Flatfoots

by walk-in closet brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Adventure, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 2485

With cultural contamination from humanity on the rise in Equestria, human officers of the law have been called to action, reassigned to different areas of the country

Ponies and humans, all living under the same sky.

Sounds great right?

Not when you count all the drugs and profanity that human culture brings along with it. Detective Louis Hale must juggle both of the species' criminals when he is transferred to Equestria where there are no specific desks to man.

Only the desk of justice.
(Many characters will be encountered in the story, but there are too many to account on the character list.)

Published 2013-06-07 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-07 04:00:02 UTC

Exposition

Louis Hale.

A name you've probably never heard of before. That would make sense, seeing as though I've yet to make a proper name for myself here. To you, the words are just a minnow, swimming in the sea of names that fill this world. This cruel world, chock-full of gangsters and shysters. Pickpockets and murderers. Prostitutes and swindlers.

Those things, are the motive for me getting up every morning.

It used to be you drive around in your patrol car, spot a perp trying to break into some flower shop, book 'im, then take your paycheck. That was no longer, seeing as though I'd been promoted to Ad-Vice. Ever since that promotion, I'd been sitting behind a mahogany desk filing paperwork. I didn't usually have to get off my ass, only when I got the call to round up my partner and bust a drug operation, whether it was some street corner dealership or a warehouse meth-lab.

That was before the discovery. Before I lost my partner to those damn quadrupeds.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. All you need to know is that I hate those freaking ponies. They annoy the living hell outta me, what with their rainbows and sunshine. Ten years ago, some scientific discovery pioneered by the worlds top scientists opened a door.

A door to a new world.

That's old news now. Go ahead, take a walk down any boulevard in Equestria. You'll pass a Radio-Shack and you can bet your bottom you'll find some kind of twisted, vegan McDonalds. Ponies and humans have gotten cosey with each other, real cosey. Diplomatic relations with their monarchs went real smooth and before you knew it, their was a human renting out an apartment on every corner in Equestria. Buying houses, getting jobs. We were all over when free passage between the worlds were permitted to the public.

That was all ten years ago.

Now, my partners dead, and I'm on a marta train headed for the transition portal that's going to take me to Equestria, a world where the worst crime possible is not saying "gesundheit" when someone sneezes.

Two weeks ago . . .

"Damn it chief! Re-assigning me there is like slapping me square in the face!" Yelled Louis Hale.

Chief Peterson swiveled in his chair and faced his distressed employee, sighing as he did so. Twiddling with a number two pencil in his hands, he stared into the disheveled visage of his finest officer of the law.

"Listen Lou, I get you. I completely understand what putting you in a stint like this could do to a man. A man in your position. But as coincidental as it may seem, we need you over there. We're shorthanded as it is and the princesses there have requisitioned more human cops. Take it as a compliment." He spoke.

Hale turned around and did a double take before spinning back toward the desk and slamming his fists down on it.

"And just how the hell is that a compliment!?"

"The guards in Equestria are soft. Too soft to handle all the bullshit that the cultural contamination between our two species has brought upon it's own people. Instead of suppressing human culture, these walking coloring books have embraced it, and all the negatives that come with it. Hell, even that Luna character trots around with custom designed Skull Candies hanging out of her ears!"

"And just how does that involve me?"

Peterson sighed once more and spoke gingerly.

"Because we need men like you, men like you to keep this social shift in the population in check. The Equestrians aren't going to be able to handle the after affects that our lifestyle tends to bring on. Y'know what I heard? That human narcotics have made their way into the seedier side of that world's neighborhoods. Jesus Lou, thanks to us, there is a seedier side now!"

Hale exhaled deeply, then stared at the chief's wall that had been adorned with photos and diplomas. His eyesight traced itself along the display to a photo of him and his partner posed outside a warehouse after a huge drug bust. His first case on Ad-Vice, and he and his partner had already become well known throughout the office. The moment frozen in time reminded him of happier times, times when he lived a life of routine.

Now it had been turned topsy turvy.

"Fine Jack, you got me. What desk d'ya got me on? Patrol? Traffic?" Asked Hale, submitting to his employers will.

Peterson chuckled lightly.

"Ain't that the million dollar question? Get this, in Equestria, there are no specific areas of the law. It's just crime and punishment. You'll be issued a new beat to cover along with your own apartment, and a bus pass to get you there until we can get a squad car out there for you. Sound good?" Explained Peterson.

"No."

"Great! You've got two weeks to clean out your office here, then I want you on a transition portal and catching a train to Canterlot by the Monday after next. You'll be under new management, so you're pretty much done with this old popsicle stand."

Peterson stood up and stretched his hand out to shake Hale's.

"It's been an honor Lou."

Hale's and Peterson's gesture was genuine and firm, two old friends exchanging friendly niceties for one last time.

"Same here Jack."

With that, Hale leaned off the chief's desk and walked out of the office, never to return again. Peterson sat down and stared at a frame hung on his wall displaying Hale and his partner after the biggest drug bust in the county since 1956.

"There goes one damn fine cop." He spoke.

Present Day . . .

The marta train slowed to a stop, and Detective Louis Hale stepped out into the blinding lights of the terminal deck. Unlike an airport, the boarding process for a transition portal to Equestria was completely indoors, the large inter-dimensional portal stretched across the room of terminal 1B. In front of Hale was a dashboard, completely touch compatible, where the settings for personal trans-dimensional travel could be modified to your liking. The portal itself however, had not yet opened.

"Salutations, we thank you for choosing Trans-Dimensional Crossing as your go to selection for travel to Equestria. Please direct you attention to the dashboard in front of you and follow the onscreen instructions." Said a feminine voice.

Hale jumped as the console in front of him lit up in an electronic blue, the family of three standing next to him giving him a sideways glance. The voice began again, repeating itself once more in Spanish after it finished.

"If this is your first time visiting Equestria, select yes."

Hale touched the Holo-screen with his index finger, awaiting the next instruction.

"Excellent. However, it is advised that all first time visitors tuck in their stomachs and hold their breath as they pass through to prevent nausea attacks. Please assist younger travelers as they may have trouble moving through the portal. We advise you to hold on to your luggage tightly, as we are not responsible for any lost baggage dropped in the inter-dimensional warp."

The continue button in the bottom right hand corner of the screen flashed, and Hale touched it. The screen changed to a list of city names and addresses and a small slit in the wall to Hale's right side lit up.

"Trans-Dimensional Crossing provides you with twenty one convenient two-way receiving junctions, from Ponyville to Galloping Gorge. Please select one now and press continue. After you have made your selection, be sure to deposit your non-renewable ticket in the receiver on your right."

Hovering his finger over Canterlot National Travel Port, Hale chose his predetermined destination and inserted his one-way ticket into the counter. Abruptly, the Holo-screen closed and the room darkened. The archway across him lit up in a brilliant purple as an ethereal wall filled the large, open space. A light above it lit up, saying STEP FORWARD.

"Well, here goes nothing." Hale told himself.

With a deep breath and a quick exhale, Louis Hale stepped into the portal, stomach sucked in and eyes closed. He felt a cold chill as he moved through the liquid mass and fell out through the other side.

Adjusting his eyes in the light, Hale took a deep breath, the actual time it took to cross taking a little longer than he'd thought. When he could finally see straight, Hale was taken aback. As reluctant as he was to admit it, he'd made it.

He was in Equestria.

Looking out the large windows of the terminal, Hale saw that the hustle and bustle of the streets at home was nothing compared to the activity taking place in front of him. Ornately decorated carriages and pristine shop stalls lined the streets, both human and pony alike walking along the sidewalks. The terminal he had entered through was dispensing traveler after traveler, all of them bug-eyed and filled with wanderlust.

The only difference between them and Hale was that the newly arrived officer was sprawled on the ground, convulsing with each new wave of first-time travelers nausea.

"Can I help you with that sir?"

Looking up, Hale saw a bright green quadruped wearing something akin to a bell boy's uniform.

Cute.

"Huh? Help me?" Mouthed Hale.

"Your baggage. You seem to be having a hard time adjusting to your arrival."

Louis clutched his meager suitcase and, mustering all the strength he could, stood up from his previous position.
The man found that he towered over the pony in front of him, but this nonetheless failed to faze the small Equestrian wearing that stupid giddy smile.

"My name is Minty Crest, and it's my pleasure to be the first to welcome you to- huh?"

Hale had already walked away, dragging his half-open suitcase along with him.

As he walked, Louis was able to spot several things he had not noticed before, one thing in particular being the roads that paved their way through the city. Although the carriage dominated the pristine roadways, Hale was able to spot a good number of cars zooming down the street. As he walked, a number of humans and ponies carrying signs stood before the exit, shouting out names, one of the drivers, a human, managed to get his attention.

"Hale! Louis Hale!"

"Hey, uh . . that's me."

"Pleased to meet you sir, nice to see another fellow bipedal carbon-based life form join the ranks, eh? Heh, follow me." Said the man.

Hale stepped out of the terminal and into the sunlight, stepping behind the cab driver as he was directed to the yellow cab parked in front of the entrance. Placing his suitcase in the seat next to him, Hale seated himself in the back seat, neglecting the seat belt despite the safety awareness tag next to him. The car sputtered to life, and the two humans soon found themselves cruising down the road, heading for Hale's new apartment on Clover street.

"First time in Equestria?"

The voice snapped Hale out of his glazed state.

"Yeah."

"No kidding? I remember when I first got here . . ."

The voice droned on, but Louis managed to tune him out. He was too busy staring at the scenery as they drove by corner after corner. He hadn't had time to fully absorb the full scope of the cultural fusion of the two species up until now and, in a way, it disturbed him. Here was a world previously untouched by modern technology yet changed drastically in ten short years. Already human influences could be seen affecting the everyday lives of these four-legged citizens.

The human race doing what it does best.

They passed a Taco Bell, advertising it's new, vegan-friendly crunch wrap. A Wal Mart on the corner of a street zipped by the window, countless Equestrians and humans sauntering in and out with shopping carts. A billboard advertising a new line of clothes had a seemingly important pony smiling as it displayed the grand fabric. In this world, times were-a-changing. He could only imagine the amount of negative side affects all this modernization would bring on-

"We're here!"

The sing-song voice had once again brought Hale back to reality. The cab had stopped in front of what appeared to be an old boarding house, the only thing distinguishing it as anything else being the large sign that read, Sunny Side Apartments.

"That'll be $6.48 for the fare sir!"

Hale handed over the money and stepped out, turning to face the driver to receive his change.

"Thank you, and have a nice stay!"

The window rolled up, and the cab zoomed off, leaving officer Hale on the slightly decrepit Canterlot sidewalk in front of a run-down apartment complex. Taking five reluctant steps up to the front entrance, Hale drew in a deep breath and flung open the door. The lobby looked almost as sorry as the front entrance, the wallpaper peeling and the smell of mold overwhelming the man as he walked towards the reception desk. A mare with a dark brown mane stood at the counter, looking noticeably bored.

"Name?"

"Hale."

The mare typed away skillfully with her hooves on the small computer, the keyboard specially designed for use with hooves.

"Louis Hale?"

"Yeah."

"Apartment 2B. Go up the stairs, it's the second door on the right."

The mare reached under the counter with her mouth and relinquished a single metal key. After receiving it, Hale made his way up the stairs, the second floor being farther up than he thought.

"What's . . with all . . . the freaking stairs?" He panted as he braced himself against the wall when he reached the top.

Skimming the doors that lined the thin hallway, officer Hale managed to locate 2B. Sliding the key in, he could hear the tumblers in the lock open with a metallic click as the door swung open and revealed to him his new home.

"What the hell . . ."

The room was small, one bedroom, a bathroom, and a small living room that was connected to a mini kitchen. A T.V. and a large sofa took up most of the space in comparison to the minuscule bed that sat in the bedroom across the apartment. Much like the lobby, the apartment's walls were peeling and the familiar smell of mold crept beneath the man's nostrils.

"Alright, I guess I could make this work." Said Louis as he set down his suitcase.

Until he visited the Canterlot police department in his area of the capitol, Hale found himself with virtually nothing to do.

"Hmm . . . I wonder what they've got on Equestrian T.V.?"

Author's Note

The term "Flatfoot" is a nickname given to officers of the law by various crowds.