our nation will empower them greatly. They may be able to invade your universe, or countless others. We beg you. Help us fend them off. We will give you several economic considerations in return."

Twilight nodded.

"Thank you."

The lights slowly rose back to full brightness, as the room was filled with quiet chatter. A military aid request from another universe. To an extent, it wasn't even really a surprise. There's no way an inter-universal traveler would pop into Congress on pleasure. It wasn't really the best spot for a vacation, after all.

"Well."

The Speaker cleared his throat.

"That was certainly interesting. Tell me, how do you propose we help you?"

Twilight tried to remain calm.

"I was hoping that we could get a portion of your armed forces to teleport, with me, back to Equestria, in order to provide reinforcements. Chrysalis is bound to attack very soon. When she does, we can launch a counter-attack, and destroy any capabilities she might have of universe-jumping."

"Awfully large request..." the Speaker muttered, stroking his chin. "You also said something about establishing a permanent relationship. Do you propose to bridge our worlds?"

"Sadly, that is impossible with current technology," Twilight responded. "In order to do that, you'd need to accelerate some very small particles to speeds very near the speed of magic, which, obviously, isn't feasible. Even worse, you'd need some kind of fusion reaction to produce enough energy to establish a permanent portal, and those kinds of nuclear reactions are barely even theoretical. Maybe in a few hundred years we could, but certainly not today."

"Uh- Speed of magic?" The Speaker asked, one eyebrow slightly arched.

"Yes," Twilight replied, "The speed of magic. It's a universal constant in our world. The fastest anything may move. Magic, magnetism, even light can't move at speeds greater than it."

"Oh."

The Speaker uncapped his water bottle and took a long drink. The whole mood in the room seemed to be tensioned by her words. Twilight was puzzled. Maybe she had broken some kind of unknown social code?

"Uh, Doctor Harrison," the Senator said, addressing a man at a table across from Twilight, "I know I said that you would speak after the economic specialist, but you might want to handle this one."

"Yes. Quite. Uh, hang on-"

Harrison himself took a long drink, pushing his very short hair even farther backwards on his head with a hand.

"Uh, Miss- Princess Sparkle," he said, just a little too close to his microphone, "I'm a theoretical physicist at Princeton University. I had a few questioned related to, uh, how you got here, which I was going to ask later on, but then..."

The man shook his head slightly, as if trying to clear it. Twilight saw many of her scientists do the same thing back at her home. "Excuse me. I was going to ask them later on in this hearing, but your comments seemed a natural segue. We're, uh, very interested in this topic. You just mentioned particles near the speed of magic -- which, if I am not mistaken, we would refer to as 'the speed of light' on this planet. So, if I may ask, what sort of particles would one need to accelerate, and how many of them?"

"Oh, probably just a few protons or neutrons would work," Twilight said, thinking back to the research papers she had. "The important thing is to make them collide. That should release a type of magical signature that would be very beneficial in Inter-Universal Travel."

"And, uh- You said that we would need a fusion reaction, as well. Does that mean fusion as in, uh, the collision of two atomic nuclei in order to form a new nucleus?"

"Yes. Of course, it's absolutely ridiculous to even consider that as a possibility," Twilight said, the ghost of a laugh in her voice. "Celestia herself is the producer of the only current fusion reaction, and obviously we can't use the sun for this purpose. While channeling the magical signature I mentioned earlier into such a reaction would create a permanent, safe portal, it would also destroy all the material that's actively involved or magically bound to the reaction. Doing this to the sun would, obviously, be out of the question, and creating a fusion reaction-"

Twilight laughed.

"Well, I assume that you guys have looked into it, even without magic. The only way to create the heat necessary to make a fusion reaction would be a fission reaction, and there's nowhere near enough fissile material for that. Of course, once the reaction is actually observed, it's trivial to extract the magical signature and copy it. From there you could easily build artifacts that can perform and extract the magical energy of such a reaction at room-temperatures."

The man looked like he had just been hit by a truck.

"N-N-No further questions."

He sat back down, staring at his desk as if in shock. The person next to him (who was in clothing reminiscent of her brother's dress uniform -- probably in some branch of the armed forces) leaned over and whispered something in his ear. Harrison could only nod in return.

The man slowly leaned back in his chair. He muttered something, obviously not intending for Twilight to hear it. She was still barely able to make it out, however.

"Holy fucking shit."

Profanity... Had she done something wrong?

She gazed out on the crowd. Most of them looked confused, but a wave of realization quickly swept pass them. Twilight could make out several people running a hand through thinning hair or beginning to rapidly fidget with a pen, as if in a panic.

She turned to the Speaker. He, too, looked like somebody had just punched him. Utter shock.

She quickly leaned over to her mic. She had made some kind of faux pas, insulted their culture in some unforgivable way. Maybe she had blasphemed.

"I-- If I said anything out of line, I apologize profusely," she stuttered, trying to keep down the panic, "I- I didn't mean to insult any-"

"Mrs. Sparkle."

The Speaker's voice was dry, but Twilight could tell that he was trying very hard to sound calm, collected, and kind.

"You have done absolutely nothing wrong. We just... That has, uh, been rather large news to drop on us. I don't believe that we can properly explain why."

"Larger than the... request for aid?"

"Ah," the Speaker muttered, "Yes. Possibly. I-- I think we all need some time to look over this. I'm calling a ten minute recess."

His gavel slammed down on the table.

Author's Note

You had no idea how much I wanted to titledrop during this chapter. I have to save it, though.

I'm really sorry for "FEEDBAC", by the way. I couldn't resist.
Neither could I resist the Speaker being who he is. If you get the reference, you get a solid 10/10 from me.

Recommended listening: "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads.

The Overload

"You what?"

Acone's tone was, in his mind, appropriate for the situation. Preliminary talks with the Alicorn had placed the creation of a portal squarely in his mind as the most difficult part of this entire thing. Once they were there it would be a relative cakewalk, especially if the military could get their "special project" up and running, but actually crossing the universes seemed difficult. According to Twilight, she could teleport herself back after only a few hours of magical channeling, but creating a portal for others would require her to either consume huge amounts of energy or access the some machines she had back in Equestria. Of course, those machines were almost definitely destroyed by the invading force, so that was really out of the question. Up until this point he'd been developing an idea of somehow hooking her up to a nuclear reactor. He wouldn't admit that his current mental image involved jumper cables, of course, but he thought his general plan was solid.

"I generated a class A inter-universal portal, by myself," Twilight repeated.

"A quite impressive one," Chrysalis commented.

Acone tried to ignore her. He still wasn't comfortable with the Queen, especially after what she'd done to Twilight. She'd saved her life, of course, but the methodology freaked him out—especially since he'd caught a glimpse of Twilight during the process. The best way to describe how she looked was "goopy", and he suspected that it would haunt his nightmares for years to come.

Shuddering, Acone decided it was best for him to look out the window, to keep his mind from wandering. They were passing through a particularly nice part of New Jersey (for New Jersey, anyway), on their way to DC. Now that Twilight had accidentally blown half a floor of a major hospital, he and Marshal decided it would be wise to move her to a more secure location. Besides, the constant media presence was getting to be unbearable. There was a lot of professional journalists, of course, but also a lot of weirdos. He saw a few guys with horse-ear headbands on, even.

"How hard was it to make?" Marshal said. "We don't want you injuring yourself."

"It was trivial," Twilight said, strain visible in her eyes. "The hard part was limiting its sie."

"Wait, what?" Acone said. "We were talking about how difficult that was going to be yesterday. What happened?"

"I don't know!" Twilight exclaimed. "I've felt a bit funny magically since Chrysalis, uh, you know, but I thought it had to be a problem with my senses. I never imagined that my actual magic could be enhanced to the levels I was feeling. It shouldn't even be possible."

Acone swiveled to Chrysalis. Of course the bug had something to do with it.

"The hell did you do?" Acone said, voice a bit louder.

"Trust me, if I had the ability to naturally make my drones as powerful as Twilight is, the war would have ended before she got here," Chrysalis replied, coolly. "I have no idea what could have happened."

"Maybe an interaction?" Marshal suggested. "Hybrid vigor, that kind of thing."

"Possibly," Twilight said. "It has to be something..."

Acone leaned over on the bench of the limousine, reaching for the mini-fridge. Out of all the perks that came with a cabinet position, he loved this car the most. He retrieved a Coca-Cola, popped it open, and took a long drink.

"Maybe it was something you ate?" Acone said. "I mean, I have no idea how magic works, but maybe some Earth food does weird things to it."

The question was mostly a joke, a fact Twilight picked up on. She shook her head, smiling.

"As good as that spaghetti was, I don't believe so," she said. "I felt strange ever since I left the cocoon. It must be some kind of product of my, ah, transformation."

The princess shuddered, a fact Acone appreciated. The bug, meanwhile, did not react.

"You mentioned earlier that Changelings feed on emotion," Marshal said. "Could that have something to do with it?"

"Maybe!" Twilight said, brightly. "Although... the main emotion they feed off is love. I haven't been..."

Twilight continued talking, but Acone didn't hear her. The second he heard the word "love", he bolted upright in his chair.

Holy shit, the bug did have something to do with it. Not something intentional, sure, but she was still the root cause. Her crush had supercharged Twilight. This made some part of Acone extremely happy, and a slightly larger part extremely horrified. It wasn't out of any prejudice against homosexuality, of course, but he simply found Chrysalis sort of creepy, and that unsettling feeling extended to her crush. Still, he supposed he couldn't judge. Her little infatuation with Twilight potentially provided them with a valuable strategic advantage. If it helped him save a world, she could have all the crushes she'd like.

Except on him. That might be a bit over the line.

"Hey, Chrysalis," Acone said.

Chrysalis recognized the sly tone of voice he was using instantly, and was suddenly overcome with the desire to kick him. In fact, she did so, shooting a small burst of magic onto his knee in the hopes he would cease talking. Unfortunately for her, the former Mayor had become completely desensitized to such gestures as a result of years of being himself. He continued unhindered:

"You think that huge crush you have might be doing this?"

Chrysalis winced, closing her eyes. The blasted human. She knew he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut about that for long, and here it was. He'd done it.

The idea was, of course, ridiculous, but she was not so much concerned with its scientific validity as she was with its consequences for her relationship with Twilight. Chrysalis was just starting to make friends with her. She'd never really had one of those before. It was a shame that this idiot had ended her opportunity already.

She opened her eyes to mere slits, looking at Twilight. The mare looked back at her, one eye larger than the other. Then, something clicked in her head, and both eyes grew wide.

"Ohhhh," Twilight said. "That makes so much more sense."

Chrysalis blinked. Twilight's tone was not nearly as horrified as she had expected. In fact, there wasn't any horror at all. There also wasn't anything she could use to get her hopes up, to be fair, but the mare didn't seem like Twilight hated her for her feelings.

"Well, I'm, er, flattered," Twilight said. "But, no offense, I don't think whatever you feel towards me is enough."

"Ah, uh, of course , of course it wouldn't be," Chrysalis stammered. "It is primarily lust anyway, which has a small fraction of the potency. It's not nearly as..."

The rest of her sentence died in Chrysalis' throat as she realized what she said. Celestia above, she just explicitly stated that the crush was sexual in nature as opposed to some sort of innocent schoolgirl infatuation. She actually had a chance, and she blew it.

"Not nearly as powerful," Twilight continued, no hint of embarrassment or shock in her voice. "It can't be that."

As Chrysalis marveled at her good fortune, Acone's thoughts turned to a very different idea than his original one. He glanced over at Marshal, who was already looking at him. They locked eyes, and both politicians instantly knew they had the same idea.

As part of their positions, they had received a daily briefing of what public opinion on the entire affair was. Most of the time this consisted of various news clips and article snippets, but it occasionally contained a specialized report on one small sub-section of the population.

One report, for example, detailed the bizarre effect the appearances of both guests had on the world of professional wrestling, the producers of which had written both of them into the story. Another detailed how the appearance of Twilight had caused a massive spike in horse race betting.

Then there was the report he and Marshal were considering, which was titled "Presence of our Guests in Internet Erotica and Pornography." The report, by far the most graphic they'd received, detailed the absolutely ludicrous rate at which the internet was producing pornography of Twilight and Chrysalis. Acone had found it a bit sickening, himself. He was never comfortable with that kind of stuff, and his nerves weren't helped by the section of the report detailing his own presence in some of the material. It was only a few images out of the much, much larger pool of general smut, but the idea of some weirdo drawing him naked made his skin crawl.

Acone dipped his head forward, indicating that he wanted Marshal to bring it up. Marshal nodded immediately. If there was one thing Marshal didn't want, it was for Acone to bring up that subject. He himself would have a hard time proposing the idea with the required tact. Acone trying to talk about it? That would end in disaster.

"Uh, speaking of lust," Marshal began. Mentally, he cursed himself for using that as his opening line, but he kept going: "We have evidence that certain corners of Earthen society might, uh, be experiencing that towards you two. Could that do it?"

Twilight blinked. "What kind of indicators?"

"A, ah, rather large amount of drawn and written pornography," Marshal replied. "To the extent that you are quickly becoming two of the most such parodied people to ever appear on this planet."

Chrysalis suppressed a snort of laughter. "Surely, you aren't serious?"

"Oh no, he's serious," Acone said. "There's a shitload of it."

Marshal silently prayed that this would be Acone's only input. Unfortunately for him, Chrysalis turned to the Italian, and addressed him directly.

"You really expect us to believe that?" Chrysalis said. "I am a changeling, hideous to all but my own kind. She is a pony. Less horrifying, but equally alien. What reason would humans have to make such material of us?"

Acone pulled out his phone, a grimace on his face. Marshal tried to call out, but he soon found himself unable to, frozen in fear. The former mayor typed for two seconds, then turned the device to Chrysalis. The Changeling squinted, getting a better look at the screen, then her mouth dropped open.

"That... that is merely a few," Chrysalis said. "Surly there would be some who..."

Chrysalis was cut off by Acone flicking his finger down on the screen, sending a torrent of pornography tumbling down it. The Changeling stood, dumbstruck, as she watched.

"How much?" Twilight asked. Marshal was glad that she, at least, was not being subjected to this, although it was clear from her tone of voice that she was equally disturbed.

"Uh—a lot," Chrysalis said. "Maybe... maybe even enough."

Author's Note

I'm going to be honest here, I so desperately wanted to put a ship tease in this chapter, but I decided against it. It would have been very minor (probably just Twilight saying she wasn't entirely opposed to dating a Changeling, but that she and Chrysalis had too much history), but I still thought it would be out-of-place. Not the right story for it. Maybe a spin-off.

This is barely edited.

Depressingly, I've gotten out more of this stupid fucking thing in two hours than I have of my real novel in days. It's really frustrating.