Blueblood's Ascension Part II; or, The Otherworldly Adventure of an Alicorn Prince

Chapters

In Which Prince Blueblood is Put On a Bus
In Which Prince Blueblood Does Not Meet a Potential Love Interest on Earth
In Which Twilight Sparkle Utterly Fails to Keep a Low Profile
In Which Prince Blueblood Flees in Fear and Gets More Than His Fair Share of Pain
In Which Twilight Sparkle Discovers That Humans are People, Too
In Which the Bathtub Becomes a Plot Point
In Which the Changeling Plot is Actually Pretty Nefarious
In Which Prince Blueblood and Queen Chrysalis Discuss a Trope
In Which One Story Ends, and Another is Begun
In Which Twilight Sparkle's New Spell Works Perfectly
In Which the Author Engages in a Bit of Fluff, and the Audience Gets a Perspective from the Other Side of the Mirror

In Which Prince Blueblood is Put On a Bus

The panic of Blueblood went ignored by the pedestrians awaiting their bus. Indeed, the would-be passengers turned their faces away from the rampaging pony prince each time he passed by. The garbage can clanged as he fell to the ground, his hooves dancing in the air. The mother and her daughter sat silently on the bus stop bench, unable to shut out the screams of terror issuing out of the alicorn’s mouth.

“Mommy,” the girl said. “What’s wrong with the trash can?”

“Shh!” the mom hissed. She drew her daughter close and whispered in her ear. “I told you it’s not polite to talk like that in public.”

The girl looked down, brow dimpled in thought. She glanced at the trash can as it stood up and galloped off, pursued by a flock of hungry seagulls. “How come nobody’s helping it?”

The mom pursed her lips. “I guess… I guess nobody wants to get involved, Honey.”

The seagulls squawked as they pecked at the waste disposal unit’s bum. Tasty morsels of castaway food dropped down their gullets, even as their mobile buffet screeched in pain. The girl flinched as a particularly feisty bird nibbled at a hoof, causing the can to drop and roll.

“How come we’re not helping it?” The girl asked.

The mother sighed. “Because it’s a loose animal, and it’s dangerous, and we could get hurt if we tried to-”

“Help me!” the can shouted. “Oh, by Celestia’s mane, somepony help me!”

“Okay, not a wild animal,” the mom said as she stood. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

Blueblood rolled back and forth, his flailing legs propelling him through the laws of physics. Action prompted reaction, and shifted weight prompted shifted mass. The mother came alongside the can and shouted loud enough to be heard above the prince’s screams.

“Hey! It’s okay!” she said. “We’re going to get you out of there! Just hold still!”

“Oh, thank Glory, a rescuer!” Blueblood sighed in relief. “Please, fair maiden, remove me from this tin prison!”

The daughter snickered. “He talks funny.”

“I beg your pardon?” the can asked. The mother gripped the handles tight and pulled the can away from Blueblood. “I assure you, this accent is proper Canterloti-aaahhh!”

The can came away with a wet splurch, and Blueblood was free to breathe clean air once again. Small, almost unnoticeable patches of his coat had been pulled away with the gunk, leaving tiny pricks of pain all over his body. “Good heavens, that hurt,” he choked out.

“That,” the mother said with a kind of disgusted awe, “is a really good costume.”

“Costume?” Blueblood asked. He turned his head and caught sight of his rescuer. The biped was covered from neck to foot in clothes, leaving the nude Blueblood feeling very underdressed. “Oh, dear, did I drop in on a formal occasion?”

“Formal?” The mom glanced around for some clue as to what the costumed dandy was referring to. It never crossed her mind that he might consider jeans to be posh. She began to suspect that the person before her was not quite right in the head. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“Never mind then,” Blueblood said as he stood. He looked down on his grimy body and gave a shudder. “If you could just point me to the nearest stream, I shall be on my way.”

“It’s…” The mom glanced about. “It’s in that direction, but it’s still a few miles away.”

“What’s the quickest way to get there?” Blueblood asked.

“The bus!” came a small voice to the biped’s side. Blueblood looked down to see a smaller creature, most likely a child, grabbing onto the larger’s leg. “You can ride the bus and get there really fast! Right Mom? The pony princess can ride the bus!”

“I’m not a princess,” Blueblood muttered darkly. “I am, now and forever, a prince.”

The mother put her hand on the side of the child’s head. She nodded at Blueblood and sighed. “She’s right; the bus is the fastest, cheapest way to the lake.” She let her eyes wander around the mess that had been made of his mane and coat. “You can get your… self… cleaned off in there.”

That got the attention of everyone waiting at the bus stop. Several potential patrons stood and walked away, not wishing to spend a long bus ride next to something that had been wallowing in garbage. Others simply slid to the side, intending to be first on the bus so as to not share a seat with the odd beast. One business man, who had been knocked down by Blueblood minutes prior, was so engrossed in his own work that he did not notice the goings on at all.

Much to his future dismay.

Blueblood looked over at the waiting passengers and gave a sneer. “Public transportation, I think not.” He fluttered his wings, sending sprays of old pudding and dead bananas to flight. “I will be quite happy flying, thank you very much.”

He leaped into the air and fell gracefully upon his nose. He gagged as he noted that every feather he possessed had been caked with filth. “Perhaps the bus isn’t looking so bad.”

The mother’s eyes went wide. “How… How are you controlling those wings?”

“I suppose,” Blueblood said with a derisive snort, “the same way you’re able to control those dangly little fingers of yours.”

The mother clenched her hands in surprise as Blueblood went on. “Really, you act like you’ve never even seen a pegasus before.”

“But pegasusasuses…” The little girl stuck her tongue out as she tried to pronounce the odd word. “Um, don’t have horns.”

Blueblood rolled his eyes. “Children.” He gave the girl his best patronizing smile. “That’s because I’m not a pegasus, little one, but an alicorn prince.” He held a dripping hoof out to the mother. “I’m Prince Blueblood; you may kiss the royal hoof.”

The mother threw up in the back of her throat. “I don’t know where that’s been. Strike that, I do know where it’s been.”

“Then introduce yourselves at the very least.” Blueblood lowered his hoof to the ground with a clop. “You are to be commended for your service to the crown.”

“The crown, huh?” The mother squinted. “Does this have anything to do with that anime convention that’s in town?”

“Any May?” Blueblood asked. “I thought it was June.”

“What?” the mother asked.

“Huh?” the girl muttered.

“Pardon?” Blueblood questioned.

“Really?” the waiting passengers exclaimed.

“Oh, for…” Blueblood levitated a stamp out of nowhere and held it in front of the bipeds. “Here, the royal seal of Canterlot. Satisfied?”

Satisfied would not have been the word to describe the mother at that moment. Terrified, startled, astonished? Very much so. Satisfied? Not at all.

“S-Sweetie,” she said to her daughter. “Please back away very slowly from the nice pony man.”

“What’s the matter, Mommy?” The girl was pushed behind her mom as the elder human reached into her purse.

“Oh, for Glory’s sake,” Blueblood huffed. “You act as though you’ve never seen magic befo-”

Actually, the mother had seen magic before. Specifically, levitation. A dark encounter with witchcraft had left her emotionally scarred and wary of the unknown. Her reaction to similar magic was as follows:

She reached deep within her purse and pulled out a spray can. She shook it quickly as she popped the top off. She pointed it at Blueblood’s eyes and pressed down on the trigger.

The prince had actually leaned further towards the can as he attempted to ascertain its purpose. His eyes met the spray with an unholy burning sensation. He writhed on the ground screaming for the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.

The mother and the daughter took off at a run, leaving Blueblood alone on an alien planet. He rolled as he tried to rid his eyes of the offending pepper spray, but found himself unable to do more than cry hot tears. He lifted his bloodshot eyes to the sky and howled. “What in the name of all that is pony did I do to deserve this!?”

The author can’t rightly imagine, but he assumes it must have been a doozy.

The bus pulled beside the stop with a hiss. Blueblood picked himself up and blinked until he could at least see a blurry outline. He trotted to the bus with a purposeful gait, and entered the door with a smile.

“Hey!” The bus driver stopped him. “No animals on board!”

“Madam,” he began. “If I was an animal, would I have the ability to reason with you?”

The driver’s mouth fell open, but she recovered fast. “So, are you a furry from the convention or what?”

Blueblood examined his hoof with bloodshot eyes. “Well, I’m not exactly bald…”

“Don’t you get smart with me,” the driver warned.

“I beg your pardon?” Blueblood said. “Is that any sort of tone to take with the Crowned Prince of Equestria?”

“Yeah,” the driver replied. “An’ I’m the Queen of Scotland.”

A blatant lie, of course. She was Queen of the Road.

“A pleasure meeting fellow royalty,” Blueblood said with utmost sincerity. “I will be honored to travel with you.”

“Only after you pay the fee, furry.” She pointed at a dropbox that was labeled “Exact change only.”

“Two twenty-five," she concluded. "No transfers.”

He lifted a hoof and disloged a coin that he had stuck in his horseshoe for just such an occasion. “This should cover it,” he said as he passed it to the driver.

She took it in her hand and stared at it. She turned it over several times. “What the heck is this?”

“Ten bits, your majesty,” he grinned. “Surely more than enough to pay my way.”

She eyed him with frustration. “We don’t take foreign money, furry. Now pay up or get off my bus. You’re holding up the line.”

Blueblood glanced behind himself to note that there was nopony behind him. “I am already at the end of the line…”

“You getting smart with me?”

Blueblood snorted as his ears flattened against his smelly head. “No. The coin is pure gold, surely it’s worth something.”

“I told you,” the driver repeated. “We don’t take foreign-”

Blueblood tossed the coin on the bus’ floor and stomped on it with a heavy hoof. The coin was flattened into a large disk of gold. He held it up to the driver. “Not a foreign coin anymore.”

“Not money either,” she retorted.

“It’s gold!” he shouted. “Pure gold!”

“Alright, offa my bus!” She opened the doors and pointed.

“Wait!” a voice from the back shouted. “I’ll buy the disk!”

The businessman from earlier came forward and traded the golden disk for ten bucks. Blueblood accepted them happily and gave five to the driver. She shrugged, closed the door, and sped down the road.

Blueblood looked at the piece of paper he held in his hoof with interest. He sat down beside the businessman, who gagged at the smell. “This is the money of this world, then.”

The businessman nodded, covering his mouth to prevent a mess on the bus.

“Paper notes,” Blueblood said. “How ingenious. Notes to say how much gold you have stored at the bank. It’s brilliant.”

“That’s not exactly how it works…” the businessman mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Blueblood looked up. “Can you not trade these notes for real gold?”

The businessman shook his head, a greenish color shading his cheeks.

“Well, perhaps you can still be assured that you have such and such amount of gold at the bank?”

Another gesture to the negative from the fellow passenger.

“Well,” Blueblood looked to the green in his hoof. “What is this actually worth?”

“Five dollars,” the man gasped. He groaned and rocked in his seat as the hot bus heated up Blueblood’s aura of odor.

“And…” Blueblood coughed. “How is it decided what five dollars is worth?”

The businessman shrugged. He stared at Blueblood with unhealthy interest, his eyes continually drifting the prince’s cutie mark. “H-have you ever heard of M-my Little Pony?”

“Pardon?” Blueblood asked.

“Never mind.” The businessman stood and walked to the door. “Let me off here, or I blow chunks in your bus.”

“Whatever you say, Laverne,” she answered. The bus stopped and the door opened, letting the sickly man exit. Before he wandered off to relieve his stomach, he brought his phone out and snapped a picture of the alicorn prince.

A text message was sent from his phone to three others. A call to action.

“Meet @ usual place, ur not gonna believe this.”

Twilight Sparkle’s saddlebags overflowed with notes as she made her way to Ponyville’s number one coffee shop: the Keen Bean. Corny names aside, it served the best java from Manehatten to Canterlot, where Donut Joe was still reigning champion. The proprietor, Doreen Bean, was an eccentric individual who enjoyed nothing more than overloading on caffeine. She would often be seen running around trees after hours, chattering like a squirrel. She burned enough fuel daily to give Pinkie Pie a run for her money. So great was her dependence on caffeine that she shook violently when she had not ingested coffee for a few hours. She also shook violently after drinking coffee for several hours. It was wonderfully synergistic.

This early in the morning, Doreen was not quite shaking violently yet. A slight shiver ran up her legs as she greeted Twilight. “G-g-g-good morning, P-p-p-princess!”

“Hello, Doreen,” Twilight returned with a smile. “The usual, please.”

“L-l-l-let’s g-g-get percolating!” Doreen worked with admirable speed as she whipped Twilight’s drink into shape. Super-pony speed, some might say. “That’ll be a medium double mocha chip with two-percent milk and light on the whip and both caramel and chocolate drizzle inside the cup and on top of the whip-”

“And an extra shot of coffee, please,” Twilight smiled. “It’s been a long night.”

“I’ll get on that right away,” Doreen Bean said as she placed a straw in the cup. “Here’s your drink, I’ll put it on your tab.”

“Thaaank you!” Twilight sang. “Looks great, Doreen!”

Twilight Sparkle sat down at a table and spread her notes out. She sorted the sheets of paper by subject, location, and word number. Because why not? Her attention dashed from page to page, reviewing what she knew and reinforcing the facts she had collected.

Doreen Bean changed the “Princesses Served” sign outside to read “four.”

Ideas flitted about Twilight’s mind, the very same that comprised her notes. Nudity taboo, paper money, mechanical acumen, spaceflight…

Spaceflight was a surprise to her, as ponies were still perfecting gliding technology. She supposed flying machines were low priority because of natural pegasus skill, but she couldn’t help but think that a cargo plane would be more efficient than a blimp. And spaceflight…

The humans had flown to their moon, just because it was there.

Humans were pretty cool, she decided.

A groan floated over from the table next to her. Twilight Sparkle wasn’t the only early-morning coffee hound. A blue-maned, white-coated pony sat with her head on the table. The sunglasses that represented her trademark were folded up and placed to the side of a large, and by large it should be taken to mean "absolutely huge," coffee mug.

Vinyl Scratch, Princess of Electronic Music and Epic Remixes, lifted her head and eyed the cheery student across from her. “’Mornin’, Twilight.”

“Good morning, Vinyl,” Twilight said to the alicorn DJ. “Good time last night?”

“The best,” Vinyl giggled weakly. “Ponies were…” She yawned wide. “Ponies were dancing up a storm.”

“About time to sleep the day away, looks like.” Twilight took a sip of her drink and cross-referenced a point about dress formality.

“No such luck,” Vinyl sighed. “Got an appointment with Pinkie Pie about the mix she wants to go over.”

“Pinkie’s planning a party?” Twilight said. “So, what else is new?”

“You been living under a rock, Sparkle?” Vinyl tilted her head to the side, her magenta eyes red from lack of sleep. “She’s getting married.”

Mocha sprayed from Twilight’s mouth as she choked on a chocolate chip. “Pfft! That’s right! Don’t tell me it’s this month, I got so caught up in-”

“Relax, Sparkle!” Vinyl held her hooves up. “It’s next month, you have plenty of time to panic.”

“Oh, geeze.” Twilight placed her elbow on the table and balanced her head on the hoof. “You would think that I’d remember the date of something like my friend’s wedding.”

“I’ve lived in Ponyville long enough to know better,” Vinyl shrugged, the caffeine coming into play. Her disposition visibly brightened as the miraculous coffee did its work. “Don’t worry, Pinkie won’t let you forget.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Twilight shuddered.

Vinyl sidled up beside her, her horn glowing with purplish light. She lifted a few pages and held them up with her wings. “So wadda yah studying today? Math, science, philosophy?”

“Alternate realities,” Twilight nodded.

“Ah, fair enough.” Vinyl Scratch read down the list of notes, parenthetical definitions, and post scripts. “Nudity taboo? What the heck is a nudity taboo?”

“It’s socially unacceptable, and illegal in most cases, to go around in public without adequate personal covering,” Twilight rattled off.

Vinyl shook her head. “Twilight, have you received that degree in technobable yet?”

“Technobable… Is that a new dance mix?”

“Never mind.”

They sat reading for a few minutes while the coffee shop received its first big wave of customers. Rainbow Dash waved at Twilight, then moved to stand in line.

“So,” Vinyl said. “Is this knowledge for knowledge’s sake, or…”

“I’m leading an expedition into the new world.” Twilight took a triumphant sip from her cup. “A prince of Equestria is lost in the new world, and I’m the only pony who knows how to get him back.”

“Ooh,” Vinyl’s interest was piqued. “Is this prince, shall we say, le hot-stuff?”

“It’s Blueblood.”

“Blech,” Vinyl sulked. “He’s the most eligible bachelor in Equestria for a reason.”

Twilight rolled her eyes at Vinyl. “Nice to know where you stand on the big issues, Princess.”

Rainbow Dash joined the two at the table. “Hey, guys. ‘Sup?”

“Twilight here lost Blueblood in another world,” Vinyl grinned.

“Blueblood’s missing?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes shot wide open. “Aw, man. I was just starting to like him. Oh, well.”

“Rainbow Dash…” Twilight huffed.

“What?” the pegasus asked. “I was actually starting to like him!”

“That’s not what I…” Twilight rested her face in her hooves. “Rainbow Dash, you’re the new Spike.”

“I wouldn’t mind being a dragon,” Rainbow said around a mouthful of danish. “’S long as I didn’t have to be your ‘Faithful Assistant.’”

“I think,” Vinyl interrupted, “that I am missing a key bit of subtext in this conversation.”

“Just do what I do,” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Pretend you get what she’s talking about, she’ll explain herself anyway.”

“Excuse me?” Twilight squinted at Rainbow. “You make it sound like I ramble.”

“Naw.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof dismissively. “So tell me about this place Blueblood disappeared to.”

“It’s really quite spectacular,” Twilight arrayed her notes for easy reference. “The planet’s home to an entire new species of sapient beings, bipedal omnivores. They’re called humans, or that’s what they call themselves anyway, and they’re all over the planet. They call their planet ‘Earth,’ by the way, just like w-”

Twilight stopped when she saw the look of utter, savage, unbridled mischief on Rainbow Dash’s face. Vinyl guffawed, pushing her glasses up to her forehead. Twilight sighed and tossed a rolled-up napkin at the pegasus mare’s face.

Rainbow Dash caught it easily. “Tell us again how you don’t ramble. Pretty, pretty please?” Her grin reached from ear to ear.

“Well, shucks, RD,” drawled a recently-arrived Applejack. “I didn’t know you could beg.”

Rainbow Dash laughed as her farmer friend sat down beside her. “Hey, AJ. Yeah, Winona’s been giving me lessons.”

“You’re almost as good as that dog, I’d say.” Applejack chucked her friend’s shoulder. “Keep it up, an’ folks might start payin’ attention.”

The coffee that sat before Applejack was as black as Sombra’s mane, until she started pouring sugar into it. Three, four, five packets were dunked into the brew, sweetened to taste. “Now that’s a good cup o’ joe.”

“Market today?” Twilight asked.

“Yup. Got a nice selection of apples available, if’n it tickles yer fancy.” Applejack looked down at the mess of papers on the table. “What’s all this for?”

“New world,” Rainbow Dash answered.

“Lost prince,” Vinyl said.

“The usual,” Twilight finished.

The four’s giggles brightened the coffee house almost as much as the caffeine did. Vinyl stood and dismissed herself. “Gotta see a Pie about a mix.”

Rainbow Dash flew out soon after. “Sunny day ahead! Good luck with your prince-finding!”

Twilight Sparkle and Applejack remained at the table. Applejack leaned over the notes and read a few. “So, who’s this prince what got carried off?”

“Blueblood,” Twilight sighed. She compared two paged of notes, then filed them away in separate folders. “He stopped by to work on the robot, the one that crashed his coronation, and the changelings attacked.”

Applejack nodded. “Do the princesses know about this?”

“Of course,” Twilight said. “They’re the first ponies I told. They’re putting together a team for my expedition.”

“Expedition,” Applejack repeated the word thoughtfully. “So, it’s not just a rescue mission.”

“Right.” Twilight packed away all but the most important pages, laying them out for both her and her friend to see. “We’re gonna learn as much about the world as we can from my portal, then we’ll head in to rescue Blueblood and continue my observations.”

“Learn, go in, save Blueblood, learn.” Applejack smiled. “Sounds like a Twilight Sparkle plan, alright.”

Applejack studied Twilight for a moment as the alicorn examined her notes. “So, who’s this team that the princesses are getting together? It ain’t the Elements of Harmony?”

“Well, this is supposed to be equal parts scientific and rescue,” Twilight explained. “So, they thought that maybe, just maybe, they should get together a team of ponies who do this kinda thing for a living.

“Of course, you can come if you want to,” Twilight added quickly. “I’m not saying you wouldn’t be a big help to me. All of you.”

“Naw, I wasn’t thinking that,” Applejack assured her. “It just seemed odd that the princesses wouldn’t send the six of us this time. But I get it now, the whole ‘new world’ thing.”

A smile came to the farmer’s lips. “I wonder how many ponies would have signed up to save Blueblood if they hadn’t added that there was a new world to explore?”

“Applejack,” Twilight held back a giggle. “Be nice.”

“Aha! I saw that smile!” Applejack pointed triumphantly. “You think so, too!”

“He’s getting better,” Twilight found herself unable to hold back the smile that teased its way to her face. “Well, he’s trying, at least.”

“Like a fish tryin’ to climb a tree,” Applejack chuckled.

“You’re so mean!” Twilight laughed.

Doreen Bean slid up to the table with a tray of shot glasses. “Anypony w-w-w-wannna try the n-n-new flavor? I c-c-c-call it ‘Red Minotaur,’ the energy drink!”

“I…” Applejack’s eyes shifted down Doreen’s shaky frame. “I think I’ll pass, Dory. Thanks.”

Twilight took a glass and examined it. “It’s all bubbly.”

“New technique!” Doreen exclaimed. “New flavor! All energy!”

Twilight took a dainty sip. “WHOA!”

She sprung to her feet and began dancing in place. “Hokey Peat, that stuff could restart a heart!”

“Or stop one,” Applejack mumbled as she gently pushed Doreen away. “Land sakes, girl, what did you put into that stuff?”

“Oh,” Doreen placed a hoof on her lips. “This, that, and the other thing.”

“Alright.” Applejack exited the establishment with all due haste. “You start spreading that stuff around, an’ it’ll be the parasprite disaster all over again…”

Author's Note

If you haven't read the side-story, now's as good a time as ever to get caught up.

I hope you're enjoying the ride! Happy father's day!

In Which Prince Blueblood Does Not Meet a Potential Love Interest on Earth

Blueblood disembarked from the bus with all due haste. His hooves made clomping sounds on the floor of the bus as he cut in front of the other passengers trying to stand. The driver barely had time to open the doors before the prince shot through, freeing himself of the vehicle’s confines.

The bus had left downtown some time ago; he was now in a more suburban area. Houses of varying sizes and colors sat beside each other, trees decorated the lawns, and a very gentle river flowed through a nearby park.

It was the river that had Blueblood’s current attention.

A swan dive led him through the air and into the cleansing waters. The splash could be heard throughout the park, drawing eyes and ears to the alicorn prince bathing himself. The bus pulled away in a cloud of smoke, the driver not wishing to be even remotely associated with the bizarre furry fan.

The water was cold, just a few degrees short of freezing, or so the prince thought. Still, he was far more than happy to endure the chill if it meant that he was freed from the filth that had covered him for so long.

It had been roughly two hours at most, but far longer than he cared to imagine.

He didn’t so much bathe as baptize himself. He was completely submerged, only coming up for air. He scrubbed furiously at ever crevasse and cranny, cleaning himself down to the pores. He surfaced at last, certain that his body all but sparkled.

He found himself the object of attention for a small audience of people. Some had tiny camera phones trained on him. They all had an air of bemused incredulity. A small child near the center of the group spoke in a stage whisper. “Daddy, is that a pony princess?”

“I am not a princess!” Blueblood snapped. The crowd jumped back as the prince flared his wings. His grumpy face was terrifying to all those who were aware of what a pony really looked like.

“Great Scott, look at those huge eyes!”

“Is that horn real? Is he a narwhal?”

“Does it have a tattoo on its butt?”

“Yes, my eyes are large and expressive,” Blueblood said to the crowd. “Yes, the horn is real. No, I’m not a narwhal. What the hay is a narwhal? And I assume you refer to my cutie mark?”

The crowd fell silent, merely staring at the not-quite-a-pony before them. Blueblood narrowed his eyes and huffed. “If there is nothing else you wish to know, I’ll be on my way.” With that, Blueblood flapped his wings and flew off.

One skinny man near the back of the crowd shielded his face with his elbow and shuddered. “Witchcraft!”

Blueblood landed beside a house once he was out of the crowd’s sight. He rolled his shoulders and caught his reflection in a window pane. His teeth were good, his hair was drying fabulously (ahyuck), and his coat was back to its usual pristine white. He was the picture of Equestrian handsomeness.

A little red ball flew through the air and smacked into the back of his head, smashing his beautiful Equestrian muzzle into the window.

Blueblood raised his eyes to the sky and shouted. “I’ve been trying to be a perfectly respectable individual, you know! You can cut it out with the humiliation!”

The author will not be held responsible for any misfortune Blueblood suffers within this story.

Blueblood sighed and glared at the ball that had interrupted his reverie. Tiny hands picked it up off the ground and held it out, presenting the assailing object to him. He looked to the owner of the hands, a young girl.

The girl whose mother had sprayed his eyes with hellfire.

He leaped back, terror striking his features. “Please child don’t call you mother I’ll be going now!”

“Wait!” she said as she held up an appendage. “Don’t go! I don’t wanna hurt you!”

Blueblood hesitated. He was almost certain that it was a trap, set by the horrid mother of the child. She would no doubt appear as suddenly as Pinkie Pie to spray the stinging substance in his eyes again. She would no doubt do worse to him.

He flew straight up and bumped his head on the edge of the roof. His tumble to the ground would have won him a ten out of ten in diving, if his landing hadn’t been so soul-crushingly sloppy. The crumpled pile of Blueblood bits could only stare in horror as the girl walked up to him and placed a hand on his forehead. “Are you okay, mister?”

“Peachy,” he gasped. He untangled his limbs and rose to his feet. He looked up before taking off this time, making sure that he did not suffer a concussion. A tiny hand on his leg gave him a start, and he looked down on the girl.

“My name’s Alma, what’s yours?”

He glanced to and fro, searching for the terrifying visage of the mother. Seeing nothing, he figured it would do no harm to leave the little girl in awe of just who stood before her. “I am Prince Blueblood, Twice-Crowned Prince of Equestria. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

“Un uh,” she replied, unimpressed. “Are you really from Equestria?”

“Yes,” he sneered a small sneer. “How do you know of Equestria if you do not know of me?”

“I watch the My Little Pony cartoon!” she announced. “Do you watch the My Little Pony cartoon?” She gasped, her eyes opening wide. “Do you live in the My Little Pony cartoon!?”

“Cartoon?” Blueblood rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I’m a bit old for cartoons, don’t you think?”

“My mommy watches cartoons with me,” Alma said. “Are you older than her?”

“I wouldn’t dare ask her,” Blueblood coughed. “Ah, did you ask if I lived in the cartoon? Why would you think that?” Childish naivety, obviously, Blueblood had decided. Still, he was feeling charitable that day, and sought to at least enlighten the girl.

“’Cause you look like Princess Celestia.” Alma shrugged, her argument made in full.

“I should,” he remarked. “She’s my aunt, after all.”

“You’re related to her!?” Alma’s mouth could not have opened wider without unhinging. “That’s so cool!”

“Well, ‘related’ is a relative term,” Blueblood mumbled. His uncertainty with the term was apparent.

She dramatically stomped up to him and took his hoof in her hand. “You gotta see an episode; it will change your life.” Alma all but whispered the last three words, her awe on display for all to see.

She dragged him inside and set him in front of a flat rectangular device. His eyes darted around for the mother he knew to be nearby. “So, ah, what ‘episode’ are you showing me?”

“’The Best Night Ever!’” Alma shouted. “It’s the best episode ever!”

“This looks ‘shopped.”

The picture that Lavern took with his camera phone had been passed around the room several times. The others present had all responded fairly similarly to Eudora’s dismissive comment.

Lavern snatched his phone back and stuffed it back in his holster. “You guys are… It’s a picture on my phone!”

“Like you couldn’t load a shopped picture onto your SD card,” Keefe snickered. The big man leaned back in his chair and smiled smugly. “What kinda doofuses do you take us for, Vern?”

“It’s a nice photoshop, Lavern,” John said with a smirk. “But really, an alicorn on the bus? Even I wouldn’t write that story.”

“Keep a lid on it, ‘Fanfic.’” Keefe stood and rolled his massive shoulders. “Nobody wants to read any of your fics anyways.”

Eudora looked up from her notepad, her pencil held loosely in her hand. “Play nice, you two. We’re all bronies here.”

John grinned up at Keefe, his mind’s gears spinning. It took all of his personal strength not to say “Neanderthal” out loud. He succeeded in that, but his strength failed to hold back the next thought. “Yeah, play nice, Snowflake.”

John saw it coming, but his flabby muscles were unable to move him out of the way of the assault. Keefe grabbed his collar and hoisted him into the air. “What’d you call me, Applebucker?”

“Snowflake!” John shouted breathlessly. “You know, that big muscle-y pegasus that says ‘Yeah!’ all the time!?”

“Cut it out, you two!” Lavern’s voice cut through the conflict like a knife through cheese. “Keefe, put him down.”

Keefe complied by dropping John to the floor. “Whatever you say, boss-man.” He bent down and glared at his would-be victim. “Keep your smart ideas to yourself, jerk.”

“Keep your meat-hooks to yourself,” John mumbled through gritted teeth. He rubbed his sore bum with distain.

Eudora sighed and put her pad away. “So much for ‘love and tolerate,’ guys. Do you act this way on the forums?”

“I don’t go on forums,” Keefe growled.

“Somebody sat on a bee today,” John whispered to Lavern. Lavern gave him a glare, causing him to shut up quite thoroughly.

Lavern walked over to his briefcase and pulled forth the golden disk that had once been an Equestrian tenner. “If a picture won’t impress you, how about this?”

Eudora came alongside him and touched the disk. “Is that… a hoofprint? Where did you get this done?”

“Geeze,” Keefe said. His mouth fell open as he examined the object. “That’s gotta be a hundred dollars worth of gold, man.”

“You know me, guys,” Lavern pressed. “Would I tease you guys about something like this?”

“You tried to convince us that Nightmare Moon had invaded Earth for Halloween,” John giggled dismissively.

“That was for my daughter’s benefit, and you know it.” Lavern gave John the gold to examine. “This is important; we might actually have a real, live pony on our hands. A prince.”

Eudora’s mouth worked silently as she contemplated. “You can’t be serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” Lavern smiled. “Can it hurt to at least check it out?”

“Who’s the prince?” Keefe said, trying to appear uninterested. The evidence, and Lavern’s enthusiasm, was starting to grab them all.

“I didn’t catch his name…” Lavern produced his phone. “But he was clearly an alicorn.”

A spark shone in Eudora’s eye. “Pic ideaaaa!”

“But, dude… Vern…” Keefe nearly pleaded with the other man. “This is flipping impossible.”

“'When all other options have been eliminated,'” John quoted, “'whatever option remains, no matter how unlikely, must be the truth.'”

“Have we ‘eliminated’ the idea that Vern was hallucinating?” Keefe placed a hand on Lavern’s shoulder. “He mighta had heat-stroke or something.”

“A heat-stroke that photoshopped an alicorn prince into his phone?” John’s grin grew wider as he began to win an argument against the bigger man. “A heat-stroke that gave him a hundred dollars worth of gold? I dunno, man…”

Eudora smudged the pencil on her drawing to create a shadow. “So, there’s obviously something funny. It might just be an overly-enthusiastic cosplayer.”

“I asked him if he’d heard about My Little Pony,” Lavern said. “He just gave me this weird look. He levitated the gold into my hand.”

“Lavern’s on a mission, you guys.” John stood and surveyed the other three people in the room. “We can be good brony friends and help him, or be stupid jerks and leave him to his hallucinations. What’ll it be?”

Keefe shrugged. “Where do we start?”

“Where all great adventures start,” Lavern grinned. “The bus station.”

Twilight Sparkle departed from the train station with Rainbow Dash in tow. “This is gonna be so awesome!” the pegasus declared. “I’m gonna actually get to see a new world! I’m gonna be the first to see a new world! Well, after Blueblood, but he hardly counts.”

“Watch what you say, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight warned. “Who knows what the princesses will say if they hear you talking about their nephew that way?”

“Blueblood is missing?” Luna looked up from her tea with detachment. “What a shame, I was just starting to like him. Oh well.”

Celestia kept her stern gaze steady. “Luna, now is not the time for jokes!”

“On the contrary, Sister!” Luna exclaimed. “I tell you the truth; I was beginning to enjoy his company on some level.”

Celestia tried and failed to hold back a regal snort. “Well, when you put it that way…”

Twilight and Dash arrived at their room within Canterlot Castle in short order. Rainbow Dash dropped her single duffle bag next to her bed, while Twilight took some time to organize her sock drawer. Rainbow Dash hovered around the room like a honey bee searching for nectar. “So, when are we supposed to meet the rest of the team?”

“Not ‘til later tonight,” Twilight said. “Celestia said there were a few last-minute changes to the roster.”

“Yahuh, yahuh,” Rainbow spun lazily in the air. “So, what’s on the agenda until then?”

“Well, I was gonna…” Twilight trailed off as she placed another rolled-up sock in the drawer. Many ponies would have gasped in scandal at her enormous collection. Rarity, especially, found somewhere else to be when the subject was broached, but Twilight wasn’t certain what about it was so wrong.

Cold hooves are the last thing one wants during a late-night study session.

Twilight set aside her luggage with a visible strain. Her friend was with her, so personal organization would have to wait. “I was gonna show you the town, Dash! Have you ever been to Canterlot for fun, not just for a big event?”

“Nope!” Rainbow Dash landed neatly beside her friend. “There’s always been some gala or invasion or whatever. Where do we start?”

“I was thinking a quick trip to the museum would be in order…” Twilight grinned as Rainbow Dash groaned. “I thought you’d enjoy the new Wonderbolts exhibit.”

Rainbow pumped her hoof in celebration. “Booyah! I knew there was a reason I stuck around with you.”

“Took you this long to figure it out, hmm?” Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow.

“Well, uh, you know what I mean.” Rainbow Dash threw a hoof around Twilight’s shoulder. “C’mon, Twi, let’s show Canterlot what it’s been missing.”

They giggled as they trotted down the corridor. Their mingled laughter reverberated down the halls and filled the castle with metaphorical light.

The laughter was not enough to alert the pony just around the corner to their presence.

Twilight Sparkle and the other pony collided head-on, sending both flying backwards. Rainbow Dash caught Twilight before she could hit the ground, while the other pony fell unimpeded to the marble flooring.

The other pony was a royal guard; a pegasus pony with an orange coat and gelled blue hair. He wore the gemstone ephod of the Crystal Empire Royal Guards, and his golden armor denoted his high rank. His cutie mark was either a lightning bolt-emblazoned shield or a shield with a large crack running straight through it.

His head rattled within his helmet and his eyes bugged out. Though Twilight had hit her head unprotected on a solid-metal surface, it was uncertain which pony had been hit the hardest. Her earth pony strength may have given her a slight advantage over the pegasus guard.

Twilight recovered first and began apologizing profusely. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t see you and I-”

“It’s fine, Princess Twilight,” he said with eyes boggling. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

He stood to his feet and bowed. “You know, we really should stop meeting like this.”

“Meeting like…” Twilight’s eyes widened in recognition. “Flash Sentry! I didn’t expect to see you in Canterlot!”

“Princess Cadance has me as part of her personal detail.” Flash grinned in that cool-as-a-cucumber way of his. “She’s visiting Canterlot because of this magic portal you created, or so I hear.”

“She did? She is?” Twilight clapped her hooves together. “Great! I’ll have to talk with her soon.”

“Hey, I remember you,” Rainbow Dash said. “Aren’t you that guy Twilight was totally crush-” A hoof in her mouth silenced her words.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight answered without removing her hoof. “This is the soldier I met in the Crystal Empire. Flash Sentry, this is my good friend Rainbow Dash!”

“It’s an honor.” Flash bowed to Dash with a smile.

“Sure, sure,” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “You two really hit it off, didn’t you?”

“Why yes, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight grinned unnaturally. It seemed to be a mix between the Cheshire Cat and a shark. “We do seem to keep bumping headlong into each other, don’t we? Because I know you don’t have any other hidden meanings that I may have to take issue with, do you?”

Both Flash and Dash took an involuntary step backwards. “Sure, Twi,” Rainbow gulped. “Whatever you say.”

Flash Sentry swallowed the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Well, I’ll see you around, Your Highness. Maybe we can meet sometime when we don’t cause each other bodily harm.”

Twilight’s smile warmed up considerably as the blood rushed to her head. “Oh, yeah, I think that’d be a very mutually beneficial social function-” Rainbow Dash bopped Twilight on the back of the head. “I mean, sure, we should talk sometime. Or something. If you want to.”

“How could I say ‘no’ to that?” Flash Sentry walked off with a laugh. Twilight watched him go, a smile teasing at the edges of her mouth.

Rainbow Dash tapped her hoof on the floor while she waited for Twilight_Sparkle.exe to reboot. “I notice he didn’t say ‘yes,’ either,” she mentioned off the cuff.

Twilight’s mouth dropped open in a voiceless scream of horror. She turned to Rainbow and grasped her shoulders. “But, he didn’t say ‘no!’ Doesn’t no ‘no’ mean ‘yes?’ Or did I guess wrong!? Is he still trying to think of a way to say ‘no’ to a princess!? What have I done!?”

“Easy, Princess,” Rainbow chuckled. “I’m just teasing. You’re good.”

Twilight shook her head. She took a deep breath in through the nose and let it out through her mouth. Her blood-pressure lowered considerably, she led Rainbow Dash down the corridor. “Well, I’d be careful about that if I was you. You know what they say…”

“Whazzat?” Dash asked.

“What goes around,” Twilight smirked, “comes around.”

Princess Mi Amore De Cadenza was a pretty big fan of love.

Scratch that, she was love’s biggest fan. She was president of love’s fanclub. She owned all of love’s records. She knew the minute details of love’s life. She knew love forwards and backwards, inside and out. It was wonderfully synergistic.

She could explain, in great detail, the different types of love. Friendship’s love, romantic love, unrequited love, parent’s love, child’s love, sibling rivalry…

She was an especially big fan of the most innocent form of romantic love: puppy love. She could have written a thesis on just puppy love, and she would have enjoyed every minute of it. It came as no surprise that the puppy love currently on display was the focus of her attention.

Flash Sentry trotted up and bowed to her. “The perimeter is secure, Your Highness.”

“Thank you, Flash,” she said. “I knew you were just the pony for the job. Any interesting details to report?”

“Princess Twilight just arrived from Ponyville.” He gestured in the general direction of downtown Canterlot. “She said she hoped to speak with you later.”

“Mm, hmm.” Cadance touched a hoof to her lips. “And… did she say anything else?”

“Ah, yes. Well, that is…” Flash’s blush lit his orange face on fire. “She said ‘hi.’”

“Excellent,” Cadance grinned. “You may report to the barracks. Say hello to the captain for me.”

“As you wish, Your Highness.” Flash Sentry trotted away with a slight spring to his step.

Cadance danced her way to the audience chamber, where Celestia was taking her noon repast. The Princess of the Day munched on a delectable salad gleefully, her cheeks bulging with greenery.

“Aunt Celestia?” Cadance said. “I was wondering if I could speak to you about Twilight’s expedition.”

Twilight Sparkle stood before her mirror, which had been transported to Canterlot via Speedy’s Delivery Service. Celestia, Luna, and Cadance stood nearby, offering their support to her.

She and Celestia shared a quick smile before she turned to her audience. “Ladies and gentlecolts, I’ll bet you’re wondering why you’ve been called here today.”

“Not really,” Rainbow shrugged. “It’s all you’ve talked about for the past couple days.”

Twilight shot a pointed glare at Dash. “Well, perhaps some of the others might be interested in what I have to say?”

“Actually, I’m pretty up-to-date on Blueblood’s little wrong turn at Appleoosa.” Braeburn Apple, Prince of Pioneering, adjusted his hat. “I’m likin’ the fact that those darned changelin’s got the heck outta Dodge.”

“I did read the notes you provided, Princess Twilight,” Nurse Redheart, Princess of Hospice, said. “They were very… extensive.”

“Yeah,” Braeburn shrugged. “What’s up with these people and clothes? They bashful or somethin’?”

“Well…” Twilight shuffled her hooves. “They can’t really ‘tuck it away,’ if you get what I mean.”

If the room itself could blush, it would have done so. Instead, it settled for seeing everypony in the room blush. “Yeah, I c’n see that.”

“Well, then,” Twilight pointed a hoof at the mirror. “Maybe you’d be interested in how this works?”

“Magic?” Dash offered.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash, it runs completely on magic.” Twilight placed a hoof against each of her temples. “Congratulations, you win the no-prize.”

“If I can,” Redheart said, “I would like to know why you created it. What inspired you?”

“Well, you see, there’s this mirror in the Crystal Empire that works much the same way, except that it only opens once every thirty moons…” Twilight scratched her head. “However long that is. I sought to create a similar magic device that can be opened with the glow of a horn.”

“But why’d you make it?” Nurse Redheart asked. “What possible use could a portal to another world have?”

“Besides traveling to another world?” Twilight tilted her head to the side. “Do I need another reason?”

“Shoot, Princess Twilight, that’s what I was just gonna say.” Braeburn tugged at the sides of his vest proudly. “Ain’t never needed another reason to explore a new place ‘sides ‘it’s there!’”

Twilight grinned and produced a pile of cloth. “Here are the outfits you will be wearing, the spell will transform them to fit your new body.”

Rainbow Dash sat back with flared wings. “Hold on, ‘new body?’ Let’s back up a little bit.”

“Do… Do you mean…” Redheart snuck a glance at the mirror. “Does that mean that the mirror will change us?”

“Oh! No! No, no, no, no, no.” Twilight Sparkle beamed as she explained. “Blueblood’s still a pony, so we know that my mirror doesn’t change ponies.”

As Redheart sighed in relief, Twilight continued. “We’ll have to use a spell based on changeling magic to disguise ourselves.”

Rainbow Dash sighed, her shoulders sagging with the weight of her friend’s revelation. “Twilight, I didn’t know it was possible to share too much information and not enough at the same time.”

“Whoa now,” Braeburn coughed. “Not only a new world, but a new body? Kinda excessive, ain’t it?”

“Ponies can’t talk in their world,” Twilight said. “We want to maintain a low profile.”

“I approve of Twilight’s decision,” Celestia butted in. “The spell has been thoroughly tested, there should be no hiccups to speak of.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded at her crew. “Will there be any questions?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said as she lifted her outfit over her head. “Do I really have to wear a business suit?”

“Low profile, Dash,” Twilight said as her Cheshire Shark grin reappeared. “We can’t just run around naked and wild, you know…”

“Spoilsport.” Rainbow Dash fiddled with her sharp suit and sharper dress.

“Now then,” Twilight charged her horn to activate the mirror. “Let’s save Blueblood.”

“Am I late!?” Twilight turned at the sound of an oddly familiar voice, one that made her stand up a little straighter. “I’m sorry, I thought for sure I needed to be here right on the hour.”

She turned to gaze upon the frowning orange visage of Flash Sentry. She blinked rapidly, just to be sure she wasn’t dreaming.

To be fair, if she was dreaming, he probably wouldn’t be speaking to Cadance, rather than herself. He probably also wouldn’t look like he had just been told that there was a law against being orange and blue. Twilight decided that he looked kinda cute when he was panicking.

Cadance snickered a poorly hidden snicker. “No, you’ve arrived right on schedule, Flash Sentry. You are to be the military escort for the expedition to rescue Blueblood and explore the new Earth.”

Flash Sentry looked over to the four other ponies ready to cross into the portal. He shot Twilight a double take before giving Cadance a small smile. “I’ll protect them with my life, Your Highness.”

The mirror glowed and Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Braeburn, Redheart, and Flash Sentry stepped through. The leader, the lancer, the survivor, the medic, and the soldier. Off to adventure and discovery.

Naturally, they all landed in a dumpster.

Author's Note

"Last minute roster changes" is in no way meta. Nope. No sir-ee Bob. :applejackunsure:

I found no reason to hate Equestria Girls. Mild disappointment, yeah, but not hate. I don't even dislike it. It was cute.

In Which Twilight Sparkle Utterly Fails to Keep a Low Profile

“Say, isn’t that me?” Blueblood said, pointing at the screen.

He had to admit, for a pedestrian show for small females, My Little Pony wasn’t bad. Perhaps a little sugary for his tastes, but that was the kind of world he lived in. He utterly refused to consider the metaphysical, existential questions that arose from a cartoon about some of Equestria’s most famous magical mares appearing in a completely separate universe. That line of thought only led to weeping and gnashing of teeth. He could save the gnashing for later.

In the meantime, he sought to keep an eye out for the child’s mother, the woman with a can of righteous retribution. It was as if she held the burning power of the sun in spray form. He was certain that the concoction could cow Discord himself. If he could help it, he would never put himself in the mother’s way again.

Alma had other ideas, unfortunately. She seemed dead-set on learning as much about Blueblood as she could, mostly by asking him to explain the various little details that flashed by onscreen. He answered as best he could, not truly wanting to upset the girl by denying her wishes. He wanted to be anywhere but there, but he knew that to upset her would be to call down all of the mother’s resources upon his princely head. It would be the death of him. Painful, burning death.

Alma started at his comment, then began switching her attention between Blueblood and the television. Rarity, best pony after Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, was walking up to the prince she had been singing about earlier. He smiled a dashing smile, welcoming the seamstress into his company.

The girl’s eyes narrowed. Her eyes narrowed into tiny slits of indignation and terrible fury. “Is that you?” she asked with barely-concealed anger.

“I was asking you,” he said. He pouted a questioning pout. His eyes continuously scanned for the mother, not noticing the volcano of an acquaintance that sat beside him.

“Well, did you go on a date with Rarity at the Grand Galloping Gala?” the girl growled. It was quite cute in a vicious sort of way. Like a Tasmanian devil.

“That gala?” He placed a hoof on his bottom lip and mused. He mused and he mused and he mused. It was not amusing. “I can’t recall. What else happened that gala?”

“Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack destroyed the ballroom.” Alma raised an eyebrow, waiting for Blueblood’s response.

Blueblood nodded. “I suppose that was the gala where I met Miss Rariiiiiiiiiiii—!”

The prince leapt into the air and shook his leg, attempting to free it from the pain of being kicked in his royal pony shin.

“You meanie!” Alma shouted. “You were mean to Rarity! You’re a bad pony!”

“I beg your pardon!?” He glared down at the little terror. “I’m not a bad pony! Miss Rarity only wanted me for my station, or my gold, or something equally greedy!”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew her!” Alma accused. “She’s the nicest, most generous pony ever! She made all her friends dresses! Twice!”

“Ha!” Blueblood laughed. “I suppose you’re too young to understand the term ‘gold digger.’”

“No I’m not.” She frowned severely at him, wishing him great harm.

He sighed and floated back down to the ground. “I’ll admit that I was quite the brute that night. I should not have reacted to Rarity’s advances in such a deplorable manner. But I stand by my conviction that she was only after me for what she stood to gain.” He sat down proudly, daring Alma to say another word.

She responded with a kick to his other shin. “Meanie! She just wanted a prince!”

His eyes widened in pain and shock. His mouth hung open in a noiseless scream of agony. He waggled both his forelegs in the air, unable to reduce the throbbing in either of his matching set.

So Alma kicked a third leg. “She just wants a prince who’ll be nice to her, and care for her, and love her, you meanie-butt!” She kicked his fourth leg. “She doesn’t even care if he’s royal, she just wants a prince!”

A howl finally escaped his tortured lungs. He writhed on the ground, staring horrified at the child who had laid him low. “All. You. People. Are. Crazy!”

Alma stood above the prince, reigning victorious. “You’d better apologize to her.”

“I. Did!” he hissed. His teeth ground together. Not quite a gnashing, but close.

“You didn’t mean it,” she said. “You didn’t really apologize if you didn’t mean it.”

“How do you know, you little expletive deleted?” he groaned.

The insult slid right over her head. “You aren’t sorry. You just don’t like that you got caught.”

Blueblood rolled onto his hooves and slowly stood. “What if you’re wrong?”

She frowned and kicked his shin again. “I’m not!”

Tears poured down Blueblood’s cheeks. “Ow. Please stop.”

“Apologize!” She raised her foot, daring him to disobey her.

Blueblood worried his lower lip whilst simultaneously rubbing life into her legs. “I’ll apologize the next time I talk to her.”

“Promise?” Alma asked.

“I promise,” Blueblood nodded.

“Pinkie Promise?” she insisted.

Blueblood rolled his eyes in defeat. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

The television burst with color as the screen version of Pinkie Pie broke into a stirring rendition of the “Pony Pokey.” Blueblood nearly jumped out of his skin. That mare scared him like no other.

Save, perhaps, for the mother of the darling Alma, the woman who had just walked into the living room. “Alma, please turn the TV dow—”

She looked at Blueblood. Blueblood looked back at her. Silence descended as they both registered the presence of the other. Eyes dried out as all blinking ceased. Blueblood’s heartbeat stopped as well. The prince deflated, while the mother began to rise up in an indignant rage similar to what her daughter had displayed a few moments before.

Blueblood screamed.

Twilight Sparkle toppled out of the dumpster with a lurch. Her gag reflex, honed from a lifetime of avoiding icky, icky things, activated precisely on cue. She opened her eyes and frowned at her impromptu barf bag. “Sorry, Flash.”

“Perfectly fine, Princess Twilight,” he said with forced formality. “Would somepony, perhaps one well-versed in magic, please clean it off of me?”

“No sweat,” Rainbow Dash said from the air. “I’ll just grab a cloud and wash you off!”

“Wait, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled. She held up a hoof. “We don’t want to attract any attention, and control of the weather is a definite red flag!”

“What?” Rainbow Dash landed with a moan. “How is moving one measly cloud around a ‘red flag?’”

“’S on the notes Princess Twilight wrote up,” Braeburn said. He adjusted a formal business suit around his equine body. “These folks don’t use magic for nothin’.”

“But it’s not magic, it’s…” Rainbow scratched at her head. “Okay, it’s magic. But it’s just a little magic.”

“A little magic that everypony will see!” Twilight waved her hooves at the end of the alley, where a few humans could be seen walking past. They didn’t seem to notice several multicolored ponies arguing in a dumpster. “Really, Dash. Think!”

“Could somepony clean this stuff off of me?” Flash Sentry asked. “Please?”

“Hey, you don’t need to tell me to think!” Rainbow Dash shot Twilight a scrunchy stink face. “I can think just fine all on my own.”

“So what do you think”—Twilight Sparkle raised a haughty eyebrow—“will happen if these people see a blue horse flying around carrying clouds?”

“‘Gee willikers, that’s pretty cool?’” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “How’m I supposed to know?”

“Pretty please?” Flash begged. “I’d really like to not get sick.”

“Didn’t we have some mission or other to get to?” Braeburn muttered.

“Obviously you wouldn’t know,” Twilight said, “because you didn’t read my notes!”

“I did too.” Rainbow Dash sat beside the dumpster, her chin in the air. “And I’ll prove it!”

“Oh, yeah?” Twilight squinted. “How?”

“See that thing?” Rainbow asked, pointing at a distant object. “That thing over there?”

Twilight turned. “Uh huh, it’s a—”

“It’s a car,” Rainbow finished, pleased with herself.

“Bravo, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight sighed. She placed her hoof over her eyes to hide her perceived shame. “You’ll be an expert in the auto industry in no time.”

“Excuse me,” Redheart said as she stepped between Dash and Sparkle. “Isn’t there something more productive we could be doing? Do you think you could grab some water out of the atmosphere or something, Princess?”

Twilight winced and nodded. “Aheh, yeah. Sure. Wanna help, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash smirked. “You conjure up that cumulous, Commander!”

Twilight’s horn glowed, and a small raincloud appeared. Rainbow hovered the cloud over to Flash, who began to scrub himself gratefully. Twilight exited the dumpster at last and addressed her team.

“Alright, first order on the list is to assume our new identities.” She paced before the dumpster, her every move watched by the other four ponies. “I’ll be performing the changeling spell, so you don’t need to worry about following the steps.”

“What if the spell wears off?” Redheart asked. “Shouldn’t we know how to do it ourselves?”

“As far as I know, the spell won’t wear off.” Twilight pursed her lips. “Actually, we’ve learned that the changeling spell isn’t just a illusion, it’s a complete transformation. That’s not likely to wear off until I cast the counter-spell.”

“So,” Braeburn mused, “It ain’t just our appearance that’ll change. Are we gonna have to eat meat or sommat?”

“Only if you want,” Twilight replied. “Studies show that humans can survive on a vegetarian diet, as long as they take supplements.”

“Boring.” Rainbow Dash hovered above Twilight. “I’m gonna try a hamburger.”

A subtle shiver ran down the other ponies’ spines. Twilight grimaced. “Anything you say, Dash.”

Flash squeezed the cloud like a sponge over his head, sending water pouring down his blue mane and bare back. “Any other changes to expect?”

Twilight was understandably tongue-tied by the sight. “Ablah ha. Yes. Maybe. What was the question?”

Redheart tugged at her skirt. “Can we please just get this over with?”

Twilight nodded with jerky movements. “Of course! Right away! Yes! No problem!”

Her horn glowed with a familiar lavender light for a moment, then switched to a sickly green. Fire ignited beneath each pony’s feet, slowly drawing its way up their legs and to their clothes. Bare skin showed where the fire had passed, fingers and toes replacing hooves. Tails disappeared, and their manes shifted position on their heads.

As the transmogrification neared completion, Flash Sentry squeezed water out of the cloud absently, soaking his lower section. The green fire that had been changing him extinguished in an instant, leaving him a bizarre half-man-half-pony hybrid. “Was that supposed to happen?”

Twilight looked at his still-visible shield-and-lightning bolt cutie mark, then at his bare, human chest. She felt very confused inside. “Not quite, but I thought I preformed the spell correctly.”

Rainbow Dash stood shakily to her legs, balancing precariously on ill-fitting high-heeled shoes. “Works for m— Whoa!” She toppled to the ground and grunted from the impact. “This could take some getting used to.”

Braeburn, likewise, tumbled his way out of the dumpster. “I think my balance is shot! What in tarnation do you have us on?”

“It’s your inner ear,” Redheart explained. “It’ll take some time to recalibrate for a human’s posture.”

Twilight stared at Flash, trying to ascertain where the spell had gone wrong. Also trying to ascertain a few other things. “Sooo, what happens if I try the spell again?”

Flash looked at Twilight with bashfulness written on his features. “You think you could give me some clothes before you try that again, please?”

There were blushes all around as Twilight shifted through their suitcase. “Yes. Of course. Certainly. Can’t forget that. Nuh uh. Nope.” She tossed him a shirt and pants and turned away as he got dressed. “That would be, um, terrible.”

“Okay,” he said. “Try it again.”

As the spell was preformed, Rainbow Dash snatched the cloud out of the air. She squeezed it, prompting a miniature deluge, but her hands remained the same. “Huh. Maybe the water just put out the changeling magic, it sure doesn’t change me back.”

“Whazzat? It was the cloud?” Braeburn looked over her shoulder at the puff of water particles. “Water shuts down the magic, ain’t it the darnedest thing?”

Rainbow gave it another squeeze. “Kinda, I guess. I sure wanna be careful not to be around water when we change back.”

Flash Sentry, now fully human, rose to his feet. He waggled his fingers and grinned. “Well, that’s better, isn’t it?”

Twilight Sparkle wasn’t sure. She was really, really not sure. She tried to hide her uncertainty, but she had a poker face to rival Applejack. “Oh, yes. Sure. Much.”

Rainbow Dash took a step, fell to her face, and growled. “Forget this.” She tossed her high-heels aside. “Gimme some real shoes.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Blending in with the locals, remember? We’re gonna have to do something about our hair, too.”

Dash grabbed at her colorful mop. “What’s wrong with this? I’m a natural rainbow!”

“But on Earth, you get about three or four main colors to choose from.” Twilight shrugged. “That’s the way it’s gotta be.”

“I’ll wear your stupid business suit,” Rainbow groaned. “I’ll wear the ridiculous tie. Heck, I’ll try those dumb high-heels again.” She looked Twilight right in the eye. “But you ain’t. Takin’. My. Hair.”

Laughter rang from the end of the alleyway. Two humans walked slowly past, talking animatedly.

“This convention is gonna be awesome!” one said. It was a female of the species. She featured blue hair and an outfit that only seemed to be attached to her body by some sort of antigravity technology. “Anime, manga, you name it!”

“Yeah!” the other said. It was a male with bright-red hair. His outfit could be said to consist of various zippers and pouches. It was unquestioningly a creation of Tetsuya Nomura. “I can’t wait to see the new stuff about…”

Their voices drifted off as they proceeded to the local anime convention. Rainbow Dash smiled at Twilight. “What’s that about blending in?”

“Fine,” Twilight murmured. “We can be a little more casual.”

They made their way into the street, and Twilight was delighted to see a clothing store in the immediate vicinity. “Quick march, double-time! Operation ‘Blend In’ is a go!”

Nurse Redheart removed her sports coat and handed it to Twilight. “I’m fine with this. I’ll go ask around for sightings.”

Twilight nodded her thanks. “Good idea, I’ll keep an eye out, too.”

It was truly only a moment’s work for Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s personal student, to nearly lose her mind once more.

“I didn’t mean quite this casual!” Twilight protested. She stood outside Rainbow Dash’s changing room, where the former pegasus was trying on a new ensemble. “We want to avoid attention, I cannot stress this enough!”

“Cool your jets, Twi.” Rainbow Dash came out wearing a blue t-shirt and shorts. “I’m just following my own sense of style. I’m not gonna go ‘Full-Rarity’ on you.”

“Can you cover your belly-button at least?” Twilight groaned.

“Hey!” Rainbow gestured to her midriff. “I work hard for these abs!”

She was interrupted by a voice from the other side of the store. “Shucks, Princess Twilight, how’re we gonna pay for all this?”

Twilight held up a handful of gold coins. “I brought some bits. They’re pure gold, so they should be good anywhere.”

Braeburn jogged up, only tripping once. He stuck his thumbs under his vest and admired his jeans. “Not bad fer what they got here.”

Flash looked like he had stepped straight out of a GQ magazine. His shirt and pants probably had, if the store’s cashier assumed correctly. “How do I look? Pretty good, huh?”

Twilight began to feel those funny feelings again, but this time they were accompanied by a smile. “Hehehehe. Yeah…” She blinked, and in an instant spun away from him and back to Rainbow Dash. “Okay, good? Good! Let’s pay up!”

Dash shrugged. “Lead the way, Casanova.”

Twilight tossed a few bits onto the counter. The cashier looked at her like she was an alicorn princess out of a girl’s cartoon. “What’s this?”

“Payment for the merchandise,” Twilight said; her attention elsewhere.

“Is this a joke?” the cashier motioned to the bits and gave Twilight an eyebrow of incredulity. “We don’t take foreign money.”

“It’s pure gold,” Flash added. He bit into a bit to prove his point. “See? Legit.”

“Look mister, I’m no expert,” the cashier droned, “but we went off the gold standard a few years back.”

“Wait, wait.” Rainbow Dash waved her hands in disbelief. “You don’t use gold for money?”

“No…” The cashier was regretting covering for his coworker that day.

“Then what do you use for money?” Dash asked.

“This… paper stuff…” The cashier held up a dollar for all to see.

“Paper stuff…” Flash Sentry scratched at his cheek. “That you can’t trade in for gold.”

“My stars,” Braeburn gasped. “Their money’s worthless.”

“I-I wouldn’t say that.” The cashier searched his limited economical expertise for a rebuttal, but found himself drawing a blank. “But I guess that puts it pretty well.”

“So… Why use the paper stuff? Why’s everybody still work for it?” Rainbow Dash fiddled with the dollar, attempting to read the fine print. “‘Legal tender for all transactions…’ Yuck.”

“Okay!” Twilight shouted, startling all. “So we have gold, we need money, where do we go?”

“They buy gold across the street.” The cashier pointed. “If you leave your clothes here, they can help you out.”

“Right,” Twilight said. “You three stay here.” She walked out the door, on a mission to obtain tradable funds.

Rainbow Dash, Flash Sentry, and Braeburn Apple watched her enter the store, speak with the clerk, have an altercation with the clerk, and get tossed out of the establishment. The defenestrated not-a-pony wandered back to the clothing store with a wad of bills in her hand.

“Sooo,” Rainbow Dash grinned. “How’d it go?”

“I called them highway robbers,” Twilight replied. “There’s no way they paid me what the bits were worth.”

“They gave you the money anyways?” Flash asked.

“They were very nice about it.” Twilight handed the roll of bills to the cashier. “I’d almost call them understanding.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I’m not even gonna ask.”

“Good plan,” Braeburn chuckled. “Ignorance is bliss, or so I heard.”

The cashier blinked. He reached for a metaphorical can of brain bleach and motioned for the door. “You folks have a nice day.”

Twilight smiled and pushed her way out of the establishment. “Thank you. You, too!”

The cashier smiled and waved. He smiled and waved long after the not-at-all-ponies had disappeared from sight. “Ignorance sucks,” he muttered, his day no longer as simple as he had assumed.

Twilight crossed the street right down the middle, barely avoiding a jaywalking ticket and a traffic accident. Redheart could be seen sitting in the bus stop, which seemed to be deserted.

“Nopon— body saw him.” Redheart shrugged. “What’s plan ‘B?’”

“Plan ‘B’ is actually plan ‘A,’” Twilight said. She handed Braeburn a small ring. “Braeburn, if you would?”

Braeburn grinned and held the ring into the air. A faint light-green glow surrounded it. A stream of light shot from the ring and entered the alley that contained the arrival dumpster. Hoofprints glowed in the street, marking a path from the alley, looping around the street, and ending at the bus stop. Braeburn lowered the ring, pleased with his handiwork.

“Wow, Dude,” Flash gasped. “What kinda spell was that?”

Braeburn Apple, Prince of Pioneering, smirked. “That’s my personal spell, the one I got from becomin’ an alicorn. It took my natural trackin’ ability an’ turned it into something darn near perfect.”

He fiddled with the ring, meant to fit over a unicorn’s horn. “This here’s the sigil of the house of Blueblood, he’s worn it enough that it picks up on his magic straightaway.”

“But the path ends here,” Redheart pointed out. “What good is it if it doesn’t go all the way to Blueblood?”

“Aha!” Twilight Sparkle pointed a finger to the sky, a gesture she had learned in Canterlot Highschool. “What we don’t see can tell us much more than what we do!”

“What’s that?” Redheart asked.

“Well, we see that Blueblood’s tracks end here in the stop, right?” Twilight’s grin grew as she continued. “And Blueblood isn’t here, right? So, obviously, he was carried off by some sort of public transportation vehicle.”

“Or he flew off,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Or maybe teleported?” Flash Sentry suggested.

Twilight Sparkle deflated. “Couldn’t you guys let me be amazing just this once?”

“Sorry, Twilight,” Redheart said. “Until we have more clues, we can’t really afford to assume.”

Rainbow Dash strode out of the bus stop with her head high. “Come on guys, I’m willing to make Blueblood wait a couple hours if it means I get to try a cheesebur—”

Moving at full ground-speed, Dash had little time to slow down, let alone stop, before she ran right into the bulky form of Keefe. The big brony let out a gasp of surprise as she bounced comically off of his broad chest. He reached to catch her, but in vain. She landed on her rump with a thud, spewing curses all the while.

“What in the flying feather just happened? Shucks! Watch where you’re going, Dobbin! I’m gonna give that draft horse a piece of my mind!”

“Um.” Keefe tilted his head as John came up beside him. “I’m sorry?”

“Wow,” John grinned. “Sweeping the ladies right off their feet, huh?”

Rainbow Dash stood and glared at the smiling human. “I’m gonna wipe that smirk offa your face if you—”

Twilight moved quickly to cover her friend’s mouth. “What my buddy here means to say is that she’s terribly sorry about all this, too!” She narrowed her gaze at Rainbow. “Aren’t you?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes, but relented. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Lavern and Eudora stepped cautiously onto the scene. Eudora’s eyes lit up when she saw Dash. “Cool Rainbow Dash cosplay!”

“Thanks!” Rainbow said, puffing her chest out. “What’s a cosplay?”

An elbow to the midriff silenced further preening. “Low profile,” Twilight hissed. The former purple pony turned back to the bronies. “Terribly sorry about this, we’re just looking for a friend.”

Eudora nodded pleasantly. “Does this friend of yours happen to look like a pony with a horn and wings?”

The five ex-ponies froze, their breath taken away in a moment of panic. “Yeeeaaahhh?” Twilight said at last.

“Great!” Eudora’s outburst startled everyone. She turned to Lavern with a proud smile. “Case solved, overly-enthusiastic fan.”

Lavern raised an eyebrow at an angle that indicated a dubious disposition. “You said you were looking for him? You lost him?”

Twilight shrugged, desperately searching for a way out of the current conversation. “Misplaced him, perhaps. We’ll find him soon enough.”

Lavern nodded, watching Twilight’s reaction carefully. “I saw him earlier; he rode the bus down the yellow line.”

Twilight’s mouth twitched ever-so-slightly. “Yellow line? Where does that lead?”

Lavern smiled inwardly, the lady before him was hiding something. “Well, we could take you there, if you wanted.”

Flash Sentry bristled slightly, placing himself closer to Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. “I’m sure we can find our own way.”

John muttered advice into Lavern’s ear. “Try sounding like less of a creeper, will yah?”

Keefe stepped forward. “Here’s the deal; we’d like to meet your friend, even if it’s just because Vern here”—he pointed a thumb at the older brony—“thinks he’s really a pony. Crazy, huh?”

“Ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha.” Twilight’s laughter would have scared a hyena. “Ridiculous.”

Keefe nodded. “So we’ll help you find your friend, Vern can meet him, and we can forget all this ever happened. Sound good?”

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash shared a look. Dash chuckled and stuck out her hand. “Why not? Let’s do it!” She smiled deviously as Keefe accepted her handshake. “I still gotta kick your butt, though. If only on principal.”

Keefe yanked his hand away, his expression souring. “Whatever. What are we waiting for?”

As they walked onwards, Braeburn leaned in close to Redheart and whispered, “I think I know why Rainbow Dash came along.”

Redheart raised an eyebrow. Braeburn pointed at the pegasus’ multihued mane. “Color commentary.”

Redheart chuckled. “You’re as bad as Pinkie Pie, no wonder she agreed to marry you.”

Braeburn tipped his hat. “Truth be told, I’ve learned most of my tricks from her. Ain’t nobody can pun like a Pie.”

John walked on in silence, having eavesdropped on the entire exchange.

Author's Note

Or, My Little Blueblood: Exposition is Magic.

Braeburn's engagement to Pinkie, and his ascension, were mentioned in Background Ascension. Why didn't you read it yet?

In Which Prince Blueblood Flees in Fear and Gets More Than His Fair Share of Pain

The mother came at Blueblood with a baseball bat, much to the prince’s utter dismay. He dodged the first swing easily enough, but the back-swing was a literal pain in the butt. He was launched forwards by the impact and landed sprawling before the startled Alma’s feet.

“Wait, Mommy!” Alma held up a hand, but the mother paid little heed, having gone into full mother-bear mode.

Just as the bat was about to make contact with Blueblood’s head, it was encased in a blue glow. It was yanked out of the mother’s hands and sent flying out an open window. The mother stared at Blueblood, her face turning pale.

“I beg your pardon, madam!” Blueblood exclaimed. “I was invited into your home by Alma here.” He pointed his hoof at the little girl, who smiled sheepishly. “I can assure you that I wish no harm on either of you, and that the darling little child has already introduced my four shins to your family’s penchant for violence!”

The mother gasped and turned to Alma. “You let him in the house?”

“He’s a pony, Mom,” she said, grabbing a handful of Blueblood’s feathers and stretching his wing out. He winced in pain. “He’s really from the My Little Pony cartoon!”

“And you kicked him in the shin? Shins?” The mother’s face shifted rapidly from bewilderment to anger and back to utter confusion. “You kicked him?”

“He was in the episode,” Alma said. She pointed to the screen, where Blueblood had just allowed Rarity to become covered in cake. “He was being mean!”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Blueblood groaned. “I said I’m sorry, I’ll say I’m sorry again, and once more for good measure: ‘I’m sorry!’”

“You don’t look sorry,” Alma accused.

“A pony from the show?” The mother looked at the screen. “Really?” Her expression was highly dubious.

Blueblood tugged his wing away from the girl and nodded. “Strange as it may seem, our world is thoroughly represented by this children’s show.” He extended a hoof to the mother. “Now that the truth has been revealed, you may kiss the royal hoof.”

The mother glared at him. “I don’t care if you’re the Grand High Llama of Mars! Take your royal butt and your magic pony voodoo and get out of my house!”

Blueblood raised an eyebrow at the faintest hint of an idea. “Say… Say, that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Allow me to explain; my magic comes not from demons or other such spiritual ritual nonsense, but from an organ within my head that generates—”

The mother, with all the strength of the bear that she was emulating, grasped Blueblood by his mane and tail and dragged him to the door.

“—Of course, in my home realm there is some connection to the concept of Harmony that empowers magic to the point—”

She kicked the door open and tossed him bodily outside.

“—Which is nothing compared to what happens when an interpersonal connection is used to— Hello, what’s this now?”

He looked around to find himself uprooted from his soapbox within the house. Having been completely evicted, he was sitting in the open, the object of the gaze of several townsfolk. One small boy looked up to an older human, possibly a brother, and gave him a demonic grin. “Can I keep it?”

Blueblood retreated as fast as his wings would carry him, heading off in a random direction. The boy gave a disappointed “aw,” then continued melting ants on the sidewalk with his magnifying glass. The older brother gave the rapidly-disappearing alicorn a salute and bid him god speed.

The mother looked out the window as Blueblood flew away, her eyes widening when she saw him take flight. She clutched her chest as her heart skipped a beat, and sat down in a nearby chair. “My gosh, he can fly.”

“He can fly and do magic and whatever earth ponies can do!” Alma proclaimed proudly.

The mother drew her daughter close, her face scrunched up in disbelief. “Maybe we need another talk about stranger danger and how it applies to ponies…”

Blueblood ran out of breath long before he ran out of sky. He circled down, allowing his wings to carry him on the wind. He flapped not, but he was not unflappable. He wasn’t sure whether the mother would have killed him or not, but he was willing to treat the entire encounter as a near-death experience.

His shins still throbbed, too, dash it all.

He sought out someplace, anyplace, that had a population of roughly zero. Or, at least had a population that would not try to attack him, adopt him, or in any way approach him on sight. On Earth, it seemed, that would probably be somewhere in the middle of Antarctica.

No, those blamed penguins would no doubt find fault with him, too.

He found a somewhat secluded area around the back of a large building that was labeled something silly like “Mal*Wart” or some such nonsense. The section of the property was devoid of any life, and Blueblood decided to treat it as a place of relaxation.

Unfortunately, with no shade-giving structures in the rear loading area, there was no place to hide from the sweltering heat of the sun. Blueblood hugged the side of the building in an attempt to avoid the baking rays, but the afternoon position of the celestial body was pointed straight at the pony prince.

He considered braving the land of those blamed penguins, that blessedly frigid wasteland, if only to avoid melting into a puddle of sweat.

“Oh, for the love of pony.” Blueblood laid the side of his head against the building, watching the sweat drip down his mane and to the concrete below. “Today has not turned out as I had hoped. Not in the least.”

He should have been working on his robot, he should have been practicing his new attitude as a less-painful presence, he should have been charming Twilight Sparkle with his roguish grin…

Well, he can’t be altruistic all the time.

He lay down on the hot concrete and grumbled. “‘Oh, but he was a mean pony, Mommy!’ From the mouths of babes.” He spread his wings and flapped them slowly, fanning himself off as best he could. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He stood abruptly and raised his hooves to the sky. “Well? I’m sorry! How many times do I have to say it before it matters!?”

He glared in the general direction of the sun, his grimace deepening with each passing moment. Perhaps it was the heat, or perhaps it was his sudden relocation, or perhaps it was his encounter with the best humanity had to offer—most likely it was a combination of all three—regardless of the reason, Blueblood’s blood boiled.

He snorted at the building, that gray monolith that denied him shade. He stomped on the concrete ground that fried him like an egg. He shouted at the sun, the object he now considered his mortal enemy. “Alright, I give up! What must I do, huh? What must I do to be forgiven!? What must I do to make the universe not hate me!?

“‘All hail His Royal Foppishness, Blueblood!’” he growled. “‘Stand in awe at his boorish ego! Be amazed as he alienates everyone!’” He slammed his forehooves on the ground and nickered. “I can’t even escape it in an entirely new world.”

There arose a clatter from a nearby door. Blueblood soared up to the roof of the concrete building just as two workers exited on their break. He snorted and flapped his way onwards, keen to avoid any more human entanglements.

Even as the blowing wind cooled him, he couldn’t help but feel a bit of jealousy at those blamed penguins and their frigid, icy world.

“Have you seen a unicorn-slash-pegasus pony? White fur, blond hair, blue eyes, calls himself a prince? No? Sorry to have bothered you.”

Twilight Sparkle shrugged as she approached her teammates and the bronies they had encountered. “Nobody at this stop, either. How far does the yellow line go, anyhow?”

Lavern rubbed his chin as he consulted a map. “Straight through the city and into the suburbs. We’ve been to most of the stops around here, but no signs of ponies.”

Twilight nodded as she twiddled her thumbs. “Gotta keep eliminating possibilities. We obviously haven’t come across anyone else who rode the bus with you.”

John shuffled his way over to Braeburn, attempting to remain subtle. “So…” he began. “What’s this guy’s story, anyway? What’s his name?”

Braeburn was a pure-blooded Apple. In addition to being a darned-good farmer, if he did say so himself, he carried the Apple Family Curse: a complete inability to lie with a straight face.

The Prince of Pioneering sucked on the inside of his cheek as he spent a good thirty seconds thinking up a suitable answer. “His name’s, uh, B-Bl-Bob. His name’s Bob.”

“Bob.” John smiled. “So how long has he liked ponies?”

“Oh, I’d say about…” Braeburn gave a shrug as he tugged at his collar. “Most of his life, I ’spect.”

“Oh, fan of the older generations, then?” John asked.

Braeburn blinked. “From what I hear, he’s prefers gals around our age.”

“What?” John said.

“Huh?” Braeburn replied.

“Really?” Redheart sighed.

The nurse placed herself between the two men. “Our buddy ‘Bob’”—she shot Braeburn a look—“just got separated from our group. That’s really all the story we have to tell.”

Eudora wandered closer, the conversation having drifted over to her. “Doesn’t he have a cell phone or something? Can’t you call him?”

“Shucks, Miss,” Braeburn chuckled. “I think Blu— Bob would only hear us call if we were close to him.”

Eudora raised an expectant eyebrow at John. “What? No silly jokes this time?”

John smirked. “He’s doing fine all by himself.”

Redheart’s eyes shifted between the bronies. “I think I’m missing some key subtext here. Or maybe just text.”

Eudora waved a hand at Braeburn. “Your buddy here. He was pretending to not know what a cell phone is.”

“Should he know?” Redheart asked. She immediately regretted her words as John and Eudora leveled blank stares at her. “Hmm. Yes, then?”

John let out a bark of laughter. “Ha! Okay, you actually had me going, there.” He turned and walked towards Lavern and Twilight. “Boy, and they call me a joker.”

Redheart and Braeburn exchanged glances and smiled at Eudora. “Well,” Redheart said, “he seems a pleasant fellow.”

“Very jovial.” Braeburn agreed.

Eudora nodded, more out of a lack of anything to say than out of agreement. “So, are you guys fans of My Little Pony, too?”

“Well, I’ve never met your little pony, but—” Braeburn was silenced by a jab from Redheart’s elbow in his gut.

“Yes! Absolutely! Just like Bob!” Redheart jabbed Braeburn once more for good measure. “Right, Braeburn?”

Eudora gave a start. “You’re name’s really Braeburn? That’s kinda neat. And coincidental.”

Braeburn felt sweat drip down his neck. “My mom really liked… Apples.”

The smile fell off of John’s face as he tapped Lavern on the shoulder. He dragged the older brony to the side, away from Twilight and Flash.

“Something really weird is going on,” John whispered. “That guy over there? He doesn’t know what a cell phone is. The lady doesn’t either. Either these guys are really into their characters, or you’re not as crazy as I thought.”

“I’d like to think it was the latter,” Lavern whispered back.

“Yeah, but this is just too weird.” John absently rubbed his hands together as he shot a glance at the ex-ponies. “That girl said that the guy was engaged to Pinkie Pie.”

Lavern blinked. “Like a ‘waifu’ situation?”

“I don’t know what that means,” John stated adamantly. He continued in a softer voice, “All I know is that these people are all nutty as a family of squirrels.”

Lavern looked around and noticed that two of their number were gone. “Shoot, where’s Keefe?”

John gave a quick glance around and stiffened. “Crud. I’ll find him before he says something he’ll regret.”

As John walked off, Lavern gave him a parting comment. “John… Try to be nice.”

The other paused and looked back. His mouth moved apart briefly, before he carried on voicelessly.

Twilight Sparkle appeared behind Lavern. “Excuse me, sir, where to next?”

Lavern couldn’t help his eyes from drifting up to her purple-pink striped hair. “As soon as the others get back, we’ll head for the next stop.”

John only had to walk a short ways before he heard the familiar sounds of Keefe arguing drifting softly on the wind. There was another voice accompanying his, the voice of the girl with the rainbow hair. John sucked in a breath as he realized that the girl’s voice could have come straight out of Ashleigh Ball’s throat. “Whoa Nelly,” he muttered.

“I said back off,” Keefe warned. He was looming over Rainbow Dash, his bulk outclassing hers by several orders of magnitude. “I’m not gonna compete with you.”

“You owe me,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “Come on, Dobbin, you scared?”

“I’m sorry I knocked you over.” Keefe grunted. “Now lay off.”

“C’mon, man!” she insisted. “I can beat you at anytime, anyplace, anything!”

“Quit it!” Keefe turned and began to walk away, but Rainbow Dash was not to be deterred.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, arms crossed. “Afraid of losing?”

Keefe spun back, his face smoldering. “I’m sure you get a real kick out of butchering Rainbow Dash’s character, but I really, really don’t want any part of it!”

Rainbow Dash paused in mid-thought, her mouth dropping open. “Excuse me?”

“Hey, guys!” John said as if he hadn’t been their audience for the last few seconds. “We’re about to head on over to the next spot, care to join us?”

John was knocked to the side as the big man brushed past him. Rainbow Dash gave him an arched eyebrow. “What’s his deal?”

“Ah…” John tilted his head at the retreating wall of anger and frowned. “You might just want to leave him alone, really.”

To John’s utter astonishment, though undoubtedly not to the reader’s, “Rainbow Dash” reacted exactly as he would have expected, well, Rainbow Dash to react. She turned her head slightly to the right, keeping both her eyes on Keefe. Her eyebrows lowered into a level line on her forehead, and her lip twisted into a small frown.

Her mouth twitched as she let out a sigh. “I guess I was being kind of a jerk, wasn’t I?”

“Join the club,” John said. The two walked back to the others, shoulders slumped.

The gathering of bronies and ponies grouped together beside the bus stop, ready to set forth into the unknown—or in the bronies’ case, the known. They kept themselves alert for any signs of the pony prince on the ground, neglecting to watch for signs from the air.

Blueblood kept his wings locked as he glided over the city. He sneered at the people crawling all over creation like ants. “Is there nowhere on this sun-baked rock that isn’t swarming with people?” His eyes caught on a particular clump of people, one of which appeared to be wearing Twilight Sparkle’s distinctive hair.

“No,” he murmured. “It can’t be.”

He fluttered down to peer at the human female, surrounded by a group that displayed similarly odd-styled hair to the Twilight-alike. Odd-styled for humans, that is. Red hair, blue hair, green hair, he could have sworn there was a rainbow-topped mop somewhere in the crowd. He sent a small magic spark floating over to the purple-pink striped person, a little message easily deciphered by a unicorn—wait—alicorn of her prestige:

“Help me. For the love of Celestia, help me.”

The girl gasped as the spark hit her in the head. She blinked and shook her head as a substance commonly referred to as “pixie dust” swirled around her face, blinding her and sending her careening into a nearby costumed woman. In the tightly-packed space, it created a domino effect of people tumbling into others and joining their fellow on the ground.

One person, who had only just remained standing, glanced over at the source of the magic spark. “Aw, come on! Can’t you keep your darn ponies out of one thing, at least?”

Blueblood happened to glance up at a banner flying overhead, “Anime Convention” scrawled proudly across its surface in Comic Sans typeface. “Oh,” he muttered. “Like in Neighpan. Right.”

Equestrian anime, folks. Just let that thought stew in your mind for a few moments. Selah.

He bolted out of the convention with a breakneck pace, though he didn’t manage to break any actual necks. Instead, his draft overturned booths, cardboard cutouts, and more than one security guard. In the distance, he could see a golden arch decorating the skyline. “Ah, that must be where one can find the authorities!”

On closer inspection, the building underneath the arch was a small restaurant that served cow meat. His mind scarred by the implications, and the hordes of children scrambling for a My Little Pony toy in their meal, he soared off at the first possible opportunity.

He flew over the road and almost choked to death on the fumes rising from the traffic jam below. Cars were parked bumper-to-bumper on the freeway, all trying to reach their home after the work day. Heat rises, and the noxious gasses of a thousand internal combustion engines rise with it. One particularly hard-worked truck belched a cloud that would have made Hexxus vomit, and said bird-baker flew right up Blueblood’s nostrils.

He plummeted like a stone, falling towards a sign that had a backwards ‘R’ smack dab in the middle. His wings opened when he was a measly few inches away, bringing him into a loop-de-loop that cleared the sign. He carried on, hacking up smoke like he had swallowed a tin of cigars.

A young man in the parking lot dropped his Toys ‘R’ Us Exclusive Soundwave and gaped at the spectacle. “Huh, maybe ponies really are awesome.”

Blueblood couldn’t take it anymore. He landed on the sidewalk, heedless of the people staring at him. His coughing fit lasted a minute, and tears poured from his eyes when it was over. He looked around bleary-eyed at his audience. They looked back with an equal mixture of concern and uncertainty. He opened his mouth to speak, but only succeeded at blowing a smoke ring.

Two men were pushed aside by the surprisingly strong arms of Twilight Sparkle, who strode up to Blueblood with a triumphant grin. “Prince Blueblood, I presume?”

The haggard noble nodded, drawing much-needed oxygen into his lungs. “How… Did… You… Find…”

“We followed the commotion,” she replied. She poked and prodded his face with those bizarre finger-things of hers. “Redheart? A little help?”

John poked his head through the crowd. His mouth dropped open to compliment the smarmy grin Lavern held. “Holy expletive deleted, he’s real.”

Rainbow Dash slapped herself in the face. “So much for keeping a low profile, Twilight.”

Twilight grabbed Blueblood by the wing, much to his protest, and dragged him off into an alley. “Move along, folks! Nothing to see here! Certainly no alicorn princes from another world, nosireebob!”

“Smooth,” Eudora mumbled as she followed the others into the alley. “Real smooth.”

Rainbow Dash drew her face close to Blueblood’s, grinning at him like, in his opinion, an idiot. “Heyah, Princess.”

Blueblood’s bloodshot eyes glared at her. “You… I remember you.”

“Still trying to convince everypony that you’re a guy, huh?” she added.

“You…” Blueblood growled at her. “You sicken me.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged and turned to Twilight, a small smirk still stuck on her face. “So, care to let me know why we suddenly didn’t even bother to keep a ‘low profile?’”

“They were figuring it out, anyway,” Twilight said. She turned to Redheart to ask for a health update, but was interrupted by Lavern.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he stuttered. “How did you know that we knew? Or guessed?”

Flash Sentry nodded at John. “He’s not the only one who can eavesdrop.” After a moment’s thought, he added, “And let’s face it, Braeburn wasn’t hired for his subtlety.”

“I refuse to take offence at that,” Braeburn declared.

“Alright, then,” Lavern said, his brow furrowing. “So I’m not crazy, great. But”—he waved a hand at the world-jumpers—“who are you guys, really?”

Twilight glanced to the left and the right, getting a look at the few curious people who were spying on the alley. “Do you have a private place to talk?”

It was Keefe’s turn to answer. “Yeah, we know this place…”

The old house has sat unoccupied for upwards of fifty years. Its obscure location on the edge of the suburbs, along with its nigh un-cultivatable land, had kept it out of the prying eyes of real estate tycoons and interested business people. The actual deed to the land was buried amidst red tape and sundry legal mumbo jumbo. So the land stood unowned, and unnoticed.

But not unused.

Keefe produced a key and unlocked the door. He pushed creaking thing open and led the others inside. Blueblood was led to a couch that was blanketed with a dust cover. Redheart sat beside him and told him to breathe in, which he did with some difficulty. She concentrated on his lungs and found the black smog within. As he exhaled, she guided the dirty molecules out with her magic.

He gave one last cough as the smoke dissipated. “Oh, much better. Thank you.”

Redheart nodded absently as she checked him over. “Do you have any other injuries that you know about?”

Blueblood shook his head as she poked under his wings. He shivered under her invasive examination, but knew that it was for his own good. He watched as Twilight Sparkle stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by the collected adventurers and their newfound companions.

She took in a deep breath and let her magic take hold. Her whole body glowed as green fire ignited around her feet, drawing itself up her body in a mystical metamorphosis. When the spell had ended, she was once again a pony. A purple, alicorn pony.

“Sooo…” Twilight chewed on a lock of her hair as she thought. “So, has anypony here heard of Equestria?”

“Probably,” Blueblood said. “They have an entire show devoted to the minutia of your lives.”

Flash Sentry nodded from his position behind John. “This guy seemed to know a few of us by name, so it’s reasonable to assume they know where we’re from.”

“Well, yeah but…” John paused, his train of thoughts having trouble staying on track. “We just don’t get how this is all possible.”

“Don’t ask me how,” Twilight said. “But it’s an infinite universe with infinite possibilities, isn’t it? We exist, and so do you. Cut and dried. Now we gotta live with it.”

Lavern stood and stretched his back. “Ignoring how many thousands of monkeys on how many thousands of typewriters Hasbro had to have used to recreate your world as a cartoon, why are you here?”

Twilight pointed her horn at the reclining Blueblood. “The prince here fell through a portal, we’re the guys sent to rescue him.”

John rubbed his eyes. “A pony fell through a portal into our world,” he moaned. “It’s every Human in Equestria/Pony on Earth story I’ve ever read.” He looked up, his eyes lidded. “Let me guess, your spell went wonky and zapped him?”

“Huh?” Twilight Sparkle bristled. “My spell worked perfectly, thank you very much! No, it was an accident with a bunch of changelings!”

Eudora shot up onto her chair like she had seen a mouse. “Guys… Changelings are real. All those monsters, all those villains from the show… They’re all real!”

“Quit yer panickin’,” Braeburn chuckled. “We’ve beat those varmints before, and we’ll beat ‘em again!”

Lavern looked to Twilight, his mouth a grim line. “Princess Twilight, did any of those changelings follow Blueblood in?”

Twilight shuffled her hooves, her eyes darting around the dark house. “Well…”

The man looked over her papers; they appeared to be filled out properly. He rubbed his forehead as that odd headache returned. It seemed to hit every time he was near her. “Is there any particular reason you’d like to work at Ingram Construction, Miss Elise?”

The woman smoothed out her dress, a sensible black piece with green trim. She smiled as her prospective employer’s eyes glowed green. He groaned and rubbed at his temples.

“I was thinking I’d like to build up to something big,” she said. “A good project with spectacular dividends. You’ll love, love, love it.”

He sighed and a strange, unnatural smile took its place on his face. “Welcome aboard, Miss Elise.”

She stood and took his limp hand in a shake. “Please, call me Chris.”

Chris Elise strutted down the hallway, where several construction workers were waiting for her word. “Come on, time to get started,” she chortled. “We’re going to make Canterlot look like an appetizer!”

Author's Note

Puns. They're like jokes, only easier!

This story is officially longer than the first installment! Huzzahs all around!

In Which Twilight Sparkle Discovers That Humans are People, Too

Lavern’s excitement was palpable as he talked with his wife over the phone. He asked her to bring their daughter over to the old house and explained that he had a “surprise” waiting. They arrived within a few moments, suggesting to Twilight that they lived in the same neighborhood.

Lavern’s daughter nearly leapt out of her skin at the sight of Twilight Sparkle, best pony after Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. Her squeal of delight resounded off the eardrums of everyone present. It wasn’t long before the alicorn princess was wrapped in an embrace as only a childhood hero can receive.

Lavern’s wife nearly jumped out of her skin as well, though not from the sight of Twilight. Her surprise seemed to be centered on the prince lying on a distant couch. “The heck is he doing here?” Twilight’s presence registered a moment later. “The heck is that?” She then noticed that the room was packed with many, many new people. “The heck are they?”

Twilight craned her neck to see Blueblood sitting very tall, very straight, and very stark-raving scared on the couch. His eyes flickered to the girl hugging her and grew wide, their pupils dilating in an attempt to be very sure they were not seeing things.

Twilight turned back to Lavern’s wife to see that she was drawing forth a small can.

Lavern picked up on his wife’s motives and gently took her hand in his own. “Dear, I think you can put away the mace, now.”
The wife/mother narrowed her eyes. “The heck is this?”

Lavern waved his hand. “Prince Blueblood here accidently lost himself in America.” He smiled as his daughter snuggled up against a blushing Twilight. “And these people are trying to get him back home.”

Twilight gave the girl a little smile. “Hello, what’s your name?”

“It’s Alma,” Blueblood said. “I’ve been introduced to them via a can of spray-on Hades.”

Alma looked up at the sound of his voice. “Huh? Blueblood’s here, too?” She turned to Twilight with a solemn expression. “He’s supposed to apologize to Rarity when he gets home.”

Twilight lowered an eyebrow at the prince. “I thought you did… Publicly.”

Blueblood shrugged. “Tell that to the princess over there.”

“I have a name,” Alma pouted. “And you still aren’t sorry.”

“That’s not very nice,” Twilight said. “He said he was sorry, shouldn’t you give him a chance to be forgiven?”

Alma’s forehead wrinkled in thought. “I guess so…”

Twilight shot the mother a pointed glance. The mother returned the look with a glare. Twilight pointed her horn from Alma to Blueblood. The mother rolled her eyes and poked Lavern in his side.

“You owe me, Pony Boy,” she said.

She knelt down beside Alma and put her hands on her shoulders. “Honey, I think we should both apologize to—what’s his name, Blueback?—Will you do that with me?”

Alma considered it deeply. She nodded silently and followed her mother over to the couch. She took a deep breath in and smiled. “I’m sorry I kicked you in the shins.”

“Whoa, ho, ho!” John exclaimed. “She’s a real spitfire!”

The mother gave a snort. “I’m sorry for pepper spraying you in the face. Kinda.”

Eudora winced mightily even as she began sketching the events in a notebook.

Blueblood huffed, standing tall until he caught sight of Twilight Sparkle rotating her hoof in a gesture of “Get on with it, Dummy!”

“I suppose I must forgive you as well,” he sighed. “As long as there shall be no more repeat performances.”

“At this point, I’d call them running gags,” John chuckled. He was shushed by everyone present.

“Geeze,” Eudora mumbled. “Even on Earth everybody’s mad at Blueblood.”

“Well, sure they are,” John replied. “Or did you miss his episode?”

“So he was a little mean to Rarity, is that really that big a crime?” Eudora asked. “Maybe he had a good reason… I mean, she was just a big gold-digger, wasn’t she?”

“He was the exact opposite of chivalrous all night long,” John scoffed. “In my book, that’s prime reason to completely take away his man-card!”

“He’s a pony,” she helpfully pointed out.

“He’s a dude,” John sighed. “Wait, don’t tell me, I’ll bet you’re a Blueblood Apologist.”

“I’m…” Eudora sneered. “I’m not a Blueblood Apologist!”

“Everyone!”

The occupants of the room turned as one at the sound of Blueblood’s voice. He rose from his spot on the couch, climbing shakily to his feet. He looked each person in the eye as he spoke.

“I know… I know nobody likes me. I know why nobody likes me. I really do. But—but I’m trying to change. I really am. I see what’s wrong, and I’m doing my best to fix it.”

He sat back down, his brows furrowing. The room was quiet as he gathered up his thoughts. “May I ask you to… to just have a little patience? To wait… or to help me?”

The mood was broken by Braeburn’s lively laughter. “O’ course we c’n help yah! Love an’ friendship and all that jazz! Jus’ hang with Braeburn a while, an’ we’ll getcher spruced up and actin’ like a responsible pony!”

Twilight placed a hoof on Blueblood’s shoulder. “What he said. We’ll help you along your road to recovery, you’ll see.”

Lavern placed an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Nice to see that the ponies practice what they preach.”

Blueblood blinked. “That reminds me; what is your name, madam? I don’t wish to keep thinking of you as ‘Alma’s Mom,’ if I can help it.”

“Amelia,” the mother said.

“Sounds like another running gag,” John grinned. Eudora smacked the back of his head.

There was a knock at the door. Heads turned, and Twilight quickly cast the disguise spell on herself, transforming her body back into a human’s.

“It’s okay, guys,” Keefe explained. “I ordered a few pizzas.”

He opened the door a crack, passed the delivery-person a few bills, and then brought the aromatic food inside. “All veggie, of course.”

“Aw!” Rainbow Dash slumped. “I wanted to try pepperoni…”

Braeburn and Flash sat by John and Eudora, experiencing something akin to dinner and a show.

“I’m just saying, if we go by the Canon, Blueblood was a jerk!” John chewed his pizza with fervor as he picked up steam.

“Yeah, but we can’t judge somepony by their cover,” Eudora countered. “We don’t know what he goes through, do we?”

“What do we know?” he asked. “A- he’s a prince of Equestria. B- he’s handsome beyond all reasonable measures. C- he’s got absolutely no sense of chivalry—”

“He probably had a hard day!” she stressed. “Come on, he’s asked forgiveness, let’s move on.”

“What he said just now isn’t what we’re discussing,” he grumbled. “We were discussing his actions in the episode.”

“If’n you’ll pardon the intrusion,” Braeburn said, “is what he did that night all that important now?”

John opened his mouth, finger pointed upwards in preparation of presenting his next point. His argument died on his tongue. “Well…”

“Shouldn’t we, y’know, let him move past his own shortcomin’s?” Braeburn shrugged. “I mean, isn’t that the right thing to do here?”

John nodded, his feet firmly in focus. “Of course.” He raised his eyes to meet Braeburn’s. “You know, I think I’m just having a hard time thinking of you all as real people, not just characters.”

Eudora nudged him with an elbow. “Not that he means any offence.”

“None taken,” Braeburn assured her. “Truth be told, it’s hard to take you lanky things seriously, too!”

Flash bushed his hair back. “Sooo… what’s up with this ‘show?’ Am I on it?”

Eudora examined him. “I’m not sure I know you… What’s your name?”

“Flash Sentry, Lieutenant of the Crystal Empire Airborn.” Flash stood at attention, his plate of pizza almost falling to the floor. Of course, attention for a pony was slightly different than attention for a human. He cut a comical figure sitting on all fours beside the giggling Braeburn.

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Eudora mumbled.

“Oh. Oh! Ohoho!” John grinned. “He’s in the Equestria Girls movie!”

“I haven’t seen that,” Eudora said. She handed Flash his plate of pizza as he sat back down. “What’s he do?”

“He mostly serves as the love-interest for Twili—” John jolted in place. “Um… What are your thoughts on, um, Princess Sparkle?”

Flash blushed noticeably, as in quite vehemently. “Princess Twilight Sparkle is a brilliant scientist and scholar. She’ll do just fine as Princess of Friendship.”

Eudora frowned. “Not Princess of Magic?”

“Same difference, right?” Braeburn asked.

“So yeah, he’s…” John shrugged. “He’s in it.”

Eudora squinted at John, not discerning his meaning. He silently mouthed “Brad.” She got the message.

“You mean he’s—” John nodded. “And she’s—” John nodded again, casting a glance at the princess in question. “Oh my gosh that is so kyoote!”

At Flash’s confused look, John gave him a nervous grin. “Girls, who gets ’em? Amiright?”

Braeburn sat back, his smile growing to epic proportions. “You dawg, you…”

Flash blinked. “Okay… Okay, getting back to the show.” He leaned his elbows on his knees. “How did you two start watching it?”

John smiled; a real, genuine smile. “It was recommended by an author I really respect. I figured that if he liked it, I probably would, too. I was right. I just love the writing.” He chuckled and looked at Eudora. “The instant Twilight told Spike ‘Focus, Casanova,’ I knew I was hooked.”

“For me, it’s the animation,” Eudora said. “I used to think Flash animation was really lazy, just a bunch of cut and paste.” She shook her head. “This show showed me wrong, and that’s awesome.” She tittered. “And you ponies are just so cute!”

Braeburn grinned wide. “It certainly sounds like we’re bein’ well taken care of.”

John rolled his eyes. “Oh, now don’t get me started on season three—”

Twilight and Redheart sat on a couch opposite of Lavern and Amelia. Lavern was deep in thought, considering the implications of what Twilight had told him.

“How many changelings did you say got through?” he asked.

“At least twenty,” she affirmed. “There may be more, but I never got a good look at all of them at once.”

Amelia’s eyes shifted between Redheart and Twilight. “Did you have some kind of plan to get rid of them? You know, before you got here?”

“We have a military escort, four alicorns, and a pony that’s too awesome for her own good,” Twilight rattled off. “We’re equipped, but it’s not exactly an assault mission, if you get what I mean.”

“No, I get it, it’s rescue and reconnaissance,” she admitted. “I’m nervous, I guess.”

“It’ll be fine,” Redheart said. “The changelings are legendary bumblers; they’ll slip up sooner or later.”

“We might not have time for them to bumble.” Lavern placed another piece of pizza on a plate and passed it down to his daughter. “Better that we act to find them now. We can stop whatever plans they make before they even start.”

“And how are we gonna stop them?” Amelia asked. “Shoot rainbows at them?”

“More effective than you think,” Twilight muttered.

“I was thinking more along the lines of my conceal-carry.” Lavern produced a metal, L-shaped object. “I doubt even giant magic bugs can stand against forty millimeters of lead.”

“Put that stupid thing away!” Amelia hissed. “You’re gonna hurt yourself with it!”

“Not if I’m careful,” he replied. He slid the gun back out of sight. “Isn’t this the reason we got it in the first place?”

“No, you got it so that you can shoot burglars robbing the house.” Amelia wrapped her arms around her torso. She took a deep breath and shook her head. “Sorry, that… I shouldn’t have just…”

“It’s alright,” Redheart said. “You’re just scared.” She looked around the room and sniffed. “I think we’re all a little scared.”

Alma danced her Lilly Blossom Brushable around the floor, only occasionally taking a bite of pizza. Blueblood could hear her softly singing “Smile, Smile, Smile,” a song he knew had been composed and written by the pink party pony known as Pinkie Pie.

Heck if that mare didn’t still scare him to death.

She moved closer to him, bit by bit. He was certain it was coincidental, until she spoke to him. “How come you’re sitting over here by yourself?”

He rested his head on the floor, his eyelids drooping to match. “Don’t you have somepony’s mane to brush?”

“Nuh uh.” She sat beside him fidgeting with her pony doll. “’M sorry I kicked you.”

“And I forgive you,” he said, “just as I did an hour ago. You needn’t repeat yourself.”

“Yeah, but…” She pursed her lips. “I still feel bad about it.”

He lifted his head and found her at eye-level. “That’s a far cry from what you said when I was at your house.”

“I know.” She sat down beside him, rubbing the toy mare’s blonde hair. “I was angry at you. I know I shouldn’t be, but I think I still am. I’m sorry.”

He regarded her silently, watching her go through the motions with her toy. Lilly Blossom would occasionally fly through the air, save for when she paraded gracefully along the hardwood floor. The lavender pegasus seemed much happier than the girl who ordered her steps.

“I’m sorry, too,” Blueblood said. “You have every right to think I’m a bad pony, but…” She looked up at him with curiosity. “Maybe I can help you change your mind?”

Her eyebrows lowered at his smile. He spoke softly. “Put the pony on the floor.”

She did so, and gasped as Blueblood’s horn glowed blue. The shine enveloped Lilly Blossom from head to tail. An instant later, the spell ended, leaving the pony much the same as before.

“I don’t get—” Blueblood cut her off.

“Watch closely,” he said.

As Alma watched, Lilly Blossom’s wings twitched. She gasped as the hunk of plastic came to life, running in place and whinnying at the girl. The pony flew into her arms, eliciting a gasp. She looked up at Blueblood with wide eyes.

“It’s called the ‘Come to Life’ spell,” Blueblood explained. “It didn’t actually bring your toy to life, it’s just following the orders I gave it.” He couldn’t help but smile as the tiny pony nuzzled its owner. “It’s that exact spell that earned me these wings.”

Lilly Blossom flew to the ground and struck a pose. She held that pose until the magic vanished, leaving her an inanimate toy once again. Alma picked her up and smiled. “Cool.”

To Blueblood’s surprise, Alma hugged him around the neck. “Thank you, Prince Blueblood!”

The prince sputtered, coughed, and gently pushed the child away. “Ah, certainly. Sure. Whatever.”

Alma grinned at him. “Can I see that again?”

Rainbow Dash found herself pacing through the house’s many rooms, munching on pizza as she went. She smiled as the cheese stretched, creating a bridge from her plate to her mouth. She slurped it up noisily, enjoying the sheer fun of eating the food.

“So, you’re really Rainbow Dash, huh?” The voice caused her to turn, bringing the massive figure of Keefe into focus.

“Yeah,” she replied around a mouthful of Italian goodness. “Why?”

“I… I owe you an apology.”

Rainbow Dash swallowed and wiped her mouth off with the back of her arm. She placed a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow. “Okay, shoot.”

“I’m sorry for…” Keefe raised his gaze to the ceiling. “I’m sorry for getting angry at you. And yelling at you.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I’m still not sure what the big deal is. What gives?”

“There’s…” Keefe shuffled his feet as blood rushed to his face. “There’s these people who think… who think of you ponies…” He looked at Rainbow. “You know I watch your show, right?”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “Kinda common knowledge around here, ain’t it?”

“I love your show!” he said. “I love how you girls all get along, and have fun, and go on adventures. I wanted…” His shoulders slumped. “I wanted to share the show with other people who liked it. I wanted to talk about how awesome your sonic rainboom was, or how cute Fluttershy’s animals were, or how cool Twilight’s speech to Discord was…”

He rubbed his face with a hand. “So I got online. I looked up forums where people talked about you. I got involved with the community.” He bit his lower lip, watching Rainbow Dash’s response carefully. “Pretty soon I noticed that a lot of people like the show… differently.”

“What? They think we’re hot or something?” Rainbow Dash giggled, but the laughter slowed as she noticed the sour look on Keefe’s face. “Wait, really?”

“I’d try and steer the conversation back to the show, but they’d always side track it to ‘Look at Twilight’s butt!’ or ‘Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are totally a couple’ or—”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Rainbow Dash said. “So what happened?”

“I… got mad,” Keefe sighed. “Real mad. I got into arguments. I got banned from forums. I just…” He shrugged. “I just about left the fandom altogether.”

“Wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight…” Rainbow Dash waved her hand at him. “You got into arguments over a cartoon for little girls?”

“I…” Keefe tilted his head. “What?”

“Seriously, dude, before today you didn’t even know I was real.” Rainbow Dash laughed. “And… and you were ready to argue about me with a girl you’d never even met before? Wow.”

“But…” Keefe’s mouth moved noiselessly for a moment. “But I thought you—”

“You thought I was trying to get some attention by dressing up as, ahem, Rainbow Dash?” She chuckled. “Newsflash! That’s kinda what I do, that’s kinda who I am! Did you really think you needed to ‘defend the honor’ of a cartoon character?”

She walked up to him and shook her head. “So somepony thinks a cartoon character is hot. Big deal! Sucks to be them! Let them talk about my plot. Who cares!?”

Keefe sputtered as Rainbow Dash went on. “Focus on the cool, radical, and awesome stuff you like about the show. Be a little positive! Come on man, I thought you were bigger than that.”

Rainbow Dash finished off her slice with relish. “B’sides,” she said, “You know why they think I’m hot?”

Keefe shook his head, his ego completely deflated.

“It’s ’cause I am!” With that, Rainbow Dash walked out of the room, heading back towards where the others were eating.

As the sun set, Lavern excused himself and his family. “I’ll let you young people rock the night away, or something like that.”

Eudora brought out a deck of cards soon after they left. She dealt the ponies and bronies in, introducing them to the game. It wasn’t long before they were all proficient enough to play well.

A snore filled the room. John and Braeburn had fallen asleep side-by-side on the couch, and were now leaning against each other in slumber. Quiet laughter circled the table at the sight.

Rainbow Dash struggled to add a new card to her hand. “How in the heck am I supposed to work these stupid fingers?”

Keefe put his cards down and cracked his knuckles. “I dunno, I’ve never really gotten used to it.”

Eudora placed a car on the table, smiling at the groans that ensued. “The real trick is not to let your hand get too big.”

Twilight gave up on holding all of her cards and grasped them in telekinesis. “It’s hard to devise a strategy when half of the game is sheer luck.”

“It’s not so bad,” Flash Sentry said. “You just have to be used to working with what you’ve got, and not worrying about what you don’t have.”

Blueblood shuffled his hand as he stretched his wings. “Did you learn that in the Crystal Empire? I hear that they’re struggling to get the military on their feet.”

Flash grimaced. “Pretty much. I think it’s because we’re so understaffed that Sunset Shimmer was able to sneak in.”

Eudora shook her head. “Man, I’ve really got to watch that movie.”

Twilight Sparkle jumped. “Um, say, what kind of stuff does the show… show?”

Keefe placed a card on the table, wincing as he did so. “Sorry, Redheart. It just shows a few slices of your life. Nightmare Moon, the Grand Galloping Gala”—Blueblood coughed—“that weird little adventure with Mare-do-well”—both Twilight and Rainbow Dash coughed—“that kind of thing.”

“Nothing too…” Twilight hmmed. “Nothing too personal, right?”

“Well, it is a show for young girls, first and foremost,” Eudora said. “They’re not gonna make an episode about death, or puberty, or something.”

“I thought they covered puberty with the cutie mark crusaders,” Keefe muttered.

“That’s a stretch.” Eudora laid her final card on the table. “That’s game, everyone.”

“But it’s… it’s not too bad, right?” Twilight asked.

“Not at all,” Eudora assured her. She passed the deck to Blueblood so that he could shuffle the next round. “Nothing you wouldn’t want shown, I’m sure.”

“Oh, good,” Twilight sighed. “I’d hate for a million strangers to know about how I freaked out about the due date for that report. That was kinda embarrassing.”

Keefe and Eudora exchanged a glance, but held their tongues.

Rainbow Dash snickered. “Do you want it, Twilight?” She followed up with a guffaw. “Do you need it?”

Keefe bit his tongue. Hard.

“Shut up,” Twilight mumbled. She accepted her cards and examined them. “Say, what’s this card mean, again?”

Eudora leaned over and got a look. “That’s a Skip-Bo, it replaces any number you want it to. Basically, a blank check.”

“Neat,” Twilight said. “I think I had five of them in my hand last game.”

Eudora’s eyebrows lowered. “Really?”

“Mm, hmm,” Twilight replied.

Blueblood snorted. “The hand hasn’t even started and I’m already losing.”

“Well, I’m gonna show all of you this time!” Rainbow Dash leaned on the table with a fiery grin. “Isn’t that right, Keefe?”

A smile tugged on the edges of the big man’s mouth. He glanced at John and Braeburn and laughed. “I want someone to record it when those two wake up.”

“Got a camera phone,” Eudora said. She held the device up for all to see. “Just give me the word.”

Rainbow placed a straight run of one to seven on the table, eliciting gasps from everyone present. She crossed her arms and grinned. “Told yah.”

Redheart looked at her cards and tilted her head. “Hey, I’ve got a few runs, too.”

Twilight joined her. “Same here.”

“What the…” Eudora spread her cards out. “Blueblood, I think we need to have a talk about shuffling.”

The prince blinked. “Did I do something wrong?”

Keefe rolled his eyes. “The cards are supposed to be mixed up.”

“I suppose I require a little more practice.” Blueblood gathered all the cards up and began to shuffle them stiltedly. “Hmm, a lot more practice.”

Flash held a finger up to his lips and pointed at the couch across the room. Eudora snuck her phone out of her purse and pointed it at the rousing sleepers.

John opened his eyes. Braeburn opened his eyes. They stared at each other for a second.

“What are you doing?” John asked.

“Nuthin’, what’re you doin’?” Braeburn mumbled.

John frowned. “Get away from me.”

“Okay.”

Braeburn slowly rose from the couch alongside John. They looked at Eudora’s phone and sighed simultaneously.

“Never gonna live this down?” John asked.

“Eenope,” Braeburn mumbled.

John snapped his fingers. “Skip-Bo? Deal me in.”

Blueblood grumbled and passed the cards to Flash Sentry. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

Flash attempted to shuffle, but gasped as the cards exploded out of his hands. Twilight covered her mouth as giggles sprouted, leading to a very red blush on the royal guard’s face.

Eudora nodded ruefully. “That’s the other game I was gonna teach you tonight, fifty-two pickup.”

Author's Note

If you enjoy reading about this universe, hop on over to Background Ascension, which is now a series of short-stories revolving around various characters becoming alicorns.

First up is our very own Redheart, the next is Flim and Flam Flimflam. It's fun stuff.

In Which the Bathtub Becomes a Plot Point

Twilight Sparkle yawned and sat up on the couch, her hair piled high on her head in a large, unruly bee’s nest of purple/pink-striped human hair. She sighed, mentally preparing herself for the day’s work. A twitch of her fingers drew a small scrap of paper to her open palm, her magic working exceptionally well for how early in the morning it was.

That is, about ten-thirty. She’s still young, you see.

“Initial results suggest that the food known as ‘pizza’ is filling, nutritional, and can be customized to taste.” She scribbled her note quickly, her pencil flying through the air on swaths of magic. “Excessive consumption appears to cause a mild form of drowsiness, as well as odd dreams during the night.”

She glanced at the prone form of Braeburn Apple, who had taken refuge on the floor during the night. His hat sat upon his face, not quite hiding the drool that dripped down from his mouth. He mumbled something about “hot tubs” and “buffalo poop.”

Twilight scrunched up her nose, then went back to her notes.

“Braeburn may not be useful as part of a control group in the future. His close proximity to Pinkie Pie renders him…” She tapped the pencil against her lip. “Different.”

She retrieved a scrap of paper out of her breast pocket. “Wood, glass, etching tools, ley line layouts… Where’d I put my saddlebags?”

She shoved both pieces of paper into her pocket and glanced around the room. Rainbow Dash hung over the back of the couch, her left limbs dangling beside Twilight. Her colorful hairdo swayed in the breeze created by her snores. Twilight was eternally amazed at the volume she was able to reach.

“Hey, Dash, wake up.” She prodded Rainbow Dash in the side. “Up and at ‘em, we’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

“Five more minutes,” said Rainbow Dash. The words ended up sounding much more like “fallow bridgets,” but Twilight appreciated the effort.

She stood and combed her fingers through her hair, marveling at the range of possibilities the dancing phalanges afforded her. Within moments, she was halfway-presentable and ready to face the day. Her first task was to wake the occupants of the room.

Redheart laid face-down on the card table, her cards still grasped in her hands. Across from her sat Eudora and Blueblood, who were likewise sleeping in a pose approximating the last hand of the night, the one they were unable to finish due to fatigue.

“Hey, guys?” Twilight said gently. “Guys?”

When she received no answer, she realized that she would be forced to perform her task the hard way.

She smashed her hand down on the table, giving the occupants a start. Three falsetto voices called out in a brief instance of surprise. Three heads turned to Twilight, giving her the most thorough stink-eye she had ever received.

It rolled off of her like water off of a duck’s butt. “Time to greet the morning, guys. I gotta make that magic mirror today.”

Blueblood continued to glare at her. “Your level of care and gentleness is astounding, Princess Sparkle.”

“Gimme a medal.” Twilight went around the room, nudging the others awake. “Come on, wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey.”

John gave her a double take. “Eggs and what now?”

Rainbow Dash rolled her head to the opposite side of the couch’s back, turning her eyes away from the growing activity of the room. The movement managed to unbalance her, and she tumbled onto the floor. Much grumbling ensued as she rose to her feet.

Flash Sentry sat by a window in the adjacent room. He glanced at Twilight as she entered, gave her a small smile, then returned to scanning the great outdoors.

“Keefe left a couple of hours ago,” he said. “Had to get to his job.”

Twilight nodded and mumbled an “Mm, hmm.” She tilted her head and wrinkled her brow. “Have you been up all night?”

“Yeah,” he spoke with a nod. He sent her a sideways glance while quirking the side of his mouth upwards. “Somepony had to keep watch, right?”

She opened her mouth to reply, but he continued. “Don’t worry about it, it’s what I do. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

Twilight looked back into the other room, where the various ex-ponies and vindicated bronies were slowly starting up their day. She surreptitiously took a seat beside him, silently hoping her act was not noticed by the others. “So, what do you do when you’re not doing what you do?”

He blinked, then followed up with a confused double-take. Twilight smacked her face with a frustrated hand. “Ah, I mean… Do you… Do you do anything for fun?”

He looked to her with hollow eyes. “No. I never have any fun at all.”

They stared for as long as it was possible to hold back the little snorts of laughter that built up insides each of them. Flash leaned on the window sill and shook his head slightly. “I play the guitar in my spare time, just for fun. I never really took the time to get good at it.”

“Magic or acoustic?” Twilight asked. She leaned forwards to make sure she caught his words.

“Acoustic,” he replied. He scratched at his neck, looking for something, anything, to let his eyes rest upon. They kept drifting back to Twilight. “You gotta love the classics, right?”

“Yeah.” She stood and edged away from him. “I’ve, um, I’ve got to get to work on the mirror, so… Um, keep up the, um… Keep up the good work, soldier.”

“As you wish,” he said with a bow of his head, “Princess Twilight.”

Rather than keep up her Fluttershy impression, Twilight retreated from the room with more haste than she intended. She tried to hide her furious blush by racing for the bathroom, but managed to trip over Blueblood’s tail on the way.

She tumbled straight for the floor, as the theory of gravity usually insists, but she was stopped halfway down by a strong blue glow. She tilted her head towards the pony she had tripped over, the very same that now held her two hoof-lengths from the ground and a very unfortunate injury to the face.

“Careful, my dear,” he said with that silky-smooth smile of his. He set her upright with a chuckle. “Where might you be going in such a hurry? Off to gather supplies for the mirror?”

“Yes,” Twilight said with a scrunched-up nose. She looked off to the left as she gave him an uneasy smile. “That is exactly where I was going. Yes.”

“Let me know how I may be of assistance,” he continued. “I will do everything in my considerable power to see that the journey home goes smoothly.”

“Well, if you insist…” She thumbed through her list, an act that was perhaps extraneous due to the fact that her list was only a page long. And four items long. “An old house like this has to have some kind of mirror somewhere, right?”

He came to attention and saluted. “I shall retrieve the item as requested, milady!”

Twilight tapped her pencil to her mouth, ignoring the possible presence of germs. “If we find a whole mirror, that might take two items off of the list. I brought the layout stencils with me… Hmm…”

Blueblood trotted up to a room that he knew contained a full-body mirror. It also contained a sink and a tub, as well as one other item he was unfamiliar with. He pressed a small silver lever on the side and watched the liquid contained in the bowl flow down. “A miniature whirlpool. How ingenuitive.”

He was about to remove the mirror from the wall when he quite suddenly found himself no longer alone. Redheart stood behind him, her mouth agape. “Oh, great Glory in Heaven, it’s a bathtub!”

Her alicorn magic glowed, sending Blueblood flying out of the room. The door closed with a bang, and the sounds of water flowing began to drift from the locked room. A sigh as deep as the great oceans of the world came forth from Redheart as she sank into the warm water, letting her cares and worries drip down the drain.

Blueblood’s cares and worries had no such hole in the ground to funnel into. He glanced around for another mirror with which to abscond. His eyes fell upon a set of stairs leading to the upper level. He smirked lightly as he trotted up the staircase.

The upper levels were much dustier than the lower ones. Very little evidence of any dust covers could be found, and cobwebs seemed to be the order of the day. Tacky wallpaper peeled, revealing the crumbling plaster beneath. Blueblood placed a hoof over his nose, holding back a sniffle.

He trudged on, leaving hoof prints in the carpet. He glanced in a long-abandoned bathroom and found a mirror covered with a blanket. He tossed the blanket to the side and lifted the mirror in his magic. “Hullo, there. I think you’re exactly what we need.”

His hooves clomped happily on the floor as he began his return to the lower levels. A thumping from above caught his attention. There was a whispered curse and sounds of scrambling. Blueblood scanned the ceiling and noted a trap door sitting not three feet from him. Not wishing to alert the thing to his knowledge of its presence, he flapped silently up to the door and squeaked it open.

On the other side of the door, facing away from him, was a changeling.

He choked on his own spit as he lowered himself to the ground. He thumped along, nearly tumbling down the stairs as he panicked. He reached Twilight Sparkle inside a moment. “Cha-hange… Cha-hange… Gugh, Chan—”

“Oh, good!” she said. “You found one! Now I’ve just got to calibrate the interdimensional triangulation, reverse the polarity of the tachyon particles, recalibrate the positron integrator—”

“There’s a changeling upstairs!” Blueblood spoke with a furious hiss. “We need to get that soldier friend of yours on his game or we are love-lost toast!”

Twilight’s eyes grew to match her nervousness. “Changeling? Here? Is it spying on us?”

“No, it dropped in for tea.” Blueblood dragged a hoof over his face. “Of course it’s here to spy on us! That’s what changelings do!”

Braeburn stuck his head into the conversation. “What’s this about a changelin’ spy?”

“Blueblood says there’s one upstairs!” Twilight said. “What do we do!?”

Braeburn looked from Twilight to Blueblood. “We gotta stop it.”

Blueblood scoffed. “What do you mean, ‘we?’”

“Ah mean we. You ’n ah.” Braeburn lifted a finger; sparks flew from it. “We’re gonna corral ourselves a creepy crawly.” He turned to Twilight and gave her a smirk. “You stay here ’n work on that mirror. We got this.”

Twilight jerked a thumb towards the other room. “Flash’s in there if you need him.”

Blueblood’s mouth nearly dropped to the ground. “You two can’t be serious. I am to fight a changeling!?”

“Eenope,” Braeburn chuckled. “You’re gonna catch a changelin’.”

Eudora walked by the doorway just as Braeburn made his declaration. “Blueblood’s gonna catch a what?”

“A cold if’n he’s not careful!” Blueblood felt a tug at his wings as Braeburn led him away. “Let’s head upstairs an’ look fer that thing you lost.”

“My life,” Blueblood mumbled as he was led away. “This is my life, every single day.”

He pointed Braeburn to the trap door, through which could be heard the bumping and thumping of the changeling. The Prince of Pioneering reached gently up and pushed the door to the side. He lifted his hands, reaching up into the attic. He hoisted himself up silently, urging Blueblood to follow with a curled finger.

Blueblood flapped up and saw the changeling fuming on the other end of the attic. Braeburn held a finger to his lips, gesturing for him to move to the right. He complied, and the two of them flanked the changeling.

On the count of three, they pounced. Blueblood grunted as he lifted himself into the air, and the changeling noticed the sound. The look the black-coated creature held on its face as it saw an alicorn prince bearing down on it was one for the record books. Its mouth dropped open in a noiseless scream, its multifaceted eyes widening with horror. It ducked down, dropping itself right out of the line of fire.

Braeburn and Blueblood, in accord with Murphy’s Law, collided with a bump of their heads.

The changeling sat for a moment beside the comatose forms of the two princes, contemplating the unique turn of events. Blueblood stirred, and the changeling was ignited to action. With a flash of fire, it morphed its body into Blueblood’s visage. It jumped down through the hole and trotted down the stairs.

It was greeted by John, who seemed unwilling to let the changeling pass without a conversation. “Hey, Blueblood! What’s the story of how you became an alicorn?”

The changeling swore a series of chitters under its breath. “Ah, that is, um… Why do you ask?”

John rolled his eyes and pointed to his chest. “Brony, remember? I need to update my headcanon.”

A moment’s consideration translated the term “brony” into “nerd.” The changeling did an adrenaline-fueled version of the “unhappy-hoof dance.” “’Kay. It, um”—the changeling glanced at the couch—“I was, uh, lying on the couch…”

John nodded, though his eyebrow quirked. “Go on…”

“Yeah…” Sounds of a pony and a pony-come-human rumbling through the attic met his morphed ears. “Yeah, and I had this epiphany, kinda. Um, then ‘poof,’ alicorn. It was kinda nuts.”

Hooves and footsteps tramping down a staircase came next. “Um, so yeah, that’s about it. Not too exciting, I know, but we all have our weird days, right? Like today. Today’s a weird day. Gotta run. Sayonara. Arrivederci. Adieu.” He brushed past John and made his way for the door.

He didn’t get half-way across the room before the real Blueblood burst in and made his feelings known. “Stop that dastardly changeling freak! Stop him!”

“Hey!” the changeling said as it was set upon by half a dozen attackers, “I’m not that dastardly!”

The changeling neatly slipped out from under the dog pile and ran in the opposite direction from which it wanted to go. It looked back at the door ruefully. “Drat.”

While its head was turned, it didn’t notice the closed bathroom door between it and further progress. Quite frankly, ka-bam. Redheart’s voice blasted from within, “Hey! I’m trying to relax! Get your own bathroom!”

The changeling rose shakily to its feet, moving its view from one side of the room to the other. Its teeth chattered as it raised a hoof to take off once more.

“Hey, bug!”

The changeling looked up to see the grinning, humanoid form of Rainbow Dash gripping a ceiling lamp.

“Catch!”

She dropped on it with the force of a hundred-pound human, which at her falling speed was more than enough to knock it off of its feet. Its tongue lolled out as it dropped, its head cracking against the hardwood floor.

Rainbow Dash crouched beside it, poking at its approximation of Blueblood’s face with an uncertain finger. “Is it dead?”

Flash grasped the changeling by its wings and carried it over to the couch. “Nah, you just knocked it for a loop.” He grasped a leftover glass of water and dumped it over the changeling’s head.

The changeling coughed as a good amount of water flowed down the wrong pipe. “Aw, hack, yuck. What give, pony!? You trying to drown me or some—” It trailed off as the angry faces of the house’s current occupants hovered over it. “Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”

It blinked. “Well, I guess I might have done it, yes, if by ‘it’ you mean ‘participated in the invasion of Canterlot.’ Yeah, okay, I did that. But it was just the one time! I swear! I thought it was a good idea at the time, alright? Queen Chrysalis was all ‘we shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine,’ and we were all like ‘heck yeah!’ In hindsight, we really didn’t think it through all that well, and we’re probably deserving of all sorts of hate an—”

“Let me stop you right there,” Flash said, poking the changeling in the belly, “and ask you what you’re doing here.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” the changeling snarled. “Hands off the merchandise! I got rights here, soldier! You can’t touch me! I know you can’t! You gots rules and stuff! You can’t break those rules!”

“You’re right,” Braeburn said. He leaned past Flash and got his face very near the changeling’s indeed. “Mah first rule is ‘don’t hurt mah friends.’ Now talk.”

The changeling licked its lips. “Okay, okay you got me. My name’s Mandible, I’m a changeling of the royal hive guard, my favorite type of love to eat is summer romance, I’ve got five holes in my right forehoof and seven in my left, and—”

“For the love of—” Twilight sat in a chair as her eye began twitching violently. Rainbow Dash sucked in a sharp breath at the sight. “What’s Chrysalis’ plan? Where are the changelings hiding?”

Mandible grinned. “Everywhere.”

Silence descended upon the room, save for the sound of water running through the house’s pipes. Eudora rolled her eyes and grasped the changeling’s ear. “Yeah, no. What’s the plan, doofus? Give us specifics.”

“You’ll never make me talk!” Mandible proclaimed. “The changelings shall rise again! Muhuhahahahaha!”

Silence descended upon the room again. Flash groaned and slapped Mandible across the face. “Stop it.”

“Sorry,” Mandible mumbled.

“This is getting nowhere,” Blueblood grumped. “Just rip his wings off and be done with it.”

“Whoa, dude,” John said. “That’s pretty dark.”

“Actually, it’s a very effective interrogation technique, since it’s not permanently damaging.” All heads turned to Flash Sentry, Mandible’s in particular. “I mean, they can just morph new ones in place.

“Still hurts like the dickens, though.”

Twilight Sparkle ran her fingers through her hair even as she chewed at the violet strands. “I’m not gonna condone that.”

“See!?” Mandible said. “You guys have rules!”

“If he doesn’t talk,” Twilight continued, “file his horn off.”

“They’re at Ingram Construction!” the changeling cried. “Every last one of them! Chrysalis is planning something to do with the new building they’re constructing downtown! That’s all I know! That’s it! Don’t take my horn, please, don’t take my horn!”

Twilight nodded. “Flash, tie our new friend up. Stick him in the bathroom once Redheart gets out.”

Flash bowed. “As you wish, Princess.”

John’s nose twitched nearly imperceptibly. “I smell a reference.”

The soldier shook his head as he wound the rope around Mandible. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Mandible looked from Twilight, who had just walked into the next room, to Flash Sentry. “Oh, but I do, you dawg, you.” He grinned at John and winked. “Tastes like puppy love to me.”

The changeling gasped as the rope tightened around his midsection. “Keep your smart ideas to yourself,” Flash warned.

Eudora watched as Twilight Sparkle’s magic wove around the mirror, chiseling it and filling it with arcane light. “So… You weren’t really going to file that thing’s horn off, were you?”

The intricate, magic-guided dance halted inside a moment. Twilight turned slowly to Eudora and sighed. “No. No, not unless it was a matter of life and death.”

Flash cinched the final knot on Mandible’s restraints. The changeling snorted at him. “Great job, mighty warrior. You know I’m just gonna morph myself out of these ropes the instant your back is turned.”

Flash looked up as Redheart exited the bathroom, fully refreshed. She wore a white bathrobe and was running a towel through her wet pink hair. John promptly and honorably left the room. The soldier smiled brightly as he turned back to Mandible.

“I know, right?”

“This is entirely uncivilized.”

Mandible sat in the used bathwater which filled the tub nearly to the top. He was soaked thoroughly and found himself pruning up under his Blueblood-esque fur.

Twilight Sparkle nodded approvingly. “With the water nearly covering him, he’ll be unable to use his fire-sparked transformation spell. That’s brilliant, Flash!”

Flash Sentry rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, I certainly try…”

Blueblood also nodded approvingly, even as he kept a weathered eye on the conversation between the aforementioned ponies. “This should hold him until such a time as we are able to return to Equestria, for certain.”

“An’ now we got ourselves a good idea of where to head next,” Braeburn said as he scratched at his chin. “Do any of you know where this ‘Ingram Construction’ is at?”

John’s eyes widened. “Oh, heck. That’s where Keefe works.”

Eudora gasped appropriately for the situation. “But if the changelings are there…”

“Then he’s in danger,” Twilight finished for her. “Well, we’re all in danger, but he’s in the most direct line of fire in terms of—”

“What’s important is getting there,” Redheart interrupted. “And we need to warn Lavern and Amelia on the way.”

Blueblood spread his wings. “Then what are we waiting for?”

“Already out the door!” Rainbow Dash shouted from her position on the front lawn.

A mass exodus took place, during which the changeling could only stare at the retreating herd of ponies and bronies. Mandible licked his lips and called out. “Hey, guys? Guys!? Drat.” He splashed in the water. “Hay, I can make bubbles!”

Alma awoke to the gentle sound of her mother’s voice. “Alma, honey, it’s time to get up.”

Alma pulled the covers over her head and smiled. “Mommy, it’s only Saturday. No school.”

The voice of her mother chuckled as a weight sat on the side of her bed. “I’m not getting you up for school, honey. We’re going on a very special trip today.”

Alma lowered the covers to get a look at her mother’s smiling face. “Where’s that?”

“It’s a construction site,” her mother said. “We’re going to see how the construction vehicles build the new office building downtown. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

Alma tilted her head and squinted. “I guess?”

Alma’s mother took her in her arms. A deep chuckle rolled around in her throat. Alma thought for a moment that the chuckle didn’t sound at all like her mommy, but it certainly felt like her hugs. “Don’t worry, honey. When you see what’s in store… Why, you’re going to love, love, love it.”

They came over a short hill just as Alma got in the car. John raised a hand and called out, but Amelia just smiled and got in the driver’s seat.

Flash hesitated. “Something’s wrong.”

Two brutish humans walked from the house towards the assembled My Little Pony-related folks. Their grins revealed fangs, and their eyes glowed a subtle green. They walked at a steady pace towards them, fists clenched and eyebrows angled downwards.

With little warning, Rainbow Dash rushed up to one and socked it in the jaw. She pulled her hand away with a yelp. “Yeowch! What do they feed you guys, bricks?”

The fist that flew at her was not so forgiving. She was knocked backwards, holding her hands up to a bloody nose. A string of profanity spewed from her mouth; even the two bulky guys flinched at the onslaught.

Flash ran up to the other one, juking and dodging like the pro that he was. The mighty pony of valor was untouchable, even as his fists impacted the larger foe. The giant toppled, laid low by Flash’s actions.

Twilight Sparkle picked her jaw up off of the ground.

Flash stood panting over his fallen foe, when the inevitable happened: the other guy punched him, too. He plummeted to the ground, his eyeballs facing opposite directions.

Twilight decided that she’d had enough. Her magic glow encased the brutes in lavender light, lifting them into the air. She shook them for a good ten seconds before letting the fiends drop to the ground.

The dizzy men glowed with fire as they returned to their true forms, that of two larger-than-average changeling soldiers. Twilight dusted her hands off and turned to the others. “Redheart, you take a look at their injuries. Blueblood, you get directions from John. Once we know where we’re going, Rainbow Dash, Flash, and I are gonna morph into ponies and fly over there.”

Braeburn’s magic glowed bright. “What if’n ah just use a trackin’ spell?”

Twilight shook her head. “No time. The car has to follow the streets, but if we use out wings, we can bee-line for the changeling hideout.” She rubbed her hands together as she looked to the sky. “We might even be able to beat them there.”

Eudora raised a hand. “Aren’t we forgetting the wizard’s first rule?”

Twilight quirked a brow. “And that would be?”

“Never split the party.”

Author's Note

A minor plot point, but a plot point nonetheless.

In Which the Changeling Plot is Actually Pretty Nefarious

With a hastily-drawn map, John was able to point Twilight, Flash, and Dash in the right direction. Blueblood watched the three fly away, their wings unfurled for the first time in two days. He chewed his lip, his mind rumbling with considerations.

“We should follow,” he told Braeburn. “The five of us need to help them however we can.”

Braeburn shrugged. “How’re we gonna follow? Ah got my tracking spell, but… We’re kinda grounded.”

Eudora’s eyes twitched in the direction that the fleeing car had retreated. “Why didn’t you guys go with her? Aren’t you all alicorns underneath… um…”

Blueblood sat and grumbled. “I am the best flyer between us, and I could never match even Twilight’s speed. It’s quite embarrassing, really.”

John, unlike the others, had a slight grin upon his features. The understandably-moody Redheart took slight offence to this. “What’s gotten into you?”

He turned, his grin undiminished. “Eudora, don’t you live right around here?”

She nodded. “Yeah?”

“And don’t you have a car?” His eyebrows danced as realization dawned on her features.

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “I think I can help with that.”

Blueblood decided that he hated cars with every fiber of his being.

“That’s three red lights you’ve passed,” John noted with some detachment. “A new record.”

Redheart licked her lips as a large tanker truck rumbled by in the other lane. “Well, we do have to make up for lost time.”

Braeburn huddled close beside Blueblood in the back seat, his hat pulled low on his head. A weak pulse of his magic pointed their way forwards. “Jus-just wake me when it’s over.”

Eudora’s head jerked to the side, and the car jerked in concert. “There they are!”

A slick, green car rolled towards the downtown. In its front seats were the likenesses of Lavern and Amelia. An odd, greenish tinge gleamed from their eyes, eyes that were dispassionately flickering back and forth across the road before them. Eudora took in a deep breath and slid her vehicle into their lane, nearly causing several accidents in the process.

Blueblood became ill at roundabout that point.

Eudora noted with distain that there were three cars between them and the vehicle they were in pursuit of. “Crud. Do you think we can make them pull over or something?”

John rolled his eyes. “Why? Are you a cop?”

“Glory be, I hope not,” Redheart said.

They entered the freeway, the two-lane road presenting higher speeds and surer injury. Eudora sidled the car into the fast lane and brought them closer to Lavern’s. “I got an idea.”

She turned towards Redheart, taking her eyes off the road. The car swerved as she talked. “Hey, can one of you guys zap their tires, or transmission, or something?”

Redheart’s mouth froze in an open position. “I.. We… we hardly know anything about cars. We’re just as likely to flip it over as bust it.”

Blueblood grasped Eudora’s head and turned it back towards the fore. He placed a hoof on Redheart’s shoulder. “Princess Redheart, what is your personal spell? The one that you are the best at?”

“I…” She frowned at his hoof, which he lifted away with all due speed. “I can look inside somepony and find what’s wrong with them, then maybe fix it without surgery. Why?”

“Brilliant!” He pointed past her to the other car. “Do the same with that vehicle, but instead of fixing an infirmity…” He grinned wickedly. “Make one!”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt Alma! I don’t want to…” She sighed, rubbing at her nose with a fist. “It’s too dangerous.”

Blueblood was about to ask Braeburn, when the other prince replied unprompted. “Don’t look at me, ah can hardly lift an apple as is.”

Eudora was one car length away from the villains’ car. Blueblood shut his eyes and exhaled. “Redheart…” he said.

She raised an eyebrow.

“I trust you to do this,” Blueblood said. “I’ll make sure the girl is safe. You can stop the car, I know it.”

Redheart’s mouth twitched into an almost smile, which quickly faded away. “Okay, then. On your mark.”

Blueblood’s horn glowed. Alma’s body began to glow almost imperceptibly from the back seat of the other automobile. “Go.”

Redheart concentrated, a faint glow appearing from her forehead. Her breathing slowed as she focused her energy upon the car’s drive train, its tires, its fuel tank. Her brow furrowed at the choices, and she continued to search.

Eudora pulled up alongside the other car, and John watched it through narrow eyes. A chance glance by the Lavern-esque driver prompted a double-take. The driver snarled and brought its vehicle close to Eudora’s. She swerved, almost taking her car into the ditch. The other car connected door-to-door, snapping Eudora’s rear-view mirror off.

A green glow came forth from the enemy vehicle, and Eudora was suddenly faced with an unfortunate truth. “Guys… Guys! The breaks don’t work!”

The driver grinned, turning the wheel for another impact. They connected, rattling the bones of all occupants. Blueblood heard Alma’s faint scream, and saw the mother reaching back to hold her hand. He felt a chill run down his spine when his eyes met the young girls, and fear blasted from her in near-palpable proportions. “Any time now, Nurse Redheart!”

“I’m trying!” she screeched. Blueblood bounced back, his rump squishing Braeburn into the window. She glowered at him, her eyes wet. “It’s like there’s nothing I can do that won’t wreck the car, or hurt the passengers, or… or…”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh, that might work.”

The changeling, for if it was not obvious before, it should be in a moment, driver grinned with glistening fangs as it readied itself for another sideswipe. The car’s wheel turned, and he neared the impact point. Eudora struggled to keep her car on the road, and let loose a scream as the point of no return approached.

Suddenly, with a spark of Redheart’s magic, the hood of the changeling’s car flew up.

The creature flashed green as his disguise fell away with shock. His hooves, flat chitinous pseudopods that they were, failed to find purchase on the wheel. Redheart gasped in horror as her plan to stop the car twisted itself into something ruinous. The car turned towards the ditch, ready to careen into oblivion.

The Amelia-alike grasped the wheel and turned it violently to the other direction, crashing the car sideways into Eudora’s. John’s airbag went off, clouding any visibility that they might have had. Eudora slammed on the useless breaks, praying that they might find purchase.

Through it all, Blueblood’s magic never left Alma.

Redheart let out a cry as her magic found its way to Eudora’s breaks. A latch returned to position, a leaking line soldered over, and the car stopped in less than sixty seconds.

In the middle of the freeway.

The changeling vehicle rolled away, and off of the freeway. John looked behind himself and saw the dozens of cars also using the road that were bearing down on them. “Hit! The! Gas!”

Eudora complied, and the car jumped forwards. A minivan passed by as they picked up speed, the soccer mom within noting to her children how stopping on the freeway was several flavors of idiocy. They switched lanes just in time to enter the exit, rolling into the downtown area.

A construction site came into sight. A tall office building was surrounded by cranes and bulldozers and all sorts of awesome stuff. Blueblood gulped as he noted that the construction workers were all moving in a noticeably robotic fashion.

“Here we go.”

Twilight Sparkle flapped her wings as she struggled to keep up with Rainbow Dash and Flash Sentry. The two experienced flyers far outpaced her, their entire lives revolving around bettering their bodies. Though it was not a mutually exclusive ideal, Twilight usually spent the better part of her time strengthening her mind.

Dash glanced back and waved a hoof to her friend. “Come on, Twilight, we’re almost there.”

“Right,” Twilight panted. “Gotcha.”

Flash circled around her and placed his hooves under her wings. “Here, keep them straight out for long stretches…”

Her “meep” of surprise at his touch echoed through the skies whilst her wings locked up. Her uncontrolled plummet was short lived, as she was soon caught by both Rainbow Dash and Flash.

“Sorry,” he sputtered. “Sorry.”

Twilight sighed and resumed flapping. “No, I’m sorry. That was silly of me.”

Rainbow pursed her lips in an unsuppressed frown. “Can we please keep moving? Save the character development for later.”

“The what?” Flash asked.

“I dunno, it just sounds like something Pinkie Pie would say.” Ranbow Dash gave her wings a mighty flap, sending her soaring towards the downtown.

Twilight shrugged at Flash. “Color commentary?”

He nodded. “Color commentary.”

Which building they needed to find was fairly obvious, by the way it was dominating the skyline. Though, as far as the city was concerned, calling it a skyline was highly generous. Most buildings were little more than three stories tall, and the one under construction was at least three times that.

“Coming soon, office space,” was written on a decently-sized sign at the front, along with some mumbo jumbo about Ingram Construction and who to contact and so forth. Twilight disappeared in a flash of purple light and reappeared inside the shadow of a large dump truck. Flash and Dash landed soon after her.

“So, plan of action?” Flash asked. His eyes never stopped moving around the site.

“We can wait for the car to arrive with Alma,” Twilight replied. “But I think this might be a little more fishy than just a foalnapping. Care to scout around inside?”

“Three pastel-colored ponies in an enclosed space with a million humans poking around?” Dash asked. “Piece of cake.”

They skittered around, careful to stick to the shadows and away from the sight of the “humans” walking around. Flash couldn’t help but notice the green glow in their eyes. Twilight’s magic creaked a newly-completed door open, and the three of them slipped inside.

They slithered and slunked through the hallways. It was clear the building was quite close to being usable, only the upper levels had any work to be done. As such, the quiet was deafening, making the ponies feel all the more conspicuous. Twilight stopped as a hint of odd magic tickled her horn, a presence she had not felt since…

“Below us,” she said. “There’s something below us.”

Flash found a stairway as quick as a wink, and they floated down on feathery wings. On the next level, a large, metal door barred their way. A sickly green glow eked out through the frosted window, sending shivers down their spines.

“Okay, this just went straight into Freakytown.” Rainbow Dash took a hesitant step back. “Right behind you, Twi.”

Twilight merely nodded and pressed the door handle down.

She choked and backpedaled at the grisly view before her. Dozens of people were contained inside; men, women, and children. They were suspended in vats of the green fluid that she had so recently come to acquaint with changeling bile. Organic containers with filmy viewports suspended the people in that dark space between awake and asleep.

She fell back against Flash, and didn’t step away for a good long while. She barely registered Rainbow Dash’s gasp of shock and the profanity that followed. She barely felt the comfort Flash tried to send her way through his forelegs.

She suddenly realized that Flash Sentry was sending comfort her way through his forelegs.

She pulled away from him with a start. “Time! Time to free these people, yeah! Rah, rah for the good guys!”

Her voice echoed in the confines. The three of them looked into the room hesitantly, a faint bubbling noise meeting their ears. “So,” Flash began, “where do we start?”

Twilight searched the room for less than a second before she made her choice. “Oh, gosh.”

In a fresh pod before her, there sat Amelia, and Lavern beside her. Twilight’s horn glowed, undoing the bonds that held them within the changelings’ brew. She caught Amelia in her forelegs as Rainbow Dash caught Lavern.

They coughed and sputtered as they got their bearings. Their eyes widened at the insectoid display around them. “Where’s Alma?” Amelia demanded. “Where in the heck is my daughter!?”

The three ponies glanced between each other, coming up with no answers. Rainbow Dash piped up quietly. “She’s on her way here, but I think… I think the changelings have her.”

Flash Sentry stepped forwards. “I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to save her. You have my word.”

The car pulled into the lot, and Alma was led from the vehicle. Her mother’s gentle hand was stronger than usual as it pulled her along, away from the stranger in the car. Alma thought that it had been her dad, but he changed. He changed, and Alma wasn’t sure what he had changed into. She felt so sleepy.

And that headache wouldn’t go away.

“Mommy?” she asked with bleary eyes, “what are we gonna do here?”

“It’s a surprise, tender loveling,” her mom said.

Alma blinked. Her mom never called her “loveling,” that was just weird.

The headache increased in strength, and Alma’s internal complaints grew silent.

They passed by a bulldozer that had no place on the relatively-finished construction project. She marveled dimly at the steamroller that was more suited to roadway construction than office buildings. A backhoe rumbled past as a changeling parked it.

She looked again, and noticed that it wasn’t really a changeling, just a hairy man. Right?

She was led through the halls and into a big conference room, where a bunch of men in suits waited for her mother. They bowed as she passed them, their eyes flashing green. Alma clutched her mother, easing away from those men in black suits.

“We’re ready, your majesty,” one suit told her mother. “We’re set for ignition on your mark.”

“Mm, excellent.” Alma looked up at her mother and gasped as her eyes flashed green as well. “Gather the troops, they’re going to love, love, love my brilliant plan.”

The cobwebs fell away, the headache lost its power, and Alma came to a chilling realization. “You’re not my mommy.”

The woman who was not her mother opened her mouth and let it hang limply. “You… You can’t possibly know that. You’re under my…”

She shook her head. A sinister smile crossed her lips. “No matter, then. The time for disguise is over, my soldiers.”

She knelt down before Alma, staring into her eyes with a despicable fire. “Watch closely, loveling. You’re going to love…”

Alma gasped as the form of her mother burst into green flames, consuming her whole being.

“Love…”

Out of the fire and the flames stepped a slender, black body. Chitinous hooves clomped softly against the floor, and greenish-bluish hair wafted like cobwebs around her head. Fangs sprung from her mouth, along with a long tongue that snaked its way through the air.

“Love it.”

Alma screamed, falling against the wall. She hid her face and cried out, tears pouring from her.

A suit on the other side of the room whispered, “Hey, hey cut it out, she’s just a kid.”

Chrysalis turned towards him, her smile devolving into a snarl. “And why should you care?”

“Well, I mean”—the disguised changeling stuttered for a good few moments—“it’s just common courtesy to be nice to kids, isn’t it?”

His answer came in the form of Chrysalis’ fiery magic grasping him and flinging him bodily through the window, heightening their insurance premiums something fierce.

A small voice sliced through the silence left by the changeling suit’s passing. “God is bigger than the boogey man…” Alma sniffled. “B-bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV…”

“Dear child,” Chrysalis said, her voice dripping with honey, “you needn’t worry about the monsters on TV…”

Her mouth opened wide as she bared her teeth. “We aren’t on TV anymore!”

The changeling suit landed in a heap of limbs at John’s feet. The brony squealed as the body plopped before him. He watched it settle slowly, morbid fascination daring him to take his eyes away for even an instant.

He was rewarded with the sight of the body apparently catching fire and burning to a blackened crisp. “What.”

A changeling stepped from the residual smoke, sputtering and gasping. “Good grief! I’m never gonna get used to regenerating my entire body! It feels like I’m a whole…” The creature looked up to see itself surrounded by humans, and one pony. “New changeling.”

The changeling backed away the single step it took for it to be pressed against the wall. “Whatever it was, I didn’t do it.”

“Yes you did,” Blueblood said. “Now, can you tell us what you’re about to do?”

“Completely and utterly sell out my hive?” the changeling asked with a smile.

“That would be pretty nice,” Redheart said. “So, spill it.”

The changeling’s grin grew to epic proportions. “Not on your life!” It burst into flames and sank into the concrete wall, disappearing from sight.

“Wha—” Eudora’s complaint about the laws of physics being so utterly violated died on her lips as Blueblood explained.

“The changeling’s mode of transportation,” he mumbled. “A sort of teleportation spell that doesn’t bend space-time, just shifts a few molecules. It’s bizarre and creepy.”

“So let’s follow it,” John suggested.

“I can’t teleport there!” Blueblood waved a hoof unspecificly. “If I don’t know what’s on the other side, I could teleport inside a wall, or become bonded with a flower vase, or some such—”

The sound of a door opening to his immediate right caused Blueblood’s tirade to end prematurely. “Oh.”

They piled into the dark hallway, eyes and ears alert for any sign of changeling activity. The one they had cornered seemed to have vanished from the story completely. But as luck would have it, and boy howdy does luck have it, they turned a corner and came face-to-face with Chrysalis and her entourage.

Swear words in a variety of languages and levels of obscenity flew back and forth between the two parties for several moments, until one changeling (who was suspiciously undisguised) put forth the factoid that swearing in the presence of a child was quite unseemly. Both parties were able to calm down a bit at this statement, before they realized that they stood mere inches away from some of their most mortal enemies.

So the swearing continued.

With the five of them working together, Twilight and the others were able to open a dozen canisters, freeing the people inside. While some of them were understandably freaked about being rescued by technicolor ponies, they soon came to accept it as being less weird than being kidnapped by bug-pony-things.

But at least one was wary about the fact that they might just be “A horse of a different color.”

The massive form of Keefe rose from an organic casket, shaking his head and coughing up bug juice. “That’s just nasty, man.”

Lavern clamped a hand on Keefe’s shoulder. “Do you know where Alma is?”

“No… No, I don’t, Vern. I’m sorry.” The big man’s pained expression spread around the awakened prisoners. “I got caught this morning, I dunno where she is.”

“Guys!” Rainbow Dash’s voice called out from the stairwell. “Guys! I can see Chrysalis! I can see the changeling queen!”

The awakened gathered around the window, listening closely to the words that drifted into the building. “Changelings, we are gathered here today to finalize my grandiose plan!”

“I don’t think that word means,” Lavern said, “what she thinks it means.”

“I think she does,” Twilight countered.

“The building behind you is but a mere office building, a palace of petulant paperwork!” Chrysalis continued. “But with my guidance, we have turned it into a beacon of love and well-wishes!”

“This oughta be good,” Amelia muttered.

“Because my children, what brings these humans together in love and friendship better,” Chrysalis crowed, “than an honest-to-goodness disaster!?”

Silence descended on the inside and outside of the building. A changeling voice piped up from the crowd of construction workers. “What?”

“Can’t you see it?” Chrysalis asked. “In all their years, nothing has prompted a greater outpouring of love that disasters and tragedies! That is why we’re here, my changeling children, to craft a homespun disaster!”

“Wait, wait,” another voice called out. “We’re gonna destroy the office building, or something?”

“Imagine,” said the queen, “a news broadcast. The destruction of a newly-finished office building. The mourning families. The pain on their features. The help and caring of thousands, neigh, millions of viewers as they pour out their hearts to these victims of a horrible, horrible accident!”

She lifted her hooves to the sky, and the sun shone through her perforated hooves. “Imagine the love that we, those disguised as victims, shall receive!”

Silence once more fell upon the crowd. Twilight’s hoof covered her mouth in horror. The first changeling that had spoken up chirped once more. “We’re gonna… We’re gonna blast the building with all those people inside?”

“Well!?” Chrysalis screeched. “We want it to be authentic, do we not!?”

“I didn’t sign up for this!” another voice said. “This isn’t right!”

“I agree!” signaled a third. “This is evil, Chrysalis! Evil!”

Chrysalis’ face betrayed not a single sign of emotion. “Every changeling that does not want to die weak and loveless, please raise your hoof.”

Most of the crowd dutifully raised their hooves.

“If you would,” she continued, “find the traitors and bring them to me.”

A scramble took place as the four changelings that had spoken up were dragged onto the crane that Chrysalis was standing on. Ropes quickly secured them. Now that she looked twice, Twilight could see six other prisoners held beside the queen. Blueblood, Redheart, Braeburn, Eudora, John, and Alma were tied to the arm of the crane, immobile and angry.

“Stand by, my changelings!” Chrysalis called. “Today marks the day where we return to full power, where we gain the ability to finally stand against Equestria and claim it as our own! Today marks the day”—she lifted a small control box in her magic, a large red button adorning it—“of the changelings!”

Keefe made a noise like a strangled cow and ran to the back of the room. He reached a set of suspiciously-marked-and-wired barrels just as the queen pressed her button. With a mighty hand, he yanked the wires free from the barrels, interrupting the electrical signal that was most assuredly zinging their way.

Chrysalis’ smile lasted just long enough for her to realize something was wrong. “Alright, who’s going to go check the bombs?”

Unsurprisingly, none volunteered.

Chrysalis groaned. “Cheeselegs, Thor Axe, Seggy Ment, go and check the darned bombs!”

The three unlucky changelings trotted away as their disguises dissolved in fire. They made their way inside and headed for a specific stairwell.

They were met with unexpected, though in hindsight unsurprising, force.

Chrysalis trotted in place, her ire rising. “Where have those fools gone? How long does it take to make sure a bomb can actually go off?”

“You’ve failed, your highness!” came a haughty voice to her left.

Chrysalis snarled at her captives, in particular the white alicorn that never seemed to shut up. “I have not failed, you dimwitted numbskull! I have succeeded in a way I never before dreamed!”

Her wings flittered as she drew herself towards Blueblood, licking her lips at the feast to follow. “Perhaps I should feed directly from you, drain the love from your body. You’d love, love, love it!”

Blueblood’s adam’s apple bobbed as she approached. “You’ve, um, you’ve failed because you’ve underestimated one very”—he gulped as she came close enough for her breath to blow hot against his neck—“one very crucial thing,” he finished with a crack of his voice.

“Tell me more, my prince,” she chuckled.

“You’ve underestimated the magic of friendship, witch!”

Chrysalis twisted in midair, turning to face the alicorn princess that had spoken, and the veritable army of angry humans behind her. They poured out of the building, “frown” not truly describing the expression of displeasure that sat on every single face.

Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed as she pointed it at the fifty-odd changelings that stood disguised before her. “Cha-a-a-a-arge!”

Author's Note

In this chapter, we play with both "changelings are supreme evil," and "changelings are not at all evil;" two admittedly interesting tropes.

In Which Prince Blueblood and Queen Chrysalis Discuss a Trope

The changelings and the humans collided with a chaotic crash, the cacophony creating a cohesive cluster of crazed combatants. The battle bounded back and forth between them, the besotted humans either blasting the beleaguered changelings, or the bug-like brick wall bouncing back the bested Homo sapiens.

Flash Sentry was a flurry of motion, flying and bucking with ferocity. Rainbow Dash shattered changeling skulls with a charge, using a long pole as a makeshift jousting lance. Lasers flew from Twilight Sparkle’s horn, concentrated beams of light which pulverized her foes.

Then the changeling got smart.

As one, they shifted their forms to that of the humans facing them, randomly switching sparring partners until it was nearly impossible to tell a human from a changeling. The fighting grew even more unintelligible, until the battle became nothing more than the changeling simply beating humans to the ground while their backs were turned.

“Twilight!” Flash Sentry called out. He waved a hoof at her to follow him behind the steamroller. She followed in an instant, her wings flapping hard.

A changeling pounced on Twilight from behind, wrapping its chitinous legs around her midsection. She struggled with it, her physical strength not quite up to peak alicorn levels yet. Flash Sentry stood before her, a vile grin on his face. He lifted a hoof and slapped her, driving her to the ground.

Twilight struggled in the changeling’s grip. “To heck with this!” Her horn glowed, and the surprised form of Flash Sentry was launched forward, colliding with the changeling that was attacking her. They slumped to the ground, and Twilight rose to her feet.

“Flash!” Twilight called out. She waved a hoof at him to join her behind the crane. He followed in an instant, his wings flapping hard.

A changeling blindsided Flash Sentry, knocking him to the ground. Twilight Sparkle grinned vilely, lifting a pipe in her magic to drive his cranium into the ground. He swung himself to the side, dodging the pipe and throwing the changeling off.

Twilight looked over behind the crane to see what appeared to be Flash Sentry strangling herself. She sighed and trotted over to him. “Tried the old switcheroo on us, I guess.”

He dropped the limp form of Twilight to the ground and faced Twilight, slipping into a jujitsu pose. “How do I know you’re not a changeling!?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Alright, would a changeling do this?” She grasped Flash’s cheeks with her hooves, brought him close, and planted a kiss on his lips.

She let him go, and he slumped to the ground in a stuttering mess. “I, um, that, may, homina, huh, eah…” He looked up at her with a shrug. “Maybe?”

Her eyes lidded as she picked him up off the ground. “Okay, yeah, I can see that.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash flew past, pursued by a dozen airborne changelings. “Less Romero and Julienne, more Chuck Norris!”

Twilight and Flash grinned at each other, then set off after the pursued pegasus.

The three flyers soon found themselves surrounded by a few hearty changeling warriors, their fangs gleaming in the sunlight. Twilight glanced past them, to the crane where Chrysalis sat with her prisoners. Her horn glowed, and she sent an expertly-aimed laser flying straight towards Blueblood.

“Oh, not this again,” he muttered.

The laser struck, vaporizing his bonds into nothing. He slid from the crane arm to the ground, where he found himself similarly corralled by waiting changelings. He sent Twilight a pout.

“You have failed, Twilight Sparkle!” Chrysalis shouted. “We, the changelings, stand triumphant!”

Blueblood glanced about for a way out, some inspiration, or anything that he could possibly do. His eyes caught on Alma, who was floating in Chrysalis’ telekinetic power. A spark flickered in his mind’s eye.

“Twilight!” he said. “‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ on three!”

Chrysalis shielded her eyes, preparing herself for what was coming. Sparks flew from Twilight’s horn in a flash of color, fireworks blasting changeling soldiers out of the sky. Flash and Dash kept close behind her, her wings shielding them from the epic display.

With Chrysalis’ eyes covered, and the changelings’ attention on Twilight, Blueblood set to work. His horn radiated magic as he drew great sparkles around himself, sending them off into several large objects nearby. He strained as the power flowed through him, warming him and sending shivers down his spine simultaneously. His eyes opened, glowing brightly as the sound of gears grinding rose around him.

“Alright, then. Come to Life!”

Chrysalis looked around, the sounds reaching her ears as well. She jumped as smoke suddenly billowed up out of the crane’s exhaust beside her. The enormous machine shook beneath her hooves as its engine revved up. Her head spun as the other construction vehicles, the bulldozer, the steamroller, the backhoe, came to life as well. Twilight and the two pegasi led the humans out of the lot as fast as their legs would carry them, leaving the bewildered changeling army milling about.

With a roar, the construction vehicles rolled, treaded, and crawled towards the army. Chrysalis screamed as the crane’s boom arm flew at her, and she leapt into the air, Alma sitting on her back. Changelings cried out as they were scooped into the dump truck, swatted by the backhoe, and flattened by the steamroller. Many bugs regenerated in a flash of green fire, only to find themselves injured once more by the gyrating machinery.

Blueblood flew up to free John and Eudora, noting that the four rebellious changelings were already untying Braeburn and Redheart. They all climbed down the crane’s arm, careful to avoid the greenish splatters of changeling bile that stuck between the metal rigging.

Blueblood’s chest heaved as he looked about for Chrysalis and Alma. “You! Changeling! Where did your mistress go?”

“First of all,” the creature said, “my name’s not changeling, she’s not my mistress, and I’m not a creature!”

“Life and death are at stake here!” Blueblood shouted into its face. “We can be introduced later!”

“Sheesh,” it mumbled. “She’s probably on her way to wherever Twilight Sparkle made a return magic mirror, like she planned. She’s always going on about taking over Equestria and all that nonsense.”

Blueblood took off with not so much as a “thank you.”

He flew straight up into the sky, almost instantly getting a bearing on Chrysalis. She buzzed forth, Alma perched unhappily on her back. Blueblood gritted his teeth and soared after her.

She heard his heavy breathing before he reached her. She spun in midair and snarled, sending a green fireball straight at him. His wings were singed by its passing, but he was able to avoid the brunt. He tumbled at her and impacted with the force of a dropped stone, flinging Alma clear. Chrysalis gasped out and fell towards the old house, smashing through the rickety roof.

He caught the girl and landed inside the attic, only slightly more gracefully than the changeling queen. He set the girl down and dusted himself off, searching for any sign of his foe.

He found her by way of a perforated hoof colliding with his temple. He rocketed to the side, his eyes derped beyond all comprehension. Alma’s cry of “Leggo of me, meanie!” brought his attention to the attic’s trap door, where Chrysalis was descending. He leaped into the air and came down hard on her back, driving her to the ground.

The three of them tumbled down the stairs, a blue aura surrounding Alma all the while. Chrysalis rose first at the bottom of the steps, her wings broken and shattered by the force of her falls. Her horn glowed, and eerie laughter filled the house as she remade herself.

It was a luxury Blueblood did not have. He sucked in a deep breath and was rewarded with a fire burning in his chest. He poked at himself and realized that the repeated tumbles bruised his ribs.

He rose shakily to his feet and gave the queen a most egregious stink-eye. She replied with another hoof to his face, this time giving him a bloody nose. He sat down hard as she rushed off, carrying Alma with her.

“Hey! Hey, your majesty!” Mandible said as she ran past the bathroom. “Drat.”

The mirror sat complete in the living room, a subtle glow shimmering about it. Chrysalis stood before it, laughing at the pitiful Prince Blueblood as he trotted into the room. “You are a fool, princeling! I’m not finished yet!

“This plan was going to be perfect
The kind of plan that I’ve long fought to see unfold
I’d manipulate their hearts
Set the injured ones apart
Then absorb their love and gain power untold!”

“Are-are—” Blueblood stuttered, “Are you really singing right now? At this moment?”

“Shh!” Alma said. “This is the cool part!”

“You are correct, my dear,” Chrysalis crowed. “Just, for all the wrong reasons.”

She grasped Alma tight and dragged her into the air, taunting Blueblood. “If you try to stop me, harm shall come to her. If you try to warn those on the other side, harm shall come to her. If you try to follow me, harm shall come to her and you!”

“Let her go, Chrysalis,” Blueblood said weakly. “It’s not her you want.”

“On the contrary.” Chrysalis sent fire flying at the mirror, igniting it and activating it. The inside of the frame swirled with bright, cheerful colors as the queen took a step inside. “I very much enjoy having a little insurance.”

She disappeared into the vortex, and Alma with her. Blueblood took in a deep breath, spread his aching wings, and dove through.

The remaining changelings quickly surrendered. The construction vehicle-caused carnage lasted a good fifteen minutes, more than long enough to put any world-conquering thoughts far from their minds. Humans prowled around the perimeter of the army, welding improvised clubs of various sorts.

Though several of the humans certainly wished to call the cops, they acknowledged that perhaps the magical ponies from another world might have more experience dealing with emotionally-vampiric bug-ponies from another world. It was agreed that the National Guard would be preferred, but only in such a case that it was made impossible to remove the invaders via more magical methods.

The few bronies scattered amongst them were far too busy squealing out their delight to comment on the legal ramifications of the above decisions.

Twilight walked to a makeshift podium and glared at the changelings sternly. “So, you guys are in a heap of trouble. What do you have to say for yourselves?”

A mumble rose up from the crowd.

Twilight raised a hoof to her ear. “I can’t heeear yooou!”

“We’re sorry,” came the defeated response.

Flash Sentry stomped a hoof on a sheet of metal. “Say it like you mean it!”

“We’re sorry!” the changelings shouted. “We’re sorry and we’ll never do it again!”

Twilight nodded with satisfaction. “Good. You’ll be transported back to Equestria and put into the hooves of the proper authorities once we can carry my magic mirror back here.” She turned her head to the colorful pegasus at her side. “Rainbow Dash?”

“On it!” came the reply. Dash flew into the air, headed towards the old house.

“Braeburn!” Twilight called out. “I don’t see Chrysalis. Start up a tracking spell so that we can—”

“Blueblood’s already on it,” he replied. He stretched out his legs, glad to be returned to pony form. “He went flyin’ after that witch the instant she took off runnin’ with Alma in her clutches!”

Redheart fluttered her wings. “The changeling turncoats said she was going to grab that multiversal mirror of yours. Do you think she’s escaping into Equestria?”

“Almost no doubt in my mind.” Twilight Sparkle looked up at the receding form of Rainbow Dash. “It’s also almost certain that she’s already back. Blueblood, too. I hope we can help in time to—”

“You! The pony princess thing!” Amelia stormed up, her face ablaze. Lavern followed close behind. Conversely, his face was quite stony. “Where in the heck is my daughter!? Where on Earth is Alma!?”

“On Earth?” Twilight Sparkle asked. She swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed. “Earth. Yeah. Not exactly that…”

It was the perfect time of year to visit Winsome Falls. The light shone through the waterfalls clearly, creating some of the most beautiful rainbows seen anywhere. The tourism was at a yearly low, it being just that far away from any major holidays to bring the visitors to a trickle.

It was thus that Lyra Heartstrings, Princess of Harmonies, took it upon herself to use the solitude and beauty to compose her next symphony. Or sonata. Or, heck, any orchestration, really.

As it was, the muse was elusive. She tapped a pencil on a notepad in an irritated manner. The roar of the water filled her ears, driving out any real inspiration she might have gained from the surroundings. She took a deep breath and allowed it to fade into the background.

Her disposition jumped right up to irate as the air around her began to shimmer. “Oh, for the love of pony! Didn’t you see the sign that said ‘no teleporting!?’”

A burst of green flame shot forth from nowhere, resulting in the appearance of Queen Chrysalis and her prisoner. Lyra saw the frightened girl perched on her back and gasped. “Oh my gosh!”

She followed up her exclamation with a blink. “What is it?”

“Help me, please!” Alma shouted.

Lyra gasped again. “You beast! You’ve mutated a filly!”

Alma tilted her head. “No, I…”

Before she could finish her thought, Chrysalis spun around and kicked out with her rear legs, impacting Lyra in the chest and sending her flying. She landed against a tree with a thud.

Chrysalis’ head twisted this way and that, taking in the scenic sights. “Winsome Falls, drat! We’re miles from any changeling hideaways!”

She snarled at Alma, bearing her fangs. “And you’re pretty much tapped for love, aren’t you? Maybe this greenish alicorn has a friend I could—”

A cough, a thud, and a gasp came from their left. Chrysalis raised an eyebrow as the crumpled, and very much in pain, form of Blueblood materialized before her. “Really? Really!? After all that, you’re still going to try and stop me?”

“You…” Blueblood hissed and placed a hoof against bruised ribs. “You started it.”

A blackened hoof slammed down upon his brow, driving him into the grass. Telekinetic fire wrapped around him as the Queen of the Changelings dragged him along behind her. “You know, Blueblood, you and I are very much alike.”

He coughed and looked up at her. She wacked him again. “We both are royalty, scorned by the general public. We both hold power, authority, pedigree… fame, of a sort.”

She lifted his head so that he could see the flowing torrent they were now beside. A few feet downstream sat the edge of a large, multihued waterfall. She chuckled. “We both experience a great deal of infamy directed at us. I for the fear I send the people of Equestria, you for your pomposity and self-importance.”

Blueblood nodded, for what little movement he was able to contribute to a nod. “True. It is… true.”

Chrysalis gave him a sad smile, one that did not reach her eyes. “Alas, we would work so well together if you didn’t have this pathetic urge to play prince. You need to realize that they already hate you. Nothing you can do can change that.”

“You’re half-true,” he coughed.

“I knew you’d see things my way,” she continued. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I would love, love, love to stay and chat, but I have an army to raise, a pony to impersonate, and a kingdom to conquer.” She shook her head sadly. “I’m swamped.”

He tried to raise his head. He got a glimpse of Alma sliding down the queen’s tail and to the ground, fear still spread across her visage. “No-nothing I can do myself will make them not hate me. But…”

Chrysalis placed her hoof on his head and slowly lowered it into the muddy banks. “Oh, this I gotta hear.”

“But...” Blueblood spat out a blob of dirt. “But I have met a few ponies… a few people… who are actually willing to give me a second chance. Who are willing to help me change.” He glared at her out of one eye. “People who are willing to forgive me.”

Chrysalis chuckled dryly. “Alrighty, let’s hear the whole ‘honor and duty’ speech!”

“They could forgive you, too, you know.” Blueblood tried to push her hoof off of his face, but she pushed back harder. “You just need to really mean it, and we can help you. All of you.”

“Now you’re just stalling, featherbrain.” Chrysalis lifted her hoof and placed it under his body. “Give my regards to the fishes— EEOUCH!”

Chrysalis waved a hoof in the air, seething in pain. “What the blooming heck was that!?”

Alma brought her foot back and swung it forward again, kicking Chrysalis’ other shin.

The queen reared up, growling with agony. “Child! Stop this instant! Stop at on— AAURGH!”

The changeling hopped on one hoof as she clutched her other three legs to her body. “This is very unladylike, you kno— OWOWOUGH!”

Chrysalis fell to her back, writhing in the pain shooting through all four of her shins. Alma stood over her like a victorious heroine, her foot perched majestically on a nearby rock. In the next instant, she ran to Blueblood, and helped him lift his head off of the ground.

She hugged him around his neck. “I’m sorry I kicked your shins. I’m so sorry.”

“Well,” he said, “I’m sorry for being such a jerk in the first place. Can you forgive me?”

Alma smiled. “Only if you forgive me, too.”

“I am sick!” Chrysalis shouted, “Of this stupid! Friendship! Fluff!”

She flung Alma to the side and pounced on Blueblood. “I’ll make you both suffer!”

Blueblood gasped around the hoof crushing his throat. “We… we also have… one more thing… in common.”

“Spit it out, alicorn!” Chrysalis spat.

“We both deserve,” Blueblood growled, “every last bit of our hate!”

Ignoring the fire in his chest, ignoring the mud caking his wings, ignoring basic personal space, he threw his forelegs around Chrysalis and rolled the both of them into the deluge of water.

They hit the river with a splash, and were instantly carted down with the powerful current. Blueblood rolled, unable to sense either up or down. He swam as hard as his sore legs would allow, but he cringed with dismay when what he thought would be the surface turned out to be the riverbed. He felt fangs sink into his shoulder as Chrysalis vented her fury on his tired body.

A lasso secured itself to his leg, pulling him upwards. He screamed into the flowing water as Chrysalis, so attached to his limb, was carried to the surface alongside him. He gulped in air greedily as they broke out of the water.

His eyes met Braeburn’s. The alicorn prince of pioneering grasped the other end of the rope in his teeth, and was aided in his effort by Redheart, Rainbow Dash, Flash Sentry, Lavern, Amelia, Eudora, Keefe, John, and Alma. Twilight Sparkle stood to the side, her face scrunched up as she focused on guiding the rope magically.

“Come on, Blueblood,” Twilight shouted, reaching out to him. “Grab… grab my hoof!”

Blueblood extended his limb, praying for it to grow just that much longer. Chrysalis bit down one last time, before releasing him and climbing up onto his shoulders. She spread her wings, fluttering them a little to let the flaky appendages dry in the sun.

“These are the fools that would forgive you!?” she shouted over the roaring waterfall. “I am so glad they’re all here”—she bared her fangs and snarled—“to watch you die!”

The queen gasped as a beam of concentrated light flashed through one of her wings. She looked back in horror as the delicate, insect-like wing disappeared in a cloud of soot. All eyes flashed to the other side of the river bank, where Princess Lyra Heartstrings stood livid.

“That’s for brainwashing me at my friend’s wedding!” she shouted. “Jerkface!”

Chrysalis’ horn sparked as she tried to repair the wing. The roaring river splashed and surged, dampening her horn and extinguishing her magic. She tried brushing it, shaking it, anything and everything, but everything was just too damp.

Chrysalis’ hoof slipped. Her body fell across Blueblood’s and multiplied the weight bore by his rescuers. Braeburn lost his grip, sending the rope sliding through the others’ hands and mouths. Twilight quickly got a stronger hold on it, halting its disastrous progress.

The rope jerked as it was stopped, and Chrysalis’ grasp on Blueblood was weakened. Blueblood caught her hoof in his just before she slipped away. His bitten shoulder burst with fire as her weight pulled against it, and it soon became too great to bear.

He shut his eyes as the Queen of the Changelings slipped away. Her screams echoed through the air as she disappeared over the edge of the waterfall, fading out as the roar of the falls overpowered them.

“And good stinking riddance,” Keefe said.

With their strength combined, the ponies and the bronies soon had Blueblood safe and sound on the river bank. Perhaps what surprised him the most was that everypony seemed to want to hug him of all things.

Redheart got in on the action almost immediately. The way she was probing his back and ribs, he suspected that she was more interested in healing him physically than emotionally. He winced as she found the injured ribs.

“Ouch, that’ll take a while to heal,” she said. “I think we should get you to a hospital ASAP. Hold on…”

She looked up and saw Lyra sobbing on the other bank. “I gotta go talk with her. Can you guys take it from here?”

Twilight nodded dutifully, even as she gave Blueblood a quick hug of her own. She stepped back and stood shoulder to shoulder with Flash Sentry. “You know any field medical techniques, or something like that?”

Flash nodded, but pursed his lips. “We need bandages. Anybody have—”

Rainbow Dash nudged John and Keefe. “Care to sacrifice your shirts for a noble cause?”

Keefe complied, but John blanched. “Funny thing, that,” he mumbled. “Nopony, and I mean nopony, wants to see that.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, bit the edge of his shirt and ripped it off of him. She spat it towards Flash and grinned. “Shirt’s on fire, now it’s out!”

Twilight gave Flash a peck on the lips. “I’m gonna go see if I can help Lyra. See you.”

Flash nodded. He quickly went about wrapping Blueblood’s ribs. Blueblood watched Twilight fly off, his eyebrows level and his mouth pulled down in a frown.

Flash paused in his wrapping to glance at Blueblood’s face. “What’s the matter?”

Blueblood shook his head. “Nothing… nothing. Just…”—he sighed—“just, good form, Flash Sentry. Good form.”

Twilight landed beside the weeping Lyra and the comforting Redheart. Lyra raised her bleary eyes as she approached. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to kill her… Honest, I didn’t!”

Twilight joined Redheart in embracing her. “It’s alright, Lyra. You didn’t do anything wrong. Shh… It’s alright.”

Alma drew her hand through Blueblood’s mane. “So, does this mean you’re gonna stay here? Do we have to go back to our world?”

Blueblood looked behind her, to her parents. He raised an eyebrow, to which they responded with nods. “I don’t suppose you have time to stay for a little tour of Equestria?” he asked. “See the sights? Sample the cuisine? Meet… meet the ponies?”

Alma’s mouth dropped open, as did the mouth of every single brony present. “You really mean it?”

Blueblood chuckled. “I really can’t think of a better time.”

The shirtless John knelt down beside Blueblood as the prince was hugged by Alma. “So… When am I gonna get that personal ascension story of yours?”

Blueblood smirked at him. “Do you have a couple of hours? It is quite the tale…”

Author's Note

That seemed to have a great degree of finality... Oh, what's this? There's another chapter coming, you say? Well, by golly!

In Which One Story Ends, and Another is Begun

Blueblood trotted down the street, waving to the occasional pony that now tolerated, or even expected, his presence. He knocked once, twice, thrice on the door to the library and waited for but a moment. The door opened, revealing the form of a small, purple dragon.

“Hello, Spike,” he said. “Is Twilight ready to continue our work on the robot?”

“She sure is!” he exclaimed. “She’s been talking all day about some sort of breakthrough she found.” He shivered. “I’m honestly getting a little nervous. You remember the violets, right?”

Blueblood joined him in his cringe. “Oh, Glory, do I ever. Let’s proceed before she finds herself creating cyborgs or some such nonsense.”

He brought himself to the basement door, just as he had all those… was it weeks ago that he had traveled to the human world? My word. He trotted carefully down the stairs, leaning a bit on the wall as he did so.

Spike looked up at him sympathetically. “Ribs still hurt, huh?”

“A battle to the death can to that to you, yes,” Blueblood replied.

“That’s rough, buddy.”

They reached the bottom step far too soon. It was at this point that Blueblood could hear the nearly-maniacal laughter issuing from Twilight Sparkle. He quaked in his horseshoes.

“It’s brilliant! Brilliant!” she cackled. “This, Blueblood. This alone blows everything we’ve ever done before out of the water!”

“Before we get to the explosives,” he said, “do you mind sharing your discovery with the rest of the class?”

She froze in thought, her enormous tinted goggles seeming to fog up as the wheels within her head turned. Her wings shifted under her lab coat. “Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.”

She revealed the robot with a flourish. “As you well know, we have been programming my friendship reports into the robot with regularity, excepting spur of the moment trips to alien worlds, of course.”

“Of course,” he said.

“So,” she continued, “we have all but completed our quest to prevent the robot from pillaging, lasering, and otherwise bringing harm to the ponies around it. We have also made it possible for the robot to act as a friend would. To be helpful and supportive!” She raised a hoof into the air. “But that is only the beginning of what we can do with this robot!”

Blueblood took a step backward. “No. No, I actually think that’s exactly what we wanted to do with the robot.”

Twilight giggled, sending shivers down Blueblood’s spine. “No, Blueblood! No! We have one step further to go, one more scientific endeavor before the robot can be truly complete!”

She galloped up to him and stuck her nose in his face. “I see it so clearly, now! We can teach this robot”—she danced on her hind hooves with her forelegs clutched tight to her chest—“to love!”

Any answer Blueblood might have squeaked was drowned out by the furious tapping of Spike’s claws as he dashed up the stairs. With Twilight still preoccupied with visions of electronic nuptials, he backed quickly up the stairs and out of the library.

Twilight stopped twirling and found herself faced with an empty basement. She turned to the robot and sighed. “Was it something I said?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout that, baby,” the robot said in a deep, smooth voice. “We can make our own breakthroughs together.”

Twilight blinked. “Okay, I can see that getting a little creepy.”

Blueblood caught up with Spike quite soon after leaving the library. The dragon seemed to be walking towards the local boutique for some reason. Spike smiled at Blueblood, giving forth a quiet laugh. “Heh, got out of there in a hurry, didn’t you?”

Blueblood smirked lightly. “I was only following your lead, Spike.”

“Yeah, gowan with yah.” Spike continued on in silence for a few beats. “Hey, what’re you up to now that Twilight’s being… Twilight?”

Blueblood thought for a moment. “I suppose I am unattached to any schedule at this time.” He shrugged. “Did you have anything in mind?”

Spike smiled. “I was gonna see if Rarity would wanna come to the coffee shop with me. She usually works pretty late on Thursdays.”

Blueblood looked at the setting sun and nodded. “I fear that my presence would make it difficult for you to convince her. Perhaps it is best if you carry on alone.”

Spike bit his lip. “I wouldn’t wanna—”

“Please, Spike,” Blueblood said. “It’s for the best.”

Spike placed a hand on Blueblood’s shoulder. “Fine, but don’t let it spoil your evening. Come to the Keen Bean. There’s a poetry slam thingy going on tonight, Zecora’s showing off.”

As Spike began to waddle away, Blueblood spoke once more. “Spike? Is… Are they well? Twilight and… and Flash?”

Spike turned with a look of surprise. “Yeah, they’re okay. Flash seems… Flash is a pretty nice guy. I’m keeping an eye on him.”

“Good,” Blueblood said as he walked away. “Good.”

As night fell, the more nocturnal ponies began to make their way onto the streets. Blueblood smiled as magic lit the street lights one by one. He fell into a rhythm as he trotted along, allowing his body to move to autopilot as he travelled to the Keen Bean.

He leaped into the air with a scream as the entirety of his vision was filled with pink.

“Hiyah! Nice to see you again, Blueblood!”

“Now, Pinkie,” Braeburn chuckled. “We didn’t wanna scare the poor guy.”

“Of course not, Honey Bunches,” Pinkie said as she dismounted the street lamp. “This isn’t Nightmare Night! But it is a really, really, really cool prank for Nightmare Night, now that I think of it! Ooh! Ooh! Maybe I can finish with a cream pie to the face! Wouldn’t that be hilarious!? And delicious!?”

Blueblood shook his head and met the eyes of the couple before him. Braeburn wrapped a foreleg around Pinkie’s shoulders and winked. “Sorry ’bout that. It looked like the only way tah get yer attention, the way you were zoning out like that.”

“Just… just enjoying the sights, is all,” Blueblood gasped.

“Well, we just wanted to ask you somethin’,” Braeburn said.

“Something really, really important!” Pinkie added.

Blueblood stood and dusted himself off. “What can I do for you two?”

Pinkie’s grin grew to cosmic proportions as Braeburn answered. “Would you be willin’ tah be the officiate at our weddin’ ceremony?”

Blueblood’s jaw plummeted past the ground, deep into the Earth’s crust, and into the molten core. Figuratively speaking, of course. “Are-are-are you certain!?”

Pinkie giggled. “They way Braeburn tells it, you really stepped up to the plate in that other world, especially near the end. We couldn’t think of anypony more appropriate…” She licked her lips. “Except maybe Celestia. But that’s besides the point.”

“B’sides,” Braeburn said with a punch to Blueblood’s shoulder. His un-bandaged one, that is. “Us princes of Equestria oughta stick together, right?”

“I would be honored,” Blueblood managed to say.

“Thank you!” Pinkie said, throwing her arms around his neck. He gasped for want of air. “I knew you were really a good guy deep down inside!”

Blueblood smiled.

“You doin’ anything tonight?” Braeburn asked. “We were just ’bout to head on down to the Keen Bean.”

“Ah! That’s where I was headed, as well,” he said. He walked with them as they headed through downtown Ponyville, laughing as they talked.

The Keen Bean was bouncing nearly as much as its owner, Doreen Bean. The hyperactive mare seemed to teleport more than run from table to table, refilling coffees and taking orders.

Pinkie shook her head. “Whoa, I don’t think I’d ever be able to keep up with that girl.”

Braeburn and Blueblood froze in place for an instant, their minds temporarily having trouble processing what had just passed between her lips.

They found a table with a mere three open seats. In the other seats sat the princesses Lyra, Vinyl, and Redheart. “Hey, check it out,” Vinyl said, “It’s the stallion and mare of the hour! How yah doin’, Pinks?”

“Juuust peachy!” Pinkie laughed.

Redheart smiled. “It’s almost like a little reunion of our expedition, with you two princes here.”

Braeburn brushed his vest. “Heh! Sure does bring memories back… of last month, I guess.”

Blueblood looked across the table at Lyra, who had been staring at the floor the entire time she had been there. “Princess Heartstrings?” he said.

She looked up at him. “Thank you for saving my life,” he told her.

She cracked a smile. “No biggy. Glad you’re alive.”

Redheart leaned closer to him. “So what brings you to humble Ponyville?”

“I had a business appointment with Twilight Sparkle.” He chewed his bottom lip, looking up at the ceiling as he did so. “It didn’t quite pan out. Thus, here I am.”

Zecora tapped a hoof on the podium, trying to get everypony’s attention. She nearly succeeded.

Redheart scootched her chair beside Blueblood’s. “You have that appointment scheduled for tomorrow. Are you gonna show up?”

“I always make my appointments,” he assured her. “It’s a personal point of pride for me!”

“Good,” she said. “Your wounds are healing, but I’d hate to see them unattended.”

His smile sparkled in the dim light of the coffee shop. “You, and I as well, Princess of Hospice.”

Redheart got a very sly look on her face indeed. “So, fearless leader, are you going to share something for poetry night?”

Blueblood blanched. It was, as has been said before, a very impressive feat for somepony with a white coat to blanch. “I’m afraid this isn’t quite my—”

“Oh, come on, I’m sure you’ll do fine!” Redheart said. “Aren’t you supposed to be this big, handsome, cultured stallion? Share a poem!”

Blueblood’s blanch fully evolved into a blush. A grin spread across his face. “Well, I don’t suppose it would hurt at all.” He stood and made his way over to Zecora the Zebra and explained to her his intentions.

Lyra placed a hoof on Redheart’s shoulder. “What’s with you?”

Redheart shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Blueblood noticed Spike and Rarity walk in just as he took the podium. He grinned at the crowd of ponies gathered within the Keen Bean, and sent a small wink Redheart’s way. He opened his mouth wide, ready to expel his most perfect poem.

The problem at that point, of course, was that he didn’t actually know any poems by heart.

John sat before his computer as it booted up. There was an entered password, a clicked mouse, and an extended wait for his antiquated laptop to wake from slumber. A double-click brought a word processing program online, and his fingers moved swiftly across the keyboard.

A few minutes later, he sat back, satisfied at the first draft of his story.

“You’re really gonna post that?”

He jumped in his seat as Alma took her place beside him. “‘Good morning, friends.’ Is that really how you’re gonna start it? Sounds kinda dumb.”

John sighed. “It’s about presenting the narrator as his own character. I don’t know if anypony-gah!-anybody’s gonna pick up on it, but whatever.”

She read further down the screen. “What’s inti— intri— inacate mean?”

“Intricate,” he corrected. “It means… eh… ‘really detailed.’”

“Oh.” She fiddled with a small gemstone on her necklace, a gift from Equestria. “Why does it use so many big words?”

John stared at the screen for a moment. “Maybe it’s all that time we spent in Canterlot. Those nobles are rubbing off on me.”

They sat in silence as John proofread the document. Alma gave a “Hmm” as he reached the final page. “So, Daddy says the next season is coming soon.”

“That’s right,” John said without looking up.

“Do you think we’ll see Blueblood?”

John’s eyebrows peaked. He looked over at the sorrowful face of Alma. “I really don’t know.”

“And…”—she swallowed a lump in her throat—“and if he does, will he be like… like our Blueblood?”

John clasped his hands together and placed his chin betwixt them. “I… I really don’t know. I don’t know how the real-life translates to the show. I really don’t.” His eyes swiveled to her. “I do know one thing, though.”

“What?”

“Whatever shows up in the show… We know the real Blueblood,” he said.

He clicked the save icon and a window popped up, prompting him to name his file. He considered it for a moment.

Then he typed.

“Blueblood’s Ascension; or, Alicorns Just Aren’t What They Used to Be”

Author's Note

Thank you very much for reading Blueblood's Ascension Part II! I hope you enjoyed yourself, even when our favorite alicorn prince wasn't.

But! But, but, but! The story does not end here!

For instance, Rainbow Dash's story will continue in the next installment of Background Ascension, coming soon!

Braeburn and Pinkie's story will continue in the upcoming Braeburn's Ascension; or, The Courtship of Pinkamena Diane Pie!

But! But, but, but! There's something that you can read right the heck now!

Yes, folks, I've already submitted Blueblood's Ascension Part III; or, Even Alicorns Have Dreams to the site! If you enjoyed this story, there's a distinct possibility that you'll like the next!

Good gravy, i'm having way too much fun, here! :pinkiehappy:

In Which Twilight Sparkle's New Spell Works Perfectly

Good evening, morning, afternoon, or night once again, dear readers! Welcome to another tale featuring Blueblood, everybody’s favorite Equestrian prince. It will astound you, amaze you, and tickle your funny bone if the author is doing his job right. Do take a seat; this is sure to be a fun ride.

Perspective is a curious thing. What we see is heavily based on where we find ourselves. A series of bad events can lead to us seeing the world as dark and dreary, while a helping hoof can give us a more sparkling outlook on life.

But what can a totally new perspective do to our outlook? If something so big as our own worldview can change with a single smile, what effect can an entire new world have on a pony?

Given that it’s Blueblood, all bets are off.

Twilight Sparkle stood over the arcane implements of spellcasting, her horn tingling with the odd sensation of incomplete teleportation. Her masterpiece was nearly complete, its various parts assembled into a greater whole. She fluttered her wings hesitantly, before allowing her horn to pour power into the repository.

She had become an alicorn soon after the events of Blueblood’s ascension. She remembered being ousted from her studies to receive a package straight from Celestia. The package had been thrown through the open library door and into her face, knocking her over. She still nursed a welt from the heavy tome within.

Things had gone from odd to bizarre when she had found all of her friends busy with each other’s jobs. The spell within the book had switched her friends’ cutie marks, though not their personalities or talents, and managed to convince them that their cutie marks represented their only destiny.

Rainbow Dash still suffered from night terrors about being cooked alive by a mob of herbivores.

Twilight sighed as the magic mirror gained full power. After unintentionally brainwashing her friends, the remainder of the day had been spent restoring their memories and their destinies. It had culminated in the ascension of Twilight Sparkle to the status of princess.

Celestia was in seventh heaven. She pranced about the palace daily, humming to herself and dancing with random guards. Luna had taken to slipping chamomile tea into her sister’s drinks, intending to allow her to calm down. The night princess had soon given up and started lacing her own drinks with the relaxing substance.

The mirror’s surface rippled and Twilight’s reflection was replaced with that of an entire new world. Her pen flew rapidly across the page as she started taking notes. Buildings not unlike the skyscrapers of Manehatten filled her vision, and bipedal creatures marched down the streets hastily.

Twilight Sparkle grinned as information flowed from the mirror to her mind. Her modification of the teleportation spell to cross not only time and space, but also the walls of reality worked perfectly. Had she not ascended through Starswirl’s spell, she knew, this would have been her shining moment.

A knock on the door snapped her out of her reverie. She let the power leave the mirror as she ran to answer it. Waiting on the other side was a tall, sturdy alicorn stallion. His coat was the purest white, and his mane was like a field of golden wheat blowing in the wind. His smile sparkled in the moonlight, one that had caused many a mare to swoon.

Twilight Sparkle, thankfully enough, had built up an immunity to it. “Good evening, Prince Blueblood.”

“Good evening, Princess Twilight Sparkle,” he said as he trotted into the Ponyville library. “How go the studies?”

“Well, the come-to-life spell is doing well.” She trotted over to a magical pony golem, fashioned from wood and metal. It had eyes made from emeralds and a red ruby heart. “I’ve been implanting my friendship reports one at a time, so progress is slow.”

The two alicorns had struck up a partnership after Blueblood’s Artificial Servants(tm) caused a ruckus at his coronation. He would supply the methods and materials for their production, while Twilight Sparkle would stand close by to tell him which of his ideas were idiotic and dangerous. It was wonderfully synergistic.

The artificial pony’s eyes flickered as it stood. It turned to the two alicorns beside it and spoke in a tinny, if posh, voice. “Master Blueblood, Mistress Sparkle, how may I serve you?”

“Well, it hasn’t killed us yet,” Blueblood shrugged. “That’s a good sign.”

The robot nodded in affirmation. “I have been programmed with the magic of friendship, Master Blueblood. I do not wish harm on anypony.”

The prince turned to the princess. “What’s the most recent Friendship Report that you’ve programmed in?”

The robot suddenly leaped up on its hind hooves and appeared to be dancing a jig. “You gotta share!” it sang. “You gotta care!”

“Whoops!” Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed, shutting down the robot. “You can thank Pinkie Pie for that one; she insists that the robot is an audio-visual learner.”

“She insists on a lot of things,” he noted. His eyes drifted to the mirror lying in the middle of Twilight’s laboratory. “What’s that?”

She followed his gaze. “That’s a little personal project I’ve been working on,” she answered as she draped a cloth over it. “It’s not quite ready for a presentation.”

“How mysterious,” Blueblood chuckled, his eyebrows dancing.

He turned his gaze back to the golem and pursed his lips. “I did have something else I wanted to speak with you about.”

“Yeah?” Twilight asked. She looked up from her notes to give him her attention.

“I was thinking.” Blueblood mulled over his words like a wine connoisseur tasting a new vintage. “You are quite the brilliant pony, I have to admit.”

“Thank you,” she said, hoping for him to get to the point quickly.

“And I am, too,” he continued. “Or, at least that’s what Aunt Celestia tells me.”

Twilight shrugged and nodded towards the Blueblood-crafted robot.

“I was thinking,” he meandered. “I was thinking that you and I could expand our partnership to more than just the golems.”

Twilight’s eyebrows rose into her bangs. “Like how?”

“I mean,” Blueblood hesitated, “I mean that you and I could become permanent partners in our scientific and magical enterprises, a full business partnership.”

“Eeh…” Twilight chewed her lip as she decided how she wanted to reply. “I’m not sure that I like the thought that my ideas wouldn’t belong to just me.”

“Oh, it wouldn’t be like that,” he replied quickly. “Our joint projects would be separate from anything either of us wished to do on our own.”

“Could I get that in writing?” she smirked.

“Honestly, I’ll have Celestia herself look over the paperwork.” He smiled his roguish smile once more. “I do want you to take some time to consider it, think of all the good we could do for Equestria if we were working together!”

“Twilight!” Spike waddled down the stairs into the laboratory. “I’ve closed up the library for the night!”

Twilight Sparkle smiled at Blueblood. “I’ll think about it,” she said. “But let’s just work on the robots tonight, shall we?”

“Sweet!” Spike lifted the mechanoid’s tin-and-wood head. “Tonight I can teach it how to burp!”

Blueblood hid a snort beneath a cough. “While that would be a hit with the foals, I think we should stick to the basic functions for now.”

“Fair enough,” the baby dragon conceded.

The bushes rustled softly outside of the Golden Oakes Public Library. Several blue, multifaceted eyes peered into the windows, straining for any sight of the inhabitants. The eyes chattered amongst themselves excitedly, awaiting the triumph that would soon be theirs. They impatiently awaited the signal to proceed, their chitinous hooves prancing on the ground.

A tall unicorn mare strode up to the door of the library. Her reddish mane fell over one eye as she peered down at a small note posted to the door, “Experimentation in progress, please knock (ring also).” She grinned evilly at the bushes, her russet eyes flashing green. Her burgundy hoof lifted from the ground and pounded five times against the door, and then gripped the bell in sickly green magic to ring twice.

The pitter-patter of little claws echoed across the library’s wooden floor, and the blue eyes followed the pudgy form of a baby dragon to the door. The door opened and Spike’s purple face inched out. “Sorry, ma’am, but the library’s closed.”

“That’s puuur-fectly alright, little one,” the unicorn replied. “It’s not your books I’m after, just Twilight Sparkle.”

She swung the door open, letting Spike fall flat on his face. He picked himself up as her gangly legs swayed past. “Hey! You can’t just barge in like that!”

“You could have fooled me,” she giggled.

“My, it’s kind of hot in here.” She opened the window above the waiting creatures. “I could use a little air…”

“Hey!” Spike rose to his full, unimpressive height. “You listen to me, lady! Who the heck do you think you are!?”

“My name is Chrysalis,” she replied as she took a seat. Her long legs dangled over the armrests. “Though I doubt that you’ll recognize me.”

Spike scratched at his frills. “Can’t say that I do,” he sighed. “So, who are you?”

“Spike, who’s here!?” Twilight called up from the basement.

“Somepony named Chrysalis,” he replied. “She says she’s here to see you.”

“Well, bring her down!”

Spike shrugged and motioned for Chrysalis to follow him. He led her down the stairs, not noticing the black shapes pouring in through the window. The unicorn smiled demurely, only slightly falling out of her serene expression when she caught sight of Blueblood.

Twilight and the prince stared questioningly at the newcomer, examining her odd red-on-red-on-red color scheme. Twilight stepped forward and extended a hoof. “Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Oh, you know me,” Chrysalis replied. “You just don’t remember.”

When Chrysalis did not return the offer for a hoofshake, Twilight coughed into her outstretched appendage. “Well, may I ask what brings you here?”

“It’s simple, really,” the unicorn said. “Revenge.”

Blueblood took a step closer to Twilight, who herself took a few steps back from the red unicorn. Chrysalis smiled and matched her pace.

Spike placed himself in front of the intruder. “All right,” he said. “You’ve had your fun. Now scat!”

Chrysalis laughed. “Out of the way, Shorty.” Her horn glowed green as she tossed the baby dragon across the room. His small body impacted against the comatose golem, sending both crashing to the floor.

“Spike!” Twilight rushed to his side to check him for injuries. “He’d better not be hurt you… you…”

“Witch?” Chrysalis crowed. “Monster? I’ve been called worse by far.”

“How about ‘Dead Meat!?’” Blueblood shouted. His horn flared and blasted a highly-concentrated beam of light at the attacker. It impacted with a flash, sending Chrysalis tumbling head-over-hooves into the stairs.

Blueblood stood over her body triumphantly, but backpedaled swiftly when her form stirred. She stood facing them, a dark spot burned into her chest. “So, he would hit a lady.”

With a laugh, Chrysalis’ horn began to glow. Her entire body seemed to catch fire as her eyes turned from red to green. Green flames licked at her hair, changing it into stringy strands of pale green. Her mane clung to her burning face like a spider’s web, and her fur burned away to reveal a chitinous, black surface. Soon, the flames died away to reveal the towering, spindly form of a winged, horned, and bad-tempered changeling queen.

“Chrysalis,” Twilight murmured as she placed Spike onto her back. “A fitting name for a giant bug!”

“Indeed,” Chrysalis cackled. “But more, it’s a fitting name for the ruler of Equestria.”

“If you’re so bent on ruling Equestria,” Blueblood said from his place beside Twilight, “What are you doing in Ponyville?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” The changeling queen stalked towards them. “I’m taking out the competition!”

Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed and she disappeared in a flash. She reappeared behind Chrysalis, taking the steps two at a time. She headed straight for the basement door, only to find her way blocked off by a swarm of changeling drones. They snickered and sneered as they pushed her back towards their queen.

Blueblood flew above, bringing his heavy hooves down on the swarm’s collective heads. One cheeky changeling shoved him from behind, sending him tumbling down the stairs. He collided with Twilight on the way down, and they all landed in a heap.

Chrysalis towered over them, licking at her fangs. “Oh, I’m going to love, love, love sucking the love out of you three.”

“Blueblood,” Twilight hissed through clenched teeth. “‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ on three.”

“I beg your pardon?” Blueblood mumbled back.

“Just…” Twilight sighed, “Do as I do.”

Chrysalis bent down with a leer. “I wonder what sort of love I can squeeze from you two…”

“NOW!”

Twilight’s horn glowed, sending a bevy of magic fireworks zipping at Chrysalis and the changelings. They exploded in a series of colored lights, sending the ill-intending intruders scrambling. Blueblood followed up with another salvo, sending the changelings into even more confusion. Blueblood stood and bucked a nearby creature in the face. His eyes widened when he realized that it was a very put-off changeling queen.

She charged at him, punting him aside with a thin, yet sturdy, forehoof. Wind whistled through the holes in her limbs as she pummeled the prince, driving him away from Twilight Sparkle and the freedom of the stairs. Her craggy horn glowed with green fire as she took aim at him, intending to blast him with the same attack that he hit her with.

He ducked, and the blast soared ineffectually over his head. It collided with the covered mirror, burning the cloth away with a plume of green. Chrysalis hissed and took aim again, centering on the target presented by Blueblood’s heaving chest.

A second blast, this one colored bright purple, intercepted Chrysalis’ some few feet before hitting Blueblood. So redirected, it sped for the mirror, hitting it with both pony and changeling magic. The mirror’s surface swirled and swayed, all reflections held within bent so far out of proportion as to become nearly unrecognizable. Blueblood saw his golden mane swirl into Chrysalis’ green hair, and her draconic eyes float beside his blue orbs. He looked back to the corporeal queen to find her entranced by the swirling lights and colors. She began to walk forward, coming ever closer to Blueblood and the mirror.

Blueblood looked around to see that all the changelings were behaving similarly, being drawn to the mirror like moths to a flame. Twilight met his eyes and shrugged. She was pulled back to Spike when the baby dragon stirred, and she held his claw as he came to.

Chrysalis passed Blueblood and stood before the mirror. “It… It is beautiful…” Blueblood started when her glazed eyes turned to him. “What it is?”

“It’s a portal,” Twilight said. She trotted up to Chrysalis with a face that spoke volumes of her anger with the changeling. “It’s my private project, in my private sanctum sanctorum, and you are intruding on my life.

“You can leave in one piece,” Twilight continued. “Or you can find out why Blueblood and I became alicorns…” She smirked. “It’s not because we sit on our butts and do nothing all day.”

“A portal…” Chrysalis sighed dreamily. “I… I must see what is on the other side!”

“What?” Twilight’s head tilted far to the side. “But… You can’t! It’s not finished!” She gasped as Chrysalis reached a holey hoof out to the mirror. “Stop! You could die!”

Heedless to the warnings, Chrysalis plunged her hoof into the surface. Instantly, the swirling quagmire centered on her hoof, spinning around the appendage. She pushed into the mirror, and the surface gave way. She continued through, first her leg, then the rest of her twisted pony-esque body.

As the end of her tail passed through, Chrysalis shot deep into the vortex. The changeling Queen laughed as she was sucked in, spiraling down into what seemed like the abyss. Blueblood could only stare in disbelief as the wicked queen fell from sight, far out of the world of ponies.

The other changeling leaped in after her, each shrinking into a dismal speck before disappearing completely. The last few had yet to pick themselves up from their pile on the stairs, and were only now making their way towards the portal.

Blueblood’s fatal mistake was trying to stop them from entering. “Hold your horses, you foals! You could die!” He reached a hoof out to hold them fast, but there were too many of them.

With a sneer, the changelings grasped at his legs, his horn, and his wings and dragged him alongside them. The prince began to panic as he flayed about helplessly. “Twilight! Help!”

Twilight Sparkle pushed them away, tore them off with her magic, and just plain bucked them in the face, but the last of the swarm was relentless. One chuckled as he dragged Blueblood along. “If it’s good enough for the queen, it’s good enough for me!” He gave the alicorn one last tug as he fell into the mirror. “And what’s good for the swarm is good for everypony!”

Blueblood and the changelings disappeared just as the last of the magic drained from the mirror. Twilight Sparkle and Spike were left staring at a perfectly normal-looking, if slightly smudged, looking glass.

Twilight poured magic into it, activating the window into the other world. She sighed in relief at the picture that met her.

“Well, that’s a relief,” Twilight sighed. “My mirror portal works perfectly.”

Spike sat up, his eyes boggling. “W-what makes you say that, Twi?”

Twilight Sparkle stared into her reactivated mirror, its reflective surface once again looking into another world. Instead of a busy street filled with pedestrians, she saw a dank, dusky alley in the middle of the city. It was filled to the brim with dumpsters and unorganized refuse. Cats prowled the darkness and mice feasted on what the peoples of that world could not consume. In one dumpster, completely unaware of his surroundings, was a white alicorn prince. His coat was smudged with slime, and his horn was imbedded in a stray couch cushion. His blue eyes fluttered open, taking in his surroundings for a moment before widening in horror.

The alicorn leaped out of the dumpster and shook himself, unable to rid himself of the grime. He lifted his hooves and screamed at the sky, his impassioned cries unable to pass through the mirror. Mice scurried for cover as the madpony dashed around, knocking trash cans over with his wings and covering himself even more completely.

“Yes, Spike,” Twilight Sparkle sighed again. “Everything works perfectly.”

Blueblood stumbled on a cardboard box and pitched forwards, sending his face careening into a nearby trash can. The waste receptacle accepted its new occupant with due enthusiasm, and bowed in reverence to the royalty now stuck head-first inside its hungry maw.

That is to say, it tipped over and rolled onto the sidewalk.

A passing businessman, late for his meeting with the board, was knocked to his butt by the rolling carton of garbage. His briefcase soared high, defying gravity for but a moment. Contrary to all clichés, it did not burst open to spill its contents for the world to see. Rather, it fell rather solidly on Blueblood’s airborne bum, planting him firmly inside the can.

Blueblood sat up, the can affixed to his horn by a month-old ham sandwich. Many a passersby stopped to gawk at the trash receptacle that had suddenly spouted four hooves.

“Mommy,” one little girl prattled. “That trash can has a cutie mark!”

“A what?” the mother asked. Her eyes flickered between her daughter and the mobile can. It was stumbling down the street as if it was blind, bumping into pedestrians and knocking unfortunate newspaper stands to the ground.

“A cutie mark!” The little girl repeated. “Like the ponies on My Little Pony!”

“I think you watch too much TV,” her mother joked.

She continued to stare at the wandering garbage carrier while its hooves tripped over the curb. It tumbled into a roll, narrowly avoiding the trucks, cars, and zambonies that zoomed past. At the opposite curb it scrambled to its feet, its one-can stampede roaring on.

“Maybe I watch too much TV,” she decided aloud.

Twilight Sparkle watched the scene unfold for several minutes. She was unable to suppress a snort as Blueblood made a fool of himself in the new world. After a few minutes of watching to see if the aliens of that world would kill Blueblood on the spot, she was satisfied that the prince was not in immediate danger.

She turned abruptly away from the mirror and addressed her assistant. “Spike, Prince Blueblood is trapped in an alien world!”

“Shoot,” Spike said, patiently ignoring Princess Captain Obvious. He hopped up the stairs as he talked. “I was just starting to like him, too. Oh well.”

“Spike!” Twilight shouted up after him. “You take that back!”

“What?” he shrugged. “I was starting to like him!”

“Not that part!” Twilight fumed.

“Oh come on, Twi, I was joking.” He continued hopping up the stairs on a quest to retrieve his quill and parchment. “So, what do you want to say to the princesses?”

“Well, first we’ve got to explain what the mirror does…” she mused.

“Ahuh.” Spike scribbled a few notes down. “And then?”

“Then we’ll explain Blueblood’s reason for visiting,” she said as she powered up her magic-level readers.

“Ahuh…” More scratching of quill on parchment.

“I suppose I would be remiss in not mentioning the changelings…” She tapped a stray pencil against her cheek.

“Ya-huh.”

Silence descended on the laboratory, save for the chit-chit of machines printing out data. Spike looked up from his paper to ask Twilight what was wrong. She was staring at Blueblood’s robot, which had been broken into pieces by Spike’s small, yet tough, body.

“He really isn’t a bad pony,” she said. “He’s just… sort of full of himself.”

“Like Rainbow Dash?” Spike asked.

“Kinda, but…” She shook her head. “Oh, what am I gonna do?”

“Save him!” Spike yelped. “Can’t you just reverse the polarity of the mirror and, like, pull him back through?”

“No, Spike,” Twilight explained. “It’s just a one-way portal, it doesn’t work like that!”

She pulled out charts, blueprints for her various inventions and projects. “To bring him back, he’d need to have the materials and know-how to make his own mirror. Either he’d have to learn how to put it together and run it, or…”

Her horn flashed as inspiration hit her. “Eureka!”

“Okay,” Spike grinned. “Care to share that one with the class?”

“There’s only one answer, Spike.” She trotted up the stairs. “I’ve got to go into that brand new world and save Prince Blueblood!”

“You’re…” He looked at the portal. “You’re not gonna go alone, are you?”

“Of course not!” Twilight announced as she bounded back into the basement. Her saddlebags were full of paper and pens, instruments of deduction. “I’m gonna bring along anypony willing to help, and I’m gonna learn as much about this world as possible!”

“So…” Spike scribbled another note. “You’ve got a Super Study Session in store?”

“Indubitably!” she replied. She sat herself down in front of the mirror in time to see Blueblood fall on his can again. “Super Study Session beginning now!”

As Spike waddled up the stairs to put on a pot of tea, and send the letter to the princesses, he began to wonder just what might be in store for Twilight and Blueblood. What sort of adventures would they have? Would Blueblood be able to survive alone in the new world? Would Twilight be able to strum up enough help to save him? What happened to the changelings?

Spike supposed that the answers to all of those questions would come soon enough, and the changeling answer would come far too soon.

Author's Note

Here it is, folks, the sequel to Blueblood's Ascension! There will be action, adventure, and laughs aplenty in the coming chapters.

Fun fact: most of this story is meta-humor presented as sincerely as possible. I've always felt that a good story should be sincere on some level.

In Which the Author Engages in a Bit of Fluff, and the Audience Gets a Perspective from the Other Side of the Mirror

On the other side of the mirror, a small purple dragon held vigil. Spike munched from a bowl of popcorn, keeping his eyes glued to the magical portal before him. He laughed occasionally, gasped appropriately, and sighed regularly.

Hours passed, and many others joined the dragon at his vigil. Guards, scientists, friends, there was always somepony else. None of them stayed for very long. None stayed as long as Spike.

His latest companion entered gracefully on long, pink legs. Her eyes lit up as they settled on him, familiarity brewing in her heart. She sat down beside him and draped a wing over his shoulders, drawing him close.

“How’s she doing?” Princess Mi Amore Cadenza asked.

“Pretty good,” Spike said. “She’s only blown her cover a grand total of once. Small victories, you know?”

They watched as Twilight shifted her body to that of a pony, revealing her true form to the bronies. Spike snorted a gout of flame from his nostrils, a growl rumbling deep in his throat. When the princess turned her head to raise an eyebrow, he covered his actions with a cough.

“You sure I can’t go in after her?” he asked Cadance.

She smiled at the drake. “I’m afraid this is a much different mission than her trip to Canterlot High. I think she’ll be fine with the team we’ve created for her.”

“She could always use her number one assistant,” he said hopefully. “I’ve got lots of skills that she needs, really!”

Cadance lowered her head and took a bite from his popcorn. “’M sure y’ w’ll…” she swallowed hastily. “I’m sure you will when she gets back.”

Spike fell silent. Cadance lowered her head to look him in the eye. “Spike, are you alright?”

“No,” he replied. “I want to help Twilight, but nopony lets me. I’m always shuffled aside, like I don’t really matter to her. Like she doesn’t even matter to me.” He looked up at the princess with giant, watery eyes. “I gotta… I gotta break the rules just to stay with her, it feels like. Like I did in the Crystal Empire, or when she went through the mirror.”

Cadance wrapped her forelegs around his tiny body. “Spike, of course you matter. Twilight’s always talking about how much she loves you. You’re always needed.”

“Then why can’t I go in after her this time?” he asked. “What’s the excuse? What’s different in this mirror than in the other one?”

“We planned the expedition very carefully from the start, Spike,” she said. “We chose our team specifically for their talents. We didn’t want too many people to enter the new world until we were sure nothing bad would happen.”

“That makes sense,” he mumbled, “I guess.” He blinked. “Hey, why’d Rainbow Dash go along?”

Cadance’s mouth quirked upwards. “I think Celestia said ‘color commentary.’”

Spike rolled his eyes, biting back a smile. “Yeah, seems legit.”

The sound of a pony teleporting reached their ears. Cadance turned to see a cloud of blue magic smoke wafting its way into the mirror portal’s room. Behind the cloud was a frazzled-looking blue alicorn mare. She made her way up to the princess and the dragon, huffing all the while.

“Of course my teleportation spell would fritz the moment I tried to enter the palace, it’s not like I was trying to be presentable or anything, Heaven forbid I would show any semblance of decorum…”

She bowed before the princess, and Cadance noticed the tattered remains of a cape around the pony’s shoulders. “Greetings, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, I am Princess Trixie Lulamoon of Illusions! I have travelled far to study and marvel at the miraculous creation of Twilight Sparkle, what Equestria is calling the ‘Mystic Mirror!’”

Cadance raised an eyebrow. “And what’s your relation to Twilight?”

Trixie sat down, hemming and hawing. She looked at Spike and shrugged. “What would you say? Friend? Friendly acquaintance? Non-enemies?”

He shrugged back. “I’d say ‘friend,’ or at least ‘soon-to-be-one.’”

Trixie nodded. “Indeed, then I am Princess Trixie, friend of Twilight Sparkle! Is she here?”

“I’m afraid she’s gone through the portal,” Cadance said. “Blueblood got lost on the other side, you see.”

“Blueblood’s missing?” Trixie asked. “And here I was just warming up to his new attitude. Oh well.”

“I know, right?” Spike laughed.

“Oh, hush, you two!” Cadance said, hiding a dastardly grin.

“What?” Trixie shrugged. “I was warming up to him!”

“Be nice,” Cadance giggled. “He’s been getting better.”

“You can say that again,” Spike chuckled. “So we’d better be ready to check and see if he’s a changeling. You never know these days.” His smile fell as a thought clicked. “Oh, gosh! I’m sorry, Cadance, I didn’t mean to joke about—”

“It’s fine, Spike,” she said. “Bygones and all that good stuff.”

Trixie prowled around the mirror, examining it from every angle. “Exquisite design, I must say. Very Old-Cloudsdale. I like how she incorporated the ley-lines into the etch-work.”

“Yeah, that’s Twilight,” Spike said. “Nitpicking down to the last detail.” He trundled over to the mirror and stood beside Trixie, his mouth quirking. “She knows her stuff.”

Cadance joined them in examining the portal. “So, how did you learn about the mirror?”

“Word of mouth from the other new alicorn royalty.” Trixie concentrated her magic, doffed her cape, remade it in a poof of power, and then donned the renewed garment. “Redheart told Vinyl told Lyra told Mrs. Cake told Davenport told Flim told me. It was quite the game of telephone, if you know what I mean.”

“Hmm?” Cadance squinted in thought. “Does Vinyl Scratch live in Ponyville now?”

“Hardly,” Trixie explained. “This was just after our joint coronation.”

“Joint cor—” Cadance shook her head. “I think I can appreciate dealing with the Crystal Empire’s problems much easier now.”

Spike snorted. “Yeah, an under-staffing of military…”

“And an over-staffing of royalty,” Cadance finished. “Honestly, this whole infinite ascension thingy is getting pretty silly.”

“I can’t complain,” Trixie said. She fluttered her wings with a giggle. “Why? Are you feeling a little jealous?”

“Hardly,” Cadence remarked with a flare of her horn. “I was an alicorn before it was cool.”

“I thought being an alicorn had always been cool.” Spike returned to his popcorn and resumed his watch. “Least, that’s how Princess Celestia’s always acted.”

Trixie sat beside him and gazed at the mirror’s informative surface. “She does set a high bar for ‘coolness,’ doesn’t she?”

“Always,” Cadance sighed. She sat at Spike’s right hand, opposite of Trixie. “Being around as long as she has, I think she’s going to set most trends.”

They sat watching Twilight’s expedition eat pizza. After a while, Trixie began to think that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t going to be as action-packed a viewing as she had thought.

She poked her head around Spike to get Cadance’s attention. “Say, didn’t the papers mention something about changelings getting sucked through? Can you watch them with the mirror?”

Cadance shook her head. “I’m afraid not, we haven’t been able to find the right…” She looked at Spike. “What’s the word? Magic frequency?”

“Resonance, I think,” he mused. “Same idea.”

Trixie considered that. “Have you tried a changeling spell? Perhaps you could home in on them that way?”

Cadance pursed her lips and blinked. “Actually, that just might work.”

“So try it!” Spike said, hopping to his feet. “Get a lock on Chrysalis!”

Cadance stuck her tongue out and concentrated. “Alright, here goes nothing!”

Green fire forked out of the princess’ horn, snaking towards the mirror. It struck with a flash, a bang, and a bazinga. The mirror’s surface grew dark as the frame was lit with the eerie flames.

Laughter echoed through the room, faintly at first, but soon growing in fervor. The sinister face of Chrysalis filled the portal, slowly morphing from bug-pony-thingy to human-ish thingy. She drew back and could be seen to be surrounded by a small army of changelings, their bodies all various stages between equeform and humanoid. They could be seen pouring concrete, mixing alloys, and erecting structures.

Through it all, Chrysalis spoke in that buzzing voice of hers, explaining how they would all “love, love, love” her plan. How they would eat like princes and princesses, subjecting the humans to what they were unable to do with the ponies.

The three watchers gaped, gasped, and gawked. Trixie’s mouth moved in voiceless screams, Spike’s fists clenched and unclenched, and Cadance’s breathing exercises were thoroughly tested.

“Spike,” the pink princess said, “take a letter. We’re gonna tell Twilight about this pronto.”

“Yeah?” Spike gulped. “S-subject line?”

Cadance groaned and stretched her legs as she rose. “Tell her that the changelings’ plan is actually pretty nefarious.”

Trixie raised a hoof to the mirror; it bounced rather anticlimactically off. “Is… Is it supposed to do that?”

Cadance froze, mouth hanging open in horrific horror. “No… Hold on, maybe I can open the portal again…”

A spell was cast, the same spell rebounded off of the changeling fire, and said spell bounced its originator several feet backwards, almost bowling over a servant bringing Spike another bag of popcorn. The servant, sensing the direction of events, proceeded to toss Spike his bag and vacate the premises as hastily as was proper. Cadance righted herself with a scowl and attacked the mirror with another spell.

“Maybe this will—” But ’twas not meant to be. Another rebound of energy zapped across her body, sending her flying further.

“I’ll admit,” said the Great and Powerful Trixie, “this was not one of my better ideas.”

A primordial yell sent shivers flowing down the two princesses’ spines. A deluge of water rained down over the flaming mirror, quenching the fires in a Manehatten minute. Standing to the side, holding the dripping remains of a pitcher of water, Spike hailed victorious.

Cadance nodded an impressed nod. “Not bad. Maybe I can use that spell now—”

“Don’t!” Spike shouted. “Twilight said never to mix teleportation magic and water!”

Trixie scrunched her nose up, melting the hearts of everypony everywhere. “Since when has that been a thing?”

“Since Twilight started crafting powerful artifacts of arcane magicks that teleport ponies across the known universe and beyond?” Spike replied simply.

“I get it, I get it, she gets to make up the rules…” Trixie humphed. “I don’t suppose a magic mirror shrinks in the sun?”

Cadence shrugged. “Only one way to find out.”

The answer to Trixie’s question was, unfortunately, yes.

“Well,” Cadance muttered. “It’s more like a magic makeup mirror, now.”

“Mm, hmm.” Trixie tilted her head this way and that. “It’s actually rather cute.”

Spike picked up the miniaturized object in his claw. “Do you think a letter would fit through?”

Cadence scrutinized the mirror keenly. “I think you’re right, Spike,” she said at last. “Why don’t you finish writing that letter?”

Spike happily set about completing his duty, signing it with a flourish. The letter vanished in a trail of green smoke as he breathed his enchanted flames upon it. Cadance activated the mirror and allowed the dragon to send the letter to Twilight Sparkle, to their friend.

The smoke flew through the city streets, heedless of bystanders and cars. It spiraled up skyscrapers and dallied in the subway, searching for any sign of Twilight’s powerful aura. A lone changeling soldier noticed the trail, and decided to follow it, wherever it may lead.

The letter soared into the suburbs, where it bee-lined for the old house. The changeling took note of the car that pulled out of the driveway, and the family that rested inside. A quickly-chattered command alerted a fellow to follow the car and keep an eye on it.

The letter spun around outside the house, seeking an entry. The changeling alighted the roof, stopping the magic note before it could enter the chimney. He shifted his form to that of Twilight Sparkle’s, wings and all. The letter-delivery spell, confused by the changeling’s duplicity, reformed the letter and plopped it down in his chitinous hooves.

“Neat,” the changeling chuckled. He glanced over the letter, noted several grammar and spelling mistakes, and then burned the page to a crisp. He trotted off to report to his queen, quite pleased with himself.

Author's Note

Apologies, but no regrets.