The Conversion Bureau:
Inversion
Chapter One:
Equestria's End Begins
Twilight Sparkle shook her head in annoyance. No matter how she attacked the problem, she couldn't come up with a solution. And that fact was slowly driving her up the wall with fear and frustration.
Six years ago, a massive continent had appeared in one of the oceans of Equus during a unique astrological convergence that Luna had set up due to the sheer energy put out by that same event. Calling itself the United States of America, it was said to be part of a world called Earth. It was discovered that the two worlds were merging. This fusion would result in a planet roughly three times the size of either due to the energy which caused the fusion in the first place, as it occurred due to the fact that Earth was from a parallel reality, and all the energy from this fusion of worlds had to go somewhere. On the upside, this would mean that there would be no lack of space for the population of the two worlds, as it seemed new land masses would result from the fusion, according to every simulation model run by Earth's greatest computers and scientific minds.
The downside was that no pony could set foot in it without dying an utterly horrific death.
And Twilight had been working on this problem for the last two years. With no luck whatsoever.
The unique nature of Earth made it incompatible with the magical energy field that permeated the planet. The magical energy field, also called Thaumic radiation, was unique to their world. And while Earth's power plants could use it as a form of near-perpetual energy due to how the energy changed when it came into contact with Earth, the machines were the only thing that could use it. Because the non-magical nature of Earth created a kind of anti-magic field. One that, it had been discovered, was lethal to any living creature who depended on that magical field for life. And it was spreading as more and more of Earth began to emerge and fuse with their world. As mankind began researching the energy as best they could (and in so doing discovering that thaumic radiation became a safe, non-lethal fusion radiation that could become a near-perpetual energy source as the energy changed from magic into a form of clean energy that seemed endless due to the fact that magic had pervaded Equus for so long.) in order to try to avert as much loss of life as possible for the population of their new neighbor, Earth continued to encroach on Equus. More and more of the planet and its unique life forms called Humans were becoming part of the soon to be superplanet that would exist as a result of the fusion of the two worlds.
Celestia and Luna had no idea what to do for once in their millennia-long existences. Not even Discord had caused this much panic in his days as Equestria's ruler. They reached out to mankind, trying to find some way to save their ponies, even as other species such as the Griffins and Zebras and Buffalo wondered why the anti-magical nature of Earth did little to nothing to their kind. This was later explained as being because while these species could use magic, it wasn't part of their intrinsic genetic makeup. In other words, Griffins, Zebras, and Buffalo could use magic. Ponies, on the other hand, were genetically dependant on it just to exist. The only thing the princesses could do was erect a barrier against the advance of Earth. But it was doomed to fail almost from the word go.
The anti-magic nature of Earth began eating away at the barrier almost immediately. Leaving behind only the energy now being distributed across Earth, which was able to maintain contact with America and travel to and from the various Earth continents was still possible due to an odd quirk in the way the two worlds were merging. Sadly, this meant that any artificial items such as buildings, and even pony-made clouds, were being destroyed by the anti-magic field— or as it had come to be called, the Fusion Field, or simply the Field— due to their saturation in thaumic radiation, which presented its own problems. It was theorized that only the EverFree Forest might go unaffected by the Field since weather was non-magical there. As was nearly everything else inside it, save perhaps the old ruined castle that once belonged to the Equestrian Diarchs.
The proposed manner in which to save the pony population, put into effect a year and a half ago, was controversial enough that many ponies had dismissed it outright, but the majority were in favor of it simply to stem the tide of death that would emerge otherwise. And there were still some who were desperately trying to find a way to render its necessity moot.
Twilight threw down her books in a heap and collapsed on a pillow in a huff.
"Nothing!" she muttered. "Not a single clue to how to stop this fusion whatosever in any of the old texts I have. Even Starswirl's textbooks are no help."
"You're pushing yourself too hard, Twilight." Cadance said as she entered the library. Twilight smiled a bit at her old foalsitter and current sister-in-law. The Crystal Empire had been one of the first parts of Equestria to be consumed by Earth as the anti-magic field began it's slow progress across the planet. That had been two years ago. While the majority had been saved thanks to the emplacement of the barrier, the fact that many had not made it had been a heartbreaking experience for those ponies that had seen family ripped apart by the still growing anti-magic field.
"What else can I do, Cadance? The Crystal Empire is gone, Appaloosa is on the verge of following it, and we're slowly losing every piece of our art, our culture and everything else to that damn energy field! And what did the humans propose? They want us to give it all up! To be turned into humans in those darned Conversion Bureaus! Bureaus they created after studying our transformation magic! Thanks to them, everything we value will be gone in just another four years or so if we don't do something!" she ruffled her wings in agitation. "Discord is somehow the only one not affected by it, too, and he's got no idea why. Not that he's complaining. He was already pretty unique to begin with. But what about you, and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna? What about every unicorn on the planet!? I can't just let them be turned into humans!"
"Your friend Lyra seems to be happy with it." The alicorn of love pointed out. Lyra had been one of the very first volunteers for the process of Conversion: a means by which ponies could become humans and thus survive in a soon-to-be magicless world. She had come through with flying colors and had been positively giddy about it. She became a minor celebrity, and had moved to Philadelphia, where she had joined a small up and coming rock band. Turns out she played a mean electric guitar.
"Yes but she was always fascinated with stories about aliens. Finding out that aliens actually exist was like giving her the ultimate Hearth's Warming present!" This was accompanied by an annoyed stomp of her hoof. "I can't do it, Cadance. I can't just give up everything and become a human. I never expected to become an Alicorn, but I dedicated my studies to magic! My Cutie Mark is based around magic. I spent years doing nothing but studying magic! Ask Spike, he can vouch for that. And now I'm supposed to just give it up? For what? What could I possibly do with myself if the very thing that makes me special is taken away from me because of something that wasn't even my own fault?!"
"I know, Twilight. But running yourself into the ground isn't going to help either." Cadance replied, gently patting the other Alicorn on the shoulder. "I don't think anyone likes this situation, Twilight. But we have to make do with what we have. At least they found a way to save us. And it's not true that we're giving up everything. So long as we live, our culture will survive with us."
"But that's only partly true, Cadance." Twilight shot back. "Earth ponies can still do almost everything they do now with only minor changes. But what about unicorns and pegasi? No wings means no flight. No flight means no weather control. No more air races, nothing. Cloudsdale will be destroyed once the Field hits it....everything up there is made of clouds for the most part. An entire city in the clouds, something humans can never duplicate. Gone just like that. As if it never was. The Pegasi and Unicorn cultures will both die out because there's no magic anymore. Nopony will be able to walk on the clouds. Weather's going to be like it is in Everfree! Don't you see? It'll be all wrong! Magic....real magic anyway...will be forgotten in a few decades, unless Discord decides to start playing pranks on every...one." She shook her head at that. She used to occasionally use that word, but now she'd have to use it almost all the time since ponies were no longer going to be the dominant life form of the planet. Then a more horrifying thought came to her. "Oh no....what about the Elements?! Discord isn't be affected by the Field. But does that mean they won't be either? Or-or will they be destroyed too?"
Cadance's eyes went wide. She hadn't even considered that point, and was sure neither of her aunts had either. She shook her head in response. She had no answer. Discord's seeming immunity to the Field was still a subject of contentious debate. Some thought it was because his powers were so much stronger than even those of the princesses. Some thought it was because his powers came from chaos and disharmony instead of the normal magic everypony else used.
Some thought it was because his magic used the same power source as the anti-magic field itself, which led to some thinking he was responsible for the current situation. Discord had been so incensed by that accusation that the few who had suggested it were still trapped as dancing dolls. Celestia and Luna had managed to calm him down before he'd done anything worse, but he hadn't changed his accusers back yet due to not wanting to forgive them.
A knock at the door caused both alicorns to turn, as Spike moved to open it. "Oh, hey Dash, what's up?" he asked as the cyan pegasus entered. She looked....well, disturbed. She made her way in and plopped down on a pillow next to the two princesses.
"What's wrong, Rainbow?" Cadance asked. Twilight's wings twitched a bit. Rainbow Dash looking so upset did not bode well.
"Pinkie just told me she's considering going Human."
Author's Note
This idea has been batting around my brain for awhile. Think of it as...I guess you could say a what if. People have their views on the Conversion bureau, and it's pretty much always been a case of a divided view. Mainly because of the largely unfortunate implications many have written in the concept. Consider this an experiment to see how the concept works in reverse. Plus, I'm curious to see how people react. This is early in the story. The world Equestria exists on is about Earth Sized, but as the majority of the planet's landmasses aren't usually seen in the show, so I'm going by the idea that the largest land mass, which seems to be where the majority of all the various nations exist, is about the size of the North American continent. As such, The Crystal Empire is the farthest point, and exists in the upper northwestern part of the continent, and has since been consumed by Earth. Much like how the regular concept works, Earth is intact and whole and people can get anywhere on their world without accidentally ending up in Equestria, much as is the case with regular CB stories when it comes to the various Equestrian nations.
Well, here's the first chapter. Let me know what you think!
Party Pony.....Party Girl?
The Conversion Bureau:
Inversion
Chapter Two:
Party Pony....Party Girl?
Pinkie Pie is considering embracing humanity. The idea echoed in Twilight Sparkle's mind as though a blast had gone off in the caverns beneath Canterlot where she and Cadence had briefly been imprisoned.
"She's...what?!" She finally gasped out. "Dash, if that's your idea of a joke...."
Rainbow shook her head.
"No joke, Twilight. I heard it from Pinkie about an hour or so ago. She said she's been thinking about it for the last year and she's giving it some serious consideration. It's why I got my flank out here to Canterlot as fast as my wings could take me. I figured you should know."
Twilight nodded. She set aside her books for the moment. They wouldn't be any help in this situation.
"We should get back to Ponyville. We've gotta convince her not to go through with it."
Rainbow Dash and the other girls had discussed the idea of Conversion some time back. At the time, Twilight recalled none of them had even given the matter any thought. Twilight believed that had been the end of it. As they approached Ponyville on the Friendship Express however, Twilight grew more and more nervous. What if Pinkie had made up her mind about it in the time Dash had been gone to collect her? The party pony who represented the Element of Laughter was known for sometimes making snap decisions.
They stepped off the train, and Twilight found herself suddenly tackled by a pink canonball.
Well, guess she hasn't gone through with it yet. Twilight thought to herself and had to smile at that.
"Heya Twilight! Whatcha doing here? Ohh, ohh! I know! You heard it was the twins' birthday later this week and wanted to come for the big bash I'm gonna throw, right? We'll have punch, and balloons, and cake and games like pin the tail on the pony—"
Twilight's relief was probably written all over her face but Pinkie was too wrapped up in listing off the things she wanted to do for the party to notice. Cadence and Rainbow on the other hand, were able to pick up on it. As Pinkie led the way into town still babbling about the party, they also encountered Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy.
"Ah take it Dash toldja the news, huh?" Applejack's question was fairly rhetorical given the look on her face, but Twilight nodded. "Kin'a figgered that'd git you runnin' back ta Ponyville. She ain't made any decision either way so far as Ah kin tell, but that don't mean she won't sooner or later. 'specially with the fact we's got a Bureau just outside'a town."
"I don't like the idea that she'd give up her body for one compatible with Earth." Twilight replied. "I'm also worried about what would happen to the Elements if even one of us became human. They depend on the magic of friendship, but they're as saturated in Thaumic radiation as the rest of us. Plus, can you imagine what the PEF might do if one of the ponies responsible for saving the world turned? They'd probably go ballistic! "
Rarity shuddered in response to that comment. "Those beastly ponies have no care for the lives of others, Twilight. I still can't get the images out of my mind of what they did to the Bureau in Saddle Arabia."
Twilight also shuddered. The Purity of Equestria Foundation had caused such widescale destruction and panic in Saddle Arabia that Shining Armor had retaken his role as Captain of the Royal Guard for the sole purpose of hunting them down. Considering their cosuin had been one of the PEF's victims while visiting Saddle Arabia, she didn't blame him.
Once they entered Sugarcube Corner, Twilight felt herself relax a bit more. She was still uncomfortable with the whole royalty aspect of her life, and with the stress of the Conversion Bureaus and ponies actually giving up their poninity to embrace a world that was different and less well-protected, the relief of the normal and familiar was just what she needed.
Which was why the sight of Mr. and Mrs. Cake and their children as humans caused her to freeze up and stare in utter horror.
"W...what in...how....WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Twilight all but shrieked. The noise attracted the attention the twins, who had been playing with some toys— Pumpkin was playing with a toy Phantom X-19 while Pound was playing with a humanoid figure on some two wheeled contraption she vaguely recalled was called a Motorcycle and whose head had been molded to look like a skull that was on fire— just a few moments before. They gave Twilight confused looks. As if it were the strangest thing in the world that she should be upset at finding ponies she knew who were no longer ponies.
"Well, Twilight," Mrs. Cake said nervously, unsure how to interpret Twilight's reaction, "we were thinking about it for a long while, and we decided it was in the children's best interest to convert. That barrier can't hold the Field back forever, you know. And both Princess Celestia and the Earth governments have said they'll help to reconstruct any lost businesses lost to the Field, so while it might not be the original building, there will be a Sugarcube Corner whatever happens. Which means our children will be provided for. And that's what really matters to us these days. So about two months ago we converted as a family after a month and a half orientation process to get us ready."
Twilight was still in shock over what she was seeing, but it slowly caused some dots to connect in her mind as she turned to look at Pinkie.
"This is why you were thinking of going through with it too, wasn't it?" she asked. To her surprise, Pinkie shook her head.
"Nopey-lopey-dopey!" Pinkie said, bouncing in place on her hooves. "I've been thinking about it for awhile, Twilight. And it's not cause of the twins. Though let's face it, they'd never forgive me if I didn't convert in the long run if I had the chance before that nasty old Field gets here." Pinkie now bounced around the shop as she spoke. "Think about all the great parties humans have! I mean, have you seen the footage of the parties they have for New Year's and Independance Day over in New York? They're awesome! All the people singing and laughing and having a great time, it's like my cutie mark times a million! No, no, scratch that. Times EIGHT million!"
Twilight blinked at Pinkie owlishly. The sad thing about it was that from what she knew of Pinkie, that line of reasoning actually made sense.
"Pinkie...you can't do that. What if you converting makes the Elements stop working?" Twilight said, sounding desperate, hoping beyond hope that Pinkie would see the logic in this.
"Then Discord can deal with whatever's wrong. He's stronger than all of you Princesses put together, after all!" Pinkie replied with a cheerful grin. Much as she hated to admit it, Pinkie was right. Celestia had confirmed that for her two weeks after Twilight's transformation. The most Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and now Twilight herself could have done back before he reformed was use magic to try to stop certain things he wanted to do without the Elements. But the spells would not last long in most cases. It was only sheer luck that Fluttershy had succeeded in reforming Discord when she did, or else the spell Celestia had put on the Elements to protect them would have worn off in time and Discord would have eventually figured that out. Then they would have been right back where they started and Celestia would have been potentially knocked off the throne Discord had held for over a millennium before she and Luna had taken usurped him.
To make matters worse, Discord was immune to the Field for reasons even he didn't fully understand. So again, Pinkie's argument actually had a certain logic to it. Twilight realized that with Discord reformed— for the most part, anyway— even if the Elements did stop working, Discord probably was Equestria's ultimate weapon, since he could do on his own what it took all five of her friends and herself to do with the Elements.
Assuming he could be bothered to act as Equestria's defender, at any rate.
"So, there's no chance I can convince you not to go through with it if you decide to, is there?" Twilight asked, trying not to sound as defeated as she felt. Pinkie didn't seem to pick up on it and simply gave a massive grin and shook her head. "Well, at least let me know if you make a call on it. I'd at least like to be there when you come out."
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" Pinkie answered as she bounced off to the back. Presumably to bake more confectionary treats. Twilight sighed and headed out the door, making her way towards the Golden Oaks library. Spike still lived in the tree that they had shared, and Twilight was always welcome. But since her ascension, they hadn't seen much of each other.
"Hey, Twilight. What brings you to Ponyville?" Spike said as he opened the door at the alicorn's knock. He gave her a smile and a hug, which she returned happily.
"Hey Spike. I came in because of some distressing news I got from Rainbow a little while ago."
"Lemme guess. Pinkie Pie?" Spike asked as he walked into the kitchen and returned with some food for both of them. Spike had grown in their time apart, and now stood nearly as tall as she and her friends.
"You heard too, huh?"
Spike nodded again, and to her surprise, shrugged. "Yeah, well, given the whole thing with the Cakes and all I'm not surprised she'd give it some thought. Besides, I don't see what would be wrong with her changing into a human. I mean sure, she wouldn't have the same strength she has now as an Earth Pony, but at least she'd be safe from the Field. Besides, Twilight, it's only the body that changes. It's not like Pinkie's going to stop being Pinkie." He said as he took a bite out of an emerald. "If the potion caused mental changes too, we'd be throwing every human out of Equestria and doing even more than we are now to find a way to seperate our dimensions again, right?"
"Doesn't seem to matter to the PEF." Twilight muttered as she chewed on a daisy sandwhich.
"Aren't those the same kooks who think Alicorns are gods? Who cares what those lunatics think?"
Twilight couldn't entirely disagree with this statement.
"I guess I'm just worried about what happens after, Spike. I mean, once this is all Earth...or whatever we're gonna call that new Superplanet once the dimensional fusion is finished, what happens then? Equestria won't ever be the same again. There'll still be dragons and zebras and griffons and critters...but no ponies. We'll all be walking on two legs and won't be able to use magic. Well, not real magic. Trixie will probably get a kick out of the fact that stage magicians are so well loved on Earth for their entertainment value."
"Don't forget the psychics and everything." Spike pointed out.
"Not really a help, Spike. That's not magic."
"Close enough." the dragon replied with a shrug. "Besides, you know the humans are trying to help find a way to make it safe for Magic, Twi. This is just a safety measure right now since they don't understand it yet."
"And how long is that going to last, Spike? What if they finally figure out how magic works and it turns out it's not safe for humans in the long run? What if it turns out it's got to be one or the other? There's only about eight million ponies on this planet, Spike. And there's seven billion of them! Do you seriously think their governments will make magic safe for us if it means killing their own? Or worse, what if it became a case where the only way for this to all work out is for humans to become ponies? Same problem, Spike. Ponies are facing an extinction event, and if things were reversed, it would be the humans facing it. The only difference is that the humans could just take off and find a new world to live on!"
"Uh, Twilight? How would that even work? The whole humans turning into ponies bit, I mean. The way their dimension works, magic's being turned into some form of raw energy that they're using as a power source that might never run out." Spike asked, quirking a brow archly in confusion.
"It was a hypothetical, Spike! Besides, given how weird this whole mess has been, who's to say this couldn't have worked out differently? For all we know, maybe there's a dimension where all this has turned out differently. Where Celestia is a power mad tyrant who only wants to be the supreme power in Equestria because the other races in existence are a threat to her being able to rule everything and forces humanity to convert into ponies to remove any checks to her political power over the other races. Where conversion messes with the minds of humans who go through the process that turns them into caricatures of themselves that are incapable of expressing the full range of humanity in their new bodies, and where the PEF is some fanatical terrorist force secretly backed by Celestia who force conversion on the unwilling!" Twilight blinked as she came to the end of that little rant. Then began laughing. "Oh, good grief. I really am losing it. There couldn't possibly be an alternate reality timeline like that. Ponies made war at times over the course of our history, but we don't go in for genocide."
Spike joined in on the laughter, glad to see Twilight was starting to calm down. But he had to admit, the idea of Celestia forcing an entire species to convert into ponies whether they want to or not for the sake of her own powerbase was disturbing. How Twilight came up with that he had no idea. Then again, he reminded himself, this was the same pony who once thought her mentor was going to send her back to magical kindergarten for being late with a friendship report. Among other, more unusual ideas about her mentor, such as like what she thought Celestia would have done to Fluttershy during that whole Philomena business.
"Speaking of the strange and unusual, have you talked to Discord lately? Fluttershy's been asking about him." Spike asked as Twilight helped him reorganize the library about fifteen minutes after lunch.
"Nope. He's talked to Celestia and Luna a few times lately, but he hasn't so much as said three words to me in the last month or so. I thought he stopped by pretty regularly?"
"Enh, he comes and he goes. 'Regular' is kinda subjective with him, in case you hadn't noticed." Spike pointed out with a grin and a chuckle. Twilight smiled in reply.
"Well, if I see him when I get back to Canterlot, I'll ask him to drop by. I just hope he doesn't do what he did last time Pinkie had a birthday. I think Gummy is still jumping out of his scales every time a rooster crows. Of course, the Cake twins seem to love him." Twilight gave a wry giggle at this. "Then again, Pinkie always loved those cotton candy clouds with the chocolate rain."
"Heh. Makes you wonder what he'd do at a New Year's eve party over on earth and whether or not the humans could handle it."
Twilight frowned. "If I remember right, I think he was over there for New Year's not too long before we lost the Crystal Empire. He was talking about it for almost two weeks straight. Guess he and Pinkie have something else in common. The only difference is that Pinkie can't go to Earth yet. Not if she wants to live more than ten seconds before being disintegrated by the Field, anyway."
"So if you tried this, it might spruce up your spring line."
"Amazing! I never even thought of that. Really, Darling you must come by more often. I have the feeling I'll want to pick your brain for a more human take on things." Rarity said as she offered her guest a cup of tea, which the woman in question took with a grin. The door opened and in walked Twilight, who stopped just a little way after entering teh boutique.
"Oh! I-I didn't know you were in the middle of entertaining, Rarity. I'll come back later."
"Nonsense, Twilight! This is Rebecca Whitaker. She's a fashion designer from Los Angeles. She'd heard about my work and wanted to discuss designs. But I wouldn't dream of turning you away. Besides, how many humans have you met who weren't part of one government or another?" Rarity said and patted a pillow with a hoof. Reluctantly, Twilught joined the pair.
Their discussion was a little hard for Twilight to follow seeing as she wasn't much of a fashion bug, but Rarity made sure to direct the conversation into areas where Twiight could contribute, and Rebecca also seemed to get the hint at the lack of fashion knowledge the princess possessed. By the time sunset rolled around, Twilight was in much better spirits as Rebecca left.
"You know, that was actually kinda fun, Rarity. Most humans I've run into have been all government officials. I'm glad to see that at least some humans are more like us than they are bureaucrats."
"You should see Pinkie's friend from Las Vegas." Rarity said with a grin. "I swear those two get on so well you'd practically think they could be twins separated at birth if it weren't for the fact that they're from what was once two distinct realities."
The Cake twins' birthday was, as expected, one of the biggest bashes Pinkie had thrown in recent memory. The children looked on Pinkie as a surrogate older sister and she had taken to the role with gusto. Aside from being the primary go-to babysitter for Mr. and Mrs. Cake, she was often the first one to rush to the scene if anything bad happened to the twins. Sometimes getting there before their parents had any knowledge of what had happened. The twins rarely got into any more trouble than other children— regardless of species— but they were certainly a bit more rough and tumble than other kids they knew. Given Pound retained some semblance of his seemingly super-pony (now superhuman) strength and Pumpkin was still as clever as ever (though lacking magic to aid in certain pursuits anymore), it was inevitable that while the Cake twins were popular with everyone they knew, they were still sometimes considered the 'wild kids' of their generation.
Twilight had arrived just a few minutes before the guests of honor were due to return from school and was more than happy to join in on making the kids wonder where everyone was before the usual chorus of 'surprise' so often present at birthday parties. The twins enjoyed several new gifts, and Pinkie was in the middle of it all, making sure everyone was enjoying themselves. It was safe and comfortable and familiar. And Twilight felt all the better for it.
Discord showed up about a half an hour into the party and played some fairly hilarious— but safe— pranks that had everyone laughing even harder. He and Pinkie seemed to get into a kind of game of one-upsmanship to see who could do the silliest thing possible to get a laugh out of people. Twilight had to admit, as strange as it was, it also seemed to depict a kind of mutual respect between the pair as both liked games and pranks. The only difference between them had been the fact that Discord had once been the ruler of Equestria and his jokes and pranks and chaos had, at one time, been a terror for those he had ruled. Since his reformation however, he had become a regular sight in the Kingdom, if not always the most welcome. But he kept things to a certain minimum, with self-imposed lines he refused to cross. Twilight believed that this was almost certainly due to his friendship with Fluttershy, who was one of the very few ponies he considered a friend and in general gave half a damn about. Otherwise there would have been no holding him back.
"You look like you have something to get off your chest." Discord said as he approached Twilight after he and Pinkie's little challenge had died down. He was carrying a tray with two cups of punch, one of which he offered to Twilight who took it, seeing as it seemed the Draconequus was calm and didn't think he was in the mood to prank her.
"Just having a hard time dealing with everything that's going on. Pinkie's sudden reveal that she's giving conversion honest consideration didn't exactly help." Twilight said, taking a sip of her punch. "...did you do something to this? It doesn't taste like the normal punch Pinkie makes."
"Actually, this is a recipe of mine that Pinkie brewed up for the party. It's got a little more kick to it, but nothing worth worrying over. I just found a way to bring a bit more taste out of the ingredients." Discord said. He took on a thoughtful look for a moment or two, and then chuckled.
"I bet I can guess the real issue you have with Conversion. Losing your magic. I mean I understand that you have the same concern about that happening to everypony else, but for you it's a bit more personal than just concern for your subjects, isn't it? You see it as if you're losing what makes you, you."
"Well isn't it?" Twilight asked. She was surprised Discord had been so perceptive on the issue. "I mean, my entire talent is magic itself. I've studied it ever since I was a filly, and now...now it's going to be gone."
"Not gone, Twilight. Well, perhaps in the sense that you mean, yes, it will be gone. But it won't be gone in the literal sense. Energy like magic can't be outright destroyed, Twilight. It's being converted into that new form of energy the humans are using. Has a pretty odd feel to it, too. But it's still there. It'll just be different, and of use to everypony in a different way."
"But how is that fair? Why do we need to lose our very selves for this when none of the other races do? I mean, intellectually I get it but...." she sighed and thumped a hoof against her chest. "In here it just doesn't feel right."
"Something like this takes time to get used to, Twilight. I've spoken with several of the humans and ponies who are working on the problem and despite their best efforts, they haven't been able to figure out a way to make Earth safe for ponies yet without them converting. But maybe one day it will happen." Discord said. He also smirked at Twilight. "Let me guess. Having trust issues when it comes to them?"
Twilight looked away. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"I'll take that as a yes."
Twilight snorted in annoyance. "Like you have room to talk anyway. You still haven't changed those ponies back who accused you of being behind this entire mess."
"Not remotely the same thing, Twilight Sparkle. And we both know it. I was accused of causing this situation unfairly. But you seem to just have a complete distrust in them. Why?"
"It's not...it's not that I don't trust them, so much as I don't like the fact that this was the only solution that came up. Why didn't they try harder to make it safe for us on Earth as we are?" Twilight said, taking another sip of her punch.
"You know that isn't fair, Twilight." Twilight jumped as Pinkie spoke from right next to her. She had been so engrossed in discussion with Discord she hadn't seen her friend come up. "If they could have done that right away, they would have. They're still working on it, and if they ever do figure out how, then they'll be able to change us back. You know that better than I do, or you should, since you were in that big meeting with all the big human governments and science-y type people, remember? You were the one who told the rest of us about it."
Twilight couldn't argue the point. She had been studying the problem herself after all and was constantly exchanging notes through that 'data pad' device she had been given with every other scientist, human and pony, who shared in the task of trying to make Earth safe for ponies. Supposedly the data pad was a much more compact type of handheld computer device descended from a machine that was once called a tablet, which itself was a more self-contained version of a computer called alternatively either a laptop or a notebook. It made the computers she had once had in the basement of the Golden Oaks library look positively primitive by comparison. In fact, the oldest computer that existed in humanity's technological history was basically the same as the machine that she'd once used on Pinkie. It was frightening to see how quickly humanity had advanced technologically. Her machine was considered nearly three hundred years out of date.
"I guess you're right. But I still don't like the idea that we're no closer to finding a way to save ponykind as it is then we were when this mess started." Twilight said. "And it's just weird seeing ponies I've known suddenly be standing up on two legs and all. I barely recognize anypony who's gone through the process anymore."
"Well, you'll be able to recognize me, right?" Pinkie asked with a wide grin. Twilight and just about everyone else in the room turned to stare at Pinkie as a needle scratch echoed through the room as all chatter and music stopped. Well, other than Discord, who was now happily munching on some of the cake that had been prepared for the twins.
Twilight found herself pacing the floor of the Conversion Bureau lobby. Two months had passed since Pinkie had dropped the bombshell that she was going through with becoming human. The process wasn't simply a matter of being given the potion, though. Pinkie had asked her friends to come along and help her sign up for the process, whereupon she learned that there would be a period in which Pinkie would be educated in how to deal with the change and what to expect anytime she visited Earth while the fusion of worlds was still going on. Pinkie took to it like a duck to water. The Cakes also helped her during this period of transition by explaining to her things they had noticed about the difference between the two bodies, such as the fact that humans were capable of eating most forms of vegetables such as carrots, celery, cucumbers and the like, but that they also ate meat.
Pinkie found this a bit disturbing at first, until the cakes revealed that the meat came from animals who had no intelligence. Though still leery of the idea, Pinkie simply shrugged it off as she usually did, figuring that if it happened, it happened. Twilight hoped her friend would not gain the same omnivorous diet of other humans. She wanted something of Pinkie to stay pure pony.
Pinkie had gone into the Bureau today and was taking the potion by now. It would take maybe all of a minute and fifteen seconds or so for the change to be enacted, but there would be a battery of tests Pinkie would have to go through to make sure that she came through the change alright. Twilight had helped to design many of the tests herself. Pinkie being Pinkie, however, meant that Twilight wasn't sure how effective those tests were likely to be. This was the same mare who could pop up in mirrors, pails smaller than a pony's head, and in general defy the laws of physics as they were understood in Equestria, after all.
"Cut it out already, Twilight. Pinkie's gonna be fine." Rainbow Dash called from where she was sitting. She was flipping through a novel about a character named Indiana Jones. If it weren't for the fact that it had been written so long ago on Earth, Dash would have been tempted to call him a cheap knockoff of Daring Do. She had a hard time believing a stallion—no, man, according to what the humans called their males—could do all this stuff though. After all, she'd lived in Equestria all her life and there were only two males she knew of who seemed capable of doing anything other than being ponies in distress when things actually went wrong. Big Mac (who was more often than not one of the ponies in distress anyway, as she recalled) and Discord. Though in her mind Discord only counted because of the sheer power he could throw around.
Twilight sighed and shook her head, sitting down for a bit. Dash passed her back the novel she'd been trying to read before her latest bout of pacing; Anno Dracula: The Bloody Red Baron. It had been in part why Twilight had begun pacing again in the first place. Vampires were a frightening idea. One that made the Changelings look almost innocent by contrast. The fact that there were vampiric creatures in Everfree didn't help matters any. The only difference was that the vampiric animals in Everfree didn't cause their victims to become vampiric. But some of the things vampires in human literature could do just brought up all the fears Twilight had about conversion. After all, fiction has to have some grain of truth to sping from, doesn't it? And wasn't magic supposed to be non-existant on Earth? Why then did so many of their stories feature magic? Just for flavor?
The doors opened from the far side of the room and one of the nurses stepped out with a smile. "Your friend will be along in just a few minutes. She uh....honestly I don't know where she got the confetti, but she's cleaning it up now."
Despite herself, Twilight was laughing alongside the other girls. Pinkie was still Pinkie it seemed. Soon enough, Pinkie's voice could be heard raised in song, apparently having just cleaning up the confetti. As usual, somehow Pinkie was able to summon music to sing to;
He's gonna take you back to the past
He plays some shitty games that suck ass.
He'd rather have, a buffalo, take a diarrhea dump in his ear.
He'd rather eat, the rotten asshole, of roadkill skunk and down it with beer.
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard.
He's the angry Nintendo nerd!
He's the angry Atari Sega nerd!
He's the Angry Video Game Nerd!
He's close to puking all over his feet
While playing shit that no one can beat.
He just can't take it anymore
Although he won't stop till he's past level four!
With his Power Glove and his Zapper gun
He's trying hard, but then again it's no fun.
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard.
He's the angry Nintendo nerd!
He's the angry Atari Sega nerd!
He's the Angry Video Game Nerd!
Twilight and the girls were staring slack jawed as Pinkie came into view. She still had a pink mane—or hair as it would now be called— but was now a girl in her late teens or early twenties, wearing jeans and a t-shirt that read 'Nintendo Hard? Not hard enough.' on it. She didn't seem to have noticed the other girls yet, as she was too wrapped up in the song and dance she was doing.
He plays the worst games of all time.
They are horrible abominations of mankind.
They make him so mad he could spit.
The word 'Cowabunga' was suddenly heard from thin air. Pinke waggled her head in amusement.
Cowabunga?
Cowa-fucking-piece of dog shit!
They rip you off and don't care one bit, but the nerd he doesn't ever forget.
He'd rather fight, a killer shark
before taking any more animals to the ark.
His list is long, with many names
what were they thinking when they made all these games?!
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard.
He's the angriest gamer you've EVER heard!
If you like him you might buy his new shirt!
He's the angry console gaming nerd!
He's the Angry Video Game Nerd!
La-na-nana-na na-na-na-na La-nana-na-na-nana
Whoo-hoo-hoooooooo!
Yeah, he's the Angry Video Game Nerd!
After a twirling spin to end in a flourish, she finally spotted her friends, and gave them a happy grin.
"Hey girls! What's up?
The other girls could only stare.
Author's Note
And so here is chapter two. I originally intended a little bit more at the end here, but to be honest, this felt like a great place to end it.
The song Pinkie sings actually exists. It's a cover and remake of the theme song to the Angry Video Game Nerd, an internet personality who both has his own website and a youtube channel. You can find the song here.
And for anyone who wants to gripe about it, trust me, this is actually calmer than the original song and it's various remixes, particularly the techno theme version. So if you're gonna bitch about it, just keep in mind, I could have used the original.
The Conversion Bureau:
Inversion
Interlude
Throwing down his datapad, Jim Trenton sighed, and gathered up his coat. He needed something to drink and he needed it now, by God.
He found his way to a small tavern in Ponyville after hailing a carriage taxi. Since the arrival of humanity into Equestria and the merging of worlds, life had been somewhat outside the norm for him. But then again he was technically on another world— for however long that was going to remain true— where the dominant species were pastel colored ponies of all things. Outside the norm had practically become the norm for him in the last two years or so. He settled himself into one of the seats. Luckily the tavern had been willing to renovate in order to accommodate their bipedal neighbors long ago thanks to the fact that Minotaurs also existed in this world so it wasn't any real hassle.
"Scotch on the rocks." Jim said to a waitress who came up to him. "Hell, make it a double."
"Bad day, Jim?"
Jim turned to see Mayor Mare approaching, and gave a helpless half shrug.
"Same shit different day, Mayor." he said as he made room for her. He liked the mayor of Ponyville. She had been somewhat unsettled at her first few interactions with humankind, but eventually warmed up to them. "And I'm sorry to say things aren't getting any better."
Mayor Mare nodded as she took a seat next to him just as his order arrived. If he was drinking Scotch, then she felt confident in guessing that there was probably more to his statement he wasn't saying. Not yet at any rate.
"So, I hear Pinkie Pie converted about two weeks ago." Jim said. "Can't imagine that went over as good as she might have wanted."
"Her friends supported her through her orientation and were there for her when she came out as a human. Princess Twilight was...less than enthusiastic about the entire thing, mind you, but she kept a brave face for Pinkie." the mayor replied, ordering herself a small salt lick. "Research into the Field not going well I assume?"
"Understatement of the year, Mayor." Jim replied, taking a long drag off his drink. "I might as well be trying to kill Godzilla with a pea shooter for all the progress I'm having on that damn thing."
She winced. She didn't understand the reference entirely, but she got the basic idea behind it.
"Have you tried coordinating your research with Princess Twilight?" she asked.
"I wish. She still refuses to collaborate with us. She just demands any information we have on the matter and works on her own. I dunno what her problem is, tell you the truth. I want to help you guys. We all do. But she just refuses to get the idea into her head that we're not just dragging our heels here. We want to preserve your race as you are as much as you guys do. Why she can't see it I have no clue."
"I think she's just scared, Jim. Remember, she's used to being able to find answers for things like this after consulting just about any and every book she can get her hooves on, and failure isn't exactly something she's entirely taken well." The mayor said, and shuddered as she recalled the Smarty Pants incident. Sometimes she wondered about the sanity of the fourth Alicorn.
"I can't say I blame her for taking this badly. I mean, Unicorns stand the most to lose. Aside from maybe the Alicorns. The Pegasi might lose their wings, but in the long run that's nowhere near the loss the magic users will face." Jim sighed. "And things might be worse than we first thought."
"How so?" The mayor asked, looking concerned. Jim shook his head. And slammed back a hard gulp of his drink before letting his glass slam to the table with a heavy thunk.
"Wish I could tell you, Mayor. Really, I wish I could. But I can't even be sure of what I've learned yet. We're making sure to double check anything we get when it comes to research on the Field because one screw up could result in God only knows what. All I can say is that if what I've discovered is true, then it needs to be kept quiet for now. Don't need the populace to panic." Jim replied. He looked about ready to try to drown himself in the ice in his glass, all truth be told, and that worried the mayor more than whatever unrevealed discovery he'd made did. She reached out and patted him on the back gently. For all that humans could do, Ponies still had amazing hoof strength and could do damage to humans accidentally if they didn't watch how much force they put into any contact with them.
"I'm sure it will work out, Jim. Or at the very least, I have every confidence that whatever the problem is, you and your people will do your utmost to either minimize it or solve it altogether."
"I hope so, Mayor. I really do. Because if this is accurate, I have no idea how it will affect your society." He sighed and shook his head, a doubting look on his features. "I'm not even sure how we'd attack this problem if it turns out my discovery is a legitimate issue. I'm hoping that I'm wrong. But I'm having the computers run through another set of simulations and all just in case. But the chances of solving this if its real aren't good."
"I wish I could help, but I don't even know what the issue is. Maybe you'd feel comfortable talking to one of the Princesses?"
If anything, Jim actually looked worse at that suggestion, slamming back another large gulp of his scotch.
"I'm going to have to by tomorrow, I think."
The four alicorns arrived at Trenton's lab late in the afternoon the next day, and Trenton looked as bad as he had in the bar. Worse, actually, as he was nursing what felt like the mother of all migraines. But he gave a warm, if pained, smile, and shook hands....or hooves in this case...with the four princesses.
"Dr. Trenton. A pleasure." Cadance said with a smile. Though she then frowned. "You don't look well."
"Blame it on the hangover. I went on a small bender last night."
"Bad news I take it?" Celestia asked even as she stepped forward and applied as much magic as she could to Jim to help him with the effects of his binge drinking. He gave her a grateful smile and then moved to his workstation, picking up a large sheaf of papers and handing them to Celestia, who took them in her magical grip as she and Luna and Cadance looked them over. Twilight stood a bit off to the side.
"Something wrong, Twilight? Usually you're the first person to want to look at my work notes." Jim asked.
"Pony."
"What?"
"Pony, not person." Twilight said flatly. "I'm not a person, and I really wish you wouldn't call me that."
Jim sighed. This was a semi-regular thing with her, and he mentally chided himself for not seeing that coming. "That doesn't answer my question though."
"I want to hear whatever this is from you. Not your notes. I'll see them soon enough." Twilight said, ruffling her wings while shifting her weight from one side to another in agitation.
"This is about Pinkie converting isn't it?" Cadance said, looking over at Twilight, leaving the other two Alicorns to look over Jim's notes. The looks on their faces told him they were taking it as bad as he was. Cadance made her way to Twilight and gave her a comforting nuzzle. or tried to. Her sister-in-law seemed unwilling to be mollified by the affection.
"It's their fault." Twilight said after a few moments. "If they hadn't created that conversion serum, ponies would still be ponies, and Pinkie wouldn't be some caricature of herself instead of the mare everypony loved."
"If we hadn't created the serum, you entire species would be headed for extinction, Twilight."
"At least we'd be dying as ourselves! Bad enough that our worlds are merging, but we're the ones facing extinction, whether by the Field or your serum. How is that fair? You don't have to make the kind of sacrifice we are, and you still haven't found a way to make it so that we don't have to convert to survive the Field. I don't think you're even trying!" Twilight felt bad for the look of hurt on Jim's face, but after keeping this in for so long, she couldn't stop herself, despite the appalled looks on the faces of her fellow Alicorns. "When I was changed into an Alicorn, it took me some getting used to, but at least it wasn't that big a change. I'm still a pony, after all. And I never planned to be anything else. I don't want our species to go extinct, and I want to stay an Alicorn. It means some big changes, particularly in lifespan, but at least it meant I'd still be me!"
Jim sighed and shook his head as he plopped into his chair heavily. "Like the old saying goes Twilight, 'Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.' "
Twilight was about to retort when his actual statement processed in her head. She lilted her head in confusion.
"I don't understand."
Turning to his computer terminal, he generated a projection on the screen in the wall. "Take a look." He said. The screen showed a blood sample, with a caption stating that it belonged to a pony called Summer Breeze. The image was taken from an actual blood sample on Jim's workspace. He picked up a small liquid dropper. "That image is a normal pony blood sample." He typed in a few commands, and the magnification became such that they could now see the physical structure of the sample, as the blood vessels of an Equestrian pony were very different from that of a human's in look and genetic construction. "Watch what happens when I add the serum to it." Adding in a few small drops of the serum caused an almost immediate reaction. because it wasn't an actual pony, the process took only a few seconds, but the computer was able to record those changes and play them back in super-slow-motion.
"I'm not sure I understand, Doctor." Luna said, cocking her eyebrow. "You've shown us a demonstration of this before. It was how you were able to show us how the process of Conversion would work to begin with. Why is this an issue now? Has some unknown side effect emerged that's caused an issue? Are our subjects safe?"
"The ponies who've taken the serum are fine, Princess Luna." Jim said, holding up a hand to calm the Alicorn. "The problem isn't with them per se. It's with you four. Or rather the problem affects you four. My notes show that the greater the magical power concentrated in a single place, the more rapidly the field seems to devour it. That's bad enough, but I'm afraid there's a bigger issue at stake."
Turning to the computer again, he typed up another few commands. Four sets of blood samples came up, with captions below each sample that indicated them to have come from the Alicorns themselves. Jim picked up another dropper, this one with four different ends, and exposed each blood sample to some of the serum. The effect was immediate and frightening, as each blood sample reacted violently to the exposure, to the point that the petri dishes shattered as their blood samples evaporated. The four Alicorns had stepped back several paces when the reaction to the serum had started.
"What does this mean?" Cadance said, eyes having shrunken to pinpricks in fear. "A-are we somehow incapable of being converted?"
"Sadly, yes. And because the Field reacts more quickly to higher concentrations of magic....."
"We would die more gruesomely and quickly than those of our subjects who had been first caught by the field in the Crystal empire." Celestia finished for Jim, and shuddered. "Is there any means to avoid this?" Jim gave the princess a sad look and a helpless shrug.
"I'm working on it. But as it stands right now, unless we find some way to make the serum work for you....we may have to either send you off planet, or leave Equestria without its rulers."
Author's Note
And thus a new wrinkle is introduced to the issue of Conversion. Is there a cure? Well, I know the answer, because I'm the one writing this. But if you want to know the answer, you'll have to keep reading.
