The Land of Song and Dance

Chapters

Prologue
Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land
Chapter 2: When All You Have is a Shoulder-Guard
Chapter 3: Clean Slate
Chapter 4: Sappy Reunion
Chapter 6: Courting by Proxy
Chapter 5: Meet the Monster

Prologue

Darkness.

That was all I could see. The canopy above my head blocked out any moonlight that would have made my job even a modicum easier. Watch duty was never an easy assignment, and the night shifts were made all the worse due in no small part to the sheer darkness that was characteristic of the Raal Forest.

Then again, the tightly knit branches above kept the floor of the forest clear, and the little light that could reach the ground during the day was plenty enough to feed the growth of grass and hardy shrubs. A perfect location for my herd. Let the Caretakers say what they will, but with the increase in poachers lately, and the cautious stalking of the local predators, the thick trunks and near total darkness of the Raal forest provided ample protection for our precious herd.

Speaking of, it seemed as though one of the Caretakers had lost track of their charge. The signature hoof-falls of the lead buck sounded behind me. This one was a trouble maker, always straying to the outer lines of the Wardens’ perimeter. The Caretaker Matron used to suggest that he believed that it is his duty to help protect the does from the dangers of the night, but I said that he just liked the scent of the leather underneath a Warden’s armour, as disturbing as that may sound. Perhaps because it smelled of the elders passed, whom we ensure are given proper dues as useful materials around camp, from food to leather to their massive antlers.

Regardless, I had to deal with this quickly, so that I may return my gaze uninterrupted to the outside. I turned towards the approaching buck and caught my breath as I always do when presented with the sheer majesty of the son or Raasinav.

“Here buck, what brings you this far from your bedmates? They get cold without you.” I whispered to the regal shadow before me, as it came into sharper focus. Nearly a head taller than me, the deep tans and browns of his head hung down near my chin in a cascade reminiscent of an old man’s beard. I extended my hand, careful with the large shield strapped to my forearm, and ran my hand over the proud being’s chin. He groaned softly, closing his soft golden eyes to revel in my attention, leaning his head into my hand, causing the antlers for which his kind are renown to swing wildly. I often found myself wondering how strong his neck was in order to support such gargantuan hunks of bone in such an unwieldy location. Truly, the wonders of Raasinav’s creativity knew no bounds.

Still, the buck was away from his herd, and was taking precious attention from the perimeter. I murmured softly, caressing his jaw line, and pressed his forehead to mine.

“Go back to your herd, large one. There is danger this far from the camp, and your children are not yet of age.” He closed his eyes and groaned at me. “Yes, yes, I know the Matron is a nag, but she has your best interests at heart. Go now, watch over your kin.” The buck tossed his head and snorted at me. “There is always danger, my friend. That is why I and my fellow Wardens are here. To ensure your herd’s safety.” The behemoth is front of me began acting agitated, and gripped my hand in his mouth and began tugging me further in to the forest. As heavy as I may have been in full armour, the deer had much more strength than I, and I slowly began being dragged farther from my post. “Hey, stop that. If there were something wrong in the camp, I would have heard of it by now. Come on, I really need to be watchi-“

I was cut off by the sound of a thick thump from behind. The alpha stopped tugging and dropped my hand as I pivoted in place. There, where I had been standing mere moments ago was a harpoon, quivering in the ground as it settled. I took up my two antler shields and listened hard for the telltale whistle of incoming missiles

“Go. Raise the alarm.” I whispered to the buck. He immediately turned and galloped away into the trees.

In the darkness of the forest, little could be seen in the distance. This served only as a minor hindrance, as I had trained in these very woods. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing, listening for any telltale noise.

Silence.

Light whistling, wind through trees.

Heartbeat. Exhale.

Light whistling, arrow through air. Raise shield.

Light clatter, arrow against shield. Imperceptible thud, arrow against ground.

Heartbeat. Inhale.

Loud whoosh, incoming harpoon. Duck and roll forward.

Exhale. Impact with ground, roll. Thud behind, harpoon against earth. Light whistle, arrow through air. Mid-roll, no time to raise shield.

Loud clatter, arrow against armour.

Muffled footfalls. Company. Heartbeat. Inhale. Shields at ready.

Loud whistle, whispered song. Sword strike, magic aided? Shield up front, charge.

Clatter, sword against shield. No aid. Heartbeat. Exhale. Shield behind, swing.

Scrunch, thump. Target neutralized. Heartbeat. Inhale.

Pain.

Ψ Ψ Ψ

I woke up next to the body of a Corukh poacher, light dimly gleaming from above. From the look of him, I’d carved into his arm with the sharpened edge of my shield, and caved in his lungs with the force of the swing. The light black cloth, leaf shaped blade and pale skin showed a time of wear and dirt. Desperate and foolish bait. Distracted as I had been by the target in front of me, I had not registered the lack of Choraturgic glow from him that should have alerted me to the presence of more poachers.

The spell shut my senses down and should have killed me. Perhaps due to the inept Choraturgy of the poacher’s support, or due to the magic resistant Steelbone Antler that made up my armour, I had instead been rendered unconscious. After enough attempts made upon my herd, I’d learned enough of Choraturgy to recognize deadly intent in a spell. Regardless, I was alive and undisturbed, even here in the morning afterwards. The accomplice must have assumed I was dead and moved on to-

Oh. No.

No.

I turned and picked myself up from the ground, and made haste towards the camp the Caretakers had made with the herd, not caring to muffle my footfalls or quiet my breath as I dodged between trees.

Fire greeted me.

Death rose to hunt.

Raasinav wept.

His herd- No. My herd lay strewn about, antlers sawn from their skulls with magic and blade, arrows and gashes littering their hides. Tan and brown had become red and black. Fur matted to skin, and flesh lay exposed to open air.

Around the desiccated deer lay my brethren, my fellow Wardens, impaled upon ballistae, or cut through their thick armour. Even the blessing of Raasinav himself, the Steelbone antlers forged into armour, had not been enough to save them.

Behind the Wardens, amongst the deer, were the Caretakers. Men and women, children and the elderly, cut down without mercy.

How many poachers had there been? Enough to lay siege to an entire herd of Raasinav Steelbone Deer and their Wardens and win. With no casualties. Not even the alpha, the most dangerous among us, Warden and deer, had any bodies to boast of his prowess. I looked upon his corpse, bereft of his magnificent splendor, and wept. It is because of this kind soul that I was alive. He pulled me from the path of the initial harpoon. And I had failed him. I had failed them all. All that was left for me was the blood of my herd, and the duty to honour the fallen.

My armour fell to the ground beside me as I unbuckled and unstrapped it. Two shields, vambraces, pauldrons, curiass, fauld, greaves, sabatons and helmet were strewn near me, leaving me in my leather padding. Scruffy brown hair fell across my pale face and obscured my deep, purple eyes, absorbing tears that had begun to flow freely. But I did not stop, for there was work to be done.

My brothers and sisters, cut down in their armour and left to rot: A pyre.

The Caretakers, of all races and breeds: Burial.

The Steelbone Deer, my herd: Harvest.

As was tradition, I began the gruesome work of collecting the blood of my fallen herd. As a failure to my charges, I had left them to die, and whether or not it was by choice, I had to face the consequences. I took the blood of the fallen deer and used it to dye the white and tan of the antlers that made my armour a deep red. Blood red. The blood spilled by my failure. All there was for me to do then was the final farewell, offering my penance as exile, and ensuring my herd’s passing into the grazing fields of Raasinav’s afterworld. And so, I took what remained of my charges, and set them before the portable shrine to Raasinav set within our camp. It was undisturbed. Even the lowest of poachers know to leave a shrine and offer no physical insult to a god’s countenance.

There I sat, surrounded by my failure, the cooling corpses of over 20 deer, in front of the god who had given them shape. And I wept. Offered apologies and placations. But it would change nothing. As a failure, I was doomed to exile, to wander, forever carrying the scent and colour of what was my old life, and be forever ostracized from any who would encounter me.

I am not sure how long I spent there, kneeling before the benevolent countenance of Raasinav, when it spoke. A deep, reverberating hum, almost like the sound of hundreds of hooves stampeding at once, yet as graceful as a doe’s step.

“Weep, child, for you have lost much today.” The voice said, benevolent, yet disappointed.

“Yes. I have lost all that I once held dear. All due to my own incompetence as a Warden in your name, Lord Raasinav.” My own voice cracked and strained from work and loss, thick from sorrow, and quiet in reverence.

“And you have nothing left here. Your people are dead, your charges poached. Yet you still stand. Perhaps for not much longer.”

I sniffled slightly, an undignified noise for a warrior. “Aye. Few would hire a traitor and a failure. I do not deserve to taste the flesh of your kin, Lord Raasinav, and so I leave my… what was my herd, in your hands. Please be merciful, this enemy was too great for any of us, it seems.”

“They died bravely, fighting until the last. Rest easy knowing that your herd grazes evermore in the Vanis Fields. The alpha of your herd… An unusual soul, even for one of mine. He has forgone the fields beyond, and instead spent his energy here. He has requested a boon of me.”

I dared not raise my head at these words. A boon from a god? What could he have wanted from the father of his race that was important enough to jeopardize his immortal soul? “A boon? I am… unsure as to how this pertains to me, Lord.”

“Tell me. Is there nothing for you in this land? No family, no friends?”

“No, Lord. Revulsion and poverty are all that remain for me here.”

“I see. Then I put forth this choice for you to make.”

Choice?

“Leave you armour behind, and let your shields be your only defense…”

A death wish and an insult to traditions, and my memories.

“Or leave this land behind. Walk until you no longer recognize the terrain, and then walk farther, never to return here.”

Exile, exactly as I had been expecting. Though a tad extreme in its distance, the size of my failure, the razing of an entire herd and its followers would merit such a demand.

A choice: To leave behind my traditions, my memories, and my protection, or to leave all that I know behind, never to return.

My answer was clear.

“I will walk, my Lord Raasinav. I will walk until I can no longer find my way, and that I shall walk farther. Never again shall I lay eyes on these forests and their people. Exile in the extreme.”

There was a short silence, then a rumble of sound from the altar in front of me. Deafening was the noise, akin to the horns of war blowing over the charge of cavalry as the earth rent itself apart below. The sound continued on for several seconds before tapering off, fading into the distance.

“Very well.” The voice of Raasinav spoke. “Collect your armour and be gone. To the North and the East.”

“As you command.”

“I would have one last thing from you, Warden.”

I halted in raising myself from a kneeling position. “Yes, Lord?”

“I would know your name.”

My name. I stood slowly, thoughts grinding to a halt. A god- MY god- wanted to know my name. Such an honour was unheard of for ones as low as I. But my god wanted my name.

And so I gave it to him.

“Alan Dehis.”

Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land

My armour was drenched in blood, sweat and tears. The sweat and tears would wash out.

Even in my sorrow filled state, I cringed at wearing the blood of my herd, but it was all I was allowed to leave with. I promised myself a bath at the first stream I could find. After strapping my armour on, I hitched my twin shields to my upper arms and pauldrons to leave my hands free. I took one last look at the once majestic form of the alpha buck, now laid low and lifeless, before turning my back to the setting sun and walked to the edge of the camp and beyond.

The Raal Forest began taking on its characteristic darkness as night fell. The occasional tree would block my way, but that was easily circumnavigated, and I could continue in the same direction. Occasional shrubs would catch my feet, but the slick status of the antler and the dogged stubbornness with which I trod on made short work of them.

Once complete darkness had fallen, I heard the telltale snuffling of predators nearby, attracted to the scent of blood wafting from my armour. The underlying scent of the Steelbone Deer kept them at a cautious distance, however, and I continued on my way unhindered.

Through the night I trudged, shifting out of the way of increasingly frequent trees, barely taking note of what passed beneath my feet. I found myself passing glades and clearings full of flowers, but no rivers yet. I must have been nearing the edge of the forest; more light was finding its way from the moon onto my path.

Flowers, bushes, vines and all manner of small animal became nuisances as the night came to a close. Despite a rising sun, the forest retained its dark and gloomy atmosphere. Morning dew became fog, and early rising predators began to take more interest in me. From the cover stemming from the fog and darkness, I could see softly glowing eyes keeping track of my progress through their territory.

Soon, I had to stop. My feet dragged at the ground, my shoulders sagged and I could barely keep my eyes open. Finally, I could take no more of the forest’s increasingly difficult trail, and merely collapsed onto a tree. My stomach groaned quietly at me in protest to our forced march, but I quelled the desire to hunt. Many of the animals around me must still be under Raasinav’s domain, and I shuddered to think of what he would do if I tried to go back on my promise not to eat his kin.

After a short time of rest, I became aware of the eyes watching me once more. Mindful of my vulnerability, I dug my shields into the ground, angled towards the tree I lay against. A determined, or very strong, predator could knock them aside, but for now, I was content to sleep under the protective half-dome afforded by my shields and the tree.

I had one last thought before I fell asleep.

“Interesting bark. Never seen anything like it.”

Ψ Ψ Ψ

I was rousted from my sleep by a sliver of sunlight falling across my eye. A quick mental catalogue told me that I still had all of my extremities, and had been left undisturbed. My stomach growled once again, louder and more insistent, reminding me of the two days I had gone without food or water. I silently promised it a drink before bathing, and stood up, hunger placated for the moment.

I could feel the eyes of many creatures on me as I arose. Strapping my shields to my forearms seemed to be a good idea at the time. Rested and alert, I took stock of my surroundings. The flora looked odd, more colourful than the last time I had strayed this close to the edge of the forest. I did not recognize much of anything, but that came as no surprise to me. I could get my bearings from the edge of the forest. I looked up to pinpoint the position of the sun.

Continuing east proved more problematic than I had anticipated. Dips and dew became crags and caverns, laced with vines and moss. Clambering up and down these crags proved easy, though tedious in such heavy armour. As night began to fall, I heard water streaming from below as I came to a canyon deeper than any I had passed on the way.

Peering over the edge, I saw only mist. Suddenly, I was confronted with the image of a long climb, followed by a slip and fall. I decided not to brave this particular hazard, and instead chose to take the second direction given to me by Raasinav: North.

I had become familiar with the feeling of being watched, and the tingling on the back of my neck told me that I was under severe scrutiny. Perhaps by the predators following me, or some unknown god, wondering who had stumbled upon its territory? I hefted my shields and eyed the forest around me warily.

The sense of being inspected increased as I trudged northward, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever it was that was watching me, it was pleased by what it saw. This did not make me feel welcomed at all, however. Through the fog gathering as night fell, I could see a large shape coming closer with every step I took.

Whatever was watching me, its interest peaked as I stood in front of a set of rather large double doors. Behind them, lay a dilapidated castle, a husk of its former glory. Still, doors and a roof would be better than open forest for the night. Carefully, I opened the doors and peeked through. Gloom and dust greeted me, the only sound made by the doors squealing on old, rusty hinges. I took a moment to thank Raasinav for gifting his Steelbone Deer with bones strong enough to make armour that would not rust.

I stepped over the threshold of the castle and immediately all of the hair on my arms stood at attention. This place was old. Ancient, even, built with the fundamental magic of the world… And yet the magic felt wrong. As though whoever designed the song to coax the stones from the earth had no tune, no chorus. Choraturgy with no direction seldom results in something like this castle; sturdy and what was surely majestic once. Whatever had created this place; its forces lingered on the stone. And it did not approve of my presence.

Regardless, I needed shelter and this ruined castle was my best option.

“Erm… Hello?” Did I just start talking to a castle? Perhaps my lack of food and water had begun wearing on my sanity, or perhaps it was the constant observation that had me on edge. Eh, I’d already greeted it, might as well finish the conversation.

“Er, yeah, hi, um… Ancient… Castle… Presence thing.” My voice cracked from dehydration. Maybe finding a river first would have been a good idea. “Um, well, I just wanted you to know that I’ll be spending the night here. Y’know, shelter from predators. So, uh, I’ll just be at the end of this hall here. Yeah. Good night, I guess. If you sleep that is. Um, I’m, just… Going to rest now.”

Of course I got no response. What was I thinking, talking to an ancient stone wall?

I hunkered down next to the door, once again forming a barricade with my shields. Sleep was slow to overtake me, as I couldn’t shake the twitch in my neck or the tingle on my arms telling me that I was being scrutinized.

I dreamt of leaves and teeth.

Ψ Ψ Ψ

A cold, damp breeze woke me the next morning. My throat was parched, my stomach empty, and my mood foul. I hoisted myself up with my shields before strapping them on and opening the doors of the castle, mumbling a thank you to the walls for allowing me their shelter. The early morning light showed a thin fog, a courtyard and to my immense relief, a bridge across the gorge that had stumped me earlier.

I walked over to the bridge and saw, to my dismay, that it was rickety and small. I doubted that it would hold my weight, especially with such heavy armour on. Nevertheless, nothing ventured, nothing gained, I thought. I held tightly to the thin ropes above the bridge in the slight hope that they’d support me if I fell. After a few tentative steps and some heart stopping cracks of protest from the wood beneath me, I got a feel for just how sturdy the bridge was.

I was not reassured in the slightest.

Eventually, I made it to the other side of the bridge with no life threatening situation arising. I began getting nervous. In the entirety of this journey, nothing had attacked me, and nothing had gone wrong. Either Raasinav was protecting me long enough to reach my destination of ‘elsewhere,’ which I highly doubted, or something was about to go horribly wrong.

My stomach grumbled sourly at me. Surely we were away from Raasinav’s influence by now. Far enough to hunt, perhaps?

I agreed with my stomach wholeheartedly. Food sounded like a good idea.

I began wandering east once more, keeping my eyes out for any type of prey animal. I’d even take a predator at this point. While keeping watch, I’d neglected to listen. I only noticed the raging river when I fell into it.

Water.

Glorious water.

How could I ever forget about you, water?

After the initial shock of being doused with cold water wore off, a small grin appeared on my face. After that, I began to quaff the clear, cold, fresh, life giving liquid. Cold headache? Doesn’t matter, drinking water. Teeth ache? Too busy drinking water to care. Serpentine form rising from the water’s surface? Out of the way, I’ve got water to drink.

Wait.

Do rivers have sea serpents?

I reluctantly paused from quenching my thirst and turned around. Downstream, a long, purple snake with arms and yellow markings on its head was pumping its way towards me, murder in its eyes.

Logic: Large aquatic predator. Hostile. Retreat from river, find new way across.

Instinct: Large snake. Hostile. Edible.

I dug my feet into the gravel and braced against the current. Preliminary inspection told me that the waist high water would heavily impede shield effectiveness, and the size of the incoming opponent would negate a turtle approach. Offensive options began going through my mind.

Choraturgy was out of the question, I couldn’t sing with the droplets flying off of the surface of the river, and I couldn’t weave magic worth a whit anyway. Hit and run would be complicated by the river’s pull and the circumference of the beast. No way was I going to throw my shields; that would be a death sentence.

I began striding towards the approaching maw, dimly aware that it was roaring something at me. My pace increased, spurred on by the tug of the river. The beast faltered eyes wide. It must not be used to prey that fought back. I’d be able to eat for at least a week if I felled this massive hunk of serpentine meat.

I’ve never had aquatic snake before. I wonder what it tastes like. I thought in passing, before leaping from the water, right shield cocked back, left shield forward.

I had expected a lot of things. I had expected the snake to dodge, perhaps hiss at me. I had expected it to duck beneath the water and come at me from below. I had even expected it to merely open its jaws and attempt to bite at me in midair.

What I had not expected, however, was for the serpent to rear up, flare the yellow scales on its head, and cower. It even gave a high pitched yelp as I ran into its chest, shield ready to strike impeded by the proximity of its girth. My face impacted with the back of my shield in a rather comical ‘thoink’ noise.

It felt like I hung in the air for a moment, suspended by the shield’s contact with the scales in front of me. All laws of logic demanded that I bounce off of the surface and fall back.

All I did was slowly slide down towards the ground, accompanied by a rather unnerving squealing noise.

I came back to my senses when I hit the water. After floundering for a moment, I leapt back from the pillar of scales towards the shallower water. At least my armour was clean now. I braced myself for the strike that was sure to follow my retreat.

And then I waited.

Wait.

Heartbeat. Inhale.

Rush, burble. Water against serpent and myself.

Choked sob. Hiccup.

Heartbeat. Exhal-

Wait.

Sob?

I slowly lowered my forward shield in order to peer at the creature in front of me. My eyes trailed up a thick purple body, past two spindly arms, up to a frock of yellow hair, which I had previously mistaken as some sort of marking or scale. Then I checked its snout, an admittedly glorious mustache, and trembling lips. Finally, I met its gaze and was surprised to find its eyes quivering with tears.

Snakes don’t cry, do they?

It seemed as though eye contact was the last straw, and the dam broke. The serpent in front of me began wailing and sobbing, writhing in the throes of dramatic agony.

I must be hallucinating. I thought to myself. What kind of predator begins crying when something pokes its hide?

I received my answer when it started shouting at me between sobs. No, not roaring, but shouting, complete with words and a light lisp.

“You big meanie! Why would you do that! Oh, the pain! Rub salt on the wound! Tragedy after tragedy! Adding injury to insult! What kind of monster are you?”

Needless to say, I was stunned. Not only could this thing talk, but it was calling me the monster, after charging at me, unprovoked. In my stupor, I automatically replied to the last question.

“A… A warden of Raasinav.”

This statement was met with a long gasp. “You can talk?”

I shook myself and relaxed my stance somewhat, though still keeping myself ready to defend.

“Of course I can talk. Besides, you’re the one who attacked me, first. Of course I would defend myself!” Wait, why was I defending myself to this potential source of food? “Besides, I’m hungry and you just so happened to be a large source of fresh meat.” I mentally slapped myself. Sure, just give it more reason to attack.

“Well. Under different circumstances, I might have been inclined to offer you some food, but after all you’ve done to me, I might just turn you in to the proper authorities!”

“What authorities? This is the middle of the forest. There’s no city for at least another three days’ march.”

“You’re obviously not from around here. You’re near the edge of the Everfree Forest; Ponyville’s just a short jaunt that-a-way.” The serpent pointed directly east, where I had been heading earlier. “I’d just swim through a few tributaries and yell until the Mayor came out to listen to my grievances!”

“Wait, wait, that can’t be right. I’m in the Raal Forest, trekking east towards Khalim. Now I know I must be hallucinating.”

“You must be, if you think you’re anywhere but here. I’ve never heard of any Raal Forest on Hasbria, and trust me; I’ve been all over the world.”

“Where in Raasinav’s scraggly undercarriage is Hasbria?”

“Oh, you poor thing, you must have been simply delirious. First you ruin my hair, then you attack me, and now you don’t even remember where you are. Tsk. If I’d known you were this hungry, I would have readied something immediately.”

“I- uh?”

“Ah, where are my manners? Delirious or not, violent or not, I simply must extend the common courtesy.” The serpent in front of me reached up and slicked back its hair, then held out the hand, fingers curled into a fist, towards me. “My name is Steven Magnet, and this river is my home.”

I simply stared at the offered fist. Yes, I was definitely going crazy from the lack of food, no predator would be able to switch its mood so swiftly, nor would it attempt to greet its prey.

The fist in front of my face waved impatiently. I blinked, uncomprehending. The serpent- sorry, Steven- huffed and withdrew the fist, and shook his head.

“Well, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, you just stay right there.”

“Um-“

“Maybe I can whip up a quiche.

Ooh

, or a nice salad, yes. And then you can help me fix my hair!”

“What’s wrong with your hair?” Is this going to end up like my conversation with the wall?

“Well, you see, I have a very expensive orange dye that turns my magnificent locks into the most beautiful shade of amber! One problem- It washes out with oil. Your bath washed so much grime and sweat and general ickiness down to me that it completely ruined the entire thing!”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“No. I’m done.”

“With what?”

“This hallucination. No predator would be fashion sensitive. I’m leaving.”

“But- What about my quiche?”

“Imaginary. Not real food. I’ll find something later. Right now, I’m just getting away from you.” I began wading across towards the eastern edge of the river.

“But- But- What about my hair?”

“Hallucination. Not real. Besides, orange is a shade of yellow.” I dripped water, slowly climbing onto the shore.

“I- Huh. I’ve never thought of it that way. Ooh, just wait until the others hear about this, I’ll be the head of revolutionizing the trends of the ocean! Thank you, violent creature!”

I did not deign to give my hallucinated sea serpent a response. I merely delved into the forest in front of me once more.

The forest was very noticeably different on this side of the river. The trees steadily became thinner, and the underbrush was a chore to get through, as opposed to merely an annoyance. Only one thing remained constant, and that was my tensed shoulders and prickling neck. I was still being observed. I had trouble placing the feeling, whether it was merely Raasinav overseeing my passage, or some other god waiting to interfere. Whatever it was, it had yet to cause me any harm, so I kept it on the peripheral of my senses, acknowledged, but ignored.

Finally, I could begin to see open air beyond the trees, though it was still somewhat far away. Perhaps my hallucination had been telling the truth, after all. I must have been trudging faster that I had thought to cover the distance from my herd to the edge of the Raal forest in merely three days. My vigor was renewed, knowing that the city nearby would have food that I wouldn’t have to hunt for.

My lack of money did not concern me, scavenging wasted scraps was completely legal and encouraged by the Corukhi. It kept their city-forts clean, and their less fortunate fed. After all, what good would a malnourished conscript be to the front line?

I perked my ears. Something was wrong. The feeling of being inspected, that much I was sure of, but now it felt malicious. Like a predator stalking prey. I stopped, and listened.

Quiet.

Quiet snap. Twig beneath weight.

Heartbeat. Inhale.

Soft huff. Breathing.

Predators. Three of them. Circling.

Hilfis Leaping Wolves.

Crouch, shields ready.

Quiet.

Low growl.

Snap. Crunch. Rustle. Leap. Charge from behind.

Twist, swing left shield.

Scrape, snap, crunch. Pain.

Thud. Target neutralized. Wince. Blood on cheek. Not good.

Whip around. Brace for impact.

Wait.

Quiet.

Low snuffling. Wolf on left.

Rustle, whistle. Leaping wolf in front.

Uppercut. Shriek. Silence.

Spatter. Blood on armour.

Weight on shield. Wolf impaled on shield prong. Unexpected.

Whine. Snuffle. Crunch. Rustle. Retreating wolf.

Quiet.

Bird call.

I relaxed my guard and kicked the wolf impaled upon my right shield. With a tear, my face was spattered by more of its blood as its neck ripped off to let it drop to the ground. I wouldn’t have to scrounge for food now. Wolf meat is meat nonetheless.

I bent down to examine my kills, and was faced with something that was definitely not a Hilfis Leaping Wolf. It appeared to be covered in twigs and leaves.

I reviewed the ambush in my head. Direct charges, not aerial assaults. No pincer attacks. Fleeing from danger. Definitely not the tactics employed by Hilfis’s avatar creature.

All the same, I had been attacked, and thus I defended myself. Besides, meat is meat.

I used the sharpened tip of my shield to slit the belly of the wolf in front of me, and was surprised at what I saw. Instead of muscle and bone, the entire wolf seemed to be made of plant matter.

I had just killed two plants.

Was I hallucinating again? A quick taste of the meat of the wood confirmed that either these were sentient plants, or I was so far gone into insanity that it was affecting more than I had at first imagined.

To be safe, I cleared some space around me, and piled fallen branches and leaves into a pile. A few short bursts of music later, there was a crackling fire at my feet with the leg of one of the stick wolves roasting over it. If I was hallucinating, would I have thought to cook a plant just in case it had some sort of parasite?

All through the subsequent meal (that still tasted like plant matter) I was being observed. After the concerted effort of the wolves to stalk me, and my dinner, I could accurately say that whatever was watching me was not malicious. Cautious, perhaps, but it meant me no harm. I reasoned further that if it had meant to attack me, it’d had at least two days to do it.

After tamping out the fire, making sure no embers remained to burn the forest down, I continued towards the edge of the forest. Sunlight began filtering from above and, finally, the forest came to an abrupt stop. I squinted and raised my hand. After so much time spent in the forest, I’d almost forgotten what being exposed to the sun felt like.

My armour glistened in the light, and I could feel the warmth of Somae’s Eye permeate my body, rejuvenating me limbs.

Wait. Steelbone isn’t supposed to shine unless it’s been polished at waxed. In fact, after three days of being scratched by foliage, it should be as dull as it gets.

I inspected my shields and curiass. Ah, of course. Sap. I thought to myself. In hindsight it was obvious. I’d killed a few plants and they bled on me. Not real blood, but sap. Ugh. I’m going to need a wash again. My armour’s going to get sticky.

That reminded me that I had scabbed blood on my cheek. I rubbed it off with my palm. Not much came off, so I assumed that the cuts were shallow and nothing to worry about.

Finally, I turned my gaze towards the valley in front of me. The first thing I noticed was the town, but something was fundamentally wrong with it. It was sprawling over the land with not a wall or fortress among the small buildings. Even from a distance, I could see that these houses were thatch-roofed cottages, not the standard stone and mortar hovel that the Corukh favoured.

Had civilization changed so much in the time since my herd retreated into the forest? We don’t get messengers often, but surely we would have had word of war becoming a non-issue. I’d been fed and watered, so surely I wasn’t hallucinating.

Finally I spotted something I recognized: The home of a druid, sung directly from the ground. An earthen hut was nearby, roofed in grass and covered with homes for all manner of creature. Perhaps this druid played caretaker to any avatar of the Endless Pantheon. Surely I could ask for help here, druids are sworn to aide any directly touched by a god.

I took a step towards the hut, and immediately a shiver crawled down my spine. Whatever had been watching me had suddenly doubled its attention. Perhaps it was rather fond of this druid. I deemed the area safe enough, and unstrapped my shields from my forearms, and shifted them to attach to my upper arms and pauldrons. Hopefully the act of disarming myself would keep the presence from smiting me for approaching the druid.

As I approached the hut, I was made acutely aware that I had the full attention of some incorporeal being upon me. I was no longer being merely watched, but monitored. This druid must have been important.

Upon reaching the perimeter of the druid’s abode, I spied another animal that I had never seen before. It was small, only a few hands high and a few more long, and looked almost like a dainty horse. Light yellow fur covered its entire body, even its hooves, and its mane and tail were a pale pink. It turned to me as it heard my footsteps, and I got a glimpse of some sort of pattern on its flank. I saw its head, and was astonished to see something akin to a muzzle, but shorter and rounder, as though it was trying to emulate a humanoid face. Unlike anything I’d seen before, however, were its eyes. They took up the vast majority of its head, and looked more like plates than eyes. Admittedly, plates don’t stare at you with fear.

A timid animal, then. Skittish and flighty, like a newborn fawn. I knew how to approach it.

I hunkered down and approached it slowly. It stood its ground, though it seemed more paralyzed with fear than bravely waiting for me. I slowly extended a hand as I got close, and smiled benevolently at the skittish thing. Its massive eyes darted between my face and my hand, but otherwise kept still. Taking this as a sign that it was not going to bolt, I lay my hand on its head and began scratching behind its ears. It made a squeaking noise that belonged to a mouse, rather than a horse, and stiffened momentarily, before relaxing somewhat into the caress.

“There now, see? I’m not so scary. Where is your caretaker, little one? I’d like to ask them a favour.”

The small horse jolted back, beyond my reach with a gasp. “What caretaker? Are you here to take me away from my friends?”

I crouched there, arm extended for a short moment. Then my thoughts caught up with my shock.

“You can talk?”

The little horse cowered in front of me, on the ground, hooves covering its eyes. The poor thing was shaking like a leaf in a wind storm, making whimpering noises. It took me a moment to realize that it was whispering to me, asking me a flurry of nearly inaudible questions.

“Okay, slow down, please. I can’t hear you. I promise I won’t hurt you.” I took a step forward, but the thing it front of me scurried away and turned. I noticed the pattern I had seen earlier and found myself staring at a wing on its side, and a trio of butterflies on its haunch. “It talks, and it’s got wings. What are you, little one?” I mumbled to myself.

The creature whimpered somewhat louder than before. It took me a moment to realize that it had answered me.

“Come again?”

Another short noise, it sounded somewhat like it said ‘Mflutshe.’ I’m not sure what language that was.

“Um, could you say that one more time? I’m afraid I didn’t catch that.”

Finally it spoke up, though it was little more than a loud whisper. “I’m, um, Fluttershy.”

“A Fluttershy? I’ve never heard of those.”

“No, um, I’m Fluttershy.”

“I’m not sure I- Ah, that’s your name?”

The creature squeaked again and nodded. Well, the name certainly fit the skittish creature.

“Okay then, Fluttershy. I- er- That’s not exactly what I asked.” I chose my words carefully. If this creature was already scared of me, I didn’t want to give it a reason to think that I wanted to hurt it. “I’ve never seen something like you before. What are you called- Eh, besides your name?”

Fluttershy peered at me from under one of its hooves. I smiled softly at it.

“Oh, um, I’m a Pegasus Pony.”

“I see. Your caretaker must be very proud to have found such a unique creature. Would you mind pointing me in the direction of this house’s druid? I’m afraid I need to ask her for help.”

“Um, that’s my house.”

“I know you live there, but isn’t there someone else who lives here, with you?”

“Oh, um, well, there’s Angel Bunny, and all of my animal friends.”

“I see. Definitely a druid, then.” I rubbed my chin in thought. By the sound of Fluttershy’s voice, I assumed that it was female, or else a very unfortunate man. I chose to think of her as female. “What about whoever takes care of you here? Gives you food and protects you from bigger animals?”

Fluttershy cocked her head to one side, one eye still covered. “Um, that’s what I do.”

I frowned at that, causing Fluttershy to squeak and hide behind her hooves once more. I decided to take a more physical approach to the description of the druid.

“Alright, but how about someone like me? Don’t you have someone like me around?”

Fluttershy shivered and peeked out at me, giving my body a looking over. “Um, I have a bear. But he doesn’t have a shell. Not that your shell isn’t very nice but…”

I interrupted her with a chuckle. “Oh, this isn’t a shell, little one, just some armour. Armour that really needs a wash before this sap dries up.”

The little Pegasus Pony perked up a bit. I wondered what kind of god Pegasus was, and what inspired him to create a tiny, winged horse.

“Sap? But, your entire shell- sorry- all of your armour is shiny, um, no offense.”

Fluttershy crawled forward to wipe a hoof across my curiass, leaving a trail of marginally thinner gel than the rest. I surveyed myself. Carving up the plant wolf had probably been messier than I had noticed at the time.

“Well, I had a tussle with some wolves earlier. I’m not sure that it’s actually sap, really. I may have been hallucinating because I was hungry, but it looked like the wolves were made out of wood.”

Fluttershy stopped inspecting her sticky hoof and looked up at me. She began shaking.

“You… You got in a fight with a pack of Timberwolves?”

“Wait, they were actually wolves made out of wood?” I gagged somewhat. “I ate a sentient tree?”

“You… You killed… and ate…”

Fluttershy looked at the sap on my armour, then at the sap on her hoof.

Then she fainted.

Whatever was watching me was not pleased.

Chapter 2: When All You Have is a Shoulder-Guard

Fluttershy was down.

Instinct and training took over. I liked to think that I had a nice little chat with myself in which I assessed the situation and came to a logical conclusion. I like to think that, but it is a lie.

No, that train of thought went something like this:

Oh gods, the small one is dead! What killed it? I looked around. I can’t see any crossbowmen or Choraturgists! Is this a defense mechanism to ward off predators? Is there a wolf nearby? I took a step, situating the fallen Pegasus Pony between my legs, and hunkered down. Shields are still on my shoulders. Not good, I can’t keep wolves off of me with these oversized pauldrons! I frantically surveyed my surroundings and my gaze fell upon the druid’s hut. Of course! In the house, shut the door and barricade us in! Perfect!

I scooped Fluttershy up into my arms and bolted for the door to the abode. I heard some kind of inquisitive shout from above as I reached the door and flung it open. The shout was closer this time, but I couldn’t spare a moment to look back at the approaching noise. Perhaps the Pony had seen an aerial predator, like a massive hawk, and feigned death. Either way, inside was the safest haven right now, and I wasted no time in slamming the door behind me.

I leaned my left shoulder against the door, and was finally able to catch my breath. I was panting, not from exertion, but from the surprise and panic that had taken over. I couldn’t feel any texture through the leather and bone covering my body, but I did feel the fine fur covering the fragile creature in my arms part and bend underneath my fingers. Her fur was surprisingly thick and smooth.

After taking a few moments to ensure that nothing was going to try and burst through the door, I turned to really look inside the hovel I had entered. The first thing that came to mind that the druid that lived there must have been a Halfling of some race. Everything was short enough to be a severe hazard to my head, especially while I was in my armour.

Then the colours came to me, earthy greens and browns. Even more small houses and holes for various animals decorated the interior of the hut, and the more I inspected the room from my position at the door, I could tell that this was more than a druid’s house. This was a druid’s home, and all of these extra bird houses, mouse holes and straw pads were guest rooms.

I suddenly felt very self-conscious. Not only had I burst into this home unannounced and uninvited, I’d burst in with a Pegasus Pony in some state of coma, trailing a predator or two.

A lot of penance was due here.

Nevertheless, the druid had not come running at the slamming of the door, so I had to assume that they were out. I warily took my shoulder from the door and half-crawled over to a green couch and gently lay the unconscious Fluttershy on her side on the cushions. Her mane retained its shape from being on my chest, and the rest of her fur was sticky and ruffled from being rubbed against the sap on my armour. Hopefully the druid wouldn’t mind giving Fluttershy a bath.

Speaking of the druid, I had to go find her or him. I needed some answers, and none were going to come from the Pegasus Pony in front of me. I stood up and promptly banged my helmet on one of the ceiling beams. I cursed and crouched down only to be met by a face full of white fuzz.

Something had latched itself onto my face, and I reacted almost as badly as I had to Fluttershy’s faint.

Agh, what the- get it off get it off getitoffgetitoff!” I ducked and rolled backwards, almost smashing my head against the door. I tried tugging the furious ball of fury off of my face, but it latched on with tiny claws. I flailed a bit more and managed to knock the door open and rolled out, struggling with whatever was impeding my vision. Finally, I yanked the thing off of my face and saw that I had been attacked by a little white rabbit.

It made another lunge for my face. I yelped and chucked the thing through the door into the cottage and slammed the door on it.

I sighed. Five minutes out of the forest, and I’ve already ruined my reputation. I can hear the town criers now. ‘Raasinav Exile fought bunny rabbit and lost! Shame for his whole order, get the scoop here!’

With that thought, I decided that since I was already outside, I should just get it over with and walk into town. Any information would come in handy at the moment, and I didn’t care if it came from a druid or not.

Then I heard the shout from earlier. I’d almost forgotten about the airborne predator that had made Fluttershy go comatose. I’d have to return later and ask the druid about that later.

Wait, was the predator closing in? I’d have thought that without its prey here it wouldn’t bother with something roughly twice its size. It was also approaching at some ridiculously fast velocity if the echoes were something to judge by. Well, if it wanted to test its claws against Steelbone Antler armour, who was I to impede on its learning opp-

Face, meet dirt.

There was a pain in my back, like someone had decided to practice a massage technique with a maul. In fact, I believe that they were still there, trying to determine why I wasn’t groaning in satisfaction.

There was this weird buzzing coming from just above the pressure on my back. Maybe a swarm of bees was there to save me.

Wait, no, the buzzing began resolving itself into speaking. Then shouting.

Was the maul masseur interrogating me? Asking why I was groaning in pain instead of pleasure?

I heard something about Fluttershy and eating. Also various mentions of plot, hay, and hooves. Was it swearing at me?

Oh, was this the predator I’d been looking for? That made sense. By the sound of it, though, it was more of a hunter or poacher, not a predator. Animals don’t talk, silly Alan.

Wait just a second here. This thing wanted to hurt Fluttershy? No way was I going to let that happen. With the druid gone, the poor thing had no one to protect her.

Face, say goodbye to dirt.

Bye-bye dirt. I’ll see you again later, mmkay?

No you won’t face. Dirt is bad people. I came to the abrupt decision to stop talking to myself and bolted myself up from the ground. Whatever was on my back jumped off at my sudden movement, and I took the chance to get my legs underneath me in order to spring away.

I could hear the flapping of approaching wings and decided to roll underneath the hunter. I pushed back and hit the ground.

I looked up to catch a glimpse of my assailant, but all I could see was sky blue. Oh, and a rainbow, how nice. Where was the hunter? Was it invisible?

I braced myself and stood in a crouch at the end of my roll and looked around the sky for any sign of invisibility. Oh, hey there’s that rainbow I saw earlier. When did rainbows get eyes?

I blinked and looked a bit harder at the swiftly approaching rainbow. It just so happened that this rainbow was attached to another Pegasus Pony with purplish-red eyes that probably had some technical name and sky blue fur.

Wait, so did that mean that Pegasus Ponies are not only carnivorous, but cannibalistic? I’d have to ask the druid about that, along with the Pegasus Pony’s defense mechanisms.

In the meantime, the hunting Pony impacted hooves first with my left shield-turned-shoulder-guard. The force of the tackle drove my right knee down, and shoved me back a few feet. I ducked and brought my shoulder up, driving the blue creature up and over me. It landed on the ground behind me.

I twirled to face it. It was lying on its side, eyes wide, staring at me in shock. Perhaps it was an ambush predator and was unused to prey fighting back? I took the chance to slip the shields off of my shoulders and onto my arms proper.

I suddenly got the feeling that killing this Pegasus Pony would be extremely bad for my health. The presence that had been watching me seemed quite attached to these creatures. Maybe Pegasus itself was watching me.

That meant that if I wanted to avoid the ire of this god and keep it from erasing me from existence, I was going to have to flee this fight.

“qur’Saa.” I swore to myself under my breath, invoking the name of one who had found himself at odds with the gods, and was made an example for future generations. If I wanted to keep my mind intact and my body whole, I was going to have to find a way around this.

The druid’s cottage seemed like a good choice, but the Pegasus Pony was between me and the door, and was coming to its senses.

It stood up on shaky legs, spread its wings and growled at me, a noise very out of place on an equine. Though if this species was, in fact, carnivorous, it would make sense.

What was it with Pegasus Ponies and borrowing noises from other creatures? Another question for the druid.

The Pony suddenly launched itself at me in a blur of colours. I couldn’t dodge in time, so I did the next best thing and parried it. Parrying a tackle is a lot harder than it looks, normally, but due to this Pony’s lack of support, I simply stepped to one side and angled my shield to catch the hooves and let them slide past.

I caught a glimpse of surprise once more as the eyes of the Pony passed by, but it was tempered by something else. Fear. This Pegasus Pony was afraid of me, afraid that I was going to kill it just like it wanted to kill Fluttershy.

It was tempting to follow up on this fear, but I rather liked to keep my mind inside my body.

Instead of attacking the flying menace as it whizzed by, I turned and made a mad dash for the druid’s cottage. The Pegasus Pony shouted at me, but I ignored it. I heard the telltale sound of wings pumping hard and launched myself into a long roll that would take me under the attack.

This thing learned, though, and had brought its hooves down to my level as I rolled and caught me in the leg as it passed. A glancing blow at best, but it made a resounding ‘thunk’ that was not out of place on a training field, wood against wood. Or, I suppose in this case, antler on hoof.

This noise must have convinced my assailant that my leg was now crippled, because it stopped her attacks to turn and look at me a smirk on its face. The smirk dropped like a stone when the Pony saw me barreling right towards it, unhindered.

I pulled my right shield to the side and swung to push the flying menace from my path, but it darted upwards as I pushed past. I recognized the receding wing beats as the Pegasus Pony preparing to dive at me. I didn’t give her the chance.

I pulled the door to the hut open and slammed it shut. Barely a second later, the blue Pony slammed into it with a woody crunching noise. She began beating on the door, but I held it shut with my back.

Unfortunately I was otherwise distracted from further supporting the door by the ball of fury and claws that had once again latched onto my face.

After wrestling with the rabbit for a moment, I tugged it off of my face and held it tightly with one hand around its thin midriff, waiting and watching. When it seemed that the blue Pegasus Pony had given up trying to batter the door down, I swung it open and tossed the rabbit outside and slammed the door shut. The moment it was open gave me the chance to see a streak of rainbow careening towards the door.

I set my shoulder to the door once more and braced for impact.

I was not disappointed.

Unless my eyes were mistaken, the force of the dive had caused the door to balloon inward, and the wood bent and cracked under the strain before snapping back into the doorframe. Luckily the full weight my armour and I, combined with a solid grip on the ground, had kept the door from simply flying off of its hinges.

The Pegasus Pony resumed its abuse of the door, with the addition of a scrabbling sound from the rabbit. The rabbit I could understand, it probably thought that I was there to do something awful.

The blue one, however, I didn’t understand. Was one Pegasus Pony so delectable and valuable that it would expend this much energy just to secure its meat? Were they so rare that cannibalism was seen as a delicacy?

More questions than I had answers for, and no druid to ask for help.

And this day had started out so well, too.

I eventually became aware of the pounding on the door slowing down, and eventually stopping. The rabbit’s scrabbling continued, however.

Why didn’t the rabbit attack the other Pegasus Pony? Surely it would want to protect the other one from this cannibal. Perhaps it didn’t know of its intentions and just assumed that it was as friendly as the yellow one on the couch.

There was one final pound on the door, and a voice carried through the wall right next to my shoulder. I couldn’t quite make it out, but I heard something about ‘friends’ and ‘coming back.’ That could either mean that I was going to have to deal with a flock of Pegasus Ponies (or would it be a swarm?), or the druid was coming back, and the hungry Pony was leaving, for now.

I hoped it was the latter.

To be safe, though, I kept my position at the door. After a few minutes, with nothing to interrupt the furious rabbit’s assault on the door, I sighed.

“Well, Fluttershy, looks like we’re in for a long day.”

I got no reply.

Ψ Ψ Ψ

That rabbit must have some form of hyper-energy storage, because it kept on scratching at the door for the next fifteen minutes. I would not risk hurting this rabbit for two reasons. One, it was in the house, or near it in this case, and fell under the druid’s protection. Two, I hadn’t seen any other bunnies around, and so I assumed that this was the friend Fluttershy had mentioned, Angel Bunny.

Maybe I should have let him in. I decided to haggle for a cease fire first. As much as I wanted to keep Fluttershy safe and happy, if only for the druid, I was not willing to sacrifice my face to placate this semi-rabid bunny.

“Hey, Angel Bunny, right?”

There was a pause from the other side of the door. I was suddenly hit by how much I’d taken to talking to weird things that couldn’t reply. First there was the castle wall, then Fluttershy, though it had turned out that she could talk, and now this rabbit. I knew of a simple way around the language barrier, but it relied on the rabbit being able to understand me, first.

“You’re Fluttershy’s friend? Knock once for no, twice for yes.”

Two knocks. So this was a reasonably intelligent rabbit. I wondered which god he belonged to.

“You know I’m not going to hurt her, right?”

One knock. Really, I knew the answer to that one, but it never hurt to ask.

“Well, I’m not going to hurt her. Or you, for that matter, because you’re her friend and under the druid’s care anyway. Oh, do you know when the druid’s getting back?”

Angel took a minute to answer, and somehow made his knock sound hesitant and questioning. Talented bunny.

“Mmh. Tell you what, let’s make a deal.”

No reply.

“If I let you in, I promise not to hurt you, sound good?”

Knock knock.

“And, if I let you in, do you promise not to attack me?”

Knock.

“Well, then I’m not letting you in.”

Angel started clawing at the door again, chittering angrily.

“Hey, I’m trying to be reasonable, here.”

Knock.

“Yes I am. I want Fluttershy to be able to be with her friend, but I also don’t want that friend to attack me. I’m trying to keep her alive here, you know.”

Knock.

“Well, I am. Look, if I let you in, how about you go and help me protect Fluttershy?”

Knock knock.

“Now, I’m going to open the door. Are you going to go straight to Fluttershy on the couch?”

Knock.

“Are you going to attack me?”

Knock knock.

“That’s… surprisingly honest of you. How about a compromise?”

Knock.

“Oh, come on, you stubborn little fuzz ball! I’m trying to help, here!” I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. I wondered when that other Pegasus Pony would come back with its flock. “Hey, Angel. Do you know that other Pegasus Pony from before?

Knock knock.

“Really? Has it ever tried to hurt Fluttershy before?”

Knock.

“That’s… Oh. I may have over-reacted, then.”

Knock knock.

“Was that one of Fluttershy’s friends?”

Knock knock.

“What was its name?”

Silence.

“Oh, right. Yes and no questions only.” I sighed. “Want to try to make a deal again?”

Knock knock.

“Oh, what? Willing to listen to peace talks now?”

Knock knock.

“Okay then.” I took a deep breath. “I let you in, you go to Fluttershy, and keep her safe while I keep the door shut. Does that sound good? And- right- and no attacking me on the way past, either.”

Knock knock.

“Thank you, Angel. Alright, I’m opening the door.”

And then I opened the door a hair. A little line of white blazed a trail from the crack in the door to Fluttershy’s couch, where it resolved into a little white rabbit giving me the stink eye as it crossed its arms.

“There, see? I’m not such a bad guy.”

Angel heaved a deep sigh and thumped his foot against the floor once. He then clambered up onto the couch and snuggled up to Fluttershy. It was actually quite adorable.

Just then I heard voices in the distance. They must have been shouting if I was able to hear them through the door. The blue Pegasus Pony was back, and it had brought friends, just like it had promised.

Now that I knew that it was Fluttershy’s friend, I was willing to meet it out in the open. I needed to apologize for the misunderstanding, after all. Hopefully the blue Pony was smart enough to realize that I hadn’t been meaning to hurt it when I made my rush for the cottage.

Something about the way it hovered and darted above a group of four other vaguely equine shapes on the path to the town told me that it had not.

The four new shapes all seemed to be land animals, as opposed to the Pegasus Pony’s aerial preference. Perhaps they were a sub-species of Pegasus’s creation or the children of different gods all together. I couldn’t make out any details, but I could make out their colours: Orange, purple, white and pink.

I could hear the blue Pegasus Pony yelling and shouting, probably planning some form of attack pattern, or re-telling our scuffle earlier. I strapped my shields to my arms, just in case. There was an old saying among my people, the Corukh. Better to have a military and not need it, than need warriors and not have them.

As soon as the group came within easy hailing distance, I yelled a hearty “Ho there!” and waved at them.

The blue Pegasus saw me first, and with a cry of rage, it sped directly toward me, followed by the ground-bound others it had brought. I lifted my hands, palms up in a gesture of peace, but it did nothing to slow the oncoming herd.

Remember. Don’t hurt them. At least the blue one is Fluttershy’s friend, and something tells me that the other four are as well. I told myself as I readied my stance to subdue the aggressive animals.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Screaming whistle. Incoming Pegasus Pony.

Yelling, hoof beats. Incoming group of others.

Pause.

Exhale.

Sidestep, left shield swing.

Thwap. Pegasus Pony neutralized.

Distant thud. Pegasus Pony thrown from melee range.

Heartbeat.

Cries, galloping. Four sets of hooves approaching, one faster than the others.

Orange, no special features, bull-rush tactic.

Brace for impact.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Skid. Swivel. Power-buck attack. Not bull-rush.

Shift shoulder to shield.

Thunk. Skid.

Brace for charge.

Charge.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Gasp. Orange fur, green eyes.

Fwumph. Contact.

Two steps.

Right shield thrust.

Thwump. Orange thrown.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Chimes. Blue glow.

Purple mane. White fur. Single horn with glow.

Glow around right shield.

Yank. Magic?

Jabber from left. Purple, single horn. Hump on back.

No, not hump. Small lizard.

Fire breath, wisp of smoke. Wyrm?

Skid turn. Orange.

Didn’t I take that one down?

Thunk. Pain in side.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Skid, knee down.

Flapping. Blue is back.

Tenacious things.

Twist and duck.

Thwak. Hooves on back. Pain.

Exhale. No air.

Inhale. Pain. Heartbeat.

Not good.

Chimes. Purple glow.

Beam shot. Definitely some form of Choraturgy.

Right shield braced.

Zorch. Impact with beam.

Airborne. Powerful magic.

Hit ground. Roll.

Loud whistle. Blue dive-bomb.

No base contact. Can’t dodge.

Left shield forward.

Thunk. Impact.

Exhale. Heartbeat. Pain.

Right shield up and over.

Thwak. Impact with blue.

Roll. Stand.

Thud. Blue down.

Chimes. Purple glow.

Beam shot.

Duck and roll.

Purple within reach.

Roll into kick.

Thwud. Heel hit chin.

Outrage.

Inhale. Heartbeat. Pain.

Thoom. Large impact with ground.

Twist. Shields ready.

Chime. Burst of light. Pain.

Radiance. Pain.

Can’t move. Pain.

Burning. Pain. Radiance.

The sun had descended and bathed me in its glow.

“Even Somae turns against me.” I whispered hoarsely to myself.

My face embraced the dirt once more. Were these animals truly so violent as to completely ignore a surrender?

All I knew was that I had failed to protect Fluttershy, even if I had to protect her from myself.

I had failed again.

And now I was to die.

I lay on the scorched earth, awaiting judgment from Somae and her followers. Six sets of hooves approached my prone form. Six? Since when did Somae take the form of an equine?

Ah well. The minds and forms of gods are beyond my understanding.

Murmuring. My killers were comforting each other. Probably making sure the ones that I’d struck were alive and well.

One set of hooves approached. Was it approaching to finish the job, or gloat over its victory? No, this set was bigger, heavier. Perhaps it was Somae, coming to erase me from existence for whatever reason. Silence fell as she approached. At least my killers knew to listen to the words of a god.

“Good afternoon, Somae,” I coughed as she approached. Just because she was here to kill me didn’t mean that I couldn’t respect a god as was her due. “I suppose you’re here… to punish me for a… misunderstanding?”

Somae paused. “You are… intelligent?” Her voice was astonished, but had the well-worn, caring inflection of a mother of thousands.

“As intelligent as any other Corukh,” I chuckled. The noise became a hoarse coughing fit.

“Corukh? I’ve never heard of those. Where are you from and why are you here?”

“Raal Forest… exiled… as you well know.”

“Who do you think I am, to believe that I would know of you?”

“Don’t be… coy, Somae. Just… finish me. Like you finished… qur’Saa.” I wheezed a sigh. Erasure from existence didn’t seem like such a bad idea at this point. At least there probably wouldn’t be pain.

“I’m no done with you, yet. Where is Fluttershy?” She demanded.

“House, on the couch. Druid needs to… give her a bath.” A thought occurred to me. “Why… why do you care about… Pegasus’s creature? Your domain… is the sun…” I took a deep, shivering breath. “Not us mortal creatures.”

Somae huffed and, to my dismay, retreated to the group a few steps away. A flurry of cries and questions erupted as she approached; most prevalent among them was ‘why is he here?’

I groaned and tried to lift a hand to grab at her as she began to leave, but my arm would not cooperate. “Get back here and… kill me! What happened... to being a merciful god?” I cried as she turned.

There was a whoosh. “Hey! You can’t talk to the Princess like that!” Pain exploded in the right side of my face and my head jerked to the side. Darkness began seeping into my vision, but I caught a glimpse of a field of blue, and five dots of colour: Two white ones, a purple one, a pink one and an orange one. One of the white ones was quite a bit larger than the rest.

The big white dot approached the blue field with a short cry as I fell into darkness.

The blue Pegasus Pony had decided to resolve Somae’s duty without her permission.

How arrogant.

Chapter 3: Clean Slate

Darkness.

That was all that I could see. Well, ‘see’ is a very subjective term. I was aware of the darkness, and how I seemed to be floating in it. Was this death? I would have thought that there would at least have been some form of discomfort or pain, maybe the memories of past disappointments re-playing forever.

What I was not expecting was the feel of being immersed in smooth cotton while I floated endlessly in a plane of darkness. But really, was it a plane of darkness? It might have been a dimension of darkness. Maybe even a world of darkness. Who was to know?

Definitely not what I was expecting out of my afterlife.

Oh. No. Wait.

There’s the pain.

“Uuuuuugh…”

Much better. Now I could get on with my afterlife of eternal torment.

Wait a minute, did I just groan out loud? I guess it made sense that I would have the same physical features that I had in life.

There was a soft rustling that emanated from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

No. Wait.

It came from my left.

Oh good, at least I have company for the rest of eternity.

I became aware of my wrists and ankles, the only anomalies in the omnipresent feeling of cloth. It almost felt like they were bound.

Then a bird started chirping.

ΨΨΨ

I was jolted from death by the sound of a bird tweeting merrily outside.

Literally right outside a window.

When did I get inside? For that matter, where am I?

I tried moving my head, but that caused a sharp pain to crawl lazily from my shoulders to my ears. Oh well, not being able to use sight was nothing new. I inspected various bits of my body by concentrating on the feelings that they were sending back to me.

Well, I was right about being tied down. Spread eagle, how pleasant. And if I’m not mistaken, I’m naked. What did I do last night?

Aside from various bruises and a crick in my neck, I was otherwise alright, aside from the tied down and naked thing. I tugged on the rope holding my wrists to the bedposts, but whoever had tied me there had some very high quality rope, and knew more than a thing or two about knots.

I suddenly became very nervous about what I’d done last night.

I squeezed my eyes shut, put on an enviously manly scowl, and snapped my head to the right. There was a rather loud, worryingly thick popping noise and a flood of pain. Noises from my left made me whip my head in that direction as well, reproducing the noise and its consequences quite unintentionally.

Through my squint I could see Fluttershy’s head coming down after, presumably, bolting upright. I opened my eyes fully, and was able to recognize the look of surprise, shock and panic in her eyes. She took a few deep breaths and yawned. Ah, I’d woken her up with my cracking neck.

Fluttershy smacked her lips a few times and stretched, her eyes half lidded. I glanced down and noted that she’d been sleeping next to me, on the edge of the bed. Over the covers, thankfully. I was almost worried about having done something I’d severely regret last night, but I doubted that Fluttershy was capable of things like tying me up and-

I’m going to abandon that train of thought.

Fluttershy finished her stretch and noticed that I was awake. She made a small squeak and hopped off the bed. I smirked at her.

“Good morning Fluttershy.” Ugh. My voice is all scratchy. I need some water. I thought for a moment about commenting on our situation, but I felt I may have been in bad taste.

“Oh. Um. Good morning.” She cuffed her hoof against the ground a few times and refused to look me in the eye. Oh gods, she tested my resolve, but I would not let the naughty jokes slip through my composure. I kept an almost completely straight face.

“So I can’t help but notice that I’m in neither my armour nor padding.” That bit of face that wasn’t completely straight? Pain. I may have been a little bit blunt, but I wanted to get clothed quickly.

Fluttershy perked up a little bit. “Oh, um, yes, I had to get you out of your armour so that I could check on your injuries. I, um, hope you don’t mind.” She lowered her body so that only her eyes peered at me worriedly over the bed’s edge.

“I… guess not. I’m guessing you had to perform surgery, judging by the restraints I’ve been put in.”

Fluttershy ducked completely below my line of sight at this and almost whispered her answer. “Um, well, no, it was, um, just a few bruises. But, um, Applejack thought that you’d be dangerous so she, um, tied you to the bed. I’m sorry!”

If my hand was free, I’d have stroked my chin. “Applejack… Who’s that?”

“Um, you, uh, rammed her yesterday.” Fluttershy peeked up at me again.

“Ah, the orange one. I’m impressed. How’d she tie those knots without hands?” I understood this ‘Applejack’s’ sentiment, her view tainted as it must have been by the blue Pegasus Pony.

“Um, with her hooves?”

I stared at her. She was completely serious. I’d have to ask the druid about that.

I had a feeling that I was going to sorely overstay my welcome once the druid came back. Speaking of decency and etiquette, I should probably at least get my padding back on. Armour, too, if I needed to leave in a hurry.

“So you took off my armour when you went to inspect me, right?”

“Um, well, yes.”

“Where did you put it?”

“Oh, well, I put it next to the bed last night, but Twilight said that she wanted to inspect it today. She must have taken it outside while we were asleep. Sorry.”

I felt an irrational but completely justified urge begin to build in my chest. “Okay… Not your fault. Now, when you say ‘inspect,’ what are we talking about here?”

Fluttershy must have noticed the restrained protective urge in my eyes and gulped. “Um, she said she needed to read up on some deconstruction spells and she mumbled something about, um, metallurgy on her way out.”

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. “Fluttershy?”

“Um, yes?”

“I’m about to do something very stupid. Vouch for me at the trial, okay?”

“What are you-?”

I flexed my hands and activated the Choraturgic staffes that had been tattooed on my arms and legs. The Pony in front of me must have been shocked to see black musical bars suddenly glow golden and rise from my skin just above my wrists and ankles and below my elbows and knees. The three lines that began circling my head must not have helped.

I muttered a short string of music, lines of a little ditty I’d heard one of the Caretakers using to cut vines out of the way when we tried leading out herd through a jungle. The nottes collected in the staffes and I flexed my fingers again to release the combination of intent and energy.

The ropes holding my limbs in place split in various places and pretty much just fell apart. They were supposed to just slice in one neat line, but I was never the best at focusing the intent of Choraturgy.

I sat up and looked around at the room I was in. It was definitely the druid’s house, all earthy colours and animal shelters. There were two doors, and I was assuming that one of them led to a closet. I thought for a second about asking Fluttershy about clothes, but I figured that the druid, if he or she was indeed a Halfling as I suspected, would have nothing that I would fit into. I decided to just wrap the sheet on the bed around my body. As I began doing so, I asked Fluttershy if she was okay with it, and if the druid wouldn’t mind.

I turned to where she had been, but she had disappeared. One of the doors swung open a small amount, so I assumed that’s where she had gone. My little burst of magic must have scared the skittish thing off.

I finished wrapping myself and went through the door Fluttershy had bolted through. Sure enough, a few stairs later and I was back in the living room. I still couldn’t see any yellow fur or pink hair, so I assumed that she was hiding. I opened the door to the outside of the druid’s cottage and caught sight of my armour in a pile with a stack of books and a purple horse-thing sitting next to it.

Either the purple thing was this ‘Twilight’ that Fluttershy had spoken of, or it was under Twilight’s care. Either way, I was getting my armour back. It must have heard the door opening because it started speaking without looking away from the armour in front of it.

“Ah, Fluttershy, you’re awake. I was about to start testing on this shell stuff for its chemical composition. How is the creature doing?” This must be Twilight, then, if she was going to do the tests herself.

“He’s doing fine, thanks, and he would like you to leave his armour alone.”

Twilight whirled around with a gasp. I saw a horn on her head that was glowing with a soft purple glow, which was matched by an aura around a book on the ground.

So Twilight was probably the one who was blasting me with magic, then? Good to know.

I walked forward briskly, and she began panicking. Judging by the brightening of her horn and the light chiming noise coming from her, I could infer that she was about to cast some sort of spell.

“None of that please.” I darted forward and wrapped my hand around Twilight’s muzzle. Even if she didn’t use vocal triggers for her magic, having someone grab your mouth is distracting enough to cause most Choraturgists to falter and lose their magic.

Twilight’s eyes, just as large as Fluttershy’s and just as expressive, shrunk with fear and the glow around her horn vanished. I patted her on the head, just behind her horn, with my free hand and smiled at her.

“Thank you. Now, if you excuse me, I have armour to put on.”

I released her snout and took the last few steps to my pile of antler plates. They would be extremely uncomfortable without my leather under-armour, but I hadn’t noticed that anywhere nearby. I started sorting through the pile to find my leg plates and greaves, and managed to find my leather padding crushed beneath the rest of the armour.

I slipped the bed sheet off of me and draped it over the stack of books and began strapping the rich brown suit onto my limbs. I had my pants on and was halfway through my shirt when Twilight began jabbering about intelligence and clothing. I ignored her and sniffed underneath my arm.

Not bad. I wasn’t knocked out, so I don’t really need to wash it yet.

I picked up my shin-guard and was about to strap it on when Twilight decided to ignore my plea for peace by gripping my armour in her magic. She tugged it from my grasp and started yelling and shouting something about science and due process. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Twilight? Please don’t make me hurt you.”

That shocked the thing out of her ranting. “What? Why would you-?”

“Because you shot me, and now you are keeping me from putting on my armour.”

“But I NEED to study it! I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“And you probably never will again. Now give it back.”

“You- I- You can’t make me!”

I cocked an eyebrow at Twilight. She sounded like a petulant child clinging to a toy. “And what makes you think that?”

“Uh, you… are… uh… not under the jurisdiction of Princess Celestia’s rule!” Twilight sounded awfully pleased to have thought of such a reason under pressure. “You have no legal methods of making me give it back!” She smirked widely at me.

In response, I picked up my right shield and stalked towards Twilight, slipping my arm through the straps and tightening them. “Well, if that’s true, then I also have nothing saying that I can’t force you to.”

I loomed over Twilight, shading her with my bulky shield. She began backing up, but she hit a thick tree before she could go too far. I leaned down over her head. “What’s to stop me from simply taking it back?”

“You- you wouldn’t- you couldn’t-!”

I reared back and pierced the tip of my shield a few hands deep into the tree above Twilight’s head. It was all I could do to not strike her.

“Try me.”

Twilight was shaking and looked about ready to cry. When she didn’t respond, I simply reached out with my free hand and yanked my greave from the air. When she didn’t respond and continued looking at my face with watery eyes, I freed my shield from the tree and turned back to the pile of my armour.

I heard Twilight sit on her haunches hard and start sniffling. I ignored her and resumed strapping on my armour, piece by piece. Once I had secured and tested each clasp and plate, I used my hand to brush my hair behind my ears and slipped the helmet on my head.

I felt complete. Putting on my armour was better than a mug of coffee to raise morale.

I turned back to the druid’s cottage, and caught sight of Twilight, still sitting and crying under that tree. That disturbed me on a primal level. I’d spent my entire adult life protecting my herd of deer from loss and sorrow and pain. These new creatures were similar enough in shape to at least merit instinctual mercy. More than that, they could talk and think, even feel. To think that I had threatened to hurt, even kill such a creature, and that I was fully prepared to follow through made me sick.

I approached Twilight slowly. She cringed and curled up into a small ball as I got closer. I stopped a few strides away and slowly sat down. We both stayed silent for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry.” I sighed. Twilight peered at me through her tears and from behind her fetlocks. “I got… Well, I frightened you. I’m sorry.”

“You… you… you were going to k-kill me.”

“No, I- Well… Maybe. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.”

“You w-were going to k-kill me!?”

“Only if you didn’t give me back my shin-guard. Which you did. So I didn’t.”

“You were going to kill me! Over a piece of armour!”

“Yes, well, it is my armour, and you were being childish about taking it.”

“You completely overreacted!”

“No. No I did not.”

Twilight stopped her retort as it left her mouth. Instead, she let puzzlement leak through her anger and fear. “How can you possibly think that threatening to kill someone isn’t an overreaction?”

“Because this armour is all that I have. It is mine and has been mine for a long time.”

“But… couldn’t you just make some more? If it were lost or broken, I mean.”

“No. This armour is special for reasons you can’t understand.”

“But… You were going to kill me for it! I have the right to know why!”

I pinched the bridge of my nose again. At least she wasn’t cowering anymore. “It has a… a legacy, you could call it. Memories of friends and family lost.”

“Oh.” Twilight deflated in front of me. “I… I didn’t know.”

“You… didn’t?”

“Well, no. How was I supposed to? I didn’t even know you could talk before this morning!”

“It’s common knowledge that Raasinav Exile armour is stained red with the blood of his fallen herd. How could you not know that?”

“That’s stained with blood?! How can you stand to wear it?”

“Because it is the blood of my family! My family and I failed them, let them all die! I can’t ever go back to that place, and no herd will allow me to guard them. If I lose this armour, then I will have nothing, and they will be nothing!”

The vehemence in my outburst shocked Twilight. I took a deep breath and shook my head. As I did, a thought came loose.

“Wait… you didn’t know I could talk? What about your Caretaker, or any of the other people in town?”

“I don’t have a caretaker; I’m old enough to live on my own. So is almost everypony else in town.”

“You don’t have people here?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Ponies are people, too! So are Griffons and Minotaur and Dragons and all of the other civilizations on Hasbria!”

“There’s that name again, Hasbria. What is Hasbria? How have the Corukh not heard of you yet?”

Twilight’s demeanor changed instantly, and she sat up straight. “Well, Hasbria is the world that we live on, where Princess Celestia raises-“

Oh gods she sounded like a teacher. Not a good teacher, either, the kind that just goes on and on about their topic and every sub-topic related to it. They really aren’t good at getting their students information because they just kind of tone the teacher out after a little while. Because, really, who cares about the border disputes from the Minotaur tribes?

I got the gist of what she was saying in a very roundabout manner. This land, Hasbronia or whatever, was a land that I had never even heard of before. I’d come out of the Everfree Forest into the outskirts of Ponyville, a town in the country of Equestria.

In other words, I’d gone from the Raal Forest, which I knew very well, into the Everfree Forest, which I knew nothing about. From there, I kept walking and found Ponyville.

I have walked until I could no longer find my way. And then I walked farther.

My oath to Raasinav had been fulfilled. I would no longer find the Corukh, the Steelbone deer, the Leaping wolves, the endless poachers. There was no druid living in that house, it was Fluttershy’s cottage.

I knew nothing of this place.

Something Twilight was trying and failing to remedy.

Still, there was no one there that would know of me, my people, or my order. No one that would shun me, no one that would treat me like dirt.

No one that would sympathize with those that I had failed. No one that would know that I had failed them in the first place.

No one that would object to me gathering and protecting a herd.

Wait, maybe starting or finding a herd is a bad idea. I’m just one Warden; I can’t protect an entire herd of anything. Besides, I’d have to find the god they belong to, first, and plead for recognition as a force of goodwill and protection. Maybe I could build a herd. Start with a doe and a buck, and raise generations. That could work. But what would I raise? I haven’t seen any deer around here, especially not Steelbone Deer, but I’m not going anywhere near those if I can help it. Maybe a look around the forest could turn up some potential matriarchs and alphas…

Oh, hey, Twilight had stopped talking. In fact, she was waving a hoof in front of my face.

“Hello? Equestria to creature?”

“Hmm? Huh?” I must have slipped into a lecture coma. Props to Twilight, that takes skill and effort.

“I was in the middle of explaining the Minotaur’s social ranks when you kind of zoned out.”

I think I ‘zoned out’ quite a bit before that. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Starting a herd.”

Twilight started spluttering and stammering. “E-excuse- what? S-start a herd? How would y-you even-?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking of going into that forest there to look for a matriarch and alpha to start with, I suppose.”

“What- how would that- You can’t start a herd! Aside from the social implications, there’s only one of you! Not the only male, but the only one of your kind ever!”

I cocked an eyebrow at Twilight. “…And?”

“Well, to start with, you’re probably biologically incompatible with everything on Hasbria. Plus, herds are an archaic, dead practice, abolished many years ago when…”

Gah, she’s lecturing again. I wondered what Twilight was trying to prove by reciting history at me. Also, that comment about being biologically incompatible… Wait, did she really think that I was-

I held up a hand. Twilight stopped talking and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I think we may have a bit of a communication error here.”

“What’s there to confuse? You want to start a herd, and it’s impossible!”

“I want to start a herd, yes, but not to be in the herd.”

“I- uh, what?”

“I protect groups of animals. It’s what I do. It’s what my family and my people did. I- maybe I should make this a bit clearer.” I leaned down into Twilight’s face and increased my volume slightly. “I want. To oversee. The start of. A herd. And then. Protect it. As it. Grows. Does that make more sense?”

Twilight scowled at me. “Yes, yes, I got it. No need to do the foreign language shout, jeeze.”

“Good. Now, you seem rather knowledgeable. Do you know where I might find some things to start a herd with?”

“How about the birds? You have a head so big you could use it as a blimp.”

“Har har. No, I can’t keep a close eye on birds, and they move too much. I was thinking something four legged, probably has some sort of cranial protrusion.”

Twilight started sputtering again. “I- WHAT? I will definitely not start a herd with you, you… violent… thing! And no self-respecting Unicorn would either!”

“What are you talking-?” I drew my eyes to the horn on her forehead. “Oh. Is that what your kind is called, the Unicorn? What god do you belong to?”

“I don’t… Celestia, I suppose, but that’s not the point!”

“I know, I know, so wait, hold on. You’re a Celestia Unicorn, then? Alright, mystery solved. Moving on, that’s not what I was talking about anyway.”

“Celestia Uni- No! I’m just a Unicorn Pony! What were you talking about, then?”

“Unicorn Pony? That’s lazy; did all of your gods collaborate around here and name everything the Pony? I guess that’d be why you’d refer to your god as the descriptor, then. I was referring to deer and moose, by the way.”

“Wh- I don’t- No! We have Pegasus Ponies with wings, Unicorn Ponies with horns, and Earth Ponies with larger sizes. We are Ponies as a species, and our various races determine our physical and magical traits. And besides, the Moose have their own civilization, and the deer… well, they’re shy.”

“Yes, I got that you’re all variations on the Pony sub-species, but you were all created by different gods from the same template. The god Pegasus created the winged ones, Unicorn created the horned ones, and Earth, very uncreative name for a god, by the way, created the big ones. Besides, I know how to deal with deer. I’ve lived with them for the past couple decades.”

“That’s not how it worked at all! We’re all descended from the race of Pegacorn Ponies that were broken by the god of chaos, Discord. The closest ones we have that are even close to being Pegacorns are the Alicorn Ponies, who have been gifted with the traits of all three races, as opposed to simply being born with them. Well, if you can even find a deer, then I’ll be impressed, especially in the Everfree Forest. That place is too dangerous for deer to live in.”

“Oh, I see. Pegacorn created the Pony template with all three features, but the god was split by Discord into Unicorn, Pegasus, and Earth. To keep with tradition and universal law, they then split the Pegacorn into the three Pony races. When they didn’t work so well, Alicorn gifted a precious few with the powers of Pegacorn Ponies so that they could do the job you were supposed to have Wardens and Caretakers for. And deer are fairly capable, actually. Just you wait, I’ll find myself a doe and a buck inside of that forest and grow myself the most spectacular herd you’ve ever seen!”

“You are simply infuriating! How can you know so little about how everything came to be? I’d like to see you try finding even one herbivore in that forest!”

“You just don’t like acknowledging the fact that there are more gods that hold much more sway than your pretty little- well, little is a relative term- princess. Well, there is an overabundance of ground vegetation, I noticed. Maybe herbivorous creatures are rare in there.”

“Princess Celestia is not a goddess- so she says. And… Well, there is Zecora. She’s a Zebra that lives in the forest.”

“And Alicorn is another uncreative name. Really, named after the substance it finds in others, ridiculous. This Zecora has a name. I’m guessing she’s intelligent?”

“Yes, yes, alicorn is the substance that makes up a Unicorn’s horn, we know. The Alicorn ponies are named that because their entire skeletal structure is made up of alicorn, rather than just their horn. Yes she is. I guess you could say that Zebras are a close relative to the Ponies.”

“And also the god that gifted them this skeletal structure was named after the substance it created, obviously. And this ‘Zecora’ doesn’t count, if she’s just the product of this god, Zebra, copying the Pony template.”

“Um, you both could be right? I mean, if that’s okay with you?”

Twilight and I turned to look at Fluttershy. She seemed to have just appeared from nowhere, but it was more reasonable to believe that she had come out sometime while we were arguing. Twilight emerged from her surprise faster than I did.

“Erm… Could you repeat that, Fluttershy?”

“Um, well, you could both be right.”

I shook my head and rubbed my face with my hand. “And how would that be?”

“Well, history is written by the victors, right Twilight?”

“Well, I suppose it could be viewed that way…”

“And Discord was the victor over the Pegacorns, right?”

“Well, yes…”

“So what if he wanted to erase the mention of any god besides him?”

“That… Actually, that’s something he wouldn’t normally do, Fluttershy. He likes to gloat over his victories.”

I cut in for a moment. “Wait, this Discord, he’s the god of chaos, right?”

“Um, well, yes. In a sense.”

“Then wouldn’t it make sense if he did something nobody expected? He likes to gloat, but his victory was over a race of mortals, not a god. Who would gloat about an easy fight like that?”

“Wait, by your logic, since it made sense for him to cover up a god, wouldn’t he have kept it in history?”

That one stumped me for a moment, but luckily Fluttershy jumped in.

“Well, um, only because you’re looking at it that way. At the time he was, um, deviating from his nature. Or following it, depending on, um, on your viewpoint. Um, you can decide.”

“She has a point… I think.”

“And, if you don’t mind, Twilight, I know where the deer in the Everfree bed down. I can show… um, oh. I um, didn’t get your name. I’m sorry! I just, um, there was a lot going on. Sorry.”

Fluttershy was shying away from my gaze again. It almost looked like a turtle trying to retreat inside its shell. I sighed.

“Right, I suppose that was my fault.” I extended my open hand toward Fluttershy. “My name is Alan Dehis. Pleased to meet you, Fluttershy.”

The two ponies looked at my hand for a moment. Twilight broke the short silence.

“That’s a really odd way to hoofbump.”

“Hoofbump?”

“Well, yeah. It’s where two ponies… well, bump their hoofs together. It’s a greeting thing.”

“Well, that explains what that hallucination in the river was trying to do…”

“And, um, what is it your kind does?”

“Ah, well it’s called a hand shake. You take your hand and grasp the other person’s wrist and vigorously shake the arm up and down.”

“Ah, that sounds a bit like the Apple family’s hoofshake.”

“Okay then… So now what?”

“Well, generally pawed and clawed animals just make a fist to hoofbump.”

I curled my fingers into a fist and bumped hooves with both of the Ponies.

“Right, um, I’m Fluttershy, but you, um, already knew that.”

“I’m Twilight Sparkle, personal protégé of Princess Celestia, Element of Magic, and the Curator for the Ponyville Library.”

“Long list of titles you’ve got there. Right, Fluttershy, if you wouldn’t mind, could you… Actually, hold that thought.”

I inspected Fluttershy a little bit harder than I had when she first spoke up, but I could see that her hair and fur were no longer mussed from being carried. Rather, they held the shape of where she had slept on it. I ran a finger over my armour and a glob of viscous goo collected on my finger.

“Fluttershy, we’re a mess. Where’s the nearest river? I need to wash my armour, and you need to wash your fur.”

“Why, what’s in my fur?”

“Sap blood stuff, I would assume.”

Fluttershy’s face coloured a pale shade of green. How did she do that she had fur on her face? She swallowed a few times, and put on a timid smile.

“R-right, the… The Timberwolf sap. We should- oh Celestia it’s on my sheets.”

Fluttershy fainted.

Again.

I looked to Twilight, who looked at me.

“Timberwolf sap?”

“Yeah, got into a little scuffle with a pack of them, apparently. Ate them, too. So where’s that river so that I can wash us off?”

Twilight was looking green around the gills as well, which was an achievement because she neither had gills nor visible skin. “Uh, just down that way,” She pointed in the direction of the Everfree closer to the town. “I’ll, uh, take care of the sheets, I guess.”

“You do that. I’ll be back in a bit.” I gathered Fluttershy into my arms like I’d carry a fawn and trudged off in the direction of the river.

ΨΨΨ

Fluttershy woke up when I took some water in my hand and started splashing it on her fur. She looked around groggily for a moment until I splashed her again and started rubbing it into her fur to wash the sticky sap out of it.

Fluttershy relaxed at first, but stiffened and started struggling when I reached her wing. For whatever reason, she started flailing and I had to carefully set her down on the shore. Her wings were slightly extended and she was breathing heavily. Probably some flight or fight response to being touched on a delicate area.

I washed my armour and myself simultaneously in the middle of the stream while Fluttershy cleaned her fur nearer to the shore. Afterward, we sat on the grassy knoll, me in my leather padding with my armour nearby, drying separately, and Fluttershy with her mane in my lap as I used my fingers to pry apart knots in her mane. When that was done, I started on her tail, but she pulled away quickly, wings shuddering at her sides. Another instance of flight or fight, I supposed.

At least she was resisting the urge, rather than just bolting.

For the next few minutes, Fluttershy looked like she wanted to say something. She opened her mouth to start several times but didn’t ever utter a word. Eventually we just started cloud watching.

After a short amount of time, I stood and buckled my armour back on while Fluttershy gave me directions to a glade that deer were known to frequent, and then I started out towards the Everfree Forest. I had to cross the river we had just bathed in to reach it, and when I got to the other side, I heard a cry behind me, barely above speaking volume.

“Wait!”

I think that was the loudest I’d ever heard Fluttershy yell. I turned around and watched as she ponderously flew over the river to me. She was an oddly slow flier for such a flighty creature. She landed in front of me and planted herself squarely between me and the Everfree. It would have had a grander effect if she was bigger and actually intimidating.

“I don’t… I don’t want you to go!” She wailed softly.

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t care what my friends think! You’re a good person; you were just trying to keep me safe from them. You’re not a monster!”

I chuckled a little. “At the time, I was more trying to protect you from myself. Angel’d already set me straight about your friends. I tried apologizing, but that blue one with the rainbow mane and tail just outright charged at me.”

Fluttershy gasped. “Angel told you? You can talk to him?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Kind of. In a one-way, yes or no questions kind of deal.”

Fluttershy stared up into my eyes. For once. I couldn’t read her expression.

Fluttershy took a deep breath and muttered something.

“I’m sorry?”

She mumbled again, a bit louder this time.

“I can’t hear y-“

“Will you start a herd with me?”

Author's Note

In case anyone was wondering, the little ditty that Alan used to cut the ropes?

Do doo do doo do
Mana-manam
Do doodo doot
Mana-manam
Do doo do doodo do doodo do doodo do doodo
I'm-a breaking outta these restraints.

Chapter 4: Sappy Reunion

I almost laughed.

Almost.

I would have thought that Fluttershy was joking, but the dead-set scowl and intense gaze told me that she was completely serious.

I had to wonder if she knew what she was asking me. I had figured out why Twilight had reacted so aversely to the thought of starting a herd: It was an archaic mating practice to bolster population levels.

I swallowed the chuckle in my throat. “Um, Fluttershy, just so that we’re on the same level, here, I have to ask. You do know what you’re asking for, right?”

Fluttershy blushed and looked to the ground, hiding behind her mane. “Um, well, I heard you talking with Twilight about it, and, um, it sounded… nice.”

“That doesn’t really answer my question.”

“Um, I… I’m asking you to start a herd with me?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Fluttershy, you’ve known me for less than a day, and in that time, I’ve caused you to faint twice, beat up your friends, got beaten up by those same friends, and got blood-sap stuff on your sheets. If you’re asking what I think you’re asking, that seems like a bit of a jump in logic.”

“But I know you’re a good person! You’re strong and brave and kind and smart and- and- If you were to start a herd with me, then everypony else will see it too.”

“I still think that this is rather sudden. Besides, I’m not interested.”

Fluttershy whimpered and her legs started quivering. “W-Why? Why would you want to start a herd with deer and not Ponies? I mean, um, no offense to the deer, but, um, they aren’t nice like Ponies are. I mean not to say they aren’t nice, but they don’t like, um, strangers.”

I shrugged. “I just know deer, I guess. Besides, give me a few days, maybe a week, and they won’t mind me hanging around.”

“But, I don’t mind you already! I mean, um, I would like it if you were protecting me.”

“Alright, I’m going to put this in blunt terms, because beating around the bush isn’t helping.” I crouched down to look her in the eye. “It sounds a lot like you’re asking me to mate with you and a group of other ponies.”

Fluttershy’s eyes slowly expanded as she processed my words, and then shrunk to pinpricks as she grasped the direction the conversation had taken. It was a rather fascinating process to watch. I’d have to ask the druid about the-

Oh, right, there is no druid.

Fluttershy’s face flushed as red as my armour, and she started hyperventilating and stuttering broken words. After a few seconds, she grabbed ahold of herself enough to speak in a semi coherent manner.

“I, um, no, that, um, that is to say, um, w-well when you, um, put it like, um, I-I mean, um, you told Twilight, um, overseeing growth-“

I held up a hand to stop the doe from continuing her rant of embarrassment.

“That’s what I thought, but I had to make sure. I don’t think your friends would take kindly to a misunderstanding of that magnitude.” I stood back up. “I believe the question you want to ask is: would I be willing to become a Warden for you?”

“Um, y-yes, I suppose, um, that is, if you don’t mind.”

“The answer is still no.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, you Ponies live in towns and cities and are ruled by your God-Princess. You don’t need Wardens. The deer, on the other hand, are few and defenseless in a forest full of predators. I can help them to grow and live. If I were to become a Warden for you Ponies, I would probably just sit around doing nothing.”

“Um, well, I do go into the Everfree sometimes. I need to gather herbs and ingredients for my first aid kit so that I can help my animal friends when they get hurt. Some of those plants are, um, very deep in the forest and I don’t dare go that far from the entrance.”

“You have friends, a police force, and probably some mercenaries who can help you.”

“Oh, I couldn’t ask them to go out of their way just to help me…”

“But you can ask me?”

“Well, um, I mean, if you were my Warden, it wouldn’t be out of your way, I think, because you’d have to keep an eye on me anyway?”

I paused at that. She had a point. Still, I had a better argument.

“Even if I were to become a Warden for Ponies, I wouldn’t have a clue about your society. I know how deer herds work, and I know how deer think. I don’t know a thing about you Ponies.”

“Oh, well, I could teach you some things, if you don’t mind, and Twilight can-“

“Gods no, Twilight can’t teach me anything.”

“Um, what do you mean?”

“She just goes on and on and on, and I lose track of the lecture.”

“She knows a lot of things though…”

“She’s not a good teacher.”

“I suppose, um, if you think so…”

“Besides, I’m not on very good terms with your friends. They did summon Somae to smite me, after all.”

“Um, who?”

“Giant horse, Keeper of the Sun, burnt me to a crisp yesterday. Without leaving a sunburn, I might add.”

“Oh, um, that was Princess Celestia. She, um, didn’t like it when you hit Twilight.”

“Your Princess is a deity of the Sun? Oh, this I’ve got to see.”

“And, um, my friends were just trying to protect me. I’m sure if we explain the situation, they’ll accept you just fine.”

I rubbed my face and sighed. “Why are you pushing this so hard? I can just disappear into the forest and be out of your life forever, and here you are asking me to stick around in a place that is at least partially hostile towards me.”

Fluttershy scuffed the ground with her hoof and looked to the side. “Um, well, I admit that, um, you’re very interesting, and I’ve never seen anything like you before and, um, I could learn a lot from-“

“So you want to add me to your collection of animal friends.”

“No! Well, um, kind of. I mean, they’re not a collection, but, um, they do come around a lot and I know a lot about them, but they’re still free animals.”

“Okay then. I might pop by every now and again for supplies. Maybe you’ll find the deer and I on one of your forays into the forest one day.”

“But- But…” Fluttershy looked stricken, and resorted to the dirtiest trick in her book. Her incredibly expressive eyes swelled to fill their sockets and began glistening with tears.

I sighed and reached out to ruffle Fluttershy’s mane. “Good bye, Fluttershy. It’s been a pleasure.”

I didn’t look back as I walked into the shadows of the Everfree Forest.

That didn’t stop me from hearing her first teary sniffle.

ΨΨΨ

True to Fluttershy’s directions, I found a small glade in the forest with clear signs of deer bedding during the night for quite some time. The deer themselves were not there at the time, so I elected to wait in in the shadows nearby until nightfall.

In the meantime, I played a little game that I liked to call ‘The Man Test.’ It involved poking a bruise or scratching a scab until you reach and surpass your pain threshold. Supposedly, it raised the threshold, but I’ve never really noticed a difference.

In summary, I spent the day with my finger digging into my side. I looked just about as ridiculous as I felt.

Just as the sky began to turn pink and orange, there came a rustling from the bushes at the edge of the glade. I hurriedly slipped my curiass into its position and strapped my shields to my arms and stood in wait.

To my surprise, instead of a deer or two trotting gracefully into the clearing, Fluttershy came barreling through the forest and was scanning the trees intently. I stepped from the shadows, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Fluttershy, what-?”

“Alan, we need your help!” Fluttershy launched herself at me and latched onto my left leg.

“Help? Help with what?”

“Timberwolves! A pack of them just began ransacking the town!”

“What?! Why?”

“I don’t know, it’s so unlike them! They just charged from the Everfree!”

I pulled Fluttershy off of my leg and tucked her under my arm before jogging off towards the town, navigating the underbrush of the forest easily. “What about the town’s guard?”

“They’re, um, mostly for show. Not very many people know that.”

I swore quietly under my breath. “Well then why don’t you have walls around everything?”

“We’re at peace! Nothing’s laid siege to Equestria in over a thousand years! Well, except for the Changelings. Most of the predators stay in the Everfree.”

“What was that about Changelings?”

“Um, the Changelings tried to take over Equestria a while back. Um, they didn’t win.”

“I got that part, but what’s a Changeling?”

“Oh, um, they’re a race of bug-pony… things that feed off of emotion.”

“Changeling Ponies… Why is everything in this land a Pony? How many gods are jealous of Pegacorn’s creation?”

“Um… I don’t know. I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be.”

I thought to myself as I darted over a fallen log. Feeds off of emotions…

“Hey Fluttershy, when you say ‘feeds on emotions,’ how exactly do you mean?”

“Um, I’m not sure on the details, but it has something to do with scents and jelly. I think. Twilight said something about her book… I think they absorb emotion based on where they’re from? I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

“Okay then, but… Alright, I asked the wrong question. How do they feed on the emotions?”

“Um, they absorb it from proximity and exude it into a jelly. A lot of the time, they have to be in disguise to get that close and trigger those feelings.”

“Okay, so they absorb from their nose or something… Wait, they disguise themselves?”

“As normal ponies, yes. They have this magic field thing that they… Um… Do things to. You can ask Twilight about how they do it, I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

I almost slapped myself in the face, but my free hand was currently keeping vines and branches out of my face. “So Changelings are the Pony form of a combination of Guliem and Succubus.”

“Um I guess? I don’t know what either of those are.”

“Never mind. And you’re saying that they attacked Equestria?”

“Oh, um, only one hive that was extremely desperate. Twilight’s been talking about how the other hives were appalled and, um, are working on a truce with Equestria.”

“I- Well, I suppose that’s alright. As long as it was a, um, rogue hive, I guess.”

I abruptly exited the Everfree Forest. I hadn’t even been paying attention to what little horizon there was in the forest, I was just focusing on not tripping and on Fluttershy.

I get sidetracked a lot. I need to stop doing that.

I ran to the town, past Fluttershy’s cottage, and came across carnage that can only be achieved by very determined searching. Fruits, wood, and cloth littered the cobblestone streets, carts and stands knocked about and torn apart, and dirt absolutely everywhere, but there was no blood.

Odd.

All of the buildings, I noticed, were wood and straw houses, garishly coloured and just begging to be lit on fire. All of the doors were shut and the windows covered. I heard growls and barks from deeper in the town.

“Fluttershy?”

“Um, yes?”

“Go back to your house. Take care of your animals. I’ll deal with the Timberwolves.”

“Um, okay, just be careful. I, um, I wouldn’t wa-“ Fluttershy’s sentence was cut off with a long squeak as I dropped her to her hooves. She looked like she wanted to finish her sentence, but chose to run back to her cottage.

I walked towards the sounds of canine savagery emanating from up the street and around the corner. I checked the straps on my armour and made sure that I wasn’t being ambushed from every alley. As I got closer, I could hear that the wolves were snuffling and snorting.

So they weren’t just there to hunt. They were looking for something.

As I approached the final corner, the wind started blowing softly and the wolves all halted where they stood.

I was upwind of them.

One howled.

They had been looking for me.

I rounded to final corner in a crouch, shields held in a defensive position. I saw five Timberwolves fanned in front of me. The middle one was glaring directly at me, as thought it had a personal grudge.

Wait; is this the wolf that had fled in the forest? Man, these things are smart, holding a grudge like that. I must make sure that none escape.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Fortify stance.

Five growls in harmony. Talented wolves.

Pat pat pat. Five circling wolves. Three clockwise, two counter.

Better even the numbers.

Closest wolf three paces away.

Charge.

Wide eyes. Surprised.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Chop right, swing left.

Crack. Swump. Thud. Broken neck.

Four wolves left. Two clockwise, two counter.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Four growls.

Scuff. Leap from behind.

Spin swing.

Thwok. Deflected.

Growl. Leap from left.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Uppercut.

Thwuck. Tip pierced belly.

Heartbeat.

Thwak. Snap. Broken neck.

Clack. Leap from behind.

Thud. Discard body.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Fwumph. Collision with back.

Scrabbling. Claws can’t get through armour.

Reach and grab. Hunch and fling.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Thud. Wolf on back between legs.

Heartbeat.

Stomp on neck.

Snap. Gurgle.

Heartbeat.

No mercy.

Defend.

Hesitant growl. Two wolves left.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

Grab corpse.

Toss.

Heartbeat.

Sprint.

Thud. Thump. Impact and fall.

Last one’s watching. Make a last impression.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Jump.

Spin.

Heartbeat.

Stab.

Through the neck, complete severance.

Inhale. Heartbeat.

One wolf left.

Hate filled glare. Turned tail.

Same one that got away last time.

Not this time.

Quick song. Only one I’ve every perfected.

Sling shield.

Exhale. Heartbeat.

Whoosh.

Pat pat pat.

Shpurk.

Thwunk.

Impaled on a wall.

Nice.

Inhale.

Heartbeat.

Exhale.

My heart was racing.

Not out of fear or exhaustion.

Adrenaline.

I defended these Ponies. Killed their attackers.

By Siffin’s sensitive silk spool, that felt good.

I tried to calm my heart as I retrieved my shield from the wall. Defending the deer back home had never gotten me so riled up before. Perhaps there was merit to being Fluttershy’s Warden after all.

The wolf’s body had kept my shield from piercing through the wall, but there was a rather sizeable notch gouged in it. I’d fix it later.

I remembered something at that moment.

Horses are herbivores, but Fluttershy and Twilight had been extremely adverse to the sap-blood. Perhaps they preferred food that wouldn’t fight back. I decided that five corpses were not something that was polite to leave in the middle of town.

It took a little bit of figuring, and no small amount of manly grunting, but I managed to sling one corpse across each shoulder and one across those two, and carried the last two under my arms. The decapitated head found itself hanging by the throat from the prongs on my left pauldrons.

As I walked out of the town, heads with eyes that were much too large began peeking out of windows and doorways. All of them were wary and fearful.

Finally, as I reached the town’s limit, I heard hoofsteps behind me. I turned to see a small yellow Earth Pony with red hair and a giant ribbon standing a few paces behind me, eyes wide and mouth in a half-open frown. There was a panicked whispering coming from a nearby doorway.

I stared at the tiny thing with giant eyes. It stared back at me.

“Um, hi? Can I help you?”

My voice startled the small Pony, and it darted its eyes that were too big for its size from my face to the head impaled on my pauldron.

“You, uh, um-“

“Yes, I killed these wolves. And now I’m disposing of them so that your town doesn’t have to. You’re welcome.”

“Yer not-“

“No I am not going to hurt you.”

“How did-“

“I know what you’re asking because Fluttershy asked the same questions. It seems to be the standard greeting around these parts, if you’re not outright assaulting someone for no reason.”

“You were a-salted?”

I would have pinched my nose if I’d had a free hand. “That’s neither here nor there. Can I help you?”

The pony whispering past the door increased their urgency and volume, but not enough for me to make out.

“Um, A-Ah’m Applebloom, and because Ah figured that since you protected our town, you were friendly.” This pony’s accent was something just short of a drawl. I knew a lot of farmers in my youth who’d spoken similarly.

“Well, yes, I guess. I was really only here for the Timberwolves, though.”

“Oh, um, w-well…” Applebloom craned her head up and stammered a bit. “Yer tall!”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

The small Pony shook its head a bit. “Um, sorry, but, um, I didn’t get your name.

“Alan. Alan Dehis.”

“That’s a funny name. Ah mean, it fits you, Ah guess. Ah mean, not that yer funny lookin’
‘er nothin’ but, um, Ah’ve never heard o’ no one named like that.”

The whispering had turning into a hoarse, quiet shout.

“Applebloom, you get yer flank back here! That thing’s dangerous, ‘n yer insultin’ it!”

I chuckled a bit. “That’s quite alright, Applebloom. I’m not exactly from here, so I’m not surprised that it sounds funny to you.”

Applebloom cracked a giant nervous grin that was excessively wide. I’d have to ask the druid about their mouth and lip structures.

Oh. Right. No druid.

“Well, howdy, Mister Alan Dehis. I’m Applebloom.”

“Yes, we’ve been through this part.”

“We have? Ah, horseapples.”

“Applebloom!” The voice from the door was almost at a normal speaking volume now. From the scandalized tone, I guessed that Applebloom had just said something awfully inappropriate.

“Well, Applebloom, it was nice meeting you. I’ve got to go dump these corpses before they start stinking.”

“Alright, Alan Dehis. You, uh, thank you for saving town and, um welcome to Ponyville.” Applebloom held out one diminutive hoof.

I looked at the hoof for a moment, then to the wolves under my arms, then to my feet.

I balanced precariously on one foot and held the other one out for the traditional hoof-bump.

What I got instead was a vigorous hoofshake that nearly threw my balance. Hadn’t Twilight said that that was an Apple Family thing?

Wait, of course. Apple family. Applebloom. I get it. Theme naming.

I set my foot down and turned around. After a few seconds of walking, I heard the small Pony leap into the air and shout.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MONSTER GREETER YAY!”

That was definitely odd, but at least it wasn’t a war cry.

The voice that had been begging Applebloom to go back inside was now almost shouting at the tiny thing about danger and responsibility and listening to her big sister. I assumed that the one berating her was said big sister.

ΨΨΨ

I had found my way back to the Everfree Forest nearest to Fluttershy’s cottage and had gathered a bunch of fallen branches and leaves in order to give the Timberwolves a proper bonfire funeral. From what I could tell, they were at least marginally intelligent, and deserved an intelligent being’s rights to passage into the afterlife of their choosing.

Afterward, I’d washed myself and my armour again. It was much easier this time around as, though there was a lot more sap due to it leaking from the dead bodies, it was still wet, and so dissolved swiftly in the water.

By the time I’d finished with the necessary clean-up, the moon was well into the sky, a half-crescent of light. I wandered to Fluttershy’s door and knocked a few times. The lights were on in the windows so I had assumed that she was still awake.

I was proved right when she opened the door. She mumbled a tentative hello while looking at the ground, but gasped when all she saw was my feet. She looked up and her gaze met my knees. She proceeded to latch herself onto my leg and started babbling a stream of words that mostly added up to ‘I was worried about you.’

I ruffled Fluttershy’s mane and smiled. “Hey now, Fluttershy. I’m fine. And I’m not covered in blood-sap stuff this time! A definite improvement over the last time we met.”

Fluttershy looked up at me with glistening eyes. “Does that mean you didn’t kill them?” She almost sounded hopeful.

“No. I killed them.” Best to shoot down that expectation quickly. “I just washed the blood-sap and soot off when I was done.”

Fluttershy cocked her head at me. “Soot?”

“I gave the Timberwolves a proper funeral pyre. They were intelligent enough to hold a grudge, and that deserves recognition.”

“You burned them?”

“Yep. I freed their souls from the mortal realm so that they could ascend to the afterlife of their choosing.”

“Oh. Okay. But… you burned them?”

“I was very careful. Why, is there a different set of burial rights in this land?”

“Um, well, I suppose, um, but it depends so I guess it’s okay. So, um… Why are you here? I mean, not to sound rude, but… um…”

“Well, I had a thought after I’d finished with the Timberwolves. All the Ponies in town seemed to have a plan for whenever monsters attack. Namely, hide inside until they leave. Do they get attacked regularly?”

“Well, um, I suppose the last few years have been a little more hectic than usual.”

“And then I met this really tiny Earth Pony. Yellow fur, red mane, giant bow, name of Applebloom.”

“Oh, um, you didn’t scare her, did you?”

I chuckled a bit. “Well, I certainly intimidated her. Still, she had the common decency to thank me for taking care of the Timberwolves and welcomed me to Ponyville. Then she shouted something about crusading monster greeters.”

Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Oh, yes, that sounds like her. She’s such a sweet filly. I just know she’s going to be an ambassador one day.”

“Mm.”

“So, um, that’s nice, but then why are you here? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Well, since you’ve confirmed my theory that this town does in fact get attacked every now and again, I’ve decided to take you up on your proposal.”

Fluttershy’s face went blank, and then slowly broke into a hopeful smile. “You- You mean it?”

“Yes. Fluttershy, I would be honoured to be the first Warden for your herd.”

There was an odd noise, a bit like an eagle call combined with a mouse squeak. I realized that it was coming from Fluttershy. Her smile split into a full on grin as she began bouncing in a circle chanting “Yesyesyesyes!”

“I’ll just need recognition from your god.”

Fluttershy stopped in midair. I attributed it to her ability to fly. “Oh, um, well, you see…”

“I know that Pegasus has been a somewhat reclusive god, but from the various curses and exclamations I’ve heard, Somae, your ‘Princess Celestia,’ is as close as I can get. How quickly can we get her over here?”

“Um well, we could ask Twilight to ask her to come. It’s late though, she’s probably-“

“Hey, Fluttershy! I’m back with your sheets! You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to find a clear enough spring with enough gravel at the bottom to clean the sheets. First I had to go get Spike, though, so that he could dry your sheets quickly. Trust me; nothing beats dragon fire when it comes to a soft dry. I know how much you like doing your laundry yourself, but you were, ah, passed out at the time. Oh, um. Hi Alan. Still around? What about your deer?”

I turned around and stepped aside, letting Twilight trot into the cottage with Fluttershy’s sheets folded into neat little squares. That little purple wyrm was curled up on her back, sound asleep. “Well, I’ve had a second thought about that line of work.”

“Really?” Twilight set the sheets down on Fluttershy’s couch. “Why?”

Fluttershy started making that odd “Squeee” noise again and burst out, “Alan agreed to start a herd with me!”

As Twilight gaped and Fluttershy blushed, I put a hand to my face. There had to have been better ways to put it.

“She means that I’ve agreed to be a Warden for her herd.”

“Ha- But- Fluttershy doesn’t have a herd!”

“Not yet.”

“That’s- I mean, there are no laws against herds, but really?”

“Oh, and another thing. I need you-“

“I am not joining your herd, you depraved, giant monkey-bear… thing!”

“Let me finish. I need you to summon your god Somae, your ‘Princess Celestia,’ so that I can receive her blessing.”

“Why should I ask Princess Celestia to give her your blessing?”

“Because otherwise Fluttershy’s herd will have to pay me weekly to retain my services. Wardens are not cheap bodyguards.”

“I… well… couldn’t you give her a discount?”

I gave Twilight a flat stare, but before I could retort, Fluttershy cut in. “Um would you please, Twilight? I, um, I’d appreciate it.”

“I… fine. Since you agree, Fluttershy. Spike?” Twilight jostled the wyrm on her back and it grumbled before sleepily sitting up and rubbing its eyes. The light green spines on its head were just as droopy as its eyelids. “Spike, take a letter.”

Spike reached down behind his leg on the side that I couldn’t see and pulled a quill, inkwell, and scroll of parchment from seemingly nowhere. Another question for the druid- who doesn’t exist.

Maybe I’ll ask Twilight. Hah. No.

Maybe I’ll ask Fluttershy later.

Twilight dictated a terse letter kindly requesting that Princess Celestia come swiftly to Fluttershy’s cottage. The wyrm, Spike, took a deep breath that was more of a yawn, and breathed a stream of light green flame that consumed the letter. Its ashes and the remnants of the liquid fire streamed out of the window and off into the night.

I scratched my head for a moment before asking the most prominent question in my mind.

“You use a wyrm as a communication device?”

Twilight looked indignant and drew herself up with self-righteousness. “Spike isn’t just a communication device; he’s my number one assistant! He helps me with everything, and he’s just like my little brother, I’ll have you know. And he is no mere wyrm; he’s just a baby dragon. He hasn’t hit his first growth spurt yet, so he’s still just a baby dragon, despite being over 15 years old.”

“Okay, okay, jeeze. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

There was a bright flash of light and a loud popping noise from outside. I strapped my shields to my pauldrons and held the door open for the two Ponies.

Somae met us just outside of Fluttershy’s cottage and down the road a ways. She seemed to be radiating light, but that wasn’t surprising, seeing as how she was the god of the Sun. She eyed me warily as I walked over.

“Greetings, Corukh. I hope that you are ready to talk peace.”

“I’ve never talked anything but.”

“Your actions speak to the contrary.”

“The blue Pegasus attacked me first, despite my plea for civility.”

“Even so, you could have stopped at any time.”

“Yeah, and let a herd of Ponies kill me on the premise of slander.”

“My little ponies are not a violent people.”

“Maybe not as a whole, but the blue one and orange one are.”

“I hate to interrupt your majesty,” Twilight butted in. “But he is right. Rainbow Dash had jumped to conclusions without asking questions first, and Applejack went right along with her. We had thought that Alan was hurting Fluttershy.”

Somae raised an eyebrow at Twilight. “Indeed? And you had not thought to make sure, first?”

“I tried, but Rainbow Dash and Applejack just went on ahead and attacked him as soon as they saw him. Please don’t punish them; they were just doing what was right.”

I butted in. “Besides, I punished them enough. I got about one good hit on both of them before you showed up.” Something about the way Somae glared at me told me that that had not been the correct response. “And I got a good one on Twilight, too. She’d blasted me with magic, you see, so I had to return the favour.” The glare that had the power of the sun behind it was telling me that I was not helping my case.

Twilight managed to keep me from sticking my foot in my mouth further. “Anyway, Alan’s self-defense is not why we called you here, Princess.”

Somae snapped her focus back to Twilight. “No? Then what did you ask me to come here? I assume it does have something to do with this Corukh, Alan you call him, or else he would not be here.”

Fluttershy spoke up this time. “Um, yes, your highness. I want to start a herd, and Alan needs your blessing.”

I groaned at Fluttershy’s wording and Somae’s burning gaze fell upon me once again. “What she means is that Fluttershy wants me to watch over her family and protect them from danger. Her terminology, though… incriminating is accurate, I suppose. As a Warden, I am considered a full member of the herd.”

Somae squinted at me. “I see. And what makes you think that you are more qualified to guard my subjects than my royal guard?”

“You mean besides the fact that they are useless?” That drew an angry growl from the Keeper of the Sun. “Oh, don’t pretend otherwise. There were no guards whatsoever trying to drive out the Timberwolf pack in town today.”

“My guards are- There were Timberwolves in Ponyville?”

“Five of them. I had to deal with them because they were wrecking the town and there were no guards to be found.”

“And when you say ‘dealt with,’ you don’t mean…”

“Oh yes, I killed them. Took about a minute, maybe two. Of course, I was being uncharacteristically offensive, so it normally takes a bit longer.”

Somae stared at me apprehensively. “And how can I trust you not to go around killing anything that offers you insult?”

“The blue and orange Ponies are still alive, aren’t they? Twilight, too.”

“And me?”

“Well, you are a god, Somae. I’d be hard pressed to do anything before you char broil me again.”

Somae gritted her teeth. She managed to squeeze a sentence through them. “I. Am not. A goddess.”

“Uh huh. Most powerful example of life around that just so happens to harness the power of the sun. Besides, I managed to glean from one of Twilight’s lectures that you and your sister fought Discord, even though Discord had enough power to split the god of Ponykind and its avatar creature into three separate entities. Don’t worry, Somae. Your secret is safe with me. Twilight? Maybe not so much.”

Celestia scrunched her mouth up and glared at me, as though chewing her words. Finally, she managed, “We will talk later, Corukh. For now, just tell me what you wanted with me tonight.”

“I need your blessing to guard Fluttershy and her herd.”

“Fluttershy has a herd?”

“Not yet.”

“And you want him to be your… Warden, was it?”

“Um, yes. I want him to be my Warden.”

Celestia gave a long suffering sigh. “Twilight, my faithful student? You have no objections?”

“No, Princess. In fact, there seems to be a lot that I could learn from Alan!”

“Very well,” Celestia hesitated, and reluctantly nodded. “I condone the Corukh, Alan, to become part of Fluttershy’s family, the Shy line, as a Warden, protector of their line. Alan, do you swear on your life that you shall not allow harm to come to your herd?”

“I swear on pain of death that nothing shall lay a hand on Fluttershy and her kin.”

“Fluttershy, do you promise to love and tolerate Alan and his brethren, as they secure your family’s lineage through time?”

“I, um, yes?”

“Then by the power vested in me by the Sun, and by Faust, Queen before me, I declare Alan Warden of the Shy line and its branches, begun by Fluttershy and her first mate. May you both prosper endlessly.”

I beat a hand to my chest and bowed low, my head level with Fluttershy’s.

Fluttershy looked confused.

Celestia lit her horn and tapped my head with it, and repeated with Fluttershy.

Our souls were now entwined, for good or ill.

Till Death do us part.

Author's Note

I'd like to thank Blissey1, author of A Novel Tale, for permission to use their version of Changeling society. Go read that story, it's a very nice fic that takes the Changelings as a race and turns them into a civilization.

Chapter 6: Courting by Proxy

The following two days were spent in a flurry.

The Mayor officially introduced me to the town and had me sign multitudes of papers that I couldn’t read. I was fairly well received.

Twilight Sparkle hounded me for information on my old home. She got what little I could remember.

The pink one, whose name I learned was Pinkie Pie, arranged a large gathering with which to welcome me. It was awkward and quiet.

The white Unicorn Pony, Rarity, wanted to sample the antler of my armour to see if she could replicate it. She took the rejection with much more grace than Twilight Sparkle had.

Applejack glared at me.

Rainbow Dash glared at me.

Fluttershy alternated between fretting about the date and fretting about her animals.

Eventually I had to stop Fluttershy from hyperventilating, and told her not to worry and to be herself.

Generic pep-talk.

It was more effective than I had anticipated.

On the eve of her date, Fluttershy washed and brushed herself before putting on a light green dress. Then she took it off and put on a yellow dress. Then she took that one off and tried a soft blue gown. This went on for a few hours.

She settled on the first green dress with a straw hat.

In the minutes before Big Macintosh arrived, Fluttershy was puttering about the living room of her cottage. When the knock finally came, she froze and almost bolted upstairs before I caught her and walked her over to the door before setting her down.

She stared at the door for a moment before cracking it open.

After I watched them exchange a bit of shy stuttering and quiet mumbles, I shooed Fluttershy out the door and closed it, resigning myself to a night alone with Angel.

Also known as ‘That Cheating Fuzzbutt.’

ΨΨΨ

Three hours and five games of a game called ‘Whinniesippie Stud’ later, Angel had won a large stack of assorted vegetables and nuts from myself, a raven, and a blue jay. I’m still not quite sure how the two birds managed to play cards.

Angel had packed up his new trove and began gathering the cards together when we heard talking through the door. He jolted upright and a sheaf of aces fell out of his ears. I glared his little tail off and swore to expose him to the two birds he’d swindled.

Before I could reprimand him, Fluttershy floated through the door and wafted over to the couch before settling with a satisfied sigh.

“I take it the date went well?” I asked, walking over to sit in front of the couch.

“Oh, it was very nice.”

“I certainly hope so. Care to share the experience with me?” I grinned.

“I, um, I’m not sure. It’s just… He was so romantic and polite; he offered to share his garlic bread with me after I’d finished my own basket. He’s such a gentleman.” Fluttershy sighed again. I knew that Big Macintosh had been a good choice.

Then I got a whiff of her breath.

From the sound of two thumps and a retch, the animals had smelt it as well, and were much less tolerant of the smell of decay and death than I.

“On second thought, you must be tired. Go on up to bed, and we can talk tomorrow morning. Or afternoon.” As long as it’s after you’ve brushed your teeth.

“Oh, of course. I’ll just leave you boys to finish your game.”

And with that, she wafted up the stairs to her room like the essence of hardship. Surrounded in awfulness, but with a concentrated mass of goodness at the center.

I nearly passed out as she went by. Angel was not as lucky. He was swept into Fluttershy’s fetlocks and directly into ‘ground zero’ of the halitopocolypse. She brought him with her to bed, whereupon the door and windows shut, sealing all but the smallest leaks of the miasma into Fluttershy’s room.

The next morning, the entire cottage smelt faintly of garlic. I was already awake and cleaning up after my game: Cards, feathers, fur and errant seeds, when Fluttershy opened the door to her room.

A nigh-visible wave of stagnant garlic-and-morning-breath cocktail rolled down the stairs. Sensing their impending doom, every critter in the house scrambled to escape to the safety of the field beyond the fence of Fluttershy’s property.

Due to my exponentially longer legs and honed reaction time, I was able to merely mosey my way out to the field. However, merely because I was able didn’t mean I did. I bolted and was standing beyond the perimeter before any of the other animals could exit the building.

After a lengthy airing-out of the cottage and profuse apologies by Fluttershy, the day resumed as normal. Animals were fed, tea was made, and a few curious Ponies wandered by to stare at me on their time off.

One of them tossed a peanut at me. I spared them a mild glare before giving the nut to a nearby squirrel.

Night fell, dinner was had, and the day ended.

The next day was the same. I swiftly became bored with nothing to do but feed animals and tolerate spectators. Halfway through the afternoon, I asked Fluttershy to teach me about the local currencies and monetary values. It was merely a cursory overview, enough for me to gather that the bit is a wholly underdeveloped and ungainly currency and that bartering was still the major form of trade.

The day after that went much like the last, only that evening I learned about the value of a bit and how it was distributed. Certain goods had a minimum bit value, and services should not be compensated for with a bit-value below a certain amount, though this service could be paid for in goods or an equivalent service in addition to bits.

Fluttershy suggested that I ask Twilight more about bits, but I countered that I’d ask Twilight when I wanted to know about the entire history behind the bit, its precursors and the interaction of the bit with foreign currency. Fluttershy agreed that that was where the lecture would probably branch to.

Eventually, Big Macintosh managed to lumber by and ask Fluttershy out on another date. After a lot of pauses and stuttering.

It took a few tries, but Fluttershy managed to bring her affirmation within audible volumes.

My time to shine came when neither Pony could think of a suitable location at which to date.

“Wasn’t there a lagoon nearby? You could go swimming together.” I suggested. For some reason that caused Fluttershy to dissolve into embarrassed mutterings.

“But... I… um… don’t have anything to wear to the beach…”

“You don’t wear anything anyway.”

“But, um, it’s for a special occasion, and there’ll be ponies looking at me and at my flank, which a swimsuit will hide, and I might get sunburned, which a swimsuit will protect from, and Angel will get jealous that he didn’t get to play, and all the mares would get jealous and everypony would be splashing and loud and maybe the beach isn’t such a good idea!”

“Fluttershy, it’ll be okay. The date isn’t today- is it?” I looked to Big Macintosh.

“Nnope.”

“The date isn’t today, so you can have one of these ‘swim suits’ tailored for yourself in time for the date. Besides, this beach is a public place from what I could tell, so I can go with you this time. Keep the stares from you two while they ogle the new monster in town.”

Fluttershy immediately leapt to my defense. “But you’re not a monster!”

I sighed and put my hand on Fluttershy’s head, just between her ears. “I know that, and you know that, and I’m pretty sure Big Macintosh knows that- you know that, right?”

“Eeyup.”

“And Big Macintosh knows that, but the rest of your people do not. It hasn’t helped that I’ve stayed here helping you- not that I wouldn’t do it if I couldn’t, but my absence from the public eye does not tell the populace that I can be trusted.”

“I… I suppose you have a point…”

“Excellent. Big Macintosh, we will inform you when Fluttershy has the… appropriate attire for your date to the lagoon.”

“Eeyup. Good bye, Alan. Good bye, Fluttershy.” Big Macintosh and I ‘hoof bumped’ and he kissed Fluttershy’s head, and began his walk back to wherever he went.

Fluttershy almost melted on the doorstep. Then she almost pulled herself together before starting to shake like gelatin.

“Now, now, don’t be like that Fluttershy. We should get you fitted for that ‘swim suit’ of yours.”

“I… I suppose I can go by Rarity’s today.”

“Right, when do we leave?”

“Well, since the animals are fed already, I don’t have anything else to do and- we?”

“Excellent. Lead the way.”

“I, um… okay.”

ΨΨΨ

When we got to Rarity’s shop, the Carousel Boutique, there was a loud squeal and the white Unicorn Pony from my second encounter with the Ponies rushed Fluttershy and started yelling at her. I was prepared to come to Fluttershy’s defense before I realized what she was yelling about.

“Fluttershy, how dare you! You had a date with Big Macintosh Apple, and you didn’t think to come in for a new dress? You didn’t even think to tell me, did you! Why, I don’t think you told anyone! I had to drag that little tidbit out of Applejack when she came looking for a suit and tie in her brother’s size! I had to suffer through that mare’s awful lying face for five whole minutes before she told me that her brother had a date with you! And really, you had to choose the most eligible bachelor in town to date, didn’t you? Not only do you have the perfect body frame and the silkiest hair, you had to have the perfect colt, didn’t you? Oh, I can just see it now, such lovely little foals with the perfect manes and bodies, raised with a farmer’s work ethic and toning…” Rarity let out a loud gasp. “Why, you’ll be the mother of an entire line of models! Farmer models that know the worth of hard work and won’t get too spoiled! Oooh, Fluttershy, I can’t wait to design your foals’ outfits! Just think of how successful your family will be!”

I watched the entire tirade as it evolved from accusatory teasing to outright fawning. No pun intended. Fluttershy tried to butt in every now and again with a soft “Um,” but she couldn’t get a word in edgewise. By the end, Rarity was draped across Fluttershy’s back in an oddly bipedal swooning position.

Rarity eventually released a massive sigh and righted herself.

“Well, you probably didn’t come to my shop just so that I could fawn over your new relationship.”

Heh heh. That sounds dirty.

“What did you want, Fluttershy, darling? You and your… eh…” Rarity looked me up and down. “Keeper.”

“Oh, um, well, you see, I have another date with Macintosh-”

“WHAT?!”

“And I need a swimsuit so that we can go to the lagoon.”

“Wait, let me get this right, darling. You want a swimsuit to wear on a date with Big Macintosh. Not just any date, but your second date. And you want me to fit you for it?”

“Um, well, we don’t have to get it fitted-”

“Finally! Oh, after all this time, I get to work with your physique again, darling! Oh, it will be glorious; I can see it now, a tight fitting one piece, none of that ridiculous two piece nonsense, in a light blue, maybe cyan, with lovely pink frills on the hems!”

“Um, that sounds lovely, Rarity.”

“And you!” Rarity pointed at me. “Will you be there?”

“Yes. It is a public lagoon, last I checked.”

Rarity gave me a sly look. “Were you there for their first date as well?”

“No. I decided to lose to a bunny rabbit at some card game instead.”

“Well, at least you have some sense of dignity and privacy. Though your judgment in attempting to best Angel at Whinniesippie Stud could be called into question.”

“He cheats. Hides aces in his ears.”

“Ah, that would explain his uncannily high win-loss ratio. Nevertheless, you will be going to the lagoon and, as we have already seen, you have nothing to wear there.”

“Cloth padding is fine.”

“No, no! I insist that I create a swimsuit for you! I’ll have to modify the stallion’s style, of course, but I should be able to whip something up in no time at all!”

“Well, I appreciate your willingness to work in such a new area.”

“Nonsense, it wouldn’t be much different than designing for a minotaur or diamond dog! Though, admittedly, I have never made a swimsuit for either, I’m sure that it will be fabulous! I think a nice forest-y green with a purple trim would suit you. Mm, or perhaps grey and green trim. Yes, that seems more your style. Come, we have fittings to do!”

“Who first?”

“Oh, I’ll work on Fluttershy first. I already have some of her measurements, but I’d just like to make sure the swimsuit will properly showcase her assets.”

Heh heh. That sounds dirty, too.

“I see. I take it that you’ll be spending more time measuring me and modifying designs?”

“Yes, of course. Now, Fluttershy, just stand on this pedestal, here, and I’ll get the swimsuit material.”

As Fluttershy stepped onto the proffered platform, Rarity pulled a roll of extremely light and stretchy cloth from one of the alcoves along a wall with her telekinesis. As she pulled the fabric taut and cut it, pinned it and adjusted it appropriately, Rarity turned to me and began inquiring as to the state of fashion in my home.

“So, I have to assume that strange armour is not the common apparel of your home?”

“It was.”

“Mm, yes, your home with your, eh, deer friends. I understand that part, but what I want to know is if it was fashionable in the towns and cities, the main thoroughfares of civilization.”

“Well, no. The most popular forms of armour commonly available were steel in make, with iron being a close second.”

“No, no, the styles, I want the styles of your people!”

“Well, some of the flashier armours had fluted pauldrons and winged helms, some even going as far as setting carved likenesses of animals on their gauntlets.”

“Ugh, I believe that we are speaking different languages, here. I’d like to know about the cloth, Alan! Clothing of the high classes, society’s most valuable people surely must have worn fine clothes.”

“No, they didn’t.”

“Uh?”

“The noble families of my people were the premier warriors and generals our race had to offer. They wore armour in public. I could not tell you of their private apparel.”

“Mm. So your nobles actually earned their nobility? Weren’t born into it?”

“Oh, yes, they were born into it. The nobles are bound young, so that they can sire as many offspring as they can before dying gloriously in battle. Older nobles become our strategists and sources of much advice. As a result, either a noble family will be perpetually filled with younglings, or will grow to populate every city.”

“My. Your people do have some… interesting tendencies.”

“Oh? And what does your noble class do?”

Rarity snorted in a very unladylike manner. “They grow fat on the work of their servants while throwing rather dull parties in which they meet other affluent families and severely reduce their chances of marrying outside the nobility. Now, I admit, not all of them are so lazy, but a large portion of these nobles are downright horrid.”

“Lazy and useless. Sounds like another set of Ponies around here.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your so called Royal Guard. I have not seen one instance of a coordinated military force, or even a competent regulatory force. Your guards may as well be statues for all the good they do.”

“Now, that’s not true.”

“No? Did you see the guards attempting to subdue those Timberwolves?”

“Well, they’d gone for reinfor-”

“And Fluttershy’s told me about instances such as Nightmare Moon, Discord, and my personal favourite, the Changeling invasion. Weren’t very effective there, were they?”

“Well, you can’t expect an ordinary Pony to combat these villains, do you?”

“Somae seemed perfectly willing to let you six ‘perfectly ordinary ponies’ fight her battles.”

“Somae? I’m not familiar with that name.”

“Your goddess of the sun.”

“Ah, you mean Celestia.”

“Regardless, she sent her student and a group of strangers to combat the greatest threats to the land. Perfectly normal ponies indeed.”

“Now that’s not fair. We are the embodiments of virtue, conduits of harmonious magic. We are not perfectly ordinary ponies.”

“Did Somae know that when she sent Twilight Sparkle to contain Nightmare Moon?”

“Well, I don’t think so, but-”

“We’re straying from the topic at hand. Royal guards did nearly nothing against these enemies you’ve faced. Ah, but let’s not forget the most recent example of how even you Ponies don’t trust the guards.”

“Really? How do you figure that?”

“Did it never occur to you to tell the guards that a ‘monster’ was holding your friend hostage?”

“I- Well, no I suppose the thought never did enter my mind. We were in a rush, though, you see, and some things may have slipped our minds.”

“Slipped your mind, or never entered into it?”

“I- Mm. Fluttershy, your fitting is done, I’ll sew this together after I’ve measured mister Alan Dehis.”

“Um, alright. Take your time.”

“Alright, mister Dehis, if you could step up to the podium here. Now, I’m sure that you, as a male, might get a little bit nervous about the proximity that I am about to invade, but I assure you that I will be professional and brief.”

“Mmhmm. Just get started.”

“I would, but I could get much more accurate measurements if you, eh, didn’t have your armour on.”

“Ah, right, right.” I began to unstrap my armour and lay it neatly on the floor until I was in only the cloth padding. Rarity gave a close inspection to my helmet.

“Darling, I’m no blacksmith, but this is not made out of any metal that I’m familiar with.”

“Indeed, and it is going to stay that way.”

Rarity gave me what seemed to be a well-practiced pout. “But it’s so smooth and fine, almost like wood! The only thing I can think of that comes close is the Ironbark tree, but we can’t even use that in a forge.”

“Mmhmm.”

“You know, between Twilight and I, we are going to find out what this is made of someday. You may as well tell me now.”

“I’m sure you believe that.”

“Oh, I know so, Darling. But, I suppose that we can shelf this conversation for now. We have fashion to make! Now, merely stand right there, and look straight ahead. Don’t move now, or I might prick you with a needle by accident, or lose one of my measurements.”

I took a tall, straight stance and stood stock still. “Of course. That would be a tragedy.”

“A tragedy of the worst magnitude. Now, I’m going to invade your personal space here, just relax.” Rarity began wrapping a length of rope around various parts of my body with her magic.

“No need. I am accustomed to hooved mammals nosing into my personal space.”

Rarity shot a scathing look towards Fluttershy, who was too busy inspecting a dress on a nearby stand- ponnequin, I was later told- to notice. “Really? How scandalous. Who was it? What happened? Ooh, I do hope that you haven’t been too put off. You must give me the details, darling.”

“Why Rarity, is that jealousy I hear in your voice?”

Rarity scoffed and blustered for a moment as she started pulling swatches of fabric from around her store, pinning it together. “Of course not! While I’m sure that you’ve had your personal space nosed into callously and with little grace, I assure you, I would only do so under professional circumstances, such as now.”

“Yes, I’m sure that your personal space invasion will be infinitely more graceful than that of a curious fawn.”

“I- Ah.”

“You sound as though you were expecting something else?”

“I- Well, never mind. Clearly we have a bit of culture clash here. Alright, Mister Alan Dehis, I’ve got your measurements. Come back in a few hours, I’ll have your swimwear ready for fitting!”

“Oh, thank you Rarity, I’m sure it’ll look absolutely wonderful.”

I grunted an affirmative and began strapping my armour back on. I noticed a few bent pins fall onto the floor and smirked. “Oh, Rarity, one more thing.”

“Hmm?”

I held up one of the destroyed pins. “Next time, clean up the evidence. Wouldn’t want me to know that you’re trying to vandalize my property, now would you?”

“I- Ah- Er, well you see-”

“Come on Fluttershy; let’s leave Rarity to her work.”

“All right. Um, what now?”

“I was thinking of going to Twilight’s library soon. As much as I know about feeding, meeting, mating, breeding and dying, I think that it would be in my best interests to research Equestria’s courting conventions and funeral policies.”

“That’s, um, quite the topic jump, don’t you think?”

“What, romance and death? Mm, I suppose it is, but they’re the most pressing topics on my mind at the moment.”

“O-oh.”

We walked in silence until we reached the library in a tree. I’d been there for a short visit before, in order to read more about the Equestrian Bit.

“Find something to entertain yourself for a while, Fluttershy. If you wander off, I’ll see you at the hut tonight.”

“Oh, you’re not going to, um, impose a distance restriction? Like, within eyesight or earshot?”

“You’re a grown doe- sorry, mare- and we are in the middle of a town. I’m sure that you will be safe.”

“Okay.”

After a small amount of searching and a little help from Spike, I found the books I needed. After a few minutes of reading, I put the books back and noted their places so that I could find them later. I then collected Fluttershy from an alcove in the library and returned to Rarity’s Boutique, where we tried our new swimwear on.

“No.”

“But darling, you look absolutely magnificent!”

“I am on display for any to see. I had expected more coverage, especially with all of the measurements you took.”

“Oh posh, those measurements were merely references for later. Besides, all of the stallions wear this kind of thing.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I am not a stallion.”

“Mm, no, I can see that quite clearly, now.”

“I suggest something baggier, bigger, and longer. Otherwise, I’ll just go in my cloth undergarments.”

“Oh, humph.” Rarity let out an aggravated huff. She had seen fit to create a form-fitting scrap of stretchy cloth that clung quite tightly to my pelvis and had what seemed to be thin suspenders going up and over my shoulders to tie at the nape of my neck. “Suppose I could add another set around the chest?”

“That’s a good start.”

“And… Mmh, I suppose that your suit could have longer legs.”

“Not form fitting, either.”

“Are you sure? I must admit, you have quite the chiseled figure.”

“I’m sure.”

“Oh… Alright, but only because you’ve threatened to go out in that horrid cloth affair.”

“Good.”

“And you, Fluttershy?”

“It’s… um… I like it.”

“Wonderful! I’ll just let you take that home, then! I’ll get started on Mr. Dehis’s… new attire.” Rarity grimaced sourly. “Come back tomorrow, and it’ll be ready.”

“Excellent. Come Fluttershy, we have half a day to waste. What would you like to do?”

“Wha- um, me?”

“Of course. I’ve been dragging you around all day today; I may as well return the favour.”

“O-oh, I don’t like being in charge. Everypony looks at me, and are silently judging me, and they don’t like what they see.”

“I’ll take your word for it. Back to the animals, I take it?”

“Oh yes, that would be lovely.”

ΨΨΨ

The next day, Rarity had crafted a much looser, bulkier set of pants that reached to my knees with thick suspenders and a strap of cloth that circled my torso. I was much more satisfied with this than that strip of cloth she’d tried earlier. After retrieving the swim suit, and while Fluttershy tended to her animals, I began the long trek to Applejack and Big Macintosh’s farm: Sweet Apple Acres. The walk was invigorating, as I had worn the entirety of my armour along with both of my shields. Applejack was a known antagonist, so I took what precautions I could.

The fact that this was the most strenuous thing I’d done all week irked me. I needed to set up a physical maintenance routine.

The sound of my walk must have been very conspicuous on the farm, owing to its naturally quiet atmosphere and the fact that my armour clinked incessantly each time I took a step. As such, when I came upon a large red barn and a matching house, Applejack was there, along with Applebloom, Big Macintosh and what appeared to be an ancient green Pony on a rocking chair.

“What’chu want here, monster?” Applejack snarled at me.

“To deliver a message to Big Macintosh.” I replied calmly.

“Well, maybe he don’ wanna hear it.”

“If that were true, he would not be here.”

“Ah- Well-”

“Fluttershy has her swimsuit. The next date can occur whenever it is convenient.”

“Swimsuit? Y’all ‘re takin’ her to the lagoon?”

“Problem?”

“Place is a public beach. Ponies‘ll stare an’ gossip. She won’ like that, now will she?”

“I will be going with them to draw attention.”

“As a chaperone, ya mean. I know how you predators are, gotta make sure everythin’s in line.”

“I didn’t chaperone the first date, I have no intention of overseeing this one either.”

“Ya didn’t? Ah just thought y’all were good with camouflage.”

“Oh? Were you there looking for me?” Here, I was subjected to Applejack’s infamous lying face for the first time. It was rather laughable, but years of training allowed me to keep a straight face.

“Uh… Uh… No!” Applejack’s mouth sucked into itself and her eyes began darting from side to side.

“No? Were you there, then, to- as you put it- chaperone?”

“Well, uh, you see-”

“Wait! Big Sis, were you spyin’ on Mac an’ Fluttershy?” Applebloom piped up.

“No!” Applejack yelled defensively, and quailed under Big Macintosh’s silent, disapproving glare.

“Well, lack of scruples notwithstanding, feel free to attend this next date. After all, it is a public beach.”

“Ah- What, really?”

“It only seems fair, as I will be attending myself. Actually…” I put one hand against my chin. “Yes, please do come with us. After all, a monster at the beach will be far less distracting than a monster at the beach while sparring- verbally or otherwise- with one of his biggest antagonists. We’ll draw quite the crowd, you and I, Miss Applejack. Fluttershy and Big Macintosh will go almost unnoticed.”

“Ah don’ like the way ya think, monster, plans an’ manipulation. But… as much as Ah hate the idea o’ workin’ with ya, Ah think ya got a good idea, here. At least Ah’ll be able ta beat on ya for a bit in public.” Applejack cracked a grin that I’m sure would make the average Pony nervous.

“Wonderful. Tomorrow at noon, Big Macintosh?”

“Eeyup.”

“Excellent. I’ll go inform Fluttershy. Sharpen your tongue and practice your kicking, Applejack, I’ll expect at least some challenge tomorrow. Wouldn’t want to disappoint the crowd, now would we?”

“Jus’… Go.”

“Will do. Have a pleasant day, Big Macintosh, Applebloom.”

ΨΨΨ

Fluttershy had not liked my plan, but had conceded that it would make her date somewhat more relaxing. I had decided to forgo my shields for this outing, and felt extremely naked. No armour, no shields, only my wits and strength to protect me.

The beginning of the day had gone as well as expected. Fluttershy and Big Macintosh had settled down for a picnic on the beach, Fluttershy in her small strap of fabric and Big Macintosh in what appeared to be a red and white striped skintight bodysuit, meaning that Rarity had somewhat exaggerated how little covering stallions wore to the beach, and had promptly started rumours and whispers all across the beach. A few Ponies watched me as I wandered, but the focus was on the nervous couple.

Until Applejack decide to find me, of course.

“Monster!”

I turned and watched as Applejack stalked up to me. “Ah, hello Applejack. Have you come to protect the ‘common Pony’ or something similar?”

“Yer durn right Ah am! Ya don’t belong here! Go back ta whatever hole ya crawled out from!”

I tsked at her. “I would, but my hole had a cave in at the entrance. No going back there. Besides, I quite like it here, and I’ve made a few commitments to stay.”

“If yer lookin’ fer a place ta stay, Ah hear Tartarus has enough room for ya!”

“As tempting as that sounds, I hear the commute is simply tragic.” I, of course, had never heard of this Tartarus before, but from the context, I assumed that it was some form of foreign nation or slum.

“Oh trust me, it would be.” Applejack snickered with what passed for an evil grin in a land of bright colours and happiness.

“Why Applejack, was that a threat?” By now, Applejack and I had gathered quite the crowd, and we began circling.

“Well, you know what they say: The only language monsters understand is violence!”

“Well, that should obviously discount my existence as a monster, as I am clearly communicating to you in… oh, what do Ponies call this language again? Equuañol?”

“We might be speakin’ it, but ya don’ seem ta be understandin’ mah message!”

“Really? Care to enlighten me?”

“Gladly!”

With that, Applejack charged at me, eliciting a gasp from the crowd. I did not bother to slip into a battle trance, though I did steady my breathing and began a tempo count.

Applejack planted her hoofs, turned and bucked at my chest. I turned to the side and swept a foot into her foreleg. The unsteady sand, coupled with the momentum from her kick, sent Applejack toppling onto her stomach. I backed up and waited for her to stand.

“Is that all? Not all that much of a message, hardly anything to get so worked up over.”

“Oh, Ah’ll show ya worked up…” Applejack spat and lunged at me.

Applejack’s trajectory put her to tackle my shoulders, so I let her do just that, rolling backwards just before she made contact, allowing her to sail clear over me. As an afterthought, to keep her from impacting the gathered circle of watching Ponies, I grabbed her tail and yanked on it, killing her flight, sending her to the ground again as I stood up.

“So much time on the ground, are you trying to put down roots and become a tree?”

Applejack snarled again. “Your paw was a mule- No offense.”

A mule standing in the center ring of spectators responded. “None taken.”

“And yer maw smelt of elderberries!”

“Oh, truly, that hurt. Petty insults, Applejack? I thought you better than that.” Though I was impressed that she kept her racial awareness so strict.

“I’ll show you petty!”

And so it went. For a few hours, Applejack and I postured and taunted and traded blows, though it had been agreed upon to keep the blows soft and non-lethal earlier. I never initiated the physical combat, though that was a conscious decision of mine as we had begun. It wouldn’t do to be seen as the instigator of this scuffle.

As planned, Fluttershy and Big Macintosh had their fun, frolicked for a bit in the water and ate their picnic in peace and left without making a fuss. Applejack and I continued our heated debate for another hour after they left, and decided to call a temporary truce, seeing as how we were too tired to continue.

By the time Applejack collapsed into the lagoon to cool herself down and I began walking to Fluttershy’s cottage, we were both sweating up a storm and were covered in sand, panting for breath. The circle of spectators had increased its distance from us, partly in fear of getting caught in the fight, but mostly to escape the stench of body odor.

Finally, I lay down on Fluttershy’s carpet after washing myself in the river and donning my cloth and leather padding. Fluttershy expressed her gratitude at some point, but I was too tired to hear her. I quickly fell asleep.

The next morning, as I helped Fluttershy with her morning chores, I asked how the date had gone.

“Oh, it was nice. We ate our lunch and walked along the beach for a while. Nopony bothered us; they were too focused on you and Applejack. You two did such a good job putting on a show. Then we went to eat dinner, but everypony in town was at the lagoon watching you, so we had dinner at Sweet Apple Acres, Big Macintosh cooked for me. It was very delicious. He even asked me for another date!” At this, Fluttershy put her hooves to her cheeks and made a high pitched squealing noise. “We’re going out for dinner again. Oh, but where should we go? Hoofa de Beppo’s again?”

“NO! I mean, uh, why don’t you go to a restaurant that Big Macintosh likes this time?”

“Oh, you’re right, that’s fair. Maybe the date after that, we can do something that Applejack suggests!”

“That’s the spirit, always looking ahead, planning for the future. You’ll make for a good lead mare.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that…”

“I do know. And once you’re herd has been established and you’ve collected a few more mares, maybe you can step down as lead and take up the position of matron. You’d be perfect for that role, the caretaker of the elderly, young and sick.”

“Oh, that does sound nice.”

“Mm, the question remains, though. What other mares would want to join your herd?”

Fluttershy gave me a sly smile, something that I had not expected to see on her muzzle.

“All of them.”

Chapter 5: Meet the Monster

I slept on the floor that night.

I would have had it no other way.

Of course, Fluttershy had insisted that I sleep on her bed, but I would have none of that. It had barely been large enough for me in the first place, even without Fluttershy in it with me and I was not going to be caught spooning with my charge. Next she had demanded that I sleep on the couch. Angel swiftly nipped that course of action in the bud when he claimed the couch for his own, despite the rather large house that Fluttershy had set up for him in her bedroom.

At least the carpet had been more comfortable than the castle’s flagstones. It may have helped that I hadn’t slept in my armour this time.

To put things into perspective, when I slept in my armour, I tended to curl up into the fetal position because sleeping in my armour means that I am in a potentially threatening place and must protect myself from interlopers. Under normal, peaceful circumstances, I slept on my back in my leather padding.

So when I awoke with four points of pressure on my abdomen, it would then be obvious that my first reaction was to curl up into the fetal position. It just so happened that in my pre-wakening state, I had grabbed whatever was on top of me and pulled it into a bear hug.

The result, of course, was me spooning with a Pony on the floor.

Luckily, this Pony was not my charge.

Unluckily, this Pony just so happened to be the blue Pegasus Pony from yesterday.

My ascent into wakefulness was expedited by flailing hooves, flapping wings, cursing, and a face full of multi-coloured hair. I struggled to recall the Pony’s name, as I was sure that Fluttershy and Twilight had mentioned it last night. I thought it was Applejack.

Then I got another face full of hair and realized that this was probably Rainbow Dash.

I decided to keep my grip on her. I also decided to be the first to extend the olive branch of peace.

“Good morning, Rainbow Sprint.” Wait, that’s not the right word.

Rainbow Dash stopped struggling. “How do you almost know my name?” She asked, almost whispering in fear.

“I, uh, have an approximate knowledge of many things. I guess. What were you doing standing on my stomach?”

Rainbow Dash started flailing again. “I was watching you, you monster!”

“Uh huh. Why?”

“Because I don’t trust you.”

“Alright then. At least you’re not attacking me on sight anymore.”

I got more hair on my face. “Fluttershy told me not to. She trusts you. So does Twilight and the Princess, but I know you.”

“Oh really? Do tell, because obviously being smacked by me constitutes full knowledge about me as a person.”

“You’re no person. You’re just a monster, a spy, sent here to help destroy Equestria. Starting with us Element Bearers. Fluttershy couldn’t resist taking you in, and now you’ll break us apart and dethrone the Princesses and enslave us all!”

“Yes, because one Warden is going to overthrow an empire for the people he disowned who are literally nonexistent here.”

“That’s the idea. Now let me go!”

“Why?”

“So that I can kick you and leave!”

What is with this place and unconditional honesty? “Mm no. I’m just going to lay here and cuddle you until you feel less like hitting me.”

“I’ll break out before that happens.”

“Mmhmm.”

ΨΨΨ

It had been an hour at least. Rainbow Dash had yet to cease struggling, though she had ceased swearing somewhere near the half hour mark, and I had yet to let her go. Fluttershy had yet to walk in on the scene. For that, I was marginally grateful, because who knows how she’d react to me snuggling someone else when I’d outright refused to sleep near her the night before.

I decided to get up and begin preparing for the day. To make sure that Rainbow Dash couldn’t get away, I kept her tucked underneath my left arm, forelegs pinned against her barrel, while I went about my business. I went to the stream and drank a bit of water, I set my armour in the sun to dry from my latest bath, and I found Fluttershy’s kitchen.

Rainbow Dash ceased struggling about then, but continued her defiance of me by thwarting my every attempt to grab something by jerking violently whenever I tried to grab something, causing me to either miss, or knock it over.

Finally, I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my free hand.

“Hey Rainbow Dash?”

“What?”

“Do you feel less like kicking me yet?”

“No.”

“Wonderful, because I was just about to walk into town. You see, I haven’t seen Fluttershy all morning, and since I’ve been around most of the cottage already, I assume that I’ll find her in town.”

“Hrrmph.”

“You wouldn’t know where I could find her at this time of day, would you?”

“…No.” Finally! A lie from one of these ponies! A glaringly obvious one, but a lie nonetheless.

“Ah, well. That’s too bad. I guess I’ll just have to wander town looking for her. I’m sure I won’t be too poorly received, after all I saved the town from a pack of Timberwolves yesterday, and I’m sure someone’s decided to make the announcement that I’ll be around for a while.”

“Fine.”

“And I’m sure to make a splash when I’m seen carrying you around. I can hear them now. ‘Oh, look at that handsome fellow, so kind helping that poor Pegasus Pony get somewhere without exerting herself to get there!’ Why, if rumors really started spreading, I’m sure that everyone will think that you’re part of Fluttershy’s herd now!”

“No! I don’t want to be lumped in with you! I can- wait, Fluttershy has a herd?”

“Not yet.”

“Huh. Are you part of her herd?”

“Technically.”

“Gross.”

“Twilight felt about the same.”

“Ugh.”

“Still feel like hitting me?”

“Yes.”

“To town, then.”

“Waitwaitwait hold on!”

“What?”

“Fluttershy’s at her spa day with Rarity!”

“…Okay. And?”

“She should be back home any minute!”

“Ah. Let me get my armour on, then.”

“Are you going to let me go?”

“No. I’m going to tie you up.”

And so I did. I got some rope from Fluttershy’s storage shed and tied Rainbow Dash’s wings and forelegs down.

Once I had my armour on, I tucked Rainbow Dash underneath my arm and untied her. She still seemed less than pleased with me.

Finally, Fluttershy trotted through the door.

“I’m home Alan! Did you and Rainbow get… along…?” Fluttershy took one look at the Pegasus Pony under my arm as she finished the sentence and let a frown fall across her face. “Rainbow, what did you do?”

Rainbow Dash began sputtering indignantly. “Wh- I- Fluttershy! What did I do? I didn’t do anything!”

“It’s true. Though, not for lack of trying, mind you.”

“Hey, this is completely your fault.”

“Probably.”

“Yes it is you big- Excuse me, what?”

“Why won’t I let you go?”

“Uh… Because you suck?”

“Mm. Do you still feel like kicking me?”

“Yes.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy looked scandalized.

“That’s why. Now, when did you first get this craving to hit me?”

“When you started holding me hostage!”

“You were holding her hostage?”

“Basically. I was asleep, though, so you can hardly blame me.”

“Um, hold on. If you wouldn’t mind, Alan, can you tell me what happened?”

“Sure.”

“What?! What about me?”

“Well, you’re obviously biased and too angry to remember properly in the first place.”

“Why you little-“

“Anyway, so I was asleep on my back, when I feel Rainbow Dash, here,” I jostled my captive pony a bit. “Standing on my stomach. Now, I’m mostly asleep at this point, and my first reaction to being on my back with something standing on me is to curl up. It just so happened that Rainbow Dash was caught in the curl. So I basically ended up cuddling her like some form of unwilling teddy bear.”

“I see. Why haven’t you let her go, then?”

“Well, while I was holding her down, she said that she wanted to kick me. So I told her that I wasn’t going to let her go until she felt less like hitting me. And, as you’ve just heard, she still wants to kick me.”

“Well, why haven’t you asked her not to hit you?”

“I, uh… That’s a good question. Probably because she would say no.”

“Rainbow Dash?”

“What?”

“Can you please not hit Alan?”

“…Fine.”

That surprised me a bit, until I realized that Rainbow Dash was probably just being contrary.

“There, now can you please let Rainbow Dash go, Alan?”

“Sure.”

And so I did. True to her word, Rainbow Dash didn’t hit me once I’d let her go. Instead, she flew right up into my face and squinted into my eyes.

“I still don’t trust you.”

“Noted. Now off with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to discuss matters of the herd with Fluttershy. Shoo.” I waved her away with my hands and she floated out the door, muttering darkly.

I turned to Fluttershy, who was scuffing her hoof against the floorboards. She seemed more relaxed than yesterday, and her coat looked shinier. I wasn’t sure what this ‘spa’ thing was, but it seemed to have done Fluttershy some good.

“Now Fluttershy, am I correct in guessing that you don’t have a buck already?”

Fluttershy started and blushed. “W-well I-I s-suppose n-not. I-if I know what you’re asking, I mean.”

“Right, let’s go find one, then.”

“I- What?”

“You don’t have a buck yet, and you can’t have a herd without a buck. So let’s go find us a suitable buck for you.”

“Oh, w-well, shouldn’t I tell you what kind-?”

“No need, I know what I’m looking for: Big, strong, good teeth, calm temperament.”

“W-well, that does sound nice…”

“To town, then. Let’s find you the perfect mate!”

“Just, um, one thing?”

“Yes, Fluttershy?”

“Um, they’re called stallions.” Fluttershy hid behind her mane. “Buck has an, um… a different meaning to Ponies.”

“Right, right, I’ll try to remember that. You know where these bu- sorry, stallions, gather. Lead the way.”

“Oh, if you say so.”

ΨΨΨ

As a sign of my good faith in the Ponies, I decided to leave my helmet, pauldrons, and right shield at Fluttershy’s home, buried and hidden in the yard. I may have trusted the Ponies in town, but if one decided to skulk around the cottage, I doubted their ability to resist taking my armour.

Fluttershy led me to town and, just as I had suspected, Ponies halted their activities in favour of staring at me, eyes wide and mouths gaping. At least they hadn’t been panicking. My new charge had decided that in addition to scouting out the local bucks, she was also to give me a tour of the town. In fact, she seemed to be heavily favouring the tour over the bucks.

Finally, as we were approaching what appeared to be a house made out of sugary breads and frosting, I had to stop Fluttershy’s tour.

“Fluttershy.”

“Yes?”

“Where are the bu- right, sorry- stallions in the town?”

“Um, well, we’ve passed by a few of them…”

I stared down at Fluttershy, who wouldn’t meet my gaze. “You are aware that I have no idea how to tell the difference between males and females of your race, right?”

“I, um… Oh.” Fluttershy fidgeted nervously. “I, uh, guess that makes sense. I’m sorry.”

I sighed. “Don’t be, I probably should have brought it up earlier.”

“Um, no, I should have thought of that. Um… Should I, um, describe stallions for you?”

“Not in detail, I think. Just give me some basic pointers on how to tell them apart from females.”

“Oh, well, some of them are bigger and um… Have less flashy colouring… A lot of them have deeper voices… Oh, and they have longer and angular snouts.”

“Okay… So basically the best way to tell if a Pony is male or female is to look at their muzzle.”

“Um, I guess.”

“Right. So…” I looked around the street that we were currently standing. I looked at a few of the gawking Ponies. “There… Doesn’t seem to be any stallions here.”

“Well, no, I suppose not.”

“Why?”

“Um, Ponyville has a bit of a high gender ratio… The mayor said that there are about 10 mares to every stallion here last time she took a census.”

“That’s… Huh. And you said that herds are a dead practice?”

“Well, not every town is like this. And, um, a lot of mares find stallions from out of town and move out to be with them. Others are, um… Fillyfoolers.”

“What?”

“Please don’t be mad at them! It’s not wrong or anything, it’s just how some ponies are!”

“I- Okay? What’s a fillyfooler?”

“Oh. Um, it’s a mare that likes, well, other mares.”

“Ah. That’s… That’s not natural.”

“Don’t be mean! They’re perfectly normal Ponies!”

“No, I mean really, not natural. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any animal that prefers its own gender.”

“Well, Ponies aren’t animals.”

“Fluttershy, everything is an animal. I’m an animal, you’re an animal. Well, no, I take that back. Not everything is an animal. Plants and rocks aren’t animals.”

“How can you say something like that?”

“Think about it. Animals eat food, excrete waste, breathe, and have beating hearts. Plants don’t have any organs to speak of, and rocks are, well, rocks.”

“I… I guess I can see where you could get that idea, if you look at it scientifically, but… Ponies don’t like being called animals. Animals eat each other and live in caves and trees and don’t care about others.”

“I think you’re making a distinction between animals and beasts.”

“No, I’m telling you the difference between animals and people!”

“Ah, people. ‘People’ is a funny word. I see what you’re trying to prove now.”

“I- Oh, good. I don’t like arguing, but… Ponies aren’t animals. I take care of animals; I know how the wild turns them savage. I don’t like to think that Ponies could be that way.”

“Uh huh. Well, now that we’ve successfully avoided a fight in the middle of town, would you mind showing me to the stallions?”

“Um, I guess.”

As Fluttershy continued showing me around town, I kept a lookout for stallions. I managed to spot a few, but they were all with a mare, or were a sub-par example of masculinity, or both. As for the locations around town, there was the sugar-coated building, Sugarcube Corner, the spa, a library in a tree, the Carousel Boutique and the city hall.

We had to stop at the city hall because the mayor of Ponyville had come out to meet us. Apparently, a large monster wandering through town without causing havoc was important enough for the city officials to take notice.

“Ah, hello Fluttershy, it’s a pleasure to see you again. I see you’ve brought a friend with you today.” The mayor’s voice was quite jovial and friendly, though it sounded a bit forced. Being near a new type of ‘monster’ was probably rather nerve-wracking.

“Oh, um, hello Mayor Mare. I was just, um, showing Alan around town.”

“I see. Twilight told me about a new creature that you had found. I hadn’t expected it to be so…” The mayor looked me up and down. “Well, big. Ah, where are my manners. Welcome to Ponyville Mister… Alan was it?” The mayor held out a hoof.

I stooped down and bumped my fist to Mayor Mare’s hoof. “Yes, Alan Dehis. A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Mayor.”

“I assure you, the pleasure is all mine. Now, Alan, Twilight has told me that you are going to be staying near Ponyville for some time?”

“Yes, I intend to live with Fluttershy and her herd.”

“Fluttershy has a herd?”

“Not yet.”

“…I see. I also talked with Applejack and her younger sister Applebloom. Both had accounts of your, well, violent nature.”

“I assume you mean that Applejack told you about how we first met.”

The mayor shifted a little bit. “Well, yes. I admit that it worries me that you would outright attack Ponies with no provocation. However, Applebloom told me that you also helped rid the town of those Timberwolves. I am a little bit confused as to why you would attack Ponies, and then help them.”

“Well, you see, Rainbow Dash had taken it upon herself to feed misconceptions of my character to her friends. So when she and the rest of them came to Fluttershy’s cottage to check on her, Rainbow Dash and Applejack decided that I was a threat and attacked me despite my attempts to have a peaceful conversation. As for the Timberwolves, I protect things. It’s what I do. When I found out that the wolves were ransacking Ponyville, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, that clears some things up. I have to ask, what did you do with the Timberwolves?”

“Well, after I killed them, I burned them out in a field.”

“You… You killed and burned them?”

“Yes I did.”

“Why?”

“They were a threat, so I ended them. I made sure to give them their proper dues as worthy opponents.”

“You- You killed them.”

“Yes. At least I didn’t eat them this time.”

“This time? Eat them?”

“Yeah, I ran into a pack of them in the forest yesterday, and I was hungry. I thought that they were actual wolves, but I was hallucinating that they were made of plants.”

“So you- Egh- Eat meat?”

“Preferably, yes.”

“That’s- I am seriously beginning to consider you a threat to my Ponies at this point, Mister Alan Dehis.”

“Well, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Twilight are all still alive, aren’t they? Besides, you Ponies are intelligent enough to form a government. It’d be wrong to eat such an advanced species.”

“I see… And why, exactly, are those three still alive?”

“Because they’re Fluttershy’s friends, and it was a mostly honest mistake.”

“Hmm. Fluttershy, you know Alan Dehis better than any of us besides himself. What do you think?”

“Um, well…” Fluttershy scuffed her hoof on the ground. It must have been a nervous habit. “I think that he’s nice and, um, gentle. With Ponies I mean. And, um, he said that he’d look after me and my family for as long as he could.”

“So he’s volunteered to be your bodyguard then.”

“Warden. There’s a big difference.” I cut in. “I’ll tell you the technical details later, if you want.”

“I see. Well, while I still have my misgivings, I suppose I can let you continue to live near Ponyville. I’ll have to draw up some papers for you, proof of citizenship, peace treaty, herd registrations, all that. I do hope that you behave yourself, Alan Dehis.”

“Oh, I plan to. I’d rather not be at war with the only other intelligent species I’ve found so far.”

“Yes, that sounds like a sound policy. Good day Alan Dehis, Fluttershy.”

And then the Mayor turned around and trotted briskly into city hall.

“That went well. So what’s next on the tour, Fluttershy?”

“Um… The marketplace, I guess, if that’s okay with you.”

“Lead on.”

As Fluttershy led me through a few more streets, Ponies continued to stare at us as we passed, but they didn’t drop what they were doing. Apparently word spread fast through this town, and I was known as a curiosity, not a threat.

When we reached the marketplace, I was able to look out over a churning sea of colour and fur. The square was packed with ponies, and only a few bothered to watch me intently. The rest passed me by with interest, but kept themselves focused on the task at hand: Bartering.

Money and goods changed hooves, bargains were struck, and shopping lists were checked off.

I’d have to learn how the local currency worked.

Great.

That’s when I saw him.

A large, muscular stallion, easily big enough to reach my midriff and stout enough to pull a cart loaded with apples to his stand.

I waded through the crowd of Ponies, carefully shunting individuals aside with my shield. Fluttershy followed in my wake, apologizing profusely to everyone.

When I reached the apple vendor, I was greeted by a silent glare from the stallion. Before I could greet him, however, a small yellow ball of fur bounced up onto the stall counter and waved its hoof vigorously at me.

“Howdy Mr. Alan Dehis!”

“Ah, hello Applebloom. I hadn’t noticed you back there.”

“Ah know, Ah’m too short to work the stall proper. That’s why we have Big Macintosh, here!”

Big Macintosh, eh? “Really? Is that all that Big Macintosh does?”

“Well, naw. He does a lot of the apple buckin’ and fancy math stuff on the farm.”

“Apple bucking, huh? I don’t think I’ve heard that term before.” I giggled internally. Silly Ponies, apples don’t have bucks and does.

“It’s an Apple Family specialty! Ya buck a tree an’ all the ripe apples fall off an’ into baskets, ready for transport!”

“And Big Macintosh does a lot of the bucking, eh?”

“And the cart pullin’, and the heavy liftin’ and all sorts a’ stuff!”

I gave Big Macintosh an appraising look. He was still glaring at me, but it seemed to have softened to more of an untrusting watchfulness. He rolled is sprig of wheat in his mouth and shifted the harness on his shoulders. I could see the massive muscles rippling under his red fur.

“Hey Big Mac, have ya heard the rumours o’ that nasty- Applebloom, get away from that thing!”

An orange mare with light yellow hair and some kind of hat ran up and interposed herself between me and the apple stall. I recognized the voice as the one that was berating Applebloom yesterday, and the fur as the ‘Applejack’ that had helped Rainbow Dash attack me.

“Hello Applejack. Good to see you again. Me? Oh, I’m just dandy, thank you for asking; just a few bruises here and there.”

Applejack just growled at me. Fluttershy came up to my side and pressed herself against my leg.

“Oh, um, hello Applejack. You, um, you’ve met Alan, already.”

“Durn right Ah have. Nasty brute attacked Rainbow Dash an’ held ya hostage.”

“Um… No he didn’t.”

“Then how do y’all explain how he fought?”

“Self-defense?”

“Yeah right. He was tryin’ ta keep us away from ya.”

“Um, no he wasn’t. Rainbow Dash was just being impulsive.”

“If she was being impulsive, then why’d he attack her?”

I had to cut in at this point. “If you’ll remember, she attacked me first. You followed her lead.”

“Ah had ta protect ma friends!”

“You wouldn’t have had to protect your friends if you’d have let me talk before trying to kill me.”

“Kill ya? Listen here, buster, Ponies don’t kill. We were jus’ gonna beat ya up an’ chase ya back inta the Everfree where ya belong!”

“But, um, he’s not from the Everfree.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s a monster, an’ monsters belong in the Everfree!”

“He’s not a monster! He’s just different!”

“Yeah! An’ he helped the town with the Timberwolves yesterday, ‘member?”

“Quiet Applebloom. Yer in enough trouble as it is fer talkin’ to this thing.”

“I have a name, you know.”

“Ah don’t care. Yer jus’ a monster that eats Ponies an’ Ah ain’t gonna be fooled.”

“I don’t eat Ponies. Just because I eat meat doesn’t mean that I’m some sort of barbarian that’ll just kill and eat anything with a heart.”

“Applejack, Griffons eat meat too, but they aren’t monsters, are they?”

“Yeah! An’ Winona can eat meat, but we still let her live with us!”

“That’s different. Winona’s not a monster, an’ the Griffons’re smart enough not ta try an’ attack Equestria. This thing went an’ attacked Rainbow Dash an’ held Fluttershy hostage!”

“But he didn’t hold me hostage! I just passed out because he was covered in blood.”

“Aha! See?”

“Applejack, it was Timberwolf blood. I’d swiped some off onto my hoof and… I hadn’t realized what it was yet. It was… Overwhelming. Alan was nice enough to put me on my couch before Rainbow attacked him.”

“An’ he fought back, so Rainbow Dash went to get us.”

“Actually, as I remember it, I just ducked and rolled around and slammed the door in her face. I didn’t hit her once. She came to get you guys after she realized that she couldn’t open the door with me leaning against it.”

“Are ya calling Rainbow Dash a liar?”

“No. There’s a difference between telling a lie and telling an untruth. You know when something’s a lie, but you don’t always know if something’s not true.”

Applejack started looking unsure, and her eyes started shifting around.

“But then… when ya attacked us…”

“You attacked me first, despite my attempts to talk peacefully.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “And I kept you alive throughout the fight. You’re lucky that I had realized that you were Fluttershy’s friends already.”

Applejack scoffed. “Kept us alive. Yeah right.”

“Yeah. I killed a pack of Timberwolves, if you’ll remember, with no problem.”

“Ponies aren’t animals like Timberwolves.”

“No, but Timberwolves are hunters. I doubt that one Pony would survive being attacked by five Timberwolves at once.”

“Well, maybe not, but that just proves that yer dangerous and can’t be trusted!”

“Really? Because your ‘Princess Celestia’ seems to trust me enough to give me permission to watch over Fluttershy and her herd.”

“Celestia would never- Fluttershy has a herd?”

“Not yet.”

“Huh. Celestia would never trust a bloodthirsty monster!”

“Probably not. Which is why she trusts me. I’m neither blood thirsty, nor am I a monster. And, here’s an example a bit closer to home, Ponyville’s mayor trusts me enough that she’s drawing up citizenship papers and has given me permission to live nearby.”

“An’ Ah trust him!”

“Yes, and Applebloom trusts me, too.”

“That don’t- Gah, fine! You may have tricked all the others, but Ah’m watchin’ ya.”

“Noted. Now, as for the reason I’m here, I’d like to talk to Mister Big Macintosh, here.”

“Why? He’s the biggest piece of meat ya can find in Ponyville?”

I chuckled. “Something like that. You see, as Fluttershy’s Warden, I’m obligated to find her the perfect mate. And it just so happens that Big Macintosh, here, is the finest example of a stallion in town.”

Two faces went red, one face went redder, and one face turned to the side in confusion.

“Well, what do pieces o’ meat have to do with Fluttershy’s special somepony?”

“Uh- Uh- We’ll tell ya when yer older, Applebloom.”

“Eeyup. Way older.” Big Macintosh spoke for the first time since I had laid eyes on him. He had the slow, thoughtful drawl of someone who plans and considers before acting, and only said what was necessary.

Perfect.

“That’s nice an’ all, Mister, but ya can’t jus’ tell Mac and ‘Shy ta shack up. That’s rude an’ awful an’ Ah won’t stand fer it.”

“Oh, I’m well aware. That’s why I want to give Big Macintosh and Fluttershy some time together to get to know one another. After all, just because he’s got the pedigree of toughness and hard work, he might just be a complete asshole.”

Applebloom looked confused again. “What do donkeys an’ their holes have ta do with Fluttershy’s special somepony and dating?”

“We’ll tell ya when yer older, sugar cube. An’ Ah’ll have ya know that Big Mac is a perfect gentlecolt.”

“Well, how am I to know that?”

“Ah don’t know. Why don’t ya just set ‘em up on a date an’ ask ‘Shy afterwards?”

“An excellent idea. Where and when?”

“Well, ‘Shy likes that Bitallian place on the corner. Friday at seven.”

“Sounds like a plan. I look forward to hearing how it goes. Well, if that’s all, I suppose we should get a move on.”

“Good riddance.”

Applebloom waved her hoof at me from behind Applejack. “G’bye Mister Alan Dehis!”

I waved back at Applebloom. “Good bye, Applebloom, and please, call me Alan.”

As I sidled away through the market, I could hear Big Macintosh clear his throat.

“Applejack… Did you jus’ set me up on a date with Ms. Fluttershy?”

“Ah… Aw ponyfeathers, Ah did, didn’t Ah? Played right inta that monster’s claws…”

I chuckled as we drew away, and as we reached the end of the square, Fluttershy looked up at me.

“Did- Did you just set me up on a date with Big Macintosh?”

“I suppose I did.”

“Big Macintosh, the hunkiest stallion in town?”

“Probably.”

“I- I- Oh, this is going to end horribly!”

“No it’s not. Just be yourself and be nice and all that. I haven’t actually been on the relationship side of things in about two decades, so I don’t know if my advice is sound.”

“I- Be myself. Right. Remember Iron Will’s words. When on a date, don’t capitulate, facilitate!”

“That’s the spirit! I think. So what’s Bitallian food?”

“Oh, um, it’s pasta and pizza and lots of garlic. I, um, it’s a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. Hoofa de Beppo’s garlic bread is just… fantastic.” Fluttershy let out a wistful sigh.

“Okay then. What day is today?”

“Oh, um, it’s Wednesday. Oh, I only have two days to prepare! Oh, I’ll need to make sure my fur is clean and my feathers are preened, and my mane, what am I going to do with my mane? What will I wear? Is it casual, or should I wear a gown, oh, I wouldn’t want to overdress…”

I let Fluttershy babble to herself while we took a long route out of town and back to her cottage. I wouldn’t be able to give her any meaningful advice; I didn’t know the customs of this place, after all.

Besides that, I had learned that Hasbria used the same weekdays as the Corukh. I figured that they probably also used the same 24 hours per day system of time-keeping.

One thing I had noticed was that on our way out of town, a lot of mares were glaring at Fluttershy and I. They were probably just jealous.

After all, as I recalled, Big Macintosh was the most eligible stallion in town, and Fluttershy had just snatched him up at the whim of some newcomer.

I wondered how many would ask to join the herd when they learned that Big Macintosh had agreed to become Fluttershy’s Alpha buck.