Baby Sitting

Chapters

A Party and a Problem
Eclipsing Exhaustion
Gnawing Headache
In Need of Chaos
Fixin it

A Party and a Problem

Chapter 1

Twilight Sparkle sighed after the most recent of her daily royal greetings. This particular effete noble had a long name, and an even longer list of titles, but despite his best efforts Twilight could tell they were all inherited. He had come to the “new royal in town” to petition a seat of office, making it sound like she would never get along without his expertise and that it was the most natural thing in Equestria. The fact that the position he was after seemed to place him in direct control of the entire financial assets of her city seemed completely coincidental in his eyes. Celestia had warned her that despite his respectable lineage, the stallion in question was himself a complete oaf, leaving Twilight to gingerly try to politely tell the idiot to go to Tartarus while smiling through her teeth.

It had been months since she had taken her position as the newest Equestrian royalty and while the monetary system and minor military requirements came fairly easy, as ever, the societal requirements of being a government figure completely escaped her. Why couldn’t she just tell him what she thought of him and his bubkis lineage? Why did she have to always meet these people?

Twilight frowned deeply and just wished she could go back to the Ponyville library, spend the day reading, or better yet with her friends. Despite their presence at her coronation, they all still had lives at Ponyvillle themselves. The last to leave was Pinkie Pie, since she insisted on meeting everyone in the new city situated just outside canterlot. But even the somewhat loopy party pony had responsibilities, and that left Twilight to her own devices, and while she still had spike around, it was still really lonely. The only ones she had regular contact with was the statuesque guards, and they weren’t much for conversation, save the predictable “Yes, your Highness,” or “No, your Highness.”

Spike leaned in from cushion next to her throne and whispered “Wow, was he in love with himself, or what?” Twilight could only nod and give a weak “tell me about it” before the chamberlain was again at the door for the next visitor of the day.

At first, Twilight was prepared for another high-ender she had never heard of asking for favors they didn’t need, but then Twilight noticed the elderly stallion, who was usually so well composed, was visibly flustered. “P-p-present-t-t… p-presenting the R-R-Royal p-Pony S-S-Sisters, th-th-the Regents-s of,of,of… um” before he could continue his stutter fest, a big white snout leaned in and whispered in his ear, and he smiled weakly before restarting. “Presenting the Royal Pony Sisters, The Regents of the sun and moon respectively, the High Princesses of the Royal City of Canterlot, and Defenders of all Equestria, Princess Celestia Solara Invicta, and Princess Luna Silvermoon Invicta.”

Their introductions out of the way, the two alicorn sisters strode in. Once the embarrassed chamberlain had the door closed behind them, Twilight quickly broke her composure, and ran to greet her mentor with a big hug, which Celestia accepted with a level of enthusiasm of her own.

“It is good to see you, my faithful student, though I suppose I can no longer call you that. It shall be Princess from now on, hmm?” she smiled. “So, Princess, how are you adjusting? I trust you have experienced no problems?”

“Please princess, just call me Twilight or your faithful student like always. It would be weird otherwise. And no, , no problems, though it is a lot more dull than I thought it would be. Don’t I get a moment to myself?” Twilight said, an expression of exhaustion clear upon her face.

It was Luna who responded, coming up beside her. “It will get easier with time. Our advice is to try to find a rhythm, to make sense of the minor chaos.” Celestia nodded her accord. Things had not been so different for her after Luna’s banishment, finding herself all of a sudden the sole ruler of Equestria. But, as Luna had said, once the fear of ruling alone had passed and the pain of the Nightmare Moon incident had ebbed somewhat, the smaller things formed patterns, small manageable regularities that became routine over time. “Though are you sure all is well?” Luna continued, “Your Chamberlain seems a bit less than capable.”

Spike chose this moment to enter the conversation. “Can you blame him? You two have a pretty big reputation, not to mention your both huge, no offense”
“None taken” responded Luna, though it was clear Celestia was sensitive to the term “huge” from her light blush and quick look towards her flank. Luna had nothing to worry about since she had always been small bodied, but the broken chair a few decades ago had brought the situation to light for Celestia. Though no one had dared laughed outright, not even the castle guards had been able to keep a completely straight face.

“So what brings you two by? It’s not like you to drop everything for a checkup.” Spike continued.

“We came to help. From the reports, it sounds as if you have yet to assign many of the lesser governmental positions. Such a thing is dangerous, should you have one of your infamous breakdowns, Twilight.” Princess Celestia answered. “While your Want it Need-it spell was inherently harmless within Ponyville, such an occurrence from royalty in such a large city could prove disastrous.”

“I know, Princess, and I’ve been trying since I was coronated. But I can’t seem to find the right ponies. Sometimes I find somepony I like, but I don’t want to appoint them in case sompony else is fit for the role. Other times I can’t find anypony I like at all, and I’m just so worried I’ll never find the right one. The only one I’ve been sure about is the royal attendant, and that’s Spike, since it’s just a glorified assistant anyway.” She smiled and nuzzled her number one assistant. “I just don’t know anypony around here.”

“Luckily, we have already found the solution to that problem as well.” Said Luna, and as if on cue a familiar cluster of ponies busted open the door, much to the opposition of her chamberlain and guards.

“Hey buddy, I told you we don’t need any introduction.” Said Rainbow Dash to the furious chamberlain, “ We’re her friends! We’re the other five Elements of Harmony, so I’m pretty sure she knows us.” She smiled and crossed her hooves over her chest as if it was the end of the argument.

“And as I repeatedly told you, miss, that is beside the point. When presenting oneself to Royalty, it is customary to be properly announced by the chamberlain, namely me.” His gray hair was frazzled, and a shade of pink had entered his face, showing through his faded brown coat color. “There are rules that must be followed!”

“Don’t be silly!” Pinkie Pie chirped in, “the story said we bust through the door when the princess finishes talking.”

“What story?” asked Fluttershy, only to be ignored as the others continued to bombard the poor chamberlain.

“Ah understand how ya feel, fella, but we aint like to wait for ya ta announce the lot of us, ‘specially since we ‘aint seen twilight in weeks.” Applejack cut in to take control of the situation before the two could come to blows over the argument. “No ‘fence intended darling, but ya took too long.” The chamberlain just humfed and began leading the thoroughly embarrassed guards out of the room.

Rarity stopped him just before the door. “If it makes you feel better, darling, I was personally more than willing to wait and let you do your job, but I doubt anything less than the Princesses themselves could have held them back longer than you did.” She told him, helping him to save a bit of face in the ordeal. He gave a week smile, but still managed to straighten a bit.

“Well my little ponies, it’s good to know you’ve not lost your sense of friendship for our dear Twilight.” Celestia spoke up with a laugh. “Though he does have a point regarding Twilights new position. She does now require a certain level of decorum when you meet her.”

Rainbow, hearing the feared word “decorum” jumped in “Not if she makes a royal decree saying we don’t have to!”

Celestia only giggled, while Luna warned “that would be an abuse of her power. If she were to give allowances and pardons to her friends, her subjects would be less inclined to trust her as strong leader.” Rainbow continued to huff stubbornly though, grumbling about how being the bearers of the Elements of Harmony was about as useful to their status as a bucket of shed feathers.

Celestia stepped forward “Perhaps a bit less of politics, hmm? I believe this palaces foyer will be a lovely place for a picnic, just the nine of us.” And all of them voiced their ascent, Pinkie a bit more emphatically than was entirely necessary

...................................................................................................................................................

“So she actually tried to make you believe she had bested and Ursa Major?” asked a bemused Luna, to which a giggling Rarity only nodded.

After a half hour of watching Pinkie Pie break the laws of physics, having been given a cup of coffee by Rainbow as a prank, the subject of Twilights reports had come up. The six friends, as well as Spike, had always assumed that the princesses knew all about their adventures in Ponyville. However, Princess Celestia made it clear that while she had a rudimentary understanding of what had transpired from eyewitness account, she had never had occasion to know the whole stories behind the reports, and Luna herself had never been able to involve herself in them due to her trying to catch up on history and law. And so, the six friends had taken turns telling the full stories behind the reports, and Rarity had been describing the events of “The Great and Annoying Trixie’s” first pass through Ponyville. “Surly she is aware that I” said Luna “am the only one to ever deal with one, and that was before my banishment? The constellations, as a former part of the night sky, have always been mine to deal with.”

“I doubt it, and it would definitely ruffle her mane to know that her favorite lie had no chance of ever being true.” Said Twilight, laughing at the show ponies misfortune despite already having forgiven her. The story, however, was destined to be unfinished, as one of the solar guards approached Celestia and spoke in her ear.

“I am sorry, girls. This has been the most fun I have had in some time,” she said with a resigned sigh, rising from the large cushion that had been laid out for her “but I am afraid Luna and I have overspent our expected stay, and must now return to Canterlot.”

Luna gave a small pout at the idea of being separated from the first friends she had made since her return, and asked “Surely we have slightly more time sister? We confess, we know of no pressing issue that would cause such haste.”

“I am sorry sister, but we must continue the heavenly cycle; A duty that cannot be put off.”

“But sister, Canterlot is not essential to the task, it can easily be performed from right here.” Luna seemed to be gaining a bit of excitement. “Perhaps we can have one of Twilights slumber party’s? We have never heard of such a wondrous idea, and it would surely be fun.”

Pinkie rose from her caffeine crash, a rare energy-less moment for the pink spaz, long enough to say “Would you say it would DOUBLE THE FUN??” eliciting a giggle fit from Rainbow Dash, and a groan from Luna.

“Please, miss Pie, we said that only because we had but a rudimentary understanding of the concept of fun and modern equestrian speech. ‘Twas an accident, so please let it go.” She pleaded, though she expected it would haunt her for as long as at least one of the six continued to live. Celestia, however was not amused.

“Luna, I cannot be the adult for both of us. Come, we must return to Canterlot.” She stated flatly, as though she were speaking to a filly.

“We are no newborn, Tia, we can make our own decisions, and we wish to stay. We wish to have fun with our friends, and they have voiced no opinions to the contrary.”
“Actually, princess, ahv got chores in the morning, plus Fluttershys got her animals, so…” tried to interrupt Applejack, but to no avail.

“Luna, you can have fun; back in Canterlot, where we are expected to have been hours ago. This is not a discussion.” Celestia said with an air of finality.

Luna bristled at being treated like a child. “We are Just as mature as thee sister! And we shall not stand for being so disrespected. You may return to Canterlot alone sister, and you may do so in the dark. We will be staying right here!” and so Luna’s horn began to glow, and the sky to darken.

“Oh, my.” Fluttershy worried, complimented with a gulp from Rarity.

“NO SISTER! IT IS TOO EARLY!!” Celestia shouted, and indeed it was six o’clock in summer, which meant it should remain light for at least another hour and a half, but Luna paid her no heed, continuing to raise the moon and stars. Celestia began casting her own magic, in the hopes of stopping Luna, and so the power struggle began. Luna and Celestia fought over control of the skies, while the others in the garden foyer, the Elements of Harmony as well as the various categories of royal guard, watched in growing dread. Futtershy passed out into the arms of Applejack, and even Rarity began to swoon. Rainbow just watched with mouth agape, but Twilight could feel the coming crescendo of magic and feared its consequences for those too close to the conflict, in particular her and her friends.

The sparks began to fly between the two, literally so, as the strain caused by the standoff grew. Soon both were panting, and only Luna’s determination to not be ignored kept her strong in the face of Celestias superior might. Soon the sky was nearly black, yet the sun still hung in the sky, beating back the darkness. Unwilling to see the normally loving siblings fight any longer, and hoping to head off some sort of catastrophe, Twilight teleported between the two and flared her wings in a physical expression that would strengthen the barrier she cast around herself to deflect the magic passing between the two.

Both horn and Element of Magic tiara aglow, she shouted “STOP FIGHTING NOW!!” and suddenly expanded the bubble she had placed around herself, and altered it to stop their magic temporarily. Anticlimactically, the two mighty alicorns horns simply fizzled out, and they both went cross-eyed from the sudden ending of their exertions.

They recovered together, and looking around, Luna excitedly switched to the Royal Canterlot Voice as she exclaimed “HA TIA! IT IS DARK, SO WE HAVE WON!”

“No LuLu. We both lose.” Celestia said, almost whispering, her face turned up and a look of utter horror on her face. Everyone else looked up as well, and Luna visibly blanched. Both mighty orbs now hung in the sky,the moon infront of the sun in a solar eclipse, neither truly visible, the moons shadow casting darkness over all of Equestria. “Oh dear.” Both sisters promptly collapsed.

The silence was broken by Rainbow Dash, whose first thought on the subject was predictably “That. Was. AWSOME!” she finished with a squeaky shout, throwing both hooves in the air as she began to hover excitedly. “You think they can do it again?!”

“Hold it right there sugarcube, they're both pretty tuckered out ta just drop like that, ‘sides ah don’t think they did it on purpose.” Applejack threw in, stealing Rainbows gusto.

“Princess Sparkle! What are your orders?” one of her royal guards had come up next to Twilight, and despite his training, he could not keep the fear from surfacing. None of them could. “Princess!”

Twilight jumped a bit, shocked out of her zone by his shout “What?! How should I kn-?!“ she began, only to notice all eyes were on her, hoping, begging for an answer. She made you a princess for a reason; prove she was right. Twilight thought to herself. She sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly, accentuating it with a motion of her hoof. “All-right. I want you to spread the word that this was a minor event, one required for the princesses health. Tell the rest of the royal guard to keep a patrol in the major citys and towns, we need to keep panic to a minimum. You!” she pointed at the guard who had approached her, causing him to flinch and jump to attention. “What’s your name?”

“Stalwart, Your Majesty. First Lieutenant Stalwart.” He responded quickly, hoof to helm in a salute.

“All right, First Lieutenant, you’re my acting Captain of the Guard. Give my orders to all the other officers, and then come back. I’ll need you by me to relay any new orders. Got it?” he saluted and the entirety of the guard, even the solar and lunar guards that had accompanied Celestia and Luna took off simultaneously. Twilight looked at her friends. “All right girls, I need your help. Rainbow, go tell the castle doctor to get ready for a doozy. Fluttershy?” the yellow Pegasus was still passed out in AJs hooves. “FLuttershy!!”

“I’m sorry Mommy, but I don’t like asparigus!” Fluttershy woke violently. When she realized where she was, she blushed. “Oh, sorry Twilight, I was… umm, whys it so dark? Was I asleep that long?” everypony pointed at the solar eclipse, and once she saw it, she passed out all over again. A few prods from her friends and reassurances that it would be OK, and Fluttershy was ready to listen to what Twilight needed.

“Okay, Fluttershy, I need you to keep an eye on the princesses while we get them to the medical wing of the castle. Tell me if anything is wrong alright.?” And when Fluttershy nodded, Twilight gently picked up the princesses in her magic, and began to carry them through the castle. “Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, can you three clear the hallways in front of us? If anypony sees them like this, the jig is up and ponies may start to panic.”

With a quick “sure thing darling’” from Applejack, and a similar response from Rarity and Pinkie, Twilight was able to focus on running through the hallways. While her wingspan was small enough for her to fly through the wide corridor, she still wasn’t a strong enough flyer to fly and perform magic at the same time, and she wanted to give the others time to perform their assigned task. Not to mention if she face-planted now, she would never hear the end of it from Rainbow Dash.

“U-um Twilight? Their manes are changing color. I-is that bad?” said Fluttershy beside Twilight, and indeed their manes were changing. Lunas had grown shorter, and had taken on a lighter shade of blue, and Celestia’s pallete of various pastel colors had taken on a distinct pink hugh. “T-Twilight?”

“I don’t know, Fluttershy. I really don’t know what it means. It could just be because they’re asleep.” It was a half-flanked answer at best, but it was the only one she had at the moment. Thankfully, the hallways were clear, save a few streamers that marked Pinkie Pie’s tactics.
So she ran down the emptied hallways carrying the princesses with Fluttershy hovering nearby monitoring their conditions, and in short order made her way to the doctor’s office. Dr. Stable, who had recently moved to the city and was given a shining recommendation by Twilight, met them at the door and had Twilight place the two unconscious alicorns on a large tarp laid on the floor, since the two were far too large to fit on any of the tables in the room.

She could already tell, this was going to be another one of the weirder events of her life.

Eclipsing Exhaustion

“Can you tell me what happened?” asked Dr. Stable, concern etched in his face.

They had just gotten the princesses settled in his office, and their color change had all present biting the edges of their hooves with worry.

“We’re not sure.” Answered Twilight. “They had a fight, and accidentally caused a solar eclipse, then they just passed out.
We think it’s because they used too much magic.”

“Given they’re history, I find that doubtful. They raise the sun and moon daily, and have defeated various powerful enemies. Did they say anything? Perhaps they-“Dr. Stable stopped short. The sound of a crown falling off had drawn their attention to the princesses. The changing color of their manes had extended, and now their entire bodies were changing. They both had begun to actively shrink, causing all their now ill-fitting jewelry to fall off , their magical manes turning to fine, but unremarkable strands of hair, pink for Celestia, and a familiar teal for Luna. Even their coats were changing color now, Luna’s lightening from her usual midnight blue to a softer shade of blue, causing her to now look as she did when they had first met her after the Eelements of Harmony had cleansed her of Nightmare Moon. Celestia’s change was equal; her coat lost the regal luster she was famous for, and she was now the same size Luna had been at the start of the day. “Princess Sparkle, do you think-“

“Yes doctor, I think you might be right, and whats more I think I know why.” Said Twilight, losing a bit of color herself.

“Well shoot darlin’,” said Applejack, “Don’t go makin’ a game of it. Tell us what in tarnation is goin on with ‘em.” Pinkie Pie, however, was more than excited at the idea of a guessing game.

“Don’t listen to her Twilight! We can have so much fun trying to figure it out!” Pinkie was nearly bouncing of the celling with excitement now. “Did somepony sneak poison joke into their tea?! Ooh ooh, what about the curse of the pirate king!? Did either of them go sailing and make a ghotie pirate king mad! GASP!! What if were just getting huge!! Lookout everypony, don’t step on the nurses!!”

“Pinkie! Its not poison joke, and curses don’t exist!” Twilight cut her off, less tolerant in the face of what was really happening. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and answered Applejack and the others, Dr. Stable included. “I think what’s happening is their experiencing magic deprivation, but on a huge scale.”

“Magic deprivation?” said Rarity, shaking a bit. “I’ve never heard of that darling. Is it bad? Can it be fixed?”

“Magic deprivation is when the source of a pony’s magic is separated, and the pony body starts having mild withdrawals.” Dr. Stable answered her. “Most pony’s experience cramps or fever conditions, but they get over it eventually since magic, while naturally occurring in all ponies to varying degrees, is not essential to life for most of us. The princesses are immortal alicorns, however, and so magic is the most essential component of life for them.”

Twilight nodded to show she agreed and finished the thought for the others “so when the solar eclipse occurred, the light from both the sun and moon was cut off, and so was the source of power and magic for both princesses. Since it’s so important to their life functions, their bodies can’t sustain the larger sizes without it, so they’re getting smaller to compensate until it comes back.” She could tell the others were having trouble keeping up entirely, but each did seem to get the general idea.

Rainbow was the next to speak up. “So, I guess the important question is, how small are they actually going to get?” she motioned to the princesses, and everypony saw that Celestia was the size of the average pony now, and Luna had gone through a reverse growth spurt; she was now barely more than a filly. “I mean, its gotta stop soon, right? Its not like they can jump back in their moms belly or anything.” For a moment, all in attendance took a break from the drama unfolding to imagine what it would look like if they did try it. Only Rarity seemed to completely reject the comedy of the idea.

“No, Rainbow, I don’t think it’ll go that far. Besides, it’s not such a big problem so long as we can separate the sun and moon. If we can manage to do that, they should go back to normal soon enough.”

“Well shoot sugarcube’, that seems simple enough.” Piped up Applejack, seeming to lighten up a bit. “You’re the princess here, so you should be able to do it now, right?” But even before she finished talking, Twilight was shaking her head.

“The alicorn transformation was purely aesthetic for me, just so people would accept a new princess that came out of nowhere. I’m not actually any stronger than I was before.” Applejack deflated a bit, having been shot down so quickly.

It was Dr. Stable turn “But you have the Elements of Harmony, right? Can’t all of you together fix it?” he suggested. They all perked up a bit now, but after only a moment of thinking about it, Twilight had to shake her head.

“We probably have the power, but I don’t know the first thing about the spell to do it, so theres nothing any of us can do. We need sompony who knows how to move the heavens, but the only ones I’ve ever heard of were the princesses themselves.” Suddenly, a light, airy yawn broke her train of thought. The little filly Luna, lying next to her equally small sister, was the first to wake, and bliked groggily. A couple of more blinks, and she was looking at them brightly, despite the hushed, and somewhat dumbfounded stares coming back at her.

“Hello, Im woona-“ she went crosseyed and scrunched up her face a bit “woo-wooooo, lu-lu-… Hi I’m Luna.” She corrected. “Who are you?”

They could have heard a pin drop. They all gaped at the filly, and she started to pout and get teary eyed, not sure what she had done wrong. It was Pinkie who broke the silence thankfully, startling them all, shouting “SHE'S SO CUTE!!” and giving a loud squeal. Knocking the others out of the way, she ran up and grabbed the filly, cradling her like a newborn. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, and were gonna be BEST FRIENDS!!” little Luna was thoroughly confused, and just sat there and took it for lack of a better plan. Pinkie was having a ball, until she seemed to realize something important “well actually, we’re already friends, cuz I helped make mean old nightmare moon turn back into you, plus we had all that fun on nightmare night, and we just had that picnic, though it wasn’t as much fun as that times since you and your sister started fighting and made a solar eclipse, and we were all worried cuz you and her started changing color and getting smaller, and we weren’t sure what was wrong, till Twilight said-“ and Pinkie continued to recount the last five minutes to the filly. Little Luna was thoroughly confused, though still impressed this big pink pony had managed to say all that without taking a single breath to break it up, until her sister started to stir.

“Tia! Your awake! Are you ok?”

Little Celestia took a moment to shake the dizziness of sleep from her head, before giving Luna a big grin. “I’m fine, Lulu, but I can’t remember anything. Can you?”

Luna shook her head. “No, but miss Pinkie" she gestured to Pinkie "says we fought. Were we mad at each other?”

Celestia just shrugged. Just as Pinkie started the whole story over again, Celestia looked at the others, and when she saw Twilight, she gasped loudly and began to hover in excitement, her little wings humming slightly.

“Miss Magenta! You have wings!” she exclaimed. “Your just like us now! Now we can play more right?!”Luna had managed (somehow) to get away from Pinkie, and looking at Twilight, was now equally excited.

“Huh?” Twilight was a little confused, but realized she must look like someone the two knew in their youth, probably their foalsitter or some other caregiving pony. At first, she considered playing along, but thinking about it, that was more likely to lead to problems than anything else, so she went with a watered down version of the truth. “No girls, I’m sorry, I’m not Miss Magenta.” The sight of their excitement dying nearly broke her heart, as well as that of the others. “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I’m a Princess of Equestria.”

“You’re a Princess?!!” Little Celestia’s excitement had returned, and once again her little wings hummed away to mark it. “That’s so neat! Can I wear your crown? Can I see your throne? Can I have a princess cape?!” Celestia was now buzzing around her, excitedly tugging at her tiara.

Wow, thought Twilight, was Celestia really this excitable as a filly? She had always seemed like a happy pony, but she never let her emotions bubble over like this before. The incessant tugging on her wings drew Twilight from her thoughts. “Celestia-“ she started, only the be interrupted by a high pitched squeal from the filly.

“Lulu! She knows my name! A princess knows my name! Did you tell it to her?” Luna only shook her head, just as amazed that this admitted princess new her sisters first name. “ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! A PRINCESS KNOWS MY NAME!!” and the filly's excitement finally bubbled over, and she started to run circles around the room, using her wings to push herself down as she ran across not only the floor, but the walls and ceiling as well.

Her excited outburst did not end there however, because when she finally stopped running, Luna joined her on the tarp they started on and they both started bouncing giddily, squeeling over meeting a princess and her knowing Celestias name, oblivious of the large jewelry and crowns they themselves had been wearing only moments before.

Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw Dr. Stable giving her a “Well, what now” kind of look, and Twilight could only shrug. What do I do now, Princess? I Definitely wasn’t prepared for this.

Gnawing Headache

In the patient treatment area of Twilights lesser castle, catastrophe had officially hit, and it had hit hard. Not only had the petty bickering of the Royal Pony Sisters turned into a lunar eclipse, but that very eclipse had deprived them of their magical income, ensuring the act could not be undone. They couldn’t even remember doing it, or even the last three thousand years, so they could not be faulted for it. As far as they were concerned, they really were just innocent children.

And now Twilight had to deal with them. “Ugh, Celestia, stop chewing on your tail, its gross.” Twilight had never known that Celestia had been such a spastic child, or that she apparently liked to put things in her mouth, but she now seemed to be determined to lick everything in the castle- twice. Twilights Tiara was the first victim, and now it sat next to her covered in spit. “I said spit it out!” she chided, and the filly finally released her own posterior, only to stick her tongue out at Twilight. Twilight and her friends had decided to brainstorm on what to do about the lunar eclipse that had caused this mess, and Pinkie Pie, with her experience as a foalsitter for the cakes, even offered to look after the two. However, a number of factors conspired to make Twilight the focus of their inseparable affections, not the least of which being that she was an alicorn princess.

Once it became clear that despite Luna at least being somewhat obedient in comparison to her sister, neither had any intention of being quiet to let them think, they were asked to leave Dr. Stable's office, the room handed over willingly to the effort at Twilights request. But that meant Twilight had to go with them. Now she sat in her throne room, trying to come up with her own solution, alone with the two because she didn’t want the guards inside with them. While she said it was because she didn’t want panic to spread amongst the guards, their rigid training and loyalty made that a moot point; she just didn’t want Celestia to put one of their spears in her mouth.

“Tia, stop it! You’re gonna make Auntie Twilight mad, and I don’t want to get in trouble.” Luna whined from the corner. Luna had taken to calling her Auntie because she was firmly convinced that Twilight being an alicorn meant they were related somehow. “What if we get grounded?! We might not get desert at dinner!”

“Don’t care!” said Celestia in a sing song voice, swinging from one of the large curtains “She’s not my mom, so she can’t tell me what to do!” She finished by sticking her tongue out again, this time aimed at Luna.

“Yes, she can! Yes she can tell you what to do, cuz she’s a princess, and that means she’s in charge of everypony!” Luna was on her hooves now, obviously upset at the idea of being grounded “So that means you gotta listen to her! What if we get sent to the dungeon?” she gasped “What if she grounds us in the dungeon we get sent to!! We could be there forever!”

Celestia flew over to her sister, hovering a foot over the ground, that curious buzzing following her across. “I aint scared of no dungeon!” she proclaimed, proudly puffing out her chest “I can take any crusty old prisoner! You watch, I’m so tough, I’ll have them bowing to me and calling me princess!” she grinned wide, and gave Twilight a mischievous look “Then I’ll lead a riot and take all the dinner I want!”

Luna was aghast “You shouldn’t say that! Auntie Twilight and her friends are really nice, and they’ve been taking care of us!” she thought a moment “Even if miss Pinkie is weird and miss Rainbow scares me.” She suddenly ran over to Twilight. “Please, Please don’t send my sister and me to the dungeons for being rude. She didn’t mean it!”

“Oh yes I did!” Celestia butted in “I meant every word! I ain’t scared of nopony!” Twilight had to resist the urge to correct her grammar again. That was another thing Twilight never knew about the princess, she had terrible grammar. Now that she thought of it, it was like the two had kind of switched personalities, since Luna had always been slightly more confrontational than her elder sibling, and would always use the royal “we” when referring to herself. Perhaps it was the Nightmare Moon incident that had changed them both so much, that had curbed Celestia’s pride and hardened Luna’s tender temperament. “And besides, I'd be way more popular than her, cuz I’m prettier ‘n stuff. Miss magenta says i'm pretty.”

“Oh yeah? Then how come everypony calls you Hummlestia in school?” Luna responded smugly. “Everypony says you’re like a big white and pink bee.” Celestia deflated in an instant, and immediately ceased the flapping of her wings which had been the cause of the sound. She looked more upset than Luna had apparently intended to make her, because Luna also seemed to lose a bit of steam.

Noticing their degrading moods, Twilight started racking her brain for an idea to improve the overall atmosphere. Oh, why didn’t I get a book on foalsitting before I came here? She berated herself. An idea suddenly popped into her head, and while it probably wasn’t her best option, it was the only one she thought they might all enjoy. “Hey girls, how would you like to fly around with me?” she smiled and placed herself between them. “It’s dark outside so we can’t go far, but this room is real big, so we might still be able to have a bit of fun, don’t you think?” The fact that she was still sketchy at best when it came to flying sort of escaped her need to mention. She had to take control any way she could.

“Yeah! That sounds like fun! Can we both go, or do we have to take turns?” Celestia was giddy once again, and even the timid Luna was bouncing a bit at the suggestion. “Ooh, ooh, can I go first?”

“You will get your turn, but I seem to recall somepony deciding she wanted to overthrow me.” Celestia grinned sheepishly. “Not to mention your sister has been much more behaved than you, so I think she’s earned first ride.” Plus she didn’t gnaw the Element of Magic while it was on my head. Twilight lowered herself a bit to let the excited blue filly on her back. Once she felt the girl was secure, she flared her wings to make sure they felt strong enough, and gave a few test flaps to make sure. Alright Rainbow, let’s see if I retained any of what you said. She rose gently, gaining a bit of confidence when Luna didn’t immediately scream or fall off. “Ok, Luna, are you ready? We’ll start out slow, just to be safe.”

Twilight leaned into the direction she intended to go, and started forward. Ok, so far so good. Now, I gotta roll my wings elbow down as I flap to create forward thrust. That shouldn’t be too hard. She did as she had learned, and sure enough, Luna and herself started forward. Gaining speed as she went, Twilight angled up, and started flying up the wall, though she got a bit too close and had to use her hooves to keep from scraping her chest. She didn’t dare look behind her, but she could hear Luna’s happy giggling.

She spent the next couple of minutes flying around with Luna, trying every stunt she dared, which was limited to a barrel roll and loopdy-loop. Still, Luna was obviously having fun, so she let herself relax a bit. “Alright, Luna, it’s your sisters turn. We have to land now.” But before the motion could be made, a loud, high pitched scream came from down the hall. Fearing what she already knew, Twilight looked down, and sure enough Celestia had gotten bored and wandered off. She could only hope that the scream hadn’t been Celestia herself. Oh no, she bit something sharp! Or she fell down the stairs! Or she tripped and fell into a open drawer of silverware! Or-

As Twilight imagined all the terrible things that had befallen the filly, she used her magic to open the door, and with a rough flap of her wings built speed and launched herself through them. In spite of Luna trying her darndest to choke the life out of her, Twilight managed to keep them steady, and in no time she came upon the source of the commotion, and couldn’t decide to whether to breathe a sigh of relief or just laugh out loud.

Prince Blueblood was in town to try and convince Twilight he should be captain of her guard, a disastrous idea by all accounts, since he had no training in combat or military leadership, and he was reportedly a huge filly-colt. This all proved true as he danced about in a fit of hysteria, with the filly Celestia hanging off of his mane. “Get it off, Get it off! Please, sompony get this disgusting child off of me NOW!” he continued to wail and scream, all the while the guards and her chamberlain were doing their best to retrieve the child while not laughing in his face. However, his thrashing made it difficult to do so without hurting either of them. Twilight let it continue for a few more moments, then used her magic to lift them both into the air.

Blueblood continued to whimper and whine, blubbering like a child, as Twilight detached Celestia from his mane with a small pop. She set the prince down and placed the filly on her back next to her sister. “Princess Twilight, I demand that child be turned over for proper punishement!” said Blueblood, pointing a hoof at the filly on her back. “She deliberately attacked me and tried to destroy my public image with her deplorable display!”
“Nuh uh!” responded Celestia “I was looking for the toilet when-“

“I say! Such improper language!” interrupted the chamberlain, who received an irritated glare from Celestia. “Please, miss, a lady must say “lavatory” when she refers to the facilities, if she must refer to them at all!” he corrected

“Fine” she said haughtily “ I was on my way to the lavatory, when that jerk stepped on my tail. He yelled at me for being a clutz, so I, well, y’know…” she blushed lightly, and spoke from the side of her mouth, looking away from the ponies looking at her. “I just kinda bit him. It was barely even a nibble, really; it was just for being a jerk.” Twilight couldn't help but think 'good girl.'

“You assaulted me in plain view!” Blueblood accused “All the guards and even the servants saw it!”

Twilight agreed Celestia’s response to the situation was probably incorrect, but if her existing knowledge of the stallion, if he could be call one, was anything to go by, he wasn’t completely faultless. She decided to try and make him drop it. “Yes, you are probably right, Lord Blueblood, she is completely at fault.” Celestia gave her most horrified expression, and even some of the guards looked surprised, though Blueblood acted as if it was ridiculous that he had been doubted in the first place. “I will have all who were witness to the incident give me a written report, and I will have it brought by your home for verification- wait a moment, you live in Canterlot, correct?” she said feigning realization “then what was it you came here- Oh yes, you were here to be the captain of my guard, correct?” the nearest guards began to snicker, and even Celestia began to catch the con. His name may have been Blueblood, but he was a turning definite shade of green.

“Now, Lady Twilight, surely you would not think this situation would affect our previous discussions of office?”

Twilight smirked at him. “Oh, but I’m afraid it must. If my guard captain is to be laid low by the assault of a little filly, then I must fear for the kingdom.” The hallway was filled with snickers and chuckles, sending Blueblood from dark green to bright red. “And the reports, I’m afraid, will have to reflect that. Especially when it is first filed with Canterlot’s guard captain for record keeping.”

“Come now,” he responded, trying to save what little face he could “There is no harm, nothing a good brushing can’t fix. I see no need for you to go through the trouble of filing a report on so measly an occurrence.” He grinned a bit too wide and batted at the slobbered part of his hair. His false smile wavered a bit “After all, such children are so very… precious.” It was obvious he had to force the last word.

“Oh good, then we’re done here. Good day, Lord Blueblood.” Twilight cantered past him, giving Celestia just enough time to spread her eyelid and stick out her tongue as she passed. With a minor ‘hmph’ Blueblood moved past.

At Celestia’s request, they stopped at her initial goal, the toilet, and Twilight waited patiently for her to finish. She even told Luna to try so she wouldn’t have to worry about it later on, giving Twilight herself a bit of a break. A few moments in, however, her downtime was whisked away by her chamberlain. “Your Majesty? May I make an observation?” she sighed at having been disturbed, but gestured for him to continue. “The white filly may be hungry. I foal sit my grandchildren in my spare time and I have noticed the only times that they incessantly chew things is when their hungry, or when they were teething. When is the last time they ate?”

Twilight thought about it, and realized that even if the transformation hadn’t sapped all the strength they would have gotten from the food at the picnic, it had still been several hours since then. For a filly, that was a bit too long. “I’m afraid I hadn’t put any thought to the subject. Would you mind taking us to the kitchens? And maybe sending a servant to get my friends?”

He gave an approving nod, and called over a lingering maid, putting her to the task of retrieving the others from Dr. Stables office. Once the girls came out of the bathroom, she followed the chamberlain as he led them to the kitchens. Deciding to break the silence of the walk she asked “So, What’s your name? We’ve all been just calling you ‘the chamberlain’ this whole time.”

“Ah yes, your majesty. My name is Proper Intro. I used to be a narrorator for plays, perhaps you’ve heard of me?” she shook her head apologetically. “Pity. I was quite the thespian, but the prospect of working with royalty, I must confess, was too tempting to overlook.” They continued for a small while, until they came to the doors of the dining hall. Before she had completely passed him, though, he once again began to speak “oh and, your majesty?” he said.

“Yes, cham- Proper Intro?”she asked

“Good show, shutting that pompous sissy down like that.” He complemented her. “Can you believe he called me a mere servant? The nerve!”

In Need of Chaos

Chapter 4

Celestia and Luna were chomping away happily at the salads the chef had prepared for them at Twilights request, and Twilight herself was enjoying the quiet. Proper Intro had been absolutely right, and the girls had not even known it themselves, at least not until the food had been placed before them. When they had seen the food, they both seemed to realize they were starving, and dug in with enough gusto that Twilight and the chef took a few steps back to avoid being chewed on themselves.

Her five friends had all arrived a few minutes after Twilight and the girls. After confirming that neither party had come up with a solution, they all dejectedly sat down to join the alicorn children in their meal. The chef brought them all salads, and a cupcake each. They spent a short time filling each other in on what had transpired in their separate groups, and while her friends’ time was understandably boring, they all managed to get a kick out of Twilights time with the fillies. Rarity in particular seemed to enjoy the part about Blueblood, calling on some obscure memory from the Grand Galloping Gala a couple years previous, and Rainbow was obviously tickled that her flight lessons had proved useful to Twilight in an unexpected manner.

“So, sugar-cube, what now?” asked Applejack. “Doesn’t sound like any of us got anywhere fast, an’ ah don’t hear any ideas that might change that soon.” They all nodded assent.

“Hey, what do you mean?” shouted Rainbow Dash indignantly. “I told you, give a bunch of us pegasi some oxygen tanks, and we can just push ‘em both away from each other. Easy.” She was nodding to herself, expecting the praise sure to come, only to receive groans in response. “What?” she was obviously a bit hurt. “I think it’s a real solid idea.”

While her friends attempted to keep up her mood, while still impressing on her the importance of ‘sun hot,’ the newly appointed Captain of the Guard, Captain Stalwart, opened the door. “Princess,” he called across the room to Twilight “Your orders have been passed throughout the royal and standing guard.” He stopped at the sight of the filly’s across the room “Is- is that them?” he asked hesitantly. “Wh-what happened?”

“It’s a long story.” Twilight responded as she approached him “Has anything changed outside?” he shook his head “I didn’t think it would, but it pays to be optimistic in times like these.” She recalled with painful clarity the Want-it Need-it spell a few years earlier. That fiasco could have easily been avoided with some even thinking, and maybe some even breathing too. “You wouldn’t have any suggestions that might help the situation, would you? We’re all tapped out here.”

“Well, princess, I wouldn’t think I could think of anything you haven’t, but what about asking them to give it a try?” he gestured to the fillies “Their still the regents of the sun and moon right?” they were all shaking their heads, however. The idea had been the first discussed, and would have been viable, had they not receded so far that even their cutie marks disappeared. While the irony of a couple of millennia old blank-flanks was not lost on Pinkie or Rainbow Dash, it still left them with a serious gap of ability. “But they still had to do it the first time right? Otherwise they never would have gotten their cutie marks in the first place.”

“That is true captain, but they don’t seem to have any magic at all.” Twilight told him “I’d like to reserve that for the last option available to us.” He nodded and sighed.

“I’ll start organizing the remaining guard. I will be in the courtyard if you need me, Princess.” And on that note he turned and left the room. Only a few moments later, however, the quiet was broken.

“I don’t know what you all are so worried about.” They all looked at Celestia, who had momentarily separated herself from her meal. “He does this a lot. Just give him time to get bored with it, and he’ll fix it in time. He always does.” She went back to her salad.

“Darling,” Rarity approached her “whomever do you mean?”

“Discord!” said Luna, as if it should have been obvious from the start. “Who else could have done that? He’s always pulling mean pranks like this.” Then she too returned to her meal alongside her sister, leaving them all dumbstruck.

“CAPTAIN!!”

*****************************************************************

The Royal guard was now combing the country side for the former god of chaos, Discord, while Twilight beat her head against the preverbal wall. “How could I have forgotten about Discord?!” she yelled at herself. “He held Equestria for over a thousand years. He did it before they ever did! He did it repeatedly over a period of a few minutes, JUST TO PROVE A POINT!” And while her friends tried to console her, they were little help. She was thoroughly convinced she was the worst princess ever.

What could only have been salt on the wound, princess cadence had contacted them merely an hour later, asking if there was anything she herself could do. Twilight hadn’t even considered her help. She wasn’t nearly as old as the sisters, but there would have been a fairly good chance that she might have been taught how to move the heavenly bodies for the sake of emergencies, such as, hypothetically, a spontaneous solar eclipse. At least the two tiny alicorns had opted for a nap after their meal; Twilight wasn’t sure she could handle their antics as well as her own stress.

“Twi, darlin’, none of us thought of ‘im either.” Applejack was doing her best to ease Twilight’s pain. “For Celestia’s sake, he was one of our worst enemies not seven months ago. None of us can be blamed for not figurin’ on it right quick.” She smiled and placed a hoof around her friends shoulders, but it was quickly shrugged off.

“But I’m a princess of Equestria now! I would have been expected to think of it hours ago! Not wait for a chance comment to solve all our problems!”

“Darling,” interjected Rarity. “You’ve only been princess for three months now, no one could have expected you to think of it so quick. And besides,” she pointed out “there isn’t any guarantee he’ll help. Even after he was reformed, he hasn’t been very, shall we say, cooperative.” She had a point. Since his release, a number of severe, though inherently harmless, acts of chaos had occurred within the Equestrian borders. While they all seemed to counter some other problem, which if left alone would have become a far greater issue, they really only qualified as ‘being good’ in the loosest sense of the term.

“Don’t worry, girls.” Said Fluttershy assuringly, “I think I can get him to understand just how important this is. He really has been trying to do his best.” Her undue confidence in the draconequis was actually somewhat endearing to Twilight, if grossly misplaced in the others minds. “I think the only real problem will be making sure the girls don’t get a look at him.”

Twilight nodded. That was probably a good idea, considering they still thought it was his rule that was responsible for their current predicament. “The best we can hope for is that they stay asleep, at least until he arrives.” And, just on cue, Luna walked in, groggy but smiling, holding the small blanket Rarity had made her, which was complete with a copy of her cutie mark (or at least what it would have been, had she not reverse-aged till it disappeared.) Forget you, murphy, forget you and your stupid law.

“Hello, Auntie Twilight. How are you?” she asked. “Did mean old Discord fix the eclipse yet?”

“No, Luna he didn’t. But we’re in the middle of asking him if he’ll fix it soon.” Responded Fluttershy. “He’s been a lot nicer lately, so I think he’ll be willing.” Despite her kind assurances, Luna face showed she still thought the idea was bogus. Fluttershy decided to switch the subject. “Dear, where’s your sister? Shouldn’t she be with you?”

“No, miss Fluttershy. Tia wanted to play with some of the guards, so she followed one outside, trying to play ninja. It sounded really boring to me though.” She smiled happily, while all Twilight heard was “my tiny sister is out surrounded by innumerable sharp objects.”

“Pinkie, Fluttershy, can you stay with her?” she asked hurriedly, and they nodded their quick assent, Pinkie adoring the idea of being with the adorable filly some more. “Can the rest of you try and help me track her down?” They all agreed, and ran out the door without further delay.

Twilight took the main corridor, since she could ask the numerous guards if they had seen the mischievous filly. In only a matter of minutes, she came across a guard who had seen her following a young private out to the training grounds in the eastern end of the castle. Flying quickly but surely out the door. However, before she could get through the door, she ran into what appeared to be a multicolored flying brick.

“Hey, twinkle feathers, watch where- Twilight?” asked Rainbow Dash “I thought you were in the middle hallway.”

“I was- ugh, my head.” Twilight recovered slowly. “I was, but a guard saw her come to the training grounds this way. What about you? You were supposed to be heading back to the throne room and the doctor’s office.”

“Well, duh. I already did it, so I decided to head over here.” She puffed up proudly “I am a future Wonderbolt, so a quick dash around the castle isn’t such a big deal for me.” She tossed something Twilight’s way, and she only barely caught it with her magic. “I even picked up your crown while I was there.” And indeed the Element of Magic Tiara levitated before her. A quick puff of magic cleared the dried spit off of it, and Twilight replaced it upon her head, once again wearing her complete royal regalia. Rainbow began to hover above Twilight, preparing to push the door. “Let’s go see if we can’t find the kid, eh?” and she opened the door.

On the plus side, they managed to locate Celestia immediately, since a large group of the guards was gathered in the center of the field, apparently very enamored with a young guard-in-training and his diminutive training partner. Despite being almost four times her size, the youth appeared to be losing badly, though he was making some major mistakes that no soldier would have, leading Twilight to believe he was letting her win for a bit of fun.

“Come on boy, yer gonna let yerself get whupped by a lil’ chillin li’ that?” shouted a seasoned looking guard.

“In my defense sir, she is very fast and hard to hit!” shouted back the private with a laugh to show he was kidding. Celestia however was oblivious to the game, and pressed forward with all the speed she could muster, which was not a whole lot considering she was holding the sword in her mouth the same way a dog might hold a stick, the tip dragging comically behind her.

Twilight could tell they were just having fun, but it was still dangerous to let the diminutive monarch play with swords, so she stepped in and said “I very much hope you’re not actually trying to hit her.”

Quicker than she would have thought possible, the grisly vet shouted “Attention on deck!” and the whole courtyard dropped what they were doing and snapped up straight. The change was so sudden that even Celestia was scared enough to drop the sword in her mouth and tuck her tail between her legs in fear. After calling the ‘as you were' command to calm things down, she approached the veteran.

“Thank you for looking after her, sir. Though, I would like to know how she managed to distract my entire guard enough to cause them to completely ignore me.” She put on her sternest face, though she was really only having a bit of fun at his expense. She was just glad Celestia was unhurt. “And I don’t appreciate the sword fighting either.”

The guard was taking her very seriously however, as he snapped back to attention and hollered his answer at her “Ma’am! It were a serious cut ‘n judgment, Ma’am! Ah’ll put the whole lot’v em through the ringer for ya ta show ya our resolve, ma’am!” she shook her head, though.

“No, I don’t mind, it wasn’t such a big deal, and I’m not really mad.” She smiled and motioned for him to relax. “I was told she was following a guard in. could you point him out? I’d like to get a bit of clarification.”

“It weren’t no ‘he’ ma’am. Tha chil’ followed Silver Cut in ma’am. An’ yer wrong ‘bout it not bein’ such a big deal. You was right ta be mad, we shouldn’t’ve let ourselves get so distracted like tha’, ‘specially with this funky lookin’ sky how it is.” She decided it was good he took his job so seriously, and she didn’t want to undermine the pride he took in his work by trying to tell him it was fine. “’Ah’ll put ‘em through the ringer anyhow ma’am, jus’ ta keep ‘em sharp. An’ I’ll sen’ over Silver Cut right quick too.” And with that, he trotted off, calling the whole courtyard to running formation.

Shortly after they got started, Celestia approached Twilight, tail between her legs and her eyes in the most adorably apologetic face they could muster, and asked “Am I in trouble, miss Twilight? I wasn’t trying to be a bad girl, I promise. I just wanted to have some fun with the guards is all.” The face and cracking voice left Twilight nearly heartbroken.

“No, sweetheart. We were all just a bit worried about you, that’s all.” She told her soothingly. “In fact, I think I owe you a quick fly. Why don’t you go ask miss Rainbow Dash if she’ll give you one while I talk with miss Cut, OK?” Celestia’s mood changed immediately, and she bounded off happily towards the multicolored pony.

Soon, a lean young pegasus guard, her mane and tail a brilliant shade of silver and a pair of swinging swords for a cutie mark trotted up and fell to attention. “Princess! Private Silver Cut reporting as directed ma’am!” she called out in a gravelly voice.

“Calm down, private; I just want to know if anything happened to the filly.” Twilight assured her “She has a tendency to put things in her mouth that shouldn’t be there.”

Private Cut relaxed visibly, clearly glad to not be in some sort of trouble. “Well princess, she started following me somewhere down the hallway, and I didn’t see any harm in it so I just let her.” The private began “In fact, she was hummin’ some weird song and jumpin’ around a lot, so I figured she was just playin’ around. But when we got here at the training grounds, I told her to run on to her momma, which just made her start cryin’ real hard. Low Blow, the colt she was playin’ with earlier came over n’ told me to stop bullying her, and he took her off and offered to give her some lessons. The Sarg didn’t say nuthin’ against it, so we all just watched ‘em mess around a bit, then that’s when you came in, ma’am.” She seemed to get a bit distraught here “Should I have hauled her off to you ma’am? I didn’t recognize her, so I figured she was just a servants kid.” She started tapping herself on the forehead “Which now that I notice she’s an alicorn I guess is real stupid.” She snapped up straight “Ma’am, I know I’m new and all, and don’t have no right to be askin’ no favors of royalty, but if you’ll let this one under the carpet, I swear to be the best guard this castle has ever seen!”

Twilight was actually considering reprimanding the guard for not noticing something as odd as an unknown alicorn following her around; after all, she depended on these guards for her life, and that isn’t the kind of thing you just ignore. But the private seemed genuinely apologetic, and looked like she would do everything in her power to make good on her promise, and on the plus side no harm had been done. “Alright private, I’ll look past this one, but if you don’t become a big standout fast, we will be re-discussing this.” The private nodded and saluted once again before joining the rest of the guard in their run.

As Rainbow Dah flew overhead, the telltale squealing of an excited Celestia marking her passage, Twilight thought about how she had never given reprimand to a guard before, (though she did technically let her off the hook,) and it felt very strange to her. Maybe I’m more cut out for this than I thought? It was a novel idea, since she had always considered herself second best, but now that she thought back on it, hadn’t she been doing fairly well all day? Keeping the situation manageable by appointing a guard captain and handing out orders quickly, directing her friends through necessary tasks and even ordering Discord brought to her once she realized he could help. This was one of the first major tasks she had ever completed without a list to check off as she went, and it was a bit unnerving.

“Oh, look!” said a silky male voice behind her. “An epiphany! Even the great Twilight Sparkle can still have learning moments.”

“Ugh” Discord.

Fixin it

Chapter 5

“Oh, come on Twilight,” Said a uniquely irritating draconequis. “You have to admit it was funny.” He was floating alongside her, grinning mischievously.

She however was adamant that she did not have to admit anything. “You’ve been here the whole time, and you just WATCHED!” she was furious because after the initial headache of his presence had passed, he made it abundantly clear that he had been watching the whole time

“Discord, we’re in a bit of a bind as you can see.” She had said.

“Yes I must say that you are, though I am a bit surprised little LuLu got so mad so fast!” he replied with a devilish grin. “Must have been the last in a long series of events. As a matter of fact, I believe she was repeatedly dissuaded from visiting you since your coronation on the basis of you needing space, which we both know is wrong.”

Twilight took a couple of seconds to piece together the underlying nature of his statement, then looked at him incredulously “Wait, how did you know how this happened? Weren’t you off in Draconia? We heard about that ridiculous disease of yours.” She meant the ‘mysterious ailment’ that had caused all the dragons to start giving away their jewels, which just in time managed to shrink them enough to counter a coming assault on the border.

“Oh, please, you make it sound like I have to travel to go places.” He was lounging in the doorway on a mysteriously appearing cloud hammock. “I was here before princess Control-Freak ever thought you might need help.” He stretched comfortably, loudly popping his spine. “Though, it seems you’ve been fine here. I was so proud during that little ‘I might be ready after all’ bit. Very emotional.”

“Wait, let me get this straight.” She interrupted “You’ve been here the entire time, and you didn’t think to maybe fix it?!”

“And miss the only bit of chaos you’ve ever done successfully? Never!” he was making his best effort to look serious. He was failing horribly.

So now she was walking down the hallway with him pulling ridiculous items from her ear and eating them. When he got to her brain, he made some comment about ‘contagious boring’ and put it back. Twilight was just glad she had convinced him to hide long enough to tell rainbow to take Celestia back to her sister in the castle. “Do you think you could be a bit more well behaved when we see the girls. They still think you’re the embodiment of evil you know.”

“Ah, the good old days.” He said reminiscently. “Tell me twilight, do you think I’m too old to give it a go again? Be honest.” He turned himself into an extremely elderly version of himself, complete with a walker. “Cuz I think I might still have it in-bleh- in me.” Partway through, he spit out dentures that looked like comically oversized versions of his own teeth.

“Try it and I’ll turn you back into a pebble.” She said dangerously. After a few moments, she gave a grin of her own, causing Discord to straighten uncomfortably. “Not that I have to. Do it and you’ll be dealing with Fluttershy first.” He slumped in defeat, turning his goat horn into a small white flag and waving it gently. “Now straighten up. We’re here.”

She opened the door to the dining hall and the minor noises within all ceased. Twilights friends looked at them expectantly, but the filly princess’ looks were more akin to awe. “You did it!” said Luna “I thought nopony could ever make him listen, but you did it!” she ran over and hugged Twilight tightly “You really are the best princess EVER!”

Discord leaned low and placed himself at eyelevel with Luna “Hello, little filly.” He said “How about a big hug for your buddy Discord.” Her nerve failed almost immediately, and she ran back behind Rainbow Dash with her sister, and they both stuck out their tongues at him. He chuckled and said “Ah, the classics. Never gets old. Except when it does. And just for the record, little filly, the idea of this purple egghead ever being able to make me do anything is ridiculous.”

With a pop, he appeared behind Rainbow and held out a pair of styrofoam cups to the fillies. “But let’s not make enemies among friends; here, have a drink. Courtesy of chaos.” He gave a big smile and set the cups down in front of the fillies in a peace offering. Celestia was the first to brave the mysterious drink, and when she didn’t die, Luna joined her, albeit cautiously.

Discord nodded in a self-satisfied matter before popping off again, showing up next to Fluttershy this time. She gave him a few approving pats on the back.“That’s very good, Discord, and thank you for coming so quickly.” Fluttershy told him.

Fluttershy’s assumption that he hadn’t just let the whole thing happen for the fun of it was wrong on every angle, but Twilight didn’t feel like it was necessary to correct her; at least for now. Pinkie was the first to ask him “Well, what are you waiting for? Bring the big ole sun back! That’s what’ll turn the princesses back to normal, right?”

“Actually, my dear,” he told her “there are a few problems with that. First of all, it’s eleven o’clock at night, so there is no sun yet. Second of all, I don’t work for free.”

“Discord, that’s not very nice.” Said Fluttershy dangerously.

He, however was unfazed. “I am sorry, dear Fluttershy, but there are some things you can’t get me to do even if you dangle our friendship over my head.” They were all genuinely surprised. They had all suspected it wouldn’t be easy, but the idea of him completely turning against Fluttershy seemed impossible.

“So,” asked Applejack “What do ya’ll want?”

“Nothing from you. It’s them” he gestured at the girls “that I have business with.”

Twilight stepped in between them. “Well, I don’t know if you noticed, but they’re not exactly in any condition to cooperate with you.” She said defiantly “I am a princess of Equestria too; what you need from them, you can get from me.” She could take any punishment, but she would let no harm befall her beloved mentor or her sister, especially when they were in such a state. Discord popped up in front of her, and looked at her with what could only be described as irritated disdain.

“If I had wanted the b-cup,” he seethed “I would have asked for it. I was joking about taking over before, but if I wanted to, I could do it easily.” He bent low and looked her in the eye, and for the first time since she had first seen him, she felt genuine fear. “I know where all of the elements are this time; not here. Not to mention it will take another thousand years before they are strong enough to challenge me again.” Everyone in the room, save for the fillies in question who were oblivious to the conversation, backed up; he had never been this dangerously serious before, and he had a point. The Elements were back in Canterlot, except for the Element of Magic on Twilight’s head. “And what I want can only come from them.” He straightened back out, and his smile returned, but his eyes still held a bit of venom. “And don’t think you will get away with them making a promise as children then they pretend ignorance as adults. When I say I want them, I mean them. I won’t fix it until I speak with their true selves.”

“Well, that poses a bit of a problem” Twilight responded, not sure what he was trying to do. “They can’t remember anything until you fix the sky and put them back to normal.”

“Please, Princess Small Thought.” He said as on would to an ignorant foal. “Their size doesn’t affect their minds, they only forgot their past because of the shock of losing all their magic in a matter of seconds.”

Rarity figured it out first “So, your saying, if we use the memory spell we used you beat you, they’ll remember who they are?”

“No, I’m saying that if she didn’t need me to hold her hoof the whole way,” he said snootily, mocking her by turning into a white and purple draconequis “she could have avoided this whole headache by hitting those little noggins from the start. Now, she has to deal with the consequences.”

“Fine,” Twilight said grumpily, a little ticked about the hoof-holding comment, and more than a little ticked at the thought that she hadn’t even considered the solution “So I’ll just hit them now and we can take care of this.” But when she turned to the fillies, they were acting strange. They were both bouncing uncontrollably, eyes constricted to pinpricks and huge grins. Celestia’s wings were beating so fast that they no longer hummed, but whined loudly, and neither sister seemed to be able to stay still. “Discord, what was in those cups?”

Preceding his answer, Celestia spoke to her sister quickly and excitedly. “HeyLuluwannarace?!”

“Yeahsure123GO!” and they both disappeared down the hallway, leaving little smoke outlines where they head been, path marked by blue and pink streaks.

He was doing his best to act innocent, but his massive smile gave him away. “Caramel Mocha Lattes. With extra sugar.”

“Discord”

******************************************************

The six of them spent the next hour looking for the spaztic children, and when they finally found them it wasn’t because they had caught up, but because of the burnout inherent in drinking caffeinated drinks.

The fillies were in the pool room, piled on top of each other, panting heavily. Discord was in the pool, wearing a hot pink swimming cap, and overlarge goggles and swim trunks. “It’s about time you lot got here. We managed to lock some guards in their barracks, tie Blueblood’s mane and tail together, and steal seven cupcakes from the baker next to the castle before they started feeling the burn.” He yelled at them from the pool. After a last lap, he hopped out of the pool, and onto a beach he produced himself, lounging in light from above the pool.

Twilight was officially done playing his games, and trotted over to the children. “Let’s just get this over with, Discord. Those Guards happened to be on the outgoing shift change, and they were very rude to Fluttershy before I got there.” She lowered her head to the worn out fillies, and set her horn aglow, the tiara on her head matching it in turn.

They seemed to get their energy back instantly once the memory spell was cast, and Celestia disentangled herself from her sister as quick as she was able. “Ugh, what happened? The last thing I remember is the- oh dear.” She had caught sight of Twilight, and had noticed that she had to look up to see her face. “Twilight, my faithful student, please tell me what I think has happed has not in fact happened.”

“Sorry princess, but it has.” Twilight was happy to hear Celestia talk in her usual manner, and the proof of her returned memory was shown in her Cutie marks return. “Do you remember anything after the eclipse?”

Celestia sat and thought hard, which given her current size was sufficiently adorable, and after a few moments she turned a distinct shade of green. Yeah, she remembers. “Oh, please tell me I’m just going insane. Please tell me my memories are false, that I didn’t chew on things.” Twilight’s lack of answer and inability to look her in the eye caused Celestia to slump very low. “I. Will. Never. Live this down.”

“Sister!” yelled a newly awakening Luna. “Sister, we are small!” she began to approach her sister, and promptly fell over on her face. “And very uncoordinated. Sister, is this our fault?”

“Yes, Luna, and if I remember correctly, it is going to take a rather unsavory ally to fix it.”

“Come, now Celestia, you can’t say it isn’t a little fun being a child again.” Said Discord floating above her. She didn’t even acknowledge his presence, save to sink her heal lower in irritation. “I haven’t seen you like this in thousands of years. I forgot just how adorable you used to be. How did you get to be so boring?”

“A thousand years of chaos will do that to a pony.” Said Luna, hostile at the former gods irritating mannerisms. “Now, I seem to remember, among other unfortunate memories, that your aid would come at a price of us. Name it, and let us be done here.”

“Not so fast little moon Princess, it’s not that easy.” He told her from above her head. “My price won’t be had now, as it won’t do me any good with you like this.”

Celestia had had it. “Then what do you want?!” she asked hautily. “I have no intention of waiting to gain the strength to force it back myself, such a time would extend far too long.”

“Oh, it’s so adorable when you try to act all big when your voice is so small and squeaky.” He said, tousling her mane playfully. She shook him off and distanced herself from her assailant. “For now though,” he continued “I want your word. That when you get back to yourselves, you will give me exactly what I ask for.”

Celestia and Luna talked about it for a moment or two, mostly concerning their unwillingness to trust their oldest enemy in existence, given his unpredictable nature, but in the end they begrudgingly agreed to his terms. They didn’t have a real choice in the matter. “All right, my little ponies, let’s get started shall we?” exclaimed Discord happily.

He teleported them all to the balcony, and after they all adjusted, Pinkie Pie started laughing. Discord had put on the princess regalia, albeit in a mismatched fashion, and had even turned his mane into Celestia’s own multicolored pastel mane. Needless to say, neither princess was very amused, a sentiment Twilight shared. The others, however, couldn’t keep their giggles under control. “Now, give me a bit. It’s been a while since I did this.” Discord interlaced the appendages of his bird claw and bear paw, crackling the knuckles of both.

Soon, the two heavenly bodies began to vibrate in their joined place in the sky. As the glowing ring surrounding the moon began to get brighter and brighter, they all leaned forward in anticipation. But, the former god of chaos showed his nature, using the light to draw an effigy of himself on the moon’s surface. “There, isn’t that so much better?” he asked cheerily, but the glares from the others on the balcony stole his gusto. “… You mad, bro?”

“Discord,” said the tiny Luna, “Fix our moon. Now!”

“Please.” He turned his nose up at her. “This is an improvement! Just look at that beautiful Face! So much better than that silly Mare in the Moon gimmick of yours.”

“NOW!” they all shouted in unison.

“Fine, but I still think this is better.” Again, he reached his magic out, and this time, the glow began to get brighter on only one side, while it dimmed on the other, signifying the two orbs beginning to separate.

With a slight humming, the sisters also began to glow, and as the two orbs got farther apart, they too gained strength. By the time the moon was returned to its former glory and the sun was safely returned to its home below the horizon, the sisters had grown to what were most likely their teenage selves. “As much as it grates my nerves to say it, thank you Discord. You have done an unparalleled service.” Celestia told him, seeming a little proud he had actually come through for them in their time of need.

“Well, I’m just glad I could help.” He said, obviously lying through his teeth. “Though as I told our purple associate, I don’t work for free.” Any confidence they had in him was visibly cast aside. “You two even up, and we’ll talk about my reward. You can find me in little Twilights throne room.” And with that he popped off.

The princesses both began to concentrate, and in a matter of moments they were back to their original glory. “So, Tia, what do you think he wants?” asked Luna anxiously.

“I don’t know, sister, but I can’t imagine it will be to our liking.”

***********************************************

“YOU WANT WHAT???” The entire gathering, including the Elements of Harmony and spike, not to mention a few Royal Guards, were gawking at Discord, and the Royal pony sisters were blushing furiously. Discords request, the least expected thing that could have been suggested, had been a kiss from each of the princesses, and they were none too happy about it. “You can’t possibly be serious!” balked Luna.

“Oh, come now, we’re all adults here, and besides” Discord said innocently from his place in Twilights throne “it’s not like I said it had to be on the mouth. Just a little smooch for your old pal Dizzy.”

Celestia seemed to be taking it harder than her sister, or at least that’s what it looked like. Her coat was naturally white, and as a result her blush extended far beyond what would have normally been visible. “Discord, this has to be some kind of joke; surly you want to be declared a member of the royal family? A city of your own, perhaps?” she looked like she might be sick “You can’t really expect us to… to… You just can’t!”

Luna was nodding her agreement, but stopped once Discord began to speak again. “Of course it’s a Joke! What do you take me for?” They both sighed deeply, glad to be out of the woods. “That doesn’t change the fact that it’s what I want in return, however.” And right back to crushing despair.

“Discord,” Luna Pleaded “There must be something else we can offer you? J-just think for a bit!”

“I already have, and you gave your word. I may have yanked all of you around for a long time, but at least I never lied to you.” And try as they might, they couldn’t find a loophole.

“So be it, Discord.” Celestia said in defeat. “Let us be done with this business.” She and her sister walked forward in dread, Luna shaking a bit. Discord however was completely excited, and changed his hair into a large, greasy, slicked back black do, and donned a black leather jacket with a pair of sunglasses in the breast pocket.

“Pucker up ladies, this is going to be good.” He said with a huge smile, and the two grudgingly positioned themselves on either side of the draconequis, closed their eyes tightly, and kissed him on either side of his face.

Just at the moment of contact, a bright flash occurred, and everypony looked towards the doors to see a large Polaroid camera spitting out its damning contents. Celestia and Luna looked on in horror as Discord took hold of the picture and waved it a few times to help it develop. “Well aint she a beauty?” asked Discord in a downtown manehatten accent. He had stuck up his arms and given the thumbs up sign , twisting his thumbs out just as the picture was taken, looking just like a twisted version of an eighties greaser.

“DISCORD!” came Celestia’s rage. “YOU HAND THAT PHOTO OVER THIS INSTANT!” however, before her and her sisters flying tackle could land, he had popped out of the room. That photo would subsequently be put on flyers plastered all over Equestria, and would haunt the sisters for centuries to come. That knowledge had yet to pass, however, so the irony of the statement “He wouldn’t use that for anything too embarrassing, would he?” was lost on all in attendance.

“Oh my goodness, That’s HILARIOUS!” … except Pinkie Pie.

***************************************************

Twilight was walking around the castle later that morning, having been unable to sleep through the sunrise. The sisters had opted to stay in the castle in order to ensure no lasting health effects, so it was no surprise when she came upon her mentor on the balcony outside the guest quarter. “Princess,” she asked, “may I join you?” Celestia nodded and shuffled to the side to give her room beside herself.

“Twilight,” she said, her embarrassment evident “I cannot sufficiently express my gratitude for your secrecy in this, nor for your caring for us in our… diminished state.” She looked her student in the eye “It was unfair of us to impose on you in that manner, and I am so very sorry you had to put up with us. If I remember right, Luna and I did not have the best behavioral track record as children.”

That was an understatement. “It’s OK, princess, there was no real harm done, and at least Princess Luna got her slumber party.” Celestia couldn’t help but chuckle a bit it what had to be the most bizarre slumber party in history. “Besides,” Twilight continued “It was kind of fun seeing you two as children. I never knew you were so wild.”

Again Celestia laughed. “Yes, well, given the various events that have transpired in our time, is it so hard to believe we could be so different from our current selves?” Twilight didn’t feel that it was, but she beckoned the princess to continue. “Well, I was actually quite energetic for quite a long time. It took Nightmare Moon to take that spirit away from me.”

Twilight considered her words for a moment before saying carefully, “well, Luna’s back now, and Nightmare Moon is gone. Don’t you think it would be OK to let that part of yourself back out?” Celestia’s doubtful look promted her to continue. “Well, Luna’s taking over some of your old slack, and I know she forgave you for what happened, not to mention there’s me and Cadence to lean on.” She was having a hard time finding the proper way to word it, but she pushed forward “I guess what I’m saying is you’ve got a lot of people you can lean on now. You don’t have to be the adult all the time anymore, you can let yourself get silly from time to time now.”

Celestia still looked skeptical, however, and Twilight wasn’t sure how to continue. It didn’t get any easier when a tiny draconequis fly buzzed in her ear “It’s not working! Friendship harder, Twilight Sparkle!” she swatted at him, and he flew off a bit, only to become an ugly sculpture that framed the doorway.

She decided a change of approach might help. “So, did they really call you Humlestia in your old school?” Celestia gave her the most dangerous look she had ever given her student, but Twilight raised her hooves innocently. “I’m just saying, Chewlestia might have made more-“

“Finish that sentence and pay Twilight Sparkle. There are far simpler methods to dethrone a princess than a spell.” Celestia was obviously miffed, but the smile that tugged at her lips was more than enough for Twilight to recognize her victory.

“Sense.” With a loud whoosh, the smaller princess was launched across the courtyard, barely finding time to right herself and alight unharmed on the castle wall across the way. They both began to laugh heartily from their respective perches, the first Celestia had partaken in for a longer time than she had really thought.

Yes, she thought to herself, perhaps it is time to resurrect that part of myself.

“I agree with Twilight.” The grating male voice turned Celestia’s mirth to malice. “Chewlestia makes much more sense.” She turned quickly and sent a concussive blast at Discord, and when he dodged she gave chase, her attempts to blast him from the sky lasting several more hours, as he laughed manically at her futile attempts.

Author's Note

So glad to be done with my first story. Ice=Broken
I'd like to thank everyone who commented, Grey Warden in particular. The bit with the latte came from his comment.
ive already got some ideas for a bunch more oneshots, but I'm a bit torn between doing a serious story and another comedy. if you've got a preference, let me know.
till then, bonsoir