How Equestria was made

by CrimsonEquine

Rating: mature
Tags: Mrs. Cake, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Mr. Cake, Sex, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1110

Equestria and how it was formed.

Equestria's origins, is it something that some pony can comprehend? It's much simpler than you think.

Published 2013-06-04 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-04 18:20:01 UTC

Deca-maker

At first there was absolutely nothing to behold in the pitiful darkness of nothingness. Then a giant cock the size of immeasurability penetrated the nothingness with its massive head and shaft. The Rainbow Cock slid in and out of the massive nothingness of black and began to pre-cum anti-matter. The anti-matter converging with the universe created unstable pre-matter that shined brightly like a star. Then, the massive infinite organ throbbed and ejaculated one massive load of boundless energy. This infinite energy began to conform in to itself causing all the energy to swell up in to a ball. The Rainbow Cock slid out of the universe never to be seen again.

The massive energy took eight trillion years to conform completely until it exploded what is known as the big bang. Out of the bang came massive amounts of galaxies and stars that spread about the black nothingness and it was all shaped like a silhouette of a foal. The foal grew in the womb of the universe until it grew to big. The universe was ready to deliver the massive foal and it pushed it out painfully. Out of the dark void came the first god, his name was incomprehensible and his very image was of infinity represented as a horse. The god knew everything that had to be done, but, first planned.

For an almost infinite amount of time, The Great Universal God Foal thought and thought what we would know today as alternate infinite universes with no end. All the universes had something to do with horses or something because he was a horse and thats how he rolls. On one particular reality that he dreamed up, he started to fantasize about it since it was so spectacular and wonderful to behold. The Great Universal God, now a teenager, began to masturbate furiously at the idea of such a universe.

Out came the semen that would make the new universe that would house the many planets and stars and galaxies and systems. Out of that particular universe there was one planet that he chose to create a race of beings that were in his likeness. The Great God turned small and transported his glorious self on to that planet. There he created his first born creation, known as Initio the first. Initio was a bat-like pony who had glorious rainbow hair strewn across his mane. At first Initio absolutely loved existance for a while, until The Great God thought that it was too easy.

The Great God out of a piece of his hair while he slumbered fashioned him a friend, this pony was instead of bat-like more over featherish and horned like Initio but, white instead of black. The great other, thus'ly named Segundo was thankful for the gift of existance and pledged to be Initio's friend for all eternity. For a while, Initio had to deal with Segundo's different look until he could not handle it any longer. Initio thought of a plan to dispose of his 'friend' as best as possible so he got a rock and smashed it on Segundo's head causing him to die horribly.

When The Great Universal God came around to see what was happening with Initio and Segundo, he fondly asked where Segundo was. Initio lied for the first time in ever and told the Great God that he killed himself. The Great God already knowing what Initio did played with his creation just to be a troll. He told Initio that he just killed himself since Segundo was a piece of Initio. Terrified, and stupid, Initio went to Segundo's body and tried to revive him but, couldn't because he was so stupid. The Great God laughed at Initio's futility and punished him further by reviving Segundo and making them grow genitalia aswell. The Great God trolled them once again and told them that if they wanted their existance justified they will have to mate for all eternity.

The Great God told them that since Segundo was the one who was killed he would be the giver of life and so gave Segundo a opening in his pelvis. Since Initio was the one that killed Segundo he would have to deliver the baby batter to the other for pro-creation. The Great One had spoken, the two to stupid to know what to do just stared at each other for a time. The Great One noticing how stupid they were granted them some knowledge to understand. A light of shining power went into thier stupid alicorn heads.

Knowing just what to do, Initio and Segundo mated and for a couple of months Segundo gave birth to three twin foals astonishingly different with one a horn, one with wings, and another with none. Just to let you know, Initio and Segundo were sex craved monsters and would mate as much as possible. They had fifty-two offspring by the time they were done. Upon the two's deathbed they told their children to mate and mate as much as possible. So, Incest was the progenitor of Ponykind. They begat and begat until somepony questioned all the begating and started thinking about other things. Seeing all the stuff that certain pony was doing, they all stopped thinking about mating and began to follow in his hoof-steps at progress.

"And that is how Equestria was made!" said Pinkie Pie. She was currently sitting with the cakes family eating a deliscious dinner. Everyone was flabbergasted by her story and could not understand all the craziness that she imputed into thier minds.

"Uh, Pinkie Pie, I don't think thats how it happened..." said Mr. Cake. His face confused beyond repair.

"I agree with my husband, where is all of this coming from?" said Mrs. Cake.

"Well you see guys! I am a demi-god who was begat by The Great Universal God and my mom! So of course I would know all this!" said Pinkie Pie.

"Demi-god!?" said the two cakes in unison.

"Yep!" said Pinkie Pie confidently.

"Well, uh..., okay, well, that was a nice story Pinkie Pie! Thanks for that! Now I'm gonna go lie in bed with my wife! Can you take care of the dishes?" said Mr. Cake.

"Of course!"

"Great! lets get out of this table"

The two cakes went in to their room and discussed how nuts Pinkie Pie was. The Pink Mare took all the dishes happily and bathed them all with soup. There she looked out of the window and saw the man in the moon and it blinked at her. She smiled back and continued to watch her dishes after waving back at the moon.

The End.