Vinyl Scratch sat up in her bed, her heart and her head pounding. She checked the clock on her nightstand. Eight in the morning.
She looked to the mare lying next to her, still asleep, and stroked her cheek. She was beautiful. And as she looked at her, the unsettling thought of what she had done the night before creeped into her mind. The feeling of guilt over her act of betrayal.
Vinyl didn’t wake her. She’d wake up soon enough of her own accord. They’d have breakfast, and then she’d go on her way.
And Octavia wouldn’t know. She would never need to know.
Yet still it nagged at her mind.
Octavia had gone away for the weekend to go on a tour. Vinyl had declined to go. It wasn’t that she didn’t support her work, but just for once, she didn’t want to get dragged to one of Octavia’s boring cello concerts where she plays the same thing she’d been playing every day in their apartment for three hours a day for the last three months.
Octavia wanted all that from her. But did she extend that to her music? Vinyl was lucky to get a halfhearted “I guess that was nice” from her after spending hours arranging, mixing, and writing.
So for this one weekend, while Octavia was off doing her tour, Vinyl stayed home to do her own things. She could be selfish for once. She was entitled to it. Just this once.
And when Octavia came back, she’d give a spiel about how she wished she’d been there and it was a shame she’d missed out and blah blah blah. But it wouldn’t last that long. Vinyl felt like Octavia didn’t think that much of her, that this one bit of disappointment wouldn’t amount to much with how low the bar was in her mind.
Maybe now the low bar was warranted, she wondered. She looked at the sleeping mare next to her. Yes. She’d done it. And she couldn’t very well un-do it. If Octavia were to find out...
Vinyl looked back ahead of herself, staring at the wall. She’d needed it. All those times she’d wanted support from Octavia, and where was she? Not here. That was for sure.
Selfish. Just this once.
“Mmm...”
The sleeping mare next to her stirred, drawing her attention.
“Hey,” she leaned down as the mare’s eyes fluttered open. They smiled softly at each other. “You sleep well?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“It’s morning,” said Vinyl. “Well... I guess that part’s obvious.”
The other mare sat up, yawning.
“Come on, let’s freshen up,” said Vinyl, pulling herself out of bed. “I’m gonna take a shower. Then we’ll have breakfast, and then I have to get to the train station and pick up Octavia.”
The other mare nodded.
Vinyl didn’t wait for the water to warm up before plunging herself into the torrent. The drops of water all hit her back like tons of nagging questions and suspicions. Had she been wrong? Yes... And no. She kept pushing “no.” She needed it.
But she wouldn’t tell Octavia about it. As far as Octavia would know, nothing had happened this weekend at all.
The drops of water nagged. Well, not nothing could have happened all weekend, Octavia would say, surely you must have done something. Just ask what she did to occupy her time. She could easily answer that she went to the club or met with her friends or worked on a new dance mixed, but she doubted Octavia would actually be interested in her professional life. She didn’t even really seem to regard it as an actual professional life.
But she would ask. And Vinyl would lie.
She turned the water off and stepped out of the shower stall, floating a limp towel over to dry off her coat.
No, she wouldn’t tell Octavia. She wouldn’t understand. Nopony would ever understand.
She trudged into the kitchen, where the mare had been looking through the fridge.
“I’ll make us some eggs,” said Vinyl, floating out a carton. “Scrambled?” The mare nodded.
She sighed, cracking the eggs open and stirring them up. “It’s just... I want my own room,” she said, only half-speaking to the mare in the room. “One little room where Octavia isn’t there. She always wants to know everything I’m doing. Where I go, what I do, how late I stay up, blah blah blah. Ugh...” She hanged her head. “Can’t she just... let me go? For a weekend?
“But then if I ask what she’s doing, it’s always some condescending ‘oh, I’ve been rehearsing for something I’m not actually going to be playing in public but it’s important for my musicianship studies you wouldn’t understand it’ garbage. Yeah. I wouldn’t ‘understand’ it. Just... just try me...”
She dumped the eggs into the pan and began to stir them with the spatula. With every stir a petty, defensive thought flashed through her mind.
Once they were finished cooking, she dumped the eggs onto two plates and walked towards the table. She sat down, looked at her food, and then at the mare across from her.
And then Vinyl Scratch started to cry.
She’d needed someone to be with, and Octavia wasn’t there. She couldn’t always be there. No, she’d gone off and left, and acted disappointed when Vinyl decided not to go to another concert...
Maybe she should have gone. If she’d just done that none of this would have happened and then she wouldn’t be feeling like this. Angry. Defensive. Guilty.
She felt a hoof on her shoulder and looked up. The mare was looking at her, concerned and hoping to comfort. Vinyl swallowed, and tried with all of her willpower to push everything out of her mind.
This was it. Octavia just wouldn’t find out. How could she? She didn’t know this mare, this mare wouldn’t show up again...
Octavia wouldn’t find out. She didn’t need to know. That’s what Vinyl Scratch said to herself.
Nopony needs to know.
